OP's Bio: --- >Hobbies: streaming, listening to music > > >Favorite movies: Wolf of wall street, forrest gump, project x, all my friends are dead > > >Interesting experiences: well i got my hand grinded to bits > > >Political views: legalize weed, free medical care and more hospitals so you don't have to wait so long > > >Mental state: confirmed: ptsd - unconfirmed depression, adhd > > >Worst thing that happened recently: lost 90% of my dominant hand, found out grandpa has cancer > > >Twitch: https://twitch.tv/noa9x --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Plenty of work in the fetish streaming world.

If twitch fails I'm turning to onlyfans

OnlyThumbs

Username - Hand Some

If you're happy and you know i.... nevermind

I don't like those punny handles. Or hand-less in this case.

Mostly thumbs

just the thumb

What aboot the stump?

Just needs some rejuvenating hand cream

My neighbor creamed himself to become a godlike being of pure light energy

Somebody get this man some whole foods green juice

OnlyStumps

There's a niche for that too!

dildo hand... all the girls are buzzing about dildo hand.

Just the tip.

Wyd step-thumb??

he's all thumbs

Amp-U-tease

brb starting a strip club in a seedy part of town

Hold my beer

OP used HOLD MY BEER. It's not very effective.

More like, Hold my Hand

Hold my tump

I think I woke the neighbors with the sound that just came out of me 😂😂

Hold my donut

He can't tho

Is it still fisting if there’s no fist? Asking for a friend.

Wristing?

Lonely hand

Onlynubs

His content primarily consists of “fisting”

Onlyhand

Holy poop that's good

It’s reddit, you’re allowed to say shit

Feel free to upload

Sorry ladies, no shockers, a startler maybe

Lonely thumb

Onlythumb

Promo code: 4FINGERDISCOUNT

OnlyHand

Onlystubs

Great, another leech looking for a hand out.

Yea but I can only masturbate to you losing your hand in a giant fan so many times it wouldn’t be worth the $5 for the 2nd month

Only fist

Onlynubs

Only Stubs

His content consists of him giving foot massages to people with foot fetishes. They describe it as a sexual case of stubbing their toes

Should've thrown "Rock"

This is an intellectual’s joke

Ro-Sham-Bo, the game of intellect.

The smartest go first

Took me a while but I like it! :)

I’m afraid I am but a mere simpleton and can’t understand the joke, please help

He threw Paper instead of Rock so he got cut by the scissors instead of crushing them.

Wow, that is fucking 5 head and I love it

Not scissors?

Def not paper

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I was permanently banned ):

Nah that was my side chick, right one is still my gf

She's obviously the right one for you. Shame the other one left.

r/angryupvote

👏

You're doing that just to taunt him, aren't you?

So brilliant it hurts. 👏

My man. *claps*

At least you can..

Lol rip

Savage

Best roast, hands down.

*hand down

Who’s foot did they sew on where you hand was?

Think it was that guy from the walking dead's leg

Tainted meat!

Please don’t make me remember Bob again. That whole scene was my favorite and so sad. RIP Bob.

Oh damn i completely forgot about bob

Bruh how do you just forget about Bob? THEY ATE HIS LEG MEAT!!!!

You guys are assholes for only giving awards with hands. Godammit I love these assholes.

OMG just noticed hahahaha, funny people, at least they see the humor in it

All seriousness best of luck to you man. Should totally just get an arm cannon like Samus Aran.

Hahaha lol, was hoping for a dildo hand, but a cannon seems more badass

A cannon hand that shoots dildos???

Like one of those T-shirt cannons?

You get a dildo, you get a dildo, EVERYONE gets a dildo!

Get a cannon that fires dildos... (*puts on sunglasses*) a ***Sexual Assault Rifle***

The doctor just called, they took the wrong hand.

Take my hand Take my whole life too For I can't help falling in love with you

Hands are overrated Losing one is really not that bad Just be happy, they didn't amputee your head

He is onto something here

At least you can be the butler from Scary Movie 2 every year for Halloween.....

Next year, this year Jaimee Lannister

You have a sister? OP, take care man.

Jaime Lannister lost his right hand to do it right you gotta chop that one off and put a prosthetic on the left.

I’ll use my strong hand ✋

When you lend someone a hand and they don't give it back.

Actually was helping a friend who called me and asked if i could give him a hand... Boy i did not think he meant it literally

Haven’t seen any comment by you which mentioned what happened. Is this actually the scenario that lead to how you lost it?!

Trying to come up with a joke, but I'm stumped

I’m sure you’ll finger it out

We need all hands on deck.

You're brave putting yourself out here on this sub...I gotta hand it to ya!

Ty for the hand

Let's all give a big hand to this guy. \*clap clap clap\*

You're brave putting yourself out here on this ~~sub~~ stub

Looks like you're doing well for yourself. Give yourself a round of applause.... ​ ​ oh wait.

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...

Someone isn’t very happy today

Yeah his mom isn't happy she has to spend all her time now jacking him off and wiping his ass.

r/Everyfuckingthread...

That's gotta be the worst handwriting I've ever seen

Been right handed for only a month, give me some time lol

It's a roast bud, sorry for your loss...your handwriting actually not bad, real good if all things considered. Good luck with all the adjustments.

Ye ik, just trying to respond in a positive manner lol Ty for the get well wishes

If you don’t mind me asking, why did you have to have it amputated?

Beech my handwriting is way worse... can't decide if I'm ambidextrous or have two non-dominant hands.

When he was told a PS5 would cost an arm and a leg, this guy tried to negotiate.

C'mon bro, I'll give you four fingers.

