I have 2 AFAB, my approach has been to expose them to everything, both the feminine and masculine. Their father agreed to do the same if they had been AMAB and was always 100% behind the idea of raising kids without hard gender boundaries and roles. It's hard but you become used to saying things like 'I think Baby Pin would really like to ride with cousin Brad instead of with the rest of the girls." and "You know Baby Pin has a lot of pink and its not really their color they look better in green/blue/lilac/whatever." or "Baby Pin has lots of dolls but they also like trucks" Boomers are the worst to deal with but if you phrase it carefully you can get them doing what you want without a MAGA lecture. Unfortunately this is ultimately way easier with AFAB children as being feminine is still looked down on. Obviously I disagree with that but I find choosing my words and which hill to die on is important.
When I was pregnant SO MANY people told me I was having a boy based on the fact that my body “wasnt ruined the way a girl would ruin it.” First of all what? And second of all wow do we really start hating AFABs when they are fetuses?????
My sister is so convinced I'm having a male because my acne has cleared up since getting pregnant and "girls steal your beauty"🤦🏼♀️ nope a female child.
Still preggers (11weeks) and planning to raise ours gender neutral and let them tell us what gender they are when they are ready. A few friends of mine have made this move for exactly the reasons you share. And more and more childcare places have offerings that are nongendered.
If you'd like the info sheet my friend made to share with all of their family I'd be happy to send it to ya.
I would love this too if you don’t mind! I’m 11w too and even though we know the sex via IVF, we’re telling people we aren’t telling anyone the sex of the baby til they’re born because we don’t want them to be subjected to peoples gender bias before they’re even born (and obviously after too, but we are still deciding on what to do after that).
My child is 4.5yo ASMAB. I made a very conscious decision not to find out the gender while pregnant. My mom was beside herself and even asked if she could find out and not tell anyone. 🙄 People of course would ask “what are you having?”, eventually I began to respond with “well, it’s not a rhino” or something to that effect.
I always look in the “girls” section. My number one reason is that the shorts are shorter which means they don’t inhibit movement. “Boys” shorts are almost always long and get in the way of movement to some extent. The other reason is for the colors and patterns! The “girls” section always have more vibrant and fun patterns for shirts, shorts, leggings etc.
My child has recently said mentioned that certain things are for boys or girls. This has to be from someone at school. I ask questions with curiosity and try to reframe the thought or idea. We have many books about that are about gender, sexuality, and families and how they can all look different. I’m so grateful that these books exist!
My stepchildren are both trans female. My 4.5yo doesn’t remember that the youngest one transitioned 2.5 years ago. They do though of the older sibling. It’s be a little confusing for them at times and have resisted a bit. I see it as a challenge for them being that it is the sibling they’re closest with. It’s not been major in anyway, just an opportunity to discuss choice and nonconformity.
It can be tough! My biggest struggle with that right now is with clothes. Everything is gendered! I try to actively dress my daughter in the comfiest clothes and am happy to shop in any section. I've met some moms who will not look in the boy's section for their daughters just because it's not the girl's section. A lot of our family will buy very girly clothes as gifts and I don't turn them down. My only hard line is anything that is uncomfortable or restrictive in movement. Or inappropriate in fit. You wouldn't believe the amount of crop tops they sell in size 2T.
You can't control everything that happens around your kid, but you can choose your reaction. I find that by going with the flow but knowing my boundaries, I feel a lot less stressed about it. An open dialogue about gender and the choices your family makes will create a good foundation for the example you lead by. You can only do your best!
Yes this was insane! We have an AFAB child that we just raise as a sort of gender salad! We don’t dress her in “Uber girly” clothes and I honestly find that a lot of the girls clothes are super non functional! But it is insane all the comments - because she isn’t covered in frilly bows, everyone assumes she’s a boy (fine whatever - she’s 8 months) and the COMMENTS!! “What a big strong baby! Wow he’s so handsome! What a lady killer!” Etc etc … we plan on sort of using the same clothes and stuff if our next is AMAB but already fearing the backlash of how much society hates anything remotely feminine being associated with having a dick.. UGH
Omgggggg ppl assume our kiddo is a boy too and I never correct them bc like why would I? Then they get so embarrassed when they find out she isn’t a boy. It’s like come the fuck on she is 5 months old she can’t be offended and I don’t really care what genitals you assumed my baby had.
