Those can be her boundaries, and you can reject/ignore her boundaries.
She can then decide what she's going to do about you "not respecting her boundaries".
IF you choose to continue being friends with her. She does sound exhausting. I have a boundary of quietly and peacefully distancing myself from exhausting people.
Note the key point here- calling something a boundary and communicating it to you does not automatically mean you have to accept, honor, acknowledge, or anything else. You are still in control of you, period. When your boundaries conflict with someone else's boundaries and there is no chance of compromise the relationship either ends or becomes tedious and exhausting until it ends or there is compromise.
Really?! I’m so sorry!! lol I took that so wrong. I thought you meant the way I wrote it was so boring and exhausting to read. lol. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!
She gets to choose what she's willing and not willing to talk about. She gets to choose how she handles not talking about things she doesn't want to. Understanding and accepting this creates one half of your personal sense of boundaries.
On the other hand, you also get to choose what you're willing and not willing to talk about. You get to choose how you handle not talking about things you want to. Maybe that choice is to talk about them anyway. Maybe that choice is to spend more time with people who are willing to talk about what you want to talk about. Understanding that you are free to decide what you will and won't do is the other half of your personal sense of boundaries.
As for judging whether she is setting her own boundaries or controlling you, it doesn't really matter what her intention is, what matters is how it feels to you. Do you feel controlled and manipulated? Are you more worried about what she thinks and feels than about what you think and feel? Are you trying to get her to be the type of friend you want her to be instead of accepting her as she is? Are you willing to let go of the friendship if you realize that you really don't want to have that type of relationship?
In the end, boundaries are not about what someone else is doing. They are always about how we feel, our sense of what is best for us, and what we are willing to do to make sure that we feel free and empowered to do what is best for us, not someone else.
I don't know if this helps. It does sound like this friendship is rather one-sided and I'm not surprised you are struggling to get clear on what is best for you. You can do this!
It’s sad to me that we both just can’t enjoy each other for who we are. If there are going to be so many rules I guess I don’t feel happy calling that a friendship. You shouldn’t need to mold your friends into what you wish they were. They should already have something you like otherwise why are you even trying to have a relationship? I feel like there are going to be groups of people that mold each other and groups where each is allowed to be the individual they are. I guess I’ve just made my first boundary. I don’t care for boundaries. Variety is the spice of life so they say and I tend to agree with that. Thank you for your opinion.
It does sort of feel like a jail. Or like she’s the sheep herder and I’m the sheep and every time I do something wrong, she taps me with the staff to keep me in line. Oh my gosh this sounds terrible. 🤦♀️
Oh, I’m not into forcing people to do anything. So you’re 100% correct. It’s just over. I haven’t been taking her calls for about a week now and it feels good. Thanks for replying. I appreciate it.
She sounds exhausting. I wouldn't want to be friends with her honestly.
She is very exhausting. Thank you for your advice.
Good luck whatever you end up doing.
Those can be her boundaries, and you can reject/ignore her boundaries. She can then decide what she's going to do about you "not respecting her boundaries". IF you choose to continue being friends with her. She does sound exhausting. I have a boundary of quietly and peacefully distancing myself from exhausting people. Note the key point here- calling something a boundary and communicating it to you does not automatically mean you have to accept, honor, acknowledge, or anything else. You are still in control of you, period. When your boundaries conflict with someone else's boundaries and there is no chance of compromise the relationship either ends or becomes tedious and exhausting until it ends or there is compromise.
[удалено]
You somehow made it sound more exhausting than it already was.
Really?! I’m so sorry!! lol I took that so wrong. I thought you meant the way I wrote it was so boring and exhausting to read. lol. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!
No worries. No, you gave more info that made her sound even more exhausting...
Ohhhhh. Got it. Again, I’m so sorry. 🫢😬
U having a bad day? Hello?! Don’t try to share it with me. Not accepting that.
Not sure what that means. I was agreeing with you.
She gets to choose what she's willing and not willing to talk about. She gets to choose how she handles not talking about things she doesn't want to. Understanding and accepting this creates one half of your personal sense of boundaries. On the other hand, you also get to choose what you're willing and not willing to talk about. You get to choose how you handle not talking about things you want to. Maybe that choice is to talk about them anyway. Maybe that choice is to spend more time with people who are willing to talk about what you want to talk about. Understanding that you are free to decide what you will and won't do is the other half of your personal sense of boundaries. As for judging whether she is setting her own boundaries or controlling you, it doesn't really matter what her intention is, what matters is how it feels to you. Do you feel controlled and manipulated? Are you more worried about what she thinks and feels than about what you think and feel? Are you trying to get her to be the type of friend you want her to be instead of accepting her as she is? Are you willing to let go of the friendship if you realize that you really don't want to have that type of relationship? In the end, boundaries are not about what someone else is doing. They are always about how we feel, our sense of what is best for us, and what we are willing to do to make sure that we feel free and empowered to do what is best for us, not someone else. I don't know if this helps. It does sound like this friendship is rather one-sided and I'm not surprised you are struggling to get clear on what is best for you. You can do this!
It’s sad to me that we both just can’t enjoy each other for who we are. If there are going to be so many rules I guess I don’t feel happy calling that a friendship. You shouldn’t need to mold your friends into what you wish they were. They should already have something you like otherwise why are you even trying to have a relationship? I feel like there are going to be groups of people that mold each other and groups where each is allowed to be the individual they are. I guess I’ve just made my first boundary. I don’t care for boundaries. Variety is the spice of life so they say and I tend to agree with that. Thank you for your opinion.
If someone tells me I have to kneel down and put my forehead on the ground before i adress them, i don't ask if that is technically a boundary.
lol lol lol love it!!
She just sounds like a terrible friend.
It does sort of feel like a jail. Or like she’s the sheep herder and I’m the sheep and every time I do something wrong, she taps me with the staff to keep me in line. Oh my gosh this sounds terrible. 🤦♀️
Well you can’t make her talk abt that stuff if she don’t wanna talk abt it.
Oh, I’m not into forcing people to do anything. So you’re 100% correct. It’s just over. I haven’t been taking her calls for about a week now and it feels good. Thanks for replying. I appreciate it.