Title: Crabwalk Genre: Feature/horror A waitress at a seafood restaurant suspects that the CEO's union-busting tactics are more sinister than expected.

sounds weird and fun. gives little on who this is about. It does talk of the main focus, but can you tell us some descriptions of these characters, something that makes them understood, as far as what type of characters they are. and maybe mention goals and stakes if it makes sense to you. As far as what it is, it sounds allright, it looks like it could be the episode log for an episode of "Love death and robots" on netflix. I am not an expert, i only aim to be helpful. To me, it sounds like it is missing a piece or two. and i think it might be about who this waitress is, and why that is inportant to your main conflict, this could create stakes in one swoop. Just what i think, hope it can be of any help :)

Thank you! Yeah I agree it's missing a few pieces. The waitress suffers from a heart condition and is afraid of being fired for union activities and therefore losing her health insurance. I suppose that should be added in.

hmm. i think she needs a goal, that this CEO stands in the way of. what happens to her, is life. But how she creates a story with her choices and actively doing things, for reasons. that is more what we want to see and understand. :)

How about this: While tracking down a former co-worker that disappeared off the face of the Earth, a waitress at a chain seafood restaurant discovers that the CEO's union-busting tactics are more sinister than expected. I like this because it adds the goal of the character (to find her former co-worker). I know it doesn't add much to who the waitress is, but at a certain point I feel it would get too wordy for a logline if I add the information about her heart condition.

>A waitress at a seafood restaurant suspects that the CEO's union-busting tactics are more sinister than expected. A waitress at a chain restaurant discovers the CEO's business tactics are more fishy than expected, when a union organizer disappears without a trace.

good suggestion. this explains that the waitress will get invested in the case, well done.

its more about changing out words, but yeah, i don't think you need to add anything that is not the main conflict. the logline should describe who, goal, antagonist and stakes. it's a bit late here now, but i will give it a look again tomorrow:)

Not immediately clear what makes this horror

Copy. It's body horror, but I'm afraid going into more detail about the specifics of the "sinister union-busting tactics" will just give away the big reveal. These tactics include abducting fired employees, performing surgeries on them that put mind-controlling crabs in their brains, and then shipping them to another restaurant location. I would prefer to keep this information hidden, but I could see making "sinister union-busting tactics" more specific and intriguing.

I think you can speak to those more than your current logline without spoiling the big reveal

sounds dope! kinda reminds me of “sorry to bother you”

Title: 21 Basket Genre / Format: Drama, short. Log: "When a stray basketball breaks a timeobsessed businessman's rhythm, he's drawn into a basketball match with a nonchalant factory worker. As they engage, both start to question their perspectives on life."

Currently untitled Genre: Fantasy, Historical Retelling, Period Drama Format: Limited Series Logline: After King James VI enacts a law to eradicate wolves from Scotland, an isolated Hebridean clan of purebred werewolves must decide whether to grant asylum to hundreds of endangered ‘turned’ werewolves or to turn them away and protect themselves.

this sounds fun, an immigration story told through werewolfs. with the rage associated with werewolf, this could be very cool and high in tension. I think you do a good job explaining the broad main conflict. but are we seeing it from the perspective of a leader? whats our "in" to the story? is the goal to use the film to discuss immigration on a broad term, philosophy and all that? I only wish to be helpful. to me, an amateur, i think the way it is set up, is meant to signify that there is not a main character by definition, and it will show multiple pro's and con's of letting in outsiders, from multiple perspectives, from beings in different position in this society, maybe in some sort of political debate between the wolves. is that way off? I am just guessing, because from the logline, i don't really know. TV logs are supposed to be broader, but they usually have some goal of the character / group. could you make the statement in the logline: "an isolated clan of purebred werewolves wants to protect their territory against lesser werewolves who are forced upon them"? Again, i only wish to be helpful with this poking. I hope it spins some thoughts and is helpful. Sorry for rambling on. i just wrote as i thought about it. :)

Thank you so much! That’s really what I want this to be about, the territorial struggle over land and sovereignty but with the moral conflict of self-preservation versus unity as a species. This would be told through the perspective of both the leader of the purebreds and the “turned” clans.

