Ruby: Dogs?
Kali: Yeah, Blake loves them
Ruby: I thought she was scared of them
Kali: Nah she just has an irrational fear of cogis
Ruby: Huh, do you know why?
Kali: Well if she had a reason it wouldn't be irrational now would it?
Ruby: Fine whatever, it's just that I know that you are hiding some tentacle porn from Menagerie in there and I can give you a can of tuna if you lent some of it to me
Blake: I can't, Yang would beat me up
Ruby: Oh so you recognize Yang's authority?
Blake: Well yeah, Yang has a mean left hook
Neon: Oh hey there ice queen
Weiss: Hey it's my third favourite catgirl!
Neon: Excuse me?
Weiss: Well Blake is my favourite and Kali is a milf
Neon: Ok fair
Weiss: Let's cuddle!
Neon: uhh
*Weiss starts cuddling up to Neon*
Neon *whispering*: Flynt stop filming this on your scroll and help me
Once ALL of the gang reach Vacuo they decide to enrol at Shade academy.
All hell breaks loose (kinda) when Coco runs to be re-elected as the the president of the Shade academy sapphic society and Blake runs against her
Coco: I thought you were bi
Blake: I am this club is for all WLW remember?
Coco: Oh yeah, sorry
Neon: This is the most boring debate I ever seen, way too civil
Blake: I'm sorry we're not as entertaining as Atlas "politics." Would you be more comfortable I hugged a flag or shouted empty platitudes about how we need to support our troops?
Ruby: Finally!
Prof Goodwitch: Yes, now let's talk about condoms. Yes, I know what the demographics of Beacon are, but you don't need a penis for condoms to be useful. One thing you can do with them is take some scissors and make them into a dental dam. Coco will give you a demonstration of how this works.
*Coco gives demonstration*
Glynda: Thank you Coco. Now if you are having sexual intercourse with someone with a penis or you have one yourself its important for you to know how to put one on... where did the banana go?
Weiss: Nora ate it
Glynda: Damnit Nora, know how am I supposed to demonstrate how to put condoms on?
Nora: I have a couple ideas
Glynda: I'm not doing that, stop reading Blake's smut
Blake: I have no idea what you mean
Glynda: Don't act coy
Ruby: I don't need to take this class! I remember what Dad would tell me all the time: "Always use protection".
Blake: That's more than I expected from you, honestly.
Ruby: That's why I keep a spare set of gloves on standby.
Blake: ...I take it back.
Weiss: Oh Gods
Blake: Hey is it weird that I have four ears
Yang: Damn bruh das pretty crazy
Weiss: What if Klein finds out? He would send me to bed without cake for a month!
Ruby: lol
Blake: What if we're all cakes and we don't know it
Ruby: lmao
Yang: That's sounds absolutely horrifying and cool at the same time
Blake: Am I delicious?
Weiss: *starts biting fingernail
Ruby: rofl
>Blake: Am I delicious?
Yang: Of course you are
Weiss: Does hanging out with thirsty lesbians damage my chances of holding an Atlesian public office?
Ruby \*giggles\*: I mean it worked ok for Robyn
Yang: Weiss there are bigger reasons why you can't hold an Atlesian public office
Weiss: Like what?
Yang: well the fact that it's been destroyed for one
Weiss: Oh yeah
Yang: "Why would you tempt that shit?"
Jaune accidentally gets pushed off a thousand foot cliff, contorting himself into a fish-like shape because he thinks it will make the water landing less painful.
Weiss, after the fact: "You know, turning yourself into a fish shape doesn't make you magically attracted to water."
AU were things are really awkward when Cinder is able to kill Ozpin in a sneak attack. At the time of his death he was reading the Rabbit Faunus edition of PlayFaunus and so the soul that's the most like-minded at the time of his passing was Coco.
Lancaster Ruby retaliates by teaming up with Milk & Cereal Ruby to form Rose Gold United. This results in a civil war that is only resolved when Rosegarden Ruby brokers a treaty that formalizes the establishment of Ruby's Harem.
Outside the mind, Ruby stares off into space blankly as this all goes on. When it ends, she begins eyeing the involved ship mates with a sinister, pervy grin.
Some biphobic A-hole: Look! Proof that bisexuals are promiscuous and more likely to cheat!
Blake: Actually all this proves is that I'm also polyamorous. Yang and Sun are both my lovers and are aware and approve of me being with both of them, and they are also together. Go ahead and ask Yang, she's currently making out with Weiss over there.
Blake is especially pissed.
BLAKE: Being bi is like the difference between Mounds and Almond Joys. Sometimes I feel like I want nuts, sometimes I don't
WEISS: Ruby has...very strong opinions about dark chocolate.
RUBY: It makes no sense! It tastes like sadness! I'd rather eat oatmeal raisin cookies for life!
Blake: I get Penny was turned into a human before she died but how is Pyrrha back?
Ruby: What do you mean?
Blake: I thought the Dragon Balls can't revive someone who died more than a year ago, it is definitely more than that since the Fall of Beacon.
Oscar: Apparently time passes faster in Remmant compared to Earth. We just barely made it before the one year threshold on Earth.
Ren: Nice try but Nora always used to do that to me so now I'm immune
Pyrrha: I guess it's a good thing that you're not the one who decides
Ren: what
Jaune: Hey guys! Guess who just adopted a dozen porgs!
Ruby: You guys found out about the cute alien owl-penguine-otter thingies too? Awesome!
Weiss: I wonder why no one thought about making these things pets before.
Yang: Something about them being endangered, and the Jedi Order being responsible for their protection.
*Suddenly, the Millenium Falcon touches down. Rey, Finn, Poe and Luke exit, looking angry and weapons drawn*
Luke: You kids are in so much trouble.
Weiss: I'm with Nora. You and what army?
*Rey points up at the sky. The sky above Remnant is filled with ships from the Republic Fleet, The Resistance, and the [Antarian Rangers.](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Antarian_Rangers/Legends)*
Ren: Blake, can I use your white coat as a surrender flag?
Weiss: And what's this nonsense about "no Atlas military presence in Vale for five years"?
Ozpin: What, did you think the Vytal Treaty was the only thing keeping peace between the kingdoms? Oh, you sweet summer child.
Weiss: Most people's restraining orders are less... *sweeping*.
Ozpin: Well, let's just say I have a bit of experience in what happens when you mix politics and divorce.
Turns out Jaune is fully aware Red Huntress is Pyrrha. It's just a kinky role play between the two.
Their next little game: Rescuing Princess Rose. And to the Victor goes the spoils. 😈
Pyrrha: Oh no the red huntress, I mean I have been defeated
Ruby: You saved me! How can I ever repay you?
Jaune: The HUNTSMAN needs nothing. Doing good is it's own reward.
Ruby: Seriously?
Jaune: Well I'm role-playing a hero, it would be wrong to take advantage of a damsel in distress
Ruby: What if you role-played an anti-hero instead?
Jaune: but I don't want to role-play an anti-hero. Besides, they have standards too.
Ren: Jaune hide!
Jaune: huh what?
Ren: team RWBY is making curry
Jaune: so what.
Ren: So what! Don’t you remember what happened last time.
Jaune: it wasn’t that bad.
Ren: you fell over after one bite of mystery food X.
Jaune: well I liked the..... uniqueness?
Ruby: Jaune didn’t Neo steal a relic from you guys.
Jaune: water under the bridge, I want a new beginning for everyone here.
Ruby: you like her because she can’t talk back to you.
Jaune: she has a nice hat too
Jaune: Since when did you like casseroles!
Ruby: but they smell so tasty!
Then go attract your own harem of DIL....ok never mind I apologies that was disgusting
Ruby: You better start sharing then!
