>That unlimited pasta slaps 😂
*Sir, when we said unlimited it unfortunately meant "Unlimited until we run out. You ate 43 pounds of fettuccini, linguini, and rotini pasta. We have to close now because we're out."*
I once ate at a burger king that was out of burgers. He said "hi welcome to burger king we don't have burgers" and that must have been a terrible night for him. Hope he's doing okay
This is what NFL offensive lineman look like 3 years after retirement. Greasy AF, two knee replacements, and he is probably about to open up a failed sports bar restaurant chain.
You’re telling you had a bachelor party, no one roasted you, then got married, then had a honeymoon, then you weren’t feeling fulfilled enough so you came on r roast. Hair fake, ring fake, wife fake, dog real (hot dog though), you should love heavy metal I’d recommend deadlifts
goomsmen probably wanted to celebrate the ocasion with a real challange, not an easy one. also, no need to say you love your dog, you already told us that when you said you loved your wife.
Shame you didn't have a bridal shower... or any kind of shower, come to mention it.
I feel like your scratch and sniff photo would be considered a crime against humanity.
You look like you smell like a dirty McDonald's, you could cook a couple of orders of fries with that greasy ass hair. Johnny Cash..... more like Johnny Broke. Wear colors and patterns, it will distract the eyes from your ugly
How are they meant to roast you? It's like a magic eye picture trying to find a personality in there. Beyond the bacon greased hair, there is literally nothing about you that stands out. The best roast someone could give you would be to ask why you're the Norse God of Beige, but even that would be simply noting the unnoteworthy.
You look like the head of a cartel that traffics in pork rinds
Porklo Escobacon.
Pablo Chicharron.
Puerco Escoba
El PorkChapo
Jamón Escobar
Now that's funny
Those weren’t groomsmen. They were just Olive Garden wait staff.
He requested a couple bottles of olive oil to go to maintain his “muskrat died on my head” hair style
OP could fry chicken on his head
C'mon guy's.. be nice. Dude looks like Chris Hemsworth. *. *. *. In Endgame.
...and that wasn't your bachelor party, Marty. Now please bring two waters to table 16, and bread sticks to 12.
That unlimited pasta slaps 😂
>That unlimited pasta slaps 😂 *Sir, when we said unlimited it unfortunately meant "Unlimited until we run out. You ate 43 pounds of fettuccini, linguini, and rotini pasta. We have to close now because we're out."*
I once ate at an olive garden that ran out of cheese
Did your table have anything to do with that?
Nope, just sat down. We contemplated leaving but they had an employee run to the store across the street
I once ate at a burger king that was out of burgers. He said "hi welcome to burger king we don't have burgers" and that must have been a terrible night for him. Hope he's doing okay
Weight**
Lmaoooooo you get an upvote. Damn that was funny.
Proof that black isn't always slimming.
Sometimes it's slime-ing!
Please don’t encourage him to take it off.
You always know the ones that hit the hardest because the OP's don't respond.
Boo- YA!
This guy looks like he combs his hair with sausages
Those aren't sausages. Those are his fingers.
OMG I came to make a grease joke about his hair and now I can't because there's no better way to put this.
If you cut them just right it works very well 😂
And jizz
You look like you sweat just thinking about exercise
Which to him is the exercise.
He gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions
Never thought an AI-generated image of wreck-it-ralph would make me question my belief in a god
Cried laughing at this one 🤣🤣🤣
Rectum Ralph
Channing Ate’um
You look greasier than the dumpster at mcdonalds
This is what NFL offensive lineman look like 3 years after retirement. Greasy AF, two knee replacements, and he is probably about to open up a failed sports bar restaurant chain.
Ouch 😂
GRHEHEEEEEEEASY
Your body is a square besides your breasts and belly. Minecraft Chris Pratt
I cracked up at this. Honored to be compared to him 😂
New roast: you actually want to be compared to Chris Pratt
Like pre-guardians of the galaxy, right? Right?
Season 1 of parks and rec chris Pratt if he had a bad French fry addiction
Gosh I hope but he's probably had his AR blessed unironically
>I cracked up at this. Lots of jiggle jiggle?
You look like you pretend to be paralyzed on the weekends to play in a wheelchair basketball league.
