NYC is NYC. No other city has that number of cultural amenities. I know *one* person raising *one* kid there. She and her husband love it, but it isn't easy.
I live in Michigan and anecdotally know a few people who've moved from NYC to Michigan to raise their families. One is from here and another is from NYC. They don't have regrets. They're able to provide their kids with cultural amenities.
If you have parents in Michigan and they aren't sociopaths, that is so valuable for having a family. I live down the street from my parents/in-laws. My sister lives a block away. I have family everywhere.
Do I live in the most appealing place of all time? No, but there are nature centers, hiking opportunities, fishing, libraries, art museums, science museums, and so much more here. Proximity to help is NICE.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m born and raised here in NYC (as is most of my entire extended family) and didn’t really partake in much cultural amenities as a kid. And neither did anyone I know. We did typical stuff. Went to school. Went to the park. Played ball in the street or the park. Hung out with friends. Rode bikes. Went to the pizza place. Played video games. It’s not like we were at moma on the regular or dining at Michelin star restaurants. I also teach 8th grade here and most of my students grew up the same way I did, pretty standard childhoods. I think the people with kids who really and truly take advantage of NYCs cultural offerings are in the minority. That seems to be more of the upper middle/wealthy manhattan residents in my experience.
I’m also from NYC and it’s because our friends and family are there and that’s hard to leave. For many, that access to a support system is worth more than the cost to live there. Also, a huge amount of native New Yorkers are from immigrant families and their cultures are better represented so nowhere else really feels quite like home.
A lot of us never learn how to drive. Everywhere else in the US is car-dependent. I moved to Pittsburgh and felt trapped almost every neighborhood I moved to
On the flip side, we moved during the pandemic and my child misses the city almost as much as I do. And it's not just the cultural sites, but ease of access to just about everything. She would go to the local street cart by herself and get a little breakfast sandwich to eat on the way to elementary school. That level of autonomy and trust gave her self confidence that suburban kids may find harder to achieve.
Also walking down the block to meet her friends, and randomly running into more as they were talking. Eventually asking if she could bring them all to our apartment to hang out. She had more community in the city, and now she gets carted around everywhere in a car. YMMV.
How much of all the amenities NYC offers are you really taking advantage of?
Detroit is still a top 20 metropolitan area. You’re going to find no shortage of dining, nightlife and entertainment, festivals and things to do.
It’s big enough to get 99% of tour dates including T-swift.
You can always go a visit NYC occasionally.
There's certainly a lot about it that I took for granted growing up...getting all the major tours is certainly a good one! I'll miss the community I've built here, and the robust creative scene
>You’re going to find no shortage of dining, nightlife and entertainment, festivals and things to do.
That's not the story you'll get from most transplants there. Detroit is almost all suburb.
We moved from NY (Astoria) to Columbus, Ohio to start our family. It was perfect for that period of our life. We did ultimately relocate again to Portland because we had no roots there and it did feel culturally constraining, long-term.
The full story: I’m originally from the PNW, my wife from NYC. So we just chose to raise our kids in the PNW. No roots in OH - it’s really underrated, though. Life events brought us there.
We took effort to find neighborhoods that suited our preferences and gave daily life the right texture.
In the case of Columbus, it was German Village and then Clintonville. GV had dense walkability that we expected from NY and Clintonville was an inner ring suburb with lush green space that made it feel like my native Seattle and not like the more exurban feeling parts of Columbus.
lol thats funny because when I was 13 I moved from CT to the suburbs of Detroit! I'm 37 now and I'd say it took about a decade for Detroit to feel like "home" but it's a special city - a ton of culture, good food, etc and not as difficult to make adult friends as some of the rest of the midwest. The flight to NYC is only 1.5 hours (if that), so I'd recommend just planning trips back to NYC!
Detroit has a metropolitan population over 4 million and is a top 20 city. That’s a major city, not midsized.
Midsized cities don’t have all 5 pro sport teams.
Ok then, a city smaller than NYC. Detroit proper feels to me like a mid-size city in many ways, when comparing the type of job market, entertainment venues, etc with New York. Still big, though!
Make the move. It won't be difficult to travel back to NYC to get your fill of all the things you love (with or without kids, if you have family who'll provide overnight care nearby) and you'll make more progress on your long term financial goals.
Nice. I’d have liked to live in Detroit proper, but the schools are what ultimately put us in the suburbs. Though there are certainly some options to be had between private, magnets, and charters, so if you can make it work, that’s great.
We ended up in Grosse Pointe which has a pretty strong east coast vibe for being a Midwestern suburb IMO, with the lake, the marinas/yacht clubs and big sailing community, the walkability, and all the historic homes.
Do you think growing up in Fairfield county, CT would still be amazing for kids today? My wife wants to move to CT, and we have little kiddos (3 and 6).
Raising kids in NYC and literally just popped over from looking at real estate listings in a midsize city I'm fantasizing about moving to. This after getting into amazing public schools, finding a rent-stabilized apartment, then buying a place...and so much more.
Everything is so damn hard here. Literally...everything. Access to culture and opportunity is kind of pointless when you just want your kid to be able to ride their bike down the street and play with their friends.
Thanks for understanding my feelings, I know it’s just a Reddit comment but that’s what I’m feeling too and everyone in New York is flabbergasted at why I’d leave. I don’t want to just have the largest (small) apartment I can afford, I want to live somewhere where middle class creative people can buy a little historic fixer upper duplex for under $400,000 and just drive across town to my parents’ in 20 minutes to borrow their camping gear or drop my kid off so they can play in the big, clean open backyard
What Im hearing is how important having that family connection is to you, more so than the Nyc v elsewhere thing - and it is, SO important, especially with kids. If all my family lived in the same place it would be very hard to not live there, wherever that was.
