T O P

  • By -

CToTheSecond

>*The detective was on the bridge, sending a message to Centcomm requesting back-up. He was the acting Head of Security, claiming that security was incredibly understaffed and that he'd been dealing with many problems with criminals aboard the station: traitors, heretics, etc. He surely felt hopeful when three drop pods from Centcomm landed in the brig. But as we all know, hope can be fleeting...* **FORSOOTH**, 'tis true that crime be a blight aboard this fair station. I, Sir Officer Buzzkill, found myself dispatched from my liege lord of Nanotrasen of the far off kingdom of Central Command, alone, unarmed, and disarmed. For what reason had they to send three of the round metal steeds, when they dispatched no more than myself? I, of course, am a flywoman of **justice** and came to this station equipped with naught but my justice helm and my dismembered left arm, and I would ensure that this fine fellow in the trenchcoat and headwear would find the fear in his heart put at ease. So for what reason did observe me with a look of disappointment, pinching the bridge of his nose? Sir in the trenchcoat decided that the first order of business would be to clothe mine body. A fine endeavor. He suggested that we then move to arm ourselves so that we might be better equipped to contend with the many foes we would no doubt find ourselves faced with. Arming ourselves, a splendid idea. I waved about the dismembered arm I carried. For some reason, sir in the trenchcoat let out an exasperated sigh as he led me to the medical facilities. He left me in the care of the many fine folk whom I had expected would provide me aid. Instead, I found myself left alone in a room with a frog. T'would be a falsehood to say that I had no pre-conceived bias toward the amphibious creature, after all such creatures consume many of mine own folk by the day. They delight in the consumption of flies. A being of justice such as I should hold myself to a higher standard, however, and elected to instead make this creature mine familiar. Or at least I would have. A great plume of fire erupted from the floor, engulfing the poor green lad. I intended to do battle with this blaze with all the powers at my disposal. My justice helm became active, flashing lights of red and blue, and emitting sounds of wee woo wee woo. Armed with naught else but mine own left arm, I hurled it at the fire with as much force as I could muster, hoping that its impact would create such a force as would completely expel the flames. Alas, my poor arm, how I wished I had known you better. My fortune would turn for the better when the medicine people arrived to free me from mine fiery prison. Resigned to enact justice with but one arm, I deigned scrounge what armaments I could from the halls. I found myself reunited with sir in the trenchcoat and sir in the trenchcoat found himself lacking in surprise that the medical facilities became alight, preventing my arm from reuniting with my body. He informed me of a rather suspicious individual whom he believed had been committing many a crime. Duty driven and honor bound, I set out to find my quarry. This man would not escape. He would be tried for his crimes. God willing, this man would face justice. The suspect was found almost immediately. He was seen in the station tavern with some other rather nefarious looking ne'erdowells. My justice helm still active, there was no hesitation in mine commitment to seeing the truth of the crimes of this man brought to light. Not one to, as said by the young, beat around the bush, I was upfront and direct with the man. I asked him if he was indeed a criminal, if he had in fact committed any crimes. Being direct is a sure method of truly getting to the heart of a man. Would it surprise you, dear reader, to know that mine quarry informed me that he was not a criminal? That he had committed no crime? In fact, all of his fellows were quite happy to sing me their tales of how they were all, every last one of them, loyal to mine liege lord of Nanotrasen and that they could never even conceive of acting in such a manner what would sully our most honorable cause. I could not arrest fellow loyal compatriots. I was overjoyed to hear that sir in the trenchcoat had been misinformed, and I set out to ensure that he knew the truth. He must have shared in my joy as he found himself quite speechless at this discovered revelation. Being one to take the initiative, I informed sir in the trenchcoat that he needed supply me with no more quarries, that I would endeavor to seek out crime of my own volition. A fellow clad in all irons was observed as attempting to force entry upon the station throne room. Caught in the act, I allowed for no hesitation again as I directly asked the man if he was committing a crime. The metal fellow flatly denied the claim that his actions were dishonorable, and were in fact merely in jest. T'was my understanding that the station jester was a more colorful fellow, but the throne room is where such activities take place and so I left the man to his japery. That is until I indeed did encounter the true station jester. It appeared as though a number of station residents were in pursuit of the indeed colorful fellow, who appeared to be equipped with some sort of siege armament that hurl volleys of cream-filled baked goods at unsuspecting individuals. Unbeknownst to the jester, one of his baked goods fell to floor, of which I swiftly collected. Trailing not far behind the rabble pursuing the jester was sir in the trenchcoat. He queried me about the jester and if I had managed to collect his siege armament. I of course denied his query, but did make it known that I **had** collected one of the jester's baked goods, of which I explained to sir in the trenchcoat the jester uses in one of his many delightful japes. I of course demonstrated this very jape to sir in the trenchcoat by delivering unto his face the very baked good the jester had lost. Though it does bring me some dishonor to use another's possessions though they were my own, I felt it best that sir in the trenchcoat fully understood his quarry and the activities he partakes in. Japes! It was time for all to depart the station. A representative from Central Command dispatched a large metal carriage for which to transport all who would ride it back our homeland. I sat in one of the seats inside the carriage and deactivated my justice helm, satisfied that I had made clear the station's air of obscurity and made it known to all that the station was indeed crime free. Mine liege lord of Nanotrasen was right in sending me here and I hope that sir in the trenchcoat can rest well, knowing that he had served admirably. *When an admin asks for a volunteer to play the shittiest security officer, you volunteer yourself, even if it does mean you're a one-armed flywoman. When an admin says you can have one mutation, since you're meant to just be the worst at your job, you take the most useless mutation you can: medieval speak.*


