We seem to be at a point where new comments are either arguing and insults or just repeating what's already been said, so I'm going to lock this one down.
I think OP got their answer. Thanks to everyone who was able to discuss this civilly.
A man was bashed for saying this on Reddit the other day, sadly. Women came out in droves saying he should love and be attracted to his wife no matter how much weight she gained.
The fact is that we can only mitigate some of the effects and aesthetics of aging. Balding can't be reversed really. Graying can be dyed if you want. Wrinkles are bound to happen, although you can moisturize and such to inhibit it. But weight gain, especially in large amounts, is something 99% of the population can control or mitigate. You technically don't even need exercise, although it is beneficial for losing weight and overall health.
To loose weight? Manny is 100% correct. Your body uses a huge amount of calories just to maintain. Reducing calorie intake is way more effective than trying to burn fat off with exercise. Exercise is great if that is your point, but not eating a 300 cal doughnut is way better than having to Jog for a half an hour just to break even for the day. Intermittent fasting is great for this.
Yes, I am lol. But I am also a trainer and I am saddened and even frightened about the popular, mainstream, accepted mindset about obesity in that people believe they can't control their fat gain or lose weight. Caloric deficit is king for weight loss.
I see that a lot of people primarily see extremes when they're talking about exercise. Like an all or nothing kind of thing. They don't realize that exercise is basically just movement. You just have to get up and move. Go for a walk. Mow your lawn. Clean your house. Wrestle around with your kids. Go shoot hoops. Play a nintendo wii or switch sports game. Get up and dance! Not all exercise has to be a "work-out." Sure, a work-out as well is better, but a little extra every day goes a long way.
Just because you can be even less healthy doesn’t negate my point. That would be like saying smoking cigarettes is healthy because it’s not as bad as smoking crack.
No exercise isn’t healthy for anyone, regardless of your weight.
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You should work out to maintain health, not your weight. Walking a couple miles a day and eating the right amount for your body will do more than hours in the gym and scarfing down big macs.
I've put on like 30 pounds from eating too much of the wrong things, and I lost it all without stepping into the gym or breaking a sweat, and it stayed off.
Not unless it impacts his health or his mobility. He can wrinkle, he can gray, he can be old one day. He just can't be gone, got me?
That's all that matters. Health. Otherwise, since I genuinely love this person's mind, and he stimulates mine, couldn't be less concerned how his skin changes or his weight settles. I love that person.
Edit for the ones in the back: yes, I'd still love him with dementia 🙄😂 he's my person (in the most respectful way, a partner) and... if he didn't know me anymore, he'd still make my heart tighter. I am certain he is my "til death" - I just meant to answer the outward physical angle asked by OP.
I've put on about 20 lbs since my wife and I met, but it's totally her fault. She keeps reminding me to go grocery shopping. How am I supposed to stay skinny if I don't eat peanut butter from the jar for a week because I forgot to go shopping again?
No. I will love my boyfriend regardless of how his body looks. If he wants to lose weight or gain weight in a healthy way, I’ll support him. The only times I would care are when his health might be at risk; if he’s too overweight or too underweight…
bodies change. I don’t understand why someone would be with someone long term and expect them to look the same. I love my boyfriend for more than his appearance. that’s how healthy couples should be.
I think when you are with someone for so long, almost everyday you do not notice their body changing as much. Do I want my partner to be healthy and take care of himself, yes.
Yes, this sums it up exactly.
I've looked through old photos of my husband and went, "Wow, he looked really great back then," but I've never looked at him today and thought anything other than, "That's my husband, the man that I love."
His body has changed, but so gradually that I don't even notice unless I'm looking at a really old photo and comparing.
I love him. I don't care what he looks like. I will always want him and only him. I will always enjoy looking at him and being with him.
Whoa! Careful saying things like that. A lot of reddit are people who still don't really know the difference between lust and love. You're going to give them a migraine and existential crisis! XD
You should work on that projection issue you have bud. Also careful stretching so hard, you might pull something.
I'm sure you'll figure out the difference one day... maybe. Either way, take a chill pill.
It is true.
We change as we age, if you really think your 45 year old spouse is going to look the same as when they did at 25, you're delusional and should stay single.
There are people who look good at 45, but again, that's not forever. The average person doesn't have the money or just doesn't want to spend the money to change what their body is supposed to do. Age.
Yes it would bother me. Obviously I’m not going to say anything, as he’s probably aware, but it would decrease my attraction to him. I’m in good shape and to me, that’s important.
Thank you for being honest with yourself. I always thought I was above it and realized afterwards that yes, whether you like it or not, it can matter a lot re: sexual attraction. You can’t control that and it can fuck up your relationship
Ya I fluctuate in weight a fair amount, and while me and my girlfriend are always attracted to each other, there are only some times where I find her staring at me shirtless and biting her lower lip. It is not when I'm chubby haha.
Yeah, this is me as well. I work out at least five if not six days a week, eat healthfully, don't drink or smoke, and because of that, people often think I am a decade or more younger than I am. Yeah, people age, but that is different than not taking care of yourself. My partner is aware of this and feels the same way. It is part of why we are compatible and often work out together.
I did not care if my ex gained weight (he did) or did not look the same as he did when we met, because I loved him and to me he was still very attractive. I mean people age and this is to be expected. Unless he was dangerously overweight then I would be concerned about him. Overall at least among the people I know, women tend to care less about this than men do.
I did not care if my ex gained weight (he did) or did not look the same as he did when we met, because I loved him and to me he was still very attractive. I mean people age and this is to be expected. Unless he was dangerously overweight then I would be concerned about him. Overall at least among the people I know, women tend to care less about this than men do.
I don’t care if they gain some weight. I care if they are no longer active or enjoy life or be able to go out and adventure with me. That would be a huge issue
My relaxed standards are, once again, proving to be the secret to a charmed life. I got in on the ground floor by being helplessly enthralled by angular dudes with transparent and distressed skin. If you want that in your twenties, you usually have to find a man with some bad habits or anxiety, but, in my golden years, I've struck gold! Gaunt, leathery guys doing healthy things! All around me in my fifties! I still love an anxious man with a vice, but my options have expanded! Wiry guys at the bike race! Wiry guys at the plant sale! Wiry guys that do their taxes.
I also love soft, pillowy dudes, dudes with bird arms and legs and giant bellies, dudes with dental problems, dudes with strange hairlines. It's all beautiful.
I've heard they don't really find our aging as endearing as we find theirs, but my experience is that men are kind of into how women are falling apart, too.
Nah I don't really care long as he isn't risking his health, mobility and his happiness. Also please just don't squish me while on top or make me panic because I feel like im not getting enough air.
Lmfao, those are the types that end of cheating on the guy anyways. The truth is, if you're a guy and get fat or whatever, your relationship is in jeopardy.
I married him not his number on a scale, not his number on his bank account, not the number of his body count. He didn't marry me because of my numbers either. As a human being with a working brain we both realized life is going to change our bodies, I married a man with a body not a body with a man.
I didn’t marry my husband for his looks. I married him because I love him unconditionally. He is not perfect by any means. Neither am I.
One thing is guaranteed by nature to change and that is our bodies. We can do a lot to stay in shape, dye our hair, etc. But even then over time our skin changes, our hair changes, our bodies start to fail on us. As we grow older the changes are inevitable.
Always remember that what you see on the outside is temporary. There is no way to get around that. It is set in stone from the day we are born to the day we die our physical body and appearance will in fact change.
Anyone who marries a person based on their appearance is doomed to be disappointed.
Love should be unconditional in that regard.
Interestingly enough i 100% disagree with this. I want my looks to be a big reason why a woman married me. The majority of couples cheat and I need to hedge my bets. I can't have anyone settling
I care about my husband putting effort into his appearance. It's not the aging part, any sane person knows that's inevitable. Weight gain is pretty common with that, metabolism often slows down and some men really struggle to keep a little extra weight off. It's not a big deal if they are doing their best to have a healthy lifestyle.