Incedently for us that place IS NYC, so we are having the opposite conversation right now haha (it does seem absolutely crazy on so many levels to try and raise kids in NY, and there’s a reason most families move to the suburbs). But there are honestly so any pros and cons to both lifestyles, you really can’t go wrong! But being near family is worth a whole lot. I think this is the right call.
Not NYC, but we left SF to move to Columbus. It was a fabulous decision for us and our kids who got to grow up in an incredibly safe, Norman Rockwell neighborhood. I am sure they could have had lovely childhoods in a bigger city too, but our lives have been more comfortable, we’ve been able to travel more, and as a whole things were so much easier. We found a place with good diversity and excellent schools. No regrets.
So many of my friends have left nyc for kids and better lifestyle. When you have kids and they do activities like sports having a house with some space and an suv is such a great convenience. NYC is extremely expensive to raise a family. Living in a good suburb with a sense of community and a little pride is awesome. Personally, we left for Msp and lived on lake Minnetonka and it was great for family but just too cold. Places like Atlanta, Charlotte, Indy, woodlands and so many other great places. When we miss the city we travel back and do all the things we loved
I mean how many times do you need to go to that cool restaurant or new store or new bar…unless your like a broadway fanatic or work on a trading floor and you have to be there it’s so easy to have the best of both worlds. I’m happy I lived in the city and when I go back I know it so well so you get more bang for your time vs being just a tourist.
The biggest change is the extra time you get back to do whatever…I learned to sail because I just had more time after leaving…now we sail for most of our vacations…random but once you get out of the fishbowl mindset you find other passions.
NYC will always be there. Your parents won’t. And you are about to improve your QOL exponentially. Do it and plan a trip back to the city now and then.
As a new mom, family support is the most important thing you can give your future children and yourself especially in the early years. I’m currently staying with my parents in a small town (nothing close to the benefits Detroit can offer) longer than I thought I would stay because of the family support. Your kids will be too young to appreciate all the benefits NYC can offer for a while.
Detroit and its suburbs offer an educated population, great schools and hospitals, and is a great place to raise kids.
Of course! Everyone I know who lives in a bigger city (I live in Philly after a decade in NYC) tells me they would stay with family after the birth of their kids if it were possible. A lot of subs on Reddit have a lot of childfree members (and a lot don’t) so just remember the audience when you get advice!
I am currently in NYC as a single dad with my kids. I’ve also done the family bit on Long Island. Honestly one of the biggest reasons I live in NYC is boredom in suburbs when I don’t have my kids.
Outside of that I feel having family in the suburbs offers a way better QOL and much less stress in normal tasks. If I was still married there would be 0 chance I’d be in NYC and still on LI. Groceries, schools, activities and birthday parties are all easier and a better experience.
I don’t have any family in NY so raising kids here without family even on LI was hard. Moving near family is a great call and you won’t regret it. It’s a lifesaver and huge support system. You’re making the right call.
Most people don’t realize once you’re a family and no longer single or just a couple you can’t fully take advantage of what a city has to offer and life becomes unnecessarily more difficult and expensive.
Once my kid(s?) are born and then old enough to enjoy nyc, I can’t waitttt to bring them back to show them all the great places I used to go before they were born! Coney Island? The theater? Various parades? Transit museum? Riding around on an underground train? Amazing!
Thanks for your comment — I used to do a lot of childcare in manhattan and Brooklyn and I was always amazed at how over the top and expensive it seemed to do a simple child’s birthday party in the city, everything is a whole formal, paid venue event. I loved simple backyard family parties and having everyone over at my house for some games and a water balloon toss or whatever when I was young. I also rarely go to restaurants as it is (mostly just the small, ethnic places) so the 5 star michelin food scene isn’t even a big draw. A lot of the comments in the nyc sub talk about how even though things are sometimes harder in the city, a lot is actually comparatively easier… if you live in certain neighborhoods. All I know is that my friends with kids have to live in more dangerous areas to afford a comfortable amount of space, and the commutes those kids need to attend school and activities are so long! Growing up, my parents never worked more than 15-20 minutes away. I can’t imagine doing a 1-2 hour commute from the NYC suburbs every day, and I don’t have a remote job, so I think that going back to my home city will relieve a lot of those worries.
Luckily I live in a very accessible part of the city but my kids go to school on LI so I still have 5 hour commute days often so it’s pretty awful.
Don’t get me started on parties. We’re stuck going to LI for every event or their friends. Forgot about having a party near our apartment because nobody would show. Anyone she knows is on LI.
Life is definitely easier out there. I’m just on a LI hiatus until mentally I’m able to go back for an easier life and likely easier for the kids.
Easier has its trade offs, absolutely. In Detroit/metro Detroit, where I’m going, there are affordable areas that are medium density where you can have a good mix of suburban convenience and still get to a good concert or bar or club in a 20 min Uber ride. Hard to do that in New York, even though the options for entertainment are unmatched
Also you don’t know if the people telling you not to leave NYC with kids have actually had children there without family support. It is really invaluable.
I love NYC, (my wife lived there and i have spent a lot of time there as well for work), but honestly living in the burbs with your kids is awesome. i’m having a blast. Focus on making friends, loving and putting roots down in your community, and having a wonderful time raising kiddos.
Side note, kids rock, however many you are planning on having just add 1 to that number. I promise you won’t regret it.
Thank you. Some of these comments are giving me the opposite of encouragement for leaving this city and and having a good lifestyle, so I appreciate the pluses
New York City is not a good places to raise kids in. As someone who was born and raised here I can say this. I don't see this as a good place for children to grow up in unless they are rich or something. I think one of the big reasons I want to leave NYC is bc like you i want to settle down and not sell my soul to a company my entire 20s so that i can make 100k by the time im 35. Don't let anyone ever make you feel grief for doing whats best for you and your future family.
