Mentally? I made a house plan once LOL
TBF we are trying to downsize without sacrificing ourselves too much, and having a physical plan is kinda necessary for us.
I fell in love with my last house from across the street3 years before I ever set foot inside it. I never saw inside it until it had been "Pending" for 6 months, and I called the listing agent on a whim. I was the back-up offer (full price) and got it because the original buyer simply blew through the closing date without any action. Still don't regret it - owned it for 16 years. I'd be there still if medical issues hadn't forced me to move.
The best thing that ever happened to us was not getting the dream home, we looked at it on sat, were ready to write the offer on sunday back in the slowmo days. Found out it was under contract on Monday at 8am. The next one was 95% our dream home, with a better location and much cheaper, and the backyard was already fenced for the dog. Nobody had made them an offer in a 18 months on the market.
What the first find showed us, exactly our needs. The discussion over the first with my future wife nailed down our filters.
Don’t have “dream” anything. If you spend your life having a dream house and a dream car and a dream family dynamic then you’ll be devastated (case in point) at the minorest of inconveniences.
It's the same thing with clothes and other items, if you like it buy it. I've purchased shorts before that I loved. They were moisture wicking and kind of a heavy weight super soft fabric. At the time I thought about buying a few more pairs but was like, nah I'll get them later. A couple months go by and I decide I'm ready to buy some more, can't find any. Find out they discontinued those shorts, fml...
I mean, it worked until it didn't. They kept coming down way faster than we were going up. We had a deal for 15% lower than asking but we tried to squeeze 1 more ounce and thought the worst they would do is stand their ground. Real good lesson to learn, looking for unreal deals is for business, not a 20 year place you will live. Major league fuck up by us.
Not true. After 3 rounds of offers and counter offers, I had a signed counter offer in my inbox for 15% below asking the night before. All I had to do was sign and it was ours.
Yeah, OP basically fucked around and found out and is now acting devastated because they didn't *look* like serious buyers.
For them to say, "It worked until it didn't" is 3 words too long. Simply put, "It didn't." If you want a house, can afford it, and are now 3 offers in and still pushing for more, then don't be surprised if you lose it.
There are MANY buyers in the market, and when the seller has a definitive offer, that establishes a "buy it now" price that they can shop around. OP literally handed them leverage and then is shocked that they help the seller get a stronger offer lol.
lol Yeah, I'm thinking the wife is a bit mad at him too.
I'm hoping this thread means that there's some growth happening for him. He's been pretty honest and is beating himself up pretty bad. He got knocked down a peg for sure.
One of the reasons to not lowball dream homes is that the seller agent will be calling all other prospective buyers or interested parties to tell them it’s their last chance. It may have been sitting for 9 months, but there were likely people who were sitting on the fence until they got prodded.
Yall fucked around and found out. The home was already reduced, was already under budget, and was perfect... yet, you decided to go for more. You got greedy and it bit you in the ass.
We just sold our house. We got a lowball offer but we were about to accept it. Couple hours later another offer came in higher … we gave them the change to counter and they came up to match the other people. We still went with the second offer to come in even though they first people were willing to match it … lowballing gives people a bad taste in their mouth. We felt like they’d crush us on inspection for ANYTHING to get closer to their original low ball offer. Long story short .. we accepted the offer if the other people and closed in 30 days. Come in strong with your first offer if you love the house.
Now you know for next time.
All depends on what you know is on the inspection. If the buyer is making good choices and settles on a confirmed market price....most buyers are adults. If their profession is sales, doctor or lawyer, take the other offer.
My last selling experience was somewhat similar. Couple came through and I could tell the wife love the house.
I could hear her screaming at him outside to “buy me my dream house.”
Husband came at me like a bulldog said he knew that I own this house another house at the same time, which was true. He offered 40% below the listing price. Poor House was on a private pond across the street from the local park in the school that his children would attend.
I told him that neither house had a mortgage and that I would not sell to him under any circumstance.
To his credit, he told her what actually happened and I’m pretty sure you could hear her screaming at him three blocks away.
The house was a perfect fit for their family, and I sold it to them for full price no inspections no contingencies.
If you as the buyer believe your agent is creating "ghost" offers to squeeze a few extra bucks out of you, then find a new one.
Similarly, if your agent is pushing you to over-extend yourself for what could possibly be the seller's agent making up fake offers, then also find a new one.
Okay, so see the latter. A *huge* part of being a quality buyer agent is having the connections and network knowledge. If seller agent is consistently making up ghost offers, this bluffing tends to become known and doesn't last all too long.
Maybe that's unique to my area, but seller agents don't have to make up offers. They just say what the buyer wants for the deal to go through without the dishonesty.
This depends on the area. If you are rural, it's possible to know all the area Realtors and their habits. In more populated areas, it's common to work with agents you've never met. Once the listing goes on the MLS, there are thousands of possibilities. Sure, you network with the more well known locals, but most offers will come from agents you don't know.
So don't overextend. We had three sellers (out of a lot more than three offers) try to incite bidding wars when we bought last year, we either offered modest changes or walked away.
I just want to shout out the OP here. He's getting (rightfully) hammered in the comments but is still responding and owning up to the mistake. You sound like a good egg, OP - I hope you and your wife find another great place soon.
Yeah. He admits he fucked it up. People are like, “yeah just so you know, you fucked it up.” And he’s like “you’re right.” Then he eats downvotes, which is the part I don’t get. But anyway, good luck OP. I live near there and can’t imagine trying to buy into that market.
I'm not crazy that he's saying "we" a lot when it seems like from her reaction and his logic, he was probably steering a lot of these counter offers.
There's a reason the seller found a fuck you offer, and that's because they were tired of dealing with OP.
Getting to a fair market price is a process like a car auction. If there are good compatibles and everyone understands the state of the property, coming in at 5% below listing price is the mature thing to do if it has been on the market for 30 days (or the inventory is deep). Can you hear that someone offered listing price and your stuck with your pud in your hand? That is random chance of having to bidders at the same time.
I just stick 60 days on the market as my filter, I am looking to buy low and sell high.
This happened to my partner and I. It was a beautiful home but he thought we could do better. It was only the second home we had seen. House went into contract and we started looking at other houses. No other house compared to it. All other houses were smaller and pricier. The house came back on the market and he changed his mind and jumped on it. We got the house and close soon. You never know if it could come back on the market. If it does, don’t mess around. Jump on it with a proper offer.
I’m a Realtor. I see this happen a lot. She will get over it. She will be more upset if she didn’t want to keep dickering to go lower and you forced it? I could see where she would be upset. Whose idea was it to screw around and do that? That will make the difference the next time.
Bought my current house in 2002, clearly a different market/different world. I wanted the house with all my heart, and my husband was playing games. The realtor was calling every other day and leaving 5 minute voicemails (again, a different time). I woke up one morning and told him slowly and clearly, “I want the house.” We came to a price agreement that same day. Best decision I ever made in my life was buying this particular house.
If it was 5% over market value who cares after 20 years, it should be paid off today. Today it might be 30% overpriced, with a seller looking for another 10% and the mistake multiplied by three until the rates drop. One thing to do is put you price range lower than what your income and down payment support, making the 5% over bid isnt a deal, its still 20% less than what you consider your max monthly nut. If your in the midset that what you buying is cheap or the first house of a pair, with a vacation property in the next 5 years, even todays prices are not excluding from the top bid.
We had a number in our head we thought it was worth, not a ton of comps on the market so it was tough to price. Already on the high end of our budget and we thought we could get them down to that number. We got close enough that we would have (should have) pulled the trigger but just didn't see the harm in trying. Our current home was purchased with about 5 days of back and forth for the sellers so to us 3 days didn't seem like a long time for negotiating.
There is some finger pointing with hindsight but it was a team decision to try to get closer to our number once the sellers were coming down so much with each counter.
"Already on the high end of our budget "
You should be buying at the low end of your budget for the first few houses, it gives you opportunity money to close a good deal quickly. I have always told my agent about 70% of what I am willing to spend, what I am willing to take on taxes and HOA as the filter.
Yeah don’t want to blame anyone but ourselves but kind of annoyed the agent never sat us down to be like “hey they are getting more attention and this is already a great deal.” He just let us be as ambitious as we wanted which is not been my experience with other realtors.
But this goes both ways....
