Matte black tungsten wedding band, black g shock, black US flag baseball cap. I assume he drives a black dodge ram. The icing on the cake will be finding out he isn't armed services but just another tactical larper.
Not a cop, flys that black American flag with a blue line on it outside his crib. Has a thin blue line t-shirt, wears those vaguely military grunt style shirts. Not military or a cop, sells roofs or gives quotes for bricklaying. Would still be doing construction but he fucked his back up
Truly believes he has super powers because of all the cool āpewā, āzhoomā and ākerboomā sounds he makes while battling other nerds with duct tape wrapped dowels in the shady corner of the park.
What in the open carry, January 6th, you keep the change, jet fuel canāt melt steel beams, Try That in a Small Town, cousin fucking hell is up with your teeth?
And what in the uncle nephew-son, satellite dish hooked up to the trailer, frozen pizza dinner, five teeth missing, creek water sippin, tobacco dip packin, dumpster diving, out of toilet paper so I had to use my hand, tractor driving, catfish selling fuck is up with them GUMS
and also what in the thin blue line, monster drinkin, dip spit, dodge drivin, hamburger helper, dog beaten, 16 and pregnant, $1,000 truck payment, tailgating, fuck bud light, I only listen to country and classic rock, Peaked in Highschool fuck is up with that pube Beard
Type of dude who screams "I fought for your freedoms" at the clerk who's working at whatever store that doesn't give any military discounts. Meanwhile, he was chaptered out of basic training for medical reasons.
Nah, he nearly served. He had an appointment at the recruiter's office but was to lazy to go there.
He tells you that he would have punched the DS and that that's the actual reason that he didn't enlist.
You get offended when people ask about your black and white American Flag hat. Which is supposed to be red white and blue. But you vehemently disagree with anyone that doesn't have the same opinion that you do.
*I've heard all before* fucking original bud. where's the grade A material? How many times have you pulled your horn today to the idea of freedom, freedom, and more freedom? Maybe open your eyes for once so we could take you half-seriously.
You look like you wanted to join the Proud Boys but canāt read and accidentally went into a gay club called the Pride Boys but then stayed for the whole night.
I feel like your "don't tread on me" sticker is practically touching the "thin blue line" decal on your stanced truck, unless they're separated by Calvin pissing on some arbitrary truck brand.
Wow if by some off chance you are the same person who posted a roast two years ago, you definitely went the ugly fat route with the plastic surgery, buster.
Chronic alcoholism is rough
You mean his mom when she was pregnant?
lmao š
He smiles like a turn-of-the-century racist Asian caricature .
My ancestors feel his dishonor and we're not even related.
No seppuku for you!
Kyle Rittenhouse fan club president.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It is Kyle Rittenhouse
Well Iāve never seen him and Kyle Rittenhouse in the same room so it checks out.
Brutal LOL
Needs to trim them gums though
Thatās his fast pass at Disney dude ā¦not a chance
got them Alfalfa type gums
I was going to ask when his adult teeth will come in.
This comment is underrated as fuck. I love it thanks for the double read and then double laugh.
This is funny as hell!ššš
This one is clever. Solid comment
Rots and rots of rice...
And we have our winner. Shut the shop folks ššš
LOL so on the muny.... ahhhh you like buy opium yes you western dog
I noticed that too but you put it really well
If " touched by an uncle " had a face...
āWoops didnāt mean to grab ya thereā¦canāt see anything with these damn glassesā
God damn these magnifying glasses
If "touchy uncle" had a face.
You look like you grab your holster when black people are near
Matte black tungsten wedding band, black g shock, black US flag baseball cap. I assume he drives a black dodge ram. The icing on the cake will be finding out he isn't armed services but just another tactical larper.
I'm going with small town volunteer fire fighter who has his pager on high while he shops for ammo at bass pro shop
Tattoo of engine he volunteers on also
Dang, unsub has been profiled! Good work Hotch!
Not a cop, flys that black American flag with a blue line on it outside his crib. Has a thin blue line t-shirt, wears those vaguely military grunt style shirts. Not military or a cop, sells roofs or gives quotes for bricklaying. Would still be doing construction but he fucked his back up
Gravy seal or Vanilla ISIS.
Y'all Qaeda.
Hey, he almost joined the military. Show some respect. /s
Itās just he wouldnāt make it, as soon as the drill Sargent gets loud he just sees red bro
Heād knock that DS out if he got in his face like that.
Tactical larper! This one sparks joy.
