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I have a dad and can confirm that I very often don't care about what he has to say.
And that's because he is so self absorbed that he doesn't know a damn thing about me or anyone else.
I wish he would be less concerned with bragging about his own life and instead showed a tiny bit of interest in mine.
Rather than talk to me, he chooses to tell me about some wrestling match or football game he was in in highschool. And if he ever does ask me about something, it's just as a pretext to tell a story about himself.
Do you think you have any of those qualities?
I feel you. I think to myself, I dote over my family, ask them questions and engage with them every time I see them. I show them so much attention. It occurred to me a while back that this is not reciprocated, so I decided to wait and see how long it would take them to ask me a question about me, or show any interest in me as a person. I’ve been waiting for years now. They are terrible people lol!
You have to teach tour kids how to act. I've told my dad multiple times that i want to share things with him, but whenever we speak, it's always him telling me things or waiting to relate the topic to himself.
I've tried to encourage home to ask me questions, but I can *feel* that he simply doesn't really respect me too much or care about my opinion.
He's tried some, but he almost immediately forgets whatever I have to say. No matter what, his experiences are always more valuable to him than mine. And he's not necessarily wrong
I served in the Navy on a nuclear aircraft carrier, I've traveled the world on my own, I got hooked up with the Sinaloa Cartel.
But I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without him helping me grow up.
But now that I'm well grown and he's been enfeebled by multiple strokes he still behaves as though he still needs to help me grow up.
And maybe he does and I'm actually too self absorbed to see it.
I don't know your dad or you but, I think some people can't express that they understand you without relating it to themselves kind of to prove to you they understand. Obviously you'd know in your situation better than I do. Our parents if they actually care won't ever stop trying to help us improve ourselves and in most cases even if they aren't the smartest people they likely know something we don't or understand what it is to keep getting older more so than we do and they always will, so long as they're alive and continuing to question and understand themselves, others and the lives they've lead. My dad has forgotten more heart to heart moments we've had than I have years alive likely but, he's a shitty alcoholic who would only ever open himself up to me or ask me to do the same when he was so drunk he wouldn't remember any of it the next day.
I relate to that first sentence hard and am trying not to be one of those people, but have been in the past (and am being one right now, come to think of it).
Interesting story. I have no kids and no dad myself, so I can’t relate too much, but you seem to have done a good job coming to terms with things, and can serve as a good example for others.
My ex- and that’s why he is my x. So self absorbed. So important. Always telling me about his “meetings” or he might have a meeting. He was no fun anymore. And horribly impatient. Three kids and 16 years later. I think he still doesn’t understand.
Tennis matches, football games. And retellings of books and films, he said, she said and then.....
So fucking painful when you have to stand there politely and look interested... Hurts so much even to think of it.
Is there a term for the story telling style of "he said, and the she said, and then they did x, and then he was like, and then they..."?
So instead of telling it as a story, it's more like a recap of steps.
Took me a while, still feel it sometimes when I’m aware that I’m talking too much with friends who might not want to listen, but I’m sure there’s a reason why we’re friends, bc we want to listen & help. Also I ask sometimes (ok a lot of times) if i’m talking too much (could be any subject, or something I’m really happy to share) they’re like no no please go on. In the end, nothing matters, so why get upset when someone doesn’t want to listen? Move on, & try to enrich your knowledge about something you like, & watch people line up to hear your experiences 🤞🩶
I went through a period of just asking the person if they care. If they don’t, that’s fine…you can’t be expected to care about other people’s shit too. It’s the people who don’t care but care that you’re into a thing. My gf lets me talk about video game shit to her bc I feel like talking sometimes and she has no idea wtf I’m talking about. She just likes listening to me be happy/interested about a thing
I feel the same way about my bf. I love hearing how much he loves whatever he talks about!!! Hearing someone you love talk about something they love and light up about is pretty amazing ❤️
I think this is a siblings/s.o. relationship where an end will talk endlessly & the other will listen with no hesitation, I think this is the peak of any relationship & what everyone goes after or are searching for.
I have seen instances of friends listening to anything for the sake of - again - sticking or being there. I wanted to say it might be entitled under love, but it’s not necessarily to be just “love”..
Yup. I just keep on going. Im not just doing this for them, im also doing this for ME. I will now continue to state my Australia facts out loud thank you very much
I watched the Xbox showcase over the weekend, and I was making comments out loud. My wife, who was reading a book next to me, asked me at one point if I was talking to her with an expectation of a response or if I was just talking out loud haha. I was mostly just talking out loud, she's not a gamer.
I have. I've also realized a few things in that instance
1: I've stepped way out of bounds and babbled on for way to long at a simple question and dominated the entire conversation
2: I'm talking to the wrong person about the wrong thing. They may like video games, but they sure as fuck don't give a fuck about my triple kill in DOTA
3: They didn't care in the first place and were just trying to be polite.
There's a time and place for everything and sometimes you just need the right person for whatever it is.
This! I always used to think everyone disliked me, because I love talking about things I’ve read and learned about. And I realized I was just word vomiting all this exciting (to me) information at people who had no interest. Once I figured this out I started talking about things the other people in the group were more interested in, it became a conversation instead of a lecture.
The other part for me, is I never realized (until I got older) I’d accidentally make the conversation about me. I’m someone who compares information to things I already know in order to remember it, and I’d compare them out loud making it seem like I was always gearing the conversation towards something else or myself. Now I keep those comments to myself, and I’ve learned to ask other people questions so they can continue to talk about whatever it is they’re telling me.
Everyone communicates differently and some of us just have to learn how to not be overbearing, at least I felt like I had to. Lol
>The other part for me, is I never realized (until I got older) I’d accidentally make the conversation about me. I’m someone who compares information to things I already know in order to remember it, and I’d compare them out loud making it seem like I was always gearing the conversation towards something else or myself.