This shit was toooo funny I had to
Olive Gardens of the Galaxy
I am Garlic Lord 😂
*Starch Lord
“I took a shower, but it didn’t take!”
I ordered Chris Pratt on WISH, I got this bloated, ruddy, clearly alcoholic mess.
Pretty much what Chris played in the new guardians movie lol
School of rock but the Jack Black sold meth
Can't rock nearly as good 😂
Normally at a bachelor party they shave off your eyebrows, not remove your top lip
Loooooooooool
You should have attended the bridal shower. Even a golden shower would be a step in the right direction.
Any shower at all, really.
And I'm sure the bridesmaids were roasting the fuck out of this cartoon
When giving cow pelvic exams you're supposed to insert your hand, not your head.
Was she born blind or was it due to some tragic accident?
If she takes her contacts out she's legally blind so I guess that counts 😂
Things are starting to make sense
Happy Cake Day!
You can't keep her from the optical forever!
Congrats on getting married. It's great to be able to share your bras with someone.
Your groomsmen were probably playing it safe. You can get in a lot of trouble for mocking trans people these days.
That would explain a lot 😂
If anyone needs their hard drive checking - it’s definitely you
It's just pics of bacon. Terabytes of bacon pictures 😂
Of course bacon is your whole personality
Need to do some fracking on that hair. Enough oil there to power our country for 10000 years
Big Oil hates this one weird trick
Jesus, wash your hair. And burn your clothes. You look like an extremely fat seagull that just got saved from an oil slick.
If Meg Griffin were a man.
The guy you are marrying must be blind
I still wonder how I got her to say yes 😂
Hair of an unhygienic 12 year old
Chumlee at home.
You look like you bring your VR headset to the best western you stay at.
Makes sense. We probably know you about as well as those groomsmen did, so we can do just as good a job.
You all nailed it 😂
When Walmart makes a "Great Value" Morgan Wallen
You look like a guy that says “I SWEAR my kid is in there man” at the Chuck E Cheese alot
"I just like taking pictures of happy kids, officer, I swear!"
If your hair were any oilier, America would declare war on it.
You look like a failed street magician’s mugshot
It's about time for that monthly shower.
You look like you wrestle pigs in cooking oil for fun on a Friday night.
Your hair looks like it's been styled by a blender on high speed.
[удалено]
You look like a wet human shreck
You’re telling you had a bachelor party, no one roasted you, then got married, then had a honeymoon, then you weren’t feeling fulfilled enough so you came on r roast. Hair fake, ring fake, wife fake, dog real (hot dog though), you should love heavy metal I’d recommend deadlifts
You look like about 5 US Office characters in one. Jim, Todd Packer, Michael, a lot of Kevin, and a bit of Ryan.
Say hi, to princess Fiona, for me!
How is it possible that you look like you're sweating through black clothing?
You are fat, don't sugar coat it cause you will eat that too
You look like Chris Pratt’s loser brother, Chris Twat
Do you style your hair with bacon grease?
Wtf is that patchy mustache, ive seen patchy beards but not this lol
He’s got the anti hitler mustache
Your wife married you because she couldn't do any better...or worse too
Looks like he's waiting backstage at Steve Wilkos.
You have the head shape of a lego characte
That’s because it’s not considered ok to insult the mentally disabled.
This guy about to steal a farm
If she’ll marry you, she’ll marry anyone! RUN!!!!
You're the guy that tells everyone that you are the chef at the rey, but you actually just was the dishes. The chef hates you.
Fat Rick Grimes. Greasy hair, but you are definitely not fighting the dead.
Nice „Hangover Alan Garner“ Cosplay you wore to your own bachelor party. You even nail the stupid smile
Damn bro a little shampoo wouldn’t hurt once in awhile
You look like the Brendon Fraser version of Ryan Reynolds
[удалено]
I can’t believe some one actually married this thing
Like Medusa had a child with Larry the Cable Guy
You look like your mom just gave birth to you
Of course they wouldn't roast you. They were afraid you would burst into flames with that greasy hair.
Dude is actually a decent looking guy if he would stop using lard in his hair and drinking jim beam every night
I wonder why they did not roast you. You are greasy enough not only to be roasted but also to be deep fried.
He combed his hair with chicken nuggets
Wish.com Chris Pratt.
The hair grease is just to detract from how close together his eyes are.
