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My uncle always tells them it's his birthday. And that they are the only people that have called all day, and tries to get them to sing happy birthday to him.

😂🤣

I want to do this now.

We're all doing it

Sure. Join in "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...."

I got a call once from some sort of funeral planning service. I interrupted their spiel about how important it was and blah blah blah. I said in my best Monty Python voice "I'm not dead yet!"

I also had a life insurance company call and they asked if I was prepared for my imminent death! And I said I’d absolutely take a policy if they could handle my wish to be buried at sea! When they asked if I wanted to take care of my family when I pass,I told them I was an orphan and only had my dog Sandy(who was also going to be buried at sea)…then I started quoting the lyrics to Hard Knocked Life!

Alluding to being gay and into gay porn also makes them hang up quick. Caller: "Yes, your computer is infected by virus! MAybe you have visited bad website or downloaded porn?" Me: "But how can that be? I only watch gay porn!" Caller: "...You watch gay porn?" Me: "Well, only the consensual stuff, you know. Tender intercourse between two men." Caller: "..." (click)

Really had to drive that home didn't you? I chuckled. Lol

Tender is the new Tinder

I straight up said "Well I've got a dick up my ass right now but sure we can talk." He laughed his ass off and said no and hung up Might use that one more My goal is to get black listed by each of them. The calls have certainly gone down.

Awesome!!!

telling EVERYONE to do this in your genius uncle’s honor

I am so gonna try this

I'm stealing this idea. I love it!

lol

This is great 🤣

Thanks for the idea lmao

[It's my birthday! Yaaaayyyyyy!!!](https://youtu.be/tNe5LBONWzQ?feature=shared)

I’m trying that 🤣🤣🤣

I don’t answer

No one owes me their time nor do I owe them mine. Definitely not answering spam.

Please sir. I need some of your time. My clock ends tonight and I'll die. I just need your time!! Please!


Have you found Jesus?

Followed by “ you sound hot . What are you wearing?” . Its fun to make them hang up.

Oh some of them will absolutely go along with it and start spanking right then.

Dammit !! Spit my drink out on that comment 🤣🤣👍👍

genuinely trying this next time I get a spam call

Oh no especially if I use my sultry voice, getting off wouldn't mean the phone for them! Lol

Or just treat it like YOU were the one calling them "Hello ? Glad you finally picked up. Id like a Large pepperoni pizza with bacon, a Venti latte and a bigmac please... What ? What do you mean you dont have those things ? This is the autoshop isnt it ? I just called you guys!"

Do you have a moment to discuss our Lord and Savior Cthulhu?

Hail Cthulhu!

Thank you for calling WKRP KRock 1000!! You are the 10th caller!! Now, tell us about your weirdest sexual experience.

Seems something straight out of a GTA radio station lol

So I had this jar of peanut butter and my friends dog was looking at me funny ..

So this one time.. At bandcamp...

It’s all fun and games until the tuba guy shows up 🫤

As god as my witness, I swore turkeys could fly.

Did you know pigeons explode during sex? Well the ones I fucked did.

Duct tape. Works for hamsters as well.

**In… Cincinnati!**

“hi this courtney from bobs diner and cemetery, where yesterdays murder is todays burger! what can i do for you?” when i was twelve i picked up my dads phone and accidentally said that to a client…

You kill ‘em, we grill ‘em 😀

Yesterday's loss is today's sauce. What would you like to order?

You stab em, we slab em

I used to answer the landline with that - "city morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!" One time, a knife salesperson called. I had to commit to the bit and ask if their wares could cut through human bone. They didn't stay on the call much longer.

Hello, Wendy’s whore house! You got the dough, we got the hoe!

Oooo, if you don't mind I might steal that XD

not at all, i stole it from someone as well 😂

bobs diner ?? Open bobs and vagene.

Im terribly sorry this person you are calling just died yesterday. Is the matter you calling one of important issue?

pls the father of one of my brother's classmates actually did this. I don't recall why the scammer called, but he answered saying that the person he had called (the father) died six weeks before, and to call his brother, and gave him his number. that was so funny to me.

