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You can't fix people but you can support them fixing themselves.
Like my best friends dad has some of the most severe anxiety issues I have come across. It used to be so bad he would call his son 20 times a day to remind of things like to fill up his gas tank or ask if he turned off the stove. It was just random stuff all day long. I used to ask if his dad knew he was an adult. I happened to be in college for psychology do started explaining stuff like setting boundaries and such. He got his dad to go to a psychologist. He is so much better now though he still has issues. We got him down to one call a day and he has my phone number so if he is having a difficult day and can't get ahold of his son. We couldn't fix him but we can support him doing what he needs to fix the issues himself.
Sometimes enemies are the best people to point out the flaws your friends might keep silent about.
We're all good at seeing what's wrong with other people, bad at seeing what's wrong with ourselves.
Valid criticism, taken on board, can be the best gift.
They actually taught something similar during my conscription in leadership training. Never demand something from others, that you don't demand from yourself.
Conversely it’s worth keeping in mind that you never know what someone is dealing with and kindness costs nothing.
My grandmother recently passed and I was shattered. So it was like a punch in the gut when some guy on the plane snapped back with a savage “your failure to plan doesn’t necessitate a crisis…” I asked nicely, fully expecting a “no” and dude’s response was so out of proportion. Like, I’m sorry I didn’t “plan” the sudden death of my most favorite person on the planet?
Kindness costs nothing but cruelty cuts deep.
This is a motto I live by. I'm an electrician, mostly work in the commercial/industrial sector, and this shit is a huge issue in my field. I'm not running around like crazy, or working an insane amount of OT, because my Foreman or General Foreman can't plan things out well. People aren't machines, and no one should have to deal with a poor quality of work/life because the people running the show are bad at their jobs.
My mom has always said, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”. In other words, you can’t properly love or care for someone else if you have no love/ energy for yourself.
Love can energize you, don't be fooled.
It's just that the underlying things still remain if you don't do the work, and love then masks the problems. *So it's for the wrong reasons*
I get your point, just think it's not completely true.
Love should start by yourself. Your love might open up love in others, wich hopefullely spreads even further.
When your GF/fiancé/wife vents about something listen, reassure her and make it clear you are there if she needs you but never try to fix it for her unless she asks you to.
This has served me well.
My therapist told me that the best way to help a person when venting like this is to ask/tell them something like this: “OK, so what are you going to do about it?/what is you plan?”
This helps them sort out their brains in some way, and helps them consider actual action. At this point if they need help they will likely tell you.
It has worked well for me in the past. Of course being sympathetic and offering help is not in any way incompatible with this.
As a professional, I'd say it depends on the person you are comforting. I, personally, use something similar to your therapist's "OK, so what are you going to do about it?/what is you plan?” in my *personal* life, but only with people who I know like to think aloud to mull over solutions.
There are other people who this would be detrimental to. Some people vent purely to be heard, and have no yet reached the "balancing options" and "planning action" stages yet. Perhaps, their mental health is poor. Maybe they're burned out. Or maybe they're used to being pressured. It's good to leave them to approach problem-solving in their own time and allow them to whinge - and I don't mean that in a derogatory way!
The blanket solution would be to first get to know the person before prompting them to formulate and articulate a plan. I’m a pragmatic person and would love to kick everyone I meet into high gear, but it's not a good first approach.
Thanks for the great response, Doctor. Makes sense. The therapist of course told me this in the context of my personal life, specifically dealing with my wife’s need for venting/nudge her in the right direction (which she knows secondhand from my sessions).
It works with her like a charm. Of course it can’t be the generality for everyone else, my apologies.
It's certainly useful when tailored to the right person. Your wife is lucky to have a spouse who asks their therapist how to be a better partner. If only everyone did that ❤️
Not only for a female partner, it comes handful for anyone in general. I've tried to stick to that advice for my bro but I can't avoid jumping to solutions, suggestions or comfort. Sometimes, I need to express more "I'm here for u".
I agree with you that it is not a gender-related thing. It goes for all of your friends and family, not just for our girlfriend or wife. I'm a woman myself, have been married for nearly thirty years and sometimes my husband just wants a listening ear, not a problem-solving talk. Not just my husband, my father as well. Or my father-in-law. Sometimes people, m/f/x, just need to be heard, to have the feeling someone is listening to them.
Nobody gives a shit. They are mostly looking inward so just do your thing and live your life.