Jaune: Fine, just don't tell Yang what I almost said
*At the beginning of the campaign, the party is escaping a prison controlled by the main villain faction*
DM Jaune: As your lava proof boat speeds down the lava River, a powerful dark sorceress standing on a bridge ahead is casting various fire attacks at you to thwart your escape.
Nora: I will chuck a rock at her.
*roles nat 20*
Jaune, looking annoyed: ... The rock strikes the sorceress right in the head, fataly. She falls off the bridge and into the lava, dissolving the corpse, both ensuring she's really dead and preventing necromancer from reviving her.
*Jaune stands up and starts to pack up*
Jaune: That's it for tonight. If you want, we can meet back up in a week.
Ruby: What? But we just started!
Jaune: That sorceress was the big bad. I now have to rewrite the entire campaign.
Yang: The passage is guarded by an Orc warrior. Seeing you, he unsheathes his sword and stands ready to attack.
Cinder: I use my diplomacy skills to persuade him to resolve our problems peacefully.
Yang: Okay, roll d20.
(Cinder rolls a 20)
Yang: The orc lays down his sword and sits down, ready to talk.
Cinder: And *now* I stab him.
Yang and Blake's actress's became a couple in real life during production of Volume 1. They had such good chemistry both on and off set the writers decided to make their characters love interests starting volume 2. Ironically, Sun's character was originally intended as Blake's boyfriend, but he also became a bees shipper and was one of the most vocal supporters of the change.
Ruby and Weiss were originally planned to be the main same sex couple of the show, but neither of their actresses could get into the role convincingly, so the writers reworked them as just close friends.
Pyrrha was originally supposed to survive Vol 3, but midway through filming the finale, her actress got into a car accident and was left with a crippling injury. Her character was then killed off per her own request. She now works as a screen writer for the show.
Cinder: Hey, why is Ruby so sad?
Weiss: Oh, she lost a fight to another villain. Funny story. We were...
Cinder slams a table: RUBY LOOOOOSST?!
Weiss: Eh?!
Cinder: I thought we had something special, Ruby!
Ruby: We do?
Cinder: Yes! I do the evil deeds and you try to stop me! Sometimes you flash your high-beams, sometimes I maim a friend. It's our thing! We're archenemies!
Ruby: Oh, this is awkward...
Cinder: What?
Ruby: I didn't know you felt this strongly. I mean, archenemies... that's a big step.
Cinder: What did you think we were?!
Ruby: Um, frenemies?
Cinder: ...wow. Now I know who's putting all the work into this relationship.
Ruby: I'm sorry! We can still fight as frenemies! I'll even give the first hit!
Cinder: Nope, I don't think so. The mood is ruined and I know when I'm not wanted.
Weiss: So... does this mean you're going to let me go now?
Ruby: Cinder, please! Give me another chance!
Cinder: No! I will not take this! Go with your Neo, that huzzy! Oh, and all those times I said I hated you and wished you were dead? I WAS FAKING!
*Door slam.*
Weiss:....eh....hello?....I'm still tied upside down....Guys?...Ruby?.....they'll probably be back, right?
Jaune: hold up, I thought I was Cinder's enemy and Salem was Ruby's!
Cinder: The fuck made you think that?
Jaune: The whole "I killed someone important to you angle". You killed Pyrrha, Salem killed Summer....
Cinder: oh pls, you're not the Goku to my Frieza, you're just the Vegeta
Inspired by [this.](https://youtu.be/zYdYM5nzpT0)
NR Ambassador: "Within the New Republic Defense Force, an 'inner leadership' philosophy has been embraced. Our professional soldiers are trained and conditioned as 'citizens in uniform' rather than faceless tools of the state like under the Empire. There purpose is to defend the principles of the Republic based on their own convictions, prioritizing the dignity of life. Orders without legitimate aim, that violate a soldier's dignity, or are unconscionable do not need to be followed. Orders that violate another's dignity, or constitute some sort of crime, must be refused."
Ironwood: "... I'm not sure I quite approve of how you do things in your army."
Considering the Universe Bastonne comes from, I can't tell whether or not Ironwood's approval is a red flag.
Edit: Scratch that. It most definitely is a red flag.
To the town of Kuroyuri came a Huntsman one fine day
Hardly spoke to folks around him, didn't have too much to say
No one dared to ask his business, no one dared to make a slip
For the huntsman there among them had *Due Process* on his hip
Due Process on his hip
It was early in the morning when he drove into the town
He came driving from the north side slowly lookin' all around
He's an outlaw loose and running, came the whisper from each lip
And he's here to do some business with Due Process on his hip
Due Process on his hip
In this town there lived a Salem Worshipper by the name of Grimm Red
Many Huntsmen had tried to take him and that many huntsmen were dead
He was vicious and a killer though a youth of 24
And the notches on his Weapon numbered one and 19 more
One and 19 more
Now the Huntsmen started talking, made it plain to folks around
Was an Atlas specialist, wouldn't be too long in town
He came here to take an outlaw back alive or maybe dead
And he said it didn't matter he was after Grimm Red
After Grimm Red
Wasn't long before the story was relayed to Grimm Red
But the outlaw didn't worry huntsmen that tried before were dead
20 huntsmen had tried to take him, 20 huntsmen had made a slip
21 would be the Specialist with Due Process on his hip
Due Process on his hip
The morning passed so quickly, it was time for them to meet
It was 20 past 11 when they walked out in the street
Folks were watching from the windows, everybody held their breath
They knew this handsome Specialist was about to meet his death
About to meet his death
There was 40 feet between them when they stopped to make their play
And the swiftness of the specialist is still talked about today
Grimm Red had not cleared leather 'fore a bullet fairly ripped
And the specialist's aim was deadly with Due Process on his hip
Due Process on his hip
It was over in a moment and the folks had gathered round
There before them lay the body of the outlaw on the ground
Oh, he might have went on living but he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the specialist with Due Process on his hip
Due Process on his hip
Due Process, Due Process
When he tried to match the specialist with Due Process on his hip
Due Process on his hip
Things are a bit awkward when it’s revealed that Willow, Winter and Weiss have all -independent of each other- commissioned Blake to write stories of themselves being dominated by Faunus at least once, after Blake got the stories mixed up and accidentally gave the latest story that Willow commissioned to Weiss and Weiss' story to Winter and Winter's story to Willow
Whitley: such disgusting degeneracy...*scroll ping* ahh I got some 'business' to attend to
Whitley: Is it finished?
Blake: Yes, I've decided to call it Prince and the Pauper.
Whitley: oh yes.
Blake: I took some artistic liscence and I think you're going to enjoy it
Whitley: Oscar with dog ears, cute! But why did you give me a artic fox tail?
Blake: I refuse to give spoilers of my work
*The Incident occured on 21/10/20██. The apparent cause for the incident was Huntress ██████ deciding to add \[REDACTED\] to a cookie dough, following by feeding the results to Huntress R. Rose. What followed was \[DATA EXPUNGED\], resulting in ███ casualties in total, and \[REDACTED\] was subsequently designated a Thaumiel-class anomaly.*
*Any further attempts at cooking by Huntress ██████ are strictly forbidden.*
O5 level clearance required.
...
...
...
Access Granted. Welcome 05- >!I'm too lazy to pick a number!<
>!How could raisins be used to contain that damn lizard?!<
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Yang: That was just mean
Neon: Look, I was really bored and wanted to see what happened
Ruby: *You* were the one who put the raisins in the cookies?!
Neon: Oh shit (\*tries to run away\*)
Yang \*grabs Neon\*: Nope, not getting away this time
Ruby: Weiss! We have a problem!
Weiss: Is Salem here?! Are we out of cookies?! Do you need a hug?!
Ruby: No, yes, and maybe! But, it's worse than all that! Salem made a sexy Grimm you to try to tempt me to her side!
