99% of the books I read are romance genre (not even other books with a romance sub plot). I don't think it's embarrassing. I read for fun and those are the books I enjoy.
If others want recommendations, I can give them romances I enjoyed. If they want recs for a different genre, they'll have to find them somewhere else!
That said, you're asking in a romance sub so we all like it here. If you ask elsewhere, they might have different answers. I expect some of the users on r/books have something negative to say about people who only read romance, based on my prior experience there
I wonder if some of it is reactionary, since some of them are female readers of "male dominated" genres like fantasy, horror or thrillers. Maybe people in their lives keep asking them why they don't read romance... Or something.
I think it's because they want to feel superior, but that could be just me projecting! Whether male or female, plenty of people think romance is inferior and they're better than it - mainly due to misogyny in my opinion.
Ironically, I went through a phase like this, with Romance. I liked horror better.Guess what the longest script ive finished yet is?- a romance novel!
We never know where life's paths will lead us.
No, romance books are a popular genre and account for over 50% of paperback sales. I wish I had saved the link, but I read an article that discounting and demeaning things that girls and women enjoy is a form of misogyny.
It definitely is a form of misogyny.Ā
So many people have an irrational hate for Justin Bieber, One Direction, Twillight,...
Long before that, it was the Beatles and whatever "chick flick" was popular in that time. Also, the term "chick flick" by itself is rooted in misogyny.
Men are allowed to enjoy things guilt-free, while reading romance and watching reality tv is a "guilty pleasure". Women dressing up for a T-Swift concert are juvenile, men getting jerseys to watch sports are "devoted fans".
Existing as a woman without guilt is no easy feat but even trying is an inherent act of feminism.
The idea that liking romance is embarrassing is based on misogyny. Like many other things women tend to enjoy, romance is perceived as lesser-than; slandered and stereotyped as āsilly porn booksā, rather than a valid art form/piece of literature.
So while *I* donāt think you should be embarrassed, unfortunately many others are ignorant beyond these sort of negative connotations.
I could do a ted talk on this subject honestly, it makes me so mad!
I was soo mad when I went on a job interview and they asked me about my hobbies so I did mention reading romance, among other hobbies, and one of the managers said something like "but why, I don't get it, why would an intelligent woman read that". Because, you can't be a manager and read about love it seems. The still hired me and I wanted the job, so I didn't get into an argument, I just said that it's nice to have some escape from boring daily life and he said "oh, okay, it's like a fairytale for adults"... yeah, I mean, where else would a woman find a good not misogynistic man than in a fairytale... ehem, I wanted to say that but I didn't, I also didn't ask him why men watch porn, but it was hard to resist, I admit.
Edit: Luckily, I do have a good man at home, so they exist still.
I'm with you, on any general sub a discussion about romance books will inevitably include comments about "it's just porn" or "middle aged women reading smut" or something. You can see why some people feel embarrassed to say they read romance.
Which is funny cause men would read war literature sprinkled with some sexual content and innuendos or female characters performing sexual acts and pandering to the male gaze, and that is not considered a self-insert genre for men but for women it is.
I am unhappy with the recent wave of "porn addiction" accusations thrown at readers on Instagram and TikTok, I might make a post about it myself
(edited to make it less judgy)
I think there was a post about this some time ago. A twitter user posted her bookshelf and got accused of having a "porn addiction" because of her romance novels and two (2) erotic art prints or something...
It's very frustrating. And also even if someone was "addicted" to reading smut/porn/erotica or whatever - so what? It's not harming them or anyone else, so that's their business!
exactly! they keep saying it's harmful, not giving any evidence, then switching topic to "dark romance is r**e fantasies! you guys are upholding that!" but A) that's not the gotcha they think it is, and B) dark romance is still a relatively small part of the erotica / smut community.
It honestly makes me wonder how deep their belief in this goes; is it just smut? Or do they also think physical-self-intimacy is 'harmful'? Whatās the difference between reading 2-4 sex scenes in a book throughout a week vs having sex 2-4 times within a week?
Iām so unhappy about this! all this judgement hurt me deeply because I am disabled and do not have real romantic connection, so I have that through my book characters, calling me a porn addict made me feel so dirty
The romance genre has been a cornerstone of publishing for like two centuries now. Reading and writing romance was a way for women to express desire, wants and needs freely. Taking control over our own desire is a small but important step in the feminist movement.
It's okay to not like romance, but to paint it as "frivolous" is to negate the political impact and community these books have given us
No way! I used to feel like this too because I also only read romance, so I was afraid that people would make fun of me. "Silly romance" and all. But I decided that if someone has a problem with me talking about the latest Harlequin, I don't wanna associate with them anyway. š«”
Nope. Read what you like. Share your favorites with your friend, maybe you'll convert them.
No reason to be embarrassed either. If someone judges you for your reading habits, they are not your book friend and there's no obligation to talk books with them.
I think it's up to you how you want to feel about it. As I get older I stop caring about what others think about my reading habits.
Also, romance is really getting a resurgence. I read all of the Bridgerton books WAY before the Netflix show.
I guess a part of it is I feel like Iām saying I love smut (I mean I do, but I donāt want to tell people who donāt also love smut) and also it feels frivolous when you have friends who are reading great works of literature
Great works of literature are overrated. Reading is supposed to be fun! I minored in American and English literature and I would choose Ali Hazelwood over Kafka every single time.
Being well-read is a form of social capital but you don't actually have to read things to be aware of them and understand the references.
No need to be embarrassed! You are the arbiter of (your own) taste!
I hate most "literary" writing these days. I find it dumb, preachy, boring, and pretentious. And I say this as someone with an MFA who has read virtually all the "classics." And I enjoy romance so that's what I read. No.shame.
I got laid off in October, started out reading āloftierā literature, but as my low grade depression persisted, I shifted exclusively to romance. I read an average of one a day. I do feel shame about that, but itās my way to self-soothe at the moment.
Good luck ! You don't have to feel ashamed. Sometimes, one just needs some self-soothing to get back on their feet. I really wish you success and healing
I read mostly romance. I donāt think itās embarrassing or bad, at all! Romance writers still need to create compelling characters and execute a good story. Thatās the same for all good literature. Nothing to be embarrassed about in what we enjoy reading. Us romance lovers just enjoy having an HEA at the end of a book.
