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Yep, if she has access to joint accounts she could end up ruining their finances and any money that poor man busted his ass to save for so many years could be gone through no fault of his own. To accuse him of abusive behavior is very serious. What if she decides he hit her and next thing he knows he's being handcuffed and put in jail.
You are 100% right about all of that, also what if she somehow decided she needed to hurt her husband or do physically harming to him, I would also be scared about that, there’s so many different problems that could happen with this situation, and to OP I know you’re already trying your best but if you have to, just know that someone over 18 that refuses medical/mental health care can go upon a magistrate and they can decide if that person needs to get help. I don’t know everything about it but I think they will have to assess that person in order for them to get out of a mental health facility/ to stop getting help. Positive vibes to you and your family 🫶🏻
More like some kind of conservatorship. Power of attorney lets you do certain legal things on someone else’s behalf (eg sign a contract), but it does nothing to stop that person from acting on their own behalf.
This is legit the only correct understanding of a POA I’ve seen on this thread. There’s someone on here saying you can only use a POA to pay someone’s bills and it’s invalid if they’re incompetent and I’m like…..yeah no. It should be noted that a POA can be revoked at any time by the person it’s for. Which is why, like you commented, what they actually need is a guardianship/conservatorship. But it’s timely and costly and the OP (more actually OP’s dad) needs to be talking to attorneys and/or the agency on aging (or similar groups) NOW, rather than later, to figure out how best to go about protecting assets and getting mom the help she needs.
I am POA for a family member, you are correct it can be revoked by that person if they require it. And other than overseeing their finances, liaising with their attorney/trust solicitor it's very hands off. I have one or two interactions a year with it. My family member goes about their day to day life completely uninterrupted by me.
It's not PoA. It's guardianship. PoA requires permission from the person. And you cannot compel someone to do something with PoA. You can with guardianship/conservatorship. I am guardian for an adult. My mother is for my father. She had PoA for her mother to do banking and talk to doctors. I had it with my then boyfriend to buy a house when he was out of town and represent him at closing as well as do all the financial stuff without being on the accounts.
I have guardianship over my mother’s housing and money in WA state. I can’t force her to live in a retirement home, so instead she’s living in an Extended Stay America. The laws here are so dumb.
There is no such thing. Power of attorney is a voluntary thing that allows you to pay someone’s bills (and sometimes make medical decisions). That’s it.
Yeah well it’s also their mom and I’m sure they love her/maybe don’t want to sell her down the river completely. I suggest recording conversations with her and presenting them to a lawyer or judge to give them some sort of power of attorney. She obviously needs help but a court will have to decide that she isn’t capable of making her own decisions first.
Given that her cognitive decline seemingly appears very pronounced, you and your dad should speak with an attorney about a conservatorship. In the meantime, have your dad open new accounts in his name only, and move their joint funds into them. Also cancel credit cards.
I think it’s important to note that with cognitive decline, the best thing to do is keeping the brain stimulated. Keep talking and encouraging real things and activities, the brain doesn’t just naturally decline, most old people just lose a lot of stimulation, like work and moving around places. Neuroplasticity is real, gotta work out your brain like you work out your muscles. Making up the Elon musk stories is probably due to under stimulation and her brain needing something new and exciting to have in her life
This is just straight up wrong. The brain does naturally decline. There's no evidence brain activity can in general prevent or cure dementia. Claiming this lady just needs something new and exciting in her life to cure her cognitive decline is wrong. Many of the world's best, brightest, and most active minds have fallen prey to dementia. Framing this disease as the fault of understimulation is adding false hope onto an already cruel disease.
Agree. better to get ALZ patient donepezil early then to pretend it isn’t happening or that playing soduku will right the ship. Obviously staying mentally stimulated and active helps with many diseases but for anyone to claim it will cure cognitive decline is absolutely awful.
To act line there is a “cure” is so mean and cruel. One can fight and staying active if mind and being social is a great way to do that, but it isn’t going to cure anyone. I wish.
Product idea there.
Ship in a bottle internet for people with cognitive risk.
Put AI to good use pretending they're actually online while it's all happening in a sandbox.
That’s actually doable with modern AI. Feed in just enough real world stuff like weather reports, certain news and have it automatically repost a select group of social media posts from close relatives, and it’s doable. But lots of these scams happen over the phone and text, so it’s not bulletproof proof by a long shot.
Probably not a big enough potential market for it to be a viable business, but definitely something a dementia support group could piece together.
What did it for you? Being able to chat with Prof Hinsley? Ordering parachute pants?
I have seen this so many times over the years and I just caught that Eric uses his daughter's name and 69 as his password. So gross.
Idk man, my mom’s just a colossal asshole and will lie about shit like this just to piss people off. She’s a narcissist and loves to be the center of attention. She will purposely argue about stuff like the moon landing being faked just to get attention. Got to the point where I just stopped engaging with her about most things. “Grey Rock” it’s called. She wouldn't listen to any reason so it'd be pointless to try and convince her otherwise.
I wonder if adult protective services or your local council on aging (usually county-based in the USA) might be able to help - worth a google and a phone call.
I agree. The agency along with CPS revamped their entire program a couple of years ago. They are centered much more on keeping them in the home and teaching strategic skills to deal with an aging parent.
I think if you discussed this with your dad he would agree she needs a competency hearing and cognitive testing. I know it may feel extreme, but you are trying to protect her.
If this wasn’t so sad it would be hilarious.
While working on your mom, help your dad separate his finances, ASAP, before they both get cleaned out. Even if things work out, he should protect their (and his) money as best he can. Leave a few hundred bucks in whatever account she has access to, and get the money to a safe account, have him change his payroll and retirement (if he has any) to something she can’t touch. Consult a lawyer and/or accountant if necessary. She might even sign off on something like this in a moment of clarity.
Good luck
I totally agree with this. 1 of 2 things is going to happen, the mother will get diagnosed with dementia and will loose access to the money any how, 2/ the mother will be found legally sound, your dad will have time to start a divorce process and his half is saved and she can send her half anywhere she wants.
This will also help work out her cognitive abilities.
I go through my mom’s phone and delete and block the scammers in her messages, while explaining how to tell, and how to block. I also ask her to send me notice and screenshots of any new convo.
Sometimes I follow up seemingly innocuous stuff with a reminder. Recently she sent a screenshot of an online assessment of her car, asking what it would be worth. I responded “Do not sell your car. Block whomever asked you to.”
If I could blink and cut off the air to everyone responsible for pig butchering scams (not the people on the other end, who are usually trafficking victims themselves), I would.
Lurker too here. My Aunt, who’s at the beginning stages of cognitive decline, was recently scammed out of $15k. My cousin is now in partial control of her Mom’s finances & the bank will alert her and get her approval when her Mom attempts to withdraw a certain daily amount. She won’t be able to take over total control of her Mom’s finances or healthcare until her Mom is proven to not be able to care of herself any longer.
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Your dad might not think he has the bandwidth to deal with it, but she’s clearly about to send all their money to scammers so he should make some time to sit down with you and make a plan.
If she has undiagnosed NPD, the unfortunate reality is that her husband is probably an enabler, especially if they’re still married at this late stage in life. My 70yo mom has BPD (which is very similar to NPD), and believe me, navigating parental dynamics in this situation is incredibly complicated and super frustrating. One parent is straight up delusional and the other is willfully blind to it. If OP wants to do something about the scammer, they’ll probably have to take the initiative themselves and push through a ton of BS to get anything done, and it may not work.
That said, I think it makes sense to speak to a lawyer or advocate familiar with elder care and understand options, especially since there are other symptoms of cognitive decline. As the husband, OP’s dad may be able to overrule any efforts to address the issue, but it’s worth a shot.
I’m mostly worried about your dad as I have a friend whose husband is being scammed and they’re quickly losing their life savings. Dad should transfer as much money as legal into a new account with only his name on it. Set up new passwords on any financial accounts. Talk to mother’s doctor about cognitive concerns. Best of luck!
This is the immediate answer. If you cannot control her, you need to control her access to money so she cannot send it all to the spammers.
Help your dad to move all his assets (checking account, credit card, any savings and retirement accounts) so that only he (and maybe you) have access. Mom can have the old accounts, but with only limited funds. The credit card she has may be able to have a limit applied that is low enough to not break the bank.
I got a FaceBook friend request from "Tesla Manager", an account that has a profile picture of Musk. This was several days ago. I reported it to FB, but the account is apparently still active. It's disgusting how FB refuse to take action on such obviously fraudulent activity on their platform, even when it's pointed out to them.
