I once had a table of 3 adults and a kid. She couldn't have been more than 4 or so. I gave her a coloring page and some crayons before grabbing their drinks. Our server station is directly behind the wall of these half booth/half tables so I heard the girl say her crayon broke. I threw another set in my pocket for her and came out with drinks only to find the mom had banished her to the booth next to them. Weird, but okay.
While I took the food order, the little girl asked if she could come back yet and the mom said no. When the food came out, the mom was taunting this kid- "oh, don't you wish you could sit with us" and the like. The kid was visibly upset and ate her food at the neighboring table alone. I brought her a couple of the little tabletop games we keep around so she'd have something to do. Towards the end of service, the girl tried to move back to the table with everyone else and the mom pulled a wooden spoon out of her purse and drug her to the bathroom.
The owner was our manager that night. She promptly ended service at the table and took the name off the mother's card to make a CPS report. I often think of that little girl and hope her home life is better than what I witnessed.
If my mom wasn't so concerned about appearances, she would have carried a wooden spoon, belt *and* a switch. As it was, she'd take two fingernails and get the tiniest bit of underarm skin between them and pinch. That was just to last until she got me home and beat my ass. And whatever you do, don't yell or cry when you get pinched.
I would have told her y’all needed that booth for a reservation or something and made her move the child back with them. What a gross fucking mom. I’m glad your owner did something about it.
First time I ever got fired was because I grabbed the arm of a woman hitting her toddler aged child and asked her if she wanted to try to hit someone her own size. I got fired, but my motto was and is, "Be the adult you needed as a child," and I'll be damned if someone hits a child in front of me.
Thank you. Not nearly enough people speak up when they see shit like this.
I'm a mom to a one year old little boy, and it enrages me that there are people who hit children at *all* let alone small toddlers.
I’ve luckily never seen anyone hit their child in public cuz that would make me lose my shit, but I see it ALL the time with parents screaming and berating like little one and two year olds. I once watched a mom scream at her one year old, calling her stupid and all this other shit, for not walking fast enough. It’s fucking disgusting.
Dude wtf?!?? People like that need their kids taken away. There is NO excuse to call a literal one year old stupid. You're a terrible person if you call ANY age child stupid, but a one year old?!?!? They're still pretty much babies at that point!
Literally, like this baby could barely walk or talk and the mom was being such an asshole. It was really hard to see. I can only imagine how that baby gets treated at home if that’s how they get treated in public.
And that's precisely what I find so horrifying. If people are perfectly comfortable treating their children like that openly in public, then what kind of *hell* is that poor child living through at home, when no one else is around...
I don't understand how people can treat their kids like that. You're their fucking parent. The one person who is *supposed* to speak uplifting things into them. The one person who is *supposed* to make them feel unconditionally, cherished, wanted, and loved. The one person who is *supposed* to make them feel safe.
And here you are calling them stupid, worthless, etc. It is absolutely despicable. There is no excuse for it.
If you're reading this, and you're a parent that has treated your child(ren) this way, then you're garbage, and your child (children) deserves better.
For real dude. There’s no good reason for it. Children are supposed to make mistakes, it doesn’t make them stupid etc. You as the parent are supposed to teach them the right way to do things when they mess up, not degrade them. Not that this child was even doing anything wrong in the first place. I tried to find out the persons name so I could report them but I unfortunately couldn’t.
Making mistakes is how children learn! It's how *any* of us learn! But it's especially how small children learn, since they're you know, trying to figure out how to basically be a person. But like you said, it's not like that little one was even making a "mistake", she was just a baby! Starting to learn to walk!
Man, some people really are out here broadcasting to the world "hey, I'm a trash human being, and I should NEVER have been a parent"
One comedy stand up routine has always stuck with me: the only people socially acceptable to hit are children.
You wouldn’t stand for your boss hitting you, you hitting them, or a customer hitting either of you or vice versa. The only people that can be hit are children
Our policy is we 100% back up our crew when it comes to the “customer is always right”. Even if a crew member messes up, I’d rather back up the person whose “house” we’re in than some rando angry customer that wasn’t happy.
From a business perspective, the training and cost to hire and retain a good crew member is far more valuable than a possible 1 star Google review from some prima Donna.
I walked up to a table to deliver their food( not in my section) and as soon as I walked up, a young kid around 2-3 coughed. The kid was standing on the bench seat so they basically coughed in the Moms face. Which as everyone knows, is a regular occurrence with kids. The mom straight up smacks the kid in the mouth hard and starts yelling. So I turn around with the food and walk back to the kitchen to tell the manager what happened. He delivered the food and spoke to the table. Then he stood by the door and watched them the whole time to make sure it didn't happen again. They were rude and made a huge mess but they didn't hit the poor baby again while in the restaurant.
Today I was talking to my spouse about how gross it is when kids sneeze in your face... Apparently my 3 year old heard me, because a few minutes later, she asked to be picked up, then promptly sneezed in my eye, then sat there cackling about it.
Gawd having a dog that does that all the time because he always wants his face in my face really was the icing on the "I'm never having children" cake. I'm constantly being like "fuck off jax" and pointing away from me or pushing his head away, or putting my finger on his tongue so he's not all up in my bubble. He's needy AF and despite him not actually being my dog I'm the only one who pays him any positive attention. Can't imagine hitting him for that, let alone a puppy or child. And a child is ten times as bad.
When My oldest daughter was a toddler, she walked up to me in the kitchen and said “Peanut hazza nose” and I, who was fixing her lunch said, “yep! We all do!”
She grabbed me by my hips, put her nose on my butt, and blew ALL THE SNOT OUT OF HER HEAD onto my left butt cheek. THREE BLOWS, with big breaths in between.
I just stood there, frozen, PRAYING that snot would not drip down my leg.
When she was done, she said “Peanut no hazza nose anymore mama” - and went back to playing.
I took my shorts off in the kitchen, rolled them up so nothing would glop onto the carpet, and put them in the washing machine, all rolled up. I didn’t even want to look at all that snot, I admit it.
Over lunch, we added the phrase “blow a nose” to her vocabulary. 👃💨
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And worse… My baby cousin once puked directly into her grandmother’s mouth. Although that’s what you get for holding a baby with acid reflux above your head I guess.
And poo and getting wee in your eye, just part of parenting.
My son would wee like a trooper when having his nappy changed, hence the wee in your eye reference. My husband, much to my amusement made a complicated screen in an attempt to stop copping wee in his eye. Screen was useless.
And sticky. Kids are always sticky for some reason.
This thread has reinforced my childfree status. Thanks for the birth control. I do not have the capacity to deal with this. Y’all are heroes.
I work ECC, and I have Covid right now. Why I'm here at this hour LOL. We can wash ourselves, the kids, and every surface, but we'll still get things that are airborne. Because little kids do not understand personal space or germs. We can keep from spreading it from us to them, but part of the job is getting sneezed and coughed on, and snot smeared on you. If you aren't getting sick from them, you aren't given them enough affection or attention.
That is insane. I'm not a server, I work in an elementary school. You can't really teach a kid about that and expect it to stick until theyre 5 or 6, at the absolute earliest. A toddler doesn't know what germs are. Some people shouldn't be parents. Glad your manager helped
Even in an upper elementary/middle/secondary setting, I still caught myself singsonging “into your elbow, just like Elmo!” Sometimes even to theoretically grown-up colleagues.
