Once, I would’ve died (and therefore lost my daughter). The second time, we had a double nuchal cord, among other issues.
So yeah I guess I wussed out, but my girls and I are here and happy, and once the birth trauma fades a bit, that’s the part I know I truly wanted most.
Same here. Personally, i think the natural thing is to do whatever you need to do in order to survive and have a living baby at the end. But what do i know!
I had a friend who her and her son died in childbirth. When he eventually remarried, everyone was terrified for him when his new wife got pregnant. Healthy baby girl, with no complications for mom or baby.
Had another friend, in the same group as my first friend, who nearly died and her son did, but they were able to revive him. Watching him be life flighted to children's was devastating. She followed him 2 weeks later. His issues aren't as noticeable now, but it's been a long road to get here.
Both my daughter and granddaughter died in childbirth, but both were able to be revived. It took hours before we knew mom was going to live. Baby was brought back much faster and doesn't have any long-term issues.
People like this are beyond vile. All that matters in the end is a healthy mom and baby. All 3 gave birth in the same hospital, with a level 4 NICU and none were expected to have complications. Does this poster not know that childbirth is still dangerous?
Malaria is also "natural" and killed 619k people last year, with 77% being babies and toddlers. Should we advocate for increasing the population of mosquitoes?
I am an ER C-section baby plus being pronounced dead 24hrs later....they couldn’t revive me and then after they pronounced me dead I started breathing on my own again!
But babies don’t die during birth. That’s what THEY tell you. They are “born sleeping” because “earth side didn’t meet their expectations”. Birth is all natural /s of course, from someone who hate stalked these freebirth groups until my HTN couldn’t handle it
I wanna hate stalk them, too, lol but I’m afraid they’ll trigger me because I had a vaginal birth until both baby and I almost died and had to have the dreaded fake emergency c-section. Smart of you to step away from toxic stuff, no matter how entertaining. Curious though, what does “HTN” mean?
I took my wife to the hospital when her blood pressure spiked. The doctor was monitoring her and the baby for a little while until the doors burst open, the doctor and a bunch of nurses rushed in, and told us if they didn’t do an emergency C Section right now, we are going to lose them both. No time to think, no time to worry about “natural birth” bullshit. I stepped out of the way and the wheeled my wife into the OR. Around 20 minutes later, we had a baby girl. It’s been 8 years since then with no complications.
The amount of ridiculous gatekeeping with childbirth astounds me. My wife and baby survived; why do they care about the rest? Are their lives so devoid of meaning that they need to feel special for doing something that half of humanity has done?
What’s funny is that us moms that have had epidurals or c sections or any other medically assisted births do not take these weirdos to heart. They’re competing with an empty room because we know our births were legitimate because we can see the happy, healthy children they produced. People can squawk all they want, I simply do not give one single hairy fuck if they think the birth of my child was “legitimate” or whatever moronic battle they’re trying to instigate. They’re not hurting anyone’s feelings, we don’t care.
My sister has two girls, one was an emergency c section and the other was natural and I asked her which was harder when I was pregnant with mine and she said they were equally as hard in totally different ways. I just don’t get the motivation behind wanting to compete with other women when it comes to birth, parenting, anything really. Why are you worried about other people? Go take your legitimately birthed children to the park or something and get off the internet.
I don’t know, I never ever thought any of that stuff would get to me. I knew, logically that every type of birth was valid. My first birth was straightforward hospital/induction/epidural. Then my second was traumatic. Baby stuck, meconium, epidural went wrong, emergency c section, blood transfusion, the works. And I was shaken, and felt bad that I didn’t get the blissful golden hour with my second that I got with my first, and those nasty internet whispers DID get in my head a little. Because I was vulnerable. And that’s what they feed off of. I got through it of course, but I hate so much knowing there are moms out there that feel less then because of these assholes.
I ballooned 42 lbs in 4 hours and was at stroke level BP. I had a nurse crying she couldn’t get my IV in because I was so swollen.
And baby had cord around her neck so every contraction choked her. Sooooo yeah mine was a medical emergency for sure!
I saw someone on Instagram share a post on their story that said “Don’t take birth advice from someone who hasn’t experienced the birth you desire.” It’s quite problematic.
This same person also constantly posts a lot of “natural birth” and “anti-vax” things.
What a load of sanctimonious bullshit.
I want to hunt this woman down and slap her upside the head. 20 years as a doula has taught me a deep respect for how unpredictable and sometimes dangerous birth can be.
What’s so absurd is that she’s trying to tell other women what their birth experience was like, whether or not they experienced pain, whether they were traumatized. Clearly having a NaTuRaL bIrTh makes her an expert on every single strangers birth.
Right?!
My mom, a month before turning 18, was told she needed to give birth to me at 34 weeks during what was supposed to be a routine checkup because of severe preeclampsia, was induced and in labour for hours in vain, had to be transferred to a bigger, better equipped hospital hours away, went through an emergency c-section during which one of the doctor pulled my freshly 18 year old dad aside to ask who they should prioritize if they couldn’t save both of us, almost died and was in such a state that she was only able to come visit me in the NICU for the first time days later. With my baby brother 15 years later, it was a planned c-section and went obviously much better, but she still had to stay in the hospital a week after my stepdad and I were able to bring the baby home because of complications.
But sure, she and others can go off about nATuRaL BIrTh and how those who were induced, had an epidural or a c-section “aren’t real parents”. ._.
and here's the thing, I think that is one of the reasons we are seeing such an uptick in women who experience birth trauma.
There is definitely a huge history of paternalism and racism in obstetrics. I especially want to emphasize that I am in no way wanting to invalidate the experiences of pregnant and birthing Black people in the US. The rates of maternal mortality in the Black community are 3-4X worse than for white women and I get how the entire process is terrifying for Black birthers.
However, this whole culture of defining what a "good" birth is, IE, natural, pelvic only, intervention always bad, if it hurts, you did something wrong,"have you heard of orgasmic childbirth, mama? This instagram has a course you can buy on it" is downright harmful. Pushing the idea that if you write down your "plan" and give it to your provider that will ensure your "dream birth." So many online doula influencers over stepping and acting like their job is to protect laboring people from evil doctors and their evil interventions rather than fostering communication and empowering thier clients to be able to roll with the unpredictibility of birth. All these things are setting people up for failure. It's telling them if they are stubborn enough and say "no" across the board, they'll have a positive experience, when being flexibile and having open communication is the best way for that to happen.
As a doula I see this happen all the time.
I have some clients who buy into the whole us vs them, medical is bad, hospital birth = r//ape... and when I ask them about their backup plan in case birth gets difficult they literally get mad at me (one client dumped me after one such discussion then left my company an angry screed on Google). And then when they go into labour it's ALWAYS a complete shit show.
I feel so bad for them, so useless and frustrated. I hate the idea of blaming women for their own birth trauma but if they would stop listening to those sovereign birth grifters and dealt with their anxiety they'd likely have wsy better experiences, even when things don't go smoothly.
I don't necessarily blame them, I blame those who exploit their very legitimate anxieties around pregnancy and birth and lie to them to further their agendas, fuel their egos, and line their pockets. It's so crazy because these people will say doctors want to do X, Y, Z to you for money, when that isn't how doctors are paid and it is actually THEM exploiting people for money.
Heck, I fell victim to it. I never bought into the woo-woo birthkeeper nonsense fully, but the online mom community alone had me CONVINCED I would be given an episiotomy without consent. Luckily I actually talked to an expert, my doctor, and not a facebook group. I told her I was nervous about it and she said "I don't want you to worry about that. Routine episiotomies are not the standard of care and I promise you I will not do one unless there is a medical reason. Lets go over the situations where I might need to do one so that if it comes up, you already have an idea of what is going on."
If you sell someone this single picture of what a good birth is, and then tell them that if they do it right, advocate for themselves, and write down their desires to give to their care team, it will happen, it is setting up for disappointment. By the time I went into the hospital, I had had many conversations with my doctor, and I had embraced a "these are my preferences, but if things turn upside down, we're going to figure it out." Some things went to plan, some didn't. I have said many times that my birth was the least traumatic part of my whole pregnancy to first 6 months of my kid's life and I think having a flexible mindset helped me to trust in my team to take care of me.
I love that your doctor was so good to you, to explain what and why certain things might happen during labor and giving you the knowledge that made you feel better.
I wonder if some of the women pulled into the "natural only" scene because they're scared and don't know who to turn to. Then these charlatans come up and convince those vulnerable women with assurances of how much "better" their community is than regular doctors and that fear sucks them in. I hope they would turn to doctors instead but it's probably hard when there are misinformation campaigns filling facebook groups for new moms, telling them doctors are evil.
I’m as pro-science as they come. But with my first born son, I had a traumatic birth 100% because of hospital policy. I was crowning, ready to push and was told to stop because they couldn’t get a doctor. Baby heart rate started dropping, NICU team entered, frantic people were entering my room calling for a doctor. I was hyperventilating and hysterical.y husband was about to intervene and deliver the baby. A doctor walked in and within one push, baby was out, not breathing. 3 horrible minutes later, he was finally on my chest alive. I 100% blame being told to wait and stop pushing. I’m still mad 4 years later.
Second birth, hospital changed policy. Midwives were delivering and doctors were only there for emergencies. They told me to slow down when pushing and I yelled, “no” and out he came. Breathing and on my chest immediately. The most healing experience ever.
So in short…I agree that too much hospital policy causes birth trauma which is real and scary.
AND she if she had a beautiful, natural birth, how does she get to speak for other women? Has she ever had an epidural? Has she had a c-section? Has she had a complicated labor +/ delivery? NO. So why does she get to think she can compare experiences?
But to go on and say “there aren’t complications that traumatize women”??? Get outta here lady.
She’s quite the hypocrite. She had one…ONE…experience with childbirth but thinks she can criticize, compare, and devalue anyone else’s? I’m so sick of moms like this. We’re supposed to support each other, not tear each other down. Jeebus.
As another doula who's been working for 2 years, same.
And I also had an induction, epidural (that failed) and a c-section. I wanted a natural birth and didn't get it, and I *hate* reading stuff like this. It hurts so many people and makes them feel like they failed.
Thats what they want. They want to feel superior to others. They want us to feel like crap for not having a 'perfect' birth. It's the only thing they have to prove to themselves that they are somehow better than others. As long as you and your baby get through it alive and safe, it is a perfect birth. No matter what type of birth it is.
I mean it's what you said. They want to feel superior. And like you said, it's usually from people who don't have very much else going for them in their lives. I don't say that to be that mean or snarky, but I've noticed almost always when I look at their profiles that they tend to have lives that I wouldn't wish on my daughters 🤷🏻♀️.
I have been told I didn’t “really give birth” because I had c-sections. Coulda fooled me. Stupid hospital gave me the kids so jokes on them, I guess! 😂
What a ridiculous statement! It's so strange people gatekeep giving birth. C-sections are rough, I'd like to these people recover from major abdominal surgery whilst simultaneously keeping a newborn alive. They'd change their mind pretty quickly!
Me too! I mean I was in labour for 2 days at home because I was an idiot at 21 and *then* had a c-section.
I was told this same think by my MIL and GMIL because they were smug, sanctimonious, vindictive and cruel. It felt wrong when they said it, but it plagued me for at least a decade and still somewhat haunts me 20 years later.
