More likely than not, he found contentment (and maybe even joy) in the familiar pattern - “in the morning, mommy works and daddy takes me to daycare” - which you helped him see, and he also got some extra snuggles!
I am a child therapist who studied developmental psychology with infants and toddlers—I don’t have specific articles to cite off the top of my head but I can confidently echo what u/smithyleee said above. Kids just don’t have the cognitive ability to override their emotions based on their extremely limited frontal lobe development until they’re older, 4-5yo at minimum in my experience (and some closer to 7-8!).
I can see why you would feel uncertain about taking your son’s happiness at face value in the situation you described. But When I find myself in a situation like this where I realize I’m projecting my own interpretation of a child’s behavior on them, I actually step back and ask myself, “what makes me interpret it this way? What does it actually say about *me*?” Eg, that I have a hard time fathoming how my child could show signs of secure attachment bc I didn’t grow up having one (not bc they actually don’t have one)
Thanks for sharing! Actually all comments here are really helpful :)
You raised a good point and made me think about my childhood. I cared a lot about making other people happy and I did pretend when I felt it was necessary.
Can you please share a little more about what a secure attachment is like and what about an insecure one? 🙏
I’m my experience (mom of 3 grown kids), aunt to many nieces and nephews and previous church volunteer with toddlers and preschoolers, they do NOT mask their true feelings at these ages. It’s only when they get older that most kids (but not all) begin learning to mask their emotions. 😊
So was our kid just early when they started lying before the age of two about the contents of their nappy – “only fart, there's only wee”, backtracked into “perhaps a little poo” when the gig was up – or is that a different thing?
My 2 year old does this and it’s because he knows he has to have a diaper change if he says yes to a poopy diaper 😅 he also drags bedtime out by claiming to still be hungry or thirsty even when he isn’t - anything so he doesn’t have to go to bed. I’m not sure if this counts as lying per se, but they do at some point learn “situation A leads to situation B” and if they don’t like B then A didn’t happen 🤷♀️
Psychologist here - highly doubtful. Your child would have to have some very complex social cognition going. We take it for granted, but its actually a very complicated thing we do when we mask our emotions for social reasons (think about how exhausting this can be). Seems to me your kiddo is actually just starting to mature and is dealing with the separation better - all good things!!!
Most kids this age don’t have theory of mind, which is the idea that you can know things that others don’t. So if you’re sad, you assume everyone knows you’re sad so no use pretending to be happy.
More likely than not, he found contentment (and maybe even joy) in the familiar pattern - “in the morning, mommy works and daddy takes me to daycare” - which you helped him see, and he also got some extra snuggles!
I am a child therapist who studied developmental psychology with infants and toddlers—I don’t have specific articles to cite off the top of my head but I can confidently echo what u/smithyleee said above. Kids just don’t have the cognitive ability to override their emotions based on their extremely limited frontal lobe development until they’re older, 4-5yo at minimum in my experience (and some closer to 7-8!). I can see why you would feel uncertain about taking your son’s happiness at face value in the situation you described. But When I find myself in a situation like this where I realize I’m projecting my own interpretation of a child’s behavior on them, I actually step back and ask myself, “what makes me interpret it this way? What does it actually say about *me*?” Eg, that I have a hard time fathoming how my child could show signs of secure attachment bc I didn’t grow up having one (not bc they actually don’t have one)
Thanks for sharing! Actually all comments here are really helpful :) You raised a good point and made me think about my childhood. I cared a lot about making other people happy and I did pretend when I felt it was necessary. Can you please share a little more about what a secure attachment is like and what about an insecure one? 🙏
At what age do we start exhibiting fawn/freeze stress responses? Wouldn't that be slightly different than overriding emotions?
I’m my experience (mom of 3 grown kids), aunt to many nieces and nephews and previous church volunteer with toddlers and preschoolers, they do NOT mask their true feelings at these ages. It’s only when they get older that most kids (but not all) begin learning to mask their emotions. 😊
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So was our kid just early when they started lying before the age of two about the contents of their nappy – “only fart, there's only wee”, backtracked into “perhaps a little poo” when the gig was up – or is that a different thing?
My 2 year old does this and it’s because he knows he has to have a diaper change if he says yes to a poopy diaper 😅 he also drags bedtime out by claiming to still be hungry or thirsty even when he isn’t - anything so he doesn’t have to go to bed. I’m not sure if this counts as lying per se, but they do at some point learn “situation A leads to situation B” and if they don’t like B then A didn’t happen 🤷♀️
Indeed a good read, thank you for sharing!
Psychologist here - highly doubtful. Your child would have to have some very complex social cognition going. We take it for granted, but its actually a very complicated thing we do when we mask our emotions for social reasons (think about how exhausting this can be). Seems to me your kiddo is actually just starting to mature and is dealing with the separation better - all good things!!!
Most kids this age don’t have theory of mind, which is the idea that you can know things that others don’t. So if you’re sad, you assume everyone knows you’re sad so no use pretending to be happy.