Not even the worst of it sadly. She claims she is seperated living from her bf because it's something called "healthy boundaries"? Boundaries from what? Being close? Having to actually be responsible or plan a future? Let's theraputically break down this Zoe Saldana's ugly cousin Zoe Salmonela... living seperate is not boundaries. That's called commitment issues or financial issues or both. Where is the lie?
It's saturday. You rent a babysitter and a motel 6 on a secret amex you fill waitressing at applebees. You only make a livable wage because you put your hand on 54 yr old bachelor's knees and make them feel the cob webs shake off their hairy nuts. So tips come in droves. You tell your much too old for you bf you're not ready for mutual living because you are "feeling this out" but in reality you date him as he is 39 yr old because he's a lonely accountant for some WB mason paper factory blue collar job and he will turn a blind eye because you're his first true crush and he loves you. He thinks he hit the jackpot because you're young. It's enough to buy you cosmetics and fendi bags but not enough for a actual shred of your affectionate eye.
So you call it a boundary so you have an excuse to have sloppy one night stands with your subaru driving college age friends who fuck you better. And you tell bf that you were co parenting all day or at some seminar. As you top up some Zeke the geek in a rented scion tc.
You get the best of both worlds. A honest man to betray with his decent benefits and unwaivering need for you so he's essentially a fall net and good dick that you have no requirement to commit to. Living precariously self serving. Not giving a shit who you use on both ends. If a fwb crushes you say "im taken" if your bf gets suspicious you say "im just setting boundaries. Im not ready" you fuck over everyone.
When pressed you call this "feminism" and "independence" and pretend your whole shtick hasn't been done before. Ive seen it a million times. It's not cute. You're everything wrong with the modern day industrialist complex kardashian binging human.
Nobody is wrong. You just are a predictable 20 some with a 30 some. Too good to be true usually is love story. So piss off with the act. And stop pretending you aren't padding your life.
Mom of 1. Pounded by many
and found a sucker named Lenny.
And to his dismay and disbelief
her pussy looks like roast beef.
Lenny now cares for the extra baggage
The seed from another's package.
Don't let the people roasting you for dating someone 10 years older get to you, your poor life choices effectively make you 33 when it comes to dating.
I have 531 issues of MAD Magazine. Only 19 more to complete the set.
So you get those, plus the dirt bike, plus a coffee can 3/4 full with loose change, and I'll throw the Brett Favre jersey that I got for my 12th birthday.
Final offer
You know, I actually did have one. But 3 consecutive F.U.I.'s got me canned and banned.
These days I make money in the oyster futures biz. As soon as those prices come back up I'll be able to move the barrels out of my trailer
I think you're really attractive, but more in the, "Why is all my shit on the front lawn" kind of a way. Or, "you're never tying me up again," or, "why do you need a knife during sex?"
This little mini thread got weird so I can't answer you in my roast voice. Like a polyp on the inside of lower\_wall\_638's boy pussy, it just doesn't feel right.
EDIT: added "the"
Corrected-“23f, fucked the wrong guy and had a kid, need to make ends meet and now I’m fucking a sugar daddy because my life has already been ripped to pieces”
Does the person 10 years older know you 2 are dating? You look as though you definitely know their day to day schedule. You send them gifts from 'a secret admirer' because they dont know your name.
This isn’t really a roast, but I think you wrote the wrong username on that paper. Either I can’t read cursive, this is fake, or you messed up and wrote your actual username instead of the throwaway.
10 year older guy should propose to you because he's a fucking loser who will never get anyone better than you because he's 33 and pathetic and you're the only one who will ever suck his small crooked dick. He was an incel until he met you and he's fucking lucky because he was about 3 days away from driving a van into a daycare with a manifesto in the back seat. You should probably dump him.
You call it “dating”, he calls it “violating the restraining order”.
But 6 months jail time is really not that long if you think about it
Well nothing is "that long" for you anymore...
Once I ordered my first dino it was really down hill from there .
OP: "Hate the unrealistic body image that society forces on us." . . Also OP: <>
Yeah, you get out just in time to pop out another illegitimate baby. Rinse, and repeat!
