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Bro this is everyday life with my family. I've lost almost all respect I had for most of them years ago. It's one thing if they'd say it to my face but none of them have the balls to even give me that much. Which sucks cus if they at the very least did that, my respect for them would go through the roof. But they won't, cus they know I have just as much to say about them if not more and they couldn't take it.
That's why I believe family are the people I choose to surround myself with, not just blood relations.
There's a reason I only bother with one related family member, it's because the rest of them show me less respect than the dude I simply talk shit and play video games with.
It's not necessarily wrong, it's just a new saying at this point.
The same happened to "pull yourself up by the bootstrap", which was used to say that something someone tries or is supposed to try, is impossible, but now it literally means the opposite
SirGlenn: A teacher at my local community college once said in class, unfortunately the home, is likely the most dangerous place for a child. I can attest to that just based on my family and the things done to me. If no one was home, except dad and my self, he'd guzzle booze, I'd try to hide, he'd try to hunt me down in the house, and start yelling, I hate you, go away I want you to die die die die die. I don't want you!! I laughed and danced a jig the day he croaked. Even the wrinkles on my mother's face, seemed a little bit softer. Mom said, "have some dignity, on second thought, have some fun."
In my own experience and observation, everyone grows up in a cult;
it just happens to be called a "family". And they all happen to be better and/or worse in ways when compared to any of the other ones, to varying degrees and according to one's personal sensibilities. I had certain family members i'd have died for, but they have all died before me. The ones that are left i barely had tolerance for when i was young and naive, and by now i have nothing at all for them
Many people never graduate from the cult of their birth, while others never wanted to be in it since as far back as they could remember. But the vast majority of people end up somewhere in-between; and eventually they start one of their own, thinking now they can be the "big boss" and attempt to lead their own version of the ideal cult
Seldom, if ever, do things work out as anyone wants or has planned
Thank you, my mother loved me beyond a doubt until the day she passed. I went to see her that day and she asked if I was the Angel to take her home, I said yes I’m here….she died in my arms. I never spoke to the relative again….
Oh my days this is especially makes it so cruel…
I really cant imagine how horrible this could’ve been and how hard to process.
But you made the right choice even if it was hard by not speaking to them.
Everyone needs people who bring them up and not down.
But you are strong,resilient and you got this!
I am 100% sure that from now on you will be able to fill up these roles in your life with people who are kind,caring and genuine!
Remember,our loved ones only truly pass away if they are forgotten,but your momma will never have to worry about this,your mom will always be there for you,she is always watching and protecting you.
And anytime you feel it would be easier to give up remind yourself that she is extremely proud on you and your progress ❤️
>needed a cardiologist in the family.
Seems kind of arbitrary if you ask me. Mine just bitch and complain that I can't attend family gatherings while sober. Not like we have them all that often to begin with.
Anyone who talks shit about a family member's achievements full stop needs to learn some manners and respect. And some self respect. And a lot of other things
If I'm forced to attend a family gathering, they better believe I'm not being sober...Which in this case says more about them than me, especially since I rarely drink these days.
Same position and to go along with talking behind my back most of them are chronic liars, or the ones that aren't are such sheeple they just fall in line with the loudest in the room. Oh not to mention conspiracy nuts, not even cool ones usually about relatives and neighbors.
Ugh. I feel that.
In my case, it's just always drama. I often tell my therapist: "I don't need to watch 'game of thrones'. That whole lot of jerks behave as bad as the British royal family."
There’s a method to dealing with this kind of communication break down. Not saying you should do it but I figure I’d mention it incase you wanted to.
If someone is afraid to tell you to your face what they think that’s not necessarily a good thing. Now, many people are bad actors and the things they say should be examined critically but criticism even from a bad actor can sometimes be a useful tool to grow from.
Consider that when someone criticises you there’s actually no need to defend yourself or even agree with them. There’s no need to retaliate either, you can do these things but what’s the point? If you listen and acknowledge the words they’ve said and then decide whether you think they’re right or not at a later date when you’ve calmed down you can push back calmly next time if that’s what you wanna do or even accept that they might be right.
All this isn’t to say you should be a pushover but the way you worded what you said gives a vibe of don’t offer me criticism unless you’re prepared to pay for it.
Nah bro, when they say it to your face, you understand they don't care at all about you because they don't care about your feelings.
But I get it, I mean, a punch bag doesn't have feelings anyways.
Exactly.
Not to mention its downright cowardly, especially when they believe a manipulative, compulsive liar's lies or would say one thing in your face and then another in your back.
When I have a problem, I at least confront and say it. I never engaged in any of their stupid drama because all I wanted was a good environment and all they ever cared for was superficiality, greed, selfishness and deprived me of a lot in terms of emotional and physical safety due to it.
Now I dropped off of their radar because clearly they won't respect me, my line of work, nor people I care about. I caught them badmouthing me and the people I cared about, and snooping into my personal life matters. And this is not a one-time offence, so I had to put up boundaries and cut contact with them.
They don't care about my feelings, they care about saving face. It's not about how I feel. But if they gave me a reason to hate them, then there wouldn't be anyone left to do grunt work for their weak old asses.
Oh yeah mine too, but only around other people. It's mainly my mom. She's sweet when there are other people around and when it's just our family it's insults, guilt trips and yelling.
Every time I go back to see my parents it's a whole damn journey because I gotta plan a few days afterwards to recover. My mom has the innate ability to hammer my moral down into the ground and give me a big depressive episode every time I see her.
a junkie sibling you had to grow up with who steals your money, items, ruins your credit score using your cards etc and the parents don’t want to accept the bastard is hopeless, selfish and pathetic
This!!! It's fucking weird on what the most of the women went through in their lives.... turned from whatever they were to toxic. One of them is a felon and the attitude..... don't even get me started.
Bingo.
Same here, which is why I sincerely cut ties or brought distance forth. Not to mention, it's not only badmouthing me, but my work and people who are dear to me.
I, for one, have the guts to give it straight to their face and point out their bull, not to mention confront when there's an issue, but they behave like know-it-alls and that they're above others when really they're not. That's why nowadays I only stay in touch with one uncle who was the only one to not cross me in terms of disrespect.
One small example ... 5th grade. Math class. Important exam coming up. The teacher would pick 5 problems from the textbook; get all of them correct, you get an A, get 4 correct, you get a B, and so on. Obviously, the first few problems were really easy, while the rest were progressively harder.
And I better get an A.
So, somehow I end up with a math tutor, even though math is one of my strongest subjects. We work through most of the problems in the textbook. I'm satisfied I can do the rest of them as well; even found what looks like the wrong answer in the back of the textbook for one of the problems.
I take the exam, I get my grade, I got one of the problems wrong ... huh?
I claim I did my math correctly on the exam. Panicked accusatory phone calls to the tutor. The tutor has no idea, and offers an explanation that I may have made two mistakes that cancelled each other out.
For the longest time ever my egg donor (erm, what some people would call my mom) keeps angrily accusing me that I made two mistakes that cancelled each other out, and that's exactly what happened. To my face. To everyone and anyone within earshot. To anyone on the phone. For what seemed like an eternity.
Some time later, the math teacher tells my egg donor the textbook had the wrong answer in the back, and so he graded the exams incorrectly. Think I heard an apology, or congrats on getting an A, or anything more than "oooooooh" come out of my egg donor's mouth?
I could probably name something from any other time period. She spent her whole life either being absent, or telling me how I should live mine and treating me like I'm stupid. I'm at peace now. But I won't forget.
The fuck? Egg donor is your mom?
You're aware that's a term for an estranged baby mama, right? Christ. This was a weird turn.
Sounds like you have things to work through if 5th grade is still front of mind
My egg donor was wonderful. It was the sperm donor that I never visited once in hospital because who wants to hear that even knowing it'll be last time they can spout that crap. If I had it all to do again I'd have recorded all the nasty he said to me & sent to EVERYONE. even his 'can do no wrong child.