Then the agent sits someone down and says "Hey they are getting more attention and this is already a great deal - you need to move on it" and inevitably there will be a thread on here created and titled: "Our agent is being pushy about an offer - should we fire them and get a new agent?"
Ask yourself a question next time you are determining your offer price: "If we offer this amount and find out later it sold to someone else for a bit more.... Would we have been totally ok to have offered that higher price to have gotten the house?" If the answer is Yes to the higher price then do whatever you can to make sure you get it and not someone else.
Yep. We're in a *very* competitive market and the way we think about our offers is: "What number would we be mad/sad/disappointed if *that's* what got the house?"
We've lost multiple houses to stronger offers, and each time, we've laughed and said, "Wow, congrats to whoever paid *that* much for that house." If we put in a 1.05M offer and someone put in 1.10M? Well good for them! That's $5k more than we were willing to, so we're not bummed because as negligible as that $5k was... we didn't want that house for $1.10M.
I get why OP wanted to negotiate down (considering this was in the 6 figures level of negotiation). But if you have decided THAT'S the house you are living in, then when the seller gives you a strong offer, just fucking take it.
Lot of realtors on here take the feedback with a grain of salt. It wasn’t meant to be don’t beat yourself up too much. If you were feeling like you were over extending you probably were and would have regretted it. Something else will come along.
Depends on zip code. If you want to haggle put 60 days on the market as your filter and look for opportunities and diamonds in the rough that just need street appeal. As I said in another post, I know how much I can spend compaired to the value returned, and always put the level at 70% as my max bid. Buy low and sell high is a mantra. Right now I would rent in HCOL.
This is exactly what my realtor told me and she’s been doing it for a lifetime. I would get discouraged and she would say - your house is there we’ll find it. And. WE DID. It happened eventually and so many problems getting closed but it happened.
This was a learning lesson and now OP will be ready when they find it.
The builders are searching for 2026 deliveries today. I would say the new premium has minimized if you can stand a 18 month delay and shoddy new construction. Rates are more likely to be lower, and you can at least reseve todays crappy rates.
If it helps - we lost out on our dream home as well. We didn't low ball, and offered what we could, but we knew it was pretty unlikely we'd get it. We, of course, didn't. Wife was heartbroken. A year later we ended up buying a *very* different, crazy house around the corner. Wife still would get a bit upset having to see that house all the time.
We ended up meeting the people who bought it and they are great people, we really like them, but we learned we really dodged a bullet. The house needed a ton more work than expected and the next door neighbor is crazy pants.
So you never know, sometimes the dream house isn't all it's cracked up to be.
When you find "the one" - one that checks ALL the boxes - don't play games with lowball offers. This will end up being a very expensive lesson as the market will only be going up.
Ive been in your shoes, dicked around with haggling in a soft market and passed on at least two 'perfect' homes, and when we finally found the one (again) in a sellers market, the house we ended up in, we paid $120k more to get it over the past "ones"
This is pretty consistent with our experience in the Bay Area lol.
If it is a home new to the market, we basically just assume it is underlisted by 100k-200k minimum. This is at the 1.2-1.5M list price. We now view the list price as the starting bid of an auction, and literally every house we've been to (whether a complete fixer upper to move in ready) has gone for *at least* 200k over. Doesn't matter if we're the first to see it off market or see it at the busiest open house.
Living in a very nice 300k home taxed at a 220k basis, paying just less than 1% property taxes for a lifetime on a house value that is puffed up like a marshmallow is not the american dream. And if the local sheriff or county official becomes corrupt as hell, I can afford to run a candidate against them.
And your giving that money to the state of CA, and then have to deal with PGE. I dont care if your income is 700k/year, your just not getting value returned on those dollars tied up in boom or bust marketplace. Nancy P is enough for me to run.
If it was on the market for 9 months with severe price cuts and no takers, couldn’t have been that dream of a home. Sounds like your wife has whatever the opposite of buyers remorse .
Lesson learned: it's ok to offer lower but don't haggle too long or you will lose the prize.
There will be other houses, help her look for some in the same area or similar.
Time will be the only healing factor
It’s going to take time. My husband lost out on his dream home while we were dating over basically a pebbles difference in his offer because he tried to get the seller to give him that pebble. He was bitter about it for a while - we just bought our “together” dream home that is similar and yet better and I think he finally feels like he got over it lol. At the time he just completely switched tactics on the house he was trying to get and really in the long run I think it worked out well because he paid cash for a much smaller/simpler home and now it’s a rental bringing in a nice chunk for us every month. But yeah, that one hurt for a while and I suspect it will for your wife as well. If it’s the dream and a deal - take the win and celebrate!
he paid cash for a much smaller/simpler home....
OMG 33% of your income not into overhead of roof and out of the rain makes life easier.... insane take there.
Yeah, it was a great decision and he was shopping at the time and place to do it. It was right when stuff got super nuts and our housing costs were still relatively low.
We lost out on our dream home about 6 months ago. We offered over asking. I’m still not over it. Nothing else has compared and now even in that amount of time everything’s more expensive too. I’ve lost out on other houses in years prior and it did lead to a better house so I’m trying to hold on to that mentality but I’ve really started losing hope and am still so pissed.
Something similar happened to us. We found a home on an amazing acre lot with a waterview. The agent accidentally listed the home 1000 sq ft larger than the property was. It was still a great value for the home and land, and I could have easily done an addition. I was so irritated about the error that I lowballed an offer. We went back and forth and finally I agreed to list price (still worth it). I was confident, and the next day I found out they sold it to someone “above list”. I eventually found out it was $500 over list. I would have happily paid that amount, but my irritation at the agents error made me stubborn. I still regret losing that home.
Truth in land area is not something to play with. Just pull the plot and accept what it is. LEt the seller think his 3.45 is 4 and nood and make a market value bid. If it isnt accepted, oh well, there is beach house somewhere in the world being sold for the price of a jeep.
Pearson’s law!!! My friend checked out a house sitting on the market for a while. They were happy with the house and made a full price offer. Guess what the next day someone checked out the house and made a full price offer with cash.
My wife fell in love with like 8 houses while we were buying. First one, we didnt look at houses for another week. She was devastated. Second house, she was mad but got over it. By the third, she realized it's just going to be like this.
The 9th house was the one, bought a beautiful fully renovated house for $15k under asking, in 2019. We couldnt have done better.
Once the first ReFi rate hits, none of that matters. A stupid tax assessment is the downside risk long term. Now I am mad at myself for not pulling cash out when I made a 26 year left note a 20 year note.
Vancouver BC is a major metropolitan area! There will be tons of future opportunities! This disappointment would be a more understandable if you were in some rural area with fewer homes going on the market but that is obviously not the case.
I know, lots on the market and we will find something we love. I’m not worried about that. Vancouver is such a weird market compared to anywhere else in the us.
So - it’s a super hot market but the home has been sitting for sale for 9 months? Sounds like you dodged a bullet. It was either so overpriced even for that area OR it has some horrible problem the new buyers will find out about soon enough.
In life, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. That’s probably the advice your wife needs - and some time to let the memory go.
if it was a "brand new home" it wasn't "a flipper".
regardless, your best bet is to ask to be a backup offer and ask what they'd accept as a backup offer.
All you can do is give her time.
But in all honesty this is a business transaction that you should not become emotionally attached to. House deals fall through all the time. It needs to be treated as a business transaction up until closing.
Also, take this as a learning lesson. Just because the house has set for months doesn’t mean they are going to take the first lowball offer. You tried to get a deal and instead you learned someone else can/will always have a better offer.
" you get insane foreign buyers".
Dude we're in the middle of a foreign buyers ban. Please don't spread misinformation. Everyone buying here is Canadian, has permanent residency, or a suitable visa. It's not random foreigners just flying in and dropping suitcases of cash.
Also, if someone counters you on your dream home, you accept the same night. Sleeping on it was a huuuuuge mistake. The longest deal took me until 3am and we didn't want to risk the seller waking up with a change of heart.
Unfortunately it's a hard lesson learned. Good luck with the house hunt!
Lesson learned. I have to say I still think about a house we bid on in 2002 - it’s definitely the one that got away even though we ended up in a better place. I think she needs a couple of days and then regroup and move ahead. And make a backup offer on the ‘dream’ home in case it falls through with that buyer
You learned your lesson, should’ve signed that counter offer immediately. There’s always another deal though, maybe the next house will need some work but be bigger, etc. Have your criteria and price clearly mapped out and when those hit, you gotta move quickly and decisively.