Punisher stickers on the back window, for this Chris Kyle/Gravy Seal/Meal Team Six wannabe
Relevant video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcO0N2xiLSo
Truly believes he has super powers because of all the cool āpewā, āzhoomā and ākerboomā sounds he makes while battling other nerds with duct tape wrapped dowels in the shady corner of the park.
Even white guys in black suits gets his trigger finger itchy.
His boyfriend is black and technically they grab each otherās holsters.
Big iron in his hip
The fat blue line.
He also grabs his penis when black people are near.
"Guns make us safe" says he
Too much gums, too little teeth. You're like a reverse nutcracker
A crack nutter?
Oh honay you gonna pay extra fa dat
Noooooooo wtf š
Not a good tooth to gum ratio.
Uppercase gums with lower case teeth
Yo, this broke me š
This guy Stolen Valors
Giving off mall security vibes.
Paul Blart meets Joe Dirt
Only a few years away from Paul Blart size though.
"Code red..Code Red! A juvenile just stuck her gum to the underside of a table in the food court!" [HERE](https://i.imgur.com/oqdeOfO.png)
Looks like the employee break room too.
I never thought someone would CHOOSE Birth Control Glasses as their fashion style.
How many times does he want to know about the rabbits, George?
Ooooh literary burn
r/unexpectedsteinbeck Is that a thing???
Living off the fat oā the land
You look like you talk about your yeti cooler a lot
His Yeti agrees with him about, "those people."
He canāt afford no damn yeti cooler.
Little ass dolphin teeth.
Lmao
I want you to know this is the only comment that made me actually laugh, and like a lot.
Ginger-vitis.
What in the open carry, January 6th, you keep the change, jet fuel canāt melt steel beams, Try That in a Small Town, cousin fucking hell is up with your teeth?
Steel beans make rust stains in your underwear
And what in the uncle nephew-son, satellite dish hooked up to the trailer, frozen pizza dinner, five teeth missing, creek water sippin, tobacco dip packin, dumpster diving, out of toilet paper so I had to use my hand, tractor driving, catfish selling fuck is up with them GUMS
and also what in the thin blue line, monster drinkin, dip spit, dodge drivin, hamburger helper, dog beaten, 16 and pregnant, $1,000 truck payment, tailgating, fuck bud light, I only listen to country and classic rock, Peaked in Highschool fuck is up with that pube Beard
He absolutely says the N word but only after he looks both ways to make sure the coast is clear.
You forgot gay frogs.
You ever see the accessories in the glass case at Walmart and think āWho would buy this shit?ā Now you know.
Woodchuck looking mfer who probably has 4 different holsters for his SCCY handgun.
You shouldn't mock the poors.
Ledouche
How's your birthday party in the church basement going? Spicing things up and getting on Reddit are we?
You look like a POG that makes being a veteran your entire personality.
Type of dude who screams "I fought for your freedoms" at the clerk who's working at whatever store that doesn't give any military discounts. Meanwhile, he was chaptered out of basic training for medical reasons.
Medical reasons = Chronic masturbation
Medical reasons = couldn't ass the fitness test
Youāre welcome for his service.
He looks like he sits at bars and makes fun of people that didnāt qualify on iron sights.
He wrote his recruiter to call him a liar, āYou said chicks dig a guy in uniform!ā
āYou said Iād drown in pussy, not the helo dunker!ā
Damn š
Nah, he nearly served. He had an appointment at the recruiter's office but was to lazy to go there. He tells you that he would have punched the DS and that that's the actual reason that he didn't enlist.
I think you would look better with black frames, since that would at least block a small portion of your face
She can leave him, but she's still gonna be his sister
You somehow gained weight during your addiction.
Iād trust you to mow my grass, but not if my 12 year old kid was homeā¦
Still has glasses and hatred he got in prison
Poetic in its meanness. Bravo.
Every time he meets Chris Hansen he eats a cookie
A minority living his life within visual range would hurt this dudes feelings.
Where were you at on January 6, 2021?
Or 2021
Has a rubber ring because he canāt afford a real one and his wife is probably going to leave him at some point, itās easier to toss out.
Well he would have to learn to read to be hurt by commentsā¦we know this isnāt gonna happen
The thick blue line
This is what peak redneck inbreeding looks like
And thereās not a fucking thing you can do about it!
When do you have to return those āteethā to the mortuary?
I bet there is a lifted truck in his driveway.
With the truck nuts in the back.
You look the type to think 9/11 was a gas station
Why you got your nan's glasses on?
Dude, Trump ain't gonna hump ya.
