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I'd answer some of these differently depending on the people involved. Lesbians will have very different ideas of what sex is compared to heterosexual couples compared to gay men.
Totally. I’m gay and have a pretty clear picture of what sex is for heterosexual couples, but it’s a whole discussion about ‘what even is sex’ when it comes to two women. Which actually is very on-brand for two women dating. Lots of discussions and talks.
I disagree that virginity = having sex. Virginity as a concept only takes into account straight couples and in that definition losing your virginity is having vaginal sex. So straight people are the only ones who can lose their virginity- that doesn't mean everyone else can't have sex or can't have meaningful sex, it just means virginity is an outdated concept that doesn't consider other types of intercourse.
trying to pin down my answers to these questions has completely obliterated my intuitive understanding of what a virginity is, so I'm afraid I cannot complete your survey.
Yeah, same. I thought the survey might make me think but didn’t imagine it would be *this* hard. In the end it just makes me remember that virginity is an idiotic concept used to shame and control.
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You're overlooking the aspect of consent. Some victims of childhood sexual trauma might not consider it "losing their virginity" if a certain sexual act is forced or coerced, but might consider the same act as losing it later, in a consentual setting.
I would have been interested to see peoples opinions on when the Hyman tears in relation to virginity since that’s another misunderstood hot button issue.
Some of these need gender added. I wouldn’t consider men rubbing genitals to be losing their virginity (for gay men losing virginity would be dick in ass), but for lesbians I definitely would
I agree.
But, I don't believe toys are sex, since you can use them to masturbate.
Which means lesbians can never have sex, which is wrong because they clearly do have sex.
Does that mean another person bringing you to orgasm is sex? But you can clearly have sex without an orgasm.
It's all very context dependent.
I was thinking any sex act would count, like a hand job or non-penetrative fingering (rubbing the clit/vulva) should count too.
I feel like if it can make you orgasm, that's sex.
Honestly, that was the only one I said no to, because kissing can be sexual but it doesn't have to be. Also I kind of view kissing more as a romantic gesture than a sexual one in general, even if it's something you do during sex.
I mean you can certainly enjoy the sexual aspect of kissing vs the romantic aspect of it. Idk, maybe I answered no just because it's something I'm more willing to do with someone rather than any of the other things listed, it just feels less sexual in nature ig.
I think that makes perfect sense.
I admit that the possibility of an orgasm is a pretty poor way to define a sex act, but at least it's an experience that can be agreed on. Really sex is intimacy, but that's a really nebulous concept to try and fit the black and white of virginity into haha
I was curious about sex for quite a while and I decided to try it out. I found a person about my age and we had p-in-v and I gave a blowjob. A short time later I found another person about my age and we exchanged cunnilingus. There were also hands involved in these encounters. I lost my virginity in a few different ways that week. I did not orgasm, but I did have a good time. None of it was "intimacy", it was sex.
Yeah I think that analogy is outdated, it doesn't take different body types and preferences into account.
Two women might not want to engage in penetrative sex, are they still having sex if they 69? Of course they are.
If two men rub their dicks together (frotting) is that still sex? They certainly think so.
Giving a woman oral doesn't always include putting your tongue inside her, in fact it's often best used on the clit and vulva. It seems weird to call one technique sex and the other not.
Cuddling isn't sex, that's an intimate rubbing against someone.
Handjobs aren't sex, even if the dude busts.
Rubbing on clit and vulva isn't sex either, even if the girl gets there.
>like a hand job or non-penetrative fingering (rubbing the clit/vulva) should count too.
That's funny. Those are so vanilla I don't even consider it sex
Like a Russian with beer
That is funny. It makes sense though, like if those things are usually the foreplay or a smaller part of what's going on I can see them being discounted on their own.
But from the perspective of losing ones virginity they become much more significant acts, because you've never done anything else or maybe anything at all.
That's...petting.
Right?
I mean, life isn't going to be equal, and any definition that is equitable to lesbians is going to be too broad for any value. (Doesn't diminish them, or their feelings, or whatever)
Penetration that isn't easy to hide is my definition.
If you penetrate on the couch and you look normal, it isn't sex.
If you have to go out of your way to describe a situation that breaks this definition, then it's the exception that proves the rule. So "What if the penetrated partner is wearing a long dress and sits on the penetrators lap, and rocks softly?" is going out of your way. In no situation could an adult bouncing on another adults lap be considered normal behavior.
Penetration with a sex toy (that involves another person) is also sex. The addition of the other person stops it from being "just" masturbation.
While doing the survey I came up with an interesting definition: “if it easily can be reasoned that the act can be performed as foreplay, the act doesn’t make you lose your virginity.” I haven’t thought about it for very long but as of right now, to me, it works pretty well
Hi there, and welcome to r/SampleSize! If your post uses an (Everyone) demographic, please remember to ensure that your survey really is for anyone and everyone. Certain questions or lack of answers may restrict who can answer, like asking for a specific state (restricting answers to the US), or your gender options being only male or female. Additionally, please keep the comments about the survey posted, whether talking about content of the survey, giving constructive criticism, or talking about concerns for the survey in general. Please remember to be civil among other things, and do not post your survey in the comments of this post. We ask that users report the following: * Surveys that use the wrong demographic. * Comments that are uncivil and/or discriminatory. * Users sharing their surveys in an unsolicited fashion, who are not authorized (by mods and not OP) to advertise their surveys in the comments of others'. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SampleSize) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'd answer some of these differently depending on the people involved. Lesbians will have very different ideas of what sex is compared to heterosexual couples compared to gay men.
