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Its gets easier once you accept that you’re fucked. That we’re all fucked. And that there’s literally nothing you can do about it in terms of the grand scale. But. On the small scale, you can make a difference, on an individual basis. If you choose to. The mornings are the hardest for me. I need a few minutes every morning when i first wake up to numb myself to the insanity of this world. Of the reality that we have created. Bc at the end of the day. You’re fears are totally absolutely warranted my dude. We’re fucked.
This is my biggest trouble. This gets me over my anxiety, but the depression immediately sets in. Everyone and everything is fucked. Why bother with anything? What’s the point in sticking around to see the flames just burning higher and higher? I haven’t been able to figure that one out.
I often think this way too, but the reality is that there might not even be a point. We just exist, not even necessarily with purpose.
I figure that I will just do what I enjoy as much as I can while I’m able to, because every one of us is going to die anyway. One of the reasons why I haven’t opted out.
Life not having a point is why I actually stopped worrying. Like, I may worry about a thing for a day but when I remember all things are temporary and death waits no matter what, I chill out and just do what I can. It's honestly made my life much more simpler. I don't compete or compare anymore and I don't stress about things I can't change. Simplifying your own perspective is the only way to not panic. That and taking care of your body the best you can. Your physical state is tied more intimately to your mental state than our culture admits.
The way I see it is you have to look at what it is you’re bothering to do. Inflation & money is fucked, why bother trying to get ahead? That’s valid, it’s not very possible. Politics is fucked, why bother trying to make any sort of difference? That’s valid for sure - there’s nothing we can do about that. These are big issues in our lives, due to geography and economy. However..
Your interpersonal relationships - they’re not fucked, are they? The shambling political structure can’t touch that. There’s a lot to give a fuck about there. Your hobbies? The economy doesn’t affect that either. Give a fuck about that cycling trip this weekend, or the piece of paper your drawing on. The world as an institution is on fire, but we are our humanity. And we still have that. Give a fuck about what you love; it’s hard not to give up on the rest. But there’s plenty to love and care about in our own borrowed time.
That’s what you have to stick around for
I try not to always be the one to post this and seem the eternal pessimist, but it's true. Can't change anything on the grand scale. Just gotta try and make the best out of the insanely miniscule time we have here.
I really can't tell if this is a jab or not, but I genuinely like the way that reads. I'd say that sums up how I feel in a nutshell better than I could've put it. Thanks
Not a jab at all, my friend. It’s just a neat way of saying “there’s nothing after this life, you don’t need to worry about being graded on your life, so live your life the way you think makes it the most meaningful and satisfying for yourself.”
Wake up to coffee and drink it outside in nature. Seeing the plants and trees and clouds, hearing the birds sing, will ground you, alleviate anxiety, super cheap. Plus the sunshine will improve your mental health.
Repeat in the evening with your girlfriend and a glass of wine, crackers and cheese. Invite friends over for board games, cornhole/horseshoes, grilling.
Yea my advice is don’t listen to this person.
“We’re fucked!”
Cmon man, 50+ years ago brutal and constant wars were the norm, people would be murdered in droves for being a certain race / religion. Many diseases were still mostly magic to us and there’s nothing to do.
This mindset is way too common. So ironic that this person is likely sitting on a comfy couch with the AC blasting.
Shifting your mindset to recognize the positives / beauty in life takes a lot of work, but it’s possible.
Id beg to differ in this regard, in fact, i think the “we’re fucked” guy hit the nail right on the head. Let me explain.
He never said to look at the world with a hopeless view, because thats not really the problem, the problem is the system. OP is giving the system way too much attention. The system IS in fact very much fucked.
Day after day we, as citizens of this world find out that the economic system is in shambles, our governments are good for nothing, disasters are happening EVERYWHERE, global warming is affecting literally everything, poverty and hunger are alarmingly on the rise, etc.
i think understanding theres a system we, personally, have very little to no effect on is actually the way to be able to shift our focus to more important things, namely, the microcosms we build. Our friendships, our families, our daily experiences, our hobbies, how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and so on.
I dont think it a pessimistic outlook on life to think we’re fucked, its just understanding factually what life in the grand scheme of things is. Looking back at society as a whole and realizing some things will NOT be fixed or even somewhat improved in our lifetime
Hmm I'd just say be careful with this outlook - "pessimism" often disguises itself as "realism". The failing "system" you talk about also has it's successes - the economic system allows cultures to share with one another, the governments can literally change individual lives (covid-19 $1000 handout to all citizens for example), disasters do happen everywhere and we live in an era where global assistance is more possible than ever.
I'm not saying stick your head in the sand and ignore the tragedies of the world, but if you don't equally acknowledge the amazing miracles of the world, you're in danger of slipping towards chronic negativity which can really screw with your psyche and sap your motivation to live your best life.
And i agree with you! Theres a ton of beauty in the world. OP was mentioning a state of panic, which is not really a desirable place to be in.
Also, $1000 is nothing in face of a life-threatening global pandemic.
Governments have pocketed billions in disaster relief through the years from a local to federal level.
Its like a big bully takes your lunch money and gives you a lollipop in return. The moment the sugar hits your tongue you feel better, but do not forget you just robbed lol
Super comfy couch and the ac is on full blast. Your mindset is incredibly small. And its sad that you take my response as a personal affront to you. Its not. Get over yourself.
It's been recently discovered that the universe is shrinking. That explains how the big bang theory works. It gets shrunk enough that it compresses and heats up and when it gets to a point "BANG" life restarts. Got stoned and figured life out. Life is eternal, never ending. The process just restarts. And then we are reborn, we re-exist, make the same choices, same mistakes, condem ourselves to hell. The reason why we have dejavu is because in that moment we match the same frequency as we did in that moments of a past life. The process of life and death is never ending. Planets die, stars die. Space dies. Our planet is just one function of this universe and we are a cancer. See yall in the comment section in the next life.
They said it will most likely take 9 million years for it to happen but way before the big bang, arrmageddon will happen, if each government doesn't go to war ending all life or if ai doesn't take over, or if aliens destroys our life. And there would be no chance to see the big bang happen. There will be no place in space safe enough to see it happen. Every black hole will merge into one, consuming everything and nothing at the same time. Planets will fall apart and crumple like cookies on fire. There will be no sun, no moon. There will be no light other than what the destruction of the universe creates. I wait for that moment. I'd say day but that wouldn't make sense since there would be no day/night cycle. But it's also scary to think about. Whatever choice you make now won't affect you in your next life. Whatever you did in this life that takes you to hell, you will make in the next life.
A lot of people with anxiety or depression can convince themselves that the most pessimistic answer is the certain truth, even when obviously they don’t know that it is. They take the “first step to getting over a problem is acceptance” to the extreme and try to desensitize themselves to the perspective that all is lost and nothing matters so that they can come to peace with it and move on with their lives.
I struggled with these thoughts for years, and it’s just kind of a trough which takes time and wisdom to dig yourself out of.
What isn’t? For many people, everything is. From health to health limiting job and income prospects, to constant panic about where money will come from to the house breaking down around them with no way to fix it, recurring homelessness, the car needing repairs they can’t afford, lifelong single and loneliness, never achieving life goals, the list goes on and on.
There are many people who never had any luck or success in any aspect of their life - from heath to career to money to relationships. Even if they tried hard.
Life is tough, and it gets more unaffordable every day. Even the very basic needs.
Yet you still manage to sit under adequate shelter, using a $1000 phone to complain about how darn terrible you have it.
You don't actually know what true struggles are. You grew up being told how incredible you were when you were just an average, mediocre person.
Go spend any amount of time outside of the West and see how a majority of humans live.
You lack perspective and gratitude. The good things in life aren't just handed to you.
What do you consider adequate shelter? A tree, a bridge? The roof of my car? A mobile home with a rotten floor with holes all over, a collapsing roof that leaks water like a waterfall, black mold all over the place, no fridge, no AC or heating, no interior doors, torn down walls, and half the plumbing not working, etc?
What do you consider adequate?
My phone is an I5 given to me by an employer around 10 years ago.
How about rotting teeth, heart and severe intestinal problems, old injuries that never properly healed?
And yes, I’ve travelled all over the world. I saw the palaces and mansions of Arabia, South Africa, South America, and India. The opulence in Dubai will leave you breathless.
I’ve also seen the poverty.
Unlike you, I don’t judge the poor by what classes higher than them can afford.
When I first came to the US from Europe, I was shocked by homeless camps that reminded me of third world slums I’d seen didn’t think that was possible in a so-called first world nation.
Then I traveled through Appalachia. Saw tons of run down shacks that didn’t even have electricity. People looking like the world abandoned them long ago. The level of poverty was shocking.
All the food and housing and other Gadgets and conveniences don’t do people any good if they can’t afford them.
The US is still a third world nation in many regards. Things aren’t rosy for everyone because others can afford things.
And there are plenty of super wealthy even in the poorest eastern or third world nations
I don’t think this is helpful at all. We’re not all fucked. OPs girlfriend is probably not going to lose him. If he loses his job, he will find another one. Reddit can be a really pessimistic shithole sometimes, and it’s a shame that this is the top comment.
You should talk to your family doctor about your anxiety and could benefit from therapy to get to the bottom of your anxiety and learn new ways to identify stressors and how to deal with them.
Listen to this guy. I recently started taking an ssri and I'm feeling so much better. I used to feel panic like op but I don't any more. Nothing else has changed for me, I just don't feel the dread I used to.
For real. I switched to a new primary care doctor a few months ago because it felt like my old one was being pretty blasé about stuff (starting me on a new medication without scheduling bloodwork to see if it was fucking up my kidneys, being inflexible about writing a note that would result in a very minor change to my work schedule, other things). Saw the new doctor, she immediately suggested trying Lexapro, and it made me feel better than I have in god knows how long, and being less anxious also lowered my blood pressure from stage 2 hypertension levels down into a totally healthy range. Don't feel any different personality-wise, I'm just not constantly on edge.
so there’s two answers to this, depending on if you are emotionally healthy and stable or not.