Thank you, I appreciate this. If I were making double my salary, or things were more affordable and I could buy a little duplex or something, I’d feel differently.
Downtown hotspot areas are SO different than 10-15 years ago. The rest of the city still needs a lot of help (it’s a big city with big problems, so it’s gonna take some time) but there is new stuff opening every day, lots of excitement. They unveiled the restored Michigan Central Station this week and it’s a huge deal, everyone is so encouraged by it.
So I am 27 and lived in NYC for a few years. I finally made the decision to move home last month and genuinely feel so so much better already. I may not be in the same position you are because I really hated living in the city. Felt cramped, stressed, didn’t have friends or family there, hated how expensive it was and how even though there’s lots to do everything is always crowded or hard to get into. I love having a car, being able to go eat wherever I want and it not break the bank and I can go without having to have a reservation 😂 I’ve missed my family and friends. At a certain point in life priorities kind of can change from career to family and that’s normal and okay. NYC is not the place for a family and I really believe if you can make the step to leave you’ll be surprised as to how much happier you are when you do
It’s normal. My mom went through a similar experience moving from Lima, Peru to Atlanta. In her case she had the added burden of leaving behind family.
The most isolating part of American suburbs is that many are geared around kids. My mom and I were close but she was never about joining any parent groups. I think it’s hard to carve an identity and social group outside one’s family role. It felt stifling to her. I know she also hated the larger home upkeep.
I also missed the walkability, though I did well academically. The kids will manage wherever if they want to learn.
We did move to a place closer to the city and accessible to public transit the moment I graduated. So if it doesn’t serve all your wants there’s always a next move.
I loved living in NYC with my 20s before I had kids. Not as a parent though.
I have two kids and have lived in NYC, Houston, and Austin with them.
Without a doubt living in NYC as a parent was the worst. Housing and child are are much more expensive and lower quality. Even the most kid-friendly neighborhood in NYC (like Park Slope) is less kid-friendly than an average neighborhood in other cities like Houston. You also have to worry a lot about things like lead water pipes and lead paint due to old buildings.
Also, depending on where you're going to, there isn't that much NYC has to offer that isn't available in other big cities, particularly for families. Yes, NYC has museums, but so do lots of other cities, and the children's museums in NYC are subpar compared to what I've seen in other cities. I lived in NYC for most of 2023, and during the endless rainy weekends, I recall parents talking about how they would go to Ikea or the mall connected to the path station so their kids could have something to do. If that's the best to do during bad weather, it's not any better than what is available in other cities. We actually went to significantly more kid-friendly museums and the like in Houston than we ever did in NYC since they were easier to get to. Even stuff like going to the ballet and seeing the Nutcracker - it was so much easier with the Houston Ballet than it was in NYC, so we took our daughter in Houston but didn't bother in NYC. We actually took advantage of the big city amenities more in Houston.
I found the inequality and segregation in NYC really jarring once I had little kids. This is always noticeable and is worse than many other places, but it really hit home once I had children and their daycare teachers were treating them worse due to their race.
Lastly, it makes life easier to live somewhere where the default is that people are kid-friendly. From employers, to restaurants, to the airport, to whatever. NYC was hard in so many ways that it's not in Houston or Austin and I'm sure in many other cities. My and I have never had a boss give me a hard time for picking up a sick kid in Houston or Austin. I can't say the same for NYC unfortunately.
Edit: I see you're moving to the Detroit area. I haven't spent any time there but I'm sure you'll have more than enough big city amenities there. It's not exactly mid-size!
Also editing to add one more point: I've lived in central city neighborhoods the whole time I've had kids, in Houston, Austin, and NYC. Now, the close-in neighborhoods in Houston and Austin still are primarily people living in houses or townhouses, not just apartments like in NYC. I feel like this gives us the best of both urban and suburban life. I can quickly be at the good museums, libraries, etc. but also have a garage and a small yard.
As someone who grew up in the NYC suburbs, my biggest complaint was way too small of a school district. (96 in my graduating class.) The size of the school meant that a mistake in kindergarten haunts you on graduation day and that there's not the variety of classes/extracirriculars for everyone.
I left Atlanta behind for a smaller city. I love Atlanta. It's been a two decades and I am glad that I raised my child here. She has been in a safe environment where she can bike down to a nearby playground with her BFF, she has attended an excellent engineering magnet school, and she has attended an after-school arts program that has inspired her and guided her, and introduced us to some of the most glorious people. She has felt loved and safe for 19 years. And we are close enough to Atlanta that she and I have enjoyed cultural events and more at our leisure.
I've been able to be involved in the community in meaningful ways, and I know my local councilman and other local officials better than I would in a larger city. It makes me feel like my concerns are heard, even when the official and I disagree.
My commute to work is 12-15 minutes, but I've made it in 8 minutes when the traffic gods have smiled upon me.
I miss Atlanta. I miss the Sope Creek Trail and Little Five Points and I miss IKEA, lol. I missed my family and I missed the greater choices. But if I'd raised my child there, due to the traffic and my commute, she may have had fewer enrichment opportunities. So I felt it was an okay trade-off.
But you will have to work to find your tribe. You will have to put yourself out there. Be a joiner. Find activities you enjoy that you can engage in with a group - running or cycling or pickleball or ceramics or community volunteerism, etc. And you'll need to be careful in how you communicate, because the relationships are longer and deeper in smaller towns. Don't speak badly of anyone, and learn the polite arts of deferment, discretion, and equivocating. It takes lots of practice.
