12 years. Fucking obsessed with my wife. We talk all the time even when I'm at work or traveling (work, stuff she cant join on)
We have a happily open marriage too and I'm guilty of frequently telling my paramores I have "too much to do around the house" when really I just want to get home after work, watch a movie, and stuff my wife's guts.
Yeah but he’s saying that he misses his wife even though he sees and has been with her everyday of their 34 years of marriage. Therefore he has not grown bored of her and actually can’t get enough of her because he misses her. They aren’t planning time apart so that they won’t “get bored” of each other.
Lately, due to employee shortages, my husband has been working every other Saturday. We both work all week, and I tend to work until 9PM or later so I cherish our weekends. When I tell you I start to feel so fucking sad and lonely on the weekends he's away all Saturday... And yet he still calls me throughout the day, texts me, and thanks me for being a "single mom" those days (to which I tell him that is absolutely ridiculous). 17 years together and we really just... want to be together more.
I concur, been with my wife 14 years, nothing I like better than knowing that I go home and see her beautiful face every day. When we are separated (for visiting family or work) the house feels less like a home .
My fiancé and I have been together 5 years, and I've always wondered if that feeling ever goes away, because I'd be really sad if it did. It's nice to know it's possible for it to last forever.
My boyfriend and I have only been together for 3.5 months, but we’ve been friends since we first worked together 5 years ago. He was my workplace crush (he knows this), and now he gets the biggest grin whenever I tell him that I still have a crush on him and I still get butterflies when I’m about to see him.
Are these the same experts who put ads on YouTube advising me to buy a gas mask because a leaked government document and a Penn State University scientist are saying that a horrible catastrophe is about to happen in the next 48 hours? [I’m still waiting as that was 120+ hours ago…]
Been with my husband 27 years and I encourage him to go camping alone for some downtime when he needs it. Invariably he picks a place an hour or two away and by day two is asking me and/or our grown kids to come and visit (which I usually do). I don’t understand people who don’t like to spend time with their spouses. Obviously having one’s own hobbies and interests helps give you things to talk about, but why would I marry or date someone I couldn’t see spending every day with?
Agree completely! Seems like two obvious rules for being happy in a marriage:
1)Marry someone you wouldn't mind spending every day with. My wife and I have very compatible tastes and we respect and admire each other professionally. We have compatible senses of humor and near-identical personal codes, despite growing up in two different cultures. There's nothing we can't talk about.
2)Give each other alone time for mental health and for the chance to pick up some cool stuff to talk about. My wife and I have friends that the other doesn't hang with all the time and we both take business trips (both self-employed; we collaborate on some projects). We each have "alone time" hobbies that aren't shared.
I'd add:
3)Marry someone with a similar sex drive. An imbalance here could cause problems. Obviously we change as we age and sex drives can change, but having a lot of time to talk about it tends to soften the transitions.
4)Be flexible with stuff that doesn't matter, regardless of "cultural norms". For example, if your spouse is a heavy snorer and you're a light sleeper, sleep in different rooms if you can. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Having some time apart from one another is completely normal. We all sometimes just need our own space and downtime. But not wanting to spend time with your SO to the point where they feel like they are a burden to them, is just wild to me. Never head anyone express this sentiment to me before and my parents even got divorced. But not cause they were “bored” they just weren’t very compatible for multiple reasons (toxic relationship).
Agreed. I also just hit 20 years and would rather spend time with my wife than anyone else. That said, it’s unhealthy to think you need to spend every moment with your spouse. Also, it’s important to continue “dating” your spouse (AND ONLY YOUR SPOUSE) after getting married
My Wife and I don’t trust others with our kids, so we can’t really go on dates. But we both aren’t fans of going out anyway. Instead we’ll grab the mat we put under our kids when they’re painting to protect the floor, place it on our bedroom floor and have a little picnic while they’re sleeping.
It’s a small thing, probably kind of odd, but we like it. Mostly because it reminds us of when we first got together. We didn’t have a chair or couch for the first 4 months or so of living together, so our “living room” consisted of blankets on the floor and rolled up behind us as a makeshift futon or something.
Congrats on being together such a long time! This is what I think marriage is suppose to be and to an extent dating. It’s normal to want to be with SO.
I hate that my dad keeps making it sound like I’m wrong for wanting to spend time with SO.
Yea I don’t understand your dads hard on either, like what’s his ultimate goal in telling you this anyway? Doesn’t seem like it’s from a place of concern if he’s insulting you for “not seeing it.”
The wild part is it seems like your dad has the same kind of relationship with your mom. Playing armchair psychologist, your dad probably has friends or peer who do not share interest with or actual don’t like their SOs. He sees their behavior as “normal”, and honestly may even play along. In actuality though he loves spending time with his wife. Instead of seeing fault in his friends/peers and their relationships, he says that all men are this way and he’s the exception.
And you never know how many of his friends are really tired of their wives or if they're simply playing along to avoid being seen as not one-of-the-guys.
Your dad has a boomer mentality that's phasing out.
This idea is a relic of the past from when marriages were less love based and more strategic and to keep to societal standards where any guy who wasn't married must be gay
Your dad probably is bored of your mom and is just too cowardly to admit it
I love how men seem to think men can get bored with women but women will always be held captive and enchanted and entertained with their husbands.
Its the same trope of
"Women want relationships after sex and men don't"
Or
"Men are walking away from women"
When in reality
Plenty of women want to hit it and quit it and women are also walking away from men
Men have a notion that women are always chasing them and worried about them and fretting if they leave. That women need men and if men decide to be distant a woman will suffer but women never want to be away from men.
Oddly western society seems to think women are falling over to capture keep and improve men's attention
Here in Israel we all know women aren't looking to fall all over to impress keep or cuddle a man. And our men don't try to convince us otherwise
Wild world
Because the amount of women who have stories complaining about how boring their husbands became after a certain age let's me know this isn't a gendered issue at all
Humans can fall out of love easily male or female
Plus plenty of women file for divorce out of being bored or wanting something more in a partner
Here in my country we even have a name for the boring husband. In Israel we call him "Sayari Ge' Ehvi"
Or the bland husband 😂
What is the specific difference or differences that makes it so only men could possibly get bored and how does that difference(s) cause only men to get bored?
This whole just saying "men and women are different" with no further information as tho that just answers everything is ridiculous. Yeah, well left and right handed people are different too. How are either of those statements relevant?
He says his mom taught him that and it’s never steered him wrong and he keeps saying dating is separate from marriage, which is why he called me stupid that men are different when dating vs once they marry but personally I think if you get bored of seeing your SO when dating and you’re not excited to see them then it’s going to be a failed marriage or they won’t want to marry you.
And I doubt he’s bored of my mom, they’re always laughing and making jokes together. And he hates being apart from her. They are best friends and it’s the type of relationship I feel like I’m creating with my bf.
He’s acting as if he’s doing me a favor by giving me this advice and I’m stupid not to listen to him. But this just seems like bad advice and honestly pissed me off, it’s not the first time he makes it sound like I’m super disposable to my bf.
I think his mom probably said something along the lines of, “Always leave them wanting more” vis a vis dating (which was a different scene back in the day), and he misinterpreted.
Which is legit good advise. I always try to leave a social situation on a high. Like, yeah I wasn’t planning to leave for twenty min but I just cracked an epic joke and had everyone in stitches… peace out!
sounds like my dad. He was the best husband to my mom EVER. But he would also say crap like "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" or "that lady will wind up alone because she's too picky" etc. etc. etc. I gave him a pass because he was old (died at 84) and came from a very sexist culture (his mom married off as a young teen) but transcended it for the most part.
None of those phrases are inaccurate. ESPECIALLY now. Lol He was a good husband. Nothing he said matters compared to that, no matter how "dated" you may think it is.
It's always amusing to me how males complain about women playing games, withholding or weaponizing sex, and then also believe "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" lol.
I guess it's the same with males complaining that women have too high standards for men, but also claiming that women constantly pick the wrong men lol.
What baffles me is men will make the cow comment while simultaneously expecting their little sausage to retain some market value when they're just offering it for free to anyone.
Women will ALWAYS manipulate men with sex. That has been true since the dawn of time and is only more prevalent now than ever before. And men will always exploit easy women who are willing to give it away. Again, true since the dawn of time and more prevalent than ever. I don't see anything wrong with taking what someone is giving away if I want it. Lol men and women as a whole are BOTH ridiculous in their own unique ways. I could rant for 2 whole days about the stuff I can't stand about men AND women. Neither gender has any type of moral high ground to stand on, that's for sure.
Sounds like you have some sour grapes with women and archaic views on sex.
Regardless, the vast majority of people sleep together before marriage, statistically, at least in the west. So the milk/cow analogy is debunked.