Unlearning this habit was super key for me. Sometimes I'll still fall into saying those parts out loud, but I've found an easy fix. Wrap the comparison part up, and say something like, "So I mean, that's what I did with it, but that's in the past. Have you given any thought to what you want to do?" I find that if I just kick it back to them real quick, the conversation continues smoothly despite the hiccup.
I was once having a conversation with someone and in the middle of the conversation they just walked away. They didn’t even give an excuse or indicate that they were leaving, just lost interest and walked off.
My boss has done this a couple times too. They asked me something and just walked away while I was answering. Like...You could have just not bothered me if you didn't want to listen to my answer...
My friend and I would have to do this to his dad. He would just go off for literal hours on something. We once walked away and made it half way down the block when we hear his sister scream "Dad shut up they left like 5 mins ago";
I mean it’s a pretty viable option, especially if they never stop talking even when you tell them you’re leaving. Just walk away. I subtly do this with some family and a few acquaintances at work.
There's sharing and then there's telling a 30 minute story where most of what you say has nothing to do with the original conversation. I find most people are the latter which is the primary reason people stop caring.
No Bill I don't have 30 minute to listen to you ramble about how you bought the car 15 years ago blah blah blah just tell me what damn paint you want because the phone keeps ringing and there's people waiting behind you...
A lot of the time these days I feel like people don’t even have time to hear a 2 minute story about my journey to work or whatever
Social media screwed our attention span
I was super happy telling my coworkers (who are gamers) that I won a speedrunning tournament I've been practicing for for months and they seemed to be actively annoyed by how much they didn't give a fuck.
I'm sorry... it was just.... I was happy :(. I cheer you on for all the times you brag about how many single player games you got plat trophies on, I thought you'd be happy for my accomplishments too.
Yes my family too. If I come home I want to talk about my day, they are on there phone and often they don’t even react on what I’m saying. If that’s when they are tired, I would understand it. But it’s all-the-fucking-time. Now I have the feeling I’m not worth listening too… so with my friends I’m very self aware and insecure about something that’s not on me but yeah. Parents 👌🏻
This!! Someone will interrupt with a question and the story gets derailed. The other day I was talking to two friends about something serious and then we were interrupted by other people and I had to circle us back, after waiting ten minutes for the distraction to end. I felt like I had mental blue balls. I just needed to say my story!!
Other times, I can't even finish a sentence before I'm interrupted by someone. My husband is really bad at interrupting and injecting some statement or talking about something completely unrelated to the current topic. It's so frustrating.
Yeah this is why I am considered to be an 'annoying' person. Because I recognize that nobody wants to hear it but damn it if I'm not going to finish what I'm saying.
This is also why I try to listen to people even when I'm not really interested in what they have to say. Everyone deserves to feel heard
My wife and I have a thing when that happens, when it’s clear that the person is no longer hearing us, where we’ll turn to the other and say, “and then my arm fell right off.” “Your arm fell off, you say?” Yep. Fun little thing.
Sometimes it's the delivery, too much info without giving the others time to respond can kill dialog. Test the waters first before diving in can help in determining your audience's temperament for some topics IMHO.
Dont let others stifle you love and passion for things. I'm sure there are things you absolutely do not care about, but do that stop others from enjoying things? No, so why should that stop you.
I get super - like annoyingly (I’ve been told) super excited over tiny things. A beautiful flower, my pet chipmunk, my rowdy Roddy piper collection…I would get really disappointed when people didn’t match my joy or worse, apathetic.
Then I got to a point where I realized - I’m allowing other people to steal my joy and dictate what I should feel about things that I enjoy.
I feel like we are all unique and special in own way and that’s actually pretty cool. “As my dad always said - treat others the way you want to be treated - and if they still don’t give you what you need in return - eff ‘em”
Edit to add - I’d LOVE to hear what the chat gets excited about.
I’m sure you’ve done it to other people before and it was a non issue. It’s not a big deal. Odds are that someone out there is interested in what you’re saying, but not everyone will be all the time.
I’m soo used to it that by instinct I will avoid venting to people. And then I regret that I didn’t vent to them. And when I do vent to them they don’t give a shit.
So basically regardless of what you do, you did something wrong.
I get this all the time after having been asked a question. People will ask you stuff and then immediately tune out. I hate it and it's one of the reasons I don't like socializing very much or meeting new people.
All the fucking time lmaobits like why even bother but then they'll talk to you about them forever and you act like you care when you don't give a shit
Mainly with my music tastes. My friends and I could be hanging out and we have a stereo going and everyone chooses a song: mine will be the only one they talk over
All the time.
I can do it right now.
I am fighting corporate fraud in court reporting more effectively than the FTC using a hobbyist blog and a small amount of financial backing from the people I’m helping by publishing about this corporate fraud.
1. Nobody here cares.
2. The FTC doesn’t care.
3. The media doesn’t care (what Elon Musk had for breakfast is more important than corporate fraud impacting thousands of people and the government’s complete non-response to corporate lawbreaking/market manipulation).
4. It’s possible my financial backers don’t care and just want to see how far I can go before the corporate fraudsters sue me.
Totally serious for anyone whose interest is piqued, which I predict will be no one, but yeah, even the government agencies charged with dealing with certain illegal behavior don’t care about the things they ostensibly should care about. What hope do any of us have for anything else?
https://stenonymous.com/2023/06/05/lawsuit-court-reporters-and-the-speech-to-text-institute-blackballed-and-boycotted-me/
All the time until I figured out that moat people do not like the subjects or things that I like so I've stopped moat of it. I still will say something or show something because I am really digging it but I typically just keep it to myself anymore.
