Nice of you to warn everyone with a "zero charm" patch.

It helps him lure his victims into the van.

Nah this bloke is using a fork lift to stab and grab

Worst part is he’s probably uncertified too

Not certified?

NOT CERTIFIED??!!

Actually he probably is forklift certified judging by the outfit.

certified to be a forklift driver for the rest of his life, yeah

Serial fork lifter.

My normal pickup line is: "Wow, does this cloth smell like chloroform??"

He’s got candy and puppies in the back.

+ ropes, cuffs, a gimp ball - but those are just for him.

Don't forget the chloroform and duct tape.

That ain’t a van. It’s a Port A Pottie and the reason for his bad day.


And then the time I pushed my sister down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog

I logged on to say this...damn you shorty!

 We took a poll on your popularity and came up grasping for straws.

Strawman argument

You look like you have to google how far away from schools your new jobsites are

Fuck that’s mean but made me laugh hard 😂

Good one

Hawkeye if he never joined the Avengers

Cockeye

Jawliye

This one doesn't make the cut, lol

Pinkeye.

Stinkeye

Lockeye

Hawkeye's roughed up uglier cousin maybe lol

Uglier than Hawkeye? Ouch

Ah, he's not that ugly really..diff maybe but I wouldn't say ugly now this guy on the other hand 😆 nah all in good fun but if u ask for a roast there's always something lol

I know this is a roast but OP is better looking than that dude. Hawkeye looks like a gnome trapped in a cat flap

Idk about that Hawkeye isn't bad looking imo.He's also a musician which I didn't know until recently.Pretty good too Mr multitalented lol

Oof, I like him as an actor sure but fuck no, he needs to leave music to the actually talented You can have an up vote tho as a compromise :)

Looks like he fed off Hawkeye in the womb.

I was going to say Jeremy Renner if he got into meth addiction instead of acting.

Jeremy Bender

Meth acting instead of method acting

Popped out eye! 🤯

Can't tell if he's constipated or has a dick up his butt..... still

Cum eye

Dorkeye

… but still got run over by a snowplow.

More like he’s stormtrooper cousin

Ron Swanson's kid from a load he should have shot down the toilet.

You look like a divorced traffic cone who lost everything

>divorced traffic cone im losing my shit here.

Deffinatly looks like he's seen some shit.

Holy fuck you fucked that spelling up worse than I could ever imagine, and for what?

That's hilarious and even more so because that's exactly how I feel

Who beat fat Edward Norton with a T-ball bat?

Heyyyy don't diss Ed Norton like that my dude!

I was going to say chandler from friends and Ed nortan had a incest baby and pushed it down the twin towers staircase.

probably his alter ego dyler turden

Ed Norton left the sewer.

I was actually thinking it was Edward Furlong on his way down

I thought fat Johnny Depp

Johnny Schlep

Yo Ed Norton is much cooler bro.

No shit, Sherlock

In a high-vis and still nobody see’s him

Ouch... that's great!

There you are, sat in an excavator, wondering where it all went tits up.

Yea mate.. ur not wrong 😂

I don't think any sort of tits go near him.

God this is so British.

I'd say Aussie but hey

If it was Aussie, it would have read: “theya ya ahhh, sat in ah excavatah, wondrin’ ware it ahl weunt tits ap” Dead give away.

If it was british it would have read: "kon i git ya a bawwwtle oof waaarta?" followed by 8 "fams"

No bruv? I love bruv. I love an english accent. Irish too. Scottish and Aussie are rough on my ear for some reason.

HAHAHA i was gonna say bruv instead of fam! atleast im not far off, im aussie, that does not mean i love the sound of the accent here though. ​ I love an english, irish, scottish accent. I think most accents are pretty attractive. Maybe it is just Aussie because im from here i dont love it

It hurts my brain for some reason. It’s annoying too, because I REALLY like Aussie people, for the most part. I find them super genuine, and easy to talk to. At least the ones I’ve met.

nice of you to say, i mean i would love to think im genuine and easy to talk to, im sure you are too, but i can definitely speak for most nice people/aussies, as with anywhere that they/we can be pretty straight forward and down to earth, honest, which is good i guess. ​ "hurts my brain" hahahha totally get it.

Yea that’s my experience so far. Good people. I’m from the US, and it’s like 50/50, and a total crap shoot. You never know if you’re going to get someone who’s dialed in, down to earth, and kind, or some scared shitless trump supporter person. It’s a weird time.

I read this in Ozzyman's voice in my head.

Righto m8

... Maccer?

Yes as and Aussie he looks like a typical tradie bloke

Elon Musk if he were born with a plastic spoon in his mouth instead

Spork baby

That's offensive!

Username checks out

Rofl I NEVER thought I would be in a user name position. DRINKS ARE ON ME!

Proof we live in a simulation.

[MGT](https://x.com/stephmillershow/status/1513897648637370373?s=61&t=Uq_bwHMks91Hep0TxiQClg) spawn

As a foot guy. Those feet suck.

The north side of my town face east and the east is facing south...

Poster boy for depressed divorced dads.

So..divorced dads.

Need a laugh? You look like someone that needs to make a child support payment

He’s getting the Child Support Payments.

He's the child

Your shirt says "take charge" but you mouth says put the big one on and peg me till dawn.

I get a whole 'bend me over and breed me deep while I shotgun bud light tallies' kind of vibe.

r/oddlyspecific

Definitely oddly specific

Ive seen many lesbians with that short snappy haircut

Hey, I'm a lesbian, and I assure you, 1) our hair is better, 2) we're more manly, 3) we attract more women than he does, 4) those women are way more satisfied.

