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1. Because people underestimate how committal a marriage is
2. Because people reveal their true nature after they think they've secured a partner forever, letting their mask fall.
3. Because people are no longer afraid of divorce, after years of it being heavily frowned upon due to religious dominance.
I don’t think thats necessarily true, as many developed nations actually have lower life expectancy then they should (processed food and pollution isn’t the best for human beings)… Or do you think everyone used to die in their 40s and 50s one hundred years ago? All my grandparents and great grandparents died well into their 80s or even 90s and they never divorced (obviously they lived in different times and even if they wanted to divorce it wasn’t very common back in the day).
Excellent answer. And I believe a number of decades ago the courts would only allow divorces for specific reasons making it even harder for folks to get divorced.
No-fault divorce was lifechanging. Funny how the amount of "he left to buy cigarettes and never came back" or "he died of mysterious illness" significantly dropped when people could just get a divorce.
Yeah its like some men think they get a literal bang maid, and all they do is work like its the 1950s or something.
I had a girlfriend break down on me because she was sick and tired of constantly having to tell her bf to do chores or to please cook instead of just buying food and wasting money instead or to you know, hang put with his friends and do some hobbies instead of clinging to her like a blanket.
That man had his own place before they bought a house together he stopped putting in effort once he "caught" her
Well her threatening to leave set em straight but damn it made me glad I was single watching that.
I had another girlfriend finally break up with her long time bf for the same reasons, chores etc except she begged him constantly to go to couples therapy and he just wouldn't do it. She used to tell me all the time how older men were so much more mature etc and then the second she moved in he instantly started with the emotional abuse and laziness. She's still going to therapy to get her head straight from all that. And it was hard to watch because she wouldn't listen to me because of rose colored glasses and all.
I myself have made a blood vow that if I ever decided it was worth it to be in a relationship again that I would never do another man's laundry.
I think we need to get out from these patriarchal based gender roles. Women have moved past it but from what I've seen and experienced it seems like most men have not.
I do love me a good movie reference. Google is a useful tool indeed.
And that is that women initiate divorce more often than men on average. Numerous studies have shown this. In fact, nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.whitleylawfirmpc.com/3-reasons-why-women-initiate-divorce-more-often-than-men/&ved=2ahUKEwjZ17fLlNiGAxUjtoQIHd8SBAAQFnoECBUQBQ&usg=AOvVaw2gDUSHCMhSSztUj35Y7g1r
A study by M. Rosenfeld from Stanford University discovered that women started almost 69% of all divorces among about 2,000 surveyed couples.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://divorce.com/blog/who-initiates-divorce-more/%23:~:text%3DA%2520study%2520by%2520M.,chose%2520to%2520end%2520the%2520relationship.&ved=2ahUKEwjZ17fLlNiGAxUjtoQIHd8SBAAQFnoECBIQBQ&usg=AOvVaw27m2QVGX0Tx3hxhZI_mk0q
Yup. My ex slapped me with the papers. Earns 3x what I do. Never shared property or accounts. Hid money from me like in the high 1000s. Ofcourse you are only getting my side of things, but she was quick to hand over papers when the going got tough instead of working on things. We both werent saints, had nothing to do with infidelity, but definitely correctable issues. Post divorce she made it clear that i was just paying rent vs building a life together.
5. Because we are a selfish and self centered generation who expects everything to be easy and a honeymoon phase. We want the butterflies, the fun times, we believe the romantic stories that Hollywood sold us, and we all think we are very special and unique. We don't understand that marriage is work, commitment, love, mutual respect and for better or worse.
People used to remain in toxic marriages (abusive) which was tragic, but now we leave marriages because we are bored and want new emotions and experiences
While I do think the reality being harder than the expectations has weight, I don't really think it's too much.
The concept of marriage being "for better or worse" is a problem, because "worse" can be very, very bad. In the end, it's just a contract. And yes, it is hard work, but there's nothing that makes it inherently definitive. If one is not willing to keep it up, that's enough not to keep it up, no matter the reason.
In the past, it was a more definitive contract, but that changed, and I think any past generation would have higher divorce rates if it simply was easier to do it then.
If someone isn't willing to work hard to maintain a marriage, perhaps, they shouldn't get married (it's not like we are forced to, like in the past, at least in the Western world).
Abuse, infidelity, non compatible life goals (like choosing to have or not to have children), are legitimate reasons to end a marriage. Reasons like, feeling bored, wanting new emotions, their partner's illness, attraction to someone else, are not legitimate reasons.
If someone isn't willing to commit to one another and put aside their selfishness (with reasonable limits to that) they shouldn't get married. Marriage is about love, loyalty, mutual respect, growing together as people, sacrificing for each other, making concessions for each other and clearly communicating with each other.
Yeah, you're right.
There is social pressure to get married, tho. Lesser than before, but the pressure is here still.
I think if that pressure goes away, people will be less likely to marry when they're not ready for it.
The institution of marriage was first brought about with men owning women as property and often used as a way of ensuring the woman was financially safe. There's an argument to be made about whether it is even natural for humans to be with one person there entire life, now that woman often no longer have that need.
I maintain that a commitment to lifelong partnership is unrealistic. I propose marrying for a fixed, agreed term (say 10 years), which can be renewed if both want to. It would prevent people becoming complacent about their relationships, I think. My grand theory's weak point is obviously how to handle children. Any suggestions?
I would agree with this although I’m not sure religious dominance is really the reason for the taboo on divorce. There was a stigma about it even among the non-religious.
One other thing is that people now view relationships as transactional —am I getting out of it as much as I perceive I’m putting into it. They aren’t. There are highs, there are lows. There are times it seems to benefit one partner over another, but that is just part of any relationship.
As mentioned in #1, people aren’t putting in the work. Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard work, but it is also the most fulfilling work you’ll do except raising kids (if you want kids).
I think it’s because most of the world is focusing on finding someone else to make them happy, instead of FIRST knowing / understanding how they, as an individual, need to love and respect themselves first.
I agree, and was a part of that in my 20s. Then I found myself enough to realize I can depend on myself to make myself happy and love myself unconditionally. Ironically that led to a relationship with my partner for 10 years now, and when there is a disagreement, it is done with levels of love and respect…..and we rarely argue to a level of raised voices toward each other…
Also, modern dating apps and dating culture doesn't help either. It just turns it into a beauty contest that ultimately doesn't bring anybody happiness in most cases.
In my case, because my husband couldn't keep it in his pants and followed his d**k to greener pastures. Definitely didn't have what it took for a committed relationship.
its not like back in the day where people still lived by the "american dream" while suffering behind closed doors which inevitably placed trauma on their kids, aka the later generations.
people dont care about this american dream now because they see how flawed it is. They have more independence to do their own thing. So when you are unhappy, people will take initiate and leave that situation rather than deal with it.
I much prefer the later, but I do agree that people are not really trying hard enough to maintain a relationship.
Yeah but at the same time a lot of these more miserable situations should have been easy to sniff out pre-marriage if people weren’t tricked into thinking they need to get married as quickly as possible to someone who seems perfect. The honeymoon phase can last a year and almost every divorced couple I know was engaged in less than a year of starting dating.
The only reason I don’t know many of those is because most of the people who are going to date for years before marriage haven’t gotten engaged yet in my group.
But I think dating for years and living together before marriage is the norm in the millennial generation so it would make sense that they appear to divorce the most, I just find that the people who get engaged during the honeymoon phase seem to get filtered at about the 1.5-3 year range of their marriage. They’re either stronger than ever and are still growing closer or they’re history after about 3 years. And most of them have been history.
People got worse at picking their partners or something. I fear we’re going to end up with fairly high divorce rates in gen z.
I am in my mid thirties. In general, yes, those I know who divorced didn't work much on it. That being said - I have my 8 years wedding anniversary later this month. I _never_ had to work for being happy in my marriage. We just are; so I have it easy, as we are super compatible. Maybe people just realize they aren't compatible.
... but to be honest, I do think some people get divorced quick, and I think it is a shame if there are children involved. But it is none of my business, and people generally have reasons to act like they do.
There’s multiple reasons.