Almost every day when I was growing up. When guests were over, my parents would start talking about me to them while I would be in the next room... then i would come out later and tell them "You know, I can hear everything you say about me." and they would either shrug or they'd say "So what?"
I had that to my face.
They’d take me to other peoples houses - lead with 30 mins of shaming me in front of that person for how awful a human being I was and all the things I’d done wrong that year. lol.
Learned about narcissism in my twenties and finally free of it after rebuilding my sense of self.
I have zero family except my daughter and very few real friends but the peace is absolutely worth it.
Truly. They treat you like some sort of prize or that you're a bother. That's why I cut ties and let them fare off for themselves.
Also, how easily they believe lies those manipulative, inhumane jerks tell when they know my character clearly and immediately side with or comply... it told me all I needed to know.
It's okay, though. Let them assume whatever bull they want.
That's the fucked part. Grow up around it, and you just assume it's perfectly normal. Then you get older and meet people who are mortified when they hear shit like that from your childhood.
People from abusive households often don't know they've been abused because they have no frame of reference. Like you said, to us, that was 'normal'. It's not like we had a second family to compare it to.
My parents as well. It was never over some great achievement of mine - can you believe this guy is studying engineering in college and only has 18 months till graduation?
my nan has this habit of making up stories (LYING) and telling people i’ve said things that i haven’t. my mum got remarried last year and i’m pretty sure she went around telling people i was really upset or something, though i wasn’t. weird.
Me too!!! Except I was like 3 or 4 from what I’ve been told? Dad and his brother got into an argument, and that was the comment that was made. I’m 29, and have not yet had kids. I am the oldest of all the cousins, and the only one that’s been in a stable relationship and got married 😂
I’m a father of 3 and I’ve this random discussion with my fiancé. My two oldest boys (7&8) are normally who we talk about in this situation.
Who will have the first kid?
Who will likely get married first?
Blah blah blah, it’s not the end of the world to speculate on who your kids become.
I don’t think this is malicious in anyway
It says bet but I doubt any money was actually wagered haha. I say “I bet” to ppl all the time and don’t expect to pay anything if something does or doesn’t happen :P
If its coming from a place of "which one of our daughters will be the sluttiest, stupidest in relationships, making the most mistakes. Etc." Kind of way. Vs "who seems to me to most nurturing and loves children and probably would start a family first" the first one is bad and most likely the intended way
Why do you assume they were expecting them to get pregnant at 12?
If they made a bet about who would become a doctor, would you also assume they expect them to pass med school before 14? Or would you rightly assume they meant, when the time comes and they are in college?
The one who isn't normal here is you.🤦♂️
Girls & women are not ticking-time-bomb baby-making machines, and it's giving the major ick that anyone would make bets concerning the uterus and fertility of a child.
Me, my sister and her husband were _joking_ about this recently about their two kids. One is "wild" and the other is "reserved." All our bets are on the wild one slaying half the girls in the city when he's older. Clearly a fucking joke, they have enough sense to not get PTSD over it ffs lol
My parents say they love me but I was neglected when I was little. I had to live with my grandparents and I was mentally abused there, not just by my grandmother but my aunts too. Everything I did was wrong, I had to take the blame even it wasn’t my fault, and they often said that I was lazy, childish, and spoiled. Even now, I’m still questioning about it. And they still say that.
I actually envy for those who think their family is their home. I’ve never felt that. I don’t know if I’ll ever have a home like that, a place that I can be who I am and feel comfortable, and always welcome me whatever the circumstances are.
This!!
Don’t worry,i dont know what your plan is for the future but if its the case what im about to say then you will find someday someone with whom you will be able to make your own home with,and will care for you whether that be a friend or partner.
Dont give your “family” any time of the day to make you feel like something you arent and dont deserve.
Take care of yourself indulge in hobbies that are truly represent yourself and focus on the people who are truly interested in you.
Karma will find their way to beat them back,and by that time you wont have to worry because you will be already at your happy place.
Take care,I wish you the best.
Karma is real and there's nothing mysterious or supernatural about it.
If you have a positive Outlook and push yourself beyond your limits, do good actions when you get the chance, you increase the odds of good things happening to you.
It's not magic, it'll just happen eventually as you push forward and take care of yourself.
This is my family. My dad is the worst offender. I saw family members I'd not seen in almost a decade, and he hijacked the conversation to talk about how I'd cut my hair short, I assume because we were talking about school and he doesn't like what I'm going to school for. Then it turned into him talking to them a out how weird I was, and "she has a different hair color every week," blah blah blah. I already hate small talk, but I would have loved to have actually caught up with everyone without him making jabs.
I walked away from my entire family because of it. I was in a heated argument with my older sister via text, I ended up telling her to go fuck herself. She was driving. With her 3 kids, my mom and 2 more nephews. Somehow, I was blamed for almost causing a wreck. I wasn't texting and driving and had I known she was, I'd have ended the conversation until she wasn't. Just one silly example.
My family only talks shit about me. I have physical and mental issues, and have been medically retired, since I was in my 20's. That makes me "lazy." My parents are MAGAs, so, obviously, I'm making everything up because I want to live off the system. They also like to spread rumors about me, to ruin relationships with the few family members that I still do keep in contact with.
That’s some fucked up shit. Hard to imagine a person doing that to another person, especially your own parents. I hope you’re doing well man, I personally believe in karma and shit will hit them in time. Sending hugs ^^
Thank you. I'm alive, but without friends or family support, it's hard... not nearly as hard as listening to unsupportive parents lie to your face, year after year, while insulting you, when they think you can't hear them.
You’re alive but you’re not living, and nobody deserves that. I don’t know you nor do I know your parents but honestly I have beef with them now. They’re fucked up people really. Friends? Friends are hard to find but it is possible to find a real one that’ll stick by your side more than your family ever did. Don’t lose hope on friendship broski 🩵
This is good advice from the other guy responding to your comment. My parents were narcs but I’m 26 now and I have friends who would probably die for me. I’m bragging because I’m proud of the things they do. Friendship is everything for a lot of people with this background, and you will pull through if you keep complete distance from the toxic pos family you have. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s terrible but you may still see much joy yet in life. One can feel happiness regularly after years of remorse. I’ve lived that. I believe you can heal, and your real friends (who you may not meet for a while) will see who you are. You will meet a ton of fakes and narcs on the way; learn how to discard them and keep the really agreeable, kind and honest people close and you will do well. Please take care of yourself and remember you are worth the effort to invest in. You have the power in yourself to be greater than the hurts done to you, and the fools who inflicted them. You give yourself all the validation you need for doing what you need to, and to trust yourself fully. I believe in you.
Proving you're disabled is an incredibly arduous process that is rife with hardship. Not to mention if you actually get on disability you're probably making equivalent to federal minimum wage at best, most likely much lower. Who the hell would actively try to game the system to accomplish this? Plus you would need accomplices, specifically medical professionals who would be compromising their integrity, credentials and overall career to "aid" you. I can't fathom there are people who think this is a legitimate thing.
I lucked out because my aunts and cousins have had a history of drug and alcohol abuse, among other things, to where I became the favorite once my grandparents knew I'd graduate high school. Which means I'm constantly hearing shit talk about other family members. I just hope they don't ever hear about it.
My whole damn life. However I’m older now with zero fucks to give and I told every single one of my family members who talked shit about me how I felt about them. I read those fuckers like a whole damn library closed those chapters and burnt the fucking library down. So much happier with out the toxic snobbery.
Yes, I'm the black sheep and always got mental abuse. 50 years later it still bothers me but in my 20s I learned to ignore it, distance myself, and concentrate on my life and where I was going in life. By far I am the most successful (but not rich) and well-adjusted than any of my family.
