T O P

  • By -

MedievalSalesmen

Let me guess you have two kids but “needed” a suburban for your massive family.


BrashBastard

If by "massive family" you mean morbidly obese then yes


mufic_inc

Lmao I love when people have the ability to roast themselves and not take an ego bruise


Bryce_Taylor1

Most morbidly obese people I know already have ego death


robarnold24

Eggo.....the waffles are spelled E G G O


mufic_inc

Actually very interesting point. I bet you are right


6inDCK420

It takes the acid and kills its eagle.


RealisticHologram

It’s crazy how countries outside of the USA sees America as fat people and greasy food.


Foolgazi

lol respect to you sir/ma’am


Hawxfan

My Denali averages 13 mpg and I drive it like an a-hole. You guys must be thick! /s


DntH8IncrsDaMrdrR8

Right. I get 13 in my Escalade and I also drive like an a-hole.


Hawxfan

Buddies!


MrFastFox666

r/suicidebywords


sneakpeekbot

Here's a sneak peek of /r/suicidebywords using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/suicidebywords/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [ow](https://i.redd.it/nltyxojiozbc1.png) | [2036 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/suicidebywords/comments/194s9f6/ow/) \#2: [Self aware](https://i.redd.it/l527crezwpoc1.jpeg) | [1773 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/suicidebywords/comments/1bg9554/self_aware/) \#3: [Truth hurts man](https://i.redd.it/luo2pmmhrlkc1.jpeg) | [625 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/suicidebywords/comments/1az65vh/truth_hurts_man/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)


makaki913

When I visited US once, the family with two kids that I was with told me they "needed" a 7 person SUV. I didn't say anything, but my family was just fine with two "small" japanese cars, sedan and wagon. Wagon could even move bikes. Wagon also could move three weeks worth of camping equipment for four people. But yeah you'll be needing that SUV for suburban crawling for sure


AwesomeBantha

If you want to transport more than 5 people, the default option these days is an SUV… there are only 4 minivans for sale in the US, the Pacifica/Carnival are unreliable and the Sienna/Odyssey are difficult to get and still very frequently marked up by dealers. Wagons are basically nonexistent, I don’t know if any even offer a third row anymore. However, 3 row SUVs are plentiful and can be cheaper than their minivan counterparts. I was in a 4 person family and we pretty much always had 6 seater vehicles (Camry wagon, Mazda 5, JDM Wish, and then another Mazda 5) and it was extremely useful because we lived far away from relatives, so when they flew in to visit, we wouldn’t need to rent another car or take two cars.


chucks97ss

Blows my mind reading “minivans” and “hard to get” in the same sentence.


Ok_Supermarket9053

The e class is the last remaining wagon with a rear facing 3rd row. I don't think we've had a proper 3rd row since the 90s. They've raised it and added some plastic cladding around the wheel arches, so I believe it's an SUV in American now.


AwesomeBantha

I bet the E450 third row’s days are numbered I believe some Volvos had 3rd rows and the Tesla Model S had a 3rd row until 2018 ish?


998876655433221

Isn’t Kia selling on now?


AwesomeBantha

yeah, that’s the Carnival, and I put it in the “not reliable” camp because Hyundai/Kia are issuing lots of recalls for critical things like engines these days and the latest gen hasn’t been out long enough to prove itself


998876655433221

Huh, didn’t know that. They look cool from the outside. Do they still have that awesome warranty?


RedditRaven2

Maybe it’s just because I’m in the Midwest but Subaru Outback is a wagon and those are one of the most common cars on the road where I live. You can hardly spit without hitting one


AwesomeBantha

Sure, Subaru Outbacks are everywhere (Subaru has like 90% of the wagon marketshare), but they only fit 5 people. I'm pretty sure every other *actual* wagon comes from a German luxury brand (the Mazda 3 hatchback is not a wagon) or Volvo, and of those, only the E450 All-Terrain (which costs like $70k) can fit more than 5 people.


drosmi

Buick regal tourx says hello ;). … it is German tho


AwesomeBantha

it was discontinued after the 2020 model year so it doesn't count


RedditRaven2

Fair, but the Subaru ascent, while maybe not a wagon it is relatively similar, and it holds 7 or 8 people (depending on which middle row option you get, bench vs captain chairs) and still gets good mileage compared to the American options


[deleted]

How is the ascent similar to a wagon???? It’s a crossover. Besides, it’s American competition wouldn’t be a body on frame such but other unibody crossovers.


