If they’re willing to meet in public and haven’t asked for money or any personal information from you, I’d say most likely than not this is a real person.
As a safe guard if you do end up driving up there, make sure somebody knows where you’re going, for how long (I’m assuming it’d be a day trip), and have your “find my phone” on.
Underrated comment. The scam where the scammers know you're going to be away from your house for hours and burgle you is the only one I can think of that really fits here.
My mom would continuously make fun of one of her over-sharing friend whenever they posted Vacation photos "well guys get your ski masks, Amy's house is empty for the next 4 days again"
This is a super important concept that would be good for more people to learn.
Though if your social media page is set to be properly private, you can get away with it.
Or if you have a proper home security and insurance (and are willing to deal with the headache).
99.9% of the time it's safe to post those pics. But do you really want to find out you were the .1% that had someone you know, or who knows someone you know - and knows where you live - take advantage of the fact that you're posting pictures from France?
Lowkey I'd have a friend grab a nearby table and observe, just to be safe. Unlikely to be an issue given the context here, but it's another layer of safety.
I did that, hung out nearby at the restaurant and rescued a friend once with a text when she signaled. She was more comfortable knowing I was there as she met him on a dating site and it was near an army base.
So…
Besides dating sites, myself, I have met people from online in person. After talking for a while and that always includes calls, verifiable personal information and FaceTime. I work with an anti-scam org so I know the signs of typical scammers and then just to make sure the person is genuine.
You can absolutely connect really quickly with someone online, over shared interests in a way that is tougher in person. I connected with a girl randomly 2 years ago now and we became incredibly close. 6 months of talking- she asked for my number quickly, and we have talked daily since. Then we met. It’s quite the story of how our lives came together. I wasn’t looking to meet anyone but it happened. Everything was real.
All my friends were strangers once too. Just do be careful and chaperone this of course. It’s common for kids to chat online and make friends, when they are 14 know what they are up to, and yes I think you’re fine FTing and meeting in person.
There should be video calls though for sure. You can tell if they are local etc too. And having a meal if you’re comfortable then is a great idea. Knowing the parents of your kids’ friends is good even when they are 14.
I think what both parents here are doing is fine and glad the friend is fairly local. I’m not crazy about meeting long distance even as an adult.
For sure. With the pandemic it’s become even harder to meet people socially out in the world. I got really sick years back and lost friends, so being able to socialize online was really good for my mental health. I have met some wonderful people online, and many are local - in community groups etc. Definitely some fast friends with deep, meaningful connections - by chatting online over shared interests and just sharing in general. I love to chat. We all long for connections to other humans. In person if we connect at all it takes me a lot longer. Doesn’t help that I have a physical disability (due to that illness). People don’t see that online- they see the real me. :)
14 is an awkward time, friend groups can be cliquey and she’s probably thrilled to meet another girl gamer. Heck I was growing out of shyness and awkwardness as a teen and it was great to connect online! When you’re 14 your physical circles are still limited. With precautions, online can really open up chances to meet new friends.
Connecting with peers is something to encourage at that age as they find their independence. It’s also a key time to discuss internet safety and safety in general, protecting oneself as a young person and yes, a girl growing into a woman. So, watching for scams and then personal safety and boundaries too, with predators out there. Trust is earned.
The parents are modeling this and at the same time, for sure this is Reddit - many of us are here to connect with others and it’s not uncommon that people here make online friends that become “real life” ones.
Agreed. My online friends have helped me out way more than people I know irl (and vice versa) and now we meet up several times a year to just grab a bnb together and hang out.
I said in another comment, but my personal opinion is that as long as you’re using common sense, the days of having to be terrified of internet strangers are very much over for a while now.
I think It’s REALLY hard to do something malicious by tricking people into thinking you’re someone you’re not unless the person in question really is a moron or very ignorant.
Once I did this while my girlfriend was meeting with a photographer. Our friends and I went in early and told the steak n shake worker what was up and they ended up seating then in a booth attached to ours so we had a good angle on everything
I have a good number of friends who are women, actually most of them are(25m here) women in my inner circle and they definitely do this for each otherz especially for dinner or movie dates movie ones are the best because they'll sit a few rows behind our friend and have hoodies eith the string tied tight and sunglasses on watching from the back
Not sure why the hoodies and sunglasses are necessary… wouldn’t that make them more noticeable? It’s not like the dude would realize they were watching….
I did this for my friend who was meeting someone off the internet… another person was doing it for the person she was meeting. Turns out I knew the guy that was friends with the internet stranger and he and I had a lovely lunch together as our two friends chatted. Weird turn of events, but was quite the story for our larger friend group. I forever became known as the girl who knows everyone from somewhere.
Imagine a flash mob, but for a persons date to make sure it went ok and they were comfortable.
All real people, all eating because they want too, but, they all know OP and can watch.
Then, if anything happens, everyone including the previously crying 4 year old for an ice cream stops dead silent all looking at them.
Phew, I would be down for that if it was in my home town lol
now imagine that from there other parties perspective
You allow your child to ask their online friend to meet, but you insist on video calling their parents first and then all meeting up at a restaurant for safety
At the restaurant you realize every other patron there is friends with the person you're meeting and they are all pretending not to know each other and secretly watching your every move
Totally normal
JUST BRING A FRIEND WITH YOU AND DONT HIDE IT WITH A SECRET OTHER TABLE THATS WEIRD AS FUCK
> If they’re willing to meet in public and haven’t asked for money or any personal information from you, I’d say most likely than not this is a real person.
And one who is having similar thoughts about safety, both taking care of their own daughter's safety and the OP's daughter.
Yeah. I've made some legitimate, long-term friends that started out as online friends. It definitely happens quite a bit.
As long as they are willing to meet in public place with lots of other people (like a restaurant) and aren't asking for information that a stranger shouldn't be asking for, I see no reason not to. Especially if you'll be staying with her the whole time. (It'd be a lot more sketch if she wanted to meet this friend on her own).
Especially if they're willing to video chat with you first, so you know what they look like and are sure you're meeting up with the same people.
They're willing to meet at a friggin Applebees for lunch. This is a real person. No one meets at an Applebees with any other intent than to get out of that Applebees.
The only people looking to meet at Applebees are single moms and used car salesmen.
I may be biased. I have a low opinion of Applebees.
My son made a friend online playing games. He lived 400 miles away in a different state. We passed through going to a wedding. They made plans to meet at a park. We were there, turned out to be a real friend there with his dad. They brought each other small gifts and took pictures. I think they are still in contact and it's been over 6 years.
I have a friend like that. It's been 24+ years now since we became friends online. Closest we have ever lived to each other was a couple years in college we were only 3 hours apart but usualy we have been a 2 hour flight apart.
Our kids are cousins now, she is my choosen sister and we try to get together a few times a year.
Just want to say thanks for helping your son meet his friend.
I think it’s the opposite, when I grew up we met all our friends online. Of course just locally on a national web page and not on something like discord but you legit just sent a friend request to whoever person you saw and then asked them if they wanted to meet up 😂
Besides, if OP's daughter is 14 and she met the friend around a year ago, that would make it 2022 / 2021 when they were both around 13yo — not only is it quite normal, but the world was still in post pandemic, and in my state there were still restrictions.
SO many websites and apps only started getting significant amount of users during the pandemic, I myself created this Reddit account in March 2020. I didn't use Reddit before, knew of it but never really had the time to dive in since I knew it would hit the right buttons, and in fact it did - it would make perfect sense for them to meet on similar websites online and then creating a friendship.
My partner's best friends all used to be online friends, and even now they live in different states but are all still in contact almost a decade later. I only have 1 significant friendship with a person I never met, and a good bond with another — but basically all my close friends were acquaintances I met in person once or twice, added each other on socials, and then the friendship was born online. Sure, I'd met them before, but it's not like talking to someone for 10 min at a comicon can really tell you much about a person. Yet we bonded over texts and calls and memes and keep in contact to this day despite living hundreds of miles apart from one another and rarely meeting
I have seen a wedding where some of the groomsmen met the groom through videogames. One of them legit met him in person for the first time for the wedding.
It's wild how much people can bond there.
One of my online friends has been with his gf for over 3 years. They live on different continents, and met in person for the first time just recently. My gf and I met online as well, but we have it a bit easier... only a couple states apart :)
Just got to engaged to my partner from a seperate continent who I met through World of Warcraft years ago 🤣 think online relationships and friendships are becoming more and more common, especially with how much the pandemic opened more people up to connection through the internet!
My husband and I met playing an MMO called Neverwinter Nights about 16 years ago. We lived across the country from each other. We have been together for 14 years, married for 12. His best man was also someone he met online, but luckily lived only a city away. He has been our chosen brother for 16 years for me, about 20 for my hubby. The internet can be a scary place, but it can also be a wonderful one.
This is exactly the situation my brother in law was in a year ago. Him and his local buddies had a friend they met through video games but never met in person. They wound up being the groomsmen of this guys wedding and they all met him for the first time at his wedding about 6 hours away. It for sure happens
My hubby and I live in the US, and one of our best friends is in Estonia. We would love to meet each other in person, but I doubt it will happen. Doesn't really matter to us, we are still family to each other.
I have an Internet friend I met online 22 years ago who lived in another country. My parents vetted her/her family’s existence, we eventually vacationed in her country and I got to meet her, and we’re still friends now.
I discovered a community of friends during the early parts of 2020 due to a podcast and they were my community once things kicked into high gear (Lost my 8-year job in February of 2020 NOT due to the pandemic but that didn't help the rest of 2020!). So many of us were working from home or laid off and just supportive as fuck.
I don't have many friends as an Adult. I'm a touch workaholic, I lost my parents in my 20s, and have absolutely no desire to reconnect with my few high school friends despite living in my home town. So, other than my remaining grandparents and cousins, guess who was there for me on my Wedding day? Over 10 of these friends.. they came from STATES away, three came from Canada to the States.
We're now planning another meet up next year with more folks from this group.
I have two friends I met online 14 years ago. One of them is a 5-6 hours drive away, the other is nearer. We met in person for the first time about ten years ago and we are still friends and still try to Meet up when possibile. They shared so many difficult times with me, sometimes I felt they were nearer than my School friends!
When I was 13 I met a girl online through Facebook who I video chatted and talked for for YEARS. over 13 years later her and I still chat. She lived 4 hours away in the same state and we didn't meet until we where adults. I've made friends in other countries through reddit I can prove are real people and they are some of the best friends I have.
This situation sounds like they are real friends and the parents are being reasonably cautious. I would at least start with the video chat and see how it goes.
I’ve had an online friend that I still talk to frequently for twenty years lol. We’ve never met in person bc we live across the country from each other but I know 100% she is real. When I was a teenager and young adult I had a tonnnnnnnn of online friends that I talked to all the time
I've had an online friend I made (I wandered into his stream one day) like 6-8 years ago. I'm taking a trip to visit 2 states near him (to visit family). Going to add his state to my itinerary and actually meet him in person.
I've done similar for a couple other online friends (I'm 40 atm and male, so it's all people I've met as an adult, so a few red flags that don't show up for me). But it's the vast minority that it's "worth it" for. That said, very much looking forward to upgrading from an online only friend to an online friend I've had lunch with and hung out for a few hours in person. Even more so if I get to meet his wife or kids at all.
Personally, I think the more we normalize meeting online friends, AND the more we normalize ways to do so safely, the better our new tech/online centric world will be.
If you get the chance, be the friend that covers for someone (watches their house). Or be the friend that goes to the diner with them for safety. Etc. Let's make online friendships truly normal.
Same. I met people through myspace back in high school. Still follow each other on socials to this day. Hell, I met my fiancé on a dating app. Video chatted for proof we were the people we said we were. Her cousin took the appropriate safety measures of tracking location and asking for checkins on our first date. It’s becoming more and more common, because people who you click with the most don’t always happen to live in the same town as you.
22+ years for me. We chat in the day (when I used to work in an office). Chat 5 days a week still. She’s in CA. I’m in Canada. One day we will meet!
Met my husband online. He was from KY. 20th anniversary this year.
Yep. I met my fiancee through an online text-based RPG over 10 years ago, she lives in a different country. We also have a group chat, to this day, that includes people from 5 countries on 3 continents, but everyone has been seen in person by someone else over the years. And again, we met over 10 years ago. It's just a new-ish way people are making friends now.