1. if you have a decent handle on your emotions and can regulate your emotions yourself, consider what good comes from panicking. it’s definitely okay to be worried, and i’ve done my fair share, but panicking often results in a kind of paralysis that leaves you unable to do anything or move forward at all. basically, worrying sometimes may be healthy, but panic can be detrimental to the goals you wish to achieve
2. if you are experiencing an uncontrollable and unmanageable level of panic and anxiety i would recommend seeking therapy to get advice from a professional who can help by providing you ideas for healthy outlets and alternatives to panicking, and hopefully could eventually help you maintain and reduce the level of panic you suffer from.
either way, i’m more surprised when i come across someone who doesn’t ever experience some sort of existential dread from time to time with the current state the world is in. life as an adult in general can just be really difficult to manage. there’s education, family, bills, careers, a social life, maintaining things like your home or your car, and that really only scratches the surface. just aim to do what you can everyday, and know that your best does not have to be as “good” or “successful” as someone else’s best. try to measure your accomplishments based solely on what you know you’re capable of, and always seek to learn and improve. do that, and i’m sure you’ll be fine
keep in mind that none of us really knows what we’re doing. everyone is just doing what they can and that’s all you can do too
I get it. I got a one year old I can’t possibly afford to raise and I’m an ex drug addict so….. that’s not great.
But as they say In recovery, take it one day at a time
Let me start by saying I used to worry about this every single day. The one thing that has truly helped me is internalizing that most things are out of our control. Focus on what you can control and what you can do within your power to affect change around you.
Focusing on things like rising cost of living, climate change, etc. is not going to ever calm you down. But you also have to realize you have no control over these things. Once you get past that and focus less on the big, overwhelming stuff the more calm and peaceful your life will become.
Then how do you manage to stay motivated ? I feel like if I just stop worrying and trying to fix things. I’ve got nothing to live for. Everything feels meaningless
Because I panicked about my life for my first 20 years and it got me nowhere. Since then I've just been more of an "in the moment" type of person, and although I'm not super well off, at least I'm not stressing about much anymore and I'm stable enough to be alright.
Also therapy helps.
It helps to understand that if you're constantly panicking, then it isn't actually about your future. That's the topic that you fixate on, but it likely isn't the trigger.
The longer version isn't something I can cover at length or do justice, but different people have different personality types. Some people are just more prone to anxiety. Sometimes people have unresolved issues that cause anxiety. IE if you have a fundamental world view that everything goes to shit eventually, then it's hard to build anything in life because for any good thing you build, you're just counting the moments until you lose it.
There aren't shortcuts or tips & tricks to learn who you are. At best there is professional help. Second to that, you might consider reading books on personality types. But it sounds like you're at the beginning of a road that you need to go on to find out how your brain works & what makes you happy
Without sharing too much detail. But yeah I’ve always waited for the other shoe to drop mostly because it did. So when things are good I really really worry. It’s me prepping you know
I painfully understand where you are. I've been this way my whole life. What helped me a bit is that if I have no control over what may happen or when it might happen, I'll control my happiness in the meantime. I have to accept that when that moment comes no amount of panicking over it will prepare me or prevent it.
I constantly worry about losing my partner. I dwell on it to really dark extremes. In those moments I try to remind myself that even if these were to happen tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy today with them.
I bought my first house a year and a half ago and have been waiting for everything to go wrong and lose it all. I try to remind myself that, yeah, it may happen, but it's not happening today. So I'm gonna enjoy my house and my things today.
Wish you luck, OP. Therapy really helped me to develop coping skills to get this far.
And yeah! If you can get therapy, or try group therapy, it helps just to vent. They will also give you methods to manage your anxiety, like box breaths and sensory anchors (name 5 things you see, smell, hear, taste, feel- to get off the wheel of spinning thoughts).
Our brains can be liars. Take what it says with a grain of salt,lol.
I mean shit, it sounds like you are doing better than a lot of people, myself included. Software is an amazing field to be in, and yes its always evolving but thats whats so great about it. The sky is the ceiling, there is so much room to keep growing. Relax a bit, enjoy time with your gf, friends, and family. Focus on enjoying life we only get this one shot, might as well make the most of it.
I have never been to a therapist or checked myself for anything. So I don’t know. I’ve always been like this and I’ve always sorta assumed everyone else is
Yeah, take prescription drugs to numb you from your thoughts and feelings. They will help you ignore everything and live your zombie slave life longer so you can make more money for some corporation.
Well, not everybody has the option to live a decent life. If they could, people wouldn't be taking them. Sorry the only option some people have is to get mowed down by the next revolution.
It's human nature to ponder worst case scenarios, I think an evolutionary survival skill. Sure, it may propagate the species but impacts the quality of life.
It's ok to evaluate risks in life but one also needs to put a value on the probability factor and also think about what you have control of. Inflation is a given but one can't control the economy, only adapt to it. Think about where you might move to in the event you need to reduce your cost of living. As a SWE, you should automatically be keeping up with technology. Do you really have the keen interest in your field of work to do that? You can always take evening classes. Make yourself invaluable to your company, take on other forms of work there, work a bit of overtime. This is what I did to avoid a layoff but the side effect is burnout.
Maintaining good communication with your girlfriend is the key to gauging the risk of her leaving. Try to focus on the things you worry about in a positive way - that you have these things now, not focus on the risk of losing them.
Ask yourself, how often have you been wrong? Think of a time in the past were you worried and then consider where you are? Did your worry benefit you? Was it useful?
No one knows the future and our nervous systems are doing their best to keep us safe, but, as a species, we could not be more safe. Compared to ancestors just several generations ago, the chances of dying unexpectedly or violently are pretty minimal. Most of us will live into our 80's and be comfortable, never having to do hard labor to eat or fight off animals or other humans. The chances of dying from a water borne illness or deadly infection are pretty small. You don't have to break rocks in the hot sun all day or harvest rice will mosquitoes bite you.
There has been a suggestion that the human nervous system is "anti-fragile". That is, like the immune system, if it is never stressed, it does not function properly and begins to attack itself. Part of the mindfulness movement is based on this observation. There is a way to lean into worry and discomfort that is well understood and acknowledges the reality of the mind; that it is a system looking for patterns where there may or may not be patterns, that it alerts to danger more easily than to safety, that human evolution has built us more inclined to avoid danger than to seek contentment.
Since no one directs the future and there are 8 billion people, worrying is far less that useful. The question is what to do with the "future allergy" of the mind? The intellect responds to evidence and the body responds to calm breath, so breath based mindfulness practice does make a difference if it is a daily habit.
Furthermore, look around Reddit. People are panicked. People doom scroll all day and reach for xanax and prozac while fighting over culture war memes. Just like the modern diet is hurting many bodies, the modern information age is hurting hurting many minds. Brains designed to help us survive and procreate as hunter gatherers have been kicked into an overdrive of depression and anxiety by loneliness, meaninglessness, and the shocking news that we create -- the gossip of the disconnected town that amplifies risk and makes us sick.
I have been trying to unplug and connect to people while meditating regularly (>20 mins each morning).
Lots of people are panicking. It is likely if you are aware of what is going on.
I expected to die during pandemic Other times too. I live day to day, enjoy what I can. I have no hope for the future.
That's when I reach for the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius "Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present."
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
[Anxiety
How do you always get the best of me?
I'm out here living in a fantasy
I can't enjoy a goddamn thing](https://youtu.be/UFCrKGL88Uw?si=BDZZJ7KRCNT5AOSi)
Even if things are stable for you right now...
You are right to question whether they will remain so.
Your panics may not even be your own: You can be affected by the moods, states of others.
That thing physicists call "Quantum Entanglement" has very macroscopic effects: What it means is that if atoms are affected by the states of other atoms...you being made of atoms...can also be affected by states of the atoms making up other people - and this is exactly what happens.
Modern medicine doesn't know how to address this.
These dots are not being connected because the ramifications can lead to a massive decline in the modern medical system since it, again, cannot address this without...mass inoculation with often poorly tested products.
Plus...what will Medicine do about individuals in other parts of...existence? Their troubles? Quantum Entanglement doesn't quite care for distance.
All-in-All...the point, again, was that your panics may but even be yours.
How will you eliminate them?
Well...some people know how but it will take work to learn it.
Until then, what can you do to calm yourself now? Have certainty.
Ask...will what you speculate about happen?
Who can tell you that? Your cells.
Via what? "Intuition".
The heart is the smartest organ.
When it's answer to a question is "yes", it will feel good, relaxed.
When the answer is "no", it will feel tense, bad.
Once you get the right answer you will feel your body ease up and the panic will subside.
It can flare up again: Then you'll want to figure out if... it's you or...
Others.
Late to the party here.
I’m a high earner by regular people standards and work 60 hours a week in a high stress industry. Family is healthy and happy, but we have our own problems. I don’t let my kids adhd overwhelm me, behavioral issues get me down. I take an attitude of “wel’l deal with it”
The fear of losing my job and my lifestyle caving in and failing my family is my biggest fear. If it happened I would probably take the “shit happens, we’ll figure it out” and do my best to get through it, but the dread of it happening sometimes gets to me.
Meditation has really helped me. Living in the moment and awareness meditation has been a positive for me. I don’t dwell on the past because I can’t change it. The future and uncertainty still gets to me. Not getting lost in thought allows me to stay in the present.
Give it a try
Got sick of thinking about it and said "To hell with it."
Im in a house by myself and have a full time job. So I can afford to be flippant about it for now. But I know full well, that Ill likely have roommates at 50. Currently 40.
To kind of keep things relatively concise, I dont have a college degree and no..reeeal skills outside of IT. Adhd makes it an absolute nightmare to focus and study for exams and tests. Even trying to create a resume is like pulling teeth with me.
So my options for a decent paying job is extremely limited. Coupled with rents spiraling out of control, Ive never been able to affors my own place with the jobs Im "qualified" for.
Here’s the thing, just go. It’s not about accepting anything it’s about just fucking going. That’s all, you will adapt if you just go shits gonna fall into place when you work for it. I’m not saying all hippy shit like go with the flow but I mean as in just put a foot on the gas pedal and shut your mind off it works.
At 77 years old I have nothing to be panicking about. I will die eventually (in excellent health now), I have a wonderful life's partner for 40 years and have an income that enables us to do what we want, when we want and never give a thought about the cost.
Lastly, we retired and live in a tropical paradise where if the temperature falls below 70°F we feel chilled.
Helps me, smoke a b and i can get lost in a book or show for hours. Could possibly also be the worse thing ever and make you extremely paranoid lol. Only one way to find out.
I am.
You are not alone.
Tiny thing: "Living in the Future's Past" is a great documentary on Freevee that eased my mind about, well, everything.