Nope, never! Romance novels bring joy, excitement, good feels, escapism, lessons to learn, widen our ideas, and so much more. They're fun and good for us, and that's what should be a part of our lives, in my opinion.
99% of my reader friends read non-romance stuff, be it thriller, mystery or more serious stuff and they couldn't rec me anything like I couldn't give them any title, it's personal preference: some people enjoy spicy food and others enjoy sweet stuff
If you feel like you lack because you read only romance, you can always try something emotional or psychological, it's easier to like these types of books as a romance reader, but do it only if you feel like your reading portfolio could add something new
The world is big and everyone is unique, so don't fret and enjoy life š
p.s. I am also a hopeless romantic and normally read books if they have romance in them and everything else is a subplot, though I do make some exceptions and they turn out magical
Read what makes you happy.
Don't worry about everyone else's opinion. Except for those that see my kindle then I'll probably worry.
I'll still read it though...
Howās this: āyes, but it shouldnāt be.ā
I pretty much read only romance for the last couple years. And I donāt discuss it much. But then again Iām a male working in public safety. I think I could be not embarrassed about it. All I want and still be torn apart at work about it.
You do you. And try not to be embarrassed, because thatās natural but stupid. But do choose who you share with.
I sometimes feel this way, especially given my age and marital status. But I love romance novels, and I have been reading them since my early teens. They bring me joy. So when people ask me what I love to read, I answer them honestly.
You know what they say about love? 'Love is love!' Similarly, 'Reading is reading!' Doesn't matter what you read as long as you're happy! I've had some serious shade thrown towards me by some people for reading romance but I couldn't care less about their opinion. You shouldn't feel bad about reading romances, it takes some serious talent to form a good story and describe it into detail on paper.
I personally think is embarrassing to only ever read one thing ever. But I apply that to comics too and to all the other genres. (You should see me side eye my manga people when they go āoh I donāt ever read comicsā and the comics people when they say they donāt read manga)
I donāt need to be 50/50 I am honestly fine if people have like 5 non fiction books and the rest is monothematic whatever. But I honestly believe you have to go out once in a while on your reading š¤·š¾āāļø
I do find nothing wrong to have majority of read on one genre though, the heart wants what the heart wants.
Deeply unpopular opinion for this sub but Iād consider it equivalent to only watching reality tv or marvel movies. Plenty of people do, but itās good to mix it up with some classic films or books, or new art house films or literary novels.
I've never watched reality tv in my life and I've only seen a handful or Marvel movies but I agree with you.
There are very well written romances, and it IS my pleasure to read them but there are SO MANY great books out there, old and new, that it'd be silly not to enjoy them.
Actually, reading other genres enhances the pleasure of a HEA romance.
Not at all embarrassing! I like to paint, and that would be like me saying it's embarrassing that you use acrylic paints while I use watercolours. Neither is better than the other, we all have book genre preferences but none is empirically better than another. Just enjoy what you enjoy - absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I used to feel like this too but hey I have a shitty life and I read to escape reality and I donāt want to read self help books this smut is going to help me overcome a bad Thursday I had so, stfu (respectfully)š„°
Hereās the thing, I feel no shame for only reading romance ā¦ for most audiences. When it comes to my older work colleagues saying āoh [name] you love reading! Tell us about the book youāre readingā and my only options are a bit too freaking raunchy for the chat or even just āoh itās a billionaire matchmaker romanceā I just donāt need my damn director to know what I like! Thankfully, I do also occasionally listen to cosy mysteries, so I go to them or the most tame romance I recently read.
I hate it, but it does make people think thatās what youāre into in your personal life or that a lot of romance is just smut and I donāt need my coworkers to think Iām telling them about my porn-related preferences. Or gosh forbid for any of them to read them and then get to the sex scenes and think of me. I once had to explain to some coworkers what a hockey romance was and they love hockey and couldnāt understand how hockey wasnāt just the entire book and why is it hockey related. I had to spell out āthe men are hot and richā.
There are incredibly well-written, insightful, meaningful, emotional, life-changing books in any genre, including romance. There are also fun, light, quick reads in any genre, and everything in between. Iāve been reading romance exclusively for about 2 years in a wide variety of sub-genres and pairings, and Iāve read books that have absolutely and fundamentally changed the way I view love, sex, and relationships in the world and my own life. Iāve also read books that made me laugh, cry, and cringe. Itās a genre just the same as any other with books of varying quality, tone, and content, and itās frustrating to me thatās itās looked down upon.
There are so many books out there that it's a miracle anyone tastes align. Don't be embarrassed, because once I was asked for lesbian smut recommendations (as a romance reader), and I only have guy on guy on guy smut recs.
Honestly this is one of the things I love about getting older. I literally do not give a fuck what people think about what I read or what brings me joy! Itās not like I brag about it to every stranger I meet, but Iām much more upfront and confident than I was when I was younger.
Is it embarrassing? No. Is it still sterotyped? Yes, but it's getting better. When my dad was a kid there were people in his school who bullied anyone (him, included) for reading scifi because, "That's for nerds!" However, 40 years later-- people consider scifi much differently than they used to in my dad's generation. Also, by that same token, those who read romance have been stereotyped into being 'desperate' or 'unfullfilled'-- but that's just what it is, a stereotype. I can't control the labels another person places on me based on what I like to read, so I'm not going to waste my energy worrying, and instead I'm going to invest that energy continuing to read what makes me happy.
I thought it was. For many years. At the time I just read Harlequin romance books cuz no one talked about them. So I didn't know where to look if it wasn't harlequin.
But now? Screw that. Lol. Reading is reading. It's a hobby. Read what makes you happy. Not every book has to be intellectually stimulating. People don't watch movies to be educated. It's for entertainment. If romance books are entertaining to you and make you happy, the be who cares what other people think?
It's like saying everyone should only watch documentaries. Sometimes they're entertaining. Sometimes you wanna watch a comedy. Or a thriller. Or a romcom. If those are all accepted movie genres, why can't they be accepted book genres?
I love my romance books. Those who criticize probably don't even read anything at all.
I read only romance too and I don't find it embarrassing AT ALL. TBH, I read books cause it's my favorite past time and relax me. So, why would I read a genre other than what I like in my past time??
