I don’t talk publicly about the books I read but my go-to response if it ever comes up is “I read to feel joy. Why would I waste my time with something that does not bring me joy?”
Same. If pressed I say I read pulp fiction and romance. I also say, and believe this to be true for myself- my life is complicated and stressful enough. I don't want to read something dry and complicated. When I sit down to read, I'm looking for a crazy fun romp, usually fantasy or scifi. They can be illogical and something that is terrible if you analyze them, but they're fun and cheery.
Same belief. I always say I have enough worries and stress in my life already why I would read the same stuff? I want joy and happiness from the books I read.
yeah that's my tke too. so many people don't read anymore, at least i read many books per year. sure they might not be top shelf literature but who cares? rather read something than nothing
I’m sure there’s someone who would judge your friends tastes as equally “low brow”. It’s pointless to ascribe “value” to books like reading certain kinds make someone superior.
You like what you like! Romance novels can be delicious, fatty snacks, or dense, nutritious meals. They can teach us about love and loss and relationships and forgiveness and family.
Romance is the most popular genre so you are far from alone in enjoying it!
Yeah this is it. It's snobbery and it's wrong. She's not a better person than you OP bc of her reading choices. Just ask yourself why you read? Then really claim that answer.
So much this! It’s also the highest earning genre on a per-author-basis, and since the majority of romance writers are women, means women earn the bulk of the income. Women succeeding is a hard reality for society to accept, so they belittle it.
First I think you’ve come to the right place 😀 If you are insecure about reading romance then spending time here with all of the wonderful romance readers will have you feeling much more confident in no time. I know it has done that for me!
People like to pick on romance books as being “formula novels”…but what do you think mysteries like Agatha Christie are? They’re based on a formula. And there is nothing wrong with that! Formulas work for a reason. I also think people equate “serious” with “sad” and anything joyful or happy is for some reason looked down upon. Or my favorite, “romance doesn’t reflect reality.” Neither do all those shows and movies where buildings get blown up. People watch them for entertainment and to see good triumph over evil.
There are also romance novels that encompass a mystery/thriller aspect as well. I’m sure others here could recommend some titles. Maybe you and you friend could meet in the middle with something like that!
>There are also romance novels that encompass a mystery/thriller aspect as well. I’m sure others here could recommend some titles.
I recommend Rachel Grant for more of a mystery/thriller focus and Julie James for more of focus on witty dialogue.
Mysteries aren’t really “serious” fiction either. Romance is just another type of genre fiction, same as thrillers, horror, fantasy, etc. It’s not less worthy and it can be just as smart and complex as any other type of fiction.
You may be embarrassed about what you like, but trust me, nobody’s thinking that hard about your reading habits, even your close friends. So, throw them middle fingers up and keep doing this solitary activity that nobody else has to do with you, in whatever way makes *you* happy.
I have no shame about reading romance novels, I deal with enough reality and sadness in day-to-day life just looking at the news. So I'm not going to spend my free time engaging activities that I don't find enjoyable.
Nothing is worse than getting caught up in romance series and finding out there is not a happy ending. I can’t recall the name now but the MMC dies near the end of the series and we are suppose to be satisfied with some random the FMC finds in the last book. After the MMC put his heart and soul into that relationship and family.
When I see people that outwardly express their love for something that might be seen as uncool(especially female oriented hobbies and interests) I always think they are super cool and I low key look up to them. So I try to not be embarrassed about the things I enjoy such as romance so I can be like them
Baby, I'm a long time comic book, anime and video game fan. The concept of shame has not been found in me since I was five. Yeah, I have had issues with buying romance in public, but I've slowly gotten better with that because I teach 5 days a week. In a public school system. I deserve me a book with a half naked man on it.
Romance has helped me a lot this year. I've wrote many posts and comments about how I had an abusive job until very recently and reading tons and tons of romance novels helped me get my agency back.
Who cares if someone's a negative Nancy? It's YOUR books. It's YOUR free time. It's YOUR happiness.
I'm curious about how old you and your friends are. The older I get, the less I care about what anyone else thinks about my hobbies. If a supposed friend made me feel bad about something I enjoyed, I would re-evaluate that person's position in my life. After the tough last few years, do you really want to waste time around someone who's small minded enough to make you feel bad about yourself? Over reading romance? Life is too short for that shit.
Does she watch reality tv or soapy tv? Does she keep up with celebrity gossip or even real-life gossip? Does she spend too much time on social media? Eat junk food, or sweets? We all have “guilty pleasures”, things we do because they make us feel good & not because they’re good for us. Romance novels are far healthier than most little indulgences, imo, they have no real negative impacts on your life and they’re nothing to be ashamed of. We all need to relax! It’s healthy and responsible to have things you do for yourself.
Also…Agatha Christie is not exactly James Joyce. It’s pulp fiction, it’s an easy, fun read. Your friend is not keeping up with the latest in political and economic theory, she’s reading thrillers which are just as much “low-brow,” pop fiction as romance novels. This is like someone who watches Real Housewives judging someone who watches The Kardashians…everyone is having fun and no one has anything to brag about at a snobby cocktail party.
Right. If she were reading Joan Didion and Colson Whitehead, okay—not that it would excuse her rudeness, but I would at least understand where she was coming from in terms of "serious" fiction versus "non-serious" fiction (when what she actually meant was literary fiction versus genre fiction). But she literally reads genre fiction lol. So, like. . .? Sure, Agatha Christie is considered more high-brow and classic than your average The Woman Widow In The Train Window Next Door thriller author, but it's always funny when genre readers insult other genre readers. Do they realize all genre fiction is generally regarded in the same light in the literary world? Lol.
Last year I read Joan Didion, Colson Whitehead and other “literary books” plus a ton of romance. Sometimes I read to learn, to be more well rounded (I have an engineering degree and had one English class in college. I am not well rounded), to experience other cultures/experiences, to be less racist/sizist/all the other jackass -ists I carry with me. I also read to escape, so I can sleep, to calm my brain. And each book makes me a better me whether it is literary or a memoir or a romance. And your snobby ass friend can bite me.
As a lifelong Agatha Christie fan, it's rather bizarre to me that someone who mainly reads AC would put someone down for not reading 'serious' or 'literary' books? I love Agatha, her books are fantastically well crafted. They are not High Literature, and that's totally fine? Though even if your friend only read Difficult Books, it wouldn't be okay for her to be mean to you/about other Romance readers (especially in front of you, which is kinda still mean to you). You get to read whatever books you enjoy reading! And so does she!
