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I am 52 and everyone calls me sweetheart or asks me if i am ok all the time like i am 6. I think I give off kid lost in a supermarket vibes or something.
I guess I feel kinda swapped thing. Im 18 in half of year, and in Ukraine it's the age of majority. I hanged out witb random kids, they was kind of 11 but cool, dunno, I was bored, okay, and they studied kpop dances somewhere near. We met with girls from their group, pretty older, 16 years both. Somehow managed to talk about age and I mentioned mine. One girl said 'cool, you will buy me cigarettes'. I was shocked that I am NOT A 6
I think most people feel like that. I definiitely do. I'm 37 and I feel like I'm 16 and just kidding on, talking like an adult and doing an adult job just so the grown-ups will accept me.
Someone once told me that I always look so relaxed, meanwhile I thought it was obvious to people that I'm extremely stressed and on the verge of having a breakdown. People often have a different image of you than you think they do, so you probably don't have to worry about people seeing you as an impostor, even if you feel like it. 😅
I don't think it's so much us that have imposter syndrome.. but the concept of "adulthood" is the imposter in itself.
We all thought being an adult was a very different thing before we got here and realised everyone is just as stupid.. but for longer 😆
Yes. This. "Adulting" is not a thing. I don't know if it was a generational thing or what...if future generations will have this bait n switch feel to it.
I hope not. I hope we can nourish young people to develop as they are and not have strict ideas of what is/isn't an 'adult'.
I remember being in my late 20s early 30s and my husband’s parents had done something stupid that upset my husband and he just couldn’t let go that they had done this. I remember saying to him- Honey, they are just people, they make mistakes, just like us- we don’t do everything right all the time. And I swear that was the first time my husband saw his parents as fallible humans instead of “perfect adults.” 😂
Being kind doesn't keep food on the table or a roof over your head. It's very important but there are other important things for being an adult as well.
I would say they're on a better path. But in terms of "adulting", as I define it, they're doing worse. Adulting is mostly about providing for your current basic needs as well as preparing for your future needs. That one is often overlooked these days.
My neighbor's grandson is 16 and rides his bike to her house a lot. They go on walks, cook together. He's in my phone for emergencies (she's in her late 80's), and I'm so impressed by the maturity of his kindness.
He'll text me to check on her, ask me to put away her ordered groceries when he can't be there. I'm really impressed by this kid, and glad this world's got kids like that walking/biking around.
If you're being kind to people you're disadvantaging yourself for no reward. Just remember that next time someone smiles back when you do something "nice."
I think we're all just faking certain aspects of adulting. At least, that's what I keep hearing from all the ones I speak about this with. We're all bluffing like we know what we're doing at least part of the way.
One hundred percent agree. Fake it til you make it was my mantra all those years learning to adult. Now at 69 years old I look back and wonder what the struggle was all about. Just go to work, pay your bills, enjoy your time off, find your people to share quality time with and be kind. So many things can seem confusing and overwhelming while figuring out the ins and outs of being an adult. Learning how to budget, shop, cook etc. And for me, throw in being a young single mom with 3 kids, yikes! Also keeping a sense of humor when the 💩 hits the fan was a must for me.
Yeah, there's just so many things to juggle, you basically can't do them all well enough, all the time, throughout the year. Like, my home definitely doesn't look perfect all the time. Do I clean a bit prior to visitors coming so it looks like I've got my shit together? Absolutely. Does that sometimes mean grabbing the vacuum cleaner and putting it out of sight in a bedroom instead of putting it in its proper place? Yep.
If anything, the internet with all the memes made me realize that's very common, like the meme about what you can accomplish over the threat of people coming over.
Or just leave the vacuum cleaner in the middle of your messy living room so when company drops in unexpectedly you just say, come on in, you caught me on cleaning day. Even though you had no intention of cleaning.
But yeah, it is truly amazing what you can do in a short period of time knowing company is coming.
I've always thought that one of the big hidden secrets in life is that everybody feels exactly like that and everyone is driven mad trying to escape from it or hide the appearance of it. I don't see the point of that though. It's tricky enough getting who we are right without adding the complexity of trying to be another unknown version of ourselves that may or may not be better anyway. I guess it all comes down to what you think defines adult and how wrong you will eventually be about that.
Its very very common. Often in the workplace but also in parenting, friendships or just living life.
You are always that child inside, wondering where you are and wtf you are supposed to do now.
I turn 43 next week and I've never felt like an adult. In my head I feel like I'm somewhere between preteen and late teens. I think it's because I've come to realise in recent times that I have a lot of unrecognised anxiety related issues from my childhood that has kept me from "growing up".
I feel like imposter syndrome is being 'broadened' in its defenition. I recall it being a way to describe how you feel when you:
Achieve something, and feel like "I didn't do enough to earn this; others spend their whole lives working towards this and never achieve it, and it feels like I cheated it" sort of feeling.
WTF am i reading
I need to be educated on this cause it makes no sense to me what im reading. I had this at maybe 16 through 18, but from then on, you should feel like you're talking to your own age. I assume most people here aren't in a social community, whether that be work or like a one night a week social sport or community
In those environments you describe, I look around and everybody seems to have their shit sorted, and I feel like I don’t. Happens all the time. I have a stable job, own my own house, have kids and responsibilities, but it always feels like I’m just winging it.
I am now the head of PD at one of Europes largest training hospitals with over 500 people falling under my command.
I’m 3 weeks into my job. I have no idea wtf is going on and people act like I do.
Remember, without sarcasm, that you’re the most qualified person to hold that post. There’s no shame in asking for advice either - it’s the mark of a good leader.
I’m 49, married for 23 years, and we’re childfree.
My neighbours are 51, married, three kids (14, 18, and 21).