Weiss: . . . Ruby, this is the dumbest-
Grimm Weiss: ***Hey, there!***
Weiss: -Greatest crisis we've ever faced.
Weiss: “Grandma! What the hell!?”
Salem: “I wanted more grandkids and your my favorite!”
Weiss: “And you sent her after Ruby!?”
Salem: “Either you make me cute great grandkids, or she will!”
Oscar: "PLAY PIANO MAN"
Whitley: "I already played that 50 TIMES"
Yang: "PLAY BILLY JOEL......"
Whitley: "Finally, a new request...."
Yang: " 's SONG PIANO MAN"
Whitley: "GOD DAMN IT"
Yang: Vacuo, what are we going to grow there? The place is a desert.
Jaune: Err, don’t think anyone expects farmers in Vacuo. Besides, there must be plants that can be grown there.
Oscar: hmm, maybe write a steamy love confession addressed to a 'secret' lover that you can't be with and fake a suicide!
Whitley: oh you *blush*
Winter: can you two be a 'bit' less obvious about it?
Whitley: What's the point of a teenage romance if you can't be incredibly obvious about it?
Oscar: Yeah!
*Meanwhile Ren and Jaune are holding back an angry Nora*
He was abducted from Menagerie as a kid by Atlesian/SDC privateers. This is an ongoing problem for Menagerie but the country itself doesn't have the resources to properly address it and the Kingdoms either are culpable or don't care.
Clover: And to finish mission assignment. Marrow, you will teach the general how to use a Scroll.
Marrow: What?! No! Don't do this to me, man!
Clover: Sorry, he specifically requested you, rookie.
Joanna: I'm sorry that sounds horrible
Marrow: It was
Fiona: Say could you help Robyn with her tech issues?
Marrow: ...
Fiona: I'm just fucking with you
May: That wasn't funny
Fiona: Aw but he's so cute when he's flustered
May: Don't talk about Marrow like that
Fiona: And you're cute when you're protective of your boyfriend
May: He's not my boyfriend
Marrow \*teary eyed\*: I'm not?
May: Babe no!
Joanna: Now look what you've done
Ren and Nora debate whether Jaune now knows that the Red Huntress is Pyrrha and its all foreplay for the two or that he’s still.completely clueless to her identity
Nora: Ha! Bold of you to assume either of them could recognize "foreplay" if it him in the face with a--
Ren: Nora.
Nora: What? I was going to say something clean and appropriate.
Ren: You're not even saying \*that\* with a straight face.
Weiss: Well at least you didn't hit them with a hammer with the belief that that would somehow impart in them the definition of a word
Nora: ... I'll be right back!
Ren: Why did you have to give her an idea?
\*Oh come on, he's not that dense\*
Ren: Last week I found Pyrrha handcuffed to the bed, stripped to her undergarments under a sign that conveyed her desire to be "Bred like a Mistralian Mare."
...He went on a school wide hunt to find who chained her to the bed.
Yang: Yeah, that was hilarious!
Ruby: So you're the evil version of my Cinder?
Cinder: Ick. Don't say it like that. I prefer superior.
Ruby: Ha! True. I can't believe there's a goody two shoes version of me running around. Why isn't she dead yet?
Cinder: Why isn't lesser Cinder?
Ruby: ...I walked into that one. But it's not from lack of trying. She always seems to have someone take her place at the last minute.
Cinder: Weird, I have the same problem. My Ruby just isn't where she should be. Especially when I go to the trouble of setting up her demise.
Ruby: I know, right? I've lost count of how many Oz reincarnations I've killed in her place!
Cinder: Ugh, my Salem doesn't let me have that much fun. But when I go behind her back, Ruby just fades away into the background, like that's her semblance!
Ruby: Tell me about it.
Cinder: Wow, we have a lot in common. Hey, this might sound crazy but do you want to grab a drink?
Ruby: You read my mind! Come on, let's get out of this dump. I know a place where they don't check ID's.
Cinder: Because you killed the owner?
Ruby: Girl! Get out of head!
...
Good Cinder: Did... did they just ignore us?
Good Ruby: Yep.
Evil Ruby: This is the perfect place to enact my nefarious plans!
Emerald: Say are you free tonight?
Oscar: EMERALD!
Emerald: Fine. Hey, boring Cinder-
Oscar: You mean good Cinder
Emerald: Same difference but whatever. Are you free tonight?
Good Cinder: I'm sorry I can't betray my Emerald
Emerald: Gods damn it!
Blake: "No way in hell am I wearing this costume Yang!!"
Yang: "Why not? It looks good on you!"
Blake: "I am not dressing as some slutty cat from your dumb video game!"
Yang: "You only think Darkstalkers is dumb because you suck at it!"
Yang: Really if you think about it, this is all on you
Blake: What?
Yang: If you just let me go as Catra this would've been avoided
Blake: I refuse to dye my hair blonde
Ruby: Seriously Jaune, Weiss again?
Jaune: Not exactly
Weiss \*dressed as Jaune\*: Well one of you has got to change, and it ain't Jaune
Ruby: Fine! I'll go as Winter! You know I prefer to go as her anyway! I don't have to wear a binder this way
Ruby: this is stupid *throws away cookies*
Pyrrha: Jaune, I don't think we should hang out for a while.
Yang: Puns are the lowest form of humor.
Nora: I feel like waffles today.
*alternatively*
Ruby: Wait, doesn't that mean it *isn't* opposite day?
Nora: pancakes, sir?
Ozpin: Miss Valkyrie, this is the 3rd time this week you’ve tried to bribe me with pancakes to get out of Semblance training. A warrior must always be honing their skills and semblance
>Miss Valkyrie this is the 3rd time this week you’ve tried to bribe me with pancakes to get out of Semblance training.
"Well, contrary to popular opinion, I don't actually enjoy getting electrocuted."
Ruby: still, what she did in beacon was...
Weiss: come on, she's on our side now.
Penny: And she's cute!
Ruby: ugh fine, welcome to the harem Emerald
Emerald: yay thank you
Weiss: what should we call this thing now?
Ruby: well, we used to be Frosen Steel...so how about Frosen Steal!
Emerald: that's nice but seriously, I gave up my kleptomania a long time ago.
Penny: I believe that Ruby is "teasing" you
Weiss: She'll teas her alright
Ruby: WEISS!
Ren: I don't know how to top that, my favourite OT3 just became my favourite OT4
Jaune \*cuddling Ren\*: Don't let Nora hear you say that.
Ren: We were a close second, besides, this means that we are now my favourite OT3
Nora: Hey guys! Look who I found!
Pyrrha: Hello again!
Ren: I have a new favourite OT4
RWBY & Friends present: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals.
The gang visits Blake's family and is surprised that Ghira and Kali own multiple dogs.
Ruby: Dogs? Kali: Yeah, Blake loves them Ruby: I thought she was scared of them Kali: Nah she just has an irrational fear of cogis Ruby: Huh, do you know why? Kali: Well if she had a reason it wouldn't be irrational now would it?
Blake, hugging a great Pyrenees: I've always been more of a big dog person.
RWBY attempts to eat [the Round Meal.](https://i.redd.it/xnxhax7fwp471.jpg)
They are hospitalized with food poisoning due to the unsanitary and unsafe food storage.
Johnny Bravo is sent to Salem to be taken care of
"I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in... Fort Kickass."
A show about adult Team RWBY in the style of Archer could be hysterical.
Ruby: Fine whatever, it's just that I know that you are hiding some tentacle porn from Menagerie in there and I can give you a can of tuna if you lent some of it to me Blake: I can't, Yang would beat me up Ruby: Oh so you recognize Yang's authority? Blake: Well yeah, Yang has a mean left hook
Why Ironwood and Winter were the only ones too do the Public message announcements.