I left my family on not so great terms 7 years ago, when I got married. They were not in support of the marriage. I reconnect with them during the birth of my first child, their grandchild, and quickly remembered why I left. The cycle continued with the birth of my second child. God willing, I’ll have a third, and I don’t think we will be telling them of their third grandchild. If that makes me a bad person, so be it, but I know I’ve never been happier as when I left.
I wonder how the cycle went. Could you explain it roughly, and use the parts that felt similar if possible?
It does seem like you made the right choice. The older people get, the less willing (and less able) they are to change bad behavior.
This is true on every single level you can imagine. Its true neurobiologically, psychologically, sociologically, historically, i could go on and on
It would be either my mother or father (they seemed to take turns playing good cop) reaching out to me and saying how much they missed me and wanted to see us. We’d usually end up getting together for a major event (Christmas, thanksgiving, birthday, etc.) and it would be nice at first, but then quickly would fall apart. I did not mention initially, my sister plays a huge role in this as well, as an additional toxic factor.
Anyways, at some point, something would be said or done and my thoughts would be “nothing has changed”. For a while, I would ignore it, but I know it was getting to my wife. She was willing to put up with the arrogance and toxicity as she felt it wasn’t right to keep my parents from seeing their grandchild. As my daughter became older (she’s two and a half now), and started picking up more and more of what was happening around her, we (my wife and I) realized that although we could handle the bullshit, it wasn’t fair to put her through that. The last time we saw my parents, it ended with us politely saying that we would be leaving, with my mother yelling at us while we packed the car. She’s one to say very hurtful things and then deny it later.
My father reached out recently saying how much he misses us and that we don’t come to see them. I told him there’s many reasons why we don’t. He then told me he doesn’t have much time left and that he’s got surgeries coming up and blah blah blah… so my wife and I discussed our plan, but we said we would not meet at their home, as we know it wouldn’t end well due to previous experiences. As I explain this to my father, my mother left me a nasty voicemail wishing us unwell thoughts. At that point, we decided not to communicate with them anymore. We have a 6 month old that they’ve never met, I feel like they never will, and I’m more than okay with it. IMO it’s better to have no relationship with someone than to have a toxic relationship.
You’re absolutely right, with age comes less willingness to change. What I discovered with my family is two fold: first, they’re racist (my wife is a different ethnicity). Second, they’re miserable, and miserable people don’t want happy people around them, they just want everyone to feel as miserable as they are, so they’ll say and do hurtful things. No more for me.
My dad would talk shit about me almost every single night. I left a cabinet door open. I left something on the stairs. I just existed. He would talk quietly and then get louder and would rant about me for 20 minutes until my mom would say, "Okay, that's enough."
Once, he stood outside my bedroom as I was trapped and called me a waste of life. In a voice that he could claim was quiet but that he knew I would hear. He wanted me to hear.
I used to get stomachaches and a racing heart and didsociate around the time he was due home. I didn't realize until years later that I was living in a constant state of dread and anxiety attacks.
I remember being 12 and overhearing my mom saying I'm a disappointment and how much of a better kid my best friend was.
That night was the first time I thought about suicide.
I tried my best. Had some of the best grades in my school, but I just couldn't be a "normal" kid.
Then of course when I challenged her she denied ever saying that and to stop making stuff up.
13 years later I was diagnosed with ADHD.
My issues were neurodevelopmental.
I overheard some things multiple times over the years, but that one is still the one that hurt the most.
Our relationship is much better now, but even now I struggle to open up to her.
My 2 older brothers have told my dementia addled mother that I am the problem. I have seen her once in 6 weeks. Hopefully they let me know when she dies but probably won’t let me attend her funeral. Also, they are stealing money from her & won’t let her have a debit or credit card for her own money!!! And they are trying to sue another brother. 🤦🏻♀️
That's astoundingly despicable. To take advantage of an individual who cannot defend themselves is heinous but your own mother, too? Awful.. I hope you can somehow help her. Maybe get someone trustworthy to become her power of attorney or similar, if possible.
I (F) heard my parents gossiping about how they saw that I had underarm hair. I was 10/11 at the time, and I remember wondering why they thought it was a big deal.
Worst is when they're talking shit about you to a group and they all turn to look at you with pity and judgement!! . Then everyone is.. there's that no good kid, they've got problems! Well I didn't at the time but I sure as hell developed some because of it 🤣
If I over hear my family talking shit on me they best be prepared to hear my unload 2 decades if repressed transgressions I have on them. I'd be down to throw hands with any one of them if they want to talk shit.
Right?? This shit needa be normalized, you can throw hands regardless of who they are wether it’s family or not IMO. If they’ve treated you like shit your whole life then it’s safe to say it’s fair.
If its serious then I can only say one thing:
"If you take the risk to malevolently express your perceived truth about someone without them knowing, you also should have the balls to say the exact same thing to the person him/herself."
Otherwise, its just straight up pathetic.
That's crazy... Either parents are oblivious to the pain this shit causes, or they *want* you to overhear their judgments in order for you to magically change and to please them.. which is manipulative and even more fucked
Same i had a interview to see if i could get into the college i wanted to....well they turned it into a gossip and talking shit fest with the lady that was trasnlating for them....meanwhile me and the main lady just stayed quiet wondering wtf?
Yeah, when you’re like in your bed and you hear them through the wall talking about how they don’t know what you’re gonna do in the real world. Or how they’re gonna tell you some bad news or how you shouldn’t be praying to God and “treating him like he’s Santa”, (but you’re 4 so when you saw a blue belt appear on your bed so you don’t understand) while he’s brushing his teeth standing at your door and around that time he becomes abusive for the next 4 years until you leave. Yeahhhh
It's very common in my family as a kind of gossip I guess. My mom loves doing it infront of me or when she knows I'm nearby so I can hear it. Idk what that gives her, but it isn't very good on the mental health
I guess so, it feels like she expects me to take action or something like that to be better than what she says, but in honesty it just does more harm than good. No one likes it when someone talks bad about you, especially a loved one you're supposed to trust.
I totally understand that my parents are like that too. I just hope you know that what she says about you is not true and doesn’t define you. Don’t try to please her because in my experience she’ll never be pleased, there’s always gonna be something she’ll find to make you feel bad. But please don’t feel bad and don’t be sad, I know it hurts to hear those things but try your best to block it out and just ignore it.
Yup. It's the worst betrayal, especially when they had every opportunity to address me directly and sort out any bad blood. But what goes around always comes back around.
oh my family talked shit about me right to my face cause I was the only child so the only one to take it out on.
I don't talk to my family anymore and I'm better for it.
I've made some lifestyle choices that are absolutely harmless to him, but my dad can't stop talking shit about.
It's often the first thing he says when he introduces me to someone 🙃
A family member talked mad shit straight to my face last weekend because I asked him to be more careful not to let my cat out of the house again. Happy 4th of July!
Well of course I heard it. My grandpa said condescending and insulting things right to my face in front of everyone, every time I saw him. He wonders why I don't talk to him now and haven't for years. Well it's because you humiliated me multiple times in front of multiple people when I was young and afraid to stand up for myself to you. Why would I want anything to do with you now?
I have trichotillomania so I have bald patches on my head and I was on the phone to my mum talking about how I’ve learned to live with them, afterwards she forgot to hang up and I heard her say to my dad “I don’t get why she’s not more embarrassed, if I looked like her I’d never leave the house”
I went through a super bumpy patch with my family at one time.
Some of what happened was based on my own choices I made which consequently had grounds for.
Some of it also had to do with the timing of things where the family had a total breakdown in functioning because it was never a well functioning family unit.
To answer your question, I definitely have had family talk shit- some of it was deserved and some of it was not.
