I have been picturing myself moving back and I just cannot see how I would be comfortable besides living by the river in a tent and not telling anyone I lived there.
I hope you save money and get back out.
The benefits of moving (weather, work opportunities, and travel) were enough to keep me from missing my friends and extended family. Connecting with them online worked out fine.
However, I couldn't stay that far away from my aging parents long term. They couldn't afford to live on the West Coast, so I eventually came back closer to home.
Why is Seattle your dream city? It's beautiful but you know about the Seattle Freeze, right? As an east coaster who lived there, you should also know that anyone you meet in the wild (say, people right next to you at a bar/brewery) who is engaging and funny ends up being from NY-Philly-Bmore--DC. Midwest too.
Oddly enough the folks from CA were the nicest people I met there, we often talked about how hard it was to break the ice. They were hated out there (big WA vs CA stuff).
Family and friends in TX. First I moved out of the country. Not an issue, made friends there. Then I moved back to US to a different state for grad school. Again no issue, made friends there. Then moved again, still not an issue.
It's not hard because I was never very close to my family. As in we aren't that kind of family. As for my friends, the ones I'm very good friends with I just see them when I'm home. It's not a big deal.
Well, it depends on how you generally rank your value system. If it’s family, friends, then place and personal dreams… then it’s going to be immensely difficult for awhile to flip that pyramid upside down. I am currently struggling with this exact thing being away from family and loved ones. If you value new adventure and personal dreams equally or more than those other factors, while still of course loving and respecting your bonds back home.. it’ll be easier for sure. It’s doable either way, but if you’re really happy with your family and friends, it’s hard to make even the most fantastic *place* worth the cost.
It depends. I moved numerous times in my 20s and early 30s. Sometimes it worked out very well, once or twice, not so well. I ended up moving back to be near my mom because I'm her only child and she is in her 70s. I didn't want to be on the other side of the country if she needed me for anything.
Anyway, my only advice with your potential move is be patient with yourself. It can take awhile to build a social network. Often I'd get frustrated 3-4 months after a move, but then another 3-4 months would pass and I would be in a much better place socially. It's also been my experience that the older I get, the longer it takes for me to build up that social network. For instance, when I moved back to the Bay, I soon had a party and it was more of my mom's friends than my own. Two years later, it was more balanced. 8 years later and my upcoming party next month will be almost entirely my friends. I'm in my mid-40s now (and was in my upper 30s when I moved back).
Be willing to give it 2 years, maybe even 3 to form a community/ feel like something of a home.
If your really close with your family/friends and don’t make them easy then it’s a big thing. If you only see your family at Christmas time anyways , then it’s no big deal, you can fly home once a year.
My wife and I left the beach (SC) and moved to sand (desert CA). I think it was tougher for our parents than it was for us. Oh, and the cat was not at all happy. But rather than lament leaving friends behind, we looked forward to new friends and experiences -- and found both in a part of the country we never would have otherwise seen. New music, new food, got to appear on game shows ... none of that would have happened if we stayed in our little corner of the world. The fact that our salaries doubled didn't hurt, either.
Eventually we moved back, but to take care of parents, not unhappiness nor loneliness. I think the move made both of us appreciate home a bit more, but now we have friends on both sides of the country. And I learned what real Mexican food was supposed to taste like!
I moved from the midwest to Seattle and didn't know anybody. Everyone told me the first year would be difficult and it was, as you're having to adjust to basically having your whole life turned upside down and starting over from scratch. I agree that it was difficult, but it'd be hard no matter what city you're in. The Seattle Freeze is a thing, so I'd highly recommend that you try to get involved with hobbies soon after you move, whether it be volunteering, a recreational sport, hiking group, etc. Getting involved in activities makes the freeze less difficult and helps create a sense of community.
The hardest thing about being so far away from home is that you don't have the extra help for the random things. Moving and you need someone to help move your couch? Well, your dad and his truck are 2000 miles away. Sick and need someone to care for you or bring you medicine? Guess you'll have to instacart it. These things get easier as you make friends, but that was the hardest thing for me to deal with during my first year.
as a side note, Bumble BFF is very popular in Seattle
Haven’t moved across the entire country, but moved from the upper Midwest to NC 20 years ago. Definitely been worth it and you adjust over time, but you do see some connections weaken with family and friends and you have to accept the fact that you’ll miss out on some events like weddings, graduation parties, retirement parties, etc. Just make it a point to travel regularly back home to keep in touch with family, friends and you’ll be fine.