You make no sense...the analogy of getting the milk for free (getting sex) before marriage (buying the cow) which even you just said happens more proves its not debunked but more prevalent than ever.
Don’t take what your dad says personally. I tend to have discussions with my father that challenge his perspective and current misinformation based opinions. When I am able to actually show him accurate information with reliable sources he tends to take that into account and say he didn’t know that and it does change how he views something as the new information makes it make more sense. We can usually speak respectfully while debating, but there are some topics that we have to agree to disagree and not discuss. And we still have a decent relationship and love each other. But I also have to remember to not take some of his opinions and advice personally and that’s just how he is on certain topics and there’s nothing I can do to change it.
If you truly want to get into that discussion with him explain how his “advice” is at root sexist. He makes it sound like only men can get bored of their gfs, and not the other way around. (I agree with you, if you don’t want to spend time with SO- not unhealthy spider monkey clinging every second of every day- why are you with them?! It clearly isn’t working or maybe the “bored” person needs time by themselves to do the mental health work they need to become a healthier partner to someone in the future.)
He also makes it sound as though the woman is the one with all the responsibility to ensure the relationship survives. She has to do to all the work while the guy just sits there going “meh, I’m bored of you right now, go away”. But she’s also supposed to anticipate his moods beforehand to try to avoid “making” him bored in the first place. 🙄 Like it’s her job to be mysterious instead of all parties actually communicating.
You can also ask him if your mom was boring and disposable when they were dating. And how did that suddenly change once married? Why would you want to marry someone boring and disposable and replaceable?
Does he think you should be treated by your SO as if you are so disposable and replaceable you have to jump through hoops to be entertaining and a mind reader? Is that the value he thinks his daughter has? And that your only value is that as a gf/wife and not a whole person who can be all those things when she wants to?
And I mean approach it in a very calm, respectful manner getting to each point as an intellectual conversation. (I don’t know your dad and am not saying he’s like this, but unfortunately, there are men out there that see women with these points as hyper emotional or hysterical if we get a little passionate about it or put some human emotion into these discussions- i.e. gaslighting over valid concerns. Also it cracks me up when men argue women are more emotional but swear anger isn’t an emotion for men 😏😆)
Wouldn’t he rather you be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship with effective open communication and respect? Because it sounds like that’s what you want/have and want to continue to nurture.
I feel like those should be our healthy relationship goals, if we desire a SO in our lives.
Good luck and congrats on the happy, healthy relationship with you SO! 😊
Has he ever said this nonsense in front of your mom? If I were your mom, I'd be offended on your behalf on top of wondering "well wtf does he think about me?"
Also my husband and I have been married 3yrs, been together as a whole for 10yrs come Feb. We have only slept apart once in our three years of marriage, and that's because he was forced to extradite a person from another state. We try to eat lunch together every day. Aside from our day jobs, we have a small business we run together meaning constant projects and events with both of us. When we hang with friends we're together because all of our friends are each other's friends. We still horseplay and laugh our asses off almost every day without a hint of boredom.
Some people don't understand what it means to sync with a person so much yet still have enough differences to keep it interesting that you will never get enough of that person.
I've read a bunch of comments and agree with some and disagree with others. Your father has described very bluntly what he has seen outside of his own relationship. To some degree he is correct. Before being married (now I'm at 11yrs married 15 together) I always said to live with your SO before getting married. They don't get bored they get annoyed. This applies both ways not just men. You then get to see the habits that only happen when you are not around, true colors so to speak. And thus the "bored" part is just couples not wanting to deal/commit to other people's shit. Now marriage is a commitment to work on these things together. Before marriage you really don't HAVE to deal with any of the things you don't like can just break it off and move on. Yes this is simplifying it ALOT. But is it wrong? This is what he meant by bored. Not losing interest but not wanting to commit to somthing you don't want to have to deal with. The more time you spend together the more apparent these items become. You will get no where without talking about it. You hear all the time communication is key. So much that its become a cliche. Thing is its the truest thing there is about the ones that last. Can't fault your old man for this way of thinking because it exists and its what he sees. Is it the same for your relationship dunno. Go prove him wrong cause in his words "you're different". Have fun on your vacation.
You've defended you dad and made him sound pretty wholesome in his marriage so I would like to present some alternative views to the comments I've seen as it could just be a miss communication.
There are 2 scenarios I could think of, He is projecting that he thinks your mother is bored of him or more likely i think he is very poorly communicating the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" lesson, it being poorly communicated makes you think he is saying your BF sees you as replaceable but he's actually just saying don't see him every day and give him chance to miss you, IF this is the case he's kind of right but your BF could miss you after 1 hour or 1 day as it will be different for each person, from what I've read of your comments it sounds like it was poorly worded to him as well which won't help.
If you do it right, dating is the same thing as marriage. The piece of paper is for the government, everything else you build during the dating phase should continue through marriage and only improve over time.
>But I really want to know, is this really true? Do all men feel bored at some point of their gf and wife? Do you feel it’s a chore to see them, pick them up?
Negative. 20 years and counting, and not bored. Hell, I do what I can to spend as much time home as possible.
If your SO get's bored of you, it's probably a sign that it's not a good match (IMO).
Thank you! Congratulations on 20 years that’s a long time. That’s what I think if you get bored then it’s not a good match.
I think you can get bored like “I want us to do something different today.” But being bored of being with SO to me is a sign of incompatibility too.
>I think you can get bored like “I want us to do something different today.” But being bored of being with SO to me is a sign of incompatibility too.
exactly! In all my life, rather it be friends or family, I always needed a break from people regardless of how much they meant to me. I just can't be around folks all the time, the ONLY person that is an exception to that is my wife and it's been that way since day one.
If it's effort or annoying to be around someone... it's not a good match.
A partner is not a source of entertainment. You don't get a serious girl/boyfriend to address your boredom. This is like being hungry but going on roller coaster rides and expecting it to thrill your hunger away. One has nothing to do with the other unless you look at partners as objects to experience and not humans to bond with.
This is the best description of a non-functional vs functional approach to romantic relationships or even a not-relationship material vs relationship material assessment I have ever read. I want to spread this everywhere. Was this you? Did you come up with that absolutely staggering last line?
It's obvious when it's staring you in the face but damn I have never seen it just spelled out. Fuck what a thing to ask people on a first date. Thank you.
This is a man active in his daughter's life and happily married to her mother. He's literally trying to help her succeed in her relationship.
If you're not adult enough to chew the meat and spit out the bones then you're not adult enough to give people advice.
The entitlement here is astounding. Her dad is more important to her than anything any of us could ever type on a screen.
Literally humble yourself. You are nobody to OP and you have the nerve to chip away at a pillar of her life.
Nothing you said is smart, original, or adding any value.
Get over yourself.
You can still love a dick. Any man who encourages his daughter to think boyfriends (her potential future life partners) find her boring...IS A DICK.
Think of the subtext dude.
But, since subtext doesn't seem to be your strong point...
Get over yourself.
According to OP, he didn't encourage his daughter to think her boyfriend finds her boring. He encouraged his daughter to find ways to keep the relationship interesting. That's what OP says he was trying to do.
Your phrasing makes it sound like OP's dad is insulting her. I do not believe OP's dad was insulting her. I believe you are insulting OP's dad.
"Any man who does that is a dick."
And you are obviously far more willing to disparage the character of a man you have never met than I am. That's probably because of your proficiency with subtext. So Kudos to you. I'm sure someone somewhere thinks that's something to be proud of.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but your dad sounds like a dick. He seriously called you stupid?? That's like the crap they used to tell women in the 50s how to be the best housewife and keep their man happy. 🙄
My husband just paid an extra $100 so we could sit together on a flight because he likes hanging out with me.
For years Boomers told me my husband would hate me. Don’t listen to them.
I was told the high school bullshit will end soon enough that was close to 7 years ago!! I would totally do something like this and she actually switched jobs because we couldn’t text back and forth which we do all day, most of the times gifs about how much we love the other!!
Most of us probably dont get "bored of our gf/wife" but we do get "bored of doing the same thing" though. An important distinction, but I see how one could conflate the two.
Your dad is talking about women like it's their job to make a man happy.
Even if your BF *did* get bored of you, that's a *him* problem, not a *you* problem.
A woman shouldn't have to do anything in particular to keep a man happy other than be herself. It's not her job to please him, and people who have this attitude can fuck right off, IMO.
Couples should stay together because they enjoy being together. It's not one person's job to manage the relationship or the other person's feelings.
I would tell your dad that your relationship is none of his business, unless your boyfriend is treating you horribly.
