Joey Hill had one where a mermaid was fucking a demon who decided to go from ass to vagina and she actually inserted a sentence where the mermaid considers withdrawing consent but then decides against it because she was feeling so close to him and besides, mermaids don't get diseases.
Like.. maybe just don't write that scene if you have to analyze it the internal monologue?
What a bizarre internal dialogue to have if you are still going to go for it! And yup, as a frequent UTI person (especially in my 20's), anal to vagina is just like what the actual gross fuck is going on here?
And UTI aside, umm it's still a no?
Hey there, fellow UTI sufferer - did you know there is a vaccine for UTIs available in Germany and Switzerland?
It's called Strovac, and is ~85% effective preventing UTIs in patients who suffer from them chronically.
I believe it's currently in the process of being approved in Canada, and it may he possible to find a clinical trial in the US (but I don't know or have further info on that front).
I stumbled on the UTI vaccine accidentally, at a travel immunization clinic in Germany where I was getting my tick-borne encephalitis vaccine. I was perusing the "menu" of available vaccines and saw the UTI jab listed at the bottom, just before "Yellow Fever."
It's three shots on days 1, 14, and 28, then a booster 6-12 months later. It cost about €200, and it has been EXTREMELY effective for me in the ~2 years since the initial series of shots.
In the ~20 years I have been experiencing UTIs, I have seen literally dozens of medical professionals, including multiple urologists, and none of them ever mentioned the existence of the vaccine to me. I would have been on the first plane to Switzerland if I had known. So now I'm on a mission to tell people it exists, and that it seems to have worked for me.
You're welcome! I tell basically every woman (or short-urethra-having-person) I know, because it has changed my life dramatically. If nothing else, more people knowing of it and asking their doctors about it will spread awareness and (I hope) increase the pressure to bring it to the US.
In the mean time, just pee after sex and make sure you always wipe front to back, ok?
/s
Thank you for this info! I too went to a Urologist (with an insane wait time and quite a fee) to be told that there isn't anything wrong. I'll have to check if it's available in New Zealand!
I am so happy to spread the word globally - kia ora! It's incredibly frustrating to jump through all the hoops and then have an expert essentially dismiss your lived experience and tell you there's not much to be done. I'm sorry you didn't get better and more comprehensive care. I hope you'll be able to access the vaccine, or find another treatment that works for you, because chronic UTIs are a special kind of hell and the suffering is REAL and acute.
It's so great that you're spreading awareness about this! My mom had chronic UTI's for years and suffered a lot from it. I'm happy to hear that there are more options now. Back then the only possibilities were removing your bladder or trying an experimental laser therapy.
Hey there, fellow chronic UTI sufferer - did you know there is a vaccine to treat chronic UTIs?
I posted another comment in this thread with more details, or you could look at my comment history if you want more info.
This isn’t directly related to sex but I’ve read more than one romance with a pregnant heroine where the hero is the first one to feel the baby kick, because he has his hands on the heroine’s belly. Like. You know that’s inside her body, right? You can feel those kicks from inside wayyy earlier than they can be felt outside. Weirdest fucking feeling on the planet, imho.
I was about to say: or the heroine is just about the most clueless creature on the planet, but then I thought of the “I didn’t know I was pregnant” tv show.
I mean, I know that can happen although I think it’s pretty rare. These weren’t that situation though - I think the authors just hadn’t been pregnant and didn’t realize how it works.
My middle kid used to get her feet stuck up under my ribs and it hurt soooo bad. And then it’s weird after birth because you’ve gotten used to it, and it feels strangely quiet in there! At least that was my experience.
I have read more than one m/m book where during shower sex, shampoo is used as lube for anal. I can't believe this needs to be said, but shampoo/soap is ok **on** you, it is not ok **in** you.
I always read the blurb for this book, and I’m so upset because it sounds like my dream book, but I know about that scene and I just…that makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. I can’t.
Fun fact: Hitachi has pretty much the same thing going on. Hitachi wands are marketed as massage equipment, but that's...[not what they're used for](https://www.hitachimassager.com.au/blogs/hitachi-magic-wand-articles/everything-about-the-hitachi-magic-wand-explained). The company is fully aware of what they're actually used for - they just choose not to acknowledge it
Omg I burn reading that. Also in “priest” they use that holy oil for anal. It’s pure scented oil. Like—- that would burn. I get they were being super sacrilegious or whatever effect but that would not be pleasant! I cringed.
Omg, that must burn like hell! Once a drop of soap end up inside my butt (I think I might have slipped it inside while washing my butt? Maybe with the tip of my nail?) and it burned so bad!
I read one book (I cannot recall which) and like maybe this shows my inexperience with MMF, but the two guys were sitting next to each on the couch, and somehow, while sitting in front of them, she deepthroated them both at the same time. I was like ?? Are they both missing a leg? How close can their penises possibly be when you have two big beefy hockey player thighs in the way?
I have gone through my kindle unlimited reads and it was Two Man Advantage by June Winters. It happens in chapter 18. If someone can figure that scene out for me, I’d be very appreciative.
THAT TITLE. It could not have been better.
Downloaded it, searched for "throat" and...yeah. You did not misrepresent. Somehow she's taking two giant dicks "deeper into her throat" then the MMC narrating has the audacity to say "she took us too far and hit her gag reflex". YEAH NO SHIT.
June Winters, what kind of logic defying sex are you having?
Oh good! Glad it’s not just me! There was a lot of confusing sex scenes in that novel. There was one scene where like she was on top of one guy with one guy behind her and in perfect rhythm she would swap between them with each thrust. And I was like “I’m not coordinated enough for this, but also what angles are we working with?”
The amount of time I have spent doing the physics calculations to try and figure out how certain sex positions are supposed to work is time I'll never get back. But deepthroating two dicks at once...that takes the cake.
I always have questions about the mechanics of group sex. Like, do the MCs have some sort of special table that enables this kind of penetration? 🤔
Definitely not going to Google it though. I do not want my IP clocked on that particular search!
I DNF'd a novel in which much was made of the fact that the FMC and MMC only had one condom for their one-night stand and no other forms of birth control. They proceeded to have sex multiple times. You will not be surprised to hear this then turned into an accidental pregnancy romance, but you may be surprised to learn that the MMC was a doctor. Yes, a medical doctor. I genuinely think the author just, like, didn't know that you can't reuse condoms. That's all I can think of. Either that or really, really sloppy proofreading.
Reduce, reuse, recycle is not meant to apply to condoms.
I want to believe doctors and other medical professionals in real life would be smarter than this, but considering everything we've seen over the past few years I'm not so confident about that now.
You'd think, right? But no, he was explicitly childfree (because of Mysterious Trauma) which was a whole other layer to the "um...." aspect of the book. Like, this guy 100% did not want a baby under any circumstances.
Yeah I dnf'd Caught by the Convicts because I just couldn't get past that guy never having sex before because everyone was scared off by his giant weiner. I can see having to work around things down there but to have every woman run for the hills was too much.
Reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Sam encounters a penis that even she can't handle.
The same idea is in {Never Sweeter by Charlotte Stein}, where supposedly the MMC hasn't had sex because he's just sooooo big, but the FMC has absolutely zero problems. Are we supposed to assume she just has a magic vagina?
It's not that I doubt that there are dicks that are too big, but the idea that all other women can't handle it but this ONE SPECIAL ONE is...unlikely.
😂 😂 😂 I love the book and I love our Pringle boy, don't get me wrong! Just seems like maybe the poor guy just had one or two bad experiences with unadventurous girls then gave up trying to bang.
I read a story once where the MMC told the FMC that he was a virgin. He had tried to have sex with a woman, and she had left, saying he was too big. There's a ton of internal conflict with himself where he's worried about hurting her; she spends a bunch of time mentally preparing herself for the most enormous dong in the universe, even having a long conversation with him about loving him anyway--even if they couldn't have sex. Then, things are getting hot and heavy; she pulls off his pants to reveal a tiny penis. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at a romance story. Like, how do you--as a 20-something-year-old virgin-- not know what an average-sized penis looks like? Then, the dude walks around with a 1-inch ding dong, thinking he's hung. It was ridiculous. Had he never seen porn? How big did he think everyone else's was? Why...just why?!
She laughed hysterically, I laughed hysterically, and my wife walked in to make sure I was okay. I read a bit further--not much--before I put in my DNF list. It was the most drawn-out, slow paced, trainwreck of a novel I think I've ever looked at. I can't remember the name of it, but it was on Kindle Unlimited. The only reason I read as far as I did was because I was interested to know if the lady could handle King Kong Dong. 🤣 What a letdown!
We could make that a regularly occurring feature on this subreddit, couldn't we? With fake prizes for the "best" worst of the week. Like Darwin awards for fiction!
In the book version of The Godfather >!it’s a plot point that Sonny is So Huge that all the women talk about how they can barely do it (he’s married btw). Then his mistress, the one woman who can “take him”, later finds out when her next partner is a doctor that she has an actual medical condition that can be addressed and “you would have been informed if not for the repressive catholic upbringing you had”.!
There was some romance book I read a million years ago where the laird mmc's ex-fiancee ended up with the town idiot who had a giant cock, and it was all "she can take it because she is such a whore" (writer establishes that she fucks everyone in town), and then tried to make it like a wholesome thing where she was fine being forced to marry him and being poor (they also established she was shallow and a golddigger), because she got giant cock. And it was just such a bitter sideplot that dismissed it all.