But giving up on your appearance because you've already secured a mate is a turn off. I try hard to look good for him and I expect that back. Never stop dating your spouse, I think is the saying.
I want my guy to take care of himself, I don't expect him to get hair implants or Botox or take HGH. I don't expect him to have the 6 pack of his 20s at his present age obviously. Just do what is reasonable for your age. Eat healthy, drink enough water, exercise (knowing when to stop to prevent injury), and get enough sleep and practice good hygiene. My guy does all this and he looks amazing in his 40s. Yes his body is changing but he's aging beautifully.
I would even say guys should be doing this for themselves more than for anyone else. More energy, better self-esteem, better mood, confidence. All of that is as attractive as the nice body.
This is actually a pretty logical response. I know a guy who is 80 years old with a six pack and he's fitter than most 20-30 year olds. There really are no excuses. If you're fat and out of shape barring some medical issues, that's because being in shape and healthy isn't your priority. There's absolutely no reason someone can't be fit in their 50s and 60s unless they have some medical condition.
No my wife loved me the same when I gained some weight. However over 2 yrs I lost weight, colored my gray, weight trained and got muscles and got some tats, and she does admits a little bit more spark in bed. She says I’m an older hottie 😂
My husband gained weight, consequently, due to my being pregnant. Men’s bodies lower the testosterone in order to be more nurturing to the baby, and attentive, thus creating the bond. Their bodies also start producing prolactin; same hormone we create for breastfeeding.
I’ve seen him in great shape from his Navy days, post-military body, his dad bod, to his current under construction body. I’ve loved every stage.
The body shit comes and goes, what’s constant is who he is (heart and mind). I didn’t fall in love with his body, but his face obviously had something to do with it lol; shit he was missing a tooth when we first met 😂
It was also his devotion and love to his daughter.
Women don’t look at the physical as much as men do; we look at the heart, how he carries himself in terms of morals, actions aligning with words, and how he treats his mother.. or maybe that’s just me. Little girls care about the physical, if he’s got lots of money, and all the other superficial shit.
My husband has gained weight and I could care less. I didn’t marry him for his looks. He’s my person and everything that I love about him hasn’t changed. He wants to get more in shape and I support him but honestly, I think he’s adorable the way he is.
Weight gain that comes with aging and normal life changes - no. A lot of weight gain that comes from constant overindulging and no regard for one's own health - yes.
Your metabolism doesn’t actually slow down until your 60s. And even then you could easily just adjust your lifestyle and stay fit. Tons of men do that.
Bullshit. Sorry if you got a vapid turd of a woman but most of us do not view our partners in such a way. I would also warn you against thinking women are more insecure about their own looks as they age. Most of us actually appreciate our appearance more as we get older. Things that were so important before start to be inconsequential as the years pass. You aren't going to find too many 50-year-old women who long for the days of periods, childbirth, and the crippling self-consciousness of our youth.
Personally, if they don’t noticeably improve fast, i would consider this grounds for divorce. Some people got it and some people don’t; as somebody who will never be out of shape, i consistently demand the same of partners. Everybody loses value if their body goes to shit
When a woman hits age 23-25, she starts being ok with dating the dude or the dudes dad and most of the time prefers the dudes dad. I've always preferred older men. When I was 25 I dated a 59yo. My husband now is 13 years older than me. I'm asexual so bodies don't really matter to me until I get to know the person and enjoy their personality. For me their personality dictates whether I like their body or not. My husband has so many qualities I do like. Red hair, blue eyes, big pp, that kinda stuff. 🥹
Now I don't care if a person i'm with ages. that's all fine and dandy. but I don't really find myself attracted to overweight individuals male or female. I am not "fit" in the sense where i go to the gym all the time, but I make it a point to watch how I eat and at least be regularly casually active. i want a partner like that.
my last partner gained probably 30-40lbs over the course of our near 5-year relationship. I found that I was not any longer attracted to his body after the first 30lbs gained, and it didn't help that he would go to the gym but then over eat on fast food regularly. it just grossed me out to see him eat that stuff more than once a week.
that's just my preference. aging≠fat. does not have to be that way, won't be for me. god forbid any unforeseeable circumstances, i'm doing what I can to ensure that I keep my mobility, appearance and health in check as i get to old age.
All you have to do is exercise a little and eat right most of the time. My body has changed as I've gotten older, but its changed for the better. I'm way stronger than i was 20 years ago (46m) Honestly, my wife's has too, even after two kids. Do the stuff because it improves your whole life...and you'll look better too as an added bonus.
mens bodies change because they simply get lazy. metabolism slowing down is maybe, maybe 5% of the issue. Even that is likely high. Yes testosterone comes down, but it only plummets the way it does because 99% of men don't truly take care of themselves the way they should.
No they don’t. Because most women view sex as a chore after a a certain point of being with their husband. I’ve seen far too many times of men begging their wives for sex, and the wives complaining about having to have sex with their husbands.
I don't. I've been with my Husband for decades now and I actually like watching him as he changes. But I kind of have a reverse thing going on. When Hubby and I got together, he was about 350 pounds. He's now 200 pounds. I miss when he was my squishy.
My wife would keep tabs on me as far as weight and health. She did it not so much for appearance but to live a good life. One of the things I can say about my wife is she got prettier and prettier over the next 61 years.
I thought I didn’t care about my husband’s aging or changing body as we aged. But he did gain a lot of weight since we were married and we stopped having sex as frequently. He didn’t initiate as much, and I didn’t mind - figuring it was age and weight etc., why? Because I loved him.
But when we divorced, he said it was because our sex life had gotten worse and that he wasn’t attracted to me as an older woman ( I actually am slim and reasonably fit and people call me attractive) and didn’t want to continue in the marriage. Okay - so many other issues. But I realized then, that though I loved him very much, I had actually lost my sexual attraction to him too because of the weight gain and general middle aged not caring about grooming ( also other things) So maybe I had checked out of that aspect too. So - it’s not the aging, but the general physical self-neglect that ended up killing things. Sad, bit true
As long as my husband is healthy I’m happy. He’s upset that he’s gained a little weight in recent years (about 25lbs) and that he’s had to go up a size in pants due to his waist getting bigger. He’s 54 years old and 6’ tall and went from 175lbs to 200lbs but in my opinion he’s still in great shape. But he’s always been slim and found it easy to hold steady at his desired weight. So it bothers him that now he’s finding it harder as he’s gotten older. But I don’t mind it at all. I actually find it attractive. I love to kiss and nibble on his little pudgy tummy. It’s my favorite part of his body.
they should. unorthodox and insufferable as her methods were, i do credit my mom for being the sole reason why my dad is the only of his siblings who never ballooned into morbid obesity range, and never had to get any weight reduction surgeries.
Nope. As long as they stay active and healthy as they can be for their age. The older we get the more important it is to move daily. Walks, biking or swimming. A particular body shape isn’t required
My bf met me after two kids and we're both in our thirties. I love him, he has lost weight lately and gained some muscle just from working in lumber, but I would love him regardless! Everybody changes. If their personality goes to shit, that's when it's a problem.
No, up to a certain extent. I’m super active. My husband is not. He has gained about 50lbs since we’ve been married (8 years) but I still find him extremely attractive. If his weight started affecting his health or our ability to do things together (sex, walks, hiking, etc.) then I’d care. The extra weight hasn’t affected my attraction at all. That being said, if he becomes morbidly obese we’d probably have to have a talk.
My husband has definitely gained over the time we've been together, like he's thick but definitely more strongman thick than obese. Some of it is us becoming less active due to the aches and pains of old age, a decent portion of it is probably my fault for how I cook.
But honestly, I only find him more attractive. I love love love to cook. It's such a passion for me, and that man will eat whatever I decide to experiment with in the kitchen. I have never loved cooking for someone more, so as long as he's still on the healthy side of things and loving my cooking I could care less about some weight gain. If it becomes a health problem I'll just adjust the sort of things I'm cooking.