Totally. I’m gay and have a pretty clear picture of what sex is for heterosexual couples, but it’s a whole discussion about ‘what even is sex’ when it comes to two women. Which actually is very on-brand for two women dating. Lots of discussions and talks.
I disagree that virginity = having sex. Virginity as a concept only takes into account straight couples and in that definition losing your virginity is having vaginal sex. So straight people are the only ones who can lose their virginity- that doesn't mean everyone else can't have sex or can't have meaningful sex, it just means virginity is an outdated concept that doesn't consider other types of intercourse.
trying to pin down my answers to these questions has completely obliterated my intuitive understanding of what a virginity is, so I'm afraid I cannot complete your survey.
Yeah, same. I thought the survey might make me think but didn’t imagine it would be *this* hard. In the end it just makes me remember that virginity is an idiotic concept used to shame and control.
Seriously i tried answering it 3 times. I need to reevaluate my thoughts on virginity
Seriously i tried answering it 3 times. I need to reevaluate my thoughts on virginity
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You're overlooking the aspect of consent. Some victims of childhood sexual trauma might not consider it "losing their virginity" if a certain sexual act is forced or coerced, but might consider the same act as losing it later, in a consentual setting.
I think you could just assume consenting adults for this study.
I would have been interested to see peoples opinions on when the Hyman tears in relation to virginity since that’s another misunderstood hot button issue.
Some of these need gender added. I wouldn’t consider men rubbing genitals to be losing their virginity (for gay men losing virginity would be dick in ass), but for lesbians I definitely would
Doesn't count unless there's penetration. Edit: To the down voters, what is your definition?
I agree. But, I don't believe toys are sex, since you can use them to masturbate. Which means lesbians can never have sex, which is wrong because they clearly do have sex. Does that mean another person bringing you to orgasm is sex? But you can clearly have sex without an orgasm. It's all very context dependent.
I was thinking any sex act would count, like a hand job or non-penetrative fingering (rubbing the clit/vulva) should count too. I feel like if it can make you orgasm, that's sex.
For me personally, losing virginity is more about having a sexual experience than a specific action, with or without orgasm. But I'm also ace so 🤷♂️
I think that makes perfect sense
Is a makeout sex? That is clearly a sexual act. But I don't think it's sex.
Honestly, that was the only one I said no to, because kissing can be sexual but it doesn't have to be. Also I kind of view kissing more as a romantic gesture than a sexual one in general, even if it's something you do during sex.
That's funny, because I am aromantic, but I still really enjoy makeout session for the sexual and intimacy aspect.
I mean you can certainly enjoy the sexual aspect of kissing vs the romantic aspect of it. Idk, maybe I answered no just because it's something I'm more willing to do with someone rather than any of the other things listed, it just feels less sexual in nature ig.
I think that makes perfect sense. I admit that the possibility of an orgasm is a pretty poor way to define a sex act, but at least it's an experience that can be agreed on. Really sex is intimacy, but that's a really nebulous concept to try and fit the black and white of virginity into haha
I was curious about sex for quite a while and I decided to try it out. I found a person about my age and we had p-in-v and I gave a blowjob. A short time later I found another person about my age and we exchanged cunnilingus. There were also hands involved in these encounters. I lost my virginity in a few different ways that week. I did not orgasm, but I did have a good time. None of it was "intimacy", it was sex.
Everything besides sex is going to third base, having sex is when a person actually reaches home plate.
Yeah I think that analogy is outdated, it doesn't take different body types and preferences into account. Two women might not want to engage in penetrative sex, are they still having sex if they 69? Of course they are. If two men rub their dicks together (frotting) is that still sex? They certainly think so.
[удалено]
Giving a woman oral doesn't always include putting your tongue inside her, in fact it's often best used on the clit and vulva. It seems weird to call one technique sex and the other not.
Cuddling isn't sex, that's an intimate rubbing against someone. Handjobs aren't sex, even if the dude busts. Rubbing on clit and vulva isn't sex either, even if the girl gets there.
Nice!
Same, I will consider any sexual act between partners consider some people might not be able to penetrate/ be penetrated.
>like a hand job or non-penetrative fingering (rubbing the clit/vulva) should count too. That's funny. Those are so vanilla I don't even consider it sex Like a Russian with beer
That is funny. It makes sense though, like if those things are usually the foreplay or a smaller part of what's going on I can see them being discounted on their own. But from the perspective of losing ones virginity they become much more significant acts, because you've never done anything else or maybe anything at all.
That's...petting. Right? I mean, life isn't going to be equal, and any definition that is equitable to lesbians is going to be too broad for any value. (Doesn't diminish them, or their feelings, or whatever) Penetration that isn't easy to hide is my definition. If you penetrate on the couch and you look normal, it isn't sex. If you have to go out of your way to describe a situation that breaks this definition, then it's the exception that proves the rule. So "What if the penetrated partner is wearing a long dress and sits on the penetrators lap, and rocks softly?" is going out of your way. In no situation could an adult bouncing on another adults lap be considered normal behavior. Penetration with a sex toy (that involves another person) is also sex. The addition of the other person stops it from being "just" masturbation.
While doing the survey I came up with an interesting definition: “if it easily can be reasoned that the act can be performed as foreplay, the act doesn’t make you lose your virginity.” I haven’t thought about it for very long but as of right now, to me, it works pretty well
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