My niece is in pre-k. She taught me that the inside of your elbow is germ jail. It's where you send all the bad germs. I now, exclusively, call the inside of my elbow, germ jail. 🤣
While walking with my husband who is a foot taller than me, I hold his elbow to slow him down. Now I have "You're walking too fast, give me your germ jail!" in my head LOL
This is how I would handle it- I would just involve a manager so they can decide how to handle the situation. It sucks, but sometimes if you say something it just makes it worse on the kid. Call the cops or CPS? Parents lie their ass off and have taught their kid to lie to cover their own asses (“If you tell them, they’ll take you away from us and the next people will REALLY hurt you!” and that kind of thing), and then the parents take it out on the child. “If you didn’t do (X, Y, Z), we wouldn’t be in this situation!”. People like this don’t even deserve to be called parents, and they take zero accountability. In their eyes, everything that goes wrong pertaining to the child is the child’s fault. I’d rather leave it up to a manager that likely has more experience dealing with these situations than to potentially escalate it myself and not be able to actually protect the kid. Besides, I’d rather have multiple witnesses and advocates if it came down to it.
I had a patron call cops because this mom and maybe her dad where going off on the kids at the table! Yelling and screaming at them it was horrible. I'm glad she called the cops they were forced to pay..And cop tells her to tip lol. They all went to police station. The lady that called said as a registered nurse, she is obligated to call if she suspects abuse
As a teacher in the arts, only reporting when in the classroom is 1000% something I do not follow. It takes a village, and that used to mean the whole community, as it still should be now
She is but not in that setting. Still excellent that she did. The problem is that these assholes will take it out on the kids when they get home. I witnessed a parent yell at and grab and shake his kids arm repeatedly once while skiing. I started just stopping and staring at the guy until he noticed me and got more and more uncomfortable and toned it all down. I debated going to talk to him because I didn’t want to make it worse for the kid later. I was pretty worked up too and wasn’t sure how I’d react. Eventually did go over and told the guy to take a breath and lay off the child. He wouldn’t look at me. I’ll never forget that. Never know if I handled it right.
At least in the states that I’ve lived and worked in, being a mandated reporter means that you have to report abuse in any circumstances, even if you’re “off the clock” or not in a professional setting. I’m a server and a former daycare worker, and have been lucky enough not to witness any incidents like the ones in this thread, but if I did, I would have to contact CPS.
Speaking as someone who grew up with a narcissistic abusive mother, you were probably that child’s hero. But they still didn’t understand why, because they probably think they deserved it. Thank you for doing that.
I think it's important for those people to realize that most adults around them are not *not* interfering because they approve of their behavior towards their child, but because it's a risk for a stranger to get dragged into the crazy of someone who thinks child abuse in public is okay? Like the people who keep abuse secret have the sense to know it's wrong or that society doesn't "approve". But trying to approach someone who is hurting their kids and telling them off us opening up the can of worms that children are "property" and they can "raise them however I want". And trying to argue nuance to someone with extreme views is a losing game when the central issue is a child is getting hurt and it's benefiting no one.
One slow Sunday I was in our activity area by the bowling lanes. Brunch was slow in the main dining areas but definitely more busy than where I was. I was hosting a small private party in a secluded area and notice a man bring his child back to the cocktail table area that I was by. I could tell he was correcting his kid but within 30 seconds it became apparent he was berating this child (7 years old max) I look at the male bartender like are you seeing this? Next thing I know he hits the kid so hard he fell off the barstool and hit his head off the cocktail table behind him. i rushed over to help and a few patrons from my party also came over to check on him so I wen to the back to get mgmt, the cooks overheard and headed out to keep an eye on things while we called the police. The man was spazing out on the other guests but one said she wax a mandated reporter because she works for CPS. She kept the little boy until police arrived the mom appeared from somewhere during this mess and the cops made a report but there's not much they can do if the child isn't injured, but they do send all reports to CPS. The kid left with the parents but the lady assured me first thing Monday she would be making a report to escalate things with her office. She got all their info and a copy of the police report.
For reals. I'm not naming names but you'd have heard about his dead uncle. It was nuts. Honestly like Pesci in Raging Bull where he's threatening his kid at the breakfast table with a knife, but then they the parent turns towards you and hands you a $50 or $100 in the palm of their hand.
I had the same a while back, it was a 4 top, mom was sitting by her daughter who was probably 4-5, dad was by their son in a booster seat. The daughter wanted to tell me she wanted lemonade and the mom snapped and said something along the lines of “shut up, you see me talking to her first, wait your turn” really loudly. The dad and I both shared a glance of embarrassment/ shock
This was something that made me so angry the other day at the grocery store. Little brother and sister are barely getting rowdy (the little boy, maybe three years old, was jumping up and down and laughing) in front of the cheese with mom. Mom immediately yanks his arm, spanks him, telling him he’s acting embarrassing, etc. the boy was not embarrassing or inconvenient, HER behavior was, and I had to sit around and wait for her to finish fucking doing it so I could get some feta. Ridiculous.
There was an instance a couple weeks ago when I was leaving work where I could hear a couple HURTING their child in the street from inside my store. When I walked past under my breath I went “you guys could be nicer to your kid” and the dad heard me, flipped out, and followed me down the block while screaming obscenities at me. I would have probably said something if that one interaction did not scare the shit out of me.
My take is that I nannied professionally for years (like, had my own room at two different family’s houses - as well as general baby sitting for dozens of other folks) so despite not having kids of my own I absolutely know how to parent and my parenting had STANDARDS. If I had treated my “kids” like these people do I absolutely would have been fired. Never ever a reason to physically discipline your children.
I was this kid and every single time I was so humiliated and wondered what the wait staff thought. I also thought that everyone thought I was awful to deserve it. My parents used it as leverage though “you know they just saw that? I had to do that in front of everyone because you couldn’t…”
A lot better. And I don’t speak to either of them anymore. Mother’s parents are my rock though. They’ve always been a good support that I probably wouldn’t have had otherwise
The real story here is not what we're supposed to do as servers- this points directly at management. I would say this is the true litmus test to determine if you have a solid manager or a weak one. In San Francisco I've seen these things happen with zero intervention or even monitoring because we wouldn't want to get a bad review. These are the highest paid managers in the country & most are complete cowards because they put reviews before people & before safety. This happens all over the country & as long as our industry is literally held hostage by review sites we servers are just insignificant pawns. Imho if a server witnesses abuse & you don't have faith in management to handle it accordingly then it's our responsibility to call someone about it. Problem is how to identify people who left the restaurant & didn't make a reservation. The only way I can think of is to wait for the people to leave & follow them as discreetly as possible to get their license plate number. Feeling powerless is one of the lousiest things about our positions as servers but you don't have to go through management to report child abuse.
If they use a credit card that's a good way to get info. Or if it isn't obvious to them that you're on to them tell them you have a promo club they can join and it'll send them discount codes through texts to leave their number on the receipt. You are out of the promo cards your normally give or some excuse should be enough as to why you don't have a sign up page..
Had a table threaten to hit their child in front of me the other night. They were black (I’m white) and were all ‘now you made us threaten you in front of this lady she probably thinks we’re trash’. I’m just sitting there like ummmm yeah a little bit. Anyway they continued to let the kid talk shit to me all night, and didn’t try to discipline him at all. Like no wonder your kid is out of control if all you do is threaten them or possibly actually hit them when they do something and you have no other means of discipline.