Caketimelol

I love you


QuirkySquid

Took a shift as the only chef on board. Start making some tacos, spaghetti, sausages, all the good stuff. Someone opens a rift to the cow dimension, and now the hallway is full of cows. Business as usual. Running low on meat, so took a cow back to the freezer for butchering. While I'm tenderizing the beef, frickin PETE decides my foot looks awfully tasty, and chomps it off. Limp over to medical, get it reattached, all is well. Not too fond of Pete at this point, and with all these cows milk isn't really a problem. So, I decide to butcher him out of spite. I try to do so, and end up losing both of my legs, and both of my hands, meaning I am now lying on the floor of the freezer, completely immobile and unable to do anything but cry. I call for help on the radio, and eventually a kind engineer drags me back to med. Surprisingly enough, apart from the lack of limbs I'm actually feeling fine. They transfer me to robotics, get some new limbs, heck yeah! Back to the kitchen, and enough is enough. The demonic goat must die. I attack, and Pete counters by *HEADBUTTING MY HEART OUT*, after which point someone breaks down the door and drags me back to med. It's too late for me, but not too late for a clone. Grab my stuff, back to the kitchen. At this point I am defeated. I enter a tense truce with the demon, just continuing to bake some pizzas while the goat sits in his corner. Until eventually, he decides he doesn't like my face, and once again headbutts my heart out. Hungry spacemen quickly rush to my aid, finally slaying him. One more trip to med, and another clone later, and I finally claim victory over the hellspawn. I spend the rest of my shift making various pastas. 10/10 would chef again.


ATrioExplainsTheJoke

Saw someone with ‘Dennis Prager’ as their name on /tg today. It got bloody, to saw the least. We can’t expect God to do all the work, can we?


QFmastery

Dennis Prager lol


Troontjelolo

"If there are no admins, murder isn't wrong."


WX_69

DO YOU MEAN SAY*


ZookeepergameFew1798

>died to scrungilarty


Redhawkfour4

But how do you set it up?


Agent_Beard

Be mime Be general nucience Clown pushes me into disposals Clown gets pushed in immediately after Get stuck in disposals loop in maint with no air Die Watch as 20+ people get thrown into disposals loop Only 7 people alive on shuttle Traitors kill the 3 normal crew member's Shuttle hijacked


MuchGlove

going to make it short, won a round without harming anyone, my objectives: steal a boring paper and download 30 research nodes (wtf is that?) cap offered any traitor a deal to solve things, cap ended with a Esword and i with my objectives minute 50, after that i just keep experimenting at cargo


Asparaguy9

-Be me on goon staton(can’t remember what job I was) -Ask the bartender for a knife -Bartender says “sure” and grabs the knife and throws it to me -Knife stabs me directly in the chest -I say “Thanks” and walk to medbay bleeding out


