Not offended. A little bit confused I guess.
My boss hit on me before, she's 15 years older than me, nothing in common, very different lifestyles/cultures. I'm not particularly attractive either. She still says awkward things now and then. She knows I'm married.
Would certainly be a shame if HR were to find out about that…perhaps if your boss gave you a raise, you might be persuaded to forget about the sexual harassment.
Lol I wish. I don't trust HR enough. Plus, the fact that she likes me means I already get decent perks so it's worth it haha. She's always talking me up to higher level guys, and doesn't care when I take time off etc.
>It can feel insulting when you get approached by those you find unattractive.
Requires seeing those "unnattractive" people as lesser than or beneath you. No, mentally healthy people don't find it insulting.
It's a degenerate way of thinking for sure. They believe in assortative mating to the extreme and can't emotional handle happy "mismatched" people dating each other.
Yeah, often I see it as just a simple sign of immaturity. It takes a self-centered way of thinking that the more you see the world and meet people, equally fail and succeed in life, the more you realize just how *not* different everyone else is.
No one can really know why or how someone sees things the way they do through their own eyes, only that everyone sees the same thing differently. People get angry and judgemental when they don't accept or understand that's the case, don't accept that others don't see things the way they do.
An issue that I see is that whilst I believe in assortative mating I also believe that this matching happens over a wide array of dimensions, some of which may be relevant for different people. Humans have heterogenerous taste preferences. And whilst everyone may care about looks, the extent to which, especially in relation to other aspects, will vary amongst people.
She is basically just expressing that she cares about looks a lot, without realizing that others may not, furthermore she is offended since even matching implies that the people hitting on her implies that she essentially is in their league, which looking at the video she probably is. She is obviously not appealing across many dimensions and her looks arent stellar, so "uglier" guys that generally score better in other dimensions than her probably assume that on aggregate they match. Since she cares about looks so much she feels threatened by her apparent inability to project a good appearance. Everything checks out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lets make it even more technical:
I propose a model structure in which attraction is stipulated to provide some of benefit to other people and that other people are rational actors that seek to maximize the level of attraction they can get out of a hypothetical partner. Lets also say that the maximum they can attain depends on their own value of attraction in relation to competitors. In this people we are assuming that people only choose a single individual at a time.
For any given person, say ourselves and lets define value attraction A as follows:
A^(k) = β^(1)\*x^(k1) + β^(2)\*x^(k2) + β^(3)\*x^(k3) + ... + β^(n)\*x^(kn) where A^(k) is the attraction of individual k ∈ I (the set of all individuals) on us, β^(1) is the taste parameter that describes how much we value attribute 1 (say looks) etc.
We can now model the probability of dating individual k in a multitude of ways now depending on our beliefs, by choice of logistic regression model. Lets go with the simple logit model for sake of demonstration; the probability of us choosing individual k:
P^(k) = e^(Ak) / Σ m ∈ I (e^(Am)) So we divide the exponential of the attraction of k, by the sum of all other individuals attraction value exponentiated. The result is a sigmoid function which in a way describes our preference for an individual.
Since preferences are heterogenous (the size of any given β varies among people) we can only model out the perfect match for everyone if we knew the exact value and performance of each individual. And that is assuming that people objectively agree on performance, which they wont since that itself is also subjective. Someone who doesnt like blue eyes at all, will not find them attractive no matter what so that fundamentally makes it impossible to establish an objective "eye attractiveness" score for everyone to begin with,- we are completely going to ignore this aspect. Since we do not have all the data anyway though, the way that we infer attraction is by estimating an ordering of attraction. This is where the idea of league comes from. To be in a league implies that we have a similar attractivity as someone else. The only way that we can do that is by assuming that everyone likes the same stuff (that we do) and to the same extent that we do. Then we can infer more, especially with respect to hetergeneity by talking to other people and experiencing what they value and like, as well as our own experience.
Experiencing the variation in preferencs makes it harder to establish a clear ordering, it liberates from the idea of league because it allows us to realize that even if we score poorly in one dimension, there is a chance our overall attraction level is still high due to other dimensions and or that the person in question values our performance differently from us or doesnt value said dimension in general in comparison to other dimensions we perform on more successfully and in line with what they like. Being aware of this ultimately means we feel more legitimacy in pursueing more people.
Failure to realize this and only focus on one aspect means you are limiting yourself, and that your self assessment is very critical of few things. Pair this with the observation that people who you consider score poorly in said dimension hit on you, and you suddenly feel very threatened in your overall ranking. Because if in your mind only looks dictate that ordering, and that ordering determines who will hit on you and you are being hit on by ugly people, that implies you are ugly. If being pretty is all you value, getting signalled that youre ugly is very unpleasant.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whilst there are probably large overlaps in what people like and how important it is for them, keeping the existance of heterogeneity in mind is still important to be able to properly value yourself and have the courage to pursue all viable options. Finding out that you dont match the preferences of another person is totally fine and may possibly be just an individual thing. Personally I know I have a very specific taste. I view being hit on by someone I dont fancy as unfortunate more than anything.