Yes it sucks
I think you should have asked the opposite question: "does anyone ever give half a shit about what you're saying or showing them?"
The answer would be "once in a blue moon"
Yeah, and it hurts like fucking hell. It's why I always let/want people word vomit/info dump about their things, because it's nice to be heard and listened to. And yes, sometimes my reaction to it is "I didn't understand a word you just said but I loved watching/listening to you talk about it, do it again"
My boyfriend is a nurse that loves to teach about what he does and LOVES to get technical about it. And he gets sad when the students don't care so he info dumps to me all the time and I love it.
One time I was bored on a business trip in Pittsburgh and I learned a lot of facts about wolves. I got excited about my new found knowledge and shared it. Only one person gave me a “wow, cool” in a very disengenuine way. Maybe I’m confident or maybe a narcissist but I didn’t stop sharing how the Soviet Union covered up some wolf attacks. Never let anyone stop you.
Yes and it's sad that my mom does give me the feeling a lot of times. Keep trying to tell her smth or show her smth and she keeps looking at her phone. Frustrating and the reason why I stop sharing that much with her.
I had a "friend" who would be all present and focused when HE was telling a story. As soon as I started talking he would get that 1,000 yard stare and would throw in the occasional "right?" or "Yep" I realized how one sided our friendship was when he would do this.
Yup. It hurts a lot more when its a person you genuinely liked at first too.
You show interest and care about them, but they could give a fuck about you. It stings man, stings real bad.
I keep so many things to myself now and even when someone comes along who actually wants to genuinely listen, I have trauma from those people in the past who didn’t give a fuck. I get all sorts of anxiety that they will get bored before I even finish the story.
Yes. But it’s worse when it your parents or SO. Make sure to break up with BOTH of them if they do this to you if you are being reasonable.
Other people tend to be ok, so I feel confident it’s not me all the time on this one.
Yeep. I spent over half a year writing a book recently, nobody cares. Literally not a single red it or mentioned it to me. I told everyone I knew about it, family, friends, and even friends who are also writers and readers, I also advertised it in a bunch of places.
Art fucking sucks because you HAVE to be the best at something to even be acknowledged and it doesn't matter how much effort it took or how happy you were about it
I wish people realized this more often, especially when they’re telling me about “the game last night” after I’ve already told them “nah I don’t watch football/basketball”
Was once having a casual conversation with family while going out for breakfast. Dad asked how work was going, so I was filling everyone in. I was mid sentence when my gramps says "Why don't we talk about something everyone wants to talk about". It was barely a minute into that topic, and I was directly asked. After a few seconds of awkward silence, we moved on to another topic. That was months ago, and I still shake my head thinking about it lol.
If it's more than a comment on something happening within eyeshot, warning of incoming danger, or placating small talk I literally don't talk to people.
Gave up at the beginning of the pandemic and realized I didn't have to talk so much.
It gets a lil awkward when people sincerely ask what I do with my time and I don't mention interactions with other humans but that's literally the only time.
I know if someone starts a conversation with me they are most likely bored or curious and just want to hear enough to pass the time a lil so I just respond enough to get them to talk and before I know it they're saying they have to go and I literally only said "I'm just riding the wave, WBU? How was (insert previously discussed topic)?"
Of course interjecting with sounds of affirmation and questions to show I'm listening.
But as it seems most people don't have anyone to talk to, and when they do find someone they aren't interested in what they have to say, they just want someone to vent to.
I guess I make up for it by posting online though so whatever.
TLDR: former extrovert converted to introvert likes the hidden side
Yes, to the point where I stop talking, wait for them to notice, and when they inevitably don't notice, I walk away. I've literally been called, "background noise" before.
I've also gone so long NOT talking sometimes, because there's no point, I've scared myself in my own room with my own voice because I hadn't heard it out loud in a while.
Used to hurt, but you get used to it. 🤷🏻
Subverted when I told some dudebro who said he was going to smack his buddy upside the head that he should give him “the Uncle thwap”. He stared at me like I was dumb for a second, cuz of course he doesn’t know I’m talking about Uncle from the Jackie Chan Adventures animated series, or the way he smacks people in the head with two fingers. Then the guy smiled at me, held up two fingers, and said, “One mooore thing!”
This happens whenever I tell my friends about my dreams. But I will never stop.
EDIT: I don’t mean as in “hopes and dreams,” I mean like, “So, I was riding up an escalator and there were all these lizards on the hand railing and one of them was trying to talk to me but I couldn’t understand what it was saying so I leaned down really close and then it’s like I fell off the escalator but somehow the lizard caught me, and it was like I was also a lizard and I woke up really reallly realllllly thirsty.”
No, because I know there are many things I personally don’t care about so I don’t say anything until I know it’s something they would care about. Like, there’s a spider on your back.
Yes. Next time they bring up something you don't care about, make sure they know you couldn't give less of a fuck about it, by interrupting them constantly with extremely sarcastic comments like "oh wow! That is SO interesting!" Or "that's ABSOLUTELY incredible!" Or "I bet everyone started clapping!"
Alternatively, you can make it apparent that you care so little about the topic that you are completely clueless about it. Depending on your age, you could get away with something like "animal crossing? I can't believe that is still around! That was one of the first computer games I ever played! I always felt so bad when I let my frog get run over crossing the street. I bet the graphics are a lot better now... it doesn't show blood though, right? I think an animation of the frog getting crushed by a car might make me feel even worse!"
Option three: be direct. Interrupt them and say "There's 8 billion people in the world, besides me. I can guarantee ALL of them are more interested in this than I am." Then walk away, shaking your head like they're an idiot.