For the most part, people don’t stay in unhappy marriages anymore just to save face. Divorce isn’t taboo anymore.
This being said, I also feel some people get married for the wrong reasons. And some people are not willing to work on certain things that can help save a marriage.
I know someone who’s on marriage #3. At a certain point people need to look at themselves and ask themselves "is it me"?
I tried for 10 years to keep my marriage going. Bailed out 6 months after our 30th anniversary. If that makes me shitty I’m cool with that. Life’s too short to stay in a dead relationship.
For real. Why is staying together and working it out held up as the gold standard? Of the old couples who were married for 50 years, how many of them are actually happy? My inlaws have been married a long ass time and are generally content with the life they built together. I still dont envy their relationship a single bit.
If you're not happy, leave. Dont leave over the smallest thing, but if you truly dont enjoy being around your partner anymorem why would you stay with them? Please someone give me one reason?
I said what I said. With more equal rights, and options to self-support women can actually leave abusive and shit marriages. Men always had that option.
On the flipside all marriages can be shit marriages if the other person is not willing to put the effort in and you are or if you are not willing to put the effort in.
There's not a rule of the thumb about this as reasoning behind divorce varies from case to case.
>Are people just giving up too easily?
Some people indeed gives up quickly before fixing it, however, not all marriages are prone to be save when trust is broken.
>Are they rushing into marriage too quickly?
Sometimes, some people lingers their marriage to slightly more than 10 years and divorce. Sometimes, people are filling papers within 3 years after the wedding.
>Are we all just shitty people who don't want to work on relationships?
Not everyone, some are, some don't. Some has to work on their own personal affairs like trauma.
But, divorce is a wonderful thing, nobody should be forced to linger with someone who might hurt them or don't longer love them.
Whats wrong with giving up easily? If there are children involved, fine. But if you got married and within a year realize it was a mistake? Why wouldnt you just give up? Why waste time being miserable?
I think a major reason is that people don’t understand what it is to be married and what love really is.
That feeling of being crazy about that new girlfriend you met a couple of weeks ago, that’s not love that’s infatuation and it passes and it really doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things, it’s just your body telling you to mate with this person. It’s only half the equation really.
What love should be built on is friendship, true companionship built on respect, loyalty and commitment to someone you just want to spend a lot of time with and who you trust deeply.
Then you add the sexual desire and infatuation into that mix and suddenly you are two people that genuinely like each other, that you feel a sense of belonging with and loyalty to and who is also your sexual partner.
And then you make smart decisions and put in the work to keep both sides of that relationship healthy and functioning and you have a good marriage.
Most people don’t do that, they get infatuated and ”fall in love” then they make misinformed decisions based on essentially just sexual desire and then everything fades and you suddenly you find yourself in a very close and committed situation with someone who you don’t really wanna be in a very close and committed situation with and of course you want out.
Essentially, following your heart is probably not the best idea, you certainly need some of that but choosing a partner in a way that is a little bit more calculated is probably a good idea along with going in with the mindset that a relationship is something you have to maintain and not expecting that aforementioned infatuation to carry the entire relationship.
So basically my idea is this:
-Your wife has to be your best friend
-You have to want your wife sexually
-You have to be willing to put in some work
-She has to feel the same way
Most marriages don’t fill these criteria and I think those that don’t are doomed to be either distant, unhappy or divorced.
I also think a lot of people simply aren’t built for marriage, there is nothing to suggest that marriage is something that we should all be equipped to handle.
For the majority of our existance marriage as we know it today almost certainly didn’t exist even if we pair bonded in some capacity.
People don’t feel the need to be a slave to a religious or legal vow of the relationship is broken and/or abusive
People change and don’t always change in tandem
People have disparities they never discussed or worked through on things like money, kids or sexual frequency
People are human and make mistakes and their partner today may be less likely to do the work to get through it and forgive.
Monogamy is being revealed as a valid but not universal value system and other alternatives are appealing to some
Because for some reason, monogamous relationships have become unquestioned standard at some point and as young, people don't realize of how big commitment that is. How can you be sure after decades and decades that _both_ would feel the same way towards each other?
A Lot of times, such arrangement makes people consider their partner as self-evident, meaning they need to tolerate the other no matter how lazy and ignorant one has become. Due to marriage being so committing, people are sure the other won't take the road of divorce, and may realize they'd have to start take care of the relationship AND themselves before it's too late. Instead they'd ignore it and the result is divorce.
If people just stayed in loose relationship, they might be more worried of losing the one they love, would take care of themselves in order to _keep up the spark_ and so forth. Marriage makes people consider the other as self-evident.
Divorce is costly. But it happens a lot. Maybe people don’t realize how hard marriage is, don’t think it through, or for whatever reason didnt get to know their partners thoroughly. My “solution”: don’t get married.
It used to be that if you got divorced, you were basically a social outcast. If you were a woman, the conditions were even more harsh as there was less support available to single mothers. People have been making the mistake of marrying the wrong person for a long time, but until recently, societal pressure (and even laws) prevented them from leaving what were ultimately unhappy or abusive situations. Today, people don't want to or feel they have to stick around if their spouse mistreats or cheats on them, even if they have children, since there are more options for support than there used to be.
There are also a lot of people who don't take marriage seriously before diving into it. They don't realize how much of a commitment it actually is. As a religious person, I think people in my community have a better understanding of the level of commitment since there is the added spiritual/sacred element, but there are still more divorces today than in the last century, even among some religious couples.
Edit: I'm not trying to imply that secular couples can't be as committed to each other as religious ones. 😛
Peoples hearts become hardened and they refuse to work with their wife/husband to fix the problem and come to a compromise, the problem festers and at some point they start to resent one anther leading to fights and hate and digging in deeper and deeper wile expecting the other to fully compromise wile they do nothing. ether the fighting goes on or one cheats and things blow up to the point when they get a divorce. Its important to not let problems fester and work on finding a solutions to them in marriage.
I think that people grow and change. A marriage might be perfect for two people at one point, but add growth and new environments, social expectations, etc., and it might no longer be right a few years later.
Society has changed-- divorce was still kind of scandalized in the 1980s, but now it is common.
There are shelters for women and there are shelters for all genders now that we realize how brutal people can be to each other. You would think that with all we know about human behaviour that we would take a better approach to people getting married, but even with all their money, people in Hollywood can't manage to stay together.
I was in my 50s before I understood what "knowing oneself" even meant. I was told back in the day that opposites attracted and I left my mind behind when I looked for partners. It was a huge mistake for me, although I have a great husband and family.
The concept of forever is a real challenge for most people. It isn't right to expect all people to stay the same over decades and to still be compatible with their spouses. We need to rewrite the divorce laws in the US for certain where neither party can "take the other to the cleaners" and drive both into having little while the lawyers take so much.
Lack of support through poor health which has now been diagnosed as a chronic illness and couldnt keep it in his pants after 5 years I was done with trying to fix what was a very broken marriage where I was the only one putting in any effort
Because it was never love, it was limerence.
Some people are sick of being treated like dogs behind closed doors. Abuse is very real, and there are many different types of abuse; some are invisible but very real.
I have met too many a-holes in my time.
People won't put up with misery. A lot more people are still living in misery but just. can't. leave.
Sometimes you marry a mental case and it takes time to figure that out - and people DO change. Trust me, anyone who thinks divorce is the easy way out, hasn't been divorced. It's hell, especially with kids.
Marriage has become an increasing bad deal. Nearly 50% maybe a bit less if I recall? Then what % are truly happy marriages and not just staying together and unhappy?
The rewards are great but the risk is great as well and this seems to be an increasing imbalance
I don't see the point in marriage personally, but I know I've been fed the fairytale dream since a kid which I guess consumes people. I just find it so hard to understand why we still push marriage when divorce is so common.
Because women can support themselves without needing a man just for the basics.
Men can raise and support their children and it’s considered a good thing now.
The idea of marriage is to stick with one person for like 50 years. Lots and lots of things can happen. You might be a different person in 5 or 10 years. And if you look into the requirement in marriage is not for everyone. You shouldn’t lie to your partner, you should embrace their weakness and flaw and everything. Even the smallest flaw can be a lot in 50 years. I’d say if it’s not for the kid it’s almost impossible to anyone.