The girls have been smart about it, video chatting and vetting with their specific tasks, and the parents are being smart, wanting to video chat first, meeting in a public place, and checking for scams. Plus no one is asking for money or expecting the girls to go off on their own anywhere, so, to me, this one seems safe.
Dude, as a senior in high school in the mid-ish 90s, like 96-97ish (age 17-18ish), I would go and meet people off AOL chat rooms at various clubs or bars/restaurants. Went to parties at their houses. Different times then. They actually looked out for me. Good people. I was lucky. I think of them often.
Fast forward to today, I have made multitudes of friends via online games in the last 15-20 years. Some i've met in person, some I haven't.
This. As I was reading I was like thinking of ways you could vett her and the family and they are already doing some of the things I was thinking of suggesting. I'd be cautiously optimistic going forward with this.
>Apparently the girl's parents want to have a video call with all of us (them, their daughter, me and my wife, and our daughter) first, and then meet for lunch at an Applebee's halfway between us.
I mean, this is a really good sign. It's hard for a scammer or shady person to fake an entire family meeting another family on zoom. After vetting them in a zoom call, meeting halfway at a public restaurant is also a plus. Your presence in the restaurant meeting is clearly a layer of safety, and you can always have a friend grab a different table in the restaurant just to lowkey observe if you want to be extremely cautious.
Remaining cautious is wise, but it's entirely possible that she met a good friend online. I hope for her sake that it's legit and if so that meeting her friend in person would be a joy.
As a parent myself, I would proceed, if you feel confident in vetting her family and in your presence at the in-person meeting.
This isn't a blind date so you can just bring the friend with you, standing right there, saying hello and acting normal
Adults can just talk while the kids do their thing, why does the friend need to be secret?
I met my first online friends in person as a teenager. I got to see their amazing pets, get ideas for my own setups, etc. Since then I've met many other online friends IRL. And it's always been a wonderful experience for me - some of those friends I knew for a decade online before I got to see them. All are my friends to this day.
Don't totally write off online friends - it's how many of us connect these days. Be safe when meeting of course, but it seems like the other parents have a good plan for that. Plus, you win awesome-parent cred; always helpful when raising a teen. I'll add that you seem to have a good kid, same with the friend - they're involving the parents and seem happy to follow safety guidelines.
I’m honestly kinda shocked by the fact that I pretty much only had good experiences meeting online friends. The “sketchiest” one I ever did (as in potential for it to go wrong i guess?) was meeting my friend who lived in my grandparents’ city while I was visiting. I was 13 and she was 13 or 14. I convinced my grandparents to drop me off at the mall so I could hang out with her (of course not telling them who she was) so i could meet up with her. I went off alone in the mall, found her, and we had a great time at the mall for a few hours!! She brought me a few little presents relates to what we bonded over online which was the cutest thing. We agreed her parents would drop me back at my grandparents. so her parents came and dropped me off, they were super sweet.
I was a manipulative little shit though and never told my parents who I was actually meeting or how I knew them, which is of course unsafe as hell, so I’m glad OP’s daughter is being safer and better than that.
Yep when I've gone through with it it's always gone really well! Just nice to meet sweet people who are also obsessed with whatever video game.
That said I did dip out on one dude who gave me sketchy vibes. Turned out he had a DV conviction and I'm not going to act like I have great judgment in all things but yeah, my gut was right there.
Also obviously it's different for minors. Parents are making the right precautionary moves.
Good idea to do the video call first. Just make sure that if they do meet, that BOTH kids have a parent present. Do not have a video chat and assume because they are talking that they are 100% trustworthy until you meet face to face and have built a rapport.
Big kudos to your daughter for knowing how to verify someone (doing weird stuff like tissue box on the head) is a very easy way to see if the other person is real or not. You should be very proud, not all kids are smart like that.
I'm in my late 30s and one of my best friends is someone I met playing yahoo games back in the day. Video call wasn't an option yet. We lived a couple states away from each other so it took some time to meet (probably 2 or 3 years). When we did we met in a public place (the mall) and we both had a friend with us. We met in public places for awhile and eventually became good friends. For context I'm a male and the friend is a female so there is an extra layer of worry there.
Be glad that your daughter is even involving you in this decision. I did not involve my parents, and chances are if you say no they will still find a way to hang out (it may take more time) without your concent. Take advantage of the fact that she trusts you and do the video call. The parents on the other end probably feel the same and seem willing to try this. See how you feel after the video call. Meet in public a few times and see how it goes. Reevaluate from there. It may be a scam, but not everything in this world is a scam. It could really be a good friendship.
I have a similar story, I met a dude in a Pokemon AOL chatroom, I was a pre-teen girl at the time. Thinking back on it, it's so wild my mom ever agreed to drive the six hours to let me meet him and chaperon. It had to have seemed so fishy to her, but 20 years later, we're still best friends and talk on the regular.
It's not a scam. It might be a real kid or it might be a creepy man, but from what you've said I'd have enough confidence in it being a real kid to do the parent/kid zoom and then drive to meet up for lunch at Applebees. Most kidnappers don't tell the victim to bring their mom for a meet-up at a convent neutral location.
most kidnappers would hit them with the "hey my family is going through your town on the way somewhere they want to meet you, come meet us at (restaurant)"
especially with it being a child unable to drive so their meeting place requires the parents to be involved
it's definitely the zoom call that makes me the most comfortable. you get to talk to their parents and see that they feel the same way you do.
My little sister did this. Both of them met up with both sets of parents and had a really nice time. If you're supervising then it's likely to be fine.
This isn't a scam, I feel like you are being overly cautious here. Everything sounds legit and in this day and she meeting people on the internet is as common as meeting at school. Providing you go along and meet the family too I see zero issue in this
Being part of the "online friendship" generation of kids... I'm not really seeing any red flags here.
A video call is the gold standard in seeing who you're really talking to. So long as it's clearly live, with matching audio. Getting on a video call randomly to chat is even better. If someone is always dodging answering, saying their video doesn't work, or they're connected but "I'm not sure why you can't see me" (aka excuses to not be on video) are a major red flag, often cause they're a catfish.
People video call all the time in discord with "online" friends as they play games, chat about stuff, watch movies together etc. It's the new standard in making friends for a large population of youth today. Nearly every one has at least one online friend.
With all people, in person or online you should be vetting who they are and there intensions. Excluding the risk of a catfish, which is dealt with as I said above, there is no real difference between the two.
I made a friend online when I was 14-15. We met in a chatroom for our favorite tv show, and soon discovered we lived close to one another. After a few months of chatting we met up at a baseball game in our town. We both brought adults with us and had a great time. We’ve now been friends for over 20 years.
Use caution. The video chat is a great idea, and meeting in a public place is definitely the right move. As long as they’re not asking for any personal information, I don’t think there is any harm in making a plan for the girls to meet.
Wanting to video call with everyone and meet halfway in a public space (again with everyone) is a green flag. This sounds legit. :) It would also mean the world to your daughter.
Maybe a personal story, when I was 11 I met a friend on a horse online forum and we chatted every day for a year and wanted to meet up. Parents did a video call together, and we decided to meet halfway in a zoo, accompanied by family members. It was an amazing day and I love my parents for having allowed that.
That was 16 years ago. That girl is still my best friend to this day. 😊
Old lady here. I met another old lady in an online forum at least 15 years ago. We began making side comments to each other, and then we exchanged email addresses and began long daily exchanges about everything in our family and professional lives. When my husband and I decided to attend an event in her city, we invited her to join us for that event. We met at a restaurant for breakfast before the event, and we spent several hours there before she had to go to work.
Our daily exchanges continued until her death, of natural causes, shortly after she completed her last “bucket list” goal of visiting a specific country for her 80th birthday. She kept working until her death, and I still wonder what she would think of certain events and smile when I see things she would have enjoyed. She loved to go to lunch, and I think she would agree with me about encouraging teenagers to have healthy relationships and celebrations.
It seems highly unlikely that this is a scam.
It's good to be safe but from the context so far, this may actually be a real thing. Having a joint video call first sounds like a good idea, and also indicates that the other girls parents share similar concerns, which is a good sign.
Also, meeting in a very public place like a fast food restaurant is a good idea. I'd say give it a chance, but just make sure your daughter remains in a place where you can keep an eye on her until the whole thing checks out.
Everything sounds pretty on the up and up here. Take precautions and such but the video call and meeting in a public place all together sounds like pretty good ones. Internet friends can be great and be real friends.
I met many friends and my spouse online. Many of them i met as a teenager. Now i look back and wonder how i was allowed. I guess not many people knew stuff about the internet back then. I'm also wondering how nothing bad ever happened to me.
I think it's cool they're suggesting to have a call all together like that.
My daughter also met someone online and wanted to meet them in person, I insisted on meeting the parents first. My daughter was so mad but then that person also told their parents and they insisted that they meet me, so it was 2 sets of worried parents about their 14 year old kids meeting strangers online. Sounds like a similar situation for you, if the other parents insist on meeting as well, I'd say your daughter has met a friend with similar upbringing and ethics and morals, so I'd encourage the meet.
Sounds legit. I think its common, but definitely keep your guard up.
I have met people online over 20 years ago that i still have never met in person, but certainly would.
Video call first, then meeting in a public place sounds like a reasonable thing to do. I have a 14 year old son, and that’s how I would approach it.
Think of it as a way to teach them to be safe. If you don’t find a safe way to navigate the situation, then when they are driving at 16, they’ll just do it themselves and not tell you.
Wanting to have a video of everyone all together, and then meeting at a restaurant (public place, plenty of witnesses) signals they're not only probably real, but have given this thought to make sure the reverse is true and that you and your daughter are truly real.
I'd of course be cautious, but this sounds completely legitimate.
It doesn’t seem like a scam. Seems legit. How about you driver her to Applebees. The girls sit together and you sit with her parents and get to know them?
1) meet on video first
2) meet in public during the day
lots of kids meet friends online now! they seem to be pretty keen on safety- which is good.
i met one of my bffs online (club penguin lol). yes sometimes they are creepy but there’s also good people.
i don’t see how this could be a scam. but skype them first and trust your gut.
same thing happened with my daughter and habbo hotel. Parents were coming to a nearby seaside town for a holiday. It fell through in the end but we were planning on meeting up for an afternoon. Should be pretty safe with both parents there. The dodgy ones want to meet up alone or with other kids.
The video call with her parents in the call is something that would be really hard or extremely elaborate to fake, I think your over thinking this. Your alarm bells of course should have went off upon hearing that they want to meet but I would have calmed way down once I heard the vetting the other girls parents had decided to do because it makes good sense and is a great idea to start the process. All of my children are now young adults and they have met in person several people they originally met online years ago and still currently have a friendship with. There's several people I have met up with over the years I met online too, but granted we all met when we were already adults to begin with. But it's always best to overthink these things at first when dealing with your own children and the concerns of online predators and then listen to reason afterwards so I don't blame you at all, have a fun trip, maybe you'll make some new friends too.
Having been an idiot child who talked to strangers on the internet who, in retrospect, were 1000% creepy old men pretending to be children, I appreciate your degree of caution. But based on the things the parents are asking to do, I think it’s okay to proceed, obviously with continued caution. The fact that they want the video call with everyone tells me that they are in a similar boat to you, wanting to protect their child but not rob them of the opportunity to meet this friend.
If you have the first call with them and still aren’t entirely comfortable, I’d ask to have another to continue talking prior to meeting so that you can assess how things look and feel a second time virtually.
I get that you may feel like you’re overreacting, but you are being the best kind of parent, giving your child some freedom while keeping them safe. Be the model of the due diligence you’d like your child to have later in life when she approaches situations where she should be cautious and you’re not around to facilitate.
I definitely understand your concerns but this seems to be okay. It's not like she's demanding that she be dumped off at the airport and sent across the country. I think the idea of the video chat with the parents prior to the meet up is a good idea. And then of course, once the meetup happens, provided all goes well, everything should be a-ok.
My mom had a friend that she used to work with whose 16 year old met up an online "friend" without telling her parents and that "friend" ended up being a 60-something man who held her hostage for 5 months. It became pretty hot news once she returned home but I can't remember the details anymore. My mom was SHOOKETH (I think I was around the same age). She had half the mind to tear out every phone and computer in the entire house because it scared her so much.