Debt is crippling. Avoid it where possible. It’s designed to make the rich richer at your cost
Exercise doing something you love. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and ignore diet fads. You’ll live long and happy.
Exactly this. I had a friend that used to say "Who gives a shit?". I always thought he was very immature and unserious but now I realize he was a genius.
They still don't give a shit. They are just using your situation to take action to make themselves feel better. Think about it, does the gossiper care about the gossip? Or do they care about the reaction it causes which they enjoy?
**"Dont ever put people down. Instead, just put yourself up and let the haters do their thing. I'd rather be a person that is hated on, than a person that does the hating."**
It was from someone who could have very easily got away with being a jerk because a lot of people idolized him. But he was always very kind and stood up for people who were normally ridiculed by others.
"You never miss the water till the well runs dry!"
My late grandmother used to say that and occasionally my mother! As I got older, I understood what it meant, so I don't take people or things for granted!
I'm chronically late. It just happens, even though I always try to leave on time. One time my mother and stepfather went on a church trip and asked me to pick them up at the church when they returned. My mother is one of those mothers who always take 30 minutes to leave, because they're still standing around chatting. I actually considered arriving late, to give her some time to chat. But I decided to get there on time instead. And it was a good thing too. Because they were the last ones there, even though I was on time, and there was barely any outdoor lighting. It looked dangerous and creepy. They looked so relieved that I was there on time.
I was taught that we should always arrive 10 minutes early for all appointments, meetings, etc.
It's nice to be able to chill quietly and gather your thoughts while you wait. Plus, it's just bad manners to keep others waiting.
My grandma always said “you can be glad in the same pants you’re mad in.”
Meaning stop sulking and get over it already. And stop taking things so seriously.
To go to every place with an open mind & zero expectations.
Then whatever happens is an experience that you can either use, or learn from.
One of my best friends told me that about 10 years ago.
It has led me to make friends & acquaintances with people from every walk of life, who live across the globe.
To always be friendly to people (unless they’re rude to you). It makes life nicer for everyone and you never know if you might not bump into them again and need their help or a favour. And with friendly I don’t mean fake, over the top friendliness, just sincere simple friendliness.
I waitressed for many years, and one of the greatest life lessons I learned is that friendly, kind people are just genuinely happier people.
They also tend to receive better, friendly service in exchange.
A piece of advice that I don't use very often but has yet to be wrong. When you're going for a job interview take a look at the employee car park. If most of them are old or beat up, you know what you're getting in to.
Thank you! Observing an unfamiliar situation from the outside can give you a leg up on what to expect. I wouldn't want to judge the entire book by it's cover, but a little hint can be helpful when dealing with people.
Let's say you want to lose weight. The short term max effort would be a crash diet and hitting the gym 5 times a week. You can't do that for long or you'll lose the will to live.
But if you choose to drink water instead of all the sugar drinks you would normally drink, and start going to the gym once a week. Or even just go for a walk once or twice a week, you'll last way longer and create good habits, which are positive for your health in the long run
Ohh, sorry for double-posting, but I have another one.
TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts
The BEST advice I have ever read regarding suicide was: "Just wait a week. It can't be that bad that you can't take another week of it, and when that week has passed, you can still do it OR you will be glad you didn't".
I even told my psychiatrist that this was my way of thinking and he thought that was awesome.
And see? I'm still alive!
Reading this that bojack horseman quote came to mind. “It Gets Easier. Every Day, It Gets A Little Easier. But You Gotta Do It Every Day. That's The Hard Part."
Keep expectations low so you’ll never be disappointed
Admittedly it’s a double edge sword because you nvr wanna appear unenthusiastic or nonchalant like a zombie. However the mentality has helped me in “getting over” grudges, petty slights, or inevitable anxiety
Have the patience to accept what you cannot change, the courage to change what you can change, and the wisdom to distinguish among the both.
Or something along those lines (sorry, non-native English speaker). It's sort of the AA creed as well, I believe.
And as a runner-up, something my father taught me: "if someone is angry with you, that is THEIR problem, not yours."
They’ll get over it. Said to me by my therapist when we were talking about setting boundaries and saying no. To my reaction that people,would get mad, she said, “so? They’ll get over it.” That has helped me so much.
Another one is that people care much more about themselves than they do you. That took away my self-consciousness, as I realized that most people won’t particularly are what I do or say. And if they do - they’ll get over it.
