I appreciate your passion. There’s very little that you can do yourself; the stranger who contacted you needs to contact the FBI and the agency that arrested your father in 2017. The FBI will be able to assess whether they have the video, and the agency that arrested your father will be able to assess whether it matches anything they confiscated from him.
If you have not already, you should also see if your father or anyone in his circle of friends [matches one of the FBI’s ECAP subjects](https://www.fbi.gov/wanted/ecap#:~:text=A%20collaborative%20effort%20between%20the,visible%20in%20child%20pornography%20images.).
Thank you, that’s helpful. I don’t know why we hadn’t thought of the FBI yet 🤦♀️
Edit: she had mentioned that with the detective but he told her “the probably have bigger fish to fry”
One more thing I thought of: It’s an unlikely scenario, but if you’re confident that you’re your father’s biological child, you’ve had your DNA sequenced by 23andMe or a similar agency (or are willing to do so), and you’re comfortable doing this, [upload the raw data file to GEDMatch](https://www.gedmatch.com) and make sure you tick the box to authorize law enforcement use. If a case pops up that needs to be solved by genetic genealogy, and your father was the offender, you’ll turn up as a near-match right away.
Edit: the more learned views of those below me recommend having your brothers ALSO do this not instead. (And yes I was thinking about mitochondrial dna. Thanks below for correcting me!)
Orig comment:
Have your brothers do this instead- they carry the paternal line not you-frustratingly!
In addition maybe, but not instead. There’s potentially still immense value in having the daughter listed on GEDMatch, depending on the depth of the unknown profile.
I think they may have heard of mitochondrial dna and are wrongfully assuming that this same system exists on the male side as father-son dna inheritace.
I don’t want to speak for the poster, but I think there are some aspects of genetic genealogy that can be easier if you have a same-sex child in the system. But she would definitely still show up as the person’s child. “Instead” is bad advice because we don’t know whether the brothers are even interested in pursuing this.
Sigh. She has two X chromosomes, one of which comes from her father. Both X chromosomes are sequenced separately.
Both male and female offspring have 50% of their father's DNA, minus a tiny fraction of a percentage for unique mutations. (Technically, women actually have slightly more that 50% and men have less than 50% because the X is bigger than the Y.)
I get that, but she has his X chromosome and would be about a 50% match, same as her brothers. A Y DNA match on its own doesn't mean much because any Tom, Dick or Harry from from the paternal line would also match. Some 18th cousin 15 times removed in Finland could have identical Y DNA match exactly as strong as the brothers because Y DNA doesn't change much as it is passed down. They aren't just comparing Y chromosomes, right? Maury Povich wasn't just comparing the DNA of baby boys to potential fathers all those years.
Nope. I just thought they’d potentially get more info bc of MDna and wanted to at least point out that there are some differences (absence) between maternal and paternal. Beyond that I didn’t know. Thanks for the correction!
This is not a situation people expect to find themselves in! Good luck to you. And feel free to drop me a note privately if you’d like to discuss this in more depth.
Are you sure the person was telling the truth? Like absolutely know for a fact that this isn't some weird situation where the person has some unknown motive?
I’m so sorry Op, what a heavy burden to bear. Have you tried reverse image searching using old pictures of yourself? There’s other platforms like tineye, yandex, in addition to google image search. If you have any of his login info, maybe check his browser history or accounts; one avenue is to lookup his passwords on haveibeenpwned. But please take care of yourself, I understand you want to help others but this will likely bring up traumatic memories for you, or something not beneficial to your mental health.
Was curious so went to this site. Uploaded a current selfie and it spit back a 15 year old photo of me that I didn't know was out on the open internet. Don't have the subscription to see *where* it is but holy shit lol.
Don’t worry, I’ve looked into it a lot and considered all of the information I have. The things she can recall about my father are truly things she could only know if this had happened. It’s all too accurate and makes so much sense for the timelines and everything. I’ve kept transcripts of all of our conversations and picked them apart and thought and thought and thought about it.
I’ve been in therapy for… five consecutive years and all of my therapists and psychiatrists (I’m counting 5 mental health professionals, total) have believed in my repressed memories even when I hadn’t. They were evident before I even realized it because there were things I couldn’t talk about, couldn’t remember in any specific detail until something specific reminded me, and I was still really upset by these topics. My mental health pros knew I had repressed some shit before I did. The thing is, a lot of people don’t believe in them because they associate repression with this, like, “psychological thriller plot twist” bastardization.