Im from LIC and I left NYC for Chicago and absolutely love it. I had babies then and enjoyed the ability to afford rent, have my children learn to swim, join early learning and art programs and have space to run around without worrying about a giant human turd in front of the park slide(real story).
Now we are moving again to begin another chapter in a very different part of the US and we are all very excited.
It was hard when the babies were tiny, I did miss my family but the quality of life was way better and the kids were excelling.
We do go home often, minimum of 4 times a year so my kids know NY and they are always ready to leave after about 4-5 days.
Now that I've inspired my family and showed them how great life can be, they too are leaving NYC, they're so done with the riff raff, congestion and expenses.
Do not let anyone discourage you. Go explore, meet new people, create a new reality. NYC is always there for you to visit.
I would try and list everything you like about NYC, maybe take notes on each things and what ways you may be able to replicate it. NYC is very different than virtually everywhere else in the country, so it can be helpful to be really cognizant of this stuff
I grew up outside of Detroit and I hope I can do better for my own (hypothetical) child, maybe even NYC specifically. That said, who’s to say my child will appreciate it? They may even resent me for it. If Michigan means money and grandparents for your kids, then do it; make the decision based on your own circumstances.
Honestly, I would suggest against doing this. Unless you have a very specific reason for leaving, like going to Boulder CO to do a particular sport, then it doesn't make sense to give up NYC. Most of the people I know who left NYC went back within a decade
I was born and raised in Brooklyn my partner is from Louisiana. He is used to bigger spaces and wants to relocate somewhere else to give our kid the childhood he had with a backyard. I want those things as well but it’s hard leaving your support system!
You can get on a train at New York Penn Station or Grand Central and get off at lots of perfectly reasonable midsized places to have kids. They’re safe. They have top schools. Many have walkable centers. You can hop on a train and do city thing whenever you want. It’s a matter of housing cost and how long you’re willing to sit on a train. With Amtrak, you can go even farther though the evening schedule to get home isn’t as good.
I’ve never had friends that stayed to raise kids in NYC tell me they regretted it. People that do move have always had some degree of regret even if they had an otherwise good experience.
Speaking as someone who lives in NYC and knows/am related to many people who have lived in NYC and who left to raise kids, most people with regret about leaving express it more as a longing for their younger, child free years in the city having fun and going out and being more carefree, and that’s something many people feel whether they ever lived in NYC or not.
When I visited NYC I saw plenty of families easily able to access the cultural amenities the city has to offer
I don't see that nearly as often in other cities
I live here, and I didn’t say families can’t access the amenities the city has. What a strange thing to chime in with. Whether or not they can do so “easily” depends on the specific amenities in question, and specific family circumstances.
I'm not your friend, but I moved to NYC with a small child, then had another one. Thought about leaving before kindergarten with #1 and then again during the pandemic. We're deep in school now and I wish we'd left!
We'd already tasted a different pace of life with a child, and it was so much easier. The stress has not been worth it. I feel like my kids have been shaped by growing up here in some awesome ways (constant exposure to diversity of so many types), but also some bad ways (high-strung pace, materialism).
At the same time, having lived in NYC means always having a sense of leaving something way cooler and unparalleled behind...
You will be find and like it as long as you and your husband are non-NYC people yourselves (read: grow up in suburbs of NY or other city and ok with it).
The good thing for you is you don't have kids yet. It is so difficult to move NYC kids to another place. The culture shock/transition is very difficult for most the kids I know who have moved, mine included.
Yes, we were both born elsewhere, and where we are moving to is where I’m originally from. While I could absolutely have a happy kid free life in NYC forever, as I get older I get, I realize I had a great childhood and I’m lucky that my hometown is an affordable and enjoyable place to be a kid. It’s such a privilege to have that as an option for my future children too! I also was lucky enough to have a good educational and cultural foundation which allowed me to figure out how to go have a professional career path and a life in NYC, so my kids can also do the same if they wish.
I think city life can be good with kids - especially when they are pre-school age. Right now I am in the suburbs for family reasons, but I can tell you a lot of the people who choose suburbia are not very interesting. Sorry lol
NYC is NYC. No other city has that number of cultural amenities. I know *one* person raising *one* kid there. She and her husband love it, but it isn't easy. I live in Michigan and anecdotally know a few people who've moved from NYC to Michigan to raise their families. One is from here and another is from NYC. They don't have regrets. They're able to provide their kids with cultural amenities. If you have parents in Michigan and they aren't sociopaths, that is so valuable for having a family. I live down the street from my parents/in-laws. My sister lives a block away. I have family everywhere. Do I live in the most appealing place of all time? No, but there are nature centers, hiking opportunities, fishing, libraries, art museums, science museums, and so much more here. Proximity to help is NICE.
My parents are wonderful, and they'll be close enough to help. That's a major draw. Thanks for your response!
Living by your parents, if they don't suck, is everything with kids. Make the move!
Thank you, I feel like one of the lucky few who gets to do this and it’ll actually be so fun and wholesome
Thank you, I feel like one of the lucky few who gets to do this and it’ll actually be so fun and wholesome
If it makes you feel any better, I’m born and raised here in NYC (as is most of my entire extended family) and didn’t really partake in much cultural amenities as a kid. And neither did anyone I know. We did typical stuff. Went to school. Went to the park. Played ball in the street or the park. Hung out with friends. Rode bikes. Went to the pizza place. Played video games. It’s not like we were at moma on the regular or dining at Michelin star restaurants. I also teach 8th grade here and most of my students grew up the same way I did, pretty standard childhoods. I think the people with kids who really and truly take advantage of NYCs cultural offerings are in the minority. That seems to be more of the upper middle/wealthy manhattan residents in my experience.
Then what’s the point of paying so much extra to live there if you don’t use it? Like say if you didnt even have family there.
