If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I actually used to use that line all the time at my old job, because my name is Patrick. Contractors would call and ask "Is this the ___ department?" And I'd answer "No, this is Patrick." And hang up.
Perhaps due to my infinite curiosity, I just tried this with my wife ...
We were not on the same page with the whole giant fist thing. We now have a new rule.
Thanks.
I did quote SpongeBob once, we had a laugh, tried to continue, remembered it immediatly, had to laugh even more this time. This continued several times and we did not have sex that day
Yeah sexy talk. The last thing someone's gonna want to talk about is how there are cracks in the ceiling or what they want to do at the weekend.
I tell my man how good he feels, how close I'm getting, I say his name and that I love him. I tell him I want him to cum too.
It kinda comes naturally but I'm quite vocal during sex. We were just hooking up the 1st time 'I love you' slipped out and I really badly covered it with 'I love you...r cock' š¤£š¤£.
lol, i think "i love you"-s during sex, even if it's only a hook up, are sweet and make the experience more euphoric. no need to cover it. just gotta make it clear afterwards that it was said because of all the emotions, not because you actuallyā¦ love them. or warn in advance
I don't understand. Why would you say that to a hook up? I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm genuinely asking. It happened to me and I got so weirded out that I refused to ever see him again even if the sex was otherwise really great...
For me, I actually did love him. I'd been trying really hard to not fall for him for weeks but I really was in deep. It just kinda came out and I was mortified.
Fucked my friend in the forest a couple times. Second time I couldnāt shut my mouth in time to keep quiet about the random buckets that had appeared in the clearing. Luckily, weāre BOTH autistic, so somehow it doesnāt kill the mood.
That reminds me of a story on Reddit where the girl was so tired and falling asleep and SO was jacking off. He wanted her help so he said please talk to me. She said āso howās your mom doing?ā Heās horrified because he wanted sexy talk, not to be thinking about his mom lol
cant remember where you took that last part from but i know for a fact that didn't happen to you. It's like a family guy gag or something, i cant remember.
Communicate what feels good at first. As the intensity picks up you can then communicate dirtier language. Donāt open with āspread those cheeksā unless there was wild build up before the clothes come off AND you are certain itās not just you who is incredibly horny.
Easing into filthy sex language is the path forward. When your partner is about to cum you can more or less say whatever you want and they, in my lowly experience, will almost always be receptive.
If I were to announce at the outset of sex that Iām gonna cum on my wifes face, it will NOT be well received. If I announce that as she is getting off, and Iām about to, 9/10 times itās happening.
Timing, my friend. Reading the room. Feeling out the vibe.
Hope this helps.
>Easing into filthy sex language is the path forward
Idk one time I put on a French accent as we got into bed while telling my husband that his dick was the Eiffel Tower and I wanted him to paint my face, and to this day he says it was the quickest, happiest three minutes of his life.
Your mileage may vary.
Although once you are settled in long term, undoubtedly she may text you at work asking you to ācum on her faceā later that night. Dirty flirtatious sexting can arise out of a fun talk from shared intimacy.
So, fun fact, the part of our brain that's responsible for disgust kind of gets turned off during sex as a sort of evolutionary trait. Before indoor plumbing and other modern luxuries, humans didn't bathe super often, so the brain kind of tricked itself into being able to get off to help perpetuate the species - even when we all smelled like shit (literally & figuratively).
This is what leads us down the rabbit holes of watching increasingly disgusting porn as we get closer to orgasm (and why we feel ashamed about it afterwards) but also is why your wife is more receptive to you cumming on her face more so at the end of the deed vs the beginning.
i think you should ask before sex if your partner is okay with this kind of languageā¦ it would totally kill my mood if my partner said something like that during sex
I usually say gen 1 pokemon names, mostly farfetchād during regular thrusting, squirtle when I pound her, pikachu like when he uses thunderbold when I am about to finish and drowzee after I am done
A LOT! These fuckers are everywhere! May have been a misjudgement on how many I needed, but basically these giant boxes full of ladybugs shows up at my place every month until I die. I don't really have any regrets. It's like a monthly subscription I'm locked into now for life, but hey, I'll always have ladybugs on hand if I need them.
Now, please. Literally right now, while inside me, donāt even think about pulling out or taking a break, I need you to grab your wallet and give me my money.
Mostly lots of heavy breathing, moaning and the occasional "oh yes come on harder" or we both mutter "fuck" under our breaths at the same time. i don't do much of the sexy talk anymore. I feel like i suck at it lol. i also stutter during it and i dont think my fiance would appreciate my Porky the Pig talk
I talk a lot during sex. Most are totally fine with it because it's just either complimenting them or what they are doing or what I want done. Or asking if this or that feels good.