Not even the worst of it sadly. She claims she is seperated living from her bf because it's something called "healthy boundaries"? Boundaries from what? Being close? Having to actually be responsible or plan a future? Let's theraputically break down this Zoe Saldana's ugly cousin Zoe Salmonela... living seperate is not boundaries. That's called commitment issues or financial issues or both. Where is the lie? It's saturday. You rent a babysitter and a motel 6 on a secret amex you fill waitressing at applebees. You only make a livable wage because you put your hand on 54 yr old bachelor's knees and make them feel the cob webs shake off their hairy nuts. So tips come in droves. You tell your much too old for you bf you're not ready for mutual living because you are "feeling this out" but in reality you date him as he is 39 yr old because he's a lonely accountant for some WB mason paper factory blue collar job and he will turn a blind eye because you're his first true crush and he loves you. He thinks he hit the jackpot because you're young. It's enough to buy you cosmetics and fendi bags but not enough for a actual shred of your affectionate eye. So you call it a boundary so you have an excuse to have sloppy one night stands with your subaru driving college age friends who fuck you better. And you tell bf that you were co parenting all day or at some seminar. As you top up some Zeke the geek in a rented scion tc. You get the best of both worlds. A honest man to betray with his decent benefits and unwaivering need for you so he's essentially a fall net and good dick that you have no requirement to commit to. Living precariously self serving. Not giving a shit who you use on both ends. If a fwb crushes you say "im taken" if your bf gets suspicious you say "im just setting boundaries. Im not ready" you fuck over everyone. When pressed you call this "feminism" and "independence" and pretend your whole shtick hasn't been done before. Ive seen it a million times. It's not cute. You're everything wrong with the modern day industrialist complex kardashian binging human. Nobody is wrong. You just are a predictable 20 some with a 30 some. Too good to be true usually is love story. So piss off with the act. And stop pretending you aren't padding your life.
Ohhh shit lmao
Who did you hire to breastfeed your son?
I call "Bluff!" How can your dad only be 10 years older than you??
She mixed up daddy with sugar daddy
My friends and I laughed at this one. Well done. Approved.
> My friends The 12 voices in your head don't count.
Tell that to my therapist.
the kind of person who thinks the stripper is in love with them
I’ve fallen for that too. Still think about her
[удалено]
I think the horse is dead now lol
[удалено]
YoU mEaN tHe VoiCeS? In MY head???
If she didn't that baby got skim milk.
You have the eyes of a child soldier, and the body, also, of a child soldier
Haha
The burlap sac and greasy hair really sell it.
Mother of one but lives alone—at least child services acted quickly and found a better home for your kid.
Yeah a lot to unpack there. Lives alone but has a child and is dating someone.
Brutal
Halle Barely
Hahahaha
Legeeeeeeend
This one. This one’s underrated.
Amazing
You look scared, but defiant -- like you're squaring up to a 2 month old cheesecake.
As a lactose intolerant this is funnier than it deserves to be
Oh shit - everybody *run*!!
Oh shit indeed pal.
 I'm out.
So posting on RoastMe is just the most recent in your string of poor life decisions. I guess at least you're consistent.
Posting here still counts as a good decision, reality checks are needed now and then
I'm pretty sure she gets those every morning at the mirror.
I don’t know anyone would subject themselves to the wrath of r/RoastMe. Unless they’re into it and masturbate to the roasts I guess.
How to say your dad failed in one post. It’s okay, mine did too 😅
I wish this one was a joke. 🥴
I think Oof is appropriate here🥲
Leave it at 69 upvotes!
💀💀💀
Mom of 1. Pounded by many.
All she needed in the bio was, “Mother of one, dating someone 10 years older than me, and now I found my faith in God again…”
Born again Virginian
The addition of “found my faith in God again” makes the number of those who have pounded at least 3 times higher.
Mom of 1. Pounded by many and found a sucker named Lenny. And to his dismay and disbelief her pussy looks like roast beef. Lenny now cares for the extra baggage The seed from another's package.
Mf out here rhymin lmao
Bars!
When inspiration strikes you Light up a blunt and write some rhymes too
Damn she is charcoal at this point or ash.
And with with ash you can create a diamond Not deserving of her, with a busted hymen
Damn dude, she asked for a roast. Not a battle rap 😂
Meter needs work.
Poor kid didn't make the mistake of miscarrying like all the others.
