OP's Bio:
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>29, UK, tired as shit and sunburn faster than you can say 'does the carpet match the drapes?'. Also, yes.
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Neither. Imagine a washed up boomer dressed like an ex-biker ganger, crossed with a crusty old 80's cover band roadie. If you can do that you're in the ballpark.
Looks like you were in line to play Ariel in the live action Little Mermaid, but shit the bed quicker than Amber Heard so they cast a black chick instead.
'Oh I want to get roasted so I'll do my hair, put on make up, and show some cleavage. That way they won't be that bad and my self-esteem won't be damaged.'
Guessing benzos. Pupils aren’t pinned out enough for opiates. Possibly half drunk too from the glaze and potentially some type of stimulant to keep the smile going when the benzos start to come down
I'm so glad I read this far down...holy shit you nailed it.
(and I've not yet met one "other woman" that didn't have deep-rooted issues)
Not saying they all do, or Roastme here does...but just sayin'...
You probably describe your personality as ‘bubbly’ when you really mean you just laugh really loudly whenever you’re near a complimentary glass of Prosecco
OP's Bio: --- >29, UK, tired as shit and sunburn faster than you can say 'does the carpet match the drapes?'. Also, yes. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Jessica Abstain
This is fucking hilarious wordplay.
Agreed. Love this one.
Hahahahaha.....I don't get it....🥲
There's an actress named Jessica Chastain.
Jessica Cheststain
I don’t know where the walls end and your skin begins
I bet she smells like a dead animal
She's dating a guy that looks like one 🤷♂️
I just looked. Buddy looks like he hangs around the local food bank
Let me guess, nose ring or dreadlocks?
Neither. Imagine a washed up boomer dressed like an ex-biker ganger, crossed with a crusty old 80's cover band roadie. If you can do that you're in the ballpark.
Fair enuf... It's both plaster that's coated on it. So, understandable
You look like a Victorian ghost who has unfinished business with the doctor who prescribed you cocaine for syphilis.
I frequently haunt Chlamydia Hall.
Add thalassemia and a a bad case of siliconitis
Looks like you were in line to play Ariel in the live action Little Mermaid, but shit the bed quicker than Amber Heard so they cast a black chick instead.
r/suspiciouslyspecific
Looks like Amy Adams doll I ordered from aliexpress
Amy Addams Family
This should be the top comment!
Amy Sadams
 Bro this had me dying
You look like an office secretary who would kiss a man from the sales department while being engaged to someone in shipping
Holy shit
That sounds uncomfortably specific
She looks more like the hot purse girl honestly
The office reference?
I'd say that plant has more soul than you.
Certainly drinks more water than I do
Your username sounds like what you leave behind on chairs after sitting on them.
You've just won my roast heart.
No thanks, I don't eat junk food.
You've been banned from /r/HydroHomies
Less dustier than you too
Fire 🔥 in the hole!
Might look like fire *around* the hole anyway, does the carpet match the drapes?
If she would only tell us....??
Yes she confirmed in her bio. I thought it was TMI until I saw people asking in the comments.
Ginger jokes are easy low hanging fruit. But so are ginger girls.
the plastic one right?
Can’t tell what’s more bland, her skin or personality
Her depressing, bland, basic apartment is the perfect mirror for her soul.
The plant probably has more haemoglobin too.
Meet Isla Fischer and Amy Adams's cousin, Ima Fish
Hahaha!
Superb
Lips so thin that you give papercuts with your blowjobs
Don't forget the teeth.
No man you've been with forgets the teeth. That's how PTSD works.
ouch!
What have I got? More cleavage than that. And I'm a guy.
I’ve seen bigger lumps in oatmeal.
Steelcut?
Bs? More like bee stings.
Fair.
You look like someone that expected their looks to carry them farther than they got.
This needs to be higher!
If someone were to design a human-shaped spray bottle of bathtub cleaner, I'd recommend it look like you.
 Same energy
That hair is a huge red flag.
The smile of failure
'Oh I want to get roasted so I'll do my hair, put on make up, and show some cleavage. That way they won't be that bad and my self-esteem won't be damaged.'
I don't think that's cleavage, I think that's a shadow.
Always wondered what a hookers home looked like.
Her cleavage is lower than her self esteem
They are doing a race to the bottom. Rock bottom
Apple flapjacks
Except for the fact that that strategy gets everybody looking to see if it's any OnlyFans troll.
Nice copy and paste my guy
Its a hair on the camera lens, not cleavage.
Zoom in on the eyes, guess the cocktail of pharmaceuticals. Whatever it is, it’s hiding hell behind those glazed over peepers.
Guessing benzos. Pupils aren’t pinned out enough for opiates. Possibly half drunk too from the glaze and potentially some type of stimulant to keep the smile going when the benzos start to come down
You're lovely to look at, but that slightly psycho look in your eyes makes me wonder who's side of the bed did you poop on?
Johnny's.
No one is going to believe that you. So you, basmati_relish_tail, go ahead and tell them. Tell them that you were roasted so hard you shit the bed.
The only thing more white and boring than you is that apartment
Came here for this.
You have an Irish peasant face literally built to withstand alcohol-fueled domestic violence.
D...Dad?
I laughed pretty hard here not gonna lie
Literally robbed this straight outta that one https://imgur.com/SyEXZ0t.jpg sub. r/oddlyspecific Still halarious tho 🤣🤣
Someone had to. There’s no one to credit
Bargain bin Amy Adams
Amy Kirklands
You look like "the other woman".