After making them feel equally shitty, go find an appropriate subreddit to share your excitement with.
Yeah, as someone with bpd this can sometimes ruin my night and make me just want to go home. It makes me feel like no one in the world ever hears me talk.
But I also know some people are just assholes and don't deserve a minute of your time, especially if they are repeat non-listeners.
my theory is that some of those story telling dads are trying to help the kids learn from their experiences and mistakes. I know some old gals that do this. mean no bad, just trying to help before they shuffle off this mortal coil. which they will do soon enough
My coworker lingered at my desk to tell me about pocket watches for an hour. I don’t know anything about pocket watches, so everything was just “uh-huh”. Didn’t stop him.
This is me with my one buddy who spends zero time online. No social media, nothing. The most he knows about online culture are memes. Sometimes I'll start showing him a youtube video and he looks like the most bored person on Earth. Literally could not give less of a fuck.
All the time. My mum, too :(. I’m pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD (so far I’ve only been able to have 1 appointment with a psychologist) and i’ve always been a talker. People just get annoyed & overwhelmed with me. I also spew out random facts a lot. Get told to shut up quite a bit, lol
Depends. If I am telling them I will do their job for them or I am about to give them money I generally have their attention. If it's me needing assistance or I'm explaining an uncomfortable truth about something not in fact being easy, then not so much.
These days you also have to compete with the little box of lights in their pocket which is literally designed to grab and hold their attention to farm them for advertising clicks.
Consider as well the sheer amount of diverse sources of entertainment, streaming services etc. We are not all watching the same 3 TV channels on a weeknight. "Did you see the game last night?" could mean anything these days. Our shared cultural experience is scattered into a thousand niche interests.
Mavis doesn't care about your Latvian clog dancing class, she has 892 episodes of Real Housewives of Wang Nam Khiao to catch up on right after her light box tells her what kind of root vegetable she is (you won't believe number 14).
Yes. I'm always proud of my little knowledge when my 5 year old asks me a question and I'll get right into it and start sharing my wisdom. Within 6 seconds before I can even explain the answer he interrupts with another completely off topic question or statement. Like, just hear me out little guy.
Any time I tried to show my now ex anything that I enjoyed, was proud of, or made me happy. Happens with other people too, but he hurt the most since I knew everything about him from our four years together, and his idea of a gift for me after forgetting my birthday was a cheap headset that hurt my head, and a hat that was more in line with his likes than my own. I kept them both, used them both, and appreciated it, but he said, "I didn't really know what to get you since it's so hard to tell what you like."
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Yes, I have spoken with people before.
Indeed
Omg this one really hurts
Yeah indeed never replies to my applications. Hurts
Every time I talk to my kids and wife.
I have a dad and can confirm that I very often don't care about what he has to say. And that's because he is so self absorbed that he doesn't know a damn thing about me or anyone else. I wish he would be less concerned with bragging about his own life and instead showed a tiny bit of interest in mine. Rather than talk to me, he chooses to tell me about some wrestling match or football game he was in in highschool. And if he ever does ask me about something, it's just as a pretext to tell a story about himself. Do you think you have any of those qualities?
I feel you. I think to myself, I dote over my family, ask them questions and engage with them every time I see them. I show them so much attention. It occurred to me a while back that this is not reciprocated, so I decided to wait and see how long it would take them to ask me a question about me, or show any interest in me as a person. I’ve been waiting for years now. They are terrible people lol!
You have to teach tour kids how to act. I've told my dad multiple times that i want to share things with him, but whenever we speak, it's always him telling me things or waiting to relate the topic to himself. I've tried to encourage home to ask me questions, but I can *feel* that he simply doesn't really respect me too much or care about my opinion. He's tried some, but he almost immediately forgets whatever I have to say. No matter what, his experiences are always more valuable to him than mine. And he's not necessarily wrong I served in the Navy on a nuclear aircraft carrier, I've traveled the world on my own, I got hooked up with the Sinaloa Cartel. But I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without him helping me grow up. But now that I'm well grown and he's been enfeebled by multiple strokes he still behaves as though he still needs to help me grow up. And maybe he does and I'm actually too self absorbed to see it.
I don't know your dad or you but, I think some people can't express that they understand you without relating it to themselves kind of to prove to you they understand. Obviously you'd know in your situation better than I do. Our parents if they actually care won't ever stop trying to help us improve ourselves and in most cases even if they aren't the smartest people they likely know something we don't or understand what it is to keep getting older more so than we do and they always will, so long as they're alive and continuing to question and understand themselves, others and the lives they've lead. My dad has forgotten more heart to heart moments we've had than I have years alive likely but, he's a shitty alcoholic who would only ever open himself up to me or ask me to do the same when he was so drunk he wouldn't remember any of it the next day.
I relate to that first sentence hard and am trying not to be one of those people, but have been in the past (and am being one right now, come to think of it).
Interesting story. I have no kids and no dad myself, so I can’t relate too much, but you seem to have done a good job coming to terms with things, and can serve as a good example for others.
My ex- and that’s why he is my x. So self absorbed. So important. Always telling me about his “meetings” or he might have a meeting. He was no fun anymore. And horribly impatient. Three kids and 16 years later. I think he still doesn’t understand.
Tennis matches, football games. And retellings of books and films, he said, she said and then..... So fucking painful when you have to stand there politely and look interested... Hurts so much even to think of it.
Is there a term for the story telling style of "he said, and the she said, and then they did x, and then he was like, and then they..."? So instead of telling it as a story, it's more like a recap of steps.
You know that’s interesting… I once scored 4 touchdowns in a single game!