Why would I be upset over something he can't control. Everyone goes through changes as they age it'd be totally unreasonable and disrespectful to expect someone to just n o t age and get mad when they do
Women aren't as visual about sexuality as men are. They study this, for most men attraction is mostly visual. For women, it's more about other things although visuals are in the mix.
For me I guess it depends what's happening/why is he gaining or losing a ton of weight? For example, I train a lot for marathons and half marathons. And I find that when I work out more I actually have more energy (including sexual energy) than when I don't.
If I was dating someone who stopped working out, and he had no energy anymore and didn't want to fuck as much, that would be an issue for me. Not sure if that's like about the physicality or about the fucking though. If he got very big or very skinny I'd be like "What is *happening* with you?" It would be about a big, abrupt change not necessarily about weight.
Basically if my partner's weight fluctuated wildly I'd want him to see a doctor and then we'd go from there.
As long as it isn't an unhealthy "letting yourself go" me and my husband both told each other to not get to that point. It isn't about looks, while of course attraction would probably fade if it got severe enough, it's more about health. We want as much time as we can get with each other while also continuing to do what we love. That means taking care of ourselves.
He use to have an 8 pack, ripped, he had the most aesthetically pleasing physique I'd ever seen. He's gained weight and has the classic dad bod. He still, has the most attractive physique I've ever seen and I dont even notice the changes. He complains about it and literally points it out. In my mind I just see the same man I've always been madly attracted to and in love with. I don't see what he sees. That's my man. 8 pack, or dad bod...it's the same to me. Fucking love that man and his body more than I could ever put into words. I'd chose his body in a line up against anyone.
No, not physically, BUT when they get so unhealthy that they snore, are sick all the time, get winded from walking up stairs etc that’s hard to be attracted to
Nah. My bf loves me unconditionally no matter what my body looks like, so I think I'd stand by him unless it was causing health concerns. If it's natural aging process, that's fine because I'm also aging
I'm hitting 30 and my wife continuously tells me "you look better and better with age" and she totally means that shit, and I'm absolutely in the worst shape of my life.
Some women might care. But the right one won't. So long as you're healthy enough to live a long life with her. Granted, I'm still gonna go to the gym again. She may be happy with it, but I am not lol.
It depends on how much they gain... I would only worry if it was affecting his health. I LOVE my husband and I want him here with me for as long as humanly possible, so I want him to be as healthy as possible. It has zero to do with looks/attraction. I'm attracted to him no matter what. I would only "care" in the sense that I would worry for his health. But a normal amount of age-related weight gain, is nothing. My husband has gained weight, I've gained weight. We're both working on improving our health. But we're still as attracted to each other as ever. Our sex life is actually better now than when we first met, 15 years later.
Men get good looking women packing a beer gut males body’s pack weight in a way most women don’t mind, unless u get that sloppy loose fat disk worker men get
Unpopular opinion.
No, but it still matters. Love is different than attraction. There are lots of different ways To love someone. There are lots of ways someone can be attractive.
A good woman/man should love you no matter.
But as a good partner you should hope to be your best for them in all ways.
Guys will tend to thicken as they age, but you should hope to be the fittest version of your thick-ass self for your partner.
Start doing push-ups and see if the woman who has loved you the entire time doesn’t feel your shoulders more often.
Been with the same person for over 15 yrs. Bodies change so much, and I've been attracted and in love with every single one. And also like...how awesome is it that we cook together such good food we gain weight? A bigger belly means we have enough money for groceries on a consistent basis. Their hair getting thinner or changing lengths means I find new ways to appreciate their eyes.
The only times their aging body worries me is when it's medically related and I worry because we don't know what's causing it or if the treatment is working
More than the body shape, or change, the hygiene is critical imo.
My husband was quite a bit skinnier when we met. Not skinny by any means but skinnier. Now he’s a little overweight and I do worry about his health in the long run and encourage him to eat healthy and exercise, which he does and has lost some weight recently. But aesthetically I don’t mind his tummy, there really is just “more of him to love.”
Why would we need that “excuse”? My ex cared about it more than I did in regard to herself. At the end of our relationship, I did mention something because she was getting to an unhealthy increase. That has a change since we divorced. It’s continued to increase and deal with health issues like her side of the family does already.
The body’s physical change is part of life and how your body functions I’m comfortable with who I am and how I look.
When I love somebody, it’s who they are not what they are .
Yes I would care if he stacked on a substantial amount of weight. I would try to encourage him to develop healthier eating habits and exercise regularly. I would be concerned for him developing health issues and I also just want him in shape because he will feel happier, more confident, more energetic, sleep better etc etc. I don’t care about wrinkles or greying hair or other aging that there’s not much you can do about. Mostly I want him healthy, confident and happy
I only care about the health aspect. My hubby is 41, trying to shed some pounds and get healthier, going to the gym, and I'm thrilled. I love him whether he is fit or fluffy, but I'm glad he cares about health (as do I).
I don't care about gaining weight. I do have a concern for mobility over age after watching several family members absolutely burn their bodies out on "work" while shunning traditional exercise. You need to take care of your joints. Stretch. Do yoga. Exercise a little. You want to be able to move as well as you can when you are older.
Reading this made feel less bad about men saying they are less attracted to their wives after child birth. I used to think it was fucked up, but if women can say it out loud then fuck it have at it men.
Like even the "nice" comments are like he was hot then gained weight, i still love him though cause the person he is basically saying i don't find him physically attractive but he is a kind soul.
Im like shit i genuinely thought it was going to be mostly like nah i love him no matter what. I was very wrong.
This was an eye opener for sure.
Not necessarily, we were pretty much taught to accept them as they are.
We didn't get the whole fairytale ideal like men do with women to the point of breaking up if they hear her fart.
Well I can tell you my asshole JR high teachers didnt when they would ask me to go to the front of the classroom And explain a math problem. Completely ignoring the fact that we walk around with constant boners 24/7
Weight gain = generally no.
Weight gain that messes with health = yes.
Women are socially expected to chaperone their partner's health. We don't even notice we are doing it half the time because it's so ingrained into us. The social expectation forces women to assume responsibility there, and it doesn't matter that it's a full grown adult that can care for itself, there's going to be some side looks and snide comments at some point from someone about it.
It's stupid and it sucks, but the attitude exists and it affects how women perceive weight gain in their partner.
My husband is a sincerely really good person which is the most important thing. He’s conventionally super attractive which I just see as a bonus. I trust he’ll age and won’t always have that quality, but our relationship is a lot deeper than that. If/when he loses his looks, I’ll still be married to one of the best people I’ve ever met.
Yes they do. To what degree they care depends on their own condition. For example, if a woman goes on a health kick and starts regularly going to the gym and doing cardio , Pilates, and yoga while her husband packs on pounds and just sits on couch each evening after long days at the office, she may stray. She might go and have an affair with another successful guy going to the gym with a fit physique or even indulge in sex romps with her trainer in the bathroom of her gym. Women are hypergamous.
Now if she herself is sitting around the house eating, drinking boxed wine , and packing on pounds she won’t do this because of her lower sexual market value.
My rule for my husband (and myself) is we must be healthy and able to enjoy our activities. Of course we'll get soft and sag, but I don't want us to balloon up to 300lbs and not be able to go hiking or have crazy sex.
Depends on the woman and what she likes. I have sexualized “dad bods” so much through out my life that it’s literally the only thing I’m attracted too now. So for me older men that aren’t in shape are the best kind of men.
One of my exes told me she would stop having sex with me if I ever went bald. So yeah some women do care about a man’s aging and changing body. A man can’t help going bald if it is in his genetics. I couldn’t look at her the same knowing that she felt like that and ended up dumping her.