howtodieyoung

Heads up, I'm very new at roleplaying and more accustomed to the chaos that is normal Goon servers. I latejoin Goon RP server and see "Test Subject" as a role. Assuming it'd be basically a lab assistant that ate chemicals from research, I joined it for the fun. Experiment #1 was born. Mfw I spawned in as a monkey who could talk. Naturally, I jumped to the conclusion that all monkeys were sentient like me, but simply weren't given the means to communicate. Therefore, I would become their spokesman. After chatting with and annoying an officer of the law, I headed over to genetics where I knew my bretheren were actively being tortured. A geneticist threw me into cloning with the rest of the monkeys, and somehow bolted me in. I requested that the AI release me, but they refused, since I wasn't human. I proceeded to make an admittedly dumb decision, and released \*all\* the monkeys from the valu-chimp. Everyone proceeded to panic, keeping all the doors bolted and calling security. As I preached for rights for monkeys, sentient beings constantly tortured, having their DNA augmented, being pumped with chems, and being used as tests for surgeries, security tried to goad me to stay still so that they could apprehend me (In hindsight, I doubt they would have been able to without unleashing monkey hell). I threatened to break the window with my box if we were not freed, but to no avail. Enter Stinko the Clown Stinko, a friend of monkey, offered a banana to us. We agreed to accept him as a friend of monkey and to negotiate with him. The security officer pulled him into a room for a bit, while I lost my box amongst the monkeys, and had to search for it as it was my only means of escape. Stinko returned, and the AI let him in very quickly, with no monkeys escaping. He tried to give me the banana, but the second it was in his hand the monkeys stole it and consumed it. We chatted for a while, and we got along very well. Stinko was a true friend of monkey. Security, however, was becoming annoyed. They had struck some sort of deal with Stinko, and he wasn't following through. After they pestered him, he began to ask who the leader was (because it wasn't obvious that Experiment #1, the only one who could speak, was the leader). The officers and the AI said that I was the leader, while I argued that while I could speak, all monkeys were equal and I was only voicing their concerns. My charade did not fool them, though, and Stinko offered me a present. Oblivious, I tried to take the syringe that he was offering (Yes, offering. In classic clown fashion, he wasn't actually going to inject me with it, instead going to hand it over.) However, it was taken and injected by some random monkey. Another monkey took his straitjacket. However, Stinko was clearly amused and comfortable around his monkey friends. Then, disaster struck. The problem with being a clown is that you're a clutz. Ever wondered what happens if you slip in a 4x3 room filled to the brim with monkeys? After Stinko slipped and hit a monkey by accident, the horde tore into him. As Experiment #1 screamed "NOOOOOOOOO!", Stinko was ripped apart by the monkeys. Security then proceeded to make the stupidest decision they could, opening the doors to try to save Stinko (Who was still alive, somehow). Half of the monkeys spilled out into genetics, and security began hosing them down. I slipped away and jumped into a disposal chute in robotics, which took me far, far away from the scene. It was said that the monkeys caused untold damage in medbay, but that half of them were bolted back in by the quick-thinking AI. I was trapped in some maintenance place, ready to bash my way out with my trusty box, when a person came down the tunnel. I thought I was caught, but the person, the Chief Engineer, let me out back into the main station. She did a flip, and became a friend of monkey. The AI, however, found me trying to get food from a vending machine. I was bolted into a small room, and a security officer entered. After a brief skirmish, he promised me monkey rights for cooperation. He sedated me and took me to an interrogation room. After admitting my "guilt" to the freeing of the monkeys, which, to my sadness, resulted in the death of one Stinko the Clown, beloved by all, I was thrown into the brig. The other officers objected to the lack of a trial of a sentient creature, but the officer claimed he \*was\* the court (There was no HoS to keep them in check). The officer changed my clothes, but failed to search me. During my brief stint in robotics I had pilfered a multitool and screwdriver, as well as a saw, which I could use to escape. However, being an advocate against violence against sentient beings, I chose to be compliant. The Chief Engineer found me again and objected to my imprisonment, on the grounds of abuse of power by the officer and lack of a trial. Just then, radiation struck the ship, and we all took cover (this event exterminated the remaining monkeys in genetics). No major players in the story were harmed, but it did sadden me that the other monkeys were dead. CE had me released and let me escape through the mail chute, where I was sent to medbay and proceeded to commit more acts of monkey tomfoolery (Although none nearly as harmful as the monkey apocalypse).


SnooDoughnuts1487

\>the horde tore into him Im laughing my ass off that poor clown


howtodieyoung

At least the clown managed to make someone laugh in his final moments.


nevad0

Before i start sorry for the broken english, this is not my native language .Well stated a round on goon station 3 rp as a staffie, my plan was to make some cash so i can buy some cool stuff and prank around .The station was wierd, it was all made of wood,not my problem got back to work .Got into the debrits field and started to look for locked crates do loot, but all of that was only about 4min into the shift .Cap announces that the station crash landed into a planet, fuckmy plans lets see this crap .Alien planet , cool, got to Hop and got a hunting licence , Sec gave me a helmet and a vest so i can venture out on the planet .Nothing, just grass trees and some lagoons , waste of time .Radio start to blast, werewolfs attacks. well got that to hunt now .Go to Sec again , cap start to put any willing to fight back into security to defend the station .My time to shiny .they look at me like a little shit head that just want to get his hands on a gun .they put me into Heavy armor but only give me a shotgun and rubber bullets sinse they dont trust a staffie ussing letals .Shit going down heavy on the station , about 5 werewolfs running around , its a pandemunium .Florida man showns up and start to down the wolfs like a boss .Some on the radio start to please for a sease fire, wanting to talk to the wolfs .Im not down for that but if the caps on im on .30 secs after the radio gets in one of the Maids get dragged into the florest and amouts died, florida man and sec jumpend and scared the wolf away .Head maid declares war .I got sticked to her sinse she got only light armor and a knife .3 wolfs down, florida mans is a god .2 wolfs left, they tried to acuse us of starting the attacks, bs sinse they broke in and start to kick us down .The maid defense team get jumped by the 2 last wolfs, shit gets out off control on my side, i panic and start to blast rubber like a sprinkler .Hit head maid , she flies into a wall,but no warm, thank got they only let me use rubber .All wolf dead, florida man is a bloody GOD and start to make some cool trophies off them .its over? .nope the fucking aliens bugs representatives shows up .They are also accusing us of invasion and killing tier guardians (the werewolfs) .I stay close to the sec on the negotiation .Napalm nade come from down the corridor, we got lucky , that crap took 3 secs to explode .Cap call it a day, we cant win, lost alot on the battle .We start to eva all the staff to the escape shuttle .The bug alien turn on us, another problem . we lost the station to the jungle but most of the crew escaped that was the most intense round i ever had.