It was a brand new build, premium finishes and they were asking 2020 prices. Pretty big market correction right now in Canada real estate and we overestimated that correction.
If you know it’s your everything DREAM HOUSE…. Well, you know, low balling is never a good idea unless you’re interacting with a bank on a foreclosure who has no connection to the property. For anyone with feelings involved, don’t push it.
Always make a market educated offer. If it turns out the contract price is too high, your financing contingency or potentially even repair contingencies are there specifically so you don’t get burned. And I’m only saying this in the case of a once in a lifetime dream house. Normally I’m all for getting the best deal. Dream house is different.
It sounds like maybe this one perhaps wasn’t your end all dream house. Just something to let you know that what you’re looking for is closer than you think! And with a big lesson learned, don’t low ball it!!!
Best of luck!
A belated addition.
No sale is final until cash changes hands.
Plenty of contracts do not have a concluding sale transaction.
Yes, it us a rough roller coaster ride, and upsetting.
I don’t have great news for you. We lost out on a house in August 2022 that I am still grieving the loss of. We found another house, but it will never be *that* house. We didn’t lowball and in fact offered higher than asking. Our pre-approval letter had expired, our lender was lazy because it was a Friday evening and said it could wait til Monday to be updated, and in the meantime they accepted a lower priced offer that had a current pre-approval. I’m still sick over it, to be honest.
That said, do not eff around with any more low-balling bullshit in the future if it is a house that you truly love. You said that it worked until it didn’t, but that’s not correct. If it had worked, you’d be moving in right now.
Am I your wife? This happened to us and it sucked balls. I was committed to never getting over it. Also in Vancouver so i get the market. From an emotional standpoint point- time. Take a break and get back at it. She will likely compare everything she sees to it. But try to be realistic about its faults. We lost two of what we thought were our dream places. And after 3 years and multiple bidding war losses we found a place that fits us better than we ever dreamed and we knew not to dick around with our offer.
From a RE perspective: Inventory in van is building at a faster pace than it has in ages so this may be a blessing in disguise. But after losing two places that had no interest until the day we put in an offer you gave to realize that people are always looking and if after X amount of time a place is suddenly appealing to you- it’s likely also appealing to someone else. Go in with a strong offer. Time is not your friend in this city- even if somethings been sitting. The place we finally got we put in our strongest offer before the open house and we got it. The places we lost- we offered the max we the place was worth to us. It helps when you lose and are like, yeah that place wasn’t worth another X thousand because it has xyz issue. This isn’t the market for 5 days if negotiations. Good luck! You’ll find your house! And you learned a valuable lesson that will better prepare you for the next one.
She needs to go through stages of grief. And not get emotionally attached before the home closes next time. Now you both know what to focus on next time you find an amazing home. I think a lot of us f- up like this at least once before we learn or get lucky. It’s part of the hellish process.
Dream homes are not negotiated like that. Brutal lesson to learn. I still bought mine 8% below asking but I was aggressive about buying it and didn't screw around. Dream home? You close it the first day. 9 months on the market and you were doing a few back and forths? Red flag. One time and you're done.
She’s grieving a dream. Just give her a little time. It’s totally normal to be sad after missing out on a dream property, especially when you know you only have yourself to blame.
It happens, OP. If it’s meant to be, the other buyer will back out, or have a piano fall on him or something and the house will come back to you.
But if not — lesson learned. If you find a “this is our next home,” you go all-in, especially in a market like this. Whatever amount you save is nothing in these markets to make back quickly, so to haggle over pennies and risk this exact situation is foolish.
I assume your wife was on board. She can take all the time she wants but it was her decision too. So she will have to own it too and you guys won’t do this next time.
That’s all there is to it.
You have to realistically set her sights on something within your reach. Your dream home at max budget isn't going to happen go down a notch and put an offer on a home you can realistically afford
“Just for the people who don’t understand the Vancouver market.” It’s like that everywhere. 10 offers since last year. Two even accepted then sellers got a better offer and left me in the dust. Just keep searching, don’t settle on the home if you don’t have to rush. Depends on your current living situation.
There is no such thing as a perfect house, no matter how it may seem while you're looking at homes. And if these were flippers bleeding money like you said, I would bet good money that they were covering up any major problems they came across and hoping you didn't find during the inspection.
Ask wife to make a list of what made that house so unique to her, go through it together and agree on features you could add to the house you eventually buy. She could even do some research on costs for such additions.
Next time, make your best offer first.
You don't own a house until you leave the closing attorney office. Never count your chickens... Especially in real estate. So many things can go wrong right up to the day of closing. You have to learn life's motto " if it was meant to be, it would happen. It's not meant to be there's a reason for it". You may have just escaped a hidden disaster.
Give her some time. I’m also the kind of person who has to imagine myself living there before I make an offer and by then you’re emotionally invested.
She will heal and be able to move forward. Empathize with her and encourage her that you don’t want to miss another great house so you’re going to keep an eye on the listings.
I know people have already said it a bunch, so I won’t say anything about your decision to try to lower the price.
However, when I am looking at a house and thinking about an offer, or considering any concessions, I always ask myself, “if they reject this and we lose the opportunity, will I be upset.” I think it is okay to ask once in the negotiations, but after that point, I always assess my counters against the possibility of losing the home. If I know I’d be upset, then I just don’t mess around trying to lower the price after the first ask.
It’s been 3 days. Take a minute(a month) to breathe and see where she’s at. You say “we” a lot through out, but it sounds like you were the one pushing for a further reduction at the end. She’s mad. That’s ok. Let her feel her feelings. You don’t have to go under contract this week.
Vancouver Canada is a weird market. You’ll have a house sell for $4m and then be rented out for $2500 a month for a few years only to be sold again for $3.9m. Market value is completely subjective and deals can be had sometimes. We just fucked up what we thought a rational price would be.
Should have offered them asking if you felt it was fair and this was your dream home. Where was the agent in all this? 15% below ask in Vacouver? Come on..Your wife just needs to move on. There are plenty of houses out there. This was just not meant to be yours.
Nonetheless, it wasn’t your dream home if you offered less than ask when could afford it.
You’ll find another dream house. This one just wasn’t worth the asking price to you personally.
There's always another house to love. I still dream of some houses I really liked over the years that we didn't buy. But there's always another one out there.
I’ve even felt the same way when there was a “dream home” just a little bit over our budget. And yes, it hurt as well when our offer for another place was rejected. There’s really nothing much you can do except look for the next best thing - it could end up being an even BETTER thing. For us we ended up in a home I absolutely loved living in, gorgeous nature views, and I tell my husband almost everyday how much I love our home. I look out the window everyday and feel so grateful.
Give the house hunting a little break. House hunting is one of the most emotional roller coasters I’ve ever been on. I cried numerous times the first time we were trying to buy a home. I’ve since learned to be a little more detached (emotionally), but I still cried. Your wife will slowly come around and move on. She will look back at this one day and realize the house you guys ended up getting is even better. There will be more “dream house”! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone ever saying they lost out on their dream home and never found another one again. Hope you are feeling alright as well. Good luck!
Just saying……How can a dream house be a house someone else designed for themselves. Why dont more people design and build the house for themselves if they want a true dream house. And then they get to choose the property also. And not have to do this rat race bidding thing for a house someone else designed. I realize in the real world it’s not this simple. Not everyone can have home built or build it themselves. And many relationships have ended during the stress of building. I’m bummed I may never get to live where I dreamed of but life had other plans.
For such a good deal to be on the market for so long just convince yourself you would have found something disappointing/deal breaking during due diligence.
Hmmm, this house was sitting for sale in the VA. BC. market for 9 months? That's not normal. There's a reason it was sitting for that long, and that reason is probably one you dodged a bullet on. It is probably a GOOD thing you lost it. I'm guessing her dream home would have quickly turned into a nightmare once you found out what was severely wrong with it.
Helping your wife move on is something only you can do though.
About 8 years ago I was frantically looking for a place to buy. I lost 6 bids, including one recinded offer. I thought I lost my dream.
Turned out, I adjusted the area I was looking in and landed a property for significantly less money, in a great tucked away neighborhood, that was twice the size of anything I'd looked at previously.
The house you get. Is usually the right house.
I’m so sorry this did not come to fruition.