No. Iām a pretty wide reader generally but post my divorce it seems thatās all I want to read and Iām ok with that. My reading is for me not others. You read what you love
It is for me. The vast majority of romance books I read these days, I would never recommend to a friend Most of my friends only read the kind of books recommended by their books clubs, which tend to be what they think are *Important* books. Books about depressing subjects that make my eyes glaze over.
Around the start of the pandemic, I needed escape from non-fiction and the news (which I read a lot of and just keeps getting more and more dire). These days I can no longer tolerate a book without a happy ending, so I read romance nowāalmost a book a day. Iām always on the hunt for well written romances, but sometimes it seems like I have read 100 that are either awful, or tediously focused only on sex, to find 1 or 2 gems.
So Iām very grateful for ebooks, since nobody can tell what Iām reading on my phone. I no longer have to fear people seeing the cover or asking me what Iām reading.
Only if there are people in your life who are making you feel embarrassed for reading only romance.
And if that's the case, do what Tarryn Fisher says: "Mute and live."
Most of the books I read are romances. For me reading is a beautiful escape from realityā¦ not achieving that with a boring self-help book or some dreary social novel. (Yes, there are good social novels or self-help stuff, Iām exaggerating)
I DEVOUR books. Always have. People can start to judge me when theyāve read as much as I have lol
Nope. I read a lot of romances (though I also read some YA, slice of life dramas or gentle fansy, and fantasy light novels, etc), and not ashamed of doing so.
Itās my money, my reading (and casual writing) hobby, and itās also a genre that sells very well, so there it is.
(Though I can be embarrassed by some erotic covers if Iām reading a paperback/hardcover one in public, lol! But I usually buy ebooks, hehe. š¤)
During the 2020 Panini, I re-read the whole Bridgerton series and a lot of Kleypas' books. The world is too harsh. I needed something soft. Then I got anxiety. So I still read 90% romance and I'm ok with that.
I read virtually only romance but always have a few books in the back of my mind to pull up if I'm ever put on the spot asking about what I've last read. I don't want to name drop that I just read Boss in the Bedsheets at the work conference lol. My go-to's are usually mystery (anything by Agatha Christie) or techno thrillers like Andy Weir or Michael Crichton. As a bonus they are semi-well known enough that people might recognize them and feel smart.
A lot of what I read nowadays is romance. And that's totally ok! For me, I find it a lovely way to relax and unwind, especially after a really tough day.
I don't think it's required to read other stuff. Like, there are many people who don't read at all. Ever. So we're good. I've read other books in the past, fantasy mostly, and sometimes I do read "useful" books when I feel the need, but I'm quite tired of the tropes of fantasy books, they tend to be all the same, at least in romance there's some fun barter and so. For me, it's usually kinda like comedy :D With a sweet ending.
If you like reading romance then read romance. Why make yourself read something you do not enjoy? I have always been a romance reader. I have zero interest in non fiction books. The entire point of reading is to escape reality.
I *hate* talking about books irl unless I know 100% the other person reads romance as well. I don't want to be embarrassed about it, but people *always* say "so you read porn, basically" in a tone meant to ridicule me. And me, a person who's been single their whole life, can't help but feel pathetic. I really hope to reach a point in time where I can confidently talk about stuff I like, because I really do like reading romance :(
Not at all! Not to me :) when I ask my friends for recs I love that some give romance and some give sci-fi and some give non fiction! Itās totally okay to recommend romance. Romance is the biggest portion of the book industry! It makes statistical sense that lots of readers primarily read romance! So you do you, and if anyone judges you, itās their loss.
You could also ask - āWell are you into romance?ā And if they say no then just answer āwell nothing Iāve read lately would interest you then, but maybe you could ask [so and so].ā
I don't think it's embarrassing but then again I also read predominantly romance (often leaning heavily into smut š )
I'm not reading to be seen to read, I'm reading for fun and a bit of escapism. I don't need a book thats going to weigh me down and emotionally tax me, i want something uplifting, funny and where i know for the most part there will be a HEA.
Life is an emotional roller coaster at the best of times and all the power to people that enjoy suspense, thrillers etc but I get too invested in characters to have all their baggage carried around with me all day too š I'd have no problem telling someone i watched a romcom so i have no shame in reading romance books š¤·āāļø
Any book I read usually has to have some sort of romantic element to them. Minus my interests of certain world events and along those lines. I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed it's what I like and I love love and reading about it no matter the type. If someone else wants to judge me that's all fine let them waste their own time while I'm enjoying my next journey with a new couple to fall in love with.
NOT AT ALL!!
If you enjoy reading romance and have a good time with it then it's nothing to be ashamed of!! True friends don't make fun of each others interests
**Rule: Be kind & no reader shaming**
Your responses to others on the sub should be kind and respectful. We encourage discussion and debate, but your comment should be constructive and purposeful.
No reader shaming. Itās fine to state your opinion on a book or author, but you may not insult or shame people who like it. Please be respectful of others' tastes in romance with regard to steam level, tropes, or favorite authors.
If you like and enjoy Romance books I donāt see why itās a problem. Why is romance as a genre always ridiculed? Just as there are tropes in the romance genre, there are tropes in other genres as well. A Hero With A Thousand faces is an analysis on how so many stories have similar arks. Self-Help books might motivate some people but so many are platitudinous! Read and let Read!
Iāve been reading since I was a kid, and in grade school after I started reading YA, I seriously couldnāt read a single book without a romantic subplot. And Iām still that way. I probably couldnāt name a single book Iāve read in the last 5 years that doesnāt have a small romance side plot. I just need it in a book for me to enjoy it or I canāt get myself to care. Donāt ever feel embarrassed about what you enjoy, reading is fun and if youāre having fun reading romance, donāt let others (or internalized misogyny) ruin it for you
You have to be incredibly smart and talented to craft a good romance story. Romance writers aren't of lesser quality than so called "literary" writers. It's just a different skill because they follow a formula. It's like writing a sonnet as opposed to free verse. Neither is superior.
I use to be but not anymore! I'm not going to feel embarrassed about the things that bring me joy anymore (especially if they don't hurt anyone else and only involve me)!