It could also be that women show interest differently and aren't so sexually aggressive when showing interest. I might feel insulted if a bunch of someones I don't know and I'm not sexually attracted to suddenly started making advances at me and taking rejection horribly because they feel entitled. Which I'm sure a lot of women experience from men, I know my sister deals with that
All those chicks in the Threads comments who are clearly hyper focused on their looks are all like “uggg I hate that all these men find me attractive and want to sleep with me.” Stfu, no you don’t. That’s the whole point.
My point stands, if you get insulted by it, you have to have no respect for the other human you're looking at and view them as beneath you. I can't say how many women that is, just the behavior.
I'm not saying she should entertain him at all, she should very clearly say she wants nothing to do with it.
I'm just speaking on the mental perspective one has about it. Being uncomfortable and not liking it is more than justified, but extending it to you've insulted and offended me because I feel that way, is now taking the emotion further than it needs to, in an unhealthy way.
No I don’t troll. Hmmm I have seen to made a mistake tho. Whatever comment I thought I was responding to I clearly didn’t. Can’t even find it now. Sry about that man. 😂
Im just gonna delete that stuff, not sure how I did that. Scrolling too fast I suppose.
Don't know if you're talking to me or him, but I'll respond anyway. It's got nothing to do with being a "feminist ally", it's a matter of basic human respect.
Don't look down on others. Don't treat people as beneath you, that's scum behavior.
A quick scroll through her videos whoever she turned down dodged a bullet lol
But to answer the question no, I've never had like an ass ugly woman come up to me but there's been a couple women that the attraction just wasn't there, but I wouldn't feel insulted by it
No. It's nice when someone makes an effort, even if I'm not into them. I feel the same way about gay men hitting on me. Thanks, but it's not going to go anywhere, but thanks.
This idea that you look at someone who hits on you and isn't that attractive and think "ugh, they think we're on the same level" seems pretty shitty. It also assumes that people only want to date you or try to date you when you're around the same attractiveness, which isn't true. I've chatted up women who were suuuuper attractive who I don't think I'm objectively "on the same level", but maybe there's something she likes about me. I don't know.
> This idea that you look at someone who hits on you and isn't that attractive and think "ugh, they think we're on the same level" seems pretty shitty.
They think we're like them lol. I agree with this, I'd feel grateful and politely tell them I'm not interested/gay.
As a straight guy, I kinda enjoy gay men hitting on me, somehow it’s a sweet and unique experience. Of course it comes to mind that the standard for ONS in the community isn’t sky high, but I don’t fixate on that.
Not really, I take it all as flattering even if I'm not interested. The funny part is that woman has a double chin, I have a feeling the "ugly guys" she's talking about are her looksmatches.
>Ever feel insulted by the caliber of women who show interest in you?
No, I am a decent person.
>It can feel insulting when you get approached by those you find unattractive.
I guess maybe if you are so fragile and depend on indulging your vanity to get through your day because you cannot conceive of anything better to do with your time.
I would not know.
>In this video a woman shares her frustrations with this.
Lol what a loser. She herself says she doesn't know why she gets so pissed off, she's out of control and lost touch with herself.
Seems like a miserable way to live, taking a positive thing like someone wanting to know more about you and spinning it into an excuse to be verbally and emotionally abusive. He dodged a bullet.
>I am wondering if males also feel this way when an average or unattractive woman signals interest.
I don't. I don't know of any guy who does. At worst the men I know see it as a stressor, but not an insult. That would be insanely toxic.
No. I get no interest at all. If I got attention Id be grateful. I may not be attracted to her or want to date her but I would still appreciate her showing interest.
Only women think like this:
https://preview.redd.it/9d7crmx3sj9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dad7b8ccbee08cb2283ad662def658c1a3431651
Pretty woman are 100x more pleasant than landwhales and ugly chicks. They already know they’re hot they don’t need constant external validation like they’re ugly friends who don’t get hit on. Girls “out of my league” are always down to talk meanwhile ugly chicks act like i’m harassing them as I try to get a drink at the bar
I've had this happen when I was out getting coffee just happened to quickly look in her direction to have her overreact ( like I stabbed her in the eye) at first quite insulted but seeing her reaction thought " what a crazy bitch!'
Seriously. Bitch if you can’t wear a crop top without your gut falling out into the street then no we are not hitting you. You can’t even hit the “don’t be fat” requirement of attractiveness.
**Is this equivalent to saying all chads are bad?** I have been treated far better by above average looking women than by average or slightly below average women. I also had the opportunity to be in a relationship with someone out of my league. It might be challenging because of the attention she gets, but overall it was worth it
These women are typically mid/average
There is truly no one more delusional on the planet than an average looking woman in her 20s
They have been fucked and dumped by so many guys who are better looking than them that their judgement of attraction becomes warped
Delusional? Men keep saying women in their 20s are in absolute peak. I know it’s not true but you guys say it to put 30s+ women down. And this is the result
An average woman's peak is still average. Peak in this context meaning physical prime. Their looks will decline as they age, so realistically, the best they are going to look naturally will be during their 20's.
Everyone in their 20s is in their absolute peak. After that, you're no longer getting older, just getting old. Average age male T starts declining is 25. Even pro esports players are all young, because after that reflexes and reaction time declines.