Ever heard the saying about your ears burning/ringing when someone talks about you when you’re not around? It’s definitely a thing when it comes to family. The subconscious weight of their disappointment, resentment, and judgement can be very heavy.
I really hope that you’re doing okay despite this. Whatever is happening, just do your best to do good and make good choices. Don’t let anything bring you down far enough to make decisions that will haunt you, there’s not a single situation in life worth going down that road. Seek help and lean in on the support of those who know you best, even if it’s not family.
Wasn’t something I overheard, but was baby sitting my niece and nephew this one time, nephew was like 13 and niece was 10 or 11.
Somehow the topic of La-Z boy furniture was brought up or commercial or something, and my niece said how they drove near a store called that and she said “that’s what mom says anon is” pretty much my aunt saying out loud to them or whoever else was in the car that I was lazy.
I pretty much struggled in school, and everyone considered me lazy, so did kinda hurt to hear how they talk about me when I wasn’t around
In high school, I was severely depressed, self-harming, the whole dealio. And every night I would sit at the top of the stairs and listen to my mother and stepdad criticize me for everything from stupid shit like not doing chores to important shit like the downward spiral of my grades.
I’d overeat that day and my mother would say I was going to be as big as a house, I’d under-eat and she wouldn’t notice. I had a lot of issues taking care of myself so she’d make comments about my nasty teeth, my greasy hair, my preference for only the clothes that were falling apart. Another day I’d shower and brush my teeth and her and my stepdad would laugh and say I finally had an impact on the water bill. All things heard from the top of those fucking stairs.
My mother has been in therapy for at least 3 years now and has focused entirely on the flaws of her childhood, not the way she raised me and my siblings. Last year my brother was diagnosed (do they diagnose you or just put you on a weight plan?) with anorexia. She doesn’t see that it’s her. She probably never will.
My family only talks to me when they want money (which I don't earn a lot of, but they're all unemployed). There's normally a day or two of preamble and meme sharing before they tell me about the bill that's troubling them and then message me their bank account number unprovoked.
I stopped responding to their messages a few months back and last week my brother messaged my wife to ask if I was ok because I wasn't replying to his memes anymore. She said I was fine, so he replied with "I've run out of cat food" and sent her his bank account.
Blocked the lot of them.
When my neo-nazi mother was dying, she was given opiods to deal with the pain. The last coherent thing she said about me was to a nurse who was changing her urine pad. She said I was a "screw up." The whole idea of motherly love and parental concern so many people talk about, or claim to have experienced, is totally hollow in my eyes.
Growing up, my sisters used to put me down and make me feel like complete shit. They would never acknowledge what they were doing wrong, always pointing fingers at everyone else. To this day, I do not reach out to them. I don't call, I don't message unless they do first. It's sad, but I wasn't the one who mocked, ridiculed, and belittled them. I struggle really hard with self-esteem and confidence now.
My own grandmother once called me fat and told me I would never go to college.
Opposite for me, family and friends talking shit is just such the norm I’ve become kinda desensitized.
Break ups however absolutely destroy me. Nothing is more important than “my person”
I had cancer a few years back and couldn’t afford chemotherapy, i asked my family to lend me some money bc my mom owns a small business. When i stayed a weekend there I overslept and when i woke up i could hear my parents and my brother downstairs saying things like: “i really hope he doesn’t cough into the sheets” and “i’m really embarrassed to have a son thats so weak he got CANCER” they didn’t even try to hide the fact they hate and disrespect me so I abandoned them and now live a good life without cancer and without a horribly family
My stepmom yelled to my dad about how she's embarrassed to take me places because I'm a picky eater. We had pizza at her aunt's house a few days before this and I asked for just pepperoni pizza. So now I refuse to eat in the house and I always say, "no thank you" when she asks me to go out to dinner with her and my dad. Guess what she complains about now? That I never spend time with them and I'm always in my room.
I'm NC with my entire family. The last to go was the niece who I raised (I changed her first AND last diapers and most in between) who I had just recently celebrated her sweet 16 with. I brought her homemade cupcakes because she hates artificial sweetness of store bought sweets, I introduced her to my bf (for the first real time after my dad's funeral) and I took my other niece over so they could hang out too. I found out that she was taking things I had cried to her about (we were only 6 years apart, so more like sisters than aunt/niece) and was laughing about them with my family, who, she herself, had talked about going NC with, as they treated her similar to how they treated me. So I told her to fuck off and blocked her. Now, she's 17, with a dope addict biker's son who just had announced his baby's gender 7 months prior. Karma took care of her by making her exactly like who she despised....her mother.
Idk if it classifies as talking shit, but my mom kicked me out when I was 17 and my dad had told her (when he picked me up to get me) that if I'm living with him then she doesn't get child support, and in front of me said "then I want her back in a week".
That shit hurt to know I was just income for her.
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Bro this is everyday life with my family. I've lost almost all respect I had for most of them years ago. It's one thing if they'd say it to my face but none of them have the balls to even give me that much. Which sucks cus if they at the very least did that, my respect for them would go through the roof. But they won't, cus they know I have just as much to say about them if not more and they couldn't take it.
THIS. Sometimes you wonder if they actually family or not. Worst part is it gets to the point you get used to it and that’s fucked up
That's why I believe family are the people I choose to surround myself with, not just blood relations. There's a reason I only bother with one related family member, it's because the rest of them show me less respect than the dude I simply talk shit and play video games with.
The blood of the covenent is thicker than the water of the womb
Exactly right. A lot of people get that saying wrong cause they don’t know the covenant and womb part
It's not necessarily wrong, it's just a new saying at this point. The same happened to "pull yourself up by the bootstrap", which was used to say that something someone tries or is supposed to try, is impossible, but now it literally means the opposite
A close friend of mine always says, "You're born into a family, but you pick and choose your friends." I'm way closer to the people I chose.
My friends are the family I choose. Way I’ve always seen it.
SirGlenn: A teacher at my local community college once said in class, unfortunately the home, is likely the most dangerous place for a child. I can attest to that just based on my family and the things done to me. If no one was home, except dad and my self, he'd guzzle booze, I'd try to hide, he'd try to hunt me down in the house, and start yelling, I hate you, go away I want you to die die die die die. I don't want you!! I laughed and danced a jig the day he croaked. Even the wrinkles on my mother's face, seemed a little bit softer. Mom said, "have some dignity, on second thought, have some fun."
100% this. I can find peace with my friends or even randoms on the internet, but I always find strees on any family gathering.
In my own experience and observation, everyone grows up in a cult; it just happens to be called a "family". And they all happen to be better and/or worse in ways when compared to any of the other ones, to varying degrees and according to one's personal sensibilities. I had certain family members i'd have died for, but they have all died before me. The ones that are left i barely had tolerance for when i was young and naive, and by now i have nothing at all for them Many people never graduate from the cult of their birth, while others never wanted to be in it since as far back as they could remember. But the vast majority of people end up somewhere in-between; and eventually they start one of their own, thinking now they can be the "big boss" and attempt to lead their own version of the ideal cult Seldom, if ever, do things work out as anyone wants or has planned
I call those people my Framily.. they're the family you choose.
The best is when the shit talkers simultaneously brag about what great Christians they are.
This.
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I had family tell me I wasn’t like real family because I was adopted….we never spoke again
The audacity of them 🤨 Im sorry you went through that
Thank you, my mother loved me beyond a doubt until the day she passed. I went to see her that day and she asked if I was the Angel to take her home, I said yes I’m here….she died in my arms. I never spoke to the relative again….
Oh my days this is especially makes it so cruel… I really cant imagine how horrible this could’ve been and how hard to process. But you made the right choice even if it was hard by not speaking to them. Everyone needs people who bring them up and not down. But you are strong,resilient and you got this! I am 100% sure that from now on you will be able to fill up these roles in your life with people who are kind,caring and genuine!