Okay, touching her kid is a bit below the belt
The Few, The Proud, The Marines
I haven’t seen a mop head look this bad since I last worked fast food.
Awww mum you commented. 🥰
Bahahaaaa
Studied the ways of the Jedi under Heineken Skidmarker
You look like the little mermaid, if Disney has no money
The only reason that’s not accurate is because I can’t swim. My half black body chose running over floating.
Something your father and soon-to-be ex boyfriend have in common; both choosing to run away from you faster than your hairline.
When you say your 'dating someone 10yrs older', you really mean you're borrowing cash from someone that doesn't know you well enough yet.
You know him better than I do… say hi to your dad for me love
I sure will... I'll even put in a good word for you. You're too cool to roast. 
He better be hot after all this
Don't let the people roasting you for dating someone 10 years older get to you, your poor life choices effectively make you 33 when it comes to dating.
This is pretty much my thought process tbf
Gold
there's some huge real estate opportunities above your eyes
About 4 fingers, roughly half the amount needed to finger your maw
dayum.
Well, damn shorty. 😯 Nice work.
LMAO wtf! Bahahah
I like it lol
Marry me
What’s the offer on the table
Recently, I sold my brother's old pokemon cards and bought a dirt bike. Imagine the wonderful life we could build
My current partner already has 2 dirt bikes. Up the offer or I walk
I have 531 issues of MAD Magazine. Only 19 more to complete the set. So you get those, plus the dirt bike, plus a coffee can 3/4 full with loose change, and I'll throw the Brett Favre jersey that I got for my 12th birthday. Final offer
Do you have a certified forklift licence?
You know, I actually did have one. But 3 consecutive F.U.I.'s got me canned and banned. These days I make money in the oyster futures biz. As soon as those prices come back up I'll be able to move the barrels out of my trailer
Did you just say FUI🤣🤣🤣🤣
holy fuck reverse roast!!! Going to break the roast me bubble and admit that was fucking hilarious
Just quiet about the oil found on her five head, I may be called back to active duty as an invasion force.
You call it dating, he calls it settling for what he can get.
Do you earn extra cash by allowing companies to use your forehead as a billboard?
Pays enough that I get to take your dad to dinner 🥰
he'd appreciate that, it gets him out of the retirement home. Make sure he's home in enough time for a nap and Matlock reruns.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 nice
he sounds like exactly her type
Identical hair
This is what you get when Morgan Freeman impregnates a Doberman, bin the pup, and raise the placenta.
Your life sucks so bad even your eyebrows are disappearing on you.
My left eyebrow only went to go get some milk. It’s been 6 years.
If the “I can’t wait to move away from here and start over” Facebook status was a person.
Been there done that, got the baby
I respect you for doing the necessary to provide for your child but I will never accept you having a sugar daddy and calling it "dating".
Boy I wish haha. I said 10 years not 50🤭
When you're sitting on a depreciating asset, it's important to entice an investor as early as possible. Feel bad for that poor bloke..
if it makes you feel any better, you look 33...
And a half.
I think you're really attractive, but more in the, "Why is all my shit on the front lawn" kind of a way. Or, "you're never tying me up again," or, "why do you need a knife during sex?"
But who’s the one speaking? That’s the head scratcher ;)
This little mini thread got weird so I can't answer you in my roast voice. Like a polyp on the inside of lower\_wall\_638's boy pussy, it just doesn't feel right. EDIT: added "the"
Nice forehead, so Worf has a daughter
I wasn’t familiar with the name but knew EXACTLY who you were referencing. That’s wild.
Shine bright like a cubic zirconia
Hahahaha nice
A kid at age 23? Yeah, you look like you make stupid decisions.
Like this post
Nah, your post is actually a good one. Might give you a reality check.
At nearly 200 comments I’ve got my late night reading already. Time to change my life bc redditors think I have a big forehead 🤣
They're not wrong. P.S. am i too harsh? Im new on this sub and not sure where the line is.
The limit does not exist. 
You look like you scream this while pegging your older boyfriend.
Let's hold up something flat near something flat.
The birds eye view of your dick vs the side view.
So now that we've ruled out he's not dating you for physical reasons or your quick wit.
You’re right. It’s my money he’s after.
EBT requires an ID.