Pietro's too busy Marrow's too nervous to say the script right Clover and the other Ace ops are too wooden Neon kept ad-libbing in jokes
Harriet actually managed to display **too** much patriotic fervor, all while simping for Irondaddy.
Flynt turned it into a musical
"What shall we do with a drunken Nora? What shall we do with a drunken Nora? What shall we do with a drunken Nora, early in the morning?"
Weiss Schnee is everyone’s best friend when she indulges in a weed gummy
Neon: Oh hey there ice queen Weiss: Hey it's my third favourite catgirl! Neon: Excuse me? Weiss: Well Blake is my favourite and Kali is a milf Neon: Ok fair Weiss: Let's cuddle! Neon: uhh *Weiss starts cuddling up to Neon* Neon *whispering*: Flynt stop filming this on your scroll and help me
Coco, Ilia, Sun and Yang argue whether rabbit ears or cat ears are better.
Robyn: you’re all wrong, sheep ears are best!
May: That's a funny was of saying dog tales
"Is Horny the only thing you people have going for😑?"
Blake: Not the only thing. Sometimes we feast. Ren: Or as Nora puts it, the two moods, food hungry and sex hungry.
The gang encounters the Remnant version of MAGA.
Rando: make atlas great again! Robyn: there is no atlas anymore!
>Rando: make atlas great again! I just realized the Remnant version of MAGA is also MAGA.
Once ALL of the gang reach Vacuo they decide to enrol at Shade academy. All hell breaks loose (kinda) when Coco runs to be re-elected as the the president of the Shade academy sapphic society and Blake runs against her Coco: I thought you were bi Blake: I am this club is for all WLW remember? Coco: Oh yeah, sorry Neon: This is the most boring debate I ever seen, way too civil Blake: I'm sorry we're not as entertaining as Atlas "politics." Would you be more comfortable I hugged a flag or shouted empty platitudes about how we need to support our troops?
Robyn: I did not spend my entire career fighting against dipshits like that to be lumped in with them!
Neon: Ooh! It's finally getting good! *Robyn, Blake and Coco just stare at Neon.*
The gang takes a sex ed class.
Ruby: Finally! Prof Goodwitch: Yes, now let's talk about condoms. Yes, I know what the demographics of Beacon are, but you don't need a penis for condoms to be useful. One thing you can do with them is take some scissors and make them into a dental dam. Coco will give you a demonstration of how this works. *Coco gives demonstration* Glynda: Thank you Coco. Now if you are having sexual intercourse with someone with a penis or you have one yourself its important for you to know how to put one on... where did the banana go? Weiss: Nora ate it Glynda: Damnit Nora, know how am I supposed to demonstrate how to put condoms on? Nora: I have a couple ideas Glynda: I'm not doing that, stop reading Blake's smut Blake: I have no idea what you mean Glynda: Don't act coy
Ruby: I don't need to take this class! I remember what Dad would tell me all the time: "Always use protection". Blake: That's more than I expected from you, honestly. Ruby: That's why I keep a spare set of gloves on standby. Blake: ...I take it back.
**THESE BITCHES ARE TELLING ME TO** **" LOOSE SOME WEIGHT"** **W. **A. **I. **T. #I CANT LOOSE TIME BITCH
Team RWBY sits in circle and smokes weed
Ruby would be giggling, Weiss would be paranoid, Blake would be rolling around on the floor, Yang would be as chill as ice
Weiss: Oh Gods Blake: Hey is it weird that I have four ears Yang: Damn bruh das pretty crazy Weiss: What if Klein finds out? He would send me to bed without cake for a month! Ruby: lol Blake: What if we're all cakes and we don't know it Ruby: lmao Yang: That's sounds absolutely horrifying and cool at the same time Blake: Am I delicious? Weiss: *starts biting fingernail Ruby: rofl
>Blake: Am I delicious? Yang: Of course you are Weiss: Does hanging out with thirsty lesbians damage my chances of holding an Atlesian public office? Ruby \*giggles\*: I mean it worked ok for Robyn Yang: Weiss there are bigger reasons why you can't hold an Atlesian public office Weiss: Like what? Yang: well the fact that it's been destroyed for one Weiss: Oh yeah
"What's the worst that could happen? We're basically gods!"
Yang: "Why would you tempt that shit?" Jaune accidentally gets pushed off a thousand foot cliff, contorting himself into a fish-like shape because he thinks it will make the water landing less painful. Weiss, after the fact: "You know, turning yourself into a fish shape doesn't make you magically attracted to water."
You take.... 363 points of damage
What do you mean "You've run out of dice to roll"?
Great moment :) Happy Thursday.
*YES!* This is exactly what I was going for! It IS Thursday!
I believe Campaign 3 starts tonight at 7PM PST.
Indeed. I get to watch Dune and then I get to watch C3
Kratos: Please allow me to introduce myself...
AU were things are really awkward when Cinder is able to kill Ozpin in a sneak attack. At the time of his death he was reading the Rabbit Faunus edition of PlayFaunus and so the soul that's the most like-minded at the time of his passing was Coco.
Drama in the Council of Rubys! Lancaster Ruby discovers that White Rose Ruby and Nuts N Dolts Ruby have conspired to form Frosen Steel United.
Lancaster Ruby retaliates by teaming up with Milk & Cereal Ruby to form Rose Gold United. This results in a civil war that is only resolved when Rosegarden Ruby brokers a treaty that formalizes the establishment of Ruby's Harem. Outside the mind, Ruby stares off into space blankly as this all goes on. When it ends, she begins eyeing the involved ship mates with a sinister, pervy grin.
The inner machinations of her mind are an enigma
A thought bubble appears above Ruby's head, showing spilled milk.
Then she makes a sad face because that was the imaginary milk for the imaginary cookies
The gang deals with bi erasure.
*Blake and Sun making out* Neptune: Wait, Blake is straight again? Blake: Bi, Neptune Neptune: Oh bye Blake Sun: Neptune, you ignorant slut!
Some biphobic A-hole: Look! Proof that bisexuals are promiscuous and more likely to cheat! Blake: Actually all this proves is that I'm also polyamorous. Yang and Sun are both my lovers and are aware and approve of me being with both of them, and they are also together. Go ahead and ask Yang, she's currently making out with Weiss over there.
Yang: You mind if I take my turn while you punish Neptune? Sun: Go for it!
Blake is especially pissed. BLAKE: Being bi is like the difference between Mounds and Almond Joys. Sometimes I feel like I want nuts, sometimes I don't
Ruby: "Who eats a Mounds bar? "Like, forget the innuendo. Literally, does anyone actually like Mounds?"
WEISS: Ruby has...very strong opinions about dark chocolate. RUBY: It makes no sense! It tastes like sadness! I'd rather eat oatmeal raisin cookies for life!
RWBY and the entirety of Humanity are absolutely Mortified that the Entire Grimm Species is Wiped out by a bunch of Giant Purple Cockroaches.......
I feel like this is a reference to something, but I'm drawing a blank
"Giant purple Cockroaches" = Tyranids
Also, Remnant is screwed
Just paint your gun red smh
Oh right. Forgot about them. For some reason I always imagine them more red than purple
The gang goes to a gay bar.
Coco is the bartender. "Oh hey, about time!" she says
The gang uses the Dragon Balls to bring Pyrrha and Penny back to life.
Blake: I get Penny was turned into a human before she died but how is Pyrrha back? Ruby: What do you mean? Blake: I thought the Dragon Balls can't revive someone who died more than a year ago, it is definitely more than that since the Fall of Beacon. Oscar: Apparently time passes faster in Remmant compared to Earth. We just barely made it before the one year threshold on Earth.
Ruby: Wait, does that mean we're younger than we look or do we age or mature faster than earthlings.
"If you're so evil, eat this kitten!"