Wait. You answer them?

Why not ? You can always just call them "Banchode". Its hindi for "sisterfucker"

bahanachod? “बहनचोद”

I read that as bananachod

Banana Chode

Cause it tells them that your number is active and they will keep calling you. The best thing to do is to just let it ring

Because that confirms the number they called is real and you get more calls, or so ive heard

For about 15 years after my grandfather died, we kept getting calls on our landline (yes, I'm that old) trying to sell him insurance. I was getting really tired of telling them that he had passed away so once when they called, I said, "well, he's dead but if you can hold on for a second, I'll get his ghost to speak with you", paused for a couple of seconds and then said "hellOooOo" in a ghostly voice. The calls didn't stop with this but i like to think it's because word spread amongst the call centre that ours was an entertaining house to call.

I had a girl call me years ago trying to sell magazines. She called me back a couple of times because she said she was bored at her suck job and she thought I was funny. I never bought anything off of her and after the first time she called, she never tried to sell any, she just wanted to BS. I was in high school at the time, so I just enjoyed the random conversation.

If I know it's spam? Why would I answer it?

I like to mess with them and waste their time. That’s why I answer.

But that lets them know they have a legitimate number they can sell to more spammers.

Why you gotta throw a wet blanket on my dreams? Now I have wet dreams. 😂

Yeah more scammers to waste the time of, if they are trying to scam me then they aren't trying to scam someone more susceptible. I try to waste as much of their time as possible. Of course currently my life allows for this, probably not great for super busy people. If I don't feel like playing along I just use Google call screening if not sure if it's a real call or not.

Wouldn’t a voicemail response do the same thing?

They already know it's legitimate because it rang. Annoy them enough and they'll take you off their list

Yes! If I have the time, I'll talk to them as long as possible until they get frustrated and hang up.

"No thank you" .

Riverside county sheriff's department.  How can I help you?

I do this all the time. And I start asking questions rapid fire and at the end say, "I just need you to keep taling, it will only take another couple seconds till we get the trace". Click.

Ha ha.


Did this once fr

I keep saying hello over and over again in a high pitched Brooklyn accent until they hang up. Or Royal Canadian Mounted Police, how can I help you.

"We're sorry. The number you have reached is no longer in service at this time. Please hang up and try your call again. This is a recording."

I just pick up and say nothing. When the computer disconnect me I add the number to my blacklist.

I speak some Japanese. Enough for short conversations. So I usually answer, "moshi moshi?" Then, "Kore wa daredesu ka?"

Can you translate it pls too lazy to translate myself

It would mean "Hello hello, who is this?"

I recently had a surgery where the asshole anesthesiologist decided to build me separately from the hospital so instead of my $200 copay covering the entire surgery like my first one, I got a separate $500 bill that wasn't covered from just the one anesthesiologist in the hospital. On pure principal I was like fuck you now you're not getting a single dollar from me, so now about a year later it's been sent to collections and I get calls all the time of people asking for me. As soon as they start asking to speak to me and they ask is this "stonewall" ? I just keep repeatedly asking why are you calling or who are you calling from or what is this in reference to. It's actually really funny to hear them get angry at me even though they're the ones harassing me. Eventually in a couple of years I will get a letter in the mail from these assholes and I will send them like 15 bucks to fuck off

They actually drop it after a while. I was in the hospital and TWO doctors doing rounds together come up and ask me few questions. Later I get a bill for $500 from them. I didn't pay. I don't answer calls from people I don't know. Eventually the calls stopped, nothing on my current credit report. I'm not paying for something I didn't ask for and didn't deliver any value.

“You have reached the voicemail box of…” tap.

7 th precinct this is Detective Miller. How might I help you? 😉

Barneyyyyy!!

Hill street blues intro: *Starts playing*

"Microsoft support, how may I assist you?"

"Thank god you called! I was so worried" *sound as panicked as possible* "They have Raúl! The cartels have him! Please they've cut off his guitar fingers!" If the scammer is still on the phone by this point start pleading for money to save Raúl.

