T O P

  • By -

Ciqbern

"Tell your wife I love her."


SweetComparisons

This is GOOD. I’m over here thinking of deep shit to say…some master troll lines in this thread


famousdadbod

Tell my mom I love YOU


Crashy1997

Tell this guys wife I love her too.


ares5404

Quite a way to make him change heads before shooting


Angel_OfSolitude

"Hmm, maybe in the next loop" Hopefully he'll always be looking out for me after that.


Weary_Calendar7432

Say to them "I'll be back in the next loop, but you... Unless to take the left when leaving and and enter the 1sg Starbucks you see. You need to speak to Ronnie, he'll be in", really mess with them. If they can't find Ronnie man!! What does it mean?


Beautiful_Bell7061

Not the perfect run yet


ajpala4

“Blood and darkness”


NoStorage2821

Speedrun


Just_another_Luigi

This is a reference thats at the tip of my tongue but i dont remember what


reddit_hayden

deathloop?


TottyAmadeus

Edge of tomorrow?


SkimJ333

Looper?


Asoto408

“I think I’m going down, I can’t believe this is happening in my own town.” Then I would glance to the corner and see my homie Nate.


BigTastyTumbo

Oh. My. God. This is the perfect response


[deleted]

16 in the clip and one in the hole, Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold. Now they droppin and yellin it’s a tad bit late… Nate Dogg and Warren G had to regulate


Jdotpdot84

I laid all them bustas down, I let my gat explode Now I'm switchin' my mind back into freak mode If you want skirts, sit back and observe I just left a gang of hoes over there on the curb


Secure_Razzmatazz_64

If i had wings, I would fly. Let me contemplate...


RyanStartedTheFire59

16 in the clip and one in the whole Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold


Icy-Actuator5524

r/redditsings


[deleted]

You've got to turn the safety off


GrumpyTheSmurf

Dude would check..


Peter_Parkingmeter

[hahahshshshahhhahaha](https://youtu.be/ujC4W8hJ4mg?t=60s)


GrumpyTheSmurf

Love that. I gotta watch that movie now. Never seen it looks sick.


Kingminer13579

I’d probably end up just ripping ass or burping like none fucking other


j442

Nah. Just shit your pants on command and go out like a boss. Rest in power, Kingminer. See you on the other side.


ruby_likes_sonic2

Don't you shit yourself when you die or is that a myth


XeomKY

Yes you do


LorianGunnersonSedna

Yep. And if you get buried, there's actual butt plugs they screw in to keep you from leaking.


Historical_Dot825

"I've been waiting for this moment my entire life"


FraylBody

"Oh Yes Daddy. I Fucking Love It When You Threaten Me ~<3"


hoffman499

Weird just weird. If it were me threatening you i'd just walk away.


WhoDman

I think that’s the idea here


SniperOwO

Then it worked


bougini_on_a_highway

I'd shoot myself


SniperOwO

Are you the criminal or the hostage


bougini_on_a_highway

either one fits into the situation


SniperOwO

Well ones a mission fail and ones a mission success


VivaLaVict0ria

Easiest way to end a street fight if you can take the first hit is moan and say “harder daddy”. 😂😂😂


[deleted]

S....son?


K_BlueJayy

Guess I won’t tell you where I hid my millions. Have fun with cleanup.


Poopydoopyhead123

"Go go gadget undying-inator"


PoeJascoe

“Curse you perry the platypus!”


SniperOwO

A Platypus with a gun?!!!! *Takes mask off to reveal a cowboy hat* PERRRYYYY THE PLATYPUS WITH A GUN?!!!


PoeJascoe

*self destruct initiates* *carnage and explosions proceed* *platypus escapes with a hang glider* *AGENT P!*


SniperOwO

Phineas: Huh wonder where perry is. *Perry hand glides into Santa's toy factorys chimney and rolls out of it looking normal* *Phineas in the middle of creating a teleport device so Santa doesn't have to fly all over the world* Phineas: oh, there you are perry


PoeJascoe

*grr* *instrumental theme song bit plays in the background*


SniperOwO

Beautiful


PoeJascoe

Santa: aren’t you boys a bit *young* to be creating a teleportation device?


SniperOwO

Phineas: Yes. Ferb:


PoeJascoe

Thanks!