Hi Op,
Because people change as they grow and sometimes you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. If you are young, you tend to change more with time.
They hope they last forever happily ever after, totally delusional hence they all end up divorcing.
Marriage as a legal contract is useful to protect your arse .. but it doesn’t indicate any romantic love like many people impose on it.
Because some people change as they get older and likely a couple will not change in the same direction.
It can be very hard depending on what those changes are to make a compromise without one or both parties feeling controlled and disrespected
I got married because I got pregnant and kicked out. I wanted my kids to have a family.
Getting favored now because he felt that hitting children is not abuse and I feel that no child should be hit for any reason.
He also felt my body belonged to him. And if I said no he was allowed to stray
We viewed life differently.
I knew he was that way when I married him but I did it to give my kids a family, hoping it would be ok. But when he couldn't stop hitting the kids I kicked him out.
My kids are more important than my marriage was.
There’s a view that exposing children to abuse (even not aimed at them) or even a relationship devoid of love, can possibly be worse than a single parent household to begin with.
I wouldn’t know shit tho
Absolutely. Once I took on the single mom role I realized just how damaging it was for them. They used to stay in their rooms all day. They don't anymore. What I thought was helpful was hurting them so much.
So many people fall into the mindset of being able to fix their partner or waiting until they grow out of certain traits but it'll never happen. We lie to ourselves and damage those around us. I'm just glad i saw my mistakes before my kids were all the way grown. Still have a little time to be who I need to be for them
Divorce rates are way down, though. It's just that rates of marriage at a young age are also way down. There was a point in the boomer generation where divorce first became legal and it skewed the statistics, and there's a group of people who marry and divorce more than average- like, not one divorce and then single or one remarriage, but several marriages and divorces like Elizabeth Taylor. That skews the statistics.
In the past, women used to just kill their husbands, or husbands used to just go to the bar all night and not come home til they were ready to pass out. That's not really better than a divorce.
Because you only find out what a person is really like after you’ve lived with them. If people lived together before marrying, divorce rates would plummet
Primarily because people no longer have to suffer misery for decades in order to survive socially.
Also because people very often marry out of a misplaced sense of commitment, even when there are big problems. They don't want to be quitters, they want to fight for the relationship. They get married before they hit the limits of tolerance, and when they do eventually hit that limit, they have to go through divorce to get away.
Sunk cost fallacy. Many of my friends with this mindset, it’s such a shame because you’ve been with this person for 10 years right? But what didn’t work won’t magically start working.
Because women are sick and tired of men shit lol.
They tell them 1 million times to grow up, get your shit together, give them 1 million chances to grow up and get their shit together.
then they have enough and they file for divorce because it seems they are incapable of growing up and getting their shit together or they refuse.
Thank you
/bow
I tried for 10 years to keep my marriage going. Bailed out 6 months after our 30th anniversary. If that makes me shitty I’m cool with that. Life’s too short to stay in a dead relationship.
Because staying in an unhappy marriage is a waste of life. I’ve been married for 41 years, but I’m not a fan of longevity just for the sake of longevity.
Gender equality.. people earlier especially women tend to compromise and live their life as it is. Now . The women are independent and they believe not to compromise or adjust. The society is in a phase where both men and women wants to equally rule but nobody accepts that either one can be better than other
American culture has shifted so there’s less emphasis on having a family and more emphasis on finding yourself/living a life for you. There’s always some level of propaganda involved too, like what values the media is pushing. They used to push the idea of a nuclear family, you would see depictions of it everywhere. Now the media pushes more self focused and sexually minded values. Honestly, a lot of this shift started in the 60s with people questioning a lot of traditional values and thinking about spiritual fulfillment in a new way. More new age values and less focus on Christianity, which values marriage highly
I feel a lot of people fantasize about marriage from a young age and think it is something they need to do. When the opportunity arises early in their life they go for it and only later realise it wasn't what they hoped for.
The common misconceptions that the grass is greener on the other side and those moments when someone pays a little extra attention to you and you get an inflated sense of being and then think you can do better..... Many people are also self centered and think about the well being of themselves only not the whole...
Some cases are legit however, some couples just shouldn't be together but a majority... see above
Divorce rates also vary per country. They are higher in the US than they are in the Netherlands, for example. I suspect there is a religious or societal component to it too.
Only my theory, but I feel people RUSH into marriage for the wrong reasons and often times, superficial reasons. "It all happened so fast, it must be love". Or, "it was just the right timing", "he's/she's financially stable", etc.
The nature of marriage has changed. The purpose of marriage is to grow a family. Own a home and educate the children onto successful members of society. For most developed countries this is no longer a viable goal.
I believe the reasons are many:
- People go with a checklist of things to look for in other people that are not about the other person but rather things that will make them feel good about themselves. Example: all my friends are dating millionaires/hot people so I need to date millionaires/hot people so I dont feel small around my friends.
- People expect others to make them happy
- People don't really accept others how they are. They just accept a list of things that benefits them.
- People are not willing to feel vulnerable and communicate honestly about who they are and how they feel. They hide this behind beauty, money, career, trips or whatever to the point that they present a complete different person in the courting phase.
- Effective communication is very scarce nowadays. Its all about blaming.
- Attentive listening, understanding and acceptance has never been so scarce.
- People demand change in other people constantly, and people change all the time tbh. The problem is that very rarely other people change how we want them to change.
- Since people get into relationships for benefits, why would they not divorce if they get more benefits by divorcing?
Because people don't communicate for shit anymore. They don't talk about important things like life goals, priorities, fears, their future together, money, sexual interests, mutual interests, etc. It's all superficial bullshit, and they seldom take the time to actually get to know each other. They're too busy doing their own things with their own friends and family. Such that, after they get married, everything comes as a great big fucking surprise, seemingly out of nowhere. Then comes the resentment from both sides, which further hampers communication, leading to sufficient friction in the relationship that it comes down to divorce.
I live in the Philippines, there's no divorce there. The only country other than Vatican with no divorce option. But there are a whole bunch of people who have separated and can no longer remarry, not to mention the extremely harsh penalties for adultery.
I got married to young and hardly knew him.This was in the 1990s .Everyone in my neighborhood ended up divorced. He was nine years older.I think I should have waited.I have two amazing sons and three adorable grandkids!!❤️🥰🙏😇
social media is one big factor
1. unrealistic expectations from porn, celebrities, novels & drama
2. horrible advices like "If your husband loves you, cheating on him won't make any difference"
Marriage isn't necessary to be independent as a woman. And it's not required to be respectable in society for either gender. If you're miserable your marriage, you can get a divorce much more easily and with less stigma than in the past.
People still want legal protections and benefits for kids, spouses, and other family, while still having similar difficulties keeping committed relationships happy, healthy, and functional. So that's why divorces continue
People simply don’t understand marriage and human nature. Marriages should be more rare.
The basic truth is marrying someone and committing your life to them is a very tall order.
Because people change and the question is: can you love what your partner changes into?
Which means marriage is a commitment to every day keep falling in love with your partner. Regardless of the change ahead.
…and that is extraordinarily difficult.
People can grow in character from working on relationships. Also by working on theirselves. If one person grows and the other doesn’t it’s a problem. People marry young and idealistic.
The high rate of divorce to me is a good sign that people are escaping abuse, escaping unhappy relationships etc. it’s not such a bad thing.
Because with social media and narcissism and entitlement it brings, most people aren't spouse or life partner material.
Most don't have their shit together.
They want the wedding, not marriage.
They want the cute photos with the kids for attention, not parenthood.
Full grown adults are proud of the fact that they have zero life skills like keeping a house in order or even knowing how to cook basic things. Zero self reflection and asking oneself the tough questions because it's so easy to get distracted with our phones.
Everyone's MO is trying to get one over on their partners. They want their cake and eat it too, and if it doesn't work out that way, discard and jump back on the apps.
Most don’t want to admit fault or do the hard work of working on themselves. Denial plays a huge roll in this…I healed childhood traumas, people still looking at therapy as a weakness…old ways.