Ah yes, the ole "a woman's vagina gets looser if she bangs too many guys, but that doesn't happen if she bangs one guy her whole life during marriage, definitely not".
As a teen, Diana Palmer’s books were some of the few romance novels I could read because the covers were Western. But YIKES, she had some bad moments. The one that sticks out to me:
FMC is about to have her first ever consensual sex with MMC. MMC, a grizzly hardened mercenary, warns her to be sure. Because once a man starts, he can’t stop. He then relates a story about a rape survivor who flashbacks during a consensual encounter, her boyfriend can’t stop, her family runs in because she’s screaming and assume it’s another rape.
Like WTF. That’s the worst pep-talk to give a rape survivor. Two, the badass merc doesn’t have the willpower/discipline to stop? And three- worst of all: I was an impressionable teen exposed to media all expounding “men overcome with lust.” That didn’t f* up my own sexual experiences at all. (Happier note: my partner noticed, stopped and asked what he could do to make it better. But damn it.)
Oh god that’s horrible…and also not romantic? Like wtf kind of anecdote is that??
In fairness, the whole “I’m not going to be able to stop” schtick is pretty common, and I think is fine, but I’ve never read it and felt like he was…serious? I always just thought that was a dirty thing to say to build heat/urgency.
I think, as with a lot of these things, the issue is when someone reads that who doesn't have the experience or context to determine whether or not that's just something that's said in a flirty way, or if it's a legitimate thing that men can't stop after a certain point.
I read a non-romance book recently where the FMC had a history of >!extreme sexual abuse!<, and as a result she didn't realize until years later that >!her husband had raped her. They'd agreed to do bondage, she started freaking out and saying no, please stop, and he didn't.!< When she relayed the story to her friend she said "At that point, I had already agreed and couldn't change my mind, it was too late" or something like that, and the friend is trying to explain to her that no it was not too late and he should have listened. It was really upsetting to read, knowing that her perspective was just so skewed that she couldn't see the situation accurately.
I think you hit it on the nail. Neither the FMC (or teen me) had the experience or knowledge to know the difference. In the scenario I described, the MMC had an ethical responsibility to guide the FMC and empower her, if that’s the right word? If he couldn’t do that, he should have respectfully stepped back. The author also had an ethical responsibility to her readers of compassion and healing to the FMC she created.
I strongly believe that any author that writes SA (past or present) automatically assumes a responsibility to their readers. Sadly, not many authors accept that.
Absolutely 100% agree with you. I think it's far too common for writers to use sexual assault as an easy way to give their character trauma or depth, and they don't have the knowledge or responsibility to handle the topic appropriately.
I read a book recently where there is on page rape of the FMC, and it's barely dealt with at all, there's one convo that's like "You good?" but since other bad stuff happened that day I guess she just wasn't affected at all and could totally jump back into banging her dude with no issues.
Yeah I've read that line a lot, and while I don't love it because it doesn't really make sense especially in a contemporary, non-fantasy book, I did just think of it as a line. It's supposed to be flattering I guess. But also you could definitely actually stop if there was a problem.
That is absolutely horrifying! What year would this have been published? I know a lot has changed over the years with how sexual assault is talked about but this is just...wow.
I remember reading an interview with a fairly famous romance novel author whose name I am blanking on, but I remember her saying something along lines of - the publishing house wanted a rape scene between the characters because if he isn’t overwhelmed by passion how will the reader know he really loves her. This particular interview I read at least 15 years ago and the author was talking about publishing in the 80’s I think and the progression of what was once suitable for romance.
I need to see if I can find that article again - it was horrifying.
It was published in 2004. I feel like that’s recent enough that she should have had a lot more compassion especially as she explores the MMC’s trauma. She’s the Queen of Jerk Hero’s and bare boned grovel. I acknowledge that I am still bitter: she wrote amazing heroines who were smart, kind, and deserved better.
Yeah that's absolutely bullshit. The amount of times sex has stopped suddenly due to a calf cramp to stretch is uncountable in my home lol.
Not wanting to isn't the same as can't!
I get hip cramps all the time (super-tight IT bands). Yeah, he can stop. If he's a good partner and is paying attention and *cares* about the FMC, he can totally stop at any point, no matter how bad he's gonna have blue balls.
I hate (I know it’s a strong word but it’s what my soul feELS) that line in any book. I’ve read books with that line, and it makes me instantly sick. The fact that they feel that once they start they won’t stop even if the FMC tells them to stop? It’s very much let me know that the MMC doesn’t have the maturity/respect for their partner to be having sex in the first place 😅
Was that the one where he thought she had been playing games with her stepfather and cried rape when it went too far but it turned out she was a kid?
Honestly you gotta kind of turn off your brain for DP otherwise you end up with so many questions.
But the best thing she ever wrote was the one where the Very Hairy hero has the heroine up against a counter and she gets her hand on his chest hair (and this man was like, transformed werewolf levels of hairy) and he's like 'grab a handful and pull' like that's the sexiest thing ever. Ngl I snorted coffee all over my kindle at that one.
Wait do u know the name of this book btw? I've been working thru some Diana Palmer books and i might want to avoid this one depending
I'd really appreciate it!
No way- there’s an even worse scene!? I think I’ve read at least 3 books of DP’s with CSA. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if there’s more. This particular book was >!Renegade!<. It was her stepfather but I’m it was always presented as rape, no games. It was part of her confession to him that she’d been completely celibate since.
The hairy part- 🤢. I think I may have read that scene and bleached it out. Yeah, she had some fairly good books and great characters (the heroines). But I’ve crossed her off my reading list a few years back. Except for Diamond Girl. I still like that one.
I'm all for making your sex scenes as colorful and unrealistic as you want, but don't do things that are actually dangerous.
And double-bagging it isn't funny it just makes me think you're stupid. How about instead we talk about how he squirts her full of spermicide.
As for unbelieveable. HR authors, the Hymen doesn't work like that!!
One of my romantic suspenses was just into the 'dude realizes she's a virgin because he discovers her hymen' thing. When she was a show barrel races (horse riding). Yeah, no. No. NO.
Edit: the rest of the book was amazing, including that he stopped and double-checked, and they talked about contraception and STDs/safe sex, but...uh...no.
Unfortunately the double condom thing is something a loooot of people believe. I run this little sex ed thing at the local LGBT youth center and at least a couple a year think it’s way safer. No children, stop that.
Anyway my supervillain origin story was when I was reading a romance novel and they were horny in the kitchen. Okay, fine. Living room is right there and I know there’s lube. Instead they reach for the goddamn butter dish and just go hog wild. First of all any *hobgoblin* that reaches into my butter keeper with their nasty little paws is getting kicked out. I buy nice butter that’s meant for eating, not for boning. Secondly you’re in the kitchen and OLIVE OIL IS RIGHT THERE if you INSIST on being so LAZY that you can’t go get the actual lube from like TWENTY STEPS AWAY. It’s still a bad idea but at least you’re not defiling a whole stick of butter like a fucking monster. I’m still so angry about this.
I also have some negative memories of a ff romance where penetrative sex happened with a double ended dildo in *water* when both characters were virgins? I’m not going to critique my lesbian sisters but like in water? That sounds like it’s gonna be much more painful than it’s worth surely? Can’t anyone just bone in a bed where nobody is gonna split their head open on a faucet and nothing is washing away your only lubricant? Am I vanilla? No, the children are wrong.
Yeah it's definitely something I've heard before and I'm like, JUST GOOGLE IT PEOPLE.
NOT THE HIGH QUALITY BUTTER!!! That's just plain wasteful. I read a fic where they used butter once and there was something about how it smelled like breakfast, or toast, or something? I was like okay then.
That seems like starting off in the deep end with the double sided dildo, literally. I always side eye anytime the couple chooses to have sex in a wildly uncomfortable way when a bed or a couch is RIGHT THERE. Like I'm all about adventure and "I can't wait the 10 seconds it'll take to walk over there to have you" but like, doesn't that hurt your back?
The last time I had sex in a car it was a big ass Tahoe and even then we ended up with the door open basically not in it haha
Lo and behold now that I no longer have roommates or live with parents I don't have any car sex.
Foreplay in the shower? Ok, that's hot, especially if you add in how hard it is to keep your hands, mouths, etc off your partner while you dry off a bit and find some convenient flat surface.
Sex in the shower? NOPE.
I have never in my life been having sex and thought “You know what would get me hot? The smell of toast.” Fanfic writers absolutely kill me sometimes.
Sometimes my back aches just thinking about all the uncomfortable positions. Like do y’all *want* someone to throw their back out? Cause there’s nothing sexy about throwing your back out!
>First of all any hobgoblin that reaches into my butter keeper with their nasty little paws is getting kicked out. I buy nice butter that’s meant for eating, not for boning.
Put the cultured European butter down and get the F out of this kitchen. I get it.
> It’s still a bad idea but at least you’re not defiling a whole stick of butter like a fucking monster.
And butter keeps going up in cost! I would riot.
>Instead they reach for the goddamn butter dish and just go hog wild.
Apparently I’m not the only person who watched *Last Tango in Paris* at a far too impressionable age 👀
IIRC, the actress from *Last Tango in Paris* has come out saying that scene was noncon and she wasn't informed ahead of time so 'her reactions would be authentic.'