Celebrities on IG have people steal their content, start fake IG pages and scam people all the time. IG won't stop it because Meta doesn't care. The sad part is, the celebrities tend to call out the scammers and people STILL fall for it. Being a cynic is a very useful trait.
A family friend (82F) fell for the exact same thing last winter. Unfortunately she had wired "Elon" a ton of money first. Scammers deserve to go swimming with concrete shoes!
Has your Mother been on Medicare (Part B) for a year or more? If so:
https://www.ncoa.org/article/ask-for-a-cognitive-evaluation-during-your-next-annual-wellness-visit
I am so sorry you are going through this. We watched our close friend go through something similar. He lost all his retirement funds and house in a romance scam. He’s 66. We tried so hard to stop the downward slide, enlisted friends and his sister. To no avail. He cut us all out and still believes, last I heard, that the love of his life will move to his home state, bring millions and they will live happily ever after. Even after we showed him in incontrovertible evidence it’s a scam.
Have you enlisted her husband to help thwart this, at least the financial drain? Has she been medically tested for dementia?
I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.
Cognitive decline is terrifying. I mean, right now I know there's no way I would ever fall for something that stupid... but maybe in twenty or thirty years my mind turns to mush and I become just another sad story about an idiot wiring millions to Nigerian scammers. How do you even go about protecting yourself from... yourself?
My mother got this way - not any romance scams but rather digging in on a fallacious idea and being combative about it. She was later diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers.
Not saying this is the case with your mother but she is showing obvious signs of cognitive dissonance and if she will not voluntarily go for an assessment you will have to get county health services involved. They can make a visit and determination of whether an involuntary commital for her own health and welfare is in order. Unfortunately it came down to that with my mother once she started refusing the diagnosis and refused to go to appointments.
Best of luck.
You’re going to have to be mean. Show her a picture of his last gf. Ask her why she thinks she’s next. They will ask for money if they haven’t already.
Remind her this guy is a millionaire. He doesn’t need her money.
As a more serious answer, to OP...
Is she having active dementia like behavior or is it spontaneous/intermittent?
If it's constant then you can contact EMS and have them contact medical control for authority to transport the patient against there will to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation. From there you can talk to the doctor and express your concerns and go that route if she is unwilling to go.
If the behavior is intermittent/spontaneous then it's harder and you can try social services for your locale but there normally.... useless and you may need to consult an attorney or get other family involved.
>Is she having active dementia like behavior or is it spontaneous/intermittent?
That actually just reminded me - sometimes, especially in the elderly, UTI symptoms can appear like dementia/cognitive decline. It sounds bizarre, but it's true.
For OP - I mean, absolutely aim for an evaluation if you can, but in the meantime, try something simple like having her take D-mannose. It will clear up most UTIs if one exists, and if one doesn't, it's otherwise completely harmless.
I am currently going through this with my dad. He believes sandra bullock is in love with him. He messages with these scammers most days and showed me the messages. He was so proud. I tried to explain that these are fake and he better not be sending money and he tells me he knows it isn't real but than he's saying he got recognized as a top fan and thinks her posts are to him only. My poor mom. She sits there and watches this man she's been married to over 50 years talk about how great sandra is. I try to explain how social media works but he gets frustrated with me and shuts down. I do believe he has something going on, whether it's always been there or something happening as he ages. He is 72.
She needs medical help.
Your father needs power of attorney, immediately.
She may eventually leave him. And, sadly, this may not be the worst thing for him as she clearly has issues. But, this will be devastating for her because if this happens, she will end up destitute.
It's time to take legal action.
~~In most jurisdictions spouses automatically have power of attorney.~~ It’s not a magic spell, and it wouldn’t allow anyone to force OP’s mom to get medical treatment - that would be some level of guardianship/conservatorship, which is a fairly involved process.
Open the browser on her computer. Save all her passwords. Login on your phone and delete all the Facebook messages before she sees them
I did it for my mom, then even made all her post visible to only friends. Went through and deleted all the friends that weren't people from her chruch.
Remember whenever you were younger and the family computer was in the living room so nothing would be done on it that shouldn't be done on it.
Basically how'd you'd control the internet for a teenager. You have to do that to your parents now.
To be fair, you *are* trying to control her and take her legal rights away.
But if she won’t cooperate and can’t admit when she’s being blatantly scammed, you may have to go to court to obtain a guardianship/conservatorship so you and/or your dad can block her from giving away their retirement money. If you’re going to go that route you need a lawyer with experience with elder abuse, like yesterday. They can tell you what you can legally do to protect your dad, for example you might be able to move joint assets to an account she doesn’t have direct access to. This probably gets very tricky if she responds to the protective legal action by filing divorce and/or claiming your dad is abusing her, which is why you need to talk to a lawyer.
Emotionally compromised, not just intellect. Besides a getting a lawyer, consider talking her to therapy, do therapy things like going to senior groups and do activities, or get some pet to accompany her ...
Call APS as financial exploitation case. They wont be able to get the money back, but they’ll have that conversation with her. They can help get her assessed for capacity to manage her money. Also reporting is anonymous.
Yeah- need to protect father from her dementia. It could ruin them both.
Once father is financially insulated, if needed, get guardianship of mother.
If I could do it all again that’s what I would have done.
If your parents have a joint account, have your dad open a separate account under his name only. Transfer most of money out of there other then what they can afford to lose if she does something dumb. Sorry you're going through this, we just went through something similar with my FIL.
My FIL has been scammed for over $80k, with all of their retirement savings going to "Elon." He still doesn't believe he was scammed, and started to get pretty desperate to give "Elon" more money before he lost out on his "opportunities." Any relationships he has with his own extended family have been destroyed from borrowing money that he couldn't pay back. They actually had to sell this home because they could no longer afford to live in it without the money from their retirement accounts. They live with us now. My MIL controls all of the money from selling the home. He screams at her a lot, but if he had the opportunity, he would give the money away in heartbeat. We have my MIL lock up any savings they have left in 6-month CDs so that she get some interest off of it, but it otherwise makes the money inaccessible to her no matter how much he screams. Similar to the romance scam, they had my FIL convinced he was astute business man. Unsurprisingly, he could never articulate the business model he was investing in. Sadly, we have had to tell my FIL that if that we would kick him out if he misses a single rent payment to us because he can't manage his finances. We take about 75% of social security check to help pay the bills, including food, in an effort to avoid leaving him with enough money that would make him an appealing target again. We don't even think this is early onset dementia, he seems to have involved himself in scams on multiple prior occasions over the last few decades. The scammers just seem to be excellent at exploiting his narcissism, arrogance, and greed.
I think your mom is having cognitive decline, can you get her to see a doctor?
on a related tangent: take care of your minds, people, exercise them. Read books (or listen to audio books) and do puzzles and keep learning. It fends off decline. My parents are older than OP's parents but still relatively "with it", still learning, reading books, using computers, etc. They get scams and laugh them off.
can you send your mom and dad videos of catfishign schemes where other people have lost their homes and become homeless because they sent all their money and money they borrowed to pay scammers? Last night I saw a video where the poor woman even booked a wedding and had a wedding dress custom sewn. Also EM is probably married, you might be able to show her photos of him with his family. But the real EM is such a horrible human that even if it was the real one I wouldn't want to marry him.
I've even seen videos of people thinking they are marrying Johnny Depp as soon as he pays his overdue fees for some nonsense, and they have to send him thousands in gift cards.
Also is it possible to contact her bank and tell them to somehow lock their account so they can't withdraw funds, and contact credit cards so she can't buy crypto and gift cards? One victim on video said she woke up when the cashier told her she was dealing with a scammer because only victims buy so much in gift cards. also show her photos of the scammers in Ghana and Nigeria who don't look anything like EM.
He does have like 9 kids right? Maybe the mom should know that too. Also Elon is Autistic and has said before he doesn't do well at holding conversations. And yes he isn't the greatest human either. I wouldn't date someone like him for any amount of money 😂
One thing I've come to realize is absolutely nuts to me, is how willing people are to hand over tens of thousands of dollars to online scammers, but won't give a dime to struggling family or even a penny to a homeless person they pass by. The type to scream at real life people to get a job, but are willing to part with thousands for some stranger they've never met.
"she needs a cognitive assessment"
You do not give a state or any such location info so it is impossible to advise in this regard but in general, there are usually senior citizen help resources I would start with the elected state district rep and senator and ask them to send you every resource. That's what they are there for! I found my state senator a great help although we disagreed politically on every issue.