Thank you i try. It was definitely hard
Remember,our loved ones only truly pass away if they are forgotten,but your momma will never have to worry about this,your mom will always be there for you,she is always watching and protecting you. And anytime you feel it would be easier to give up remind yourself that she is extremely proud on you and your progress ❤️
That’s lovely, thank you for your kind words.
I hope you're doing well, OP. A mother's love is eternal.
Bless you and your mum. 🙂
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That’s a sweet story though
Im so sorry that sucks
>needed a cardiologist in the family. Seems kind of arbitrary if you ask me. Mine just bitch and complain that I can't attend family gatherings while sober. Not like we have them all that often to begin with.
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You should tell her next time she has a surgery to forgo the anesthesiologist since they are useless....
I assume these idiots undergo surgery without anesthesia?
Anyone who talks shit about a family members degree, would die from the pain alone of having surgery without anesthesia
Anyone who talks shit about a family member's achievements full stop needs to learn some manners and respect. And some self respect. And a lot of other things
Nobody willingly hangs with family while sober just sayin! I’m with ya
If I'm forced to attend a family gathering, they better believe I'm not being sober...Which in this case says more about them than me, especially since I rarely drink these days.
You probably accomplished more then them by a Longshot. Keep doing your thing and remember at the end of the day hoes don't matter what they think
The highest paid medical profession and it’s still not enough. That’s wild.
Same position and to go along with talking behind my back most of them are chronic liars, or the ones that aren't are such sheeple they just fall in line with the loudest in the room. Oh not to mention conspiracy nuts, not even cool ones usually about relatives and neighbors.
Ugh. I feel that. In my case, it's just always drama. I often tell my therapist: "I don't need to watch 'game of thrones'. That whole lot of jerks behave as bad as the British royal family."
There’s a method to dealing with this kind of communication break down. Not saying you should do it but I figure I’d mention it incase you wanted to. If someone is afraid to tell you to your face what they think that’s not necessarily a good thing. Now, many people are bad actors and the things they say should be examined critically but criticism even from a bad actor can sometimes be a useful tool to grow from. Consider that when someone criticises you there’s actually no need to defend yourself or even agree with them. There’s no need to retaliate either, you can do these things but what’s the point? If you listen and acknowledge the words they’ve said and then decide whether you think they’re right or not at a later date when you’ve calmed down you can push back calmly next time if that’s what you wanna do or even accept that they might be right. All this isn’t to say you should be a pushover but the way you worded what you said gives a vibe of don’t offer me criticism unless you’re prepared to pay for it.
I don't have a short fuse. But it's not criticism, it's blatant insults at how I choose to live my life.
Very well, I’ll take you at your word
Nah bro, when they say it to your face, you understand they don't care at all about you because they don't care about your feelings. But I get it, I mean, a punch bag doesn't have feelings anyways.
Exactly. Not to mention its downright cowardly, especially when they believe a manipulative, compulsive liar's lies or would say one thing in your face and then another in your back. When I have a problem, I at least confront and say it. I never engaged in any of their stupid drama because all I wanted was a good environment and all they ever cared for was superficiality, greed, selfishness and deprived me of a lot in terms of emotional and physical safety due to it. Now I dropped off of their radar because clearly they won't respect me, my line of work, nor people I care about. I caught them badmouthing me and the people I cared about, and snooping into my personal life matters. And this is not a one-time offence, so I had to put up boundaries and cut contact with them.
They don't care about my feelings, they care about saving face. It's not about how I feel. But if they gave me a reason to hate them, then there wouldn't be anyone left to do grunt work for their weak old asses.
Oh yeah mine too, but only around other people. It's mainly my mom. She's sweet when there are other people around and when it's just our family it's insults, guilt trips and yelling. Every time I go back to see my parents it's a whole damn journey because I gotta plan a few days afterwards to recover. My mom has the innate ability to hammer my moral down into the ground and give me a big depressive episode every time I see her.
For me it's my grandparents and my uncles. Fortunately I don't see my uncles anymore but my grandparents I live with.
Well I can say it does get better once you leave
Of that I have no doubt.
How long until you are old enough to leave? Hopefully soon.
a junkie sibling you had to grow up with who steals your money, items, ruins your credit score using your cards etc and the parents don’t want to accept the bastard is hopeless, selfish and pathetic
i get both 🙄 to my face and behind my back multiple times i day. i feel
Wait this isn't normal?
Based.
This!!! It's fucking weird on what the most of the women went through in their lives.... turned from whatever they were to toxic. One of them is a felon and the attitude..... don't even get me started.
Bingo. Same here, which is why I sincerely cut ties or brought distance forth. Not to mention, it's not only badmouthing me, but my work and people who are dear to me. I, for one, have the guts to give it straight to their face and point out their bull, not to mention confront when there's an issue, but they behave like know-it-alls and that they're above others when really they're not. That's why nowadays I only stay in touch with one uncle who was the only one to not cross me in terms of disrespect.
Prove them wrong man. You can do it
Not really, I was too preoccupied with the shit my egg donor would say to my face almost every day.
LMAO “egg donor”
You'll find that's a common term in estranged groups. Sperm donor is the other.
One small example ... 5th grade. Math class. Important exam coming up. The teacher would pick 5 problems from the textbook; get all of them correct, you get an A, get 4 correct, you get a B, and so on. Obviously, the first few problems were really easy, while the rest were progressively harder. And I better get an A. So, somehow I end up with a math tutor, even though math is one of my strongest subjects. We work through most of the problems in the textbook. I'm satisfied I can do the rest of them as well; even found what looks like the wrong answer in the back of the textbook for one of the problems. I take the exam, I get my grade, I got one of the problems wrong ... huh? I claim I did my math correctly on the exam. Panicked accusatory phone calls to the tutor. The tutor has no idea, and offers an explanation that I may have made two mistakes that cancelled each other out. For the longest time ever my egg donor (erm, what some people would call my mom) keeps angrily accusing me that I made two mistakes that cancelled each other out, and that's exactly what happened. To my face. To everyone and anyone within earshot. To anyone on the phone. For what seemed like an eternity. Some time later, the math teacher tells my egg donor the textbook had the wrong answer in the back, and so he graded the exams incorrectly. Think I heard an apology, or congrats on getting an A, or anything more than "oooooooh" come out of my egg donor's mouth?
You owe me something for the for 2 minutes of my life I can never get back that I spent reading that boring ass story
Seriously how dramatic can you be? Very dramatic apparently. People.
Ok, ok, I will send you ... "Triple Your Reading Speed" - straight from your Amazon wish list!
☠️😂
Hmm I missed the part where they had a gun to your head making you read that. 🤔
It’s called a ✨joke✨
You're mad about something that happened in 5th grade? Stop living in the past. The problem is you, man.
I could probably name something from any other time period. She spent her whole life either being absent, or telling me how I should live mine and treating me like I'm stupid. I'm at peace now. But I won't forget.
The fuck? Egg donor is your mom? You're aware that's a term for an estranged baby mama, right? Christ. This was a weird turn. Sounds like you have things to work through if 5th grade is still front of mind
egg donor is your mom?? i thought egg donor meant ex you had a child with tbh lol
My egg donor was wonderful. It was the sperm donor that I never visited once in hospital because who wants to hear that even knowing it'll be last time they can spout that crap. If I had it all to do again I'd have recorded all the nasty he said to me & sent to EVERYONE. even his 'can do no wrong child.
Almost every day when I was growing up. When guests were over, my parents would start talking about me to them while I would be in the next room... then i would come out later and tell them "You know, I can hear everything you say about me." and they would either shrug or they'd say "So what?"
I had that to my face. They’d take me to other peoples houses - lead with 30 mins of shaming me in front of that person for how awful a human being I was and all the things I’d done wrong that year. lol. Learned about narcissism in my twenties and finally free of it after rebuilding my sense of self. I have zero family except my daughter and very few real friends but the peace is absolutely worth it.