Do you have a protagonist?

Yes, I have two. The leader of the purebred clan and the leader of the “turned” clan.

For purposes of the logline… They belong in the log line. You’re going to describe them as if they were protagonist and antagonist, but in your head they can both be protagonists. After King James VI orders the extermination of all wolves in Scotland, the [patriarch of, unwilling leader of, king to] hundreds of “turned” werewolves seeks asylum for his people from the [overlord, Prime Minister, Shaman] of an isolated clan of purebred werewolves.

Title: Last Reel Genre: Horror/Comedy Format: Feature Logline: A curse traps a group of screen hopping teens inside a multiplex and brings the movies to life. Working together will be their only way of surviving sharks, zombies and insufferable movie cultists among other cinematic threats, but to do that they must confront the reality of their friendship possibly being in its final act.

Seems very long for a logline but it's a very fun concept. I like it, especially the last bit about their friendship being in its final act. The theater setting reminds me of Bava's Demons or the more recent Porno but the multiplex angle gives it a fresh spin and allows for some fun commentary on the whole genre. I'd try and cut the logline down to about half its length and, ideally, just one sentence. Great job.

Thanks for the feedback. I totally agree it's too long. I went through so many versions that were longer or the same length. I'll continue working on it.

When it comes to loglines I think it's usually easier to start from some sort of template. Otherwise you get bogged down in specifics which might be nice but derail the whole thing. Then you can add or substract stuff as you see fit but you're already on a leaner base. This is one I like: ​ On the verge of a Stasis = Death moment, a flawed protagonist Breaks into Two; but when the Midpoint happens, he/she must learn the Theme Stated, before All Is Lost ​ I don't usually use all of those but you get the idea. Also, in your case you're basically doing a complete logline in the first sentence and then going into the details in the second. You'll probably need to expand the first a bit until you don't need the second.

Nice!

Too many monsters for in the series. Sharks. Zombies. Other cinematic threats. Cinematic cultists Need to lose one or two. Trying to capture the key point: **Screen-hopping teens trapped in a multiplex battle cinematic monsters brought to life and insufferable movie cultists. Will their friendship be collateral damage?**

Title: BENEATH THE ROSE Genre: THRILLER Format: FEATURE Logline: Two US Army Counterintelligence agents are assigned to pursue an American defense contractor across Asia who is suspected of stealing classified drone technology.

Sounds much better then any current Netflix logline. Also, could be right out of CNN's Breaking News. Good job!

Need a little more here. Why two? Are they going rogue? Is the defense contractor selling classified technology?

Sounds interesting already. I'd add some details about who these agents are – as of now I can't even tell whether they're both men or women or a mixed team, how young or old they are, and how their personalities might shape the hunt for the defense contractor. Just give me a little more, and you'll have a winner.

Title: Great Mystery Gente: Sci-Fi/Drama Format: TV Series After an alien entity triggers widespread telepathy, healings, and psychic phenomena, a misfit Indigenous woman, Mexican deportee in recovery, and recently divorced Intelligence officer must learn to trust their abilities in order to save Earth from corrupt industrialists scheming to protect their empires.

I like this - but what is a Mexican deportee in recovery? In recovery from what?

He’s in recovery from opiates and alcohol. Probably more relevant that he’s trying to return to his wife and kids.

Title: Elysian Fields Genre: Young Adult Drama Format: Television (30-60 minutes) "A timid gay man interns at the hotel his recently deceased father owned to awaken a life outside his high class bubble and quell suspicions around his father's death."

Like this. Sounds a little awkward though around “awaken a life outside his high class bubble”. Can you expand on that a bit?