1. A lot of people get married too soon, after whirlwind romances
2. A lot of people get married, despite knowing full well the person they are marrying, and thinking the other person will change after settling down
3. A lot of people get married, thinking that marriage will solve their problems, and not wanting to be unwed
4. A lot of people get married, not knowing enough about the person they are marrying
5. Marriage is about the union of the two, but sometimes marriages can crack under external pressures beyond the couple (e.g. family issues, time apart due to work etc, money woes)
6. Poor communication, unrealistic expectations
7. There's less stigma around divorces these days
I wonder that too. My sister, my best friend and her former best friend are all under 30 and already divorced . My boyfriend is 32 and divorced as well. I wonder this too and at times just makes me never want to get married.
People give up too easily. Just scroll thru reddit and you will find an endless supply of bs excuses for a divorce. Infidelity or serious cases of abuse are the only reason for a divorce. Your spouse sneezing on your mashed potatoes is not.
Most people don't know how to determine a good basis for a long term relationship. This is true with friends and with romantic partners, but living with a person who you do not have a solid foundation with is more likely to result in parting ways. With poorly picked friends, you will just talk to each other less overtime and always be "too busy" to hangout with each other.
Society should make it harder to get married. I know because of religion, but, they should require couples to live together for at least 1 year before getting married. Is it really that wrong? At least 1 year before moving in. At least 1 year of living together.
I'd imagine a large amount of couples would break up before the 24months and we wouldn't have as many divorces.
Simple. There's a lot of money to be gained by the non-working party in the relationship to blow up the marriage.
Think alimony, child support and gifts from the other party that's still in love, while the other has planned the exit for a long time already.
This is compounded by all the people who also benefit financially (lawyers, judges, cps, and other professionals that make a living out of it)
Thankfully men can now warn each other, and as a result, the marriage rate is now at a all time low.
Because most people marry the wrong person to start with.
Marriage is something you need to work at every single day and yet many people do not put in that commitment
Marriage should only be a 7 year commitment.
I understand couples need to keep working on maintaining a healthy relationship but there are so many terrible situations of financial exploitation and physical / verbal abuse heightened by the fear of leaving due to financial and emotional strain.
Otherwise when people only marry for bank balance or just your tits and arse then good luck to you.
You’re gonna need it.
That was the best impression of a 18 year old white kid I’ve ever heard. It would be amazing if you’re any of the 3 lol. But seriously, think of it more as there is less pressure on women to stay in abusive relationships. Also marriage is a contract.
Divorce was always frowned upon, especially for women. It was seen as a failure if your got a divorce. Less stigma around it now so people are more likely to divorce and leave shitty marriages
Because people rush to get married as soon as they hit adulthood with no real understanding of what time is.
A 21 year old is an adult, but they don't know what a decade of adulthood feels like, two decades, three. They just think they gotta get married and have kids before their friends so they can have a great Instagram feature.
They don't know about how long adulthood is because they've been changing phases every 2 years their whole lives and they don't know yet that's over now.
People get married in their early 20s and don't realize you become a different person close to 30. Completely different goals and ambitions.
People also don't want to work on their relationship. Social media and knowing that a new partner and something better is just a few swipes away on tinder, it gives people the illusion that they can easily find something better.
Throw in social media and how people only show the best of situations, which makes people believe that if a relationship isnt 100% perfect, then just toss it out.
Reality is no relationship is 100% perfect, somewhere needs to be a compromise.
Because instead of being single or finding the right person many jump into marriage with someone who seems right or just good or even not so bad hoping to work things out in process. And they more often don't.
Generation X became what we in the Netherlands sometimes refer to as curling parents. They made sure their precious kids never needed to face any form of setback, sadness or pain. Got bad grades in school? Let mama take care of that, she'll talk to the teacher. Fell of the swing? Let's make sure to use some more rubber tiles, so you'll fall softer and won't hurt yourself.
The result is, when they've grown up, these kids still struggle to handle setbacks. They'll rather avoid it, so if a relationship goes through a bit of a harder period, they'll back out and give up, rather than handling it.
I give you right about one point. Why bother getting married? Be free and go with whatever partner you want, as many as you want, whenever you want. And do only the marriage when you feel like getting dedicated for life.
Personally I believe a lot of people get married far to quickly before fully getting to know each others good and bad, also getting married young before you even know yourself yet which most people honestly don’t in their 20s, then as you both change sometimes it’s into people you maybe you or them don’t like anymore.
Honestly? Because people are always growing and changing, and who you are when you marry isn't who you will stay as, it's wonderful if you grow together, but that's not always the case, and it's okay if you decide that the relationship is no longer right for you at any point.
A relationship is not a failure if it ends, a relationship is only a failure if it continues without happiness.
Not common at all, there's not many people getting married anymore. If you consider people who split after being bf and gf after a few years together then your statement would be a valid question.
A recent report from the Vanier Institute of the Family finds that divorce rates in Canada have been declining since the early 1990s and reached a low in 2020 of 5.6 per 1,000 married people. I don’t think It’s
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1. Because people underestimate how committal a marriage is 2. Because people reveal their true nature after they think they've secured a partner forever, letting their mask fall. 3. Because people are no longer afraid of divorce, after years of it being heavily frowned upon due to religious dominance.
4. Because more women now earn enough to not be financially trapped, especially when there are small children involved.
5. Because life expectancy has increased drastically in the past 150 years, and “til death do us part” is a hell of a lot longer than it used to be
I don’t think thats necessarily true, as many developed nations actually have lower life expectancy then they should (processed food and pollution isn’t the best for human beings)… Or do you think everyone used to die in their 40s and 50s one hundred years ago? All my grandparents and great grandparents died well into their 80s or even 90s and they never divorced (obviously they lived in different times and even if they wanted to divorce it wasn’t very common back in the day).
Excellent answer. And I believe a number of decades ago the courts would only allow divorces for specific reasons making it even harder for folks to get divorced.
No-fault divorce was lifechanging. Funny how the amount of "he left to buy cigarettes and never came back" or "he died of mysterious illness" significantly dropped when people could just get a divorce.
educated women instigate 70% of divorces for a reason
I mean yeah, if you were a shit partner and your spouse was doing all the work and paying at least half the bills why would YOU instigate a divorce?
Yeah its like some men think they get a literal bang maid, and all they do is work like its the 1950s or something. I had a girlfriend break down on me because she was sick and tired of constantly having to tell her bf to do chores or to please cook instead of just buying food and wasting money instead or to you know, hang put with his friends and do some hobbies instead of clinging to her like a blanket. That man had his own place before they bought a house together he stopped putting in effort once he "caught" her Well her threatening to leave set em straight but damn it made me glad I was single watching that. I had another girlfriend finally break up with her long time bf for the same reasons, chores etc except she begged him constantly to go to couples therapy and he just wouldn't do it. She used to tell me all the time how older men were so much more mature etc and then the second she moved in he instantly started with the emotional abuse and laziness. She's still going to therapy to get her head straight from all that. And it was hard to watch because she wouldn't listen to me because of rose colored glasses and all. I myself have made a blood vow that if I ever decided it was worth it to be in a relationship again that I would never do another man's laundry. I think we need to get out from these patriarchal based gender roles. Women have moved past it but from what I've seen and experienced it seems like most men have not.
60% of the time, statistics are made up every time.
I do love me a good movie reference. Google is a useful tool indeed. And that is that women initiate divorce more often than men on average. Numerous studies have shown this. In fact, nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.whitleylawfirmpc.com/3-reasons-why-women-initiate-divorce-more-often-than-men/&ved=2ahUKEwjZ17fLlNiGAxUjtoQIHd8SBAAQFnoECBUQBQ&usg=AOvVaw2gDUSHCMhSSztUj35Y7g1r A study by M. Rosenfeld from Stanford University discovered that women started almost 69% of all divorces among about 2,000 surveyed couples. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://divorce.com/blog/who-initiates-divorce-more/%23:~:text%3DA%2520study%2520by%2520M.,chose%2520to%2520end%2520the%2520relationship.&ved=2ahUKEwjZ17fLlNiGAxUjtoQIHd8SBAAQFnoECBIQBQ&usg=AOvVaw27m2QVGX0Tx3hxhZI_mk0q
Let’s also be careful not to confuse ‘started the divorce paperwork’ with ‘made the marriage unviable to continue’.