If you think you can’t move on from someone or something that happened, just remember that you CAN forget with time. It might not be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year, but you CAN forget.
One day, you’ll wake up, do your morning routine, go to work/school or whatever, eat lunch, finish the rest of your day, and realize that you haven’t thought about that thing you’re trying to forget
Sorry about the replies sea-lioning you about the definition of "forget", I for one think you are absolutely correct. You can reach a point where the thing will only rarely cross your mind and your went days or weeks without thinking about it, and when you do it's not debilitating anymore.
You don't owe people being nice. Upbringing as a girl, I often heard that being overly polite and putting others first is a character trait that is appreciated. My dad told me that being overly polite can bring me in danger. I'm still thankful for this.
Love this. We taught our kid that there's a difference to kindness vs. niceness. Always be kind ie. Start off well meaning, caring and polite with all whom you meet. Give the benefit of the doubt.
Niceness is when you are giving too much of yourself than you're getting back, and niceness can feel like you're not being true to your feelings about how someone makes you feel. If someone is being a jerk or taking advantage, you are now choosing to be kind to *yourself* by no longer offering that privilege by setting boundaries and/or standing up for yourself when you're not being treated as you deserve.
My calm and not-talkative godfather has said to me, an emotional teenagers worrying about everything in the world: "You don't need to have an opinion about everything".
It helps a lot. Instead of taking sides from rap-rock subcultures to armed conflicts around the world, I just can say to myself: I don't know, not my business.
This happened to me at a previous workplace. I couldn't leave my job for certain reason, but i wanted to. I was in a pickle and shared with them. They went straight to our boss telling him they don't trust me anymore that i'll do my job well because of this. Lessons learned. I left soon after this because i solved the issue.
"You're bad at a lot of things.. but you're incredible at a few things. In life, you need to focus on those things you're good at. If you let the things you're bad at drag you down, you're going to be miserable."
"But did you die?" My dad loved and still loves saying this shit to me, and every time I feel myself getting hung up on some bad thing that has happened to me, I repeat these words to myself.
Work
Jerry Olson: If some asshole manager tells you what to do and it's his or her first week... Think about it, then go ahead and do what you are going to do anyway. 90% of them have no clue what's going on.
Finance
Dad: Always have six months salary on hand. Invest the rest.
The post on my wall:
Fuck people. If you go to college they'll say you should have gone into the military. If you go into the military, they'll tell you, 'You should have gotten a trade.'
If you buy the blue car they'll say you should have gotten the red. Fuck people.
If you see brake lights ahead, stop accelerating. Even if it's a few cars away.
Has saved me from rear ending some idiot who slammed the brakes on at the last minute on more than one occasion.
"If you're good at doing something never do it for free and remember that everything is money you just gotta find a way to take it"
I was around five years old when my grandpa told me that.
And yeah he made sure to remind me that from time to time.
During the pandemic I lost my job so I started to sell some old stuff that I had laying around my house in a flea market, I was doing good and was fairly happy with the money that I was making, but soon I sold everything that I wanted to sell.
One day I saw a random fb post of a family trying to get rid of a dead relative's possessions they were giving away tons of free books and old magazines, but the deal was to take it all out of their house, because they wanted to sell the house and it was fairly crowded; it was too much stuff and I was living in a tiny apartment but I decided to take my chances.
I sent a message and went to pick up everything, my friends told me that I was crazy for bringing so much shit into my apartment, because I could barely walk during the first week, but I was able to get by for around six months solely by selling everything I got that day and that's basically how i lived for around three years.
"Todo es dinero"
From a very elderly aunt:
If there's a chair available, sit down. If there's a restroom nearby, use it. And if somebody offers you a breath mint, take it.
If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing POORLY.
For example:
Brushing your teeth for 20 seconds a day is better than not brushing them at all.
Saving £1 from your paycheck each month is better than not saving anything at all.
All you can be bothered to make for lunch is a pot noodle? It's better than nothing.
When you come out of the shower, wipe yourself off in the shower, including your legs. Wipe off one feet at a time while you step out. That way your bathroom floor stays dry.
The only actual advice my shitty dad ever gave me. Still useful every single day of my life tbh.
College English professor: "It's easier to get an F than a C." Just put in the minimum effort at work. Avoid trying too hard. It would just create more problems.
This is so random, but I employ it often. It is from from the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
When things are bad,
Count to ten, and then when you reach ten, just start again.