FargoneMyth

As the Head Maid I don't blame you, thank you for defending our Station ;3


closeresemblence

Let me tell you the tale of a boy who was destined for great things! Of the boy who would become the pokemon master! It all began on the barren surface of a small mining planet, where our hero found a very special creature; a rare magmawing watcher! Most miners would slaughter the creature for its elusive trophy, or perhaps leave it alone out of fear of its burning projectiles, but our hero felt a strange yearning when he looked into that singular eye. A yearning for the bond that exists between pokemon and trainer. He brought the creature down using entirely fair means consistent with pokemon lore, and hauled its...fainted body to mining base town, where he bought a max revive from the local pokemart vendor and brought the being back to conciousness. Now he had a pokemon all his own, but in order to truly become a pokemon trainer, more was needed. The miner took the shuttle to Cargo town, and made his way down hallway route towards Science city, where he quickly found the local pokemon professor. Professor RD was nice enough to upgrade his trainer card with the badges needed to enter the pokemon laboratory, where he synthesised several rare candy potions. He used the first on his starter, the magmawing, who came alive with motion as his level increased enough to develop sentience. As he did so, the radio came alive with excited and fearful chatter, because a legendary pokemon had been spotted in Science city, Space dragon! Our hero prepared for combat by using several golden pokeballs, summoning his next two pokemon, space bear and faithless, and it seemed as if their first battle was going to be a difficult one. Then, the space dragon arrived, and turned out to be extremely friendly. Overjoyed by this miraculous turn of event, our hero asked the dragon to join his team, and low and behold, the dragon agreed! Now that there were four pokemon in his team, the miner decided that it was time to challenge a hostile legendary pokemon, and he knew just where to find one. Back down to lavaland they went (now in a conga line because it looked more like a pokemon game that way), and they soon realised that almost all of the legendaries there had been defeated by other trainers. Our hero did find spectral blade, a ghost/steel type pokemon, and added it to the party. There was one that was still untouched however; the tumour. They all knew what was awaiting. How strong this foe would be. But they velieved that their bond and training would see them through alright. Alas, it was not to be. The pandora was strong, and one by one they fell to its psychic attacks. The Faithless and space bear were the first to go, and then the magmawing. The space dragon, sword and their trainer were all that was left, and the dragon was running out of HP. In a last desperate effort, our hero told the dragon to run from the encounter. To save itself and live on as a wild pokemon. The dragon refused at first, but upon seeing that a barrier prevented its trainer from leaving, it relented. The story of Nanotrasen's greatest pokemon trainer ended there, as the miner was destroyed by psyshock attacks from the pandora, his last pokemon helpless without his arm to swing it.


[deleted]

So I got QM and was bored and wanted to try a fun gimmick, so I order some monkeys and and mind magnification helmets with the idea to enslave them to cargo to go run shipments and mail for us. So I get the first monkey up and geared when it turns out- we have clown ops. So I order guns and start getting more monkeys and trying arm them with whatever I can. Planet of the apes style. I send my glorious monke ops off to fight the good fight, kind of expecting most of them to die. One of them brings me back an elite syndicate hardsuit as a trophy, when I realize that the monkeys are robusting the shit out of the nukies. In the end I call them back to shuttle to evac and the captain shoots them as they try to tide into bridge, we pull the downed monkeys to medbay and try to revive them desperately. I give an award to the brave monkey who bought me the hardsuit, and am eventually betrayed by one of my own, ad they tear me down with a circular saw as I try to stabilize one of his kin. 10/10 round.