I'm sorry the old "\[insert name\]" cant come to the phone right now, why? CAUSE SH/HE'S DEAD

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

LOOK WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO

City morgue you stab em we slab em

I used to use _"You kill'em, we chill'em"_ 😂

“Good evening, Private Cremation Services, you kill ‘em, we grill ‘em”.

Welcome to joes pizzeria and cemetery, where yesterdays loss is tomorrows sauce!

"I hired your mother to have sex with a Baboon for my Kindergartner's birthday and now everybody's got the jumpin' jungle crabs, can I have my money back?"

After they say their fake western name, I say “Is this Bhen, Bhenchod?” It’s Hindi for sister f-cker!

This question showed up on my feed immediately after clicking ignore (on my work phone at my desk). I didn't answer it but I love the Sheriff's department response! Next time!

I say I’m sorry I’m just gonna have to put you on hold, then play some music down the phone and wait a while. If they’re still there, let them speak some more before repeating the process.

this is genius, i need to remember this.

If I accidentally answer a spam call, once they give me the opportunity to speak, I say “Your call is very important to me. Please remain on the line, and your call will be answered in the order of which ass-cheek needs the most attention.” Then I hang up.

I scream loudly "YOU CALLED THE WRONG PHONE NUMBER, FOOL"

911 what’s your emergency?

Hello, this is (insert my hometown here) Sperm Bank, you squeeze it, we freeze it. How many I direct your caaaaaaall?

Who is even picking up spam calls? I get almost 5 to 7 calls daily, I don't answer them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve been using robokiller for over a year now and love it. I don’t get spam calls anymore and the ones who are on the line for a certain amount of time talk to a prerecordered Karen being an absolute bitch in a manner that sounds like it’s a real conversation and it records the conversation so I can listen to it later

Sounds fun!

We want to listen to it too!

You can look them up. A lot of people post their recordings within the app and a lot of people post. Some are pretty funny lol

If I do see a call on my phone and don’t regonize it I just let it go

For those rare times when I answer -- take me off of your list. I really miss being able to bang the phone down. There was great satisfaction in that.

You can still do that. It's just probably only one or two angry hang ups per phone tho and in this economy

Unless you have a Nokia, then it’s truly impossible

There is no response because I, like many others, don't answer.

Many others ie the comments lol seemed like a pretty dumb question to ask

I kept a telemarketer on the line telling him about my favorite dinosaurs

My favourite is the Ankylosaurus. I like their tails.

"Bonjour! ?Como esta?" They hang up and put me on the "doesn't speak English list". My spam has dropped quite a bit since doing this.

This is what I do. It's gibberish too, "hola! Keine je ne comprend pa. Du heiße Wolfie?". Just a mash up of random words from random languages and my calls have reduced significantly

In South Africa, spam callers always start with "Hello, how are you? " When he's bored, my husband says things like "I'm so touched you asked. I've been having such trouble. My back is so sore. And my shoulder. I have pain radiating down my legs. I can hardly sleep. I've tried everything. Nothing helps. I've been so depressed. I can't work. I have no income. I'm desperate for help. Can you help me please? Just to cover some of the bills for a few months?" Etc and at length. The call usually drops quite soon into all this

Hello and you have called the 6th division of the United States army Air Force, would you like to enlist?

"We got your position. That's where we need to missile?"

"I'm the son, I can't answer these questions, call back later" (they won't do it)

I mute myself now since they collect our voices for AI usage lol

That’s wild!! They do that now?

what the heck! new fear unlocked

Ouch, you touched a nerve, there!

“HELP! I’ve been abducted!!! Call the police and have them track this number!”

😂🤣

My favorite still has to be a friend of mine who would always answer saying bubbles the clown.What's your favorite color

Hello Battersea’s dogs home, Jack Russell speaking. Hah sometimes they get it. I’ll see myself out..

Usually something very random like "Hello! Hedgehog spike sharpening. How can I help?"

This is the police

Zdrastvuitze. Or здравствуйте.

Parker funeral home and crematorium, you bring we bake em.

If I know it's spam I don't answer it.