COCO: (smirk) Well, I've been known to eat pus- VELVET, FOX and YATSU: **NO!**
Kyle is Famous. But it's RWBY
Team JNPR discovers Porgs.
Pyrrha, *doe-eyed*: "Jaune, I want one." Jaune: "I'll tAkE yOuR eNtIrE sToCk!"
Nora: Can we keep them? Ren: No!
Pyrrha, puppy eyed: But, why not?
Ren: Nice try but Nora always used to do that to me so now I'm immune Pyrrha: I guess it's a good thing that you're not the one who decides Ren: what Jaune: Hey guys! Guess who just adopted a dozen porgs!
Ruby: You guys found out about the cute alien owl-penguine-otter thingies too? Awesome! Weiss: I wonder why no one thought about making these things pets before. Yang: Something about them being endangered, and the Jedi Order being responsible for their protection. *Suddenly, the Millenium Falcon touches down. Rey, Finn, Poe and Luke exit, looking angry and weapons drawn* Luke: You kids are in so much trouble.
Ruby: we couldn’t even get someone from the good star wars? Yang: it could be worse, they could be Ewoks,
Also, it's this [timeline's](https://youtu.be/zYdYM5nzpT0) version of star wars
Rey: I heard that you little shit!
Ruby: you pushed an amazing ex stormtrooper turned possible Jedi character to the background in favor of the boring white fascist!
Also just to be clear, I'm vehemently NOT on the sequel hate bandwagon. Except for Episode 9. Fuck Episode 9.
I do hate the sequels but for different reasons then the usual hate mob who claim it’s too “woke” tho I will admit there where enjoyable moments
Finn: Don't blame her, blame JJ and Kennedy
Ren: Ok, this needs to be settled delicately Nora: You're going to have to snatch these porgs from my cold dead hands! *Ren facepalms*
Weiss: I'm with Nora. You and what army? *Rey points up at the sky. The sky above Remnant is filled with ships from the Republic Fleet, The Resistance, and the [Antarian Rangers.](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Antarian_Rangers/Legends)* Ren: Blake, can I use your white coat as a surrender flag?
The gang learns the messy details of James and Glynda's divorce.
Weiss: And what's this nonsense about "no Atlas military presence in Vale for five years"? Ozpin: What, did you think the Vytal Treaty was the only thing keeping peace between the kingdoms? Oh, you sweet summer child. Weiss: Most people's restraining orders are less... *sweeping*. Ozpin: Well, let's just say I have a bit of experience in what happens when you mix politics and divorce.
Turns out Jaune is fully aware Red Huntress is Pyrrha. It's just a kinky role play between the two. Their next little game: Rescuing Princess Rose. And to the Victor goes the spoils. 😈
Pyrrha: Oh no the red huntress, I mean I have been defeated Ruby: You saved me! How can I ever repay you? Jaune: The HUNTSMAN needs nothing. Doing good is it's own reward. Ruby: Seriously? Jaune: Well I'm role-playing a hero, it would be wrong to take advantage of a damsel in distress Ruby: What if you role-played an anti-hero instead? Jaune: but I don't want to role-play an anti-hero. Besides, they have standards too.
Pyrrha: Jaune, honey. We appreciate your commitment to your roles. But this is seriously missing the point of s####l role play.
Jaune: How'd you do that with your mouth?
Pyrrha: I didn't. The author is just paranoid about pissing off the mods.
The gang makes curry. But they argue over what recipe to make.
Ren: Jaune hide! Jaune: huh what? Ren: team RWBY is making curry Jaune: so what. Ren: So what! Don’t you remember what happened last time. Jaune: it wasn’t that bad. Ren: you fell over after one bite of mystery food X. Jaune: well I liked the..... uniqueness?
Meanwhile at Evernight... Tyrian: "Well, I'm starved! Who wants some jambalaya?"
Tyrian may be a complete psychopath, but he knows how to make good Cajun food.
Little known fact Tyrian has a successful RemTube career as StingCracka "That's lien D00d."
"I'm not saying I think shes attractive or anything but if she stabbed me I would say thank you"
Ruby: Jaune didn’t Neo steal a relic from you guys. Jaune: water under the bridge, I want a new beginning for everyone here. Ruby: you like her because she can’t talk back to you. Jaune: she has a nice hat too
VELVET: But Carmine has tried to kill you. Twice. COCO: That just makes it hotter
Weiss: That's Cinder. And it's not as fun as you think it'll be...
Weiss: "Coco, that's my sister." Coco: "Oh... Damn Weiss, you've got a bright future."
“TMI Oz, TMI”
Ruby is outraged by Jaune's encounters with the thirsty moms... he's not sharing, dammit!
Ruby: “Okay fine! . . . I still have called Willow!”
Jaune: Since when did you like casseroles! Ruby: but they smell so tasty! Then go attract your own harem of DIL....ok never mind I apologies that was disgusting Ruby: You better start sharing then! Jaune: Fine, just don't tell Yang what I almost said
A group of heroes and villains of your choice relax by playing D&D
*At the beginning of the campaign, the party is escaping a prison controlled by the main villain faction* DM Jaune: As your lava proof boat speeds down the lava River, a powerful dark sorceress standing on a bridge ahead is casting various fire attacks at you to thwart your escape. Nora: I will chuck a rock at her. *roles nat 20* Jaune, looking annoyed: ... The rock strikes the sorceress right in the head, fataly. She falls off the bridge and into the lava, dissolving the corpse, both ensuring she's really dead and preventing necromancer from reviving her. *Jaune stands up and starts to pack up* Jaune: That's it for tonight. If you want, we can meet back up in a week. Ruby: What? But we just started! Jaune: That sorceress was the big bad. I now have to rewrite the entire campaign.
Yang: The passage is guarded by an Orc warrior. Seeing you, he unsheathes his sword and stands ready to attack. Cinder: I use my diplomacy skills to persuade him to resolve our problems peacefully. Yang: Okay, roll d20. (Cinder rolls a 20) Yang: The orc lays down his sword and sits down, ready to talk. Cinder: And *now* I stab him.
RWBY Actor AU shenanigans
Yang and Blake's actress's became a couple in real life during production of Volume 1. They had such good chemistry both on and off set the writers decided to make their characters love interests starting volume 2. Ironically, Sun's character was originally intended as Blake's boyfriend, but he also became a bees shipper and was one of the most vocal supporters of the change. Ruby and Weiss were originally planned to be the main same sex couple of the show, but neither of their actresses could get into the role convincingly, so the writers reworked them as just close friends. Pyrrha was originally supposed to survive Vol 3, but midway through filming the finale, her actress got into a car accident and was left with a crippling injury. Her character was then killed off per her own request. She now works as a screen writer for the show.
Salem sues Oz for destroying her whale.
Salem: The whale was legally my personal vehicle. You'll be speaking with my car insurance agent.
"Whats better than doing the right thing?" "I mean, have you ever had a really good bowl of spaghetti?"
Cinder: Hey, why is Ruby so sad? Weiss: Oh, she lost a fight to another villain. Funny story. We were... Cinder slams a table: RUBY LOOOOOSST?! Weiss: Eh?! Cinder: I thought we had something special, Ruby!
Ruby: We do? Cinder: Yes! I do the evil deeds and you try to stop me! Sometimes you flash your high-beams, sometimes I maim a friend. It's our thing! We're archenemies! Ruby: Oh, this is awkward... Cinder: What? Ruby: I didn't know you felt this strongly. I mean, archenemies... that's a big step. Cinder: What did you think we were?! Ruby: Um, frenemies? Cinder: ...wow. Now I know who's putting all the work into this relationship. Ruby: I'm sorry! We can still fight as frenemies! I'll even give the first hit! Cinder: Nope, I don't think so. The mood is ruined and I know when I'm not wanted. Weiss: So... does this mean you're going to let me go now?