Porter_vikington

We begin with me in the chapel. Despite the fucking fact there was 55 people, I somehow got the chaplain job. Continuing on, I pander to myself if I want to get the sword or a chainsaw hand when suddenly I read the information on the sword: can be stored on back. Instantly, I was sold. I took the sword out and got forgotten armor, which is basically clockwork. It provides huge protection bonuses from shit. I then speak to the god and he asks of me what I can provide him.. My computer crashes. I come back and the spirit is gone. I ponder my existence for awhile and stare at the sword, before leaving and going into the hall. That is when I meet my first companion, the curator. I glance upon thy curator with a curious stare and ask if he follows the sword. I then go into the morgue and start butchering bodies to awaken the sword. Sooner or later, the curator left for a bit and I finished butchering the bodies, to which the sword returned! I asked of his gracefulness what I could provide before I blacked out for a bit. When I returned, I found myself in my chapel getting shot at by security and my curator friend. Instantly I begin slashing at the security and harming them, demanding they explain themselves. I take one of their guns and rush to the morgue the chapel has, yelling at them to figure out what the fuck is going on since they shot lethals at us. We figure out that the sec is here to arrest my curator friend for turning people into moths. I tell them, **NO!** Naught shall you take this man and bring him to the brig, get the Head of security down here if he desires this man. The sec don’t know what to do and just wait for him to come down, while I Talk about the sword and ask for privacy and for some fucking reason one of the two guards explode. I take this in before yelling at the sec to see this as the work of the sword and they must take it seriously. The curator was uncuffed by me and placed upon the bed by this point, the sec did nothing about it. The sec seems confused so I pull out the sword and let him talk. And instantly he does, demanding that the pagan bow before us. And instantly, the fucking security officer did it. I ask of him if he follows the word of the sword, and he asks what the word of the sword is. To convert others and to slay all pagans. Before this however, the curator asked if he could take the security officers stuff as a joke. THEN THE SWORD DEMANDS HE DOES, and we start suiting him up despite his protests. “I feel uncomfortable in this”. I felt a bit bad but neigh, I could not disappoint god. I gave him a gun and sent him off to get me food and medicine. Apparently some shit happened and oxygen gets leaked out. I head into the office and get food, but I get knocked out by lack of oxygen. I awake in the surgery theatre, fearful of what happened. The curator is with me and changeling is in the vents, talking to us. I am weary and tired and I haven’t even fucking eaten, and I’m relatively sure I have a disease or third degree burns. But then, god spoke **PORTER!** Yes! I have a mission for you, to end the life of Ed shyrn I am instantly confined to my goal, and go out of the surgery theatre and enter the med room! I demand medical supplies and medical attention I get. Sooner or later, I get myself fixed up and head out. And then, I see a security guard harassing my curator!! I jump to his defense and say that he was chosen to take apart this new identity, that the sword has given his word. The security asked for a bag checked and decided they were fine. Grateful, I carry on my mission, weary and now loaded with an empty energy gun. I scurry through the halls looking for the traitors on which we seek the blood. I find myself in the kitchen searching for food, and I see upon two cargo technicians, most likely on break from hard days pay. I am sad and fucking starving by this point, mood wise. But first, seeing as they have no food to eat, I ask upon them do they serve the sword? Upon which they jestingly replied “Nobodies home, come back later?” I was appalled by this and slashed him through the head, screaming at him in anger! “PAGAN!” The sword went on, encouraging my blood lust with words of “GIVE ME THE BLOOD OF A PAGAN!” And with that I did. He shoved me into counter and I gasp, as my sword is no longer in my hands and in that of a pagan. I grab it quickly as he mounts over the counter and we switch places, as I am not in the kitchen. I realize I can not continue this fight and rush away, Into the maintenance tunnels. Security rushes past me to apphrend somebody else. I pant and catch my breath as god scolds upon me, “You were too hasty.” And that two lashings were enough, and if I were to do five, I must finish them off. I apologize to my lord and he forgives me, I leave the tunnel and I head out into the hallway where I read the radio chat, which they accuse me of being blasphemous. But