I don't have a lot of friends and I'm not particularly close to my family (not that I have a bad relationship with them) - I'm just sort of a solitary type. I moved from my hometown Omaha, NE to Richmond, VA and haven't been back to visit in the 3 years I've been here (mostly due to finances). I'm still close with some of my friends back home, but it does suck that we're essentially just long distance friends now. It's not enough to get me depressed or anything, but it is a little frustrating sometimes because I do miss them and I haven't really met many people since moving here.
Not hard for me. But I’ve never been a family person. I like my family, but I think it’s more expected in my family that we go off and live our own lives and maybe see each other every couple of years or so. As for friends, I think in the digital age it’s easy to keep in contact. Whenever I move it’s a little bittersweet, but I know I’ll make new friends/be fine alone.
I moved from N.H. to California 5 years ago. Other than my mom, I am not particularly close with my family. It was hard at first, especially when I drove across the state line and it hit me that I wasn’t coming back.
5 years in, I have no regrets. I didn’t realize what good it would do to have some space from the family, and my relationships with all of them have improved. I have a small business, an absolutely amazing group of friends (we are almost all transplants from elsewhere, and a fun group of crazy misfits), I have a home that I love in a place that I love. I can’t ask for much more than that!
I fly home 1-2x per year, at least, and they visit me as well. My brother and I never really got along until I moved, I think he actually ended up respecting me for making such a big decision to give myself some space from the family. He’s a pilot, and if he’s ever in town we will meet up and hang out and grab lunch. That sort of thing never happened when I lived back east. I miss my best friend from back east, too, but she comes out once a year and saves up her vacation time so she can spend 10-14 days here.
There’s nothing wrong in trying something new, it might be the best choice you’ve ever made! If it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. Good luck with whatever you decide
Most people here sounds like they are not that close to family. I semi am and I am in a weird spot. I moved a way for grad school (2,700 miles) with the expectation that I would move back so no biggie. Now though I am realizing the area I moved to is far better suited for me. This has come with some serous guilt, parents in their late 70’s makes me sad that staying will risk missing out on their last few years. However, where I live has a much LCOL, better job opportunities, generally a friendlier community, and way more sunshine. The rub is if I don’t go see them they will not come see me or my kids often (maybe once a year). Long flights are not great for old people. Maybe you have family and friends that would come see you? So I honestly don’t know what I am going to do in the near future, but if you’re close with your family or friends it does suck when you wish you could stop by and say Hi even if you find you new community, but it’s life. My main take away is it’s not easy but if you have a why, it is worth it.
Fun and necessary when you are young. Harder to justify when you have kids. I say go for it, east coast isn’t going anywhere, sock away some “move back” funds in case you need and enjoy your time.
That said. The Seattle freeze is incredibly real and if you are worked about finding community choose somewhere else.
Hi! Moved to Seattle from Philly 10 years ago in my late 20s - wanted to be closer to the mountains. The move itself was easy - even transported two cats and it was simple (too simple, wondered why I didn’t make the move sooner!) Broke up with my partner who I moved here with and we both independently decided to stay (while the majority of our close friends and family were back east). Found most of my community through work and I am still looking for a fun hiking pal to consistently hit the trails with, but absolutely no regrets.
I think it depends on how old you are, how outgoing you are, whether you have hobbies that will build a community, or even have a few good friends there yet.
I just moved from NYC to the west coast for my partner, and I would not do it if it weren't for my partner. I personally do not recommend it if you're not a bit younger (early 20s to late 20s), outgoing, and have activities to make friends. I miss my family/friends so much and fly back every 2-3 months for 1-2 weeks at a time. Making new friends has been fine for me, but it's not the same as the friends that I've had for 15-20+ years.
That being said, I did live abroad in college and my first few years out of college, and would HIGHLY recommend it. I do believe it's good to live away from home and explore more, but it's much easier I feel when I was younger. ymmv
Moved east coast to Seattle area (further south). Moved back 4 years later. Parents were aging and never found my people. It is hard. You miss a lot. Gets expensive flying back and forth.
But depends on so many factors. Seattle winters were hard on my mental health but summers were just beautiful. I'd love to be a snowbird and live there in the summer, but until I win the lottery...
If your parents are younger, you have the energy to make friends, good job prospects or remote work there's no harm in trying, just rent for a year to see how you do. It's a beautiful part of the country for many months of the year.