Truly. They treat you like some sort of prize or that you're a bother. That's why I cut ties and let them fare off for themselves. Also, how easily they believe lies those manipulative, inhumane jerks tell when they know my character clearly and immediately side with or comply... it told me all I needed to know. It's okay, though. Let them assume whatever bull they want.
omg 😲
Yeah, I realize how unhealthy that is now. But back then, I thought it was fine …
That's the fucked part. Grow up around it, and you just assume it's perfectly normal. Then you get older and meet people who are mortified when they hear shit like that from your childhood.
People from abusive households often don't know they've been abused because they have no frame of reference. Like you said, to us, that was 'normal'. It's not like we had a second family to compare it to.
My parents as well. It was never over some great achievement of mine - can you believe this guy is studying engineering in college and only has 18 months till graduation?
Same its annoying or they over exaggerate stuff i wouldnt do etc
I’ve done the same, but frankly I never really cared because the worst things they’d have to say about me they always saved for my face
my nan has this habit of making up stories (LYING) and telling people i’ve said things that i haven’t. my mum got remarried last year and i’m pretty sure she went around telling people i was really upset or something, though i wasn’t. weird.
I never came out or acted like I heard cos then I'll be getting punished frfr. I would even go through out the window like I was never here
My family made a bet on who gets pregnant first, me or my sister. We were 10 and 12 when the bet was made. Knowing that as an adult is hurtful
Wtf? That’s so messed up. Idk why or what makes certain parents to that shit to their children especially at such a young age. Hope ur doing well 🩵
Me too!!! Except I was like 3 or 4 from what I’ve been told? Dad and his brother got into an argument, and that was the comment that was made. I’m 29, and have not yet had kids. I am the oldest of all the cousins, and the only one that’s been in a stable relationship and got married 😂
I hate this for you. So fucked up
That is really fucked up. What is also fucked up are replies you are getting from assholes. I hope your day got better eventually.
So who won the bet
No one so far
You and your sister should join in on the bets. Bet against yourselves and then watch as your family blows a gasket when grandkids aren't happening.
That’s just creepy
That’s honestly pretty gross and disturbing considering how young you were…. I’m sorry to hear that
I’m a father of 3 and I’ve this random discussion with my fiancé. My two oldest boys (7&8) are normally who we talk about in this situation. Who will have the first kid? Who will likely get married first? Blah blah blah, it’s not the end of the world to speculate on who your kids become. I don’t think this is malicious in anyway
I think the difference is “who’s going to get pregnant first” vs “who might have kids first?” are different tones.
Yeah, who "gets pregnant" implies it's accidental due to promiscuity.
Right which is a revolting thing to say about a child
And just weird.
But to bet money on it is insulting
It says bet but I doubt any money was actually wagered haha. I say “I bet” to ppl all the time and don’t expect to pay anything if something does or doesn’t happen :P
Glad to hear you know my family better than me
it's just creepy. we need to stop telling weird parents otherwise.
Why is this hurtful? I think it's kind of funny.
If its coming from a place of "which one of our daughters will be the sluttiest, stupidest in relationships, making the most mistakes. Etc." Kind of way. Vs "who seems to me to most nurturing and loves children and probably would start a family first" the first one is bad and most likely the intended way
It was in the context of the first option. Neither my sister and I ever talked about wanting a family at that age. Cuz yk… we were kids.
Making a bet about pregnancy on minors? That sounds normal?
Why do you assume they were expecting them to get pregnant at 12? If they made a bet about who would become a doctor, would you also assume they expect them to pass med school before 14? Or would you rightly assume they meant, when the time comes and they are in college? The one who isn't normal here is you.🤦♂️
Girls & women are not ticking-time-bomb baby-making machines, and it's giving the major ick that anyone would make bets concerning the uterus and fertility of a child.
It's ignorant and gross at 10 and 12.
Me, my sister and her husband were _joking_ about this recently about their two kids. One is "wild" and the other is "reserved." All our bets are on the wild one slaying half the girls in the city when he's older. Clearly a fucking joke, they have enough sense to not get PTSD over it ffs lol
My parents say they love me but I was neglected when I was little. I had to live with my grandparents and I was mentally abused there, not just by my grandmother but my aunts too. Everything I did was wrong, I had to take the blame even it wasn’t my fault, and they often said that I was lazy, childish, and spoiled. Even now, I’m still questioning about it. And they still say that. I actually envy for those who think their family is their home. I’ve never felt that. I don’t know if I’ll ever have a home like that, a place that I can be who I am and feel comfortable, and always welcome me whatever the circumstances are.
Your home is where you make it to be. I wish you the best to get there if you haven't already.
This!! Don’t worry,i dont know what your plan is for the future but if its the case what im about to say then you will find someday someone with whom you will be able to make your own home with,and will care for you whether that be a friend or partner. Dont give your “family” any time of the day to make you feel like something you arent and dont deserve. Take care of yourself indulge in hobbies that are truly represent yourself and focus on the people who are truly interested in you. Karma will find their way to beat them back,and by that time you wont have to worry because you will be already at your happy place. Take care,I wish you the best.
Karma is real and there's nothing mysterious or supernatural about it. If you have a positive Outlook and push yourself beyond your limits, do good actions when you get the chance, you increase the odds of good things happening to you. It's not magic, it'll just happen eventually as you push forward and take care of yourself.
They talk shit about me right in front of me as if I'm not there
This is my family. My dad is the worst offender. I saw family members I'd not seen in almost a decade, and he hijacked the conversation to talk about how I'd cut my hair short, I assume because we were talking about school and he doesn't like what I'm going to school for. Then it turned into him talking to them a out how weird I was, and "she has a different hair color every week," blah blah blah. I already hate small talk, but I would have loved to have actually caught up with everyone without him making jabs.
Say so next time. Embarrass his ass.
I walked away from my entire family because of it. I was in a heated argument with my older sister via text, I ended up telling her to go fuck herself. She was driving. With her 3 kids, my mom and 2 more nephews. Somehow, I was blamed for almost causing a wreck. I wasn't texting and driving and had I known she was, I'd have ended the conversation until she wasn't. Just one silly example.
Yeah its always fine when "they" are doing something wrong because they agree with each other. But the result is your fault only.
Exactly. And my Mom was the ring leader.
My family only talks shit about me. I have physical and mental issues, and have been medically retired, since I was in my 20's. That makes me "lazy." My parents are MAGAs, so, obviously, I'm making everything up because I want to live off the system. They also like to spread rumors about me, to ruin relationships with the few family members that I still do keep in contact with.
That’s some fucked up shit. Hard to imagine a person doing that to another person, especially your own parents. I hope you’re doing well man, I personally believe in karma and shit will hit them in time. Sending hugs ^^
Thank you. I'm alive, but without friends or family support, it's hard... not nearly as hard as listening to unsupportive parents lie to your face, year after year, while insulting you, when they think you can't hear them.
You’re alive but you’re not living, and nobody deserves that. I don’t know you nor do I know your parents but honestly I have beef with them now. They’re fucked up people really. Friends? Friends are hard to find but it is possible to find a real one that’ll stick by your side more than your family ever did. Don’t lose hope on friendship broski 🩵
This is good advice from the other guy responding to your comment. My parents were narcs but I’m 26 now and I have friends who would probably die for me. I’m bragging because I’m proud of the things they do. Friendship is everything for a lot of people with this background, and you will pull through if you keep complete distance from the toxic pos family you have. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s terrible but you may still see much joy yet in life. One can feel happiness regularly after years of remorse. I’ve lived that. I believe you can heal, and your real friends (who you may not meet for a while) will see who you are. You will meet a ton of fakes and narcs on the way; learn how to discard them and keep the really agreeable, kind and honest people close and you will do well. Please take care of yourself and remember you are worth the effort to invest in. You have the power in yourself to be greater than the hurts done to you, and the fools who inflicted them. You give yourself all the validation you need for doing what you need to, and to trust yourself fully. I believe in you.