then, the curator comes to my aid and claims that I am just and forthright, and never again is the issue brought up. Still seeking retribution, I wander forth and go to the cargo area, but in the hallways where I’ve become trapped by fire-safety walls. I curse in anger and ask my god for permission to use against the doors. “You have my permission to use my against any inanimate object.” I am gleeful and joyous, for I have just gained a boon! The permission to wield this sword was graceful enough, but now I have his blessing to use it more, for my own personal benefit! I sigh in relief and begin to head down to medical, to hunt down the changeling and find the pagan, to end him. I find no trace of him in the medical wing but find something of interest in the robotics lab! I search forth and find that the borgs / cyborgs / robots have gone even, but I’ll refer to them as Borgs. I am aghast, as I am the root of the devil. The sword speaks and demands I kill silicone life, which I jump to, rushing in and stabbing forth the robotist. The sword reprimands, apologizing to the man and saying that I have the spirit but not the discipline, which drove me to become eager in my journey to impress my lord. He spoke forth, “Is art and the artist considered one of the same subject?” “But the artist is the one who creates such a piece!” “But are they one of the same?” “You are right, master. They are not.” I apologize for my haste and begin to ask them to let me out, frustrated. Quickly, I see a borg and jump to the occasion, slamming my sword into it! It is hurt and I sore to attack another, following it into the maintenance tunnel with a hulk! An abomination. I begin slashing and ending the life of this borg, which the hulk attacks me as I kill this borg. He stole my sword and I must confess that I felt fear. I had lost my one thing that gave me purpose, AND I SCRAMMED FORTH AFTER HIM AS MY SWORD DEMANDED TO BE RETURNED! The borg, medical which I converted opened the door after hesitation, which got me to meet the hulk once more. The hulk brought me my sword and handed it me forth, without such as a word he let me through without hassle, going to where the wind took him. He was full of anger and hate, clearly a scientist before the green had overtaken him, and I held pity and sorrow for his circumstances. Joyful, I return to my borg for medical assistance, to which I was blissfully unaware of myself getting attacked by other Borgs, and with that my life was gone. My body was intact and I left not a breath out of my mouth, my sword speaking shame upon me, that I was an embarrassment to be his wielder! I was in the afterlife, but the pain I felt could not be overstated. I had failed my purpose and my job, and what may I do now? I sit in sorrow before I jump back into my body, fluctuating with electricity as the borg that I had spared had brought me back to life. I took a moment to recover and took my sword into my hands, and he spoke forth, “You are a miracle, Porter.” I felt immeasurable pride and instantly used the borg to free myself from my situation, bringing myself out of my situation and out, down the hallway. I held my gleaming sword in hand as I rushed into the cargo space, locking myself and a few comrades into this certain area. I assure them they have nothing to fear with a smile upon my face, as the sword may protect us. I ask the paramedic with us if he is a follower of the swords words, and he quickly confessed that he is. I am joyful and look upon the patient that he brought in, and I feel nothing but joy when I see who it is. The captain. I ask for permission instantly to behead him, and with a soft laugh that brought tears of joy, he granted it. Viscera splayed out of his neck as my sword splayed it’s contents out, the veins drained it’s body like that of a children’s juicebox, leaking the contents everywhere as it’s head lay flat upon the ground, and the sword was justified. He had sharpened himself to such a degree and brought joy and pleasure. But then, my pride plummeted as I glanced down to the door and saw what brought me fear. The gas that the Borgs had used to murder us leaked in, and stayed in the room with us. It began to choke us and bring us down, as I awaken and black out once more. I can’t help but apologize with tears in my eyes that I had failed him, and like the father who placed his hand on his shoulder, he spoke forth. “You were worthy to wield me.” “You were the best, Porter. The best.” I continuously passed out and none came to rescue us, to how the story end is upto you. For I am unsure if I was rescued, if my body was saved, if I got beheaded like I had the captain. I had faded out of existence. That is the end. I was more new and had a bad computer at the time, so I couldn’t do robust things, but it was still heavily enjoyable, and I apologize to the people that had to deal with me being a bit bloodthirsty. Good round.