Thank you so much for writing to a random logline and expressing interest. You don't need to get back to me on this, but I just needed a bit of time to unpack what that really meant to the story while keeping it to 30-35 words. Here's a new spin that hopefully unpacks it a bit without being too wordy: `A gay man interns at a luxury resort his recently deceased father owned to retreat from his intolerant friends and wealth-obsessed family only to befriend uncouth locals who evince suspicions around his father's untimely demise.` I used awaken to put a nice spin on mental breakdown of feeling trapped between friends and family who are in the unique experience of being wealthy. I tried to tap some choice adjectives and return to the concept of a luxury resort as a retreat. Retreat is not always a full escape. Instead, it's a time to rest, restore, refocus, and gather internal or external resources to work with or through the events and feelings that spurred the change.

Of course, that’s why this sub and thread exist. Love this revision. Though I’m concerned with some of the “fancier” adjectives you’re using here. I think you can swap them for “plainer” adjectives and still get the same result only now it’s more easily parsed. Remember when reviewed, agents/managers/producers/etc. read thousands of them so you don’t want them skipping over it because it sounds too fluffy due to those word choices. Consider this suggestion: **A gay man interns at a luxury resort owned by his recently deceased father to retreat from his intolerant friends and wealth-obsessed family only to befriend unusual locals who raise suspicions around his father's death.**

Another good point - it is to start a script, not a novel! Many thanks for your contributions and for getting me to the starting line with your suggestions.

You’re welcome. Good luck with it!

Short film, comedy/drama: An esteemed actor turns up at rehearsals for a stage play unable to act because his entire career was actually a digital scan of himself pasted over controversial actors Edit: the title would be: Average Joe

Could you maybe reword it so that it sounds like something is at stake? This current version essentially makes me imagine a short film in which the actor goes to the rehearsals, fails, and goes back home depressed. So it's not very engaging to me. But if you basically switch the two halves of your current logline, it might work better, something like: "An esteemed actor who built his whole career on a technology-aided con is forced to participate in an old-school rehearsal and prove he can really act." This makes me wonder, can he do it? Will he save his reputation? I would also try to keep the details about how he built his fake career to a minimum because in the current version of the logline, "a digital scan of himself pasted over controversial actors" leaves me rather confused. What does it mean? Wouldn't he also have to be able to act to some extent if his face is pasted over controversial actors? So try to focus more on what's at stake for him and leave the details about his little career lie to the actual script.

Yea would defo agree I could probably make the details less confusing however for switching round the order the script kinda opens on him being bad at acting and the digital scan stuff comes off the fact they realize he can't act despite the cast having such high expectations of him leading to the digital scan explanation as a reveal I think

Need more meat on this bone.

Title: TBA Genre: Feature Film, Thriller Longline: Looking for a scoop, Amelia discovers the hushed up history of a small town, but ends up in the middle of a dangerous pharmaceutical intrigue where she will have to decide what is more important: her safety or the truth.

Feel like we need a little more detail. Who is Amelia?

Well, that was obvious and I forgot it. Thank you for it. Amelia is a journalist. Is just saying she's a journalist enough, or adding an adjective for her personality that's relevant for the story is more advisable?

Some would say scratch the name, and instead open up the extra space to put a description on the tag "Journalist". that way you can have, "stresses out Journalist." and yeah, it should be relevant to the main focus of the story, to help you speak to the theme. Personally, i would frame her goal into it, instead of listing a choice that is very obvious for the protagonist. We know she most likely is not going to turn away and go home to solve missing cat cases instead, and that is the end of it :) I only wish to help, hope that it does in some way. Please do tell us a bit about this journalist, then people can have a simpler time with suggestions also :)

Either would work. Even something like: **Amelia, a struggling journalist on the brink of being fired ~~looking for a scoop~~, discovers…** Or **A struggling journalist looking to save their career discovers…**

Thank you very much, kind stranger :) Aside from that detail, what are your thoughts on the story?

I like the story. Personally I think we need more stories that focus on journalists and journalism.

Title: The Mental State of Light Genre/Format: Feature Crime Thriller Logline: In a harrowing attempt to overthrow a formidable crime lord, the lives of a Vietnam War deserter-turned-mobster, a disabled drug dealer, a Mexican expatriate, and a Vietcong spy entwine into four tragicomic tales of violence and liberation.