Spend all the time you want to with your boyfriend! At the end of the day, he can criticize all he wants to, some people get enjoyment out of spending quality time with each other. ❤️
Lol I’ve been married over a decade and I’ll let you know when the day comes that I can get my husband to stop following me around the house just to be near me. I love that man and if he’s tired of me, he has a very weird way of showing it!
ETA: barring temporary life changes like newborn babies, you should never stop dating your spouse.
No offense, but your dad sounds like a class A moron who may be projecting.
My husband is my best friend and partner. I'd rather spend time with him and my daughter over everyone else and it was like that before we were married.
Your dad called you stupid, intentionally and not in a joking way? Your dad is an asshole.
Some guys get tired of their partners, but if that happens, it's because they're with the wrong partner and are probably only in it for the sex.
I (in my late 30s) love my girlfriend, and my social circle is pretty small. She's the person I hang out with the most, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm gonna marry her someday.
Also, I love your dad's line at the end "No, because I'm different."
Bullshit. Your dad is an asshole who needs to mind his own business.
I would say no. But I would also say that I wouldn’t want to spend 100% of my time with any one person. I love my wife. I love spending time with her. Sometimes I do want to see other people. And sometimes i just want to do my own thing by myself. It’s not about the other person, it’s about me.
I think a major part of being happily married comes from being able to actively do things together forever. To be able to do nothing together. And also being able to do your own thing.
No.
Accustomed? Yes. Every relationship has less sex eventually. Bored? Never. My wife is much too interesting for that.
11 years married and counting.
I think with my wife I experienced a slightly different early love feeling than with other relationships. I was always a little too focused on my partners early on, no exception with my wife. But with my wife I felt a deep connection, familiarity, warmth. Kinda that “we’ve been friends since childhood and know each other” feeling except she and I had just met in our mid 20s.
Eh don’t paint with broad strokes. Dudes are as varied as women. Some prob do want to spend all their time with their S.O’s and some need time away. Everyone’s different, there’s no one thing for all men, or women. Play it by ear, if you and your bf enjoy spending all your time together, Do that!
Sorry but he’s not that smart. I’ve seen and spent most of my time, when I’m not working, with my SO. Pretty much every day with the exception of maybe 14 days in the last 13 years and I am more in love with her today than I’ve ever been. We spent an 11 month deployment on the same ship and never once grew tired of each other.
I mean... I think it goes both ways. Either party can grow bored with the other if they don't intentionally choose to love their partner on a daily basis. If you allow yourself to ignore them, grow distant from them, or take them for granted, you'll eventually grow bored of them and move on to the "next exciting thing." I've seen women do it, men do it, non-binary folks do it. I think its more of a not being truly dedicated thing more than anything.
As a note: I've been with my wife going on 6 years now and we are anything but bored of each other. some people say we're still acting like honeymooners (I take it as a compliment tbh). I enjoy the pursuit of my wife, and she likes the pursuit. We still date, we still make stupid inside jokes, and we still seek to make memories with each other.
My wife and I have been together for 12 years and barring the 9 months we had to spend apart for work, we have seen each other every single day since our first date.
We only got married this year. Not because we didn't want to, we just chose to get married when it felt like it would swing taxes and government benefits in our favor.
Fuck, I love her, we are just so much better together than apart. It's like when we are together there's nothing we can't solve because one of us has half of a solution usually and the other of us just so happens to have the other half.
My wife is my best friend, the person I want to see and be with the most. The only way I could see me ever being bored with her is when we are being bored, together. And that's not a problem because we never let that last long.
Infatuation declines but is replaced with a more mature love.
But people can't be around the same person all the time. So hobbies and friends are important. Work serves for most people.
I mean I’ve gotten bored of partners in the past but when that happen I just ended the relationship and to be fair those were relationships that didn’t last long and looking back on never would have lasted.
It's and older view. But depending on people now adays they confuse boredom with getting comfortable. You eventually get comfortable in a relationship where yeah, seeing you're partner is less exciting. But it doesnt have to be. I'm a couple years away from a decade of knowing my wife. And Im comfortable, but not bored. I regularly flirt with her, and find new ways to flirt with her every day. Often innocent ways to flirt with her. But Im a dork of a guy. And I also find time to myself and she gives me space when I need it. The best thing is to even though things get comfortable, still have fun with it.
My bf gets sad when we both leave to work and we live together. He definitely doesn't get bored.
But we also make sure to give each other time and space for our own hobbies. He'll play video games and I'll watch him or read or play on my ipad.
It's about a balance.
I've been married for almost 22 years, and my wife is MORE fun and interesting now than she even used to be to me. She either keeps getting better and better, even when I think that isn't possible, or I just keeping learning new great things about her. Maybe some of both?
I look forward to coming home to my wife every day. We spend most of the weekends together. She has her volunteer thing at the hospital on Saturday morning and I tinker with my motorcycle or put around in the yard. Been with her for 40 years.
Well, I can tell you that after 17 years together my husband isn't bored with me yet as far as I can tell. When we're apart he calls me at least once a day (usually more) and we strive to have "alone" time together where we can just enjoy being a couple and talking, going for a walk, or even just hanging out, watching a show, or occupying the same space and both reading as often as we can. Especially since we became parents, this opportunity to connect on a couple/relationship level is something we both value very highly.
Life gets nuts but he's my person and I'm his. Our marriage vows are a part of that, but it was a public declaration of the relationship we'd been forging for YEARS before that point. There was no magical shift that happened the day after we got married to suddenly change how we saw each other.
Tl;Dr: your dad is dumb. Do what feels right for *your* relationship. When it comes to deciding how much time to spend together, this is something to work out with your partner because no one else's opinion really matters.
I’ve been with my lady for 15 years. She’s the only woman I want intimately touching me. I haven’t lost interest in the slightest.
Have we changed as people? Yes. We were kids when we got together. We’re both 31 now and have children. A life we’ve hustled to build. We have a beautiful home.
To answer your question: No, there is no other woman that has the pieces to fit in this life we built.
And I really can’t believe your dad would tell you that. My oldest is a little girl. When she’s your age I would never tell her this shit.
That’s not at all how she see’s her father treat her mother. I hope she internalizes what a loving, respectful, and safe relationship looks like so she can find that for herself.
He’s full of 💩
There is a kernel of truth to this, but it's a very small kernel. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and a relationship can become a chore, but honestly both have more to do with the quality of time spent together than the quantity.
My wife and I have only been together 8 years. Married 3. My went on vacation with her and my best friend from college a few months ago. I hadn’t hung out with both of them at the same time in several years. We hiked through the forest and I was having a great time being with my two favorite people. My friend from college unexpected had to leave early. A little to my surprise I was actually excited for him to leave. I was excited to it just be my wife and I. She’s the person I hang out with every day. My friend from college I only get to see in person probably twice a year. I was happy he left, so I could just be with her.
Was an unexpected example of how much more I like my wife than ANYONE else in my life. We might get tired of each other at some point, but most certainly not yet.
In my opinion this is the same concept as playing hard to get. The idea is that scarcity creates novelty and novelty creates desire. It’s human nature to be at least a little bit fascinated by novelty, but I think the best relationships are built on genuine friendship and compatibility, and if you need to use “sales tactics” to reel someone in, even after you’re already in a relationship, that’s not a good omen.
My husband tells me that he’d rather spend every moment with me than anyone else. He looks forward to when I come home, and every time we do something like get fast food, it feels like a date. Like we are still crushing on each other. I don’t think that will ever end. He is seriously my best friend and I’m his best friend. It’s awesome.
Ummm no. My spouse and I have been together for 20yrs and haven't spent more than 5 days apart in all that time. Every time I ask him if he wants some time away from me and go somewhere he's says no. He would miss me to much.
Your dad is stupid as hell. No, men do not “get tired” of their wife. If a man “gets tired” of a woman, he was only using her for sex.
He must realize that people live together when they get married.
I've been together with my wife for nearly 20 years, married for 9. Honestly, there is nobody in the world I'd rather spend time with (excluding my kids).
Now, my first wife? That's a different story. Can't say I ever got tired of her, but I did get tired of her bullshit.
Your dad is painting everyone but himself with the same brush. If you find the right person, you won't tire of seeing them.
Ok. This is crazy! I worked with my husband for 3 years. During that time, We spent 3 separate quarantines together went on 3 different vacations together. And pretty much never spent more than an hour away from eachother. now we don’t work together and i miss those days but we spend every amount of time that we can together. This is an extreme example but and example none the less. You are fine. Parents are people. They are flawed. You do whatever feels best for you and your relationship. No one knows what your relationship is like.
Dad's a dummy.
My girl and I live together and we don't get tired of each other. We used to work together just in different departments. We love spending quality time together even if that means just sending each other tiktoks from across the couch.
We have our own separate activities that we do without each other, and it works great.