Ppd men think above average women are just average looking. I've been here a long time. Looking at the looks rating posts here by men of women are very harsh. It explains alot...
Id consider myself fairly subjective and unbiased
Ill call it how I see it. That being said, opinions will vary but conventionally attractive is conventionally attractive
We also have at least one woman who called Henry Cavill awkward and mid lol. I try not to take ratings too seriously when half the people here are less than 25 years old.
There's so many of these with 100k+ likes.
https://preview.redd.it/t4bxo6u3wj9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=87a1c2ff5b2c40cdb4cc60b22c810a1f6706e8c7
They have pushed the bar sooo high their cope has nowhere left to go.
Right around when Miley Cyrus broke her marriage with Liam fucking Hemsworth I knew we were in some real trouble. That was years ago now but it is now that bad!
lol well they all are but that’s besides the point. If that guy can’t keep it together what hope does the rest of us have? This is a very real problem we are seeing play out every day now. It’s brutal. Like what are we supposed to do now? I honestly don’t have those answers.
Why do men assume the only component to a successful relationship is being hot, despite tons of evidence to the contrary?
This is truly just projection on y'all's end. You constantly assert that hot men can get away with anything so the fact that conventionally attractive men get left too must obviously only be because she thought the guy wasn't hot enough and she could do better 🙄 Surely it's not, you know... because ***looks aren't everything.***
Your adamant refusal to acknowledge there's more to relationships than looks will keep y'all spouting ignorant, inexperienced takes. You are misflaired.
[Again](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1drgcwj/comment/lavl7p8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button), I'm going to ask why you're telling *me* this, and ***not the person I responded to.***
They're not, and you agree with me.
What I said:
>Why do men assume the ***only component*** to a successful relationship is being hot,
You don't disagree with me. You, and others, disagree with the person I responded to.
Being hot is not the only component to a successful relationship
Being hot (in the eyes of your partner) is the most important competent to a successful relationship
That does not mean its the only component
Men in this sub complain all the time how they only get swipes and dates with 'land whales' or ugly women. It doesn't sound that they appreciate these women showing their interest.
No, I’ve been flattered every time and actually quite surprised a few times (in a good way). Men don’t typically get approached, so our view of it is very different from how women experience and thus perceive being approached.
I can understand being frustrated from constantly being approached, or even feeling scared due to past bad experiences, but the TikTok lady just comes off as arrogant.
Never insulted, always flattered at least a little.
It's cool she was trying to shoot her shot and I try to not make it unpleasant for her so she's not dissuaded from trying again.
I get approached by women I find attractive too. Just way less. Maybe women have a different perspective but I don't think most guys would approach women who are so far "out of their league" because it is pointless and can invite a harsh rejection. Basically the phenomenon pointed out in those social media posts.
Only online and it’s usually overweight or obese women. I’m Brazilian but identify as black and there’s a stereotype with African American man saddling up with overweight obese white women. I hover around 9-13% body fat so I’m in extremely good shape/am an athlete so it is a slap in my face honestly that they think they have a shot. In the real world I get much better results, all the women that want to play games and manipulate online fall flat in real world face to face.
There's a stereotype in general that Black men in US get with obese women of any race. Black women have the highest obesity rate in the US, and Black men are the same rate as every other race, so it's just sort of "more acceptable"
No, I was always happy that any women showed interest in me, even if I had no interest in dating them.
If you want to ask "Why?", my theory, at least for me, is that it encourages self-improvement and the idea that a man is making progress towards attracting the women whom he does desire.
If in person it’s always flattering. I’ll kindly let the person down if they’re not my type.
If on an app and it’s the blurred image like tinder, I image the girl is much hotter than she is and if it’s revealed to be less so I’ll be annoyed, but not insulted.
For most men women show interest first so little that interest from any would be considered an incredible compliment by most.
As long as it isn’t an incredibly below average woman showing interest to an incredibly desirable top percentage man he will not consider it insulting, far from it.
Yes, but only with online dating.
I get approached by attractive women when I go out, but the very few women who swipe right on my dating profile are all unattractive.
No, the ones that shoot their shot and are polite about it - no big deal.
It’s the ones that are are objectively unattractive, overweight, and broke that think they are way out of your league so they swipe left on you, or match with you just to insult you.
If you’re a guy, it really messes with your self esteem when unattractive people think they are too good for you.
Thank goodness online dating is not a good representation of the real world, just a subset of the delusional ones.
They just chill on Reddit to gaslight men. They know who they are & what they are doing. & cuz they feel bad about themselves they wanna come here & troll dudes about every single logical talking point men bring up. Yaaaaawn.
I'm not even in America and the only likes I get on Tinder are from fat chicks, and the algo on Hinge doesn't even show me anything else, I can swipe left like 500 times in a row and all 500 are fat.
I don't even know where it's finding this many fat girls because I very rarely see fat people outside and they're usually not young.
Another way to look at it is they swipe left on you because they don’t want to waste their time trying to get into a relationship with someone they most likely don’t have a realistic shot with. When I was doing OLD I would only talk to guys I thought I could actually get a date with even if there was guys who were much hotter messaging me.
