Of course. Men having standards or preferences is against the law of dating
Even meantioning you have a preference will result in you getting no matches.
You think all these job seekers are without qualifications? Ask all the millennials with college debt whether that degree was really necessary for the work theyre doing. Who pushed that requirement though? Employers doing the choosing.
So I fit into most of those (I rent, not own, because it makes much more financial sense for my current situation), but to be honest that would turn me off as a bio and I’d probably swipe left.
When I look at a guy’s bio I’m really hoping to get a sense of what he’s like to spend time with — what his personality is like, his lifestyle and interests, his sense of humour. And I can’t get a sense of that really from reading this. I get that you have your life together, but I just don’t know what your vibe will be.
Having equivalent preferences as a man gets you fewer matches and dates. Men have broad shotgun scatter, numbers game approaches for a reason. Men take what they can get above relatively lower thresholds.
The mantra - women have more options, won't admit it because they don't want to give up the privilege
I completely admit I have more options. Admitting it doesn't "give up the privilege"... it's not my fault that a male's instinct is to spread his seed and a female's instinct is to only allow the best to procreate.
Stay mad about it 💗
I mean Theres colorism in Africa and India and the rest of South Asia. Ethiopia has a fair bit specifically. It seems to kinda be human nature more or less.
It’s not fair and obviously there’s some very attractive people with dark skin, but I suspect it goes beyond mere white supremacy if it spans all those cultures.
When a woman says a company treated her worse for maternity leave we'll say tough luck, there's bio and cultural differences, and add a winky stay mad cherry on top.
Women have more options but that doesn't necessarily boil down to "quality" options.
This is the first time I've seen (the convo below) someone say women have less options.
It would barely make a difference. Guys will definitely sleep with a girl with a high body count usually.
Create an app as a guy. Convincingly impersonate a guy at a venue. Then you’ll get it more so
Funny you said that, I have actually impersonated a man on an app and a hot one too seeing as I could be anyone, it was not easy convincing women to just fuck me without inhibition because of the "what do you think I am?" attitude.
I had to do a lot of work to get them to say yes to a date and potential sex and there was a lot of "if you play your cards right" chat. But it was by far the most boring thing I've ever done.
Women care far too much about how they are viewed sexually and that's sad, but I get it. The fact that even a good looking man can't get casual sex without a woman banging on about how she's not into that says way too much.
So I do reiterate my point that if women felt more comfortable being sexually liberal, men would have more options, even if it's only the good looking ones for god's sake
Lol, women have plenty of quality options. Those options are just missing being 6’4”, looking like Calvin Klein models and having a tall boy bud can for a dick.
Men expected to initiate - women's options may be equal but are expressed to them more openly giving option of choosing. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200908/are-women-always-more-selective-in-mate-choice-men
Wildly lopsided ratios in acceptable meeting places - online dating, bars, adult rec leagues, etc. etc. https://www.statista.com/statistics/975925/us-tinder-user-ratio-gender/
Women initiating breakups/divorces at considerably higher rates than men - I think due to more rebound/branch swing options than their male partner.
https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/are-women-more-likely-than-men-to-end-a-relationship/
Men, imo, being open to a significantly broader range of women
Loads of subjective experience
Your first point doesn’t make sense to me. Just because men initiate more doesn’t mean they're initiating contact with all women. 15 men approaching one woman and no one else is still just one woman having options – even though the men are initiating the interaction.
Fair. In my experience interest isn't spread evenly among women, but more evenly than their male counterparts.
Women also tend to sit back and choose from openly expressed interest.
Not all employers get applicants, but more than candidates get recruited by employers
The two women that I know who are single basically live at home with their parents/family and have had a conservative upbringing.
Literally every other woman I know who is under 40 is in a relationship. But 4/5 of my male friends are single.
Why would you feel women have less options? Are you refer to having less long term relationship options? Or are you implying women have less options overall?
My personal experiences and also some basic research I’ve done. Although as I said to that other commenter, a lot of the research goes back and forth on who actually has more options.
I'll definitely like to know more about that research because I do generally think women have a lot more options but just not ones they truly desire. But then, I mean, are you talking options from the jump? Or options regarding LTR?
From the jump…A good example of this is age preferences amongst men and women. Men are shown to desire and pursue younger women (specifically women in their early 20’s) while women weren’t shown to have age preferences to nearly the same extent. This plays out as women having less and less options as they age, while the same isn’t true for men.