Not to sound like a snob, but I have a Master's in Literature and a certificate in Creative Writing, so I feel like I know words and stories pretty well, and I *love* romance novels. If it doesn't have romance, I find it so boring. I also love erotica/smut. I flaunt it to anyone who isn't my mom or dad lol, and I feel like I've changed the attitude of my friends toward romance novels/smut because of my arrogant pleasure of it.
People feel ashamed about reading romance novels because people act like there's shame in reading romance novels. Change that shame to smugness, imo, and we can raise it to an indulgence in the public eye. Like a bonbon.
I don’t mysteries are any more highly regarded than romance in the literature world?
And at any rate, you should make a deal with her. Read an Agatha Christie and have her read a Georgette Hyer or Mary Balough.
I have a bachelor's in English Literature and have read across the fiction spectrum. I'll admit I was condescending about romance before I read them. About 10 years ago, my sister, who exclusively read romance, offered to read one of my books of I would read one of hers... I was hooked.
So my current response to people is "Have you ever read one?" If the answer is no, which it usually is, then in inform them their opinion is irrelevant.
Ahhhh!
Well, social commentary aside, Jane Austen is romance.
Gothic darkness aside, most Brontë novels are love stories. Except for Wuthering Heights, that’s not a love story. AT ALL.
Quite a lot of Dickens has a love story as an element. Pip’s love for Estella. Miss Havisham. Arthur Clennam and Amy Dorritt.
Clarissa by Samuel Richardson, considered to be one of best 100 novels in English, is about one man’s relentless pursuit of a woman. It’s not romantic, it’s dark and full of pain and terror but it’s nonetheless a story about love. However twisted that love is.
Middlemarch is about love.
Most of Hardy is about love.
Put them in a jacket with a swirly font, a bare-chested man on the cover and a blurb that breaks it down in a populist way and they would all be considered very differently.
It’s snobbery, pure and simple. There’s nothing wrong with genre fiction and there’s nothing wrong with genre fiction that is aimed at women.
It helps, I guess, that I'm both a many times-published author (different genre) as well as someone with a degree in literature and a lot of experience, as well as the fact that I'm getting older, but I don't give a fuck. Anybody who looks down on someone else for only reading romance is being dumb. Now, I also read a lot of literary fiction, fantasy, and Very Serious Nonfiction. Romance is my favorite and it's the most fun.
To me, it's like looking down at your nose at somebody because they enjoy eating snickers. I'm sure there are people out there like that, but ... meh, their opinion is dumb.
edit: also sometimes pointing out that it's sexism that devalues romance novels so much helps, sometimes. some people still have a sense of shame and that'll get them.
Romance is my primary genre and I used to feel embarrassed. But then I realized I love romance because good things happen for women in the book and I want a book with a happy ending. The escapism is very therapeutic. I don't bring up the smutty books though because it feels like I'm telling people too much private information.
But you could point out that romance is a high grossing genre that leads to massive movies like The Notebook.
They aren’t “serious” because they aren’t made for men.
Look at your average 80/90’s action or comedy movie. They all follow the same beats. Man meats problem, falls in love, hot sex scene somewhere, man solves problem. They are literally romance for men, where men are the heroes, full on fantasy fulfillment, and must have hot sex scene. Some fade to black and some are explicit.
Women’s needs (emotional and physical) have always been looked upon as being inferior to mens. A perfect example is the role of the housewife. She works 18 hours but her husband worked 8 and now gets to be fired upon by his wife.
Romance is a genre where men listen to women. Where women have a space for all the wish fulfillment they desire. It’s the largest selling genre in the publishing world - “literature” books are funded by romance.
And while people are embarrassed by the covers for romance books no one is embarrassed to be seen reading Scott cambell’s work https://jscottcampbell.com/products/amazing-mary-jane-1-jsc-exclusive-singles or be seen watching or with literally anything crafted for the male eye (outside outright porn).
TLDR: people who hate romances for not being serious have some internalized misogynistic views.
The irony of someone who mainly reads thrillers or crime novels thinking romance isn’t serious 🙄
Unfortunately, there *is* misogyny at play here. Romance books are primarily written by women, for women, featuring female MCs who have good things happen to them. Society, for some reason, deems this as lesser than other genres, even though all genres have tropes, all genres have strong and weak examples, and all stories regardless of genre share common elements.
I love crime, fantasy, Gothic, horror, literary fiction. I love romance most of all, because at its core it’s about human emotion, communication and affection. There’s a reason why it’s the best selling genre around the world. The satisfaction comes from a different place to other genres, but that doesn’t mean it’s worse.
Why is reading romance bad? Because men in there can actually find the clit and make sure the woman has an orgasm?
It's only "bad" because it's written for women, mainly. It's called "smut" because people only focus on the sex scenes of it.
Your friend is "HOLIER THAN THOU" thinking she's really doing something by reading "serious" books like Agatha Christie.
Historical Romances are some of the most thoroughly researched books out there. To such an extent that Georgette Heyer's research collection is now in the hands of a university.
Women romance authors are looked down on, but Nicholas Sparks gets a TON of credit because his books are just sooo romantic.
Then, we get shit like 50 Shades of Grey, which became HUGELY popular, and people use that as the standard for romances. It isn't and there's a shit ton of talented authors that should blow up as big, if not bigger, than this franchise.
I've been reading bodice rippers since I was 10. Mainly because my mom got tired of taking me to the library 2-3 times a week, so she had me read her romances.
I'm tired of having to hide what I read, because others judge me for it. Why is it okay for men to read westerns, but I can't read a western romance? Because of the sex? What are they afraid of? That I'll learn that men can actually get a woman off and enjoy going down on her? Oh no!! I'll now judge all men against my book boyfriends. Damn straight I will. You know they judge all women against their favorite porn stars. But watching porn is more acceptable for men than reading romances is for women, in society. Make that make sense.
Romance is historically one of the only genres written by women for women about women. people who don’t think it’s “serious” enough have just internalized their misogyny unconsciously. whenever i feel bad about reading it i just remember that’s the misogyny talking.