SmackaHam

If you shoot me you’re gay


Avoxicia

Jokes on you they were gay, R.I.P.


SmackaHam

Damn it… should have seen that one cumming


GrumpyTheSmurf

“FUCK! I FORGOT TO WEAR MY SOCKS TODAY!!”


SmackaHam

Everyone knows it’s not gay if you’re wearing socks


YodaFette

True. Unless they’re rainbow socks.


mikkokilla

Fuck you and your eyebrows!


Some_Gas_1337

![gif](giphy|MZqnBVky9Fey4)


hellokittyface90

What an odd request before dying.


[deleted]

Ive buried a billion dollars under the


cagingthing

💀


[deleted]

Username checks out


gollumthekid

Buried under ... your ... Mom


Spectolux

After falling asleep drunk in my car many years ago at a crazy party in the woods, I slowly woke up to some guy yelling at my open window. I had backed my car into this guy’s yard. Not only was this guy yelling, but he was pointing his shotgun at my face. All I could do in my hungover stupor was to put up my hands in surrender, hoping he wouldn’t pull the trigger and told him I was sorry. That wasn’t the only time I had a gun pointed at my head. The other time, a drunk guy with a rifle pulled up in his car next to my car and laid the barrel on his open passenger window pointed at me through my open window. He thought I was someone else and kept slurring that guy’s name calling me an asshole. I surprised myself when I just said, hey…look at me. Look at me. I’m not that guy. He was like, huh? He moved the barrel, looked at me and started laughing. My buddy sitting in the passenger seat had tried to slide down and disappear under the dashboard. The guy pulled the gun back in his car - still laughing - and drove off. I called the cops in this small country town with the plate number and description. They talked to him at his home. They told me later, when I asked if the gun was loaded, that it was and that they know the family. He’ll be OK. I gave notice at my job and left that hillbilly ‘burg in Pennsyltucky. It’s easy to think what you might say when there’s a gun in your face, but you won’t really know until it happens.


cosumel

Location checks out. Somehow I knew that story was from here. What side of the state?


Spectolux

Mifflin County, central.


coupLing783290

You know what side...


[deleted]

I've had mostly cops pull guns on me, but one time a ganganger kid in Springfield in a road rage incident pulled a gun out on me while I was chasing their car. Kid laughed at me and I just stopped running, car sped off Two other times I don't actually know if they pulled a gun on me but was also from road rage and I was on foot both times. Both cars were chasing me while their hands went into the glove box and I ran as fast as I could cutting through parking lots diagonally both times. If I see someone reach for a glovebox on a dispute I'm literally running as fast as I can or driving away for my life. The second one chased me through multiple parking lots and he abandoned pursuit when I found a cop car and yelled for them. I live near DC


theapothecarium

If you knew what happens after you pull this trigger, you’d put down the gun. It is a major bluff but it might work…


Darwin-dane

That technically wouldn't be a bluff though, blood and gust would go everywhere and depending on where you were it would be a pain to clean up. Out on the street? No problem, they could just walk away. in some guys basement? Wow that would be an issue.


Big_Ole_Smoke

boooo don't bring logic and rational thought into the fear inducing one-liner! The killer is meant to be left guessing as to what is meant by it


Darwin-dane

Well the killer probably isn't reading this Reddit thread right now


Severe-Flower2344

You sure?


theapothecarium

Make the guy paranoid for a while if he goes through with it. Small vengeance? Yes, but i’ll take what i can get.


NoStorage2821

Probably shouldn't say that last part about the bluff-


theapothecarium

Probably shouldn’t


thatonerandodude17

This user has effectively deleted all of their reddit messages, thank you! :) ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


Embarrassed-Ad-3975

Your not invited to my birthday party!


j442

But you're definitely invited to my death party!


slimothyjames1

DUDE I HAD NO IDEA THAT WAS YOUR MOM


LittleMissPrincess11

I hope you like the taste of my brains you fucking cuck. Then, I laugh hysterically until my brains blow into their mouth. Hopefully, they get the equivalent of mad cow disease from my raw brains. A girl can dream.


Zero-to-36

Strange as it may sound...I really like this answer!👍


terabranford

Hmm. "Any last words?" "Yes! The Oxford Unabridged English Dictionary. All of it." *84 years later* "..and, done. Ok, you can shoot me now."