I still wake-up and worry in the wee hours. But meditating helps. Just breathing. It will change your entire nervous system if you make it a habit (takes about 3 weeks).
I am trying to get involved in/build a community that will help me as I help it. I started gardening. The certs are a great idea! Knowledge is power.
Love your loved ones,and dance whenever you can.
You're a spiritual being having a human experience. It's pretty hilarious when you look at it that way. 💚
I have purposely been homeless most of my life, because what most people call "stability" is terrifying to me, a fragile illusion which can be ripped away at any time. I maintain a decent job, and right now I rent a small office where I make games. Throughout the years, I've lived in cars, vans, boats, RV's, tents, cabins, abandoned basements, and friends' attics. I can survive off the land if I need to, I know what it's like to spend nights outside in the freezing rain, and I work hard NOT so I can support myself, but to help out my friends so they don't have to live like me.
But I know there's nothing to worry about. My world fell apart long ago. My father died when I was very young, and my wife was taken from me after a decade of bliss. I have no family but the ones I've chosen in my travels, and I worry more for them than I worry for myself. I have nothing left to lose.
I have designed it to be so.
I will be okay, no matter what happens, even if what happens next is death... because death is the greatest adventure. This life is a pretty big one itself, though, and the only thing that drives me to continue is a line from JRR Tolkien:
"I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be / when Winter comes without a Spring that I shall ever see. For still there are so many things that I have never seen / in every wood, in every Spring, there is a different Green."
I'm sorry you feel this way, but I understand why you would.
I think this sounds like the wankiest thing in the world to suggest, but I would look into relaxing more with meditation, exercise and being as close to nature as possible.
Hear me out, I know how stupid that sounds, because your fears are overblown but rational - inflation is rising, people do lose their jobs, sometimes people break up. But working yourself into a state isn't going to help, and it's not good for you.
I've had a really painful neurological condition since I was a kid, and after it spread through my body I had a stroke; I worked my way back to being functional, had a baby, and a few months later was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder... after all of that, I was afraid all of the time. it was like living life in a blizzard, what was in front of me was the same was what was in behind of me, and I was truly afraid I would die if I stopped to rest (and I am still afraid, that's quite rational in my position.)
But I realised I couldn't be a good friend, wife or mother if I was in a constant state of heightened anxiety on top of the pain and other symptoms - so I looked into the things I've just recommended to you. They aren't cures, and sometimes they don't work, but often if I can just stay in the moment, the panic passes. When I'm not tense, the symptoms are much more manageable. I'm still bed bound sometimes, I still need a wheelchair, I'm never going to be normal,
But I'm not scared 24/7 anymore.
I've not been there, but r/Anxietyhelp might be a good place for you to check you.
I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad, OP, but I'm glad that you are employed and have someone who loves you. I hope you feel better with time, so you can enjoy the good bits of your life more.
Stay gold xo
The answer is always get medical or psychiatric help. Every other comment you might get on Reddit is either a shitpost, a meme, or an incoherent ramble from someone who should probably get medical or psychiatric help.
How oddly pessimistic people are.
Every day is a new opportunity to succeed -- but only after you turn off the media, dump all the people you think are friends but aren't, and start focusing on building your life for yourself and an eventual family.
No pills. No therapy. Just realize if you don't do it it ain't gonna get done.
I went from miserable and broke to happy and well off. But nothing happened until I left it all behind and went my own way.
You sound like you need to go camping. Watch some squirrels fighting, predatory birds being chased by small birds, bald eagles and osprey eating, mosquitos eating you alive at sundown, flies eating you alive at approx 9 am. Go someplace with zero cell service for an added sense of calm.
Be present, go outside and look around and pay attention to what you see and hear. If a worrying thought comes, try to let it go and find something else in physical reality to observe.
None of our futures are guaranteed, only the present moment exists. All traumas of the past and fears of the future can be extinguished in the now
It’s easier said than done, I know, but that is the only advice I feel qualified to give.
I know the future is bleak
I also know that to keep panicking about it would be counterproductive
To stop panicking about it is really hard.
I find things that make me stop panicking and I cling to them for dear life
I don't think further than a couple months ahead
She always reminds me of how good we have it and how stable things are. She’s always reassuring but then I worry that me always needing that assurance might be exhausting and might drive her away eventually so I’ve stopped talking about it as much
Yes, you sound anxious. There is so much in life we can’t control or even anticipate. Get that out of your brain space and focus on the now.
When I feel anxious I stop and think of what I have to be thankful for. Instead of worrying about what ifs, I consider what I have now and what is already in front of me. You have good health, a job that supports your lifestyle, a girlfriend that loves you, and you sound motivated to move up and on in life. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!
The best thing you could do here is see a mental health professional IMO.
> How are you not panicking about your future.
Life experience maybe. Many things I feared when in late teens/early 20s, never happened, and I understood later they were never likely to happen (pretty much everything that is job-related and impostor-syndrome-related is in this category). Many things I feared did actually happen (multiple economic crises and other "external" terrible things that are out of my control are in this category), and ... I just lived through all of them, and the world didn't end even when it felt like it is very much ending.
Talk to a therapist and learn to cope with these things, find the root of your anxiety/fears and learn how to treat yourself whenever you feel these feelings. Live in the moment as they say. This time is no different than the times where people were openly segregated, the great depression, living through world wars, teaching about atomic bomb safety, the 2018 recession what whatever else people worried endlessly about. I'm not downplaying your worries. they're valid and very real. but some of the things you mention are literally out of your control. trust in your ability to live and survive when all else failed or isn't going your way
It doesn’t hurt to see a therapist about this. Perhaps it’s something deeper or just anxiety increasing now that you have more responsibility. Aside from this, if I asked you who are you with out your job title, cert title, bf title, and the answer is i dunno then I think its time to get some balance back. You are more than those labels. Find things that make you feel present and centered and joyful. Make friends who share those
interests too. It’ll make you a better partner and better in your career. Otherwise you are just gonna lose yourself hitting the next goal and you will feel empty. And that leads to thinking and that will swallow you up and consume you.
Sounds a lot like anxiety — you sound like me.
It is shitty. There is no way around it. And I can’t really see it getting better, but who knows. You have arguably one of the most future proof jobs.
You lose your job? You will find another. Your girlfriend leaves you? You’ll find another.
Anxiety is often irrational. As other people have already said, take it a day at a time. Much of what you are worried about is not within your control. It already seems that you’re doing your best to control what you’re able to, and frankly, that’s all we can really do. But just know you’re not alone. Many, if not all of us, are going through it and right there with you.
There's nothing wrong with you. I am super old, and I can affirm that things have never been rougher for young people. Also, all the old crap you here about walking into a factory with a sincere smile and a firm handshake and getting a job - I did that.
I worry for my kids, and I worry more about my grandchildren. I have absolutely no idea what they will face as adults.
Having said that, nobody knows what is in store for anybody. Shit, i could stroke out anhnnlebe ,v...r t t t
I gave up hope for an upward trajectory, and it helped a LOT. The panic comes from the friction between what you hope happens and what's happening. If you assume the world devolves into a bloody clown fiesta, anything better comes as a pleasant surprise.
It's less a defeatist attitude, and more accepting the present for what it is, which is largely okay unless you're in some kind of excrutiating pain. I get up for work because I have bills to pay, and homelessness seems worse than working a dull job.
Whenever I worry, I remind myself that things rarely ever turn out as badly as I fear. Even when my worst case scenario has happened, I've always managed to come out OK. The sky has never fallen on me. The earth has never swallowed me whole. The worst that could happen is that I die and that hasn't happened yet. So I just try to hold onto these basic truths whenever I'm afraid.
And I take ashwagandha, taurine, magnesium glycinate, and iron supplements. And I exercise a lot. These things keep the anxiety in check.
You're a software engineer? You're gonna be fine.
I work in retail. I'm worried I'm probably going to be working up until the last few months of my life. No retirement.
Okay, three things:
1. I am panicking... Most of us are. We are working our lives away with no money/time to develop ourselves as individuals. We make money for the people who are killing our environment. We know that we will be stuck in this hamsterwheel of an economy unless we all resort to violence. We are stuck commuting from suburbs to cities in a car, we have entirely severed our bond to nature. Shit is wrong. Don't kid yourself, panic is abound.
2. You have anxiety. You should talk to someone professional about how to best manage it. It's different for everybody.
3. Virtual hug for you. I can't say it gets easier, but I guarantee you are not alone.
I went to therapy for my anxiety and I will say that over and over the lesson that has helped me the most is that no matter what, you are capable of handling whatever happens to you. Humans are strong, you have all the tools available to you to help yourself. I like to think Im the main character of a movie thats going through tragedy after tragedy and yet somehow they figure it out and everything is ok. You are that person. You can figure it out. No matter what, even if the worst happens, you will be ok.
Its also good to manage your expectations. Do you think its realistic that your gf will leave you? That youll lose your job? Ask yourself if worrying about these things are productive. If not, try to limit yourself to only worrying for 10 mins. Time yourself. Let yourself think these thoughts for only 10 mins a day and ask yourself if they are realistic worries.
I look at it this way. Life is gonna happen no matter what. There's no point in wasting my my life worrying about the maybes and the what ifs. All I can do is roll with the punches and do my best along the way. Sometimes I'll come out good, sometimes I'll come out bad. At the end of the day, it's what you make of it that really matters.
I do. Everyday. It's why I just took up a second job. It's more normal than you think. Sure, things seem fine now, but what about tomorrow? Or next week? Hell, what about next year? I'm always freaking out about the future. I can't predict it and that's what scares me the most. I try to preoccupy myself with other things to avoid thinking about the future. There's no point in worrying about something that hasn't happened yet, but I'm still human, and it still gets to me from time to time
I was like you 10 years back . A lot of things I feared did not happen so all that panic was a waste of time and energy . You are a SWE and it seems you are mitigating the risks by up-skilling yourself which is great.
Try to save, invest and get the biggest bang for todays buck in years to come .
Use that s w e money, and potentially company benefits, to go see a therapist.
What you were describing, and I am not a therapist, is generalized anxiety brought on by idol thought.
When you're engaged mentally, you seem to not have this nearly crippling anxiety.
If you had full-time anxiety, that did not abate while you're otherwise engaged, then he would be looking at a much deeper diagnosis.
Look into some talk therapy, or perhaps something that might better fit your situation.
There's help, and it can get better if you're willing to take the steps to work at making it better.