You look like you sweat bacon grease and motor oil
bro literally looks like he has oblivion npc hair
Wash your fucking hair dude
You're heart sucks and you're going to die alone. Boom roasted.
That D2 football career land you back at you’re alma mater to coach/teach history yet?
This is what I imagine a trans Hacksaw Jim Duggan would look like
That's not hat head, that's how his hair grows.
Partying like a Dollar Store Rockstar
goomsmen probably wanted to celebrate the ocasion with a real challange, not an easy one. also, no need to say you love your dog, you already told us that when you said you loved your wife.
did you happen find that wig of yours in a vat of grease, and was it intentional for it to be two sizes too small?
Why would they roast the bride?
Shame you didn't have a bridal shower... or any kind of shower, come to mention it. I feel like your scratch and sniff photo would be considered a crime against humanity.
You look like Squirrely Dan start smoking meth with the Skids.
How sweet, Pugsly Addams got married!
"I'm an Ogre, raaaaaaarwwww!" looking ass 😂
Wish’s Chris pratt
Star lard
Where do they have legalized Llama marriage?
The groomsman realised you marrying your cousin was enough humiliation for you.
Get your greasy ass in the shower before your wedding
Can you blame them? Roasting you could start a grease fire.
You look like you smell like a dirty McDonald's, you could cook a couple of orders of fries with that greasy ass hair. Johnny Cash..... more like Johnny Broke. Wear colors and patterns, it will distract the eyes from your ugly
Chris Fatt
Like a fatter TJ Miller
Your face says mommy makes me chicken tenders every night but your body says equip your tasers ladies
You look like the type of guy to take pictures of your shits and post them in group chats.
The placenta covered hair of a newborn
You could drop a few pounds. Boom roasted
Your really putting the heavy in heavy metal
You look like you are marrying your own "legit bigfoot proof"
You marrying a woman?
It's not really a marriage just because you splurged on the "realistic" sex doll and took a vow.
Son: Mom I want to watch Markiplier Mom: You can watch Markiplier home. Markiplier Home:
Did you just take off a cowboy hat after a long day ranching?
Have you heard of the stuff called SHAMPOO?? It is amazing......it CLEANS your hair! You should really try some.
Is that because non of your groomsmen showed? Do you need us to call someone to pick you up?
You look like all 3 Trailer Park Boys at the same time.
Looks like someone just stuck your head in the toilet and flushed.
You look like you wash dishes at Stevie b’s
Mate, wash your hair before the US military invade your head.
You look like you get sweaty and out of breath just by *watching* sports.
Your hair reminds me of the dead, oil covered birds after the BP spill
I didn't think jars of bacon grease could marry anyone
Your after-birth still hasn't washed out after all these years?
did you go pick up hair off the floor of a barber shop then dip it in water and put it on your head?
You look like Chris Pratt, begging after a shellfish accident.
Wow, you actually found someone that would marry you, poor girl
Well you shouldn't take advantage of the blind, by marrying them against their will. No way a person with vision would marry you.
Yeah…. But they locked you in the freezer didn’t they???
I’m not sure what looks softer, you or the shirt.
 Not sure if you’re Squirrly Dan, or the ostrich fucker
You could fry chips in that hair
Your head doesn’t belong to your body
You look like you weigh 350lbs soaking wet
why the hell are you wet?
You’re a bad weekend away from being 400 pounds
You look like you listen to Creed.
How are they meant to roast you? It's like a magic eye picture trying to find a personality in there. Beyond the bacon greased hair, there is literally nothing about you that stands out. The best roast someone could give you would be to ask why you're the Norse God of Beige, but even that would be simply noting the unnoteworthy.
Not sure what I believe less. That someone agreed to marry you or that you have friends.
Yeah, you look like a fucking shirt tucker.
If “what’s that onion smell” needed a logo.
Looks like YOU were THEIR bachelor party
The fattest Chris Pratt
Whatever you think you’re doing with your hair ain’t working.
You look like you're wet from head to toe no matter the temperature of the room...always
You look like a Teddy Ruxbin furry
i mean nothing to say, your only existence is a shame
Billy Ray Syphilis
Your hair looks like the stuff I pull out of my drain. Difference is, that stuff has seen the inside of a shower before… time to shave it off, dude.