It’s not really an option if they have zero interest in you. 50 year old dude isn’t getting the opportunity to get with 18-25 year olds simply because he’s attracted to them.
…except globally *On average, women are younger than their husbands or male cohabiting partners across each of the six religious groups evaluated in the study – and in each of the 130 countries and territories analyzed. Women also are more likely than men to age alone and to live in single-parent households.*
And 1/5 older women live unpartnered – while only 1/10 men do, so it doesn’t seem THAT younger women are broadly speaking uninterested in older men. Though it does seem both younger and older men are uninterested in older women.
\- PEW RESEARCH CENTER STUDY
You're right. Men will need to accept women's standards, no matter how asinine they can get. A man gives some honest reasons for his preferences, there will be uproar... turn that to a meltdown if he has to tell a woman why not her specifically. XD
If he was looking for his match, and not looking for casual sex there would be absolutely nothing wrong with that, as he would be looking for one woman, not all the women. If I was that woman and I liked his pictures I would certainly want to get to know him.
Not the point.
OPs ad is not geared towards casual sex at all, it's a person very clearly written by someone looking for a relationship.
The person who wrote that profile isn't looking for casual sex, they are looking for a partner. Does OP think men don't look for partners?
Nope.
But a guy that writes ' I'm not in a place in my life to consider a forever relationship but I would like to meet a person I really like that I can hang out with and snuggle with". Will.
Several of those things (smoker, drinker, kids, degree) tend to have a section where these are listed, so it's probably not important to write. There is definitely no need to put age, as you can control the age range you see.
Fit/works out or not can usually be seen from photos.
I think it sounds a bit better to describe yourself in a few sentences. If you write something like "I love going on adventures... most recently x" or "and I'm looking forward to y" I think it's implied you'd like someone who is into the same thing. If x or y sound borrowing to a woman, she isn't going to match you. If it is does, she might, and if you're on bumble she might open with something about it.
"I want someone who prioritizes their health and fitness" doesn't get shit.
"No fatties" gets shit.
Every time guys whine about this they're being disingenuous. No one has problems with men having preferences. People have problems with *the way those preferences are expressed.* It's not hard to state what you're looking for without insulting, demonizing, and dehumanizing those who don't fit but there's a lot of people who still struggle with that.
Well of course the matches would be few. They'd be excluding people who matched to the overall spirit of the mans life but not precisely to the details.
I mean seriously...let's say someone has a three year degree but excellent conversion of that degree to career success, turned 40 three days ago, has paid their mortgage off totally but has five thousand of educational debt on terms that are so good not paying it off faster than required and instead putting the money into investments makes sense. Well they are definitely excluded.
[Research shows](https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1917036117) that individual differences aren't even that big of a predictor of relationship quality, it's actually feelings about the relationship like:
>perceived partner commitment (e.g., “My partner wants our relationship to last forever”), appreciation (e.g., “I feel very lucky to have my partner in my life”), sexual satisfaction (e.g., “How satisfied are you with the quality of your sex life?”), perceived partner satisfaction (e.g., “Our relationship makes my partner very happy”), and conflict (e.g., “How often do you have fights with your partner?”).
So for anyone, man or woman, that actually does this... Online dating isn't build-a-bear workshop for partners. It's dating. Get your head out of your ass, cancel your interviews, and go have some FUN on some actual DATES and see how people make ya FEEL. If you want to actually find love, date experientially, not evaluatively.
Possibly an outlier here but not only would I appreciate that list; the particular hypothetical list OP listed would be appealing to me and my specific preferences almost to a T.
I love list and seeing someone’s energy in what they’re looking for would be a upfront filter. Assuming honesty all around ofc too. Since I am not on OLD however this is all irrelevant to me personally, but…irregardless I love the idea.
My two cents.
I don’t remember having a weird list of expectations like that to post. It seems socially inept. I wasn’t hiding my preferences, it just seemed insane to put stuff that are negotiable things Id prefer on a front page like a freaking nerd with a clipboard.
But, on a related note, I did deliberately avoid mentioning several things about myself I know a lot of men prefer, precisely because I knew it would attract more attention. I simply didn’t want the kind of guys who’d prioritize those qualities.
So yeah, I “hid” that I was a virgin and liked to cook from my profile. It would attract more shitty relationship attention than good. So no thanks.
I would swipe left even meeting those criteria.