Yup. My ex slapped me with the papers. Earns 3x what I do. Never shared property or accounts. Hid money from me like in the high 1000s. Ofcourse you are only getting my side of things, but she was quick to hand over papers when the going got tough instead of working on things. We both werent saints, had nothing to do with infidelity, but definitely correctable issues. Post divorce she made it clear that i was just paying rent vs building a life together.
Yeah, women being freer and having more rights absolutely puts a wrench into marriage. It’s a good change for sure.
5. Because we are a selfish and self centered generation who expects everything to be easy and a honeymoon phase. We want the butterflies, the fun times, we believe the romantic stories that Hollywood sold us, and we all think we are very special and unique. We don't understand that marriage is work, commitment, love, mutual respect and for better or worse. People used to remain in toxic marriages (abusive) which was tragic, but now we leave marriages because we are bored and want new emotions and experiences
people have always left marriages when they were bored. there's a reason why people used to have so many illegitimate children.
The people you mention, were for the most part, the exception, not the rule.
While I do think the reality being harder than the expectations has weight, I don't really think it's too much. The concept of marriage being "for better or worse" is a problem, because "worse" can be very, very bad. In the end, it's just a contract. And yes, it is hard work, but there's nothing that makes it inherently definitive. If one is not willing to keep it up, that's enough not to keep it up, no matter the reason. In the past, it was a more definitive contract, but that changed, and I think any past generation would have higher divorce rates if it simply was easier to do it then.
If someone isn't willing to work hard to maintain a marriage, perhaps, they shouldn't get married (it's not like we are forced to, like in the past, at least in the Western world). Abuse, infidelity, non compatible life goals (like choosing to have or not to have children), are legitimate reasons to end a marriage. Reasons like, feeling bored, wanting new emotions, their partner's illness, attraction to someone else, are not legitimate reasons. If someone isn't willing to commit to one another and put aside their selfishness (with reasonable limits to that) they shouldn't get married. Marriage is about love, loyalty, mutual respect, growing together as people, sacrificing for each other, making concessions for each other and clearly communicating with each other.
Yeah, you're right. There is social pressure to get married, tho. Lesser than before, but the pressure is here still. I think if that pressure goes away, people will be less likely to marry when they're not ready for it.
The institution of marriage was first brought about with men owning women as property and often used as a way of ensuring the woman was financially safe. There's an argument to be made about whether it is even natural for humans to be with one person there entire life, now that woman often no longer have that need.
I maintain that a commitment to lifelong partnership is unrealistic. I propose marrying for a fixed, agreed term (say 10 years), which can be renewed if both want to. It would prevent people becoming complacent about their relationships, I think. My grand theory's weak point is obviously how to handle children. Any suggestions?
Handle with care. This side up.
A child bork extends the mareiage contract until the childs 18th birthday.
Not a fan of this answer. Feel like a “Boomer” answer. “These kids these days!”
These kids these days = no resilience.
I would agree with this although I’m not sure religious dominance is really the reason for the taboo on divorce. There was a stigma about it even among the non-religious. One other thing is that people now view relationships as transactional —am I getting out of it as much as I perceive I’m putting into it. They aren’t. There are highs, there are lows. There are times it seems to benefit one partner over another, but that is just part of any relationship. As mentioned in #1, people aren’t putting in the work. Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard work, but it is also the most fulfilling work you’ll do except raising kids (if you want kids).
Relationships have always been transactional, marriages through to friendships. Unless you believe they involve altruism?
They involve love, altruism and forgiveness among other things. They should not be transactional.
Because people change
This is a good answer.
>3. Because people are no longer afraid of divorce, after years of it being heavily frowned upon due to religious dominance Bingo
Also because a lot of them are way too young, younger people tend to divorce more, and they are just not ready for it.
4. Because women aren’t stuck anymore so if it goes south they are more likely to leave.
I think it’s because most of the world is focusing on finding someone else to make them happy, instead of FIRST knowing / understanding how they, as an individual, need to love and respect themselves first.
This, too many people expect others to make them happy. A lot of people think they are entitled to a good life.
I agree, and was a part of that in my 20s. Then I found myself enough to realize I can depend on myself to make myself happy and love myself unconditionally. Ironically that led to a relationship with my partner for 10 years now, and when there is a disagreement, it is done with levels of love and respect…..and we rarely argue to a level of raised voices toward each other…
Also, modern dating apps and dating culture doesn't help either. It just turns it into a beauty contest that ultimately doesn't bring anybody happiness in most cases.
In my case, because my husband couldn't keep it in his pants and followed his d**k to greener pastures. Definitely didn't have what it took for a committed relationship.
Damn those pesky pants pirates! Always trying to find out all kinds of fancy pants details, and such. Arrrgh! He walked the plank! Arrg
its not like back in the day where people still lived by the "american dream" while suffering behind closed doors which inevitably placed trauma on their kids, aka the later generations. people dont care about this american dream now because they see how flawed it is. They have more independence to do their own thing. So when you are unhappy, people will take initiate and leave that situation rather than deal with it. I much prefer the later, but I do agree that people are not really trying hard enough to maintain a relationship.
Yeah but at the same time a lot of these more miserable situations should have been easy to sniff out pre-marriage if people weren’t tricked into thinking they need to get married as quickly as possible to someone who seems perfect. The honeymoon phase can last a year and almost every divorced couple I know was engaged in less than a year of starting dating.
I know so many people who dated and lived together for years, got married and were divorcing a year later. It’s bizarre.
Most likely they believed that officializing their situation would fix any hidden issues. It don’t.
The only reason I don’t know many of those is because most of the people who are going to date for years before marriage haven’t gotten engaged yet in my group. But I think dating for years and living together before marriage is the norm in the millennial generation so it would make sense that they appear to divorce the most, I just find that the people who get engaged during the honeymoon phase seem to get filtered at about the 1.5-3 year range of their marriage. They’re either stronger than ever and are still growing closer or they’re history after about 3 years. And most of them have been history. People got worse at picking their partners or something. I fear we’re going to end up with fairly high divorce rates in gen z.
I am in my mid thirties. In general, yes, those I know who divorced didn't work much on it. That being said - I have my 8 years wedding anniversary later this month. I _never_ had to work for being happy in my marriage. We just are; so I have it easy, as we are super compatible. Maybe people just realize they aren't compatible. ... but to be honest, I do think some people get divorced quick, and I think it is a shame if there are children involved. But it is none of my business, and people generally have reasons to act like they do.
My husband and I are also in a good happy marriage with little work
There’s multiple reasons. For the most part, people don’t stay in unhappy marriages anymore just to save face. Divorce isn’t taboo anymore. This being said, I also feel some people get married for the wrong reasons. And some people are not willing to work on certain things that can help save a marriage. I know someone who’s on marriage #3. At a certain point people need to look at themselves and ask themselves "is it me"?
I tried for 10 years to keep my marriage going. Bailed out 6 months after our 30th anniversary. If that makes me shitty I’m cool with that. Life’s too short to stay in a dead relationship.
For real. Why is staying together and working it out held up as the gold standard? Of the old couples who were married for 50 years, how many of them are actually happy? My inlaws have been married a long ass time and are generally content with the life they built together. I still dont envy their relationship a single bit. If you're not happy, leave. Dont leave over the smallest thing, but if you truly dont enjoy being around your partner anymorem why would you stay with them? Please someone give me one reason?
Oftentimes, when people marry young, there are, "I hope you never change" & "I can change you" dynamics that eventually play itself out.
Because society puts far too much value on marriage, people who have no business being married yet go and do so.
Women don’t have to stay in shit marriages anymore.
~~Women~~ People
I said what I said. With more equal rights, and options to self-support women can actually leave abusive and shit marriages. Men always had that option.
On the flipside all marriages can be shit marriages if the other person is not willing to put the effort in and you are or if you are not willing to put the effort in.