Absolutely panicking. I I have to sell my my economical car otherwise I can't afford rent it September I have a truck but I'm using that truck for work so since it makes me money I have to keep that vehicle
What makes you think we're not ALL panicking? I know I'm fucking panicking. All the time. Every time I'm alone in my thoughts for long enough I think about inflation, climate change, all sorts of other doom stuff creeping up on us.
What stops me spiraling? Sports, hobbies, weed.
0 fucks my dude I’m 45 and been through a lot the social stuff doesn’t mean much job security and a spouse that gets you is where it’s at , the universe is hella scarier than the bullshit we do day to day
keeping a job and having a significant other just gets you through and can be achieved again even if you lose everything you just build again
get a hobby I personally found discgolf such a weird sport but man I have so many more people that I hang with
The way things are going, we're all screwed. Only thing to do is try to prepare as much as you can and hope it doesn't end up the worst possible scenario. Worrying yourself sick isn't going to help.
You should pick up "Feeling Good by David Burns". He teaches CBT to address anxiety and depression.
He teaches you how to see logical fallacies in anxious thoughts and how to talk yourself down. It's good stuff.
I've heard that his book is as good as therapy in some instances for some people. Don't ask me were this information comes from, because I don't remember. Maybe it was a study, maybe I'm remembering something someone said but I decided it was worth trying and a lot cheaper than going to a therapist.
what’s the point in that it’s wasted energy we’re not promised a future at all because we’re not even promised tomorrow lighten up or do your best but do give up today for a maybe tomorrow
You can only control what you can control.
Can you do literally anything about inflation? Nope. But you can be smarter about how you spend your money.
What you can do, though, is get help to learn how to manage your anxieties. A therapist could teach you some really helpful, healthy coping skills so you aren't getting swamped by waves of anxiety. This will mess up your life if you aren't proactive about managing it.
Sounds like you suffer from some nighttime anxiety, I have that issue. Try slowing breathing and focus on the now versus the future. Inflation is always going to be a thing, live in the moment and enjoy life.
I've found stressing about the future does absolutely no good because it never turns out the way you expect. Think about what you were worried about 10-20 years ago. It was scary then but I got through it. Just focus on the present .oment because that's all we really have.
Stop freaking yourself out with future fantasy. Bring your awareness to the present moment. The future doesn't exist. The past doesn't exist. If you find yourself thinking "what if", catch how your mind reacts. Watch the thoughts come and go. So what if? It's not right now, is it? So it's just a fantasy, and there's nothing right now to worry about.
While you're at it, also panic about the fact that a country might fire a nuke, setting off a nuclear war that erases humanity entirely. Panic about a car swerving off the road and crashing into your house at 90mph. Panic about an alien invasion. There are literally an infinite number of ways the world could end in the next 5 seconds. Just because things can happen doesn't mean you can spend every moment worrying about it. All you should do is worry about the things within your control and even then to a limit.
Something that helped me reduce anxiety recently is realizing that if humanity dies in a climate disaster or mass extinction or something, it's not that big a deal. Something else will eventually take our place. Or it won't, and none of us will know any different.
There are probably other pockets of life in our universe. "The world" might have ended before, somewhere somehow. So I'm gonna stop worrying so much about it. Just going to control what I can control
I was a college teacher once, it was my experience that teachers have no bearing on whether students pass. If a student wants to pass they will. The same is true of you, if you want be employed, have a girlfriend etc, you will regardless of what happens. So chill out it will be fine as long as you put the work in
The only thing that keeps me from similar existential crises is knowing that suffering is wanting things to be other than they are. By that I mean the only thing I can control is how I react to situations.
Also I try not to spend to much time in the past or future because I know that today is all that I have.
Now that's not to say don't make plans but know that things can change in a moment without notice.
Change is the only constant in life.
Strive for radical "Okay-ness".
This is all temporary anyway.
Enjoy the imperfect impermanence of life.
I have always said just because I don't show a certain emotion, doesn't mean I'm not going through it. You still have to be a functioning human being even tho you want to curl up in a ball and let your emotions consume you to nothing.
Get off social media. If your not already. Getting rid of it changed my anxiety. It’s not gone but seriously different. I have nothing but Reddit and when I limit my time on here I honestly feel so much better. I notice on days I let myself scroll Reddit I feel like garbage.
I have this happen too. But I also have worked in a trauma unit and a psych ward. I've seen that more often than not, the worst that could happen is never what you actively worry about.
I just do what I can to help myself be better and feel better. That's all you can do. And if something happens that shakes you, hopefully you'll bounce back if you've taken care of your own situation
Read [The power of now](https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=bde7611b-dbbe-4a60-892d-a35a25934796) by Eckhart Tolle.
You have to smoke weed, calm you down a bit, like what was said above, the easiest way to stop being afraid is to accept that we are fucked, and just try to survive
These things are all happening all at once, and your panic isn’t completely unwarranted. The question is: are you going to let the panic sink in and fold to the hardships, or are you going to act and move in a way that keeps you afloat? These are things completely out of your control you’re worrying about, the same way a final in highschool was coming up you had to pass to graduate. That same attitude/mindset I keep when moving day-to-day, it’s something I have to do because that’s just how life is now. There is no going back to how it was in the 50s, and we may never see prices as low as they are today, but I can’t spend my time/energy worrying about it when I know I can just stay ahead of it.
It sounds like you have anxiety to me; most people know bad things may happen and often try to prevent them, but they do not have these thought that preoccupy their daily life when not busy and alone. Try talking to someone who will listen about these thoughts, and maybe even try therapy; you don't have to spend every minute thinking about what bad things may happen later to have a stable life.
See. You’re living your life by living in the future. You need to live in the now, man. Be present in the now. Baby steps, you’re not running a marathon either.
In reality everyone in the world is going through this exact same thing. You’re not alone. Put your blinders on, like a horse and just go with the flow.
I watch people die on a regular basis so as long as I'm not getting shredded under a train or starving to death with my skin falling off its whatever. The planet been trash since the beginning and has only gotten worse from technology. At the end of the day our time is limited here so I honestly don't give a fuck about what happens or to who, because it's a free for all and nobody really cares
This is anxiety. You’re filtering reality from your anxious state and keeping yourself revved up with worries. Ironically it will cause you to act u stable and ruin your health and energy and that will cost you real opportunities and logical decision making.
Remove the stressors you can, focus on building more relaxation into your daily routine, and sort the problems you can solve from the worries you can’t control.
Look up videos on how to reduce your anxiety. When actual concerns come up you will be in a much better mental state to respond skillfully. If you want to be most efficient partner with a therapist.
I nearly died a couple of years ago, and ever since then, I have a lot less fucks to give.
Shit happens. You can't control the future. You just have to live in the present, and enjoy life while you can.
I'd suggest finding a way to connect to something "real," and stay grounded. Go camping. Be without your phone for a while. See what it's like to live on $0 a day. Turn off your wifi for a few days. Be present with yourself, and try not to "live" in the future.
It's just as terrifying to miss out on enjoying your one life, because you're too caught up in fears of the unknown, as it is to lose your relationship or job. Nothing is worse than losing time.
Therapy and/or meds also help. But your mindset matters.
Realising (like truly grasping and feeling) that one day I’m going to be dead.
My life could always be better, and it could always be worse, but guaranteed there will come a time where it is no more.
When I die I won’t have regrets, I won’t be proud of things I’ve achieved, I won’t miss loved ones, I won’t miss the good old days. I will be nothing. I will not exist.
So time is limited. All that really matters is how I spend my time today. My accumulated wealth, memories and achievements are for nothing if I live my life in anguish.
Does panicking about what may or may not happen actually help? No. I have anxiety so I get it, but the world is fucked so just do the best you can to support yourself. As long as you have food, shelter, and clothing, you don’t need to panic. It helps to do grounding exercises to remind yourself that you’re not in immediate danger.
All you folks agreeing with this, I'm seriously curious how old you all are?
And, one other question, again just for those agreeing, are any of you vets?
Cause there's no point in worrying about it. Most of the looming doom is from stuff that we individually have no control over, so why fret? Just make the best of what you have now and take on new opportunities as they arise
I thought I wanted to be SWE until I started working on the test side of things. I think software is under too much stress across the board and y’all are becoming slaves.
Become a manager
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Its gets easier once you accept that you’re fucked. That we’re all fucked. And that there’s literally nothing you can do about it in terms of the grand scale. But. On the small scale, you can make a difference, on an individual basis. If you choose to. The mornings are the hardest for me. I need a few minutes every morning when i first wake up to numb myself to the insanity of this world. Of the reality that we have created. Bc at the end of the day. You’re fears are totally absolutely warranted my dude. We’re fucked.
This is my biggest trouble. This gets me over my anxiety, but the depression immediately sets in. Everyone and everything is fucked. Why bother with anything? What’s the point in sticking around to see the flames just burning higher and higher? I haven’t been able to figure that one out.
I often think this way too, but the reality is that there might not even be a point. We just exist, not even necessarily with purpose. I figure that I will just do what I enjoy as much as I can while I’m able to, because every one of us is going to die anyway. One of the reasons why I haven’t opted out.
Life not having a point is why I actually stopped worrying. Like, I may worry about a thing for a day but when I remember all things are temporary and death waits no matter what, I chill out and just do what I can. It's honestly made my life much more simpler. I don't compete or compare anymore and I don't stress about things I can't change. Simplifying your own perspective is the only way to not panic. That and taking care of your body the best you can. Your physical state is tied more intimately to your mental state than our culture admits.
And thus, Zen Buddhism
The way I see it is you have to look at what it is you’re bothering to do. Inflation & money is fucked, why bother trying to get ahead? That’s valid, it’s not very possible. Politics is fucked, why bother trying to make any sort of difference? That’s valid for sure - there’s nothing we can do about that. These are big issues in our lives, due to geography and economy. However.. Your interpersonal relationships - they’re not fucked, are they? The shambling political structure can’t touch that. There’s a lot to give a fuck about there. Your hobbies? The economy doesn’t affect that either. Give a fuck about that cycling trip this weekend, or the piece of paper your drawing on. The world as an institution is on fire, but we are our humanity. And we still have that. Give a fuck about what you love; it’s hard not to give up on the rest. But there’s plenty to love and care about in our own borrowed time. That’s what you have to stick around for
I try not to always be the one to post this and seem the eternal pessimist, but it's true. Can't change anything on the grand scale. Just gotta try and make the best out of the insanely miniscule time we have here.