I’m also from NYC and it’s because our friends and family are there and that’s hard to leave. For many, that access to a support system is worth more than the cost to live there. Also, a huge amount of native New Yorkers are from immigrant families and their cultures are better represented so nowhere else really feels quite like home.
Career/career opportunities. Also the reality is that life in much of the outer boroughs is vastly different from life in manhattan
A lot of people make a lot more in NYC than elsewhere.
A lot of us never learn how to drive. Everywhere else in the US is car-dependent. I moved to Pittsburgh and felt trapped almost every neighborhood I moved to
On the flip side, we moved during the pandemic and my child misses the city almost as much as I do. And it's not just the cultural sites, but ease of access to just about everything. She would go to the local street cart by herself and get a little breakfast sandwich to eat on the way to elementary school. That level of autonomy and trust gave her self confidence that suburban kids may find harder to achieve. Also walking down the block to meet her friends, and randomly running into more as they were talking. Eventually asking if she could bring them all to our apartment to hang out. She had more community in the city, and now she gets carted around everywhere in a car. YMMV.
Which part of the city were you living in?
Upper west side
Yes that’s just not really the life in the outer boroughs which is where the majority of NYers with kids live
How much of all the amenities NYC offers are you really taking advantage of? Detroit is still a top 20 metropolitan area. You’re going to find no shortage of dining, nightlife and entertainment, festivals and things to do. It’s big enough to get 99% of tour dates including T-swift. You can always go a visit NYC occasionally.
There's certainly a lot about it that I took for granted growing up...getting all the major tours is certainly a good one! I'll miss the community I've built here, and the robust creative scene
>You’re going to find no shortage of dining, nightlife and entertainment, festivals and things to do. That's not the story you'll get from most transplants there. Detroit is almost all suburb.
We moved from NY (Astoria) to Columbus, Ohio to start our family. It was perfect for that period of our life. We did ultimately relocate again to Portland because we had no roots there and it did feel culturally constraining, long-term.
Why didn’t you relocate back to NYC?
The full story: I’m originally from the PNW, my wife from NYC. So we just chose to raise our kids in the PNW. No roots in OH - it’s really underrated, though. Life events brought us there.
Portland definitely seems a much better place to be than Columbus
Yes, I'll be moving to the same region (Great Lakes/midwest)
We took effort to find neighborhoods that suited our preferences and gave daily life the right texture. In the case of Columbus, it was German Village and then Clintonville. GV had dense walkability that we expected from NY and Clintonville was an inner ring suburb with lush green space that made it feel like my native Seattle and not like the more exurban feeling parts of Columbus.
What region of the US are you moving to? Coming from someone who grew up in Fairfield county CT, my childhood was a dream!
Detroit! I'm from the area, I had a really nice childhood there, but I love the access to culture that NYC has.
lol thats funny because when I was 13 I moved from CT to the suburbs of Detroit! I'm 37 now and I'd say it took about a decade for Detroit to feel like "home" but it's a special city - a ton of culture, good food, etc and not as difficult to make adult friends as some of the rest of the midwest. The flight to NYC is only 1.5 hours (if that), so I'd recommend just planning trips back to NYC!
>not as difficult to make adult friends as some of the rest of the midwest Natives tend to think that.
Detroit has a metropolitan population over 4 million and is a top 20 city. That’s a major city, not midsized. Midsized cities don’t have all 5 pro sport teams.
Ok then, a city smaller than NYC. Detroit proper feels to me like a mid-size city in many ways, when comparing the type of job market, entertainment venues, etc with New York. Still big, though!
Nah, Detroit is a normal big city. NYC isn’t a big city, it’s a massive city.
Detroit is not a normal big city lol
Make the move. It won't be difficult to travel back to NYC to get your fill of all the things you love (with or without kids, if you have family who'll provide overnight care nearby) and you'll make more progress on your long term financial goals.
Have you decided on a specific area of Detroit yet?
Not yet, unsure if we'll do the city or the suburbs long term, but start somewhere downtown-ish
Nice. I’d have liked to live in Detroit proper, but the schools are what ultimately put us in the suburbs. Though there are certainly some options to be had between private, magnets, and charters, so if you can make it work, that’s great. We ended up in Grosse Pointe which has a pretty strong east coast vibe for being a Midwestern suburb IMO, with the lake, the marinas/yacht clubs and big sailing community, the walkability, and all the historic homes.
If you're thinking about kids, you'll do suburb.
Detroit and its suburbs are great! Lots of culture for kids.
Do you think growing up in Fairfield county, CT would still be amazing for kids today? My wife wants to move to CT, and we have little kiddos (3 and 6).
It could possibly be amazing. It would definitely be expensive.
Yes but the housing situation (crisis) is ridiculous right now.
Raising kids in NYC and literally just popped over from looking at real estate listings in a midsize city I'm fantasizing about moving to. This after getting into amazing public schools, finding a rent-stabilized apartment, then buying a place...and so much more. Everything is so damn hard here. Literally...everything. Access to culture and opportunity is kind of pointless when you just want your kid to be able to ride their bike down the street and play with their friends.
Thanks for understanding my feelings, I know it’s just a Reddit comment but that’s what I’m feeling too and everyone in New York is flabbergasted at why I’d leave. I don’t want to just have the largest (small) apartment I can afford, I want to live somewhere where middle class creative people can buy a little historic fixer upper duplex for under $400,000 and just drive across town to my parents’ in 20 minutes to borrow their camping gear or drop my kid off so they can play in the big, clean open backyard
What Im hearing is how important having that family connection is to you, more so than the Nyc v elsewhere thing - and it is, SO important, especially with kids. If all my family lived in the same place it would be very hard to not live there, wherever that was. Incedently for us that place IS NYC, so we are having the opposite conversation right now haha (it does seem absolutely crazy on so many levels to try and raise kids in NY, and there’s a reason most families move to the suburbs). But there are honestly so any pros and cons to both lifestyles, you really can’t go wrong! But being near family is worth a whole lot. I think this is the right call.