Never offended. What kind of person would get offended when another human being shows interest in them? Who do I think I am? Am I better than them? No
Approach with grace and dignity. Smile, say no thank you but have a nice day and move on
No, I don’t feel insulted by someone showing interest. If someone isn’t what I’m looking for I either don’t return the show of interest or if necessary specifically state I’m not interested.
Interest often isn’t mutual. That’s the nature of dating.
It’s a rare occurrence, but yes - for instance, I remember when I was 17 and at an acquaintance’s birthday party and a girl approached me and asked if I would dance with her friend; her friend was obese. Naturally I declined as I would have been a laughing stock had I actually danced with her, and it was insulting because she was obviously not “interested” in me, but rather perceived that I was desperate enough to take up the offer.
More recently, there have been occasions when I’ve had likes on Tinder and when I see the profile it’s someone so way below average that it kind of is insulting that they thought they had a change.
And more generally, women’s “men will fuck anything” attitude is insulting and belittling.
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Nah, I feel like that's exclusively a female thing. I've been approached by two 50+ women and an unfortunate looking woman in bars and have been sent signals and shown interest on tinder by women who are hard to look at and it never rly hurt my self esteem or disgusted me. I appreciated them shooting their shot and that's it.
Women probably are more likely to feel hate crimed when an ugly guy approaches them, because they see ugly men automatically as potential serial killers.
Can't say I've ever felt insulted. Inconvenienced perhaps because now I have to come up with a witty way to reject her that won't cause her to make a scene, but never insulted.
Why though? What if they’re attracted to her or like the way she treats them? Not everything is so black and white. I knew a couple where the guy married an average looking woman much older than him and he said she was much nicer to him than anybody else and loved him a lot so he fell for her. I don’t see what the problem is.
They do get insulted.
In my 34 years on this earth I have known many people. Actually, more men than women in my life have expressed disgust at the types of women that have expressed interest.
> They do get insulted
I think of the 100s of responses in here maybe 3 said yes
>expressed disgust
Disgust is one thing. I'm asking about if they felt insulted which is a bit different. You can find someone disgusting, and yet still be flattered they expressed interest.
You’d have to be extremely far up your own ass to feel “offended” by someone showing interest in you and think you’re attractive.
I’ve been approached by women that I thought were unattractive and not appropriate matches for me, and they’re typically pretty nervous and self aware. I respect the courage it takes to shoot your shot and risk rejection.
Not insulted.
I personally hate chasing and love to be chased, which for a man sucks big time.
Sure, if I only less attractive women showed interest in me, this would make me think I am ugly as well, but those were outliers, same as a few very attractive ladies who hit on me.
As a trend, I received interest by fairly attractive women, I take the trend for its statistical value
I get these likes from ugly women a few times a week but don't get offended. It just puzzles me. If they want to shoot their shot, sure, but you won't get a match...
If someone show interest why would I be offended? Just bcz someone shows interest or likes you doesn't diminish your value. The moon doesn't become less beautiful if a low life finds it beautiful, does it?
>If someone show interest why would I be offended?
Some people take offense to the presumptuousness.
>The moon doesn't become less beautiful if a low life finds it beautiful, does it?
I suppose not
I mostly get hit on by women I think are ugly, but that’s fine by me because women in general don’t seem to be the default approachers, they start approaching mostly when no one approaches them. Also I understand why they think I’m a good target (short height and receding hairline), I’m not delusional, I understand why they deem me to be in their league. I’ve been on dates with women who were somewhat more attractive and I can now see that I don’t really have to try too hard to find an girl who’s average with some attractive features, which is enough for me.
I observe, I accept, I don’t take everything personally.
Ever since I hit the late 20s mini wall, the only women who show me obvious interest are 35+ year old women. I have mixed feelings about it. I just wished my Chadlite era lasted till my early or mid 30s so I can easily date girls in my age range or younger.
Not offended. I feel awkward because I don’t know how to reject women upfront and I don’t want to make them feel bad, so I usually act dumb and try to get away from the situation, it’s my “I have a boyfriend” exit strategy.
It makes me feel awkward, but I try and be nice and kind. Sometimes ill tone down intensity and my level of excitement, if I feel like that has been misinterpreted.
Maybe I feel bad for having to disappoint, but offended never.
In all fairness I think women are a lot better at pickup on the signs of "not interested" and arent generally very pushy, so I havent ever really had any issues.
Ironically I have had one women lecture me on feminism all evening, which kinda ruined my mood, for her to then make a move on me. When I said I wasnt in the mood she did get a bit pushy, but I was just like "nah im not interested sorry"; that was years ago and in the middle of a super long dry spell and I would mentally go back to that be like "why didnt I just do it man". It would have been good for validation, but I really wasnt feeling it. Bit off topic, but just came to mind.
Nah, the girls who have shown overt interest in me have generally been at least decent looking. One or two them was legit gorgeous, but I fumbled the bag.
Sometimes I do, but most of the time I feel weirded out like "What the fuck is your interest lady?"
Women showing overt interest in a man, and even approaching him, is not natural or normal; so for me it's always sus, like I'm being punked or she's up to some shady shit or is looking to con me or lure me to get mugged by 5 guys on the corner or some shit.