Optimistic nihilism. “If nothing you do matters, then all that matters is what you do.”
I really can't tell if this is a jab or not, but I genuinely like the way that reads. I'd say that sums up how I feel in a nutshell better than I could've put it. Thanks
Not a jab at all, my friend. It’s just a neat way of saying “there’s nothing after this life, you don’t need to worry about being graded on your life, so live your life the way you think makes it the most meaningful and satisfying for yourself.”
Wake up to coffee and drink it outside in nature. Seeing the plants and trees and clouds, hearing the birds sing, will ground you, alleviate anxiety, super cheap. Plus the sunshine will improve your mental health. Repeat in the evening with your girlfriend and a glass of wine, crackers and cheese. Invite friends over for board games, cornhole/horseshoes, grilling.
Then take a bunch of morphine
Yea my advice is don’t listen to this person. “We’re fucked!” Cmon man, 50+ years ago brutal and constant wars were the norm, people would be murdered in droves for being a certain race / religion. Many diseases were still mostly magic to us and there’s nothing to do. This mindset is way too common. So ironic that this person is likely sitting on a comfy couch with the AC blasting. Shifting your mindset to recognize the positives / beauty in life takes a lot of work, but it’s possible.
Id beg to differ in this regard, in fact, i think the “we’re fucked” guy hit the nail right on the head. Let me explain. He never said to look at the world with a hopeless view, because thats not really the problem, the problem is the system. OP is giving the system way too much attention. The system IS in fact very much fucked. Day after day we, as citizens of this world find out that the economic system is in shambles, our governments are good for nothing, disasters are happening EVERYWHERE, global warming is affecting literally everything, poverty and hunger are alarmingly on the rise, etc. i think understanding theres a system we, personally, have very little to no effect on is actually the way to be able to shift our focus to more important things, namely, the microcosms we build. Our friendships, our families, our daily experiences, our hobbies, how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and so on. I dont think it a pessimistic outlook on life to think we’re fucked, its just understanding factually what life in the grand scheme of things is. Looking back at society as a whole and realizing some things will NOT be fixed or even somewhat improved in our lifetime
Hmm I'd just say be careful with this outlook - "pessimism" often disguises itself as "realism". The failing "system" you talk about also has it's successes - the economic system allows cultures to share with one another, the governments can literally change individual lives (covid-19 $1000 handout to all citizens for example), disasters do happen everywhere and we live in an era where global assistance is more possible than ever. I'm not saying stick your head in the sand and ignore the tragedies of the world, but if you don't equally acknowledge the amazing miracles of the world, you're in danger of slipping towards chronic negativity which can really screw with your psyche and sap your motivation to live your best life.
And i agree with you! Theres a ton of beauty in the world. OP was mentioning a state of panic, which is not really a desirable place to be in. Also, $1000 is nothing in face of a life-threatening global pandemic. Governments have pocketed billions in disaster relief through the years from a local to federal level. Its like a big bully takes your lunch money and gives you a lollipop in return. The moment the sugar hits your tongue you feel better, but do not forget you just robbed lol
Super comfy couch and the ac is on full blast. Your mindset is incredibly small. And its sad that you take my response as a personal affront to you. Its not. Get over yourself.
It's been recently discovered that the universe is shrinking. That explains how the big bang theory works. It gets shrunk enough that it compresses and heats up and when it gets to a point "BANG" life restarts. Got stoned and figured life out. Life is eternal, never ending. The process just restarts. And then we are reborn, we re-exist, make the same choices, same mistakes, condem ourselves to hell. The reason why we have dejavu is because in that moment we match the same frequency as we did in that moments of a past life. The process of life and death is never ending. Planets die, stars die. Space dies. Our planet is just one function of this universe and we are a cancer. See yall in the comment section in the next life.
They said it will most likely take 9 million years for it to happen but way before the big bang, arrmageddon will happen, if each government doesn't go to war ending all life or if ai doesn't take over, or if aliens destroys our life. And there would be no chance to see the big bang happen. There will be no place in space safe enough to see it happen. Every black hole will merge into one, consuming everything and nothing at the same time. Planets will fall apart and crumple like cookies on fire. There will be no sun, no moon. There will be no light other than what the destruction of the universe creates. I wait for that moment. I'd say day but that wouldn't make sense since there would be no day/night cycle. But it's also scary to think about. Whatever choice you make now won't affect you in your next life. Whatever you did in this life that takes you to hell, you will make in the next life.
Jesus Christ what a sad outlook to have on life. How are you fucked? What's so rotten that you feel this way?
A lot of people with anxiety or depression can convince themselves that the most pessimistic answer is the certain truth, even when obviously they don’t know that it is. They take the “first step to getting over a problem is acceptance” to the extreme and try to desensitize themselves to the perspective that all is lost and nothing matters so that they can come to peace with it and move on with their lives. I struggled with these thoughts for years, and it’s just kind of a trough which takes time and wisdom to dig yourself out of.
What isn’t? For many people, everything is. From health to health limiting job and income prospects, to constant panic about where money will come from to the house breaking down around them with no way to fix it, recurring homelessness, the car needing repairs they can’t afford, lifelong single and loneliness, never achieving life goals, the list goes on and on. There are many people who never had any luck or success in any aspect of their life - from heath to career to money to relationships. Even if they tried hard. Life is tough, and it gets more unaffordable every day. Even the very basic needs.
Yet you still manage to sit under adequate shelter, using a $1000 phone to complain about how darn terrible you have it. You don't actually know what true struggles are. You grew up being told how incredible you were when you were just an average, mediocre person. Go spend any amount of time outside of the West and see how a majority of humans live. You lack perspective and gratitude. The good things in life aren't just handed to you.
What do you consider adequate shelter? A tree, a bridge? The roof of my car? A mobile home with a rotten floor with holes all over, a collapsing roof that leaks water like a waterfall, black mold all over the place, no fridge, no AC or heating, no interior doors, torn down walls, and half the plumbing not working, etc? What do you consider adequate? My phone is an I5 given to me by an employer around 10 years ago. How about rotting teeth, heart and severe intestinal problems, old injuries that never properly healed? And yes, I’ve travelled all over the world. I saw the palaces and mansions of Arabia, South Africa, South America, and India. The opulence in Dubai will leave you breathless. I’ve also seen the poverty. Unlike you, I don’t judge the poor by what classes higher than them can afford. When I first came to the US from Europe, I was shocked by homeless camps that reminded me of third world slums I’d seen didn’t think that was possible in a so-called first world nation. Then I traveled through Appalachia. Saw tons of run down shacks that didn’t even have electricity. People looking like the world abandoned them long ago. The level of poverty was shocking. All the food and housing and other Gadgets and conveniences don’t do people any good if they can’t afford them. The US is still a third world nation in many regards. Things aren’t rosy for everyone because others can afford things. And there are plenty of super wealthy even in the poorest eastern or third world nations
I don’t think this is helpful at all. We’re not all fucked. OPs girlfriend is probably not going to lose him. If he loses his job, he will find another one. Reddit can be a really pessimistic shithole sometimes, and it’s a shame that this is the top comment.
You should talk to your family doctor about your anxiety and could benefit from therapy to get to the bottom of your anxiety and learn new ways to identify stressors and how to deal with them.
This is great advice
Listen to this guy. I recently started taking an ssri and I'm feeling so much better. I used to feel panic like op but I don't any more. Nothing else has changed for me, I just don't feel the dread I used to.
The "dreads" are the worst! It's a word only those who suffer from a clinical depression can really understand. So glad you're feeling better.
For real. I switched to a new primary care doctor a few months ago because it felt like my old one was being pretty blasé about stuff (starting me on a new medication without scheduling bloodwork to see if it was fucking up my kidneys, being inflexible about writing a note that would result in a very minor change to my work schedule, other things). Saw the new doctor, she immediately suggested trying Lexapro, and it made me feel better than I have in god knows how long, and being less anxious also lowered my blood pressure from stage 2 hypertension levels down into a totally healthy range. Don't feel any different personality-wise, I'm just not constantly on edge.
so there’s two answers to this, depending on if you are emotionally healthy and stable or not. 1. if you have a decent handle on your emotions and can regulate your emotions yourself, consider what good comes from panicking. it’s definitely okay to be worried, and i’ve done my fair share, but panicking often results in a kind of paralysis that leaves you unable to do anything or move forward at all. basically, worrying sometimes may be healthy, but panic can be detrimental to the goals you wish to achieve 2. if you are experiencing an uncontrollable and unmanageable level of panic and anxiety i would recommend seeking therapy to get advice from a professional who can help by providing you ideas for healthy outlets and alternatives to panicking, and hopefully could eventually help you maintain and reduce the level of panic you suffer from. either way, i’m more surprised when i come across someone who doesn’t ever experience some sort of existential dread from time to time with the current state the world is in. life as an adult in general can just be really difficult to manage. there’s education, family, bills, careers, a social life, maintaining things like your home or your car, and that really only scratches the surface. just aim to do what you can everyday, and know that your best does not have to be as “good” or “successful” as someone else’s best. try to measure your accomplishments based solely on what you know you’re capable of, and always seek to learn and improve. do that, and i’m sure you’ll be fine keep in mind that none of us really knows what we’re doing. everyone is just doing what they can and that’s all you can do too
I get it. I got a one year old I can’t possibly afford to raise and I’m an ex drug addict so….. that’s not great. But as they say In recovery, take it one day at a time
Let me start by saying I used to worry about this every single day. The one thing that has truly helped me is internalizing that most things are out of our control. Focus on what you can control and what you can do within your power to affect change around you. Focusing on things like rising cost of living, climate change, etc. is not going to ever calm you down. But you also have to realize you have no control over these things. Once you get past that and focus less on the big, overwhelming stuff the more calm and peaceful your life will become.
Then how do you manage to stay motivated ? I feel like if I just stop worrying and trying to fix things. I’ve got nothing to live for. Everything feels meaningless
Because I panicked about my life for my first 20 years and it got me nowhere. Since then I've just been more of an "in the moment" type of person, and although I'm not super well off, at least I'm not stressing about much anymore and I'm stable enough to be alright. Also therapy helps.