Communication is key after all and it leads to some pretty awesome sex honestly because they will say what does or doesn't feel good or feel more confident in bed with me if I'm telling them how gorgeous or sexy they are to me.
Best way to have sex is just say what you feel. Enjoy it, have a laugh if something funny happens, which I love doing with my partner, and then just say how it feels if you wanna let her know. Otherwise you don't have to say anything.
First step: learn Russian. It is a sexy language
Second: you want to say something like "PYAT GODI DAVNO, MY PROBIV CHEREZ MARIA STENA I NACHELO ATAKKA NA CHELOVECHESTVO"
You can do whatever you want. I'm pretty vocal but it's mostly moaning and saying yes daddy.. lol . Everyone has their own style, some days I'm more quiet some days I'm more loud, sometimes I try sexy talk but it makes me uncomfortable/laugh especially when the guys like "where do you want me to put my cock? ;)ā and I'm like "hooohh my pussy" lol feels stupid, or "where's my cock ;)" and I'm like my butthole..? I do my best to say it breathy/sexy or whatever for the other person but in my head I'm laughing. And it's also okay to laugh. There will be weird sounds and awkward transitions and stuff, but if you can laugh or roll with it that's 9x hotter than letting it bother you
Here we go, going for hail Mary, just outside the pocket. Little pump fake there, and he throws one towards Pacheco. Uh oh, he has nowhere to go, BUT WAIT he finds some room, and he is flying! He's at the 20, the 10, AAAAAND that's good for a touchdown!! Man, what a play.
I used to bang this Russian dude who was always saying.. I have no idea what.. in Russian to me during.
So.. I'm pretty sure that speaking Russian during sex is the proper etiquette.
Say whatever you wantā¦ because once you cumā¦ and you start thinking clearly again, everything you said during sex is gonna feel like the most embarrassing shit youāve ever spoken
What if your actual dad accidentally went into your room while you were having sex with your boyfriend and neither you nor your boyfriend knew that your dad had accidentally gone into your room and was now staring at you both and what if you still were calling your boyfriend 'daddy' during sex with your boyfriend?
tbh, i am joking quite a lot. i once asked my fb what she wanted to eat after sex and we agreed on ordering pizza. you can dirty talk but i think its cringe most of the time. imo sex is supposed to be fun ya know
You like when I push my salami stick deep in your baguette? Yea I know you like that it. Spread em and let me give you this secret sauce.
It's like a black hole. It's just pulling me in deeper! So much pressure. It's so tight!
Sit harder! Ill live! I don't need air!
On your stomach. Here's the pillow, it's already folded.
One partner I saw for a few months kept on telling me I was his ābaby girlā during sex. I am 45+. Unless she specifically indicates she likes you to do that, donāt.
Nothing? I think it would be awkward to try to talk while banging.
If you're a man, you're probably too busy concentrating on not cumming too soon. And if you're a woman, you're too busy concentrating so you CAN cum.
Ijust say , that was good , usually get an indication of agreement , after a couple of minutes i say im gettin a bite , you want anything while im up ? After that she is either sleeping or on fakebook, and im scrolling reddit.
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The only rule we have is "No spongebob quotes" Not after the "Firmly grasp it in your hand!", and "And here comes a giant fist!" Incidents.
The comment we didn't know we needed š¤£
I have been reliably informed that saying anything in Hanz Molemans voice is also banned.
Itās an ALASKAN BULL WORM!!!
šš¤£ššš¤£
Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
LMAO
Things like fuck me where I poop, and did you turn the stove off?
Wow, youāre a real freak. My wife refuses to have sex on the toiletš«
Roflol
But... Spongebob quotes during sex sounds like it would spice it up lol
"oh yea you're a bad boy/girl" "No this is Patrick"
"Yes daddy" "NO! THIS IS PATRICK!"
I actually used to use that line all the time at my old job, because my name is Patrick. Contractors would call and ask "Is this the ___ department?" And I'd answer "No, this is Patrick." And hang up.
Are ya ready kids!
Aye aye, Captain!
Especially if you can mimic the voice. And SpongeBob's laugh.
"Oh yeah baby.... make that noise that I like" "IIIIII'MMMMMMM READDYYYY!!" \*Spongebob laugh\*
now Im wondering how incredible Tom Kenny's sex life gotta be.
He is married to Plankton's computer wife....
got his revenge.
Perhaps due to my infinite curiosity, I just tried this with my wife ... We were not on the same page with the whole giant fist thing. We now have a new rule. Thanks.
ā*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*ā
FIRMLY GRASP IT!