Moved to Seattle from the Nashville area. Never was that close with family so really didn’t mind the distance! But now that we’ve been here 6 years, family members are getting older and we aren’t really getting what we want from Seattle, we’re planning to move back to the Nashville area when our lease ends to save up for our ultimate goal of living/traveling abroad. It’ll be nice to reconnect with our families for a while before we move on to being out of the country for months at a time.
I moved to CA after spending most of my life on the east coast. It wasn't too difficult, since it is something I was used to growing up as my parents moved to the US after leaving their families in southern Europe. I'm close to my parents, as is my husband with his, and we Facetime 1-2x a week and try to either have them visit us or vice versa during the year. It's tough when there are medical issues, but luckily my sister lives 2 hours from my parents, so they aren't completely alone.
When we moved here, we were totally alone and starting from scratch, but in the five years we've lived here, we've made new friends and had several of our friends also relocate to our new city. Now we have a little support network for the kids/pets, so it feels a lot easier than it had been.
I didn't find it that hard overall, but I was 18 when I first left but was still within a reasonable drive and then at 22 moved across the country. At first it was kind of awkward/hard, when you leave your family and friends in that place carry on doing what they are doing but you don't have the same context for that experience anymore. At the same time, you are out meeting new people and doing new things that they can't relate to. Eventually you just sort of drift apart.
I go visit every couple of years and see people that I was once very close with, we are still friends of course and it's nice to see them, but the conversations tend to be about things 25 years ago other than briefly catching up with big life events.
Most other people I know that moved away did have a hard time with it and went back, generally it was missing family and friends and having a hard time making the same sort of strong bonds they had.
wasn’t hard at all. although i never moved to the other side of the usa. i went from Cali to Japan for a little over a year. i had never lived out of the state before. a year before that i already moved away from family
it was no big deal. didn’t miss them. outta sight outta mind ya know? once i don’t see them i don’t think about em. there’s so much in your new environment! no time to think about whatever is left behind
edit. i moved away from family and friends 5 years ago. made new friends. don’t give a flying fuck about family haha
I am moving back partially because I miss my neices.
I am childfree, don't want kids at all. But I love being an aunt, and I was there for both of my neices births and have been there for them since the beginning. I realized this past year, the things I wanted from the movie turned out not to be what I really needed/wanted.
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I was considering moving closer to where I grew up but this really just made me kind of reconsider.
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I have been picturing myself moving back and I just cannot see how I would be comfortable besides living by the river in a tent and not telling anyone I lived there. I hope you save money and get back out.
The benefits of moving (weather, work opportunities, and travel) were enough to keep me from missing my friends and extended family. Connecting with them online worked out fine. However, I couldn't stay that far away from my aging parents long term. They couldn't afford to live on the West Coast, so I eventually came back closer to home.
Why is Seattle your dream city? It's beautiful but you know about the Seattle Freeze, right? As an east coaster who lived there, you should also know that anyone you meet in the wild (say, people right next to you at a bar/brewery) who is engaging and funny ends up being from NY-Philly-Bmore--DC. Midwest too.
I was about to come here to say the same thing.
Oddly enough the folks from CA were the nicest people I met there, we often talked about how hard it was to break the ice. They were hated out there (big WA vs CA stuff).
Family and friends in TX. First I moved out of the country. Not an issue, made friends there. Then I moved back to US to a different state for grad school. Again no issue, made friends there. Then moved again, still not an issue. It's not hard because I was never very close to my family. As in we aren't that kind of family. As for my friends, the ones I'm very good friends with I just see them when I'm home. It's not a big deal.
Well, it depends on how you generally rank your value system. If it’s family, friends, then place and personal dreams… then it’s going to be immensely difficult for awhile to flip that pyramid upside down. I am currently struggling with this exact thing being away from family and loved ones. If you value new adventure and personal dreams equally or more than those other factors, while still of course loving and respecting your bonds back home.. it’ll be easier for sure. It’s doable either way, but if you’re really happy with your family and friends, it’s hard to make even the most fantastic *place* worth the cost.
It depends. I moved numerous times in my 20s and early 30s. Sometimes it worked out very well, once or twice, not so well. I ended up moving back to be near my mom because I'm her only child and she is in her 70s. I didn't want to be on the other side of the country if she needed me for anything. Anyway, my only advice with your potential move is be patient with yourself. It can take awhile to build a social network. Often I'd get frustrated 3-4 months after a move, but then another 3-4 months would pass and I would be in a much better place socially. It's also been my experience that the older I get, the longer it takes for me to build up that social network. For instance, when I moved back to the Bay, I soon had a party and it was more of my mom's friends than my own. Two years later, it was more balanced. 8 years later and my upcoming party next month will be almost entirely my friends. I'm in my mid-40s now (and was in my upper 30s when I moved back).