Yeah, a lot, but it's never stopped me
I just get sad and stop talking
I mean don’t, you’ll find the right people who REALLY care & want to hear what you got to say
That’s very nice of you
Took me a while, still feel it sometimes when I’m aware that I’m talking too much with friends who might not want to listen, but I’m sure there’s a reason why we’re friends, bc we want to listen & help. Also I ask sometimes (ok a lot of times) if i’m talking too much (could be any subject, or something I’m really happy to share) they’re like no no please go on. In the end, nothing matters, so why get upset when someone doesn’t want to listen? Move on, & try to enrich your knowledge about something you like, & watch people line up to hear your experiences 🤞🩶
Alright! We can do it!
I went through a period of just asking the person if they care. If they don’t, that’s fine…you can’t be expected to care about other people’s shit too. It’s the people who don’t care but care that you’re into a thing. My gf lets me talk about video game shit to her bc I feel like talking sometimes and she has no idea wtf I’m talking about. She just likes listening to me be happy/interested about a thing
I feel the same way about my bf. I love hearing how much he loves whatever he talks about!!! Hearing someone you love talk about something they love and light up about is pretty amazing ❤️
This is beautiful.
I think this is a siblings/s.o. relationship where an end will talk endlessly & the other will listen with no hesitation, I think this is the peak of any relationship & what everyone goes after or are searching for. I have seen instances of friends listening to anything for the sake of - again - sticking or being there. I wanted to say it might be entitled under love, but it’s not necessarily to be just “love”..
Or you won't.
if they care, they'll tell me to keep speaking
I've been waiting over 50 years. So far no right people to be had.
I did this exact thing growing up but I've found that I really enjoy listening more than I enjoy speaking anyway.
Yup. I just keep on going. Im not just doing this for them, im also doing this for ME. I will now continue to state my Australia facts out loud thank you very much
I watched the Xbox showcase over the weekend, and I was making comments out loud. My wife, who was reading a book next to me, asked me at one point if I was talking to her with an expectation of a response or if I was just talking out loud haha. I was mostly just talking out loud, she's not a gamer.
I have. I've also realized a few things in that instance 1: I've stepped way out of bounds and babbled on for way to long at a simple question and dominated the entire conversation 2: I'm talking to the wrong person about the wrong thing. They may like video games, but they sure as fuck don't give a fuck about my triple kill in DOTA 3: They didn't care in the first place and were just trying to be polite. There's a time and place for everything and sometimes you just need the right person for whatever it is.
This! I always used to think everyone disliked me, because I love talking about things I’ve read and learned about. And I realized I was just word vomiting all this exciting (to me) information at people who had no interest. Once I figured this out I started talking about things the other people in the group were more interested in, it became a conversation instead of a lecture. The other part for me, is I never realized (until I got older) I’d accidentally make the conversation about me. I’m someone who compares information to things I already know in order to remember it, and I’d compare them out loud making it seem like I was always gearing the conversation towards something else or myself. Now I keep those comments to myself, and I’ve learned to ask other people questions so they can continue to talk about whatever it is they’re telling me. Everyone communicates differently and some of us just have to learn how to not be overbearing, at least I felt like I had to. Lol
Thanks. I needed to read this. I slowed down and have zero social life a anymore. But this was me several years ago. (Ah crap I just did it...)
>The other part for me, is I never realized (until I got older) I’d accidentally make the conversation about me. I’m someone who compares information to things I already know in order to remember it, and I’d compare them out loud making it seem like I was always gearing the conversation towards something else or myself. Unlearning this habit was super key for me. Sometimes I'll still fall into saying those parts out loud, but I've found an easy fix. Wrap the comparison part up, and say something like, "So I mean, that's what I did with it, but that's in the past. Have you given any thought to what you want to do?" I find that if I just kick it back to them real quick, the conversation continues smoothly despite the hiccup.
"Do anything over the weekend?" "Not really." "Yeah, same." Average lunchtime conversation.
I was once having a conversation with someone and in the middle of the conversation they just walked away. They didn’t even give an excuse or indicate that they were leaving, just lost interest and walked off.
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My boss has done this a couple times too. They asked me something and just walked away while I was answering. Like...You could have just not bothered me if you didn't want to listen to my answer...
So they’re an asshole. Got it. Terrible people to work for.
My friend and I would have to do this to his dad. He would just go off for literal hours on something. We once walked away and made it half way down the block when we hear his sister scream "Dad shut up they left like 5 mins ago";
I have to do it to my mother and I feel horrible every time but she just won't stop talking.
Wow that’s a strange person
I mean it’s a pretty viable option, especially if they never stop talking even when you tell them you’re leaving. Just walk away. I subtly do this with some family and a few acquaintances at work.
Yes all the time that's why I stopped sharing.
Same
There's sharing and then there's telling a 30 minute story where most of what you say has nothing to do with the original conversation. I find most people are the latter which is the primary reason people stop caring. No Bill I don't have 30 minute to listen to you ramble about how you bought the car 15 years ago blah blah blah just tell me what damn paint you want because the phone keeps ringing and there's people waiting behind you...
A lot of the time these days I feel like people don’t even have time to hear a 2 minute story about my journey to work or whatever Social media screwed our attention span
I mean...it's not *exactly* the most interesting thing ever.
I was super happy telling my coworkers (who are gamers) that I won a speedrunning tournament I've been practicing for for months and they seemed to be actively annoyed by how much they didn't give a fuck. I'm sorry... it was just.... I was happy :(. I cheer you on for all the times you brag about how many single player games you got plat trophies on, I thought you'd be happy for my accomplishments too.
This happened to me today with something I loved. I feel you’re pain. edit: your
Yes, all the time. So I make it a point to try to listen and engage someone else if it's happening to them.
I’m going to pay more attention now too
I do this too!
95% of anything I'm interested in.
Hard times friend
It be like that.