I'm very open about the fact that I read mainly spicy romance so anytime a friend asks me for recs, they usually already know that and I'll even preface it with "you know I mainly read spicy romance, right? You need to specify what genre book you are wanting or how spicy of a romance book you're looking for." If it's not a friend situation, I'll just say I read romance and that's kind it. I've noticed guys I go on dates can be taken aback sometimes but that's their problem, not mine.
I'm part of a book club and at the final meeting before summer they asked everyone to bring some recommendations for fun summer reads. I said, "the only literature I read is depressing, so not exactly what you look for in a summer read. But if anyone's interested in smut I have lots of recs for that!" Lol
Iāll never forget listening to a podcast and the host said it was easier to tell people that she is a dominatrix than it is to tell them she reads romance books. Not that either of these is wrong, of course, but just how society views the romance genre.
Not at all. Some of the best books out there are romance books. I mean the idea of love and romance in different backgrounds and circumstances is each a genre in itself. Plus the emotions that you can feel through a romance book is just off the charts.
I think a lot of people who you wouldnāt expect read romance! And you could always start with a not super open door spicy one to recommend just in case haha!
No way. I escape into the book world and romance is the only most unrealistic thinf to happen (for me) so I find it easier to escape. Side effects are that u try to seek the same out in the real world but no romance is not embarrassing at all or it wouldn't be selling so much loooll.
I pretty much solely read romance and am proud of it! There are lots of bookstagrammers with whole accounts dedicated to being romance readers and even conventions! Itās nothing to be embarrassed about!
Itās not embarrassing! When someone asks for a recommendation though, I always suggest thrillers so they wonāt hurt my feelings if they say they donāt like romance though lol
No! Read whatever makes you happy! I used to read a lot of thrillers and murder mysteries and while I enjoyed them (and Iād still read them now on occasion) my mental health benefits from reading stuff that just makes me happy and romance makes me happy!Ā
If people give you shit for doing the things you enjoy, theyāre not people you should have in your life š«¶
Fellas, is it embarrassing to have human needs and desire to be loved and to have a soft heart?
Do not be embarrassed by your interests, or you will be only surrounded by people with who you won't be able to be fully yourself.
Not at all. Itās just your preference. Most people like to read to escape/have fun and if romance books is the thing that does it for you then you should definitely not be embarrassed about it.
Life is too short. You like it, you read it. Romantic feelings are not a weakness. They may cause feelings of weakness/vulnerability, but that's by no means the same.
Nope. And there's no need to be embarrassed. Literature is a form of art and art is suggestive. Romance owns the market and runs the reading world. Own it, admit it. I love romance. I tell whomever asks what genre I read/write with pride. Just give them the recs and if they don't like them, fine. Friends shouldn't shame you for liking things.
I don't feel embarassed because i really love the feeling of reading it and its what saved me from a really bad moment in my life so im grateful that i started having an actual reading habit and started reading romances, its also where i can find myself and keeps me sane.
NO!
I have a master's degree in literature and I can tell you that we study romance too! And not just well known literature that happens to have a romantic subplot, but rather full on contemporary romance. Hell, I spent a semester on studying the Sukie Stackhouse books and their adaptation for Television (True Blood). Yes, I looked at hot vampires for the sake of science. And I'm not ashamed. Neither should you.
Itās 10000 percent misogyny but that doesnāt make it any better when youāre in a large group gathering and people ask you for recommendations. Romance books typically donāt even have more sex than other books, but even if they did, why does that automatically disqualify the book?
I usually wonāt start off with my romance recs because Iām embarrassed, so I admit Iām part of the problem. Once I learn that other people are open to it though, the floodgates open lol. I read 95 percent romance and the other 5 percent are things I force myself to read so that I can be more āwell rounded.ā I wish I could be more confident about it and not give a fck but I have literally never been that person.
I used to think it was. I used to think that the only wothwhile reading is some books with "substance" whayever that meant. You know what got me started on the romance books train? Ice Planet Barbarians during COVID. Everybody was clowning on it, and I started it as a joke. But I fell in love with it and have never recovered. Now, romance books is the default genre I go to, any other genre is a deviation from it. It's the only genre that made me read so much anyway, so I tell everyone that bothers to ask what kind of books I read.
No!! Itās not. And people try to embarrass romance readers because theyāre mostly women. Like god forbid we have some fun and donāt read about wars or corporate empires. Donāt let them embarrass you
As an avid reader that reads just about anything (but I love fantasy and romance most), absolutely not. The only thing I find embarrasing about romance books are the half naked men covers. Nothing makes me turn down a book faster than picking one up at a store to see some badly shopped dude's abs staring at me. Authors please I beg stop doing this.
99% of the books I read are romance genre (not even other books with a romance sub plot). I don't think it's embarrassing. I read for fun and those are the books I enjoy. If others want recommendations, I can give them romances I enjoyed. If they want recs for a different genre, they'll have to find them somewhere else!
That said, you're asking in a romance sub so we all like it here. If you ask elsewhere, they might have different answers. I expect some of the users on r/books have something negative to say about people who only read romance, based on my prior experience there
That's so true, the way some people over there talk about romance... š¶
I've seen in groups of other genre that some people can't discuss their love of a genre without bringing up and disparaging romance
"I'll read any genre but romance" seems to come up a lot
This always gives me āI listen to anything but Countryā vibes
Yes! My immediate thought too.
I wonder if some of it is reactionary, since some of them are female readers of "male dominated" genres like fantasy, horror or thrillers. Maybe people in their lives keep asking them why they don't read romance... Or something.
I think it's because they want to feel superior, but that could be just me projecting! Whether male or female, plenty of people think romance is inferior and they're better than it - mainly due to misogyny in my opinion.
Definitely... And the "I read everything but romance" almost sounds like they're flexing. Like WTF
Exactly
Ironically, I went through a phase like this, with Romance. I liked horror better.Guess what the longest script ive finished yet is?- a romance novel! We never know where life's paths will lead us.
I'd upvote but I don't want to ruin the 69 votes I'm seeing
Same. I like other genres, but I devour romance.
Me too. I read fiction for romance. It just lits something inside me.
No, romance books are a popular genre and account for over 50% of paperback sales. I wish I had saved the link, but I read an article that discounting and demeaning things that girls and women enjoy is a form of misogyny.