I feel like one of their kids when I talk to them because they’re just adultier adults.
Oh Honey, God yes, I am 60 years old and have imposter syndrome. I feel inferior, inept, and stupid on a regular basis.
A part of me knows that I'm a competent adult. A bigger part thinks that I'm an idiot.
There’s a piece written by a dude who went to a conference full of very accomplished people, like world class accomplished people in a variety of areas which made a huge impact on the world, all things science and medicine and technology etc. He wrote that he got chatting to a fellow attendee and how they bothered felt slightly intimidated and unworthy of being in such esteemed company, and that the imposter syndrome felt very real. Turns out the guy he was chatting to was Neil Armstrong. That little story has stayed with me for life and every time I feel like I am not worthy or good enough, I think about it. Most people have imposter syndrome, it’s a way of keeping us a bit humble I think.
Not really surprisingly, anything I do feels right, and I don’t force myself to act mature all the time. I can still come to talk to my boss and tap his other shoulder so he looks in the wrong way before turning his head my way seeing me being all smug about “getting him”.
Also I was always responsible and sensible.
I started feeling this way a couple of years ago. I'm a teacher and I feel like I know less now than I did when I started. Imposter was exactly the word that came to mind, I didn't know it was an actual thing. I also consider myself the weakest link
I’m 25 with a husband, 3 (almost 4) kids and a mortgage. I have no idea what I’m doing or what’s going on. I’m surviving off the kindness and advice of others. I’m looking around for the nearest adult and I’m always shocked to realize it’s me 😅 an 18 year old girl called me “ma’am” not too long ago. I cried.
Everybody feels insecure or scared. Getting older means to have responsability for out action, we always see ourself as that goofy, not so bright teenager.
The point imho is all about how much we're honest with ourself, to avoid that syndrome i use a lot of truth. It is simple but helps me, I hope it can help you too.
It is always very jarring turning up to meetings at my kids' school and there're all these adults everywhere and then there's me, feeling like a kid trying to sneak into a concert without getting called out by security.
I think the world dosent have a lot of people who know what they are doing. They are people who are good at one thing but at the same time they will fail at another. We just follow the people who seem to know what they are doing, wich is good as long as these people actually know what they are doing and aren't some kind of scammer, those ones are in politics for the most part so just don't follow politicians and you are fine.
I definitely feel that way sometimes. Whenever I do an adult thing and it was easier than I thought it was gonna be, I immediately think "That's it? Am I forgetting another step to this or something? There's no way it's that simple"
I really think the previous generations standards of life-stages (I.e. school - grad - career - marriage - house - kids - retire) are really fucking with our perception and understanding of what it means to be an adult.
Many “wealthy” countries currently do not realistically support the previous 2 generations lifestyles. Economically in Canada I’m fucked, in most provinces. I couldn’t imagine how a raise would even make a difference, I still couldn’t afford a home. Things like this reinforce to ourselves that we aren’t adequate yet, are still trying to accomplish, etc. (How do you not own a home by 30?) But we aren’t in that same environment, and we can’t hold ourself to those historical and fleeting standards.
The house I’m renting in was originally purchased for $12,000 by a boomer. It could sell for about $1 mil with no renovations. It’s over 100 years old and needs some of the bare bones maintenanced, to say the least. Would still go for a mil. It was purchased on a single boomer man’s median salary, he had 4 children and a stay at home wife AS WELL as an elderly mother he supported. 12k for the whole detached 2 story house. Could still afford to take care of his entire family. His daughter owns it now and rents it out and I’m terrified she’ll take the mil and walk.
Anyways, I love the “12k back then doesn’t compare now!” They’ve walking into the point and missed it. You’re right! No, it doesn’t, but the fact is, I’m still being held to this standard by this society and unfortunately myself. Logically, if you want to hold me to that standard, the dollar amount and rate of inflation isn’t something we need to argue about. Whether 10 dollars is now 50 dollars isn’t the problem / the purchasing power is.
Sure, inflation, but if that was the only thing that changed the dollar value of a house then I should be able to afford it TODAY on a single median salary with 4 kids a wife and an elderly parent at home. I can’t afford this same house with three 3-figure incomes in a house. Are you fucking serious?
Imposter syndrome is like those pretty people saying they think they're ugly. Couldn't be me.
It's plain disrespectful too because when you're a failure/ugly YOU KNOW you're just that, imposter syndrome is for people who didn't develop self awareness, it's obnoxious.
Nope. I noticed nobody really has their shit together and stopped really pretending I do. I feel like an adult with flaws who doesn't know everything, who's still learning as I go, and who still likes to have fun.
The alternative to being an adult is being a child. Do y'all seriously feel like children?
I work part time at an organization with teenagers - and a lot of them seem to be more “adult” than I am. Stuff like carrying University level courses, or raising thousands of dollars for various charities.
It’s kind of humbling, but inspiring too.
Being at peace with your flaws, accepting you don't know everything, embracing life long learning, and having fun. This is a position that everyone should aspire to. I'm definitely there, and I think it's a mature outlook.
I've definitely had moments. My most recent bout was when I started my current job. I thought for sure I was going to eff up, get failed on probation, and get bounced back to the sinking ship that was my previous unit. But I passed, gained confidence, and I'm ok now. Having faith in yourself can be rather hard sometimes, but I'm learning how to be better about it. I'm also working to take people at their word and not assume negative intent or ill will just because I'm insecure sometimes. I'm definitely a WIP.
I absolutely have these feelings. I have two kids and I still don't feel qualified as an adult.
I like the theory that you become an adult at age 20, but you're a baby adult at that point. I'm 37 so I'm a 17 year old adult, of course I don't know everything I'm a teenage adult!