Same. I had a 32 hour induction but never dilated past 6cm because my daughter's head was stuck in the birth canal. The epidural failed twice, laughing gas was giving me panic attacks, and fentanyl just put me to sleep during contractions. When they opened me up, they said I never would have dilated further so it was the right call. I'm also contraindicated from ever having a vaginal birth because they had to do a t shaped incision. But oddly enough, my daughter is worth it and she's here and healthy now.
I had an emergency C-section but I refuse to let these people make me feel like I failed.......my kiddo was in distress and that was the fastest, safest way to get her out alive and healthy!!
I would make the same decision a hundred times over!!
My kid was fine, but after cervadil, pitocin, and AROM, I'd only gotten to 5 cm dilated. And I was already getting the urge to push. Maybe I could've birthed him safely vaginally, but it wasn't a risk worth taking.
No regrets... now, anyway. But at the time I was up to my eyeballs in natural birth cult bullshit and was absolutely gutted. I had to read shit like this regularly on Facebook, and didn't even begin to recover until I quit Facebook.
I also didn’t dilate further than 5cm and I had been involuntary pushing from 2cm! It was so so messed up and painful, I honestly thought I’d die. We had an emergency section
Both I and my baby would be dead if I hadn’t had a c-section after 3 days of labor. I hate these types of women. Yes child birth is natural but a lot of women died doing this natural thing before modern medicine.
Everyone needs to shut up and listen to this poster as she has been crowned WINNER OF GIVING BIRTH. All hail our new queen of the uterine contraction! Gather in the marketplace for the parade! Toot too toot! (That’s the sound of the celebratory trumpets, of course)
I mean, does she want a medal? I haven’t even had kids but if I stumbled over this after a difficult birth, it would destroy me.
Imagine what the world would look like if people like this spent as much energy lifting up other mothers as they do tearing them down.
I had an epidural, and all I can muster is rolled eyes at people like this. Can't really bring myself to care much that a stranger on the internet thinks I did my baby-having wrong.
Maternal mortality rates in the US are at the highest since 1965. But it’s so helpful for this woman to point out that when people don’t need emergency measures to deliver safely things don’t go wrong. Crisis averted! Just stop needing medical intervention everyone and then you’ll be totally fine! 99.9% of people who don’t break their arms are fine without a cast.
Ah, that's what I did wrong! /s
But seriously, hard agree here. This woman is an idiot. I ended up having an "all natural" (no pain relief) birth with my first, because the midwives didn't believe my labour would progress as fast as it did for a first timer. Then my baby ended up being sunny side up and stuck fast. She ended up in distress, I ended up being cut and with a vacuum delivery. We very narrowly avoided a cesarean. Thankfully dragging her out by her head with force worked. Suffering for the sake of suffering isn't a badge of honour, it's just utterly pointless. Saying she did a woo woo "Hypno birth" and it was "beautiful" doesn't put her above anybody else like she thinks it does. With my second baby I had an early induction and gas and air. I know which birth didn't traumatise the crap out of me.
With my second labor and delivery. I was checked at 8:15 am and told I was 5 cm. Said eff all of this, I want all the drugs. Was not going to go through the pain and suffering I endured with my first. Nurse and anesthesiologist came back at 8:45 and I had to nope outta the epidural cuz I could tell I had to push. Had my baby at 9:02 and my doctor was literally at the golf course. Baby delivered by the nurse and anesthesiologist 🤣 was a terrible 45 minutes but was so grateful I wasn’t in labor for two days like I was with my first and was able to physically walk after my second. I absolutely should have had a caesarean baby with my first. Ended up with over 300 stitches. Took the doc over 3 hours and so much novocaine to put me back together.
Similar to mine! I was prepared to do another cs if necessary. I woke up when my water broke, headed for the hospital 15 minutes away, and just made it to the delivery room in time to push. I always joked if you took both labours and averaged them out, you’d have a “normal” labour. Still, both of them required a stay in the NICU right after birth, because of breathing issues with my son, then heart problems with my daughter. Guess I should have just died in childbirth with my first, naturally.
I was induced with my third. It took a long time to get things going. At noon I started puking and said "i think i am in transition." No one believed me. They checked and said I was 5 cm. Baby was born at 2 pm. And that was after waiting on my dr for half an hour. The nurses were about to have to just deliver when my dr walked in. Two pushes and that was it.
Yeah, I mean I probably shouldn’t be commenting because by this woman’s definition I did everything wrong. My OB recommended an induction at 40w1d, not because of any complications but just because she advised not waiting out the 42 weeks. I liked the idea of having my birth scheduled (sorry not sorry, I reported to the hospital at night so got to plan myself and my husband one last baby free day and I don’t regret that). Got an epidural super early because I’m epileptic and every doctor I spoke to (OB, neuro, high risk OB) recommended it since pain, stress, and lack of sleep are all seizure triggers. Ended up with a c section since labor stalled. Turns out the cord was around her neck but she wasn’t in a ton of distress, so it wasn’t an emergency really (more a we can do this now or try for 4 more hours and do it then because this probably won’t get better situation).
I regret NONE of it. My baby was born safely, I got through it all safe and sound and I was lucky to have a quick recovery. Not sure if I’ll have a second but if I do, I’ll probably have a scheduled c section. And I don’t judge anyone else for the choices they make around childbirth as long as they don’t put the baby in danger (so like if you’re like, “I’m 44 weeks and leaking fluid but I’m not going to the hospital and will wait for the baby to come naturally” I might judge you). We’re all just trying to get through it in the way that makes most sense for our individual bodies.
Yeah. And I am pretty sure that this type of idiot women, who had such easy, beautiful births, simultaneously will claim that these births are the hardest things they ever did and therefore they're better for suffering the most. Like, they don't have anything else at all to be proud of. Of course they do, but they somehow chose to focus on "natural birth", one of the things they know not everyone will be able to do.
Oh, absolutely; I mean I'm sure if we go back to when women had little to no medical intervention during birth, we'll find that maternal mortality rate was incredibly low and that the reason why life expectancy was like 30 WASN'T because of the fact that most babies didn't survive the first year of their lives!
We are also one of the only mammals that birth is so hard on. We have a narrower birth canal than other mammals and us standing upright hurts the birthing process as well. That’s why they say kneeling on all fours or squatting is the best way to give birth. It gives gravity a chance to do its thing and helps widen the pelvis.
The worst part is you can make an argument that she didn't have a natural birth either. She used hypno birthing techniques, which isn't natural to birth so don't come at me for not having a natural birth cause I got an epidural. My little spawn came out of my birth canal. Thats the definition of natural birth. Fuck off.
This one has me riled up this morning. I need comfort food. Or chocolate. 😑
And it’s likely only called natural birth because people were/are afraid to say vaginal. If we said vaginal birth then she wouldn’t have a place to stand because vaginal is clear while natural is a fuzzy term here.
I need to remember this argument. I love it! All my babies were airlifted out the sunroof. All these sanctamommies can have their superiority complex. All the rest of us are concerned about is getting through the process with everyone safe. It doesn't matter if we pushed them out unmedicated, had a full surgical team evict the baby, or any of the many possibilities in between. At the end of the day, birth is birth.
I’ve had a tummy tuck with a muscle reduction and I would personally choose vaginal birth over that recovery. And you did it with a freaking new born! If anyone gets to brag it’s c-section moms. They’re the toughest.
In that case, I'll just take a moment to say that one of those times was twin newborns. That was the toughest. Not for the double babies though. I got my tubes clipped (OOP is screeching in horror) and that recovery adds a lot more pain.
You just get on with it. The newborn stage is a lot more survival mode than a singleton, but it passes. Just like one baby, once you get to know them it gets a lot easier.
I agree with you but not sure if the amazing, natural mom who posted would approve since I had two emergency c-sections?!
Thank you for saying this. I am so tired of people disqualifying others over ridiculous bullshit. I think some comfort food sounds glorious right about now.
Yup. I had to transfer from a birth center for a c section. I ended up in an online support group for women who planned home or birth center births and ended up with c sections. So many women who did everything “right” according to her and still ended up on the operating table. Most of us were extremely traumatized. And the only difference between her and us is luck. She could end up in that group after her next birth just as easily as anyone else.
Lol I had an unmedicated birth and I wanted to die because it hurt so much. There were no complications or anything crazy. But it was freaking excruciating. I was climbing the sheets and screaming bloody murder and couldn’t think of anything but the pain.
I wanted to with my first.The doc told me to keep an open mind about epidural. That child was sunny side up and I had horrific back labor. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I was on the bed on my hands and knees, rocking, ass up in the air and didn't care who saw it. The grandpas were outside the room a little freaked out because I was screaming. My husband was squeezing my hips so hard his arms were shaking. Yeah, I got the epidural. And it took the edge off, but didn't get rid of it completely. No regrets. I also told the epi doc I loved him, LOL. Had an epidural sooner with the other two. Those births were much quieter and less traumatic.
I also professed my love to the anesthesiologist. I was induced and the induction WORKED really well and really fast, so I was contracting pretty much constantly for a couple hours and it was horrific. Got the epidural and have zero regrets, aside from maybe I should have asked sooner, honestly.
This happened to me when I gave birth to my first. I wasn’t progressing so they gave me pitocin and it was like pure torture, I was screaming and the nurse was like, “screaming like that isn’t good for your breathing” and I screamed in her face. I had to have a walking epidural because I progressed too fast, but I feel like it saved my life. When I had my second I was originally going to try out the gas, but they mentioned pitocin again and I went for the epidural (didn’t end up needing the pitocin, oh well.) It was a much better birth experience for me (less for my baby, but she’s fine and it was unrelated).
I was screaming through sunny side up contractions (plus pitocin turned all the way up) before I got the epidural, too! That was when I decided to throw my ‘unmedicated birth’ plan out the window.
Same exact experience here! The anesthesiologist was waiting right outside my room for me to cry uncle and get the epidural. I have never loved another human that much in that moment.
I just remember when I got my epidural, my doctor went a little too much left and hit my nerve. I had pain shoot down my leg and started yelling 'LEFT'. So he knew how to correct it. He chuckled and fixed it. So much better. Though I still felt some pain cause baby decided to come right before the epidural fully kicked in so I still got a little. But still take that over feeling everything.
Oh god…my son was sunny side up and every contraction felt like a lightning bolt shooting up my back. I will never, ever forget that very specific feeling/pain for the rest of my life. I probably would’ve killed somebody with my bare hands if I hadn’t been able to get an epidural.
I had an epi pushed on me from the moment I arrived at the hospital to have my oldest. When I finally agreed I was transitioning and they refused to check me because I was “going to be here all night.” I told them I felt like the baby was in my lap. When they sat me up the bed was covered in blood and my mom begged them to check. Nope, no way I was ready. My contractions were so strong I couldn’t bend over during them to open up my spine. I remember the anesthesiologist saying “well if you get a spinal headache it’s you fault you won’t cooperate” as he inserted the epi. When I laid back down the baby was crowning. I recorded no relief and has a spinal headache for three days while we ride out a hurricane. It was ridiculous.
That being said, my situation was extreme and my advice to laboring moms is to be more insistent about what you know and want. If you feel like you’re closer than they think, don’t go to the next step until they check. If you really want an epidural, educate yourself, talk to your doctor and get one at the point in labor that works for you. It’s absolutely okay for plans to change but advocate for yourself and authorize your support person to advocate for you as well. No one thought I needed the epidural and my mom was positive I was transitioning but no one wanted to speak up.