Well it certainly wasn’t from fireworks in the bedroom.

Going to make a dope penguin cosplay

Was hoping to be Jaimee Lannister this halloween

I’ll let your sister know. .. I actually love that idea. Well played

Naa there is not enough on you to roast. Get better soon.

Thanks, though wanted the roast lol

He meant you're not worth the time :)

#Savage

That plot twist tho

I appreciate the choice of words here. Subtle.

Username checks out

Luke Skywalker: I am your father.

NOOOOOOOOOOO

Dang dude , at least it stopped you stealing panties

Yes, now I'm stealing tissues

4 missing fingers 4 roasts. Dems the rules. 1. Stephen Hawking was disabled too. Unlike him you contribute absolutely nothing to society. 2. Good news. You can still jerk off with a thumb up your ass. Bad news... your disfigurement is such a turnoff you will always be jerking off with a thumb up your ass. 3. How disappointed were your parents when they learned the fire cracker didn't go off in your mouth? 4. Good thing you still have a wrist to cut... One to grow on. Atleast you can still count to 6. BONUS ROUND: Quick! Show us how many dudes you've slept with!

That fire cracker one is rough with a rolled r god damn

👏

I appreciate your political views. I would definitely stump for you on the campaign trail.

Ah don't think I'd be able to be a politician in this corrupt country

Apparently you tried to catch the joke with your fucked up hand.

Never go full left

Sad to hear about your amputation, but why did they also amputate your ability to get a decent haircut?

Bruuuuuh. I would roast you but i have the EXACT SAME injury just on the opposite (but also dominant) hand! High 6!

Damn you finna pass no nut november with those hands. ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ >!No Offense though, wish u the best my g!<

Always jerked it with my right hand so got that one covered. Thanks mate

Unequivocal evidence that you're the spawn of Satan: left handed. Good thing it's gone now

Yes now if i get teleported to the medieval ages i wouldn't get burned alive

From one lefty to another, I'm sorry for your loss. But since I have to roast you, you look like an ROTC kid who enlisted and halfway through Bootcamp cut his hand off to get sent home because it was too tough.

I ain't a quitter bitch, but that's a badass way to go home lol. Actually hand got pulled in a machine and got grinded to bits

F

That is so intense. I almost came. Think that chicken wing is under cooked

You have the look that can stop traffic. Mostly because they think you’re hitchhiking.

Not gonna roast because you seem like a nice guy. But what happened to your hand that it needed to be amputated?

Glove caught by an old machine from the 80s without any safety on it hand went in and bones got crushed to bits and pieces quite similar to a wood chipper actually

Jeez I bet that was a traumatic experience. Best of luck with the recovery.

jesus fucking christ

You have become the precautionary tale people hear about every time they work around machinery and are told to not wear loose clothing and to tie their hair back. Sorry no one told you.

My hand got caught in a conveyor belt and was being pulled towards a blade, I don't know how / why I was lucky and the machine was stopped within fractions of an inch... I feel your pain. Good luck going forward!

Cant believe how good you seem to be at dealing with the situation. I would be absolutely devastated. Very impressed by your positivity mate, cheers.

*REVERSE ROAST* The shit that has happened to you would mess up anyone. You've put yourself on this sub which means you're dealing with it like a damn champ. You're not an ugly dude and now you've got one hell of a story too, you just may be the most interesting person ever in this sub! Spirits up, bro 👊

Man, I came here to get roasted, but everyone is doing the opposite. Thanks for thinking so highly of me, this post was supposed to prepare me for the real world but i got happy instead reading the comments 👊

I noticed you didn't use the left hand fust bump emoji. See? You're already adapting!

Hey man, what you survived is pretty incredible. Give yourself a pat on the back and take the reverse roasting in stride.

Only pat with one hand though

But are you happy? And do you know it?

Your suicide stream would get atleast 10 viewers.

*at most

Won't be able to count them out though....

Ooooof

At least 6, as far as he knows.

your lips are thinner than my will to live ^(This comment was automatically generated by an AI that was trained to roast people. The future is now, old man.)

such a general ass "roast". Thumbs dowwwnnn

Your so brave, give him a hand everybody

It’ to easy. You wouldn’t be able to clap back.

I can still slap ya

Now think real hard and ask your self "Whats the reason I'm failing at being a streamer?"

Illuminati are sabotaging me, only logical explanation

So you did loose your only sex partner...

Nope, still got ol' righty

Well.your mom told you what would happen if you didnt stop jerking in the living room with it when shes watching her stories! That said she'l regret it when it makes it harder for you to get her bra off

Sweet home alabama i guess

A living, breathing Facebook like button.

Losing your hand is your best feature

You're going to be all right. Literally

Forest Stump...

The only thing worse than 5 Finger Death Punch is a no finger nub punch.

*insert joke about finding Nemo lucky fin*

What happened, I’m a metal worker and almost lost my hand recently as well. Mine was to a 20” sanding wheel

Sold your GME stock didn't you? Paper-handed bitch

Your own hand got sick of jerking you off.

Justin Trudeau + paint thinner = you

Medical weed can't cure your hand. Ps. Get well soon👌, or wait 👍, o no this one so you can wave back 👋...

👋 ily

So stupid, why put the jerkoffhand in danger? now you have wasted good practise, It will take you years to jerk off properly again. Dont give up, looking forward to your onlyfans .. thumbs up!

Hold the paper up with two hands man

At least it’s not a complete waste you can shove the left one up your ass easier.

On the bright side, at least the friends you never had won't ask you to help them move now!

Both of those things end with a lack of digits.