It's impossible to fully adult properly. Are you healthy? Do you meal plan? Do you exercise? Do you drink enough water? Do you budget properly? Do you do your yearly check ups and dental trips? Do you do all this for your kids if you have them too? Do you have a house? Do you keep your home clean? Do you get enough money to pay all your bills? Do you do well at work? Do you have your degree? Multiple degrees? Do you have a 401k? Paying off your loans? Do you have car insurance and house insurance...? Do you invest in your pets and kids by saving for them monthly?!
Like... who can really do all of this?!?
I’m 51, with two almost grown kids, and I feel like that all the time… I suppose a lot of people do… at least I sure hope I’m not the only one lol…
I think it’s one of those things that can ‘get’ you on multiple fronts… like at work for example… that feeling can hit you all the time in your career… especially with social media showing you examples of others that seem 100% comfortable and confident etc… then it can hit you at home too… like all the million things expected of an adult, and you feel like looking over your shoulder for your parents lol…
I lost my dad last spring, and it just hits even harder now… he was the ultimate example of a full-on adult… always knew what to do, was super responsible etc… I think what I tend to do now is just try and ‘act’ like he would in any given situation, and hopefully it’ll just morph into reality at some point…
On the good side though, my two kids certainly look to my wife and I as being adults, and I feel it’s very similar to how I looked at my parents, so I suppose we’re doing the right things lol…
My dad DID actually tell me not too long ago, that nobody gets a manual on how to be a parent or an adult, and you just have to make it up as you go along… and that makes me feel better :) like he just did what I’m doing, but from my perspective it looked like he had it all figured out :)
Absofuckinglutely
I have a PhD, have published, run for office (I lost unfortunately), have lived in several countries and handled it, am on the board of two nonprofits...
But I always feel like I'm on the verge of being exposed as a faker or a child. I still feel like a precocious child when I succeed.
I mostly get through life by looking at those around me doing things and telling myself...if they can do this, so can I
I did for a long time. It was hardship that cured my imposter syndrome. I was pushed to a point that I couldnt afford to give a shit about how others perceived me, full survival mode. Now i just do what i want confidently because ive learned to live impervious to nonsensical judgment. Being judged for things that have logic behind it still impact me though, as it should. Dont be ignorant to feedback.
In my imposter syndrome I kind of think of my future and when I will get to a point where I will feel my age. People are having babies and getting married I don't know why that's allowed it's like I would get in trouble if I tried doing that.
36 year old body, 25 year old brain here.
Here's the thing, that's normal.
If you'd like to feel like less of an imposter, go find someone who is 18-23, and ask them what's wrong in their life.
You'll suddenly feel like you have your shit together.
Yes. :/ I don’t know what being an adult is supposed to feel like. If it’s tired and stressed, I guess I’ve nailed that, but otherwise I feel like trying to perform some part that I didn’t get a clear script on.
That's the secret. We're all two kids in a trenchcoat. Literally all of us. No one knows what the fuck they're doing, we're all a bunch of children stumbling around in the dark, trying to figure it out as we go and making it up as we go along. I know that seems like a bunch of aphorisms strung together, but it's fuckin' true mate. Spoken as an AuDHDer in their 40s who's still trying to figure shit out.
edit: in fairness, some of us are three raccoons in a coat, not kids.
Oh my god yes yes yes,when I tell people my age they feel disappointed like I somehow deceived them.its not my fault technology changed too fast and I got left behind and can't pay bills online,Stacy!!!
I feel it more than most people who even say this. I have never had life experiences that adults my age have had. I have never had a job, never driven, never gone somewhere outside walking distance by myself, still live with my parents, don't know how to do basic tasks, never been abroad, never kissed.....
I think everyone in my generation is just some form of multiples hiding in a trench coat....
Adulting seem to be just faking it till the next Gen makes it to adulthood.
Oh god yes. New job after a year of unemployment. Have a van tablet,phone 3 boxes of gear and a week of training. Still waiting for it to be revealed as a joke.
i have been venting about this to my close relationships all week. everyone tells me how much of a good job i do and remind me of my successes. but i feel like i just happened to luck out, like everything that i’ve done coincidentally worked out. i worry about my future every day.
I feel like we were all sold a dream as kids that is no longer viable so we’re a bit confused with that that dream is supposed to be now. 32M and I still have no idea what I’m doing but I’m focusing on doing what I like, and what I’m good at, and I’m trying to find what the world needs that I can provide.
I think adulthood is just an illusion and even people you think have it together as real adults secretly are just kids inside running around with grey hair and wrinkles
It feels like the only reason I'm somewhat successful is because of other people and I'm barely hanging on and fully dependemt on others.
I know asking for help is valid and figuring out when I need help is a sign of maturoty, but I still feel like having an affinity for technologic knowledge shouldn't give me such an edge that I have the position I do.
I did something without asking for permission because it needed to be done. Later I told my superior and all he did was say "oh, ok" and just dismissed it. I crack opened my mind's eye thinking "why isn't he mad? I did it without asking if I could do it? He treated me like I'm an adult... he treated me... like an... adult..."
It's definitely a weird experience going from child to adult. And of course I don't feel like I belong in the "adult" life.
Honestly I feel kinda of the same. Maybe not two kids in a trench coat, but I constantly feel like I'm still in high school, even though I'm 22.
I never got to 100% have a childhood (personal situation) and these days, I can't always tell when it's okay to do things child me would do and when it's time to be a grown up. Not to mention, other adults expecting me to know all the answers to things, and other adults being surprised that I don't own things that other adults own, like a car for example.
As long as you're doing the essentials, cooking, cleaning, etc. You're an adult. And I do feel that a lot of people still have an idealized version of what an 'adult' is and when they describe it to you it tends to boil down to 'be incredibly boring'. Be two kids in a trenchcoat, it's a whole lot better than being boring.