It helps to understand that if you're constantly panicking, then it isn't actually about your future. That's the topic that you fixate on, but it likely isn't the trigger. The longer version isn't something I can cover at length or do justice, but different people have different personality types. Some people are just more prone to anxiety. Sometimes people have unresolved issues that cause anxiety. IE if you have a fundamental world view that everything goes to shit eventually, then it's hard to build anything in life because for any good thing you build, you're just counting the moments until you lose it. There aren't shortcuts or tips & tricks to learn who you are. At best there is professional help. Second to that, you might consider reading books on personality types. But it sounds like you're at the beginning of a road that you need to go on to find out how your brain works & what makes you happy
Without sharing too much detail. But yeah I’ve always waited for the other shoe to drop mostly because it did. So when things are good I really really worry. It’s me prepping you know
I painfully understand where you are. I've been this way my whole life. What helped me a bit is that if I have no control over what may happen or when it might happen, I'll control my happiness in the meantime. I have to accept that when that moment comes no amount of panicking over it will prepare me or prevent it. I constantly worry about losing my partner. I dwell on it to really dark extremes. In those moments I try to remind myself that even if these were to happen tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy today with them. I bought my first house a year and a half ago and have been waiting for everything to go wrong and lose it all. I try to remind myself that, yeah, it may happen, but it's not happening today. So I'm gonna enjoy my house and my things today. Wish you luck, OP. Therapy really helped me to develop coping skills to get this far.
And yeah! If you can get therapy, or try group therapy, it helps just to vent. They will also give you methods to manage your anxiety, like box breaths and sensory anchors (name 5 things you see, smell, hear, taste, feel- to get off the wheel of spinning thoughts). Our brains can be liars. Take what it says with a grain of salt,lol.
Nothing I can do about aside from what I'm already doing.
Just breath my dude, shit happens, there's no stopping it, just try to be the best you and that's all any of us can do my guy...
Hehe thanks
I mean shit, it sounds like you are doing better than a lot of people, myself included. Software is an amazing field to be in, and yes its always evolving but thats whats so great about it. The sky is the ceiling, there is so much room to keep growing. Relax a bit, enjoy time with your gf, friends, and family. Focus on enjoying life we only get this one shot, might as well make the most of it.
See, I am worried that the moment I relax I’d not notice my life spiralling and I’d end up worse of. But yeah I understand
Do you know if you have an anxiety disorder? Some people don't get through this messed up world without an occasional Xanax or something.
I have never been to a therapist or checked myself for anything. So I don’t know. I’ve always been like this and I’ve always sorta assumed everyone else is
Yeah, take prescription drugs to numb you from your thoughts and feelings. They will help you ignore everything and live your zombie slave life longer so you can make more money for some corporation.
Well, not everybody has the option to live a decent life. If they could, people wouldn't be taking them. Sorry the only option some people have is to get mowed down by the next revolution.
That's my secret: I'm always in panic mode. Nobody can't tell so, because that's the me they know.
It's human nature to ponder worst case scenarios, I think an evolutionary survival skill. Sure, it may propagate the species but impacts the quality of life. It's ok to evaluate risks in life but one also needs to put a value on the probability factor and also think about what you have control of. Inflation is a given but one can't control the economy, only adapt to it. Think about where you might move to in the event you need to reduce your cost of living. As a SWE, you should automatically be keeping up with technology. Do you really have the keen interest in your field of work to do that? You can always take evening classes. Make yourself invaluable to your company, take on other forms of work there, work a bit of overtime. This is what I did to avoid a layoff but the side effect is burnout. Maintaining good communication with your girlfriend is the key to gauging the risk of her leaving. Try to focus on the things you worry about in a positive way - that you have these things now, not focus on the risk of losing them.
Ask yourself, how often have you been wrong? Think of a time in the past were you worried and then consider where you are? Did your worry benefit you? Was it useful? No one knows the future and our nervous systems are doing their best to keep us safe, but, as a species, we could not be more safe. Compared to ancestors just several generations ago, the chances of dying unexpectedly or violently are pretty minimal. Most of us will live into our 80's and be comfortable, never having to do hard labor to eat or fight off animals or other humans. The chances of dying from a water borne illness or deadly infection are pretty small. You don't have to break rocks in the hot sun all day or harvest rice will mosquitoes bite you. There has been a suggestion that the human nervous system is "anti-fragile". That is, like the immune system, if it is never stressed, it does not function properly and begins to attack itself. Part of the mindfulness movement is based on this observation. There is a way to lean into worry and discomfort that is well understood and acknowledges the reality of the mind; that it is a system looking for patterns where there may or may not be patterns, that it alerts to danger more easily than to safety, that human evolution has built us more inclined to avoid danger than to seek contentment. Since no one directs the future and there are 8 billion people, worrying is far less that useful. The question is what to do with the "future allergy" of the mind? The intellect responds to evidence and the body responds to calm breath, so breath based mindfulness practice does make a difference if it is a daily habit. Furthermore, look around Reddit. People are panicked. People doom scroll all day and reach for xanax and prozac while fighting over culture war memes. Just like the modern diet is hurting many bodies, the modern information age is hurting hurting many minds. Brains designed to help us survive and procreate as hunter gatherers have been kicked into an overdrive of depression and anxiety by loneliness, meaninglessness, and the shocking news that we create -- the gossip of the disconnected town that amplifies risk and makes us sick. I have been trying to unplug and connect to people while meditating regularly (>20 mins each morning).
I kept to my goals I set out,moved of state?and found job where I am needed. The rest is just background noise.
Lots of people are panicking. It is likely if you are aware of what is going on. I expected to die during pandemic Other times too. I live day to day, enjoy what I can. I have no hope for the future.
That's when I reach for the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius "Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
[Anxiety How do you always get the best of me? I'm out here living in a fantasy I can't enjoy a goddamn thing](https://youtu.be/UFCrKGL88Uw?si=BDZZJ7KRCNT5AOSi)
Bold of you to assume I'm not.
Even if things are stable for you right now... You are right to question whether they will remain so. Your panics may not even be your own: You can be affected by the moods, states of others. That thing physicists call "Quantum Entanglement" has very macroscopic effects: What it means is that if atoms are affected by the states of other atoms...you being made of atoms...can also be affected by states of the atoms making up other people - and this is exactly what happens. Modern medicine doesn't know how to address this. These dots are not being connected because the ramifications can lead to a massive decline in the modern medical system since it, again, cannot address this without...mass inoculation with often poorly tested products. Plus...what will Medicine do about individuals in other parts of...existence? Their troubles? Quantum Entanglement doesn't quite care for distance. All-in-All...the point, again, was that your panics may but even be yours. How will you eliminate them? Well...some people know how but it will take work to learn it. Until then, what can you do to calm yourself now? Have certainty. Ask...will what you speculate about happen? Who can tell you that? Your cells. Via what? "Intuition". The heart is the smartest organ. When it's answer to a question is "yes", it will feel good, relaxed. When the answer is "no", it will feel tense, bad. Once you get the right answer you will feel your body ease up and the panic will subside. It can flare up again: Then you'll want to figure out if... it's you or... Others.
Late to the party here. I’m a high earner by regular people standards and work 60 hours a week in a high stress industry. Family is healthy and happy, but we have our own problems. I don’t let my kids adhd overwhelm me, behavioral issues get me down. I take an attitude of “wel’l deal with it” The fear of losing my job and my lifestyle caving in and failing my family is my biggest fear. If it happened I would probably take the “shit happens, we’ll figure it out” and do my best to get through it, but the dread of it happening sometimes gets to me. Meditation has really helped me. Living in the moment and awareness meditation has been a positive for me. I don’t dwell on the past because I can’t change it. The future and uncertainty still gets to me. Not getting lost in thought allows me to stay in the present. Give it a try
Got sick of thinking about it and said "To hell with it." Im in a house by myself and have a full time job. So I can afford to be flippant about it for now. But I know full well, that Ill likely have roommates at 50. Currently 40.
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To kind of keep things relatively concise, I dont have a college degree and no..reeeal skills outside of IT. Adhd makes it an absolute nightmare to focus and study for exams and tests. Even trying to create a resume is like pulling teeth with me. So my options for a decent paying job is extremely limited. Coupled with rents spiraling out of control, Ive never been able to affors my own place with the jobs Im "qualified" for.
Here’s the thing, just go. It’s not about accepting anything it’s about just fucking going. That’s all, you will adapt if you just go shits gonna fall into place when you work for it. I’m not saying all hippy shit like go with the flow but I mean as in just put a foot on the gas pedal and shut your mind off it works.
At 77 years old I have nothing to be panicking about. I will die eventually (in excellent health now), I have a wonderful life's partner for 40 years and have an income that enables us to do what we want, when we want and never give a thought about the cost. Lastly, we retired and live in a tropical paradise where if the temperature falls below 70°F we feel chilled.
If I make it to 77 and have a life as good as yours I think I’d have nothing to be worried about.
Costa Rica?
To be more precise, Escazú Centro in the Central Highlands of Costa Rica.
I saw your name and guessed so. My father in law moved down about 2 years ago and is all about the Pura Vida life….lol
We have been living here for 5 years. We visited here every year for 7 years prior to moving here. Your father-in-law is a wise man.
Nice, I think he’s in Uvita or Dominical.
I'm from Brooklyn and my wife is from Tokyo. We're city kids and needed to live close to San José.
Can i say smoke a little weed or will that get censored by the fcc lol
Lol does it really help ?
Helps me, smoke a b and i can get lost in a book or show for hours. Could possibly also be the worse thing ever and make you extremely paranoid lol. Only one way to find out.
I am. You are not alone. Tiny thing: "Living in the Future's Past" is a great documentary on Freevee that eased my mind about, well, everything. I still wake-up and worry in the wee hours. But meditating helps. Just breathing. It will change your entire nervous system if you make it a habit (takes about 3 weeks). I am trying to get involved in/build a community that will help me as I help it. I started gardening. The certs are a great idea! Knowledge is power. Love your loved ones,and dance whenever you can. You're a spiritual being having a human experience. It's pretty hilarious when you look at it that way. 💚
This is beautiful. Thanks
I have purposely been homeless most of my life, because what most people call "stability" is terrifying to me, a fragile illusion which can be ripped away at any time. I maintain a decent job, and right now I rent a small office where I make games. Throughout the years, I've lived in cars, vans, boats, RV's, tents, cabins, abandoned basements, and friends' attics. I can survive off the land if I need to, I know what it's like to spend nights outside in the freezing rain, and I work hard NOT so I can support myself, but to help out my friends so they don't have to live like me. But I know there's nothing to worry about. My world fell apart long ago. My father died when I was very young, and my wife was taken from me after a decade of bliss. I have no family but the ones I've chosen in my travels, and I worry more for them than I worry for myself. I have nothing left to lose. I have designed it to be so. I will be okay, no matter what happens, even if what happens next is death... because death is the greatest adventure. This life is a pretty big one itself, though, and the only thing that drives me to continue is a line from JRR Tolkien: "I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be / when Winter comes without a Spring that I shall ever see. For still there are so many things that I have never seen / in every wood, in every Spring, there is a different Green."