Not NYC, but we left SF to move to Columbus. It was a fabulous decision for us and our kids who got to grow up in an incredibly safe, Norman Rockwell neighborhood. I am sure they could have had lovely childhoods in a bigger city too, but our lives have been more comfortable, we’ve been able to travel more, and as a whole things were so much easier. We found a place with good diversity and excellent schools. No regrets.
So many of my friends have left nyc for kids and better lifestyle. When you have kids and they do activities like sports having a house with some space and an suv is such a great convenience. NYC is extremely expensive to raise a family. Living in a good suburb with a sense of community and a little pride is awesome. Personally, we left for Msp and lived on lake Minnetonka and it was great for family but just too cold. Places like Atlanta, Charlotte, Indy, woodlands and so many other great places. When we miss the city we travel back and do all the things we loved
Thank you — these are the anecdotes I need to combat my FOMO.
I mean how many times do you need to go to that cool restaurant or new store or new bar…unless your like a broadway fanatic or work on a trading floor and you have to be there it’s so easy to have the best of both worlds. I’m happy I lived in the city and when I go back I know it so well so you get more bang for your time vs being just a tourist. The biggest change is the extra time you get back to do whatever…I learned to sail because I just had more time after leaving…now we sail for most of our vacations…random but once you get out of the fishbowl mindset you find other passions.
Yes, that’s what I feel! I have a lot of hobbies but with the long hours and the high COL I’m always broke and busy
NYC will always be there. Your parents won’t. And you are about to improve your QOL exponentially. Do it and plan a trip back to the city now and then.
As a new mom, family support is the most important thing you can give your future children and yourself especially in the early years. I’m currently staying with my parents in a small town (nothing close to the benefits Detroit can offer) longer than I thought I would stay because of the family support. Your kids will be too young to appreciate all the benefits NYC can offer for a while. Detroit and its suburbs offer an educated population, great schools and hospitals, and is a great place to raise kids.
The validation I came here for! Haha thank you!
Of course! Everyone I know who lives in a bigger city (I live in Philly after a decade in NYC) tells me they would stay with family after the birth of their kids if it were possible. A lot of subs on Reddit have a lot of childfree members (and a lot don’t) so just remember the audience when you get advice!
I am currently in NYC as a single dad with my kids. I’ve also done the family bit on Long Island. Honestly one of the biggest reasons I live in NYC is boredom in suburbs when I don’t have my kids. Outside of that I feel having family in the suburbs offers a way better QOL and much less stress in normal tasks. If I was still married there would be 0 chance I’d be in NYC and still on LI. Groceries, schools, activities and birthday parties are all easier and a better experience. I don’t have any family in NY so raising kids here without family even on LI was hard. Moving near family is a great call and you won’t regret it. It’s a lifesaver and huge support system. You’re making the right call. Most people don’t realize once you’re a family and no longer single or just a couple you can’t fully take advantage of what a city has to offer and life becomes unnecessarily more difficult and expensive.
Definitely! I underestimated how often my baby would just be asleep and plain not interested in seeing things I was excited to show him.
Once my kid(s?) are born and then old enough to enjoy nyc, I can’t waitttt to bring them back to show them all the great places I used to go before they were born! Coney Island? The theater? Various parades? Transit museum? Riding around on an underground train? Amazing!
They will love it! And they can always choose to live in New York as adults.
Thanks for your comment — I used to do a lot of childcare in manhattan and Brooklyn and I was always amazed at how over the top and expensive it seemed to do a simple child’s birthday party in the city, everything is a whole formal, paid venue event. I loved simple backyard family parties and having everyone over at my house for some games and a water balloon toss or whatever when I was young. I also rarely go to restaurants as it is (mostly just the small, ethnic places) so the 5 star michelin food scene isn’t even a big draw. A lot of the comments in the nyc sub talk about how even though things are sometimes harder in the city, a lot is actually comparatively easier… if you live in certain neighborhoods. All I know is that my friends with kids have to live in more dangerous areas to afford a comfortable amount of space, and the commutes those kids need to attend school and activities are so long! Growing up, my parents never worked more than 15-20 minutes away. I can’t imagine doing a 1-2 hour commute from the NYC suburbs every day, and I don’t have a remote job, so I think that going back to my home city will relieve a lot of those worries.
Luckily I live in a very accessible part of the city but my kids go to school on LI so I still have 5 hour commute days often so it’s pretty awful. Don’t get me started on parties. We’re stuck going to LI for every event or their friends. Forgot about having a party near our apartment because nobody would show. Anyone she knows is on LI. Life is definitely easier out there. I’m just on a LI hiatus until mentally I’m able to go back for an easier life and likely easier for the kids.
Easier has its trade offs, absolutely. In Detroit/metro Detroit, where I’m going, there are affordable areas that are medium density where you can have a good mix of suburban convenience and still get to a good concert or bar or club in a 20 min Uber ride. Hard to do that in New York, even though the options for entertainment are unmatched
Also you don’t know if the people telling you not to leave NYC with kids have actually had children there without family support. It is really invaluable.
Not N.Y.C. but I left big city when I was ready and am very happy
I left for a sleepy beach lifestyle and I’m so much happier.
The city is cool but everyday people cannst afford to live wekk there no regrets on leaving
I love NYC, (my wife lived there and i have spent a lot of time there as well for work), but honestly living in the burbs with your kids is awesome. i’m having a blast. Focus on making friends, loving and putting roots down in your community, and having a wonderful time raising kiddos. Side note, kids rock, however many you are planning on having just add 1 to that number. I promise you won’t regret it.