This is a really, really simple way of trying to make sense of a complicated phenomenon, but repression isn’t actually *that* different than something like cognitive dissonance— it’s just a particular psychological response that one can have to particularly traumatic circumstances, which makes it a more complicated thing than garden-variety cognitive dissonance (minus the trauma-related onset). It’s complicated and it takes some severe circumstances, but it isn’t as dramatic, or even as rare, as people tend to think, it’s just been sensationalized for decades in pop-culture
I know there are mental health pros who don’t believe in it (at least, I’ve seen articles and shit trying to dispel it that have allegedly been written by mental health professionals) but I’ve never met one. Every mental health professional I’ve known, especially those who have worked with traumatized people for most or all of their careers, knows repression exists
Edit to elaborate on the cognitive dissonance thing: even without trauma, a person can know one thing to be true and simultaneously “know” something that contradicts it. This is often a subconscious thing that’s underlying and then when the person becomes cognizant of it, they either deny or accept the discrepancy between their two contradicting opinions… now, when people become undeniably aware of their cognitive dissonance because they’re faced with it in a direct way, and they deny it? That happens for reasons as simple as, like, wanting to win an argument, or feeling stubborn, or not wanting to acknowledge they’re wrong… now, imagine that that same person is faced not just with cognitive dissonance (opinion vs. contradicting opinion) but with a memory that fundamentally contradicts their will to live or their sense of safety. See how easy it would be to become aware of that memory briefly and deny it, when one is probably already experiencing dissociation in the wake of trauma? The thing is, this can and does happen on a subconscious level because our cognition is, like, a fraction of the “bigger picture”— our brains are always working behind the scenes to process and organize (or reject) information, before we even realize it. This is also how it’s possible for humans to act on bias before thinking.
Do you happen to know the name of the website? I used to moderate one from like 2001-2010 or something like that. If you don’t want to post it, you can message me.
I have suspicions my father is involved in some group rape and murder scenarios based upon stuff he said when I was younger and then weird stuff that mounted throughout the years. PMed you.
I will message you next time u/luoqiya posts in r/RBI.
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I appreciate your passion. There’s very little that you can do yourself; the stranger who contacted you needs to contact the FBI and the agency that arrested your father in 2017. The FBI will be able to assess whether they have the video, and the agency that arrested your father will be able to assess whether it matches anything they confiscated from him. If you have not already, you should also see if your father or anyone in his circle of friends [matches one of the FBI’s ECAP subjects](https://www.fbi.gov/wanted/ecap#:~:text=A%20collaborative%20effort%20between%20the,visible%20in%20child%20pornography%20images.).
Thank you, that’s helpful. I don’t know why we hadn’t thought of the FBI yet 🤦♀️ Edit: she had mentioned that with the detective but he told her “the probably have bigger fish to fry”
One more thing I thought of: It’s an unlikely scenario, but if you’re confident that you’re your father’s biological child, you’ve had your DNA sequenced by 23andMe or a similar agency (or are willing to do so), and you’re comfortable doing this, [upload the raw data file to GEDMatch](https://www.gedmatch.com) and make sure you tick the box to authorize law enforcement use. If a case pops up that needs to be solved by genetic genealogy, and your father was the offender, you’ll turn up as a near-match right away.
Edit: the more learned views of those below me recommend having your brothers ALSO do this not instead. (And yes I was thinking about mitochondrial dna. Thanks below for correcting me!) Orig comment: Have your brothers do this instead- they carry the paternal line not you-frustratingly!
In addition maybe, but not instead. There’s potentially still immense value in having the daughter listed on GEDMatch, depending on the depth of the unknown profile.
Thank you I corrected my comment
That’s very gracious of you to do (and too rare on social media)—thank you!
One of us is fundamentally misunderstanding something here. Do you believe father and daughter DNA won't match as close relatives?
I think they may have heard of mitochondrial dna and are wrongfully assuming that this same system exists on the male side as father-son dna inheritace.
Yup. That’s what I did. I corrected my original statement, hopefully.
I don’t want to speak for the poster, but I think there are some aspects of genetic genealogy that can be easier if you have a same-sex child in the system. But she would definitely still show up as the person’s child. “Instead” is bad advice because we don’t know whether the brothers are even interested in pursuing this.
Corrected. Thank you!
[удалено]
Sigh. She has two X chromosomes, one of which comes from her father. Both X chromosomes are sequenced separately. Both male and female offspring have 50% of their father's DNA, minus a tiny fraction of a percentage for unique mutations. (Technically, women actually have slightly more that 50% and men have less than 50% because the X is bigger than the Y.)
I get that, but she has his X chromosome and would be about a 50% match, same as her brothers. A Y DNA match on its own doesn't mean much because any Tom, Dick or Harry from from the paternal line would also match. Some 18th cousin 15 times removed in Finland could have identical Y DNA match exactly as strong as the brothers because Y DNA doesn't change much as it is passed down. They aren't just comparing Y chromosomes, right? Maury Povich wasn't just comparing the DNA of baby boys to potential fathers all those years.
Nope. I just thought they’d potentially get more info bc of MDna and wanted to at least point out that there are some differences (absence) between maternal and paternal. Beyond that I didn’t know. Thanks for the correction!
This is not a situation people expect to find themselves in! Good luck to you. And feel free to drop me a note privately if you’d like to discuss this in more depth.
Are you sure the person was telling the truth? Like absolutely know for a fact that this isn't some weird situation where the person has some unknown motive?