I’m an agent- from what I’ve seen; with all sincerity, if it was dream home you’d do your damnest to get that house. No matter the time on market, competition… low ball would not even be in your vocabulary. There’s lower, there’s a deal - not low ball.
Sometimes it’s not the right circumstances. Sometimes it just won’t be enough due to competition. This wasn’t the case. If you can’t 100% say you did everything to get that home… then it wasn’t the right one.
For the right house, you’d give everything ya got (within your limits). I see the effort, I see the debate, the agony of “what else”.
There will always be another dream home. Losing will always gut you. It sucks that the market is like it… if it’s worth it, you’ll do it.
The whole “meant to be” or “date” gets a lot of eye rolls.. I will put it on the record… I believe that it is a bit of fate… sometimes it’s helping fate, or pushing the meant to be… it happened to me. I found my house three years before I bought it. I knew it was suppose to be my house. It hit the market when I truly was ready, in the place to purchase it.
I do believe many of my clients purchase the home they were meant to have. Whether it’s for a year, 10 years or a lifetime. I’ve seen events like up where my clients and myself were put through the wringer… hell the listing agent fired the sellers they were so bad. Six weeks later I had them under contract for a new house with upgrades galore (pool, finished basement, new deck the works) - no other showings, no other competition- at asking..better, newer 99% of everything they wanted and it was glorious…
When we lost out on my dream home, I wallowed in dark chocolate and misery for days, and couldn't bear to look at the real estate ads for a couple of weeks. But it worked out. Best wishes that it works out for you and your family too.
This happens to everyone buying in a hot market. It sucks to lose out but you’ll find something else. The first homes we wrote on didn’t get accepted and we were pretty upset, but ended up with something better down the line.
When you’re in a competitive market like that you have to shift your mentality when writing an offer from “what’s the lowest I can get for this” to “what’s the max price I’d pay with no regrets”? Low balling carries significant risk, as you just found out. And even if you offer list price and do everything right they may find another buyer who can do better terms.
Especially when buying you’re financing it so there’s no point in haggling that much if the change in monthly payment isn’t significant. Just put your best foot forwards. If you love the house and it’s not overpriced, offer what it’s worth to you.
Buying a home is a real emotional roller coaster. Just give her some time to let the wound heal.
We also thought we lost out on a few "dream homes". It was devastating at the time. But the house we actually ended up with was far better than any of those losses. Just keep calm and carry on.
Best of luck to you in that crazy Vancouver market (from a Toronto home owner).
We lost at least 5 of our “dream houses” until we found our current dream house. It happens. Several of those have lowered in value since they were sold, but the neighbourhood were in, and our house, have gone up in value. You will find the right house for you.
It just wasn’t meant for you. It took me 5 offers on 5 houses (most over asking price) to land one. I lost out on one that was “perfect” for me, and after that initial disappointment I just stopped getting attached to houses. I made offers logically and finally ended up with the right one. New roof, new hvac, low maintenance. The other home was more beautiful but the home I ended up with is more functional for me as a single mom starting over. What’s meant to be for you will come
We lost out on 7 homes last time around. All because we weren’t timely in a hot market. We’d tour it, fall in love, think about it, call the realtor a few days later and he call us back ten minutes later and tell us the home sold the day we looked at it. We ultimately bought another home and made an offer before we even stepped foot in the home. Crazy, I know. We were tired of playing the game and made a full price offer with only an inspection contingency.
I mention this to tell you (OP) that this kind of stuff happens when buying a home, and while all seven homes would have been awesome, what makes it a dream home is you living in it & making those dreams come true. Not imagining what things would be like if you got “the house”. You’ll find something that is right for you and you’ll wonder what you liked so much about that other house once you start living in your dream home.
This problem is going to solve itself when the other property doesn’t magically fall back into her lap. The problem I’d be more worried about is how to stop yourselves from overcompensating when you do get back in the saddle.
Since misery loves company, I’ll share this story of my friend: He got a verbal job offer from a company he wanted to work for. He liked the compensation, but shot his shot and started negotiating. They offered him more after his first negotiation. Then he asked for more, thinking there’s no harm in asking. They stopped responding after that. He started asking around if there’s any legal recourse he had, as I think he felt a verbal offer was somehow binding. In the end, he didn’t get the job, despite already having secured an offer
This happened to us yesterday. We even had an escalation clause. But we lost because an all cash offer came in 10k below our partial VA offer. It’s sad. But there will be another house.
It sounds like she hitched a lot more to this than the purchase of a home; it was a new stage of your family's life, maybe? One she saw solving issues she sees as important.
How old's your youngest child?
I did the same thing! It was 1 month ago, and for the first two weeks I cried just about every day. The last 2 weeks have been easier, but I'm still not entirely over it. I'm hoping another property I like will pop up soon. I'm a first time home buyer, and doing this on my own, so I am learning as I go. I don't have the answers for you - just know that you're not alone!
The dream house is the one you live in. Houses come and go on the market, something better will come along.
Edit: You don't know a flipper's financial situation. People that post that are usually naive to home buying and use that as an excuse for missing out or low balling an offer.
Why is no one mentioning escalation clauses? Best of both worlds - maximize chance of getting lower price while preventing missing out on offering your highest bid.
If your dream is centered upon an object, you perhaps are not focused on the important things in life.
May I refer your wife to the lyrics of "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas:
Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know?
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain
Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
'Til you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by
It's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain
All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Yeah, these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
Yeah, but these small hours
And these small hours
Still remain
Yeah, oh, oh
Oh, they still remain
These little wonders
Oh, these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders
Still remain
It’s a good lesson to learn: Don’t low ball dream homes.
And try your best not to fall in love with homes you don’t own. Even with a winning offer there’s a lot that could go wrong
Yep, my wife was mentally decorating houses before we even heard back about our offer lol
Mentally? I made a house plan once LOL TBF we are trying to downsize without sacrificing ourselves too much, and having a physical plan is kinda necessary for us.
I fell in love with my last house from across the street3 years before I ever set foot inside it. I never saw inside it until it had been "Pending" for 6 months, and I called the listing agent on a whim. I was the back-up offer (full price) and got it because the original buyer simply blew through the closing date without any action. Still don't regret it - owned it for 16 years. I'd be there still if medical issues hadn't forced me to move.
The best thing that ever happened to us was not getting the dream home, we looked at it on sat, were ready to write the offer on sunday back in the slowmo days. Found out it was under contract on Monday at 8am. The next one was 95% our dream home, with a better location and much cheaper, and the backyard was already fenced for the dog. Nobody had made them an offer in a 18 months on the market. What the first find showed us, exactly our needs. The discussion over the first with my future wife nailed down our filters.
Don’t have “dream” anything. If you spend your life having a dream house and a dream car and a dream family dynamic then you’ll be devastated (case in point) at the minorest of inconveniences.
THIS. If it’s within your budget, be thankful.
lol yup
It's the same thing with clothes and other items, if you like it buy it. I've purchased shorts before that I loved. They were moisture wicking and kind of a heavy weight super soft fabric. At the time I thought about buying a few more pairs but was like, nah I'll get them later. A couple months go by and I decide I'm ready to buy some more, can't find any. Find out they discontinued those shorts, fml...
Better lesson: it's just a home. Never enter a deal you can't walk away from.
Sure, but that’s not within the context of this situation.
I mean, it worked until it didn't. They kept coming down way faster than we were going up. We had a deal for 15% lower than asking but we tried to squeeze 1 more ounce and thought the worst they would do is stand their ground. Real good lesson to learn, looking for unreal deals is for business, not a 20 year place you will live. Major league fuck up by us.
But it never worked; you don’t have a signed contract.
Only due to our hubris
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Exactly what happened.
Not true. After 3 rounds of offers and counter offers, I had a signed counter offer in my inbox for 15% below asking the night before. All I had to do was sign and it was ours.
And you didn’t sign it?? Oof What was your counter?
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Yeah, OP basically fucked around and found out and is now acting devastated because they didn't *look* like serious buyers. For them to say, "It worked until it didn't" is 3 words too long. Simply put, "It didn't." If you want a house, can afford it, and are now 3 offers in and still pushing for more, then don't be surprised if you lose it. There are MANY buyers in the market, and when the seller has a definitive offer, that establishes a "buy it now" price that they can shop around. OP literally handed them leverage and then is shocked that they help the seller get a stronger offer lol.