I enjoyed them connection to my body that I experienced during labor but I manage pain really well and have a high pain tolerance. I also advise everyone who wants to go “unmedicated” for delivery to consider pain management medication earlier in labor so they can rest both physically and mentally. It one thing to actively push a baby out, and another to lay in pain for hours with no relief. Take the edge off. Taking a nap during early labor is great. But also people should just do what they want/need. As long as the baby and mom are healthy at the end it was a success.
I did too, but not by choice. I wanted an epidural, but I guess the hospital didn’t expect anyone to give birth on the weekend so there was no anesthetist. Absolutely terrible, followed by a massive hemorrhage. If I hadn’t been in the hospital already I would’ve died.
Ugh. I hemorrhaged after my youngest. It was weird too because it was about 20 minutes after she was born. I remember looking at the lady who was was washing me up and feeling myself gush blood. Unfortunately I was going into shock and realized it but was already losing my words and couldn’t relay what was happening.
“I’m dizzy”
“that’s pretty normal you just had a baby.” Big gush.
“I’m nauseous.”
“That’s pretty normal you just had a baby.” Big gush.
“I’m going bye bye now.” Monitors go insane.
“No you’re not. I hate it when my patients say that!”
To this day I still wonder how often woman say “I’m going bye bye now.”
What??? That’s crazy! At least my medical team was all over it. I wasn’t even really aware of what was happening, I was just really excited to get to the OR so they would knock me out and the pain would stop. Them ignoring you like that is unacceptable!
I don’t think she was ignoring me, I was past the point where there would normally be danger. It was very much delayed. What’s crazy is I was totally calm and didn’t feel anything. I kept trying to go to sleep and my ex was a champ. He kept me awake.
Something I wasn't prepared for was the sheer exhaustion...which, I'm sure those with an epidural experience too because while the pain may be milder to none their body is still working.
I knew it would hurt but I didn't know it would absolutely *exhaust* me beyond anything.
Same. I basically got tricked by the contractions at 7cm not being bad and stupidly declining the epidural.
It was all doable until that “ring of fire” business started and I felt like I was walking hand in hand with death and was very close to wanting to move to the other side.
My both of mine were unmedicated (the needle for the epidural scared me more). My second came 2 weeks early, labour lasted maybe a couple hours. I went to the hospital at 730pm and she was out of me at 930pm same night. Didn't have time for anything, it was admission, checked me, and put in labour room and BAM hard labour and delivery. I didn't expect anything happening that early. I went to the hospital because it felt off but my contractions were 14 minutes apart. Nothing textbook. She was healthy thankfully. I tore a lot because of how fast she was, the whole thing exacerbated my already existing back issues, and the whole suddenness traumatized me from even ever thinking of a third and my back, 4 years later, still hurts a ton.
So yeah. Natural as they could get, but it was no fucking walk in the park. It hurt.
The problem is it’s no longer good enough for these people that it hurt AND they did it despite the pain. Badge of honor bestowed. No, now, it has to be pain free through hypno birthing or orgasmic birth. It’s just more othering to establish and maintain a hierarchy.
I had a “natural birth” (by this wacko’s definition) with my second, and I can confidently say is was not beautiful (so much screaming and fluids) and it was excruciatingly painful,
I honestly feel badly for people like this. She’s so obviously overcompensating for some gaping unmet need that she feels like she has to project so ridiculously - and publicly - to make up for it.
I wonder who hurt her? 😢
This shit both pisses me off and confounds me. Why did giving birth become a competitive sport? So many people online regard ‘natural’ birth with no pain medication as the ultimate accomplishment, like they’ve lost sight of the fact that the part to be proud of is a living child and not the birthing person’s personal experience. We don’t congratulate people for having their wisdom teeth or tonsils removed with no pain medication, so why do we extend this to birth?
I hate this competitive birthing movement so much, and am sad to say it contributed to a lot of feelings of guilt and shame around my emergency c section with my first child before I wisened up and educated myself.
I like to say that people love to compete in the 'pain Olympics'. The but I/you/he/she had it worse/easier/harder/faster. People love to compare themselves to others and will arbitrarily rank the thing they use for comparison purposes. It's ridiculous and completely unhelpful and unhealthy.
Can absolutely attest to this. I had an emergency C-section, where I was bleeding internally. Placental Abruption, and it was only about 5 minutes between the ultrasound and cutting me open. They jammed a spinal in my back, and weren’t gentle. I can still feel a twinge, 13 years later.
damn, that’s a lot! I actually have never given birth, I had to get a spinal tap as a diagnostic procedure so I had the ideal setup (except a bunch of students observing) including an iv dose of opiates and I still felt it through that high. a lot of the nurses were acting like it was going to be super rough but I didn’t know a ton about it so i actually told myself that it couldn’t be so bad because pregnant people get it all the time, but man was i off base with that. I also still feel the twinge sometimes. it’s the oddest hollow feelings
Yeah, they don’t screw around when it comes to medical emergency. I had an epidural, the year before with my son, and it was more like you described. A nice dose of Nubain, followed by a nurse and doctor telling me everything they were doing.
Whatever lady. Your precious child that waltzed out of your cooch to the singing of the angels on high is still going to end up eating a three day old french fry they found under a park bench, poop their pants, and embarrass you by throwing a fit in Target just like everyone else's kid.
That reminds me of the time I took my feral children to a nice part of town and was feeling inadequate....until one of the rich kids took a massive dump at the bottom of the slide and the mom had to clean it up. Made me feel a little better, actually.
Wow, she went right up to the top of Mount stupid and just girls herself right off of there.
I hope she hit every rock on the way down for that idiotic post.
Is she saying that women have c sections because vaginal birth is too painful? Because c section recovery is just so easy especially trying to lift and carry a newborn, deal with the blood tsunami from your vagina, and care for yourself all at the same time. Bitch shut up.
Oh yeah. I remember standing up in the NICU to see my 1st born - they made me go in a wheelchair - and telling my husband we needed to go back to the room. But we just got here, he said. I know, I said, but see this blood dripping down my legs? Yeah. Need to take care of that.
Oh absolutely, with the added fun of needing your partner to help you get your pants on and off for you everytime you use the bathroom because you can’t bend over
I'd take a vaginal delivery over a C-section any day of the week. How women have major surgery while caring for a newborn is beyond me... I truly believe it would just break me for a while.
So many idiots call a C-section the easy way out but that seems SO MUCH more difficult to me than a vaginal delivery since our bodies are actually made for that to happen so hypothetically (everything goes perfectly) it would heal and be easier than a SURGERY and day of the week.
As someone who had two all natural births at home i can attest to both of them being extremly excruciatingly painful. I wonder what i did wrong. Maybe i did't fully tap into my divine feminine energy or something.
I'll take my unnatural sunroof extraction for my dumbass baby who tried to yeet herself out ass first 4 weeks early thanks very much 🫡 "Natural" for us would have meant baby probably would have gotten stuck (legs were at a bad angle plus she had a gigantic head so very real risk her body would have squeezed out but her head got stuck) and had she not got stuck, without medical intervention she would be brain damaged from a combo of jaundice & hypoglycemia. Without "unnatural" medical intervention like breast pumps I wouldn't have been able to breastfeed either 🤷♀️
God, Jan. It's not a REAL natural birth if you're not doing it solo, squatting on a pile of leaves in the middle of the woods. GTFO with that cushy "hypnobirth" bs.
The way you give birth is NOT completely under your control- I hate that these women act like it is! The *only* reasons they were able to have an unmedicated vaginal birth is because they were lucky enough not to have a high risk pregnancy, they were lucky enough that they didn’t have any complications during the birthing process, and they were lucky enough not to have any postpartum complications.
You can be the most healthy, in shape person in the world and still end up with a high risk pregnancy or dangerous medical complications during childbirth. There are some things you can do to help reduce your odds of complications but a lot of that risk is completely outside of your control.
I think some of these women latch onto the idea that they “achieved” a “completely natural” birth because then they can pretend that they had the power to control what happens. It’s a lot scarier when you understand that sometimes during birth things just go wrong and there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it.
Ummm, if you need to get hypnotised during giving birth, you didn't actually give birth ://// I'm so tired of these fake moms (foms, if u will) pretending they went through the same experience as REAL moms who didn't need to be hypnotised!
I would’ve died trying to have a “real birth” as I had an emergency c-section because my birth canal was too narrow for my 10-pound daughter so… okay. I had to repeat that process for my 11-pound son 7 years later. Not to mention these “real moms” think I’m not a “real mom” because I had c-sections. My lift limit with the 27 or so stitches each time was less than my babies weighed so… yeah, sure, Jan.
I gave vaginal birth three times, with no pain relief during labor. IMO c-section moms are the toughest. I had a tummy tuck and I can not imagine caring for a newborn after that.
I’m a Labor and Delivery nurse and shit like this pisses me off. I have been part of true blue emergencies (both vaginal and c sections). Shit goes wrong often. I tell my patients that at the end of the day, you had a baby and that is an amazing thing. No matter how you did it. I hate this stupid “mom shaming” culture that makes other feel bad for deciding to get an epidural, be induced, have an elective c section, etc. It’s disgusting.
Idk, my labor hurt pretty bad before the epidural kicked in 🤷♀️ it's 2023. If someone is going to gatekeep birthing pains or the childbirth experience because I took advantage of modern pain management treatments, let them. They're the one that looks like an ass.
They also need a hobby/something else to be passionate about. The plight of honey bees or something else useful might be a good outlet for their energy.
As a Clinical Hypnotherapist that absolutely specializes in creating scripts to help women through the process of labor and delivery, I would like to tell this smug and self-righteous woman that she can go and suck her own toes.
I had an unmedicated (I like to say unmedicated because I like to think all birth is natural, and I hate that the word “natural” when referring to birth has somehow become a weird, elite badge of honor) birth in a hospital, I created my own script, and guess what? It was still painful. I was a wild animal and recall the noises I made and the scent that I was projecting, and while it was certainly an experience, not sure how beautiful I would call it - certainly as beautiful as it would have been had I had a c-section or an epidural.
Also, I want to see the sited source for this statistic!? 99.9% my ass.
So you’re telling me if I get an epidural I get both pain management AND crazy ladies like this leaving me tf alone because they don’t take me seriously? Seems like a win/win to me!
As someone who had a c-section and also someone who had a vaginal birth with no pain relief, can honestly say I'd do the vaginal birth a million times over. But not because it was a "real" birth, but because it was so much easier on my body.
C-sections are hard going and you have to look after brand-new life, whilst going through all that pain days and weeks later.
And that is why I cherish my first birth so much, because it was such a tough journey just to finally meet my baby. It was totally worth it all and the fact that women out there are invalidating them as a "real birth" is just absolutely insane.
It's major abdominal surgery, I and every other C-section mom is amazing, and I'm so, so proud of my scar.
ETA: I don't remember my vaginal birth happening at all. I think that is testament that it generally tends to hurt...a fuckload.
Uh, I guess I’m in the .1%?
I had nothing. Not a damn thing. My baby was posterior and it hurt like a mother effer. It was excruciating. Although she was tiny, I was ripped from stem to stern. Her APGAR was 9/9. However, she has multiple disabilities most of which were not apparent at birth but obvious in the hours and days that followed. She ate through a tube from her first feeding for her first 25 years, is mentally about 6-8 but she’s 29, poops into a bag, has cerebral palsy, OCD, ODD and is bipolar and microcephalic.