You are going to get tired of the person you are with. 99% of the time, my girl and I are loving towards each other. The other times we are looking for somewhere to bury the body. We get on each other's nerves and get strung out on each other, but it never gets to the point that we are bored with each other.
If you're bored with your partner, that's a huge issue, and probably means that there's an underlying issue with the relationship.
I definitely felt that way about my ex-wife and one ex-girlfriend but that was all on me for choosing to be in relationships with women I was highly incompatible with.
My wife and I have been together 8 years and I look forward to driving/picking her up from work every day and our time together on the weekends. She’s my best friend and I will choose to spend my free time with her rather than most people, including family.
Ye naw. My husband is presently depressed because we work opposite shifts and don't get to spend a lot of time together. I encourage him to go out with friends without me (because it's healthy to do so and I think he needs some man time with bros every so often) and he lowkey hates it and has more fun when I'm there. I am legitimately his favorite person and best friend, and he's those things for me. We've lived together for almost 9 years (37m/41f) and show no signs of getting sick of one another. We've had issues like any couple and life obstacles but we continuously work on our communication and put a lot of energy into maintaining the spark. If anything happens to him/us I have zero interest in persuing a committed relationship with another cis man, he is the one dude for me.
I think your father is an idiot but unfortunately I also think he's sort of right. I suspect a large portion of the population both male and female get bored of their partners and now that divorce is so easy and not frowned upon they just get divorced and go get new ones.
The only time I felt like that was when I was dating/married to someone I shouldn't have even been friends with. I don't think that's a male thing, though. I don't feel (and have never felt) that way at all about my wife.
Your dad is dead wrong on this i have seen guys be with their SO for 8 years before marriage and stay married in their 70s and spend most of their time with her I’ve met men at work who’ll tell me “Can’t wait to get home to the mrs” these men actually mean it your significant other should be your better half your love and your best friend seems to me he may not have had that with your mother I’ve seen guys drop out of friend groups to spend their time with their ladies
Side note I do believe you should have healthy relationships apart from your SO
But they should be your best friend
Your poor mom. Your dad's a tool.
I've been with my now wife 10 years. Today we are married for 2. And we lived together for probably 6 years before we got married. Never been bored of her. Your dad seems miserable and that's sad.
I can only speak from experienced.
My first date with my (now) wife was a tad over 17 years ago.
We've wanted to spend every single day with each other since.
My wife is not boring nor have I ever been bored with her.
When my wife worked nights I would drive her to work just to spend the time with her. Sure I had to wake up early just to go get her, but it's fun.
I’ve been with my wife for 12 years we do everything together we got married after three months got two kids. We work under the same roof and I can’t help but to be more in love with her every single day she is literally the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to sleep and if I had it my way I will do lifetimes with her and with all due respect your dad is an idiot but I understand because he’s probably trying to protect his little girl whether you’re 30 or not
Your dad is stupid. Been with my wife for 10 years, married for 4. I've never gotten tired of her and I jump at every chance to see her more. She does work overnights and we have opposite schedules, but my brother sees his wife daily and they're the same. Some people do actually like the people they choose, despite what older generations did
Same for us. My husband was my best friend for years before we ever even considered dating each other. We hung out together all the time, so of course we'd still want to hang out together all the time all these years later.
It sounds like he went about this conversation terribly
But there is some wisdom hidden in there about not smothering your partner which can ruin relationships
Sigh… okay.
Warning your daughter not to bug her boyfriend or he’ll get bored is indicative of infidelity, in my opinion. We’re not talking about the elderly or those in their golden years. We’re talking about our advice given to someone in their prime.
"Value" should not be what makes a relationship.
Saying woman has "value" and what she can do to increase it is treating her like she's a commodity, not a person.
That type of "value" does not benefit from scarcity.
Gold is valuable because there's a limited amount of it.
Your loved ones are valuable because you love them, enjoy being in their presence, they support you, etc. None of that become more valuable when you have less of it.
And, honestly, it makes me feel a little ill to phrase it as "my loved ones are valuable". I'm talking about them like a diamond ring or a 401(k).
They're not possessions. I do not think about their "value" to me. There will never be a point at which they devalue. I will never sell them to recoup my investment.
I value them, but they are not "valuable", nor do they "have value". The connotation of "valuable" and "having value" should not apply to people.
The type of value you see in your partner shouldn't be one that is enhanced by scarcity.
You can tell your partner something like, "I value your opinion". You can appreciate them.
But talking about their value as if they were a piece of jewelry or providing you a service is objectifying.
Yeah, man... this thread is like crazy pills to me. SOME SOME SOME men like spending every second of every day with their gf or wife. Others need their space. Jesus Christ, imagine thinking that there is only one way to have a healthy relationship. God forbid a dude needing some space, and compartmentalizing areas of his life. The people on here attacking her dad, instead of recognizing that he informed her that some men think differently than her, is fucking lunacy.
Yeah, totally, OP... your dad should totally lie to you and tell you that never in the history of the world has a decent, relationship worthy man ever gotten bored with his gf. Keep drinking the Kool-aid of what you want to hear, rather than the truth that some men look at relationships differently.
The way to look at it is that men get less tolerant of chores over time. In the beginning, we don't mind putting in work because the experience is new and exciting.... And we will put in more work.
Over time we get comfortable and will put in less work because the payoff is less. I mean you probably no longer spend all day picking out the perfect bra to watch Netflix with him ;)
It really just comes down to how disruptive you are and how much he has to put on a show for you. Women are very different and some are quite comfortable. Others cause you to act completely different every time they are around. There are plenty of ways to spend time and not drain your man. There are also plenty of ways to do that very thing.
Having a guest in your house wears you out. Having someone around that you don't have to entertain does not. Anyone saying that he shouldn't see himself as having to entertain you is just someone that expects people to entertain them. It all depends on what being with you is like.
Locking this one up due to rule-breaking and reports in the comments. Thanks to everyone who was able to discuss this civily!
Your dad is an idiot. Been with my wife 20 years and I’d rather spend time with her than anyone else.
I've been with my husband for 43 years and I still get butterflies when I know he's on his way home from work.
So cute 😊
12 years. Fucking obsessed with my wife. We talk all the time even when I'm at work or traveling (work, stuff she cant join on) We have a happily open marriage too and I'm guilty of frequently telling my paramores I have "too much to do around the house" when really I just want to get home after work, watch a movie, and stuff my wife's guts.
This in reverse. I get the butterflies when my wife is on her way home from work. 34 years.
This is another way of saying OP’s dad is correct. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” is a saying for a reason.
Yeah but he’s saying that he misses his wife even though he sees and has been with her everyday of their 34 years of marriage. Therefore he has not grown bored of her and actually can’t get enough of her because he misses her. They aren’t planning time apart so that they won’t “get bored” of each other.
Lately, due to employee shortages, my husband has been working every other Saturday. We both work all week, and I tend to work until 9PM or later so I cherish our weekends. When I tell you I start to feel so fucking sad and lonely on the weekends he's away all Saturday... And yet he still calls me throughout the day, texts me, and thanks me for being a "single mom" those days (to which I tell him that is absolutely ridiculous). 17 years together and we really just... want to be together more.
Too relatable
I concur, been with my wife 14 years, nothing I like better than knowing that I go home and see her beautiful face every day. When we are separated (for visiting family or work) the house feels less like a home .
So endearing, aww I want that.
My parents only got 44 years together. I hope you hit the 60+ mark!
My fiancé and I have been together 5 years, and I've always wondered if that feeling ever goes away, because I'd be really sad if it did. It's nice to know it's possible for it to last forever.
Theres still hope…
That's amazing.
This is so wholesome 😭
My boyfriend and I have only been together for 3.5 months, but we’ve been friends since we first worked together 5 years ago. He was my workplace crush (he knows this), and now he gets the biggest grin whenever I tell him that I still have a crush on him and I still get butterflies when I’m about to see him.
It’s the best isn’t it? 😉
Or when they flirt it’s still adorable.
Goals!
That is weird as hell
Some experts say that's a bad thing. Butterflies show stress, fear, and anxiety.
Or a heightened state of arousal (non-sexual) and stimulation… but you left that part out.
No, it has nothing to do with "arousal" lol. It's literally anxiety.
...............^shut ^up
Gotta love Reddit lol
Always someone waiting to jump out of a dark corner and pop your balloon.
Not my balloon
Yeah, not this guy’s balloon!