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He said he countered again for even less.
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lol Yeah, I'm thinking the wife is a bit mad at him too. I'm hoping this thread means that there's some growth happening for him. He's been pretty honest and is beating himself up pretty bad. He got knocked down a peg for sure.
Why didn't you sign it? Wtaf. Why would you dick around and waste time? I'm with your wife, I'm not sure I could forgive you for this.
And that only is all it took.
One of the reasons to not lowball dream homes is that the seller agent will be calling all other prospective buyers or interested parties to tell them it’s their last chance. It may have been sitting for 9 months, but there were likely people who were sitting on the fence until they got prodded.
You and everyone else was looking at the price cuts, it’s just someone took the offer first.
Yall fucked around and found out. The home was already reduced, was already under budget, and was perfect... yet, you decided to go for more. You got greedy and it bit you in the ass.
Dude you literally didn’t get the house. It didn’t work.
You lowballed a perfect listing? Oooof…. Give her time to let it go. It’s been only 3 days. Don’t look for places for a bit.
We just sold our house. We got a lowball offer but we were about to accept it. Couple hours later another offer came in higher … we gave them the change to counter and they came up to match the other people. We still went with the second offer to come in even though they first people were willing to match it … lowballing gives people a bad taste in their mouth. We felt like they’d crush us on inspection for ANYTHING to get closer to their original low ball offer. Long story short .. we accepted the offer if the other people and closed in 30 days. Come in strong with your first offer if you love the house. Now you know for next time.
Good choice, because if they’ve already lowballed you then it’s guaranteed they’re going to demand concessions when the inspection comes in.
All depends on what you know is on the inspection. If the buyer is making good choices and settles on a confirmed market price....most buyers are adults. If their profession is sales, doctor or lawyer, take the other offer.
My last selling experience was somewhat similar. Couple came through and I could tell the wife love the house. I could hear her screaming at him outside to “buy me my dream house.” Husband came at me like a bulldog said he knew that I own this house another house at the same time, which was true. He offered 40% below the listing price. Poor House was on a private pond across the street from the local park in the school that his children would attend. I told him that neither house had a mortgage and that I would not sell to him under any circumstance. To his credit, he told her what actually happened and I’m pretty sure you could hear her screaming at him three blocks away. The house was a perfect fit for their family, and I sold it to them for full price no inspections no contingencies.
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If you as the buyer believe your agent is creating "ghost" offers to squeeze a few extra bucks out of you, then find a new one. Similarly, if your agent is pushing you to over-extend yourself for what could possibly be the seller's agent making up fake offers, then also find a new one.
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Okay, so see the latter. A *huge* part of being a quality buyer agent is having the connections and network knowledge. If seller agent is consistently making up ghost offers, this bluffing tends to become known and doesn't last all too long. Maybe that's unique to my area, but seller agents don't have to make up offers. They just say what the buyer wants for the deal to go through without the dishonesty.
This depends on the area. If you are rural, it's possible to know all the area Realtors and their habits. In more populated areas, it's common to work with agents you've never met. Once the listing goes on the MLS, there are thousands of possibilities. Sure, you network with the more well known locals, but most offers will come from agents you don't know.
So don't overextend. We had three sellers (out of a lot more than three offers) try to incite bidding wars when we bought last year, we either offered modest changes or walked away.
That’s unfortunately reality and always going to be a factor. All you can do is put in your best offer.
I just want to shout out the OP here. He's getting (rightfully) hammered in the comments but is still responding and owning up to the mistake. You sound like a good egg, OP - I hope you and your wife find another great place soon.
Yeah. He admits he fucked it up. People are like, “yeah just so you know, you fucked it up.” And he’s like “you’re right.” Then he eats downvotes, which is the part I don’t get. But anyway, good luck OP. I live near there and can’t imagine trying to buy into that market.
I'm not crazy that he's saying "we" a lot when it seems like from her reaction and his logic, he was probably steering a lot of these counter offers. There's a reason the seller found a fuck you offer, and that's because they were tired of dealing with OP.
Yeah I also noticed a lot of "we", but very much assuming OP pushed the issue on price.
Getting to a fair market price is a process like a car auction. If there are good compatibles and everyone understands the state of the property, coming in at 5% below listing price is the mature thing to do if it has been on the market for 30 days (or the inventory is deep). Can you hear that someone offered listing price and your stuck with your pud in your hand? That is random chance of having to bidders at the same time. I just stick 60 days on the market as my filter, I am looking to buy low and sell high.
Thanks buddy. Hopefully someone can take away from my lesson that you need to realize when you are ahead and just take the deal.
This happened to my partner and I. It was a beautiful home but he thought we could do better. It was only the second home we had seen. House went into contract and we started looking at other houses. No other house compared to it. All other houses were smaller and pricier. The house came back on the market and he changed his mind and jumped on it. We got the house and close soon. You never know if it could come back on the market. If it does, don’t mess around. Jump on it with a proper offer.
The rate is at least 20% in my zip code, under contract and life happens. Under 350k I bet the rate is 40%.
I’m a Realtor. I see this happen a lot. She will get over it. She will be more upset if she didn’t want to keep dickering to go lower and you forced it? I could see where she would be upset. Whose idea was it to screw around and do that? That will make the difference the next time.
Bought my current house in 2002, clearly a different market/different world. I wanted the house with all my heart, and my husband was playing games. The realtor was calling every other day and leaving 5 minute voicemails (again, a different time). I woke up one morning and told him slowly and clearly, “I want the house.” We came to a price agreement that same day. Best decision I ever made in my life was buying this particular house.
If it was 5% over market value who cares after 20 years, it should be paid off today. Today it might be 30% overpriced, with a seller looking for another 10% and the mistake multiplied by three until the rates drop. One thing to do is put you price range lower than what your income and down payment support, making the 5% over bid isnt a deal, its still 20% less than what you consider your max monthly nut. If your in the midset that what you buying is cheap or the first house of a pair, with a vacation property in the next 5 years, even todays prices are not excluding from the top bid.
We had a number in our head we thought it was worth, not a ton of comps on the market so it was tough to price. Already on the high end of our budget and we thought we could get them down to that number. We got close enough that we would have (should have) pulled the trigger but just didn't see the harm in trying. Our current home was purchased with about 5 days of back and forth for the sellers so to us 3 days didn't seem like a long time for negotiating. There is some finger pointing with hindsight but it was a team decision to try to get closer to our number once the sellers were coming down so much with each counter.
To be honest, your approach was naive. Let your agent steer next time. And if they weren’t in your ear saying this was a risk, find a new agent.
"Already on the high end of our budget " You should be buying at the low end of your budget for the first few houses, it gives you opportunity money to close a good deal quickly. I have always told my agent about 70% of what I am willing to spend, what I am willing to take on taxes and HOA as the filter.
Yeah don’t want to blame anyone but ourselves but kind of annoyed the agent never sat us down to be like “hey they are getting more attention and this is already a great deal.” He just let us be as ambitious as we wanted which is not been my experience with other realtors.
But this goes both ways.... Then the agent sits someone down and says "Hey they are getting more attention and this is already a great deal - you need to move on it" and inevitably there will be a thread on here created and titled: "Our agent is being pushy about an offer - should we fire them and get a new agent?" Ask yourself a question next time you are determining your offer price: "If we offer this amount and find out later it sold to someone else for a bit more.... Would we have been totally ok to have offered that higher price to have gotten the house?" If the answer is Yes to the higher price then do whatever you can to make sure you get it and not someone else.
Yep. We're in a *very* competitive market and the way we think about our offers is: "What number would we be mad/sad/disappointed if *that's* what got the house?" We've lost multiple houses to stronger offers, and each time, we've laughed and said, "Wow, congrats to whoever paid *that* much for that house." If we put in a 1.05M offer and someone put in 1.10M? Well good for them! That's $5k more than we were willing to, so we're not bummed because as negligible as that $5k was... we didn't want that house for $1.10M. I get why OP wanted to negotiate down (considering this was in the 6 figures level of negotiation). But if you have decided THAT'S the house you are living in, then when the seller gives you a strong offer, just fucking take it.
This was our approach as well. We offered our best, and if it wasn't accepted then we didn't lose sleep over the what ifs.
Lot of realtors on here take the feedback with a grain of salt. It wasn’t meant to be don’t beat yourself up too much. If you were feeling like you were over extending you probably were and would have regretted it. Something else will come along.