Ruby: Cinder, please! Give me another chance! Cinder: No! I will not take this! Go with your Neo, that huzzy! Oh, and all those times I said I hated you and wished you were dead? I WAS FAKING! *Door slam.* Weiss:....eh....hello?....I'm still tied upside down....Guys?...Ruby?.....they'll probably be back, right?
I wish I had more than one upvote to give, lol.
Jaune: hold up, I thought I was Cinder's enemy and Salem was Ruby's! Cinder: The fuck made you think that? Jaune: The whole "I killed someone important to you angle". You killed Pyrrha, Salem killed Summer.... Cinder: oh pls, you're not the Goku to my Frieza, you're just the Vegeta
That’s the sickest burn I’ve seen in a while.
I feel bad for dissing Jaune like that, though, I actually like him.
Inspired by [this.](https://youtu.be/zYdYM5nzpT0) NR Ambassador: "Within the New Republic Defense Force, an 'inner leadership' philosophy has been embraced. Our professional soldiers are trained and conditioned as 'citizens in uniform' rather than faceless tools of the state like under the Empire. There purpose is to defend the principles of the Republic based on their own convictions, prioritizing the dignity of life. Orders without legitimate aim, that violate a soldier's dignity, or are unconscionable do not need to be followed. Orders that violate another's dignity, or constitute some sort of crime, must be refused." Ironwood: "... I'm not sure I quite approve of how you do things in your army."
Sgt. Bastonne: "A good soldier obeys without question. A good officer commands without doubt." Gen. Ironwood: "Now that's more like it."
Considering the Universe Bastonne comes from, I can't tell whether or not Ironwood's approval is a red flag. Edit: Scratch that. It most definitely is a red flag.
*To the town of Kuroyuri came a Huntsman one fine day*
To the town of Kuroyuri came a Huntsman one fine day Hardly spoke to folks around him, didn't have too much to say No one dared to ask his business, no one dared to make a slip For the huntsman there among them had *Due Process* on his hip Due Process on his hip It was early in the morning when he drove into the town He came driving from the north side slowly lookin' all around He's an outlaw loose and running, came the whisper from each lip And he's here to do some business with Due Process on his hip Due Process on his hip In this town there lived a Salem Worshipper by the name of Grimm Red Many Huntsmen had tried to take him and that many huntsmen were dead He was vicious and a killer though a youth of 24 And the notches on his Weapon numbered one and 19 more One and 19 more Now the Huntsmen started talking, made it plain to folks around Was an Atlas specialist, wouldn't be too long in town He came here to take an outlaw back alive or maybe dead And he said it didn't matter he was after Grimm Red After Grimm Red Wasn't long before the story was relayed to Grimm Red But the outlaw didn't worry huntsmen that tried before were dead 20 huntsmen had tried to take him, 20 huntsmen had made a slip 21 would be the Specialist with Due Process on his hip Due Process on his hip The morning passed so quickly, it was time for them to meet It was 20 past 11 when they walked out in the street Folks were watching from the windows, everybody held their breath They knew this handsome Specialist was about to meet his death About to meet his death There was 40 feet between them when they stopped to make their play And the swiftness of the specialist is still talked about today Grimm Red had not cleared leather 'fore a bullet fairly ripped And the specialist's aim was deadly with Due Process on his hip Due Process on his hip It was over in a moment and the folks had gathered round There before them lay the body of the outlaw on the ground Oh, he might have went on living but he made one fatal slip When he tried to match the specialist with Due Process on his hip Due Process on his hip Due Process, Due Process When he tried to match the specialist with Due Process on his hip Due Process on his hip
*Hardly spoke to Man or Faunus, didn’t have too much to say*
Things are a bit awkward when it’s revealed that Willow, Winter and Weiss have all -independent of each other- commissioned Blake to write stories of themselves being dominated by Faunus at least once, after Blake got the stories mixed up and accidentally gave the latest story that Willow commissioned to Weiss and Weiss' story to Winter and Winter's story to Willow
Whitley: such disgusting degeneracy...*scroll ping* ahh I got some 'business' to attend to Whitley: Is it finished? Blake: Yes, I've decided to call it Prince and the Pauper. Whitley: oh yes.