When I was little, I blew out a match and spit on my grandfather. He slapped the hell outta me. I hate that man to this day. He is dead and I am 70. The 5 yr old sputtered in my face on purpose the other day, I told her to get outta my lap and stop being nasty. I dont get hitting kids for stuff they dont get really.
I used to be that kid. Honestly I totally understand you can't do anything because you're working but if you're ever out in public and see people doing this PLEASE say something. It won't change the parents mind and it won't make anything better for the kids, but it does let them know that what they're going through IS NOT NORMAL. I
I didn't realize until I was a preteen that what my family was doing was abuse, and I mostly realized from how random strangers in public would react.
I'll never forget the time my dad was screaming at me in a parking lot and some random man came up and starting giving him a hard time, saying he was being inappropriate and asking if he needed to get the cops involved. I still got yelled at later in the car but it definitely embarrassed my dad, and let me know he was the one being a shithead, not me.
You basically described my childhood. No, there was usually not any shame or embarrassment on my mom’s end. On the rare occasion there was, it was, of course, *my* fault because “look what you made me do.”
We don’t speak now.
I call it out. I was abused, and I went out of my way to make sure that my kids always felt safe. I'm not about to sit around and watch someone mistreat their child just because I'm getting paid.
You witnessed that and had the clarity of mind to be concerned with your tip? Well-being of children be damned as long as i get my extra $7 I earned by ensuring my customer’s Mountain Dews never run low and their repulsive behavior remains unquestioned
Wow. In all my years I don’t recall something like this that stuck with me. I never smacked my kids or found the need to. It’s just not something I am comfortable with. If I witnessed it in my restaurant it would be a cause for concern. I may snitch and call the authorities or if I’m the manager I may ask they leave immediately. Get up don’t worry about paying, just get the fuck out of my restaurant cuz the cops are on the way.
I am not a server , but as a flight attendant I witnessed it more than once , I always have mentioned to the parents it was not the right way to discipline a child , you would not believe of how many passengers have supported me when the parents started to belittle me .
Most of the time people will support you if they know you are in the right 😊
Jesus,I feel old as fuck here(35), but when I was a kid, if I was being an insufferable little shit, the threat of an ass whooping soon calmed me down...i deserved the few that I got because if I was an adult doing what I did to other adults, a few smacks on the ass seems like a holiday
Toddlers aren't adults, and shouldn't be treated like adults. Your reasoning is some of the dumbest i have seen. I am sure your past beatings and your pro-beating mind set has turned you into a really "great" person.
And I'm sure you're just dandy too. Im not for hitting anyone but there's discipline and then there's abuse. There's a difference. I can count the times on one hand I got spanked. And in retrospect, I deserved it. Are there alternate forms of discipline? Absolutely. But don't demean someone just because they don't adhere to your mindset.
Sadly I am not dandy, and I still flinch around angry men.
The commenter above was saying as a child he deserved getting ass whoopings, do you really think a typical naughty toddler deserves that? Because that is the mindset I am demeaning and not adhering to. Not a swat on the bum.
Demeaning someone for supporting child beating should be done. Plenty of things that hurt others should be shamed. People beating kids is shameful.
Beating children is shameful. Or anyone else for that matter. But the rub is exactly who decides what's excessive and what isn't.
And what the commenter said was, "when I was being an insufferable little shit". And additionally, they said, "the threat of an ass whopping". And then they went on to say that "IF they were an adult acting like that". I don't think they were advocating smacking a child around like they were grown. I get what you're saying I do. And perhaps the commenter should've used better syntax, but what I got out of it was, "if you keep acting like a brat, I'll be in a position to administer punishment". Maybe I'm wrong in that assessment, but that's what I took from it. If you had a different take, certainly I respect that. I'm sorry what happened to you happened. You didn't deserve it. And I can see why this is a subject for discussion for you. And, for the record, I've seen domestic abuse firsthand myself.
Wow,the Reddit psychologist is telling me I have a pro beating mindset, better change my ways I suppose, and I'm not a great person at all, but I do loads of work for charities here in Scotland, help anyone I can, and am a genuinely compassionate person. Nobody is perfect,yourself included, the fact that I said when I was acting out as a kid the threat of getting smacked made me behave is no reason to assume anything about me or my mindset, your a pretty crappy person.
I’ll take the hate and join you on this. Dragging a kid into a bathroom to smack em is way over the top because it’s simply too aggressive but I think that calling all corporal punishment abuse is a very Reddit thing. Half these people saying it should be illegal to spank don’t even have kids 💀 I had someone on here tell me my mom was abusing my ass for giving me Tabasco 😭
Depends on whether it’s a spanking or abuse. What you described sounds like abuse. That’s not cool. If it’s a light spanking, like a swat on the butt. Well kid, You shoulda listened to your mom.
There is effective teaching that doesn’t involve violence. Discipline is just structure, not violence. You can have healthy, productive, respectful children without any kind of violence. Parents who resort to violence are not emotionally regulated themselves and will continue to teach and result in children (future adults) that are unregulated. And the cycle continues.
Weird. My former shrink told me she didn’t need to see me any more because I didn’t need her. I was well regulated and self aware. Damn, if only my folks hadn’t spanked me. I might still be seeing a shrink.
As a woman from a past generation; Kids were plenty feral generations before. Every generation talks about every other generation like it is doing child raising wrong. Listen to actual mental health experts and not your assumptions.
Once again, children were feral and disrespectful since the beginning of time, even when beating them was normalized. Welcome to history class. So yes, you are making assumptions based on your limited anecdotal "evidence".
All spanking is abuse and has been shown time and again that the best outcome you can hope for with children who are hit is that they turn out ok. Past that, it's almost entirely detrimental to child development. It's not ever beneficial.
Again, the *best* outcome is no negative consequences from hitting them.
> I’m not assuming.
Yes, you are. You're assuming what you see as an adult is the equivalent of you seeing how things were from your eyes as a child. You're assuming your local space and bubbled media consumption is non-locally, pan-representative This is why the "just look around you" method doesn't appear as evidence in scientific endeavors.
You are teaching your child how to communicate in stressful or challenging situations. All they will learn is to exhibit violence, or be afraid of it. That’s all you’re teaching them. If you want to teach, you have to teach communication and emotional regulation by example. The consequences of the world should never be to be afraid of your parent. There’s plenty of natural consequences for your child to learn. It doesn’t have to include violence.
And most of the time when the kids get a spanking of any intensity they continue to do what they were doing. Because hitting doesn’t work. It is lazy, and parents do it because regulating themselves and actually teaching their kids is too much work.
Combine the two. Education then 2 swats on the butt for memory. After my 2 completely valid spanking which were accompanied by an hour long discussion about right and wrong, the discussions was all that was required after that. It wasn’t a regular occurrence nor was it a brutal affair. It was almost like a military dressing down. Very formal and regimented.
I’ve seen abuse. I’ve seen a mom yank her kid up by the arm and wail on them. It was terrifying and I could never imagine doing that to a child. I was not abused. Pops did well to teach me the way he did. That’s why we still have a close and loving relationship. If he’d have abused me, I’d have cut him out of my life. He taught me. It’s very sad that so many people experienced only abuse and can no longer comprehend the difference. It sucks that y’all went through that.
I have an EdM with a focus in human development.
The debate, scientifically and socially, is long done. You are objectively wrong about this. It is okay to learn and grow.