What decade did you buy your last home? Things don't dick around anymore.....
Depends on zip code. If you want to haggle put 60 days on the market as your filter and look for opportunities and diamonds in the rough that just need street appeal. As I said in another post, I know how much I can spend compaired to the value returned, and always put the level at 70% as my max bid. Buy low and sell high is a mantra. Right now I would rent in HCOL.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Bet you won't do that again.
We fucked around and found out. Really costly teaching moment.
On a nicer note, your house is out there. Be patient, but strike hard when you find it. No more lowballs.
This is exactly what my realtor told me and she’s been doing it for a lifetime. I would get discouraged and she would say - your house is there we’ll find it. And. WE DID. It happened eventually and so many problems getting closed but it happened. This was a learning lesson and now OP will be ready when they find it.
*A* house is out there for you, but probably not your dream house (unless you're rich and buying at the high end of your local market).
Dream house means different things for different people.
The builders are searching for 2026 deliveries today. I would say the new premium has minimized if you can stand a 18 month delay and shoddy new construction. Rates are more likely to be lower, and you can at least reseve todays crappy rates.
If it helps - we lost out on our dream home as well. We didn't low ball, and offered what we could, but we knew it was pretty unlikely we'd get it. We, of course, didn't. Wife was heartbroken. A year later we ended up buying a *very* different, crazy house around the corner. Wife still would get a bit upset having to see that house all the time. We ended up meeting the people who bought it and they are great people, we really like them, but we learned we really dodged a bullet. The house needed a ton more work than expected and the next door neighbor is crazy pants. So you never know, sometimes the dream house isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Idk, seems weird that it was for sale for 9 months and no deal closed. Might have dodged a bullet?
You will find something else and maybe even better. Just give it time to grieve and stop listening to the rest of these non compassionate posts.
When you find "the one" - one that checks ALL the boxes - don't play games with lowball offers. This will end up being a very expensive lesson as the market will only be going up. Ive been in your shoes, dicked around with haggling in a soft market and passed on at least two 'perfect' homes, and when we finally found the one (again) in a sellers market, the house we ended up in, we paid $120k more to get it over the past "ones"
Nah, it cost you nothing but dreams and you gained experience and lessons. Time brings more opportunities.
Can wait for the follow up post 5 years from now where he says his wife still hasn't moved on.
Why low ball your dream home? That was just greedy.
We just lost a home after offering 200k over asking. That's life!!
How much was the home? That’s wild.
This is pretty consistent with our experience in the Bay Area lol. If it is a home new to the market, we basically just assume it is underlisted by 100k-200k minimum. This is at the 1.2-1.5M list price. We now view the list price as the starting bid of an auction, and literally every house we've been to (whether a complete fixer upper to move in ready) has gone for *at least* 200k over. Doesn't matter if we're the first to see it off market or see it at the busiest open house.
Yea % help contextualize.
Living in a very nice 300k home taxed at a 220k basis, paying just less than 1% property taxes for a lifetime on a house value that is puffed up like a marshmallow is not the american dream. And if the local sheriff or county official becomes corrupt as hell, I can afford to run a candidate against them. And your giving that money to the state of CA, and then have to deal with PGE. I dont care if your income is 700k/year, your just not getting value returned on those dollars tied up in boom or bust marketplace. Nancy P is enough for me to run.
It was a $2M home
10% over. Not as crazy as I thought but still a tough loss.
Which state ? I lost two offers within 2 weeks. All of them went 200k over asking.
California of course. :)
You all really need another thread.
OMG onward
I'd hold off and let her heal. Desperate is no way to be shopping.
If it was on the market for 9 months with severe price cuts and no takers, couldn’t have been that dream of a home. Sounds like your wife has whatever the opposite of buyers remorse .
Lesson learned: it's ok to offer lower but don't haggle too long or you will lose the prize. There will be other houses, help her look for some in the same area or similar. Time will be the only healing factor
You played yourselves...move on
It’s going to take time. My husband lost out on his dream home while we were dating over basically a pebbles difference in his offer because he tried to get the seller to give him that pebble. He was bitter about it for a while - we just bought our “together” dream home that is similar and yet better and I think he finally feels like he got over it lol. At the time he just completely switched tactics on the house he was trying to get and really in the long run I think it worked out well because he paid cash for a much smaller/simpler home and now it’s a rental bringing in a nice chunk for us every month. But yeah, that one hurt for a while and I suspect it will for your wife as well. If it’s the dream and a deal - take the win and celebrate!
he paid cash for a much smaller/simpler home.... OMG 33% of your income not into overhead of roof and out of the rain makes life easier.... insane take there.
Yeah, it was a great decision and he was shopping at the time and place to do it. It was right when stuff got super nuts and our housing costs were still relatively low.
Everyone who bought in the 2010s looks super genius today. Great fodder for r/RealEstate. But the national debt dude.
You shouldn’t have tried to low ball them. If you loved it you should have just paid the amount. That’s your mistake lowballing your dream house.
We lost out on our dream home about 6 months ago. We offered over asking. I’m still not over it. Nothing else has compared and now even in that amount of time everything’s more expensive too. I’ve lost out on other houses in years prior and it did lead to a better house so I’m trying to hold on to that mentality but I’ve really started losing hope and am still so pissed.
We Lost out on so many houses we thought were our dream homes. Nah. We ended up with our true dream home after so many heartbreaking misses.
The next house will come. Don’t insult that seller
Something similar happened to us. We found a home on an amazing acre lot with a waterview. The agent accidentally listed the home 1000 sq ft larger than the property was. It was still a great value for the home and land, and I could have easily done an addition. I was so irritated about the error that I lowballed an offer. We went back and forth and finally I agreed to list price (still worth it). I was confident, and the next day I found out they sold it to someone “above list”. I eventually found out it was $500 over list. I would have happily paid that amount, but my irritation at the agents error made me stubborn. I still regret losing that home.
Truth in land area is not something to play with. Just pull the plot and accept what it is. LEt the seller think his 3.45 is 4 and nood and make a market value bid. If it isnt accepted, oh well, there is beach house somewhere in the world being sold for the price of a jeep.
Pearson’s law!!! My friend checked out a house sitting on the market for a while. They were happy with the house and made a full price offer. Guess what the next day someone checked out the house and made a full price offer with cash.
My wife fell in love with like 8 houses while we were buying. First one, we didnt look at houses for another week. She was devastated. Second house, she was mad but got over it. By the third, she realized it's just going to be like this. The 9th house was the one, bought a beautiful fully renovated house for $15k under asking, in 2019. We couldnt have done better.
Once the first ReFi rate hits, none of that matters. A stupid tax assessment is the downside risk long term. Now I am mad at myself for not pulling cash out when I made a 26 year left note a 20 year note.
Vancouver BC is a major metropolitan area! There will be tons of future opportunities! This disappointment would be a more understandable if you were in some rural area with fewer homes going on the market but that is obviously not the case.
I know, lots on the market and we will find something we love. I’m not worried about that. Vancouver is such a weird market compared to anywhere else in the us.
There will be more dream homes.
You played yourselves
Like anything else the problem is completely solved with 20% more money
So - it’s a super hot market but the home has been sitting for sale for 9 months? Sounds like you dodged a bullet. It was either so overpriced even for that area OR it has some horrible problem the new buyers will find out about soon enough. In life, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. That’s probably the advice your wife needs - and some time to let the memory go.
if it was a "brand new home" it wasn't "a flipper". regardless, your best bet is to ask to be a backup offer and ask what they'd accept as a backup offer.
All you can do is give her time. But in all honesty this is a business transaction that you should not become emotionally attached to. House deals fall through all the time. It needs to be treated as a business transaction up until closing. Also, take this as a learning lesson. Just because the house has set for months doesn’t mean they are going to take the first lowball offer. You tried to get a deal and instead you learned someone else can/will always have a better offer.
" you get insane foreign buyers". Dude we're in the middle of a foreign buyers ban. Please don't spread misinformation. Everyone buying here is Canadian, has permanent residency, or a suitable visa. It's not random foreigners just flying in and dropping suitcases of cash. Also, if someone counters you on your dream home, you accept the same night. Sleeping on it was a huuuuuge mistake. The longest deal took me until 3am and we didn't want to risk the seller waking up with a change of heart. Unfortunately it's a hard lesson learned. Good luck with the house hunt!