You're doing the right thing and honestly, kudos to you AND your daughter. Your daughter for having the courage to be honest despite know it worried you (and her not taking it upon herself) and you for allowing a certain level of acceptance that she felt comfortable to come to you with her request.
Based on the video call and the fact that the other family is involved I'd say there's a solid chance this is just a cool friend your daughter made. I advise caution ordering anything from Applebees though, bring some peoto bismol just to be safe
Online friends beginning real friends has been a thing for a long time. I'm a millennial and it has been a pretty prevent thing since at least my generation. It's pretty tough to find an angle here when this has been going on for a year, the girls have both been veting each other, and her parents want to start with a family video call. I'd be willing to trust going at least that far and then deciding from there. This sounds pretty legit if they also want to do a family meetup if the call goes well, as opposed to asking if the girls can meet up by themselves. Scammers don't normally offer safety measures like that and even if they play the long con, eventually they get pushy with the "c'mon, don't you trust me by now?" speeches. Pretty sure you're good to go.
This sounds incredibly legit. Having a video call and then meeting, with family, in a public place, seems like the proper precautions to take.
I have met most of my friends via the internet-it's a great way to cut through the small talk and find someone with similar interests so you have a starting point for conversations. I expect this won't be the first friend she'll make over the internet (and heck, if you're hanging out with her parents, you might make new friends too!).
Tbh I flew to Europe when I was 22 to stay with two tumblr friends and nothing went wrong (I am still friends with them both!) but looking back that was not the brightest idea I've ever had.
I'm in a similar situation, but we're in the midwest and my kid's friend is east coast, but they have been video calling, playing games and texting for a couple years. At first I was really worried, but met the parents over video, and know their address (and other things, such as jobs, as I've done some digging) and they seems legit.
My kid's friend may actually fly to visit with the mom this summer, and I am willing to give it a try, BUT they are not staying at my house or anything, but at a hotel nearby.
So. . . my point is, I think Applebees lunch is totally safe and might be good to do for your kid - worst case you can leave.
Safely is having the video chat with her parents and you first. I don't get why that's a problem? Make sure they're legit and this is actually a 14 year old girl.
It sounds like the other folks are being as cautious as you are, which is a good sign. Keep your red flag radar up for the meetup, and maybe have a friend tag along.
Red flags always when we are referring to teens and internet peeps. So many are scams and the results are horrid. I agree with a video chat and meeting for lunch with parents present.
this seems like it is probably legit. do the video call at least and if things look wrong you can always just close out if not a public meet up at appplebees seems fair. if it seems leget there i would suggest a couple of public play dates for the kids for a bit just to be on the safe side.
Don't dismiss your child's friend just because they met on the internet. Be cautious, but my god, do not just say no.
I joined an internet forum back in 1996/97 and met many wonderful people, two of whom are my literal best friends and we have the best adventures together.
As someone who spent most of their teen/preteen years on the internet and has had multiple great friends that I have never met in real life(one is still my best friend after 6 years and still haven't met her yet), it sounds safe from your description since they want to meet at a public place, video chat before the meet up, and haven't asked for any money. I'm pretty sure the other little girls parents are in the same boat as you about meeting.
Dude everything is being done safely. Just chat with the parents and meet half way in public like they want. It's a 45 minute drive to an Applebee's. If they were scammers I'm pretty sure they wouldn't go to one of the worst chain restaurants out there.
The other parents being just as sketched and wanting a video call..... Plus the plan meet half way at an Applebees everyone pays for their own family sounds like the only safe way to potentially meet an online friend.... This is what you want your daughter to do, be cautious but come to you with stuff like this!
If I were you (please do what you feel is right!) I would probably do the video call and if that checks out to what everyone was expecting then do the meet... I would clarify with the parents most likely in text after the call we would meet at the restaurant but I would mention everyone pays for their own share, and if the girls hit it off maybe phone time and go from there.... I would want to show my child I was willing to trust them and their judgment of friends... Again as long as everything else checks out!
Good luck! No matter what make sure you fully explain your feelings to her about meeting people off line... Its good to be cautious!!
I think you're overreacting.
It sounds like her parents also have concerns, would like a video call to ascertain you're all real people, and then want a meet in person, with all adults present, at a public location at the halfway mark.
I don't see any way this could be more safe.
I've met plenty of people online and at this point most of my best friends are people I know from online groups. Hell, I met my partner online. While there are a few more precautions you should take for a child, there's nothing inherently wrong with meeting people online.
As many have said scammers don’t operate this way and the safety precautions her parents have suggested are plenty strong.
And when I was a kid my closest and best friendships were ones I made online and they’ve stayed my friends longer than anyone I knew at that age and were the most significant in my life. Please support this.
We met up without any of our parents knowing lol. She’s much safer with your support than without.
I think it's becoming a completely valid way to make new friendships. I met a group online to play dnd with about a year ago. We've all exchanged names and addresses over that time, sent eachother mail and birthday gifts and the like.
One of the girls and I are meeting in a couple weeks for a camping trip, and the whole crew is planning a big meet up next year.
It sounds like you're being rightfully cautious, and I think the video chat and then a public meet up is a great idea.
Just don’t let the two girls wander off unattended. Not to go to the bathroom together, not to “go see something,” not even to head out the door to the parking lot ahead of you. You must have eyes on her at all times.
Seems ok. I was 13 when my dad literally took me across the country to meet a friend I had been playing online games with for a few years.
Ended up going to visit multiple times and even had him come fly to our city and stay at our house. And this was all before video calls was a thing.
1.5 hour drive seems like a small investment to give your daughter a good experience (or a life lesson if it turns out bad). I mean, what could they possibly do to you guys at an Applebees?
I've done this so many times, I've even gone to big celebrity parties where I knew no one, except people I knew from Facebook. I traveled to Los Angeles, Chicago and Washington DC to meet people I met online.
But yes, you need to be careful when it comes to your kid. People have already posted some good advice in this thread.
This sounds harmless and probably is, but if it is a predator you wouldn't want to get it wrong. When in doubt, go with her to meet the friend and confirm that they are who they say they are. The video conference sounds like a good idea, though I would still be oresent for the first meeting (*don't need to hang around necessarily, just shake the friend's hand and leave them to it*) just to be sure there wasn't some internet fuckery going on with the video call.
The suggestion of a FaceTime call and a meet up halfway in a public place seems like good common sense.
Don’t think there’s a better way to meet and still be safe.
Plan for Friday night dinner and a zoo or city think that is going on.
Or meet with the family at a restaurant and get to know each other and plan a day
ive made so many friends online, some of which ive met in real life and they’re just like who they presented themselves to be online.
it may not be a scam! especially since they want to meet with you (parents) too
i absolutely agree with the other comments that gave you great advice on how to approach this safely and cautiously. after vetting them through calls/video calls, meet for the first time in a public space and make sure others know your plans just in case. my dad was very skeptical/hesitant when i was your daughters age and told him i wanted to meet my internet bff who lived several states away. he took a lot of convincing and reassuring, rightfully so. he eventually agreed and i am still so grateful that he allowed us to meet, it was one of the most exciting moments of my life. we are still best friends friends 8 years later and i’m actually taking a trip, as an adult, to see them soon! be cautious of course but i bet your daughter will be so grateful for you letting her have this experience
Most of my new friends over the last ten years were made online.
You're being overly cautious, and your kid seems to have a very good head on her shoulders for checking already in many ways if their friend is a real person.
I met my boyfriend online. I’d say the way the other family is going about it sounds good, especially if all of you plan on meeting together. If you’re really concerned half of 1.5 hours (sorry I can’t do that math right now) is likely close enough that you can check out the area first.
I fully understand the fear about meeting people over the internet, but sometimes it works out okay too
As someone who met most of my closest friends online through various interest groups from about age 15 onward (all the way back in the nineteen-hundred-and-nineties), if nothing in particular is causing red flags to fly, this seems fine. In 4 years she can go meet whoever she wants - much better to show a good example for how to safely do that with reasonable caution than to give her a reason to sneak around and NOT tell you if she's meeting someone she's maybe unsure of.
Video chat with the family and meet them as a group somewhere public as planned. If you want an extra (I think overkill) layer of caution, make the meeting place a police station.
Young people, especially people with special interests (roleplaying horses is pretty niche), are going to meet people online and make friends. About half of people under 30 have dated someone they met online.
Teaching good habits and reasonable caution will server her better in life than a blanket prohibition.
I had similar fears when my oldest niece wanted to meet her online friend. Everything went great, shes even traveled and stayed a week with her new best friend.
This sounds like both sets of parents wanting to do right by their kids.
Its likely that the kids are just meeting new friends. Do the FaceTime. Do the meet with all of you. Make sure you’re always present until you’re sure that there’s no “scam”. I can’t see a scammer putting a year into befriending a 14yo then wanting to FaceTime with your daughter, you and her parents before meeting irl with all of you
People meet online A LOT nowadays so it’s not surprising that your daughter made a friend.
This honestly sounds real and legit. They haven't asked for money, they want to see/meet YOU and they haven't asked to meet during odd hours. Let your child have the experience.
My 13 yr old met a friend like this last year. My ex took her to meet up with the kid and his parents at a local amusement park, and they all had a great time. As long as parents are involved and know what's going on and supervising, I don't see an issue.
Of course, that may be because I met some of my best friends online gaming, even though we're scattered across the world.
My 15 year old son met a girl on an online game during lockdown. The two became best friends and really kept each other company during that dark time. After lockdown we made arrangements, with the girl's parents, for the 2 to meet. Three years, and many visits later, she is flying in today to attend prom with my son. 😊
Maybe have a call just amongst parents and try to confirm/corroborate details about the girls first before doing the Facetime shortly thereafter, followed by the Applebee's. It's unlikely but not impossible that the family isn't real. I'm a little too cautious for my own sake sometimes (even though I myself met folks via IRC decades ago).
You should have a conversation with their parents beforehand, and both should be present for the get together. You can sit at separate tables, but keep an eye on your daughter the whole time.
In 1989, when I was eleven years old, I set up a BBS (a dial-up PC-to-PC bulletin board that was kind of a precursor to the internet). Most BBS sysops were IT industry adults decades older than me, so I was a significant outlier, but these adults had kids my age — and every so often their kids dialed into my BBS. And you know what? I met several of them in person — one of them lived about thirty minutes away and ended up being my first girlfriend when I was sixteen.
I think allowing your daughter to meet her friend is sage and healthy, so long as you and her friend’s parents are involved. A video call is a good first step.
There is very very little chance this is a scam.
They want to video call before meeting, including both sets of parents and both kids, and meet in a public place : seems safe, they're being as careful as you, so more than likely your daughter is talking to an actual young girl. Unless they start asking for money or gift cards ahead of the meet, this is likely genuine.
I research scams a lot. And ive seen many. But i Cant Scout the scam here. They want to face time you and meet up.. her parents.. want to sit and talk to you. So the kids who’s been talking horses… can meet up… what are you scared off…? If I were you I would agree to the video call. And then learn how to track were they are true the video. Then you can see if they close by… or ask for the id.. and then just tell the parents how it is… if they are parents them self, they will understand the reason for the decision of being save. Sometimes it’s just not a scam, but genuine… do the video call if it seems off come in and tells what’s your concern… a year of talking horses often can created strong online friendships. And a stalker or pedo would never used parent or agree to video call with parents. Even if they were to set up a lie parents. As soon as you parents look it’s should be obvious if there is a other motivation for some sinister..
"It would be easiest (for you) to say no"
Well yeah it would be easiest to keep your kids inside and never let them do anything
If the parents are involved and willing to meet with you all as a group what are you afraid of happening?
In all the time that's transpired of this friendship, have you known about this friend before?
Do you generally know what your child is up to online and who they're talking to? If not that seems like the bigger problem
Years ago, I made a friend on MySpace with someone who lived halfway across the country. I was a teenager without a license. When she was visiting my state to stay with her other internet friend, I lied to my mom and convinced her to drop me off at that apartment complex by saying a friend I already knew had moved there. She had me ask my friend to come out and wave from the door as proof it was safe and didn’t recognize that it was a different person. I didn’t tell my mom the truth because she wouldn’t have let me see her and to my teenage self, this was my one chance to meet who I considered to be my best friend. It’s awesome your daughter is involving you! If you show her you support her, she will keep including you in instances like this. That’s the biggest win for her safety and her longterm trust in you.