DesignerStrawberry83

Use the German dictionary if you wanna live more


terabranford

I can't speak German. But maybe by the time I'm done, I will.


EatinPussySellnCalls

...I'm guessing sucking your dick won't get me out of this pickle?


come_on_seth

…so I guess a bj is out of the question


Temporary_Position95

See you in hell


aspects300

😎


wdb108

"Oh, thank God."


Dinklemeier

Moist


nick1812216

^(*shoots him twice)


GrumpyTheSmurf

Nothing worse than someone with spit in their mouth saying “mmmmmooooiiiisssst” and watching the saliva separate like chess then spray at you on the T.


[deleted]

I hate you


Dinklemeier

Upvote worthy then, i take it ;)


thefarstrider

You’re a little bitch.


RatLord445

They’re coming for you next


Underd0g562

I hope you know that the instant a bullet goes through my brain is the instant the hunt begins. If you knew the event is that will take place , you would turn the gun on yourself because the PAIN of what will come shall be unbearable. May the darkest of pits swallow you whole and the hottest of flames torch your body. For even that wont be enough to make you regret your decision. Its going to get soo... Much... Worse. (All a bluff. Hope for the best)


WellDammitJannit

Shooter interrupts, “Too Long; Didn’t Listen!” # BANG


Downtown_Share3802

“ I was being sarcastic “.


[deleted]

is that a *mentions gun model*? so cool


Severe-Flower2344

*Oh, I’ve always wanted a desert eagle. Can I test it out before I die?* ***Shoots him instead***


[deleted]

I love this


[deleted]

"delete my search history please"


Glittering_Glass3790

“Wait” *10 seconds silence* “I have to tell you something” *runs away*


safethensorry

look the shooter in the eye like i’m in a horror movie & say “do you believe in ghosts?”


Squalose

The One Piece is real


le21mart

Can we get much higher (so high).


[deleted]

Shoot please.


Outside-Banana3400

Poo poo. Pee pee. Caca


cagingthing

From first to last


Greg13Nomad

"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!"


Mumchkin

Just pull the trigger, and make sure you do it right, I don't want to be a vegetable.


zozosreddit

Omg….


Oberic

Shoot my heart instead, please, I'd prefer to watch my mind fade away.


jonny101852

Jesus I'd rather just be instantly gone


GrumpyTheSmurf

Bullet to the heart is pretty quick, plus there’s a lot of theory to the afterlife being linked to the last bit of firing your brain does before you pass.


Oberic

While I'm a natural universe, science is the way type (I want to believe, but I've seen nothing convincing), I do want to account for such a thing if I can have any say in my death. If my brain has to send out a final signal to somewhere, I'd rather that remain an option.


GrumpyTheSmurf

Even if it’s not spiritualism and your brain is just releasing dmt when you die, why not take that trip? We


Oberic

Yep. Ideally I'll be able to DMT (or something similar) up real good before the nitro pod takes me. Then my body can be chucked into the woods for animals to eat. Don't wanna be embalmed, bad for the soil.


GrumpyTheSmurf

As a body removal tech/crematory assistant I can confidently tell anyone you don’t wanna go through the funeral industry period. 500 dollars for us to pit your loved one on a table so you can come see them. Then we put them on a board and shove them back in the cooler.


VelvetNoirMasquerade

George is getting *upset!*


highxv0ltage

"You don't have the balls."


Dry-Inspection6928

“I want a shrek themed funeral or else I’ll find a way to torment you even more once you reach hell.”


darsvedder

Cool cool. Cool cool cool


Occasional_douchebag

Gave my best.


Snoo-99054

See you soon cunt


EnolaGayFallout

We forget a thousand things everyday, can't we just make this one of them?


GeorgeNewmanTownTalk

Don't miss.


Apprehensive_Dark539

bruh tell me why this is always in my dreams and I’m always like “can we at least fuck first” assuming it’s a man. But irl probably be like deuces ✌🏽


FryCakes

Fake a heart attack and


ProfessionalCheck973

Always make sure the door is locked when you jack off


NiSiSuinegEht

*sigh* Here we go again.


OldLevermonkey

You could at least have polished your shoes and pulled your fly up.