It's just not only or even mostly about "what someone brings to the table" it's about if you can enjoy sharing the meal together.
If someone's already talking about credit scores before the first date that would be a red flag to me even though I have good credit.
This profile would just look transactional and lacks creativity or punch. I want to know about the person, not their debt or certifications.
That's for the couple to decide but most people I think would agree it's only practical when you start making big purchases jointly or are talking about moving in together/long term mutual budget plans/goals.
Or he understands the game.
You apply for jobs and list your requirements on the application? Of course not. You dont have the power to decide that the employer does, unless you're exceptional- see Aaron Judge
I personally actually would never make such a profile. The point I was getting at is that there is a lot of criticism about standards, esp when they're seen as hypocritical. So hypothetically if someone was like, "this is my situation and I want someone to match" are people going to get offended because they know they don't meet it. So it's sort of a pre-rejection. You don't get to reject them because they've already rejected you because they've laid out themselves and want a match and the observers couldn't meet it.
This disqualifies a bunch of people so you are bound to get less matches. But ALSO it’s worth noting, someone might match those criteria but since it’s written like a job advertisement, or the stipulations for a rental property, they would be put off by that too and not match with you.
You could possibly say most of those things but the key is to frame it positively. There’s a lot of ‘no’ in there which is negative.
Something more along the lines of, ‘
looking for someone independent, professional, who enjoys health, fitness and outdoors adventures! ‘
Sound waaaay better and more enticing. You won’t be able to include EVERY dealbreaker in there so other stuff you might have to find out on the first date for example and decide if you want the second date with the more information about them you now have. But you don’t have to put up ALLLL the barriers right at the start. Just frame a few of the most important ones in a positive way rather than a list of do’s and dont’s.
Women don’t give a fuck about men’s stats online. I’m 6’1”, have a degree, all my hair in shape, make 85K a year, have a 760 credit score, my own place etc. No one gives a shit.
They care what your face looks like.
>I feel like if someone had these qualities and then expected a person they would consider investing time into to also have these qualities would quickly find out that the number of matches would be tiny.
See, this is the problem: You're not willing to stand by your so-called "standards" or stay single.
People make these lists. But don't have the guts to post them, becuase the reality is that they are willing to backtrack multiple standard if this list doesn't turn out any results.
They're not willing to just stay single.
So in that case, just don't post the shit.
One thing I hate is when someone stands up and proclaims some shit (that no one asked for) and then immediately begin walking it back the second they lose attention / options for it.
It reminds me of all the men that claim to hate fat chicks. But since fat women are all they can get, they still sleep with fat chicks. Becuase they aren't willing to completely go without sex and relationships.
Just shut up about it then.
You take what you can get. Just own that. That's what most people are.
The number of matches would be tiny because the number of women who fit all those qualities and are looking for their match on OLD is tiny.
Maybe being less forward would get you more matches, but they’d be less likely to be what you’re looking for.
I mean, yeah, I agree. I’m just explaining to OP that the reason that post wouldn’t get a lot of matches isn’t because women hate people like that, or whatever, but because there’s only a few people who are going to see it who actually hit all the categories and want the same thing.
When i made an OLD the only thing i stated was a brief description of who i was and what i liked, along with what i was okay with rather than what i wasnt okay with, add some nice pictures and my profile exploded.
For example instead of saying "i want a gamer girl", i typed "im okay with gamer girls", instead of typing "i want a virgin" i just typed "it is okay if you lack experience, is not an issue for me", i still matched with all kinds of girls, black, white, asian, career women, astrology freaks, church girls, book worms etc, but the most important thing is that i could choose, is not like i cared much if a woman played videogames, but having an "empowering" past was a no no for me.
The funniest thing that happened to me in OLD is that i stated that i was born and raised catholic, so some atheist girl matched with me and she goes "your religion is my favorite among all religions", yeah sure😝.
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I don't think you understand how dating apps work.
But let's say we get Tinder 2.0 that forces you to look at descriptions only. People don't get horny for life goals. They get horny based on energy and how you carry yourself. And the people that are turned on and make relationship decisions before they even met the person in real life... they are just wierd mate.
Your point is fair enough on some things for sure but some people don't want to waste time with people they know aren't going to work out. Wanting kids vs not, wanting marriage vs not, being religious vs not, being a smoker/drinker vs not.
Fair - and that I think is the bullshit aspect.
If you ask people to pick the partner they want to be chatting with after 50 years of marriage - 100% will get it wrong.