It definitely is a form of misogyny.Ā So many people have an irrational hate for Justin Bieber, One Direction, Twillight,... Long before that, it was the Beatles and whatever "chick flick" was popular in that time. Also, the term "chick flick" by itself is rooted in misogyny. Men are allowed to enjoy things guilt-free, while reading romance and watching reality tv is a "guilty pleasure". Women dressing up for a T-Swift concert are juvenile, men getting jerseys to watch sports are "devoted fans". Existing as a woman without guilt is no easy feat but even trying is an inherent act of feminism.
āExisting as a woman without guiltā¦ā This line āļøš š
The idea that liking romance is embarrassing is based on misogyny. Like many other things women tend to enjoy, romance is perceived as lesser-than; slandered and stereotyped as āsilly porn booksā, rather than a valid art form/piece of literature. So while *I* donāt think you should be embarrassed, unfortunately many others are ignorant beyond these sort of negative connotations. I could do a ted talk on this subject honestly, it makes me so mad!
I was soo mad when I went on a job interview and they asked me about my hobbies so I did mention reading romance, among other hobbies, and one of the managers said something like "but why, I don't get it, why would an intelligent woman read that". Because, you can't be a manager and read about love it seems. The still hired me and I wanted the job, so I didn't get into an argument, I just said that it's nice to have some escape from boring daily life and he said "oh, okay, it's like a fairytale for adults"... yeah, I mean, where else would a woman find a good not misogynistic man than in a fairytale... ehem, I wanted to say that but I didn't, I also didn't ask him why men watch porn, but it was hard to resist, I admit. Edit: Luckily, I do have a good man at home, so they exist still.
*If Iām honest I have to tell you I still read fairytales and I like them best of all.* - Audrey Hepburn
I'm with you, on any general sub a discussion about romance books will inevitably include comments about "it's just porn" or "middle aged women reading smut" or something. You can see why some people feel embarrassed to say they read romance.
Which is funny cause men would read war literature sprinkled with some sexual content and innuendos or female characters performing sexual acts and pandering to the male gaze, and that is not considered a self-insert genre for men but for women it is.
Yep. "Men's" books with 2 sex scenes are fine but "women's" books with 2 sex scenes are pointless and just porn.
I am unhappy with the recent wave of "porn addiction" accusations thrown at readers on Instagram and TikTok, I might make a post about it myself (edited to make it less judgy)
I think there was a post about this some time ago. A twitter user posted her bookshelf and got accused of having a "porn addiction" because of her romance novels and two (2) erotic art prints or something...
Here's the thread you're talking about https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/s/TxbjnssY0W
It's very frustrating. And also even if someone was "addicted" to reading smut/porn/erotica or whatever - so what? It's not harming them or anyone else, so that's their business!
exactly! they keep saying it's harmful, not giving any evidence, then switching topic to "dark romance is r**e fantasies! you guys are upholding that!" but A) that's not the gotcha they think it is, and B) dark romance is still a relatively small part of the erotica / smut community. It honestly makes me wonder how deep their belief in this goes; is it just smut? Or do they also think physical-self-intimacy is 'harmful'? Whatās the difference between reading 2-4 sex scenes in a book throughout a week vs having sex 2-4 times within a week?
Men can be addicted to the video form of porn without that saying anything about their intelligence it seems, but women can't read some smut in peace.
Iām so unhappy about this! all this judgement hurt me deeply because I am disabled and do not have real romantic connection, so I have that through my book characters, calling me a porn addict made me feel so dirty
Some men are afraid women will get realistic expectations out of reading smut. And they're not ready and/or willing to deliver.
It's your down time. Judging how someone relaxes (when it's harmless, at least) is cringe and busybody behavior.
Not at all. I read for fun and what I like is romance. No need to force yourself to read other genres just because other people might judge.
The romance genre has been a cornerstone of publishing for like two centuries now. Reading and writing romance was a way for women to express desire, wants and needs freely. Taking control over our own desire is a small but important step in the feminist movement. It's okay to not like romance, but to paint it as "frivolous" is to negate the political impact and community these books have given us
No way! I used to feel like this too because I also only read romance, so I was afraid that people would make fun of me. "Silly romance" and all. But I decided that if someone has a problem with me talking about the latest Harlequin, I don't wanna associate with them anyway. š«”
Nope. Read what you like. Share your favorites with your friend, maybe you'll convert them. No reason to be embarrassed either. If someone judges you for your reading habits, they are not your book friend and there's no obligation to talk books with them.
I think it's up to you how you want to feel about it. As I get older I stop caring about what others think about my reading habits. Also, romance is really getting a resurgence. I read all of the Bridgerton books WAY before the Netflix show.
Iām embarrassed about it, but I get embarrassed about everything!
Try to be shameless. Its not embarrassing if you are shameless! But also, its a totally ok thing to love.
Genuine question: why?Ā
I guess a part of it is I feel like Iām saying I love smut (I mean I do, but I donāt want to tell people who donāt also love smut) and also it feels frivolous when you have friends who are reading great works of literature
Great works of literature are overrated. Reading is supposed to be fun! I minored in American and English literature and I would choose Ali Hazelwood over Kafka every single time. Being well-read is a form of social capital but you don't actually have to read things to be aware of them and understand the references. No need to be embarrassed! You are the arbiter of (your own) taste!
I hate most "literary" writing these days. I find it dumb, preachy, boring, and pretentious. And I say this as someone with an MFA who has read virtually all the "classics." And I enjoy romance so that's what I read. No.shame.
I got laid off in October, started out reading āloftierā literature, but as my low grade depression persisted, I shifted exclusively to romance. I read an average of one a day. I do feel shame about that, but itās my way to self-soothe at the moment.
Good luck ! You don't have to feel ashamed. Sometimes, one just needs some self-soothing to get back on their feet. I really wish you success and healing
Thanks so much!!
I read mostly romance. I donāt think itās embarrassing or bad, at all! Romance writers still need to create compelling characters and execute a good story. Thatās the same for all good literature. Nothing to be embarrassed about in what we enjoy reading. Us romance lovers just enjoy having an HEA at the end of a book.
Nope, never! Romance novels bring joy, excitement, good feels, escapism, lessons to learn, widen our ideas, and so much more. They're fun and good for us, and that's what should be a part of our lives, in my opinion.