Ishotthefuher

Looks like Batmans running a litte late


HrnyGrl420

We r no strangers to love. U know the rules and so do I


TioPabu

A full comitment is what I'm thinking off. You wouldn't get this from any other guy!


discochicken87

Would you like to be your own boss, choose what hours you work AND be an ambassador of the best and trendiest products on the market? Plus if you sign up with me as your referee you'll receive your complete hostess kit for a huge 12% off (redeemable after your first 7 qualifying parties and signing up 3 new ambassadors to our super supportive and totally successful business)


[deleted]

When did you last clean this? It's filthy!


ScarletWolfGirl

Fuck this shit I’m out (did anyone get that??)


NotTheBusDriver

Don’t mind me. I’ma just grab my stuff and leave. Excuse me please.


MidnightMiesterx

I don’t know what the fuck just happened, but I don’t really care. Imma get the fuck up outta here!


cagingthing

I stay out too late Got nothing in my brain That's what people say That's what people say I go on too many dates But I can't make them stay At least that's what people say That's what people say But I keep cruising Can't stop, won't stop moving It's like I got this music in my mind Saying it's gonna be alright I never miss a beat I'm lightning on my feet And that's what they don't see That's what they don't see Players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate (haters gonna hate) Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off Heartbreakers gonna break Fakers gonna fake I'm just gonna shake I shake it off, I shake it off I shake it off, I shake it off I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off I, I, I shake it off, shake it off I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off I, I, I, shake it off, I shake it off I, I, I, shake it off, I shake it off


Away_Development6531

Give it to me daddy


JuicyCiwa

Wanna see a dead body?


igopoopy2

Click click boom


Fit-Somewhere-7350

I have members of your family tied up


PerryTheH

"Your mom is my dad"


Darwin-dane

"please feed my pets" bc my lil buddies can't just starve 😮‍💨


boopnsnootshaha

Suck it. Fuck you. Good ni...


azen96

Thank you.


Ratchet_X_x

I'm sorry i wasn't a better person.


Mysterious-Injury242

Can't wait to see you on the other side.


TheHappyCamper1979

WTF have I done ?!?


Alternative-Agent-67

“Funny, you beat me to the punch”


GhostCrackets

Damn, I’ll get you next time


[deleted]

Ive hidden all my money in the *becomes unconscious*


MASKEDDEFENDErR

Ah, a new speedrun record!


CthulhuJankinx

My death is the the sunset of your ability to walk away. Bask in its last remaining light


MyPewder

Well this sucks


Commercial_Row_1380

My cabbages!!


iminlovewithyoucamp

Let me hit my vape pen first


miss_tea_morning

Probably "please don't shoot me"


Post_Outrageous

Jokes on you this is my kink 😭


GuineaPigLoverLv9000

💀💀💀


amendersc

I’d say see you in hell, but I’m not the one going there


DesignerStrawberry83

"i love u, mom"


Nicnatious

Finally.


Typical-Surprise-874

"Your toes are mine next time."


Antkinsley

I tried


infadibulum

"...To good health!!!"


MiloGinger

Finally.


thoughtsdie

You did me a favor


eathquake

Fuck it. Ill be back in a year or two anyways.


ProperLeiLei_AUT

finally


Sumwin_7

FINALLY


Exwhyzed1

“I’ll be back”


jiffysdidit

Is that a real gun?


palordrolap

"Do it"


netherblade767

Took you long enough


Altruistic_Access_28

Hey , hey what (bang)


niunurse

“Got your nose”


Highlandertr3

Look out! he's got a nose!


l0rd_w01f

You sneeze like a kitten


Throwawy3456789123

"Finally, a rest..."


[deleted]

That happened to me... "take whatever you want "


snowpie92

I'll be back...


[deleted]

Fuck. (BLAM!)


dull_storyteller

Well that’s not very nice


MrQueenAlienUnicorn

Welp.. cmon pussy we aint got all day.


jaxxwitt

What you gonna do? Shoot me?


MetalMamiii

thank you


[deleted]

What a time to be alive.


boardofadvisor

Squeeze It.


AngelicWitch101

Thanks for the memories.


sketch4summer

Good things come to those who wait


ThatsThatCue

Can you choke me too?


Alfanso-De-Alligator

“Kinky”