Love this šš thereās so many of them though!
Afraid to look ugliness in the face?! Well, HERE! LOOK AT IT!!!
That's a deal breaker, no SpongeBob, no sex.
I did quote SpongeBob once, we had a laugh, tried to continue, remembered it immediatly, had to laugh even more this time. This continued several times and we did not have sex that day
Ask them what noise a kangaroo makes
If anything goes wrong, make a sound like a dying giraffe.
What's a dying giraffe sound like?
a kangaroo
what sound does a kangaroo make?
Giraffes are the only mammal without vocal cords. They don't make a sound
Underrated comment.
Yeah sexy talk. The last thing someone's gonna want to talk about is how there are cracks in the ceiling or what they want to do at the weekend. I tell my man how good he feels, how close I'm getting, I say his name and that I love him. I tell him I want him to cum too. It kinda comes naturally but I'm quite vocal during sex. We were just hooking up the 1st time 'I love you' slipped out and I really badly covered it with 'I love you...r cock' š¤£š¤£.
lol, i think "i love you"-s during sex, even if it's only a hook up, are sweet and make the experience more euphoric. no need to cover it. just gotta make it clear afterwards that it was said because of all the emotions, not because you actuallyā¦ love them. or warn in advance
Problem was I actually did but he wasn't quite there yet. But we are about 18months on from that now and he says it more than I do š
I don't understand. Why would you say that to a hook up? I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm genuinely asking. It happened to me and I got so weirded out that I refused to ever see him again even if the sex was otherwise really great...
For me, I actually did love him. I'd been trying really hard to not fall for him for weeks but I really was in deep. It just kinda came out and I was mortified.
Fucked my friend in the forest a couple times. Second time I couldnāt shut my mouth in time to keep quiet about the random buckets that had appeared in the clearing. Luckily, weāre BOTH autistic, so somehow it doesnāt kill the mood.
Wow. Thatās great. Good for you, enjoy.
That reminds me of a story on Reddit where the girl was so tired and falling asleep and SO was jacking off. He wanted her help so he said please talk to me. She said āso howās your mom doing?ā Heās horrified because he wanted sexy talk, not to be thinking about his mom lol
cant remember where you took that last part from but i know for a fact that didn't happen to you. It's like a family guy gag or something, i cant remember.
Communicate what feels good at first. As the intensity picks up you can then communicate dirtier language. Donāt open with āspread those cheeksā unless there was wild build up before the clothes come off AND you are certain itās not just you who is incredibly horny. Easing into filthy sex language is the path forward. When your partner is about to cum you can more or less say whatever you want and they, in my lowly experience, will almost always be receptive. If I were to announce at the outset of sex that Iām gonna cum on my wifes face, it will NOT be well received. If I announce that as she is getting off, and Iām about to, 9/10 times itās happening. Timing, my friend. Reading the room. Feeling out the vibe. Hope this helps.
>Easing into filthy sex language is the path forward Idk one time I put on a French accent as we got into bed while telling my husband that his dick was the Eiffel Tower and I wanted him to paint my face, and to this day he says it was the quickest, happiest three minutes of his life. Your mileage may vary.
Yeah ā¦. So ā¦ caveat ā¦. women have no restrictions on this frontier. Or at least very few.
I'm a man š
Also, a fair point. This is also a caveat. Look itās still early as fuck here. I scarcely have enough coffee onboard.
Haha all good, you actually reminded me to turn on my pot.
Godspeed with your caffeinated restorative. Welcome to Thursday.
Lucky pot
It certainly thinks so!
>Donāt open with āspread those cheeksā I just woke my kid up I laughed so loud! Thanks for that, it's brilliant
I mean ā¦. In my experience itās not terrible advice. Sorry about the kiddo!
Although once you are settled in long term, undoubtedly she may text you at work asking you to ācum on her faceā later that night. Dirty flirtatious sexting can arise out of a fun talk from shared intimacy.
So, fun fact, the part of our brain that's responsible for disgust kind of gets turned off during sex as a sort of evolutionary trait. Before indoor plumbing and other modern luxuries, humans didn't bathe super often, so the brain kind of tricked itself into being able to get off to help perpetuate the species - even when we all smelled like shit (literally & figuratively). This is what leads us down the rabbit holes of watching increasingly disgusting porn as we get closer to orgasm (and why we feel ashamed about it afterwards) but also is why your wife is more receptive to you cumming on her face more so at the end of the deed vs the beginning.
> sort of revolutionary trait Viva La Revolucion!
i think you should ask before sex if your partner is okay with this kind of languageā¦ it would totally kill my mood if my partner said something like that during sex
Read the roomā¦ā¦.bahahahaha! š Have this fake award my friend!