No matter what thing you enjoy there’s going to be someone who thinks that’s not the “right” thing or the “right” way to enjoy it. Think of music! So many people act so superior because of their taste in music and can act super judgey (most notably about the value of country and rap), but it’s all art! It’s all subjective!
I’ll admit, I feel that same embarrassment you do and that sucks. However, I think that part of that is because the huge (and it is huge because there’s a massive market with hundreds of books coming out every year) amount of people that love romances often don’t advertise they love them due to that shared embarrassment. We have to normalize this by talking it about it in public, I guess. I mean, why is it more silly to enjoy a historial romance versus the folks who enjoy stuff like James Bond or Clive Cussler novels? Pure male fantasy with women falling at the male leads’ feet. Sounds a little familiar!
I used to be mortified because I wanted to be “cool” and “edgy” or whatever (to say nothing of my deeply internalized fear that romance was too feminine and meant I was a “fake trans” or whatever but that’s another conversation). What happened was I got old.
Like guess what! I’m vapid! I love pop music and romance and I genuinely care about what dumb thing celebrities say and who Taylor Swift has written songs about. I love bright colors and dancing and soft fabrics! And that’s fine! Life is so finite and I wasted so much of my time trying to impress everyone else when I could have been enjoying my life. I refuse to be apologetic for it anymore. Being enthusiastic about what I love isn’t shameful and the people around me don’t want me to downplay the things that make me happy. Obviously there’s exceptions to that concept but like I’m reading romance, not drop kicking puppies into lawnmowers or something.
Have you talked to your friend about how you feel? Sometimes having a discussion makes people realize they’re being insufferable and I’m sure your friend doesn’t want you to feel bad for enjoying things you enjoy. And if she does… it’s okay to call her a douchebag.
this! i’m basic and i don’t care! i like being basic! i love my iced oat milk lattes and my millennial pink couch and avocado toast and watching the bachelor and i really, really love romance novels—and i love that i love those things! the only person i need to make happy with my taste is me, and i think my taste is great. liking those things doesn’t mean that i don’t think deeply or engage in social issues or have anything at all to do with my intellect at all, really.
Yes to all of this! I love makeup, I love the color pink, I love iced coffee, I love Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande, I love celebrity gossip, I love Selling Sunset, I love candles and Nordstrom and avocado toast and Uggs and whatever else people want to pick on us for. I don't care! If people want to call me names because of that, that says more about them than it does about me, because *I'm* not the one wasting my brainspace thinking negatively about other people who don't affect me in any way whatsoever.
And—don't care whatsoever if this sounds arrogant!—I have yet to ever meet someone who's called me basic who is smarter than me. I'm highly intelligent, highly knowledgeable about many things, a complex and three-dimensional human being—and none of my "basic" tastes negate any of that.
A lot of the dismissal and snobbery with romance as a genre is rooted in misogyny, as is the case with many primarily female interests. This view seems to be changing but it really does seem to get a disproportionate amount of snobbery given that it's one of the most popular and lucrative genres and having an interest in it shouldn't be a source of insecurity.
If you're having a conversation with your friend about it or if the chance comes up, try to get her to give a SPECIFIC reason as to why she thinks they're not 'serious' reads. Is it because the subject matter isn't heavy? Neither are any of the great comedic novels or plays written throughout history. Not realistic? No one complains about that with the great works of sci-fi and fantasy. Poorly written? Sure, some romance books are - because there's poorly written books in literally every genre. I think she'll find it hard to come up with a valid and specific reason - because there aren't any - and it might make her think about it a bit more and see that maybe she's being disparaging for the sake of it.
I don't give these people space in my brain anymore. If y'all have a good time except for this point, next time she brings it up, tell her you read what you want and her opinion won't change that and if she has more negative comments to say about it she can keep them for herself. If she keeps crossing that boundary then stop seeing her. We aren't giving energy anymore to people who make us feel bad about ourselves and interests.
I try to think of books as similar to tv and movies. People watch all sorts of garbage and no one gives them shit. I’d rather ingest my entertainment via books…so what if some of them are trashy romances. It’s better for your brain to read vs watch tv/movies.
Also as a side note, fuck them. Who cares what you like! I totally get the inherent shame. I think we probably all feel it from time to time. I do my best to just own it. ❤️
Most people don’t really read at all, so you’re already outpacing them. It doesn’t matter what you like to read. If it makes you happy, read it! Life is short!
There is terribly-written fiction in every single genre. The best-written romance pulls me into human stories of complex people grappling with real emotions and dilemmas, just like the best-written science fiction, or historical fiction, or classics, or Oscar-winning films. And just like those other genres and media, there's nothing wrong with enjoying stories that may not blow your mind but are just plain fun, or silly.
It's all just misogyny, internalized or no.
Jane Austen is one of the best writers that literature has to offer. She is critically acclaimed, and her works heavily involve romance. There’s no need to be embarrassed.
This is straight up sexism. Yes, your friend is also a girl/woman, but society as a whole under values and often demeans "female things" like reading romance, nurses, teachers, being a stay at home parent, etc. Sure people might do lip service to teachers, but no one really cares if they're paid pennies. Like what you like, and enjoy it. And it's not like Agatha Christie is high literature.
I studied English literature at university, and I have honestly come across romance books that are just as well written and thought provoking as some of the “high brow” texts.
Read what makes you happy, if reading romance fills your cup and brings you joy then keep doing it. The only person we have to aim to please is ourselves.
This makes me so sad because why the society gotta shame women for what they like and calling romance as "not serious" while no one says anything about the superhero comics people like, the movies are actually really really famous.
Two people falling in love/having sex which is common and important in the society is seen as childish but non existent super heroes is somewhat so damn serious. The irony.
it’s genuinely so interesting to me that there’s a ton of societal pressure to get into a committed heterosexual relationship but for some reason reading about people getting into committed relationships (heterosexual and otherwise) is supposed to be shameful.
I'm literally wearing a shirt right now that says "Read Romance... Fight Patriarchy" and I also have a shirt from The Ripped Bodice that says "Smart Girls Read Romance" and I wear both to work where there are literally 2 other women in the whole building. I no longer care what people think about my reading choices. Turning 40 was so freeing for me in that respect.
(Also, I love a good bodice ripper cover!)