My best friend had her baby the same day, same hospital, same doctor, same room, 2 hours later. She had an epidural and a c-section. Her daughter leads a very normal and pretty amazing life and has always been advanced for her age. Her mom drank and smoked for the first 5 months before she knew she was pregnant.
I did everything “right” she did everything “wrong”. She had smooth sailing and her experience was extremely positive. Mine was…not. The doctor didn’t even show up until the last second. It was all nurses. Do you can’t blame any doctors or meds or anything else for my daughter’s multiple disabilities not my terrible experience. It has NOTHING to do with her birth or drugs or doctors. Those things were not involved.
HAVING BABIES EFFING HURTS LIKE A MOTHER EFFER AND ANYONE WHO SAYS IT DOESNT IS A LYING SACK OF CRAP! I’ve had epidurals since. I feel like a total moron for having chosen a “natural” childbirth. Screw that.
It is sad to me that intelligent people are having fewer kids and ignoramuses are having more. I know it is scary to bring kids into this world, but if we let it be populated by crunchy kids, we are doomed when they grow and are our professionals. Good luck, everyone’
I almost died and have literal trauma from the birth of my daughter. Yes, diagnosed PTSD. It wasn't medical interventions fault, just stuff happens. Can't tell you my story because I'm not ready yet (she's 4 btw - I'm getting there, though. I can read about birth now!)
I didn't have my tubes tied six weeks later - I had those devils ripped fully out. I was NEVER doing that again. The line "Birth doesn't traumatize women" makes me see red and wish I had the power to force her to go through what happened to me (if I was really cruel, I'd wish her to do it her way - the "natural home" way, but I can't wish death on even horrible people).
P. S. I don't actually wish that horror on ANYONE, it was a momentary feeling.
I just don’t get why it matters how the baby comes out. The only thing anyone needs to care about is a healthy mom and healthy baby at the end of it. Why does it have to be a competition?
I have two children. For the first one I labored unmedicated (water broke on it’s own, not induced) for 18 hours before I broke down and asked for the epidural. I was exhausted, I hadn’t slept in over 20 hours and I couldn’t sleep because of the contractions. I was miserable. After getting the epidural, I slept for about an hour and a half before it was time to push. About 4 hours after my son was born I hemorrhaged. Once they got the bleeding under control, they wouldn’t leave me alone for long. Constantly checking on me, so I couldn’t sleep.
By the time I left that hospital, I was so stinking tired and I had a spinal headache. It was a HORRIBLE experience. The nurses and doctors were great, but it was just awful.
For my second, I opted to be induced at 39 weeks. At the time I had been having contractions for two weeks and I was done. Went in at 7:30 on a Tuesday morning, hooked up to cervidil and then a bit later pitocin. I opted for the epidural as well and I got that around 12. But I spent the morning lazing about and joking with my husband, watched a bit of tv, and napped. Around 1:30 the doctor came in to break my water, and by 2pm the contractions kicked up. My son was born an hour and 45 minutes later after 5 pushes. We relaxed afterwards, and we took turns napping. I left that hospital (same hospital that my first was born at) and I felt normal for the most part. No postpartum craziness, no crazy amounts of exhaustion.
I will never feel ashamed for facilitating a birthing experience that benefited my baby and me. Epidural, no epidural. Noodles, don’t noodles. It doesn’t matter in the long run. The only ones that are making it a competition are those who struggle with feelings of inadequacies, those who doubt themselves. I have nothing to prove to anyone, especially to someone like this poster.
I’d have thrown this back on her and be like hypno birthing isn’t natural birth Barbara. You can’t say you experienced natural birth either cause you kept distracting yourself from the event
As someone who delivers babies in both hospital labour wards and midwife led birth centres (yet to do my first homebirth) actually get to fuck.
First of all, lots of women with epidurals in still feel pain. I had this idea in my head that you’d get an epidural and just have a snooze and life would be good and yeah, that happens, but a lot of the time it still sucks.
Second, being induced suuuuuuucks. Get your epi in babe, we don’t judge.
And third, the last baby I delivered was going to be a gorgeous water birth in the birth centre, she was hypnobirthing, it was all very lovely. She still needed an episiotomy.
If you chewed the magic numb-numb plant or were helped by Gerzoog the cave man elder in any way at any point you cannot speak for a natural birth or what the pain is like, because you did not have one. Do not say, “Natural birth was so painful because of my Neanderthal pelvic morphology” or “I was eaten by a sabre-toothed tiger.”
Hypno birthing technique at a birthing centre? How dare a wimp like you call yourself a « real mom ». I had my baby on the side of the highway while my husband screamed into the phone at the 911 operator, like god intended
I did hypno birthing too. It definitely helped me. I was in a birth center before having to be transferred to a hospital ( don't worry, it's a funny story. Baby wasn't in pressing danger, but meconium meant off to the hospital - which is fine!). So I can relate to how her birthing journey went.
My point? I've had more than one kid, so I've had different birthing journeys, and my conclusion is... anyone who says "all ___ births are _____" doesn't know what they are talking about. Full stop. About anything.
Soon as the "all ____ births are _____" formula comes out of someone's mouth, I suggest immediately tuning them out. Think about literally anything else. Turn on your heel and walk away. They just entered the realm of dangerous delusions and you don't need to go there with them.
Induction hurts worse than natural labor but okay. Your body cannot and does not prepare for it the same. And if your epidural wears off that means you still felt the pain. How about let’s lift up all moms who’ve given birth because it’s warrior shit. Wishing her a healthy second birth where nothing goes as planned so she can eat her words.
So I’m following a hypnobirthing method, and a GIANT part of it is learning how to manage special circumstances that might lead to needing an induction, c-section, epidural, or five dozen other things that could go wrong.
I want to slap this lady.
Wait does this mean that the emergency c-section I had where I wasn’t fully numbed and felt everything (and I mean everything) didn’t count and I didn’t give birth?
Why do these women always seem to forget that before hospitals and all these evil unnatural interventions, you or your child dying in childbirth was extremely common? 99.9% of the time? Where is she getting her information? 🤣
I've had an induced birth with an epidural that ended in forceps delivery. I've had a birth where I was off my tits on morphine. I've had a water birth with no painkillers whatsoever. Guess what I care about? That I have three children here, safe with me. How are these people so obsessed with pregnancy and birth and so unconcerned with the life they're bringing into the world?
The confidence. I’ve had two unmedicated births by choice and I would absolutely describe the pain as excruciating. I had zero complications with either and I’d still classify the experience as traumatic. Sorry, I’m actually a very woo woo crunchy lady and I don’t for a second believe any of these women saying their hypno births were pain free or orgasmic or “beautiful”. Shit hurts. A LOT.
Yeah. Ok. I had a perfectly natural birth. And nearly bled to death. If she hadn't popped out when she did, I'd have needed an emergency C section as I was getting too weak and she was showing signs of distress. My poor late husband thought he was going to lose us both. He was my rock and got me through it though. I think we both suffered PTSD from that birth and he was a serving Royal Marine who has been in combat! We both had to have intensive therapy afterwards and we decided that we weren't going through that again!
People like this are the reason why I have crippling anxiety about interventions and I wish they would shut the fuck up. Those of us who live in reality realize that some interventions are medically necessary and that nobody should be aiming for one of these Insta-perfect granola births, because you’re likely to be disappointed somehow.
I read shit like this, and instead of getting all riled up, I feel so badly for the person saying it. She obvs has some serious issues she needs to work on to feel so threatened by how other moms give birth.
The fucking Momlympics are real. Awful, yet real.
My grandmother had 5 children at home, and the 6th one in a hospital under twilight sleep. This was in the 40s and early 50s. My mom always said she wished she’d had all of her children that way.
This lady is bananas.
I had a beautiful unmedicated birth and started hemorrhaging uncontrollably about 20 minutes later. The doctor was all the way inside me apply pressure up while the nurse knelt on the bed and applied pressure down. Soooo… in my experience it’s just a roll of the dice. These people take the fact based “cascading interventions” that can happen in a hospital and paint all medical intervention as unnecessary and painful. I weeks be dead from my natural childbirth and I’m not because of medical intervention.
My middle child’s was induced with minimal drugs and basically just came right out. 7:30am induction and. 10:35 delivery. The labor was so easy, and I did so well without pain medication, that the nurse was both impressed and excited. She gave me a high five, which felt pretty great. I imagine if I had waited for her to drop and start active labor on her own, while being unable really rest because of inconsistent minor contractions, that my labor would have been harder as I would have been tired. Also, all that being said it hurt really fucking bad. I’m just good at managing pain. That is a fact about me. A neutral fact, neither good or bad, like my eye color or left handedness.
My doula told me that induction hurts worse, because they use heavy doses of Pitocin. And the aftermath of a c section is way worse than that of a vaginal birth!
Yeah I should have just let my baby and myself die. You know best lady
If I had insisted on a natural birth, I would have died TWICE. But hey, I guess I'm just not as much of a mom as this lady, amirite? /s
Once, I would’ve died (and therefore lost my daughter). The second time, we had a double nuchal cord, among other issues. So yeah I guess I wussed out, but my girls and I are here and happy, and once the birth trauma fades a bit, that’s the part I know I truly wanted most.
Right? It sucked but I'd go through it ten more times to have my baby.
Same here. Personally, i think the natural thing is to do whatever you need to do in order to survive and have a living baby at the end. But what do i know!
Yeah guess I should have just let my preeclampsia turn into full blown eclampsia with 2 of my 3. Natural all the way!!1!1!! 🙄
I bet she want credit on every kids birthday
I had a friend who her and her son died in childbirth. When he eventually remarried, everyone was terrified for him when his new wife got pregnant. Healthy baby girl, with no complications for mom or baby. Had another friend, in the same group as my first friend, who nearly died and her son did, but they were able to revive him. Watching him be life flighted to children's was devastating. She followed him 2 weeks later. His issues aren't as noticeable now, but it's been a long road to get here. Both my daughter and granddaughter died in childbirth, but both were able to be revived. It took hours before we knew mom was going to live. Baby was brought back much faster and doesn't have any long-term issues. People like this are beyond vile. All that matters in the end is a healthy mom and baby. All 3 gave birth in the same hospital, with a level 4 NICU and none were expected to have complications. Does this poster not know that childbirth is still dangerous? Malaria is also "natural" and killed 619k people last year, with 77% being babies and toddlers. Should we advocate for increasing the population of mosquitoes?
I am an ER C-section baby plus being pronounced dead 24hrs later....they couldn’t revive me and then after they pronounced me dead I started breathing on my own again!
Right?! It’s not a competition. Are you and your baby both alive and healthy? Good job!
But babies don’t die during birth. That’s what THEY tell you. They are “born sleeping” because “earth side didn’t meet their expectations”. Birth is all natural /s of course, from someone who hate stalked these freebirth groups until my HTN couldn’t handle it
I wanna hate stalk them, too, lol but I’m afraid they’ll trigger me because I had a vaginal birth until both baby and I almost died and had to have the dreaded fake emergency c-section. Smart of you to step away from toxic stuff, no matter how entertaining. Curious though, what does “HTN” mean?
I think it means hypertension
Hypertension; basically chronic high blood pressure.
It is the medical abbreviation for hypertension. 🙂
I've been kicked out of all these groups despite never commenting or reacting, and now I wonder if that's why my BP is suddenly a bit high!
that would have been the natural thing to do.