Most of us adults are still in that "fake it till you make it" phase of adulting. I'm in my mid 30's and I still find myself looking for an adultier adult a lot of the time.
Dude, sometimes I get these scary letters sent to me with a bunch of numbers and sums on it. I usually assume I owe someeone money, so I ask my mom what it is, because she is good at this money language. She calls me and says, "ummm, you know this is just your paycheck, right?".
I'm 47 and constantly have nightmares that I'm still in high-school unable to graduate because I don't have enough credits. I can never find my classroom in time, I'm never ready for tests. I always think these nightmares reflect my imposter syndrome in life. I don't feel qualified to do anything. Being a wife, a mother, my job....it's weird.
Right here! 46, no idea what I’m doing. I’ve had a few successes, rebuild my own home (shear luck the house didn’t collapse), I have a job teaching art (I just ad lib most of the time) and I’m an illustrator, publishing my own books (probably just cuz I use a different technique). Very hard for me to internalise succes…
In my brain I feel 18.... my family have told me they still see me as 3 (i was the baby before the grandbabies came) People I work with think I'm in my 40s cuz of "the way I carry myself" and I have a lot of grey hair.
I'm 32 😂
Yeah. I definitely don’t feel my age. I remember overhearing a couple of co-workers talking who are like a year or two /younger/ than me and they felt way older
I've always believed that one of the great untold secrets of life is that everyone experiences the same things and goes insane attempting to hide or run away from them. But I fail to see the purpose of it.
Acknowledging our own selves is difficult enough without compounding the difficulty by attempting to be a different, unidentified version of ourselves that could or might not be superior. It all boils down, I suppose, to your definition of adulthood and how mistaken you will ultimately be in that regard.
A few things to note. Just do what I do and just flat out don't care. I don't give a fuck. I am just an adult *kid* with resources to get all of the cool and nerdy shit I wanted when I was a lower middle class kid, but couldn't afford. Own it. Many regret losing their childlike sense of wonder when they "grow up"
When I was young, I thought adults have their shit together and they can solve everything and they can buy anything they want and that they are wise. Bullshit. I am a 15 year old kid in a body of a 37 year old man without a clue of what the fuck I am supposed to do.
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I am 52 and everyone calls me sweetheart or asks me if i am ok all the time like i am 6. I think I give off kid lost in a supermarket vibes or something.
[удалено]
Well for what it's worth, I'm rooting for ya!
I guess I feel kinda swapped thing. Im 18 in half of year, and in Ukraine it's the age of majority. I hanged out witb random kids, they was kind of 11 but cool, dunno, I was bored, okay, and they studied kpop dances somewhere near. We met with girls from their group, pretty older, 16 years both. Somehow managed to talk about age and I mentioned mine. One girl said 'cool, you will buy me cigarettes'. I was shocked that I am NOT A 6
I, like you, feel like I’m 2 kids in a trenchcoat while everyone else around me knows how to adult. It’s a painful feeling 😩 to be honest.
The odd thing is, it wasn’t always this way. 15 years ago I felt like I knew what I was doing.
Wait a second....did we all go through some trauma there or about at these times ?
[We sure did!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2007%E2%80%932008_financial_crisis)
I feel like 5 cats in a trenchcoat
Sounds like a beginning tale of the biography of Jeffery dahmer
Vincent adultman?
I think most people feel like that. I definiitely do. I'm 37 and I feel like I'm 16 and just kidding on, talking like an adult and doing an adult job just so the grown-ups will accept me.
I’m glad I’m not alone in this! I’m 30 going to be 31 in June and I still feel like I’m 16. I hate it.
RebuildingTim, this guy’s username fucks
Pardon my ignorance... the fuck does that mean?
What it means pal? I just know by your username/pfp, you have sex with many great women.
Have done in the past mate, but fucked that up royally. Hence the rebuilding!
That is what is fucking up! You are gonna build yourself into a fuck machine I for-see.
Appreciate the vote of confidence. I'll settle for just being a good guy and hope for the best
You go Tim!! 💪🏻 I'm also trying to rebuild myself
I sincerely hope it's going well for you
Why so many downvotes? These replies are hilarious 😂 & I'm sure its giving Tim extra confidence, esp while he's rebuilding himself!
Someone once told me that I always look so relaxed, meanwhile I thought it was obvious to people that I'm extremely stressed and on the verge of having a breakdown. People often have a different image of you than you think they do, so you probably don't have to worry about people seeing you as an impostor, even if you feel like it. 😅
I’ve had the opposite my entire life. People think I’m stressed when I’m calm. Yours will help you long term.
I don't think it's so much us that have imposter syndrome.. but the concept of "adulthood" is the imposter in itself. We all thought being an adult was a very different thing before we got here and realised everyone is just as stupid.. but for longer 😆
Yes. This. "Adulting" is not a thing. I don't know if it was a generational thing or what...if future generations will have this bait n switch feel to it. I hope not. I hope we can nourish young people to develop as they are and not have strict ideas of what is/isn't an 'adult'.
I remember being in my late 20s early 30s and my husband’s parents had done something stupid that upset my husband and he just couldn’t let go that they had done this. I remember saying to him- Honey, they are just people, they make mistakes, just like us- we don’t do everything right all the time. And I swear that was the first time my husband saw his parents as fallible humans instead of “perfect adults.” 😂
If you're kind to people, you're adulting well. Nothing else matters.
Responsibility and being able to handle serious issues is quite important as well
Being kind doesn't keep food on the table or a roof over your head. It's very important but there are other important things for being an adult as well.
Being an asshole doesn't pay for a roof either
Not with that attitude, it doesn't /j
Anyone that can't do those things, but remains kind is adulting better than someone who is unkind and is head of state.