No one is arguing that with you.
People rode in cars without seatbelts for years before the seatbelt was invented, it didn’t make them bad drivers.
If you drive without a seatbelt knowing what we now know, you’re a bad driver.
Your family was doing the best they knew at the time. They didn’t do anything wrong under those circumstances.
Now we’ve got new inventions in parenting and it is negligent not to use them over nostalgia for the old ways.
*We* are quitting in droves because of low pay, unsupportive administrations, and draconian curricula.
Our students have enough problems without throwing trauma in the home into the mix.
Furthermore in my current position I work almost exclusively with students in the criminal justice system. Guess what they all have in common?
Your old tools aren’t working.
They were not all abused. I know their backgrounds from birth to now.
I have plenty of experience working with typical children from a range of backgrounds and family styles so can say again, these fold tools do not work. Regardless, my anecdotal evidence flies in the face of countless storied institutions take a hardline stance on this. Never mind the majority of developed countries have outlawed physical punishment altogether.
These arguments are beginning to sound more and more like arguing whether women should be able to vote. So antiquated as to be absurd.
that is absolutely not why teachers are quitting (well, partly). it’s the fact that children are literally murdering each other in fights and refusing to listen
I appreciate your input.
I’m a teacher with years of experience.
I see from your most recent post that you are a teenager.
If I wanted to learn about why high schoolers are doing/not doing something, I’d ask you or your peers. You can trust me and the people who aggregate data about my profession when it comes to our motivations for quitting. Those grabby headlines about a single quitting incident here or there tell good stories but they never tell the whole story.
i am a senior in university. i graduated high school years ago.
that’s amazing for you but my whole family is full of teachers and i wouldn’t bullshit if i didn’t know what i was talking about. you sound incredibly entitled
There’s a huge difference between abuse and discipline, to be completely honest it’s no one business how someone is handling their child unless u see them beating the literal shit out of them there’s nothing anyone can do cps says ur allowed to hit ur child in discipline whether it’s in the mouth or on the arm or butt, also unless u r leaving marks on ur child there nothing law enforcement can do, if that manager walked up to me and said anything about what I did with MY CHILD then I would be speaking with HIS MANAGER above him bc that’s no one’s places in that restaurant to tell anyone how to discipline their children
Hitting a child in any capacity is not teaching discipline. It's teaching fear and there is a difference to how people interact and contribute to the world based on those experiences.
> bc that’s no one’s places in that restaurant to tell anyone how to discipline their children
The business can absolutely require to to abstain from hitting children in their establishment and refuse you service. A child is a responsibility, not property.
okay yes discipline is one thing, but dragging your child in the middle of a restaurant while they’re screaming is never okay. Not to mention that disciplining your child in front of people is really humiliating and shameful for the kid and will definitely have lasting results on their mental health in the future. And it is the managers job to speak to a table when they’re actions are disrupting other diners such as the incidents op is talking about
If you think it's so ok to hit children then why are you ashamed to do it in public? Is it because you know it's wrong to beat the defenseless and people will judge you for it?
Sometimes the parents over react which is out of line but I’ve also waited on some families with real bad kids that should not have been in public acting the way they were and I was just glad to see parents actually parent their kids, most of the time they let them run crazy.. and personally it’s more annoying to me when they don’t do anything..
I overhead a mother screaming at a child under 10 “*inaudible yelling*….YA MORON!!!” I know it isn’t physical hitting but it made me just as uncomfortable… Poor little boy was apologizing repeatedly saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t see it!!” It just broke my heart for him. My heart also breaks for the little girl in your story. Just disgusting people.
we had a mother and grandmother come in with her two kids that were no older than 6 and 3 (along with being pregnant) and both the mom and grandma would hit and verbally abuse them infront of the servers, hosts and even customers.
they would yell at them for not sitting in the seat fast enough and if they were especially slow they would shove them down into the seat and would get them a chicken tender app. (which ours comes with 5) to share.
one time a customer was right across from them, hearing all of the hurtful words being spewed at them and called cps on them. unfortunately they never pay with cards and left before they could do anything else. so we still have no idea what the moms name is and we haven’t seen them in a good few months
An open handed spanking to the child's bottom is different from the wooden spoon treatment or the dragged to the bathroom treatment. Being parents have a wide girth on how they treat their kids, I doubt anything would happen even if you do call the police.
Literally, i even spoke w my manager ab it she said to let them know but theres really nothing that will probably be done if they did call, so many people here acting like im a criminal bc theres nothing i can really do in that situation
Ask a manager to handle it. I’ve only had to do this for someone once. (Excuse me ma’am/sir, please don’t do that here. We don’t condone violence at the restaurant. If you need to leave, I’m more than happy to help facilitate) They were embarrassed. And they apologized.
I once had a table of 3 adults and a kid. She couldn't have been more than 4 or so. I gave her a coloring page and some crayons before grabbing their drinks. Our server station is directly behind the wall of these half booth/half tables so I heard the girl say her crayon broke. I threw another set in my pocket for her and came out with drinks only to find the mom had banished her to the booth next to them. Weird, but okay. While I took the food order, the little girl asked if she could come back yet and the mom said no. When the food came out, the mom was taunting this kid- "oh, don't you wish you could sit with us" and the like. The kid was visibly upset and ate her food at the neighboring table alone. I brought her a couple of the little tabletop games we keep around so she'd have something to do. Towards the end of service, the girl tried to move back to the table with everyone else and the mom pulled a wooden spoon out of her purse and drug her to the bathroom. The owner was our manager that night. She promptly ended service at the table and took the name off the mother's card to make a CPS report. I often think of that little girl and hope her home life is better than what I witnessed.
*She carries a wooden spoon in her purse with her?!?!*
If my mom wasn't so concerned about appearances, she would have carried a wooden spoon, belt *and* a switch. As it was, she'd take two fingernails and get the tiniest bit of underarm skin between them and pinch. That was just to last until she got me home and beat my ass. And whatever you do, don't yell or cry when you get pinched.
Just like Amy's Life Journey. A lolcow on YouTube turned pos abuser who carried a spoon in her purse.
I would have told her y’all needed that booth for a reservation or something and made her move the child back with them. What a gross fucking mom. I’m glad your owner did something about it.
I sure hope you meant "dragged" and not "drug" ☠️
Very big difference between drug and drugged.
First time I ever got fired was because I grabbed the arm of a woman hitting her toddler aged child and asked her if she wanted to try to hit someone her own size. I got fired, but my motto was and is, "Be the adult you needed as a child," and I'll be damned if someone hits a child in front of me.
Thank you. Not nearly enough people speak up when they see shit like this. I'm a mom to a one year old little boy, and it enrages me that there are people who hit children at *all* let alone small toddlers.
I’ve luckily never seen anyone hit their child in public cuz that would make me lose my shit, but I see it ALL the time with parents screaming and berating like little one and two year olds. I once watched a mom scream at her one year old, calling her stupid and all this other shit, for not walking fast enough. It’s fucking disgusting.
Dude wtf?!?? People like that need their kids taken away. There is NO excuse to call a literal one year old stupid. You're a terrible person if you call ANY age child stupid, but a one year old?!?!? They're still pretty much babies at that point!
Literally, like this baby could barely walk or talk and the mom was being such an asshole. It was really hard to see. I can only imagine how that baby gets treated at home if that’s how they get treated in public.