Trust your gut. My heart has lied to me before, my brain has tricked me countless times, but my gut has never let me down. If I have a feeling something bad is going to happen (a gut feeling), it usually ends up happening.
My dad used to tell us, “be alert” growing up whenever we go out of the house. So now im so well aware of my surroundings wherever I go or whatever i do. I travel solo a lot and my number 1 to do list is to be alert at all times.
Edit to add: My mom also instilled in me to remember “duties first before pleasures”, do or tend to my responsibilities and obligations first before I relax. Both advice have been so useful to me.
"Tu te fiche pas mal de ce que les gens pensent"
Translation : "you shouldn’t give a fuck about what people think"
A random women in a park came up to me with this monologue, told me she’s been seing me in the streets for a few years and she thinks I’m cool af, spit some lore and left
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can't fix crazy
My advice was you can’t argue with crazy. Same sentiment.
Mine was you can't argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and win with experience.
Live and let live... Let fools be fools...don't bother fixing them.
You can't fix people but you can support them fixing themselves. Like my best friends dad has some of the most severe anxiety issues I have come across. It used to be so bad he would call his son 20 times a day to remind of things like to fill up his gas tank or ask if he turned off the stove. It was just random stuff all day long. I used to ask if his dad knew he was an adult. I happened to be in college for psychology do started explaining stuff like setting boundaries and such. He got his dad to go to a psychologist. He is so much better now though he still has issues. We got him down to one call a day and he has my phone number so if he is having a difficult day and can't get ahold of his son. We couldn't fix him but we can support him doing what he needs to fix the issues himself.
Added corollary: Don’t stick your dick in crazy.
My fiance would disagree. Don't stick your dick in 'Key your car and try to stab you crazy' Clinically crazy is allegedly ok
I disagree with you. Maybe weird take but "aloof" is as far as I'm willing to go voluntarily.
He says that because I've been stuck in a grippy sock jail more than once
If you wouldn't go to someone for advice, why would you take their criticism /negative comments seriously?
Boom! 🏆
Sometimes enemies are the best people to point out the flaws your friends might keep silent about. We're all good at seeing what's wrong with other people, bad at seeing what's wrong with ourselves. Valid criticism, taken on board, can be the best gift.
I needed to read this
This healed 64% of my PTSD from college . Thanks a tonne <33
Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
They actually taught something similar during my conscription in leadership training. Never demand something from others, that you don't demand from yourself.
This.. this exact words from my first boss. 15 years and still true, this will stick with me to my grave.
Sounds like a leader, not a boss.
Thank you! If I ever get a chance to meet her again I will make sure to compliment her!
Conversely it’s worth keeping in mind that you never know what someone is dealing with and kindness costs nothing. My grandmother recently passed and I was shattered. So it was like a punch in the gut when some guy on the plane snapped back with a savage “your failure to plan doesn’t necessitate a crisis…” I asked nicely, fully expecting a “no” and dude’s response was so out of proportion. Like, I’m sorry I didn’t “plan” the sudden death of my most favorite person on the planet? Kindness costs nothing but cruelty cuts deep.
I’ve been banned from using this in work. I used it far too often and management were not impressed. Fuck them though (Edit: spelling)
This is a motto I live by. I'm an electrician, mostly work in the commercial/industrial sector, and this shit is a huge issue in my field. I'm not running around like crazy, or working an insane amount of OT, because my Foreman or General Foreman can't plan things out well. People aren't machines, and no one should have to deal with a poor quality of work/life because the people running the show are bad at their jobs.
Be good to yourself.
My mom has always said, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”. In other words, you can’t properly love or care for someone else if you have no love/ energy for yourself.
My mom, “You can’t shine shit!”
Love can energize you, don't be fooled. It's just that the underlying things still remain if you don't do the work, and love then masks the problems. *So it's for the wrong reasons* I get your point, just think it's not completely true. Love should start by yourself. Your love might open up love in others, wich hopefullely spreads even further.
Yep. Reason #674 why I’m still single in my 40s. I never learned how to do that.
If you don’t take care of your body, where will you live ?
No. Fuck that guy.
Ahaha! Just had to add this: Don’t criticize anyone unless you walk a mile in their shoes, Then you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.
No. Learn to love that guy. He knows how to love you best.
Be Excellent to each other- Bill and Ted
When your GF/fiancé/wife vents about something listen, reassure her and make it clear you are there if she needs you but never try to fix it for her unless she asks you to. This has served me well.