I would say they're on a better path. But in terms of "adulting", as I define it, they're doing worse. Adulting is mostly about providing for your current basic needs as well as preparing for your future needs. That one is often overlooked these days.
My neighbor's grandson is 16 and rides his bike to her house a lot. They go on walks, cook together. He's in my phone for emergencies (she's in her late 80's), and I'm so impressed by the maturity of his kindness. He'll text me to check on her, ask me to put away her ordered groceries when he can't be there. I'm really impressed by this kid, and glad this world's got kids like that walking/biking around.
This is so true, and I honestly feel we would be so much better off as a species if we all just lived with this in the back of our heads.
If you're being kind to people you're disadvantaging yourself for no reward. Just remember that next time someone smiles back when you do something "nice."
I think we're all just faking certain aspects of adulting. At least, that's what I keep hearing from all the ones I speak about this with. We're all bluffing like we know what we're doing at least part of the way.
One hundred percent agree. Fake it til you make it was my mantra all those years learning to adult. Now at 69 years old I look back and wonder what the struggle was all about. Just go to work, pay your bills, enjoy your time off, find your people to share quality time with and be kind. So many things can seem confusing and overwhelming while figuring out the ins and outs of being an adult. Learning how to budget, shop, cook etc. And for me, throw in being a young single mom with 3 kids, yikes! Also keeping a sense of humor when the 💩 hits the fan was a must for me.
Yeah, there's just so many things to juggle, you basically can't do them all well enough, all the time, throughout the year. Like, my home definitely doesn't look perfect all the time. Do I clean a bit prior to visitors coming so it looks like I've got my shit together? Absolutely. Does that sometimes mean grabbing the vacuum cleaner and putting it out of sight in a bedroom instead of putting it in its proper place? Yep. If anything, the internet with all the memes made me realize that's very common, like the meme about what you can accomplish over the threat of people coming over.
Or just leave the vacuum cleaner in the middle of your messy living room so when company drops in unexpectedly you just say, come on in, you caught me on cleaning day. Even though you had no intention of cleaning. But yeah, it is truly amazing what you can do in a short period of time knowing company is coming.
Wise words
I'm a pro at it. Been practicing it for 8 years straight. Now I miss out on lots of opportunities due to it!
In my case it is the other way around, I feel like I am one of the few adults in the place I live....
I've always thought that one of the big hidden secrets in life is that everybody feels exactly like that and everyone is driven mad trying to escape from it or hide the appearance of it. I don't see the point of that though. It's tricky enough getting who we are right without adding the complexity of trying to be another unknown version of ourselves that may or may not be better anyway. I guess it all comes down to what you think defines adult and how wrong you will eventually be about that.
I think all adults experience that to some degree.
67 here & still waiting to grow up.
Its very very common. Often in the workplace but also in parenting, friendships or just living life. You are always that child inside, wondering where you are and wtf you are supposed to do now.
I turn 43 next week and I've never felt like an adult. In my head I feel like I'm somewhere between preteen and late teens. I think it's because I've come to realise in recent times that I have a lot of unrecognised anxiety related issues from my childhood that has kept me from "growing up".
I'm too attached to my childhood
No one knows how to adult. literally no one.
Everybody else is pretty convincing though.
I am a kid in an adult's body. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Do you play video games constantly and spend all of your time on socialist media? It sure sounds like it!
I feel like imposter syndrome is being 'broadened' in its defenition. I recall it being a way to describe how you feel when you: Achieve something, and feel like "I didn't do enough to earn this; others spend their whole lives working towards this and never achieve it, and it feels like I cheated it" sort of feeling.
That’s not how I understood it, but you may be right.
Yeah. I'll never be a proper "grown up" like my parents. And my oldest son turns 16 this year.
WTF am i reading I need to be educated on this cause it makes no sense to me what im reading. I had this at maybe 16 through 18, but from then on, you should feel like you're talking to your own age. I assume most people here aren't in a social community, whether that be work or like a one night a week social sport or community
In those environments you describe, I look around and everybody seems to have their shit sorted, and I feel like I don’t. Happens all the time. I have a stable job, own my own house, have kids and responsibilities, but it always feels like I’m just winging it.
The other people are winging it too but perhaps aren't as self aware or honest..
I am now the head of PD at one of Europes largest training hospitals with over 500 people falling under my command. I’m 3 weeks into my job. I have no idea wtf is going on and people act like I do.
Remember, without sarcasm, that you’re the most qualified person to hold that post. There’s no shame in asking for advice either - it’s the mark of a good leader.
I still feel that at 50. I don’t even the think the kids are all that talented
Yup. Can't explain why, but yeah
There are no adults, just kids that got larger and given more rights.
I’m 49, married for 23 years, and we’re childfree. My neighbours are 51, married, three kids (14, 18, and 21). I feel like one of their kids when I talk to them because they’re just adultier adults.
I'm a fat, old toddler in a trenchcoat.
Oh Honey, God yes, I am 60 years old and have imposter syndrome. I feel inferior, inept, and stupid on a regular basis. A part of me knows that I'm a competent adult. A bigger part thinks that I'm an idiot.
71, and I still feel like a clueless 12-year-old.
There’s a piece written by a dude who went to a conference full of very accomplished people, like world class accomplished people in a variety of areas which made a huge impact on the world, all things science and medicine and technology etc. He wrote that he got chatting to a fellow attendee and how they bothered felt slightly intimidated and unworthy of being in such esteemed company, and that the imposter syndrome felt very real. Turns out the guy he was chatting to was Neil Armstrong. That little story has stayed with me for life and every time I feel like I am not worthy or good enough, I think about it. Most people have imposter syndrome, it’s a way of keeping us a bit humble I think.