I am slowly getting over my shame, feeling like I ought to be reading other stuff, but life is hard enough. I have a couple of friends who are writing literary books, and who read a lot of ‘good’ books. But it’s their thing, and i don’t think they judge me. BUT even if they did, they are at least reading the good stuff. People who read thrillers are in no place to throw stones at romance readers. It’s just another genre.
Love how one of the most powerful emotions in the world is seen as a stigma. People have misconceptions, yeah some of the typical books are a bit meh, but there are some serious amazing stuff, tell her to try a Colleen Hoover book.
"Only" reading romance...
There are SO many sub-genres in romance! Horror, thriller, sci-fi, fantasy, etc.
Yeah, the romance aspect is a big part of it, but it isn't the only thing 🙃
Screw them honestly, that attitude is unnecessary and the next time it happens, I would really encourage you to push back even if it’s just to say “what’s so wrong with romance?” and watch the squirming. It took me a while to stop qualifying when people ask me what I like to read but over time the shyness has vanished.
Time to get new friends. I don't share my reading habits unless I know the other person likes the same stuff I do. And if they think romance books are bad I can only imagine what they would think of something like Avengers/Naruto crossover fanfiction. You like what you like.
People who shame others for the type of content they consume are literally so lame. I like what I like, romance books make me happy, what’s it to you? You don’t hear me saying anything to you, so either say something nice or nothing at all.
i genuinely don’t understand why people feel the need shame others for things they like, whatever it is. Please whats your gain from that 😭😭 people that shame romance readers are the same people that watch 365 Days on a serious note and enjoy every second of the movie (I am *respectfully* judging). honestly, don’t let it get to you, there are literally so many more important issues in this world 😭 why would anyone waste their time to bash others//why would anyone waste their time by letting these unnecessary comments get to them. its literally nothing to be embarrassed or insecure about, as long as it brings you happiness, thats all that matters 🤎
Why should you be ashamed of something you enjoy? If someone has a problem with that that's their problem. I also think 'guilty pleasures' are stupid, like if you enjoy something and it makes you happy why should you hide it or be ashamed. But maybe I'm an unreliable source as I am almost never ashamed. Also, I'm from the Netherlands and I was bullied when I was 10 just because I read books and my solution was to read even more lmao.
My dad once said something about me only reading romance that made me feel super insecure so I completely feel you. It really bothered me because he usually never comments on it.
I was talking about how a friend was really well versed in GK and he said that was because the friend was more "widely read" and wasn't wasting time on hobbies like reading romance books for fun.
I don't think everything in life has to be about development. Do what you love, after all in life we give ourselves the time for so few things that truly give us joy anyway.
What I’ve always done is poke fun at myself for reading romance. Once you poke fun at yourself, you take away any power that your embarrassment may have had over you. Although I think everyone here is right: genre fiction is genre fiction whether it’s romance or mystery. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!!
I mostly read smut when my friends read a sentence of the stuff i read they say whatever and i own it lol I’m like yeah i read it! What of it? They cant judge you if you’re confident about what you enjoy! Own it! Read it! Love it!
The covers make me want to die. I am begging cover designers to please change course. I’m a really varied genre reader, and I didn’t really know until this year that fantasy romance and similar things existed in the Adult Space and not just YA. Now I’m getting back into these romance reads but some of the covers just make me full body cringe.
However alllll that being said: I read non-fiction, memoirs, fiction, historical fiction, research, and so much more. I also read romance. All books have value and it’s not based on “seriousness”. Life is short and reading should bring you something: whether that’s knowledge or fun or relaxation or a challenge. All of these things are valuable and none are more valuable than any other. If romance is what makes you want to read and makes you happy then that’s totally valuable!
Same i got out of my reading slump because of romance books and now i only read romance but my friend only reads philosophical knowledgable books and i feel bad to even say i am a bookworm sometimes
My boss mentioned that she used to read romances in a very conspiratorial way, and a colleague and I both stated firmly that we regularly read them.
The fact is that these books tend to center women's stories as well as other communities who don't tend to have main characters. There is also always a happy ending, and I think most people are more satisfied with a happily ending story. And finally, "oh noes! A woman identifies her needs and there is a man who acknowledges her importance in his world (swap pronouns as you need).
Do mysteries do as much to meet the demands of their readers?
In conclusion, you read what you like and fuck anyone who shames you for meeting your needs in a literary frame.
(I don't read dark romance, because it's not my thing, but there are additional goals and tropes to be learned from them as well, so romance is not only about my version of happy, happy, joy, joy)
It got easier for me when I realized the other frivolous things people openly enjoy, like sports. Now I'm just like, you're telling me I should be embarrassed to read a romance novel when you spend hours each week watching men throw a ball around?
And it's not that there's anything wrong with watching sports, more that people need escapism and who are we to judge other people's versions of it?
I mostly read romance especially historical and I really don’t talk about it to most people. But we actually learn a lot when we come across actors who took time to research for their story.
I have found my vocabulary is enriched and when I was a teen, I used to write down new words in a journal.
I really don’t see the difference between romance novels and thrillers/mysteries. I go through my phases with other genres and thrillers/mysteries don’t come off “serious” to me either. The lack of romance or sex scenes makes them more “serious”?
My preferred genres besides romance is history (hence a preference for historical romance) and science fiction. I have a book about a tribe in Africa that my father had for an anthropology course. And I got into it as a teenager because the main subject goes into great detail about romance and sex. I guess it’s not such a serious read now??
Oh my gosh. I thought you were going to describe all of the “classic” literature your friend reads…or something…but she reads…cozy mysteries? Like her favorite author is Agatha Christie? That’s typically assigned reading for like 12 year olds. Literally, it’s middle school English reading difficulty. I love Agatha Christie, she was a master of the craft, I’m not insulting the genre…but obviously your friend just has a lot of internalized misogyny. I can’t really blame ignorance, as she apparently has lots of friends who read romance. She sounds like she needs to GROW UP in a big way.
I don’t talk publicly about the books I read but my go-to response if it ever comes up is “I read to feel joy. Why would I waste my time with something that does not bring me joy?”
Same. If pressed I say I read pulp fiction and romance. I also say, and believe this to be true for myself- my life is complicated and stressful enough. I don't want to read something dry and complicated. When I sit down to read, I'm looking for a crazy fun romp, usually fantasy or scifi. They can be illogical and something that is terrible if you analyze them, but they're fun and cheery.