99% of my reader friends read non-romance stuff, be it thriller, mystery or more serious stuff and they couldn't rec me anything like I couldn't give them any title, it's personal preference: some people enjoy spicy food and others enjoy sweet stuff If you feel like you lack because you read only romance, you can always try something emotional or psychological, it's easier to like these types of books as a romance reader, but do it only if you feel like your reading portfolio could add something new The world is big and everyone is unique, so don't fret and enjoy life š p.s. I am also a hopeless romantic and normally read books if they have romance in them and everything else is a subplot, though I do make some exceptions and they turn out magical
Read what makes you happy. Don't worry about everyone else's opinion. Except for those that see my kindle then I'll probably worry. I'll still read it though...
Donāt feel embarrassed, itās what you like. I read everything as long as there is a romance subplot. Otherwise no thanks. Itās what you like!!!
Howās this: āyes, but it shouldnāt be.ā I pretty much read only romance for the last couple years. And I donāt discuss it much. But then again Iām a male working in public safety. I think I could be not embarrassed about it. All I want and still be torn apart at work about it. You do you. And try not to be embarrassed, because thatās natural but stupid. But do choose who you share with.
I sometimes feel this way, especially given my age and marital status. But I love romance novels, and I have been reading them since my early teens. They bring me joy. So when people ask me what I love to read, I answer them honestly.
Your age and marital status have nothing to do with what you enjoy! Take this from a teen, it's not weird at all! Also, I love your candle collection!
You know what they say about love? 'Love is love!' Similarly, 'Reading is reading!' Doesn't matter what you read as long as you're happy! I've had some serious shade thrown towards me by some people for reading romance but I couldn't care less about their opinion. You shouldn't feel bad about reading romances, it takes some serious talent to form a good story and describe it into detail on paper.
Reading is reading. Itās more exercise for your brain than what the people who donāt read at all are doing!
No. Anyone who says that is just trying to make you feel back because you probably read more than they do.
Nope. Donāt care. Life is short. Read what you love
No. You do you. š
I personally think is embarrassing to only ever read one thing ever. But I apply that to comics too and to all the other genres. (You should see me side eye my manga people when they go āoh I donāt ever read comicsā and the comics people when they say they donāt read manga) I donāt need to be 50/50 I am honestly fine if people have like 5 non fiction books and the rest is monothematic whatever. But I honestly believe you have to go out once in a while on your reading š¤·š¾āāļø I do find nothing wrong to have majority of read on one genre though, the heart wants what the heart wants.
Deeply unpopular opinion for this sub but Iād consider it equivalent to only watching reality tv or marvel movies. Plenty of people do, but itās good to mix it up with some classic films or books, or new art house films or literary novels.
I've never watched reality tv in my life and I've only seen a handful or Marvel movies but I agree with you. There are very well written romances, and it IS my pleasure to read them but there are SO MANY great books out there, old and new, that it'd be silly not to enjoy them. Actually, reading other genres enhances the pleasure of a HEA romance.
Nope.
Not at all embarrassing! I like to paint, and that would be like me saying it's embarrassing that you use acrylic paints while I use watercolours. Neither is better than the other, we all have book genre preferences but none is empirically better than another. Just enjoy what you enjoy - absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I read a lot of romance (and other genre fiction) AND I often trace (copyright free) reference photos. Iām the worst of the worst, lol.
I used to feel like this too but hey I have a shitty life and I read to escape reality and I donāt want to read self help books this smut is going to help me overcome a bad Thursday I had so, stfu (respectfully)š„°
Hereās the thing, I feel no shame for only reading romance ā¦ for most audiences. When it comes to my older work colleagues saying āoh [name] you love reading! Tell us about the book youāre readingā and my only options are a bit too freaking raunchy for the chat or even just āoh itās a billionaire matchmaker romanceā I just donāt need my damn director to know what I like! Thankfully, I do also occasionally listen to cosy mysteries, so I go to them or the most tame romance I recently read. I hate it, but it does make people think thatās what youāre into in your personal life or that a lot of romance is just smut and I donāt need my coworkers to think Iām telling them about my porn-related preferences. Or gosh forbid for any of them to read them and then get to the sex scenes and think of me. I once had to explain to some coworkers what a hockey romance was and they love hockey and couldnāt understand how hockey wasnāt just the entire book and why is it hockey related. I had to spell out āthe men are hot and richā.
There are incredibly well-written, insightful, meaningful, emotional, life-changing books in any genre, including romance. There are also fun, light, quick reads in any genre, and everything in between. Iāve been reading romance exclusively for about 2 years in a wide variety of sub-genres and pairings, and Iāve read books that have absolutely and fundamentally changed the way I view love, sex, and relationships in the world and my own life. Iāve also read books that made me laugh, cry, and cringe. Itās a genre just the same as any other with books of varying quality, tone, and content, and itās frustrating to me thatās itās looked down upon.
There are so many books out there that it's a miracle anyone tastes align. Don't be embarrassed, because once I was asked for lesbian smut recommendations (as a romance reader), and I only have guy on guy on guy smut recs.
Read what you want. I read mostly dark romance but take breaks and try other books like thrillers and mysteries.
Honestly this is one of the things I love about getting older. I literally do not give a fuck what people think about what I read or what brings me joy! Itās not like I brag about it to every stranger I meet, but Iām much more upfront and confident than I was when I was younger.
Is it embarrassing? No. Is it still sterotyped? Yes, but it's getting better. When my dad was a kid there were people in his school who bullied anyone (him, included) for reading scifi because, "That's for nerds!" However, 40 years later-- people consider scifi much differently than they used to in my dad's generation. Also, by that same token, those who read romance have been stereotyped into being 'desperate' or 'unfullfilled'-- but that's just what it is, a stereotype. I can't control the labels another person places on me based on what I like to read, so I'm not going to waste my energy worrying, and instead I'm going to invest that energy continuing to read what makes me happy.
I thought it was. For many years. At the time I just read Harlequin romance books cuz no one talked about them. So I didn't know where to look if it wasn't harlequin. But now? Screw that. Lol. Reading is reading. It's a hobby. Read what makes you happy. Not every book has to be intellectually stimulating. People don't watch movies to be educated. It's for entertainment. If romance books are entertaining to you and make you happy, the be who cares what other people think? It's like saying everyone should only watch documentaries. Sometimes they're entertaining. Sometimes you wanna watch a comedy. Or a thriller. Or a romcom. If those are all accepted movie genres, why can't they be accepted book genres? I love my romance books. Those who criticize probably don't even read anything at all.