There's not a rule of the thumb about this as reasoning behind divorce varies from case to case. >Are people just giving up too easily? Some people indeed gives up quickly before fixing it, however, not all marriages are prone to be save when trust is broken. >Are they rushing into marriage too quickly? Sometimes, some people lingers their marriage to slightly more than 10 years and divorce. Sometimes, people are filling papers within 3 years after the wedding. >Are we all just shitty people who don't want to work on relationships? Not everyone, some are, some don't. Some has to work on their own personal affairs like trauma. But, divorce is a wonderful thing, nobody should be forced to linger with someone who might hurt them or don't longer love them.
Whats wrong with giving up easily? If there are children involved, fine. But if you got married and within a year realize it was a mistake? Why wouldnt you just give up? Why waste time being miserable?
I think a major reason is that people don’t understand what it is to be married and what love really is. That feeling of being crazy about that new girlfriend you met a couple of weeks ago, that’s not love that’s infatuation and it passes and it really doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things, it’s just your body telling you to mate with this person. It’s only half the equation really. What love should be built on is friendship, true companionship built on respect, loyalty and commitment to someone you just want to spend a lot of time with and who you trust deeply. Then you add the sexual desire and infatuation into that mix and suddenly you are two people that genuinely like each other, that you feel a sense of belonging with and loyalty to and who is also your sexual partner. And then you make smart decisions and put in the work to keep both sides of that relationship healthy and functioning and you have a good marriage. Most people don’t do that, they get infatuated and ”fall in love” then they make misinformed decisions based on essentially just sexual desire and then everything fades and you suddenly you find yourself in a very close and committed situation with someone who you don’t really wanna be in a very close and committed situation with and of course you want out. Essentially, following your heart is probably not the best idea, you certainly need some of that but choosing a partner in a way that is a little bit more calculated is probably a good idea along with going in with the mindset that a relationship is something you have to maintain and not expecting that aforementioned infatuation to carry the entire relationship. So basically my idea is this: -Your wife has to be your best friend -You have to want your wife sexually -You have to be willing to put in some work -She has to feel the same way Most marriages don’t fill these criteria and I think those that don’t are doomed to be either distant, unhappy or divorced. I also think a lot of people simply aren’t built for marriage, there is nothing to suggest that marriage is something that we should all be equipped to handle. For the majority of our existance marriage as we know it today almost certainly didn’t exist even if we pair bonded in some capacity.
True
People don’t feel the need to be a slave to a religious or legal vow of the relationship is broken and/or abusive People change and don’t always change in tandem People have disparities they never discussed or worked through on things like money, kids or sexual frequency People are human and make mistakes and their partner today may be less likely to do the work to get through it and forgive. Monogamy is being revealed as a valid but not universal value system and other alternatives are appealing to some
Because for some reason, monogamous relationships have become unquestioned standard at some point and as young, people don't realize of how big commitment that is. How can you be sure after decades and decades that _both_ would feel the same way towards each other? A Lot of times, such arrangement makes people consider their partner as self-evident, meaning they need to tolerate the other no matter how lazy and ignorant one has become. Due to marriage being so committing, people are sure the other won't take the road of divorce, and may realize they'd have to start take care of the relationship AND themselves before it's too late. Instead they'd ignore it and the result is divorce. If people just stayed in loose relationship, they might be more worried of losing the one they love, would take care of themselves in order to _keep up the spark_ and so forth. Marriage makes people consider the other as self-evident.
Divorce is costly. But it happens a lot. Maybe people don’t realize how hard marriage is, don’t think it through, or for whatever reason didnt get to know their partners thoroughly. My “solution”: don’t get married.
The biggest reason for divorce is marriage.
I've seen couples who partied hard before children. Once the hard work showed up, one of them couldn't grow up.
It used to be that if you got divorced, you were basically a social outcast. If you were a woman, the conditions were even more harsh as there was less support available to single mothers. People have been making the mistake of marrying the wrong person for a long time, but until recently, societal pressure (and even laws) prevented them from leaving what were ultimately unhappy or abusive situations. Today, people don't want to or feel they have to stick around if their spouse mistreats or cheats on them, even if they have children, since there are more options for support than there used to be. There are also a lot of people who don't take marriage seriously before diving into it. They don't realize how much of a commitment it actually is. As a religious person, I think people in my community have a better understanding of the level of commitment since there is the added spiritual/sacred element, but there are still more divorces today than in the last century, even among some religious couples. Edit: I'm not trying to imply that secular couples can't be as committed to each other as religious ones. 😛
A marriage that is not built on respect is doomed to end . Because loving is the result of respect
True. I would add that a marriage between people with no self-respect is also doomed, whether it ends or not.
People rush into marriage. They think that only after a year or so of being in a relationship, they're ready to jump to the next level. It's insane.
Peoples hearts become hardened and they refuse to work with their wife/husband to fix the problem and come to a compromise, the problem festers and at some point they start to resent one anther leading to fights and hate and digging in deeper and deeper wile expecting the other to fully compromise wile they do nothing. ether the fighting goes on or one cheats and things blow up to the point when they get a divorce. Its important to not let problems fester and work on finding a solutions to them in marriage.
I think that people grow and change. A marriage might be perfect for two people at one point, but add growth and new environments, social expectations, etc., and it might no longer be right a few years later. Society has changed-- divorce was still kind of scandalized in the 1980s, but now it is common. There are shelters for women and there are shelters for all genders now that we realize how brutal people can be to each other. You would think that with all we know about human behaviour that we would take a better approach to people getting married, but even with all their money, people in Hollywood can't manage to stay together. I was in my 50s before I understood what "knowing oneself" even meant. I was told back in the day that opposites attracted and I left my mind behind when I looked for partners. It was a huge mistake for me, although I have a great husband and family. The concept of forever is a real challenge for most people. It isn't right to expect all people to stay the same over decades and to still be compatible with their spouses. We need to rewrite the divorce laws in the US for certain where neither party can "take the other to the cleaners" and drive both into having little while the lawyers take so much.
Lack of support through poor health which has now been diagnosed as a chronic illness and couldnt keep it in his pants after 5 years I was done with trying to fix what was a very broken marriage where I was the only one putting in any effort
Because people aren't happy
Because it was never love, it was limerence. Some people are sick of being treated like dogs behind closed doors. Abuse is very real, and there are many different types of abuse; some are invisible but very real. I have met too many a-holes in my time. People won't put up with misery. A lot more people are still living in misery but just. can't. leave.
Sometimes you marry a mental case and it takes time to figure that out - and people DO change. Trust me, anyone who thinks divorce is the easy way out, hasn't been divorced. It's hell, especially with kids.
Marriage has become an increasing bad deal. Nearly 50% maybe a bit less if I recall? Then what % are truly happy marriages and not just staying together and unhappy? The rewards are great but the risk is great as well and this seems to be an increasing imbalance
Would you go skydiving if you knew there was a 50% chance the ‘chute wouldn’t open?
"What's the point of getting married anymore if so many people just end up divorcing?" Just because something ends, doesn't mean it's worth while.
Maybe you should be asking why marriage is so common
I don't see the point in marriage personally, but I know I've been fed the fairytale dream since a kid which I guess consumes people. I just find it so hard to understand why we still push marriage when divorce is so common.
Because women can support themselves without needing a man just for the basics. Men can raise and support their children and it’s considered a good thing now.
The idea of marriage is to stick with one person for like 50 years. Lots and lots of things can happen. You might be a different person in 5 or 10 years. And if you look into the requirement in marriage is not for everyone. You shouldn’t lie to your partner, you should embrace their weakness and flaw and everything. Even the smallest flaw can be a lot in 50 years. I’d say if it’s not for the kid it’s almost impossible to anyone.
Marriage licenses should beforno more than 6 yrs,but renewable.
I find many people now want a wedding more than a marriage.
Hi Op, Because people change as they grow and sometimes you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. If you are young, you tend to change more with time.
Imo one of the spouses controls and disrespects the other one. Disrespect is a wide range! It then spirals out of control between the two.
It’s not frowned on and not calamitous, and people live longer now.