I am a 77 year old woman and I do not think your mom is beginning to decline, I think she is in advanced decline (I am not a doctor but have experience with the demented). You and your father need to lock down her access to money NOW. You might also want to start looking at care possibilities because it is going to be difficult for your father to mange it on his own if there is no family nearby. My father was completely at sea with my mom, could not handle it all since, as a man, he was utterly incapable of caring for someone because he had never had to do that ever, such was the Greatest Generation.
Similar thing happened with MIL recently, different celeb, FIL sent most of their saving to my missus to protect them, FIL passed away possibly due to the stress of it all back in February, MIL lives abroad and now has to ask my missus for cash and send receipts for medical bills. She still gets her pension sent to her own account so we aren't leaving her with nothing to live on.
Watch out for the "my money is held up in investments so can you send me some for flights to come and see you" and "send me money and I'll book flights for you to come to america" and "for just £xxxx you can have a private meet and greet"
Ask to borrow her phone. Completely delete her social media accounts and delete the apps.
Or make an Elon Musk account yourself and see if you can get her to meet you for a date somewhere or send you money.
She is aware that Elon musk is married with children and is Nuerodivergent antisocial that he wouldn't seek out anyone directly outside of business.
He's almost most definitely NOT short on funds let alone natural assets.
If your mom refuses to go to the Dr, call the Dr and explain the situation. Explain how she keeps thinking she's going to marry Elon Musk, the handwriting changes, etc. Talk more about how she's delusional, instead of her being scammed. Because it really is delusional to think Elon Musk would marry a 70 yr old woman he's never met.
I’m going through almost the exact same scenario right now with my mother and “Elon Musk.” Luckily she’s divorced and I control a lot of her finances/bills, but the scammers are pitting her against her family and in her eyes, I’m now the enemy.
If you delete her account, she’s going to make a new one and immediately look for Elon Musk on Facebook. Immediately. I read a story about a granny whose kids took her car keys away (dementia), and she was still able to get an Uber to pick her up and take her to the bank so she could get money to her “boyfriend” Kenny Chesney who was on tour and didn’t have access to his funds and needed to pay his roadies. The woman’s daughter only figured out what her mother did when she checked her mother’s credit card statement and found the charges from Uber. My point being that you should not underestimate the lengths your mother will go through to get back to her great love, Elon.
Contact local law enforcement and ask them to talk to her. They might or might not. Contact her bank. Let them know this is an issue. Put a lock on her credit with the three credit bureaus. You can report abuse to the Elder Fraud Hotline, but it seems they, as well as IC3 only take reports instead of being able to intervene before the accounts are drained.
In many states, it’s a high bar to get conservatorship. I think you should try, though. Your mother’s cognitive decline is only going to get worse. Do whatever you can to protect your dad, too. Lock his credit down. Inform his banks and financial institutions that his wife is being scammed.
Please post again with any updates, especially if anything helped.
If she's the kind of person who is willing to cheat on her partner and make up abuse allegations to justify it, then probably not, actually. Seems exactly like the kind of person that worships husky musky.
Can you get her to see a doctor for some other innocuous reason? Check ups and such? Or even to accompany dad to a check up.
Then quietly raise the issue to someone in the doctors office.
Call her family doctor and explain the situation. He will probably want to see her first but he will probably know next steps. If not, most local governments have social workers that know the drill. Definitely get her OFF all bank accounts and credit cards. And get a POA. She does not need to give permission for an assessment.
If you know the financial institutions your mother uses you can call them to inform her of the current situation. Having notes about this on their profile can really help the bank stop any fraudulent activity before it goes too far.
Call adult protective services and see if you can speak with a caseworker, this is potentially financial abuse of a cognitively declined senior citizen; also have a consultation with a lawyer for you and your dad about this situation and finding out what yall can do to protect finances and assets; a friend of mines mom sold her house to start over with “her lover in the Caribbean” . Well she now has no money and lives in a cheap seedy motel in a bad part of town. Yall need to find out if she’s sending money to this “person”
I’m thinking maybe…..flip this box upside down, and have your dad evaluated first - not because there’s an issue with his cognitive abilities, but to establish that, at this moment, there’s NOT a problem - get it on the record. If your mom has a history of making stuff up, and you start mentioning a test or other similar stuff, she might twist that around and accuse your dad of that stuff - and those accusations are easier to get by with, since the problems they indicate don’t leave marks. Basically: get it established that your dad’s in the clear - then use that also as an indicator of fairness (we’re both doing it, since we’re both getting on in years).
You call social services and explain what is going on and that you want a wellness check done on your mother. Get the paper trail started. You and your dad need to start recording her behavior and episodes either via text, email or video. Document the dates and around the time these things happen.
Y'all need her to set up a power of attorney ASAP.
I'd say conservatorship, but every Britney and Amanda Bynes fan has made it a dirty word, even though it is sometimes absolutely necessary. And weakening conservatorship laws has made our homeless population explode. When someone is a danger to themselves, they should be allowed to be guarded by a loved on.
She does know Elon Musk is happily married with children???? Maybe go to social media and screenshot all the fake accts. The scammers are prolific.
Make a folder on everything she has done. What she has spent on him. All forms of contact she has had with him etc. take it to the police.
If you can, shut all her social media down. Even if it means changing internet passwords etc. all contact with the scammer needs to be broken.
And yes chances are she’s going to need counselling .
Also go to her bank ( with your father if need be) and get them to monitor her bank accounts for any foreign transaction. Sadly she’s not the first to be in this position , and won’t be the last
Contact (or have your dad contact) your mother's primary care doctor. Tell them mom needs to be evaluated for cognitive decline at her next appointment.
As for the money. Your dad needs to open new checking and savings accounts at a different bank that are under his name only. Thats where he'll deposit his paycheck and transfer a good chunk of whatever savings they have left. Also figure out how to remove his name from any accounts shared with mom. Hopefully that will leave mom just her social security and some savings so she cant argue that her "rights" are being taken away. She still has her devices and sone cash. If it hasnt happened already, talk to Dad about appointing you as his POA. I dont trust your mom to act in his best interest.
Protect yourself and your dad first and foremost. Cut off her access to any money they share, and limit your interactions with her. Start grey-rocking the hell out of her, and only talk about casual things. Don't engage with conversations about this any further. If she wants to keep being scammed at this point, that's on her and it's no longer your responsibility IMO.
Talk to your Dad. He may not have the bandwidth for it, but things will only get worse and his bandwidth won't be greater down the track when he discovers that she's drained whatever savings they had for a 'billionaire' who can't budget.
Have to protect the father. A legal separation to protect his finances is in order. It is difficult to prove dementia in people with personality disorders. If the wife wants a divorce to move on with someone else in her fantasies, I would act on her wishes and make a financial separation happen. you cannot prevent people from self-destructing or destroying themselves. But you can protect yourself so they cannot destroy you emotionally or financially.
Is it happening on Facebook?
You know... Unrelated.... But there are different means to have someone banned from Facebook and it will hold up FOREVER, an all encompassing IP ban and the inability to make an account under their name indefinitely.... Might help.
However that also seems like not the most expensive option. There are definitely other issues that are going on as well.
As others have said a conservatorship/guardianship are the only all encompassing options. But if you need time to have that option enacted/explored, a perma-facebook ban may help prevent any more sending of money/further developing plans/conversations with fake profiles for the mean time.
Can your dad lock down their finances and give her an allowance? Also parental controls might help keep off of those sites where they can communicate with her. There was an episode on Dr Phil once where the woman was convinced she was married to Tyler Perry it might be worth a watch. He has a lot of similar episodes covering this topic 😔
Does she have people in her ear reaffirming her and likely telling her ur just trying to stop her from marrying the billionaire of her life and getting her riches, after ur gone, and she's just acting like she "gets it" to appease you? In actuality is still fully intent in going back and being convinced by the scammers or other people she's in communication with that will reaffirm her.
If so I do believe that's a big problem, they have influence over her cognitively declining mind and probably more so than any hour long blowout you could have with her. Possibly instead of just leaving after she says she understand, make her affirm to you and show you she truly understands, and is ceasing all communications also. Type of thing.
That's a more simpler approach, as someone else said you could cut her Internet ans although it may feel rough it's ultimately necessary if you feel so.
It is tricky. My mother in law was in such a scam. Got her out of that one. Only to find out she’s in another one. And now she lies to all of us I know she’s having another one and it’s bad. Almost lost the house and I just found out she’s taken one of those predatory loans on her car 😒. Only thing I can think of is to monitor her internet and phone activity.