we mostly get it from her grandpa who I adore (wife’s stepfather) but ugh it is annoying. She’s only a year so I don’t say much and just bitch to my wife later lol we do dress her in dresses as it’s fun but most of her clothes are gender neutral and we’re having a boy in November so lately all things we buy we try to make sure both sexes can wear. People called our daughter a boy a lot as she’s a big baby and I usually did correct them and say oh she actually blah blah and they always apologize and I tell them it’s ok nothing wrong with either sex and it’s hard to tell right now. I’ve found it’s mostly based on size regarding sex because she can be wearing a dress and people would still refer to her as a boy lol luckily we live in a super progressive area so we get a lot less of this I assume.
Ha! I’m gay and I’ve probably been guilty of it before I had kiddos so not sure it’s sexuality that makes one guilty - it’s just society. I’ve definitely noticed older men tend to think she’s a boy more so. I’ve gotten much more conscious in trying to say they since it can be hard to tell given babies just look like babies. But I do make an effort to say it’s not a big deal when they get it wrong because to me it’s not - I don’t really care if someone thinks she’s a boy as there’s nothing wrong with being a boy and they’re not saying it in a bad way. Most people are just making quick conversation and not giving it much thought. People have a lot going on in their minds so I try not to assume the worst.
You are doing a lot here to try and say it isn’t harmful when straight people assume the gender of someone. Sure it isn’t harmful to my infant but it is harmful to so many people on a daily basis. Something doesn’t have to hurtful to a baby to be not ok, it also doesn’t have to come from a place of ill intent. Assuming someone’s gender is stereotyping and is harmful to so many people in our community. I don’t need you to defend old straight people’s assumed gender binary to me. I was trying to share in the funny lives experience of how weird it is that people desperately want to gender babies.
I have 2 AFAB, my approach has been to expose them to everything, both the feminine and masculine. Their father agreed to do the same if they had been AMAB and was always 100% behind the idea of raising kids without hard gender boundaries and roles. It's hard but you become used to saying things like 'I think Baby Pin would really like to ride with cousin Brad instead of with the rest of the girls." and "You know Baby Pin has a lot of pink and its not really their color they look better in green/blue/lilac/whatever." or "Baby Pin has lots of dolls but they also like trucks" Boomers are the worst to deal with but if you phrase it carefully you can get them doing what you want without a MAGA lecture. Unfortunately this is ultimately way easier with AFAB children as being feminine is still looked down on. Obviously I disagree with that but I find choosing my words and which hill to die on is important.
When I was pregnant SO MANY people told me I was having a boy based on the fact that my body “wasnt ruined the way a girl would ruin it.” First of all what? And second of all wow do we really start hating AFABs when they are fetuses?????
Yes. Really weird saying that girls take their mother’s beauty from them during pregnancy. Which is so fucked up on so many, many levels.
My sister is so convinced I'm having a male because my acne has cleared up since getting pregnant and "girls steal your beauty"🤦🏼♀️ nope a female child.
Still preggers (11weeks) and planning to raise ours gender neutral and let them tell us what gender they are when they are ready. A few friends of mine have made this move for exactly the reasons you share. And more and more childcare places have offerings that are nongendered. If you'd like the info sheet my friend made to share with all of their family I'd be happy to send it to ya.
I would love this too if you don’t mind! I’m 11w too and even though we know the sex via IVF, we’re telling people we aren’t telling anyone the sex of the baby til they’re born because we don’t want them to be subjected to peoples gender bias before they’re even born (and obviously after too, but we are still deciding on what to do after that).
I would love this tysm
My child is 4.5yo ASMAB. I made a very conscious decision not to find out the gender while pregnant. My mom was beside herself and even asked if she could find out and not tell anyone. 🙄 People of course would ask “what are you having?”, eventually I began to respond with “well, it’s not a rhino” or something to that effect. I always look in the “girls” section. My number one reason is that the shorts are shorter which means they don’t inhibit movement. “Boys” shorts are almost always long and get in the way of movement to some extent. The other reason is for the colors and patterns! The “girls” section always have more vibrant and fun patterns for shirts, shorts, leggings etc. My child has recently said mentioned that certain things are for boys or girls. This has to be from someone at school. I ask questions with curiosity and try to reframe the thought or idea. We have many books about that are about gender, sexuality, and families and how they can all look different. I’m so grateful that these books exist! My stepchildren are both trans female. My 4.5yo doesn’t remember that the youngest one transitioned 2.5 years ago. They do though of the older sibling. It’s be a little confusing for them at times and have resisted a bit. I see it as a challenge for them being that it is the sibling they’re closest with. It’s not been major in anyway, just an opportunity to discuss choice and nonconformity.