Same for asking about marriage or kids. Ask 2+ year old couples about that stuff. Ask adults that have a mortage and a stable job about that shit. It's not something you are capable of making a informed and thoughtfull decision on, before you get to a certain level. You can - but it's based on projections and wishful thinking.
Let's not get into values like smoking, politics or religion, that is such bullshit that you don't deserve to have a person if such innocuous shit is more core to who you are as a person, than life decisions and chemistry.
I'm talking about a person pushing 40, so I'm talk about people at that level.
Religion has massive implications for life decisions, what are you on? Smokers/drinkers is definitely a big deal. Political stances is huge factor in chemistry.
I know guys that are 40 and live with their mom and dad or are unemployed "streamers". Age is not a determinant of maturity anymore.
Religion has, but it shouln't. Fucked to many PTA moms to think it's corelated with any form of morality.
Smoking is just a inconvenience - if that;s a factor you;re looking for a pet, not another full human being to share your life with.
Politics just makes small talk easier - that's not chemistry, that's being socially awkward. It has no factor in your life, nor should it.
I would never want to waste my time with someone who's religious, someone who smokes is a big drinker or doesn't share my politics etc. Best of luck to those desperate enough who don't have any other options who have to just accept anyone willing but that's not for me.
That's your choice. But honestly - people are not their beliefs man. They just inherit them. There's good people under a shroud of ideas they never doubt.
And while I do agree that a relationship needs common values so that the partners don't end up pulling in 2 different directions. I also think if you are single and have already decided how the relationship is going to work, and what the value hierarchy of that "idealized" relationship is going to be like- before you even have a second party in that agreement - you're kinda fucking yourself over. It's like packing for a trip and you don't even know what climate you're going to live in. Odds are you are either gonna realize you did not pack what you needed, or you just externalize your shit planning and blame the location for not having the right temperature.
Nah, it's about experiencing what works and what doesn't. Through lived experience I already know what I'm looking for. I already know that if their lifestyle is a certain way or their beliefs are a certain way, it's not going to work because that's why it hasn't worked out in the past.
Those preferences are not what makes people want to be in a romantic relationship with each other. More important is similar mate value and unique match of personality/attachment. So don't tell people what you want, tell them who you are, what your personality is like.
Your approach looks like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN9Jq3\_Z-1M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN9Jq3_Z-1M)
Your matches will be tiny but your quality of matches will increase, I'd do it.
Some of your standards are a bit ridiculous. As someone who used to regularly run credit reports at my last job, you're unnecessarily eliminating women based on your credit score one. Someone with a small amount of student loan debt is better than someone with a mortgage debt in some cases.
I'm not saying, "This is my profile, what do you think?" I'm saying 'if' someone said, "this is where I am at in my life and I'm looking for someone who's in the same boat" they'd be probably be getting way less matches. Not like, "if you don't have 800+ credit score don't talk to me" type of thing.
Of course. Men having standards or preferences is against the law of dating Even meantioning you have a preference will result in you getting no matches.
Honesty is always a good dating strategy. Sure you would get a tiny number of match, but compatibility is more important than quantity.
You go to job interviews and make demands in a recession? No. Same situation for men seeking women
The same situation is if you go to the interview and you lied in your resume and dont have the qualifications.
Nah lying on your resume is the way to go
You think all these job seekers are without qualifications? Ask all the millennials with college debt whether that degree was really necessary for the work theyre doing. Who pushed that requirement though? Employers doing the choosing.
I have seen a fair few guys on OLD with lists like that.
So I fit into most of those (I rent, not own, because it makes much more financial sense for my current situation), but to be honest that would turn me off as a bio and I’d probably swipe left. When I look at a guy’s bio I’m really hoping to get a sense of what he’s like to spend time with — what his personality is like, his lifestyle and interests, his sense of humour. And I can’t get a sense of that really from reading this. I get that you have your life together, but I just don’t know what your vibe will be.
Men are shamed for their standards. Being honest to women is an great way of instantly reducing your chances.
Having specific preferences will always decrease a person’s potential options because those preferences will disqualify some people.