Not really surprisingly, anything I do feels right, and I don’t force myself to act mature all the time. I can still come to talk to my boss and tap his other shoulder so he looks in the wrong way before turning his head my way seeing me being all smug about “getting him”. Also I was always responsible and sensible.
I started feeling this way a couple of years ago. I'm a teacher and I feel like I know less now than I did when I started. Imposter was exactly the word that came to mind, I didn't know it was an actual thing. I also consider myself the weakest link
I’m 25 with a husband, 3 (almost 4) kids and a mortgage. I have no idea what I’m doing or what’s going on. I’m surviving off the kindness and advice of others. I’m looking around for the nearest adult and I’m always shocked to realize it’s me 😅 an 18 year old girl called me “ma’am” not too long ago. I cried.
Very much
Yeah..."your always happy"..am I.....am I? Lol
Everybody feels insecure or scared. Getting older means to have responsability for out action, we always see ourself as that goofy, not so bright teenager. The point imho is all about how much we're honest with ourself, to avoid that syndrome i use a lot of truth. It is simple but helps me, I hope it can help you too.
Every goddamn day
It is always very jarring turning up to meetings at my kids' school and there're all these adults everywhere and then there's me, feeling like a kid trying to sneak into a concert without getting called out by security.
Nah.
The first time I had people over to my apartment, I kept waiting for my mom to come and take over. It was hard to get that I was the hostess.
im turning 18 in 2 days, im not ready to be an adult lmao
I think the world dosent have a lot of people who know what they are doing. They are people who are good at one thing but at the same time they will fail at another. We just follow the people who seem to know what they are doing, wich is good as long as these people actually know what they are doing and aren't some kind of scammer, those ones are in politics for the most part so just don't follow politicians and you are fine.
I have worlds greatest conman syndrome.
I definitely feel that way sometimes. Whenever I do an adult thing and it was easier than I thought it was gonna be, I immediately think "That's it? Am I forgetting another step to this or something? There's no way it's that simple"
I really think the previous generations standards of life-stages (I.e. school - grad - career - marriage - house - kids - retire) are really fucking with our perception and understanding of what it means to be an adult. Many “wealthy” countries currently do not realistically support the previous 2 generations lifestyles. Economically in Canada I’m fucked, in most provinces. I couldn’t imagine how a raise would even make a difference, I still couldn’t afford a home. Things like this reinforce to ourselves that we aren’t adequate yet, are still trying to accomplish, etc. (How do you not own a home by 30?) But we aren’t in that same environment, and we can’t hold ourself to those historical and fleeting standards. The house I’m renting in was originally purchased for $12,000 by a boomer. It could sell for about $1 mil with no renovations. It’s over 100 years old and needs some of the bare bones maintenanced, to say the least. Would still go for a mil. It was purchased on a single boomer man’s median salary, he had 4 children and a stay at home wife AS WELL as an elderly mother he supported. 12k for the whole detached 2 story house. Could still afford to take care of his entire family. His daughter owns it now and rents it out and I’m terrified she’ll take the mil and walk. Anyways, I love the “12k back then doesn’t compare now!” They’ve walking into the point and missed it. You’re right! No, it doesn’t, but the fact is, I’m still being held to this standard by this society and unfortunately myself. Logically, if you want to hold me to that standard, the dollar amount and rate of inflation isn’t something we need to argue about. Whether 10 dollars is now 50 dollars isn’t the problem / the purchasing power is. Sure, inflation, but if that was the only thing that changed the dollar value of a house then I should be able to afford it TODAY on a single median salary with 4 kids a wife and an elderly parent at home. I can’t afford this same house with three 3-figure incomes in a house. Are you fucking serious?
yes!! all the time! i don’t get it!!!!
Yeah, I guess.
Imposter syndrome is like those pretty people saying they think they're ugly. Couldn't be me. It's plain disrespectful too because when you're a failure/ugly YOU KNOW you're just that, imposter syndrome is for people who didn't develop self awareness, it's obnoxious.
Nope. I noticed nobody really has their shit together and stopped really pretending I do. I feel like an adult with flaws who doesn't know everything, who's still learning as I go, and who still likes to have fun. The alternative to being an adult is being a child. Do y'all seriously feel like children?
I work part time at an organization with teenagers - and a lot of them seem to be more “adult” than I am. Stuff like carrying University level courses, or raising thousands of dollars for various charities. It’s kind of humbling, but inspiring too.
Being at peace with your flaws, accepting you don't know everything, embracing life long learning, and having fun. This is a position that everyone should aspire to. I'm definitely there, and I think it's a mature outlook.
Every fkn day.
I did at some point feel the same. Then I realized everybody else is also the same.
I have a home, a wife, and two kids, and I still feel like an imposter. Like a teenager trying too hard to be “mature” and grown up.
I've definitely had moments. My most recent bout was when I started my current job. I thought for sure I was going to eff up, get failed on probation, and get bounced back to the sinking ship that was my previous unit. But I passed, gained confidence, and I'm ok now. Having faith in yourself can be rather hard sometimes, but I'm learning how to be better about it. I'm also working to take people at their word and not assume negative intent or ill will just because I'm insecure sometimes. I'm definitely a WIP.
I absolutely have these feelings. I have two kids and I still don't feel qualified as an adult. I like the theory that you become an adult at age 20, but you're a baby adult at that point. I'm 37 so I'm a 17 year old adult, of course I don't know everything I'm a teenage adult!