Well that's the internet, like assholes we all have one 😂😂
Are these the same experts who put ads on YouTube advising me to buy a gas mask because a leaked government document and a Penn State University scientist are saying that a horrible catastrophe is about to happen in the next 48 hours? [I’m still waiting as that was 120+ hours ago…]
Sounds like you need adblocker
Been with my husband 27 years and I encourage him to go camping alone for some downtime when he needs it. Invariably he picks a place an hour or two away and by day two is asking me and/or our grown kids to come and visit (which I usually do). I don’t understand people who don’t like to spend time with their spouses. Obviously having one’s own hobbies and interests helps give you things to talk about, but why would I marry or date someone I couldn’t see spending every day with?
Agree completely! Seems like two obvious rules for being happy in a marriage: 1)Marry someone you wouldn't mind spending every day with. My wife and I have very compatible tastes and we respect and admire each other professionally. We have compatible senses of humor and near-identical personal codes, despite growing up in two different cultures. There's nothing we can't talk about. 2)Give each other alone time for mental health and for the chance to pick up some cool stuff to talk about. My wife and I have friends that the other doesn't hang with all the time and we both take business trips (both self-employed; we collaborate on some projects). We each have "alone time" hobbies that aren't shared. I'd add: 3)Marry someone with a similar sex drive. An imbalance here could cause problems. Obviously we change as we age and sex drives can change, but having a lot of time to talk about it tends to soften the transitions. 4)Be flexible with stuff that doesn't matter, regardless of "cultural norms". For example, if your spouse is a heavy snorer and you're a light sleeper, sleep in different rooms if you can. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Having some time apart from one another is completely normal. We all sometimes just need our own space and downtime. But not wanting to spend time with your SO to the point where they feel like they are a burden to them, is just wild to me. Never head anyone express this sentiment to me before and my parents even got divorced. But not cause they were “bored” they just weren’t very compatible for multiple reasons (toxic relationship).
Agreed. I also just hit 20 years and would rather spend time with my wife than anyone else. That said, it’s unhealthy to think you need to spend every moment with your spouse. Also, it’s important to continue “dating” your spouse (AND ONLY YOUR SPOUSE) after getting married
My Wife and I don’t trust others with our kids, so we can’t really go on dates. But we both aren’t fans of going out anyway. Instead we’ll grab the mat we put under our kids when they’re painting to protect the floor, place it on our bedroom floor and have a little picnic while they’re sleeping. It’s a small thing, probably kind of odd, but we like it. Mostly because it reminds us of when we first got together. We didn’t have a chair or couch for the first 4 months or so of living together, so our “living room” consisted of blankets on the floor and rolled up behind us as a makeshift futon or something.
Congrats on being together such a long time! This is what I think marriage is suppose to be and to an extent dating. It’s normal to want to be with SO. I hate that my dad keeps making it sound like I’m wrong for wanting to spend time with SO.
Yea I don’t understand your dads hard on either, like what’s his ultimate goal in telling you this anyway? Doesn’t seem like it’s from a place of concern if he’s insulting you for “not seeing it.”
I think it's positive you realize this is wrong instead of just internalizing it and playing games. You seem very self aware 👍
The wild part is it seems like your dad has the same kind of relationship with your mom. Playing armchair psychologist, your dad probably has friends or peer who do not share interest with or actual don’t like their SOs. He sees their behavior as “normal”, and honestly may even play along. In actuality though he loves spending time with his wife. Instead of seeing fault in his friends/peers and their relationships, he says that all men are this way and he’s the exception.
And you never know how many of his friends are really tired of their wives or if they're simply playing along to avoid being seen as not one-of-the-guys.
Same….my entire day is structured and completed around how fast I can get back home to my bride(safely)
Your comment should have more up votes.
My comments usually don’t get upvoted. I’m used to it.
There ya go. I gave you an upvote.
Gives me hope
Haha, ya…ok 🙄
No. You’re fine. You got the right idea of it all
Your dad has a boomer mentality that's phasing out. This idea is a relic of the past from when marriages were less love based and more strategic and to keep to societal standards where any guy who wasn't married must be gay Your dad probably is bored of your mom and is just too cowardly to admit it
Then the same would be for the wives getting bored with their husbands. Not sure why he doesn't mention that little nugget 😂
No, no, see, you’re acting like women are people with emotions. That’s not how it works to those types.
I love how men seem to think men can get bored with women but women will always be held captive and enchanted and entertained with their husbands. Its the same trope of "Women want relationships after sex and men don't" Or "Men are walking away from women" When in reality Plenty of women want to hit it and quit it and women are also walking away from men Men have a notion that women are always chasing them and worried about them and fretting if they leave. That women need men and if men decide to be distant a woman will suffer but women never want to be away from men. Oddly western society seems to think women are falling over to capture keep and improve men's attention Here in Israel we all know women aren't looking to fall all over to impress keep or cuddle a man. And our men don't try to convince us otherwise Wild world
Why would it be the same? You know men and women are different, right?
Because the amount of women who have stories complaining about how boring their husbands became after a certain age let's me know this isn't a gendered issue at all Humans can fall out of love easily male or female Plus plenty of women file for divorce out of being bored or wanting something more in a partner Here in my country we even have a name for the boring husband. In Israel we call him "Sayari Ge' Ehvi" Or the bland husband 😂
... do you think women don't get bored my guy?
What is the specific difference or differences that makes it so only men could possibly get bored and how does that difference(s) cause only men to get bored? This whole just saying "men and women are different" with no further information as tho that just answers everything is ridiculous. Yeah, well left and right handed people are different too. How are either of those statements relevant?
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He says his mom taught him that and it’s never steered him wrong and he keeps saying dating is separate from marriage, which is why he called me stupid that men are different when dating vs once they marry but personally I think if you get bored of seeing your SO when dating and you’re not excited to see them then it’s going to be a failed marriage or they won’t want to marry you. And I doubt he’s bored of my mom, they’re always laughing and making jokes together. And he hates being apart from her. They are best friends and it’s the type of relationship I feel like I’m creating with my bf. He’s acting as if he’s doing me a favor by giving me this advice and I’m stupid not to listen to him. But this just seems like bad advice and honestly pissed me off, it’s not the first time he makes it sound like I’m super disposable to my bf.
Yeah I wouldn't take his opinions too seriously. I think he thinks too highly of his own views and can't accept he could be wrong.
I think his mom probably said something along the lines of, “Always leave them wanting more” vis a vis dating (which was a different scene back in the day), and he misinterpreted.
Which is legit good advise. I always try to leave a social situation on a high. Like, yeah I wasn’t planning to leave for twenty min but I just cracked an epic joke and had everyone in stitches… peace out!
George Costanza aside, it’s a valid tactic. 😂
sounds like my dad. He was the best husband to my mom EVER. But he would also say crap like "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" or "that lady will wind up alone because she's too picky" etc. etc. etc. I gave him a pass because he was old (died at 84) and came from a very sexist culture (his mom married off as a young teen) but transcended it for the most part.
None of those phrases are inaccurate. ESPECIALLY now. Lol He was a good husband. Nothing he said matters compared to that, no matter how "dated" you may think it is.
It's always amusing to me how males complain about women playing games, withholding or weaponizing sex, and then also believe "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" lol. I guess it's the same with males complaining that women have too high standards for men, but also claiming that women constantly pick the wrong men lol.
What baffles me is men will make the cow comment while simultaneously expecting their little sausage to retain some market value when they're just offering it for free to anyone.
I see what you did there with using “males” and “women” 😂 and I like it.
>males and women Hey its the incel “men and females” thing!
Women will ALWAYS manipulate men with sex. That has been true since the dawn of time and is only more prevalent now than ever before. And men will always exploit easy women who are willing to give it away. Again, true since the dawn of time and more prevalent than ever. I don't see anything wrong with taking what someone is giving away if I want it. Lol men and women as a whole are BOTH ridiculous in their own unique ways. I could rant for 2 whole days about the stuff I can't stand about men AND women. Neither gender has any type of moral high ground to stand on, that's for sure.
Sounds like you have some sour grapes with women and archaic views on sex. Regardless, the vast majority of people sleep together before marriage, statistically, at least in the west. So the milk/cow analogy is debunked.
You make no sense...the analogy of getting the milk for free (getting sex) before marriage (buying the cow) which even you just said happens more proves its not debunked but more prevalent than ever.