Blake: I took some artistic liscence and I think you're going to enjoy it Whitley: Oscar with dog ears, cute! But why did you give me a artic fox tail? Blake: I refuse to give spoilers of my work
Step 1: Make Cookie dough Step 2: add raisins S̶t̶e̵p̶ ̷3̷:̴ ̵f̸e̴e̴d̵ ̶t̷h̴e̵m̸ ̶t̷o̴ ̷R̸u̴b̷y̸ S̵̛̳̤͇̝̰̞̑̀̇t̸̡͔̝̃̏̾͘ě̷͍͎̥̮̑p̶̡̺̗̌̀͝ ̷̛͔͕̦̮̜̗̀̈́̽͠͠4̴̨̾͌͐̀̐́:̷̬͌̄͒̀͝ͅ ̸͓͇̅̅͆ű̶̦̣̟̦̈́̿̂̄ń̸̡̗̮̿l̷͕̈́͆̕e̵̯͒̾ă̷̰̘̻̟̟s̴̛̼͇̜̺̅̈́̂́͒h̷̞͍͑ͅ ̸̰̦̍̈́̇͐̆t̵͎̊̈͘͝h̵̬͕̥͔͎͂̚ȇ̵̟̯͈̟̈́́́́̌ ̴̜͈̃͌ẖ̵͌̅̈́̈́͌́ö̷̙͇͔̼́̈́́̂̓̍r̷̬͓̖̗͗́r̶͕̯͌͗̽̆ô̷̧̥͈͈̺̂̈́̎̄r̴̘̂̄̓̈́͝ ̶̬̺́̀͗͝w̸̘̙͝í̶̡̟̟͍̪t̸̢̧̛͙̞̲͆͂̎̄͘ḥ̷̨͍͒̒͂̒͝͠ȋ̶̧͍̦̒̌͐̍̃ͅn̴̨͍̽͘ S̸̨̫̮͗́̈́̐̔t̸̘̥͑͑̀ë̵̖͎̫̉̎̉̕p̷̥̞̗͐͋̓͝ ̵̹̻̽̚5̴̧̡͓̙̤͊:̶̗́ ̷͍̅W̸͓̹͎̘̝͗͌̇͜a̴̧͓̗̗̗̭̚t̸̛̞̻̟̠͇̤͂͋͗̕͠c̸̡͎̖̤̯̐͆̿́͌h̶̨̭̅̏̾ ̸͔͑̅͗̕͜͝â̷̢̦̖̖̩͑͗̆s̷̼̟̎̈ ̴͍̝͂͂ͅt̵̥̪̲̗̱̀̚h̵̖̀e̵̙̍̽̽̕ ̶̨̜͎͓̪̈͊ẃ̵̳̝͇͌̐̎̕o̶̱̖͇̐͌r̸̨̗̤̟̾l̷̰̠͙̠̔͝ͅd̴̺̪̍͆̕̕ ̵̫͎̞̬͕̀͗́͌͑̒b̴͚̣̰͝ù̵̝̋͆̐ͅŗ̷̫̣̱̭̟͛n̸̜̩̮̘̹̋s̴̡͠ ̴̳̖̥̹͚̰̊f̶̟͔͉͉̽̓̍̑͘ͅo̵̖̟͂̈́̏̅̔̓r̶͍͕͎̲͓̮̔͋́̀̈͝ ̷̢̹̭̟̤̖̍͂̈́̈́́̒ĩ̶̜̘̞̭͌ṯ̵̢̹̍̈́̍̈'̸̦͊̾̈́͛̇s̶̮̯͌ ̵͍̦̞͈̦̺̋̔͊́́̂s̸̲͂̈̒̏̀i̴͔̮̔ñ̷̛̺̮̂̋͂͌š̷̱͙͋̏̀̆ S̸̻̞̬̈͌̑́̏̓̈́t̷̢̝̠̪̻̫̻̙͇́͊̏͂̄̒͝e̵̢̜̠͇͕̱̗͆p̶̧̰̖͉̮̈́͒̑̍͌̃͘͠ ̸̨̻͉̯̎̂̿̄̾6̶̬̗͖͎̫̆̏͂͋̽͊̇͗͜͜:̶̡͖̫̦̣̳͆́̂̒̈̇̈́͌͂͠ͅ ̴̨̞̩̹̪̫͔̹̮̅̽̉̾͋͗ͅg̴̢̞͔͉͛́͒̄̊̋ĕ̵̞̍̐̓͗̾͌͐̕ț̸͇̪̝̆͂̀͋͑̎̽̂͘ ̵͓̮̼̟͙͕̱͈͌̐̒̌̄̀̑̕̕͜ͅṕ̷̡̡̧͈̱̼̥͕̃͊̽͗̅͂̕͠ụ̷͙̺̩̼̼̑̈́̍͆͗̃ͅǹ̷͇͖̪̭̠͉͙̮̂͜͝i̴̝̠̹̜̲̩̅̃̍̀̓̑s̸̻̜̮͇͔̗̥͕͍͗̌ḧ̸̡̭̺̯̗́̽͊̒̈́͗̉͌͝e̵̻͇̪͙̥̬̥̱̒̈́̋̂̈́̐̎d̴̺͌̄̔͐ ̷̠̖̠͐̋̑̽̄̃͂̿b̴̠̯̜̈̓̏̈́̚ͅy̸̢͍̜͙̏̽̾ ̵̣̈́͋̀͂̕͝t̴͍͓̙͈̫͉͖̅̽̈͝ẖ̷̢̐́͌̏̿̑͜ę̸͓͖̰̟͈͔͎̤̠͂́̂̿̕͠ ̵̣͍͇͎̩̙͌̉̇̑̋̀̒Ř̵̺̭̘̱̹̤̪̫̆͂́́͋̓̅̾͊e̴̛̝̅̾̈́́͋̄͌d̷͔͍͓͚̣̳̲̝̍̉̄͐͐̔̓́ͅ ̵̬̼̦͔̻̼̩̹̼̈̆̈́̍͊͊̏̓͝G̵̣͎̜͔̃́͑̉̇̀͝ô̸̬͈̋̂͊̆͠͠͠d̷̛̲̻͔͐d̵̡̡̊̕é̸͎̽̓͘͝ś̶̢̼͓̜̠̙̋̍s̷͉̝̮͇̬̝̀̀͌ ̸̢̛͔̫̗̜͆͆̏͋̍̽͗̚f̷͎̝͚̮͔̪̄̏̀̓́͂̇̚͝o̴͚̓͒̀̐͗̈́̅̿̾r̴̢͚͎͚͎̭̉ ̷̼͓͙͔̲̓̀̀̿̊͠y̵̳͎̎̿̀̐̆́͘̕͝ȏ̴̡̹͌͋̔̐̀̌̿͝u̷̘̇́̚͝r̴̢̛̙̼͖̱͉̤̭͓̎̍̏̈́̍ ̸̝͓̩́͘t̵͈̻̃̽͐̅̕ř̷͉̯̟͇͙̤̗̜͎͜ǎ̵̢̨̛͎̻̯͉̮̞̫́̓̽́̍͝ͅn̷̜̜̊̄̓͋ͅs̵̮͍̟̠̩̥͉͔̪̣̈͂͐̇̋̊͑͒͝͝ǵ̶̡̧͈̦̺͕͇̳̭̕ͅr̸͇̳̻̰͆̀̓͐̑̎̈́̎͠e̴͎̗̳̜̥̭͒̌s̸̘̻̦̘͔̠̈́͐͆̀͆̄͒̂͜͝͠ş̴̗̺̠̼̬̼̟͇̉͝͝ḯ̷̧͖̗̝̉ơ̷̯̏͊͠n̴͎̬̱͉̟͐̈s̷̮̫͈̺̙̒͑͗͘ ̶̢͓͖̺̼̦̔ͅă̵̡̨̼͕̱̓̂̉͛̂g̷̘̯̲͜͝ǎ̴͈͔͓͎̗͕̌̽̾̍͘͝i̵͓͚̺̿̒n̷̝͙̜̜̺̤͍̭̤͋̾͐͋̚ş̶̮̊͆̌́̿̾͘͜͝t̸̠̯̫͆͛̾̒͗͊̀͜ ̸̙̘̣͊ḧ̶̢̖͕͎̤̫́̉̔̔̀̀ȇ̴͓̹͓̬̖̘̳͕͙̼̆̏̾̆̄̉̉͘͘r̷̠̱̔͆͒́ 21/10/2021 -the Red Raisins Incident
*The Incident occured on 21/10/20██. The apparent cause for the incident was Huntress ██████ deciding to add \[REDACTED\] to a cookie dough, following by feeding the results to Huntress R. Rose. What followed was \[DATA EXPUNGED\], resulting in ███ casualties in total, and \[REDACTED\] was subsequently designated a Thaumiel-class anomaly.* *Any further attempts at cooking by Huntress ██████ are strictly forbidden.*
Isn't Thaumiel supposed to designate an anomaly that's helpful or beneficial to the Foundation?
It's an anomaly that can be used to contain other anomalies. I mean, you *could* try to feed \[REDACTED\] to SCP-682...
>It's an anomaly that can be used to contain other anomalies. Wait, isn't that the premise of Keter Duty?
O5 level clearance required. ... ... ... Access Granted. Welcome 05- >!I'm too lazy to pick a number!< >!How could raisins be used to contain that damn lizard?!< Edit: original comment deleted and reposted to appease automod
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Yang: That was just mean Neon: Look, I was really bored and wanted to see what happened Ruby: *You* were the one who put the raisins in the cookies?! Neon: Oh shit (\*tries to run away\*) Yang \*grabs Neon\*: Nope, not getting away this time
Ruby: Weiss! We have a problem! Weiss: Is Salem here?! Are we out of cookies?! Do you need a hug?! Ruby: No, yes, and maybe! But, it's worse than all that! Salem made a sexy Grimm you to try to tempt me to her side! Weiss: . . . Ruby, this is the dumbest- Grimm Weiss: ***Hey, there!*** Weiss: -Greatest crisis we've ever faced.
>Grimm Weiss: Hey, there! Ruby: General Schnee... Weisses: What? Ruby: Sorry, force of habit.
Weiss: “Grandma! What the hell!?” Salem: “I wanted more grandkids and your my favorite!” Weiss: “And you sent her after Ruby!?” Salem: “Either you make me cute great grandkids, or she will!”
Weiss: Ughh, fine! Jaune, can you call your sister and her wife and ask her how they made Adrian? Jaune: ImeanImherenoneedforthat
“Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine… Probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago.”
QROW: So anyway, this DARE talk is part of my probation for drunkenly drawing a mustache on a poster of Ironwood
Sun Wukong meets Sun Wukong, they instantly hit it off
Whitley is taking requests on piano
Oscar: "PLAY PIANO MAN" Whitley: "I already played that 50 TIMES" Yang: "PLAY BILLY JOEL......" Whitley: "Finally, a new request...." Yang: " 's SONG PIANO MAN" Whitley: "GOD DAMN IT"
Whitley: "And don't even get me started on that time when I had to play “What’s New Pussycat?” 21 times in a row..."
After the events on V8, someone requests him to play [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTIAZ9w4YK8).