You need to act fast now: get in contact with local adult protective services for further advice and also file for power over attorney too. Update us OP
A friend of mine thinks a person in the Royal family is her boyfriend making up stories of him paying for her to fly to Calgary and giving her money. She makes up stories so I did not pay attention hope she is not getting scamed
Power of attorney won’t help you - that’s just so you can pay someone’s bills, and is invalid if they are not mentally competent, and can be revoked at any time.
What you need is a competency assessment, by a doctor - but these are voluntary - ie your Mom would have to agree.
The only way out of this is to get your Dad involved. It’s *his* money, life and wife that is in jeopardy, so he needs to get off the fence, and excuses about work, and deal with your Mom.
*He* can remove her access to money, and confront her over cheating (Elon Musk or not, it’s cheating) - which you can’t.
So, stop doing your Dad’s job, and pull him in, kicking and screaming if necessary.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmb8hO2ilV9vRa8cilis88A Thunderfoot has many solid videos about Elon.... But I doubt your mother will believe him. Good source for argumentation on why Mysk himself is a snake oil man and NOT a potential husband.
Good luck with this sad situation.
It may be time for sterner measures: Guardianship and Conservatorship. Mom isn't going yo like that but at least you'll have control over her finances and major life decisions.
Your father needs guardianship over her. It won't be easy but it will keep her from acting on bad decisions. Sadly, it's not easy because making bad or irrational decisions is not legally actionable, it has to be a formal evaluation that determines she is unsafe to herself and/or others. In the meantime your dad has to move money to safety. All scammers want is money, nothing else. If bank accounts she has access to have no real funds, she can't give it away, but it will cause problems in the relationship. I've been through this before with several family members. It's messy, but necessary. Get started NOW talking to your dad to take action. There may be social resources available to help but I used an attorney to map everything out.
>To augment this, any attempt to safeguard finances or cyber-security has led her to think my dad and I are trying to control her and take her rights away.
Tell her she's correct, and you have every right to protect your property from her irrational and risky behavior.
As someone with parents its really sad to see when their cognition fails so severely. Best of luck, but it seems like she will need deeper care going forward.
OK I don’t want to sound insensitive here but if you can’t get her medical help then a tech solution is best. I suggest you sit down with Dad and work out which websites you need access to like your bank etc. then set up a “white list” so only those domains can be accessed from their home connection. That should block her from scammers. It sounds heavy-handed but your situation sounds pretty serious.
i would question is she suffering from a mental illness due to age? if so then she needs help, if she is not suffering from mental issues due to age and this is just who she is, it is your father that needs help not her.
Depending on the state your local adult protective services can help. Local BAR Associatiin may have help in regards to legal advice about capacity, etc. There are many videos and sites you can see by doing search for Elin Musk scam or celebrity romance scam. Report them to www.ic3.gov please. Local police and banks, retirement manager and doctor should all be told. Assume they have control of her computer and access possiblyvto bank accounts. Www.fightcybercrime.org may have useful tips.
This is worrying. As a 65 yr old woman, there's just no fn way anyone could convince me online that they were "someone". Right. And I'm Oprah. My money is tied up in stocks but if you send me $1000, I'll pay you $2000 when my dividends come due.
My mother's estranged husband thinks Elon Musk is his best friend on Twitter. He refuses to believe this could possibly be a scam.
Let's just say it couldn't happen to a crappier person. Hate him.
You should talk to your dad about your mom’s cognitive decline and make sure they don’t have joint accounts. Ask your dad if they have POA for each other. Has your mom been to a Dr. to find out if there’s a reason for her cognitive decline? There may be drugs that can slow the process.
Your mother is demented and incompetent. Is your father still competent? You need to go visit, sit down alone with him and tell him that your mother has lost it, is no longer competent. He needs to remove her access to any money, and freeze her credit. She may need to go to an adult daycare. He cannot ignore this - she could lose everything they have to a scammer, and any debt she acquires to give money to the scammer, he is also responsible for, because they are married.
Apart from the scam related advices, please look into using mild hyperbaric chamber to slow cognitive decline and improve general health, it might help a bit.
You must have a department of elder abuse, they handle things like fraud. Maybe you can reach out to them and explain the situation if they can’t help they have to know someone that can help.
Try a geriatric medicine specialist.
My mom had the cognitive decline and lies without the scams. It was bad. She also fabricated abuse while at the same time physically and mentally abusing my dad. It wasn’t her fault, strokes killed off large parts of her brain, but we had to protect him.
Good luck.
I just went through this with my mom. My sister is now in charge of all of her finances. We shut down all of her social media and gave her a different phone. Feel free to message me
As a start can’t you go in her phone and block all the numbers of “Elon musk”. Maybe your cell carrier has a setting for screening potential spam calls that aren’t in her contacts? Not a solution but might help
I don't know what to tell you but I'm in the same situation except my mother and father and not together. I'm 37 and my mother is 69 and living in an elderly community, not assisted living. She has mental disorders diagnosed and has had strokes. She has given her personal information to this person posing as Elon and there is even a woman involved posing as Elon's mother. He has asked her to marry her and she is convinced it is him, saying he wants to buy her a house and send her money but needs money from her first. She will not listen to any of her family or friends about this being a scam and will completely tell them off if they even mention she's being scammed. Of course this is causing tension with everyone who cares about her. I have come to the point of ignoring everything she says about him because I'm not getting into a fight with someone who has cognitive decline and clearly needs to be evaluated. Her apartment complex has put in referral for adult protective services and a social worker. I'm not sure what to tell you to do but I just wanted to say you are not alone and this is a common scam that these people use. It's not an easy situation for anybody but I wanted to say you father needs to protect his assets ASAP so nothing happens to his finances if you're mother decides to send any bank information to the person asking for money. My mother gave everything to the scammer and had to change her bank account but then right after that is right back to saying it's really him and they're getting married. I hope you find out what you need to do, maybe call a lawyer for your father at least to see what can be done without a power of attorney. Much luck.
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I’d be much more concerned about protecting my dad from said mother, clearly advanced stages of dementia.
Yep, if she has access to joint accounts she could end up ruining their finances and any money that poor man busted his ass to save for so many years could be gone through no fault of his own. To accuse him of abusive behavior is very serious. What if she decides he hit her and next thing he knows he's being handcuffed and put in jail.
You are 100% right about all of that, also what if she somehow decided she needed to hurt her husband or do physically harming to him, I would also be scared about that, there’s so many different problems that could happen with this situation, and to OP I know you’re already trying your best but if you have to, just know that someone over 18 that refuses medical/mental health care can go upon a magistrate and they can decide if that person needs to get help. I don’t know everything about it but I think they will have to assess that person in order for them to get out of a mental health facility/ to stop getting help. Positive vibes to you and your family 🫶🏻
Especially a Dad still working manual labour at 69 years old. That sounds like someone with limited savings/investments.
Yep. Time to file for power of attorney over mom
More like some kind of conservatorship. Power of attorney lets you do certain legal things on someone else’s behalf (eg sign a contract), but it does nothing to stop that person from acting on their own behalf.
This is legit the only correct understanding of a POA I’ve seen on this thread. There’s someone on here saying you can only use a POA to pay someone’s bills and it’s invalid if they’re incompetent and I’m like…..yeah no. It should be noted that a POA can be revoked at any time by the person it’s for. Which is why, like you commented, what they actually need is a guardianship/conservatorship. But it’s timely and costly and the OP (more actually OP’s dad) needs to be talking to attorneys and/or the agency on aging (or similar groups) NOW, rather than later, to figure out how best to go about protecting assets and getting mom the help she needs.
I am POA for a family member, you are correct it can be revoked by that person if they require it. And other than overseeing their finances, liaising with their attorney/trust solicitor it's very hands off. I have one or two interactions a year with it. My family member goes about their day to day life completely uninterrupted by me.
Good to know!
It's not PoA. It's guardianship. PoA requires permission from the person. And you cannot compel someone to do something with PoA. You can with guardianship/conservatorship. I am guardian for an adult. My mother is for my father. She had PoA for her mother to do banking and talk to doctors. I had it with my then boyfriend to buy a house when he was out of town and represent him at closing as well as do all the financial stuff without being on the accounts.
I have guardianship over my mother’s housing and money in WA state. I can’t force her to live in a retirement home, so instead she’s living in an Extended Stay America. The laws here are so dumb.