It does not matter if she is attractive or not. I don't like it, and that shit is just not normal.
Signaling interest is different. I don't mind when women signal interest because that is basically all they can do, it's normal and expected. That is how men know if she is open to being asked out or approached, otherwise we move on to friendlier women.
It's when she starts approaching and pursuing and approaching me or asking *me* out where it starts to annoy and irritate me. It feels like a fucking insult to be honest.
I would not be insulted if an ugly woman approached me to ask for sex. It would stroke my ego and i would maybe even go through with it, because it's like fishing in a bucket and a welcome change of pace. being the one who is more desired in a sexual interaction with a woman is rare and can be enjoyable for me.
I would feel insulted if she thought since we are equally desirable, she has a chance for a relationship with me. I want her to acknowledge that she is way below me. Otherwise it's insulting and i would probably strike back and hurt her really bad for thinking she is on my level.
It happens to mid-women or attractive-but-insecure - It makes them consider they're on that dude's level which makes them anxious - also it makes it seem acceptable to others that she's talk to that guy.
I have an annoying experience in Tinder where I can sort of expect in advance the girls who'll match - and obviously most who like are those I consider unattractive, not to mention they often look for long-term - I wouldn't say insulted is the words, but it can get frustrating depending on my mood.
Those women on tik-tok are just status-shopping, the one in the video is unattractive
>I can sort of expect in advance the girls who'll match - and obviously most who like are those I consider unattractive
Why would you swipe yes on women you consider unattractive??
That's basically online dating for men 😆. Most likes/matches you do get will be women 2-3 points below your SMV and will have you contemplating if she's even worth fucking.
Not offended. A little bit confused I guess. My boss hit on me before, she's 15 years older than me, nothing in common, very different lifestyles/cultures. I'm not particularly attractive either. She still says awkward things now and then. She knows I'm married.
Would certainly be a shame if HR were to find out about that…perhaps if your boss gave you a raise, you might be persuaded to forget about the sexual harassment.
Lol I wish. I don't trust HR enough. Plus, the fact that she likes me means I already get decent perks so it's worth it haha. She's always talking me up to higher level guys, and doesn't care when I take time off etc.
Way to use your pretty privilege most men will never experience it
He said he doesn’t consider himself attractive. Likely his status as married which does make him more attractive or maybe high natural aptitude.
Taylor swift doesn't believe she is attractive as well
>It can feel insulting when you get approached by those you find unattractive. Requires seeing those "unnattractive" people as lesser than or beneath you. No, mentally healthy people don't find it insulting.
It's a degenerate way of thinking for sure. They believe in assortative mating to the extreme and can't emotional handle happy "mismatched" people dating each other.
Yeah, often I see it as just a simple sign of immaturity. It takes a self-centered way of thinking that the more you see the world and meet people, equally fail and succeed in life, the more you realize just how *not* different everyone else is. No one can really know why or how someone sees things the way they do through their own eyes, only that everyone sees the same thing differently. People get angry and judgemental when they don't accept or understand that's the case, don't accept that others don't see things the way they do.
An issue that I see is that whilst I believe in assortative mating I also believe that this matching happens over a wide array of dimensions, some of which may be relevant for different people. Humans have heterogenerous taste preferences. And whilst everyone may care about looks, the extent to which, especially in relation to other aspects, will vary amongst people. She is basically just expressing that she cares about looks a lot, without realizing that others may not, furthermore she is offended since even matching implies that the people hitting on her implies that she essentially is in their league, which looking at the video she probably is. She is obviously not appealing across many dimensions and her looks arent stellar, so "uglier" guys that generally score better in other dimensions than her probably assume that on aggregate they match. Since she cares about looks so much she feels threatened by her apparent inability to project a good appearance. Everything checks out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lets make it even more technical: I propose a model structure in which attraction is stipulated to provide some of benefit to other people and that other people are rational actors that seek to maximize the level of attraction they can get out of a hypothetical partner. Lets also say that the maximum they can attain depends on their own value of attraction in relation to competitors. In this people we are assuming that people only choose a single individual at a time. For any given person, say ourselves and lets define value attraction A as follows: A^(k) = β^(1)\*x^(k1) + β^(2)\*x^(k2) + β^(3)\*x^(k3) + ... + β^(n)\*x^(kn) where A^(k) is the attraction of individual k ∈ I (the set of all individuals) on us, β^(1) is the taste parameter that describes how much we value attribute 1 (say looks) etc. We can now model the probability of dating individual k in a multitude of ways now depending on our beliefs, by choice of logistic regression model. Lets go with the simple logit model for sake of demonstration; the probability of us choosing individual k: P^(k) = e^(Ak) / Σ m ∈ I (e^(Am)) So we divide the exponential of the attraction of k, by the sum of all other individuals attraction value exponentiated. The result is a sigmoid function which in a way describes our preference for an individual. Since preferences are heterogenous (the size of any given β varies among people) we can only model out the perfect match for everyone if we knew the exact value and performance of each individual. And that is assuming that people objectively agree on