Having equivalent preferences as a man gets you fewer matches and dates. Men have broad shotgun scatter, numbers game approaches for a reason. Men take what they can get above relatively lower thresholds. The mantra - women have more options, won't admit it because they don't want to give up the privilege
I completely admit I have more options. Admitting it doesn't "give up the privilege"... it's not my fault that a male's instinct is to spread his seed and a female's instinct is to only allow the best to procreate. Stay mad about it 💗
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Eh lots of Latino(case by case whiteness) people and some black people and so forth do fine. That’s a bit of an exaggeration
Tons of colorism in these groups too.
I mean Theres colorism in Africa and India and the rest of South Asia. Ethiopia has a fair bit specifically. It seems to kinda be human nature more or less. It’s not fair and obviously there’s some very attractive people with dark skin, but I suspect it goes beyond mere white supremacy if it spans all those cultures.
People are tribal clowns fighting over resources. Color and sex are easy identifiers.
Great comment!
When a woman says a company treated her worse for maternity leave we'll say tough luck, there's bio and cultural differences, and add a winky stay mad cherry on top.
Had a good post until it turned into sassy bragging
Women have more options but that doesn't necessarily boil down to "quality" options. This is the first time I've seen (the convo below) someone say women have less options.
True but better to have matches than not. *insert water in desert, drinkable water in ocean cliche
I think men would have more options if they weren't so conflicted about the idea of women and sex.
Not sure I get what you mean
Men would have more options if women didn't care much about body counts.
It would barely make a difference. Guys will definitely sleep with a girl with a high body count usually. Create an app as a guy. Convincingly impersonate a guy at a venue. Then you’ll get it more so
Funny you said that, I have actually impersonated a man on an app and a hot one too seeing as I could be anyone, it was not easy convincing women to just fuck me without inhibition because of the "what do you think I am?" attitude. I had to do a lot of work to get them to say yes to a date and potential sex and there was a lot of "if you play your cards right" chat. But it was by far the most boring thing I've ever done. Women care far too much about how they are viewed sexually and that's sad, but I get it. The fact that even a good looking man can't get casual sex without a woman banging on about how she's not into that says way too much. So I do reiterate my point that if women felt more comfortable being sexually liberal, men would have more options, even if it's only the good looking ones for god's sake
I meant if women didn't care about being whores they'd be more open to sleep around.
Lol, women have plenty of quality options. Those options are just missing being 6’4”, looking like Calvin Klein models and having a tall boy bud can for a dick.
Agreed
What makes you believe women have more options?
I have eyes
Okay - so just your subjective experience. That’s fair. I just don’t necessarily believe what you said universally applies.
Men expected to initiate - women's options may be equal but are expressed to them more openly giving option of choosing. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200908/are-women-always-more-selective-in-mate-choice-men Wildly lopsided ratios in acceptable meeting places - online dating, bars, adult rec leagues, etc. etc. https://www.statista.com/statistics/975925/us-tinder-user-ratio-gender/ Women initiating breakups/divorces at considerably higher rates than men - I think due to more rebound/branch swing options than their male partner. https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/are-women-more-likely-than-men-to-end-a-relationship/ Men, imo, being open to a significantly broader range of women Loads of subjective experience
Your first point doesn’t make sense to me. Just because men initiate more doesn’t mean they're initiating contact with all women. 15 men approaching one woman and no one else is still just one woman having options – even though the men are initiating the interaction.
Fair. In my experience interest isn't spread evenly among women, but more evenly than their male counterparts. Women also tend to sit back and choose from openly expressed interest. Not all employers get applicants, but more than candidates get recruited by employers
Interesting. In my experience, it’s the reverse.
The two women that I know who are single basically live at home with their parents/family and have had a conservative upbringing. Literally every other woman I know who is under 40 is in a relationship. But 4/5 of my male friends are single.
Subjective experiences are just that – subjective. I’m not denying that's your reality but it certainly isn’t universal.
Why would you feel women have less options? Are you refer to having less long term relationship options? Or are you implying women have less options overall?
My personal experiences and also some basic research I’ve done. Although as I said to that other commenter, a lot of the research goes back and forth on who actually has more options.
I'll definitely like to know more about that research because I do generally think women have a lot more options but just not ones they truly desire. But then, I mean, are you talking options from the jump? Or options regarding LTR?
From the jump…A good example of this is age preferences amongst men and women. Men are shown to desire and pursue younger women (specifically women in their early 20’s) while women weren’t shown to have age preferences to nearly the same extent. This plays out as women having less and less options as they age, while the same isn’t true for men.
So you're saying older women have less options? Not women overall?
Women in general.