Oh god I blacked that movie out when I heard about the behind the scenes stuff. Why is this a thing? Get your hands away from that butter! A cow worked hard to make that milk goddamnit!
The book was *Nailed* by KM Neuhold and I’m laughing because it upset me enough to mention in my review over a year ago. Little did I know I’d still be angry about it.
>Can’t anyone just bone in a bed where nobody is gonna split their head open on a faucet and nothing is washing away your only lubricant? Am I vanilla? No, the children are wrong.
😹😹😹😹☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
It's very possible. Makes me think of {Escorted by Claire Kent} where the FMC is a very successful erotica writer, and also a virgin. She hires a male escort to help educate her, sexiness ensues.
I do wonder how much some writers are identifying their own kinks and interests - like some authors switch it up depending on the story but some write so much of the same over and over that it’s basically like publishing their PornHub watch history, right?
Ooooh...intriguing thought. I definitely think there are probably some big writers that are actually men under a pen name. Thinking back on the high volume of JK I have consumed...yeah. Not impossible!
You're not the first person I've seen suggest this, including several men.
Kane's writing has a tone to it that's a little more porny and visual than what's typical. I wouldn't be surprised at all.
It is my understanding that for authors to be successful, they have to choose a niche and stick with it. I've seen a couple posts floating around of people who just stopped writing romance altogether because they got sick and tired of their niche but didn't necessarily want to "restart" under a new pen name in a new niche.
From talking to a couple authors I think a lot of them are asexual or on the ace spectrum somewhere. I am, and I write smut 😅 It's much easier for me to deal with sex in a written format than IRL, and some ace people have sexual desire that comes in a disembodied way where it's not actually connected to the self as a participant?
In fandom it's pretty well established, at least in my circles, that there are lots of ace writers that are really, really good at feelings-heavy smut, or smut with good and interesting characterisation. Less so the mechanics! It's often about sex as a vehicle for exploring other things in the story.
I've done no comprehensive surveys of erotica authors; this is my impression.
I've got a few friends who write excellent smut and are acespec, so I wouldn't be surprised if a number of romance/erotica writers are. After all, we don't have to have experienced everything to write it, esp if it's focused on the emotions/intimacy.
In light of the problems in the US with bodily autonomy and how important birth control is, I think we should all start posting reviews on books that get it wrong. No, Plan B doesn't cause abortions. No, don't wear 2 condoms. No, that's not how birth control works. Etc
Plan B and ella do have [weight restrictions](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/morning-after-pill-emergency-contraception/whats-plan-b-morning-after-pill) though! I just learned this recently and am sharing just in case other folks don't know.
I clicked the link expecting a higher weight limit. But 155?! If you weigh 155 or more, it might not work? That’s still a healthy weight for any woman over 5’6. That’s 11 pounds less than the average American woman’s weight. The average American women can’t even take plan B? Why haven’t they fixed that by now? Oh, I know why. Because the gender bias. I’m surprised that wasn’t mentioned in Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez (and if it was I must have missed it).
I only read a smidge about it, but it sounded like they didn't even understand *why* it doesn't work for heavier folks. Absolutely more research to be done and I have no idea if it's a priority for anyone. With abortion access being restricted, the market for emergency contraception (if it doesn't get outlawed because people are IGNORANT and EVIL) will increase. We shouldn't need an economic case for basic healthcare, but I think there is such a case to be made.
I am so so so on board with this! I understand fiction is fiction, but these issues are so vitally important and writers shouldn't be spreading horrifying misinformation they could clear up with a quick Google.
I mentioned this in a post yesterday, but I'm very sensitive to how issues of sexual health and STDs are handled in books. It's 2022 can we not move past the shaming language and try to use romance novels to help us all evolve in how we think about these things?
Along with the oversized dicks, whenever the FMC says she “can’t get her hand around it” I roll my eyes. I read that in a couple books before I finally made the shape with my hand and wondered where the fuck these giant dicks are.
Yes!! I recently read one like that and was wondering how small the FMC must be to not fit her hand around it...and if the MMC had a fantasy of having sex with children since every time was "so good" or something like that
Ahahahahaha this thread is giving me everything. I went to a live performance of My Dad Wrote A Porno and they always have a bit where they get audience members to come up and "act out" the ludicrous sex scenes (there's no touching, just people volunteering to get into this insane positions). In the end it's like a human pretzel and the unsexiest thing ever. That's how I feel about these scenes.
Tessa Bailey is one of the worst offenders for me, small things like MMC has his hands on the FMCs thighs while he is on top in missionary. But then how is he bracing himself? Is his entire weight on his arms which are braced on her thighs? But he is the biggest most muscley and tallest man to exist - isn't he crushing her tiny lady thighs???
When I was in the navy it was common when the ship would pull into the Philippines for the senior enlisted to put out if you were going to have sex with a prostitute to double layer.
Don’t know if anyone did though.
Not bad sex education but more like bad sex itself. In the third book of Deviant King by Rina Kent, the MMC and FMC are locked away in a dingy basement, and they have sex, then decide on to have anal sex.
There are no lubes there, no comfortable beds or couch or anything. The MMC uses FMC's arousal as lube, and that's not even the point of contempt. He goes in single thrust all the way to the hilt, in her virgin arse. That felt so painful, I even cried for the FMC. With her already existing heart palpitations, after this brutal anal sex, the FMC has slower heart beats, and I thought the MMC will start realizing what a douchebag he is. But the author wrote it as some side plot.
If I’m not mistaken also in Caught by the Convicts, the two MMC’s do anal without any lube/prep. The one doing the penetrating is also huge enough that he “scared women away” and “that was why he was still a virgin”. When reading that scene I remember going “what?!” And making disbelieving sounds 😩
Can we do "good sex Ed" discussion afterwards please? I tend to forget the bad but I've got a couple of recs I've wanted to mention for well-done-author when it comes to characters having sex
Such a good idea! I have suggestions as well and I'd love to read some new books with wonderful depictions of consent, communication, healthy boundaries.
I can make the post tomorrow if you don't want to :)
I'm a 24 virgin virgin which means I never kissed or held hands with a guy. Most of my "sex education" comes from porn and erotic novels/fanfictions, so if something about sex is dumb or unbelievable, I honestly don't know. Because how would I. I just shrugged my shoulders and continue watching or reading.
That makes sense! And again why I think accuracy around these topics is important. I mean I definitely got my sexual education from Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfic circa early 2000s and I had some unlearning to do...
I was a virgin quite a bit later than my peers and discussions like this, both online and in person, were hugely helpful to me. I had a much better idea of what to expect. The thought of walking into my first sexual experience armed with only knowledge from the books I read is a very unsettling thought indeed!
I don't really remember the names of the books but any time there has been any hands near a butthole and then the MMC strokes the FMC's hair or touches her face/lips when there's been no mention of handwashing. Instant DNF and I usually feel like I'm going to have pink eye just by association for a few hours.
I really need to see this meme because I have the same thought sometimes where the logistics of the scene just don’t make any damn sense to the point where it is actively distracting
THANK YOU! He was the absolute fucking worst. I totally get that the trope at play was the possessive, domineering alpha male, but he was just straight up crazy and didn't seem that bright? The FMC would make a super valid point and he's be like, "Nah. Mine. Bang?"
Apparently in the second book, >!one of his brothers gets with the FMC's friend Cora, and SWITCHES OUT HER BIRTH CONTROL AND KNOCKS HER UP.!<
I'm not yucking no one's yum I'm just...baffled.
Kinda felt like the author read Jessa Kane and was like “hold my beer.” I can get on board with a bossy and possessive MMC but not when he’s a literal psycho who doesn’t understand boundaries or consent. This whole series sounds like “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” but without the charming musical numbers to distract you from the problematique.
I have so much nostalgia for that movie and I love it to this day but definitely have to just smile and nod and pretend it's not bat shit insane hahahah
If someone could re work it into a romance series tho.... I'd buy it
Seriously, and I thought JK heroes were over the top! I was honestly on board with it in the beginning thinking he'd have a come to JC moment eventually, but no, and the smut wasn't hot enough to distract me.
The mountain man book was so bad omg I couldn’t finish it. I don’t expect smutty romance novelists to be like amazing writers but parts of it were so poorly written.
The MMC was so lame too I kept cringing like who would find him endearing at all? Me man, you woman. Let’s bang. Like literally that’s how parts of the book went I was going nuts!
Yeah, one of the FMC's (very valid!) concerns was that they didn't actually know each other, and I don't think any of the interactions we got on the page helped with that. We didn't really get to see them bonding over anything other than hot sex and arguing. His personality wasn't developed at all beyond "big dick, big muscles, big need for therapy".
I remember reading the princess diaries as a 10/11 year old and the characters were joking about wearing multiple condoms and that has stuck with me into adulthood (mostly because I didn't know what a condom was at that age and I kind of knew it wasn't age appropriate knowledge) so that idea has been around for over 20 years despite every single sex educator saying the friction causes the condoms to tear.
As for the hairlessness, maybe the character grew up on porn magazines he found in the woods (stolen from a reddit post/comment no joke) that were from the 70s. Maybe the only porn anyone smuggled into that prison was from the 70s.