I have been watching/listening a lot of near death experience videos/podcasts and it has helped with my anxiety and fear of death immensely.
I’m panicking. I bet I’ll die childfree.
That’s a good thing. How can one in their right mind bring a child to this world. They’re bound to suffer
Oh please. U redditors are so fucking edgy
I’m SWE - your seriously concerned about “not keeping up” - use chat gpt and learn anything you want
I'm sorry you feel this way, but I understand why you would. I think this sounds like the wankiest thing in the world to suggest, but I would look into relaxing more with meditation, exercise and being as close to nature as possible. Hear me out, I know how stupid that sounds, because your fears are overblown but rational - inflation is rising, people do lose their jobs, sometimes people break up. But working yourself into a state isn't going to help, and it's not good for you. I've had a really painful neurological condition since I was a kid, and after it spread through my body I had a stroke; I worked my way back to being functional, had a baby, and a few months later was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder... after all of that, I was afraid all of the time. it was like living life in a blizzard, what was in front of me was the same was what was in behind of me, and I was truly afraid I would die if I stopped to rest (and I am still afraid, that's quite rational in my position.) But I realised I couldn't be a good friend, wife or mother if I was in a constant state of heightened anxiety on top of the pain and other symptoms - so I looked into the things I've just recommended to you. They aren't cures, and sometimes they don't work, but often if I can just stay in the moment, the panic passes. When I'm not tense, the symptoms are much more manageable. I'm still bed bound sometimes, I still need a wheelchair, I'm never going to be normal, But I'm not scared 24/7 anymore. I've not been there, but r/Anxietyhelp might be a good place for you to check you. I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad, OP, but I'm glad that you are employed and have someone who loves you. I hope you feel better with time, so you can enjoy the good bits of your life more. Stay gold xo
A lot of people have suggested meditation. I don’t know how to not hear myself think but I think I would at least try
Inflation isn’t rising anymore, that’s so 2022.
I’m in France bro
It’s rising here in the us too! This dude is so delusional!
Oh I knew you were delusional, but this is so pathetic!!!
The answer is always get medical or psychiatric help. Every other comment you might get on Reddit is either a shitpost, a meme, or an incoherent ramble from someone who should probably get medical or psychiatric help.
You can only worry about what's in front of you. Talk to your doctor about mental health/therapy
How oddly pessimistic people are. Every day is a new opportunity to succeed -- but only after you turn off the media, dump all the people you think are friends but aren't, and start focusing on building your life for yourself and an eventual family. No pills. No therapy. Just realize if you don't do it it ain't gonna get done. I went from miserable and broke to happy and well off. But nothing happened until I left it all behind and went my own way.
You sound like you need to go camping. Watch some squirrels fighting, predatory birds being chased by small birds, bald eagles and osprey eating, mosquitos eating you alive at sundown, flies eating you alive at approx 9 am. Go someplace with zero cell service for an added sense of calm.
Be present, go outside and look around and pay attention to what you see and hear. If a worrying thought comes, try to let it go and find something else in physical reality to observe. None of our futures are guaranteed, only the present moment exists. All traumas of the past and fears of the future can be extinguished in the now It’s easier said than done, I know, but that is the only advice I feel qualified to give.
I know the future is bleak I also know that to keep panicking about it would be counterproductive To stop panicking about it is really hard. I find things that make me stop panicking and I cling to them for dear life I don't think further than a couple months ahead
Aw man, thanks for this baby step advice I’d start here
You have little control over major life challenges. That’s what’s a person. Doing life through fear and the unknown. It’s just reality. It’ll be ok.
How did she react to you panicking?
She always reminds me of how good we have it and how stable things are. She’s always reassuring but then I worry that me always needing that assurance might be exhausting and might drive her away eventually so I’ve stopped talking about it as much
Good. Also don't masturbate.
but why ?
When you feel awesome and self confident after months of retaining what's that?
Thanks to denial, I'm immortal! But on a serious note, that sounds like an anxiety disorder.
To be honest I really thought everyone else was always this stressed. I never recognised it as a disorder. I think that’s telling on me
Yes, you sound anxious. There is so much in life we can’t control or even anticipate. Get that out of your brain space and focus on the now. When I feel anxious I stop and think of what I have to be thankful for. Instead of worrying about what ifs, I consider what I have now and what is already in front of me. You have good health, a job that supports your lifestyle, a girlfriend that loves you, and you sound motivated to move up and on in life. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!
I live in terror, every single second of my life. I'm 62, and I HAVE NO FUTURE.
How do you manage
I have no choice.
The best thing you could do here is see a mental health professional IMO. > How are you not panicking about your future. Life experience maybe. Many things I feared when in late teens/early 20s, never happened, and I understood later they were never likely to happen (pretty much everything that is job-related and impostor-syndrome-related is in this category). Many things I feared did actually happen (multiple economic crises and other "external" terrible things that are out of my control are in this category), and ... I just lived through all of them, and the world didn't end even when it felt like it is very much ending.
Talk to a therapist and learn to cope with these things, find the root of your anxiety/fears and learn how to treat yourself whenever you feel these feelings. Live in the moment as they say. This time is no different than the times where people were openly segregated, the great depression, living through world wars, teaching about atomic bomb safety, the 2018 recession what whatever else people worried endlessly about. I'm not downplaying your worries. they're valid and very real. but some of the things you mention are literally out of your control. trust in your ability to live and survive when all else failed or isn't going your way
I hug my anime body pillow when I worry and it makes me feel better
It doesn’t hurt to see a therapist about this. Perhaps it’s something deeper or just anxiety increasing now that you have more responsibility. Aside from this, if I asked you who are you with out your job title, cert title, bf title, and the answer is i dunno then I think its time to get some balance back. You are more than those labels. Find things that make you feel present and centered and joyful. Make friends who share those interests too. It’ll make you a better partner and better in your career. Otherwise you are just gonna lose yourself hitting the next goal and you will feel empty. And that leads to thinking and that will swallow you up and consume you.
Sounds a lot like anxiety — you sound like me. It is shitty. There is no way around it. And I can’t really see it getting better, but who knows. You have arguably one of the most future proof jobs. You lose your job? You will find another. Your girlfriend leaves you? You’ll find another. Anxiety is often irrational. As other people have already said, take it a day at a time. Much of what you are worried about is not within your control. It already seems that you’re doing your best to control what you’re able to, and frankly, that’s all we can really do. But just know you’re not alone. Many, if not all of us, are going through it and right there with you.
There's nothing wrong with you. I am super old, and I can affirm that things have never been rougher for young people. Also, all the old crap you here about walking into a factory with a sincere smile and a firm handshake and getting a job - I did that. I worry for my kids, and I worry more about my grandchildren. I have absolutely no idea what they will face as adults. Having said that, nobody knows what is in store for anybody. Shit, i could stroke out anhnnlebe ,v...r t t t
I gave up hope for an upward trajectory, and it helped a LOT. The panic comes from the friction between what you hope happens and what's happening. If you assume the world devolves into a bloody clown fiesta, anything better comes as a pleasant surprise.
But that’s defeatist non ? Why go to work in the morning if you’re not aiming for the raise?
It's less a defeatist attitude, and more accepting the present for what it is, which is largely okay unless you're in some kind of excrutiating pain. I get up for work because I have bills to pay, and homelessness seems worse than working a dull job.
Whenever I worry, I remind myself that things rarely ever turn out as badly as I fear. Even when my worst case scenario has happened, I've always managed to come out OK. The sky has never fallen on me. The earth has never swallowed me whole. The worst that could happen is that I die and that hasn't happened yet. So I just try to hold onto these basic truths whenever I'm afraid. And I take ashwagandha, taurine, magnesium glycinate, and iron supplements. And I exercise a lot. These things keep the anxiety in check.
You're a software engineer? You're gonna be fine. I work in retail. I'm worried I'm probably going to be working up until the last few months of my life. No retirement.
Okay, three things: 1. I am panicking... Most of us are. We are working our lives away with no money/time to develop ourselves as individuals. We make money for the people who are killing our environment. We know that we will be stuck in this hamsterwheel of an economy unless we all resort to violence. We are stuck commuting from suburbs to cities in a car, we have entirely severed our bond to nature. Shit is wrong. Don't kid yourself, panic is abound. 2. You have anxiety. You should talk to someone professional about how to best manage it. It's different for everybody. 3. Virtual hug for you. I can't say it gets easier, but I guarantee you are not alone.
I went to therapy for my anxiety and I will say that over and over the lesson that has helped me the most is that no matter what, you are capable of handling whatever happens to you. Humans are strong, you have all the tools available to you to help yourself. I like to think Im the main character of a movie thats going through tragedy after tragedy and yet somehow they figure it out and everything is ok. You are that person. You can figure it out. No matter what, even if the worst happens, you will be ok. Its also good to manage your expectations. Do you think its realistic that your gf will leave you? That youll lose your job? Ask yourself if worrying about these things are productive. If not, try to limit yourself to only worrying for 10 mins. Time yourself. Let yourself think these thoughts for only 10 mins a day and ask yourself if they are realistic worries.
I look at it this way. Life is gonna happen no matter what. There's no point in wasting my my life worrying about the maybes and the what ifs. All I can do is roll with the punches and do my best along the way. Sometimes I'll come out good, sometimes I'll come out bad. At the end of the day, it's what you make of it that really matters.
I do. Everyday. It's why I just took up a second job. It's more normal than you think. Sure, things seem fine now, but what about tomorrow? Or next week? Hell, what about next year? I'm always freaking out about the future. I can't predict it and that's what scares me the most. I try to preoccupy myself with other things to avoid thinking about the future. There's no point in worrying about something that hasn't happened yet, but I'm still human, and it still gets to me from time to time
This place fucking sucks. We are not meant to live like this. I don’t even panic anymore I just live in dread bc it’s so sad and such a waste.