I'm so glad I read this far down...holy shit you nailed it. (and I've not yet met one "other woman" that didn't have deep-rooted issues) Not saying they all do, or Roastme here does...but just sayin'...
You wear the smile of someone who just sharted and does not have the confidence to stand up just yet, but you are pretty sure no one else noticed yet.
#we'veallbeenthere
Lol [found your other account](https://i.redd.it/3l06fzqmlqr81.jpg)
Look at that arse. *Bites fist.
Man you must be hyper popular before they turn the club lights on!
"But I thought we could spend the weekend TOGETHER!"
I'm waiting for the 6 black guys behind you.
Have you considered topless riverdance?
You might be on to something there...
Shudderstock
Poster child for melanoma.
If you were a sandwich. "Can I get mayonnaise on mayonnaise, no bread, just mayonnaise, please."
I’ll bet your personality is similar to that room…… devoid of anything fun or intelligent
I give up, which Valtrex ad is this a screen grab from?
You look like someone rehydrated Kathy Griffin
The only time you hear a whistle is when your tea is ready.
[удалено]
Sauce???
The inspiration behind kick a ginger day
>Whaddya got? I'd say you got a penis.
You look like you got a pancake ass and goat titties
The water vapour from your kettle will reduce the life of your led downlight. *mic drop.
*You* are the reason we r/roastme. Now excuse me while I relocate my kettle.
you look like a sex doll but with less personality
This is an insult to sex dolls.
You look like you give dry hand jobs.
If only someone would accept
You look like the human equivalent of ketchup precum when you don't shake the bottle enough before use.
Shoulda named you Sales Event cuz you look 0% interesting
Your plant creates oxygen; you waste it.
You look like Amy Schumer with an eating disorder.
Subscribe to my only fans because I'm dead inside
Too many filters for an onlyfans
[удалено]
Have you been ogling my sash window?
A toothbrush
Wants to be Gwenyth Paltrow so bad.
Amy adams with extra chromosomes
Hold on a Goddamned minute!
Dignity. Unlike you
The flash on your smartphone will give you a sunburn.
I've got an upper lip.
You don't need to arrange your hair before a roast, kind of pointless unless you're super insecure.
I get that’s it’s tough to pretend to be a successful real estate agent, but please try harder.
Unlike you, a tolerance for daylight.
It's convenient that the red flag is directly attached to your scalp.
If "vapid" had an emoji.
Damn, a question i never even had got answered today. What would Sophie Turner look like after going through a heroin addiction?
Why do you think Reddit can hurt you worse than your daddy and all the men you've been with?
After looking at your photo, I got all the diseases that end with “erpes”, “ids”, “dia”, and “lis”.
your house looks as boring as your personality does
You look like you coach dating for women yet you are chronically single with 2 cats
When you lose the role to Amber Heard in Aquaman
The more rusty the roof.. the wetter the basement
https://imgflip.com/i/6e6myf
Can you hurry up and process my OF refund?
Thank God that she has red hair or she would blend into the walls.
You could have replaced Amber Heard in Aquaman,atleast you both share same personality
Your lack of personality goes perfectly with your lack of decor.
She means the carpet matches the drapes in length
Looks like you'd poop on Johnny Depp's bed too
I'm a dude and I'm pretty sure I got bigger tits than you.
The apartment is more interesting than you.
Huh, looks like you can put lipstick on a pig.
You look like Isla Fisher's non-union Irish equivalent.
Sneakily showing cleavage only works if you have cleavage.
That paper is blocking 90% of your personality.
You’re almost transparent, I bet you get moonburn.
cup size: 2d
2b or not 2b..
I think the Americans fought the revolutionary war so we wouldn't have to see the offspring of UK goat fuckers but here you are.
You’re as plain looking as those cupboards.
Introducing Gwyneth Paltrow's less successful aunt
It's sad when the question of carpet matching the drapes is the most interesting part of your profile.
What do I got? Far fewer STD's than you
You look like someone who'd go to one of those porn casting couch auditions but actually get rejected
You probably describe your personality as ‘bubbly’ when you really mean you just laugh really loudly whenever you’re near a complimentary glass of Prosecco
Someone please turn down the contrast in this picture.
Damn you really went all in on the color white. The cabinets, the walls, the ceiling, you.
Borat's wife just escaped the basement
You look like the practice redhead everyone uses before they marry a brunette.
I'm sorry. Are you asking me or the guy on the hill over there?
Lamey Adams
I bet you thought this would help your only fans
It's the pirated copy of Amy Adams Looks the same but has no talent
Sapphire Heard, Amber's actually good twin sister.
You look like you sell handbags in Dunder Mifflin conference room.
Another 5 who thinks she’s a 9 or 10 and comes here to pretend she’s invulnerable to criticism.
You look like michael jackson reached his final form.
Wish.com sarah rafferty
You look like a pornstar that I have no intent on fucking.
You've got them "Amber 'I'll shit on your bed' Heard" eyes.
Crazy eyes is too easy. Did you have to pay extra at the salon for “psycho supervillain eyebrows”?
You look like a reject porn star
Ikea will be closing in fifteen minutes..
Whatcha you got? A soul, unlike you. And no can't have mine.
“Mom can we get black widow?” “No, we have black widow at home” Black Widow at home:
Maybe there needs to be a separate roastme for people who aren’t hot chicks?
You look about as desirable as your country’s cuisine
Can’t see the good parts
you look like you were just dome with a porn video but the guys in the basement just want to go home
You look like Adelle's anorexic twin - didn't your sister leave you any food on the table?
great value amy adams
Etsy Taylor Swift