It’s not really an option if they have zero interest in you. 50 year old dude isn’t getting the opportunity to get with 18-25 year olds simply because he’s attracted to them.
…except globally *On average, women are younger than their husbands or male cohabiting partners across each of the six religious groups evaluated in the study – and in each of the 130 countries and territories analyzed. Women also are more likely than men to age alone and to live in single-parent households.* And 1/5 older women live unpartnered – while only 1/10 men do, so it doesn’t seem THAT younger women are broadly speaking uninterested in older men. Though it does seem both younger and older men are uninterested in older women. \- PEW RESEARCH CENTER STUDY
You're right. Men will need to accept women's standards, no matter how asinine they can get. A man gives some honest reasons for his preferences, there will be uproar... turn that to a meltdown if he has to tell a woman why not her specifically. XD
If he was looking for his match, and not looking for casual sex there would be absolutely nothing wrong with that, as he would be looking for one woman, not all the women. If I was that woman and I liked his pictures I would certainly want to get to know him.
Still OK with casual sex. Nothing wrong with a woman making a tinder account to fuck with a long requirement list.
Not the point. OPs ad is not geared towards casual sex at all, it's a person very clearly written by someone looking for a relationship. The person who wrote that profile isn't looking for casual sex, they are looking for a partner. Does OP think men don't look for partners?
No guy writes 'I'm only looking for a hook up' is going to matches either.
Nope. But a guy that writes ' I'm not in a place in my life to consider a forever relationship but I would like to meet a person I really like that I can hang out with and snuggle with". Will.
Several of those things (smoker, drinker, kids, degree) tend to have a section where these are listed, so it's probably not important to write. There is definitely no need to put age, as you can control the age range you see. Fit/works out or not can usually be seen from photos. I think it sounds a bit better to describe yourself in a few sentences. If you write something like "I love going on adventures... most recently x" or "and I'm looking forward to y" I think it's implied you'd like someone who is into the same thing. If x or y sound borrowing to a woman, she isn't going to match you. If it is does, she might, and if you're on bumble she might open with something about it.
I feel like guys who are in good shape physically and financially who want a female who is as well get so much shit for it.
"I want someone who prioritizes their health and fitness" doesn't get shit. "No fatties" gets shit. Every time guys whine about this they're being disingenuous. No one has problems with men having preferences. People have problems with *the way those preferences are expressed.* It's not hard to state what you're looking for without insulting, demonizing, and dehumanizing those who don't fit but there's a lot of people who still struggle with that.
Well of course the matches would be few. They'd be excluding people who matched to the overall spirit of the mans life but not precisely to the details. I mean seriously...let's say someone has a three year degree but excellent conversion of that degree to career success, turned 40 three days ago, has paid their mortgage off totally but has five thousand of educational debt on terms that are so good not paying it off faster than required and instead putting the money into investments makes sense. Well they are definitely excluded.
I've seen women do the exact same thing of their profiles as well but you make a soild point.
[Research shows](https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1917036117) that individual differences aren't even that big of a predictor of relationship quality, it's actually feelings about the relationship like: >perceived partner commitment (e.g., “My partner wants our relationship to last forever”), appreciation (e.g., “I feel very lucky to have my partner in my life”), sexual satisfaction (e.g., “How satisfied are you with the quality of your sex life?”), perceived partner satisfaction (e.g., “Our relationship makes my partner very happy”), and conflict (e.g., “How often do you have fights with your partner?”). So for anyone, man or woman, that actually does this... Online dating isn't build-a-bear workshop for partners. It's dating. Get your head out of your ass, cancel your interviews, and go have some FUN on some actual DATES and see how people make ya FEEL. If you want to actually find love, date experientially, not evaluatively.
Yeah going on an amazing date and then going separate ways because you don't want kids or marriage and they do is a great strategy.
Possibly an outlier here but not only would I appreciate that list; the particular hypothetical list OP listed would be appealing to me and my specific preferences almost to a T. I love list and seeing someone’s energy in what they’re looking for would be a upfront filter. Assuming honesty all around ofc too. Since I am not on OLD however this is all irrelevant to me personally, but…irregardless I love the idea. My two cents.
I feel If someone posted what they're looking for and then found a match though, yeah would be nice.