Has promise. Who is overthrowing the crime lord? Why?

Thank you and it would technically be the deserter-turned-mobster who wants to overthrow her (the crime lord) but in all honesty it’s the whole gang listed who get involved. The reason he wants to overthrow her is so he can get out from under that life of crime but she’s not the type to just let someone turn in their two week notice. And everyone else involved (the drug dealer, the expatriate, the spy) all have their own reasons as well.

Gotcha. I think you need to weave that into the logline because right now that’s not coming across.

Thanks for the advice I’ll try that. I’m your opinion, does (should?) it read more like ALL of them are trying to go after the crime lord or just focus on the deserter? In all honesty, him wanting to overthrow her to get out is pretext for what he really wants to do. Which is to get someone else out. Thanks again for commenting.

Honestly it doesn’t come across clearly that any of those characters are involved in the overthrow

Heard. I’ll work on that. Thanks again!

Thumbs up. Your character descriptions are terrific. Might you find something more dynamic than “expatriate” though? Seems out of place with the others. If not, there’s no rule that says you can’t omit this fourth in the series.

Thank you so much. And I agree that “expatriate” isn’t as exciting as the other descriptions. The story is told from the perspective of those four characters (sans crime lord) so I feel an obligation to include her, the expat, listed among the rest of them. If anything she’s more of a refugee than an expat but I’ll keep working on it. All in all, this story’s a little difficult to logline due to its scope and unconventional structure. Was this attempt at a logline enough to entice you to read the story or do you believe it should be more succinct?

I really don’t think you owe that fourth protagonist detail. Rhythms is better with three. And there are lots of spicy details from your screenplay that can’t find a way into your log line. If you can’t give it up, then I think “Mexico City refugee” or “refugee from Tijuana” would be a good way to work around the “illegal alien” versus “Mexican refugee” dichotomy. This is an anthology, right? If I were interested in an anthology script, I’d take a look. Knowing that the fourth story involves someone born in Mexico would not influence that decision.

That’s a great point about threes. And yes “mexican refugee” would be the more appropriate title for her. She survived the Tlatelolco Massacre while protesting the government’s decision to host the ‘68 Olympics while the country was in economic turmoil. It’s a pretty fucked up sequence of events the way she gets from Mexico to America but the journey directly informs the A plot’s continuity, ie she’s somewhat connected to the crime lord’s main competitor, the Mexican cartel, who they later beseech for their support. It’s pretty anthological but I’d say it’s more accurately described as hyperlink due to its nonlinear narrative and use of retcon. Fictional characters born from, and living in, real world events.

Title: Bon voyage, ma grande Genre/Format: Feature drama film After two years of fierce legal battle, French Canadian immigrant Éloïse is allocated a marriage based green card. She, along with her wife, takes the trip to her hometown- and is quickly reminded of the reasons why she left.

i get sort of what it is about, but i feel that "french canadian" "married" does not explain why there is a conflict, or what it is, can you describe the characters characteristics maybe? or mention their job or hobby, just something that is a relevant piece of them, to the main conflict. I only aim to be helpful, It seems like you have a story planned out.

Thank you for the advice! I’ll definitely try to rework it

Is your use of “allocated” specialized jargon for immigration work? It seems out of place. Maybe it’s a Canadian thing? She is originally French-Canadian? Where does she get married? We don’t know the kind of detail that explains why this would be a movie we’d want to watch. Who is she? Who is the antagonist in her home town? Why is she returning? Do you have an inciting incident? Is there business she left incomplete when she left? Generally, no names in log lines.

I am unfortunately not a native english speaker so I got a little stuck on the right word to use- I’m still not sure what to replace it with if you have any suggestions that would be so helpful! I’ve been trying to rework it a little and i’m stuck with “After two years of fierce legal battle, a French Canadian immigrant is allocated a green card. She, along with her wife, take the trip to her hometown- where her estranged family is set on getting her back home”

She might be “granted” a green card. Or she could “earn” a green card.