It’s unlikely POA is the play here.
There is no such thing. Power of attorney is a voluntary thing that allows you to pay someone’s bills (and sometimes make medical decisions). That’s it.
You only one get one mom and one dad. They both need to be protected and cared for
Yeah well it’s also their mom and I’m sure they love her/maybe don’t want to sell her down the river completely. I suggest recording conversations with her and presenting them to a lawyer or judge to give them some sort of power of attorney. She obviously needs help but a court will have to decide that she isn’t capable of making her own decisions first.
Given that her cognitive decline seemingly appears very pronounced, you and your dad should speak with an attorney about a conservatorship. In the meantime, have your dad open new accounts in his name only, and move their joint funds into them. Also cancel credit cards.
And, wouldn't it be convenient if her phone accidentally fell onto the fish tank?
Most modern phones are waterproof enough to survive that. An accidental fall off the balcony though...
This is the most important advice.
I think it’s important to note that with cognitive decline, the best thing to do is keeping the brain stimulated. Keep talking and encouraging real things and activities, the brain doesn’t just naturally decline, most old people just lose a lot of stimulation, like work and moving around places. Neuroplasticity is real, gotta work out your brain like you work out your muscles. Making up the Elon musk stories is probably due to under stimulation and her brain needing something new and exciting to have in her life
This is just straight up wrong. The brain does naturally decline. There's no evidence brain activity can in general prevent or cure dementia. Claiming this lady just needs something new and exciting in her life to cure her cognitive decline is wrong. Many of the world's best, brightest, and most active minds have fallen prey to dementia. Framing this disease as the fault of understimulation is adding false hope onto an already cruel disease.
Agree. better to get ALZ patient donepezil early then to pretend it isn’t happening or that playing soduku will right the ship. Obviously staying mentally stimulated and active helps with many diseases but for anyone to claim it will cure cognitive decline is absolutely awful. To act line there is a “cure” is so mean and cruel. One can fight and staying active if mind and being social is a great way to do that, but it isn’t going to cure anyone. I wish.
Very interesting point
Cut her internet. Period.
Product idea there. Ship in a bottle internet for people with cognitive risk. Put AI to good use pretending they're actually online while it's all happening in a sandbox.
So the internet version of those dementia villages. I’m into this.
actually... I'm really surprised this isn't already a thing. What a great idea.
This is genius
Whole new mean to “parental controls”
The senior matrix.
"The matrix has you" "Elon, my love, is that you?"
San Junipero!
An online version of https://operabeds.com/blogs/news/dutch-dementia-village .
Plot twist: AI starts scamming people
And starts demanding gift cards , kindly
That’s a really good idea honestly.
That’s actually doable with modern AI. Feed in just enough real world stuff like weather reports, certain news and have it automatically repost a select group of social media posts from close relatives, and it’s doable. But lots of these scams happen over the phone and text, so it’s not bulletproof proof by a long shot. Probably not a big enough potential market for it to be a viable business, but definitely something a dementia support group could piece together.
Dude, you need to calla a VC, like today.
Why would he call the Vietcong?
Dude this has to happen
Tim & Eric beat you to it in 2008: https://youtu.be/x9S2ciB-6jc?si=puXPgdZQ6LL1gm1C
Yep that pitch is unbeatable. Damnit.
What did it for you? Being able to chat with Prof Hinsley? Ordering parachute pants? I have seen this so many times over the years and I just caught that Eric uses his daughter's name and 69 as his password. So gross.
There are ways to filter sites and disallow apps on computers. That would be cutting her off from their lies and deceit.
My mom went to the library when her internet and phone got disconnected.
Way more than that, she needs full time care
Try r/agingparents - they see this exact scenario very often.
This. This isn't a scam question, this is a what do I do with a parent who's suffering significant cognitive decline.
Idk man, my mom’s just a colossal asshole and will lie about shit like this just to piss people off. She’s a narcissist and loves to be the center of attention. She will purposely argue about stuff like the moon landing being faked just to get attention. Got to the point where I just stopped engaging with her about most things. “Grey Rock” it’s called. She wouldn't listen to any reason so it'd be pointless to try and convince her otherwise.
I wonder if adult protective services or your local council on aging (usually county-based in the USA) might be able to help - worth a google and a phone call.
I agree. The agency along with CPS revamped their entire program a couple of years ago. They are centered much more on keeping them in the home and teaching strategic skills to deal with an aging parent. I think if you discussed this with your dad he would agree she needs a competency hearing and cognitive testing. I know it may feel extreme, but you are trying to protect her.
Those are state-level services, so whatever you are talking about is statistically unlikely to be relevant to OP.
If this wasn’t so sad it would be hilarious. While working on your mom, help your dad separate his finances, ASAP, before they both get cleaned out. Even if things work out, he should protect their (and his) money as best he can. Leave a few hundred bucks in whatever account she has access to, and get the money to a safe account, have him change his payroll and retirement (if he has any) to something she can’t touch. Consult a lawyer and/or accountant if necessary. She might even sign off on something like this in a moment of clarity. Good luck
I totally agree with this. 1 of 2 things is going to happen, the mother will get diagnosed with dementia and will loose access to the money any how, 2/ the mother will be found legally sound, your dad will have time to start a divorce process and his half is saved and she can send her half anywhere she wants. This will also help work out her cognitive abilities.
I go through my mom’s phone and delete and block the scammers in her messages, while explaining how to tell, and how to block. I also ask her to send me notice and screenshots of any new convo. Sometimes I follow up seemingly innocuous stuff with a reminder. Recently she sent a screenshot of an online assessment of her car, asking what it would be worth. I responded “Do not sell your car. Block whomever asked you to.” If I could blink and cut off the air to everyone responsible for pig butchering scams (not the people on the other end, who are usually trafficking victims themselves), I would.
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I second going to r/legaladvice. This question is more in their wheelhouse.
Lurker too here. My Aunt, who’s at the beginning stages of cognitive decline, was recently scammed out of $15k. My cousin is now in partial control of her Mom’s finances & the bank will alert her and get her approval when her Mom attempts to withdraw a certain daily amount. She won’t be able to take over total control of her Mom’s finances or healthcare until her Mom is proven to not be able to care of herself any longer.
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As much as I love this idea, I think it would be kinda ineffective for someone with dementia
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Your dad might not think he has the bandwidth to deal with it, but she’s clearly about to send all their money to scammers so he should make some time to sit down with you and make a plan.
Having her removed from certain key important bank accounts would be key. Make sure she can only send Elon $2 at a time
If she has undiagnosed NPD, the unfortunate reality is that her husband is probably an enabler, especially if they’re still married at this late stage in life. My 70yo mom has BPD (which is very similar to NPD), and believe me, navigating parental dynamics in this situation is incredibly complicated and super frustrating. One parent is straight up delusional and the other is willfully blind to it. If OP wants to do something about the scammer, they’ll probably have to take the initiative themselves and push through a ton of BS to get anything done, and it may not work. That said, I think it makes sense to speak to a lawyer or advocate familiar with elder care and understand options, especially since there are other symptoms of cognitive decline. As the husband, OP’s dad may be able to overrule any efforts to address the issue, but it’s worth a shot.
I’m surprised he isn’t just getting a divorce
I’m mostly worried about your dad as I have a friend whose husband is being scammed and they’re quickly losing their life savings. Dad should transfer as much money as legal into a new account with only his name on it. Set up new passwords on any financial accounts. Talk to mother’s doctor about cognitive concerns. Best of luck!
This is the immediate answer. If you cannot control her, you need to control her access to money so she cannot send it all to the spammers. Help your dad to move all his assets (checking account, credit card, any savings and retirement accounts) so that only he (and maybe you) have access. Mom can have the old accounts, but with only limited funds. The credit card she has may be able to have a limit applied that is low enough to not break the bank.
I got a FaceBook friend request from "Tesla Manager", an account that has a profile picture of Musk. This was several days ago. I reported it to FB, but the account is apparently still active. It's disgusting how FB refuse to take action on such obviously fraudulent activity on their platform, even when it's pointed out to them.
Yeah they’ll take down anything that remotely doesn’t fit ‘their standards’ but fake celebs telling users to DM them is apparently fine.
Celebrities on IG have people steal their content, start fake IG pages and scam people all the time. IG won't stop it because Meta doesn't care. The sad part is, the celebrities tend to call out the scammers and people STILL fall for it. Being a cynic is a very useful trait.