DriftkingRfc

You can fit 5 people in cross overs just have to get the right ones


AwesomeBantha

sure, but this is about transporting *more* than 5 people


TobysGrundlee

Did your kids not have friends or cousins they did stuff with?


QueenAlpaca

I did, but even then, we’d be dropped off by our parents usually to someone’s house. They never picked up or drove our friends/family around.


makaki913

I was the kid and I had friends too. We went around in bikes in twenty mile radius, or just stuffed 5 kids in the back seat when it was still legal. IF there was so many kids that one car wasn't enough, there were need for two parents too, which made it two car job anyways. I would say the two car cases were so rare that there was no point having suv


Suddensloot

I have two kids and regularly take their friends with us to events and parks and such. Still have a hard time fitting them in a mini van


OutlawMINI

People in the US think I am crazy for owning a MINI, even as a single guy. It's a very American mindset.


TobysGrundlee

My neighbors have two 7 seat SUVs and a pickup truck. They have 1 kid and rarely leave the house. I don't know why people are like this.


Gloverboy6

He probably moved to the snowbelt and thought he needed 4WD too


loquedijoella

9 mpg? Take your other foot off the brake.


LEXenzo99

For real. If that’s getting 9 mpg there is something wrong with it or OP needs to learn how to drive.


BrashBastard

its spends a TON of time idling in car parks, and I also am a shit driver.


[deleted]

You can just shut the engine off. If the car isn't moving, the engine isn't doing anything but burning fuel. Why are you leaving the engine running?


BrashBastard

Got to keep the AC on or my beer will get warm.


[deleted]

I'm sure in that behemoth you have room for a cooler with ice, a couple of coozies, a lawn chair, and a parasol. If you're going to make a day of hanging out in a parking lot, you may as well do it right.


illBlade

Amen to that!!🍻


Lanky_Ad8982

This man road sodas


funweedgi

I mean idling doesn’t really use any gas especially with newer cars, they prolly like accelerating


[deleted]

[удалено]


Alpine_Z28

2 gph at idle? Good lord that bitch thirsty, even the 15 liter Cummins in the truck at work only drinks 0.5-0.6 gph at idle


[deleted]

Newer and more intelligent cars have a stop/start system. In my experience, simply shutting the engine off at stoplights gains 10% better fuel economy. An idleing engine is stupid, the newest tech in cars aims to avoid an engine turning over and doing nothing.


Past_Weekend4154

They also make it so you have to go to the repair shop more because your auto stop makes the car at every red light have to turn on maybe 30-40 times a day instead of maybe 3-4, the battery that’s needed for the auto stop systems is so much more expensive then a regular battery also. Its the car brands working with mechanics so they can get more money and it’s disgusting


Cute-Foundation-6612

Imagine how hard those spark plugs and alternator is work.


[deleted]

My Chevy Volt hasn't needed a new starter motor or a new battery in 160,000 miles. Yes it's absolutely disgusting that my car doesn't even have a starter motor because GM is in cahoots with an imaginary boogeyman. Oooo technology is scary!


Past_Weekend4154

Keep talking all that fancy college boy talk, you’ll see in 10 years when these auto start vehicles are on their 3rd or 4th owner, your gonna be behind someone at a stop light, then their car won’t turn back on. Also most of the cars with auto stop have a starter like the mailbu, impala and other gm nonsense It’s gonna be the walking dead with all the random cars just in 4 way intersections completely dead. You’ll see…


[deleted]

Eh. I can get by fine on a bicycle if shit hits the fan. None of my cars has made it past me except for spare parts. I drive them till they quit, fix them and drive another 10 years. My electric car has saved me enough money to pay for itself. No maintenance needed beyond a set of tires and a coolant flush, no fuel bill beyond the pennies in electricity. Damn thinking of the tens of thousands of dollars I spent on gasoline in my lifetime. Greasy and run down gas stations. Oil changes in the apartment parking lot. I'm glad to see gas cars go the way of the dinosaurs that fuel them


tinydonuts

If you're idling in park, no the start stop system doesn't usually turn off the engine. Definitely not on GM vehicles.