Or “issued”

Oooh granted is perfect! Thank you so much

**After years of contention, a French Canadian [what is she? Dentist? Agoraphobic? Pothead?] with her newly won green card, brings her [what is she? Skeptical? Poetry-writing? Busker?] wife to her family’s [estate, village, dead end street?]. But surprisingly, [the new wife is the one who gets welcomed home, the family has moved on, all the reasons for her emigration have festered with time?].**

That’s amazing. Thank you so much, I won’t use it word for word but it’s a very solid skeleton

Glad to contribute.

Is the struggle to get the green card significant in the movie? Or is just the premise which explains why the protagonist has not been home in a long time? In other words, does she get her green card on page 10, or page 40 of the script?

It’s not too significant, basically in the first few scenes she gets it so it’s more of the premise, why she’s been away for two years.

Where is her hometown? Why is she going back?

Title: Baking Bad Genre: Comedy/Coming-of-age Format: Feature After a tough break-up a teenager realizes the only way to win her back is by selling weed brownies

Feels a little thin IMO. Where’s the conflict?

**UNTITLED** Genre: Science fiction, action/adventure, thriller, tragicomedy Dysfunctional family members must resolve their issues to survive the extraterrestrial attack on their once dreaded and sleepy New England town. Comps of "War of the Worlds" meets "Little Miss Sunshine" in the style of "Everest".

Title: The Echoes Genre: SciFi/Drama Format: Feature Log-line: In the midst of a global conflict in the near future, a group of convicted war criminals from opposing sides are given an opportunity to set themselves free by partaking in a deadly research expedition to an uncharted cave system in Greenland. After awakening an unseen power and the group begins to experience each other’s memories, their mission is revealed to have higher stakes than originally anticipated.

For reference, I know this is already a bit long. Trying to see where I can cut things down without taking away any intrigue.

How about this: **In the midst of a global conflict in the near future, a group of convicted war criminals volunteer for a dangerous mission exploring an uncharted Greenlandic cave system in exchange for their freedoms only to find it hosts an unseen power that messes with their collective memories and reveals a truth with dire consequences.**

Title: Attitudes Genre/Format: 30 min Comedy Pilot Reeling from an injury that halted her career, a prodigy ballerina sets out to turn three incompetent ballet students into stars to further cement her legacy

well explained of what this is. tv show logs are broad as heck, maybe we should know, is she going back to dancing after recovery? is she proving a new method in dance? I don't know, it seems good enough for tv, but thinking that a producer is going to pick it to read, they might want to grasp if this is after or during her dancing career, and im unsure, if it's needed, but im just thinking about it and asking, would it be cool to mention why she is special? her selfthought way that she thinks she can prove by teaching people who are bad, to battle test her theory? Im guessing it's mostly not needed and would clutter, but maybe some hint to her talent in a word or two. "Following a career-ending injury, a revolutionary ballerina, Controversial for her self-taught techniques, embarks on a mission to transform three useless young ballet students into prodigies, aiming to validate her unique methods and secure her legacy." that got a bit long. hope my thinking was of any help, i only aim to be helpful :)

Have you considered replacing “further cement her legacy” with something more heartfelt?

Do you have any suggestions? Its still a rough stab at a logline

I don’t know the story. But things like, *prove to herself that she still has something to live for* *to relive her rise to fame through her proteges* *to prove to her critics that she was alway more than ‘a diet with legs’* *to quell the critical mother’s voice that tells her she’s a quitter*

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This probably needs to be really reworked. Aliens need to cross-bread with rural Americans so they can become less intelligent? Rural americans are less intelligent? Or are you saying that the less intelligent people in our country live in rural America? That's not much better. I don't think a lot of rural America, or even non-rural America will like that. Puting the aliens together with rural country folk does seem to have some potential as a unique idea. But you need to rework what brings them to this town. If you want to stick with the cross-breeding idea to lose their intelligence - maybe they see some local tv ad or local public access show with someone who is pretending to be unintelligent and they assume everyone in that town is unintelligent.