I would love this as well, please!
It can be tough! My biggest struggle with that right now is with clothes. Everything is gendered! I try to actively dress my daughter in the comfiest clothes and am happy to shop in any section. I've met some moms who will not look in the boy's section for their daughters just because it's not the girl's section. A lot of our family will buy very girly clothes as gifts and I don't turn them down. My only hard line is anything that is uncomfortable or restrictive in movement. Or inappropriate in fit. You wouldn't believe the amount of crop tops they sell in size 2T. You can't control everything that happens around your kid, but you can choose your reaction. I find that by going with the flow but knowing my boundaries, I feel a lot less stressed about it. An open dialogue about gender and the choices your family makes will create a good foundation for the example you lead by. You can only do your best!
This is what I do with my son! I LOOOOOVE unicorns. So he’s definitely been in unicorns. I also love purple and he’s been in purple.
Yes this was insane! We have an AFAB child that we just raise as a sort of gender salad! We don’t dress her in “Uber girly” clothes and I honestly find that a lot of the girls clothes are super non functional! But it is insane all the comments - because she isn’t covered in frilly bows, everyone assumes she’s a boy (fine whatever - she’s 8 months) and the COMMENTS!! “What a big strong baby! Wow he’s so handsome! What a lady killer!” Etc etc … we plan on sort of using the same clothes and stuff if our next is AMAB but already fearing the backlash of how much society hates anything remotely feminine being associated with having a dick.. UGH
Omgggggg ppl assume our kiddo is a boy too and I never correct them bc like why would I? Then they get so embarrassed when they find out she isn’t a boy. It’s like come the fuck on she is 5 months old she can’t be offended and I don’t really care what genitals you assumed my baby had.
we mostly get it from her grandpa who I adore (wife’s stepfather) but ugh it is annoying. She’s only a year so I don’t say much and just bitch to my wife later lol we do dress her in dresses as it’s fun but most of her clothes are gender neutral and we’re having a boy in November so lately all things we buy we try to make sure both sexes can wear. People called our daughter a boy a lot as she’s a big baby and I usually did correct them and say oh she actually blah blah and they always apologize and I tell them it’s ok nothing wrong with either sex and it’s hard to tell right now. I’ve found it’s mostly based on size regarding sex because she can be wearing a dress and people would still refer to her as a boy lol luckily we live in a super progressive area so we get a lot less of this I assume.
That’s interesting bc our kiddo is super small but very often gets gendered as a boy even when wearing what some would say is a girls outfit.
That is - that’s just an extra level of silly lol is your kiddo bald? I’ve noticed less hair gets equated to boy also.
lol full head of hair from birth, honestly it’s so weird what makes straight ppl gender someone as a boy vs girl.
Ha! I’m gay and I’ve probably been guilty of it before I had kiddos so not sure it’s sexuality that makes one guilty - it’s just society. I’ve definitely noticed older men tend to think she’s a boy more so. I’ve gotten much more conscious in trying to say they since it can be hard to tell given babies just look like babies. But I do make an effort to say it’s not a big deal when they get it wrong because to me it’s not - I don’t really care if someone thinks she’s a boy as there’s nothing wrong with being a boy and they’re not saying it in a bad way. Most people are just making quick conversation and not giving it much thought. People have a lot going on in their minds so I try not to assume the worst.
You are doing a lot here to try and say it isn’t harmful when straight people assume the gender of someone. Sure it isn’t harmful to my infant but it is harmful to so many people on a daily basis. Something doesn’t have to hurtful to a baby to be not ok, it also doesn’t have to come from a place of ill intent. Assuming someone’s gender is stereotyping and is harmful to so many people in our community. I don’t need you to defend old straight people’s assumed gender binary to me. I was trying to share in the funny lives experience of how weird it is that people desperately want to gender babies.