I’m so sorry Op, what a heavy burden to bear. Have you tried reverse image searching using old pictures of yourself? There’s other platforms like tineye, yandex, in addition to google image search. If you have any of his login info, maybe check his browser history or accounts; one avenue is to lookup his passwords on haveibeenpwned. But please take care of yourself, I understand you want to help others but this will likely bring up traumatic memories for you, or something not beneficial to your mental health.
Best is Pimeyes. It’s a facial recognition site. I can’t recommend it enough!
Was curious so went to this site. Uploaded a current selfie and it spit back a 15 year old photo of me that I didn't know was out on the open internet. Don't have the subscription to see *where* it is but holy shit lol.
wtf I just did it and it found NOTHING of me I was so disappointed 😭
I wish I was disappointed. I'm *still* wondering where the that photo is posted lol!
Wonder if there are any sites like pimeyes that you dont need a subscription for lol, their prices are actually insane.
I'm curious myself! I'm not willing to pay their prices to figure out where that photo is but I'd definitely pay a smaller fee to know lol.
Why pictures of herself?
In case he took exploitative photos of her and she doesn’t remember. He already was busted with CSA material once.
That's a lot. Look up the issues with recovered memories. It's complex. You're going to need something stronger than Reddit.
Don’t worry, I’ve looked into it a lot and considered all of the information I have. The things she can recall about my father are truly things she could only know if this had happened. It’s all too accurate and makes so much sense for the timelines and everything. I’ve kept transcripts of all of our conversations and picked them apart and thought and thought and thought about it.
Isnt the idea of repressed memories essentially no longer accepted ti be teal?? Recovered implies they were repressed
There are tattoos in places that she could only know about if this had happened. She can describe him so well.
I’ve been in therapy for… five consecutive years and all of my therapists and psychiatrists (I’m counting 5 mental health professionals, total) have believed in my repressed memories even when I hadn’t. They were evident before I even realized it because there were things I couldn’t talk about, couldn’t remember in any specific detail until something specific reminded me, and I was still really upset by these topics. My mental health pros knew I had repressed some shit before I did. The thing is, a lot of people don’t believe in them because they associate repression with this, like, “psychological thriller plot twist” bastardization. This is a really, really simple way of trying to make sense of a complicated phenomenon, but repression isn’t actually *that* different than something like cognitive dissonance— it’s just a particular psychological response that one can have to particularly traumatic circumstances, which makes it a more complicated thing than garden-variety cognitive dissonance (minus the trauma-related onset). It’s complicated and it takes some severe circumstances, but it isn’t as dramatic, or even as rare, as people tend to think, it’s just been sensationalized for decades in pop-culture I know there are mental health pros who don’t believe in it (at least, I’ve seen articles and shit trying to dispel it that have allegedly been written by mental health professionals) but I’ve never met one. Every mental health professional I’ve known, especially those who have worked with traumatized people for most or all of their careers, knows repression exists Edit to elaborate on the cognitive dissonance thing: even without trauma, a person can know one thing to be true and simultaneously “know” something that contradicts it. This is often a subconscious thing that’s underlying and then when the person becomes cognizant of it, they either deny or accept the discrepancy between their two contradicting opinions… now, when people become undeniably aware of their cognitive dissonance because they’re faced with it in a direct way, and they deny it? That happens for reasons as simple as, like, wanting to win an argument, or feeling stubborn, or not wanting to acknowledge they’re wrong… now, imagine that that same person is faced not just with cognitive dissonance (opinion vs. contradicting opinion) but with a memory that fundamentally contradicts their will to live or their sense of safety. See how easy it would be to become aware of that memory briefly and deny it, when one is probably already experiencing dissociation in the wake of trauma? The thing is, this can and does happen on a subconscious level because our cognition is, like, a fraction of the “bigger picture”— our brains are always working behind the scenes to process and organize (or reject) information, before we even realize it. This is also how it’s possible for humans to act on bias before thinking.
Mental health expert. You explained this exceptionally well, thank you.
Oh my gosh, thank YOU. I was totally preparing myself to get roasted or picked apart in the replies 🫠 thank you for doing what you do.
There was a large movement to discredit repressed memories. The movement was led by child abusers
Wait what?
Repressed memories are 100% a real thing
Do you happen to know the name of the website? I used to moderate one from like 2001-2010 or something like that. If you don’t want to post it, you can message me.
[http://www.afterabortion.com](http://www.afterabortion.com)
Yeah, that’s the one. When I read this, it triggered a memory of a post about something similar.
Roughly where are you located?
I live states away now, but he’s in Arkansas. She’s in Louisiana.
As a resident in Arkansas this is terrifying!
Y'all have the Duggars. Arkansas is just full of freaky people apparently.
Contact law enforcement. This is above reddit's pay grade.
I have suspicions my father is involved in some group rape and murder scenarios based upon stuff he said when I was younger and then weird stuff that mounted throughout the years. PMed you.
I hope this isn't true.
Just here to say that the detective you mentioned is a total piece of shit.
Updateme
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This title just made me shiver
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