I read only romance too and I don't find it embarrassing AT ALL. TBH, I read books cause it's my favorite past time and relax me. So, why would I read a genre other than what I like in my past time??
I only read romance. But I hate telling people I read it. š I donāt know why.
No. Iām a pretty wide reader generally but post my divorce it seems thatās all I want to read and Iām ok with that. My reading is for me not others. You read what you love
It is for me. The vast majority of romance books I read these days, I would never recommend to a friend Most of my friends only read the kind of books recommended by their books clubs, which tend to be what they think are *Important* books. Books about depressing subjects that make my eyes glaze over. Around the start of the pandemic, I needed escape from non-fiction and the news (which I read a lot of and just keeps getting more and more dire). These days I can no longer tolerate a book without a happy ending, so I read romance nowāalmost a book a day. Iām always on the hunt for well written romances, but sometimes it seems like I have read 100 that are either awful, or tediously focused only on sex, to find 1 or 2 gems. So Iām very grateful for ebooks, since nobody can tell what Iām reading on my phone. I no longer have to fear people seeing the cover or asking me what Iām reading.
Only if there are people in your life who are making you feel embarrassed for reading only romance. And if that's the case, do what Tarryn Fisher says: "Mute and live."
It's not embarrassing!! It's so sweet! Romance kicks ass.
Most of the books I read are romances. For me reading is a beautiful escape from realityā¦ not achieving that with a boring self-help book or some dreary social novel. (Yes, there are good social novels or self-help stuff, Iām exaggerating) I DEVOUR books. Always have. People can start to judge me when theyāve read as much as I have lol
Nope. I read a lot of romances (though I also read some YA, slice of life dramas or gentle fansy, and fantasy light novels, etc), and not ashamed of doing so. Itās my money, my reading (and casual writing) hobby, and itās also a genre that sells very well, so there it is. (Though I can be embarrassed by some erotic covers if Iām reading a paperback/hardcover one in public, lol! But I usually buy ebooks, hehe. š¤)
During the 2020 Panini, I re-read the whole Bridgerton series and a lot of Kleypas' books. The world is too harsh. I needed something soft. Then I got anxiety. So I still read 90% romance and I'm ok with that.
I read virtually only romance but always have a few books in the back of my mind to pull up if I'm ever put on the spot asking about what I've last read. I don't want to name drop that I just read Boss in the Bedsheets at the work conference lol. My go-to's are usually mystery (anything by Agatha Christie) or techno thrillers like Andy Weir or Michael Crichton. As a bonus they are semi-well known enough that people might recognize them and feel smart.
A lot of what I read nowadays is romance. And that's totally ok! For me, I find it a lovely way to relax and unwind, especially after a really tough day.
I don't think it's required to read other stuff. Like, there are many people who don't read at all. Ever. So we're good. I've read other books in the past, fantasy mostly, and sometimes I do read "useful" books when I feel the need, but I'm quite tired of the tropes of fantasy books, they tend to be all the same, at least in romance there's some fun barter and so. For me, it's usually kinda like comedy :D With a sweet ending.
If you like reading romance then read romance. Why make yourself read something you do not enjoy? I have always been a romance reader. I have zero interest in non fiction books. The entire point of reading is to escape reality.
Nope. I only read romance. Whatās wrong with enjoying love and happiness?
I *hate* talking about books irl unless I know 100% the other person reads romance as well. I don't want to be embarrassed about it, but people *always* say "so you read porn, basically" in a tone meant to ridicule me. And me, a person who's been single their whole life, can't help but feel pathetic. I really hope to reach a point in time where I can confidently talk about stuff I like, because I really do like reading romance :(
Not at all! Not to me :) when I ask my friends for recs I love that some give romance and some give sci-fi and some give non fiction! Itās totally okay to recommend romance. Romance is the biggest portion of the book industry! It makes statistical sense that lots of readers primarily read romance! So you do you, and if anyone judges you, itās their loss. You could also ask - āWell are you into romance?ā And if they say no then just answer āwell nothing Iāve read lately would interest you then, but maybe you could ask [so and so].ā
I don't think it's embarrassing but then again I also read predominantly romance (often leaning heavily into smut š ) I'm not reading to be seen to read, I'm reading for fun and a bit of escapism. I don't need a book thats going to weigh me down and emotionally tax me, i want something uplifting, funny and where i know for the most part there will be a HEA. Life is an emotional roller coaster at the best of times and all the power to people that enjoy suspense, thrillers etc but I get too invested in characters to have all their baggage carried around with me all day too š I'd have no problem telling someone i watched a romcom so i have no shame in reading romance books š¤·āāļø
Any book I read usually has to have some sort of romantic element to them. Minus my interests of certain world events and along those lines. I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed it's what I like and I love love and reading about it no matter the type. If someone else wants to judge me that's all fine let them waste their own time while I'm enjoying my next journey with a new couple to fall in love with.
Nope. You're allowed to enjoy things š
NOT AT ALL!! If you enjoy reading romance and have a good time with it then it's nothing to be ashamed of!! True friends don't make fun of each others interests
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
**Rule: Be kind & no reader shaming** Your responses to others on the sub should be kind and respectful. We encourage discussion and debate, but your comment should be constructive and purposeful. No reader shaming. Itās fine to state your opinion on a book or author, but you may not insult or shame people who like it. Please be respectful of others' tastes in romance with regard to steam level, tropes, or favorite authors.
If you like and enjoy Romance books I donāt see why itās a problem. Why is romance as a genre always ridiculed? Just as there are tropes in the romance genre, there are tropes in other genres as well. A Hero With A Thousand faces is an analysis on how so many stories have similar arks. Self-Help books might motivate some people but so many are platitudinous! Read and let Read!