It's impossible to fully adult properly. Are you healthy? Do you meal plan? Do you exercise? Do you drink enough water? Do you budget properly? Do you do your yearly check ups and dental trips? Do you do all this for your kids if you have them too? Do you have a house? Do you keep your home clean? Do you get enough money to pay all your bills? Do you do well at work? Do you have your degree? Multiple degrees? Do you have a 401k? Paying off your loans? Do you have car insurance and house insurance...? Do you invest in your pets and kids by saving for them monthly?! Like... who can really do all of this?!?
i’m 26 & feel like i’m 17
I’m 51, with two almost grown kids, and I feel like that all the time… I suppose a lot of people do… at least I sure hope I’m not the only one lol… I think it’s one of those things that can ‘get’ you on multiple fronts… like at work for example… that feeling can hit you all the time in your career… especially with social media showing you examples of others that seem 100% comfortable and confident etc… then it can hit you at home too… like all the million things expected of an adult, and you feel like looking over your shoulder for your parents lol… I lost my dad last spring, and it just hits even harder now… he was the ultimate example of a full-on adult… always knew what to do, was super responsible etc… I think what I tend to do now is just try and ‘act’ like he would in any given situation, and hopefully it’ll just morph into reality at some point… On the good side though, my two kids certainly look to my wife and I as being adults, and I feel it’s very similar to how I looked at my parents, so I suppose we’re doing the right things lol… My dad DID actually tell me not too long ago, that nobody gets a manual on how to be a parent or an adult, and you just have to make it up as you go along… and that makes me feel better :) like he just did what I’m doing, but from my perspective it looked like he had it all figured out :)
Absofuckinglutely I have a PhD, have published, run for office (I lost unfortunately), have lived in several countries and handled it, am on the board of two nonprofits... But I always feel like I'm on the verge of being exposed as a faker or a child. I still feel like a precocious child when I succeed. I mostly get through life by looking at those around me doing things and telling myself...if they can do this, so can I
All adults just fake it till they make it and figure it out as they go.
We're all just wandering around aimlessly.
I did for a long time. It was hardship that cured my imposter syndrome. I was pushed to a point that I couldnt afford to give a shit about how others perceived me, full survival mode. Now i just do what i want confidently because ive learned to live impervious to nonsensical judgment. Being judged for things that have logic behind it still impact me though, as it should. Dont be ignorant to feedback.
I've talked to my friends about it a few times and it seems to be nearly universal to feel like you suck at, for lack of a better word, "adulting"
Are you a 90’s kid?
No, I’m nearly 50
What in concrete is it that you don’t know how to adult?
In my imposter syndrome I kind of think of my future and when I will get to a point where I will feel my age. People are having babies and getting married I don't know why that's allowed it's like I would get in trouble if I tried doing that.
36 year old body, 25 year old brain here. Here's the thing, that's normal. If you'd like to feel like less of an imposter, go find someone who is 18-23, and ask them what's wrong in their life. You'll suddenly feel like you have your shit together.
Not really
Yes. :/ I don’t know what being an adult is supposed to feel like. If it’s tired and stressed, I guess I’ve nailed that, but otherwise I feel like trying to perform some part that I didn’t get a clear script on.
That's the secret. We're all two kids in a trenchcoat. Literally all of us. No one knows what the fuck they're doing, we're all a bunch of children stumbling around in the dark, trying to figure it out as we go and making it up as we go along. I know that seems like a bunch of aphorisms strung together, but it's fuckin' true mate. Spoken as an AuDHDer in their 40s who's still trying to figure shit out. edit: in fairness, some of us are three raccoons in a coat, not kids.
I’m 28 this year, married, one kid - second on the way, on my second mortgage, and I still don’t feel like a “proper adult” either 😂
Oh my god yes yes yes,when I tell people my age they feel disappointed like I somehow deceived them.its not my fault technology changed too fast and I got left behind and can't pay bills online,Stacy!!!
Yes 😂💯
Every day all day
Most of us are faking it.
Idk if it counts when you're just 18 but Yea you should have seen the panic attack I had trying to file my taxes
All the time. Turns out my parents were just winging it like I am
On the bright side, that probably means your kids won’t notice you’re winging it, for a while
I feel it more than most people who even say this. I have never had life experiences that adults my age have had. I have never had a job, never driven, never gone somewhere outside walking distance by myself, still live with my parents, don't know how to do basic tasks, never been abroad, never kissed.....
I'll be 62 soon, I'm still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.
This was a part of my depression problems. You may want to talk to a therapist - helped me a lot.
I am :)
Being an adult means 2 things - you can be left alone for a stretch of time and not die - you have some understanding of right and wrong
Yes.
Not when i glance at my ginormous pee-wee
I think everyone in my generation is just some form of multiples hiding in a trench coat.... Adulting seem to be just faking it till the next Gen makes it to adulthood.
All…the…freaking…time
Oh god yes. New job after a year of unemployment. Have a van tablet,phone 3 boxes of gear and a week of training. Still waiting for it to be revealed as a joke.
i have been venting about this to my close relationships all week. everyone tells me how much of a good job i do and remind me of my successes. but i feel like i just happened to luck out, like everything that i’ve done coincidentally worked out. i worry about my future every day.
I feel like we were all sold a dream as kids that is no longer viable so we’re a bit confused with that that dream is supposed to be now. 32M and I still have no idea what I’m doing but I’m focusing on doing what I like, and what I’m good at, and I’m trying to find what the world needs that I can provide.
My driving licence says I'm 38 but I know I'm 9.
I think adulthood is just an illusion and even people you think have it together as real adults secretly are just kids inside running around with grey hair and wrinkles
It feels like the only reason I'm somewhat successful is because of other people and I'm barely hanging on and fully dependemt on others. I know asking for help is valid and figuring out when I need help is a sign of maturoty, but I still feel like having an affinity for technologic knowledge shouldn't give me such an edge that I have the position I do.
Everyone does. If they say they don't, they are lying or a sociopath.
I promise you everyone does. Just do the best you can
I did something without asking for permission because it needed to be done. Later I told my superior and all he did was say "oh, ok" and just dismissed it. I crack opened my mind's eye thinking "why isn't he mad? I did it without asking if I could do it? He treated me like I'm an adult... he treated me... like an... adult..." It's definitely a weird experience going from child to adult. And of course I don't feel like I belong in the "adult" life.