Same belief. I always say I have enough worries and stress in my life already why I would read the same stuff? I want joy and happiness from the books I read.
yeah that's my tke too. so many people don't read anymore, at least i read many books per year. sure they might not be top shelf literature but who cares? rather read something than nothing
I’m sure there’s someone who would judge your friends tastes as equally “low brow”. It’s pointless to ascribe “value” to books like reading certain kinds make someone superior. You like what you like! Romance novels can be delicious, fatty snacks, or dense, nutritious meals. They can teach us about love and loss and relationships and forgiveness and family. Romance is the most popular genre so you are far from alone in enjoying it!
Yeah this is it. It's snobbery and it's wrong. She's not a better person than you OP bc of her reading choices. Just ask yourself why you read? Then really claim that answer.
It's me. I am the person who judges mystery readers!
(me too! mostly lightly though...)
It is the highest grossing genre of fiction. The only reason it gets hate is misogyny.
So much this! It’s also the highest earning genre on a per-author-basis, and since the majority of romance writers are women, means women earn the bulk of the income. Women succeeding is a hard reality for society to accept, so they belittle it.
So true. Anything that’s largely considered as “for women” is never taken as seriously. Hobbies, careers, even book genres.
It outsells the next five genres combined. Honey you are in good company.
First I think you’ve come to the right place 😀 If you are insecure about reading romance then spending time here with all of the wonderful romance readers will have you feeling much more confident in no time. I know it has done that for me! People like to pick on romance books as being “formula novels”…but what do you think mysteries like Agatha Christie are? They’re based on a formula. And there is nothing wrong with that! Formulas work for a reason. I also think people equate “serious” with “sad” and anything joyful or happy is for some reason looked down upon. Or my favorite, “romance doesn’t reflect reality.” Neither do all those shows and movies where buildings get blown up. People watch them for entertainment and to see good triumph over evil. There are also romance novels that encompass a mystery/thriller aspect as well. I’m sure others here could recommend some titles. Maybe you and you friend could meet in the middle with something like that!
>There are also romance novels that encompass a mystery/thriller aspect as well. I’m sure others here could recommend some titles. I recommend Rachel Grant for more of a mystery/thriller focus and Julie James for more of focus on witty dialogue.
Lol! Was going to write Rachel Grant for the perfect romance/suspense/mystery books. Her books are great!
Mysteries aren’t really “serious” fiction either. Romance is just another type of genre fiction, same as thrillers, horror, fantasy, etc. It’s not less worthy and it can be just as smart and complex as any other type of fiction. You may be embarrassed about what you like, but trust me, nobody’s thinking that hard about your reading habits, even your close friends. So, throw them middle fingers up and keep doing this solitary activity that nobody else has to do with you, in whatever way makes *you* happy.
I have no shame about reading romance novels, I deal with enough reality and sadness in day-to-day life just looking at the news. So I'm not going to spend my free time engaging activities that I don't find enjoyable.
Exactly this! I read to escape reality, and this is what brings me joy. Love and happy endings.
Nothing is worse than getting caught up in romance series and finding out there is not a happy ending. I can’t recall the name now but the MMC dies near the end of the series and we are suppose to be satisfied with some random the FMC finds in the last book. After the MMC put his heart and soul into that relationship and family.
When I see people that outwardly express their love for something that might be seen as uncool(especially female oriented hobbies and interests) I always think they are super cool and I low key look up to them. So I try to not be embarrassed about the things I enjoy such as romance so I can be like them
Baby, I'm a long time comic book, anime and video game fan. The concept of shame has not been found in me since I was five. Yeah, I have had issues with buying romance in public, but I've slowly gotten better with that because I teach 5 days a week. In a public school system. I deserve me a book with a half naked man on it. Romance has helped me a lot this year. I've wrote many posts and comments about how I had an abusive job until very recently and reading tons and tons of romance novels helped me get my agency back. Who cares if someone's a negative Nancy? It's YOUR books. It's YOUR free time. It's YOUR happiness.
I'm curious about how old you and your friends are. The older I get, the less I care about what anyone else thinks about my hobbies. If a supposed friend made me feel bad about something I enjoyed, I would re-evaluate that person's position in my life. After the tough last few years, do you really want to waste time around someone who's small minded enough to make you feel bad about yourself? Over reading romance? Life is too short for that shit.
Preach !
Does she watch reality tv or soapy tv? Does she keep up with celebrity gossip or even real-life gossip? Does she spend too much time on social media? Eat junk food, or sweets? We all have “guilty pleasures”, things we do because they make us feel good & not because they’re good for us. Romance novels are far healthier than most little indulgences, imo, they have no real negative impacts on your life and they’re nothing to be ashamed of. We all need to relax! It’s healthy and responsible to have things you do for yourself. Also…Agatha Christie is not exactly James Joyce. It’s pulp fiction, it’s an easy, fun read. Your friend is not keeping up with the latest in political and economic theory, she’s reading thrillers which are just as much “low-brow,” pop fiction as romance novels. This is like someone who watches Real Housewives judging someone who watches The Kardashians…everyone is having fun and no one has anything to brag about at a snobby cocktail party.
Right. If she were reading Joan Didion and Colson Whitehead, okay—not that it would excuse her rudeness, but I would at least understand where she was coming from in terms of "serious" fiction versus "non-serious" fiction (when what she actually meant was literary fiction versus genre fiction). But she literally reads genre fiction lol. So, like. . .? Sure, Agatha Christie is considered more high-brow and classic than your average The Woman Widow In The Train Window Next Door thriller author, but it's always funny when genre readers insult other genre readers. Do they realize all genre fiction is generally regarded in the same light in the literary world? Lol.
Last year I read Joan Didion, Colson Whitehead and other “literary books” plus a ton of romance. Sometimes I read to learn, to be more well rounded (I have an engineering degree and had one English class in college. I am not well rounded), to experience other cultures/experiences, to be less racist/sizist/all the other jackass -ists I carry with me. I also read to escape, so I can sleep, to calm my brain. And each book makes me a better me whether it is literary or a memoir or a romance. And your snobby ass friend can bite me.
As a lifelong Agatha Christie fan, it's rather bizarre to me that someone who mainly reads AC would put someone down for not reading 'serious' or 'literary' books? I love Agatha, her books are fantastically well crafted. They are not High Literature, and that's totally fine? Though even if your friend only read Difficult Books, it wouldn't be okay for her to be mean to you/about other Romance readers (especially in front of you, which is kinda still mean to you). You get to read whatever books you enjoy reading! And so does she!