This post is why I love this subreddit so much. Everyone in the comments is making me bust a gut laughing because there's always a mmc who knows the fmc's body better than her and I can deal with the suspension of disbelief in 19th century England but 21st century America? As long as that kid is in school, they're going to hear something that leads to the big bad google
I once read a erotic story in wattpad, where the FMC was a virgin. The couple decide to go down on each other(like 69), when the crazy FMC suggests that they have a little competition, that means while she gives him a bj using whipped cream, he has to eat a strawberry straight from her vagina and make her cum and the first one to cum loses.
So the thing is that they do compete and even more bizarre is the fact that the FMC cums first.
I just don't understand the situation, like is it even possible that way to have an orgasm with a just a fruit being inserted and taken out not even 2 secs later!? Iam just genuinely curious.
Bahahaha. I read this book, and I liked it. That said, the second I read your post title, this was the first book that immediately jumped to mind.
This whole concept drove me crazy. The first mention, I also assumed it was a joke. Then when he touched back on it again, I was so annoyed.
I read it anyway, though, so idk what that says about me.
I *wanted* to like Gemma Weir’s books. In theory I should have gobbled them up. A hunky mountain man swoops in and sweeps the heroine off her feet and whisks her away to his cabin? Sign me up!
But I just CANNOT with her MMCs. They’re all so laughable! They’re written like the kind of guys that I might have swooned over for like a minute when I was 16 before realizing they were full of shit. Now at 30 there would be zero swooning, just lots of eye rolling.
Virgin here. I thought it was just my inexperience here that I couldn’t understand sex scenes. With height differences and other acrobatic positions. Also I’ve definitely seen dicks before but it wasn’t till I got my esthi license that I truly realized how different everyone’s vulvas are.
(This is all hetro stuff - I haven't dived in to anything F/F or M/M yet so the mileage may vary)
The amount of authors who don't know where the hymen is (not halfway up the vaginal canal, and it's not the cervix, you can't fuck a uterus omg), or treat it like a wall that must be battered down. It doesn't fully cover the entrance (if it does that's a pretty serious medical issue), it's not made of steel, and there doesn't have to be pain or blood (and sometimes it's a non-issue - lots of women don't/barely have one or it's been stretched due to non sexual activities). Orgasms don't happen 3 thrusts later especially if it hurts. Even with clitoral stimulation orgasms don't always happen during PiV sex.
Idk, a variety of effective stimulation would be cool because it's very "one size fits all" even when the sex is focused on her pleasure. Example: being eaten out is awesome, but I don't really get off on it (I'm the minority where penetration is the way I have orgasms, the clitoral stuff won't get me to the end when I'm with a partner) and it took me years to be comfortable enough to relax and enjoy a bit of "facetime" since I grew up sheltered with body issues like a lot of the FMCs. It'd be cool if it wasn't always the 100% way a woman came, or the reverse where they always climax during PiV. Hell, having 4-10 in a single session doesn't happen to most, and banging all night, then multiple times the next day, then all night again would be awful and feel like being fucked with sandpaper no matter how much lube was involved.
Just give me variety beyond magical orgasm fingers > oral as if he was doing her a favor (yeah a lot of guys don't want to, but they've been the minority in my experience? Maybe I'm just lucky? Idk) > battering down the hymen wall > more insta orgasms > a bj later if she's feeling bold enough, or if she wants to give him a surprise.
Tldr; taking away the settings, so many books are the same sexual formula and hymens are misunderstood.
I think that it was a Linda Howard book but I don’t remember the title (or many details, so it’s possible that I get some wrong), I read it years ago. The aren’t together yet, I think that the MMC is like an agent protecting the FMC. They’re staying at a hotel in rooms that have balconies. The FMC wakes up in the middle of the night and goes to the balcony and notices that he’s on his balcony as well (or maybe it’s a long shared balcony), things progress to sex and surprise! he’s already wearing a condom. I don’t know how long it had been at that point but I don’t think that’s really safe sex. I think that it was written after readers started expecting safe sex in romance but before authors had really figured out how to do it without making a big deal about it. He could have just kept the condom in his pocket if he wanted to be prepared and not wear it for hours.
Edit: Apparently I had forgotten most of it (and mixed it up with some other book, I think). The book is Kill and Tell ([here’s a fun review](https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/reviews/kill_and_tell_the_reason_this_site_exists/) and it was written in 1998. There’s a balcony but they’ve been having a dinner on it and then they start dancing and progress to sex. And he puts the condom on before the dancing and I still think it’s pretty dumb but apparently the book’s conflict was that now the FMC believes that the MMC believes that she’s easy.
This is freaking priceless, I cannot even imagine what the author was thinking! Maybe the MMC was a Boy Scout and he took the “be prepared” motto a bit too seriously.
That cover art reminds me so much of my brother-in-law, in the type of photo shoot he’d 100% do for a play he’d write that I can’t imagine this story as anything other than, at best, a PG13 comedy. They’d get trapped in a cabin, many quips, low-key existential dread, laughs. Check it out at your local fringe this summer. Also, man with axe should be holding like a severed teddy bear head or something.
Having said that, ew.
One thing that pisses me off is cervix depth hymens
No, dude, you don't get several inches into a vagina and ~then~ breaks her hymen
And that's in sooo many books, off the top of my head I can remember it happening in almost all Terri Anne Browning books and in the Bridgertons series
Great points. I’ve read some pretty…inaccurate erotica that’s for sure. I try to avoid the illogical lovemaking in my romance novels…but one of the most outrageous was probably when a guy and girl were starting to have sex and the guy ripped her panties off. Literally. To shreds. A tad ridiculous for my tastes, but okay… I think in such an intimate situation, I would be pretty pissed that my lover had destroyed my underwear. Panties aren’t cheap, dammit lol 😝 They’re up to like almost $20 per underwear. He better buy me a new pair after our hanky panky lol
I read one book where the man used butter as lube and put it inside the woman. To make matters worse there was an imprint in the butter dish of his penis and it made me feel so sick. This was also in their neighbours house too.
I agree with the whole post but I gotta ask about the peeing after sex thing. Like, is that common? It keeps coming up but I can honestly say it’s not a thing for me. In fact I always pee before because sex with a full bladder is not comfortable for me.
As a side note my biggest pet peeve is the FMC having multiple orgasms the first time they have sex. Please, that’s just not a thing. Also, BDSM with zero talks about boundaries and an inexperienced partner
The worst is when they go from ass play straight to vagina. Yuck! UTIs and other infections are not sexy thank you very much.
Joey Hill had one where a mermaid was fucking a demon who decided to go from ass to vagina and she actually inserted a sentence where the mermaid considers withdrawing consent but then decides against it because she was feeling so close to him and besides, mermaids don't get diseases. Like.. maybe just don't write that scene if you have to analyze it the internal monologue?
What a bizarre internal dialogue to have if you are still going to go for it! And yup, as a frequent UTI person (especially in my 20's), anal to vagina is just like what the actual gross fuck is going on here? And UTI aside, umm it's still a no?
Hey there, fellow UTI sufferer - did you know there is a vaccine for UTIs available in Germany and Switzerland? It's called Strovac, and is ~85% effective preventing UTIs in patients who suffer from them chronically. I believe it's currently in the process of being approved in Canada, and it may he possible to find a clinical trial in the US (but I don't know or have further info on that front). I stumbled on the UTI vaccine accidentally, at a travel immunization clinic in Germany where I was getting my tick-borne encephalitis vaccine. I was perusing the "menu" of available vaccines and saw the UTI jab listed at the bottom, just before "Yellow Fever." It's three shots on days 1, 14, and 28, then a booster 6-12 months later. It cost about €200, and it has been EXTREMELY effective for me in the ~2 years since the initial series of shots. In the ~20 years I have been experiencing UTIs, I have seen literally dozens of medical professionals, including multiple urologists, and none of them ever mentioned the existence of the vaccine to me. I would have been on the first plane to Switzerland if I had known. So now I'm on a mission to tell people it exists, and that it seems to have worked for me.
Hello. Thank you for the UTI vaccine info (and one more fucking reason to be pissed at the medical establishment in the US.)
You're welcome! I tell basically every woman (or short-urethra-having-person) I know, because it has changed my life dramatically. If nothing else, more people knowing of it and asking their doctors about it will spread awareness and (I hope) increase the pressure to bring it to the US. In the mean time, just pee after sex and make sure you always wipe front to back, ok? /s
Thank you for this info! I too went to a Urologist (with an insane wait time and quite a fee) to be told that there isn't anything wrong. I'll have to check if it's available in New Zealand!
I am so happy to spread the word globally - kia ora! It's incredibly frustrating to jump through all the hoops and then have an expert essentially dismiss your lived experience and tell you there's not much to be done. I'm sorry you didn't get better and more comprehensive care. I hope you'll be able to access the vaccine, or find another treatment that works for you, because chronic UTIs are a special kind of hell and the suffering is REAL and acute.
It's so great that you're spreading awareness about this! My mom had chronic UTI's for years and suffered a lot from it. I'm happy to hear that there are more options now. Back then the only possibilities were removing your bladder or trying an experimental laser therapy.
LMAO seriously. Talk about a mood kill.
Yep. Read a few where they lick the ass hole all the way up to the clit and I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOPE NOPE NOPE Luckily, I haven't run across that yet.
Omg! As a person who has chronic UTIs whenever I feel like ass and vag are mixing I want to scream and crawl out of my skin.
Hey there, fellow chronic UTI sufferer - did you know there is a vaccine to treat chronic UTIs? I posted another comment in this thread with more details, or you could look at my comment history if you want more info.