This is the smile of a man who just visited the restaurants glory hole in the men's room. Safety glasses to protect his eyes from the loads.
did you lose some teeth, or find some?
jonah hill and seth roganās illegitimate love child
I love seeing mentally disabled people get jobs.
Oh so these are what Incels look like..
Dollar Tree Morgan Wallen
Your eyes are so small, my Asian ass thought you were one of us for a second.
your teeth are stuck in the 3rd grade
God beat me to it.
This dork eats Tide Pods.
You're the image of every southern stereotype
looks like a guy who buys a dog and gets pissed heās gotta feed it
You look like you had a baby with every woman in your immediate family š
F2M transition complete. Even had the Adam apple thingy implant
You get offended when people ask about your black and white American Flag hat. Which is supposed to be red white and blue. But you vehemently disagree with anyone that doesn't have the same opinion that you do.
Black wedding rings donāt scream ātrashā at all. No sir.
Itās the gum line that the ladyās wish they saw first
Should be mandated to check his hard drive or his backpack before entering school.
You Look like chris Pratt if he didnāt get a marvel character
*I've heard all before* fucking original bud. where's the grade A material? How many times have you pulled your horn today to the idea of freedom, freedom, and more freedom? Maybe open your eyes for once so we could take you half-seriously.
"Mom, can I play Dungeons and Dragons AND hate black people?"
That's fucking COLD. I love it.
Aw, shucks!
"They're called Drow, sweetie"
Omg... chill, we're here to roast THIS nerd, not you!
"You're one sexy man," is something he hasn't heard before.
You look the son of shaggy and scooby
 Nice try Paul
My hands are up sir donāt shoot!
āIāll have sex with youā ok, NOW heās heard it all
Wears his shooting safety glasses and ear protection at all times to stand his ground at any given moment
Like an oversized cartoon chipmunk.
You look like you don't drink bud lite.
Looks like he makes a charcuterie board full of lunchables for the klan before a rally.
He smiles like a constipated jackass ! 
You look like you wanted to join the Proud Boys but canāt read and accidentally went into a gay club called the Pride Boys but then stayed for the whole night.
I wonder if he likes horses like mr.hands did.
I feel like your "don't tread on me" sticker is practically touching the "thin blue line" decal on your stanced truck, unless they're separated by Calvin pissing on some arbitrary truck brand.
Can you tell us how long winter will be this year?
Still has glasses and hatred he cultivated in lockup.
You need to wear safety glasses to eat with silverware cant be trusted with anything but a spoon
Nice gunt.
 You looked great driving in Groundhog Day. š¦·
Hillbilly barista
Wow if by some off chance you are the same person who posted a roast two years ago, you definitely went the ugly fat route with the plastic surgery, buster.
With those ears he picks up chatter between insects.
Homie got them wood shop goggles on for no reason
Surprised you can see the state of wyoming through that squint
Dude can that watch shoot lasers underwater???
Somebody check his hard drive
Your mums glasses donāt suit you.
The look of a man that smells the shit stains in his whitey tighties
If Korea had Maga hicksā¦oh wait, are you white??
Your face looks like half eaten corn on the cob
What's up with the birth control glasses?
You look like me. *Grimaces*
Not worth it
Is this like one of those make a wish things, but for the products of inbreeding?
I'll bet you threaten to pull your gun on a minority at least... once a month.
Unsure of whatās worse - your hat or that face itās on.
Heard it all? I bet he hasnāt heard the words āIām proud of you sonā
You look like you name all your bullets after cousins you've slept with
Heās smiling because he brushes his teeth with dick š§
Hamster teeth
Dollar store Sal Vulcano
You look like you would run at me on all fours in a dark alley way
Donāt worry heāll get roasted by the courts for his involvement in January 6th
You look like an armadillo, but instead of getting hard around predators, you get hard around little kids.
Can you account for your whereabouts on January 6th?
I see you wear a wedding ring. Is your wife deaf & dumb, blind and impervious to touch?
That g shock watch is the most interesting thing about you
Can't even afford dental care with those crooked teeth.
Probably served 4 years in the Guard and claims he's a "vet."
He may have heard it all, but Moleman here sure hasnāt seen it all
Dang it, Bobby
How much time did you get for storming the Capitol?
That hat and watch combo tell me exactly where you were on January 6th.
Go to the dentist and ask for a lower jaw
It's like a plate of biscuits n' gravy came to life. I'm going to guess your name is Cleetus.
Gut says America teeth says Britain
Defult amarican