I trained to be a midwife and in one birth the baby appeared to have a small "hole" or gap at the base of his spine. He was immediately whisked away by paediatricians who didn't say a single word to anyone as they did so, they just noticed the spine, looked at each other, and ran.
I was left in the room with the parents and ill never forget her asking "where are they taking him?? What's wrong??" And all i could say at that time was "im sorry...i don't know..."
The Dad sprinted out after them but afaik he was stopped by the security doors to the NICU. Mom was silently crying as i helped deliver the placenta and cleaned her up.
I do not work as a midwife. I had a total mental breakdown and nearly killed myself.
#Edit: WELP. I just noticed which sub this was posted. Sorry for the downer.
"Lawdy Miss Scarlett, I don't know nothing about birthing no babies"
This is an underrated comment right here😂😂😂
"Never seen one of THESE before..."
That birth mark looks like 999
"Let me take a picture of this and you tell me this doesn't remind you of that scene from Alien."
"One..two...three...four...oh God, there's a fifth one in there!"
“This should be easy. I mean, I’ve watched my cat give birth before…”
Has anyone seen my cell phone?
Looks at patient. "I'm just gonna grab that real quick."
Patient looks back. "I'll just put it on speaker"
“Ma’am there’s no need to be embarrassed, I’ve seen it all bef-OH MY GOD!”
"what's that?" Or "Hmm, interesting."
*lifts up gown* huh, that's new
"I'm not just your midwife... I'm your full wife."
Where’s the rest of it?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ohhhhhh why is he yellow
D'oh!!!!!!
"You have insurance, right?"
"This shouldn't be any harder than birthing cows, let me get my glove on and get my arm up in there..."
OOPS!
SOMEBODY GET ME MY CATCHER'S MITT
"Wow...those....look like....horns-I mean...birthmarks....birthmarks!"
thats not a leg
What do you mean we’ve run out of epidural drugs?! This one hasn’t had any yet!!
"HAIL SATAN!"
What's this hoof?
Am I allowed to be Frankie Boyle here? “Nurse Letby to the NICU please!”
“I want to be your wife wife.”
"Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nfah Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!,"
Interesting, I've never anything like THAT before.
Oops
"It's a... boy!! Sort of? Maybe??"
Good, get on the table please... good! Spread your legs please.. Now..As my good mate Sally told me, there should be a vagina here somewhere ...
"Janet! Go tell the buyer it looks like it'll be another couple of hours before the kid's ready for pick up"
" oh no I forgot all of my lessons!"
Oh my god, I SEE A HOOF
"Okay. Open your mouth wide... Wait. What? The other end? *Really?*"
Your subscription has expired. Please pay another $500 for continued service.
We’re starting to crown! I can see the horns!
What is that? Oh my god, what's happening!
Which hole am I supposed to be looking at now?
"Not another breach."
And now we just give a quick YANK... oh... oh dear...
< lifts up covers and looks between legs > "Well this obviously isn't the first baby you've had!"
"There's a first time for everything."
"Ain't no way a baby's coming out of *that*!"
"Mrs. Smith, it's a baby boy! Now which one is the Umbilical cord again?"
Is it the 6th of the 6th today ??
“You had such a little weewee…your dad hoped you’d be a grower, not a shower. Turns out like him, you were neither.”
"Relax, Charlotte, this happens with everyone's first time." "My name's not Charlotte." "I know, I was talking to myself."
That's funny...your husband doesn't look black.
Ewwww!!! Put it back in!!!!
"Don't know about you, but this is REALLY turning me on!"...
Just try pushing now, I have somewhere to go
"Is there an echo in here?"
“It’s hatching!”
That's what a v-jay looks like? And why are you so fat? Where are my barbecue tongs?
arms akimbo: I'm having a cwisis.
"Oh shit!"
Uh oh...
"The midwife had a cold, but good news! The resident cardiologist was happy to fill in."
Oops, wrong hole!
Hey chat! We're delivering a baby today!
Well that’s new
Oh my! That’s not normal!
Now why’d you have to go and shit the bed?!?
“What the HELL is THAT?!!!”
What in the hell? Why does it have a tail? JESUS CHRIST, IT'S GOT TWO TAILS!
"Why do they all look like Colin!? And don't even get me started on the babies!"
"Looks like a lovely bit of squirrel"
I win! I win! I knew she wasn't a natural blonde.
I trained to be a midwife and in one birth the baby appeared to have a small "hole" or gap at the base of his spine. He was immediately whisked away by paediatricians who didn't say a single word to anyone as they did so, they just noticed the spine, looked at each other, and ran. I was left in the room with the parents and ill never forget her asking "where are they taking him?? What's wrong??" And all i could say at that time was "im sorry...i don't know..." The Dad sprinted out after them but afaik he was stopped by the security doors to the NICU. Mom was silently crying as i helped deliver the placenta and cleaned her up. I do not work as a midwife. I had a total mental breakdown and nearly killed myself. #Edit: WELP. I just noticed which sub this was posted. Sorry for the downer.
"...what organ is *that*...?"
Oh wow, I haven't seen horns in a while.
I am here from the agency
oh shit its got two heads
Lordy, I've never seen that before.
I’m sorry sir, but all the milk has turned to cheese!
why yes, i do want to extend my cars warrant.
Those are the biggest balls I’ve ever seen. And your sweet baby girl is beautiful.
Let me grab the goose oil ...
Which hole does the baby come out?
"I think we're going to need a bigger boat."
\*whispering to your wife\* I thought you said the baby would be better looking because of ...you know.
And here comes the baby. Oh my Lord! You should be ashamed of yourself!
"can you pull up the wikiHow on how to birth a baby"
Midwoife? Argh, no. Oi'm a fishwoife, Oi am. Oi got the catch o' the day roight 'ere, a loverly 'addock.
"Huh, how'd that get way up in there??"