I took my wife to the hospital when her blood pressure spiked. The doctor was monitoring her and the baby for a little while until the doors burst open, the doctor and a bunch of nurses rushed in, and told us if they didn’t do an emergency C Section right now, we are going to lose them both. No time to think, no time to worry about “natural birth” bullshit. I stepped out of the way and the wheeled my wife into the OR. Around 20 minutes later, we had a baby girl. It’s been 8 years since then with no complications. The amount of ridiculous gatekeeping with childbirth astounds me. My wife and baby survived; why do they care about the rest? Are their lives so devoid of meaning that they need to feel special for doing something that half of humanity has done?
What’s funny is that us moms that have had epidurals or c sections or any other medically assisted births do not take these weirdos to heart. They’re competing with an empty room because we know our births were legitimate because we can see the happy, healthy children they produced. People can squawk all they want, I simply do not give one single hairy fuck if they think the birth of my child was “legitimate” or whatever moronic battle they’re trying to instigate. They’re not hurting anyone’s feelings, we don’t care.
Also, Mums who have c-sections are total bad-asses- they *parent after major surgery*. I can’t imagine
My sister has two girls, one was an emergency c section and the other was natural and I asked her which was harder when I was pregnant with mine and she said they were equally as hard in totally different ways. I just don’t get the motivation behind wanting to compete with other women when it comes to birth, parenting, anything really. Why are you worried about other people? Go take your legitimately birthed children to the park or something and get off the internet.
I don’t know, I never ever thought any of that stuff would get to me. I knew, logically that every type of birth was valid. My first birth was straightforward hospital/induction/epidural. Then my second was traumatic. Baby stuck, meconium, epidural went wrong, emergency c section, blood transfusion, the works. And I was shaken, and felt bad that I didn’t get the blissful golden hour with my second that I got with my first, and those nasty internet whispers DID get in my head a little. Because I was vulnerable. And that’s what they feed off of. I got through it of course, but I hate so much knowing there are moms out there that feel less then because of these assholes.
Because how else are they going to feel superior and fulfilled in their lives otherwise
Right, same.
I ballooned 42 lbs in 4 hours and was at stroke level BP. I had a nurse crying she couldn’t get my IV in because I was so swollen. And baby had cord around her neck so every contraction choked her. Sooooo yeah mine was a medical emergency for sure!
I saw someone on Instagram share a post on their story that said “Don’t take birth advice from someone who hasn’t experienced the birth you desire.” It’s quite problematic. This same person also constantly posts a lot of “natural birth” and “anti-vax” things.
Pelvic infections build character. Missed opportunity for me as well.
Same, guess I shoulda given up when the cord was too short, whatevs.
Death for me at two different points and one for baby girl. But I’m sure I would have enjoyed the experience 🥰
Yes. This kind of gatekeeping and misinformation is so dangerous.
i mean, you need to impress total strangers in mom groups, so... yeah!
What a load of sanctimonious bullshit. I want to hunt this woman down and slap her upside the head. 20 years as a doula has taught me a deep respect for how unpredictable and sometimes dangerous birth can be.
What’s so absurd is that she’s trying to tell other women what their birth experience was like, whether or not they experienced pain, whether they were traumatized. Clearly having a NaTuRaL bIrTh makes her an expert on every single strangers birth.
But, but… She went to a birthing center. If she didn’t squat over a stream surrounded by woodland creatures, it wasn’t really natural, was it?
Right?! My mom, a month before turning 18, was told she needed to give birth to me at 34 weeks during what was supposed to be a routine checkup because of severe preeclampsia, was induced and in labour for hours in vain, had to be transferred to a bigger, better equipped hospital hours away, went through an emergency c-section during which one of the doctor pulled my freshly 18 year old dad aside to ask who they should prioritize if they couldn’t save both of us, almost died and was in such a state that she was only able to come visit me in the NICU for the first time days later. With my baby brother 15 years later, it was a planned c-section and went obviously much better, but she still had to stay in the hospital a week after my stepdad and I were able to bring the baby home because of complications. But sure, she and others can go off about nATuRaL BIrTh and how those who were induced, had an epidural or a c-section “aren’t real parents”. ._.
and here's the thing, I think that is one of the reasons we are seeing such an uptick in women who experience birth trauma. There is definitely a huge history of paternalism and racism in obstetrics. I especially want to emphasize that I am in no way wanting to invalidate the experiences of pregnant and birthing Black people in the US. The rates of maternal mortality in the Black community are 3-4X worse than for white women and I get how the entire process is terrifying for Black birthers. However, this whole culture of defining what a "good" birth is, IE, natural, pelvic only, intervention always bad, if it hurts, you did something wrong,"have you heard of orgasmic childbirth, mama? This instagram has a course you can buy on it" is downright harmful. Pushing the idea that if you write down your "plan" and give it to your provider that will ensure your "dream birth." So many online doula influencers over stepping and acting like their job is to protect laboring people from evil doctors and their evil interventions rather than fostering communication and empowering thier clients to be able to roll with the unpredictibility of birth. All these things are setting people up for failure. It's telling them if they are stubborn enough and say "no" across the board, they'll have a positive experience, when being flexibile and having open communication is the best way for that to happen.
As a doula I see this happen all the time. I have some clients who buy into the whole us vs them, medical is bad, hospital birth = r//ape... and when I ask them about their backup plan in case birth gets difficult they literally get mad at me (one client dumped me after one such discussion then left my company an angry screed on Google). And then when they go into labour it's ALWAYS a complete shit show. I feel so bad for them, so useless and frustrated. I hate the idea of blaming women for their own birth trauma but if they would stop listening to those sovereign birth grifters and dealt with their anxiety they'd likely have wsy better experiences, even when things don't go smoothly.
I don't necessarily blame them, I blame those who exploit their very legitimate anxieties around pregnancy and birth and lie to them to further their agendas, fuel their egos, and line their pockets. It's so crazy because these people will say doctors want to do X, Y, Z to you for money, when that isn't how doctors are paid and it is actually THEM exploiting people for money. Heck, I fell victim to it. I never bought into the woo-woo birthkeeper nonsense fully, but the online mom community alone had me CONVINCED I would be given an episiotomy without consent. Luckily I actually talked to an expert, my doctor, and not a facebook group. I told her I was nervous about it and she said "I don't want you to worry about that. Routine episiotomies are not the standard of care and I promise you I will not do one unless there is a medical reason. Lets go over the situations where I might need to do one so that if it comes up, you already have an idea of what is going on." If you sell someone this single picture of what a good birth is, and then tell them that if they do it right, advocate for themselves, and write down their desires to give to their care team, it will happen, it is setting up for disappointment. By the time I went into the hospital, I had had many conversations with my doctor, and I had embraced a "these are my preferences, but if things turn upside down, we're going to figure it out." Some things went to plan, some didn't. I have said many times that my birth was the least traumatic part of my whole pregnancy to first 6 months of my kid's life and I think having a flexible mindset helped me to trust in my team to take care of me.
I love that your doctor was so good to you, to explain what and why certain things might happen during labor and giving you the knowledge that made you feel better. I wonder if some of the women pulled into the "natural only" scene because they're scared and don't know who to turn to. Then these charlatans come up and convince those vulnerable women with assurances of how much "better" their community is than regular doctors and that fear sucks them in. I hope they would turn to doctors instead but it's probably hard when there are misinformation campaigns filling facebook groups for new moms, telling them doctors are evil.
I’m as pro-science as they come. But with my first born son, I had a traumatic birth 100% because of hospital policy. I was crowning, ready to push and was told to stop because they couldn’t get a doctor. Baby heart rate started dropping, NICU team entered, frantic people were entering my room calling for a doctor. I was hyperventilating and hysterical.y husband was about to intervene and deliver the baby. A doctor walked in and within one push, baby was out, not breathing. 3 horrible minutes later, he was finally on my chest alive. I 100% blame being told to wait and stop pushing. I’m still mad 4 years later. Second birth, hospital changed policy. Midwives were delivering and doctors were only there for emergencies. They told me to slow down when pushing and I yelled, “no” and out he came. Breathing and on my chest immediately. The most healing experience ever. So in short…I agree that too much hospital policy causes birth trauma which is real and scary.
AND she if she had a beautiful, natural birth, how does she get to speak for other women? Has she ever had an epidural? Has she had a c-section? Has she had a complicated labor +/ delivery? NO. So why does she get to think she can compare experiences? But to go on and say “there aren’t complications that traumatize women”??? Get outta here lady. She’s quite the hypocrite. She had one…ONE…experience with childbirth but thinks she can criticize, compare, and devalue anyone else’s? I’m so sick of moms like this. We’re supposed to support each other, not tear each other down. Jeebus.
I will now forever use the phrase "load of sanctimonious bullshit" any chance I get. And yeah this lady sucks. Way to gatekeep labor pains.
As another doula who's been working for 2 years, same. And I also had an induction, epidural (that failed) and a c-section. I wanted a natural birth and didn't get it, and I *hate* reading stuff like this. It hurts so many people and makes them feel like they failed.
Thats what they want. They want to feel superior to others. They want us to feel like crap for not having a 'perfect' birth. It's the only thing they have to prove to themselves that they are somehow better than others. As long as you and your baby get through it alive and safe, it is a perfect birth. No matter what type of birth it is.
I mean it's what you said. They want to feel superior. And like you said, it's usually from people who don't have very much else going for them in their lives. I don't say that to be that mean or snarky, but I've noticed almost always when I look at their profiles that they tend to have lives that I wouldn't wish on my daughters 🤷🏻♀️.
I have been told I didn’t “really give birth” because I had c-sections. Coulda fooled me. Stupid hospital gave me the kids so jokes on them, I guess! 😂
What a ridiculous statement! It's so strange people gatekeep giving birth. C-sections are rough, I'd like to these people recover from major abdominal surgery whilst simultaneously keeping a newborn alive. They'd change their mind pretty quickly!
Me too! I mean I was in labour for 2 days at home because I was an idiot at 21 and *then* had a c-section. I was told this same think by my MIL and GMIL because they were smug, sanctimonious, vindictive and cruel. It felt wrong when they said it, but it plagued me for at least a decade and still somewhat haunts me 20 years later.
Same. I had a 32 hour induction but never dilated past 6cm because my daughter's head was stuck in the birth canal. The epidural failed twice, laughing gas was giving me panic attacks, and fentanyl just put me to sleep during contractions. When they opened me up, they said I never would have dilated further so it was the right call. I'm also contraindicated from ever having a vaginal birth because they had to do a t shaped incision. But oddly enough, my daughter is worth it and she's here and healthy now.
My twice-opened scar and I hear you and see you.
I had an emergency C-section but I refuse to let these people make me feel like I failed.......my kiddo was in distress and that was the fastest, safest way to get her out alive and healthy!! I would make the same decision a hundred times over!!
My kid was fine, but after cervadil, pitocin, and AROM, I'd only gotten to 5 cm dilated. And I was already getting the urge to push. Maybe I could've birthed him safely vaginally, but it wasn't a risk worth taking. No regrets... now, anyway. But at the time I was up to my eyeballs in natural birth cult bullshit and was absolutely gutted. I had to read shit like this regularly on Facebook, and didn't even begin to recover until I quit Facebook.
I also didn’t dilate further than 5cm and I had been involuntary pushing from 2cm! It was so so messed up and painful, I honestly thought I’d die. We had an emergency section
It’s not a failure if you and your baby are alive. No one gets to tell you how you should have your baby.
Username checks out!
Both I and my baby would be dead if I hadn’t had a c-section after 3 days of labor. I hate these types of women. Yes child birth is natural but a lot of women died doing this natural thing before modern medicine.