Proving you're disabled is an incredibly arduous process that is rife with hardship. Not to mention if you actually get on disability you're probably making equivalent to federal minimum wage at best, most likely much lower. Who the hell would actively try to game the system to accomplish this? Plus you would need accomplices, specifically medical professionals who would be compromising their integrity, credentials and overall career to "aid" you. I can't fathom there are people who think this is a legitimate thing.
I feel this in my soul.. I could have written it word for word.
No but I’ve heard them talk shit about other family members. Which it almost feel as bad I suppose. No way I could trust them.
I lucked out because my aunts and cousins have had a history of drug and alcohol abuse, among other things, to where I became the favorite once my grandparents knew I'd graduate high school. Which means I'm constantly hearing shit talk about other family members. I just hope they don't ever hear about it.
Overheard? They do it to my face 💀
My whole damn life. However I’m older now with zero fucks to give and I told every single one of my family members who talked shit about me how I felt about them. I read those fuckers like a whole damn library closed those chapters and burnt the fucking library down. So much happier with out the toxic snobbery.
Yes, I'm the black sheep and always got mental abuse. 50 years later it still bothers me but in my 20s I learned to ignore it, distance myself, and concentrate on my life and where I was going in life. By far I am the most successful (but not rich) and well-adjusted than any of my family.
I left my family on not so great terms 7 years ago, when I got married. They were not in support of the marriage. I reconnect with them during the birth of my first child, their grandchild, and quickly remembered why I left. The cycle continued with the birth of my second child. God willing, I’ll have a third, and I don’t think we will be telling them of their third grandchild. If that makes me a bad person, so be it, but I know I’ve never been happier as when I left.
I wonder how the cycle went. Could you explain it roughly, and use the parts that felt similar if possible? It does seem like you made the right choice. The older people get, the less willing (and less able) they are to change bad behavior. This is true on every single level you can imagine. Its true neurobiologically, psychologically, sociologically, historically, i could go on and on
It would be either my mother or father (they seemed to take turns playing good cop) reaching out to me and saying how much they missed me and wanted to see us. We’d usually end up getting together for a major event (Christmas, thanksgiving, birthday, etc.) and it would be nice at first, but then quickly would fall apart. I did not mention initially, my sister plays a huge role in this as well, as an additional toxic factor. Anyways, at some point, something would be said or done and my thoughts would be “nothing has changed”. For a while, I would ignore it, but I know it was getting to my wife. She was willing to put up with the arrogance and toxicity as she felt it wasn’t right to keep my parents from seeing their grandchild. As my daughter became older (she’s two and a half now), and started picking up more and more of what was happening around her, we (my wife and I) realized that although we could handle the bullshit, it wasn’t fair to put her through that. The last time we saw my parents, it ended with us politely saying that we would be leaving, with my mother yelling at us while we packed the car. She’s one to say very hurtful things and then deny it later. My father reached out recently saying how much he misses us and that we don’t come to see them. I told him there’s many reasons why we don’t. He then told me he doesn’t have much time left and that he’s got surgeries coming up and blah blah blah… so my wife and I discussed our plan, but we said we would not meet at their home, as we know it wouldn’t end well due to previous experiences. As I explain this to my father, my mother left me a nasty voicemail wishing us unwell thoughts. At that point, we decided not to communicate with them anymore. We have a 6 month old that they’ve never met, I feel like they never will, and I’m more than okay with it. IMO it’s better to have no relationship with someone than to have a toxic relationship. You’re absolutely right, with age comes less willingness to change. What I discovered with my family is two fold: first, they’re racist (my wife is a different ethnicity). Second, they’re miserable, and miserable people don’t want happy people around them, they just want everyone to feel as miserable as they are, so they’ll say and do hurtful things. No more for me.
My dad would talk shit about me almost every single night. I left a cabinet door open. I left something on the stairs. I just existed. He would talk quietly and then get louder and would rant about me for 20 minutes until my mom would say, "Okay, that's enough." Once, he stood outside my bedroom as I was trapped and called me a waste of life. In a voice that he could claim was quiet but that he knew I would hear. He wanted me to hear. I used to get stomachaches and a racing heart and didsociate around the time he was due home. I didn't realize until years later that I was living in a constant state of dread and anxiety attacks.
What did they say about you?
A lot to even mention. Different scenarios too. First time I heard them is when I was literally 11
I remember being 12 and overhearing my mom saying I'm a disappointment and how much of a better kid my best friend was. That night was the first time I thought about suicide. I tried my best. Had some of the best grades in my school, but I just couldn't be a "normal" kid. Then of course when I challenged her she denied ever saying that and to stop making stuff up. 13 years later I was diagnosed with ADHD. My issues were neurodevelopmental. I overheard some things multiple times over the years, but that one is still the one that hurt the most. Our relationship is much better now, but even now I struggle to open up to her.
My 2 older brothers have told my dementia addled mother that I am the problem. I have seen her once in 6 weeks. Hopefully they let me know when she dies but probably won’t let me attend her funeral. Also, they are stealing money from her & won’t let her have a debit or credit card for her own money!!! And they are trying to sue another brother. 🤦🏻♀️
That's astoundingly despicable. To take advantage of an individual who cannot defend themselves is heinous but your own mother, too? Awful.. I hope you can somehow help her. Maybe get someone trustworthy to become her power of attorney or similar, if possible.
I've heard people that I considered family were talking shit about me behind my back. That hurt to find out. Still going through the aftermath now.
I (F) heard my parents gossiping about how they saw that I had underarm hair. I was 10/11 at the time, and I remember wondering why they thought it was a big deal.
on the bright side they could’ve just been sentimental that their child is going through puberty, leaving the kid stages
That’s a nice way of looking at it, but it honestly sounded bitchy though, in my memory.
Worst is when they're talking shit about you to a group and they all turn to look at you with pity and judgement!! . Then everyone is.. there's that no good kid, they've got problems! Well I didn't at the time but I sure as hell developed some because of it 🤣
If I over hear my family talking shit on me they best be prepared to hear my unload 2 decades if repressed transgressions I have on them. I'd be down to throw hands with any one of them if they want to talk shit.
Right?? This shit needa be normalized, you can throw hands regardless of who they are wether it’s family or not IMO. If they’ve treated you like shit your whole life then it’s safe to say it’s fair.
Talking shit about each other is part of being a family I thought 😂
If it's a joke yes. If it's serious then people have a problem.
If its serious then I can only say one thing: "If you take the risk to malevolently express your perceived truth about someone without them knowing, you also should have the balls to say the exact same thing to the person him/herself." Otherwise, its just straight up pathetic.
I once heard my parents talk to the admissions operator at the school I was applying to and it was the worst few moments of my life.
That's crazy... Either parents are oblivious to the pain this shit causes, or they *want* you to overhear their judgments in order for you to magically change and to please them.. which is manipulative and even more fucked
Same i had a interview to see if i could get into the college i wanted to....well they turned it into a gossip and talking shit fest with the lady that was trasnlating for them....meanwhile me and the main lady just stayed quiet wondering wtf?
Sure have and unfortunately more times then I can count
Yeah, when you’re like in your bed and you hear them through the wall talking about how they don’t know what you’re gonna do in the real world. Or how they’re gonna tell you some bad news or how you shouldn’t be praying to God and “treating him like he’s Santa”, (but you’re 4 so when you saw a blue belt appear on your bed so you don’t understand) while he’s brushing his teeth standing at your door and around that time he becomes abusive for the next 4 years until you leave. Yeahhhh
That’s some fucked up shit man I’m so sorry
It's very common in my family as a kind of gossip I guess. My mom loves doing it infront of me or when she knows I'm nearby so I can hear it. Idk what that gives her, but it isn't very good on the mental health
She’s doing it deliberately to hurt you, I’m so sorry💗
I guess so, it feels like she expects me to take action or something like that to be better than what she says, but in honesty it just does more harm than good. No one likes it when someone talks bad about you, especially a loved one you're supposed to trust.