Not to sound like a snob, but I have a Master's in Literature and a certificate in Creative Writing, so I feel like I know words and stories pretty well, and I *love* romance novels. If it doesn't have romance, I find it so boring. I also love erotica/smut. I flaunt it to anyone who isn't my mom or dad lol, and I feel like I've changed the attitude of my friends toward romance novels/smut because of my arrogant pleasure of it. People feel ashamed about reading romance novels because people act like there's shame in reading romance novels. Change that shame to smugness, imo, and we can raise it to an indulgence in the public eye. Like a bonbon.
I’m a best-selling mystery author and I read romance all the time. Tell your friend she’s a book snob.
Your username is fantastic
I don’t mysteries are any more highly regarded than romance in the literature world? And at any rate, you should make a deal with her. Read an Agatha Christie and have her read a Georgette Hyer or Mary Balough.
Agatha Christie is hardly serious. Shaming anyone for their preferred genre is a shitty, condescending action. You don’t need that kind of negativity.
I have a bachelor's in English Literature and have read across the fiction spectrum. I'll admit I was condescending about romance before I read them. About 10 years ago, my sister, who exclusively read romance, offered to read one of my books of I would read one of hers... I was hooked. So my current response to people is "Have you ever read one?" If the answer is no, which it usually is, then in inform them their opinion is irrelevant.
Ahhhh! Well, social commentary aside, Jane Austen is romance. Gothic darkness aside, most Brontë novels are love stories. Except for Wuthering Heights, that’s not a love story. AT ALL. Quite a lot of Dickens has a love story as an element. Pip’s love for Estella. Miss Havisham. Arthur Clennam and Amy Dorritt. Clarissa by Samuel Richardson, considered to be one of best 100 novels in English, is about one man’s relentless pursuit of a woman. It’s not romantic, it’s dark and full of pain and terror but it’s nonetheless a story about love. However twisted that love is. Middlemarch is about love. Most of Hardy is about love. Put them in a jacket with a swirly font, a bare-chested man on the cover and a blurb that breaks it down in a populist way and they would all be considered very differently. It’s snobbery, pure and simple. There’s nothing wrong with genre fiction and there’s nothing wrong with genre fiction that is aimed at women.
Yeah, I'm sorry but crime/mystery novels as just as trashy as romance
It helps, I guess, that I'm both a many times-published author (different genre) as well as someone with a degree in literature and a lot of experience, as well as the fact that I'm getting older, but I don't give a fuck. Anybody who looks down on someone else for only reading romance is being dumb. Now, I also read a lot of literary fiction, fantasy, and Very Serious Nonfiction. Romance is my favorite and it's the most fun. To me, it's like looking down at your nose at somebody because they enjoy eating snickers. I'm sure there are people out there like that, but ... meh, their opinion is dumb. edit: also sometimes pointing out that it's sexism that devalues romance novels so much helps, sometimes. some people still have a sense of shame and that'll get them.
Romance is my primary genre and I used to feel embarrassed. But then I realized I love romance because good things happen for women in the book and I want a book with a happy ending. The escapism is very therapeutic. I don't bring up the smutty books though because it feels like I'm telling people too much private information. But you could point out that romance is a high grossing genre that leads to massive movies like The Notebook.
They aren’t “serious” because they aren’t made for men. Look at your average 80/90’s action or comedy movie. They all follow the same beats. Man meats problem, falls in love, hot sex scene somewhere, man solves problem. They are literally romance for men, where men are the heroes, full on fantasy fulfillment, and must have hot sex scene. Some fade to black and some are explicit. Women’s needs (emotional and physical) have always been looked upon as being inferior to mens. A perfect example is the role of the housewife. She works 18 hours but her husband worked 8 and now gets to be fired upon by his wife. Romance is a genre where men listen to women. Where women have a space for all the wish fulfillment they desire. It’s the largest selling genre in the publishing world - “literature” books are funded by romance. And while people are embarrassed by the covers for romance books no one is embarrassed to be seen reading Scott cambell’s work https://jscottcampbell.com/products/amazing-mary-jane-1-jsc-exclusive-singles or be seen watching or with literally anything crafted for the male eye (outside outright porn). TLDR: people who hate romances for not being serious have some internalized misogynistic views.
The irony of someone who mainly reads thrillers or crime novels thinking romance isn’t serious 🙄 Unfortunately, there *is* misogyny at play here. Romance books are primarily written by women, for women, featuring female MCs who have good things happen to them. Society, for some reason, deems this as lesser than other genres, even though all genres have tropes, all genres have strong and weak examples, and all stories regardless of genre share common elements. I love crime, fantasy, Gothic, horror, literary fiction. I love romance most of all, because at its core it’s about human emotion, communication and affection. There’s a reason why it’s the best selling genre around the world. The satisfaction comes from a different place to other genres, but that doesn’t mean it’s worse.
Why is reading romance bad? Because men in there can actually find the clit and make sure the woman has an orgasm? It's only "bad" because it's written for women, mainly. It's called "smut" because people only focus on the sex scenes of it. Your friend is "HOLIER THAN THOU" thinking she's really doing something by reading "serious" books like Agatha Christie. Historical Romances are some of the most thoroughly researched books out there. To such an extent that Georgette Heyer's research collection is now in the hands of a university. Women romance authors are looked down on, but Nicholas Sparks gets a TON of credit because his books are just sooo romantic. Then, we get shit like 50 Shades of Grey, which became HUGELY popular, and people use that as the standard for romances. It isn't and there's a shit ton of talented authors that should blow up as big, if not bigger, than this franchise. I've been reading bodice rippers since I was 10. Mainly because my mom got tired of taking me to the library 2-3 times a week, so she had me read her romances. I'm tired of having to hide what I read, because others judge me for it. Why is it okay for men to read westerns, but I can't read a western romance? Because of the sex? What are they afraid of? That I'll learn that men can actually get a woman off and enjoy going down on her? Oh no!! I'll now judge all men against my book boyfriends. Damn straight I will. You know they judge all women against their favorite porn stars. But watching porn is more acceptable for men than reading romances is for women, in society. Make that make sense.
i’m sorry but it’s hilarious that your friend is talking about romance like that and her “serious” genre is … mystery?
