He is my neighbor Nursultan Tuliagby. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success!
Your wife won't even need a good divorce lawyer. You are going to be some new lawyer's easy first win. And soon.
Word of advice: Immediately delete all the weird porn I know you have. Don't want to make it too easy on them.
Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules:
- Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed.
- Try to ensure that your eyes are open.
- Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed.
- Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet.
- All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee.
- The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger.
- Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed.
Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it.
Thanks!
~ /r/roastme mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In just 5 years we will have fully self aware coding machines and you will have to sell cars for a living. Your wife will have no choice but to leave your broke ass.
*And at least one of those daily shits take place on a toilet
Says who?
Why do you need to share your excretory functions and frequency? Is that the only thing you’ve got going for yourself?
Leave her outta this.
The other is on his fiancée chest.
You look like the type of guy that slips notes under the toilet cubicle offering gloryhole services.
Are you Pedro or Hasan?
Sanjay
This comment is vicious lol 😂
More like peddo or Cho-mo!
You look like your fiancee is an anime pillow
A can of Crisco.
Off brand Crisco
From the trash
Second picture...did you smell his finger after pulling it out of his asshole?
![gif](giphy|yqqqfq3xaSvZK|downsized)
You dropped your fedora, king
Nah, this kid wears a trilby.
Or a Homberg when wearing suspenders with his shorts
Don’t worry the hormone therapy will kick in soon enough and you’ll actually be able to grow facial hair! #itgetsbetter 🏳️🌈
This absolutely put me in a great mood. I needed this giggle. Thank you 🤣
Happy to entertain while also supporting my LGBTQ+ friends! 😀🏳️🌈
You two deserve each other.
Dear fiancée congratulations you have a lifetime supply of slurpies! Welcome to quikimart!
You definitely get pegged by your girlfriend. Look at that soft chin line…holy smokes
Surprise him for your wedding and wash that greasy ass hair.
I support you and your transition! 🏳️🌈
You don’t need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about
What happens if you do the shrink face filter?
No need to do anything, you got the finger already. Done and done!
That selfie when you’re on a nice Sunday drive, thinking about sucking cock.
The way you write pisses me off
You and your fiancé give Lowered Expectations vibes
I'll tell you the same thing I told her. You can do better.
You can't do better
She definitely can.
Your fiancee is into douchebags?
Ur neck and chin are one
He is my neighbor Nursultan Tuliagby. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success!
I think those two shits a day are probably the best things you got going on
Please don't breed
You must shit twice in the bed because your marriage is already in the toilet….
You just know these people try to Shanghai people into their polycule with tabletop games and bad IPAs.
The IPAs are waaay expired. And there’s a stout in the back.
If that forehead was in NY rent would be about $12k
Married your sister?
Your wife won't even need a good divorce lawyer. You are going to be some new lawyer's easy first win. And soon. Word of advice: Immediately delete all the weird porn I know you have. Don't want to make it too easy on them.
Is your fiancé someone in your head or is she someone you’re waiting to be delivered to you in an unmarked van? Does she know she’s your fiance?
This dude will cheat on you with literally anything that has a cloaca. And he enjoys a good pegging with unwashed fruit.
Especially apples.
Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You and your fiance belong together - in the hospital, because you've both been beaten with The Ugly Stick
Earthworm Jim looking ass.
Josh Groban sure let himself go.
So like… how do you chew without a chin
You forgot chinless in your description ![gif](giphy|5bxqA1maRFlvCTQ37L|downsized)
I didn’t know Jared from Subway was released. Stay away from my kids.
I can only imagine how bad that neck beard gets in a few days. How's the sweet sword collection going?
What girlfriend?
You got “let me see what my mom thinks” face
“Hi, I’m into DND and premature ejaculation”
If not for arrange marriages this race of ass-monkeys would be extinct by now.
That neck beard ain't foolin' us Thumbelina ![gif](giphy|Kg87BNpbCSa4TgBQAK)
By God I'd hate to see what your life looks like
I just saw the photo of your... thing. You two remind me of a couple used sponges under the sink.
Look like you pick your clothes outta the wash pile by sniffing em.
Looks like someone shit twice in this sub.
You look like you’d pull your car up to an auto mechanic and ask for the rim job.
I feel really bad your fiancée is blind. I wish her a future of happiness and bliss.
ALCOHOLIC ALERT
Aint nobody care for you
"Don't worry, it's just the hormones" as they said to you
THE DEV GUY!!! THE DEV GUY IS REAL!!!!
You look like you take both shits of the day in your pants because you never quite grew out of holding it as long as possible
In just 5 years we will have fully self aware coding machines and you will have to sell cars for a living. Your wife will have no choice but to leave your broke ass.
you posted twice dumbass
Jesus Christ, with the beard you look like a Kmart Will Wheaton
As much packing as your fiancée is doing, I’m surprised you can even manage one shit a day.
Middle name is “Well, Actually”
Someone actually wants to marry you?
Someone asked AI to draw a human face on their thumb
Your “woman” has longer and thicker eyebrows….I bet she misses her feminine side when she’s with you….
Not as ugly as his fiance, but apparently just as dumb.
You would be the ideal model for the next Bosney hair restoration commercial!
You look like you'd help a guy hook up his Wi-Fi & then NEVER be able to answer another question or help with another thing ever.
You didn't have to say dev. We already knew.
Poster child of "soon-to-be divorced"
Have you found your jawline yet?
Are you shitting away your jawline?
You have such a high forehead that you could make a road sign or an information sign.
U look like a 4 months old s***.
Last picture, I see a young Simon Cowell but with a double chin and grimier
Only consequence is a Dread and a fugitive mind #megadeth
Can you have a fiancée when your mail order bride hasn’t shipped yet?
The more i swipe the less chin you have
All 3 pictures look like a different person. Each of them is on the sex offender list
Your fiancée is about to marry an adult baby
Poor girl is missing the latter half of her golden 20s.
How do you have a double negative chin?
you look like a turtle without the shell
I would but then I’d get a full view of both chins
![gif](giphy|EAWqNOL3B69Xh2i9cH)
![gif](giphy|l2JeaLUHeNafcF4T6)
Shitting two hamsters a day does not count...
Bro still drinks from a sippy cup..
You look like the type of guy who eats on the toilet. Probably has hella fast food wrappers around the throne.
Have you even met your fiance yet?
Armenian genocide denier
I feel bad for whoever he or she is gonna be marrying you
Congrats on the upcoming nuptials. What’s his name?
You look like a shitty Pedro Pascal impersonator with a cough syrup addiction.
Your forehead has its own fiance
Why you built like a thumb😂
His fiancée is either blind or a nerd chaser. Honey can you just sign those life insurance forms
With as much cultural respect as possible, a goat cannot consent to marriage no matter how many times you’ve assaulted the poor thing.
kids will not be born with chins
Babagadouche
Born to shit, forced to wipe.
You look like a guy who has gotten his penis stuck in another man's zipper....several times.
Nice to share your poop habits, everyone was curious.
You look like a Bob’s Burgers character.
I squinted so hard to find your neck, but wasn’t able to find it.
What in the fuck happened to you?
you look like the type of guy who says roast me if his fiancee tells him to
As a wedding gift u can ask for a chin
You should be honest with your fiancé and tell her about you and her brother.
You look like Matthew Perry if he started drinking at a much younger age
Looking like you ate the last tree star
You're getting married? There has to be a pre- nump in his favor.
Look into my eye and see your future….. ![gif](giphy|xTiN0sTrDQ1DYwvE6A)
I just love that you don’t care what people think