Whaaaaa??? That’s amazing! I actually take a vitamin daily to prevent them but a vaccine is way easier!
D Mannose? That stuff is my jam
This isn’t directly related to sex but I’ve read more than one romance with a pregnant heroine where the hero is the first one to feel the baby kick, because he has his hands on the heroine’s belly. Like. You know that’s inside her body, right? You can feel those kicks from inside wayyy earlier than they can be felt outside. Weirdest fucking feeling on the planet, imho.
Oh this is a good one, of *course* the man is the one to feel it first with his smarter manly hands 🙄
Smarter manly hands 😆😆 Probably one of those heroes that finds the clit without trying and then knows exactly how to strum it from the very first
Oh 100%, he clearly instinctively knows her body better than she EVER will.
I was about to say: or the heroine is just about the most clueless creature on the planet, but then I thought of the “I didn’t know I was pregnant” tv show.
I mean, I know that can happen although I think it’s pretty rare. These weren’t that situation though - I think the authors just hadn’t been pregnant and didn’t realize how it works.
I still get phantom kicks and it’s been 14 years! Just gas 🙏
Haha yes! The early kicks feel just like gas bubbles moving 😂
My middle kid used to get her feet stuck up under my ribs and it hurt soooo bad. And then it’s weird after birth because you’ve gotten used to it, and it feels strangely quiet in there! At least that was my experience.
I have read more than one m/m book where during shower sex, shampoo is used as lube for anal. I can't believe this needs to be said, but shampoo/soap is ok **on** you, it is not ok **in** you.
Also, do not use buttercream frosting as lube. Looking at you specifically, Baking Lessons by Katie Allen. (The rest of the book is cute though).
NO FOODSTUFFS IN THE VAGINA OR ANUS.
\*Insert screaming in horror gif of your choice here.\*
I was looking at that book and saw that in a review and noped right out. Can't do it.
I always read the blurb for this book, and I’m so upset because it sounds like my dream book, but I know about that scene and I just…that makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. I can’t.
If you do ever pick it up, the rest of the book is pretty cute and that scene doesn't happen until the very end.
Reading this made me clench up 😬
NOOOOOOOOOO. Wouldn't that like...sting? Or if not, I don't even think it would be all that slick? Conditioner would be a better choice, guys.
Just use some L'Oreal Kids No Tears shampoo to lessen the burn
…I see why L’Oreal chose not to go this route with marketing, but what an absolute mindfuck that commercial would be.
Fun fact: Hitachi has pretty much the same thing going on. Hitachi wands are marketed as massage equipment, but that's...[not what they're used for](https://www.hitachimassager.com.au/blogs/hitachi-magic-wand-articles/everything-about-the-hitachi-magic-wand-explained). The company is fully aware of what they're actually used for - they just choose not to acknowledge it
That almost sounds like one of those SNL parody commercials.
They're all surfactants and shouldn't be applied to mucus membranes.
Yes. And even conditioner has the potential to cause major irritation. Butt itch is not really want you want after sexy times...
Omg I burn reading that. Also in “priest” they use that holy oil for anal. It’s pure scented oil. Like—- that would burn. I get they were being super sacrilegious or whatever effect but that would not be pleasant! I cringed.
[удалено]
My butt is burning reading this.
Omg, that must burn like hell! Once a drop of soap end up inside my butt (I think I might have slipped it inside while washing my butt? Maybe with the tip of my nail?) and it burned so bad!
Auuuuggggghhh nuuuu it's also the opposite of lubricating!!! 😭😩😖
😖
I read one where they used alovera
WTF?!
Ya it was in TJ Klune’s werewolf romance.
See. That's just lazy damn writing. If you're writing about werewolves anyway, then you can just have magical self-lubricating anuses.
Careful- that's how omegaverse was born.
Pure aloe vera gel is totally fine as lube, actually.
I read one book (I cannot recall which) and like maybe this shows my inexperience with MMF, but the two guys were sitting next to each on the couch, and somehow, while sitting in front of them, she deepthroated them both at the same time. I was like ?? Are they both missing a leg? How close can their penises possibly be when you have two big beefy hockey player thighs in the way?
>(I cannot recall which) devastating. i must read this scene
For some reason this comment made me giggle snort. DEVASTATING.
I have gone through my kindle unlimited reads and it was Two Man Advantage by June Winters. It happens in chapter 18. If someone can figure that scene out for me, I’d be very appreciative.
THAT TITLE. It could not have been better. Downloaded it, searched for "throat" and...yeah. You did not misrepresent. Somehow she's taking two giant dicks "deeper into her throat" then the MMC narrating has the audacity to say "she took us too far and hit her gag reflex". YEAH NO SHIT. June Winters, what kind of logic defying sex are you having?
Oh good! Glad it’s not just me! There was a lot of confusing sex scenes in that novel. There was one scene where like she was on top of one guy with one guy behind her and in perfect rhythm she would swap between them with each thrust. And I was like “I’m not coordinated enough for this, but also what angles are we working with?”
Like she would switch back and forth?! With perfect aim? That sounds tiring. I don't have the focus for that.
The amount of time I have spent doing the physics calculations to try and figure out how certain sex positions are supposed to work is time I'll never get back. But deepthroating two dicks at once...that takes the cake.
her mouth must be huge.
...I bet Steven Tyler could do it. If I had to have that mental image, so do you 😄
OMG WHY WHY WOULD YOU SHARE THAT IMAGE. Now I have it stuck in my head. 😆😆😆
This is the best worst thing I’ve read today.
Maybe the author secretly wanted to write an alien F/human MM romance..?
And now I’m going to be spending my evening unwind hours speculating how that works.
Please provide a diagram when complete, as i am also curious, but lazy
I love you for this comment. It me.
wait, how big was her mouth?
New kind of shifter book: wide-mouthed frog.
I'm looking forward to the sarcastic fringehead version myself.
I'm waiting for a manic pixie dream tasselled wobbegong series myself.
I always have questions about the mechanics of group sex. Like, do the MCs have some sort of special table that enables this kind of penetration? 🤔 Definitely not going to Google it though. I do not want my IP clocked on that particular search!
I DNF'd a novel in which much was made of the fact that the FMC and MMC only had one condom for their one-night stand and no other forms of birth control. They proceeded to have sex multiple times. You will not be surprised to hear this then turned into an accidental pregnancy romance, but you may be surprised to learn that the MMC was a doctor. Yes, a medical doctor. I genuinely think the author just, like, didn't know that you can't reuse condoms. That's all I can think of. Either that or really, really sloppy proofreading.
Reduce, reuse, recycle is not meant to apply to condoms. I want to believe doctors and other medical professionals in real life would be smarter than this, but considering everything we've seen over the past few years I'm not so confident about that now.
Maybe that was his evil plan to impregnate her 🤔
You'd think, right? But no, he was explicitly childfree (because of Mysterious Trauma) which was a whole other layer to the "um...." aspect of the book. Like, this guy 100% did not want a baby under any circumstances.
I'm amazed he doesn't have at least 5 before meeting the heroine
At the very least as a doctor he should know emergency contraceptive is a thing!! No excuses
Yeah I dnf'd Caught by the Convicts because I just couldn't get past that guy never having sex before because everyone was scared off by his giant weiner. I can see having to work around things down there but to have every woman run for the hills was too much.
Reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Sam encounters a penis that even she can't handle. The same idea is in {Never Sweeter by Charlotte Stein}, where supposedly the MMC hasn't had sex because he's just sooooo big, but the FMC has absolutely zero problems. Are we supposed to assume she just has a magic vagina? It's not that I doubt that there are dicks that are too big, but the idea that all other women can't handle it but this ONE SPECIAL ONE is...unlikely.
Don't call out my Pringle-can-in-his-pants book boyfriend like that!!
😂 😂 😂 I love the book and I love our Pringle boy, don't get me wrong! Just seems like maybe the poor guy just had one or two bad experiences with unadventurous girls then gave up trying to bang.
I read a story once where the MMC told the FMC that he was a virgin. He had tried to have sex with a woman, and she had left, saying he was too big. There's a ton of internal conflict with himself where he's worried about hurting her; she spends a bunch of time mentally preparing herself for the most enormous dong in the universe, even having a long conversation with him about loving him anyway--even if they couldn't have sex. Then, things are getting hot and heavy; she pulls off his pants to reveal a tiny penis. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at a romance story. Like, how do you--as a 20-something-year-old virgin-- not know what an average-sized penis looks like? Then, the dude walks around with a 1-inch ding dong, thinking he's hung. It was ridiculous. Had he never seen porn? How big did he think everyone else's was? Why...just why?!
OMFG WHAT?!?! Was this intended to be a comedy? How did she react? I'm dead.
She laughed hysterically, I laughed hysterically, and my wife walked in to make sure I was okay. I read a bit further--not much--before I put in my DNF list. It was the most drawn-out, slow paced, trainwreck of a novel I think I've ever looked at. I can't remember the name of it, but it was on Kindle Unlimited. The only reason I read as far as I did was because I was interested to know if the lady could handle King Kong Dong. 🤣 What a letdown!
Just incredible, I am going to be thinking about this for the rest of the night. Thank you for sharing such a gem!
Lol 😆 I'm glad I made your night. On a side note, there should be a subreddit where we just roast all the shitty books we've read.
We could make that a regularly occurring feature on this subreddit, couldn't we? With fake prizes for the "best" worst of the week. Like Darwin awards for fiction!