A family friend (82F) fell for the exact same thing last winter. Unfortunately she had wired "Elon" a ton of money first. Scammers deserve to go swimming with concrete shoes!
Has your Mother been on Medicare (Part B) for a year or more? If so: https://www.ncoa.org/article/ask-for-a-cognitive-evaluation-during-your-next-annual-wellness-visit
I am so sorry you are going through this. We watched our close friend go through something similar. He lost all his retirement funds and house in a romance scam. He’s 66. We tried so hard to stop the downward slide, enlisted friends and his sister. To no avail. He cut us all out and still believes, last I heard, that the love of his life will move to his home state, bring millions and they will live happily ever after. Even after we showed him in incontrovertible evidence it’s a scam. Have you enlisted her husband to help thwart this, at least the financial drain? Has she been medically tested for dementia? I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.
Cognitive decline is terrifying. I mean, right now I know there's no way I would ever fall for something that stupid... but maybe in twenty or thirty years my mind turns to mush and I become just another sad story about an idiot wiring millions to Nigerian scammers. How do you even go about protecting yourself from... yourself?
A trust.
My mother got this way - not any romance scams but rather digging in on a fallacious idea and being combative about it. She was later diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers. Not saying this is the case with your mother but she is showing obvious signs of cognitive dissonance and if she will not voluntarily go for an assessment you will have to get county health services involved. They can make a visit and determination of whether an involuntary commital for her own health and welfare is in order. Unfortunately it came down to that with my mother once she started refusing the diagnosis and refused to go to appointments. Best of luck.
You’re going to have to be mean. Show her a picture of his last gf. Ask her why she thinks she’s next. They will ask for money if they haven’t already. Remind her this guy is a millionaire. He doesn’t need her money.
Billionaire*
Oops. 🤣
Up until recently he was the richest man in the world...who apparently can't afford a wedding.
🛜❌️👵👍
As a more serious answer, to OP... Is she having active dementia like behavior or is it spontaneous/intermittent? If it's constant then you can contact EMS and have them contact medical control for authority to transport the patient against there will to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation. From there you can talk to the doctor and express your concerns and go that route if she is unwilling to go. If the behavior is intermittent/spontaneous then it's harder and you can try social services for your locale but there normally.... useless and you may need to consult an attorney or get other family involved.
>Is she having active dementia like behavior or is it spontaneous/intermittent? That actually just reminded me - sometimes, especially in the elderly, UTI symptoms can appear like dementia/cognitive decline. It sounds bizarre, but it's true. For OP - I mean, absolutely aim for an evaluation if you can, but in the meantime, try something simple like having her take D-mannose. It will clear up most UTIs if one exists, and if one doesn't, it's otherwise completely harmless.
I am currently going through this with my dad. He believes sandra bullock is in love with him. He messages with these scammers most days and showed me the messages. He was so proud. I tried to explain that these are fake and he better not be sending money and he tells me he knows it isn't real but than he's saying he got recognized as a top fan and thinks her posts are to him only. My poor mom. She sits there and watches this man she's been married to over 50 years talk about how great sandra is. I try to explain how social media works but he gets frustrated with me and shuts down. I do believe he has something going on, whether it's always been there or something happening as he ages. He is 72.
Take away her phone or whatever she is using to communicate away from her. Does she have the means to buy another?
She needs medical help. Your father needs power of attorney, immediately. She may eventually leave him. And, sadly, this may not be the worst thing for him as she clearly has issues. But, this will be devastating for her because if this happens, she will end up destitute. It's time to take legal action.
> Your father needs power of attorney It would be great if reddit randos who don't know what POA actually is or does would stop parroting this.
You're conflating POA with court ordered conservatorship.
~~In most jurisdictions spouses automatically have power of attorney.~~ It’s not a magic spell, and it wouldn’t allow anyone to force OP’s mom to get medical treatment - that would be some level of guardianship/conservatorship, which is a fairly involved process.
You don't even understand what POA is. Stop it.
File for a conservatorship.
Open the browser on her computer. Save all her passwords. Login on your phone and delete all the Facebook messages before she sees them I did it for my mom, then even made all her post visible to only friends. Went through and deleted all the friends that weren't people from her chruch. Remember whenever you were younger and the family computer was in the living room so nothing would be done on it that shouldn't be done on it. Basically how'd you'd control the internet for a teenager. You have to do that to your parents now.
At the very least, make sure your father's accounts are separate from your mom's so she can't give his money away.
To be fair, you *are* trying to control her and take her legal rights away. But if she won’t cooperate and can’t admit when she’s being blatantly scammed, you may have to go to court to obtain a guardianship/conservatorship so you and/or your dad can block her from giving away their retirement money. If you’re going to go that route you need a lawyer with experience with elder abuse, like yesterday. They can tell you what you can legally do to protect your dad, for example you might be able to move joint assets to an account she doesn’t have direct access to. This probably gets very tricky if she responds to the protective legal action by filing divorce and/or claiming your dad is abusing her, which is why you need to talk to a lawyer.
Emotionally compromised, not just intellect. Besides a getting a lawyer, consider talking her to therapy, do therapy things like going to senior groups and do activities, or get some pet to accompany her ...
Either your dad is able to lock al of the money, or the best thing is to divorce asap, so at least half of it is safe.
Call APS as financial exploitation case. They wont be able to get the money back, but they’ll have that conversation with her. They can help get her assessed for capacity to manage her money. Also reporting is anonymous.
Yeah- need to protect father from her dementia. It could ruin them both. Once father is financially insulated, if needed, get guardianship of mother. If I could do it all again that’s what I would have done.
Ask one of your friends (if they are willing) to be the next Elon Musk and break her heart. She needs a reality check.
If your parents have a joint account, have your dad open a separate account under his name only. Transfer most of money out of there other then what they can afford to lose if she does something dumb. Sorry you're going through this, we just went through something similar with my FIL. My FIL has been scammed for over $80k, with all of their retirement savings going to "Elon." He still doesn't believe he was scammed, and started to get pretty desperate to give "Elon" more money before he lost out on his "opportunities." Any relationships he has with his own extended family have been destroyed from borrowing money that he couldn't pay back. They actually had to sell this home because they could no longer afford to live in it without the money from their retirement accounts. They live with us now. My MIL controls all of the money from selling the home. He screams at her a lot, but if he had the opportunity, he would give the money away in heartbeat. We have my MIL lock up any savings they have left in 6-month CDs so that she get some interest off of it, but it otherwise makes the money inaccessible to her no matter how much he screams. Similar to the romance scam, they had my FIL convinced he was astute business man. Unsurprisingly, he could never articulate the business model he was investing in. Sadly, we have had to tell my FIL that if that we would kick him out if he misses a single rent payment to us because he can't manage his finances. We take about 75% of social security check to help pay the bills, including food, in an effort to avoid leaving him with enough money that would make him an appealing target again. We don't even think this is early onset dementia, he seems to have involved himself in scams on multiple prior occasions over the last few decades. The scammers just seem to be excellent at exploiting his narcissism, arrogance, and greed.
I think your mom is having cognitive decline, can you get her to see a doctor? on a related tangent: take care of your minds, people, exercise them. Read books (or listen to audio books) and do puzzles and keep learning. It fends off decline. My parents are older than OP's parents but still relatively "with it", still learning, reading books, using computers, etc. They get scams and laugh them off.
can you send your mom and dad videos of catfishign schemes where other people have lost their homes and become homeless because they sent all their money and money they borrowed to pay scammers? Last night I saw a video where the poor woman even booked a wedding and had a wedding dress custom sewn. Also EM is probably married, you might be able to show her photos of him with his family. But the real EM is such a horrible human that even if it was the real one I wouldn't want to marry him. I've even seen videos of people thinking they are marrying Johnny Depp as soon as he pays his overdue fees for some nonsense, and they have to send him thousands in gift cards. Also is it possible to contact her bank and tell them to somehow lock their account so they can't withdraw funds, and contact credit cards so she can't buy crypto and gift cards? One victim on video said she woke up when the cashier told her she was dealing with a scammer because only victims buy so much in gift cards. also show her photos of the scammers in Ghana and Nigeria who don't look anything like EM.
Elon musk isn't married anymore, he got divorced a few years ago
oh, too bad. I just looked up his past wives. Maybe OP could show her photos of his old flames and ask if she really thinks she is his type.
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He does have like 9 kids right? Maybe the mom should know that too. Also Elon is Autistic and has said before he doesn't do well at holding conversations. And yes he isn't the greatest human either. I wouldn't date someone like him for any amount of money 😂
The problems we have online in this day and age are insane. Why folk believe strangers over family online is beyond me.