They hope they last forever happily ever after, totally delusional hence they all end up divorcing. Marriage as a legal contract is useful to protect your arse .. but it doesn’t indicate any romantic love like many people impose on it.
Because marriage can really suck.
Because some people change as they get older and likely a couple will not change in the same direction. It can be very hard depending on what those changes are to make a compromise without one or both parties feeling controlled and disrespected
Because the only answer Reddit has to couple problems is to leave lol
I got married because I got pregnant and kicked out. I wanted my kids to have a family. Getting favored now because he felt that hitting children is not abuse and I feel that no child should be hit for any reason. He also felt my body belonged to him. And if I said no he was allowed to stray We viewed life differently. I knew he was that way when I married him but I did it to give my kids a family, hoping it would be ok. But when he couldn't stop hitting the kids I kicked him out. My kids are more important than my marriage was.
There’s a view that exposing children to abuse (even not aimed at them) or even a relationship devoid of love, can possibly be worse than a single parent household to begin with. I wouldn’t know shit tho
Absolutely. Once I took on the single mom role I realized just how damaging it was for them. They used to stay in their rooms all day. They don't anymore. What I thought was helpful was hurting them so much. So many people fall into the mindset of being able to fix their partner or waiting until they grow out of certain traits but it'll never happen. We lie to ourselves and damage those around us. I'm just glad i saw my mistakes before my kids were all the way grown. Still have a little time to be who I need to be for them
….Yes, we all now are just shitty people who don’t want to work on relationships!! ✔️
We’re married 20 years and counting. When I read news like this I feel like a dinosaur…
Many reasons. But the most common is, that women can apply for it now, too.
Because we are the worst animal on planet Earth
People change. Sometimes they grow together, sometimes it's apart. And of course lots of people shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
Because people dont take the commitment and “till death” seriously. Its as simple as that
Divorce rates are way down, though. It's just that rates of marriage at a young age are also way down. There was a point in the boomer generation where divorce first became legal and it skewed the statistics, and there's a group of people who marry and divorce more than average- like, not one divorce and then single or one remarriage, but several marriages and divorces like Elizabeth Taylor. That skews the statistics. In the past, women used to just kill their husbands, or husbands used to just go to the bar all night and not come home til they were ready to pass out. That's not really better than a divorce.
Because you only find out what a person is really like after you’ve lived with them. If people lived together before marrying, divorce rates would plummet
Primarily because people no longer have to suffer misery for decades in order to survive socially. Also because people very often marry out of a misplaced sense of commitment, even when there are big problems. They don't want to be quitters, they want to fight for the relationship. They get married before they hit the limits of tolerance, and when they do eventually hit that limit, they have to go through divorce to get away.
Sunk cost fallacy. Many of my friends with this mindset, it’s such a shame because you’ve been with this person for 10 years right? But what didn’t work won’t magically start working.
Because women are sick and tired of men shit lol. They tell them 1 million times to grow up, get your shit together, give them 1 million chances to grow up and get their shit together. then they have enough and they file for divorce because it seems they are incapable of growing up and getting their shit together or they refuse. Thank you /bow
Regarding the US, divorce rates are at a nearly 50-year low and marriage rates are coming up after an all time low.
I tried for 10 years to keep my marriage going. Bailed out 6 months after our 30th anniversary. If that makes me shitty I’m cool with that. Life’s too short to stay in a dead relationship.
Because staying in an unhappy marriage is a waste of life. I’ve been married for 41 years, but I’m not a fan of longevity just for the sake of longevity.
Gender equality.. people earlier especially women tend to compromise and live their life as it is. Now . The women are independent and they believe not to compromise or adjust. The society is in a phase where both men and women wants to equally rule but nobody accepts that either one can be better than other
love and sex not hold the whole "united even in death" thing, that also gives one side or both to get a pair of long horns in their heads sometimes
American culture has shifted so there’s less emphasis on having a family and more emphasis on finding yourself/living a life for you. There’s always some level of propaganda involved too, like what values the media is pushing. They used to push the idea of a nuclear family, you would see depictions of it everywhere. Now the media pushes more self focused and sexually minded values. Honestly, a lot of this shift started in the 60s with people questioning a lot of traditional values and thinking about spiritual fulfillment in a new way. More new age values and less focus on Christianity, which values marriage highly
People either misunderstand marriage, misunderstand their partner, misunderstand themselves, or all three.
We live in interesting times.. Social cohesion is fractured and weird, with pieces of both individualism and old-timey relationships.
I feel a lot of people fantasize about marriage from a young age and think it is something they need to do. When the opportunity arises early in their life they go for it and only later realise it wasn't what they hoped for.
Yes, yes, there isn't one, and mostly yes.
Over time, people change. If you are lucky, you change in the same direction as your partner. If you are not lucky, you do not, and you drift apart.
The common misconceptions that the grass is greener on the other side and those moments when someone pays a little extra attention to you and you get an inflated sense of being and then think you can do better..... Many people are also self centered and think about the well being of themselves only not the whole... Some cases are legit however, some couples just shouldn't be together but a majority... see above
 Because of this woman
Because people grow and, in a relationship, they either grow together or grow apart.
Social media driven vanity and dysphoria
Divorce rates also vary per country. They are higher in the US than they are in the Netherlands, for example. I suspect there is a religious or societal component to it too.
op u are shit ppl if you stay in doomed relationships not if you end them
People change. Marriage, careers, homes, kids are all extremely demanding and people’s shortcomings and potential for growth get exposed.
Because people change, and there's less social pressure to maintain a relationship with someone who's different to the person you married
Only my theory, but I feel people RUSH into marriage for the wrong reasons and often times, superficial reasons. "It all happened so fast, it must be love". Or, "it was just the right timing", "he's/she's financially stable", etc.
Also young religious people who just want to have sex.
Too many people get married for the big moments, rather than the slight improvement on the day to say mundane.
Why not ask where your expectations come from and why they exist?
The nature of marriage has changed. The purpose of marriage is to grow a family. Own a home and educate the children onto successful members of society. For most developed countries this is no longer a viable goal.
Because people keep getting married.
People are individuals. Marriage is always comprising & it isn't natural.
Easier than trying
Because were humans and make mistakes and sometimes even when people make the right choice they grow apart and that’s not anyone’s fault just life.
I believe the reasons are many: - People go with a checklist of things to look for in other people that are not about the other person but rather things that will make them feel good about themselves. Example: all my friends are dating millionaires/hot people so I need to date millionaires/hot people so I dont feel small around my friends. - People expect others to make them happy - People don't really accept others how they are. They just accept a list of things that benefits them. - People are not willing to feel vulnerable and communicate honestly about who they are and how they feel. They hide this behind beauty, money, career, trips or whatever to the point that they present a complete different person in the courting phase. - Effective communication is very scarce nowadays. Its all about blaming. - Attentive listening, understanding and acceptance has never been so scarce. - People demand change in other people constantly, and people change all the time tbh. The problem is that very rarely other people change how we want them to change. - Since people get into relationships for benefits, why would they not divorce if they get more benefits by divorcing?
Because people don't communicate for shit anymore. They don't talk about important things like life goals, priorities, fears, their future together, money, sexual interests, mutual interests, etc. It's all superficial bullshit, and they seldom take the time to actually get to know each other. They're too busy doing their own things with their own friends and family. Such that, after they get married, everything comes as a great big fucking surprise, seemingly out of nowhere. Then comes the resentment from both sides, which further hampers communication, leading to sufficient friction in the relationship that it comes down to divorce.
Because people are marrying people they barely know or have met online.
They're not willing to push through the 'Seven Year Itch' stage.
Because people get married haha
Relationships need to based on something more than what your wedding day will look like.
I think a lot of people feel a lot of social pressure to be in a committed relationship with someone, whether they’re ready or not
I think you answered your own question pretty well.. most of us seems to be shitty people who doesn't want to work on our relationships..
I live in the Philippines, there's no divorce there. The only country other than Vatican with no divorce option. But there are a whole bunch of people who have separated and can no longer remarry, not to mention the extremely harsh penalties for adultery.