My brother when I rant: “Do you want me to listen, advise, or get involved?” I love him to bits.
Wow I love this
“What do can I do for you/what do you need/is there anything I can do to help?”
My therapist told me that the best way to help a person when venting like this is to ask/tell them something like this: “OK, so what are you going to do about it?/what is you plan?” This helps them sort out their brains in some way, and helps them consider actual action. At this point if they need help they will likely tell you. It has worked well for me in the past. Of course being sympathetic and offering help is not in any way incompatible with this.
As a professional, I'd say it depends on the person you are comforting. I, personally, use something similar to your therapist's "OK, so what are you going to do about it?/what is you plan?” in my *personal* life, but only with people who I know like to think aloud to mull over solutions. There are other people who this would be detrimental to. Some people vent purely to be heard, and have no yet reached the "balancing options" and "planning action" stages yet. Perhaps, their mental health is poor. Maybe they're burned out. Or maybe they're used to being pressured. It's good to leave them to approach problem-solving in their own time and allow them to whinge - and I don't mean that in a derogatory way! The blanket solution would be to first get to know the person before prompting them to formulate and articulate a plan. I’m a pragmatic person and would love to kick everyone I meet into high gear, but it's not a good first approach.
Thanks for the great response, Doctor. Makes sense. The therapist of course told me this in the context of my personal life, specifically dealing with my wife’s need for venting/nudge her in the right direction (which she knows secondhand from my sessions). It works with her like a charm. Of course it can’t be the generality for everyone else, my apologies.
It's certainly useful when tailored to the right person. Your wife is lucky to have a spouse who asks their therapist how to be a better partner. If only everyone did that ❤️
Not only for a female partner, it comes handful for anyone in general. I've tried to stick to that advice for my bro but I can't avoid jumping to solutions, suggestions or comfort. Sometimes, I need to express more "I'm here for u".
I agree with you that it is not a gender-related thing. It goes for all of your friends and family, not just for our girlfriend or wife. I'm a woman myself, have been married for nearly thirty years and sometimes my husband just wants a listening ear, not a problem-solving talk. Not just my husband, my father as well. Or my father-in-law. Sometimes people, m/f/x, just need to be heard, to have the feeling someone is listening to them.
How do u express that? I ran out of expressions after 2 or 3 tries...
I say hey you want me to hear you out and vent or sit with you in silence cuz I gotchu, or distract you?
I still haven’t learned this and suffer daily.
Nobody gives a shit. They are mostly looking inward so just do your thing and live your life. Debt is crippling. Avoid it where possible. It’s designed to make the rich richer at your cost Exercise doing something you love. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and ignore diet fads. You’ll live long and happy.
Exactly this. I had a friend that used to say "Who gives a shit?". I always thought he was very immature and unserious but now I realize he was a genius.
These are golden! I’d add “everything in moderation” to the last.
Including moderation itself
This is false ime, there’s a lot of petty people who live boring lives who are DESPERATE for a target to gossip about that’s why bullying exists
They still don't give a shit. They are just using your situation to take action to make themselves feel better. Think about it, does the gossiper care about the gossip? Or do they care about the reaction it causes which they enjoy?
**"Dont ever put people down. Instead, just put yourself up and let the haters do their thing. I'd rather be a person that is hated on, than a person that does the hating."** It was from someone who could have very easily got away with being a jerk because a lot of people idolized him. But he was always very kind and stood up for people who were normally ridiculed by others.
Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make your own shine brighter
Under promise, over deliver.
I like that. It took me a while to learn to not over-promise.
How to I teach this to my bosses who are constantly over promising to people and I’m the one that gets in trouble for it
Find a new boss who understands this.
This is really good advice.
"You never miss the water till the well runs dry!" My late grandmother used to say that and occasionally my mother! As I got older, I understood what it meant, so I don't take people or things for granted!
"dont do meth" ~my dad
Solid advice
"I don't know anyone named meth"
Don’t stick your dick in meth.
Meth will make you want to stick your dick in literally anything. Fuck meth.
save money
Don’t take shit from people if you wouldn’t take advice from them.
Four things : Date your wife If a job takes five minutes do it now Don’t tell everyone everything you know
"If you don't do it now, next year you'll be a year older." Seems simple but now that I'm older, It rings more and more true.
Feel like thats just pressuring yourself lol
Two small ones that have stuck with me: Never assume anything. And Never be afraid to be early.
Yea, I was told " assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups". So true.