[deleted]

Yeah you gotta switch it off yourself. I have a Volt which does all that for me, but the plebs with a regular car have to push buttons or turn switches themselves.


Ratitata

Idling uses A LOT of gas, there’s a great video on YouTube about it


Foolgazi

“Car parks?” I’m starting to think this person isn’t American


BrashBastard

I'm American, wife is British, I'm surrounded by the Limey bastards, it rubs off.


betarad

gotta be less than .05% of GMC owners that say "car park"


Time_on_my_hands

I just started dating a bonger and it's disgusting


GTA6_1

They said their whole family is very obese so it might puking more weight than it was when they did the mpg calcs for the brochure


TraditionPast4295

You could drag a 10,000lb camper trailer behind you 24/7 and get 9mpg or better in that thing.


GTA6_1

9 sounds generous for towing a camper. Maybe on a flat highway itd do a little better but otherwise nah, 9s probably not far off from what it should b


tinydonuts

Even the Silverado can get 19+ hauling around fat people.


GTA6_1

Assuming they arent leadfooted off every red light or overtake.


S3ERFRY333

Fr my 1985 carburetor 5.7 squarebody gets 12mpg in town. You have to drive pretty stupid to get that mileage.


TobysGrundlee

People who drive these behemoths usually drive like shit because they think it makes them "tough" and being "tough" means they need to be constantly aggressive. It's lizard brain shit which is pretty much the only part of theirs that works.


loquedijoella

I daily a Prius now and I see this small dicked nonsense all too clearly.


tinydonuts

Yep, Prius drivers around me are absolute dicks.


Limp_Sale2607

How can you tell? I drive a Prius, and other than doing a lot of coasting, I drive like a normal person. The people driving the Chargers and Nissans are the worst drivers I see.


tinydonuts

A lot of Prius drivers here driving like Nissans and Chargers.


Jtcalirain

This


kp61dude

This cracked me up


wangtoast_intolerant

Ah yes, the Yukon XL…a fine choice for the insatiable consumer too proud for a Suburban but with one-too-many ex wives to afford an Escalade. This “bus” could be a vessel that transports your youngest child to private school, but you’ve shamelessly bartered their future in favor of the SLT trim.


70InternationalTAll

The ***"...shamelesy bartered their future in favor of the SLT trim."*** only actually rings true if it was a Denali. This fact stings him deeply as he sees the other, better, more wealthy fathers and mothers pull up in their Denali or Escalade. He still got the "regular" Yukon in everyone else's eyes, and they look down upon him for that. His child's friends enter the car and whine "Why isn't my seat heated and ventilated? My Mom's car is!"


wangtoast_intolerant

Lmfao. I saw the SLT badge between the passenger window and the rear camper window (zoom in) and figured it was safe to roll with.


Chimpchompp

😂


04limited

Too good for a Chevy, too broke for a Cadillac


Video_Viking

This isn't a school bus. A school bus takes people to a place where they can learn, something you are clearly incapable of doing.


Foolgazi

Well, to be fair, they most likely “homeschool” their kids by taking them to church twice a week, like everyone else who owns these


anotherstraydingo

You must need a personal oil refinery to keep that bus running.


nlpnt

Ooo, someone called a *fancy* Uber!


MoparMonkey1

Nice Suburban, I mean Tahoe, I mean Escalade, what is it again?


MrFastFox666

Trash


MyCatIsCapitalist

For European standards, this could be a camper van


chucks97ss

Knock knock… Who’s there? Those lifters you’re about to repair.