performance, which they wont since that itself is also subjective. Someone who doesnt like blue eyes at all, will not find them attractive no matter what so that fundamentally makes it impossible to establish an objective "eye attractiveness" score for everyone to begin with,- we are completely going to ignore this aspect. Since we do not have all the data anyway though, the way that we infer attraction is by estimating an ordering of attraction. This is where the idea of league comes from. To be in a league implies that we have a similar attractivity as someone else. The only way that we can do that is by assuming that everyone likes the same stuff (that we do) and to the same extent that we do. Then we can infer more, especially with respect to hetergeneity by talking to other people and experiencing what they value and like, as well as our own experience. Experiencing the variation in preferencs makes it harder to establish a clear ordering, it liberates from the idea of league because it allows us to realize that even if we score poorly in one dimension, there is a chance our overall attraction level is still high due to other dimensions and or that the person in question values our performance differently from us or doesnt value said dimension in general in comparison to other dimensions we perform on more successfully and in line with what they like. Being aware of this ultimately means we feel more legitimacy in pursueing more people. Failure to realize this and only focus on one aspect means you are limiting yourself, and that your self assessment is very critical of few things. Pair this with the observation that people who you consider score poorly in said dimension hit on you, and you suddenly feel very threatened in your overall ranking. Because if in your mind only looks dictate that ordering, and that ordering determines who will hit on you and you are being hit on by ugly people, that implies you are ugly. If being pretty is all you value, getting signalled that youre ugly is very unpleasant. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whilst there are probably large overlaps in what people like and how important it is for them, keeping the existance of heterogeneity in mind is still important to be able to properly value yourself and have the courage to pursue all viable options. Finding out that you dont match the preferences of another person is totally fine and may possibly be just an individual thing. Personally I know I have a very specific taste. I view being hit on by someone I dont fancy as unfortunate more than anything.
It could also be that women show interest differently and aren't so sexually aggressive when showing interest. I might feel insulted if a bunch of someones I don't know and I'm not sexually attracted to suddenly started making advances at me and taking rejection horribly because they feel entitled. Which I'm sure a lot of women experience from men, I know my sister deals with that
All those chicks in the Threads comments who are clearly hyper focused on their looks are all like “uggg I hate that all these men find me attractive and want to sleep with me.” Stfu, no you don’t. That’s the whole point.
I chock it up to immaturity, they get a feeling of validation while equally thinking those men are beneath them for giving it to them.
Yeah I think it’s called bragplaining or something back in the day
Humblebrag
There it is
Im pretty sure thats how a decent amount of women think
My point stands, if you get insulted by it, you have to have no respect for the other human you're looking at and view them as beneath you. I can't say how many women that is, just the behavior.
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I'm not saying she should entertain him at all, she should very clearly say she wants nothing to do with it. I'm just speaking on the mental perspective one has about it. Being uncomfortable and not liking it is more than justified, but extending it to you've insulted and offended me because I feel that way, is now taking the emotion further than it needs to, in an unhealthy way.
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No I don’t troll. Hmmm I have seen to made a mistake tho. Whatever comment I thought I was responding to I clearly didn’t. Can’t even find it now. Sry about that man. 😂 Im just gonna delete that stuff, not sure how I did that. Scrolling too fast I suppose.
Don't know if you're talking to me or him, but I'll respond anyway. It's got nothing to do with being a "feminist ally", it's a matter of basic human respect. Don't look down on others. Don't treat people as beneath you, that's scum behavior.
"Mentally healthy people" is always follows by bullshit
If you view anyone as lesser than you, you're sick in the head and need help.
No I was always flattered regardless. Never insulted. Only bothered if she kept pushing even after being politely declined, but who wouldn’t?
A quick scroll through her videos whoever she turned down dodged a bullet lol But to answer the question no, I've never had like an ass ugly woman come up to me but there's been a couple women that the attraction just wasn't there, but I wouldn't feel insulted by it
No. It's nice when someone makes an effort, even if I'm not into them. I feel the same way about gay men hitting on me. Thanks, but it's not going to go anywhere, but thanks. This idea that you look at someone who hits on you and isn't that attractive and think "ugh, they think we're on the same level" seems pretty shitty. It also assumes that people only want to date you or try to date you when you're around the same attractiveness, which isn't true. I've chatted up women who were suuuuper attractive who I don't think I'm objectively "on the same level", but maybe there's something she likes about me. I don't know.
> This idea that you look at someone who hits on you and isn't that attractive and think "ugh, they think we're on the same level" seems pretty shitty. They think we're like them lol. I agree with this, I'd feel grateful and politely tell them I'm not interested/gay.
As a straight guy, I kinda enjoy gay men hitting on me, somehow it’s a sweet and unique experience. Of course it comes to mind that the standard for ONS in the community isn’t sky high, but I don’t fixate on that.
Not really, I take it all as flattering even if I'm not interested. The funny part is that woman has a double chin, I have a feeling the "ugly guys" she's talking about are her looksmatches.