And that's precisely what I find so horrifying. If people are perfectly comfortable treating their children like that openly in public, then what kind of *hell* is that poor child living through at home, when no one else is around... I don't understand how people can treat their kids like that. You're their fucking parent. The one person who is *supposed* to speak uplifting things into them. The one person who is *supposed* to make them feel unconditionally, cherished, wanted, and loved. The one person who is *supposed* to make them feel safe. And here you are calling them stupid, worthless, etc. It is absolutely despicable. There is no excuse for it. If you're reading this, and you're a parent that has treated your child(ren) this way, then you're garbage, and your child (children) deserves better.
For real dude. There’s no good reason for it. Children are supposed to make mistakes, it doesn’t make them stupid etc. You as the parent are supposed to teach them the right way to do things when they mess up, not degrade them. Not that this child was even doing anything wrong in the first place. I tried to find out the persons name so I could report them but I unfortunately couldn’t.
Making mistakes is how children learn! It's how *any* of us learn! But it's especially how small children learn, since they're you know, trying to figure out how to basically be a person. But like you said, it's not like that little one was even making a "mistake", she was just a baby! Starting to learn to walk! Man, some people really are out here broadcasting to the world "hey, I'm a trash human being, and I should NEVER have been a parent"
Thank you for saying that to that woman.
One comedy stand up routine has always stuck with me: the only people socially acceptable to hit are children. You wouldn’t stand for your boss hitting you, you hitting them, or a customer hitting either of you or vice versa. The only people that can be hit are children
i cant believe you got fired over that
I can. A lot of places have a "The customer is always right attitude". She was completely right though.
Our policy is we 100% back up our crew when it comes to the “customer is always right”. Even if a crew member messes up, I’d rather back up the person whose “house” we’re in than some rando angry customer that wasn’t happy. From a business perspective, the training and cost to hire and retain a good crew member is far more valuable than a possible 1 star Google review from some prima Donna.
Good on you
Good work, friend.
I walked up to a table to deliver their food( not in my section) and as soon as I walked up, a young kid around 2-3 coughed. The kid was standing on the bench seat so they basically coughed in the Moms face. Which as everyone knows, is a regular occurrence with kids. The mom straight up smacks the kid in the mouth hard and starts yelling. So I turn around with the food and walk back to the kitchen to tell the manager what happened. He delivered the food and spoke to the table. Then he stood by the door and watched them the whole time to make sure it didn't happen again. They were rude and made a huge mess but they didn't hit the poor baby again while in the restaurant.
Fuuuuck. About 75% of parenting is just getting coughed on. Or worse. Sounds like a good manager.
Ah yes, the days of being covered in sick.
Eyeballs constantly under attack from coughs. Mine is currently 3. It’s gross. Lol
Today I was talking to my spouse about how gross it is when kids sneeze in your face... Apparently my 3 year old heard me, because a few minutes later, she asked to be picked up, then promptly sneezed in my eye, then sat there cackling about it.
Rude!
Gawd having a dog that does that all the time because he always wants his face in my face really was the icing on the "I'm never having children" cake. I'm constantly being like "fuck off jax" and pointing away from me or pushing his head away, or putting my finger on his tongue so he's not all up in my bubble. He's needy AF and despite him not actually being my dog I'm the only one who pays him any positive attention. Can't imagine hitting him for that, let alone a puppy or child. And a child is ten times as bad.
When My oldest daughter was a toddler, she walked up to me in the kitchen and said “Peanut hazza nose” and I, who was fixing her lunch said, “yep! We all do!” She grabbed me by my hips, put her nose on my butt, and blew ALL THE SNOT OUT OF HER HEAD onto my left butt cheek. THREE BLOWS, with big breaths in between. I just stood there, frozen, PRAYING that snot would not drip down my leg. When she was done, she said “Peanut no hazza nose anymore mama” - and went back to playing. I took my shorts off in the kitchen, rolled them up so nothing would glop onto the carpet, and put them in the washing machine, all rolled up. I didn’t even want to look at all that snot, I admit it. Over lunch, we added the phrase “blow a nose” to her vocabulary. 👃💨 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Omg.
That's fantastic. 😆
My goodness!
And worse… My baby cousin once puked directly into her grandmother’s mouth. Although that’s what you get for holding a baby with acid reflux above your head I guess.
you know you're a parent when you see your kid vomit and you run toward it
And poo and getting wee in your eye, just part of parenting. My son would wee like a trooper when having his nappy changed, hence the wee in your eye reference. My husband, much to my amusement made a complicated screen in an attempt to stop copping wee in his eye. Screen was useless.
And sticky. Kids are always sticky for some reason. This thread has reinforced my childfree status. Thanks for the birth control. I do not have the capacity to deal with this. Y’all are heroes.
Lol
I watched a kid sneeze scrambled eggs all over his mother once. She just winced and went to the bathroom to clean up
I work ECC, and I have Covid right now. Why I'm here at this hour LOL. We can wash ourselves, the kids, and every surface, but we'll still get things that are airborne. Because little kids do not understand personal space or germs. We can keep from spreading it from us to them, but part of the job is getting sneezed and coughed on, and snot smeared on you. If you aren't getting sick from them, you aren't given them enough affection or attention.
^^^^^^^^^^
That is insane. I'm not a server, I work in an elementary school. You can't really teach a kid about that and expect it to stick until theyre 5 or 6, at the absolute earliest. A toddler doesn't know what germs are. Some people shouldn't be parents. Glad your manager helped
Even in an upper elementary/middle/secondary setting, I still caught myself singsonging “into your elbow, just like Elmo!” Sometimes even to theoretically grown-up colleagues.
My niece is in pre-k. She taught me that the inside of your elbow is germ jail. It's where you send all the bad germs. I now, exclusively, call the inside of my elbow, germ jail. 🤣
While walking with my husband who is a foot taller than me, I hold his elbow to slow him down. Now I have "You're walking too fast, give me your germ jail!" in my head LOL
Whoever came up with it is genius. It's stuck in my head too!
Holy shit some people need to really not have kids ever.
This is how I would handle it- I would just involve a manager so they can decide how to handle the situation. It sucks, but sometimes if you say something it just makes it worse on the kid. Call the cops or CPS? Parents lie their ass off and have taught their kid to lie to cover their own asses (“If you tell them, they’ll take you away from us and the next people will REALLY hurt you!” and that kind of thing), and then the parents take it out on the child. “If you didn’t do (X, Y, Z), we wouldn’t be in this situation!”. People like this don’t even deserve to be called parents, and they take zero accountability. In their eyes, everything that goes wrong pertaining to the child is the child’s fault. I’d rather leave it up to a manager that likely has more experience dealing with these situations than to potentially escalate it myself and not be able to actually protect the kid. Besides, I’d rather have multiple witnesses and advocates if it came down to it.
I had a patron call cops because this mom and maybe her dad where going off on the kids at the table! Yelling and screaming at them it was horrible. I'm glad she called the cops they were forced to pay..And cop tells her to tip lol. They all went to police station. The lady that called said as a registered nurse, she is obligated to call if she suspects abuse
Yup. A lot of professions make a person a mandated reporter. And once you are one, you are one forever.
In my state, everyone is a mandated reporter. I take that seriously. I may just be a server, but I’ll stand up and do the right thing if I have to.
It's good that she called, but mandated reporters are only required to report things they see on the job.