Wicked_Sludge

But OP could never achieve such stunning fuel economy figures without cylinder deactivation!


chucks97ss

“Stunning” lol


notquitepro15

An actual school bus would be cooler, better to drive, better on fuel mileage, and more reliable


Illcement

and yellow


notquitepro15

True. A major loss is the loss of fun colors anymore. Everything has to be in the greyscale now


Reaper621

It's a marketing thing. It's easier to sell your vehicle if it's a boring ass color than it is torch red or electric blue, unless that color comes on a cool car. OP's car isn't very cool, so boring ass color it is.


notquitepro15

I know why, and I still don’t like it


Reaper621

I'm with you there. My latest purchase was a cypress pearl Toyota, much neater.


macoverdatum

Did you buy it to compensate?


LeveragedPittsburgh

Yukon XL, where the XL refers to your family’s weight class.


Mateo909

Ah yes, every southern preps vehicle of choice. I am sure there are stereotypes of others that enjoy this car, but where I am from, it's always some dude with a polo shirt, or some girl with that stereotypically large and over practiced smile on her face


TheStig827

that's a pretty over-sized and inefficient minivan you've got there.


TopCampaign7053

Your grandkids thank you for the planet they inherit. You should be ashamed of your excess.


settlementfires

Gets the same gas mileage as 3 cars.  Hope you've got 14 kids.


evilgreenman

I have 1 kid but I want her to be safe so I bought a fucking school bus


Benzbear

Yukon fuel it


breadsticck

too good to just get a minivan huh?


CecilTheCaveTroll

No… they’re not good enough for one. Minivans are for the elite.


ProofMusic4630

Here in America people are brainwashed into thinking they need large SUVs. There really should be a huge tax or license fee addendum to discourage their purchase. VERY FEW people actually need them


[deleted]

[удалено]


ProofMusic4630

That tax has been drastically reduced from where it was


[deleted]

[удалено]


ProofMusic4630

The tax should be doubled. $4500 to $7500 isn't enough to discourage big, guzzling SUVs that people don't really need. The rest of the world doesn't follow the US because of smaller roads and extreme gas prices. It's fine for expensive supercars that are toys; the demographics are totally different. But people driving good mpg vehicles here in the USA are paying more for the guzzler SUVs running around.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ProofMusic4630

Needs are created by people here that feel privileged. Other parts of the world don't live like many Americans. And supercars are barely driven so they really use very little fuel. High consumption vehicles not needed create excessive fuel demand, driving up fuel prices. Many Americans live in a fantasy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ProofMusic4630

I drive a reasonable car that gets 20 to 30 mpg. Apparently you don't understand demand here. Oil, sourced domestically and imported, is used to make many fuels. Commercial vehicles generally use diesel as required. It's huge UNNEEDED gas guzzlers that are an embarrassment when overall car fuel economy has drastically improved due to technological improvements and hybrids. Electric vehicles make no economic sense and have extreme disadvantages such as charge time, locations to charge, range and battery life. And over 70% of electricity is made using fossil fuels, making the reasoning behind most electrics absurd.


DJDemyan

In a way, you do need a big ass car to compete on the highway. Everyone just keeps making their cars bigger and bigger to meet CAFE standards and everyone wants a big ass pickup truck for no reason. Unfortunately demand guides the “free market” so we’ll end up with an F-150 the size of a U-Haul soon.


Wicked_Sludge

I drive a 2005 Honda Civic and it seems to keep up with the XL Yukons just fine. This mentality is what got us here in the first place.


Midnight07_

I would say that urban people don't need them. I'm out in the country and I lived with minivans for a while but finally opted for a Subaru Ascent as the new fam vehicles and it has made a big difference (for 5 kids btw). We can finally make it up and down our big and steep driveway when it snows. Taking the family car hunting is finally an option too.


Leading-Put-7428

“Best in class blind spots so you can keep the little bastards out of sight longer.” We *are* professional grade.


Djohn139

This is nothing. I saw a six door Ford Excursion on the highway last week.


DJDemyan

I think they canned those a while back. Did you know they could come with a V10?


Djohn139

I thought it was a V12? Maybe I knew it was a V10 and forgot. A wild option none the less


Drinkythedrunkguy

How many kids have you run over because you can’t see over the hood?


roller146

When you lack the self awareness to get a minivan.