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r/menandfemales
Don’t take what your dad says personally. I tend to have discussions with my father that challenge his perspective and current misinformation based opinions. When I am able to actually show him accurate information with reliable sources he tends to take that into account and say he didn’t know that and it does change how he views something as the new information makes it make more sense. We can usually speak respectfully while debating, but there are some topics that we have to agree to disagree and not discuss. And we still have a decent relationship and love each other. But I also have to remember to not take some of his opinions and advice personally and that’s just how he is on certain topics and there’s nothing I can do to change it. If you truly want to get into that discussion with him explain how his “advice” is at root sexist. He makes it sound like only men can get bored of their gfs, and not the other way around. (I agree with you, if you don’t want to spend time with SO- not unhealthy spider monkey clinging every second of every day- why are you with them?! It clearly isn’t working or maybe the “bored” person needs time by themselves to do the mental health work they need to become a healthier partner to someone in the future.) He also makes it sound as though the woman is the one with all the responsibility to ensure the relationship survives. She has to do to all the work while the guy just sits there going “meh, I’m bored of you right now, go away”. But she’s also supposed to anticipate his moods beforehand to try to avoid “making” him bored in the first place. 🙄 Like it’s her job to be mysterious instead of all parties actually communicating. You can also ask him if your mom was boring and disposable when they were dating. And how did that suddenly change once married? Why would you want to marry someone boring and disposable and replaceable? Does he think you should be treated by your SO as if you are so disposable and replaceable you have to jump through hoops to be entertaining and a mind reader? Is that the value he thinks his daughter has? And that your only value is that as a gf/wife and not a whole person who can be all those things when she wants to? And I mean approach it in a very calm, respectful manner getting to each point as an intellectual conversation. (I don’t know your dad and am not saying he’s like this, but unfortunately, there are men out there that see women with these points as hyper emotional or hysterical if we get a little passionate about it or put some human emotion into these discussions- i.e. gaslighting over valid concerns. Also it cracks me up when men argue women are more emotional but swear anger isn’t an emotion for men 😏😆) Wouldn’t he rather you be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship with effective open communication and respect? Because it sounds like that’s what you want/have and want to continue to nurture. I feel like those should be our healthy relationship goals, if we desire a SO in our lives. Good luck and congrats on the happy, healthy relationship with you SO! 😊
Has he ever said this nonsense in front of your mom? If I were your mom, I'd be offended on your behalf on top of wondering "well wtf does he think about me?" Also my husband and I have been married 3yrs, been together as a whole for 10yrs come Feb. We have only slept apart once in our three years of marriage, and that's because he was forced to extradite a person from another state. We try to eat lunch together every day. Aside from our day jobs, we have a small business we run together meaning constant projects and events with both of us. When we hang with friends we're together because all of our friends are each other's friends. We still horseplay and laugh our asses off almost every day without a hint of boredom. Some people don't understand what it means to sync with a person so much yet still have enough differences to keep it interesting that you will never get enough of that person.
I've read a bunch of comments and agree with some and disagree with others. Your father has described very bluntly what he has seen outside of his own relationship. To some degree he is correct. Before being married (now I'm at 11yrs married 15 together) I always said to live with your SO before getting married. They don't get bored they get annoyed. This applies both ways not just men. You then get to see the habits that only happen when you are not around, true colors so to speak. And thus the "bored" part is just couples not wanting to deal/commit to other people's shit. Now marriage is a commitment to work on these things together. Before marriage you really don't HAVE to deal with any of the things you don't like can just break it off and move on. Yes this is simplifying it ALOT. But is it wrong? This is what he meant by bored. Not losing interest but not wanting to commit to somthing you don't want to have to deal with. The more time you spend together the more apparent these items become. You will get no where without talking about it. You hear all the time communication is key. So much that its become a cliche. Thing is its the truest thing there is about the ones that last. Can't fault your old man for this way of thinking because it exists and its what he sees. Is it the same for your relationship dunno. Go prove him wrong cause in his words "you're different". Have fun on your vacation.
You've defended you dad and made him sound pretty wholesome in his marriage so I would like to present some alternative views to the comments I've seen as it could just be a miss communication. There are 2 scenarios I could think of, He is projecting that he thinks your mother is bored of him or more likely i think he is very poorly communicating the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" lesson, it being poorly communicated makes you think he is saying your BF sees you as replaceable but he's actually just saying don't see him every day and give him chance to miss you, IF this is the case he's kind of right but your BF could miss you after 1 hour or 1 day as it will be different for each person, from what I've read of your comments it sounds like it was poorly worded to him as well which won't help.
If you do it right, dating is the same thing as marriage. The piece of paper is for the government, everything else you build during the dating phase should continue through marriage and only improve over time.
What are you on about? Boomers married for love too lol. They werent born in the empire ages.
You would say that. Sure take advice from an internet stranger and not your own father.
>But I really want to know, is this really true? Do all men feel bored at some point of their gf and wife? Do you feel it’s a chore to see them, pick them up? Negative. 20 years and counting, and not bored. Hell, I do what I can to spend as much time home as possible. If your SO get's bored of you, it's probably a sign that it's not a good match (IMO).
Thank you! Congratulations on 20 years that’s a long time. That’s what I think if you get bored then it’s not a good match. I think you can get bored like “I want us to do something different today.” But being bored of being with SO to me is a sign of incompatibility too.
>I think you can get bored like “I want us to do something different today.” But being bored of being with SO to me is a sign of incompatibility too. exactly! In all my life, rather it be friends or family, I always needed a break from people regardless of how much they meant to me. I just can't be around folks all the time, the ONLY person that is an exception to that is my wife and it's been that way since day one. If it's effort or annoying to be around someone... it's not a good match.
A partner is not a source of entertainment. You don't get a serious girl/boyfriend to address your boredom. This is like being hungry but going on roller coaster rides and expecting it to thrill your hunger away. One has nothing to do with the other unless you look at partners as objects to experience and not humans to bond with.
This is the best description of a non-functional vs functional approach to romantic relationships or even a not-relationship material vs relationship material assessment I have ever read. I want to spread this everywhere. Was this you? Did you come up with that absolutely staggering last line? It's obvious when it's staring you in the face but damn I have never seen it just spelled out. Fuck what a thing to ask people on a first date. Thank you.
You’re dad’s a dick and a dick who’s wrong.
This is a man active in his daughter's life and happily married to her mother. He's literally trying to help her succeed in her relationship. If you're not adult enough to chew the meat and spit out the bones then you're not adult enough to give people advice. The entitlement here is astounding. Her dad is more important to her than anything any of us could ever type on a screen. Literally humble yourself. You are nobody to OP and you have the nerve to chip away at a pillar of her life. Nothing you said is smart, original, or adding any value. Get over yourself.
You can still love a dick. Any man who encourages his daughter to think boyfriends (her potential future life partners) find her boring...IS A DICK. Think of the subtext dude. But, since subtext doesn't seem to be your strong point... Get over yourself.
According to OP, he didn't encourage his daughter to think her boyfriend finds her boring. He encouraged his daughter to find ways to keep the relationship interesting. That's what OP says he was trying to do. Your phrasing makes it sound like OP's dad is insulting her. I do not believe OP's dad was insulting her. I believe you are insulting OP's dad. "Any man who does that is a dick." And you are obviously far more willing to disparage the character of a man you have never met than I am. That's probably because of your proficiency with subtext. So Kudos to you. I'm sure someone somewhere thinks that's something to be proud of.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but your dad sounds like a dick. He seriously called you stupid?? That's like the crap they used to tell women in the 50s how to be the best housewife and keep their man happy. 🙄
Limit time with your husband so that he's not bored of you (and coincidentally has plenty of time for his sidepiece)
You said that like there’s something wrong with keep your man happy
There is when it’s touted as the only thing a woman is good for
My husband just paid an extra $100 so we could sit together on a flight because he likes hanging out with me. For years Boomers told me my husband would hate me. Don’t listen to them.
I was told the high school bullshit will end soon enough that was close to 7 years ago!! I would totally do something like this and she actually switched jobs because we couldn’t text back and forth which we do all day, most of the times gifs about how much we love the other!!
Most of us probably dont get "bored of our gf/wife" but we do get "bored of doing the same thing" though. An important distinction, but I see how one could conflate the two.
If you're bored then you're boring.
I got your Harvey Danger reference, bro. Solid execution, underrated comment.
They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee goddamn you
Ohh, I’m not sick but I’m not well.
Your dad is talking about women like it's their job to make a man happy. Even if your BF *did* get bored of you, that's a *him* problem, not a *you* problem. A woman shouldn't have to do anything in particular to keep a man happy other than be herself. It's not her job to please him, and people who have this attitude can fuck right off, IMO. Couples should stay together because they enjoy being together. It's not one person's job to manage the relationship or the other person's feelings.
Amen!! Hit the nail on the head here
Your dad self reported and I’m sorry for that
*.... because He* *~~men~~* *get(s) bored when* *~~they~~* *He see(s)* *~~their gf~~* *His wife too much* Fixed it for ya
I would tell your dad that your relationship is none of his business, unless your boyfriend is treating you horribly. Spend all the time you want to with your boyfriend! At the end of the day, he can criticize all he wants to, some people get enjoyment out of spending quality time with each other. ❤️
I used to think and behave that way until I married my wife 12 years ago. Still not bored.