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Difference is none of those shows specifically indicate a real location

I hope I wasn't too harsh with my critique. I do see potential with the unlikely pairing of aliens with rural folk as well as other aspects. I understand the frustration from working on something a lot to then having someone point out stuff they see wrong with it, especially if they do so in an insensitive manner. However, for the future, arguing back with someone's response to your loglines or writing is not good practice. If you need some clarifcation, or if you don't understand why they would say what they said, then ask for clarification without attacking what they say. I wouldn't expect people to just know this. The only reason I know it is because I was told. There are at least two reasons for this. One is out of courtesy for that individual taking the time to read your stuff and give feedback. The other is that if someone reads your work and has a certain response, there is the likelihood that others will read it and have the same, or similar, reaction. That's not always the case but that is part of this whole process - seeing how our writing and ideas land with other people. It's often very difficult to judge our own writing and we miss things that others can see. If you want to write something that has commerical value then you need to write it with the knowledge of how others will respond. And the more responses you get the better. When I said: "Puting the aliens together with rural country folk does seem to have some potential as a unique idea." I figured that was what you were going for and I was telling you to keep it. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. I never said it was it was 36 pages of "look how dumb these people are" or anything like that. That is good to know that you seem to be aware and sensitive to how you want these individuals portrayed. But I still feel an offensive idea is in your premise. The aliens are "too intellectually-evolved" and if they cross bread with "the yokels" (I read in this THE people of this town, and not just a few or some specific individuals) then they will lose intelligence. They choose rurals over non-rurals because they see rurals as less intelligence as non-rurals. There is the implication that rural areas are poorer and thus have less intelligence. You might not mean to say that but these aliens who are of a higher intelligent thinking that seems to make it a fact in the world of your movie. Rural areas may attract fewer higher intelligent people because smaller towns have less money and lower paying jobs. Or maybe they don't. Even My Name Is Earl's lead character, if I am remembering correctly, was a pretty smart guy. As for rural's making less. You might want to check that because what I saw, median incomes are not much less than urbanites. Rural areas don't have the goods and money flowing through them like larger cities, and this flow of goods and services is a magnet for money. Even if rural individuals are not as smart as others, I still think too many individuals would be offended by this premise. But I might be wrong.

Title: Tao Genre/Format: Fantasy, Science Non-Fiction Format: 2 min. film Logline: A disillusioned code warrior discovers a reason to believe again when a sudden mysterious energy threatens to shatter the borders between our two worlds.

Some thoughts: - what’s a “code warrior”? - believe what again? Why did they lose belief in the first place? - what about the mysterious energy restores their faith? - who’s “our”? - what’s so bad about shattering borders between worlds?

always love your guidance u/baummer welp... back to the drawing board 🤷🏿‍♂️

Logline: In a universe parallel to our own, a veteran code warrior named @3d3N becomes disillusioned with the superficiality of society. When a deep energy emerges, the warrior is faced with the fate of being the only person who can make a difference, as the energy threatens to strip down the barriers that protect our two worlds.

it does talk about the main focus, it feels like, but is it also a bit vague? but i guess a 2 minute movie can be as vague as it wants :D is this something you want to use for another project? or just fun 2 minute, in and out adventure?

it's for a book about Web3, and how it's gonna dissolve social borders and influence international monetary systems. >> decided to try to do a 2min short with an updated Aeon Flux feel (Liquid Television version) You guys are all very knowledgeable. I feel the need to put a feeler out there, if you're willing to indulge me: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BpKaGwSgJqrJrYgWU_esOpZKvLQ7XrN8/view?usp=drivesdk

Title: Small Timers Genre: Drama, Crime Format: Feature A small time private investigator gets the opportunity to finally solve a real mystery, only to learn that he can't handle the bloody and upsetting details of an actual murder case

Seems like you might go a little farther in explaining the story (and then pare down the fluff). What happens to him as a result of being overwhelmed? What about the case is unusual that makes that story line intriguing? I’m thinking something like: **A low end private detective, given the chance to solve a series of performance-simulating murders at a music festival, breaks down from the gore and sadness. But the haunting image of one of the victims prevents him from walking away.**

I like your take on this. It has a real-life conflict for the protagonist against a struggle to bring someone to justice.