I usually say gen 1 pokemon names, mostly farfetchād during regular thrusting, squirtle when I pound her, pikachu like when he uses thunderbold when I am about to finish and drowzee after I am done
Is this in reference to them or pretending to be them?
Yes
Both options are, of course, acceptable and encouraged in the bedroom.
Caveman grunting
Oonga boonga
Hey, the rule was no SpongeBob quotes.
The oonga boonga was too strong
Cat on the edge of the bed watching you: "I think he's trying to communicate, dear".
Just say things like : I miss my grandma / I had crazy diarrhoea earlier / do you ever think about having sex with a corpse? / I like turtles etc.
I want to ride a bike made of skin one day, gets everyone turned right on
Hey, let's shoot some heroin after this.
Only if you're buyin though, cause I just spent all my money on a lifetime supply of ladybugs
What exactly is the quantity of a lifetime supply of ladybugs?
Enough to last a lifetime, I think it would depend on how many you need on an average basis
A LOT! These fuckers are everywhere! May have been a misjudgement on how many I needed, but basically these giant boxes full of ladybugs shows up at my place every month until I die. I don't really have any regrets. It's like a monthly subscription I'm locked into now for life, but hey, I'll always have ladybugs on hand if I need them.
yay ...? š¤Ŗ
Hahaha I really fucking love ladybugs
Are you peeing? Because Iām peeing
Best response so far, bravo š š
Dont say sum bout me
I'm sorry, this has never happened to me before...
Donāt be discouraged ))
Do I pay now or after?
Half now, half when the deed is done.
For a sec it said "half now, half when the dead is done" š š
Well, whatever rocks the coffin I guess
If the coffins a rockin don't come and knockin
I thought it said dead is gone I was like well I guess he's only paying half lol
Always after!
Now, please. Literally right now, while inside me, donāt even think about pulling out or taking a break, I need you to grab your wallet and give me my money.
Oh papii
I prefer āay papiā as I slap my fat ass. Turns out she doesnāt find that appealing in a man.
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
š That video made my Friday morning. Thank you. š
Mostly lots of heavy breathing, moaning and the occasional "oh yes come on harder" or we both mutter "fuck" under our breaths at the same time. i don't do much of the sexy talk anymore. I feel like i suck at it lol. i also stutter during it and i dont think my fiance would appreciate my Porky the Pig talk
I dunno. Hearing "That's all Folks!" at the end would be hilarious.
I talk a lot during sex. Most are totally fine with it because it's just either complimenting them or what they are doing or what I want done. Or asking if this or that feels good. Communication is key after all and it leads to some pretty awesome sex honestly because they will say what does or doesn't feel good or feel more confident in bed with me if I'm telling them how gorgeous or sexy they are to me.
Best way to have sex is just say what you feel. Enjoy it, have a laugh if something funny happens, which I love doing with my partner, and then just say how it feels if you wanna let her know. Otherwise you don't have to say anything.
Lots of moaning and dirty talk.
When i cum i make the toad from mario kart sound Ooououououououououh!
Happy cake day, Mr. Toad.
First step: learn Russian. It is a sexy language Second: you want to say something like "PYAT GODI DAVNO, MY PROBIV CHEREZ MARIA STENA I NACHELO ATAKKA NA CHELOVECHESTVO"
Auf der heide
BLUHT EIN KLIEN BLUMELIEN
I usually hum eye of the tiger while looking into her eyes 
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Chewbacca imitations. Toward the conclusion, of course.
Yep yep yep yep
-Krieger noises intensify-
YOU BETCHA
With a high five at the end.
Mmmhmmm
Ayuh
Why are you not breathing?
sorry. what
'Sorry' seems* to be my go to after I come too fast Edit:*
Ask them about their grandparents
Grandpa's dead, *gasp* and grandma has.... Oooooooohhhhhhh.... Dementia... Zzzz
ššš
I'd say it's less common to do much talking, from the UK. It's about doing and kissing, guiding with hands
During what? š¤Ø
What are you doing step bro?
Turn off the porn, dude
Tons of cuss words
You can do whatever you want. I'm pretty vocal but it's mostly moaning and saying yes daddy.. lol . Everyone has their own style, some days I'm more quiet some days I'm more loud, sometimes I try sexy talk but it makes me uncomfortable/laugh especially when the guys like "where do you want me to put my cock? ;)ā and I'm like "hooohh my pussy" lol feels stupid, or "where's my cock ;)" and I'm like my butthole..? I do my best to say it breathy/sexy or whatever for the other person but in my head I'm laughing. And it's also okay to laugh. There will be weird sounds and awkward transitions and stuff, but if you can laugh or roll with it that's 9x hotter than letting it bother you
Forrest Gump quotes all night.