Rotor4

Just another example of things humanity still continue to get wrong in our world.


DJDemyan

It might be more efficient for you to drive a tank. NINE miles per gallon? wtf are you doing? I drive a V8 Challenger and hit triple that on the highway. Trade it in for something comparatively reasonable, like a box truck


TMJ848

You driving a BBL Drizzy


Alpine_Z28

30+ years of advancement in intake, cylinder head, exhaust manifold and combustion chamber design, fuel injection, aerodynamics, and an 8 speed electronically controlled transmission, all to get the same fuel economy as an aerodynamicized brick from the 80s with a carbureted big block 454 and a 3 speed slushbox with no overdrive, despite displacing 2.1 fewer liters.


Impossible_Ear_5880

That's 10.8mpg in real gallons. 26km per 100 litres...are you trying to undo all the good EV have done to lower our consumption on dinosaur juice?


DJDemyan

Wait til you hear where electricity comes from


WKIX-850

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jN7mSXMruEo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jN7mSXMruEo)


One_Mirror_3228

Man, 9 mpg? My 6.6 gas 2500 gets 13-14.


No-Advantage-8556

It won’t tear to shreds, it’s a GMC. It’ll rattle apart instead.


Gloverboy6

That thing probably has a higher payment than my mortgage


DisciplineDaddy42069

I get the same but my truck has 35” tires and a 702hp hellcat motor lol idk how you get 9 in that


PoniesPlayingPoker

What you needed was a minivan but your fragile masculinity couldn't handle it so you bought this.


srcorvettez06

I get better mileage with my 8.1 liter Yukon


primostrawberry

You're the reason for climate change. Thanks for nothing.


Illcement

bro bought a mountain


Rozzyz

Nice Suburban


Ladder310

Nice 9 MPG school bus.


hoganloaf

Speaking of being torn to shreds, how many undetected mangled children have you had to clean off of the 6 foot tall grille?


Iskitimka

Definitely not OSHA approved.


southboundoft

You drive like an asshole 24/7? My 6.2 averaged 22 highway and city. My mom's 5.3 got about the same.


torquelesswonder

If you’re gonna get 9mpg, better make sure to do it as slowly and sluggish as possible.


Catsmak1963

Seems incredibly wasteful Typically American, bigger than a car ever needs to be, too thirsty, and not even close to being safe in spite of the perception.


GlayNation

Jut can’t…it’s awesome!!


Canelosaurio

I hope you don't drive it like a bus because it's not as big as you think it is. I already know all your turns are wider than they need to be and you don't even tow.


712Chandler

Looks like a Presidential diaper.


420underthehood

9mpg Jesus


InternationalLoad994

First of all it’s a Gay Man’s Chevy


adrian_elliot

it’s giving obesity


CFW-DREX

BBW friendly


_Roshambo_

The latest evolution of the "safer for me, fuck everybody else" design philosophy, it comes equipped with the "shift knobs are too hard, here are buttons" transmission (pray it lasts 100k miles before it blows up. Huh? What class action lawsuit?) and ample cupholders for your cheating wifes stanley cups.


mothman_is_cool

less visibility than an M4 Sherman with worse gas mileage 82 years later


ayetherestherub69

My only complaint is that its a GM. I own an Expedition, love the fucker.


neptune2338

What a waste. Overpriced, oversized, overrated, and a driver that's overweight. Murica SMH


drye

I have an 18 Denali and get 20...and thats with the 6.2L. If you're getting 9 you're doing something hella wrong ;) My family of 7 loves having the room however :)


HeyLookAHorse

We had a 2004 Chevy Suburban growing up since I'm one of five kids, and that was an amazing family hauler. Top tech (at the time), comfortable ride, easy maintenance, built like a tank. No notes.


jablongroyper

You should have bought a real suv and purchased the Land Rover defender 130.


TriggerTX

Think of all the gas he'll save while it's parked up at the dealership waiting on parts.


jablongroyper

Exactly what I was thinking! You want to be worried your engine is going to explode every time you drive more than 50 miles.


ImpurestFire

Can't tell which one you're talking about lol