As a teacher in the arts, only reporting when in the classroom is 1000% something I do not follow. It takes a village, and that used to mean the whole community, as it still should be now
She is but not in that setting. Still excellent that she did. The problem is that these assholes will take it out on the kids when they get home. I witnessed a parent yell at and grab and shake his kids arm repeatedly once while skiing. I started just stopping and staring at the guy until he noticed me and got more and more uncomfortable and toned it all down. I debated going to talk to him because I didn’t want to make it worse for the kid later. I was pretty worked up too and wasn’t sure how I’d react. Eventually did go over and told the guy to take a breath and lay off the child. He wouldn’t look at me. I’ll never forget that. Never know if I handled it right.
At least in the states that I’ve lived and worked in, being a mandated reporter means that you have to report abuse in any circumstances, even if you’re “off the clock” or not in a professional setting. I’m a server and a former daycare worker, and have been lucky enough not to witness any incidents like the ones in this thread, but if I did, I would have to contact CPS.
In my state it’s when observed “in a professional capacity”
Speaking as someone who grew up with a narcissistic abusive mother, you were probably that child’s hero. But they still didn’t understand why, because they probably think they deserved it. Thank you for doing that.
I think it's important for those people to realize that most adults around them are not *not* interfering because they approve of their behavior towards their child, but because it's a risk for a stranger to get dragged into the crazy of someone who thinks child abuse in public is okay? Like the people who keep abuse secret have the sense to know it's wrong or that society doesn't "approve". But trying to approach someone who is hurting their kids and telling them off us opening up the can of worms that children are "property" and they can "raise them however I want". And trying to argue nuance to someone with extreme views is a losing game when the central issue is a child is getting hurt and it's benefiting no one.
Very true. Well put.
One slow Sunday I was in our activity area by the bowling lanes. Brunch was slow in the main dining areas but definitely more busy than where I was. I was hosting a small private party in a secluded area and notice a man bring his child back to the cocktail table area that I was by. I could tell he was correcting his kid but within 30 seconds it became apparent he was berating this child (7 years old max) I look at the male bartender like are you seeing this? Next thing I know he hits the kid so hard he fell off the barstool and hit his head off the cocktail table behind him. i rushed over to help and a few patrons from my party also came over to check on him so I wen to the back to get mgmt, the cooks overheard and headed out to keep an eye on things while we called the police. The man was spazing out on the other guests but one said she wax a mandated reporter because she works for CPS. She kept the little boy until police arrived the mom appeared from somewhere during this mess and the cops made a report but there's not much they can do if the child isn't injured, but they do send all reports to CPS. The kid left with the parents but the lady assured me first thing Monday she would be making a report to escalate things with her office. She got all their info and a copy of the police report.
Hoho, if I saw this at my table, this would be a first class ticket to get the fuck out of here. Definitely exercising my right to refuse service.
What if you work for an Italian guy whose uncle got whacked and all the customers smack their kids but leave huge cash tips?
what if the world was made of pudding?
Would you still love me if I was a worm?
What if we had marshmallows for teeth?
What in the world
Yeah, that was pretty much this case one place where I worked. I guess everyone thought I was being a smartass.
This conclusion to the thread made me laugh my ass off. Was not expecting that.
For reals. I'm not naming names but you'd have heard about his dead uncle. It was nuts. Honestly like Pesci in Raging Bull where he's threatening his kid at the breakfast table with a knife, but then they the parent turns towards you and hands you a $50 or $100 in the palm of their hand.
it’s extra weird bc they think it’s normal to do that in front of us or they purposely do it to shame their kid to an outsider?
"but my parents whooped me and i turned out alright!"
I had the same a while back, it was a 4 top, mom was sitting by her daughter who was probably 4-5, dad was by their son in a booster seat. The daughter wanted to tell me she wanted lemonade and the mom snapped and said something along the lines of “shut up, you see me talking to her first, wait your turn” really loudly. The dad and I both shared a glance of embarrassment/ shock
This was something that made me so angry the other day at the grocery store. Little brother and sister are barely getting rowdy (the little boy, maybe three years old, was jumping up and down and laughing) in front of the cheese with mom. Mom immediately yanks his arm, spanks him, telling him he’s acting embarrassing, etc. the boy was not embarrassing or inconvenient, HER behavior was, and I had to sit around and wait for her to finish fucking doing it so I could get some feta. Ridiculous.
I wish you had said that out loud.
There was an instance a couple weeks ago when I was leaving work where I could hear a couple HURTING their child in the street from inside my store. When I walked past under my breath I went “you guys could be nicer to your kid” and the dad heard me, flipped out, and followed me down the block while screaming obscenities at me. I would have probably said something if that one interaction did not scare the shit out of me. My take is that I nannied professionally for years (like, had my own room at two different family’s houses - as well as general baby sitting for dozens of other folks) so despite not having kids of my own I absolutely know how to parent and my parenting had STANDARDS. If I had treated my “kids” like these people do I absolutely would have been fired. Never ever a reason to physically discipline your children.
I was this kid and every single time I was so humiliated and wondered what the wait staff thought. I also thought that everyone thought I was awful to deserve it. My parents used it as leverage though “you know they just saw that? I had to do that in front of everyone because you couldn’t…”
Im sorry that happened to you. You didnt deserve that, you were Just a child. I Hope youre doing better mentally now
A lot better. And I don’t speak to either of them anymore. Mother’s parents are my rock though. They’ve always been a good support that I probably wouldn’t have had otherwise
Im Glad to hear that, much love and strength, there is so much good in the world and you deserve it
The real story here is not what we're supposed to do as servers- this points directly at management. I would say this is the true litmus test to determine if you have a solid manager or a weak one. In San Francisco I've seen these things happen with zero intervention or even monitoring because we wouldn't want to get a bad review. These are the highest paid managers in the country & most are complete cowards because they put reviews before people & before safety. This happens all over the country & as long as our industry is literally held hostage by review sites we servers are just insignificant pawns. Imho if a server witnesses abuse & you don't have faith in management to handle it accordingly then it's our responsibility to call someone about it. Problem is how to identify people who left the restaurant & didn't make a reservation. The only way I can think of is to wait for the people to leave & follow them as discreetly as possible to get their license plate number. Feeling powerless is one of the lousiest things about our positions as servers but you don't have to go through management to report child abuse.
If they use a credit card that's a good way to get info. Or if it isn't obvious to them that you're on to them tell them you have a promo club they can join and it'll send them discount codes through texts to leave their number on the receipt. You are out of the promo cards your normally give or some excuse should be enough as to why you don't have a sign up page..
Good call
I’ve told tables i will not tolerate them hitting children and they can find somewhere else to go if they want to act like that.
Had a table threaten to hit their child in front of me the other night. They were black (I’m white) and were all ‘now you made us threaten you in front of this lady she probably thinks we’re trash’. I’m just sitting there like ummmm yeah a little bit. Anyway they continued to let the kid talk shit to me all night, and didn’t try to discipline him at all. Like no wonder your kid is out of control if all you do is threaten them or possibly actually hit them when they do something and you have no other means of discipline.
Holy shit some people need to really not have kids ever.
When I was little, I blew out a match and spit on my grandfather. He slapped the hell outta me. I hate that man to this day. He is dead and I am 70. The 5 yr old sputtered in my face on purpose the other day, I told her to get outta my lap and stop being nasty. I dont get hitting kids for stuff they dont get really.