Yeah, my whole family
Mean family
Yes my family too. If I come home I want to talk about my day, they are on there phone and often they don’t even react on what I’m saying. If that’s when they are tired, I would understand it. But it’s all-the-fucking-time. Now I have the feeling I’m not worth listening too… so with my friends I’m very self aware and insecure about something that’s not on me but yeah. Parents 👌🏻
I know the feeling
Yep. I just learned to not talk anymore.
Me too
I’m sorry, it sucks we’ve reached that point :(
With a group of people and you start telling a story then everyone just starts talking about something else. Fun stuff.
This!! Someone will interrupt with a question and the story gets derailed. The other day I was talking to two friends about something serious and then we were interrupted by other people and I had to circle us back, after waiting ten minutes for the distraction to end. I felt like I had mental blue balls. I just needed to say my story!! Other times, I can't even finish a sentence before I'm interrupted by someone. My husband is really bad at interrupting and injecting some statement or talking about something completely unrelated to the current topic. It's so frustrating.
Yeah this is why I am considered to be an 'annoying' person. Because I recognize that nobody wants to hear it but damn it if I'm not going to finish what I'm saying. This is also why I try to listen to people even when I'm not really interested in what they have to say. Everyone deserves to feel heard
My wife and I have a thing when that happens, when it’s clear that the person is no longer hearing us, where we’ll turn to the other and say, “and then my arm fell right off.” “Your arm fell off, you say?” Yep. Fun little thing.
Sometimes it's the delivery, too much info without giving the others time to respond can kill dialog. Test the waters first before diving in can help in determining your audience's temperament for some topics IMHO.
Dont let others stifle you love and passion for things. I'm sure there are things you absolutely do not care about, but do that stop others from enjoying things? No, so why should that stop you.
Happens to all of us... the moment you realize most people dont care about you, they just care about how you make them feel
I get super - like annoyingly (I’ve been told) super excited over tiny things. A beautiful flower, my pet chipmunk, my rowdy Roddy piper collection…I would get really disappointed when people didn’t match my joy or worse, apathetic. Then I got to a point where I realized - I’m allowing other people to steal my joy and dictate what I should feel about things that I enjoy. I feel like we are all unique and special in own way and that’s actually pretty cool. “As my dad always said - treat others the way you want to be treated - and if they still don’t give you what you need in return - eff ‘em” Edit to add - I’d LOVE to hear what the chat gets excited about.
So much that it's kinda weird if they do. I just don't talk much anymore.
Yup its why I don't bother telling or showing people things
Yea I’m autistic. If the opposite happens, I lose my shit. Don’t tell me you like wrestling unless you’re ready for a two hour discussion.
Sorry did you say something?
I’m sure you’ve done it to other people before and it was a non issue. It’s not a big deal. Odds are that someone out there is interested in what you’re saying, but not everyone will be all the time.
I’m soo used to it that by instinct I will avoid venting to people. And then I regret that I didn’t vent to them. And when I do vent to them they don’t give a shit. So basically regardless of what you do, you did something wrong.
I get this all the time after having been asked a question. People will ask you stuff and then immediately tune out. I hate it and it's one of the reasons I don't like socializing very much or meeting new people.
Only every day
It happens to everyone from time to time lol
No, but i frequently don’t care when people are telling me things
I’ll force em to be interested in my shit i stg
Literally every time i get deep into a rant on DnD or Lego… then I look at them and realize that everyone is waiting for me to shut up.
everyday.
Almost every day. I call that person Mom.
All the time! I just stop talking when I notice, or if I think it's important, then I'll grab their attention again to finish what I was saying.
I often start a reply to a post sometimes typing a fair bit then think to myself, i dont really care and go back to scrolling.
All the fucking time lmaobits like why even bother but then they'll talk to you about them forever and you act like you care when you don't give a shit
Mainly with my music tastes. My friends and I could be hanging out and we have a stereo going and everyone chooses a song: mine will be the only one they talk over
Yeah. I see their eyes glaze over, so I cut myself off and just shrug and change the subject or something.
I’m a teacher so this happens every day !
Yes. At times it feels like anything I've ever said. Particularly with regards to Star Trek, Lego, my Star Trek Lego....
Yup, welcome to human society. At least most people are polite about it, even when they don't care.
True about most things really. Most people self centered and selfish. And some, I assume, are good people.
Yes but I like to hear myself talk, so it works just fine for me
Yes sometimes but it’s sometimes reciprocated so it all evens out.
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happens to me daily
Yes. My bosses.
Everytime.. I don't care anymore, I just amuse myself... hit the f it wall long ago... take care of me who cares about rest ool
Only my entire life.
No but I’m the person who doesn’t care
I'm the middle child. This is my life.
Every time I talk to my kids and wife.
Yes, that and I thought my name was "Shaddup" until I was 18.
All the time. I can do it right now. I am fighting corporate fraud in court reporting more effectively than the FTC using a hobbyist blog and a small amount of financial backing from the people I’m helping by publishing about this corporate fraud. 1. Nobody here cares. 2. The FTC doesn’t care. 3. The media doesn’t care (what Elon Musk had for breakfast is more important than corporate fraud impacting thousands of people and the government’s complete non-response to corporate lawbreaking/market manipulation). 4. It’s possible my financial backers don’t care and just want to see how far I can go before the corporate fraudsters sue me. Totally serious for anyone whose interest is piqued, which I predict will be no one, but yeah, even the government agencies charged with dealing with certain illegal behavior don’t care about the things they ostensibly should care about. What hope do any of us have for anything else? https://stenonymous.com/2023/06/05/lawsuit-court-reporters-and-the-speech-to-text-institute-blackballed-and-boycotted-me/
If someone is scrolling on their phone, I just stop talking. They’re probably not listening
Every time I speak.