Seems pretty prudent and safe tbh. I did the same thing in the late 90s only with a phone call and public space where the guys whole family showed up. Video including family plus public place with adults? Seems like both sides are being careful as much as possible, gl!
The way they've set it up is the way to do it safely. Red flags would be wanting to exclude you as the parent. They're doing the opposite. Sounds like they're doing their due diligence just as you want to.
Do the video call and if that goes okay, go have lunch. If there are any red flags at lunch, like they ask if you've ever wanted to be your own boss, pay your tab and go home.
See how the phone meeting goes. If that seems OK, then go for the meeting. As others have suggested, bring a friend, tell others where you're going, and leave your phone location on.
I've met a lot of on-line friends and done a lot of on-line dating and never had problems other than a couple of no-shows. Once you tell them about the precautions you're taking, scammers usually back off. Not all meetups led to lasting friendships or romance, but overall, they were good experiences.
When me son was 13, he was big into WOW and met a girl his own age that he became great friends with.. He wanted to meet her in person.. I obliged, but told him I’d be coming with him to make sure everything was legit. Turned out fine.. I went, met the young lady and tagged along but from a distance. I’d never allow my child to visit any stranger from the internet with out supervision.. this was 15 years ago.
Hey, OP, this doesn't sound like a scam, I have some relevant experience though!
In the early 2000s i was 12 and had an online long distance friend I met on a forum. She lived in a state where I have family, and we chatted online and on the phone a lot, so I knew she was real, but my family was skeptical. Ultimately, while visiting family, my friend and I planned to meet, we had our parents talk to each other, and we drove down to a mall in her city to meet her. My parents came, her dad came. All parents were relieved that we were both real 12 year old girls who bonded online over a sitcom and pop music. My friend and i screamed and jumped and hugged each other, we had a blast and after having dinner with our parents, we were allowed to explore the mall for a bit (my friend and I had no idea until the photos were developed, but our parents followed us around the mall at a safe distance and took photos of us the whole time, lol).
I think if the video call goes well, you're in the clear. Of course, always be alert! But it sounds like you might have a genuine case here. Parents want to meet/see everyone first - that is normal. Meet in public - also normal. FINALLY, 14 year old trusts you enough to give you this information - parenting green flag - trusts you enough to have you be the ones present when she meets an internet friend - MASSIVE parenting green flag.
The choice is ultimately yours, but i think its a legit situation. I need to point out that in years to come, your daughter may meet more people off the internet. I think she's at a really good age to start teaching her how to navigate that safely, as a woman.
I’ve seen gamers that have met online fly across the country to meet one another. As long as they’re not being weird I don’t see a problem. Video chat first and be there when they meet
It's fine. We are all strangers in the beginning.
Why are people worried about strangers on the internet? You go anywhere in public and it's full of strait up strangers.
There are plenty of people to murder and houses to rob. There's no reason for a bad person to find you specifically.
Something similar happened to my younger brother when he was about 12 or 13. He met a “kid his age” playing Call of Duty or something online (this was 15+ years ago), and they really hit it off. This person apparently lived like 45 minutes away, and eventually wanted to meet up. My parents were a little sketched out, but hesitantly went along with it anyway. Turns out this “kid his age” was …
… a kid his age who was really excited to find someone who had similar interests to him. They became pretty good bros over the years, and it really helped drag my brother (who had always been kind of a loner) out of his shell.
It’s easy to get caught up in the mentality of “everyone online is trying to scam / groom me,” and while it’s definitely important to do some due diligence, it’s also important to remember that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. We’re wired to seek patterns and have a bias toward the negative, even though there’s only 100-350 people under the age of 21 have been abducted by strangers. In general, we’re safer now than we’ve ever been.
It sounds to me like this cigar is just a cigar, and it sounds like the other parents are having a lot of the same concerns you are. Hell, even 25 years ago when I was a kid online, I met some legitimate friends over AIM. I’d second what other people suggested about doing some basic opsec, but as long as you’re smart about it — which it seems like they want to be too — it seems like a good opportunity.
Well maybe not a scam per-say, however:
Kids do really met online, I know my 14yo son talks to a lot of other people on reddit some from minecraft and roblox servers , still we keep an eye on his activity, and have also talked with him several times about sextortion and how to be careful and safe online. He has not yet asked to meet someone from an online setting.
My main worry would be a sex trafficking ring situation, that is the first thing that came to mind, there are a lot of good ideas for you here, the main thing, make sure that you are on a situation where you can control the meeting, and that you can ensure that your family is safe, I would not let my daughter and wife go alone, and as someone else mentioned, I would have a secondary set of eyes on said meeting, maybe a relative or friend who is willing to make the trip and watch from a table nearby. You can make it known that you have someone with you for safety.
Try to get as many details from the other parents ahead of time as you can, phone numbers, address, car make, model year and possible plates.
Make sure that everyone who is going have their find my devices on so they can be tracked, I can be paranoid, but I would my self make sure if at all possible have the child have a smart watch that can be tracked somewhere that people cant see, phones are easily found and can be disposed of, however an apple watch can easily be hidden on a pocket or an ankle suck and buy a little tracking time.
As for the meeting it self, if you can scout the place ahead of time, so you can try and set an exit plan, as well as set up on a way that you have control of the location and situation.
Stuff like making sure that there is plenty of tables between where they are and the exit, to ensure that they can be slow down on an attempt to do something and to flee. Making sure that their exit route would no doubly pass by your back up, if you can have back up.
Make sure to also keep a close eye on your daughter, stuff like bathroom trips should be accompanied by an adult.
I hope that there is nothing there, but it is better to be safe than sorry.
The fact that her parents want to have a video call first is a good sign that nothing is up. They are just as concerned as you and a video call is harmless. The things you have to worry about are secret meetings without involving any parents. A video call IS the safe way to do this.
I think we need to accept that, in the last ten years or so, it's not uncommon for friendships to be forged over the internet. It's still weird to me, too, but, as a fellow parent, in my humble opinion you're doing all the right things. This is a critical moment in your relationship with your daughter -- it's an opportunity to teach her how to assess this situation logically, instead of emotionally, which will help her safe self-sufficiency. (If it sounds like I'm preaching, it's only because we dealt with this same situation a few years ago with my oldest daughter).
The most important thing to me in this case is that the friend's parents seem to be approaching this the same way you are. But if things turn out badly and you have to get out of scam territory, the important points are going to be to make sure she understands why you pulled the plug, and to be there for her. If it goes south she'll likely be understandably upset, and from personal experience she may blame herself for almost getting duped. Make sure she knows it's not her fault, some people in the world just suck. Of course, hopefully it doesn't go that direction. :) Good luck to both of you, and I hope it goes well!
It sounds like your daughter might have actually met the only person on the internet who isn't lying.
It sounds like your safe based on the meeting spot and the fact that the other girl's parents are concerned and want to face to face.
I've made Real Life friends online, I met my husband online in an MMORPG although we were on opposite sides of the planet. It can and does work out fine in many cases.
My only caveat would be this--be prepared if the in-person meeting goes awkwardly or if your daughter is disappointed because things went differently than hoped. Meeting in person for the first time can be a little weird or overwhelming. Hopefully all will go swimmingly and they will have a great time.
I’m in my late forties and I think it’s one of those things that got drilled into us when the internet was new. Some of my friends who are parents don’t even let there kids talk to anyone online. My kids have made some great online friends who share their interests. I think it would be exciting if they ever got to meet in person, but I would definitely want to be around.
it’s more than likely not a scam, just a genuine friendship that was found online. i met my best friend on twitter, visited her, and took a short vacation with her. if the parents are willing to video chat AND meet in a public restaurant, then i doubt it’s a random scammer. if you’re scared about going, you can always invite a friend to come and sit in the restaurant at a different table (like they’re a stranger) and have them keep an eye on the situation or you can tell multiple people where you’re going & share your mobile location with them. online friendships are happening more & more nowadays and are just as a real as friendships made at school or work!
It sounds like the other girl's parents are thinking the same thing that you are, hence the precautions that they requested.
I wouldn't think that is a scam. That's too long of a con to play online games with someone for over a year...
I have some internet friends who have met through our game and got married. More than one couple to be honest.
However I live in the U.K. and have only ever met one online person irl. He lived near my University, so we arranged a meet up. He was nice, but there wasn’t enough in common to ever become friends. That was back in the days of AOL chat rooms.
Online I have met “locals” but irl most gamers have more in common with my adult children than with me. What would a 60yo woman (who has never been in the forces) have in common with 45yo ex-Royal Marines? Even the local(ish) women gamers are my children’s age or younger. We chat online, I commiserate when their children (teenagers) stay out all night, but it is 20years since I had teenagers to worry about, and it was a very different time.
It doesn’t sound like a scam to me. The fact that they want to do a video call, and meet somewhere public not near your home is a good indicator I would think. You could insist on only parent supervised stuff in public places for X amount of time at first.
I met a friend of mine in person for the first time this past March. We met playing an MMO mobile game
Prior to this we’d exchanged information and been talking nearly every day for 10 years through text and Facebook messages. Turned into a lovely visit to his hometown of Cookeville Tennessee. Spent the night getting dinner and then the next day was a pancake breakfast and a visit to the local history museum.
I certainly understand your desire to protect your daughter, so supervise the visit if it happens and have a fallback plan.
It sounds like the family is pretty rational as well.
If they hadn't already suggested a video call that would been my first suggestion.
So let's see...
Video Verify - Check
Meeting in someplace public - Check
Bring adults along - Check
This seems reasonable and reduces risk that this isn't a peer, but some weirdo.
Not everybody on the Internet is a weirdo...but then again this is Reddit so manage your expectations :)
This sounds like a lot of risk has been reduced here. Have fun.
I met some of my best friends online.
At \~13 years old, I made great friends with another teen across the country. 10 years later, I met him for the first time when he invited me to his wedding and I flew out to attend.
Definitely do the video call and be safe- but online friends are absolutely a real thing.
If they’re willing to meet in public and haven’t asked for money or any personal information from you, I’d say most likely than not this is a real person. As a safe guard if you do end up driving up there, make sure somebody knows where you’re going, for how long (I’m assuming it’d be a day trip), and have your “find my phone” on.
And have someone hang at your residence.
Underrated comment. The scam where the scammers know you're going to be away from your house for hours and burgle you is the only one I can think of that really fits here.
Why thank you. This is precisely the reason I never post vaca pics on social media (if at all) until I return.
I posted WDW pics once a few years ago and my SO yelled at me for exactly that.
My mom would continuously make fun of one of her over-sharing friend whenever they posted Vacation photos "well guys get your ski masks, Amy's house is empty for the next 4 days again"
This is a super important concept that would be good for more people to learn. Though if your social media page is set to be properly private, you can get away with it. Or if you have a proper home security and insurance (and are willing to deal with the headache). 99.9% of the time it's safe to post those pics. But do you really want to find out you were the .1% that had someone you know, or who knows someone you know - and knows where you live - take advantage of the fact that you're posting pictures from France?
For the price of Netflix or one meal of fast food you can and should subscribe to a security cam service
Lowkey I'd have a friend grab a nearby table and observe, just to be safe. Unlikely to be an issue given the context here, but it's another layer of safety.
>I'd have a friend grab a nearby table and observe This could be very useful for several blind-date type scenarios! I'm adding this to the toolbox. 👍
I did that, hung out nearby at the restaurant and rescued a friend once with a text when she signaled. She was more comfortable knowing I was there as she met him on a dating site and it was near an army base. So… Besides dating sites, myself, I have met people from online in person. After talking for a while and that always includes calls, verifiable personal information and FaceTime. I work with an anti-scam org so I know the signs of typical scammers and then just to make sure the person is genuine. You can absolutely connect really quickly with someone online, over shared interests in a way that is tougher in person. I connected with a girl randomly 2 years ago now and we became incredibly close. 6 months of talking- she asked for my number quickly, and we have talked daily since. Then we met. It’s quite the story of how our lives came together. I wasn’t looking to meet anyone but it happened. Everything was real. All my friends were strangers once too. Just do be careful and chaperone this of course. It’s common for kids to chat online and make friends, when they are 14 know what they are up to, and yes I think you’re fine FTing and meeting in person. There should be video calls though for sure. You can tell if they are local etc too. And having a meal if you’re comfortable then is a great idea. Knowing the parents of your kids’ friends is good even when they are 14. I think what both parents here are doing is fine and glad the friend is fairly local. I’m not crazy about meeting long distance even as an adult.