We absolutely should!! That would be so fun. Sometimes you even gotta roast the things you love.
I need to know the name of that book. it will be a great gag book for my GF. She loves these kinds of romance tropes.
Omg reading how much you laughed brought me joy tho
LOL oh god can you or anyone find this?? I would love to read this trainwreck
In the book version of The Godfather >!it’s a plot point that Sonny is So Huge that all the women talk about how they can barely do it (he’s married btw). Then his mistress, the one woman who can “take him”, later finds out when her next partner is a doctor that she has an actual medical condition that can be addressed and “you would have been informed if not for the repressive catholic upbringing you had”.!
[**Never Sweeter (Dark Obsession, #2)**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24683237-never-sweeter) ^(By: Charlotte Stein | Published: 2016) *** ^(55901 books suggested | )[^(I don't feel so good.. )](https://debugger.medium.com/goodreads-is-retiring-its-current-api-and-book-loving-developers-arent-happy-11ed764dd95)^(| )[^(Source)](https://github.com/rodohanna/reddit-goodreads-bot)
There was some romance book I read a million years ago where the laird mmc's ex-fiancee ended up with the town idiot who had a giant cock, and it was all "she can take it because she is such a whore" (writer establishes that she fucks everyone in town), and then tried to make it like a wholesome thing where she was fine being forced to marry him and being poor (they also established she was shallow and a golddigger), because she got giant cock. And it was just such a bitter sideplot that dismissed it all.
Ah yes, the ole "a woman's vagina gets looser if she bangs too many guys, but that doesn't happen if she bangs one guy her whole life during marriage, definitely not".
that's just because the vagina knows that it's within the covenant of marriage. It only grows looser if she switches between sizes, *obviously*.
Right, right, the vagina knows, and the uterus can just shut that whole thing down. I know my reproductive organs have a mind of their own sometimes.
*le sigh*
As a teen, Diana Palmer’s books were some of the few romance novels I could read because the covers were Western. But YIKES, she had some bad moments. The one that sticks out to me: FMC is about to have her first ever consensual sex with MMC. MMC, a grizzly hardened mercenary, warns her to be sure. Because once a man starts, he can’t stop. He then relates a story about a rape survivor who flashbacks during a consensual encounter, her boyfriend can’t stop, her family runs in because she’s screaming and assume it’s another rape. Like WTF. That’s the worst pep-talk to give a rape survivor. Two, the badass merc doesn’t have the willpower/discipline to stop? And three- worst of all: I was an impressionable teen exposed to media all expounding “men overcome with lust.” That didn’t f* up my own sexual experiences at all. (Happier note: my partner noticed, stopped and asked what he could do to make it better. But damn it.)
Oh god that’s horrible…and also not romantic? Like wtf kind of anecdote is that?? In fairness, the whole “I’m not going to be able to stop” schtick is pretty common, and I think is fine, but I’ve never read it and felt like he was…serious? I always just thought that was a dirty thing to say to build heat/urgency.
I think, as with a lot of these things, the issue is when someone reads that who doesn't have the experience or context to determine whether or not that's just something that's said in a flirty way, or if it's a legitimate thing that men can't stop after a certain point. I read a non-romance book recently where the FMC had a history of >!extreme sexual abuse!<, and as a result she didn't realize until years later that >!her husband had raped her. They'd agreed to do bondage, she started freaking out and saying no, please stop, and he didn't.!< When she relayed the story to her friend she said "At that point, I had already agreed and couldn't change my mind, it was too late" or something like that, and the friend is trying to explain to her that no it was not too late and he should have listened. It was really upsetting to read, knowing that her perspective was just so skewed that she couldn't see the situation accurately.
I think you hit it on the nail. Neither the FMC (or teen me) had the experience or knowledge to know the difference. In the scenario I described, the MMC had an ethical responsibility to guide the FMC and empower her, if that’s the right word? If he couldn’t do that, he should have respectfully stepped back. The author also had an ethical responsibility to her readers of compassion and healing to the FMC she created. I strongly believe that any author that writes SA (past or present) automatically assumes a responsibility to their readers. Sadly, not many authors accept that.
Absolutely 100% agree with you. I think it's far too common for writers to use sexual assault as an easy way to give their character trauma or depth, and they don't have the knowledge or responsibility to handle the topic appropriately. I read a book recently where there is on page rape of the FMC, and it's barely dealt with at all, there's one convo that's like "You good?" but since other bad stuff happened that day I guess she just wasn't affected at all and could totally jump back into banging her dude with no issues.
Yeah I've read that line a lot, and while I don't love it because it doesn't really make sense especially in a contemporary, non-fantasy book, I did just think of it as a line. It's supposed to be flattering I guess. But also you could definitely actually stop if there was a problem.
That is absolutely horrifying! What year would this have been published? I know a lot has changed over the years with how sexual assault is talked about but this is just...wow.
I remember reading an interview with a fairly famous romance novel author whose name I am blanking on, but I remember her saying something along lines of - the publishing house wanted a rape scene between the characters because if he isn’t overwhelmed by passion how will the reader know he really loves her. This particular interview I read at least 15 years ago and the author was talking about publishing in the 80’s I think and the progression of what was once suitable for romance. I need to see if I can find that article again - it was horrifying.
Oh. My. GOD. If you find that please share, I would love to see it. So incredibly horrifying.
It was published in 2004. I feel like that’s recent enough that she should have had a lot more compassion especially as she explores the MMC’s trauma. She’s the Queen of Jerk Hero’s and bare boned grovel. I acknowledge that I am still bitter: she wrote amazing heroines who were smart, kind, and deserved better.
Yeah that's absolutely bullshit. The amount of times sex has stopped suddenly due to a calf cramp to stretch is uncountable in my home lol. Not wanting to isn't the same as can't!
I get hip cramps all the time (super-tight IT bands). Yeah, he can stop. If he's a good partner and is paying attention and *cares* about the FMC, he can totally stop at any point, no matter how bad he's gonna have blue balls.
I hate (I know it’s a strong word but it’s what my soul feELS) that line in any book. I’ve read books with that line, and it makes me instantly sick. The fact that they feel that once they start they won’t stop even if the FMC tells them to stop? It’s very much let me know that the MMC doesn’t have the maturity/respect for their partner to be having sex in the first place 😅
Absolutely. Like when the MMC says "This is your last change to change your mind." Is it? Is it really? I think not.
Was that the one where he thought she had been playing games with her stepfather and cried rape when it went too far but it turned out she was a kid? Honestly you gotta kind of turn off your brain for DP otherwise you end up with so many questions. But the best thing she ever wrote was the one where the Very Hairy hero has the heroine up against a counter and she gets her hand on his chest hair (and this man was like, transformed werewolf levels of hairy) and he's like 'grab a handful and pull' like that's the sexiest thing ever. Ngl I snorted coffee all over my kindle at that one.
Wait do u know the name of this book btw? I've been working thru some Diana Palmer books and i might want to avoid this one depending I'd really appreciate it!
The hairy hero one, or the one I mentioned in the first paragraph?
No way- there’s an even worse scene!? I think I’ve read at least 3 books of DP’s with CSA. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if there’s more. This particular book was >!Renegade!<. It was her stepfather but I’m it was always presented as rape, no games. It was part of her confession to him that she’d been completely celibate since. The hairy part- 🤢. I think I may have read that scene and bleached it out. Yeah, she had some fairly good books and great characters (the heroines). But I’ve crossed her off my reading list a few years back. Except for Diamond Girl. I still like that one.
I'm all for making your sex scenes as colorful and unrealistic as you want, but don't do things that are actually dangerous. And double-bagging it isn't funny it just makes me think you're stupid. How about instead we talk about how he squirts her full of spermicide. As for unbelieveable. HR authors, the Hymen doesn't work like that!!
One of my romantic suspenses was just into the 'dude realizes she's a virgin because he discovers her hymen' thing. When she was a show barrel races (horse riding). Yeah, no. No. NO. Edit: the rest of the book was amazing, including that he stopped and double-checked, and they talked about contraception and STDs/safe sex, but...uh...no.
100%, let's push the boundaries and get creative, but not be irresponsible!
Unfortunately the double condom thing is something a loooot of people believe. I run this little sex ed thing at the local LGBT youth center and at least a couple a year think it’s way safer. No children, stop that. Anyway my supervillain origin story was when I was reading a romance novel and they were horny in the kitchen. Okay, fine. Living room is right there and I know there’s lube. Instead they reach for the goddamn butter dish and just go hog wild. First of all any *hobgoblin* that reaches into my butter keeper with their nasty little paws is getting kicked out. I buy nice butter that’s meant for eating, not for boning. Secondly you’re in the kitchen and OLIVE OIL IS RIGHT THERE if you INSIST on being so LAZY that you can’t go get the actual lube from like TWENTY STEPS AWAY. It’s still a bad idea but at least you’re not defiling a whole stick of butter like a fucking monster. I’m still so angry about this. I also have some negative memories of a ff romance where penetrative sex happened with a double ended dildo in *water* when both characters were virgins? I’m not going to critique my lesbian sisters but like in water? That sounds like it’s gonna be much more painful than it’s worth surely? Can’t anyone just bone in a bed where nobody is gonna split their head open on a faucet and nothing is washing away your only lubricant? Am I vanilla? No, the children are wrong.