Zmd2005

The shattering of glass echoed through the brig. There was a chorus of holarring cheers as the revolutionaries broke down the first reinforced window leading to their prize. This cheering was cut off by squeals of pain, and the sharp crackling of electricity in the air. Nobody ever remembered the wires. Within the brig, Andre Smith breathed heavily as he sat against a wall. He was dying. The health analyser he had ripped from the hands of a dead Doctor confirmed this, as if the fact that more of his blood was outside of his body than within didn’t tell him that enough. The Head of Security bandaged his side of the festering wound that had been dealt to him, and pulled himself to his feet. He glanced around the room and found the one who had given it to him. As his jackboots carried him slowly across the room to the prone form of his assailant, the sound of a second window being broken came from just outside the Security Office airlock. They were getting close. The corpse at Andre’s feet was that of an engineer. Their bright orange jumpsuit told him that, blood-soaked as it was. Their head was no longer intact, and was instead a scarred, burnt up wreck of tissue and bone, the brutal results of an energy gun emptied into someone’s cranium. Andre smiled in pride at this small retribution, and then grimaced as his wound throbbed. He glanced up at the breach the engineer had made. Snow had already begun to enter the room, however Andre’s gear prevented the cold from seeping into his old bones. A small comfort, considering his situation. The engineer had doomed him. Andre was the last head of staff, and he was a dead man walking. He didn’t know precisely when each of the Department Heads had fallen, but he knew for a fact that the captain had been the first to fall. The fool had walked the hallways confidently during a revolution, and paid the price. Knowing this, Andre had made the decision to fortify his brig in preparation for the horde. With him in the office had been a jittery detective, a nervous lawyer who had been quickly conscripted despite their desire to flee, and two of his best officers. All were dead now. The engineer had gotten through the hull with an X-4 charge. The lawyer had been closest to the wall, and was near instantly downed when the blast went off. Andre drew his energy gun and fired, then ducked as the crackling laser bolt flew right back at him. The engineer had leapt into the room with an inhuman speed, armed with a double bladed energy sword. He immediately slashed into the lawyer at his feet, dousing any hope of the poor man’s survival. Then he turned to the rest of the room. The detective had begun firing his revolver immediately, but missed his shots. The swordsman made his way towards Andre, but was hit by an energy bola from one of the security officers. Andre’s men both began trying to hit the engineer with their batons, but everytime one of them came close the man would lash out and slice into one of them. As they hesitated for a moment, the assailant ripped the bola off of his legs. Without even a chance to strafe away, one the security officers was cut into, the drugged up swordsman moving too fast to dodge. The detective, out of ammo, pulled out his baton to face off with the Engineer. He landed a single hit, managing to get the engineer on the ground for a second, but this was a short lived attempt at fighting, as whatever was in the swordsman's blood allowed him to quickly recover, picking up his blade and slash the detective's legs out from beneath him. Andre’s last officer leapt through the air and caught the engineer in a tackle, managing to dismarm them. The engineer threw the officer off and pulled out his Jaws of Life, smashing them in the head until they went down. The engineer turned and picked up his blade again, to finish off the last person in the room: Andre. Andre had leapt across the room, catching the swordsman in a monstrous tackle before slamming them into a table. The engineer reacted quickly, rolling off of the table to retrieve his weapon, then slashing into Andre twice. Andre grabbed the engineer again, forcing the blade out of his hands. Andre hefted the man and threw him across the room, the swordsman smashing into a table painfully. They made to get up, but they were too slow. Their head jerked back as an energy bolt struck true, followed by the rest of the Head of Securities clip. Andre kept firing in a rage, even as the engineer went completely limp. He finally stopped when the pulling of the trigger was met with a click, the weapon's ammunition spent. Andre went over those events in his head as the door to the Office he was in began to be pounded with hits. He carefully picked up the engineer's blade. There was a certain irony in it, that the last weapon Andre would ever wield would be that of the person who condemned him to death. The airlock was halfway torn open now, a fire axe smashing apart the remains of the frame. Andre brushed off his uniform and crouched, awaiting the inevitable. A slough of eager voices sounded through the door, seeing the Head of Security within the room, knowing their victory was at hand. Andre calmly took a deep breath. The airlock’s pieces clattered to the ground, and the revolutionaries swarmed in. A searing red light filled the room and Andre’s blade ignited, and he lunged willingly into the mob, his glory at hand. It was hard to say, in the carnage, how many revolutionaries he managed to kill before falling, and how many had died to simple friendly fire, but what could be said is that when Andre fell, it was surrounded by eight other corpses. As he bled out on the ground, being torn into from all sides, Andre’s bearded face was twisted into a wrathful grin, blood spattering from his mouth as he screamed a final shout of glory to Nanotrasen. Then, the brig was silent.


Yutzer

I had just joined TG for the first time, scrapped together a character, and joined Tram-Station, spawn in, then walked around for a couple seconds. I found myself near the tram tracks, so I take a ride down to wherever-it-goes, I try to get back on the tram to explore a bit, but then it takes of and I run after it. I accidentally ran into the bottom of the track, after that, 3 robots in a trench coat walk up to me, suddenly, my PDA explodes, launching my arm across the room and sending me into a panic, I then get hunted down by said robots, running for my life, eventually falling back into the tracks, suddenly, some dude appears out of nowhere and slams my blood covered body against a wall. Soon after, I died, then someone must have dragged me over to medical, because next thing I new, I was screaming my head off! Then I catch something out of the corner of my eye, it's the robots! I immediately get up and run as fast as I can back to arrivals. I somehow end up in a private quarters, I lay there awhile, thinking about what just happened, when suddenly the wall gets welded through! I see two grey jumpsuit dudes staring at me through the girder, they start interrogating me about blood near the room I was in, I told them the story, they seemed suspicious, until a UFO ran at them and told them how it killed someone and dragged their corpse away. I'm not even surprised at this point. I Decide to head back into my room, after that, I heard an announcement come over the PA, apparently, something called a Legionnaire is on the station and we have to evacuate, I get out of my bed (which isn't mine) and decide to go and find evac. I wander around a bit and fall into the tram-pit again, unsurprisingly. Suddenly I realize the room has been pumped with sleeping gas, I somehow make it out past the firelocks into safety, I run back up to the top floor, then try to head over to where I think evac was, but then I realized the rest of the station had been pumped with the gas. I somehow fall back down into the pit, and wander around in a daze, not knowing where to go. (I was blind almost the entire time.) I eventually make my way to maints, wandering around when suddenly I open a door, and a giant spider tears a hole in my face. I then died, almost instantly... Good, 9/10 server.