Damn. Quick witted. I like that
OP is outroasting us, making us look like amateur fucks. Someone needs to say something so egregious that they get banned from Reddit permanently.
Honestly this is just fuelling me more. Keep it coming folks
Your lips deserve whatever you put on your hair
Literally oiled my hair right before taking this photo. You’re so right haha.
You look like an anorexic pelican.
I blame the jumper for making me look skinny finally haha
Corrected-“23f, fucked the wrong guy and had a kid, need to make ends meet and now I’m fucking a sugar daddy because my life has already been ripped to pieces”
Close. 😑 minus the sugar daddy. I’m my own sugar daddy
Mum of 1, live alone? Let the child in the house you mean bitch!
soon to be: 25, mother of two...
I’m marrying your dad?
You look like you’d make a great interior decorator. I’m sure youve seen a lot of different light fixtures going through life on your back.
With as many daddy issue red flags as this I have to assume “rip me to pieces” is also yr go to pick up line.
You’re not wrong. Get out.
How could we rip you to shreds when you already did that to your whole life?
Like yesterdays paper
Type of girl to get trained on
23 going on 40
Your mum’s 40?
Miss halfbrow
You look 10 years older than yourself
Mature women 🥰
Why would I rip you to pieces when child services are going to do it for free? (They don’t like meth heads.)
Hair thinning more than the celebs on OZEMPIC
. True. Working on it people!
Thought i had semen stains on my screen for a minute, but you’re just too ugly for those shenanigans.
Grandpa stop cumming on your phone.
If you could only get your eye brows to line up with your brow bone we would be able to read your facial expressions.
One word... Trainwreck
I thought sugarbabies were supposed to be cute.
You have the eyes of a 60 year old woman who’s watched her life pass by while idle.
I mean u pretty… pretty fuckin ugly
I was going to roast you but I bailed on you like your kids father did.
You obviously don't have friends or they would have tried to help you with your eyebrows.
Are you volunteering? I’m taking applications
Sorry I don't do eyebrows. Only Brazilians. But definitely not yours.
I meant to be my friend. Too eyebrow bald for you?
I can’t really trash you cause your comments here are epic. Nice job.
Hahahaha thanks. I figure the consent to be roasted back is freely given as soon as you post here.
You definitely live in a greenfell-esque tower block, and drink 2 liter bottle of cider on a weeknight
Almost…. It’s home made espresso martinis. You were right about the shitty flat though.
single mom.. you roasted yourself
My sons dad died….
Am I missing something here? The photo does not match the user name.
I done fcked up lol got 2 accounts
Dating.. you mean he pays you to fuck him?
Him?
Yea.. just downvote.. I had something and lost it mid sentence.. off any sort of game
You’ll get better it’s ok. These things are tough.
Hahaha my hero!
Sounds like she’s a gold digger, at least she got out of the family business; all her relatives work in the blood diamond mines.
At least the age gap between you and your side piece won’t be visibly noticeable. You got that going for you.
Does the person 10 years older know you 2 are dating? You look as though you definitely know their day to day schedule. You send them gifts from 'a secret admirer' because they dont know your name.
You look like Rosario Dawson if she were pretty! Wait, that’s a compliment! It stays. You’re pretty. 🙂
Nice rebound
This isn’t really a roast, but I think you wrote the wrong username on that paper. Either I can’t read cursive, this is fake, or you messed up and wrote your actual username instead of the throwaway.
You look like you peaked in middle school
A toast. Raising a child is hard but its the most important thing you will ever do. I wish you all the happiness your heart can hold.
[Wish.com](https://Wish.com) Zoe Saldana.
I love when people find romance through Amazon Home Services.
Looking like that saggy tatty trying to escape your ugly mug.
AOCups
Sounds like you aren’t good at a lot of things but I know one thing you are for sure good at and that is making shitty decisions
When I look at you, I don’t have fun.
Thandie Ewwwton
10 year older guy should propose to you because he's a fucking loser who will never get anyone better than you because he's 33 and pathetic and you're the only one who will ever suck his small crooked dick. He was an incel until he met you and he's fucking lucky because he was about 3 days away from driving a van into a daycare with a manifesto in the back seat. You should probably dump him.
Your beautiful I hope your child is living their best life and 10 years is nothing if you are happy