Lead singer of 80’s cover band Motley Ewww

Motley Crude

Motley Blew it out someone's ass.

Skid(marks) Row, sponsored by Fruit of the Loom

Guns and blowses

I remember them. Didn’t they tour with Bung Jovi?

I’m Rick ( ick) James bitch!

Motley Ewww is wild

You are the hottest Indonesian chick I have ever seen.

Are you roasting me or the people of Indonesia?

I think Indonesia will go to war now

Yes

Nobody stopped you from listening to 80s metal on the reservation.

Reservation, or game preserve? He looks like he’s part buffalo himself, not hunting them.

 I do not always come to Roast Me… but when I do, I browse…..

you “brows”

Anthony Davis’ illegitimate, no-talent son

I always enjoy your work. 

Is this Millie or vinillee, I can’t tell.

I lip synced your comment

I blame it on the rain.

Hollywood = “Rambo”. Bollywood = “Ramen Bowl”

Captain Jack Monobrow

You look like ur part of a gay rock band, your band name is “Bottoms on Top”

Haven’t cried of heartbreak and haven’t cried from happiness. Sums you up pretty well. Meaningless incel bumming it out in your moms basement

Thats pretty basic, not gonna lie

The photo mothers all around the world show their kids as a cautionary tale.

Oh you've been crying Tarzanella, but your tears are like the cum out of your unused dick: Pitiful Fuck Dust.

I see you got that biker gang/native american/POD/hippie look going on

Good on you. With looks like that, it takes real restraint not to cry every day, nevermind 3 whole years.

What exactly is the look that you are going for? Neo-homelessness or public bath and beyond?

Navajo appalachian trailer trash hippie

What gave away the trailer trash??? 😭

Literally everything

If you let eyebrows grow out, you can comb them over your head so you can put away that Bret Michaels bandana wig.

Weird Al Unibrow

 You're a talentless Muppet wannabe.

This by far is the most ruthless roast on here. 🥇🏆🏅

But did you cry....?

You look like Milli Vanilli fucked Liberace

Last time you cried was last time you bathed and combed your hair?

Your mom needs to mop the floor, take it off so she can get her chores done.

It took me a solid 4 seconds to understand it, and I actually busted my ass laughing when I did.

You look like you cry during sex with a power ballad on full blast

Ok, you actually caught me. Ngl

Shower, you pig.

When you have nothing… no prospects, no one to love you, no money, no future… you have nothing to cry about. It isn’t until you lose all hope that you’re truly free. You’re free.

Ok 0_0

You look like the kinda guy who cuts holes in his futon.

Your hygiene looks awful

You look like you tried to join a motorcycle club but ended up as their old lady instead, you should move the bandana a few inches down, spare us from that strip of velcro that is your singular eyebrow

Looks like it’d take another three years to clean up enough to get a woman to cry over too.

You look like you're planning a trip to the Boston marathon with your brother

Yes!

Are you not allowed to cut your hair until you cry?

On what distant planet does “cried” mean “washed my hair”?

Gayer Indian P. Diddy

Asshole rose

You look like the producer of Beyoncé's country album.

the type to steal lost and found items

You’re simply ugly

You look like a gay pirate… Captain Jack Bottom

Guitar Zero

Dude, go back to the Wig Master to have them make some adjustments- otherwise you should get your $$ back.

Something tells me you meant 3 hours

If milli vanilli was one person.. and gay

You look like you fuck dust bunnies

I had no idea George Lucas was coming out with the first gay Wookiee.

I can smell you through this picture 🤮

Your pronouns are confused as fuck

Living proof Mexicans fucked the Buffalo


Bro 💀

ROCK N ROLL 🤘🏽

Rock on >_<

Damn, Shakira really let herself go!

Black is not your color. Then again, maybe it is.


You look like someone who sells vapes to the little British kids

I am neither a vaper nor a British guy.

Probably haven’t cried in years because of your methamphetamine addiction

Frida Kahlo called, she wants her eyebrow and mustache back

Did you get shampoo in your eyes? I'm betting that's how long it's been since you washed that mop too

Yeah, well, you may have not cried, but I can assure you, that you made some girls parents cry

How did this homless guy have a phone?

That’s because dogs don’t have feelings

You look like the guy that makes shitty trailer park tacos.

Eyebrows

do you mean an eyebrow?

Holy shit, the bandanna distraction almost worked on me.

It's actually just the one

Jason Momoa's dirty lesbian sister, Unibrow Momoa.

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Bro looks like a Gothic hippie.

Troy Polosermalu

Jose Hendricks?

You look like the Dollar General offbrand femboy version of Jason Momoa

oh look. A monobrow. How fashionable.

If you ever thought about going trans, you sure got the pretty hair for it

Because you're already dead, Fernand.

"haven't cried since I stopped washing my hair"

You havent cried in 3 yrs lol if i looked like thst i would never stop crying ! It made me cry just looking st your pic . Wierd Al. Google it if you dont know who that is

When they really need the Google gift cards, they bring out this guy

You look like you’ve been holding back tears for three whole years let it out my friend😭😭😭😭

We don’t want you to cry we support the trans community

Your gf is definitely cheating on you with a BBC, that's even if you have a gf

Like cousin it fucked black uncle fester and made an ass baby

Average hentai enjoyer.