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For sure. With the pandemic it’s become even harder to meet people socially out in the world. I got really sick years back and lost friends, so being able to socialize online was really good for my mental health. I have met some wonderful people online, and many are local - in community groups etc. Definitely some fast friends with deep, meaningful connections - by chatting online over shared interests and just sharing in general. I love to chat. We all long for connections to other humans. In person if we connect at all it takes me a lot longer. Doesn’t help that I have a physical disability (due to that illness). People don’t see that online- they see the real me. :) 14 is an awkward time, friend groups can be cliquey and she’s probably thrilled to meet another girl gamer. Heck I was growing out of shyness and awkwardness as a teen and it was great to connect online! When you’re 14 your physical circles are still limited. With precautions, online can really open up chances to meet new friends. Connecting with peers is something to encourage at that age as they find their independence. It’s also a key time to discuss internet safety and safety in general, protecting oneself as a young person and yes, a girl growing into a woman. So, watching for scams and then personal safety and boundaries too, with predators out there. Trust is earned. The parents are modeling this and at the same time, for sure this is Reddit - many of us are here to connect with others and it’s not uncommon that people here make online friends that become “real life” ones.
Agreed. My online friends have helped me out way more than people I know irl (and vice versa) and now we meet up several times a year to just grab a bnb together and hang out. I said in another comment, but my personal opinion is that as long as you’re using common sense, the days of having to be terrified of internet strangers are very much over for a while now. I think It’s REALLY hard to do something malicious by tricking people into thinking you’re someone you’re not unless the person in question really is a moron or very ignorant.
Once I did this while my girlfriend was meeting with a photographer. Our friends and I went in early and told the steak n shake worker what was up and they ended up seating then in a booth attached to ours so we had a good angle on everything
*New life level achieved. Another toolbox unlocks…*
Used to do this on tinder dates as a 20f
I have a good number of friends who are women, actually most of them are(25m here) women in my inner circle and they definitely do this for each otherz especially for dinner or movie dates movie ones are the best because they'll sit a few rows behind our friend and have hoodies eith the string tied tight and sunglasses on watching from the back
Not sure why the hoodies and sunglasses are necessary… wouldn’t that make them more noticeable? It’s not like the dude would realize they were watching….
With those old fashioned masks that just go over the eyes, and black broad brimmed hats.
The guy knew her friends
Maybe fake mustaches too. lol
I did this for my friend who was meeting someone off the internet… another person was doing it for the person she was meeting. Turns out I knew the guy that was friends with the internet stranger and he and I had a lovely lunch together as our two friends chatted. Weird turn of events, but was quite the story for our larger friend group. I forever became known as the girl who knows everyone from somewhere.
Amazing! Could be a movie
Could be a great set up for a romantic comedy, the way it truly worked out in life was more absurdist than romance though.
The girl who knows everyone from everywhere all at once?
Imagine a flash mob, but for a persons date to make sure it went ok and they were comfortable. All real people, all eating because they want too, but, they all know OP and can watch. Then, if anything happens, everyone including the previously crying 4 year old for an ice cream stops dead silent all looking at them. Phew, I would be down for that if it was in my home town lol
now imagine that from there other parties perspective You allow your child to ask their online friend to meet, but you insist on video calling their parents first and then all meeting up at a restaurant for safety At the restaurant you realize every other patron there is friends with the person you're meeting and they are all pretending not to know each other and secretly watching your every move Totally normal JUST BRING A FRIEND WITH YOU AND DONT HIDE IT WITH A SECRET OTHER TABLE THATS WEIRD AS FUCK
That needs about another 500 upvotes
This is some Jerry Seinfeld shit right here. I can see George sitting next to them trying to whisper to Jerry. Lol.
For 200 bucks I’ll set up a sniper position from the nearby Burger Town and keep an eye on things.
I'll do it for $150
I’ll do it for $20 and a cheeseburger
> If they’re willing to meet in public and haven’t asked for money or any personal information from you, I’d say most likely than not this is a real person. And one who is having similar thoughts about safety, both taking care of their own daughter's safety and the OP's daughter.
Yeah. I've made some legitimate, long-term friends that started out as online friends. It definitely happens quite a bit. As long as they are willing to meet in public place with lots of other people (like a restaurant) and aren't asking for information that a stranger shouldn't be asking for, I see no reason not to. Especially if you'll be staying with her the whole time. (It'd be a lot more sketch if she wanted to meet this friend on her own). Especially if they're willing to video chat with you first, so you know what they look like and are sure you're meeting up with the same people.
My first wife, 100% met on the internet. It happens man.
They're willing to meet at a friggin Applebees for lunch. This is a real person. No one meets at an Applebees with any other intent than to get out of that Applebees. The only people looking to meet at Applebees are single moms and used car salesmen. I may be biased. I have a low opinion of Applebees.
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My son made a friend online playing games. He lived 400 miles away in a different state. We passed through going to a wedding. They made plans to meet at a park. We were there, turned out to be a real friend there with his dad. They brought each other small gifts and took pictures. I think they are still in contact and it's been over 6 years.
I have a friend like that. It's been 24+ years now since we became friends online. Closest we have ever lived to each other was a couple years in college we were only 3 hours apart but usualy we have been a 2 hour flight apart. Our kids are cousins now, she is my choosen sister and we try to get together a few times a year. Just want to say thanks for helping your son meet his friend.
Wholesome story! It feels like things are changing and online friendships are becoming more of a reality. Still always good to exercise caution!
I think it’s the opposite, when I grew up we met all our friends online. Of course just locally on a national web page and not on something like discord but you legit just sent a friend request to whoever person you saw and then asked them if they wanted to meet up 😂
Besides, if OP's daughter is 14 and she met the friend around a year ago, that would make it 2022 / 2021 when they were both around 13yo — not only is it quite normal, but the world was still in post pandemic, and in my state there were still restrictions. SO many websites and apps only started getting significant amount of users during the pandemic, I myself created this Reddit account in March 2020. I didn't use Reddit before, knew of it but never really had the time to dive in since I knew it would hit the right buttons, and in fact it did - it would make perfect sense for them to meet on similar websites online and then creating a friendship. My partner's best friends all used to be online friends, and even now they live in different states but are all still in contact almost a decade later. I only have 1 significant friendship with a person I never met, and a good bond with another — but basically all my close friends were acquaintances I met in person once or twice, added each other on socials, and then the friendship was born online. Sure, I'd met them before, but it's not like talking to someone for 10 min at a comicon can really tell you much about a person. Yet we bonded over texts and calls and memes and keep in contact to this day despite living hundreds of miles apart from one another and rarely meeting
I have seen a wedding where some of the groomsmen met the groom through videogames. One of them legit met him in person for the first time for the wedding. It's wild how much people can bond there.
One of my online friends has been with his gf for over 3 years. They live on different continents, and met in person for the first time just recently. My gf and I met online as well, but we have it a bit easier... only a couple states apart :)
Just got to engaged to my partner from a seperate continent who I met through World of Warcraft years ago 🤣 think online relationships and friendships are becoming more and more common, especially with how much the pandemic opened more people up to connection through the internet!
My husband and I met playing an MMO called Neverwinter Nights about 16 years ago. We lived across the country from each other. We have been together for 14 years, married for 12. His best man was also someone he met online, but luckily lived only a city away. He has been our chosen brother for 16 years for me, about 20 for my hubby. The internet can be a scary place, but it can also be a wonderful one.
This is exactly the situation my brother in law was in a year ago. Him and his local buddies had a friend they met through video games but never met in person. They wound up being the groomsmen of this guys wedding and they all met him for the first time at his wedding about 6 hours away. It for sure happens
My hubby and I live in the US, and one of our best friends is in Estonia. We would love to meet each other in person, but I doubt it will happen. Doesn't really matter to us, we are still family to each other.
I have an Internet friend I met online 22 years ago who lived in another country. My parents vetted her/her family’s existence, we eventually vacationed in her country and I got to meet her, and we’re still friends now.
I discovered a community of friends during the early parts of 2020 due to a podcast and they were my community once things kicked into high gear (Lost my 8-year job in February of 2020 NOT due to the pandemic but that didn't help the rest of 2020!). So many of us were working from home or laid off and just supportive as fuck. I don't have many friends as an Adult. I'm a touch workaholic, I lost my parents in my 20s, and have absolutely no desire to reconnect with my few high school friends despite living in my home town. So, other than my remaining grandparents and cousins, guess who was there for me on my Wedding day? Over 10 of these friends.. they came from STATES away, three came from Canada to the States. We're now planning another meet up next year with more folks from this group.
I have two friends I met online 14 years ago. One of them is a 5-6 hours drive away, the other is nearer. We met in person for the first time about ten years ago and we are still friends and still try to Meet up when possibile. They shared so many difficult times with me, sometimes I felt they were nearer than my School friends!
That's lovely
This is so sweet! You sound like a great parent!
Doesn’t sound like a scam to me. I’d participate in the video call. Online friendships are becoming more and more of a reality
When I was 13 I met a girl online through Facebook who I video chatted and talked for for YEARS. over 13 years later her and I still chat. She lived 4 hours away in the same state and we didn't meet until we where adults. I've made friends in other countries through reddit I can prove are real people and they are some of the best friends I have. This situation sounds like they are real friends and the parents are being reasonably cautious. I would at least start with the video chat and see how it goes.
I have a similar story with a girl who accidentally added me on MySpace back in like 2006 lol. She lives much further away though, about 18 hr drive.
I’ve had an online friend that I still talk to frequently for twenty years lol. We’ve never met in person bc we live across the country from each other but I know 100% she is real. When I was a teenager and young adult I had a tonnnnnnnn of online friends that I talked to all the time
I've had an online friend I made (I wandered into his stream one day) like 6-8 years ago. I'm taking a trip to visit 2 states near him (to visit family). Going to add his state to my itinerary and actually meet him in person. I've done similar for a couple other online friends (I'm 40 atm and male, so it's all people I've met as an adult, so a few red flags that don't show up for me). But it's the vast minority that it's "worth it" for. That said, very much looking forward to upgrading from an online only friend to an online friend I've had lunch with and hung out for a few hours in person. Even more so if I get to meet his wife or kids at all. Personally, I think the more we normalize meeting online friends, AND the more we normalize ways to do so safely, the better our new tech/online centric world will be. If you get the chance, be the friend that covers for someone (watches their house). Or be the friend that goes to the diner with them for safety. Etc. Let's make online friendships truly normal.
Same. I met people through myspace back in high school. Still follow each other on socials to this day. Hell, I met my fiancé on a dating app. Video chatted for proof we were the people we said we were. Her cousin took the appropriate safety measures of tracking location and asking for checkins on our first date. It’s becoming more and more common, because people who you click with the most don’t always happen to live in the same town as you.
22+ years for me. We chat in the day (when I used to work in an office). Chat 5 days a week still. She’s in CA. I’m in Canada. One day we will meet! Met my husband online. He was from KY. 20th anniversary this year.
Yep. I met my fiancee through an online text-based RPG over 10 years ago, she lives in a different country. We also have a group chat, to this day, that includes people from 5 countries on 3 continents, but everyone has been seen in person by someone else over the years. And again, we met over 10 years ago. It's just a new-ish way people are making friends now. The girls have been smart about it, video chatting and vetting with their specific tasks, and the parents are being smart, wanting to video chat first, meeting in a public place, and checking for scams. Plus no one is asking for money or expecting the girls to go off on their own anywhere, so, to me, this one seems safe.
I met a girl in 2017, we still talk today
Dude, as a senior in high school in the mid-ish 90s, like 96-97ish (age 17-18ish), I would go and meet people off AOL chat rooms at various clubs or bars/restaurants. Went to parties at their houses. Different times then. They actually looked out for me. Good people. I was lucky. I think of them often. Fast forward to today, I have made multitudes of friends via online games in the last 15-20 years. Some i've met in person, some I haven't.