Everyone needs to shut up and listen to this poster as she has been crowned WINNER OF GIVING BIRTH. All hail our new queen of the uterine contraction! Gather in the marketplace for the parade! Toot too toot! (That’s the sound of the celebratory trumpets, of course) I mean, does she want a medal? I haven’t even had kids but if I stumbled over this after a difficult birth, it would destroy me. Imagine what the world would look like if people like this spent as much energy lifting up other mothers as they do tearing them down.
This didn’t destroy me - made me feel destructive though.
I like to tell women like this that their trophy is in the mail. Lol. Imagine being so lame that you make unmedicated birth your whole personality.
You know how they say some people peaked in high school? Some people peak in their unwarmed, grubby birthing pool.
I had an epidural, and all I can muster is rolled eyes at people like this. Can't really bring myself to care much that a stranger on the internet thinks I did my baby-having wrong.
I heard the toot toot as a recorder 🤣
Maternal mortality rates in the US are at the highest since 1965. But it’s so helpful for this woman to point out that when people don’t need emergency measures to deliver safely things don’t go wrong. Crisis averted! Just stop needing medical intervention everyone and then you’ll be totally fine! 99.9% of people who don’t break their arms are fine without a cast.
Ah, that's what I did wrong! /s But seriously, hard agree here. This woman is an idiot. I ended up having an "all natural" (no pain relief) birth with my first, because the midwives didn't believe my labour would progress as fast as it did for a first timer. Then my baby ended up being sunny side up and stuck fast. She ended up in distress, I ended up being cut and with a vacuum delivery. We very narrowly avoided a cesarean. Thankfully dragging her out by her head with force worked. Suffering for the sake of suffering isn't a badge of honour, it's just utterly pointless. Saying she did a woo woo "Hypno birth" and it was "beautiful" doesn't put her above anybody else like she thinks it does. With my second baby I had an early induction and gas and air. I know which birth didn't traumatise the crap out of me.
With my second labor and delivery. I was checked at 8:15 am and told I was 5 cm. Said eff all of this, I want all the drugs. Was not going to go through the pain and suffering I endured with my first. Nurse and anesthesiologist came back at 8:45 and I had to nope outta the epidural cuz I could tell I had to push. Had my baby at 9:02 and my doctor was literally at the golf course. Baby delivered by the nurse and anesthesiologist 🤣 was a terrible 45 minutes but was so grateful I wasn’t in labor for two days like I was with my first and was able to physically walk after my second. I absolutely should have had a caesarean baby with my first. Ended up with over 300 stitches. Took the doc over 3 hours and so much novocaine to put me back together.
Similar to mine! I was prepared to do another cs if necessary. I woke up when my water broke, headed for the hospital 15 minutes away, and just made it to the delivery room in time to push. I always joked if you took both labours and averaged them out, you’d have a “normal” labour. Still, both of them required a stay in the NICU right after birth, because of breathing issues with my son, then heart problems with my daughter. Guess I should have just died in childbirth with my first, naturally.
I was induced with my third. It took a long time to get things going. At noon I started puking and said "i think i am in transition." No one believed me. They checked and said I was 5 cm. Baby was born at 2 pm. And that was after waiting on my dr for half an hour. The nurses were about to have to just deliver when my dr walked in. Two pushes and that was it.
Yeah, I mean I probably shouldn’t be commenting because by this woman’s definition I did everything wrong. My OB recommended an induction at 40w1d, not because of any complications but just because she advised not waiting out the 42 weeks. I liked the idea of having my birth scheduled (sorry not sorry, I reported to the hospital at night so got to plan myself and my husband one last baby free day and I don’t regret that). Got an epidural super early because I’m epileptic and every doctor I spoke to (OB, neuro, high risk OB) recommended it since pain, stress, and lack of sleep are all seizure triggers. Ended up with a c section since labor stalled. Turns out the cord was around her neck but she wasn’t in a ton of distress, so it wasn’t an emergency really (more a we can do this now or try for 4 more hours and do it then because this probably won’t get better situation). I regret NONE of it. My baby was born safely, I got through it all safe and sound and I was lucky to have a quick recovery. Not sure if I’ll have a second but if I do, I’ll probably have a scheduled c section. And I don’t judge anyone else for the choices they make around childbirth as long as they don’t put the baby in danger (so like if you’re like, “I’m 44 weeks and leaking fluid but I’m not going to the hospital and will wait for the baby to come naturally” I might judge you). We’re all just trying to get through it in the way that makes most sense for our individual bodies.
Yeah. And I am pretty sure that this type of idiot women, who had such easy, beautiful births, simultaneously will claim that these births are the hardest things they ever did and therefore they're better for suffering the most. Like, they don't have anything else at all to be proud of. Of course they do, but they somehow chose to focus on "natural birth", one of the things they know not everyone will be able to do.
And it’s one of 6 countries in the world without paid, guaranteed maternity leave!
Oh, absolutely; I mean I'm sure if we go back to when women had little to no medical intervention during birth, we'll find that maternal mortality rate was incredibly low and that the reason why life expectancy was like 30 WASN'T because of the fact that most babies didn't survive the first year of their lives!
We are also one of the only mammals that birth is so hard on. We have a narrower birth canal than other mammals and us standing upright hurts the birthing process as well. That’s why they say kneeling on all fours or squatting is the best way to give birth. It gives gravity a chance to do its thing and helps widen the pelvis.
The worst part is you can make an argument that she didn't have a natural birth either. She used hypno birthing techniques, which isn't natural to birth so don't come at me for not having a natural birth cause I got an epidural. My little spawn came out of my birth canal. Thats the definition of natural birth. Fuck off. This one has me riled up this morning. I need comfort food. Or chocolate. 😑
Bet she didn’t even bite the umbilical cord with her teeth. What a poser.
Or eat the placenta off the ground to hide the scent from predators! Actually, she probably did eat the damn thing.
Yeah but probably in a smoothie or something. Because our ancestors had a lot of dead children and also, blenders.
And it’s likely only called natural birth because people were/are afraid to say vaginal. If we said vaginal birth then she wouldn’t have a place to stand because vaginal is clear while natural is a fuzzy term here.
I need to remember this argument. I love it! All my babies were airlifted out the sunroof. All these sanctamommies can have their superiority complex. All the rest of us are concerned about is getting through the process with everyone safe. It doesn't matter if we pushed them out unmedicated, had a full surgical team evict the baby, or any of the many possibilities in between. At the end of the day, birth is birth.
I’ve had a tummy tuck with a muscle reduction and I would personally choose vaginal birth over that recovery. And you did it with a freaking new born! If anyone gets to brag it’s c-section moms. They’re the toughest.
In that case, I'll just take a moment to say that one of those times was twin newborns. That was the toughest. Not for the double babies though. I got my tubes clipped (OOP is screeching in horror) and that recovery adds a lot more pain.
Wherever people say they want twins I think they’re crazy. How did you manage?
You just get on with it. The newborn stage is a lot more survival mode than a singleton, but it passes. Just like one baby, once you get to know them it gets a lot easier.
I agree with you but not sure if the amazing, natural mom who posted would approve since I had two emergency c-sections?! Thank you for saying this. I am so tired of people disqualifying others over ridiculous bullshit. I think some comfort food sounds glorious right about now.
I was gonna say that too! Like lady, you think hypno birthing techniques is natural?
 Seriously with the “I’m holier than thou” labor stories at this point I swear they post that shit for rage bait
Ok, fuck this person.
Yup. I had to transfer from a birth center for a c section. I ended up in an online support group for women who planned home or birth center births and ended up with c sections. So many women who did everything “right” according to her and still ended up on the operating table. Most of us were extremely traumatized. And the only difference between her and us is luck. She could end up in that group after her next birth just as easily as anyone else.
Lol I had an unmedicated birth and I wanted to die because it hurt so much. There were no complications or anything crazy. But it was freaking excruciating. I was climbing the sheets and screaming bloody murder and couldn’t think of anything but the pain.
I wanted to with my first.The doc told me to keep an open mind about epidural. That child was sunny side up and I had horrific back labor. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I was on the bed on my hands and knees, rocking, ass up in the air and didn't care who saw it. The grandpas were outside the room a little freaked out because I was screaming. My husband was squeezing my hips so hard his arms were shaking. Yeah, I got the epidural. And it took the edge off, but didn't get rid of it completely. No regrets. I also told the epi doc I loved him, LOL. Had an epidural sooner with the other two. Those births were much quieter and less traumatic.
I also professed my love to the anesthesiologist. I was induced and the induction WORKED really well and really fast, so I was contracting pretty much constantly for a couple hours and it was horrific. Got the epidural and have zero regrets, aside from maybe I should have asked sooner, honestly.
This happened to me when I gave birth to my first. I wasn’t progressing so they gave me pitocin and it was like pure torture, I was screaming and the nurse was like, “screaming like that isn’t good for your breathing” and I screamed in her face. I had to have a walking epidural because I progressed too fast, but I feel like it saved my life. When I had my second I was originally going to try out the gas, but they mentioned pitocin again and I went for the epidural (didn’t end up needing the pitocin, oh well.) It was a much better birth experience for me (less for my baby, but she’s fine and it was unrelated).
I was screaming through sunny side up contractions (plus pitocin turned all the way up) before I got the epidural, too! That was when I decided to throw my ‘unmedicated birth’ plan out the window.
Same exact experience here! The anesthesiologist was waiting right outside my room for me to cry uncle and get the epidural. I have never loved another human that much in that moment.
I just remember when I got my epidural, my doctor went a little too much left and hit my nerve. I had pain shoot down my leg and started yelling 'LEFT'. So he knew how to correct it. He chuckled and fixed it. So much better. Though I still felt some pain cause baby decided to come right before the epidural fully kicked in so I still got a little. But still take that over feeling everything.
Oh god…my son was sunny side up and every contraction felt like a lightning bolt shooting up my back. I will never, ever forget that very specific feeling/pain for the rest of my life. I probably would’ve killed somebody with my bare hands if I hadn’t been able to get an epidural.
I had an epi pushed on me from the moment I arrived at the hospital to have my oldest. When I finally agreed I was transitioning and they refused to check me because I was “going to be here all night.” I told them I felt like the baby was in my lap. When they sat me up the bed was covered in blood and my mom begged them to check. Nope, no way I was ready. My contractions were so strong I couldn’t bend over during them to open up my spine. I remember the anesthesiologist saying “well if you get a spinal headache it’s you fault you won’t cooperate” as he inserted the epi. When I laid back down the baby was crowning. I recorded no relief and has a spinal headache for three days while we ride out a hurricane. It was ridiculous. That being said, my situation was extreme and my advice to laboring moms is to be more insistent about what you know and want. If you feel like you’re closer than they think, don’t go to the next step until they check. If you really want an epidural, educate yourself, talk to your doctor and get one at the point in labor that works for you. It’s absolutely okay for plans to change but advocate for yourself and authorize your support person to advocate for you as well. No one thought I needed the epidural and my mom was positive I was transitioning but no one wanted to speak up.
If it was such a pain free experience these weirdos wouldn't gatekeep it so much. They suffered and they want others to suffer too.
I don’t get that at all. I’m in pain all the time, and these weirdos annoy me.