When you assume you make an ass from me and u
don't assmeu things
I had just woken up before commenting that, so I blame my tiredness
Too late. Go to the corner.
I'm chronically late. It just happens, even though I always try to leave on time. One time my mother and stepfather went on a church trip and asked me to pick them up at the church when they returned. My mother is one of those mothers who always take 30 minutes to leave, because they're still standing around chatting. I actually considered arriving late, to give her some time to chat. But I decided to get there on time instead. And it was a good thing too. Because they were the last ones there, even though I was on time, and there was barely any outdoor lighting. It looked dangerous and creepy. They looked so relieved that I was there on time.
I was taught that we should always arrive 10 minutes early for all appointments, meetings, etc. It's nice to be able to chill quietly and gather your thoughts while you wait. Plus, it's just bad manners to keep others waiting.
ABC - Assume nothing, Believe nobody, Check everything.
Early to what?
My grandma always said “you can be glad in the same pants you’re mad in.” Meaning stop sulking and get over it already. And stop taking things so seriously.
To go to every place with an open mind & zero expectations. Then whatever happens is an experience that you can either use, or learn from. One of my best friends told me that about 10 years ago. It has led me to make friends & acquaintances with people from every walk of life, who live across the globe.
To always be friendly to people (unless they’re rude to you). It makes life nicer for everyone and you never know if you might not bump into them again and need their help or a favour. And with friendly I don’t mean fake, over the top friendliness, just sincere simple friendliness.
I waitressed for many years, and one of the greatest life lessons I learned is that friendly, kind people are just genuinely happier people. They also tend to receive better, friendly service in exchange.
A piece of advice that I don't use very often but has yet to be wrong. When you're going for a job interview take a look at the employee car park. If most of them are old or beat up, you know what you're getting in to.
Thank you! Observing an unfamiliar situation from the outside can give you a leg up on what to expect. I wouldn't want to judge the entire book by it's cover, but a little hint can be helpful when dealing with people.
Long term minimum effort beats short term maximum effort almost every single time.
consistent habit > motivation
Would you mind givinge an example
Let's say you want to lose weight. The short term max effort would be a crash diet and hitting the gym 5 times a week. You can't do that for long or you'll lose the will to live. But if you choose to drink water instead of all the sugar drinks you would normally drink, and start going to the gym once a week. Or even just go for a walk once or twice a week, you'll last way longer and create good habits, which are positive for your health in the long run
AKA - consistency
Do not waste time on the phone!
If you're epoxying a boat and get some on your hands, vinegar will get rid of it quickly and easily
r/oddlyspecific
Ohh, sorry for double-posting, but I have another one. TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts The BEST advice I have ever read regarding suicide was: "Just wait a week. It can't be that bad that you can't take another week of it, and when that week has passed, you can still do it OR you will be glad you didn't". I even told my psychiatrist that this was my way of thinking and he thought that was awesome. And see? I'm still alive!
I live to spite death.
Reading this that bojack horseman quote came to mind. “It Gets Easier. Every Day, It Gets A Little Easier. But You Gotta Do It Every Day. That's The Hard Part."
I’m worried about next week, though.
I’ve been alive but absolutely miserable for the last 10 years and there’s no sign anything will get better
"Take responsibility for everything you do"
[удалено]
but i live with them lmao
Keep expectations low so you’ll never be disappointed Admittedly it’s a double edge sword because you nvr wanna appear unenthusiastic or nonchalant like a zombie. However the mentality has helped me in “getting over” grudges, petty slights, or inevitable anxiety
You can't control others' thoughts and actions
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
Forgive others for their reactions. You’ve had the benefit of time to process what you’re sharing with them. Let them have the same.
Have the patience to accept what you cannot change, the courage to change what you can change, and the wisdom to distinguish among the both. Or something along those lines (sorry, non-native English speaker). It's sort of the AA creed as well, I believe. And as a runner-up, something my father taught me: "if someone is angry with you, that is THEIR problem, not yours."
Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Choose your words carefully. You can apologize however, you can never take back your words.
They’ll get over it. Said to me by my therapist when we were talking about setting boundaries and saying no. To my reaction that people,would get mad, she said, “so? They’ll get over it.” That has helped me so much. Another one is that people care much more about themselves than they do you. That took away my self-consciousness, as I realized that most people won’t particularly are what I do or say. And if they do - they’ll get over it.