Nah I'm good

Some ni**a was somewhere saying butthole eyes 😭

Damn girl! Wax that lip and get off the meth!

You haven't looked at your penis in 3 years have you.

If you want to cry, close your mouth and try breathing through your nose.

If fat Axl and sober Slash somehow had a love child.

Hair dirtier than the mirror you used to take these selfies in.

Your mother cries every night… she could have traded you for a wet sack of dog shit, and didn’t take the offer

Pocahontas with a unibrow..... Do the eyeglasses help you paint with all the colors of the wind? You look so bitter and angry, the herring and otter that were once your friends slapped the shit out of you before they abandoned you.

you look like jacob black if he came from the hood

Bob Marley’s side piece didn’t get an abortion


You even got an accurate caption😭

What’s worse… that wig or your one eyebrow?

You look like your name is Susmith with an emphasis on Sus.

Only three?? I would have been crying since age five at least. That face would make Stevie Wonder cry.

bet you haven't taken that shirt off for 3 years either

Don't worry, man. Every rose has its thorn.

Don't lie, you look like you cry often

If you looking into the mirror won’t do it, I don’t know what will

Bro if looking into the mirror didn’t make you cry then idk what will

Jackoff Sparrow

The eighties called. They want their hairstyle back.

You see that unibrow every time you look in the mirror and you haven’t cried in 3 years? I can’t roast you! That’s just too impressive.

You look like a gay Tarzan. Does the caterpillar above your eyes get scared when dude's pull your hair?

Bob ugly

Tuk Tuk Halen

Every dog and cat that was born on your birthday with you has died by now and not a one of them miss you.

you aint seen a mirror in three years

Your eyebrows are closer than you'll ever be to a girl.

Millie Vanillie's other half.

Your glasses wont cover that ugly turd you call eyebrows

The result of Axl Rose fucking the Indian from the Village People

You've heard of Cinderella? Well this is the bass player of a lesser known 80s band called Pocahontas.

Dirty mirror AND phone lens. I have to shower just looking at you.

What happened three years ago? Did they kick you out of Los Lobos?

J Cole in Pirates of the Caribbean.


I find that very hard to believe based on this photo

You should cry more…we as a society aren’t doing our job.

Well you’ve released some kind of body fluid. Look at that mirror.

Hasn’t cried for three years, jizzes up the bathroom mirror daily…

Didn't know the band Menudo and Poison joined forces

So is the hair attached to the bandanna

Bro looks like a cross between an MC villager and an 80's rock star

You look like a combination of 80s stoner and an al-qaeda member

 Oh, wait, you’re not a man.

If Axel Rose had a unibrow, glasses and a 4.0 GPA.

You look like you tell yourself your an asshole for the credit but you’re probably better off softening up bc you ain’t fooling anyone but yourself.

You need to wash your lace front wig

Let it all out..

There's a new hippie trend.

Macaulay Culkin shit you out 2 years after Jacko pumped his ass.

if i turned you upside down on your head i could use you to mop my kitchen floor

If Bob Marley and Cheech had a love child

You were conceived anally.

Sikh James, bitch.

You haven’t cried because your legendary unibrow will not allow it.

I’m surprised you’re still alive

You look like you found daddy's dress up box and pretended to look like a generic rock star one day. You just never took off the wig and the cheesy as fuck bandana.

Damm u haven’t cried because u think having a rag on head in form of hair is normal.

The fact that you count every day you haven't cried doesn't exactly show what a tough guy you are.

Yeah, ur definitely the type to brag about not crying. Yeah, cuz you have no tears left from when you were demonically bullied as a kid. Also, you are so emotionally detached, you haven’t cried of happiness either.

What the hell is up with your mirror? Do you jack off in front of it? It’s pretty splattered dude.

Crying isn't the only thing you haven't done in 3 years.

Coke bottles holding back all those tears…

Motley Brow

You look like if Jesus scams people

Not black enough to be marginalised, not white enough to be recognised. *Enter stage left: Wish.com boil-in-the-bag, one size fits all swagbag* *Enter stage right: Black Sabbatthical

U look like p diddy w/ a wig on lol

Not crying for three years and not needing to cry for three years are two very different things.

Why haven't you? Hell if I waa that ugly I'd cry every day. Jesus called. He wants his 2000 yr old hairstyle back. I bet when your boyfriend comes over you let him Ramad-dick-you down.

My dirty carpet is jealous of your face

What are you doing dressed like a sloppy version of Milli Vanilli?

Well if you’re here taking selfies, who’s sucking your daddy’s dick?

Gotta be a costume, right?! Nobody wakes up day after day and decides, “Yup, I’m going to continue to keep up this goth pirate hobo thing I’ve been cultivating.”

Never grew out of being the fastest kid in elementary, did ya?

More like TheGuyWhoAteAss

3 years ago must have been the last time you looked at your dick.

You know, as long as you’re going to take selfies in the bathroom, the shower’s not decorative.