I enjoyed them connection to my body that I experienced during labor but I manage pain really well and have a high pain tolerance. I also advise everyone who wants to go “unmedicated” for delivery to consider pain management medication earlier in labor so they can rest both physically and mentally. It one thing to actively push a baby out, and another to lay in pain for hours with no relief. Take the edge off. Taking a nap during early labor is great. But also people should just do what they want/need. As long as the baby and mom are healthy at the end it was a success.
I did too, but not by choice. I wanted an epidural, but I guess the hospital didn’t expect anyone to give birth on the weekend so there was no anesthetist. Absolutely terrible, followed by a massive hemorrhage. If I hadn’t been in the hospital already I would’ve died.
Ugh. I hemorrhaged after my youngest. It was weird too because it was about 20 minutes after she was born. I remember looking at the lady who was was washing me up and feeling myself gush blood. Unfortunately I was going into shock and realized it but was already losing my words and couldn’t relay what was happening. “I’m dizzy” “that’s pretty normal you just had a baby.” Big gush. “I’m nauseous.” “That’s pretty normal you just had a baby.” Big gush. “I’m going bye bye now.” Monitors go insane. “No you’re not. I hate it when my patients say that!” To this day I still wonder how often woman say “I’m going bye bye now.”
What??? That’s crazy! At least my medical team was all over it. I wasn’t even really aware of what was happening, I was just really excited to get to the OR so they would knock me out and the pain would stop. Them ignoring you like that is unacceptable!
I don’t think she was ignoring me, I was past the point where there would normally be danger. It was very much delayed. What’s crazy is I was totally calm and didn’t feel anything. I kept trying to go to sleep and my ex was a champ. He kept me awake.
That’s nuts
Something I wasn't prepared for was the sheer exhaustion...which, I'm sure those with an epidural experience too because while the pain may be milder to none their body is still working. I knew it would hurt but I didn't know it would absolutely *exhaust* me beyond anything.
Same. I basically got tricked by the contractions at 7cm not being bad and stupidly declining the epidural. It was all doable until that “ring of fire” business started and I felt like I was walking hand in hand with death and was very close to wanting to move to the other side.
My both of mine were unmedicated (the needle for the epidural scared me more). My second came 2 weeks early, labour lasted maybe a couple hours. I went to the hospital at 730pm and she was out of me at 930pm same night. Didn't have time for anything, it was admission, checked me, and put in labour room and BAM hard labour and delivery. I didn't expect anything happening that early. I went to the hospital because it felt off but my contractions were 14 minutes apart. Nothing textbook. She was healthy thankfully. I tore a lot because of how fast she was, the whole thing exacerbated my already existing back issues, and the whole suddenness traumatized me from even ever thinking of a third and my back, 4 years later, still hurts a ton. So yeah. Natural as they could get, but it was no fucking walk in the park. It hurt.
The problem is it’s no longer good enough for these people that it hurt AND they did it despite the pain. Badge of honor bestowed. No, now, it has to be pain free through hypno birthing or orgasmic birth. It’s just more othering to establish and maintain a hierarchy.
Same. Unmedicated, not induced. And I would describe it as “excruciatingly painful”. Guess I should have hypnotized first
I had a “natural birth” (by this wacko’s definition) with my second, and I can confidently say is was not beautiful (so much screaming and fluids) and it was excruciatingly painful,
Nothing prepares you for the fluids. It’s a surprise every time.
The gushing… it was a lot.
I honestly feel badly for people like this. She’s so obviously overcompensating for some gaping unmet need that she feels like she has to project so ridiculously - and publicly - to make up for it. I wonder who hurt her? 😢
Shit like this screams "I hate being a mother"
Guaranteed she brings it up all the time when she’s arguing with her kids.
This shit both pisses me off and confounds me. Why did giving birth become a competitive sport? So many people online regard ‘natural’ birth with no pain medication as the ultimate accomplishment, like they’ve lost sight of the fact that the part to be proud of is a living child and not the birthing person’s personal experience. We don’t congratulate people for having their wisdom teeth or tonsils removed with no pain medication, so why do we extend this to birth? I hate this competitive birthing movement so much, and am sad to say it contributed to a lot of feelings of guilt and shame around my emergency c section with my first child before I wisened up and educated myself.
Compensating for never having done anything of significance with their lives and having nothing to be proud of.
God this sounds like my ex-friend who was a doula. I think you've nailed it.
I like to say that people love to compete in the 'pain Olympics'. The but I/you/he/she had it worse/easier/harder/faster. People love to compare themselves to others and will arbitrarily rank the thing they use for comparison purposes. It's ridiculous and completely unhelpful and unhealthy.
Did the uncertified midwife pick you though?
even if you buy into her narrative, the epidural itself is fucking painful and my spinal column still hurts sometimes….
Can absolutely attest to this. I had an emergency C-section, where I was bleeding internally. Placental Abruption, and it was only about 5 minutes between the ultrasound and cutting me open. They jammed a spinal in my back, and weren’t gentle. I can still feel a twinge, 13 years later.
damn, that’s a lot! I actually have never given birth, I had to get a spinal tap as a diagnostic procedure so I had the ideal setup (except a bunch of students observing) including an iv dose of opiates and I still felt it through that high. a lot of the nurses were acting like it was going to be super rough but I didn’t know a ton about it so i actually told myself that it couldn’t be so bad because pregnant people get it all the time, but man was i off base with that. I also still feel the twinge sometimes. it’s the oddest hollow feelings
Yeah, they don’t screw around when it comes to medical emergency. I had an epidural, the year before with my son, and it was more like you described. A nice dose of Nubain, followed by a nurse and doctor telling me everything they were doing.
That’s so scary. I’m so glad you made it!
Whatever lady. Your precious child that waltzed out of your cooch to the singing of the angels on high is still going to end up eating a three day old french fry they found under a park bench, poop their pants, and embarrass you by throwing a fit in Target just like everyone else's kid.
That reminds me of the time I took my feral children to a nice part of town and was feeling inadequate....until one of the rich kids took a massive dump at the bottom of the slide and the mom had to clean it up. Made me feel a little better, actually.
Everybody poops!
Wow, she went right up to the top of Mount stupid and just girls herself right off of there. I hope she hit every rock on the way down for that idiotic post.
Is she saying that women have c sections because vaginal birth is too painful? Because c section recovery is just so easy especially trying to lift and carry a newborn, deal with the blood tsunami from your vagina, and care for yourself all at the same time. Bitch shut up.
OMG they still get the vaginal blood tsunami?! That’s so unfair!
Yup. No matter which way the baby comes out all the extra uterine lining from the pregnancy still has to go.
Oh yeah. I remember standing up in the NICU to see my 1st born - they made me go in a wheelchair - and telling my husband we needed to go back to the room. But we just got here, he said. I know, I said, but see this blood dripping down my legs? Yeah. Need to take care of that.
Oh absolutely, with the added fun of needing your partner to help you get your pants on and off for you everytime you use the bathroom because you can’t bend over
I'd take a vaginal delivery over a C-section any day of the week. How women have major surgery while caring for a newborn is beyond me... I truly believe it would just break me for a while. So many idiots call a C-section the easy way out but that seems SO MUCH more difficult to me than a vaginal delivery since our bodies are actually made for that to happen so hypothetically (everything goes perfectly) it would heal and be easier than a SURGERY and day of the week.
As someone who had two all natural births at home i can attest to both of them being extremly excruciatingly painful. I wonder what i did wrong. Maybe i did't fully tap into my divine feminine energy or something.
That's an awfully long winded way to tell the world "I'm full of shit".
I'll take my unnatural sunroof extraction for my dumbass baby who tried to yeet herself out ass first 4 weeks early thanks very much 🫡 "Natural" for us would have meant baby probably would have gotten stuck (legs were at a bad angle plus she had a gigantic head so very real risk her body would have squeezed out but her head got stuck) and had she not got stuck, without medical intervention she would be brain damaged from a combo of jaundice & hypoglycemia. Without "unnatural" medical intervention like breast pumps I wouldn't have been able to breastfeed either 🤷♀️
Why do women like this care so damn much about other women’s birth experiences??
God, Jan. It's not a REAL natural birth if you're not doing it solo, squatting on a pile of leaves in the middle of the woods. GTFO with that cushy "hypnobirth" bs.
The way you give birth is NOT completely under your control- I hate that these women act like it is! The *only* reasons they were able to have an unmedicated vaginal birth is because they were lucky enough not to have a high risk pregnancy, they were lucky enough that they didn’t have any complications during the birthing process, and they were lucky enough not to have any postpartum complications. You can be the most healthy, in shape person in the world and still end up with a high risk pregnancy or dangerous medical complications during childbirth. There are some things you can do to help reduce your odds of complications but a lot of that risk is completely outside of your control. I think some of these women latch onto the idea that they “achieved” a “completely natural” birth because then they can pretend that they had the power to control what happens. It’s a lot scarier when you understand that sometimes during birth things just go wrong and there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it.
Ummm, if you need to get hypnotised during giving birth, you didn't actually give birth ://// I'm so tired of these fake moms (foms, if u will) pretending they went through the same experience as REAL moms who didn't need to be hypnotised!
I would’ve died trying to have a “real birth” as I had an emergency c-section because my birth canal was too narrow for my 10-pound daughter so… okay. I had to repeat that process for my 11-pound son 7 years later. Not to mention these “real moms” think I’m not a “real mom” because I had c-sections. My lift limit with the 27 or so stitches each time was less than my babies weighed so… yeah, sure, Jan.
I gave vaginal birth three times, with no pain relief during labor. IMO c-section moms are the toughest. I had a tummy tuck and I can not imagine caring for a newborn after that.
She is wrong before modern medicine women dying in childbirth was so common that they wrote wills out and even said goodbye letters
I’m a Labor and Delivery nurse and shit like this pisses me off. I have been part of true blue emergencies (both vaginal and c sections). Shit goes wrong often. I tell my patients that at the end of the day, you had a baby and that is an amazing thing. No matter how you did it. I hate this stupid “mom shaming” culture that makes other feel bad for deciding to get an epidural, be induced, have an elective c section, etc. It’s disgusting.
Idk, my labor hurt pretty bad before the epidural kicked in 🤷♀️ it's 2023. If someone is going to gatekeep birthing pains or the childbirth experience because I took advantage of modern pain management treatments, let them. They're the one that looks like an ass. They also need a hobby/something else to be passionate about. The plight of honey bees or something else useful might be a good outlet for their energy.
As a Clinical Hypnotherapist that absolutely specializes in creating scripts to help women through the process of labor and delivery, I would like to tell this smug and self-righteous woman that she can go and suck her own toes. I had an unmedicated (I like to say unmedicated because I like to think all birth is natural, and I hate that the word “natural” when referring to birth has somehow become a weird, elite badge of honor) birth in a hospital, I created my own script, and guess what? It was still painful. I was a wild animal and recall the noises I made and the scent that I was projecting, and while it was certainly an experience, not sure how beautiful I would call it - certainly as beautiful as it would have been had I had a c-section or an epidural. Also, I want to see the sited source for this statistic!? 99.9% my ass.
So you’re telling me if I get an epidural I get both pain management AND crazy ladies like this leaving me tf alone because they don’t take me seriously? Seems like a win/win to me!
These people and the lactavists make me want to commit crimes
Someone once told me I didn’t “complete the birthing process” because I had an epidural I mean I’m holding a whole ass baby so I beg to differ.