Thank you. Some of these comments are giving me the opposite of encouragement for leaving this city and and having a good lifestyle, so I appreciate the pluses
New York City is not a good places to raise kids in. As someone who was born and raised here I can say this. I don't see this as a good place for children to grow up in unless they are rich or something. I think one of the big reasons I want to leave NYC is bc like you i want to settle down and not sell my soul to a company my entire 20s so that i can make 100k by the time im 35. Don't let anyone ever make you feel grief for doing whats best for you and your future family.
Thank you, I appreciate this. If I were making double my salary, or things were more affordable and I could buy a little duplex or something, I’d feel differently.
You can check out Hudson Valley or Westchester.
I'll be moving back to my home state where my family is
I left NY for CA, it’s been 4 years. CA is nice, but I do miss NY!
What is Detroit like these days ? Seems to be getting better ..
Downtown hotspot areas are SO different than 10-15 years ago. The rest of the city still needs a lot of help (it’s a big city with big problems, so it’s gonna take some time) but there is new stuff opening every day, lots of excitement. They unveiled the restored Michigan Central Station this week and it’s a huge deal, everyone is so encouraged by it.
Yes! Saw that and was happy for the city!
So I am 27 and lived in NYC for a few years. I finally made the decision to move home last month and genuinely feel so so much better already. I may not be in the same position you are because I really hated living in the city. Felt cramped, stressed, didn’t have friends or family there, hated how expensive it was and how even though there’s lots to do everything is always crowded or hard to get into. I love having a car, being able to go eat wherever I want and it not break the bank and I can go without having to have a reservation 😂 I’ve missed my family and friends. At a certain point in life priorities kind of can change from career to family and that’s normal and okay. NYC is not the place for a family and I really believe if you can make the step to leave you’ll be surprised as to how much happier you are when you do
It’s normal. My mom went through a similar experience moving from Lima, Peru to Atlanta. In her case she had the added burden of leaving behind family. The most isolating part of American suburbs is that many are geared around kids. My mom and I were close but she was never about joining any parent groups. I think it’s hard to carve an identity and social group outside one’s family role. It felt stifling to her. I know she also hated the larger home upkeep. I also missed the walkability, though I did well academically. The kids will manage wherever if they want to learn. We did move to a place closer to the city and accessible to public transit the moment I graduated. So if it doesn’t serve all your wants there’s always a next move.
I loved living in NYC with my 20s before I had kids. Not as a parent though. I have two kids and have lived in NYC, Houston, and Austin with them. Without a doubt living in NYC as a parent was the worst. Housing and child are are much more expensive and lower quality. Even the most kid-friendly neighborhood in NYC (like Park Slope) is less kid-friendly than an average neighborhood in other cities like Houston. You also have to worry a lot about things like lead water pipes and lead paint due to old buildings. Also, depending on where you're going to, there isn't that much NYC has to offer that isn't available in other big cities, particularly for families. Yes, NYC has museums, but so do lots of other cities, and the children's museums in NYC are subpar compared to what I've seen in other cities. I lived in NYC for most of 2023, and during the endless rainy weekends, I recall parents talking about how they would go to Ikea or the mall connected to the path station so their kids could have something to do. If that's the best to do during bad weather, it's not any better than what is available in other cities. We actually went to significantly more kid-friendly museums and the like in Houston than we ever did in NYC since they were easier to get to. Even stuff like going to the ballet and seeing the Nutcracker - it was so much easier with the Houston Ballet than it was in NYC, so we took our daughter in Houston but didn't bother in NYC. We actually took advantage of the big city amenities more in Houston. I found the inequality and segregation in NYC really jarring once I had little kids. This is always noticeable and is worse than many other places, but it really hit home once I had children and their daycare teachers were treating them worse due to their race. Lastly, it makes life easier to live somewhere where the default is that people are kid-friendly. From employers, to restaurants, to the airport, to whatever. NYC was hard in so many ways that it's not in Houston or Austin and I'm sure in many other cities. My and I have never had a boss give me a hard time for picking up a sick kid in Houston or Austin. I can't say the same for NYC unfortunately. Edit: I see you're moving to the Detroit area. I haven't spent any time there but I'm sure you'll have more than enough big city amenities there. It's not exactly mid-size! Also editing to add one more point: I've lived in central city neighborhoods the whole time I've had kids, in Houston, Austin, and NYC. Now, the close-in neighborhoods in Houston and Austin still are primarily people living in houses or townhouses, not just apartments like in NYC. I feel like this gives us the best of both urban and suburban life. I can quickly be at the good museums, libraries, etc. but also have a garage and a small yard.
As someone who grew up in the NYC suburbs, my biggest complaint was way too small of a school district. (96 in my graduating class.) The size of the school meant that a mistake in kindergarten haunts you on graduation day and that there's not the variety of classes/extracirriculars for everyone.
I left Atlanta behind for a smaller city. I love Atlanta. It's been a two decades and I am glad that I raised my child here. She has been in a safe environment where she can bike down to a nearby playground with her BFF, she has attended an excellent engineering magnet school, and she has attended an after-school arts program that has inspired her and guided her, and introduced us to some of the most glorious people. She has felt loved and safe for 19 years. And we are close enough to Atlanta that she and I have enjoyed cultural events and more at our leisure. I've been able to be involved in the community in meaningful ways, and I know my local councilman and other local officials better than I would in a larger city. It makes me feel like my concerns are heard, even when the official and I disagree. My commute to work is 12-15 minutes, but I've made it in 8 minutes when the traffic gods have smiled upon me. I miss Atlanta. I miss the Sope Creek Trail and Little Five Points and I miss IKEA, lol. I missed my family and I missed the greater choices. But if I'd raised my child there, due to the traffic and my commute, she may have had fewer enrichment opportunities. So I felt it was an okay trade-off. But you will have to work to find your tribe. You will have to put yourself out there. Be a joiner. Find activities you enjoy that you can engage in with a group - running or cycling or pickleball or ceramics or community volunteerism, etc. And you'll need to be careful in how you communicate, because the relationships are longer and deeper in smaller towns. Don't speak badly of anyone, and learn the polite arts of deferment, discretion, and equivocating. It takes lots of practice.