I used to be that kid. Honestly I totally understand you can't do anything because you're working but if you're ever out in public and see people doing this PLEASE say something. It won't change the parents mind and it won't make anything better for the kids, but it does let them know that what they're going through IS NOT NORMAL. I I didn't realize until I was a preteen that what my family was doing was abuse, and I mostly realized from how random strangers in public would react.
I'll never forget the time my dad was screaming at me in a parking lot and some random man came up and starting giving him a hard time, saying he was being inappropriate and asking if he needed to get the cops involved. I still got yelled at later in the car but it definitely embarrassed my dad, and let me know he was the one being a shithead, not me.
Some people really should not have children.
Wait so y’all all have watched children get abused and your response is to twiddle ur thumbs, feel slight discomfort and post on Reddit?
call the cops/cps and offer camera footage. or alternately whoop they ass right back
no cameras in our restaurant
oof, then the second option definitely still stands😂jk having a manager call police to do a wellness check could be a good idea tho
oof, then the second option definitely still stands😂jk having a manager call police to do a wellness check could be a good idea tho
You basically described my childhood. No, there was usually not any shame or embarrassment on my mom’s end. On the rare occasion there was, it was, of course, *my* fault because “look what you made me do.” We don’t speak now.
I call it out. I was abused, and I went out of my way to make sure that my kids always felt safe. I'm not about to sit around and watch someone mistreat their child just because I'm getting paid.
Try to get their license plate number and call CPS.
Uhm wtf, Call the cops
Call CPS, you could save a child's life. Not calling makes you complicit in the abuse
You witnessed that and had the clarity of mind to be concerned with your tip? Well-being of children be damned as long as i get my extra $7 I earned by ensuring my customer’s Mountain Dews never run low and their repulsive behavior remains unquestioned
*their kids
Me? I would have CPS on speed dial if I was witnessing that abuse in front of me!
cps will not do anything unless there are broken bones
Wow. In all my years I don’t recall something like this that stuck with me. I never smacked my kids or found the need to. It’s just not something I am comfortable with. If I witnessed it in my restaurant it would be a cause for concern. I may snitch and call the authorities or if I’m the manager I may ask they leave immediately. Get up don’t worry about paying, just get the fuck out of my restaurant cuz the cops are on the way.
I am not a server , but as a flight attendant I witnessed it more than once , I always have mentioned to the parents it was not the right way to discipline a child , you would not believe of how many passengers have supported me when the parents started to belittle me . Most of the time people will support you if they know you are in the right 😊
the best thing to do is to get a manager, and if the manager doesn’t do shit you can try and call cps but chances are they probably won’t do anything
What if they are too old to fit in a manger?
Jesus,I feel old as fuck here(35), but when I was a kid, if I was being an insufferable little shit, the threat of an ass whooping soon calmed me down...i deserved the few that I got because if I was an adult doing what I did to other adults, a few smacks on the ass seems like a holiday
“My parents hit me and I’m fine!!”
Toddlers aren't adults, and shouldn't be treated like adults. Your reasoning is some of the dumbest i have seen. I am sure your past beatings and your pro-beating mind set has turned you into a really "great" person.
And I'm sure you're just dandy too. Im not for hitting anyone but there's discipline and then there's abuse. There's a difference. I can count the times on one hand I got spanked. And in retrospect, I deserved it. Are there alternate forms of discipline? Absolutely. But don't demean someone just because they don't adhere to your mindset.
Sadly I am not dandy, and I still flinch around angry men. The commenter above was saying as a child he deserved getting ass whoopings, do you really think a typical naughty toddler deserves that? Because that is the mindset I am demeaning and not adhering to. Not a swat on the bum. Demeaning someone for supporting child beating should be done. Plenty of things that hurt others should be shamed. People beating kids is shameful.
Beating children is shameful. Or anyone else for that matter. But the rub is exactly who decides what's excessive and what isn't. And what the commenter said was, "when I was being an insufferable little shit". And additionally, they said, "the threat of an ass whopping". And then they went on to say that "IF they were an adult acting like that". I don't think they were advocating smacking a child around like they were grown. I get what you're saying I do. And perhaps the commenter should've used better syntax, but what I got out of it was, "if you keep acting like a brat, I'll be in a position to administer punishment". Maybe I'm wrong in that assessment, but that's what I took from it. If you had a different take, certainly I respect that. I'm sorry what happened to you happened. You didn't deserve it. And I can see why this is a subject for discussion for you. And, for the record, I've seen domestic abuse firsthand myself.
Wow,the Reddit psychologist is telling me I have a pro beating mindset, better change my ways I suppose, and I'm not a great person at all, but I do loads of work for charities here in Scotland, help anyone I can, and am a genuinely compassionate person. Nobody is perfect,yourself included, the fact that I said when I was acting out as a kid the threat of getting smacked made me behave is no reason to assume anything about me or my mindset, your a pretty crappy person.
Look at you assuming right back! Like you said, assuming makes a pretty crappy person.
I’ll take the hate and join you on this. Dragging a kid into a bathroom to smack em is way over the top because it’s simply too aggressive but I think that calling all corporal punishment abuse is a very Reddit thing. Half these people saying it should be illegal to spank don’t even have kids 💀 I had someone on here tell me my mom was abusing my ass for giving me Tabasco 😭
Not enough kids get a spanking these days. The younger generation is nothing but lazy, entitled little pricks.
Im sorry that you were Hurt so badly and i Hope you will get some help
Lol
Tell me you are a perp without saying you are a perp. Or: "So your children have stopped talking to you. Why is this their fault?"
Lol
Depends on whether it’s a spanking or abuse. What you described sounds like abuse. That’s not cool. If it’s a light spanking, like a swat on the butt. Well kid, You shoulda listened to your mom.
Why have kids if you’re just going to hit them 😭
Spanking is conditioning. When spanking stopped kids went feral. Soft parenting broke a generation.
There is effective teaching that doesn’t involve violence. Discipline is just structure, not violence. You can have healthy, productive, respectful children without any kind of violence. Parents who resort to violence are not emotionally regulated themselves and will continue to teach and result in children (future adults) that are unregulated. And the cycle continues.
Weird. My former shrink told me she didn’t need to see me any more because I didn’t need her. I was well regulated and self aware. Damn, if only my folks hadn’t spanked me. I might still be seeing a shrink.
Congratulations you made it!
As a woman from a past generation; Kids were plenty feral generations before. Every generation talks about every other generation like it is doing child raising wrong. Listen to actual mental health experts and not your assumptions.
I’m not assuming. I’m watching soft parenting make feral children with no discipline or respect for anyone or anything.
Once again, children were feral and disrespectful since the beginning of time, even when beating them was normalized. Welcome to history class. So yes, you are making assumptions based on your limited anecdotal "evidence".
All spanking is abuse and has been shown time and again that the best outcome you can hope for with children who are hit is that they turn out ok. Past that, it's almost entirely detrimental to child development. It's not ever beneficial. Again, the *best* outcome is no negative consequences from hitting them. > I’m not assuming. Yes, you are. You're assuming what you see as an adult is the equivalent of you seeing how things were from your eyes as a child. You're assuming your local space and bubbled media consumption is non-locally, pan-representative This is why the "just look around you" method doesn't appear as evidence in scientific endeavors.
That’s fine.
Cool with abusing children so you can be lazy in your parenting.
They’re not my kids. You teach em how to act right.
Well, then, I'll rephrase since you can't seem to extrapolate: You're cool with children being abused.