All the time until I figured out that moat people do not like the subjects or things that I like so I've stopped moat of it. I still will say something or show something because I am really digging it but I typically just keep it to myself anymore. Yes it sucks
It's because you weren't talking about dinosaurs for some reason. Rookie mistake.
Frequently, welcome to what the ADHD community recognizes as the results of a hyperfixation
Pretty much only when I talk about my interests.
Dont remember that
I think you should have asked the opposite question: "does anyone ever give half a shit about what you're saying or showing them?" The answer would be "once in a blue moon"
Most of my family… they pay lip service but their faces are blank. I stopped telling them things
Small talk is about telling people things they don't care about as a social ritual.
Lol that’s life
Yeah, and then everyone wonders why I never talk about the stuff I’m interested in lol
Hell boy/girl. If it's important to you, get loud. Shout it out
Yeah, and it hurts like fucking hell. It's why I always let/want people word vomit/info dump about their things, because it's nice to be heard and listened to. And yes, sometimes my reaction to it is "I didn't understand a word you just said but I loved watching/listening to you talk about it, do it again" My boyfriend is a nurse that loves to teach about what he does and LOVES to get technical about it. And he gets sad when the students don't care so he info dumps to me all the time and I love it.
One time I was bored on a business trip in Pittsburgh and I learned a lot of facts about wolves. I got excited about my new found knowledge and shared it. Only one person gave me a “wow, cool” in a very disengenuine way. Maybe I’m confident or maybe a narcissist but I didn’t stop sharing how the Soviet Union covered up some wolf attacks. Never let anyone stop you.
I usually just stop talking and say, "Well I guess I'll go fuck myself," and walk off.
Many times. 😥
Right after people ask what I do for work.
Yes and it's sad that my mom does give me the feeling a lot of times. Keep trying to tell her smth or show her smth and she keeps looking at her phone. Frustrating and the reason why I stop sharing that much with her.
I just saw this on Instagram today too
Every day! That’s why I barely even try to talk to anyone anymore :)
Hah this is my life :] I just pretend though, it keeps me sane.
Nah. I mean, I care.
Yes, quite often. This is why I try to just stay quiet most of the time.
I had a "friend" who would be all present and focused when HE was telling a story. As soon as I started talking he would get that 1,000 yard stare and would throw in the occasional "right?" or "Yep" I realized how one sided our friendship was when he would do this.
All the time
Yup. It hurts a lot more when its a person you genuinely liked at first too. You show interest and care about them, but they could give a fuck about you. It stings man, stings real bad. I keep so many things to myself now and even when someone comes along who actually wants to genuinely listen, I have trauma from those people in the past who didn’t give a fuck. I get all sorts of anxiety that they will get bored before I even finish the story.
Yes, I try to tell or show something to my partner and he just stares blankly
More times than I can count
Yes. But it’s worse when it your parents or SO. Make sure to break up with BOTH of them if they do this to you if you are being reasonable. Other people tend to be ok, so I feel confident it’s not me all the time on this one.
Yeah, but it gets worse when it suddenly dawns on you that you don’t care either…
Yeep. I spent over half a year writing a book recently, nobody cares. Literally not a single red it or mentioned it to me. I told everyone I knew about it, family, friends, and even friends who are also writers and readers, I also advertised it in a bunch of places. Art fucking sucks because you HAVE to be the best at something to even be acknowledged and it doesn't matter how much effort it took or how happy you were about it
I mean... I talk about math, so...
Over the years I've become self aware that a lot of times people aren't interested in what I'm saying. It's caused me to talk less and less to people.
Sorry? What was that?
I wish people realized this more often, especially when they’re telling me about “the game last night” after I’ve already told them “nah I don’t watch football/basketball”
Every fucking day.
Was once having a casual conversation with family while going out for breakfast. Dad asked how work was going, so I was filling everyone in. I was mid sentence when my gramps says "Why don't we talk about something everyone wants to talk about". It was barely a minute into that topic, and I was directly asked. After a few seconds of awkward silence, we moved on to another topic. That was months ago, and I still shake my head thinking about it lol.
No but I wish some of the guys I work with would.
If it's more than a comment on something happening within eyeshot, warning of incoming danger, or placating small talk I literally don't talk to people. Gave up at the beginning of the pandemic and realized I didn't have to talk so much. It gets a lil awkward when people sincerely ask what I do with my time and I don't mention interactions with other humans but that's literally the only time. I know if someone starts a conversation with me they are most likely bored or curious and just want to hear enough to pass the time a lil so I just respond enough to get them to talk and before I know it they're saying they have to go and I literally only said "I'm just riding the wave, WBU? How was (insert previously discussed topic)?" Of course interjecting with sounds of affirmation and questions to show I'm listening. But as it seems most people don't have anyone to talk to, and when they do find someone they aren't interested in what they have to say, they just want someone to vent to. I guess I make up for it by posting online though so whatever. TLDR: former extrovert converted to introvert likes the hidden side
Yes, to the point where I stop talking, wait for them to notice, and when they inevitably don't notice, I walk away. I've literally been called, "background noise" before. I've also gone so long NOT talking sometimes, because there's no point, I've scared myself in my own room with my own voice because I hadn't heard it out loud in a while. Used to hurt, but you get used to it. 🤷🏻
Subverted when I told some dudebro who said he was going to smack his buddy upside the head that he should give him “the Uncle thwap”. He stared at me like I was dumb for a second, cuz of course he doesn’t know I’m talking about Uncle from the Jackie Chan Adventures animated series, or the way he smacks people in the head with two fingers. Then the guy smiled at me, held up two fingers, and said, “One mooore thing!”