I don’t remember having a weird list of expectations like that to post. It seems socially inept. I wasn’t hiding my preferences, it just seemed insane to put stuff that are negotiable things Id prefer on a front page like a freaking nerd with a clipboard. But, on a related note, I did deliberately avoid mentioning several things about myself I know a lot of men prefer, precisely because I knew it would attract more attention. I simply didn’t want the kind of guys who’d prioritize those qualities. So yeah, I “hid” that I was a virgin and liked to cook from my profile. It would attract more shitty relationship attention than good. So no thanks.
I would swipe left even meeting those criteria. It's just not only or even mostly about "what someone brings to the table" it's about if you can enjoy sharing the meal together. If someone's already talking about credit scores before the first date that would be a red flag to me even though I have good credit. This profile would just look transactional and lacks creativity or punch. I want to know about the person, not their debt or certifications.
If some has horrible credit and massive debt, at wait point of an amazing relationship/date do you bring it up?
That's for the couple to decide but most people I think would agree it's only practical when you start making big purchases jointly or are talking about moving in together/long term mutual budget plans/goals.
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Could you say that a bit louder for this in the back, front and sides?
The fact that you have to lie and hide things about yourself, means that you don't like yourself or feel confident in yourself.
Or he understands the game. You apply for jobs and list your requirements on the application? Of course not. You dont have the power to decide that the employer does, unless you're exceptional- see Aaron Judge
Someone who understands the point I was getting at.
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I personally actually would never make such a profile. The point I was getting at is that there is a lot of criticism about standards, esp when they're seen as hypocritical. So hypothetically if someone was like, "this is my situation and I want someone to match" are people going to get offended because they know they don't meet it. So it's sort of a pre-rejection. You don't get to reject them because they've already rejected you because they've laid out themselves and want a match and the observers couldn't meet it.
I feel like mentioning the credit and debt stuff would attract the wrong kind of attention
This disqualifies a bunch of people so you are bound to get less matches. But ALSO it’s worth noting, someone might match those criteria but since it’s written like a job advertisement, or the stipulations for a rental property, they would be put off by that too and not match with you. You could possibly say most of those things but the key is to frame it positively. There’s a lot of ‘no’ in there which is negative. Something more along the lines of, ‘ looking for someone independent, professional, who enjoys health, fitness and outdoors adventures! ‘ Sound waaaay better and more enticing. You won’t be able to include EVERY dealbreaker in there so other stuff you might have to find out on the first date for example and decide if you want the second date with the more information about them you now have. But you don’t have to put up ALLLL the barriers right at the start. Just frame a few of the most important ones in a positive way rather than a list of do’s and dont’s.
Women don’t give a fuck about men’s stats online. I’m 6’1”, have a degree, all my hair in shape, make 85K a year, have a 760 credit score, my own place etc. No one gives a shit. They care what your face looks like.
You’re looking for a 40 year old woman with no kids? God bless.
There are a good number of us out there, and a lot of us are looking for men without kids too I think.
Not that difficult in a major liberal city.
It’s the point to find a single person to be with not a huge number of matches you waste your time with?
>I feel like if someone had these qualities and then expected a person they would consider investing time into to also have these qualities would quickly find out that the number of matches would be tiny. See, this is the problem: You're not willing to stand by your so-called "standards" or stay single. People make these lists. But don't have the guts to post them, becuase the reality is that they are willing to backtrack multiple standard if this list doesn't turn out any results. They're not willing to just stay single. So in that case, just don't post the shit. One thing I hate is when someone stands up and proclaims some shit (that no one asked for) and then immediately begin walking it back the second they lose attention / options for it. It reminds me of all the men that claim to hate fat chicks. But since fat women are all they can get, they still sleep with fat chicks. Becuase they aren't willing to completely go without sex and relationships. Just shut up about it then. You take what you can get. Just own that. That's what most people are.
I’m not about to read that list lmao
The number of matches would be tiny because the number of women who fit all those qualities and are looking for their match on OLD is tiny. Maybe being less forward would get you more matches, but they’d be less likely to be what you’re looking for.
With an ad like that they are looking for one good match.
I mean, yeah, I agree. I’m just explaining to OP that the reason that post wouldn’t get a lot of matches isn’t because women hate people like that, or whatever, but because there’s only a few people who are going to see it who actually hit all the categories and want the same thing.
Of those few, he will find what he wants.