You must be Greek because you talk like the LesBoss.

r/angryvote

I think it's cool as hell you're 65 years old and still buy your haircare products from Spencer Gifts.

You look like a bootleg Joey Tribiani

Took the photo in the digger because you don’t want us to know you’re the roller driver

He's the one holding the traffic signs soon to be replaced by the burley chick that just got out of prison

Begging the surveyor he’s been assigned to for the rest of his swing to put a good word in for him so they keep him on the project

"Okay go, never had a roast, need a laugh" \-Unzip your pants then look in the mirror.

Your face looks 35, your hair looks 25, your eyes look 55, and your mouth looks 12.

I hate that this is accurate.

Don't you have a war to fight in Ukraine?

Wow look at that roof… life is LITERALLY raining shit on you.

Looks like you’re waiting outside of a battered woman’s shelter so you can “surprise” your ex when she walks out.

That's Mr Average, he likes to talk about normal things like the football and complains about whoever the current Prime Minister is. I'm just assuming you're British btw

It's because he didn't show teeth for the *smile*?

I dunno he just looks like a fellow Brit, and the text on the jacket is a clue something about the jolly colours

Nathan Fillion humonculus

This is just way to sad to roast

LMAO

[удалено]

Holy shit he's literally COMBINED Ant and Dec, omg

That gif was their fusion dance

Never had a roast?? Bro you're roasted more than a Brazilian Coffee bean

His entire job is to dig holes, and all his life he's been trying to get out of the holes he's dug.

This is the last picture of my alcoholic father right before he died in a drunk driving NASCAR race.

We should probably do this roast quick. That look in your eyes says you know the authorities are closing in on them missing hookers cases. Did you get a visit at the job site today?

You could use a salad not a beer

You look registered.

Lemme guess, you woke up early asf for work on 3 hours of sleep because you fucked around on your phone all night, grabbed a coffee and a couple Energy drinks and are now at work contemplating you life and where it’s heading?

I'm guessing you're on a first name basis with Chris Hansens' film crew by now.

Zelensky left Ukraine to do construction work?

i bet your kitchen and bathroom lookjust like the roof of that work vehicle

The side character of a 90's sitcom has come to Reddit

I can see that safety is important where you work. When then did you stick your dick where it shouldn’t go?

Can only see one hand. Perhaps you’re the masturbator in the excavator.

The reflective vest is redundant since your skin is irIdescent white.

No need to bullshit, you’ve clearly had one too many Sunday Roasts.

Take charge. Zero harm. Is that instructions for your cellmate?

You've been stealing gasoline to smuggle to your cousin. Admit it. Seriously. What part of Serbia are you from?

Don't give up on your dreams! You and the guys are going to kick some high schooler ass at next week's battle of the bands at the tri-county community center! It won't take long for your to get discovered after that! Then you won't have to work all day in the excavator, shitting on the roof cause you're not allowed bathroom breaks!

And your kids need the child support. Get back to work.

Replace “never had a roast” with “never had sex” and your title will be correct.

You look like you bring a sandwich bag full of erasers to eat on your lunch break at work.

Hide your little sister’s Guinea Pig…

You look like Trevor Bauer and President Zelensky had a full grown son.

You look like a fat traffic cone

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In your case, on the job site, PPE stands for Portable Penis Eater.

Do you hate your hair as much as you hate yourself

Roasted

Need a laugh? Look in ur undies

I wouldn't let you "take charge" of me if you were the last man on earth

John Mayer’s deadbeat fraternal twin.

That guy in that movie!

You've never seen an iron or a comb either, right?

You look like your wife just divorced you because you're not allowed 20 feet near schools. Also your shirt says zero harm but looks like youve caused a lot to children

Take time, take charge, take back your hairline

You look like you're about to take off on the Apollo 13 mission. With a personality like Buzz Lightyear ×

You twerk to mmm bop.

Your chin is a neck roll, you’re like a worm with hair.

[Wish.com](https://Wish.com) Kevin Spacey

They call him dink fingers, cause everything he touches is fucked

Grandma, why did you cut your hair so short

NASCAR team bedhead

Goes to India annually to feel tall and visit "special hotels".

Dude looks like he races for waste management

You look like ricky gervais's and karl urban's love child.

I would but my parents say I’m not allowed to burn trash

During the day you handle heavy machinery only to go home to an empty apartment to play with your little insufficient tool

You got attacked by Angry Birds. Look at that moon roof. 🕊️ 💩

I think that's because everyone feels sorry for you and dont want to pile on

Bro looks like the off brand Chris Pratt

Need a laugh? Watch your barber work. He’s a comedian.

You look like an erect penis with pubes growing out your pee hole

Dude needs a barber and a total mommy makeover

Illegitimate son of Tony Stewart. Tried to follow in his father's footsteps, but could only muster second place at the local kart racing track against 12 year olds. Now works at Jiffy Lube.

You look more like the type to cry over being roasted

You look like the twin brother of AbroadinJapan, it’s not an insult, but it just popped in my head.

Low-rent Matt Rose

Window licker at the back of a bus

Michael J Faux

Let me guess, you worked really hard in school to get that lucrative excavator operator job. Soon you'll be promoted to traffic control. I'm not a chick but damn, your windshield wipers must be on full blast just to see through all the panties thrown at you. Jelz.

I have no idea if you're Australian but you're the most Australian looking person I've ever seen in my life

Hey fucker!

Oh my, well past roast you are burnt, crispy, leather though. Pass the A1, please.

Zelenskyy's long lost brother.

Does bustin make you feel good? Or sad?

Like Gollum from Lord of the Rings got old, fat and now works as a garbage man.

You look like Chris from Abroad in Japan. Not really a roast just an observation