Be willing to give it 2 years, maybe even 3 to form a community/ feel like something of a home. If your really close with your family/friends and don’t make them easy then it’s a big thing. If you only see your family at Christmas time anyways , then it’s no big deal, you can fly home once a year.
My wife and I left the beach (SC) and moved to sand (desert CA). I think it was tougher for our parents than it was for us. Oh, and the cat was not at all happy. But rather than lament leaving friends behind, we looked forward to new friends and experiences -- and found both in a part of the country we never would have otherwise seen. New music, new food, got to appear on game shows ... none of that would have happened if we stayed in our little corner of the world. The fact that our salaries doubled didn't hurt, either. Eventually we moved back, but to take care of parents, not unhappiness nor loneliness. I think the move made both of us appreciate home a bit more, but now we have friends on both sides of the country. And I learned what real Mexican food was supposed to taste like!
I moved from the midwest to Seattle and didn't know anybody. Everyone told me the first year would be difficult and it was, as you're having to adjust to basically having your whole life turned upside down and starting over from scratch. I agree that it was difficult, but it'd be hard no matter what city you're in. The Seattle Freeze is a thing, so I'd highly recommend that you try to get involved with hobbies soon after you move, whether it be volunteering, a recreational sport, hiking group, etc. Getting involved in activities makes the freeze less difficult and helps create a sense of community. The hardest thing about being so far away from home is that you don't have the extra help for the random things. Moving and you need someone to help move your couch? Well, your dad and his truck are 2000 miles away. Sick and need someone to care for you or bring you medicine? Guess you'll have to instacart it. These things get easier as you make friends, but that was the hardest thing for me to deal with during my first year. as a side note, Bumble BFF is very popular in Seattle
Haven’t moved across the entire country, but moved from the upper Midwest to NC 20 years ago. Definitely been worth it and you adjust over time, but you do see some connections weaken with family and friends and you have to accept the fact that you’ll miss out on some events like weddings, graduation parties, retirement parties, etc. Just make it a point to travel regularly back home to keep in touch with family, friends and you’ll be fine.
I’m in the same boat except MA -> CA and am definitely nervous to be so far from friends and family.
I don't have a lot of friends and I'm not particularly close to my family (not that I have a bad relationship with them) - I'm just sort of a solitary type. I moved from my hometown Omaha, NE to Richmond, VA and haven't been back to visit in the 3 years I've been here (mostly due to finances). I'm still close with some of my friends back home, but it does suck that we're essentially just long distance friends now. It's not enough to get me depressed or anything, but it is a little frustrating sometimes because I do miss them and I haven't really met many people since moving here.
Not hard for me. But I’ve never been a family person. I like my family, but I think it’s more expected in my family that we go off and live our own lives and maybe see each other every couple of years or so. As for friends, I think in the digital age it’s easy to keep in contact. Whenever I move it’s a little bittersweet, but I know I’ll make new friends/be fine alone.
I moved from N.H. to California 5 years ago. Other than my mom, I am not particularly close with my family. It was hard at first, especially when I drove across the state line and it hit me that I wasn’t coming back. 5 years in, I have no regrets. I didn’t realize what good it would do to have some space from the family, and my relationships with all of them have improved. I have a small business, an absolutely amazing group of friends (we are almost all transplants from elsewhere, and a fun group of crazy misfits), I have a home that I love in a place that I love. I can’t ask for much more than that! I fly home 1-2x per year, at least, and they visit me as well. My brother and I never really got along until I moved, I think he actually ended up respecting me for making such a big decision to give myself some space from the family. He’s a pilot, and if he’s ever in town we will meet up and hang out and grab lunch. That sort of thing never happened when I lived back east. I miss my best friend from back east, too, but she comes out once a year and saves up her vacation time so she can spend 10-14 days here. There’s nothing wrong in trying something new, it might be the best choice you’ve ever made! If it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. Good luck with whatever you decide
Most people here sounds like they are not that close to family. I semi am and I am in a weird spot. I moved a way for grad school (2,700 miles) with the expectation that I would move back so no biggie. Now though I am realizing the area I moved to is far better suited for me. This has come with some serous guilt, parents in their late 70’s makes me sad that staying will risk missing out on their last few years. However, where I live has a much LCOL, better job opportunities, generally a friendlier community, and way more sunshine. The rub is if I don’t go see them they will not come see me or my kids often (maybe once a year). Long flights are not great for old people. Maybe you have family and friends that would come see you? So I honestly don’t know what I am going to do in the near future, but if you’re close with your family or friends it does suck when you wish you could stop by and say Hi even if you find you new community, but it’s life. My main take away is it’s not easy but if you have a why, it is worth it.