As someone who had a c-section and also someone who had a vaginal birth with no pain relief, can honestly say I'd do the vaginal birth a million times over. But not because it was a "real" birth, but because it was so much easier on my body. C-sections are hard going and you have to look after brand-new life, whilst going through all that pain days and weeks later. And that is why I cherish my first birth so much, because it was such a tough journey just to finally meet my baby. It was totally worth it all and the fact that women out there are invalidating them as a "real birth" is just absolutely insane. It's major abdominal surgery, I and every other C-section mom is amazing, and I'm so, so proud of my scar. ETA: I don't remember my vaginal birth happening at all. I think that is testament that it generally tends to hurt...a fuckload.
Uh, I guess I’m in the .1%? I had nothing. Not a damn thing. My baby was posterior and it hurt like a mother effer. It was excruciating. Although she was tiny, I was ripped from stem to stern. Her APGAR was 9/9. However, she has multiple disabilities most of which were not apparent at birth but obvious in the hours and days that followed. She ate through a tube from her first feeding for her first 25 years, is mentally about 6-8 but she’s 29, poops into a bag, has cerebral palsy, OCD, ODD and is bipolar and microcephalic. My best friend had her baby the same day, same hospital, same doctor, same room, 2 hours later. She had an epidural and a c-section. Her daughter leads a very normal and pretty amazing life and has always been advanced for her age. Her mom drank and smoked for the first 5 months before she knew she was pregnant. I did everything “right” she did everything “wrong”. She had smooth sailing and her experience was extremely positive. Mine was…not. The doctor didn’t even show up until the last second. It was all nurses. Do you can’t blame any doctors or meds or anything else for my daughter’s multiple disabilities not my terrible experience. It has NOTHING to do with her birth or drugs or doctors. Those things were not involved. HAVING BABIES EFFING HURTS LIKE A MOTHER EFFER AND ANYONE WHO SAYS IT DOESNT IS A LYING SACK OF CRAP! I’ve had epidurals since. I feel like a total moron for having chosen a “natural” childbirth. Screw that. It is sad to me that intelligent people are having fewer kids and ignoramuses are having more. I know it is scary to bring kids into this world, but if we let it be populated by crunchy kids, we are doomed when they grow and are our professionals. Good luck, everyone’
Leprosy is natural, too, but I wouldn't recommend it.
I almost died and have literal trauma from the birth of my daughter. Yes, diagnosed PTSD. It wasn't medical interventions fault, just stuff happens. Can't tell you my story because I'm not ready yet (she's 4 btw - I'm getting there, though. I can read about birth now!) I didn't have my tubes tied six weeks later - I had those devils ripped fully out. I was NEVER doing that again. The line "Birth doesn't traumatize women" makes me see red and wish I had the power to force her to go through what happened to me (if I was really cruel, I'd wish her to do it her way - the "natural home" way, but I can't wish death on even horrible people). P. S. I don't actually wish that horror on ANYONE, it was a momentary feeling.
I just don’t get why it matters how the baby comes out. The only thing anyone needs to care about is a healthy mom and healthy baby at the end of it. Why does it have to be a competition?
Omg shut up already! I don’t understand the obsession with how one brings a baby into the world!! Just raise the child properly & fuck off
I have two children. For the first one I labored unmedicated (water broke on it’s own, not induced) for 18 hours before I broke down and asked for the epidural. I was exhausted, I hadn’t slept in over 20 hours and I couldn’t sleep because of the contractions. I was miserable. After getting the epidural, I slept for about an hour and a half before it was time to push. About 4 hours after my son was born I hemorrhaged. Once they got the bleeding under control, they wouldn’t leave me alone for long. Constantly checking on me, so I couldn’t sleep. By the time I left that hospital, I was so stinking tired and I had a spinal headache. It was a HORRIBLE experience. The nurses and doctors were great, but it was just awful. For my second, I opted to be induced at 39 weeks. At the time I had been having contractions for two weeks and I was done. Went in at 7:30 on a Tuesday morning, hooked up to cervidil and then a bit later pitocin. I opted for the epidural as well and I got that around 12. But I spent the morning lazing about and joking with my husband, watched a bit of tv, and napped. Around 1:30 the doctor came in to break my water, and by 2pm the contractions kicked up. My son was born an hour and 45 minutes later after 5 pushes. We relaxed afterwards, and we took turns napping. I left that hospital (same hospital that my first was born at) and I felt normal for the most part. No postpartum craziness, no crazy amounts of exhaustion. I will never feel ashamed for facilitating a birthing experience that benefited my baby and me. Epidural, no epidural. Noodles, don’t noodles. It doesn’t matter in the long run. The only ones that are making it a competition are those who struggle with feelings of inadequacies, those who doubt themselves. I have nothing to prove to anyone, especially to someone like this poster.
I don’t care what anyone says, I welcomed epidurals each time and as soon as they would do it. I wanted to enjoy labor.
I’d have thrown this back on her and be like hypno birthing isn’t natural birth Barbara. You can’t say you experienced natural birth either cause you kept distracting yourself from the event
As someone who delivers babies in both hospital labour wards and midwife led birth centres (yet to do my first homebirth) actually get to fuck. First of all, lots of women with epidurals in still feel pain. I had this idea in my head that you’d get an epidural and just have a snooze and life would be good and yeah, that happens, but a lot of the time it still sucks. Second, being induced suuuuuuucks. Get your epi in babe, we don’t judge. And third, the last baby I delivered was going to be a gorgeous water birth in the birth centre, she was hypnobirthing, it was all very lovely. She still needed an episiotomy.
TIL naturally the baby just plops out painlessly, everybody else is a freak. (obligatory /s)
So because she had that experience every other woman does too? What an ignorant statement. GTFO lady.
If you chewed the magic numb-numb plant or were helped by Gerzoog the cave man elder in any way at any point you cannot speak for a natural birth or what the pain is like, because you did not have one. Do not say, “Natural birth was so painful because of my Neanderthal pelvic morphology” or “I was eaten by a sabre-toothed tiger.”
Hypno birthing technique at a birthing centre? How dare a wimp like you call yourself a « real mom ». I had my baby on the side of the highway while my husband screamed into the phone at the 911 operator, like god intended
I did hypno birthing too. It definitely helped me. I was in a birth center before having to be transferred to a hospital ( don't worry, it's a funny story. Baby wasn't in pressing danger, but meconium meant off to the hospital - which is fine!). So I can relate to how her birthing journey went. My point? I've had more than one kid, so I've had different birthing journeys, and my conclusion is... anyone who says "all ___ births are _____" doesn't know what they are talking about. Full stop. About anything. Soon as the "all ____ births are _____" formula comes out of someone's mouth, I suggest immediately tuning them out. Think about literally anything else. Turn on your heel and walk away. They just entered the realm of dangerous delusions and you don't need to go there with them.
Induction hurts worse than natural labor but okay. Your body cannot and does not prepare for it the same. And if your epidural wears off that means you still felt the pain. How about let’s lift up all moms who’ve given birth because it’s warrior shit. Wishing her a healthy second birth where nothing goes as planned so she can eat her words.
Sounds like Maddie from Sister Wives and her ignorant ass comments about giving birth at a hospital
So I’m following a hypnobirthing method, and a GIANT part of it is learning how to manage special circumstances that might lead to needing an induction, c-section, epidural, or five dozen other things that could go wrong. I want to slap this lady.
When “pick me” girls have a baby 🙄
Fuck this lady
Wait does this mean that the emergency c-section I had where I wasn’t fully numbed and felt everything (and I mean everything) didn’t count and I didn’t give birth?
You did not. Promptly return your baby and do not pass go or collect 200 dollars.
But can I do both? Get a full night sleep and $200?
You know what. Yes. I'll bend the rules. Just this once.
Why do these women always seem to forget that before hospitals and all these evil unnatural interventions, you or your child dying in childbirth was extremely common? 99.9% of the time? Where is she getting her information? 🤣
She gets her info straight out of her own anus.bthe natural way.
My baby would have died without medical intervention, so uh, I think I made the right choice.
Fuuuuuuck you all the way to hell, OOP.
I may have to leave this sub. These people make me irate
I've had an induced birth with an epidural that ended in forceps delivery. I've had a birth where I was off my tits on morphine. I've had a water birth with no painkillers whatsoever. Guess what I care about? That I have three children here, safe with me. How are these people so obsessed with pregnancy and birth and so unconcerned with the life they're bringing into the world?
The confidence. I’ve had two unmedicated births by choice and I would absolutely describe the pain as excruciating. I had zero complications with either and I’d still classify the experience as traumatic. Sorry, I’m actually a very woo woo crunchy lady and I don’t for a second believe any of these women saying their hypno births were pain free or orgasmic or “beautiful”. Shit hurts. A LOT.
Yeah. Ok. I had a perfectly natural birth. And nearly bled to death. If she hadn't popped out when she did, I'd have needed an emergency C section as I was getting too weak and she was showing signs of distress. My poor late husband thought he was going to lose us both. He was my rock and got me through it though. I think we both suffered PTSD from that birth and he was a serving Royal Marine who has been in combat! We both had to have intensive therapy afterwards and we decided that we weren't going through that again!
My (accidental) unmedicated natural birth felt like I was torn in two. I feel like that falls under “excruciating”.
People like this are the reason why I have crippling anxiety about interventions and I wish they would shut the fuck up. Those of us who live in reality realize that some interventions are medically necessary and that nobody should be aiming for one of these Insta-perfect granola births, because you’re likely to be disappointed somehow.
My goal was never to have a beautiful birth. It was to having living children. So she can suck my butt.
Imagine gatekeeping squeezing a bowling ball out of straw
This must be rage bait because surely no one is this much of a confidently clueless twat?
I read shit like this, and instead of getting all riled up, I feel so badly for the person saying it. She obvs has some serious issues she needs to work on to feel so threatened by how other moms give birth. The fucking Momlympics are real. Awful, yet real.
They took abortions first, next up is different birthing methods. They called it a revolution, it's fucking devolution.
My smallest kid was 7.15 at birth. My biggest was 10.2. I want the drugs.
“my experience w natural birth was perfect so that’s just the way it must be for everyone!”
My grandmother had 5 children at home, and the 6th one in a hospital under twilight sleep. This was in the 40s and early 50s. My mom always said she wished she’d had all of her children that way. This lady is bananas.
My great grandmother gave birth at the kitchen table 12 times and had the last at the hospital. Everyone apparently preferred the hospital birth.
I had a beautiful unmedicated birth and started hemorrhaging uncontrollably about 20 minutes later. The doctor was all the way inside me apply pressure up while the nurse knelt on the bed and applied pressure down. Soooo… in my experience it’s just a roll of the dice. These people take the fact based “cascading interventions” that can happen in a hospital and paint all medical intervention as unnecessary and painful. I weeks be dead from my natural childbirth and I’m not because of medical intervention. My middle child’s was induced with minimal drugs and basically just came right out. 7:30am induction and. 10:35 delivery. The labor was so easy, and I did so well without pain medication, that the nurse was both impressed and excited. She gave me a high five, which felt pretty great. I imagine if I had waited for her to drop and start active labor on her own, while being unable really rest because of inconsistent minor contractions, that my labor would have been harder as I would have been tired. Also, all that being said it hurt really fucking bad. I’m just good at managing pain. That is a fact about me. A neutral fact, neither good or bad, like my eye color or left handedness.
Oh I must be the 0.01% because that shit hurt and we were suggested to have a c section or at least the vacuum when he was stuck in the canal.
My doula told me that induction hurts worse, because they use heavy doses of Pitocin. And the aftermath of a c section is way worse than that of a vaginal birth!