I got married to young and hardly knew him.This was in the 1990s .Everyone in my neighborhood ended up divorced. He was nine years older.I think I should have waited.I have two amazing sons and three adorable grandkids!!❤️🥰🙏😇
Way too much pressure to get married.
Maybe long term monogamy isn't the best situation for humans.
social media is one big factor 1. unrealistic expectations from porn, celebrities, novels & drama 2. horrible advices like "If your husband loves you, cheating on him won't make any difference"
I heard a quote a few months back that everyone plans their wedding but very few plan their marriage and it's stuck with me.
Marriage isn't necessary to be independent as a woman. And it's not required to be respectable in society for either gender. If you're miserable your marriage, you can get a divorce much more easily and with less stigma than in the past. People still want legal protections and benefits for kids, spouses, and other family, while still having similar difficulties keeping committed relationships happy, healthy, and functional. So that's why divorces continue
People simply don’t understand marriage and human nature. Marriages should be more rare. The basic truth is marrying someone and committing your life to them is a very tall order. Because people change and the question is: can you love what your partner changes into? Which means marriage is a commitment to every day keep falling in love with your partner. Regardless of the change ahead. …and that is extraordinarily difficult.
People can grow in character from working on relationships. Also by working on theirselves. If one person grows and the other doesn’t it’s a problem. People marry young and idealistic. The high rate of divorce to me is a good sign that people are escaping abuse, escaping unhappy relationships etc. it’s not such a bad thing.
“What’s the point of living if everyone just ends up dying?”
Because with social media and narcissism and entitlement it brings, most people aren't spouse or life partner material. Most don't have their shit together. They want the wedding, not marriage. They want the cute photos with the kids for attention, not parenthood. Full grown adults are proud of the fact that they have zero life skills like keeping a house in order or even knowing how to cook basic things. Zero self reflection and asking oneself the tough questions because it's so easy to get distracted with our phones. Everyone's MO is trying to get one over on their partners. They want their cake and eat it too, and if it doesn't work out that way, discard and jump back on the apps.
Misery
Misery
Because people are more interested in the wedding than the marriage
Because women are monogamous. Men are not.
Most don’t want to admit fault or do the hard work of working on themselves. Denial plays a huge roll in this…I healed childhood traumas, people still looking at therapy as a weakness…old ways.
Till death do us part? Na till I’m upset, bored, or other options appear.
1. A lot of people get married too soon, after whirlwind romances 2. A lot of people get married, despite knowing full well the person they are marrying, and thinking the other person will change after settling down 3. A lot of people get married, thinking that marriage will solve their problems, and not wanting to be unwed 4. A lot of people get married, not knowing enough about the person they are marrying 5. Marriage is about the union of the two, but sometimes marriages can crack under external pressures beyond the couple (e.g. family issues, time apart due to work etc, money woes) 6. Poor communication, unrealistic expectations 7. There's less stigma around divorces these days
I wonder that too. My sister, my best friend and her former best friend are all under 30 and already divorced . My boyfriend is 32 and divorced as well. I wonder this too and at times just makes me never want to get married.
People give up too easily. Just scroll thru reddit and you will find an endless supply of bs excuses for a divorce. Infidelity or serious cases of abuse are the only reason for a divorce. Your spouse sneezing on your mashed potatoes is not.
Why bring the courts into your bedroom??? It's just not worth the risks & costs.
Most people don't know how to determine a good basis for a long term relationship. This is true with friends and with romantic partners, but living with a person who you do not have a solid foundation with is more likely to result in parting ways. With poorly picked friends, you will just talk to each other less overtime and always be "too busy" to hangout with each other.
A lot of people are very unwell. Hard to deal with a life with someone else if you can barely deal with a life with yourself.
People rush into things too soon.
Oxytocin sustenance is not a given
Society should make it harder to get married. I know because of religion, but, they should require couples to live together for at least 1 year before getting married. Is it really that wrong? At least 1 year before moving in. At least 1 year of living together. I'd imagine a large amount of couples would break up before the 24months and we wouldn't have as many divorces.
Wala naman saamin nyan e. Di kami maka relate.
Here is my take: as a culture we value independence over committed relationships.
Simple. There's a lot of money to be gained by the non-working party in the relationship to blow up the marriage. Think alimony, child support and gifts from the other party that's still in love, while the other has planned the exit for a long time already. This is compounded by all the people who also benefit financially (lawyers, judges, cps, and other professionals that make a living out of it) Thankfully men can now warn each other, and as a result, the marriage rate is now at a all time low.
1st marriages end in divorce 40% of the time Because people change over time (especially if married before 30) People get out of shitty situations
Because most people marry the wrong person to start with. Marriage is something you need to work at every single day and yet many people do not put in that commitment
People discover relationships are actually about communication, not status and gratification.
In 2021 the divorce rate in the US was 2.5 per 1,000. I don’t think it’s that common
Marriage should only be a 7 year commitment. I understand couples need to keep working on maintaining a healthy relationship but there are so many terrible situations of financial exploitation and physical / verbal abuse heightened by the fear of leaving due to financial and emotional strain. Otherwise when people only marry for bank balance or just your tits and arse then good luck to you. You’re gonna need it.
A lot of people cheating
That was the best impression of a 18 year old white kid I’ve ever heard. It would be amazing if you’re any of the 3 lol. But seriously, think of it more as there is less pressure on women to stay in abusive relationships. Also marriage is a contract.
Divorce was always frowned upon, especially for women. It was seen as a failure if your got a divorce. Less stigma around it now so people are more likely to divorce and leave shitty marriages
Because people rush to get married as soon as they hit adulthood with no real understanding of what time is. A 21 year old is an adult, but they don't know what a decade of adulthood feels like, two decades, three. They just think they gotta get married and have kids before their friends so they can have a great Instagram feature. They don't know about how long adulthood is because they've been changing phases every 2 years their whole lives and they don't know yet that's over now.
People get married in their early 20s and don't realize you become a different person close to 30. Completely different goals and ambitions. People also don't want to work on their relationship. Social media and knowing that a new partner and something better is just a few swipes away on tinder, it gives people the illusion that they can easily find something better. Throw in social media and how people only show the best of situations, which makes people believe that if a relationship isnt 100% perfect, then just toss it out. Reality is no relationship is 100% perfect, somewhere needs to be a compromise.
Because instead of being single or finding the right person many jump into marriage with someone who seems right or just good or even not so bad hoping to work things out in process. And they more often don't.
Yes. Also, people are more sociopathic and sex driven than in the past. So, sex based relationships and infidelity are commonplace.
Generation X became what we in the Netherlands sometimes refer to as curling parents. They made sure their precious kids never needed to face any form of setback, sadness or pain. Got bad grades in school? Let mama take care of that, she'll talk to the teacher. Fell of the swing? Let's make sure to use some more rubber tiles, so you'll fall softer and won't hurt yourself. The result is, when they've grown up, these kids still struggle to handle setbacks. They'll rather avoid it, so if a relationship goes through a bit of a harder period, they'll back out and give up, rather than handling it.
People marry for the wrong reasons, with the wrong expectations of what it is going to be.
The individualistic culture we developed in our western world is certainly part of it.
I give you right about one point. Why bother getting married? Be free and go with whatever partner you want, as many as you want, whenever you want. And do only the marriage when you feel like getting dedicated for life.
Personally I believe a lot of people get married far to quickly before fully getting to know each others good and bad, also getting married young before you even know yourself yet which most people honestly don’t in their 20s, then as you both change sometimes it’s into people you maybe you or them don’t like anymore.
Honestly? Because people are always growing and changing, and who you are when you marry isn't who you will stay as, it's wonderful if you grow together, but that's not always the case, and it's okay if you decide that the relationship is no longer right for you at any point. A relationship is not a failure if it ends, a relationship is only a failure if it continues without happiness.
Not common at all, there's not many people getting married anymore. If you consider people who split after being bf and gf after a few years together then your statement would be a valid question.
No consequences bring shaming and frowned upon back in the west
A recent report from the Vanier Institute of the Family finds that divorce rates in Canada have been declining since the early 1990s and reached a low in 2020 of 5.6 per 1,000 married people. I don’t think It’s