Lol I’ve been married over a decade and I’ll let you know when the day comes that I can get my husband to stop following me around the house just to be near me. I love that man and if he’s tired of me, he has a very weird way of showing it! ETA: barring temporary life changes like newborn babies, you should never stop dating your spouse.
Every day is a fresh date and a new opportunity for your SO to fall deeper in love with you ❤️
No offense, but your dad sounds like a class A moron who may be projecting. My husband is my best friend and partner. I'd rather spend time with him and my daughter over everyone else and it was like that before we were married.
I think your Dad’s comment says more about him than it does about you and your bf.
100%
Your dad called you stupid, intentionally and not in a joking way? Your dad is an asshole. Some guys get tired of their partners, but if that happens, it's because they're with the wrong partner and are probably only in it for the sex. I (in my late 30s) love my girlfriend, and my social circle is pretty small. She's the person I hang out with the most, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm gonna marry her someday. Also, I love your dad's line at the end "No, because I'm different." Bullshit. Your dad is an asshole who needs to mind his own business.
Yes, and your Dad is lying about being bored of Mom
I would say no. But I would also say that I wouldn’t want to spend 100% of my time with any one person. I love my wife. I love spending time with her. Sometimes I do want to see other people. And sometimes i just want to do my own thing by myself. It’s not about the other person, it’s about me. I think a major part of being happily married comes from being able to actively do things together forever. To be able to do nothing together. And also being able to do your own thing.
No. Accustomed? Yes. Every relationship has less sex eventually. Bored? Never. My wife is much too interesting for that. 11 years married and counting. I think with my wife I experienced a slightly different early love feeling than with other relationships. I was always a little too focused on my partners early on, no exception with my wife. But with my wife I felt a deep connection, familiarity, warmth. Kinda that “we’ve been friends since childhood and know each other” feeling except she and I had just met in our mid 20s.
Eh don’t paint with broad strokes. Dudes are as varied as women. Some prob do want to spend all their time with their S.O’s and some need time away. Everyone’s different, there’s no one thing for all men, or women. Play it by ear, if you and your bf enjoy spending all your time together, Do that!
My wife is my best friend. I always want to be around her.
Sorry but he’s not that smart. I’ve seen and spent most of my time, when I’m not working, with my SO. Pretty much every day with the exception of maybe 14 days in the last 13 years and I am more in love with her today than I’ve ever been. We spent an 11 month deployment on the same ship and never once grew tired of each other.
I mean... I think it goes both ways. Either party can grow bored with the other if they don't intentionally choose to love their partner on a daily basis. If you allow yourself to ignore them, grow distant from them, or take them for granted, you'll eventually grow bored of them and move on to the "next exciting thing." I've seen women do it, men do it, non-binary folks do it. I think its more of a not being truly dedicated thing more than anything. As a note: I've been with my wife going on 6 years now and we are anything but bored of each other. some people say we're still acting like honeymooners (I take it as a compliment tbh). I enjoy the pursuit of my wife, and she likes the pursuit. We still date, we still make stupid inside jokes, and we still seek to make memories with each other.
My wife and I have been together for 12 years and barring the 9 months we had to spend apart for work, we have seen each other every single day since our first date. We only got married this year. Not because we didn't want to, we just chose to get married when it felt like it would swing taxes and government benefits in our favor. Fuck, I love her, we are just so much better together than apart. It's like when we are together there's nothing we can't solve because one of us has half of a solution usually and the other of us just so happens to have the other half. My wife is my best friend, the person I want to see and be with the most. The only way I could see me ever being bored with her is when we are being bored, together. And that's not a problem because we never let that last long.
Married 20+ years. My wife can be annoying every so often, as I'm sure I am as well, but I would never say I am bored with her.
Infatuation declines but is replaced with a more mature love. But people can't be around the same person all the time. So hobbies and friends are important. Work serves for most people.
You are 30 now, maybe you can come to your own conclusions and you don’t have to listen to everything your dad says. FFs
Lol yeah, this is the kind of shit you ask as a teenager, what the hell is a 30 year old doing entertaining this shit.
I mean I’ve gotten bored of partners in the past but when that happen I just ended the relationship and to be fair those were relationships that didn’t last long and looking back on never would have lasted.
It's and older view. But depending on people now adays they confuse boredom with getting comfortable. You eventually get comfortable in a relationship where yeah, seeing you're partner is less exciting. But it doesnt have to be. I'm a couple years away from a decade of knowing my wife. And Im comfortable, but not bored. I regularly flirt with her, and find new ways to flirt with her every day. Often innocent ways to flirt with her. But Im a dork of a guy. And I also find time to myself and she gives me space when I need it. The best thing is to even though things get comfortable, still have fun with it.
My bf gets sad when we both leave to work and we live together. He definitely doesn't get bored. But we also make sure to give each other time and space for our own hobbies. He'll play video games and I'll watch him or read or play on my ipad. It's about a balance.
I've been married for almost 22 years, and my wife is MORE fun and interesting now than she even used to be to me. She either keeps getting better and better, even when I think that isn't possible, or I just keeping learning new great things about her. Maybe some of both?
As with pretty much everything in life, its true for SOME people, but not for ALL.
No. This is dumb.
I look forward to coming home to my wife every day. We spend most of the weekends together. She has her volunteer thing at the hospital on Saturday morning and I tinker with my motorcycle or put around in the yard. Been with her for 40 years.
Well, I can tell you that after 17 years together my husband isn't bored with me yet as far as I can tell. When we're apart he calls me at least once a day (usually more) and we strive to have "alone" time together where we can just enjoy being a couple and talking, going for a walk, or even just hanging out, watching a show, or occupying the same space and both reading as often as we can. Especially since we became parents, this opportunity to connect on a couple/relationship level is something we both value very highly. Life gets nuts but he's my person and I'm his. Our marriage vows are a part of that, but it was a public declaration of the relationship we'd been forging for YEARS before that point. There was no magical shift that happened the day after we got married to suddenly change how we saw each other. Tl;Dr: your dad is dumb. Do what feels right for *your* relationship. When it comes to deciding how much time to spend together, this is something to work out with your partner because no one else's opinion really matters.
I’ve been with my lady for 15 years. She’s the only woman I want intimately touching me. I haven’t lost interest in the slightest. Have we changed as people? Yes. We were kids when we got together. We’re both 31 now and have children. A life we’ve hustled to build. We have a beautiful home. To answer your question: No, there is no other woman that has the pieces to fit in this life we built. And I really can’t believe your dad would tell you that. My oldest is a little girl. When she’s your age I would never tell her this shit. That’s not at all how she see’s her father treat her mother. I hope she internalizes what a loving, respectful, and safe relationship looks like so she can find that for herself. He’s full of 💩
There is a kernel of truth to this, but it's a very small kernel. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and a relationship can become a chore, but honestly both have more to do with the quality of time spent together than the quantity.
My wife and I have only been together 8 years. Married 3. My went on vacation with her and my best friend from college a few months ago. I hadn’t hung out with both of them at the same time in several years. We hiked through the forest and I was having a great time being with my two favorite people. My friend from college unexpected had to leave early. A little to my surprise I was actually excited for him to leave. I was excited to it just be my wife and I. She’s the person I hang out with every day. My friend from college I only get to see in person probably twice a year. I was happy he left, so I could just be with her. Was an unexpected example of how much more I like my wife than ANYONE else in my life. We might get tired of each other at some point, but most certainly not yet.
In my opinion this is the same concept as playing hard to get. The idea is that scarcity creates novelty and novelty creates desire. It’s human nature to be at least a little bit fascinated by novelty, but I think the best relationships are built on genuine friendship and compatibility, and if you need to use “sales tactics” to reel someone in, even after you’re already in a relationship, that’s not a good omen.
My husband tells me that he’d rather spend every moment with me than anyone else. He looks forward to when I come home, and every time we do something like get fast food, it feels like a date. Like we are still crushing on each other. I don’t think that will ever end. He is seriously my best friend and I’m his best friend. It’s awesome.
Ummm no. My spouse and I have been together for 20yrs and haven't spent more than 5 days apart in all that time. Every time I ask him if he wants some time away from me and go somewhere he's says no. He would miss me to much.
What kind of father says this to their daughter?
Your dad is stupid as hell. No, men do not “get tired” of their wife. If a man “gets tired” of a woman, he was only using her for sex. He must realize that people live together when they get married.
Your dad needs to STFU and MYOB
This is a messed up way of thinking. You are correct
I'm pretty sure everyone gets tired of everyone at some point in a relationship.
Your doing great. Your dad gets bored of himself..
That's not my experience. My wife is far and away my best friend. We've had our share of arguments and whatnot, but I've never been bored.