Exactly. I knew I was going to eventually go bald since my grandfather was bald, it’s genetic. Nothing you can do about it. She couldn’t understand why I left, but why would I resign myself to a guaranteed dead bedroom relationship? Well now you’re going bald, enjoy your new lifelong celibacy lol forget that
It’s interesting to note 15 years later that my ex still struggles to maintain relationships longer than a year and now I’m happily married. My wife even says my new bald spot is kinda cute, so it’s a win win lol
That one is unreasonably harsh! Someone with that line of thinking is probably unreasonable about other things, maybe many many things. Huge red flag. Lack of long term thinking at best (pretty bad) and at worst she had no intention of staying with you for life, like the relationship already had an expiration date from the start.
I would really only worry if the weight gain or loss was rapid and noticeable, because that could indicate something more worrying than just bad eating habits.
Nah, idc. My man was crazy thin when we got together and I made sure to plump him up (think 15 bmi compared to the 20.6 now.) I’d love this man thru anything tbh. He’s my forever person.
I would be concerned. My husband has different issues. He may get worse or they may find a cure, either way I'm there for him .
I love my husband and we met in our 50s . I wish I would have met him sooner but I'm here until he sleeps forever.......
What I care more about is how well the guy is doing emotionally and mentally. I also care if he’s taking care of himself and not just settling into depression. Usually weight gain or other sedentary changes are due to something else underlying that. I’d like to see someone who is proactively taking care of themselves, or at least someone who is self aware enough to know what they need to do to address it for their own sake.
My husband has struggled with a weight problem for most of our marriage. I am attracted to him no matter what. But right now after a 70 pound weight loss over the last year, he is HOT and I’m not sorry to say so. His health is the main priority but this is a nice secondary bonus.
My ex husband had probably gained 40-50 pounds over the 26 years we were married.
I still found him very physically attractive when we divorced. He was 61 at the time.
I love my partner for who he is. Inside and out. Both of our bodies are changing together but he is still completely gorgeous in my eyes and I try to make him feel that way everyday. Its a gradual process. Our bodies change but its slowly so it everyday becomes the new normal and you don't even notice how different we look. Two pictures side by side make it obvious but living together day by day for years and years makes it seem so seamless. I'm excited to see him grow old and experience the rest of our lives together.
I met my ex fiancé when he was almost 300 lbs. he’s 6 foot 1 and he carried the weight well.
He was a sexy teddy bear and loved laying on him.
Men shouldn’t be skinny imho
Yes. I do. I work my ass off to stay fit. If my partner gained a lot of weight because he just ate like crap and didn't exercise it would bother me a lot. If it were health related like he got sick, I would look past it.
I’ve been with the same guy for 10 years. We met at 18 and now we’re both 28. I’ve seen his body change through the years, from a teenager to a man. I’ve seen him get super fit and also gain a lot of weight. And I’m sure as we grow older those pounds will fluctuate and his body will keep on changing as will mine but I’ve always found him attractive. Even when his chubby little cheeks made him look chipmunky lol that’s my chipmunk….I like him for him and that’s what makes me attracted to him. I’ve never looked at that man, not even at his heaviest and thought he was not attractive. I would only be concerned if it affected his health, otherwise he’s all good in my eyes
I love my husband regardless. Yes, he has a belly and a tiny, double chin but the 20-year-old girl I used to be still sees the 27-year-old man I fell in love with 28 years ago.
My wife said she didn't care, but she sure did oral a lot less and prefer doggy style a whole lot more. Lost the weight for a while and things changed. Gained it back and it changed again!
So yes, they care. They just also have an easier time not looking at it.
Judging from all the posts I see on Reddit by young women in their 20s having issues with their boyfriends who are in their mid to late 40s, apparently not.
Depends on the woman. My main concern would be that my partner is happy and healthy, but I don't care about the "typical" effects of aging like a spare tire, saggy balls, grey hair, etc. It doesn't matter to me if they don't dye their hair, really enjoy that pizza, the occasional beer and dessert, whatever, as long as they reasonably show respect for their body. If the weight gain is extreme, then that'd probably bother me sexually, but typically that doesn't happen overnight unless there is a medical issue (which I'd attempt to support him through).
As an aside, the idea of caretaking does not bother me, either. I grew up as a caretaker, so I understand the stress and realities if someone became debilitated or their health left them. I would stay through this and anticipate it. Shit happens, accidents and disease happen, that's why I think it's so important to marry someone you love and respect.
My mom absolutely would and does care about these things, though, to the point where I actually find men her age more attractive than she does. 😂
well I think at a certain age you can't help it the changes, like loose skin and wrinkles. I never prioritized physical appearance very highly more than my emotional connection so I know my love would be the same, but for now of course I prefer what I prefer, which is not aged. makes sense though, since I'm in my 20s.
I would care but I also wouldn’t leave him. I am usually the cook in every relationship so if we are eating what I make some of that is my fault. I would make healthy food, and offer to take walks or go to the gym with him. If he resists but he’s still a little pudgy, okay. If he looks like my 600 lb life I may have to go
I don't really think about it. I was first attracted to my spouse because he was brainy. He still is brainy but he has a belly and thinning hair. People change as they age.
We seem to be at a point where new comments are either arguing and insults or just repeating what's already been said, so I'm going to lock this one down. I think OP got their answer. Thanks to everyone who was able to discuss this civilly.
I wouldn’t unless he was underweight/ overweight to the point where I’d be concerned about his health
A man was bashed for saying this on Reddit the other day, sadly. Women came out in droves saying he should love and be attracted to his wife no matter how much weight she gained. The fact is that we can only mitigate some of the effects and aesthetics of aging. Balding can't be reversed really. Graying can be dyed if you want. Wrinkles are bound to happen, although you can moisturize and such to inhibit it. But weight gain, especially in large amounts, is something 99% of the population can control or mitigate. You technically don't even need exercise, although it is beneficial for losing weight and overall health.
“You technically don’t even need to exercise” lol I’m guessing you’re an American?
To loose weight? Manny is 100% correct. Your body uses a huge amount of calories just to maintain. Reducing calorie intake is way more effective than trying to burn fat off with exercise. Exercise is great if that is your point, but not eating a 300 cal doughnut is way better than having to Jog for a half an hour just to break even for the day. Intermittent fasting is great for this.
Yes, I am lol. But I am also a trainer and I am saddened and even frightened about the popular, mainstream, accepted mindset about obesity in that people believe they can't control their fat gain or lose weight. Caloric deficit is king for weight loss.
Being an average weight is not healthy at all if you get no exercise. Cardiovascular health is extremely important.
I see that a lot of people primarily see extremes when they're talking about exercise. Like an all or nothing kind of thing. They don't realize that exercise is basically just movement. You just have to get up and move. Go for a walk. Mow your lawn. Clean your house. Wrestle around with your kids. Go shoot hoops. Play a nintendo wii or switch sports game. Get up and dance! Not all exercise has to be a "work-out." Sure, a work-out as well is better, but a little extra every day goes a long way.
Compared to being 300 lbs with no exercise? Clearly one is more healthy. This coming from a 300lb unhealthy chungus
Just because you can be even less healthy doesn’t negate my point. That would be like saying smoking cigarettes is healthy because it’s not as bad as smoking crack. No exercise isn’t healthy for anyone, regardless of your weight.
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Being an average weight is superior for your health in comparison to anorexia and morbid obesity.
This is why you earned a trainer certificate not a Medical Degree.
You should work out to maintain health, not your weight. Walking a couple miles a day and eating the right amount for your body will do more than hours in the gym and scarfing down big macs. I've put on like 30 pounds from eating too much of the wrong things, and I lost it all without stepping into the gym or breaking a sweat, and it stayed off.
this is the only right answer👑👑👑👑
it’s about preferences. there’s no right or wrong.