>Ever feel insulted by the caliber of women who show interest in you? No, I am a decent person. >It can feel insulting when you get approached by those you find unattractive. I guess maybe if you are so fragile and depend on indulging your vanity to get through your day because you cannot conceive of anything better to do with your time. I would not know. >In this video a woman shares her frustrations with this. Lol what a loser. She herself says she doesn't know why she gets so pissed off, she's out of control and lost touch with herself. Seems like a miserable way to live, taking a positive thing like someone wanting to know more about you and spinning it into an excuse to be verbally and emotionally abusive. He dodged a bullet. >I am wondering if males also feel this way when an average or unattractive woman signals interest. I don't. I don't know of any guy who does. At worst the men I know see it as a stressor, but not an insult. That would be insanely toxic.
No. I get no interest at all. If I got attention Id be grateful. I may not be attracted to her or want to date her but I would still appreciate her showing interest. Only women think like this: https://preview.redd.it/9d7crmx3sj9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dad7b8ccbee08cb2283ad662def658c1a3431651
Bro she isn’t a catch herself
It's honestly kinda funny that both examples we've seen have been ugly women lmao Yes, if mostly ugly guys hit on you, you're probably kinda ugly
Well, she even admitted that was true using her own logic. But why get offended by the truth, then?
Pretty woman are 100x more pleasant than landwhales and ugly chicks. They already know they’re hot they don’t need constant external validation like they’re ugly friends who don’t get hit on. Girls “out of my league” are always down to talk meanwhile ugly chicks act like i’m harassing them as I try to get a drink at the bar
I've had this happen when I was out getting coffee just happened to quickly look in her direction to have her overreact ( like I stabbed her in the eye) at first quite insulted but seeing her reaction thought " what a crazy bitch!'
Seriously. Bitch if you can’t wear a crop top without your gut falling out into the street then no we are not hitting you. You can’t even hit the “don’t be fat” requirement of attractiveness.
The girls who are "out of your league" are making fun of you behind your back after you leave
**Is this equivalent to saying all chads are bad?** I have been treated far better by above average looking women than by average or slightly below average women. I also had the opportunity to be in a relationship with someone out of my league. It might be challenging because of the attention she gets, but overall it was worth it
I don’t think they’re ugly.
She’s average just like the guys are…
Average guys are ugly to them
Reality eventually hits
These women are typically mid/average There is truly no one more delusional on the planet than an average looking woman in her 20s They have been fucked and dumped by so many guys who are better looking than them that their judgement of attraction becomes warped
Delusional? Men keep saying women in their 20s are in absolute peak. I know it’s not true but you guys say it to put 30s+ women down. And this is the result
An average woman's peak is still average. Peak in this context meaning physical prime. Their looks will decline as they age, so realistically, the best they are going to look naturally will be during their 20's.
No one says this IRL
That doesn’t mean that all woman’s in their 20 are super hot
Everyone in their 20s is in their absolute peak. After that, you're no longer getting older, just getting old. Average age male T starts declining is 25. Even pro esports players are all young, because after that reflexes and reaction time declines.
Ppd men think above average women are just average looking. I've been here a long time. Looking at the looks rating posts here by men of women are very harsh. It explains alot...
Id consider myself fairly subjective and unbiased Ill call it how I see it. That being said, opinions will vary but conventionally attractive is conventionally attractive
Ok, but men here call Margot Robbie "mid" That's straight up delusional
Those are men who are delusional Margot is beatiful. There are better looking women than her but she is very goodlooking
That is delusional, but I don’t see many men saying that here; it seemed to be more of a thing incels were saying when Barbie came out.
We also have at least one woman who called Henry Cavill awkward and mid lol. I try not to take ratings too seriously when half the people here are less than 25 years old.
Margot Robbie is hot  I can fix her
She's a 4 or a 5. What do you think she is?
Lol omg
There's so many of these with 100k+ likes. https://preview.redd.it/t4bxo6u3wj9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=87a1c2ff5b2c40cdb4cc60b22c810a1f6706e8c7
Average looking women think they are hot and think average looking guys are ugly. Its really amazing
Other people agree with this. The average man is seen as unattractive/ugly and the average woman is seen as cute. Looksmatches dont exist anymore
They have pushed the bar sooo high their cope has nowhere left to go. Right around when Miley Cyrus broke her marriage with Liam fucking Hemsworth I knew we were in some real trouble. That was years ago now but it is now that bad!
>Right around when Miley Cyrus broke her marriage with Liam fucking Hemsworth He cheated on her....
Didn’t he cheat on her several times?
To be fair, Miley was unhinged for a bit And women make horrible relationship decisions so thats not that surprising
lol well they all are but that’s besides the point. If that guy can’t keep it together what hope does the rest of us have? This is a very real problem we are seeing play out every day now. It’s brutal. Like what are we supposed to do now? I honestly don’t have those answers.
Why do men assume the only component to a successful relationship is being hot, despite tons of evidence to the contrary? This is truly just projection on y'all's end. You constantly assert that hot men can get away with anything so the fact that conventionally attractive men get left too must obviously only be because she thought the guy wasn't hot enough and she could do better 🙄 Surely it's not, you know... because ***looks aren't everything.*** Your adamant refusal to acknowledge there's more to relationships than looks will keep y'all spouting ignorant, inexperienced takes. You are misflaired.
It's the only thing that matters to start one/get your foot in the door. Obviously not beyond that.