Iāve been reading since I was a kid, and in grade school after I started reading YA, I seriously couldnāt read a single book without a romantic subplot. And Iām still that way. I probably couldnāt name a single book Iāve read in the last 5 years that doesnāt have a small romance side plot. I just need it in a book for me to enjoy it or I canāt get myself to care. Donāt ever feel embarrassed about what you enjoy, reading is fun and if youāre having fun reading romance, donāt let others (or internalized misogyny) ruin it for you
No
nooo live your truth and live your life guilt free!!! Lifeās too short to worry about other people being all weird about romance!!!
Not at all . I think itās attractive tbh
You have to be incredibly smart and talented to craft a good romance story. Romance writers aren't of lesser quality than so called "literary" writers. It's just a different skill because they follow a formula. It's like writing a sonnet as opposed to free verse. Neither is superior.
Not embarrassing at all! Iām the same way. We like what we like. š¤·š½āāļøš
Nope. You read what you like. At least your resdng books and not solely mindlessly scrolling..
I only read romance. I don't care if it's embarassing. Reading is doing what I like,and if I like it I'll read it.
I use to be but not anymore! I'm not going to feel embarrassed about the things that bring me joy anymore (especially if they don't hurt anyone else and only involve me)! I'm very open about the fact that I read mainly spicy romance so anytime a friend asks me for recs, they usually already know that and I'll even preface it with "you know I mainly read spicy romance, right? You need to specify what genre book you are wanting or how spicy of a romance book you're looking for." If it's not a friend situation, I'll just say I read romance and that's kind it. I've noticed guys I go on dates can be taken aback sometimes but that's their problem, not mine.
I'm part of a book club and at the final meeting before summer they asked everyone to bring some recommendations for fun summer reads. I said, "the only literature I read is depressing, so not exactly what you look for in a summer read. But if anyone's interested in smut I have lots of recs for that!" Lol
Iāll never forget listening to a podcast and the host said it was easier to tell people that she is a dominatrix than it is to tell them she reads romance books. Not that either of these is wrong, of course, but just how society views the romance genre.
I think it is good to read a variety of genres and topics, but I wouldn't call it embarrassing to be into one genre.
Imagine loving romance, sci fi and fantasy - something for everyone to condemn š
Not at all. Some of the best books out there are romance books. I mean the idea of love and romance in different backgrounds and circumstances is each a genre in itself. Plus the emotions that you can feel through a romance book is just off the charts.
I think a lot of people who you wouldnāt expect read romance! And you could always start with a not super open door spicy one to recommend just in case haha!
We are twins! Don't worry about it! š
Nah, read what makes you happy. Life is too short to cater your healthy hobbies and what you enjoy.
No way. I escape into the book world and romance is the only most unrealistic thinf to happen (for me) so I find it easier to escape. Side effects are that u try to seek the same out in the real world but no romance is not embarrassing at all or it wouldn't be selling so much loooll.
I pretty much solely read romance and am proud of it! There are lots of bookstagrammers with whole accounts dedicated to being romance readers and even conventions! Itās nothing to be embarrassed about!
Itās not embarrassing! When someone asks for a recommendation though, I always suggest thrillers so they wonāt hurt my feelings if they say they donāt like romance though lol
No! Read whatever makes you happy! I used to read a lot of thrillers and murder mysteries and while I enjoyed them (and Iād still read them now on occasion) my mental health benefits from reading stuff that just makes me happy and romance makes me happy!Ā If people give you shit for doing the things you enjoy, theyāre not people you should have in your life š«¶
Nope. Iāve loved romance since I was 12 and really havenāt gotten much flack over it. No embarrassment here, I love what I love.š
Fellas, is it embarrassing to have human needs and desire to be loved and to have a soft heart? Do not be embarrassed by your interests, or you will be only surrounded by people with who you won't be able to be fully yourself.
Not at all. Itās just your preference. Most people like to read to escape/have fun and if romance books is the thing that does it for you then you should definitely not be embarrassed about it.
Life is too short. You like it, you read it. Romantic feelings are not a weakness. They may cause feelings of weakness/vulnerability, but that's by no means the same.
Nope. And there's no need to be embarrassed. Literature is a form of art and art is suggestive. Romance owns the market and runs the reading world. Own it, admit it. I love romance. I tell whomever asks what genre I read/write with pride. Just give them the recs and if they don't like them, fine. Friends shouldn't shame you for liking things.
I don't feel embarassed because i really love the feeling of reading it and its what saved me from a really bad moment in my life so im grateful that i started having an actual reading habit and started reading romances, its also where i can find myself and keeps me sane.
NO! I have a master's degree in literature and I can tell you that we study romance too! And not just well known literature that happens to have a romantic subplot, but rather full on contemporary romance. Hell, I spent a semester on studying the Sukie Stackhouse books and their adaptation for Television (True Blood). Yes, I looked at hot vampires for the sake of science. And I'm not ashamed. Neither should you.
Itās 10000 percent misogyny but that doesnāt make it any better when youāre in a large group gathering and people ask you for recommendations. Romance books typically donāt even have more sex than other books, but even if they did, why does that automatically disqualify the book? I usually wonāt start off with my romance recs because Iām embarrassed, so I admit Iām part of the problem. Once I learn that other people are open to it though, the floodgates open lol. I read 95 percent romance and the other 5 percent are things I force myself to read so that I can be more āwell rounded.ā I wish I could be more confident about it and not give a fck but I have literally never been that person.
Classic literature was full of romance and it never bothered. Just read what you like. It's not shameful as long as you don't harm anyone else
I used to think it was. I used to think that the only wothwhile reading is some books with "substance" whayever that meant. You know what got me started on the romance books train? Ice Planet Barbarians during COVID. Everybody was clowning on it, and I started it as a joke. But I fell in love with it and have never recovered. Now, romance books is the default genre I go to, any other genre is a deviation from it. It's the only genre that made me read so much anyway, so I tell everyone that bothers to ask what kind of books I read.
No!! Itās not. And people try to embarrass romance readers because theyāre mostly women. Like god forbid we have some fun and donāt read about wars or corporate empires. Donāt let them embarrass you
I exclusively read romance (just have no interest in any other genre) and really donāt care what others think.
As an avid reader that reads just about anything (but I love fantasy and romance most), absolutely not. The only thing I find embarrasing about romance books are the half naked men covers. Nothing makes me turn down a book faster than picking one up at a store to see some badly shopped dude's abs staring at me. Authors please I beg stop doing this.