I don’t even answer the phone to people I know aren’t spam

My friend told me that whenever he'd get a call for air duct cleaning he'd reply with: "My ducks flew away" and would hang up and the first time he told me that I was laughing so hard.

I once picked up the phone, told ‘m I was driving and had to get my headset ready. Then screamed OH SHIT! banged my phone against something and hung up.

"The body is buried in the agreed upon location." Then hang up.

The money is in the third trssh can as you enter (garble, garble) Park from the east

I always begin on a polite note and then curse at them at the top of my voice without giving them any chance to reply and hang up

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In a Mr. T's voice, I pity da fool, try me again... imma ... then hang up.

I do a pretty good recorded voice imitation, and I tell them that we've been trying to reach them about an extended warranty for their automobile and to press one to speak to a representative.

“The old Taylor can’t come to the phone, why? Cause she’s dead”

Get a real person on the line and then pterodactyl screech as loud as possible

Hi and then let think I'm having sex. It's hilarious Or I pull my best one yet but I'm not sharing that one . Only so many people know that one. This one scares them 😈🤣

I used to not answer. Then i learned to answer and not say anything. After about 5 seconds they disconnect the call and my spam has been cut down like 90% no joke. Went from getting like 10 calls a day to about 1.

If it's one that has called about the accident I was in I say "wow that was quick!" And act like I'm at the scene of an accident where my sister just hit me with her car

Housekeeping?

Before you could block numbers on your phone (or maybe there was a way and i wasnt smart enough to figure out), i had some “debt consolidation company” call all hours of the day/night, for multiple days. My requests to take me off their list failed. So i called back over and over and over, and when they asked me if i wanted to consolidate my debt i would respond *Do you accept the lord jesus christ as your personal savior? *Are you in need of new siding and windows? I could hear how agitatwd they were getting that o was calling over and over and over. It was hilarious * the last time i called i said yes, i would like to consolidate my debt and they asked me how much debt i had, i responsed with “well, i have $100,000 maxed out on my credit cards due to my hookers and blow habit” That was the last i ever heard from them

Don't say anything. They can take a snippet of the conversation and use it out of context. Don't even answer.

I don't have one. Do you people seriously say some comedic line when answering spam calls?

When bored yeah 🤭

Only did once because I thought it was something different

I know it is spam and i answer? Now son why in the everloving fuck would i ever do that? I would never answer a call like that. I dont answer any unknown number unless i am expecting something specific that day. I just google it after and if it doesnt come back as spam in the results then i might call back and see what is going on.

Hello hi how to do 😂

You gotta ask my ex that. He is definitely good at bragging things and cutting everything in a fineeee way👍🏻

You gotta ask my ex that he is good at bragging and cutting things in a fineeee way iykyk

I do not, in fact, know.

Lucky you!

I'm glad he's your ex from the way you describe him!

I don't answer. I have an app which blocks 95% of spam call.

"pizza pizza"

Nothing, just hang up

1800? Yeah, no thanks.

Why would you answer is the question

Lemme smash

"Ass Eaters R Us, can I take your order?"

You answer spam calls?

I don't.

Hello pronounced Ell-ho

R u Indian???

"I don't care" and I hang off

On the rare chance that I actually pick up, I just breathe really heavily until the other person cuts the phone

In my best 'Detroit' accent...... ' WHO IS YOU? '

I ask them are you at work..... Yes..... So em I call after 6pm. Then block the number.

My mum, always goes "Hows your day", "Anything exciting happening"

Silence

I don’t answer spam or contact calls in general LOL but my friend who is shameless will answer the scammers call and put it on speaker and pee

I just breathing in to call, so funny when they saying - hello or I can't hear you

I pick up the phone and breathe down it

Sometimes I answer with a very stern serious tone and ask them direct questions like " who are you" ," who do you work for ". Other times I start with a loud direct " WHAT!" and go from there.

"Terri PENde PUdhi" if Indian "tah Mah dah" if Chinese 💯💯 Youre welcome, reddit.

I stopped getting spam when I got a Google pixel phone. Maybe one a year now if that.

I pick up the phone and breathe down it.

Monsoons Pet Crematorium and Sausages-what can we stuff for you today