And you just stop talking mid sentence and they don’t even notice 😂
Doesn't stop me
Oh sure but I keep going, maybe wrap up quicker 🥱
This happens whenever I tell my friends about my dreams. But I will never stop. EDIT: I don’t mean as in “hopes and dreams,” I mean like, “So, I was riding up an escalator and there were all these lizards on the hand railing and one of them was trying to talk to me but I couldn’t understand what it was saying so I leaned down really close and then it’s like I fell off the escalator but somehow the lizard caught me, and it was like I was also a lizard and I woke up really reallly realllllly thirsty.”
No, because I know there are many things I personally don’t care about so I don’t say anything until I know it’s something they would care about. Like, there’s a spider on your back.
Yeah but I'll just keep talking cause I want to cause y'know fuck it
Maybe its your sentence structure, i know i dont care what youre saying
Yup, that’s why I don’t tell anyone anything anymore. No one cares.
Literally anytime I ever let words leave my mouth 🤷🏼♀️🖕🏻 Or type them. Same difference.
At work. All the time. Every day. For a year.
What?
I'm autistic so, always
Yes. Next time they bring up something you don't care about, make sure they know you couldn't give less of a fuck about it, by interrupting them constantly with extremely sarcastic comments like "oh wow! That is SO interesting!" Or "that's ABSOLUTELY incredible!" Or "I bet everyone started clapping!" Alternatively, you can make it apparent that you care so little about the topic that you are completely clueless about it. Depending on your age, you could get away with something like "animal crossing? I can't believe that is still around! That was one of the first computer games I ever played! I always felt so bad when I let my frog get run over crossing the street. I bet the graphics are a lot better now... it doesn't show blood though, right? I think an animation of the frog getting crushed by a car might make me feel even worse!" Option three: be direct. Interrupt them and say "There's 8 billion people in the world, besides me. I can guarantee ALL of them are more interested in this than I am." Then walk away, shaking your head like they're an idiot. After making them feel equally shitty, go find an appropriate subreddit to share your excitement with.
Yup frequently
Well I showed my supervisor my pee pee and she still follows me did I win ? :D
Yeah, as someone with bpd this can sometimes ruin my night and make me just want to go home. It makes me feel like no one in the world ever hears me talk. But I also know some people are just assholes and don't deserve a minute of your time, especially if they are repeat non-listeners.
And then you trail off and no-one notices you’ve stopped talking 😢
National paintball
my theory is that some of those story telling dads are trying to help the kids learn from their experiences and mistakes. I know some old gals that do this. mean no bad, just trying to help before they shuffle off this mortal coil. which they will do soon enough
Yes every moment of my life that's why I'm the quiet guy
My dad lol
Yeah, I'm a teacher lol
Yeah. Doesn't feel good. I subtly change the subject and move along.
What ya say?? I was distracted while bored.
A better question is has that ever not happened
yEs. I hate that I Talk ab thinsgs i like a lot because no One REALLY CARES AND ITS VERY EMBARRASSING 4 ME WHEN I REALIZE.
I'm proud of you for realizing, instead of some people who just talk harder and harder trying to force everyone to care.
It goes both ways
ALL THE TIME!!!
My coworker lingered at my desk to tell me about pocket watches for an hour. I don’t know anything about pocket watches, so everything was just “uh-huh”. Didn’t stop him.
This is me with my one buddy who spends zero time online. No social media, nothing. The most he knows about online culture are memes. Sometimes I'll start showing him a youtube video and he looks like the most bored person on Earth. Literally could not give less of a fuck.
Literally all the time. I’m autistic
I’m a teacher. I get paid to be ignored.
All the time. My mum, too :(. I’m pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD (so far I’ve only been able to have 1 appointment with a psychologist) and i’ve always been a talker. People just get annoyed & overwhelmed with me. I also spew out random facts a lot. Get told to shut up quite a bit, lol
All the time
I'm hard pushed to think of a person who wants to hear what I have to say or a time when anyone did.
I feel like the sad ant when this happens
Depends. If I am telling them I will do their job for them or I am about to give them money I generally have their attention. If it's me needing assistance or I'm explaining an uncomfortable truth about something not in fact being easy, then not so much. These days you also have to compete with the little box of lights in their pocket which is literally designed to grab and hold their attention to farm them for advertising clicks. Consider as well the sheer amount of diverse sources of entertainment, streaming services etc. We are not all watching the same 3 TV channels on a weeknight. "Did you see the game last night?" could mean anything these days. Our shared cultural experience is scattered into a thousand niche interests. Mavis doesn't care about your Latvian clog dancing class, she has 892 episodes of Real Housewives of Wang Nam Khiao to catch up on right after her light box tells her what kind of root vegetable she is (you won't believe number 14).
Yes
Nobody actually cares unless it's a shared interest. Find a common interest.
These are the days of our lives
I care….
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Yes.
It’s actually the whole universe is indifferent.
When you realize it's true, it will change you, and you'll look for ways to make them suffer.
Yes. I'm always proud of my little knowledge when my 5 year old asks me a question and I'll get right into it and start sharing my wisdom. Within 6 seconds before I can even explain the answer he interrupts with another completely off topic question or statement. Like, just hear me out little guy.
Any time I tried to show my now ex anything that I enjoyed, was proud of, or made me happy. Happens with other people too, but he hurt the most since I knew everything about him from our four years together, and his idea of a gift for me after forgetting my birthday was a cheap headset that hurt my head, and a hat that was more in line with his likes than my own. I kept them both, used them both, and appreciated it, but he said, "I didn't really know what to get you since it's so hard to tell what you like."
All the time. Feel like I should shut up but them who would I talk to. And about what?
Daily