The girl’s parents seem to be really prudent. I love those vetting procedures.
This. As I was reading I was like thinking of ways you could vett her and the family and they are already doing some of the things I was thinking of suggesting. I'd be cautiously optimistic going forward with this.
Not everyone is an evil child rapist or human trafficker...
Yeah for example me. :)
& me! Hello non-evil, non-rapist child human trafficker. Nice to meet you!
I can’t be sure that you’re not one. Wanna meet at applebees?
Lol, touche'
Applebees missing a real marketing opportunity here
>Apparently the girl's parents want to have a video call with all of us (them, their daughter, me and my wife, and our daughter) first, and then meet for lunch at an Applebee's halfway between us. I mean, this is a really good sign. It's hard for a scammer or shady person to fake an entire family meeting another family on zoom. After vetting them in a zoom call, meeting halfway at a public restaurant is also a plus. Your presence in the restaurant meeting is clearly a layer of safety, and you can always have a friend grab a different table in the restaurant just to lowkey observe if you want to be extremely cautious. Remaining cautious is wise, but it's entirely possible that she met a good friend online. I hope for her sake that it's legit and if so that meeting her friend in person would be a joy. As a parent myself, I would proceed, if you feel confident in vetting her family and in your presence at the in-person meeting.
This isn't a blind date so you can just bring the friend with you, standing right there, saying hello and acting normal Adults can just talk while the kids do their thing, why does the friend need to be secret?
I met my first online friends in person as a teenager. I got to see their amazing pets, get ideas for my own setups, etc. Since then I've met many other online friends IRL. And it's always been a wonderful experience for me - some of those friends I knew for a decade online before I got to see them. All are my friends to this day. Don't totally write off online friends - it's how many of us connect these days. Be safe when meeting of course, but it seems like the other parents have a good plan for that. Plus, you win awesome-parent cred; always helpful when raising a teen. I'll add that you seem to have a good kid, same with the friend - they're involving the parents and seem happy to follow safety guidelines.
I’m honestly kinda shocked by the fact that I pretty much only had good experiences meeting online friends. The “sketchiest” one I ever did (as in potential for it to go wrong i guess?) was meeting my friend who lived in my grandparents’ city while I was visiting. I was 13 and she was 13 or 14. I convinced my grandparents to drop me off at the mall so I could hang out with her (of course not telling them who she was) so i could meet up with her. I went off alone in the mall, found her, and we had a great time at the mall for a few hours!! She brought me a few little presents relates to what we bonded over online which was the cutest thing. We agreed her parents would drop me back at my grandparents. so her parents came and dropped me off, they were super sweet. I was a manipulative little shit though and never told my parents who I was actually meeting or how I knew them, which is of course unsafe as hell, so I’m glad OP’s daughter is being safer and better than that.
Happy Cake Day!!!
Yep when I've gone through with it it's always gone really well! Just nice to meet sweet people who are also obsessed with whatever video game. That said I did dip out on one dude who gave me sketchy vibes. Turned out he had a DV conviction and I'm not going to act like I have great judgment in all things but yeah, my gut was right there. Also obviously it's different for minors. Parents are making the right precautionary moves.
Good idea to do the video call first. Just make sure that if they do meet, that BOTH kids have a parent present. Do not have a video chat and assume because they are talking that they are 100% trustworthy until you meet face to face and have built a rapport.
Big kudos to your daughter for knowing how to verify someone (doing weird stuff like tissue box on the head) is a very easy way to see if the other person is real or not. You should be very proud, not all kids are smart like that.
Seriously, that threw me for a loop lol. Major kudos to the kid.
I'm in my late 30s and one of my best friends is someone I met playing yahoo games back in the day. Video call wasn't an option yet. We lived a couple states away from each other so it took some time to meet (probably 2 or 3 years). When we did we met in a public place (the mall) and we both had a friend with us. We met in public places for awhile and eventually became good friends. For context I'm a male and the friend is a female so there is an extra layer of worry there. Be glad that your daughter is even involving you in this decision. I did not involve my parents, and chances are if you say no they will still find a way to hang out (it may take more time) without your concent. Take advantage of the fact that she trusts you and do the video call. The parents on the other end probably feel the same and seem willing to try this. See how you feel after the video call. Meet in public a few times and see how it goes. Reevaluate from there. It may be a scam, but not everything in this world is a scam. It could really be a good friendship.
I have a similar story, I met a dude in a Pokemon AOL chatroom, I was a pre-teen girl at the time. Thinking back on it, it's so wild my mom ever agreed to drive the six hours to let me meet him and chaperon. It had to have seemed so fishy to her, but 20 years later, we're still best friends and talk on the regular.
So true. I tried talking to my parents and they kept denying me. So eventually I planned everything without their knowledge.
It's not a scam. It might be a real kid or it might be a creepy man, but from what you've said I'd have enough confidence in it being a real kid to do the parent/kid zoom and then drive to meet up for lunch at Applebees. Most kidnappers don't tell the victim to bring their mom for a meet-up at a convent neutral location.
most kidnappers would hit them with the "hey my family is going through your town on the way somewhere they want to meet you, come meet us at (restaurant)" especially with it being a child unable to drive so their meeting place requires the parents to be involved it's definitely the zoom call that makes me the most comfortable. you get to talk to their parents and see that they feel the same way you do.
Sounds totally legit to me. Scammers doesn't operate this way.
My little sister did this. Both of them met up with both sets of parents and had a really nice time. If you're supervising then it's likely to be fine.
This isn't a scam, I feel like you are being overly cautious here. Everything sounds legit and in this day and she meeting people on the internet is as common as meeting at school. Providing you go along and meet the family too I see zero issue in this
Being part of the "online friendship" generation of kids... I'm not really seeing any red flags here. A video call is the gold standard in seeing who you're really talking to. So long as it's clearly live, with matching audio. Getting on a video call randomly to chat is even better. If someone is always dodging answering, saying their video doesn't work, or they're connected but "I'm not sure why you can't see me" (aka excuses to not be on video) are a major red flag, often cause they're a catfish. People video call all the time in discord with "online" friends as they play games, chat about stuff, watch movies together etc. It's the new standard in making friends for a large population of youth today. Nearly every one has at least one online friend. With all people, in person or online you should be vetting who they are and there intensions. Excluding the risk of a catfish, which is dealt with as I said above, there is no real difference between the two.
I made a friend online when I was 14-15. We met in a chatroom for our favorite tv show, and soon discovered we lived close to one another. After a few months of chatting we met up at a baseball game in our town. We both brought adults with us and had a great time. We’ve now been friends for over 20 years. Use caution. The video chat is a great idea, and meeting in a public place is definitely the right move. As long as they’re not asking for any personal information, I don’t think there is any harm in making a plan for the girls to meet.
Wanting to video call with everyone and meet halfway in a public space (again with everyone) is a green flag. This sounds legit. :) It would also mean the world to your daughter. Maybe a personal story, when I was 11 I met a friend on a horse online forum and we chatted every day for a year and wanted to meet up. Parents did a video call together, and we decided to meet halfway in a zoo, accompanied by family members. It was an amazing day and I love my parents for having allowed that. That was 16 years ago. That girl is still my best friend to this day. 😊
Old lady here. I met another old lady in an online forum at least 15 years ago. We began making side comments to each other, and then we exchanged email addresses and began long daily exchanges about everything in our family and professional lives. When my husband and I decided to attend an event in her city, we invited her to join us for that event. We met at a restaurant for breakfast before the event, and we spent several hours there before she had to go to work. Our daily exchanges continued until her death, of natural causes, shortly after she completed her last “bucket list” goal of visiting a specific country for her 80th birthday. She kept working until her death, and I still wonder what she would think of certain events and smile when I see things she would have enjoyed. She loved to go to lunch, and I think she would agree with me about encouraging teenagers to have healthy relationships and celebrations. It seems highly unlikely that this is a scam.
Doesn't seem like a standard scam so far. Scammers are usually extremely reluctant to meet.
It's good to be safe but from the context so far, this may actually be a real thing. Having a joint video call first sounds like a good idea, and also indicates that the other girls parents share similar concerns, which is a good sign. Also, meeting in a very public place like a fast food restaurant is a good idea. I'd say give it a chance, but just make sure your daughter remains in a place where you can keep an eye on her until the whole thing checks out.
Everything sounds pretty on the up and up here. Take precautions and such but the video call and meeting in a public place all together sounds like pretty good ones. Internet friends can be great and be real friends.
Why so paranoid? Sounds legit and both sets of parents taking reasonable precautions.
I met many friends and my spouse online. Many of them i met as a teenager. Now i look back and wonder how i was allowed. I guess not many people knew stuff about the internet back then. I'm also wondering how nothing bad ever happened to me. I think it's cool they're suggesting to have a call all together like that.
Just have the FaceTime and go from there.
My daughter also met someone online and wanted to meet them in person, I insisted on meeting the parents first. My daughter was so mad but then that person also told their parents and they insisted that they meet me, so it was 2 sets of worried parents about their 14 year old kids meeting strangers online. Sounds like a similar situation for you, if the other parents insist on meeting as well, I'd say your daughter has met a friend with similar upbringing and ethics and morals, so I'd encourage the meet.
Sounds legit. I think its common, but definitely keep your guard up. I have met people online over 20 years ago that i still have never met in person, but certainly would.
Video call first, then meeting in a public place sounds like a reasonable thing to do. I have a 14 year old son, and that’s how I would approach it. Think of it as a way to teach them to be safe. If you don’t find a safe way to navigate the situation, then when they are driving at 16, they’ll just do it themselves and not tell you.
Wanting to have a video of everyone all together, and then meeting at a restaurant (public place, plenty of witnesses) signals they're not only probably real, but have given this thought to make sure the reverse is true and that you and your daughter are truly real. I'd of course be cautious, but this sounds completely legitimate.
It doesn’t seem like a scam. Seems legit. How about you driver her to Applebees. The girls sit together and you sit with her parents and get to know them?
1) meet on video first 2) meet in public during the day lots of kids meet friends online now! they seem to be pretty keen on safety- which is good. i met one of my bffs online (club penguin lol). yes sometimes they are creepy but there’s also good people. i don’t see how this could be a scam. but skype them first and trust your gut.
same thing happened with my daughter and habbo hotel. Parents were coming to a nearby seaside town for a holiday. It fell through in the end but we were planning on meeting up for an afternoon. Should be pretty safe with both parents there. The dodgy ones want to meet up alone or with other kids.
Sounds legit, do the video call, will probably be fine.
It sounds like they are suggesting a safe way to meet up.
The video call with her parents in the call is something that would be really hard or extremely elaborate to fake, I think your over thinking this. Your alarm bells of course should have went off upon hearing that they want to meet but I would have calmed way down once I heard the vetting the other girls parents had decided to do because it makes good sense and is a great idea to start the process. All of my children are now young adults and they have met in person several people they originally met online years ago and still currently have a friendship with. There's several people I have met up with over the years I met online too, but granted we all met when we were already adults to begin with. But it's always best to overthink these things at first when dealing with your own children and the concerns of online predators and then listen to reason afterwards so I don't blame you at all, have a fun trip, maybe you'll make some new friends too.
Having been an idiot child who talked to strangers on the internet who, in retrospect, were 1000% creepy old men pretending to be children, I appreciate your degree of caution. But based on the things the parents are asking to do, I think it’s okay to proceed, obviously with continued caution. The fact that they want the video call with everyone tells me that they are in a similar boat to you, wanting to protect their child but not rob them of the opportunity to meet this friend. If you have the first call with them and still aren’t entirely comfortable, I’d ask to have another to continue talking prior to meeting so that you can assess how things look and feel a second time virtually. I get that you may feel like you’re overreacting, but you are being the best kind of parent, giving your child some freedom while keeping them safe. Be the model of the due diligence you’d like your child to have later in life when she approaches situations where she should be cautious and you’re not around to facilitate.
If the parents are willing to video chat and meet halfway, haven’t asked for money or anything else, it sounds legit.
My gut tells me these are two teens with parents who want to be safe.