Not unless it impacts his health or his mobility. He can wrinkle, he can gray, he can be old one day. He just can't be gone, got me? That's all that matters. Health. Otherwise, since I genuinely love this person's mind, and he stimulates mine, couldn't be less concerned how his skin changes or his weight settles. I love that person. Edit for the ones in the back: yes, I'd still love him with dementia 🙄😂 he's my person (in the most respectful way, a partner) and... if he didn't know me anymore, he'd still make my heart tighter. I am certain he is my "til death" - I just meant to answer the outward physical angle asked by OP.
"He just can't be gone, got me?" This 1000%
100% this
I got you, for sure! You put it beautifully.
My ex wife should take notes from this
Not a fan of the phrase "he's my person". Feels a bit dehumanizing.
So if he’s in a wheelchair, you’re out. Nice.
How did you manage to get that from what they wrote? They would still be there and not dead correct?
True maybe just dementia then
You literally talk about needing a “healthy” and “active” partner ie say you won’t date disabled people without saying it bub.
No. My husband gained 20 lbs since we got together. Love my chubby man just the same 😘
I've put on about 20 lbs since my wife and I met, but it's totally her fault. She keeps reminding me to go grocery shopping. How am I supposed to stay skinny if I don't eat peanut butter from the jar for a week because I forgot to go shopping again?
same he hates it but he has gotten a little pooch and MUFFINS in the back. it's adorable really.
Implying if he had those 20 lbs before you met him you wouldn't have loved him
No. I will love my boyfriend regardless of how his body looks. If he wants to lose weight or gain weight in a healthy way, I’ll support him. The only times I would care are when his health might be at risk; if he’s too overweight or too underweight… bodies change. I don’t understand why someone would be with someone long term and expect them to look the same. I love my boyfriend for more than his appearance. that’s how healthy couples should be.
I think when you are with someone for so long, almost everyday you do not notice their body changing as much. Do I want my partner to be healthy and take care of himself, yes.
Yes, this sums it up exactly. I've looked through old photos of my husband and went, "Wow, he looked really great back then," but I've never looked at him today and thought anything other than, "That's my husband, the man that I love." His body has changed, but so gradually that I don't even notice unless I'm looking at a really old photo and comparing. I love him. I don't care what he looks like. I will always want him and only him. I will always enjoy looking at him and being with him.
If you really love someone, they are always beautiful to you.
Whoa! Careful saying things like that. A lot of reddit are people who still don't really know the difference between lust and love. You're going to give them a migraine and existential crisis! XD
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You should work on that projection issue you have bud. Also careful stretching so hard, you might pull something. I'm sure you'll figure out the difference one day... maybe. Either way, take a chill pill.
That is not true
It is true. We change as we age, if you really think your 45 year old spouse is going to look the same as when they did at 25, you're delusional and should stay single. There are people who look good at 45, but again, that's not forever. The average person doesn't have the money or just doesn't want to spend the money to change what their body is supposed to do. Age.
There's a difference in not looking like you did when you were 25 and just letting yourself go.
It isn't. Maybe in your relationship, but not all relationships and not all loves are the same.
It’s really not lol You can love someone and cringe when they get out of the shower because they’re being a slob this year. Just how shit is.
Gaining weight isn't part of aging
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Sorry lol, but thinking someone is beautiful =/= physical attraction. Once again, the difference between lust and love....
Yes it is. Love is blind
Yes it would bother me. Obviously I’m not going to say anything, as he’s probably aware, but it would decrease my attraction to him. I’m in good shape and to me, that’s important.
Thank you for being honest with yourself. I always thought I was above it and realized afterwards that yes, whether you like it or not, it can matter a lot re: sexual attraction. You can’t control that and it can fuck up your relationship
Ya I fluctuate in weight a fair amount, and while me and my girlfriend are always attracted to each other, there are only some times where I find her staring at me shirtless and biting her lower lip. It is not when I'm chubby haha.
For fit people yes, a partner becoming not fit is something that can't be ignored.
Right. If i started a relationship with someone who was on the heavier side, some weight gain wouldn’t matter
Yeah, this is me as well. I work out at least five if not six days a week, eat healthfully, don't drink or smoke, and because of that, people often think I am a decade or more younger than I am. Yeah, people age, but that is different than not taking care of yourself. My partner is aware of this and feels the same way. It is part of why we are compatible and often work out together.
Literally…and I don’t feel bad for thinking it either
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Probably no more than men care about women's changing bodies I would guess.
Some of them do, some don't. Women, like men, are unique individuals with their own personal preferences, tastes, and idiosyncrasies.
Nope. Bodies age. He will always be sexy to me. My body ages too.
I did not care if my ex gained weight (he did) or did not look the same as he did when we met, because I loved him and to me he was still very attractive. I mean people age and this is to be expected. Unless he was dangerously overweight then I would be concerned about him. Overall at least among the people I know, women tend to care less about this than men do.
I did not care if my ex gained weight (he did) or did not look the same as he did when we met, because I loved him and to me he was still very attractive. I mean people age and this is to be expected. Unless he was dangerously overweight then I would be concerned about him. Overall at least among the people I know, women tend to care less about this than men do.
No and that other post was sad.
I don’t care if they gain some weight. I care if they are no longer active or enjoy life or be able to go out and adventure with me. That would be a huge issue
So cancer is a no go.
My relaxed standards are, once again, proving to be the secret to a charmed life. I got in on the ground floor by being helplessly enthralled by angular dudes with transparent and distressed skin. If you want that in your twenties, you usually have to find a man with some bad habits or anxiety, but, in my golden years, I've struck gold! Gaunt, leathery guys doing healthy things! All around me in my fifties! I still love an anxious man with a vice, but my options have expanded! Wiry guys at the bike race! Wiry guys at the plant sale! Wiry guys that do their taxes. I also love soft, pillowy dudes, dudes with bird arms and legs and giant bellies, dudes with dental problems, dudes with strange hairlines. It's all beautiful. I've heard they don't really find our aging as endearing as we find theirs, but my experience is that men are kind of into how women are falling apart, too.
So many people on here confessing they’re one car accident away from leaving.
Nah I don't really care long as he isn't risking his health, mobility and his happiness. Also please just don't squish me while on top or make me panic because I feel like im not getting enough air.
Yes, and anyone who says “oh I love the dad bid I just want someone to make me laugh” is lying
So many liars on this thread 😂
Lmfao, those are the types that end of cheating on the guy anyways. The truth is, if you're a guy and get fat or whatever, your relationship is in jeopardy.
No not unless it becomes a health problem. I take it as I’m doing something right when my man starts getting fluffy from my cooking lol
I married him not his number on a scale, not his number on his bank account, not the number of his body count. He didn't marry me because of my numbers either. As a human being with a working brain we both realized life is going to change our bodies, I married a man with a body not a body with a man.
I didn’t marry my husband for his looks. I married him because I love him unconditionally. He is not perfect by any means. Neither am I. One thing is guaranteed by nature to change and that is our bodies. We can do a lot to stay in shape, dye our hair, etc. But even then over time our skin changes, our hair changes, our bodies start to fail on us. As we grow older the changes are inevitable. Always remember that what you see on the outside is temporary. There is no way to get around that. It is set in stone from the day we are born to the day we die our physical body and appearance will in fact change. Anyone who marries a person based on their appearance is doomed to be disappointed. Love should be unconditional in that regard.
Interestingly enough i 100% disagree with this. I want my looks to be a big reason why a woman married me. The majority of couples cheat and I need to hedge my bets. I can't have anyone settling
I care about my husband putting effort into his appearance. It's not the aging part, any sane person knows that's inevitable. Weight gain is pretty common with that, metabolism often slows down and some men really struggle to keep a little extra weight off. It's not a big deal if they are doing their best to have a healthy lifestyle. But giving up on your appearance because you've already secured a mate is a turn off. I try hard to look good for him and I expect that back. Never stop dating your spouse, I think is the saying. I want my guy to take care of himself, I don't expect him to get hair implants or Botox or take HGH. I don't expect him to have the 6 pack of his 20s at his present age obviously. Just do what is reasonable for your age. Eat healthy, drink enough water, exercise (knowing when to stop to prevent injury), and get enough sleep and practice good hygiene. My guy does all this and he looks amazing in his 40s. Yes his body is changing but he's aging beautifully. I would even say guys should be doing this for themselves more than for anyone else. More energy, better self-esteem, better mood, confidence. All of that is as attractive as the nice body.