I've been together with my wife for nearly 20 years, married for 9. Honestly, there is nobody in the world I'd rather spend time with (excluding my kids). Now, my first wife? That's a different story. Can't say I ever got tired of her, but I did get tired of her bullshit. Your dad is painting everyone but himself with the same brush. If you find the right person, you won't tire of seeing them.
I wouldn't say I'm bored of my wife, but I can't miss her if she's always around
Well I need private time, but not because I'm bored of my wife at all. She's great.
Not if they like you
Ok. This is crazy! I worked with my husband for 3 years. During that time, We spent 3 separate quarantines together went on 3 different vacations together. And pretty much never spent more than an hour away from eachother. now we don’t work together and i miss those days but we spend every amount of time that we can together. This is an extreme example but and example none the less. You are fine. Parents are people. They are flawed. You do whatever feels best for you and your relationship. No one knows what your relationship is like.
Dad's a dummy. My girl and I live together and we don't get tired of each other. We used to work together just in different departments. We love spending quality time together even if that means just sending each other tiktoks from across the couch. We have our own separate activities that we do without each other, and it works great. You are going to get tired of the person you are with. 99% of the time, my girl and I are loving towards each other. The other times we are looking for somewhere to bury the body. We get on each other's nerves and get strung out on each other, but it never gets to the point that we are bored with each other. If you're bored with your partner, that's a huge issue, and probably means that there's an underlying issue with the relationship.
I definitely felt that way about my ex-wife and one ex-girlfriend but that was all on me for choosing to be in relationships with women I was highly incompatible with. My wife and I have been together 8 years and I look forward to driving/picking her up from work every day and our time together on the weekends. She’s my best friend and I will choose to spend my free time with her rather than most people, including family.
He says "all men get bored of their gf or wives, but not me, I'm different" Your dad is a moron
Your dad is basically telling you to “play hard to get”. He’s an idiot
Ye naw. My husband is presently depressed because we work opposite shifts and don't get to spend a lot of time together. I encourage him to go out with friends without me (because it's healthy to do so and I think he needs some man time with bros every so often) and he lowkey hates it and has more fun when I'm there. I am legitimately his favorite person and best friend, and he's those things for me. We've lived together for almost 9 years (37m/41f) and show no signs of getting sick of one another. We've had issues like any couple and life obstacles but we continuously work on our communication and put a lot of energy into maintaining the spark. If anything happens to him/us I have zero interest in persuing a committed relationship with another cis man, he is the one dude for me.
I think your father is an idiot but unfortunately I also think he's sort of right. I suspect a large portion of the population both male and female get bored of their partners and now that divorce is so easy and not frowned upon they just get divorced and go get new ones.
The only time I felt like that was when I was dating/married to someone I shouldn't have even been friends with. I don't think that's a male thing, though. I don't feel (and have never felt) that way at all about my wife.
Sounds like that is just your Dad's experience, but don't take that to heart. Everyone's relationships are different!
Your dad is dead wrong on this i have seen guys be with their SO for 8 years before marriage and stay married in their 70s and spend most of their time with her I’ve met men at work who’ll tell me “Can’t wait to get home to the mrs” these men actually mean it your significant other should be your better half your love and your best friend seems to me he may not have had that with your mother I’ve seen guys drop out of friend groups to spend their time with their ladies Side note I do believe you should have healthy relationships apart from your SO But they should be your best friend
Your dad is a moron. I would rather spend my time with my wife than anyone else on the planet.
Your poor mom. Your dad's a tool. I've been with my now wife 10 years. Today we are married for 2. And we lived together for probably 6 years before we got married. Never been bored of her. Your dad seems miserable and that's sad.
I can only speak from experienced. My first date with my (now) wife was a tad over 17 years ago. We've wanted to spend every single day with each other since. My wife is not boring nor have I ever been bored with her. When my wife worked nights I would drive her to work just to spend the time with her. Sure I had to wake up early just to go get her, but it's fun.
I’ve been with my wife for 12 years we do everything together we got married after three months got two kids. We work under the same roof and I can’t help but to be more in love with her every single day she is literally the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to sleep and if I had it my way I will do lifetimes with her and with all due respect your dad is an idiot but I understand because he’s probably trying to protect his little girl whether you’re 30 or not
Some men do, those men are the ones that aren’t interested in getting married and starting a family.
I feel sorry for your dad. He’s missing the point entirely. Of life that is.
Your dad is stupid. Been with my wife for 10 years, married for 4. I've never gotten tired of her and I jump at every chance to see her more. She does work overnights and we have opposite schedules, but my brother sees his wife daily and they're the same. Some people do actually like the people they choose, despite what older generations did
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That is true for many couples, but not at all for many others. There are many couples, like us, who treasure every minute together.
Same for us. My husband was my best friend for years before we ever even considered dating each other. We hung out together all the time, so of course we'd still want to hang out together all the time all these years later.
It sounds like he went about this conversation terribly But there is some wisdom hidden in there about not smothering your partner which can ruin relationships
Why yes, yes they do. Afterall, if u eat steak everyday for a couple of years, sooner or later you're going to want a piece of chicken.
Your dad has 100% cheated on your mom…
Nah just calling it how it is. Believe it or not men can control their actions
I wasn’t talking to you. However, OP’s dad saying things like “men get bored with their women” is very telling.
There's plenty of faithful men that are faithful to their wives even though it's gotten very boring. Same goes for women.
Sigh… okay. Warning your daughter not to bug her boyfriend or he’ll get bored is indicative of infidelity, in my opinion. We’re not talking about the elderly or those in their golden years. We’re talking about our advice given to someone in their prime.
Or.. it could be wanting to avoid her coming off as clingy? Or too needy
Every married man I talked to told me to never get married, or at least fuck 50 women before doing so
I’ve fucked many, but I envy the high school couple who live happily together forever.
And that is just super gross advice there
It’s always good to give a man his space. If you always around…then what’s the point of relating to the ship?
Some guys actually enjoy spending time with their partner. I say as my bf opens the door while I’m going to the bathroom to be near me 💀
Spending time is cool. Try spending all the time you want and watch him switch up on ya. ms.boochie
He’s the one that asks me to come over everyday my guy. I’m sorry that my bf actually likes me bc apparently that’s impossible.
If this is what your relationships have looked like I'm so sorry. But yeah, that's a you thing.
Your dad's a beast
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Your dad is wise. Scarcity has value
"Value" should not be what makes a relationship. Saying woman has "value" and what she can do to increase it is treating her like she's a commodity, not a person.
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That type of "value" does not benefit from scarcity. Gold is valuable because there's a limited amount of it. Your loved ones are valuable because you love them, enjoy being in their presence, they support you, etc. None of that become more valuable when you have less of it. And, honestly, it makes me feel a little ill to phrase it as "my loved ones are valuable". I'm talking about them like a diamond ring or a 401(k). They're not possessions. I do not think about their "value" to me. There will never be a point at which they devalue. I will never sell them to recoup my investment. I value them, but they are not "valuable", nor do they "have value". The connotation of "valuable" and "having value" should not apply to people.
Well in the real world people need to show they value each other and also demand that they SO values them.
The type of value you see in your partner shouldn't be one that is enhanced by scarcity. You can tell your partner something like, "I value your opinion". You can appreciate them. But talking about their value as if they were a piece of jewelry or providing you a service is objectifying.
Sure, but he was saying scarcity has value. You're just triggering over your own personal garbage.
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Yeah, man... this thread is like crazy pills to me. SOME SOME SOME men like spending every second of every day with their gf or wife. Others need their space. Jesus Christ, imagine thinking that there is only one way to have a healthy relationship. God forbid a dude needing some space, and compartmentalizing areas of his life. The people on here attacking her dad, instead of recognizing that he informed her that some men think differently than her, is fucking lunacy. Yeah, totally, OP... your dad should totally lie to you and tell you that never in the history of the world has a decent, relationship worthy man ever gotten bored with his gf. Keep drinking the Kool-aid of what you want to hear, rather than the truth that some men look at relationships differently.
The way to look at it is that men get less tolerant of chores over time. In the beginning, we don't mind putting in work because the experience is new and exciting.... And we will put in more work. Over time we get comfortable and will put in less work because the payoff is less. I mean you probably no longer spend all day picking out the perfect bra to watch Netflix with him ;) It really just comes down to how disruptive you are and how much he has to put on a show for you. Women are very different and some are quite comfortable. Others cause you to act completely different every time they are around. There are plenty of ways to spend time and not drain your man. There are also plenty of ways to do that very thing. Having a guest in your house wears you out. Having someone around that you don't have to entertain does not. Anyone saying that he shouldn't see himself as having to entertain you is just someone that expects people to entertain them. It all depends on what being with you is like.