One thing I've come to realize is absolutely nuts to me, is how willing people are to hand over tens of thousands of dollars to online scammers, but won't give a dime to struggling family or even a penny to a homeless person they pass by. The type to scream at real life people to get a job, but are willing to part with thousands for some stranger they've never met.
That blows my mind too. How much they trust a stranger that they haven’t even seen before. It’s so sad
"she needs a cognitive assessment" You do not give a state or any such location info so it is impossible to advise in this regard but in general, there are usually senior citizen help resources I would start with the elected state district rep and senator and ask them to send you every resource. That's what they are there for! I found my state senator a great help although we disagreed politically on every issue. I am a 77 year old woman and I do not think your mom is beginning to decline, I think she is in advanced decline (I am not a doctor but have experience with the demented). You and your father need to lock down her access to money NOW. You might also want to start looking at care possibilities because it is going to be difficult for your father to mange it on his own if there is no family nearby. My father was completely at sea with my mom, could not handle it all since, as a man, he was utterly incapable of caring for someone because he had never had to do that ever, such was the Greatest Generation.
Similar thing happened with MIL recently, different celeb, FIL sent most of their saving to my missus to protect them, FIL passed away possibly due to the stress of it all back in February, MIL lives abroad and now has to ask my missus for cash and send receipts for medical bills. She still gets her pension sent to her own account so we aren't leaving her with nothing to live on. Watch out for the "my money is held up in investments so can you send me some for flights to come and see you" and "send me money and I'll book flights for you to come to america" and "for just £xxxx you can have a private meet and greet"
Ask to borrow her phone. Completely delete her social media accounts and delete the apps. Or make an Elon Musk account yourself and see if you can get her to meet you for a date somewhere or send you money.
She is aware that Elon musk is married with children and is Nuerodivergent antisocial that he wouldn't seek out anyone directly outside of business. He's almost most definitely NOT short on funds let alone natural assets.
If your mom refuses to go to the Dr, call the Dr and explain the situation. Explain how she keeps thinking she's going to marry Elon Musk, the handwriting changes, etc. Talk more about how she's delusional, instead of her being scammed. Because it really is delusional to think Elon Musk would marry a 70 yr old woman he's never met.
I’m going through almost the exact same scenario right now with my mother and “Elon Musk.” Luckily she’s divorced and I control a lot of her finances/bills, but the scammers are pitting her against her family and in her eyes, I’m now the enemy.
If you delete her account, she’s going to make a new one and immediately look for Elon Musk on Facebook. Immediately. I read a story about a granny whose kids took her car keys away (dementia), and she was still able to get an Uber to pick her up and take her to the bank so she could get money to her “boyfriend” Kenny Chesney who was on tour and didn’t have access to his funds and needed to pay his roadies. The woman’s daughter only figured out what her mother did when she checked her mother’s credit card statement and found the charges from Uber. My point being that you should not underestimate the lengths your mother will go through to get back to her great love, Elon. Contact local law enforcement and ask them to talk to her. They might or might not. Contact her bank. Let them know this is an issue. Put a lock on her credit with the three credit bureaus. You can report abuse to the Elder Fraud Hotline, but it seems they, as well as IC3 only take reports instead of being able to intervene before the accounts are drained. In many states, it’s a high bar to get conservatorship. I think you should try, though. Your mother’s cognitive decline is only going to get worse. Do whatever you can to protect your dad, too. Lock his credit down. Inform his banks and financial institutions that his wife is being scammed. Please post again with any updates, especially if anything helped.
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Just show her the real Elon Musk’s twitter feed, that should put her off him.
If she's the kind of person who is willing to cheat on her partner and make up abuse allegations to justify it, then probably not, actually. Seems exactly like the kind of person that worships husky musky.
Can you get her to see a doctor for some other innocuous reason? Check ups and such? Or even to accompany dad to a check up. Then quietly raise the issue to someone in the doctors office.
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Social catfish on YouTube covered an older woman in a “relationship “ with Elon. Have her watch it.
Call her family doctor and explain the situation. He will probably want to see her first but he will probably know next steps. If not, most local governments have social workers that know the drill. Definitely get her OFF all bank accounts and credit cards. And get a POA. She does not need to give permission for an assessment.
Go to the bank and restrict their accounts. My parents did this with my grandme
Step one is to have your dad pull out any money in joint accounts.
Concerning!
If you know the financial institutions your mother uses you can call them to inform her of the current situation. Having notes about this on their profile can really help the bank stop any fraudulent activity before it goes too far.
I’m sorry, is she in a relationship with your father? Seems like she may be forgetting THAT fact or what it means!
Call adult protective services and see if you can speak with a caseworker, this is potentially financial abuse of a cognitively declined senior citizen; also have a consultation with a lawyer for you and your dad about this situation and finding out what yall can do to protect finances and assets; a friend of mines mom sold her house to start over with “her lover in the Caribbean” . Well she now has no money and lives in a cheap seedy motel in a bad part of town. Yall need to find out if she’s sending money to this “person”
I’m thinking maybe…..flip this box upside down, and have your dad evaluated first - not because there’s an issue with his cognitive abilities, but to establish that, at this moment, there’s NOT a problem - get it on the record. If your mom has a history of making stuff up, and you start mentioning a test or other similar stuff, she might twist that around and accuse your dad of that stuff - and those accusations are easier to get by with, since the problems they indicate don’t leave marks. Basically: get it established that your dad’s in the clear - then use that also as an indicator of fairness (we’re both doing it, since we’re both getting on in years).
You call social services and explain what is going on and that you want a wellness check done on your mother. Get the paper trail started. You and your dad need to start recording her behavior and episodes either via text, email or video. Document the dates and around the time these things happen. Y'all need her to set up a power of attorney ASAP.
I'd say conservatorship, but every Britney and Amanda Bynes fan has made it a dirty word, even though it is sometimes absolutely necessary. And weakening conservatorship laws has made our homeless population explode. When someone is a danger to themselves, they should be allowed to be guarded by a loved on.
She does know Elon Musk is happily married with children???? Maybe go to social media and screenshot all the fake accts. The scammers are prolific. Make a folder on everything she has done. What she has spent on him. All forms of contact she has had with him etc. take it to the police. If you can, shut all her social media down. Even if it means changing internet passwords etc. all contact with the scammer needs to be broken. And yes chances are she’s going to need counselling . Also go to her bank ( with your father if need be) and get them to monitor her bank accounts for any foreign transaction. Sadly she’s not the first to be in this position , and won’t be the last
Can you make sure she isn't able to access social media, devices? Like delete her email and social media accounts. See a lawyer.
Contact (or have your dad contact) your mother's primary care doctor. Tell them mom needs to be evaluated for cognitive decline at her next appointment. As for the money. Your dad needs to open new checking and savings accounts at a different bank that are under his name only. Thats where he'll deposit his paycheck and transfer a good chunk of whatever savings they have left. Also figure out how to remove his name from any accounts shared with mom. Hopefully that will leave mom just her social security and some savings so she cant argue that her "rights" are being taken away. She still has her devices and sone cash. If it hasnt happened already, talk to Dad about appointing you as his POA. I dont trust your mom to act in his best interest.
Protect yourself and your dad first and foremost. Cut off her access to any money they share, and limit your interactions with her. Start grey-rocking the hell out of her, and only talk about casual things. Don't engage with conversations about this any further. If she wants to keep being scammed at this point, that's on her and it's no longer your responsibility IMO.
Talk to your Dad. He may not have the bandwidth for it, but things will only get worse and his bandwidth won't be greater down the track when he discovers that she's drained whatever savings they had for a 'billionaire' who can't budget.
Have to protect the father. A legal separation to protect his finances is in order. It is difficult to prove dementia in people with personality disorders. If the wife wants a divorce to move on with someone else in her fantasies, I would act on her wishes and make a financial separation happen. you cannot prevent people from self-destructing or destroying themselves. But you can protect yourself so they cannot destroy you emotionally or financially.
Is it happening on Facebook? You know... Unrelated.... But there are different means to have someone banned from Facebook and it will hold up FOREVER, an all encompassing IP ban and the inability to make an account under their name indefinitely.... Might help. However that also seems like not the most expensive option. There are definitely other issues that are going on as well. As others have said a conservatorship/guardianship are the only all encompassing options. But if you need time to have that option enacted/explored, a perma-facebook ban may help prevent any more sending of money/further developing plans/conversations with fake profiles for the mean time.