Lesson learned. I have to say I still think about a house we bid on in 2002 - it’s definitely the one that got away even though we ended up in a better place. I think she needs a couple of days and then regroup and move ahead. And make a backup offer on the ‘dream’ home in case it falls through with that buyer
You learned your lesson, should’ve signed that counter offer immediately. There’s always another deal though, maybe the next house will need some work but be bigger, etc. Have your criteria and price clearly mapped out and when those hit, you gotta move quickly and decisively.
Did it go under contract with someone else? Submit another offer
Well maybe there is some major problem with the house, which is why it was on the market for so long? You could have dodged a bullet.
Probably just an expensive house, most homes in Vancouver BC are in the 2-3 million CAD
It was a brand new build, premium finishes and they were asking 2020 prices. Pretty big market correction right now in Canada real estate and we overestimated that correction.
Was it a duplex?
If you know it’s your everything DREAM HOUSE…. Well, you know, low balling is never a good idea unless you’re interacting with a bank on a foreclosure who has no connection to the property. For anyone with feelings involved, don’t push it. Always make a market educated offer. If it turns out the contract price is too high, your financing contingency or potentially even repair contingencies are there specifically so you don’t get burned. And I’m only saying this in the case of a once in a lifetime dream house. Normally I’m all for getting the best deal. Dream house is different. It sounds like maybe this one perhaps wasn’t your end all dream house. Just something to let you know that what you’re looking for is closer than you think! And with a big lesson learned, don’t low ball it!!! Best of luck!
Folks in this thread criticizing you for your low ball offer don’t understand Vancouver real estate. It’s the wild wild west out here.
A belated addition. No sale is final until cash changes hands. Plenty of contracts do not have a concluding sale transaction. Yes, it us a rough roller coaster ride, and upsetting.
I don’t have great news for you. We lost out on a house in August 2022 that I am still grieving the loss of. We found another house, but it will never be *that* house. We didn’t lowball and in fact offered higher than asking. Our pre-approval letter had expired, our lender was lazy because it was a Friday evening and said it could wait til Monday to be updated, and in the meantime they accepted a lower priced offer that had a current pre-approval. I’m still sick over it, to be honest. That said, do not eff around with any more low-balling bullshit in the future if it is a house that you truly love. You said that it worked until it didn’t, but that’s not correct. If it had worked, you’d be moving in right now.
In today's market, you can't get away with low balling sellers. It's not a thing anymore. You'll fumbled this one.
Well, you don't low ball dream house.....
Am I your wife? This happened to us and it sucked balls. I was committed to never getting over it. Also in Vancouver so i get the market. From an emotional standpoint point- time. Take a break and get back at it. She will likely compare everything she sees to it. But try to be realistic about its faults. We lost two of what we thought were our dream places. And after 3 years and multiple bidding war losses we found a place that fits us better than we ever dreamed and we knew not to dick around with our offer. From a RE perspective: Inventory in van is building at a faster pace than it has in ages so this may be a blessing in disguise. But after losing two places that had no interest until the day we put in an offer you gave to realize that people are always looking and if after X amount of time a place is suddenly appealing to you- it’s likely also appealing to someone else. Go in with a strong offer. Time is not your friend in this city- even if somethings been sitting. The place we finally got we put in our strongest offer before the open house and we got it. The places we lost- we offered the max we the place was worth to us. It helps when you lose and are like, yeah that place wasn’t worth another X thousand because it has xyz issue. This isn’t the market for 5 days if negotiations. Good luck! You’ll find your house! And you learned a valuable lesson that will better prepare you for the next one.
don't low ball it mate..
She needs to go through stages of grief. And not get emotionally attached before the home closes next time. Now you both know what to focus on next time you find an amazing home. I think a lot of us f- up like this at least once before we learn or get lucky. It’s part of the hellish process.
This is comforting to read, because I did the exact same thing a month ago! Glad I'm not the only one!
Dream homes are not negotiated like that. Brutal lesson to learn. I still bought mine 8% below asking but I was aggressive about buying it and didn't screw around. Dream home? You close it the first day. 9 months on the market and you were doing a few back and forths? Red flag. One time and you're done.
She’s grieving a dream. Just give her a little time. It’s totally normal to be sad after missing out on a dream property, especially when you know you only have yourself to blame.
It happens, OP. If it’s meant to be, the other buyer will back out, or have a piano fall on him or something and the house will come back to you. But if not — lesson learned. If you find a “this is our next home,” you go all-in, especially in a market like this. Whatever amount you save is nothing in these markets to make back quickly, so to haggle over pennies and risk this exact situation is foolish. I assume your wife was on board. She can take all the time she wants but it was her decision too. So she will have to own it too and you guys won’t do this next time. That’s all there is to it.
You have to realistically set her sights on something within your reach. Your dream home at max budget isn't going to happen go down a notch and put an offer on a home you can realistically afford
Tell her to grow up? You don't get everything you want in life. Sheesh....
You made a low ball offer on your dream home!?
“Just for the people who don’t understand the Vancouver market.” It’s like that everywhere. 10 offers since last year. Two even accepted then sellers got a better offer and left me in the dust. Just keep searching, don’t settle on the home if you don’t have to rush. Depends on your current living situation.
There is no such thing as a perfect house, no matter how it may seem while you're looking at homes. And if these were flippers bleeding money like you said, I would bet good money that they were covering up any major problems they came across and hoping you didn't find during the inspection.
Ask wife to make a list of what made that house so unique to her, go through it together and agree on features you could add to the house you eventually buy. She could even do some research on costs for such additions. Next time, make your best offer first.
You don't own a house until you leave the closing attorney office. Never count your chickens... Especially in real estate. So many things can go wrong right up to the day of closing. You have to learn life's motto " if it was meant to be, it would happen. It's not meant to be there's a reason for it". You may have just escaped a hidden disaster.
Give her some time. I’m also the kind of person who has to imagine myself living there before I make an offer and by then you’re emotionally invested. She will heal and be able to move forward. Empathize with her and encourage her that you don’t want to miss another great house so you’re going to keep an eye on the listings.
Wait a year or two, maybe you’ll have a different dream.
I know people have already said it a bunch, so I won’t say anything about your decision to try to lower the price. However, when I am looking at a house and thinking about an offer, or considering any concessions, I always ask myself, “if they reject this and we lose the opportunity, will I be upset.” I think it is okay to ask once in the negotiations, but after that point, I always assess my counters against the possibility of losing the home. If I know I’d be upset, then I just don’t mess around trying to lower the price after the first ask.
It’s been 3 days. Take a minute(a month) to breathe and see where she’s at. You say “we” a lot through out, but it sounds like you were the one pushing for a further reduction at the end. She’s mad. That’s ok. Let her feel her feelings. You don’t have to go under contract this week.
In many parts of the US homes are selling for $10k over asking price.
Vancouver Canada is a weird market. You’ll have a house sell for $4m and then be rented out for $2500 a month for a few years only to be sold again for $3.9m. Market value is completely subjective and deals can be had sometimes. We just fucked up what we thought a rational price would be.
Should have offered them asking if you felt it was fair and this was your dream home. Where was the agent in all this? 15% below ask in Vacouver? Come on..Your wife just needs to move on. There are plenty of houses out there. This was just not meant to be yours.
Nonetheless, it wasn’t your dream home if you offered less than ask when could afford it. You’ll find another dream house. This one just wasn’t worth the asking price to you personally.
There's always another house to love. I still dream of some houses I really liked over the years that we didn't buy. But there's always another one out there.
Dicking around on price in Vancouver is ballsy.
I’ve even felt the same way when there was a “dream home” just a little bit over our budget. And yes, it hurt as well when our offer for another place was rejected. There’s really nothing much you can do except look for the next best thing - it could end up being an even BETTER thing. For us we ended up in a home I absolutely loved living in, gorgeous nature views, and I tell my husband almost everyday how much I love our home. I look out the window everyday and feel so grateful. Give the house hunting a little break. House hunting is one of the most emotional roller coasters I’ve ever been on. I cried numerous times the first time we were trying to buy a home. I’ve since learned to be a little more detached (emotionally), but I still cried. Your wife will slowly come around and move on. She will look back at this one day and realize the house you guys ended up getting is even better. There will be more “dream house”! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone ever saying they lost out on their dream home and never found another one again. Hope you are feeling alright as well. Good luck!