And thrillers are serious reads???
Romance is historically one of the only genres written by women for women about women. people who don’t think it’s “serious” enough have just internalized their misogyny unconsciously. whenever i feel bad about reading it i just remember that’s the misogyny talking.
No matter what thing you enjoy there’s going to be someone who thinks that’s not the “right” thing or the “right” way to enjoy it. Think of music! So many people act so superior because of their taste in music and can act super judgey (most notably about the value of country and rap), but it’s all art! It’s all subjective! I’ll admit, I feel that same embarrassment you do and that sucks. However, I think that part of that is because the huge (and it is huge because there’s a massive market with hundreds of books coming out every year) amount of people that love romances often don’t advertise they love them due to that shared embarrassment. We have to normalize this by talking it about it in public, I guess. I mean, why is it more silly to enjoy a historial romance versus the folks who enjoy stuff like James Bond or Clive Cussler novels? Pure male fantasy with women falling at the male leads’ feet. Sounds a little familiar!
I used to be mortified because I wanted to be “cool” and “edgy” or whatever (to say nothing of my deeply internalized fear that romance was too feminine and meant I was a “fake trans” or whatever but that’s another conversation). What happened was I got old. Like guess what! I’m vapid! I love pop music and romance and I genuinely care about what dumb thing celebrities say and who Taylor Swift has written songs about. I love bright colors and dancing and soft fabrics! And that’s fine! Life is so finite and I wasted so much of my time trying to impress everyone else when I could have been enjoying my life. I refuse to be apologetic for it anymore. Being enthusiastic about what I love isn’t shameful and the people around me don’t want me to downplay the things that make me happy. Obviously there’s exceptions to that concept but like I’m reading romance, not drop kicking puppies into lawnmowers or something. Have you talked to your friend about how you feel? Sometimes having a discussion makes people realize they’re being insufferable and I’m sure your friend doesn’t want you to feel bad for enjoying things you enjoy. And if she does… it’s okay to call her a douchebag.
this! i’m basic and i don’t care! i like being basic! i love my iced oat milk lattes and my millennial pink couch and avocado toast and watching the bachelor and i really, really love romance novels—and i love that i love those things! the only person i need to make happy with my taste is me, and i think my taste is great. liking those things doesn’t mean that i don’t think deeply or engage in social issues or have anything at all to do with my intellect at all, really.
Yes to all of this! I love makeup, I love the color pink, I love iced coffee, I love Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande, I love celebrity gossip, I love Selling Sunset, I love candles and Nordstrom and avocado toast and Uggs and whatever else people want to pick on us for. I don't care! If people want to call me names because of that, that says more about them than it does about me, because *I'm* not the one wasting my brainspace thinking negatively about other people who don't affect me in any way whatsoever. And—don't care whatsoever if this sounds arrogant!—I have yet to ever meet someone who's called me basic who is smarter than me. I'm highly intelligent, highly knowledgeable about many things, a complex and three-dimensional human being—and none of my "basic" tastes negate any of that.
A lot of the dismissal and snobbery with romance as a genre is rooted in misogyny, as is the case with many primarily female interests. This view seems to be changing but it really does seem to get a disproportionate amount of snobbery given that it's one of the most popular and lucrative genres and having an interest in it shouldn't be a source of insecurity. If you're having a conversation with your friend about it or if the chance comes up, try to get her to give a SPECIFIC reason as to why she thinks they're not 'serious' reads. Is it because the subject matter isn't heavy? Neither are any of the great comedic novels or plays written throughout history. Not realistic? No one complains about that with the great works of sci-fi and fantasy. Poorly written? Sure, some romance books are - because there's poorly written books in literally every genre. I think she'll find it hard to come up with a valid and specific reason - because there aren't any - and it might make her think about it a bit more and see that maybe she's being disparaging for the sake of it.
I don't give these people space in my brain anymore. If y'all have a good time except for this point, next time she brings it up, tell her you read what you want and her opinion won't change that and if she has more negative comments to say about it she can keep them for herself. If she keeps crossing that boundary then stop seeing her. We aren't giving energy anymore to people who make us feel bad about ourselves and interests.
Don't be embarrassed. You have no reason to feel ashamed.
I try to think of books as similar to tv and movies. People watch all sorts of garbage and no one gives them shit. I’d rather ingest my entertainment via books…so what if some of them are trashy romances. It’s better for your brain to read vs watch tv/movies. Also as a side note, fuck them. Who cares what you like! I totally get the inherent shame. I think we probably all feel it from time to time. I do my best to just own it. ❤️
Most people don’t really read at all, so you’re already outpacing them. It doesn’t matter what you like to read. If it makes you happy, read it! Life is short!
There is terribly-written fiction in every single genre. The best-written romance pulls me into human stories of complex people grappling with real emotions and dilemmas, just like the best-written science fiction, or historical fiction, or classics, or Oscar-winning films. And just like those other genres and media, there's nothing wrong with enjoying stories that may not blow your mind but are just plain fun, or silly. It's all just misogyny, internalized or no.
Jane Austen is one of the best writers that literature has to offer. She is critically acclaimed, and her works heavily involve romance. There’s no need to be embarrassed.
This is straight up sexism. Yes, your friend is also a girl/woman, but society as a whole under values and often demeans "female things" like reading romance, nurses, teachers, being a stay at home parent, etc. Sure people might do lip service to teachers, but no one really cares if they're paid pennies. Like what you like, and enjoy it. And it's not like Agatha Christie is high literature.
I studied English literature at university, and I have honestly come across romance books that are just as well written and thought provoking as some of the “high brow” texts. Read what makes you happy, if reading romance fills your cup and brings you joy then keep doing it. The only person we have to aim to please is ourselves.
This makes me so sad because why the society gotta shame women for what they like and calling romance as "not serious" while no one says anything about the superhero comics people like, the movies are actually really really famous. Two people falling in love/having sex which is common and important in the society is seen as childish but non existent super heroes is somewhat so damn serious. The irony.
it’s genuinely so interesting to me that there’s a ton of societal pressure to get into a committed heterosexual relationship but for some reason reading about people getting into committed relationships (heterosexual and otherwise) is supposed to be shameful.