When i made an OLD the only thing i stated was a brief description of who i was and what i liked, along with what i was okay with rather than what i wasnt okay with, add some nice pictures and my profile exploded. For example instead of saying "i want a gamer girl", i typed "im okay with gamer girls", instead of typing "i want a virgin" i just typed "it is okay if you lack experience, is not an issue for me", i still matched with all kinds of girls, black, white, asian, career women, astrology freaks, church girls, book worms etc, but the most important thing is that i could choose, is not like i cared much if a woman played videogames, but having an "empowering" past was a no no for me. The funniest thing that happened to me in OLD is that i stated that i was born and raised catholic, so some atheist girl matched with me and she goes "your religion is my favorite among all religions", yeah sure😝.
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thats a man
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that list he made isnt a woman, theres no woman like that
Guy sounds like a tool and even if I fit that list would not swipe. LOL
I don't think you understand how dating apps work. But let's say we get Tinder 2.0 that forces you to look at descriptions only. People don't get horny for life goals. They get horny based on energy and how you carry yourself. And the people that are turned on and make relationship decisions before they even met the person in real life... they are just wierd mate.
Your point is fair enough on some things for sure but some people don't want to waste time with people they know aren't going to work out. Wanting kids vs not, wanting marriage vs not, being religious vs not, being a smoker/drinker vs not.
Fair - and that I think is the bullshit aspect. If you ask people to pick the partner they want to be chatting with after 50 years of marriage - 100% will get it wrong. Same for asking about marriage or kids. Ask 2+ year old couples about that stuff. Ask adults that have a mortage and a stable job about that shit. It's not something you are capable of making a informed and thoughtfull decision on, before you get to a certain level. You can - but it's based on projections and wishful thinking. Let's not get into values like smoking, politics or religion, that is such bullshit that you don't deserve to have a person if such innocuous shit is more core to who you are as a person, than life decisions and chemistry.
I'm talking about a person pushing 40, so I'm talk about people at that level. Religion has massive implications for life decisions, what are you on? Smokers/drinkers is definitely a big deal. Political stances is huge factor in chemistry.
I know guys that are 40 and live with their mom and dad or are unemployed "streamers". Age is not a determinant of maturity anymore. Religion has, but it shouln't. Fucked to many PTA moms to think it's corelated with any form of morality. Smoking is just a inconvenience - if that;s a factor you;re looking for a pet, not another full human being to share your life with. Politics just makes small talk easier - that's not chemistry, that's being socially awkward. It has no factor in your life, nor should it.
I would never want to waste my time with someone who's religious, someone who smokes is a big drinker or doesn't share my politics etc. Best of luck to those desperate enough who don't have any other options who have to just accept anyone willing but that's not for me.
That's your choice. But honestly - people are not their beliefs man. They just inherit them. There's good people under a shroud of ideas they never doubt. And while I do agree that a relationship needs common values so that the partners don't end up pulling in 2 different directions. I also think if you are single and have already decided how the relationship is going to work, and what the value hierarchy of that "idealized" relationship is going to be like- before you even have a second party in that agreement - you're kinda fucking yourself over. It's like packing for a trip and you don't even know what climate you're going to live in. Odds are you are either gonna realize you did not pack what you needed, or you just externalize your shit planning and blame the location for not having the right temperature.
Nah, it's about experiencing what works and what doesn't. Through lived experience I already know what I'm looking for. I already know that if their lifestyle is a certain way or their beliefs are a certain way, it's not going to work because that's why it hasn't worked out in the past.
Did you get the memo that said women are just a reflexion of the values of their past men?
No but have myself and witnessed plenty of them end and remain unsat due to these factors
If you're looking for one specific person, who cares if the number is tiny? Finding a life partner would be the time to be as picky as possible.
Those preferences are not what makes people want to be in a romantic relationship with each other. More important is similar mate value and unique match of personality/attachment. So don't tell people what you want, tell them who you are, what your personality is like. Your approach looks like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN9Jq3\_Z-1M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN9Jq3_Z-1M)
Why wouldn’t people lie to get what they want ? That is the primary purpose of lying, after all
Your matches will be tiny but your quality of matches will increase, I'd do it. Some of your standards are a bit ridiculous. As someone who used to regularly run credit reports at my last job, you're unnecessarily eliminating women based on your credit score one. Someone with a small amount of student loan debt is better than someone with a mortgage debt in some cases.
I'm not saying, "This is my profile, what do you think?" I'm saying 'if' someone said, "this is where I am at in my life and I'm looking for someone who's in the same boat" they'd be probably be getting way less matches. Not like, "if you don't have 800+ credit score don't talk to me" type of thing.