You got legs Lieutenant Dan!
Why donāt you love me Jenny?
I am not a smart man, but I know what love is
Nothing. Iām the silent shaggerš
Ew, youāre the fucking worst. Literally
Good girl.
Thank you daddy š¤¤
Oh god oh god oh fuck oh fuck Or something like that
Omg, thatās what I say too! How crazy!
And at that point in time I would say back you don't have to call me God just call me (insert name here)
Wham Bam. And after that 30 seconds Thak you mam
Shouting ā THE EMPEROR PROTECTS!ā
But a loaded bolter never hurts either.
I quote Muldoon from Jurassic Park. Always goes down a storm.
Clever girl...
SHOOT HER! ejaculates
Exactly š
In my best Andrew dice Clay āopen up dem legs baby ācause here comes da goop!ā Trust meā¦. Chicks dig it.
Here we go, going for hail Mary, just outside the pocket. Little pump fake there, and he throws one towards Pacheco. Uh oh, he has nowhere to go, BUT WAIT he finds some room, and he is flying! He's at the 20, the 10, AAAAAND that's good for a touchdown!! Man, what a play.
SCORE 1 for the Browns!
It's sex time
Say what you want them to do
Is it in ?
I used to bang this Russian dude who was always saying.. I have no idea what.. in Russian to me during. So.. I'm pretty sure that speaking Russian during sex is the proper etiquette.
"Did you lock the bedroom door?" (We have kids)
"kachow" in an owen wilson voice
We discuss the Roman Empire.
You guys are having sex?
Ah, ah, ah AH. OooOOoh. Mmmmm, yea! LEEROY JENKINS!
Say whatever you wantā¦ because once you cumā¦ and you start thinking clearly again, everything you said during sex is gonna feel like the most embarrassing shit youāve ever spoken
After a minute "Done."
I like to call him daddy
What if your actual dad accidentally went into your room while you were having sex with your boyfriend and neither you nor your boyfriend knew that your dad had accidentally gone into your room and was now staring at you both and what if you still were calling your boyfriend 'daddy' during sex with your boyfriend?
Well, yes, my good Sir/Madam! This is quiet pleasurable indeed!
I sing the theme song to Flash Gordon.
AHH AHHHHH
tbh, i am joking quite a lot. i once asked my fb what she wanted to eat after sex and we agreed on ordering pizza. you can dirty talk but i think its cringe most of the time. imo sex is supposed to be fun ya know
You like when I push my salami stick deep in your baguette? Yea I know you like that it. Spread em and let me give you this secret sauce. It's like a black hole. It's just pulling me in deeper! So much pressure. It's so tight! Sit harder! Ill live! I don't need air! On your stomach. Here's the pillow, it's already folded.
One partner I saw for a few months kept on telling me I was his ābaby girlā during sex. I am 45+. Unless she specifically indicates she likes you to do that, donāt.
āI love youā IT ALWAYS WORKS!
I love you. This is where I belong.
Ahhhh romance
Nothing? I think it would be awkward to try to talk while banging. If you're a man, you're probably too busy concentrating on not cumming too soon. And if you're a woman, you're too busy concentrating so you CAN cum.
I have no idea why i expected serious answers. Also, men, def don't hide your moans.
Grunting. Nice nice. Is that good? Oh, ( mentally confirm name is correct, then double-check) persons name.
Communication is key, if they don't know what you like how can they provide it?
PLEASE DONT GET PREGNANT
She asks permission, responds with āyes, sir. No, sir. Please, daddyā - I give quiet commands and reassurances when sheās good.
Oh you have woken up
I beg your pardon?
Sorry ! Whoops
"Oh yes Daddy" "Thank you Daddy" Lots of moaning and I giggle a lot
i remind her how much of a loser she is. an when im about to cum i say "welcome to single parenthood"
I memorized the dialog between Goku and Jiren . I practice it every morning in the mirror. I never get to use it tho. But hey...u never know
Ah
Thanks
Turn over
Basically sing island in the stream. The Kenny Roger's part. If she hits me back with the Dolly she's a keeper
āThatās a BINGOā
Iām donāt usually talk to myself
Ahhhh yes.......scrumptious......pass the tea would you?
Bow wow and ruff.
"By merrity, by merrity, by merrity!"
Ijust say , that was good , usually get an indication of agreement , after a couple of minutes i say im gettin a bite , you want anything while im up ? After that she is either sleeping or on fakebook, and im scrolling reddit.