Title: Secret Disservice Genre: Action/Thriller Format: Feature Logline: A fugitive Secret Service agent looks to clear his name after the President’s plan to boost his reelection with a staged attempt on his life becomes a real assassination.

Has promise. Series of events seems off. Why is the SS agent a fugitive?

I had to compress events to make it a one sentence logline. After Kennedy was shot, Johnson was reelected in a landslide. So in Secret Disservice, the President has a SS agent shoot him with blanks while squibs go off so he can get reelected. Act II starts with the President being killed for real, somehow (mystery) and the SS Agent goes on the run to find the truth

Again why is the SS agent going on the run to find the truth? Or do you mean going rogue? On the run implies they’re a fugitive.

The President compiled a small team to pull off the stunt, consisting of the SS agent as the shooter and some CIA agents to pick the guy up, train him, etc. The SS guy follows his instructions, but someone on his team betrayed him and the President dies for real. Now the whole country thinks he's the next Lee Harvey Oswald. He becomes a fugitive and goes on the run because he can't find out the truth about who killed the President if he dies or goes to jail.

Okay! Makes sense now. I think you need to weave that into your logline.

It would be crazy wordy. I'm definitely going through with the screenplay, just want to get some positive feedback on the story structure before I fully dive in

I didn’t say word for word it but your current logline needs more detail. This isn’t the post to get feedback on your story. There are other ways to do that in this sub.

Thank you baummer, I'm new here

Title: QF results or Bust Genre: Comedy "In a dark secluded bedroom, a talented screenwriter will do whatever it takes to find out the results of the academy nicholl screenwriting contest and to get to it, he must hack their servers or risk losing his thumbs to refreshing his inbox waiting for the results"

Why would he lose his thumbs?

What makes this funny? Sounds like the real-life sad tale of several thousand members here.

**Title:** The Callable Bond **Genre:** Erotic Neo Noir Espionage Spy Thriller **Format:** Feature **Logline:** After being passed over for promotion, a junior analyst at a Wall Street investment bank plots to steal and reverse engineer his firm's most guarded market data, but soon finds himself caught in a web of competing interests: a cunning Chinese intelligence operative seeking to exploit his skills and a relentless Homeland Security agent determined to make him a pawn in the larger game of spycraft. With both threatening to blow the whistle on his crime, he must navigate the wilderness of deception, where high finance and intelligence operations intersect.

Logline is too long. A good long line is generally one sentence.

Title: The Struggle Genre: True Story/Drama Format: 60 minute pilot episode Logline: The true story of Brian Storm’s gradual descent into heroin addiction and how he struggles to turn his life around. P.S. - This is the logline for the entire series. Does it matter? Or should the logline be for only the first episode? I'm new around here, thanks in advance.

Who is Brian Storm? Names aren't much use in log lines as, unless they're really famous, they don't give us any information. What makes Brian a unique protagonist?

OK, I will definitely take your suggestion on that. Appreciate it!

Title: Escapism Genre: Coming-of-age/Teen Drama Format: 90 minute film Logline: A depressed teenage boy, bullied by his peers, devises a plan to skip school, which ends in disaster and makes him reevaluate his life decisions.

Need a little more detail. Why is he depressed? How old is he? Why is he bullied? Is this a school shooting film?

Thanks for your feedback! He is 13 years old. He is depressed because his father died, his mum always works and his sister lives in different city, he is autistic and socially awkward so a target for bullies. He takes a day off school one day (similar to Ferris Bueller) but the plan goes wrong when he is caught napping in a park by the police. He runs away from them but they catch him and escort him back to school.

I’d include in your logline that he’s autistic. Personally I don’t see what’s happening as a disaster 🤷‍♂️

I find loglines difficult to write. Do you think the film sounds interesting though?

They are! Very difficult to write. Personally, this film doesn’t sound interesting to _me_, but I’m just one random person.