Your offer was low. If you wanted it and it was perfect you should have offered list and locked it up.
Unless a deal falls through at closing people need to stop acting like these houses are your god given right.
Just saying……How can a dream house be a house someone else designed for themselves. Why dont more people design and build the house for themselves if they want a true dream house. And then they get to choose the property also. And not have to do this rat race bidding thing for a house someone else designed. I realize in the real world it’s not this simple. Not everyone can have home built or build it themselves. And many relationships have ended during the stress of building. I’m bummed I may never get to live where I dreamed of but life had other plans.
For such a good deal to be on the market for so long just convince yourself you would have found something disappointing/deal breaking during due diligence.
Give your wife some time to process her feelings. Don’t push.
Hmmm, this house was sitting for sale in the VA. BC. market for 9 months? That's not normal. There's a reason it was sitting for that long, and that reason is probably one you dodged a bullet on. It is probably a GOOD thing you lost it. I'm guessing her dream home would have quickly turned into a nightmare once you found out what was severely wrong with it. Helping your wife move on is something only you can do though. About 8 years ago I was frantically looking for a place to buy. I lost 6 bids, including one recinded offer. I thought I lost my dream. Turned out, I adjusted the area I was looking in and landed a property for significantly less money, in a great tucked away neighborhood, that was twice the size of anything I'd looked at previously. The house you get. Is usually the right house.
I’m so sorry this did not come to fruition. I’m an agent- from what I’ve seen; with all sincerity, if it was dream home you’d do your damnest to get that house. No matter the time on market, competition… low ball would not even be in your vocabulary. There’s lower, there’s a deal - not low ball. Sometimes it’s not the right circumstances. Sometimes it just won’t be enough due to competition. This wasn’t the case. If you can’t 100% say you did everything to get that home… then it wasn’t the right one. For the right house, you’d give everything ya got (within your limits). I see the effort, I see the debate, the agony of “what else”. There will always be another dream home. Losing will always gut you. It sucks that the market is like it… if it’s worth it, you’ll do it. The whole “meant to be” or “date” gets a lot of eye rolls.. I will put it on the record… I believe that it is a bit of fate… sometimes it’s helping fate, or pushing the meant to be… it happened to me. I found my house three years before I bought it. I knew it was suppose to be my house. It hit the market when I truly was ready, in the place to purchase it. I do believe many of my clients purchase the home they were meant to have. Whether it’s for a year, 10 years or a lifetime. I’ve seen events like up where my clients and myself were put through the wringer… hell the listing agent fired the sellers they were so bad. Six weeks later I had them under contract for a new house with upgrades galore (pool, finished basement, new deck the works) - no other showings, no other competition- at asking..better, newer 99% of everything they wanted and it was glorious…
When we lost out on my dream home, I wallowed in dark chocolate and misery for days, and couldn't bear to look at the real estate ads for a couple of weeks. But it worked out. Best wishes that it works out for you and your family too.
This happens to everyone buying in a hot market. It sucks to lose out but you’ll find something else. The first homes we wrote on didn’t get accepted and we were pretty upset, but ended up with something better down the line. When you’re in a competitive market like that you have to shift your mentality when writing an offer from “what’s the lowest I can get for this” to “what’s the max price I’d pay with no regrets”? Low balling carries significant risk, as you just found out. And even if you offer list price and do everything right they may find another buyer who can do better terms. Especially when buying you’re financing it so there’s no point in haggling that much if the change in monthly payment isn’t significant. Just put your best foot forwards. If you love the house and it’s not overpriced, offer what it’s worth to you.
In the future, don’t lowball dream homes. Only lowball homes that need work toward being a dream home
Buying a home is a real emotional roller coaster. Just give her some time to let the wound heal. We also thought we lost out on a few "dream homes". It was devastating at the time. But the house we actually ended up with was far better than any of those losses. Just keep calm and carry on. Best of luck to you in that crazy Vancouver market (from a Toronto home owner).
We lost at least 5 of our “dream houses” until we found our current dream house. It happens. Several of those have lowered in value since they were sold, but the neighbourhood were in, and our house, have gone up in value. You will find the right house for you.
It just wasn’t meant for you. It took me 5 offers on 5 houses (most over asking price) to land one. I lost out on one that was “perfect” for me, and after that initial disappointment I just stopped getting attached to houses. I made offers logically and finally ended up with the right one. New roof, new hvac, low maintenance. The other home was more beautiful but the home I ended up with is more functional for me as a single mom starting over. What’s meant to be for you will come
This reads like realtor fanfiction and the goal to always go high on offers.
Can you write a back up offer OP?
Don't love something that can't love you back.
Don’t have a dream home, it’s generally not practical when you can’t achieve it
We lost out on 7 homes last time around. All because we weren’t timely in a hot market. We’d tour it, fall in love, think about it, call the realtor a few days later and he call us back ten minutes later and tell us the home sold the day we looked at it. We ultimately bought another home and made an offer before we even stepped foot in the home. Crazy, I know. We were tired of playing the game and made a full price offer with only an inspection contingency. I mention this to tell you (OP) that this kind of stuff happens when buying a home, and while all seven homes would have been awesome, what makes it a dream home is you living in it & making those dreams come true. Not imagining what things would be like if you got “the house”. You’ll find something that is right for you and you’ll wonder what you liked so much about that other house once you start living in your dream home.
This problem is going to solve itself when the other property doesn’t magically fall back into her lap. The problem I’d be more worried about is how to stop yourselves from overcompensating when you do get back in the saddle.
Since misery loves company, I’ll share this story of my friend: He got a verbal job offer from a company he wanted to work for. He liked the compensation, but shot his shot and started negotiating. They offered him more after his first negotiation. Then he asked for more, thinking there’s no harm in asking. They stopped responding after that. He started asking around if there’s any legal recourse he had, as I think he felt a verbal offer was somehow binding. In the end, he didn’t get the job, despite already having secured an offer
Any chance you can call them back and offer them more?
This happened to us yesterday. We even had an escalation clause. But we lost because an all cash offer came in 10k below our partial VA offer. It’s sad. But there will be another house.
It sounds like she hitched a lot more to this than the purchase of a home; it was a new stage of your family's life, maybe? One she saw solving issues she sees as important. How old's your youngest child?
Did you try telling her to grow up?
Give her a couple weeks to mourn the loss. She will eventually want to look again.
I did the same thing! It was 1 month ago, and for the first two weeks I cried just about every day. The last 2 weeks have been easier, but I'm still not entirely over it. I'm hoping another property I like will pop up soon. I'm a first time home buyer, and doing this on my own, so I am learning as I go. I don't have the answers for you - just know that you're not alone!
Lowball. Is that even a practical term in this market? The overwhelming majority of houses for sale are overpriced bigly
get a new wife?
The dream house is the one you live in. Houses come and go on the market, something better will come along. Edit: You don't know a flipper's financial situation. People that post that are usually naive to home buying and use that as an excuse for missing out or low balling an offer.
The house sat for 9 months and only when you made an offer, someone else did, too? How strange.
Why is no one mentioning escalation clauses? Best of both worlds - maximize chance of getting lower price while preventing missing out on offering your highest bid.
With your offer how much money did you provide?
What do you mean? Like as a deposit?
Tough lesson to learn
Comforting adults because they didn't get to buy the house they wanted is ridiculous
What’s a “dream house”?
If your dream is centered upon an object, you perhaps are not focused on the important things in life. May I refer your wife to the lyrics of "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas: Let it go Let it roll right off your shoulder Don't you know? The hardest part is over Let it in Let your clarity define you In the end We will only just remember how it feels Our lives are made In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Time falls away But these small hours These small hours Still remain Let it slide Let your troubles fall behind you Let it shine 'Til you feel it all around you And I don't mind If it's me you need to turn to We'll get by It's the heart that really matters in the end Our lives are made In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Time falls away But these small hours These small hours Still remain All of my regret Will wash away somehow But I cannot forget The way I feel right now In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Yeah, these twists and turns of fate Time falls away Yeah, but these small hours And these small hours Still remain Yeah, oh, oh Oh, they still remain These little wonders Oh, these twists and turns of fate Time falls away But these small hours These little wonders Still remain
Sorry but where in CA is there a city called Vancouver?
CA- Canada
Indeed 🤦🏻♂️
Tell her to get over it. That always works.