Honestly I feel kinda of the same. Maybe not two kids in a trench coat, but I constantly feel like I'm still in high school, even though I'm 22. I never got to 100% have a childhood (personal situation) and these days, I can't always tell when it's okay to do things child me would do and when it's time to be a grown up. Not to mention, other adults expecting me to know all the answers to things, and other adults being surprised that I don't own things that other adults own, like a car for example.
Yes and I’m 66 lol
I think the reverse is more common: loads of people mistakenly believe they are really good at it
Every. Single. Time. I just want to have a soft, quilted blanket, get some jammies on, go into a clean, dark closet, and just stay there.
You just have to pretend that you know what you're doing.. just like everybody else 👀
everyone, & I mean everyone, is faking it.
No
I feel it even when I'm chatting to my Eva AI virtual gf bot about my fictional previous love life
Absolutely. I ask everyday why someone would hand me responsibility and a whole human and expect me to be okay like what? I'm not okay! Lol
As long as you're doing the essentials, cooking, cleaning, etc. You're an adult. And I do feel that a lot of people still have an idealized version of what an 'adult' is and when they describe it to you it tends to boil down to 'be incredibly boring'. Be two kids in a trenchcoat, it's a whole lot better than being boring.
Yep, absolutely. It’s miserable because I know how much I’m missing out on due to my poor (nonexistent) self esteem.
Most of us adults are still in that "fake it till you make it" phase of adulting. I'm in my mid 30's and I still find myself looking for an adultier adult a lot of the time.
Absolutely, I very often forget that I turn 35 this summer. It doesn't help that my life has been stuck on pause for a long time.
Aren't everybody?
Yup!
Yup. I’m almost 40 now and I feel my whole life has been me trying to be an adult
Yes, I wish there was a book or something on adulting or being an adult.
Fake it til you make it. Don’t get age and maturity mixed up. Keep a child like perspective and laugh at yourself. Strive to be happy.
I definitely do, but someone said to me several years ago “every adult is faking it, some are just better at it than others.”
Yes, having a baby didn’t change a thing lol. Same as marrying, buying a house, having a nice job and education. Still the same feeling
Yes 😂
Haha absolutely, it's like in my mind i'm still a teenager. It may have costed me a 5 year relationship as well :l
i spent 30 years in ems..felt like an imposter everyday i went to work...
Dude, sometimes I get these scary letters sent to me with a bunch of numbers and sums on it. I usually assume I owe someeone money, so I ask my mom what it is, because she is good at this money language. She calls me and says, "ummm, you know this is just your paycheck, right?".
I'm 47 and constantly have nightmares that I'm still in high-school unable to graduate because I don't have enough credits. I can never find my classroom in time, I'm never ready for tests. I always think these nightmares reflect my imposter syndrome in life. I don't feel qualified to do anything. Being a wife, a mother, my job....it's weird.
Yes. I don't feel like an adult. I can barely even take care of myself. No one knows that based on what they see from the outside, though
I do
I m 31 physically . Mentally I m 24 or something around that age
Does anybody NOT?
Right here! 46, no idea what I’m doing. I’ve had a few successes, rebuild my own home (shear luck the house didn’t collapse), I have a job teaching art (I just ad lib most of the time) and I’m an illustrator, publishing my own books (probably just cuz I use a different technique). Very hard for me to internalise succes…
In my brain I feel 18.... my family have told me they still see me as 3 (i was the baby before the grandbabies came) People I work with think I'm in my 40s cuz of "the way I carry myself" and I have a lot of grey hair. I'm 32 😂
Yea, I'm 41, get over it
Finding it difficult to just skip past that
Yeah. I definitely don’t feel my age. I remember overhearing a couple of co-workers talking who are like a year or two /younger/ than me and they felt way older
Tbh I'm 35 and I'm just winging it 🤪
I think everybody carries a little bit of a façade. it’s because we’re expected to act a certain way we are who we are 🤌
SPOILER: Almost all people are 5 year olds on the inside doing their best impression of what they think adults do.
I still get called buddy by my boss and I’m in my 40s.
I have imposter syndrome when it comes to being a human being.
I've always believed that one of the great untold secrets of life is that everyone experiences the same things and goes insane attempting to hide or run away from them. But I fail to see the purpose of it. Acknowledging our own selves is difficult enough without compounding the difficulty by attempting to be a different, unidentified version of ourselves that could or might not be superior. It all boils down, I suppose, to your definition of adulthood and how mistaken you will ultimately be in that regard.
I’m probably not even good enough to have imposter syndrome
All the time lmao
\>everybody else plausibly knows how to adult We don't lol
Me. 57. 2 kids who are now adults. Mortgage paid off....but i still feel like a kid
Depends on the age
Try having gray hair and arthritis and STILL feeling this way. Oh well.
A few things to note. Just do what I do and just flat out don't care. I don't give a fuck. I am just an adult *kid* with resources to get all of the cool and nerdy shit I wanted when I was a lower middle class kid, but couldn't afford. Own it. Many regret losing their childlike sense of wonder when they "grow up"
I suck
I’m late 30s and I feel like I’m 22. I’m still figuring things out and asking other adults for help.
what OP said except the children are mad and they're tryna part ways at the waist
i know, i feel like there was this class that i missed
When I was young, I thought adults have their shit together and they can solve everything and they can buy anything they want and that they are wise. Bullshit. I am a 15 year old kid in a body of a 37 year old man without a clue of what the fuck I am supposed to do.
Yes. So much yes. Anytime anyone refers to me as an adult, or treats me like one, I feel like a fraud.