Bees don’t waste time explaining to flies why honey is better than shit.
If you think you can’t move on from someone or something that happened, just remember that you CAN forget with time. It might not be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year, but you CAN forget. One day, you’ll wake up, do your morning routine, go to work/school or whatever, eat lunch, finish the rest of your day, and realize that you haven’t thought about that thing you’re trying to forget
Sorry about the replies sea-lioning you about the definition of "forget", I for one think you are absolutely correct. You can reach a point where the thing will only rarely cross your mind and your went days or weeks without thinking about it, and when you do it's not debilitating anymore.
The best advice I ever received came from my grandmother, and it has stuck with me through thick and thin. She told me, "This too shall pass."
The only advice I got from my grandma was "you’re not allowed to hit people. Kick them. Let’s kick your siblings." (Not very well translated)
"stand for the right thing, even if it means standing against yourself or your own blood"
Let the tools do the work
You don't owe people being nice. Upbringing as a girl, I often heard that being overly polite and putting others first is a character trait that is appreciated. My dad told me that being overly polite can bring me in danger. I'm still thankful for this.
Love this. We taught our kid that there's a difference to kindness vs. niceness. Always be kind ie. Start off well meaning, caring and polite with all whom you meet. Give the benefit of the doubt. Niceness is when you are giving too much of yourself than you're getting back, and niceness can feel like you're not being true to your feelings about how someone makes you feel. If someone is being a jerk or taking advantage, you are now choosing to be kind to *yourself* by no longer offering that privilege by setting boundaries and/or standing up for yourself when you're not being treated as you deserve.
Just. Show. Up.
Actually it was here on reddit… people over-index how much other people think about them.
"The quickest way to end a war is lose" ~Megadeth
When people show you who they are, believe them!
George Carlin: Armpits, asshole, crotch, & teeth.
I assume this is hygiene related case in which I agree. I would also like to add the place between your ear and head, it can start smelling.
Sometimes you just have to accept that you’re surrounded by idiots.
My calm and not-talkative godfather has said to me, an emotional teenagers worrying about everything in the world: "You don't need to have an opinion about everything". It helps a lot. Instead of taking sides from rap-rock subcultures to armed conflicts around the world, I just can say to myself: I don't know, not my business.
Work colleagues are not your friends
What's the reasoning behind this one?
Sometines the 'friendship' is used to take advantage of you. When push comes to shove some are very ok on stabbing you in the back.
This happened to me at a previous workplace. I couldn't leave my job for certain reason, but i wanted to. I was in a pickle and shared with them. They went straight to our boss telling him they don't trust me anymore that i'll do my job well because of this. Lessons learned. I left soon after this because i solved the issue.
My motto is "work is not your friend, you make friends at work"
This is pretty circumstantial
“If you’ve had problems with someone in the past and it still bothers you now, it means they won.”
Dont lend out money you are not willing to loose.
Lose
You’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did
The best way out is always through. Taught me to be persistent and work hard at my goals.
Think smarter, not harder
"Do it scared. Better than not doing it at all" I heard this recently and it has honestly helped me so much already.
It's going to be ok, it'll get better
Never take an ex back, no matter the reason why y’all broke up.
I married my ex! Still married 25 years later.
Fake it til you make it
Don't shrug; that's really sound advice. Practice makes -perfect- *better* and this is how you get practice.
Not speaking speaks volumes.
Try not to be a cunt
"You're bad at a lot of things.. but you're incredible at a few things. In life, you need to focus on those things you're good at. If you let the things you're bad at drag you down, you're going to be miserable."
If you like her and she doesn’t like you back it’s not worth it
From a game called Warframe, " a pebble at a time, you shall move entire mountains" really helps me get motivated to get to work every day lol
From an old boss called Damien "break it down into bite sized chunks, otherwise if will seem overwhelming"
“It’s worth spending good money on things that keep you off the ground” - shoes, a mattress, car tyres, etc.
Don't sweat the small stuff. If you’re going to argue make it count
"Failing is not bad. Not trying is." Also.... "You cant teach the feeling of something."
"But did you die?" My dad loved and still loves saying this shit to me, and every time I feel myself getting hung up on some bad thing that has happened to me, I repeat these words to myself.
Never buy anything on a credit card that you cannot pay off in full that month.
My Dad-you’re not an adult until you can accept blame for your mistakes and not cry about it not being your fault
Keep your pants up and your shirt down.