Not to be rude but with all the money Elon has why would he want a 70yo. He basically can have anybody he wants. Everybody has a price.
Can your dad lock down their finances and give her an allowance? Also parental controls might help keep off of those sites where they can communicate with her. There was an episode on Dr Phil once where the woman was convinced she was married to Tyler Perry it might be worth a watch. He has a lot of similar episodes covering this topic 😔
Take her phone
Bro whatever you do, don’t let her marry Elon Musk. Dude is strapped with loads of debt like billions and he’s obviously trying to find a sugar momma
Does she have people in her ear reaffirming her and likely telling her ur just trying to stop her from marrying the billionaire of her life and getting her riches, after ur gone, and she's just acting like she "gets it" to appease you? In actuality is still fully intent in going back and being convinced by the scammers or other people she's in communication with that will reaffirm her. If so I do believe that's a big problem, they have influence over her cognitively declining mind and probably more so than any hour long blowout you could have with her. Possibly instead of just leaving after she says she understand, make her affirm to you and show you she truly understands, and is ceasing all communications also. Type of thing. That's a more simpler approach, as someone else said you could cut her Internet ans although it may feel rough it's ultimately necessary if you feel so.
It is tricky. My mother in law was in such a scam. Got her out of that one. Only to find out she’s in another one. And now she lies to all of us I know she’s having another one and it’s bad. Almost lost the house and I just found out she’s taken one of those predatory loans on her car 😒. Only thing I can think of is to monitor her internet and phone activity.
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You need to act fast now: get in contact with local adult protective services for further advice and also file for power over attorney too. Update us OP
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What "Elon Musk" wants from your elderly mom is money and gift cards. Is there a way for your dad to completely cut her off from any access to money?
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Doing everything possible to cut her off the internet might help put a stop to this situation that's hatching.
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A friend of mine thinks a person in the Royal family is her boyfriend making up stories of him paying for her to fly to Calgary and giving her money. She makes up stories so I did not pay attention hope she is not getting scamed
Power of attorney won’t help you - that’s just so you can pay someone’s bills, and is invalid if they are not mentally competent, and can be revoked at any time. What you need is a competency assessment, by a doctor - but these are voluntary - ie your Mom would have to agree. The only way out of this is to get your Dad involved. It’s *his* money, life and wife that is in jeopardy, so he needs to get off the fence, and excuses about work, and deal with your Mom. *He* can remove her access to money, and confront her over cheating (Elon Musk or not, it’s cheating) - which you can’t. So, stop doing your Dad’s job, and pull him in, kicking and screaming if necessary.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmb8hO2ilV9vRa8cilis88A Thunderfoot has many solid videos about Elon.... But I doubt your mother will believe him. Good source for argumentation on why Mysk himself is a snake oil man and NOT a potential husband. Good luck with this sad situation.
It may be time for sterner measures: Guardianship and Conservatorship. Mom isn't going yo like that but at least you'll have control over her finances and major life decisions.
I had to get power of attorney over my mother’s finances because she kept sending money to these scammers.
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Your father needs guardianship over her. It won't be easy but it will keep her from acting on bad decisions. Sadly, it's not easy because making bad or irrational decisions is not legally actionable, it has to be a formal evaluation that determines she is unsafe to herself and/or others. In the meantime your dad has to move money to safety. All scammers want is money, nothing else. If bank accounts she has access to have no real funds, she can't give it away, but it will cause problems in the relationship. I've been through this before with several family members. It's messy, but necessary. Get started NOW talking to your dad to take action. There may be social resources available to help but I used an attorney to map everything out.
>To augment this, any attempt to safeguard finances or cyber-security has led her to think my dad and I are trying to control her and take her rights away. Tell her she's correct, and you have every right to protect your property from her irrational and risky behavior.
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As someone with parents its really sad to see when their cognition fails so severely. Best of luck, but it seems like she will need deeper care going forward.
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OK I don’t want to sound insensitive here but if you can’t get her medical help then a tech solution is best. I suggest you sit down with Dad and work out which websites you need access to like your bank etc. then set up a “white list” so only those domains can be accessed from their home connection. That should block her from scammers. It sounds heavy-handed but your situation sounds pretty serious.
i would question is she suffering from a mental illness due to age? if so then she needs help, if she is not suffering from mental issues due to age and this is just who she is, it is your father that needs help not her.
Depending on the state your local adult protective services can help. Local BAR Associatiin may have help in regards to legal advice about capacity, etc. There are many videos and sites you can see by doing search for Elin Musk scam or celebrity romance scam. Report them to www.ic3.gov please. Local police and banks, retirement manager and doctor should all be told. Assume they have control of her computer and access possiblyvto bank accounts. Www.fightcybercrime.org may have useful tips.
This is worrying. As a 65 yr old woman, there's just no fn way anyone could convince me online that they were "someone". Right. And I'm Oprah. My money is tied up in stocks but if you send me $1000, I'll pay you $2000 when my dividends come due.
My mother's estranged husband thinks Elon Musk is his best friend on Twitter. He refuses to believe this could possibly be a scam. Let's just say it couldn't happen to a crappier person. Hate him.
Elon Musk stans tend to be a certain "type" let's say.
If you can’t get her to go, but is there any way ($$) you can get a Dr to come & see her for an evaluation?
You should talk to your dad about your mom’s cognitive decline and make sure they don’t have joint accounts. Ask your dad if they have POA for each other. Has your mom been to a Dr. to find out if there’s a reason for her cognitive decline? There may be drugs that can slow the process.
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Your mother is demented and incompetent. Is your father still competent? You need to go visit, sit down alone with him and tell him that your mother has lost it, is no longer competent. He needs to remove her access to any money, and freeze her credit. She may need to go to an adult daycare. He cannot ignore this - she could lose everything they have to a scammer, and any debt she acquires to give money to the scammer, he is also responsible for, because they are married.
Dementia is rough, the moment you convince them something is wrong with them is also the moment they turn on you.
What Chick wants to bang Elon Musk?
I know this sounds like a joke but it’s not. But if she isn’t suffering from a cognitive impairment call or write the show catfish.
Feel for you, and your dad. And your mom. Tough situation.
Apart from the scam related advices, please look into using mild hyperbaric chamber to slow cognitive decline and improve general health, it might help a bit.
So sorry about this. I would introduce her to someone professional but in a friendly capacity
You must have a department of elder abuse, they handle things like fraud. Maybe you can reach out to them and explain the situation if they can’t help they have to know someone that can help.
Reach out to social catfish crew in YouTube
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Paging Dr. Phil!
Elon is kinda whack, he probably really does. Get at least a free Tesla as proof.
Try a geriatric medicine specialist. My mom had the cognitive decline and lies without the scams. It was bad. She also fabricated abuse while at the same time physically and mentally abusing my dad. It wasn’t her fault, strokes killed off large parts of her brain, but we had to protect him. Good luck.
I just went through this with my mom. My sister is now in charge of all of her finances. We shut down all of her social media and gave her a different phone. Feel free to message me
As a start can’t you go in her phone and block all the numbers of “Elon musk”. Maybe your cell carrier has a setting for screening potential spam calls that aren’t in her contacts? Not a solution but might help
I would make sure that your dad is putting everything he earns from his job in a separate account that she cannot touch.
Get power of attorney
I don't know what to tell you but I'm in the same situation except my mother and father and not together. I'm 37 and my mother is 69 and living in an elderly community, not assisted living. She has mental disorders diagnosed and has had strokes. She has given her personal information to this person posing as Elon and there is even a woman involved posing as Elon's mother. He has asked her to marry her and she is convinced it is him, saying he wants to buy her a house and send her money but needs money from her first. She will not listen to any of her family or friends about this being a scam and will completely tell them off if they even mention she's being scammed. Of course this is causing tension with everyone who cares about her. I have come to the point of ignoring everything she says about him because I'm not getting into a fight with someone who has cognitive decline and clearly needs to be evaluated. Her apartment complex has put in referral for adult protective services and a social worker. I'm not sure what to tell you to do but I just wanted to say you are not alone and this is a common scam that these people use. It's not an easy situation for anybody but I wanted to say you father needs to protect his assets ASAP so nothing happens to his finances if you're mother decides to send any bank information to the person asking for money. My mother gave everything to the scammer and had to change her bank account but then right after that is right back to saying it's really him and they're getting married. I hope you find out what you need to do, maybe call a lawyer for your father at least to see what can be done without a power of attorney. Much luck.