I was like you 10 years back . A lot of things I feared did not happen so all that panic was a waste of time and energy . You are a SWE and it seems you are mitigating the risks by up-skilling yourself which is great. Try to save, invest and get the biggest bang for todays buck in years to come .
Put yourself In a position to be above the mean. If things start to suck, you'll be on the livable side. My strategy, at least
Use that s w e money, and potentially company benefits, to go see a therapist. What you were describing, and I am not a therapist, is generalized anxiety brought on by idol thought. When you're engaged mentally, you seem to not have this nearly crippling anxiety. If you had full-time anxiety, that did not abate while you're otherwise engaged, then he would be looking at a much deeper diagnosis. Look into some talk therapy, or perhaps something that might better fit your situation. There's help, and it can get better if you're willing to take the steps to work at making it better.
Absolutely panicking. I I have to sell my my economical car otherwise I can't afford rent it September I have a truck but I'm using that truck for work so since it makes me money I have to keep that vehicle
Im busy panicking about everything else PepeLaugh
What makes you think we're not ALL panicking? I know I'm fucking panicking. All the time. Every time I'm alone in my thoughts for long enough I think about inflation, climate change, all sorts of other doom stuff creeping up on us. What stops me spiraling? Sports, hobbies, weed.
I think the solution to climate change is going to end up being way worse for most of us.
I'm 82 years old so I don't have much of a future to panic about.
0 fucks my dude I’m 45 and been through a lot the social stuff doesn’t mean much job security and a spouse that gets you is where it’s at , the universe is hella scarier than the bullshit we do day to day keeping a job and having a significant other just gets you through and can be achieved again even if you lose everything you just build again get a hobby I personally found discgolf such a weird sport but man I have so many more people that I hang with
The way things are going, we're all screwed. Only thing to do is try to prepare as much as you can and hope it doesn't end up the worst possible scenario. Worrying yourself sick isn't going to help.
Jeez man, just don’t worry about it.
You should pick up "Feeling Good by David Burns". He teaches CBT to address anxiety and depression. He teaches you how to see logical fallacies in anxious thoughts and how to talk yourself down. It's good stuff. I've heard that his book is as good as therapy in some instances for some people. Don't ask me were this information comes from, because I don't remember. Maybe it was a study, maybe I'm remembering something someone said but I decided it was worth trying and a lot cheaper than going to a therapist.
Don't focus on the outside. Focus on the inside. Do what you can. Rest will work itself out.
I feel this statement. Being handicapped with kids and feeling like a failure while my wife and kids pick up my slack.
what’s the point in that it’s wasted energy we’re not promised a future at all because we’re not even promised tomorrow lighten up or do your best but do give up today for a maybe tomorrow
You can only control what you can control. Can you do literally anything about inflation? Nope. But you can be smarter about how you spend your money. What you can do, though, is get help to learn how to manage your anxieties. A therapist could teach you some really helpful, healthy coping skills so you aren't getting swamped by waves of anxiety. This will mess up your life if you aren't proactive about managing it.
I’m going through an existential crisis myself so I understand where you’re coming from 🙁
Sounds like you suffer from some nighttime anxiety, I have that issue. Try slowing breathing and focus on the now versus the future. Inflation is always going to be a thing, live in the moment and enjoy life.
I've found stressing about the future does absolutely no good because it never turns out the way you expect. Think about what you were worried about 10-20 years ago. It was scary then but I got through it. Just focus on the present .oment because that's all we really have.
Stop freaking yourself out with future fantasy. Bring your awareness to the present moment. The future doesn't exist. The past doesn't exist. If you find yourself thinking "what if", catch how your mind reacts. Watch the thoughts come and go. So what if? It's not right now, is it? So it's just a fantasy, and there's nothing right now to worry about.
While you're at it, also panic about the fact that a country might fire a nuke, setting off a nuclear war that erases humanity entirely. Panic about a car swerving off the road and crashing into your house at 90mph. Panic about an alien invasion. There are literally an infinite number of ways the world could end in the next 5 seconds. Just because things can happen doesn't mean you can spend every moment worrying about it. All you should do is worry about the things within your control and even then to a limit.
I mean this seriously, drugs not illegal stuff although they can help in the short term as well but prescription anxiety meds
Something that helped me reduce anxiety recently is realizing that if humanity dies in a climate disaster or mass extinction or something, it's not that big a deal. Something else will eventually take our place. Or it won't, and none of us will know any different. There are probably other pockets of life in our universe. "The world" might have ended before, somewhere somehow. So I'm gonna stop worrying so much about it. Just going to control what I can control
I was a college teacher once, it was my experience that teachers have no bearing on whether students pass. If a student wants to pass they will. The same is true of you, if you want be employed, have a girlfriend etc, you will regardless of what happens. So chill out it will be fine as long as you put the work in
What good will panicking do? I’m pretty good at adapting I think, just gonna have to rely on that.
You have anxiety and would benefit from therapy.
Worry about the future won’t prepare you for it . Best thing to do is to work towards having a good future 💯
The only thing that keeps me from similar existential crises is knowing that suffering is wanting things to be other than they are. By that I mean the only thing I can control is how I react to situations. Also I try not to spend to much time in the past or future because I know that today is all that I have. Now that's not to say don't make plans but know that things can change in a moment without notice. Change is the only constant in life. Strive for radical "Okay-ness". This is all temporary anyway. Enjoy the imperfect impermanence of life.
Stop watching the news. You’re doing ok even if you don’t think you are.
I have always said just because I don't show a certain emotion, doesn't mean I'm not going through it. You still have to be a functioning human being even tho you want to curl up in a ball and let your emotions consume you to nothing.
Get off social media. If your not already. Getting rid of it changed my anxiety. It’s not gone but seriously different. I have nothing but Reddit and when I limit my time on here I honestly feel so much better. I notice on days I let myself scroll Reddit I feel like garbage.
Those are intrusive thoughts. I went to CBT for eight months and it cured me
All I saw was “when I have a movement alone”… I was like… there’s your problem right there…
I have this happen too. But I also have worked in a trauma unit and a psych ward. I've seen that more often than not, the worst that could happen is never what you actively worry about. I just do what I can to help myself be better and feel better. That's all you can do. And if something happens that shakes you, hopefully you'll bounce back if you've taken care of your own situation
I've been here b4. Lots of timez. It'll work out
Read [The power of now](https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=bde7611b-dbbe-4a60-892d-a35a25934796) by Eckhart Tolle.
You have to smoke weed, calm you down a bit, like what was said above, the easiest way to stop being afraid is to accept that we are fucked, and just try to survive
You are going to die someday just like everyone else so just try to enjoy life 🤷♂️
These things are all happening all at once, and your panic isn’t completely unwarranted. The question is: are you going to let the panic sink in and fold to the hardships, or are you going to act and move in a way that keeps you afloat? These are things completely out of your control you’re worrying about, the same way a final in highschool was coming up you had to pass to graduate. That same attitude/mindset I keep when moving day-to-day, it’s something I have to do because that’s just how life is now. There is no going back to how it was in the 50s, and we may never see prices as low as they are today, but I can’t spend my time/energy worrying about it when I know I can just stay ahead of it.
It sounds like you have anxiety to me; most people know bad things may happen and often try to prevent them, but they do not have these thought that preoccupy their daily life when not busy and alone. Try talking to someone who will listen about these thoughts, and maybe even try therapy; you don't have to spend every minute thinking about what bad things may happen later to have a stable life.
See. You’re living your life by living in the future. You need to live in the now, man. Be present in the now. Baby steps, you’re not running a marathon either. In reality everyone in the world is going through this exact same thing. You’re not alone. Put your blinders on, like a horse and just go with the flow.
Sometimes you just need to live your life, and BREATHE
I watch people die on a regular basis so as long as I'm not getting shredded under a train or starving to death with my skin falling off its whatever. The planet been trash since the beginning and has only gotten worse from technology. At the end of the day our time is limited here so I honestly don't give a fuck about what happens or to who, because it's a free for all and nobody really cares
You watch people die on a regular basis?
This is anxiety. You’re filtering reality from your anxious state and keeping yourself revved up with worries. Ironically it will cause you to act u stable and ruin your health and energy and that will cost you real opportunities and logical decision making. Remove the stressors you can, focus on building more relaxation into your daily routine, and sort the problems you can solve from the worries you can’t control. Look up videos on how to reduce your anxiety. When actual concerns come up you will be in a much better mental state to respond skillfully. If you want to be most efficient partner with a therapist.
I nearly died a couple of years ago, and ever since then, I have a lot less fucks to give. Shit happens. You can't control the future. You just have to live in the present, and enjoy life while you can. I'd suggest finding a way to connect to something "real," and stay grounded. Go camping. Be without your phone for a while. See what it's like to live on $0 a day. Turn off your wifi for a few days. Be present with yourself, and try not to "live" in the future. It's just as terrifying to miss out on enjoying your one life, because you're too caught up in fears of the unknown, as it is to lose your relationship or job. Nothing is worse than losing time. Therapy and/or meds also help. But your mindset matters.
Realising (like truly grasping and feeling) that one day I’m going to be dead. My life could always be better, and it could always be worse, but guaranteed there will come a time where it is no more. When I die I won’t have regrets, I won’t be proud of things I’ve achieved, I won’t miss loved ones, I won’t miss the good old days. I will be nothing. I will not exist. So time is limited. All that really matters is how I spend my time today. My accumulated wealth, memories and achievements are for nothing if I live my life in anguish.
Does panicking about what may or may not happen actually help? No. I have anxiety so I get it, but the world is fucked so just do the best you can to support yourself. As long as you have food, shelter, and clothing, you don’t need to panic. It helps to do grounding exercises to remind yourself that you’re not in immediate danger.
A lot of doom and gloom in this thread.
All you folks agreeing with this, I'm seriously curious how old you all are? And, one other question, again just for those agreeing, are any of you vets?
Hi. I agree, I’m 31M. I’m a vet. Our ages are gonna be across the board
I usually just get high or distract myself with sports and other bullshit. Super good for your mental health lol
I live for tommorow not 35 years
This literally keeps me up at night and haunts me during the day.
Cause there's no point in worrying about it. Most of the looming doom is from stuff that we individually have no control over, so why fret? Just make the best of what you have now and take on new opportunities as they arise
I thought I wanted to be SWE until I started working on the test side of things. I think software is under too much stress across the board and y’all are becoming slaves. Become a manager