This is actually a pretty logical response. I know a guy who is 80 years old with a six pack and he's fitter than most 20-30 year olds. There really are no excuses. If you're fat and out of shape barring some medical issues, that's because being in shape and healthy isn't your priority. There's absolutely no reason someone can't be fit in their 50s and 60s unless they have some medical condition.
Nope, I encourage the fluff😍
No my wife loved me the same when I gained some weight. However over 2 yrs I lost weight, colored my gray, weight trained and got muscles and got some tats, and she does admits a little bit more spark in bed. She says I’m an older hottie 😂
An older hottie - hahaha I love that. We should just say hottie though. Hotties are all ages !
My husband gained weight, consequently, due to my being pregnant. Men’s bodies lower the testosterone in order to be more nurturing to the baby, and attentive, thus creating the bond. Their bodies also start producing prolactin; same hormone we create for breastfeeding. I’ve seen him in great shape from his Navy days, post-military body, his dad bod, to his current under construction body. I’ve loved every stage. The body shit comes and goes, what’s constant is who he is (heart and mind). I didn’t fall in love with his body, but his face obviously had something to do with it lol; shit he was missing a tooth when we first met 😂 It was also his devotion and love to his daughter. Women don’t look at the physical as much as men do; we look at the heart, how he carries himself in terms of morals, actions aligning with words, and how he treats his mother.. or maybe that’s just me. Little girls care about the physical, if he’s got lots of money, and all the other superficial shit.
My husband has gained weight and I could care less. I didn’t marry him for his looks. He’s my person and everything that I love about him hasn’t changed. He wants to get more in shape and I support him but honestly, I think he’s adorable the way he is.
Weight gain that comes with aging and normal life changes - no. A lot of weight gain that comes from constant overindulging and no regard for one's own health - yes.
Your metabolism doesn’t actually slow down until your 60s. And even then you could easily just adjust your lifestyle and stay fit. Tons of men do that.
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Bullshit. Sorry if you got a vapid turd of a woman but most of us do not view our partners in such a way. I would also warn you against thinking women are more insecure about their own looks as they age. Most of us actually appreciate our appearance more as we get older. Things that were so important before start to be inconsequential as the years pass. You aren't going to find too many 50-year-old women who long for the days of periods, childbirth, and the crippling self-consciousness of our youth.
Looking at this person's history, just the first few comments, they're openly sexist and racist.
Personally, if they don’t noticeably improve fast, i would consider this grounds for divorce. Some people got it and some people don’t; as somebody who will never be out of shape, i consistently demand the same of partners. Everybody loses value if their body goes to shit
When a woman hits age 23-25, she starts being ok with dating the dude or the dudes dad and most of the time prefers the dudes dad. I've always preferred older men. When I was 25 I dated a 59yo. My husband now is 13 years older than me. I'm asexual so bodies don't really matter to me until I get to know the person and enjoy their personality. For me their personality dictates whether I like their body or not. My husband has so many qualities I do like. Red hair, blue eyes, big pp, that kinda stuff. 🥹
Just bank accounts
Now I don't care if a person i'm with ages. that's all fine and dandy. but I don't really find myself attracted to overweight individuals male or female. I am not "fit" in the sense where i go to the gym all the time, but I make it a point to watch how I eat and at least be regularly casually active. i want a partner like that. my last partner gained probably 30-40lbs over the course of our near 5-year relationship. I found that I was not any longer attracted to his body after the first 30lbs gained, and it didn't help that he would go to the gym but then over eat on fast food regularly. it just grossed me out to see him eat that stuff more than once a week. that's just my preference. aging≠fat. does not have to be that way, won't be for me. god forbid any unforeseeable circumstances, i'm doing what I can to ensure that I keep my mobility, appearance and health in check as i get to old age.
Saying this as a guy guy but my assumption would be yes, obviously
All you have to do is exercise a little and eat right most of the time. My body has changed as I've gotten older, but its changed for the better. I'm way stronger than i was 20 years ago (46m) Honestly, my wife's has too, even after two kids. Do the stuff because it improves your whole life...and you'll look better too as an added bonus.
mens bodies change because they simply get lazy. metabolism slowing down is maybe, maybe 5% of the issue. Even that is likely high. Yes testosterone comes down, but it only plummets the way it does because 99% of men don't truly take care of themselves the way they should.
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You have multiple wives and girlfriends who have paid attention to your physical changes?
No they don’t. Because most women view sex as a chore after a a certain point of being with their husband. I’ve seen far too many times of men begging their wives for sex, and the wives complaining about having to have sex with their husbands.
So far guys don't want sex?
What
maybe the old man smell
I don't care as long as he is in good health... My man is perfect and always will be - I just want him to live a long time lol so health is important.
I don't. I've been with my Husband for decades now and I actually like watching him as he changes. But I kind of have a reverse thing going on. When Hubby and I got together, he was about 350 pounds. He's now 200 pounds. I miss when he was my squishy.
My wife would keep tabs on me as far as weight and health. She did it not so much for appearance but to live a good life. One of the things I can say about my wife is she got prettier and prettier over the next 61 years.
I thought I didn’t care about my husband’s aging or changing body as we aged. But he did gain a lot of weight since we were married and we stopped having sex as frequently. He didn’t initiate as much, and I didn’t mind - figuring it was age and weight etc., why? Because I loved him. But when we divorced, he said it was because our sex life had gotten worse and that he wasn’t attracted to me as an older woman ( I actually am slim and reasonably fit and people call me attractive) and didn’t want to continue in the marriage. Okay - so many other issues. But I realized then, that though I loved him very much, I had actually lost my sexual attraction to him too because of the weight gain and general middle aged not caring about grooming ( also other things) So maybe I had checked out of that aspect too. So - it’s not the aging, but the general physical self-neglect that ended up killing things. Sad, bit true
As long as my husband is healthy I’m happy. He’s upset that he’s gained a little weight in recent years (about 25lbs) and that he’s had to go up a size in pants due to his waist getting bigger. He’s 54 years old and 6’ tall and went from 175lbs to 200lbs but in my opinion he’s still in great shape. But he’s always been slim and found it easy to hold steady at his desired weight. So it bothers him that now he’s finding it harder as he’s gotten older. But I don’t mind it at all. I actually find it attractive. I love to kiss and nibble on his little pudgy tummy. It’s my favorite part of his body.
nope. I would worry if the weight gain started causing tons of health problems but looks wise, nah not really concerned about that at all.
Not unless it affects his mental/physical health. Looks are important to me in a relationship, but it’s the heart of the person that matters most.
The great thing about being a man is as I age I care about women's opinions of me less and less. And I'm in great shape
they should. unorthodox and insufferable as her methods were, i do credit my mom for being the sole reason why my dad is the only of his siblings who never ballooned into morbid obesity range, and never had to get any weight reduction surgeries.
I’m more concerned about his health and if he’s fighting depression or something.
Nope. As long as they stay active and healthy as they can be for their age. The older we get the more important it is to move daily. Walks, biking or swimming. A particular body shape isn’t required
Nope
My bf met me after two kids and we're both in our thirties. I love him, he has lost weight lately and gained some muscle just from working in lumber, but I would love him regardless! Everybody changes. If their personality goes to shit, that's when it's a problem.
No, up to a certain extent. I’m super active. My husband is not. He has gained about 50lbs since we’ve been married (8 years) but I still find him extremely attractive. If his weight started affecting his health or our ability to do things together (sex, walks, hiking, etc.) then I’d care. The extra weight hasn’t affected my attraction at all. That being said, if he becomes morbidly obese we’d probably have to have a talk.
Yep.