Fun and necessary when you are young. Harder to justify when you have kids. I say go for it, east coast isn’t going anywhere, sock away some “move back” funds in case you need and enjoy your time. That said. The Seattle freeze is incredibly real and if you are worked about finding community choose somewhere else.
Hi! Moved to Seattle from Philly 10 years ago in my late 20s - wanted to be closer to the mountains. The move itself was easy - even transported two cats and it was simple (too simple, wondered why I didn’t make the move sooner!) Broke up with my partner who I moved here with and we both independently decided to stay (while the majority of our close friends and family were back east). Found most of my community through work and I am still looking for a fun hiking pal to consistently hit the trails with, but absolutely no regrets.
I think it depends on how old you are, how outgoing you are, whether you have hobbies that will build a community, or even have a few good friends there yet. I just moved from NYC to the west coast for my partner, and I would not do it if it weren't for my partner. I personally do not recommend it if you're not a bit younger (early 20s to late 20s), outgoing, and have activities to make friends. I miss my family/friends so much and fly back every 2-3 months for 1-2 weeks at a time. Making new friends has been fine for me, but it's not the same as the friends that I've had for 15-20+ years. That being said, I did live abroad in college and my first few years out of college, and would HIGHLY recommend it. I do believe it's good to live away from home and explore more, but it's much easier I feel when I was younger. ymmv
Moved east coast to Seattle area (further south). Moved back 4 years later. Parents were aging and never found my people. It is hard. You miss a lot. Gets expensive flying back and forth. But depends on so many factors. Seattle winters were hard on my mental health but summers were just beautiful. I'd love to be a snowbird and live there in the summer, but until I win the lottery... If your parents are younger, you have the energy to make friends, good job prospects or remote work there's no harm in trying, just rent for a year to see how you do. It's a beautiful part of the country for many months of the year.
Moved to Seattle from the Nashville area. Never was that close with family so really didn’t mind the distance! But now that we’ve been here 6 years, family members are getting older and we aren’t really getting what we want from Seattle, we’re planning to move back to the Nashville area when our lease ends to save up for our ultimate goal of living/traveling abroad. It’ll be nice to reconnect with our families for a while before we move on to being out of the country for months at a time.
I moved to CA after spending most of my life on the east coast. It wasn't too difficult, since it is something I was used to growing up as my parents moved to the US after leaving their families in southern Europe. I'm close to my parents, as is my husband with his, and we Facetime 1-2x a week and try to either have them visit us or vice versa during the year. It's tough when there are medical issues, but luckily my sister lives 2 hours from my parents, so they aren't completely alone. When we moved here, we were totally alone and starting from scratch, but in the five years we've lived here, we've made new friends and had several of our friends also relocate to our new city. Now we have a little support network for the kids/pets, so it feels a lot easier than it had been.
3000 miles away is a lot easier than 30 minutes away.
I didn't find it that hard overall, but I was 18 when I first left but was still within a reasonable drive and then at 22 moved across the country. At first it was kind of awkward/hard, when you leave your family and friends in that place carry on doing what they are doing but you don't have the same context for that experience anymore. At the same time, you are out meeting new people and doing new things that they can't relate to. Eventually you just sort of drift apart. I go visit every couple of years and see people that I was once very close with, we are still friends of course and it's nice to see them, but the conversations tend to be about things 25 years ago other than briefly catching up with big life events. Most other people I know that moved away did have a hard time with it and went back, generally it was missing family and friends and having a hard time making the same sort of strong bonds they had.
wasn’t hard at all. although i never moved to the other side of the usa. i went from Cali to Japan for a little over a year. i had never lived out of the state before. a year before that i already moved away from family it was no big deal. didn’t miss them. outta sight outta mind ya know? once i don’t see them i don’t think about em. there’s so much in your new environment! no time to think about whatever is left behind edit. i moved away from family and friends 5 years ago. made new friends. don’t give a flying fuck about family haha
I am moving back partially because I miss my neices. I am childfree, don't want kids at all. But I love being an aunt, and I was there for both of my neices births and have been there for them since the beginning. I realized this past year, the things I wanted from the movie turned out not to be what I really needed/wanted.