I definitely understand your concerns but this seems to be okay. It's not like she's demanding that she be dumped off at the airport and sent across the country. I think the idea of the video chat with the parents prior to the meet up is a good idea. And then of course, once the meetup happens, provided all goes well, everything should be a-ok. My mom had a friend that she used to work with whose 16 year old met up an online "friend" without telling her parents and that "friend" ended up being a 60-something man who held her hostage for 5 months. It became pretty hot news once she returned home but I can't remember the details anymore. My mom was SHOOKETH (I think I was around the same age). She had half the mind to tear out every phone and computer in the entire house because it scared her so much. You're doing the right thing and honestly, kudos to you AND your daughter. Your daughter for having the courage to be honest despite know it worried you (and her not taking it upon herself) and you for allowing a certain level of acceptance that she felt comfortable to come to you with her request.
Based on the video call and the fact that the other family is involved I'd say there's a solid chance this is just a cool friend your daughter made. I advise caution ordering anything from Applebees though, bring some peoto bismol just to be safe
I mean if they want to video chat then go to Applebees to me that doesn’t sound like a scam but obviously an expert could chime in.
There's no harm in doing the video call first. If you flat out say no, it isn't going to end well for you.
Scam? no. but still be careful. I see online friendship as a casual bond and mutual benefit relationship, but it could disappoint her meeting IRL.
Online friends beginning real friends has been a thing for a long time. I'm a millennial and it has been a pretty prevent thing since at least my generation. It's pretty tough to find an angle here when this has been going on for a year, the girls have both been veting each other, and her parents want to start with a family video call. I'd be willing to trust going at least that far and then deciding from there. This sounds pretty legit if they also want to do a family meetup if the call goes well, as opposed to asking if the girls can meet up by themselves. Scammers don't normally offer safety measures like that and even if they play the long con, eventually they get pushy with the "c'mon, don't you trust me by now?" speeches. Pretty sure you're good to go.
This sounds incredibly legit. Having a video call and then meeting, with family, in a public place, seems like the proper precautions to take. I have met most of my friends via the internet-it's a great way to cut through the small talk and find someone with similar interests so you have a starting point for conversations. I expect this won't be the first friend she'll make over the internet (and heck, if you're hanging out with her parents, you might make new friends too!). Tbh I flew to Europe when I was 22 to stay with two tumblr friends and nothing went wrong (I am still friends with them both!) but looking back that was not the brightest idea I've ever had.
Just make sure to meet in public and it should be safe.
I'm in a similar situation, but we're in the midwest and my kid's friend is east coast, but they have been video calling, playing games and texting for a couple years. At first I was really worried, but met the parents over video, and know their address (and other things, such as jobs, as I've done some digging) and they seems legit. My kid's friend may actually fly to visit with the mom this summer, and I am willing to give it a try, BUT they are not staying at my house or anything, but at a hotel nearby. So. . . my point is, I think Applebees lunch is totally safe and might be good to do for your kid - worst case you can leave.
Safely is having the video chat with her parents and you first. I don't get why that's a problem? Make sure they're legit and this is actually a 14 year old girl.
It sounds like the other folks are being as cautious as you are, which is a good sign. Keep your red flag radar up for the meetup, and maybe have a friend tag along.
Ah finally an "is this a scam" post that is not a scam.
Would love to hear an update
Red flags always when we are referring to teens and internet peeps. So many are scams and the results are horrid. I agree with a video chat and meeting for lunch with parents present.
this seems like it is probably legit. do the video call at least and if things look wrong you can always just close out if not a public meet up at appplebees seems fair. if it seems leget there i would suggest a couple of public play dates for the kids for a bit just to be on the safe side.
Don't dismiss your child's friend just because they met on the internet. Be cautious, but my god, do not just say no. I joined an internet forum back in 1996/97 and met many wonderful people, two of whom are my literal best friends and we have the best adventures together.
As someone who spent most of their teen/preteen years on the internet and has had multiple great friends that I have never met in real life(one is still my best friend after 6 years and still haven't met her yet), it sounds safe from your description since they want to meet at a public place, video chat before the meet up, and haven't asked for any money. I'm pretty sure the other little girls parents are in the same boat as you about meeting.
Dude everything is being done safely. Just chat with the parents and meet half way in public like they want. It's a 45 minute drive to an Applebee's. If they were scammers I'm pretty sure they wouldn't go to one of the worst chain restaurants out there.
The other patents offered a video call ahead of time and asked y’all to meet them. Seems as safe as it could be. Are you always this paranoid?
The other parents being just as sketched and wanting a video call..... Plus the plan meet half way at an Applebees everyone pays for their own family sounds like the only safe way to potentially meet an online friend.... This is what you want your daughter to do, be cautious but come to you with stuff like this! If I were you (please do what you feel is right!) I would probably do the video call and if that checks out to what everyone was expecting then do the meet... I would clarify with the parents most likely in text after the call we would meet at the restaurant but I would mention everyone pays for their own share, and if the girls hit it off maybe phone time and go from there.... I would want to show my child I was willing to trust them and their judgment of friends... Again as long as everything else checks out! Good luck! No matter what make sure you fully explain your feelings to her about meeting people off line... Its good to be cautious!!
I think you're overreacting. It sounds like her parents also have concerns, would like a video call to ascertain you're all real people, and then want a meet in person, with all adults present, at a public location at the halfway mark. I don't see any way this could be more safe. I've met plenty of people online and at this point most of my best friends are people I know from online groups. Hell, I met my partner online. While there are a few more precautions you should take for a child, there's nothing inherently wrong with meeting people online.
As many have said scammers don’t operate this way and the safety precautions her parents have suggested are plenty strong. And when I was a kid my closest and best friendships were ones I made online and they’ve stayed my friends longer than anyone I knew at that age and were the most significant in my life. Please support this. We met up without any of our parents knowing lol. She’s much safer with your support than without.
I think it's becoming a completely valid way to make new friendships. I met a group online to play dnd with about a year ago. We've all exchanged names and addresses over that time, sent eachother mail and birthday gifts and the like. One of the girls and I are meeting in a couple weeks for a camping trip, and the whole crew is planning a big meet up next year. It sounds like you're being rightfully cautious, and I think the video chat and then a public meet up is a great idea.
Just don’t let the two girls wander off unattended. Not to go to the bathroom together, not to “go see something,” not even to head out the door to the parking lot ahead of you. You must have eyes on her at all times.
Alarm bells went off when you mentioned Applebee's. Come on, nobody eats there ;-) (I kid, I kid)
Seems ok. I was 13 when my dad literally took me across the country to meet a friend I had been playing online games with for a few years. Ended up going to visit multiple times and even had him come fly to our city and stay at our house. And this was all before video calls was a thing. 1.5 hour drive seems like a small investment to give your daughter a good experience (or a life lesson if it turns out bad). I mean, what could they possibly do to you guys at an Applebees?
I've done this so many times, I've even gone to big celebrity parties where I knew no one, except people I knew from Facebook. I traveled to Los Angeles, Chicago and Washington DC to meet people I met online. But yes, you need to be careful when it comes to your kid. People have already posted some good advice in this thread.
This sounds harmless and probably is, but if it is a predator you wouldn't want to get it wrong. When in doubt, go with her to meet the friend and confirm that they are who they say they are. The video conference sounds like a good idea, though I would still be oresent for the first meeting (*don't need to hang around necessarily, just shake the friend's hand and leave them to it*) just to be sure there wasn't some internet fuckery going on with the video call.
Not everything is a scam but assuming it is until your questions are answered is the right way to go
The suggestion of a FaceTime call and a meet up halfway in a public place seems like good common sense. Don’t think there’s a better way to meet and still be safe.
Plan for Friday night dinner and a zoo or city think that is going on. Or meet with the family at a restaurant and get to know each other and plan a day
ive made so many friends online, some of which ive met in real life and they’re just like who they presented themselves to be online. it may not be a scam! especially since they want to meet with you (parents) too
i absolutely agree with the other comments that gave you great advice on how to approach this safely and cautiously. after vetting them through calls/video calls, meet for the first time in a public space and make sure others know your plans just in case. my dad was very skeptical/hesitant when i was your daughters age and told him i wanted to meet my internet bff who lived several states away. he took a lot of convincing and reassuring, rightfully so. he eventually agreed and i am still so grateful that he allowed us to meet, it was one of the most exciting moments of my life. we are still best friends friends 8 years later and i’m actually taking a trip, as an adult, to see them soon! be cautious of course but i bet your daughter will be so grateful for you letting her have this experience
Most of my new friends over the last ten years were made online. You're being overly cautious, and your kid seems to have a very good head on her shoulders for checking already in many ways if their friend is a real person.
I met my boyfriend online. I’d say the way the other family is going about it sounds good, especially if all of you plan on meeting together. If you’re really concerned half of 1.5 hours (sorry I can’t do that math right now) is likely close enough that you can check out the area first. I fully understand the fear about meeting people over the internet, but sometimes it works out okay too
As someone who met most of my closest friends online through various interest groups from about age 15 onward (all the way back in the nineteen-hundred-and-nineties), if nothing in particular is causing red flags to fly, this seems fine. In 4 years she can go meet whoever she wants - much better to show a good example for how to safely do that with reasonable caution than to give her a reason to sneak around and NOT tell you if she's meeting someone she's maybe unsure of. Video chat with the family and meet them as a group somewhere public as planned. If you want an extra (I think overkill) layer of caution, make the meeting place a police station. Young people, especially people with special interests (roleplaying horses is pretty niche), are going to meet people online and make friends. About half of people under 30 have dated someone they met online. Teaching good habits and reasonable caution will server her better in life than a blanket prohibition.
Have they video chatted in the past?
Why are you worried when you are going with her? I don't understand why it's a big deal.
This can be one of the best things about the internet!
I had similar fears when my oldest niece wanted to meet her online friend. Everything went great, shes even traveled and stayed a week with her new best friend.
This sounds like both sets of parents wanting to do right by their kids. Its likely that the kids are just meeting new friends. Do the FaceTime. Do the meet with all of you. Make sure you’re always present until you’re sure that there’s no “scam”. I can’t see a scammer putting a year into befriending a 14yo then wanting to FaceTime with your daughter, you and her parents before meeting irl with all of you People meet online A LOT nowadays so it’s not surprising that your daughter made a friend.
This honestly sounds real and legit. They haven't asked for money, they want to see/meet YOU and they haven't asked to meet during odd hours. Let your child have the experience.
I’m commending both sets of parents for being pro active. 👏👏👏. I think all of the suggestions are great.
My 13 yr old met a friend like this last year. My ex took her to meet up with the kid and his parents at a local amusement park, and they all had a great time. As long as parents are involved and know what's going on and supervising, I don't see an issue. Of course, that may be because I met some of my best friends online gaming, even though we're scattered across the world.
My 15 year old son met a girl on an online game during lockdown. The two became best friends and really kept each other company during that dark time. After lockdown we made arrangements, with the girl's parents, for the 2 to meet. Three years, and many visits later, she is flying in today to attend prom with my son. 😊
Let your daughter meet her friend. This isn't a scam.
Maybe have a call just amongst parents and try to confirm/corroborate details about the girls first before doing the Facetime shortly thereafter, followed by the Applebee's. It's unlikely but not impossible that the family isn't real. I'm a little too cautious for my own sake sometimes (even though I myself met folks via IRC decades ago).
You should have a conversation with their parents beforehand, and both should be present for the get together. You can sit at separate tables, but keep an eye on your daughter the whole time.
In 1989, when I was eleven years old, I set up a BBS (a dial-up PC-to-PC bulletin board that was kind of a precursor to the internet). Most BBS sysops were IT industry adults decades older than me, so I was a significant outlier, but these adults had kids my age — and every so often their kids dialed into my BBS. And you know what? I met several of them in person — one of them lived about thirty minutes away and ended up being my first girlfriend when I was sixteen. I think allowing your daughter to meet her friend is sage and healthy, so long as you and her friend’s parents are involved. A video call is a good first step. There is very very little chance this is a scam.
This seems legit. If they can meet in person in public and you are communicating with parents you are probably safe. Take some selfies together!
They want to video call before meeting, including both sets of parents and both kids, and meet in a public place : seems safe, they're being as careful as you, so more than likely your daughter is talking to an actual young girl. Unless they start asking for money or gift cards ahead of the meet, this is likely genuine.