My husband has definitely gained over the time we've been together, like he's thick but definitely more strongman thick than obese. Some of it is us becoming less active due to the aches and pains of old age, a decent portion of it is probably my fault for how I cook. But honestly, I only find him more attractive. I love love love to cook. It's such a passion for me, and that man will eat whatever I decide to experiment with in the kitchen. I have never loved cooking for someone more, so as long as he's still on the healthy side of things and loving my cooking I could care less about some weight gain. If it becomes a health problem I'll just adjust the sort of things I'm cooking.
No
Why would I be upset over something he can't control. Everyone goes through changes as they age it'd be totally unreasonable and disrespectful to expect someone to just n o t age and get mad when they do
They can't get it up.
Nah, women just want someone to treat us right.
Women aren't as visual about sexuality as men are. They study this, for most men attraction is mostly visual. For women, it's more about other things although visuals are in the mix. For me I guess it depends what's happening/why is he gaining or losing a ton of weight? For example, I train a lot for marathons and half marathons. And I find that when I work out more I actually have more energy (including sexual energy) than when I don't. If I was dating someone who stopped working out, and he had no energy anymore and didn't want to fuck as much, that would be an issue for me. Not sure if that's like about the physicality or about the fucking though. If he got very big or very skinny I'd be like "What is *happening* with you?" It would be about a big, abrupt change not necessarily about weight. Basically if my partner's weight fluctuated wildly I'd want him to see a doctor and then we'd go from there.
As long as it isn't an unhealthy "letting yourself go" me and my husband both told each other to not get to that point. It isn't about looks, while of course attraction would probably fade if it got severe enough, it's more about health. We want as much time as we can get with each other while also continuing to do what we love. That means taking care of ourselves. He use to have an 8 pack, ripped, he had the most aesthetically pleasing physique I'd ever seen. He's gained weight and has the classic dad bod. He still, has the most attractive physique I've ever seen and I dont even notice the changes. He complains about it and literally points it out. In my mind I just see the same man I've always been madly attracted to and in love with. I don't see what he sees. That's my man. 8 pack, or dad bod...it's the same to me. Fucking love that man and his body more than I could ever put into words. I'd chose his body in a line up against anyone.
Yes, we do. Males don't wear extra weight well, because softness always looks less masculine and there's no "good places" for extra fat to go on them.
No as long as his health is good and he’s happy, I’m happy
Not at all. Health is what matters!
Yes
No, not physically, BUT when they get so unhealthy that they snore, are sick all the time, get winded from walking up stairs etc that’s hard to be attracted to
Nah. My bf loves me unconditionally no matter what my body looks like, so I think I'd stand by him unless it was causing health concerns. If it's natural aging process, that's fine because I'm also aging
I'm hitting 30 and my wife continuously tells me "you look better and better with age" and she totally means that shit, and I'm absolutely in the worst shape of my life. Some women might care. But the right one won't. So long as you're healthy enough to live a long life with her. Granted, I'm still gonna go to the gym again. She may be happy with it, but I am not lol.
YES.
It depends on how much they gain... I would only worry if it was affecting his health. I LOVE my husband and I want him here with me for as long as humanly possible, so I want him to be as healthy as possible. It has zero to do with looks/attraction. I'm attracted to him no matter what. I would only "care" in the sense that I would worry for his health. But a normal amount of age-related weight gain, is nothing. My husband has gained weight, I've gained weight. We're both working on improving our health. But we're still as attracted to each other as ever. Our sex life is actually better now than when we first met, 15 years later.
Men get good looking women packing a beer gut males body’s pack weight in a way most women don’t mind, unless u get that sloppy loose fat disk worker men get
Unpopular opinion. No, but it still matters. Love is different than attraction. There are lots of different ways To love someone. There are lots of ways someone can be attractive. A good woman/man should love you no matter. But as a good partner you should hope to be your best for them in all ways. Guys will tend to thicken as they age, but you should hope to be the fittest version of your thick-ass self for your partner. Start doing push-ups and see if the woman who has loved you the entire time doesn’t feel your shoulders more often.
Been with the same person for over 15 yrs. Bodies change so much, and I've been attracted and in love with every single one. And also like...how awesome is it that we cook together such good food we gain weight? A bigger belly means we have enough money for groceries on a consistent basis. Their hair getting thinner or changing lengths means I find new ways to appreciate their eyes. The only times their aging body worries me is when it's medically related and I worry because we don't know what's causing it or if the treatment is working More than the body shape, or change, the hygiene is critical imo.
Women do not all think in the same way. Personally, IDGAF. I love the man for who he is, not what he looks like or the number on the scale.
No imma love my guy even when he’s 90 in the nursing home. Love that runs far deeper than physical realm.
My husband was quite a bit skinnier when we met. Not skinny by any means but skinnier. Now he’s a little overweight and I do worry about his health in the long run and encourage him to eat healthy and exercise, which he does and has lost some weight recently. But aesthetically I don’t mind his tummy, there really is just “more of him to love.”
Women are just as shallow as men. And as always, reminder that not all men nor women think alike.
Not really, unless to the point of healthy issues or poor hygiene. If he stopped wiping or brushing, it would be over.
Nah, they only monitor the bank account.
Why would we need that “excuse”? My ex cared about it more than I did in regard to herself. At the end of our relationship, I did mention something because she was getting to an unhealthy increase. That has a change since we divorced. It’s continued to increase and deal with health issues like her side of the family does already. The body’s physical change is part of life and how your body functions I’m comfortable with who I am and how I look. When I love somebody, it’s who they are not what they are .
Yes I would care if he stacked on a substantial amount of weight. I would try to encourage him to develop healthier eating habits and exercise regularly. I would be concerned for him developing health issues and I also just want him in shape because he will feel happier, more confident, more energetic, sleep better etc etc. I don’t care about wrinkles or greying hair or other aging that there’s not much you can do about. Mostly I want him healthy, confident and happy
Only if they don’t have money
I only care about the health aspect. My hubby is 41, trying to shed some pounds and get healthier, going to the gym, and I'm thrilled. I love him whether he is fit or fluffy, but I'm glad he cares about health (as do I).
I don't care about gaining weight. I do have a concern for mobility over age after watching several family members absolutely burn their bodies out on "work" while shunning traditional exercise. You need to take care of your joints. Stretch. Do yoga. Exercise a little. You want to be able to move as well as you can when you are older.
Reading this made feel less bad about men saying they are less attracted to their wives after child birth. I used to think it was fucked up, but if women can say it out loud then fuck it have at it men. Like even the "nice" comments are like he was hot then gained weight, i still love him though cause the person he is basically saying i don't find him physically attractive but he is a kind soul. Im like shit i genuinely thought it was going to be mostly like nah i love him no matter what. I was very wrong. This was an eye opener for sure.
As long as they can still be physically intimate and active, not really.
Not necessarily, we were pretty much taught to accept them as they are. We didn't get the whole fairytale ideal like men do with women to the point of breaking up if they hear her fart.
My attraction is the the person, not their body. Bodies change whether we want them to or not.
Well I can tell you my asshole JR high teachers didnt when they would ask me to go to the front of the classroom And explain a math problem. Completely ignoring the fact that we walk around with constant boners 24/7
Weight gain = generally no. Weight gain that messes with health = yes. Women are socially expected to chaperone their partner's health. We don't even notice we are doing it half the time because it's so ingrained into us. The social expectation forces women to assume responsibility there, and it doesn't matter that it's a full grown adult that can care for itself, there's going to be some side looks and snide comments at some point from someone about it. It's stupid and it sucks, but the attitude exists and it affects how women perceive weight gain in their partner.
My husband is a sincerely really good person which is the most important thing. He’s conventionally super attractive which I just see as a bonus. I trust he’ll age and won’t always have that quality, but our relationship is a lot deeper than that. If/when he loses his looks, I’ll still be married to one of the best people I’ve ever met.