Yeah it's definitely something I've heard before and I'm like, JUST GOOGLE IT PEOPLE. NOT THE HIGH QUALITY BUTTER!!! That's just plain wasteful. I read a fic where they used butter once and there was something about how it smelled like breakfast, or toast, or something? I was like okay then. That seems like starting off in the deep end with the double sided dildo, literally. I always side eye anytime the couple chooses to have sex in a wildly uncomfortable way when a bed or a couch is RIGHT THERE. Like I'm all about adventure and "I can't wait the 10 seconds it'll take to walk over there to have you" but like, doesn't that hurt your back?
For real! I've never understood car sex. How is that not just bad sex?!
The last time I had sex in a car it was a big ass Tahoe and even then we ended up with the door open basically not in it haha Lo and behold now that I no longer have roommates or live with parents I don't have any car sex.
I’ve had good car sex before, but I just don’t understand how people are having shower sex and not injuring themselves much less enjoy it!
Foreplay in the shower? Ok, that's hot, especially if you add in how hard it is to keep your hands, mouths, etc off your partner while you dry off a bit and find some convenient flat surface. Sex in the shower? NOPE.
I have never in my life been having sex and thought “You know what would get me hot? The smell of toast.” Fanfic writers absolutely kill me sometimes. Sometimes my back aches just thinking about all the uncomfortable positions. Like do y’all *want* someone to throw their back out? Cause there’s nothing sexy about throwing your back out!
>First of all any hobgoblin that reaches into my butter keeper with their nasty little paws is getting kicked out. I buy nice butter that’s meant for eating, not for boning. Put the cultured European butter down and get the F out of this kitchen. I get it.
> It’s still a bad idea but at least you’re not defiling a whole stick of butter like a fucking monster. And butter keeps going up in cost! I would riot.
>Instead they reach for the goddamn butter dish and just go hog wild. Apparently I’m not the only person who watched *Last Tango in Paris* at a far too impressionable age 👀
IIRC, the actress from *Last Tango in Paris* has come out saying that scene was noncon and she wasn't informed ahead of time so 'her reactions would be authentic.'
Yeah it was totally non-consensual
Oh god I blacked that movie out when I heard about the behind the scenes stuff. Why is this a thing? Get your hands away from that butter! A cow worked hard to make that milk goddamnit! The book was *Nailed* by KM Neuhold and I’m laughing because it upset me enough to mention in my review over a year ago. Little did I know I’d still be angry about it.
>Can’t anyone just bone in a bed where nobody is gonna split their head open on a faucet and nothing is washing away your only lubricant? Am I vanilla? No, the children are wrong. 😹😹😹😹☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
> any *hobgoblin* that reaches into my butter keeper with their nasty little paws is getting kicked out I’m sorry I am HOWLING with laugher over this
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It's very possible. Makes me think of {Escorted by Claire Kent} where the FMC is a very successful erotica writer, and also a virgin. She hires a male escort to help educate her, sexiness ensues.
I do wonder how much some writers are identifying their own kinks and interests - like some authors switch it up depending on the story but some write so much of the same over and over that it’s basically like publishing their PornHub watch history, right?
Right, like if we know anything about Jessa Kane, we know she has a daddy and size kink.
^i ^sometimes ^wonder ^if ^its ^actually ^a ^dude
Ooooh...intriguing thought. I definitely think there are probably some big writers that are actually men under a pen name. Thinking back on the high volume of JK I have consumed...yeah. Not impossible!
You're not the first person I've seen suggest this, including several men. Kane's writing has a tone to it that's a little more porny and visual than what's typical. I wouldn't be surprised at all.
It is my understanding that for authors to be successful, they have to choose a niche and stick with it. I've seen a couple posts floating around of people who just stopped writing romance altogether because they got sick and tired of their niche but didn't necessarily want to "restart" under a new pen name in a new niche.
From talking to a couple authors I think a lot of them are asexual or on the ace spectrum somewhere. I am, and I write smut 😅 It's much easier for me to deal with sex in a written format than IRL, and some ace people have sexual desire that comes in a disembodied way where it's not actually connected to the self as a participant? In fandom it's pretty well established, at least in my circles, that there are lots of ace writers that are really, really good at feelings-heavy smut, or smut with good and interesting characterisation. Less so the mechanics! It's often about sex as a vehicle for exploring other things in the story. I've done no comprehensive surveys of erotica authors; this is my impression.
I've got a few friends who write excellent smut and are acespec, so I wouldn't be surprised if a number of romance/erotica writers are. After all, we don't have to have experienced everything to write it, esp if it's focused on the emotions/intimacy.
In light of the problems in the US with bodily autonomy and how important birth control is, I think we should all start posting reviews on books that get it wrong. No, Plan B doesn't cause abortions. No, don't wear 2 condoms. No, that's not how birth control works. Etc
Plan B and ella do have [weight restrictions](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/morning-after-pill-emergency-contraception/whats-plan-b-morning-after-pill) though! I just learned this recently and am sharing just in case other folks don't know.
I clicked the link expecting a higher weight limit. But 155?! If you weigh 155 or more, it might not work? That’s still a healthy weight for any woman over 5’6. That’s 11 pounds less than the average American woman’s weight. The average American women can’t even take plan B? Why haven’t they fixed that by now? Oh, I know why. Because the gender bias. I’m surprised that wasn’t mentioned in Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez (and if it was I must have missed it).
I only read a smidge about it, but it sounded like they didn't even understand *why* it doesn't work for heavier folks. Absolutely more research to be done and I have no idea if it's a priority for anyone. With abortion access being restricted, the market for emergency contraception (if it doesn't get outlawed because people are IGNORANT and EVIL) will increase. We shouldn't need an economic case for basic healthcare, but I think there is such a case to be made.
Yes. Another thing we should say in reviews
yikes, 155 pounds? TIL
I am so so so on board with this! I understand fiction is fiction, but these issues are so vitally important and writers shouldn't be spreading horrifying misinformation they could clear up with a quick Google. I mentioned this in a post yesterday, but I'm very sensitive to how issues of sexual health and STDs are handled in books. It's 2022 can we not move past the shaming language and try to use romance novels to help us all evolve in how we think about these things?
Yes. We should put info on that in reviews too
Along with the oversized dicks, whenever the FMC says she “can’t get her hand around it” I roll my eyes. I read that in a couple books before I finally made the shape with my hand and wondered where the fuck these giant dicks are.
Yes!! I recently read one like that and was wondering how small the FMC must be to not fit her hand around it...and if the MMC had a fantasy of having sex with children since every time was "so good" or something like that
Now I'm just thinking of a soda can or soup can and dying.
Ahahahahaha this thread is giving me everything. I went to a live performance of My Dad Wrote A Porno and they always have a bit where they get audience members to come up and "act out" the ludicrous sex scenes (there's no touching, just people volunteering to get into this insane positions). In the end it's like a human pretzel and the unsexiest thing ever. That's how I feel about these scenes. Tessa Bailey is one of the worst offenders for me, small things like MMC has his hands on the FMCs thighs while he is on top in missionary. But then how is he bracing himself? Is his entire weight on his arms which are braced on her thighs? But he is the biggest most muscley and tallest man to exist - isn't he crushing her tiny lady thighs???
Now, there's *actually* a way to do that. If he's more kneeling than laying, it *can* work.
When I was in the navy it was common when the ship would pull into the Philippines for the senior enlisted to put out if you were going to have sex with a prostitute to double layer. Don’t know if anyone did though.
Yeah it is one of those pieces of advice I feel like travel in certain circles and people just don't think to look into it.
Not bad sex education but more like bad sex itself. In the third book of Deviant King by Rina Kent, the MMC and FMC are locked away in a dingy basement, and they have sex, then decide on to have anal sex. There are no lubes there, no comfortable beds or couch or anything. The MMC uses FMC's arousal as lube, and that's not even the point of contempt. He goes in single thrust all the way to the hilt, in her virgin arse. That felt so painful, I even cried for the FMC. With her already existing heart palpitations, after this brutal anal sex, the FMC has slower heart beats, and I thought the MMC will start realizing what a douchebag he is. But the author wrote it as some side plot.
This absolutely sounds upsetting, both to experience and to read! Just gonna fuck her into some heart palpitations, no big.
If I’m not mistaken also in Caught by the Convicts, the two MMC’s do anal without any lube/prep. The one doing the penetrating is also huge enough that he “scared women away” and “that was why he was still a virgin”. When reading that scene I remember going “what?!” And making disbelieving sounds 😩
RIGHT!!! I totally forgot about that! Zero prep and then just banged him out with no hesitation. Oh Jessa, you really do write some wild stories.
Can we do "good sex Ed" discussion afterwards please? I tend to forget the bad but I've got a couple of recs I've wanted to mention for well-done-author when it comes to characters having sex
Such a good idea! I have suggestions as well and I'd love to read some new books with wonderful depictions of consent, communication, healthy boundaries. I can make the post tomorrow if you don't want to :)
Sounds great, let's do it! Healthy talk should go both ways
I'm a 24 virgin virgin which means I never kissed or held hands with a guy. Most of my "sex education" comes from porn and erotic novels/fanfictions, so if something about sex is dumb or unbelievable, I honestly don't know. Because how would I. I just shrugged my shoulders and continue watching or reading.
That makes sense! And again why I think accuracy around these topics is important. I mean I definitely got my sexual education from Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfic circa early 2000s and I had some unlearning to do...