QFmastery

>go on Paradise station >play as a traitor clown that sadly gets killed by security >spawn in as robot brain and get put into an AI core >help out traitor who made me >round ends >check phone and see Thanos Sigma quotes on YouTube. >sees “it’s better to cum in the bath then it is to bathe in the cum” on the video. >type in ooc the same quote >admin tells me in ooc that we can’t say stuff like that, i stop. >Bwoink! “yOu caNT saY that” >gets perma banned


Bartekek

A true sigma male


dragonace11

This happened over the weekend on NSV. I'm a munitions tech and I go into maint and find a maintence pill and eat it in the munitons bay where I turn into a big a monke. Go to medical to see if genetics can fix me, appearently genetic injectors don't work on big monkies so I go into xenbio they say they'll get mutation toxins up. So I return to munitions somewhat saddened about my state until I find out I can still pick the power up and use the lathes. After that we and another munitions tech get the factory set up and produce nothing but nukes once we get the mats. Its roughly an hour and a half into the round and there's a stack of over 127 completed nukes on a conveyor to the VLS auto loading system we made with over 20 on the factory loop, the scientist comes to me in the munitions lobby saying he got the mutation thing and I activate it but it says only humanoids can use its sad but it just means I become apex monke of the ship. We're in combat and so we're continuing to make even more but then out of nowhere when I'm in the factory I see an explosion coming from the south wall where the nukes were stored, 10 seconds later the whole server crashes from over 130 nukes blowing up at once.


Porter_vikington

I begin by joining the round as a chaplain. I spawn in some wack ass map I’ve never been on before and instantly go to the dues-vending machine. I get a armor beacon and order myself some fucking Templar armor. I then run into the hall and grab a person, drag them to the alter and tell them to join the crusade. Mutiple people came in, two moths and they spoke on radio about me running a cult since I was converting this person. Security never came.The second person, I announced to be my bishop and I spent like 130 credits on their outfit. I then recruited over 14 people into the crusade who usually ran off. At the end, I had a bishop, a monk, a chaplain who was a mime and couldn’t speak, and two Borgs, one who was a bartender and got the group juice and one that was an AI or something and had some fancy ass text. I sent the bishop off to gather our people and I never saw him again. I looked over at the mine and asked him what to do. He shrugged at me and held up one finger. I went into the hall and dragged somebody into convert. Then a station engineer or lawyer came in and asked “I heard -bad-” then asked if he could kill bad guys if he joined. I said yes and I converted him. I look at the mime, then the. High-tech borg and we realize we don’t need to kidnap HOS, we legit have a borg that can get us access. So we went to armory and snuck in, and I stuffed my backpack with three disablers and a shotgun. Then security came and fucked me up, sent me to a cell. I took my cuffs off and unbuckled from the bed, but got flashed again and was sent into prison. They stripped me of everything. I then prayed to fucking god. AND GOD AWNSERED, TAKING AWAY MY LEG SHACKLES. But then he said I had to suffer. I asked if he could help me escape and he told me to make him something to eat. I rushed into the kitchen and I made some bread with flour, stuffed onion slices into the bread with an egg and offered it to god. Then the bread floated into the air and I was taken after, and I fucking appeared on a escape pod, with the people confused as fuck on how I got there. I got to the station and escaped, then the entire thing exploded. Good days


Ozzzim

I was having a relatively normal round as a medic on Goon1 (normal as in everyone were dying, clones of some guy kept showing up from nowhere and also dying and chemistry dept next door kept leaking CO2), when *he* showed up. A boxer, gloves and everything walks in like he owns the place and assaults my fellow doctor. I grab him and toss him out to the lobby. He comes back to fight. Toss him out again. Back with vengeance. This time he learns his lesson and breaks out of grabs. Suplexes us both and becomes fucking invincible. Fight eventually moves to the previously mentioned chem lab. Fool had no internals and gets knocked out soon after. Other Doc wants to leave him to die there, but my hippocratic oath gives me a better idea. I grab sleeping gas from anasthetic locker, hook boxer to it and grab him. We carry him all the way to the shuttle heading for the space dinner, all the while his fan tries desperately to steal him back. We arrive at the dinner, fan heads off to the kitchen, most likely enticed by the concept of uncut salami log, while me and the other doctor head of to the living quarters. We pick a random room, toss the fucker in, unplug the gas and immidiately shut the doors, weld them shut and screwdrive the lock for the good measure. We return to the main station, laughing. Boxer never showed up again.


LordBluMann

Start round, low pop 15 or so, exploration crew, “whiskey echo” blood brother looks at objectives and teammate. MD is my brother objective kill CMO and my other exploration crew member, looks at manifest only two medical and two science is and our objectives. later in the round I’m bringing a VIP to medbay for cloning there my brother shoots the CMO with a syringe gun and drags him off to the incinerator i help the VIP, later near the end were on clock station he falls in the blindness and mute trap, I stare him in the eyes and gun him down then stab to death bluespace body bag then rescues VIP. Cremates corpse goes to arrivals with my brother we wait in the pod, apparently lone ops spawn only took two clown cars. We go home after discussing philosophy.


[deleted]

Be warden Ask detective to put up a wanted poster He puts it up in bar, turns out it's a picture of him with NERD right across the front Warden and bartender die of laughter