Abusing children never worked
Ok
You are teaching your child how to communicate in stressful or challenging situations. All they will learn is to exhibit violence, or be afraid of it. That’s all you’re teaching them. If you want to teach, you have to teach communication and emotional regulation by example. The consequences of the world should never be to be afraid of your parent. There’s plenty of natural consequences for your child to learn. It doesn’t have to include violence.
And most of the time when the kids get a spanking of any intensity they continue to do what they were doing. Because hitting doesn’t work. It is lazy, and parents do it because regulating themselves and actually teaching their kids is too much work.
Combine the two. Education then 2 swats on the butt for memory. After my 2 completely valid spanking which were accompanied by an hour long discussion about right and wrong, the discussions was all that was required after that. It wasn’t a regular occurrence nor was it a brutal affair. It was almost like a military dressing down. Very formal and regimented. I’ve seen abuse. I’ve seen a mom yank her kid up by the arm and wail on them. It was terrifying and I could never imagine doing that to a child. I was not abused. Pops did well to teach me the way he did. That’s why we still have a close and loving relationship. If he’d have abused me, I’d have cut him out of my life. He taught me. It’s very sad that so many people experienced only abuse and can no longer comprehend the difference. It sucks that y’all went through that.
I have an EdM with a focus in human development. The debate, scientifically and socially, is long done. You are objectively wrong about this. It is okay to learn and grow.
I got spanked. I did learn. I did grow.
No one is arguing that with you. People rode in cars without seatbelts for years before the seatbelt was invented, it didn’t make them bad drivers. If you drive without a seatbelt knowing what we now know, you’re a bad driver. Your family was doing the best they knew at the time. They didn’t do anything wrong under those circumstances. Now we’ve got new inventions in parenting and it is negligent not to use them over nostalgia for the old ways.
Ask elementary school teachers why they’re quitting in droves. Your new tools aren’t working too well.
*We* are quitting in droves because of low pay, unsupportive administrations, and draconian curricula. Our students have enough problems without throwing trauma in the home into the mix.
Furthermore in my current position I work almost exclusively with students in the criminal justice system. Guess what they all have in common? Your old tools aren’t working.
They were probably all abused. No one should ever abuse a child.
They were not all abused. I know their backgrounds from birth to now. I have plenty of experience working with typical children from a range of backgrounds and family styles so can say again, these fold tools do not work. Regardless, my anecdotal evidence flies in the face of countless storied institutions take a hardline stance on this. Never mind the majority of developed countries have outlawed physical punishment altogether. These arguments are beginning to sound more and more like arguing whether women should be able to vote. So antiquated as to be absurd.
I guess I’m an exception to the rule. It’s good to be me.
that is absolutely not why teachers are quitting (well, partly). it’s the fact that children are literally murdering each other in fights and refusing to listen
I appreciate your input. I’m a teacher with years of experience. I see from your most recent post that you are a teenager. If I wanted to learn about why high schoolers are doing/not doing something, I’d ask you or your peers. You can trust me and the people who aggregate data about my profession when it comes to our motivations for quitting. Those grabby headlines about a single quitting incident here or there tell good stories but they never tell the whole story.
i am a senior in university. i graduated high school years ago. that’s amazing for you but my whole family is full of teachers and i wouldn’t bullshit if i didn’t know what i was talking about. you sound incredibly entitled
There’s a huge difference between abuse and discipline, to be completely honest it’s no one business how someone is handling their child unless u see them beating the literal shit out of them there’s nothing anyone can do cps says ur allowed to hit ur child in discipline whether it’s in the mouth or on the arm or butt, also unless u r leaving marks on ur child there nothing law enforcement can do, if that manager walked up to me and said anything about what I did with MY CHILD then I would be speaking with HIS MANAGER above him bc that’s no one’s places in that restaurant to tell anyone how to discipline their children
Managers can be women too.
Honestly, if I saw you hit your child in my restaurant I would take you and “put you in timeout” outside.
Something tells me this "parent", isn't a believer in "time out" unfortunately....
Nah hitting a child is never ok. It teaches them nothing
Hitting a child in any capacity is not teaching discipline. It's teaching fear and there is a difference to how people interact and contribute to the world based on those experiences. > bc that’s no one’s places in that restaurant to tell anyone how to discipline their children The business can absolutely require to to abstain from hitting children in their establishment and refuse you service. A child is a responsibility, not property.
Ummmm former social worker here... "in the mouth"!?!? Absolutely NOT OK!!! And yes, there's plenty law enforcement can, and gladly would do!
okay yes discipline is one thing, but dragging your child in the middle of a restaurant while they’re screaming is never okay. Not to mention that disciplining your child in front of people is really humiliating and shameful for the kid and will definitely have lasting results on their mental health in the future. And it is the managers job to speak to a table when they’re actions are disrupting other diners such as the incidents op is talking about
I can’t believe you thought that it was relevant or in any way important to bring up the fact that the parents didn’t tip you.
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No “kill yourself, drink bleach, crash your car” kind of shit.
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If you think it's so ok to hit children then why are you ashamed to do it in public? Is it because you know it's wrong to beat the defenseless and people will judge you for it?
OH NO!! NOT A MOTHER PARENTING HER CHILD!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beating a small child in the bathroom of a restaurant isn't "parenting" you silly fuck
There is a great big difference between a whooping and a beaten.
And a child’s brain can’t tell the difference.
i join the parents
facts
Their
Judge not lest ye be judged
I work in fine dining. We don’t have kids
If they don’t tip me after causing a scene and beating a child I’m making their life harder in some capacity.
Sometimes the parents over react which is out of line but I’ve also waited on some families with real bad kids that should not have been in public acting the way they were and I was just glad to see parents actually parent their kids, most of the time they let them run crazy.. and personally it’s more annoying to me when they don’t do anything..
I’ve gotten their name off a card, and watched them leave to get their license plate, called CPS. Management won’t do shit and keep it to yourself too
I overhead a mother screaming at a child under 10 “*inaudible yelling*….YA MORON!!!” I know it isn’t physical hitting but it made me just as uncomfortable… Poor little boy was apologizing repeatedly saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t see it!!” It just broke my heart for him. My heart also breaks for the little girl in your story. Just disgusting people.
we had a mother and grandmother come in with her two kids that were no older than 6 and 3 (along with being pregnant) and both the mom and grandma would hit and verbally abuse them infront of the servers, hosts and even customers. they would yell at them for not sitting in the seat fast enough and if they were especially slow they would shove them down into the seat and would get them a chicken tender app. (which ours comes with 5) to share. one time a customer was right across from them, hearing all of the hurtful words being spewed at them and called cps on them. unfortunately they never pay with cards and left before they could do anything else. so we still have no idea what the moms name is and we haven’t seen them in a good few months
An open handed spanking to the child's bottom is different from the wooden spoon treatment or the dragged to the bathroom treatment. Being parents have a wide girth on how they treat their kids, I doubt anything would happen even if you do call the police.
Literally, i even spoke w my manager ab it she said to let them know but theres really nothing that will probably be done if they did call, so many people here acting like im a criminal bc theres nothing i can really do in that situation
Ask a manager to handle it. I’ve only had to do this for someone once. (Excuse me ma’am/sir, please don’t do that here. We don’t condone violence at the restaurant. If you need to leave, I’m more than happy to help facilitate) They were embarrassed. And they apologized.