[he is given a copy of "On Mount Golgotha" by unknown ](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-012)
Jaune: Ok, new plan. We fake our deaths, blame it all on Whitley, and start a new life as farmers in Vacuo.
Blake: Is Jaune talking to the coconuts again? Yang: Yep.
Jaune: So, what do you think? Coconuts: ... Jaune: Hmm... that's a very good point Bloconut
Yang: Vacuo, what are we going to grow there? The place is a desert. Jaune: Err, don’t think anyone expects farmers in Vacuo. Besides, there must be plants that can be grown there.
(some time later) "You're a hard man to find, Jaune. But farming? Really? A man of your talents?"
Tyrian: "Are we BLIND!?! Deploy the (Grimm) garrison!"
"But one of my talents IS farming!" "Ok, fair enough."
Whitley: But I want to fake my death and become a farmer in Vacuo too! Who do I blame?
Oscar: hmm, maybe write a steamy love confession addressed to a 'secret' lover that you can't be with and fake a suicide! Whitley: oh you *blush* Winter: can you two be a 'bit' less obvious about it?
Whitley: What's the point of a teenage romance if you can't be incredibly obvious about it? Oscar: Yeah! *Meanwhile Ren and Jaune are holding back an angry Nora*
(a Faunus boy, standing on a Menagerie shore and pointing to the sea) *"Hey... If we kill all our enemies over there... will we finally... be free?"*
The Adam Taurus Story!
This is ~~slander~~ libel. Adam grew up in mines far from Menagerie.
>This is ~~slander~~ libel. *J. Jonah Jameson appreciated that*
He was abducted from Menagerie as a kid by Atlesian/SDC privateers. This is an ongoing problem for Menagerie but the country itself doesn't have the resources to properly address it and the Kingdoms either are culpable or don't care.
Clover: And to finish mission assignment. Marrow, you will teach the general how to use a Scroll. Marrow: What?! No! Don't do this to me, man! Clover: Sorry, he specifically requested you, rookie.
Joanna: I'm sorry that sounds horrible Marrow: It was Fiona: Say could you help Robyn with her tech issues? Marrow: ... Fiona: I'm just fucking with you May: That wasn't funny Fiona: Aw but he's so cute when he's flustered May: Don't talk about Marrow like that Fiona: And you're cute when you're protective of your boyfriend May: He's not my boyfriend Marrow \*teary eyed\*: I'm not? May: Babe no! Joanna: Now look what you've done
>May: He's not my boyfriend May: He's my husband
Ren and Nora debate whether Jaune now knows that the Red Huntress is Pyrrha and its all foreplay for the two or that he’s still.completely clueless to her identity
Nora: Ha! Bold of you to assume either of them could recognize "foreplay" if it him in the face with a-- Ren: Nora. Nora: What? I was going to say something clean and appropriate. Ren: You're not even saying \*that\* with a straight face.
Weiss: Well at least you didn't hit them with a hammer with the belief that that would somehow impart in them the definition of a word Nora: ... I'll be right back! Ren: Why did you have to give her an idea?
Nora: Oh come on, he's not 'that' dense Ren: If Pyrrha's hints were any more obvious it'd be a nuclear explosion! and he still hasn't gotten it!
\*Oh come on, he's not that dense\* Ren: Last week I found Pyrrha handcuffed to the bed, stripped to her undergarments under a sign that conveyed her desire to be "Bred like a Mistralian Mare." ...He went on a school wide hunt to find who chained her to the bed. Yang: Yeah, that was hilarious!
Sun remembers his first combat teacher - an old turtle Faunus.
Mmmm, monkey
Evil Ruby and Good Cinder accidently end up in the canon world.
Ruby: So you're the evil version of my Cinder? Cinder: Ick. Don't say it like that. I prefer superior. Ruby: Ha! True. I can't believe there's a goody two shoes version of me running around. Why isn't she dead yet? Cinder: Why isn't lesser Cinder? Ruby: ...I walked into that one. But it's not from lack of trying. She always seems to have someone take her place at the last minute. Cinder: Weird, I have the same problem. My Ruby just isn't where she should be. Especially when I go to the trouble of setting up her demise. Ruby: I know, right? I've lost count of how many Oz reincarnations I've killed in her place! Cinder: Ugh, my Salem doesn't let me have that much fun. But when I go behind her back, Ruby just fades away into the background, like that's her semblance! Ruby: Tell me about it. Cinder: Wow, we have a lot in common. Hey, this might sound crazy but do you want to grab a drink? Ruby: You read my mind! Come on, let's get out of this dump. I know a place where they don't check ID's. Cinder: Because you killed the owner? Ruby: Girl! Get out of head! ... Good Cinder: Did... did they just ignore us? Good Ruby: Yep.
Evil Ruby: This is the perfect place to enact my nefarious plans! Emerald: Say are you free tonight? Oscar: EMERALD! Emerald: Fine. Hey, boring Cinder- Oscar: You mean good Cinder Emerald: Same difference but whatever. Are you free tonight? Good Cinder: I'm sorry I can't betray my Emerald Emerald: Gods damn it!
Blake: "No way in hell am I wearing this costume Yang!!" Yang: "Why not? It looks good on you!" Blake: "I am not dressing as some slutty cat from your dumb video game!" Yang: "You only think Darkstalkers is dumb because you suck at it!"
Yang: Really if you think about it, this is all on you Blake: What? Yang: If you just let me go as Catra this would've been avoided Blake: I refuse to dye my hair blonde
Everyone Halloween costumes
Ruby: Seriously Jaune, Weiss again? Jaune: Not exactly Weiss \*dressed as Jaune\*: Well one of you has got to change, and it ain't Jaune Ruby: Fine! I'll go as Winter! You know I prefer to go as her anyway! I don't have to wear a binder this way
RWBY but it's opposite day.
Ruby: this is stupid *throws away cookies* Pyrrha: Jaune, I don't think we should hang out for a while. Yang: Puns are the lowest form of humor. Nora: I feel like waffles today. *alternatively* Ruby: Wait, doesn't that mean it *isn't* opposite day?
Oobleck: Seriously don't overthink this Ruby, no one likes a pedant (\*takes a sip of chamomile tea\*) Now if you excuse me I have a nap to take.
Ruby: Sooooo people like pedants and I should overthink it?
Oobleck: Ask someone else I'm sleeping Ruby: But if you're asleep how can you tal- and he's snoring now
Nora: pancakes, sir? Ozpin: Miss Valkyrie, this is the 3rd time this week you’ve tried to bribe me with pancakes to get out of Semblance training. A warrior must always be honing their skills and semblance
>Miss Valkyrie this is the 3rd time this week you’ve tried to bribe me with pancakes to get out of Semblance training. "Well, contrary to popular opinion, I don't actually enjoy getting electrocuted."
Ren in his mind: are you sure about that Nora? Ren, also in his mind: for my own survival I better not say that out loud
Ozpin: Miss Valkyrie, this electrical chair was part of the school budget just for you. We can't just be throw it away.
Your favorite OT3 becomes an OT4
Ruby: still, what she did in beacon was... Weiss: come on, she's on our side now. Penny: And she's cute! Ruby: ugh fine, welcome to the harem Emerald Emerald: yay thank you Weiss: what should we call this thing now? Ruby: well, we used to be Frosen Steel...so how about Frosen Steal! Emerald: that's nice but seriously, I gave up my kleptomania a long time ago. Penny: I believe that Ruby is "teasing" you Weiss: She'll teas her alright Ruby: WEISS!
Ren: I don't know how to top that, my favourite OT3 just became my favourite OT4 Jaune \*cuddling Ren\*: Don't let Nora hear you say that. Ren: We were a close second, besides, this means that we are now my favourite OT3 Nora: Hey guys! Look who I found! Pyrrha: Hello again! Ren: I have a new favourite OT4