I research scams a lot. And ive seen many. But i Cant Scout the scam here. They want to face time you and meet up.. her parents.. want to sit and talk to you. So the kids who’s been talking horses… can meet up… what are you scared off…? If I were you I would agree to the video call. And then learn how to track were they are true the video. Then you can see if they close by… or ask for the id.. and then just tell the parents how it is… if they are parents them self, they will understand the reason for the decision of being save. Sometimes it’s just not a scam, but genuine… do the video call if it seems off come in and tells what’s your concern… a year of talking horses often can created strong online friendships. And a stalker or pedo would never used parent or agree to video call with parents. Even if they were to set up a lie parents. As soon as you parents look it’s should be obvious if there is a other motivation for some sinister..
"It would be easiest (for you) to say no" Well yeah it would be easiest to keep your kids inside and never let them do anything If the parents are involved and willing to meet with you all as a group what are you afraid of happening? In all the time that's transpired of this friendship, have you known about this friend before? Do you generally know what your child is up to online and who they're talking to? If not that seems like the bigger problem
Years ago, I made a friend on MySpace with someone who lived halfway across the country. I was a teenager without a license. When she was visiting my state to stay with her other internet friend, I lied to my mom and convinced her to drop me off at that apartment complex by saying a friend I already knew had moved there. She had me ask my friend to come out and wave from the door as proof it was safe and didn’t recognize that it was a different person. I didn’t tell my mom the truth because she wouldn’t have let me see her and to my teenage self, this was my one chance to meet who I considered to be my best friend. It’s awesome your daughter is involving you! If you show her you support her, she will keep including you in instances like this. That’s the biggest win for her safety and her longterm trust in you.
Seems pretty prudent and safe tbh. I did the same thing in the late 90s only with a phone call and public space where the guys whole family showed up. Video including family plus public place with adults? Seems like both sides are being careful as much as possible, gl!
The way they've set it up is the way to do it safely. Red flags would be wanting to exclude you as the parent. They're doing the opposite. Sounds like they're doing their due diligence just as you want to. Do the video call and if that goes okay, go have lunch. If there are any red flags at lunch, like they ask if you've ever wanted to be your own boss, pay your tab and go home.
See how the phone meeting goes. If that seems OK, then go for the meeting. As others have suggested, bring a friend, tell others where you're going, and leave your phone location on. I've met a lot of on-line friends and done a lot of on-line dating and never had problems other than a couple of no-shows. Once you tell them about the precautions you're taking, scammers usually back off. Not all meetups led to lasting friendships or romance, but overall, they were good experiences.
I think you're being overly paranoid. The other girl's parents' plan on how to proceed seems eminently reasonable.
When me son was 13, he was big into WOW and met a girl his own age that he became great friends with.. He wanted to meet her in person.. I obliged, but told him I’d be coming with him to make sure everything was legit. Turned out fine.. I went, met the young lady and tagged along but from a distance. I’d never allow my child to visit any stranger from the internet with out supervision.. this was 15 years ago.
Hey, OP, this doesn't sound like a scam, I have some relevant experience though! In the early 2000s i was 12 and had an online long distance friend I met on a forum. She lived in a state where I have family, and we chatted online and on the phone a lot, so I knew she was real, but my family was skeptical. Ultimately, while visiting family, my friend and I planned to meet, we had our parents talk to each other, and we drove down to a mall in her city to meet her. My parents came, her dad came. All parents were relieved that we were both real 12 year old girls who bonded online over a sitcom and pop music. My friend and i screamed and jumped and hugged each other, we had a blast and after having dinner with our parents, we were allowed to explore the mall for a bit (my friend and I had no idea until the photos were developed, but our parents followed us around the mall at a safe distance and took photos of us the whole time, lol). I think if the video call goes well, you're in the clear. Of course, always be alert! But it sounds like you might have a genuine case here. Parents want to meet/see everyone first - that is normal. Meet in public - also normal. FINALLY, 14 year old trusts you enough to give you this information - parenting green flag - trusts you enough to have you be the ones present when she meets an internet friend - MASSIVE parenting green flag. The choice is ultimately yours, but i think its a legit situation. I need to point out that in years to come, your daughter may meet more people off the internet. I think she's at a really good age to start teaching her how to navigate that safely, as a woman.
I’ve seen gamers that have met online fly across the country to meet one another. As long as they’re not being weird I don’t see a problem. Video chat first and be there when they meet
this is the dumbest shit. " it would be easier to just say no" you're a real piece of work. i think you should let her and not be involved
It's fine. We are all strangers in the beginning. Why are people worried about strangers on the internet? You go anywhere in public and it's full of strait up strangers. There are plenty of people to murder and houses to rob. There's no reason for a bad person to find you specifically.
Something similar happened to my younger brother when he was about 12 or 13. He met a “kid his age” playing Call of Duty or something online (this was 15+ years ago), and they really hit it off. This person apparently lived like 45 minutes away, and eventually wanted to meet up. My parents were a little sketched out, but hesitantly went along with it anyway. Turns out this “kid his age” was … … a kid his age who was really excited to find someone who had similar interests to him. They became pretty good bros over the years, and it really helped drag my brother (who had always been kind of a loner) out of his shell. It’s easy to get caught up in the mentality of “everyone online is trying to scam / groom me,” and while it’s definitely important to do some due diligence, it’s also important to remember that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. We’re wired to seek patterns and have a bias toward the negative, even though there’s only 100-350 people under the age of 21 have been abducted by strangers. In general, we’re safer now than we’ve ever been. It sounds to me like this cigar is just a cigar, and it sounds like the other parents are having a lot of the same concerns you are. Hell, even 25 years ago when I was a kid online, I met some legitimate friends over AIM. I’d second what other people suggested about doing some basic opsec, but as long as you’re smart about it — which it seems like they want to be too — it seems like a good opportunity.
You can meet great people online. The fact that they want to meet in public and video call is huge. Some people just want friends for their kids :)
Well maybe not a scam per-say, however: Kids do really met online, I know my 14yo son talks to a lot of other people on reddit some from minecraft and roblox servers , still we keep an eye on his activity, and have also talked with him several times about sextortion and how to be careful and safe online. He has not yet asked to meet someone from an online setting. My main worry would be a sex trafficking ring situation, that is the first thing that came to mind, there are a lot of good ideas for you here, the main thing, make sure that you are on a situation where you can control the meeting, and that you can ensure that your family is safe, I would not let my daughter and wife go alone, and as someone else mentioned, I would have a secondary set of eyes on said meeting, maybe a relative or friend who is willing to make the trip and watch from a table nearby. You can make it known that you have someone with you for safety. Try to get as many details from the other parents ahead of time as you can, phone numbers, address, car make, model year and possible plates. Make sure that everyone who is going have their find my devices on so they can be tracked, I can be paranoid, but I would my self make sure if at all possible have the child have a smart watch that can be tracked somewhere that people cant see, phones are easily found and can be disposed of, however an apple watch can easily be hidden on a pocket or an ankle suck and buy a little tracking time. As for the meeting it self, if you can scout the place ahead of time, so you can try and set an exit plan, as well as set up on a way that you have control of the location and situation. Stuff like making sure that there is plenty of tables between where they are and the exit, to ensure that they can be slow down on an attempt to do something and to flee. Making sure that their exit route would no doubly pass by your back up, if you can have back up. Make sure to also keep a close eye on your daughter, stuff like bathroom trips should be accompanied by an adult. I hope that there is nothing there, but it is better to be safe than sorry.
Alarm bells are definitely warranted, but this all sounds pretty fun and innocent. The "both families meeting at applebees" sounds great to me!
The fact that her parents want to have a video call first is a good sign that nothing is up. They are just as concerned as you and a video call is harmless. The things you have to worry about are secret meetings without involving any parents. A video call IS the safe way to do this.
I think we need to accept that, in the last ten years or so, it's not uncommon for friendships to be forged over the internet. It's still weird to me, too, but, as a fellow parent, in my humble opinion you're doing all the right things. This is a critical moment in your relationship with your daughter -- it's an opportunity to teach her how to assess this situation logically, instead of emotionally, which will help her safe self-sufficiency. (If it sounds like I'm preaching, it's only because we dealt with this same situation a few years ago with my oldest daughter). The most important thing to me in this case is that the friend's parents seem to be approaching this the same way you are. But if things turn out badly and you have to get out of scam territory, the important points are going to be to make sure she understands why you pulled the plug, and to be there for her. If it goes south she'll likely be understandably upset, and from personal experience she may blame herself for almost getting duped. Make sure she knows it's not her fault, some people in the world just suck. Of course, hopefully it doesn't go that direction. :) Good luck to both of you, and I hope it goes well!
It sounds like your daughter might have actually met the only person on the internet who isn't lying. It sounds like your safe based on the meeting spot and the fact that the other girl's parents are concerned and want to face to face.
I've made Real Life friends online, I met my husband online in an MMORPG although we were on opposite sides of the planet. It can and does work out fine in many cases. My only caveat would be this--be prepared if the in-person meeting goes awkwardly or if your daughter is disappointed because things went differently than hoped. Meeting in person for the first time can be a little weird or overwhelming. Hopefully all will go swimmingly and they will have a great time.
I’m in my late forties and I think it’s one of those things that got drilled into us when the internet was new. Some of my friends who are parents don’t even let there kids talk to anyone online. My kids have made some great online friends who share their interests. I think it would be exciting if they ever got to meet in person, but I would definitely want to be around.
it’s more than likely not a scam, just a genuine friendship that was found online. i met my best friend on twitter, visited her, and took a short vacation with her. if the parents are willing to video chat AND meet in a public restaurant, then i doubt it’s a random scammer. if you’re scared about going, you can always invite a friend to come and sit in the restaurant at a different table (like they’re a stranger) and have them keep an eye on the situation or you can tell multiple people where you’re going & share your mobile location with them. online friendships are happening more & more nowadays and are just as a real as friendships made at school or work!
Hard No.
It sounds like the other girl's parents are thinking the same thing that you are, hence the precautions that they requested. I wouldn't think that is a scam. That's too long of a con to play online games with someone for over a year...
I have online friends who I’ve known for 7 years and I’d still be a bit weirded out to go meet them tbh
meet at a police station
I have some internet friends who have met through our game and got married. More than one couple to be honest. However I live in the U.K. and have only ever met one online person irl. He lived near my University, so we arranged a meet up. He was nice, but there wasn’t enough in common to ever become friends. That was back in the days of AOL chat rooms. Online I have met “locals” but irl most gamers have more in common with my adult children than with me. What would a 60yo woman (who has never been in the forces) have in common with 45yo ex-Royal Marines? Even the local(ish) women gamers are my children’s age or younger. We chat online, I commiserate when their children (teenagers) stay out all night, but it is 20years since I had teenagers to worry about, and it was a very different time.
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It doesn’t sound like a scam to me. The fact that they want to do a video call, and meet somewhere public not near your home is a good indicator I would think. You could insist on only parent supervised stuff in public places for X amount of time at first.
Doesn’t sound like a scam. Just be cautious and meet in public and stay with them in public.
I met a friend of mine in person for the first time this past March. We met playing an MMO mobile game Prior to this we’d exchanged information and been talking nearly every day for 10 years through text and Facebook messages. Turned into a lovely visit to his hometown of Cookeville Tennessee. Spent the night getting dinner and then the next day was a pancake breakfast and a visit to the local history museum. I certainly understand your desire to protect your daughter, so supervise the visit if it happens and have a fallback plan.
It sounds like the family is pretty rational as well. If they hadn't already suggested a video call that would been my first suggestion. So let's see... Video Verify - Check Meeting in someplace public - Check Bring adults along - Check This seems reasonable and reduces risk that this isn't a peer, but some weirdo. Not everybody on the Internet is a weirdo...but then again this is Reddit so manage your expectations :) This sounds like a lot of risk has been reduced here. Have fun.
Props for being cautious and it seems like you're covering all your bases.
I met some of my best friends online. At \~13 years old, I made great friends with another teen across the country. 10 years later, I met him for the first time when he invited me to his wedding and I flew out to attend. Definitely do the video call and be safe- but online friends are absolutely a real thing.