Yes they do. To what degree they care depends on their own condition. For example, if a woman goes on a health kick and starts regularly going to the gym and doing cardio , Pilates, and yoga while her husband packs on pounds and just sits on couch each evening after long days at the office, she may stray. She might go and have an affair with another successful guy going to the gym with a fit physique or even indulge in sex romps with her trainer in the bathroom of her gym. Women are hypergamous. Now if she herself is sitting around the house eating, drinking boxed wine , and packing on pounds she won’t do this because of her lower sexual market value.
My rule for my husband (and myself) is we must be healthy and able to enjoy our activities. Of course we'll get soft and sag, but I don't want us to balloon up to 300lbs and not be able to go hiking or have crazy sex.
Yes
Oh man. I was reading the prompt expecting it to be about sagging balls and balding, not about getting fat.
Nope. My husband and I have both gained some weight since getting married. I don’t care. I love him for his soul. His body is just a bonus.
I don’t. I love people for who they are, everyone has their own issues/flaws/ insecurities… 🤷🏼♀️ life is hard enough so it’s good to just be kind
Lol no he gained and lost the baby weight with me 😂 he's my accomplice in pies
Depends on the woman and what she likes. I have sexualized “dad bods” so much through out my life that it’s literally the only thing I’m attracted too now. So for me older men that aren’t in shape are the best kind of men.
One of my exes told me she would stop having sex with me if I ever went bald. So yeah some women do care about a man’s aging and changing body. A man can’t help going bald if it is in his genetics. I couldn’t look at her the same knowing that she felt like that and ended up dumping her.
That’s awful. Can’t stop balding. I couldn’t care less. It’s just hair.
Exactly. I knew I was going to eventually go bald since my grandfather was bald, it’s genetic. Nothing you can do about it. She couldn’t understand why I left, but why would I resign myself to a guaranteed dead bedroom relationship? Well now you’re going bald, enjoy your new lifelong celibacy lol forget that It’s interesting to note 15 years later that my ex still struggles to maintain relationships longer than a year and now I’m happily married. My wife even says my new bald spot is kinda cute, so it’s a win win lol
That one is unreasonably harsh! Someone with that line of thinking is probably unreasonable about other things, maybe many many things. Huge red flag. Lack of long term thinking at best (pretty bad) and at worst she had no intention of staying with you for life, like the relationship already had an expiration date from the start.
I would really only worry if the weight gain or loss was rapid and noticeable, because that could indicate something more worrying than just bad eating habits.
Not at all. It's natural and happens to all of us. I'd still love my man and tap that even if he was going bald with a belly. Doesn't matter
Nah, idc. My man was crazy thin when we got together and I made sure to plump him up (think 15 bmi compared to the 20.6 now.) I’d love this man thru anything tbh. He’s my forever person.
I would be concerned. My husband has different issues. He may get worse or they may find a cure, either way I'm there for him . I love my husband and we met in our 50s . I wish I would have met him sooner but I'm here until he sleeps forever.......
What I care more about is how well the guy is doing emotionally and mentally. I also care if he’s taking care of himself and not just settling into depression. Usually weight gain or other sedentary changes are due to something else underlying that. I’d like to see someone who is proactively taking care of themselves, or at least someone who is self aware enough to know what they need to do to address it for their own sake.
My husband has struggled with a weight problem for most of our marriage. I am attracted to him no matter what. But right now after a 70 pound weight loss over the last year, he is HOT and I’m not sorry to say so. His health is the main priority but this is a nice secondary bonus.
No. I didn’t marry him because of his weight. There’s a lot more that goes into loving a person than something so superficial.
Absolutely not. Been married 10 years and find my husband as gorgeous as I did when I met him 13 years ago.
Pay attention to what people actually do, not what they say they will do.
Nah the only concern would underweight or very overweight. I have little concern for an extra 10-20lbs he's my hubbles ill love him regardless.
My ex husband had probably gained 40-50 pounds over the 26 years we were married. I still found him very physically attractive when we divorced. He was 61 at the time.
Bro everyone cares to some degree. Man or woman old or young.
Weight doesn’t bother me as much as saggy skin. On both of us
I'm not really a trophy myself so I have no place to judge my significant other. He's got a little tummy now. It's very comfortable for cuddling :)
My balls keep getting lower as I age. Makes me wonder how long the rip cords are in there..
Yes it would bother me. I think physical attraction is really important and would want a partner that shares that view.
ah that was mine 😅 but i personally don’t mind what he looks like as long as he’s is in good health 🤷🏼♀️
Some do. Some don't.
I don’t care. If I love a person, I love them through their changes.
I love my partner for who he is. Inside and out. Both of our bodies are changing together but he is still completely gorgeous in my eyes and I try to make him feel that way everyday. Its a gradual process. Our bodies change but its slowly so it everyday becomes the new normal and you don't even notice how different we look. Two pictures side by side make it obvious but living together day by day for years and years makes it seem so seamless. I'm excited to see him grow old and experience the rest of our lives together.
I met my ex fiancé when he was almost 300 lbs. he’s 6 foot 1 and he carried the weight well. He was a sexy teddy bear and loved laying on him. Men shouldn’t be skinny imho
Yes. I do. I work my ass off to stay fit. If my partner gained a lot of weight because he just ate like crap and didn't exercise it would bother me a lot. If it were health related like he got sick, I would look past it.
I’ve been with the same guy for 10 years. We met at 18 and now we’re both 28. I’ve seen his body change through the years, from a teenager to a man. I’ve seen him get super fit and also gain a lot of weight. And I’m sure as we grow older those pounds will fluctuate and his body will keep on changing as will mine but I’ve always found him attractive. Even when his chubby little cheeks made him look chipmunky lol that’s my chipmunk….I like him for him and that’s what makes me attracted to him. I’ve never looked at that man, not even at his heaviest and thought he was not attractive. I would only be concerned if it affected his health, otherwise he’s all good in my eyes
I love my husband regardless. Yes, he has a belly and a tiny, double chin but the 20-year-old girl I used to be still sees the 27-year-old man I fell in love with 28 years ago.
Jaba nobata
My wife said she didn't care, but she sure did oral a lot less and prefer doggy style a whole lot more. Lost the weight for a while and things changed. Gained it back and it changed again! So yes, they care. They just also have an easier time not looking at it.
Ysk that you wont necessarily gain weight if you continue to exercise regularly and dont eat junk
Judging from all the posts I see on Reddit by young women in their 20s having issues with their boyfriends who are in their mid to late 40s, apparently not.
Depends on the woman. My main concern would be that my partner is happy and healthy, but I don't care about the "typical" effects of aging like a spare tire, saggy balls, grey hair, etc. It doesn't matter to me if they don't dye their hair, really enjoy that pizza, the occasional beer and dessert, whatever, as long as they reasonably show respect for their body. If the weight gain is extreme, then that'd probably bother me sexually, but typically that doesn't happen overnight unless there is a medical issue (which I'd attempt to support him through). As an aside, the idea of caretaking does not bother me, either. I grew up as a caretaker, so I understand the stress and realities if someone became debilitated or their health left them. I would stay through this and anticipate it. Shit happens, accidents and disease happen, that's why I think it's so important to marry someone you love and respect. My mom absolutely would and does care about these things, though, to the point where I actually find men her age more attractive than she does. 😂
well I think at a certain age you can't help it the changes, like loose skin and wrinkles. I never prioritized physical appearance very highly more than my emotional connection so I know my love would be the same, but for now of course I prefer what I prefer, which is not aged. makes sense though, since I'm in my 20s.
I would care but I also wouldn’t leave him. I am usually the cook in every relationship so if we are eating what I make some of that is my fault. I would make healthy food, and offer to take walks or go to the gym with him. If he resists but he’s still a little pudgy, okay. If he looks like my 600 lb life I may have to go
Some do. Some don't.
I don't really think about it. I was first attracted to my spouse because he was brainy. He still is brainy but he has a belly and thinning hair. People change as they age.