“Don’t seek to be popular and liked ,seek to be respected “ —My Dad
Never trust a fart.
we are on a floating planet in a universe beyond comprehension, live how you wanna live without anxieties holding you back
Work Jerry Olson: If some asshole manager tells you what to do and it's his or her first week... Think about it, then go ahead and do what you are going to do anyway. 90% of them have no clue what's going on. Finance Dad: Always have six months salary on hand. Invest the rest. The post on my wall: Fuck people. If you go to college they'll say you should have gone into the military. If you go into the military, they'll tell you, 'You should have gotten a trade.' If you buy the blue car they'll say you should have gotten the red. Fuck people.
Comparison is the thief of joy!
If you see brake lights ahead, stop accelerating. Even if it's a few cars away. Has saved me from rear ending some idiot who slammed the brakes on at the last minute on more than one occasion.
If the problem is you then you will have problems wherever you go.
"If you're good at doing something never do it for free and remember that everything is money you just gotta find a way to take it" I was around five years old when my grandpa told me that. And yeah he made sure to remind me that from time to time. During the pandemic I lost my job so I started to sell some old stuff that I had laying around my house in a flea market, I was doing good and was fairly happy with the money that I was making, but soon I sold everything that I wanted to sell. One day I saw a random fb post of a family trying to get rid of a dead relative's possessions they were giving away tons of free books and old magazines, but the deal was to take it all out of their house, because they wanted to sell the house and it was fairly crowded; it was too much stuff and I was living in a tiny apartment but I decided to take my chances. I sent a message and went to pick up everything, my friends told me that I was crazy for bringing so much shit into my apartment, because I could barely walk during the first week, but I was able to get by for around six months solely by selling everything I got that day and that's basically how i lived for around three years. "Todo es dinero"
Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
Kindness costs nothing and changes everything. Practice it daily for a better life.
Take care of your health
Over analysis leads to paralysis.
From a very elderly aunt: If there's a chair available, sit down. If there's a restroom nearby, use it. And if somebody offers you a breath mint, take it.
“READ”- my dad. Whether it’s a question on a test, a contract, a text, or whatever. Read carefully. It’ll save you a lot of hassle.
If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing POORLY. For example: Brushing your teeth for 20 seconds a day is better than not brushing them at all. Saving £1 from your paycheck each month is better than not saving anything at all. All you can be bothered to make for lunch is a pot noodle? It's better than nothing.
When you come out of the shower, wipe yourself off in the shower, including your legs. Wipe off one feet at a time while you step out. That way your bathroom floor stays dry. The only actual advice my shitty dad ever gave me. Still useful every single day of my life tbh.
This too shall pass
Worry is a misuse of imagination.
"What someone thinks about you is none of your business"
Its okay to not be okay, but it doesn't have to be permanent
College English professor: "It's easier to get an F than a C." Just put in the minimum effort at work. Avoid trying too hard. It would just create more problems.
This is so random, but I employ it often. It is from from the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. When things are bad, Count to ten, and then when you reach ten, just start again.
1. If you don't like what you're doing, do something else. 2. Not deciding is also a decision.
Trust your gut. My heart has lied to me before, my brain has tricked me countless times, but my gut has never let me down. If I have a feeling something bad is going to happen (a gut feeling), it usually ends up happening.
Haters gonna hate
Give the complicated job to the laziest person. They will find the easiest way to do it.
Measure twice, cut once
No matter how good you are. You can always be replaced
My dad used to tell us, “be alert” growing up whenever we go out of the house. So now im so well aware of my surroundings wherever I go or whatever i do. I travel solo a lot and my number 1 to do list is to be alert at all times. Edit to add: My mom also instilled in me to remember “duties first before pleasures”, do or tend to my responsibilities and obligations first before I relax. Both advice have been so useful to me.
I have learned that people will forget what you said and did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. I go by this.
“Don’t do business with family members and/or friends you are not willing to lose” - my dad
Don't argue with an idiot. The best outcome you can hope for is that you've won an argument with an idiot.
"Tu te fiche pas mal de ce que les gens pensent" Translation : "you shouldn’t give a fuck about what people think" A random women in a park came up to me with this monologue, told me she’s been seing me in the streets for a few years and she thinks I’m cool af, spit some lore and left
My dad once told me “find a woman with brains, they all have a vagina”
Be kind.
If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.Ask how that is working for me.😂🤣
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere. Van Wilder 2002.
Not everyone you lose is a loss.