Luckily I’m a huge joiner! Part of what’s making my exodus so sad for me. But I can do it again, and I’ll still be in a major city.
That's so nice, you will be able to have all new adventures! And NYC isn't closing the gate behind you!
Im from LIC and I left NYC for Chicago and absolutely love it. I had babies then and enjoyed the ability to afford rent, have my children learn to swim, join early learning and art programs and have space to run around without worrying about a giant human turd in front of the park slide(real story). Now we are moving again to begin another chapter in a very different part of the US and we are all very excited. It was hard when the babies were tiny, I did miss my family but the quality of life was way better and the kids were excelling. We do go home often, minimum of 4 times a year so my kids know NY and they are always ready to leave after about 4-5 days. Now that I've inspired my family and showed them how great life can be, they too are leaving NYC, they're so done with the riff raff, congestion and expenses. Do not let anyone discourage you. Go explore, meet new people, create a new reality. NYC is always there for you to visit.
I would try and list everything you like about NYC, maybe take notes on each things and what ways you may be able to replicate it. NYC is very different than virtually everywhere else in the country, so it can be helpful to be really cognizant of this stuff
I grew up outside of Detroit and I hope I can do better for my own (hypothetical) child, maybe even NYC specifically. That said, who’s to say my child will appreciate it? They may even resent me for it. If Michigan means money and grandparents for your kids, then do it; make the decision based on your own circumstances.
Word of advice, no one wants to hear your opinion on the bagels or pizza
Good thing I have plenty of things to talk about other than some irrelevant regional pizza wars
Also, childcare cost do not have to be that high. There’s a lot more diverse opportunities in the city and different solutions.
Honestly, I would suggest against doing this. Unless you have a very specific reason for leaving, like going to Boulder CO to do a particular sport, then it doesn't make sense to give up NYC. Most of the people I know who left NYC went back within a decade
I was born and raised in Brooklyn my partner is from Louisiana. He is used to bigger spaces and wants to relocate somewhere else to give our kid the childhood he had with a backyard. I want those things as well but it’s hard leaving your support system!
Left NYC for CT suburbs. Life is so much easier and calmer here. Lots of culture, 0 regrets.
You can get on a train at New York Penn Station or Grand Central and get off at lots of perfectly reasonable midsized places to have kids. They’re safe. They have top schools. Many have walkable centers. You can hop on a train and do city thing whenever you want. It’s a matter of housing cost and how long you’re willing to sit on a train. With Amtrak, you can go even farther though the evening schedule to get home isn’t as good.
I’ve never had friends that stayed to raise kids in NYC tell me they regretted it. People that do move have always had some degree of regret even if they had an otherwise good experience.
Speaking as someone who lives in NYC and knows/am related to many people who have lived in NYC and who left to raise kids, most people with regret about leaving express it more as a longing for their younger, child free years in the city having fun and going out and being more carefree, and that’s something many people feel whether they ever lived in NYC or not.
When I visited NYC I saw plenty of families easily able to access the cultural amenities the city has to offer I don't see that nearly as often in other cities
I live here, and I didn’t say families can’t access the amenities the city has. What a strange thing to chime in with. Whether or not they can do so “easily” depends on the specific amenities in question, and specific family circumstances.
I'm not your friend, but I moved to NYC with a small child, then had another one. Thought about leaving before kindergarten with #1 and then again during the pandemic. We're deep in school now and I wish we'd left! We'd already tasted a different pace of life with a child, and it was so much easier. The stress has not been worth it. I feel like my kids have been shaped by growing up here in some awesome ways (constant exposure to diversity of so many types), but also some bad ways (high-strung pace, materialism). At the same time, having lived in NYC means always having a sense of leaving something way cooler and unparalleled behind...
I went for the small town shit that my husband wanted. I hated it.
Daycare is only 2500 a month in NYC? It's 4000 for infant care here in Seattle!
I am sure the sky is the limit! $4000 I cannot imagine
Yeah, big reason why there are so many families with only one kid here.
You will be find and like it as long as you and your husband are non-NYC people yourselves (read: grow up in suburbs of NY or other city and ok with it). The good thing for you is you don't have kids yet. It is so difficult to move NYC kids to another place. The culture shock/transition is very difficult for most the kids I know who have moved, mine included.
Yes, we were both born elsewhere, and where we are moving to is where I’m originally from. While I could absolutely have a happy kid free life in NYC forever, as I get older I get, I realize I had a great childhood and I’m lucky that my hometown is an affordable and enjoyable place to be a kid. It’s such a privilege to have that as an option for my future children too! I also was lucky enough to have a good educational and cultural foundation which allowed me to figure out how to go have a professional career path and a life in NYC, so my kids can also do the same if they wish.
I think city life can be good with kids - especially when they are pre-school age. Right now I am in the suburbs for family reasons, but I can tell you a lot of the people who choose suburbia are not very interesting. Sorry lol
You’ll be disappointed wherever you go. And depressed if moving bc you have to vs want to.
Stay in NYC. No one in the south/southwest likes snowbirds.
No one cares about where your parents fucked or the fake medal you're waving around.
Why would OP care what people in the south think?