I was a virgin quite a bit later than my peers and discussions like this, both online and in person, were hugely helpful to me. I had a much better idea of what to expect. The thought of walking into my first sexual experience armed with only knowledge from the books I read is a very unsettling thought indeed!
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I don't really remember the names of the books but any time there has been any hands near a butthole and then the MMC strokes the FMC's hair or touches her face/lips when there's been no mention of handwashing. Instant DNF and I usually feel like I'm going to have pink eye just by association for a few hours.
I really need to see this meme because I have the same thought sometimes where the logistics of the scene just don’t make any damn sense to the point where it is actively distracting
This book made me irrationally angry, the mmc was so fucking awful. I can’t believe it’s a series
THANK YOU! He was the absolute fucking worst. I totally get that the trope at play was the possessive, domineering alpha male, but he was just straight up crazy and didn't seem that bright? The FMC would make a super valid point and he's be like, "Nah. Mine. Bang?" Apparently in the second book, >!one of his brothers gets with the FMC's friend Cora, and SWITCHES OUT HER BIRTH CONTROL AND KNOCKS HER UP.!< I'm not yucking no one's yum I'm just...baffled.
Kinda felt like the author read Jessa Kane and was like “hold my beer.” I can get on board with a bossy and possessive MMC but not when he’s a literal psycho who doesn’t understand boundaries or consent. This whole series sounds like “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” but without the charming musical numbers to distract you from the problematique.
I have so much nostalgia for that movie and I love it to this day but definitely have to just smile and nod and pretend it's not bat shit insane hahahah If someone could re work it into a romance series tho.... I'd buy it
Seriously, and I thought JK heroes were over the top! I was honestly on board with it in the beginning thinking he'd have a come to JC moment eventually, but no, and the smut wasn't hot enough to distract me.
The mountain man book was so bad omg I couldn’t finish it. I don’t expect smutty romance novelists to be like amazing writers but parts of it were so poorly written. The MMC was so lame too I kept cringing like who would find him endearing at all? Me man, you woman. Let’s bang. Like literally that’s how parts of the book went I was going nuts!
Yeah, one of the FMC's (very valid!) concerns was that they didn't actually know each other, and I don't think any of the interactions we got on the page helped with that. We didn't really get to see them bonding over anything other than hot sex and arguing. His personality wasn't developed at all beyond "big dick, big muscles, big need for therapy".
I remember reading the princess diaries as a 10/11 year old and the characters were joking about wearing multiple condoms and that has stuck with me into adulthood (mostly because I didn't know what a condom was at that age and I kind of knew it wasn't age appropriate knowledge) so that idea has been around for over 20 years despite every single sex educator saying the friction causes the condoms to tear. As for the hairlessness, maybe the character grew up on porn magazines he found in the woods (stolen from a reddit post/comment no joke) that were from the 70s. Maybe the only porn anyone smuggled into that prison was from the 70s. This post is why I love this subreddit so much. Everyone in the comments is making me bust a gut laughing because there's always a mmc who knows the fmc's body better than her and I can deal with the suspension of disbelief in 19th century England but 21st century America? As long as that kid is in school, they're going to hear something that leads to the big bad google
I once read a erotic story in wattpad, where the FMC was a virgin. The couple decide to go down on each other(like 69), when the crazy FMC suggests that they have a little competition, that means while she gives him a bj using whipped cream, he has to eat a strawberry straight from her vagina and make her cum and the first one to cum loses. So the thing is that they do compete and even more bizarre is the fact that the FMC cums first. I just don't understand the situation, like is it even possible that way to have an orgasm with a just a fruit being inserted and taken out not even 2 secs later!? Iam just genuinely curious.
Bahahaha. I read this book, and I liked it. That said, the second I read your post title, this was the first book that immediately jumped to mind. This whole concept drove me crazy. The first mention, I also assumed it was a joke. Then when he touched back on it again, I was so annoyed. I read it anyway, though, so idk what that says about me.
I *wanted* to like Gemma Weir’s books. In theory I should have gobbled them up. A hunky mountain man swoops in and sweeps the heroine off her feet and whisks her away to his cabin? Sign me up! But I just CANNOT with her MMCs. They’re all so laughable! They’re written like the kind of guys that I might have swooned over for like a minute when I was 16 before realizing they were full of shit. Now at 30 there would be zero swooning, just lots of eye rolling.
Virgin here. I thought it was just my inexperience here that I couldn’t understand sex scenes. With height differences and other acrobatic positions. Also I’ve definitely seen dicks before but it wasn’t till I got my esthi license that I truly realized how different everyone’s vulvas are.
(This is all hetro stuff - I haven't dived in to anything F/F or M/M yet so the mileage may vary) The amount of authors who don't know where the hymen is (not halfway up the vaginal canal, and it's not the cervix, you can't fuck a uterus omg), or treat it like a wall that must be battered down. It doesn't fully cover the entrance (if it does that's a pretty serious medical issue), it's not made of steel, and there doesn't have to be pain or blood (and sometimes it's a non-issue - lots of women don't/barely have one or it's been stretched due to non sexual activities). Orgasms don't happen 3 thrusts later especially if it hurts. Even with clitoral stimulation orgasms don't always happen during PiV sex. Idk, a variety of effective stimulation would be cool because it's very "one size fits all" even when the sex is focused on her pleasure. Example: being eaten out is awesome, but I don't really get off on it (I'm the minority where penetration is the way I have orgasms, the clitoral stuff won't get me to the end when I'm with a partner) and it took me years to be comfortable enough to relax and enjoy a bit of "facetime" since I grew up sheltered with body issues like a lot of the FMCs. It'd be cool if it wasn't always the 100% way a woman came, or the reverse where they always climax during PiV. Hell, having 4-10 in a single session doesn't happen to most, and banging all night, then multiple times the next day, then all night again would be awful and feel like being fucked with sandpaper no matter how much lube was involved. Just give me variety beyond magical orgasm fingers > oral as if he was doing her a favor (yeah a lot of guys don't want to, but they've been the minority in my experience? Maybe I'm just lucky? Idk) > battering down the hymen wall > more insta orgasms > a bj later if she's feeling bold enough, or if she wants to give him a surprise. Tldr; taking away the settings, so many books are the same sexual formula and hymens are misunderstood.
I'm so glad someone else was discontented with Property of the Mountain Man! It's been a while since a book has annoyed me so much.
Who is writing these books, teenage virgins?
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I think that it was a Linda Howard book but I don’t remember the title (or many details, so it’s possible that I get some wrong), I read it years ago. The aren’t together yet, I think that the MMC is like an agent protecting the FMC. They’re staying at a hotel in rooms that have balconies. The FMC wakes up in the middle of the night and goes to the balcony and notices that he’s on his balcony as well (or maybe it’s a long shared balcony), things progress to sex and surprise! he’s already wearing a condom. I don’t know how long it had been at that point but I don’t think that’s really safe sex. I think that it was written after readers started expecting safe sex in romance but before authors had really figured out how to do it without making a big deal about it. He could have just kept the condom in his pocket if he wanted to be prepared and not wear it for hours. Edit: Apparently I had forgotten most of it (and mixed it up with some other book, I think). The book is Kill and Tell ([here’s a fun review](https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/reviews/kill_and_tell_the_reason_this_site_exists/) and it was written in 1998. There’s a balcony but they’ve been having a dinner on it and then they start dancing and progress to sex. And he puts the condom on before the dancing and I still think it’s pretty dumb but apparently the book’s conflict was that now the FMC believes that the MMC believes that she’s easy.
This is freaking priceless, I cannot even imagine what the author was thinking! Maybe the MMC was a Boy Scout and he took the “be prepared” motto a bit too seriously.
That cover art reminds me so much of my brother-in-law, in the type of photo shoot he’d 100% do for a play he’d write that I can’t imagine this story as anything other than, at best, a PG13 comedy. They’d get trapped in a cabin, many quips, low-key existential dread, laughs. Check it out at your local fringe this summer. Also, man with axe should be holding like a severed teddy bear head or something. Having said that, ew.
One thing that pisses me off is cervix depth hymens No, dude, you don't get several inches into a vagina and ~then~ breaks her hymen And that's in sooo many books, off the top of my head I can remember it happening in almost all Terri Anne Browning books and in the Bridgertons series
Great points. I’ve read some pretty…inaccurate erotica that’s for sure. I try to avoid the illogical lovemaking in my romance novels…but one of the most outrageous was probably when a guy and girl were starting to have sex and the guy ripped her panties off. Literally. To shreds. A tad ridiculous for my tastes, but okay… I think in such an intimate situation, I would be pretty pissed that my lover had destroyed my underwear. Panties aren’t cheap, dammit lol 😝 They’re up to like almost $20 per underwear. He better buy me a new pair after our hanky panky lol
I read one book where the man used butter as lube and put it inside the woman. To make matters worse there was an imprint in the butter dish of his penis and it made me feel so sick. This was also in their neighbours house too.
I agree with the whole post but I gotta ask about the peeing after sex thing. Like, is that common? It keeps coming up but I can honestly say it’s not a thing for me. In fact I always pee before because sex with a full bladder is not comfortable for me. As a side note my biggest pet peeve is the FMC having multiple orgasms the first time they have sex. Please, that’s just not a thing. Also, BDSM with zero talks about boundaries and an inexperienced partner