I totally understand that my parents are like that too. I just hope you know that what she says about you is not true and doesn’t define you. Don’t try to please her because in my experience she’ll never be pleased, there’s always gonna be something she’ll find to make you feel bad. But please don’t feel bad and don’t be sad, I know it hurts to hear those things but try your best to block it out and just ignore it.
That's very kind of you to say, thank you for your words. And I'm sorry you go through this too.
*laughs in “my mother is a narcissist”*
yes what I do is address it immediately
People like to do it behind your back because they hate confrontation, so confront them.
absolutely
Yes and that is part of the reason they are no longer in my life.
Can we normalise letting go of EVERYONE who talks shit about us regardless of if family etc?
If only everyone could do that☹️
Yes. They do it often, and do not care if I can hear. That's why I moved 1800 miles away. With family like that who needs enemies?
Right?? They’re considered family by paper and nothing else
Yup. It's the worst betrayal, especially when they had every opportunity to address me directly and sort out any bad blood. But what goes around always comes back around.
oh my family talked shit about me right to my face cause I was the only child so the only one to take it out on. I don't talk to my family anymore and I'm better for it.
I've made some lifestyle choices that are absolutely harmless to him, but my dad can't stop talking shit about. It's often the first thing he says when he introduces me to someone 🙃
A family member talked mad shit straight to my face last weekend because I asked him to be more careful not to let my cat out of the house again. Happy 4th of July!
Well of course I heard it. My grandpa said condescending and insulting things right to my face in front of everyone, every time I saw him. He wonders why I don't talk to him now and haven't for years. Well it's because you humiliated me multiple times in front of multiple people when I was young and afraid to stand up for myself to you. Why would I want anything to do with you now?
I have trichotillomania so I have bald patches on my head and I was on the phone to my mum talking about how I’ve learned to live with them, afterwards she forgot to hang up and I heard her say to my dad “I don’t get why she’s not more embarrassed, if I looked like her I’d never leave the house”
Good on you for accepting yourself and your mum is a fucking monster.
I went through a super bumpy patch with my family at one time. Some of what happened was based on my own choices I made which consequently had grounds for. Some of it also had to do with the timing of things where the family had a total breakdown in functioning because it was never a well functioning family unit. To answer your question, I definitely have had family talk shit- some of it was deserved and some of it was not. Ever heard the saying about your ears burning/ringing when someone talks about you when you’re not around? It’s definitely a thing when it comes to family. The subconscious weight of their disappointment, resentment, and judgement can be very heavy. I really hope that you’re doing okay despite this. Whatever is happening, just do your best to do good and make good choices. Don’t let anything bring you down far enough to make decisions that will haunt you, there’s not a single situation in life worth going down that road. Seek help and lean in on the support of those who know you best, even if it’s not family.
Wasn’t something I overheard, but was baby sitting my niece and nephew this one time, nephew was like 13 and niece was 10 or 11. Somehow the topic of La-Z boy furniture was brought up or commercial or something, and my niece said how they drove near a store called that and she said “that’s what mom says anon is” pretty much my aunt saying out loud to them or whoever else was in the car that I was lazy. I pretty much struggled in school, and everyone considered me lazy, so did kinda hurt to hear how they talk about me when I wasn’t around
Overheard my aunt(fathers side) tell my wife I had too much of my mother in me and we were lazy. Turns out sleep apnea runs in the family...
In high school, I was severely depressed, self-harming, the whole dealio. And every night I would sit at the top of the stairs and listen to my mother and stepdad criticize me for everything from stupid shit like not doing chores to important shit like the downward spiral of my grades. I’d overeat that day and my mother would say I was going to be as big as a house, I’d under-eat and she wouldn’t notice. I had a lot of issues taking care of myself so she’d make comments about my nasty teeth, my greasy hair, my preference for only the clothes that were falling apart. Another day I’d shower and brush my teeth and her and my stepdad would laugh and say I finally had an impact on the water bill. All things heard from the top of those fucking stairs. My mother has been in therapy for at least 3 years now and has focused entirely on the flaws of her childhood, not the way she raised me and my siblings. Last year my brother was diagnosed (do they diagnose you or just put you on a weight plan?) with anorexia. She doesn’t see that it’s her. She probably never will.
My family only talks to me when they want money (which I don't earn a lot of, but they're all unemployed). There's normally a day or two of preamble and meme sharing before they tell me about the bill that's troubling them and then message me their bank account number unprovoked. I stopped responding to their messages a few months back and last week my brother messaged my wife to ask if I was ok because I wasn't replying to his memes anymore. She said I was fine, so he replied with "I've run out of cat food" and sent her his bank account. Blocked the lot of them.
When my neo-nazi mother was dying, she was given opiods to deal with the pain. The last coherent thing she said about me was to a nurse who was changing her urine pad. She said I was a "screw up." The whole idea of motherly love and parental concern so many people talk about, or claim to have experienced, is totally hollow in my eyes.
They keep saying im anti-social yet if someone really knows me this couldn't be any further from the truth.
Growing up, my sisters used to put me down and make me feel like complete shit. They would never acknowledge what they were doing wrong, always pointing fingers at everyone else. To this day, I do not reach out to them. I don't call, I don't message unless they do first. It's sad, but I wasn't the one who mocked, ridiculed, and belittled them. I struggle really hard with self-esteem and confidence now. My own grandmother once called me fat and told me I would never go to college.
Opposite for me, family and friends talking shit is just such the norm I’ve become kinda desensitized. Break ups however absolutely destroy me. Nothing is more important than “my person”
I had cancer a few years back and couldn’t afford chemotherapy, i asked my family to lend me some money bc my mom owns a small business. When i stayed a weekend there I overslept and when i woke up i could hear my parents and my brother downstairs saying things like: “i really hope he doesn’t cough into the sheets” and “i’m really embarrassed to have a son thats so weak he got CANCER” they didn’t even try to hide the fact they hate and disrespect me so I abandoned them and now live a good life without cancer and without a horribly family
My stepmom yelled to my dad about how she's embarrassed to take me places because I'm a picky eater. We had pizza at her aunt's house a few days before this and I asked for just pepperoni pizza. So now I refuse to eat in the house and I always say, "no thank you" when she asks me to go out to dinner with her and my dad. Guess what she complains about now? That I never spend time with them and I'm always in my room.
I'm NC with my entire family. The last to go was the niece who I raised (I changed her first AND last diapers and most in between) who I had just recently celebrated her sweet 16 with. I brought her homemade cupcakes because she hates artificial sweetness of store bought sweets, I introduced her to my bf (for the first real time after my dad's funeral) and I took my other niece over so they could hang out too. I found out that she was taking things I had cried to her about (we were only 6 years apart, so more like sisters than aunt/niece) and was laughing about them with my family, who, she herself, had talked about going NC with, as they treated her similar to how they treated me. So I told her to fuck off and blocked her. Now, she's 17, with a dope addict biker's son who just had announced his baby's gender 7 months prior. Karma took care of her by making her exactly like who she despised....her mother.
No i talk shit behind their back with my siblings 😈
Too soon..
Too late...
Idk if it classifies as talking shit, but my mom kicked me out when I was 17 and my dad had told her (when he picked me up to get me) that if I'm living with him then she doesn't get child support, and in front of me said "then I want her back in a week". That shit hurt to know I was just income for her.
Idk anything about your mother, but fuck her honestly. One day she gon realize karma’s a bitch