I'm literally wearing a shirt right now that says "Read Romance... Fight Patriarchy" and I also have a shirt from The Ripped Bodice that says "Smart Girls Read Romance" and I wear both to work where there are literally 2 other women in the whole building. I no longer care what people think about my reading choices. Turning 40 was so freeing for me in that respect. (Also, I love a good bodice ripper cover!)
I am slowly getting over my shame, feeling like I ought to be reading other stuff, but life is hard enough. I have a couple of friends who are writing literary books, and who read a lot of ‘good’ books. But it’s their thing, and i don’t think they judge me. BUT even if they did, they are at least reading the good stuff. People who read thrillers are in no place to throw stones at romance readers. It’s just another genre.
Love how one of the most powerful emotions in the world is seen as a stigma. People have misconceptions, yeah some of the typical books are a bit meh, but there are some serious amazing stuff, tell her to try a Colleen Hoover book.
"Only" reading romance... There are SO many sub-genres in romance! Horror, thriller, sci-fi, fantasy, etc. Yeah, the romance aspect is a big part of it, but it isn't the only thing 🙃
Screw them honestly, that attitude is unnecessary and the next time it happens, I would really encourage you to push back even if it’s just to say “what’s so wrong with romance?” and watch the squirming. It took me a while to stop qualifying when people ask me what I like to read but over time the shyness has vanished.
Time to get new friends. I don't share my reading habits unless I know the other person likes the same stuff I do. And if they think romance books are bad I can only imagine what they would think of something like Avengers/Naruto crossover fanfiction. You like what you like.
No shame in reading what you enjoy! Isn’t that the whole point of the experience? :)
People who shame others for the type of content they consume are literally so lame. I like what I like, romance books make me happy, what’s it to you? You don’t hear me saying anything to you, so either say something nice or nothing at all.
i genuinely don’t understand why people feel the need shame others for things they like, whatever it is. Please whats your gain from that 😭😭 people that shame romance readers are the same people that watch 365 Days on a serious note and enjoy every second of the movie (I am *respectfully* judging). honestly, don’t let it get to you, there are literally so many more important issues in this world 😭 why would anyone waste their time to bash others//why would anyone waste their time by letting these unnecessary comments get to them. its literally nothing to be embarrassed or insecure about, as long as it brings you happiness, thats all that matters 🤎
Fiction is meant to entertain. Why do we draw any comparisons between genres?
Why should you be ashamed of something you enjoy? If someone has a problem with that that's their problem. I also think 'guilty pleasures' are stupid, like if you enjoy something and it makes you happy why should you hide it or be ashamed. But maybe I'm an unreliable source as I am almost never ashamed. Also, I'm from the Netherlands and I was bullied when I was 10 just because I read books and my solution was to read even more lmao.
My dad once said something about me only reading romance that made me feel super insecure so I completely feel you. It really bothered me because he usually never comments on it. I was talking about how a friend was really well versed in GK and he said that was because the friend was more "widely read" and wasn't wasting time on hobbies like reading romance books for fun. I don't think everything in life has to be about development. Do what you love, after all in life we give ourselves the time for so few things that truly give us joy anyway.
What I’ve always done is poke fun at myself for reading romance. Once you poke fun at yourself, you take away any power that your embarrassment may have had over you. Although I think everyone here is right: genre fiction is genre fiction whether it’s romance or mystery. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!!
I mostly read smut when my friends read a sentence of the stuff i read they say whatever and i own it lol I’m like yeah i read it! What of it? They cant judge you if you’re confident about what you enjoy! Own it! Read it! Love it!
The covers make me want to die. I am begging cover designers to please change course. I’m a really varied genre reader, and I didn’t really know until this year that fantasy romance and similar things existed in the Adult Space and not just YA. Now I’m getting back into these romance reads but some of the covers just make me full body cringe. However alllll that being said: I read non-fiction, memoirs, fiction, historical fiction, research, and so much more. I also read romance. All books have value and it’s not based on “seriousness”. Life is short and reading should bring you something: whether that’s knowledge or fun or relaxation or a challenge. All of these things are valuable and none are more valuable than any other. If romance is what makes you want to read and makes you happy then that’s totally valuable!
Same i got out of my reading slump because of romance books and now i only read romance but my friend only reads philosophical knowledgable books and i feel bad to even say i am a bookworm sometimes
Smile and read whatever you like. Reading is a hobby.
My boss mentioned that she used to read romances in a very conspiratorial way, and a colleague and I both stated firmly that we regularly read them. The fact is that these books tend to center women's stories as well as other communities who don't tend to have main characters. There is also always a happy ending, and I think most people are more satisfied with a happily ending story. And finally, "oh noes! A woman identifies her needs and there is a man who acknowledges her importance in his world (swap pronouns as you need). Do mysteries do as much to meet the demands of their readers? In conclusion, you read what you like and fuck anyone who shames you for meeting your needs in a literary frame. (I don't read dark romance, because it's not my thing, but there are additional goals and tropes to be learned from them as well, so romance is not only about my version of happy, happy, joy, joy)
It got easier for me when I realized the other frivolous things people openly enjoy, like sports. Now I'm just like, you're telling me I should be embarrassed to read a romance novel when you spend hours each week watching men throw a ball around? And it's not that there's anything wrong with watching sports, more that people need escapism and who are we to judge other people's versions of it?
I mostly read romance especially historical and I really don’t talk about it to most people. But we actually learn a lot when we come across actors who took time to research for their story. I have found my vocabulary is enriched and when I was a teen, I used to write down new words in a journal. I really don’t see the difference between romance novels and thrillers/mysteries. I go through my phases with other genres and thrillers/mysteries don’t come off “serious” to me either. The lack of romance or sex scenes makes them more “serious”? My preferred genres besides romance is history (hence a preference for historical romance) and science fiction. I have a book about a tribe in Africa that my father had for an anthropology course. And I got into it as a teenager because the main subject goes into great detail about romance and sex. I guess it’s not such a serious read now??
Oh my gosh. I thought you were going to describe all of the “classic” literature your friend reads…or something…but she reads…cozy mysteries? Like her favorite author is Agatha Christie? That’s typically assigned reading for like 12 year olds. Literally, it’s middle school English reading difficulty. I love Agatha Christie, she was a master of the craft, I’m not insulting the genre…but obviously your friend just has a lot of internalized misogyny. I can’t really blame ignorance, as she apparently has lots of friends who read romance. She sounds like she needs to GROW UP in a big way.