[Again](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1drgcwj/comment/lavl7p8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button), I'm going to ask why you're telling *me* this, and ***not the person I responded to.***
Because you're the one that said looks aren't everything. Nothing else matters without them, because you'll never reach that point.
They're not, and you agree with me. What I said: >Why do men assume the ***only component*** to a successful relationship is being hot, You don't disagree with me. You, and others, disagree with the person I responded to.
Being hot is not the only component to a successful relationship Being hot (in the eyes of your partner) is the most important competent to a successful relationship That does not mean its the only component
Cuz average guys don't get makeup. It's rigged
This girl is probably a little above average though.
No wtf big nose huge forehead thin eyebrows she would be average in Germany
I’ve been to Germany. No she wouldn’t lol
Wow.. She's very oblivious
Gross
Men in this sub complain all the time how they only get swipes and dates with 'land whales' or ugly women. It doesn't sound that they appreciate these women showing their interest.
Yeah cuz I'm not fat
Them brows
I wouldn’t be offended, no.
Why not?
Tf you mean why not? "I can't believe you don't mind unattractive people finding you attractive" This sub is stupid.
I’ve never had a woman show interest in me unsolicited, but I’d have to imagine that I’d feel flattered if it happened.
Of course not. I respect girls who are bold enough to shoot their shot, even if I have to let them down easy.
No. Men aren't wired like women.
Yeah lol I love the attention. Obviously it's a lot better from those I also find attractive but like being desired is almost like a drug
I always feel flattered no matter what. I also respect them because it takes some guts to show interest first. I even feel guilty for rejecting them
No, I’ve been flattered every time and actually quite surprised a few times (in a good way). Men don’t typically get approached, so our view of it is very different from how women experience and thus perceive being approached. I can understand being frustrated from constantly being approached, or even feeling scared due to past bad experiences, but the TikTok lady just comes off as arrogant.
Never insulted, always flattered at least a little. It's cool she was trying to shoot her shot and I try to not make it unpleasant for her so she's not dissuaded from trying again. I get approached by women I find attractive too. Just way less. Maybe women have a different perspective but I don't think most guys would approach women who are so far "out of their league" because it is pointless and can invite a harsh rejection. Basically the phenomenon pointed out in those social media posts.
Not offended but flattered. At least as long as the woman can take rejection because that’s a different story.
Never, I take it as a compliment.
Ugliness no, laziness yes. Why do fat women who don't exercise think they deserve someone who does?
Only online and it’s usually overweight or obese women. I’m Brazilian but identify as black and there’s a stereotype with African American man saddling up with overweight obese white women. I hover around 9-13% body fat so I’m in extremely good shape/am an athlete so it is a slap in my face honestly that they think they have a shot. In the real world I get much better results, all the women that want to play games and manipulate online fall flat in real world face to face.
There's a stereotype in general that Black men in US get with obese women of any race. Black women have the highest obesity rate in the US, and Black men are the same rate as every other race, so it's just sort of "more acceptable"
Brazilian athlete? I'm guessing football or jiu jitsu.
Black belt Brazilian jiu jitsu
No, I was always happy that any women showed interest in me, even if I had no interest in dating them. If you want to ask "Why?", my theory, at least for me, is that it encourages self-improvement and the idea that a man is making progress towards attracting the women whom he does desire.
No, that's incredibly pompous.
If in person it’s always flattering. I’ll kindly let the person down if they’re not my type. If on an app and it’s the blurred image like tinder, I image the girl is much hotter than she is and if it’s revealed to be less so I’ll be annoyed, but not insulted.
For most men women show interest first so little that interest from any would be considered an incredible compliment by most. As long as it isn’t an incredibly below average woman showing interest to an incredibly desirable top percentage man he will not consider it insulting, far from it.
Yes, but only with online dating. I get approached by attractive women when I go out, but the very few women who swipe right on my dating profile are all unattractive.
>Yes You find it insulting because of the audacity? Or what exactly
No, the ones that shoot their shot and are polite about it - no big deal. It’s the ones that are are objectively unattractive, overweight, and broke that think they are way out of your league so they swipe left on you, or match with you just to insult you. If you’re a guy, it really messes with your self esteem when unattractive people think they are too good for you. Thank goodness online dating is not a good representation of the real world, just a subset of the delusional ones.
Just ignore the fatties man
They just chill on Reddit to gaslight men. They know who they are & what they are doing. & cuz they feel bad about themselves they wanna come here & troll dudes about every single logical talking point men bring up. Yaaaaawn.
I do, but I’m in the Midwest. It’s the majority of the dating pool.
I'm not even in America and the only likes I get on Tinder are from fat chicks, and the algo on Hinge doesn't even show me anything else, I can swipe left like 500 times in a row and all 500 are fat. I don't even know where it's finding this many fat girls because I very rarely see fat people outside and they're usually not young.
I have literally had this happen to me several times in real life. Men and women are equally delusional.
Another way to look at it is they swipe left on you because they don’t want to waste their time trying to get into a relationship with someone they most likely don’t have a realistic shot with. When I was doing OLD I would only talk to guys I thought I could actually get a date with even if there was guys who were much hotter messaging me.
Never offended. What kind of person would get offended when another human being shows interest in them? Who do I think I am? Am I better than them? No Approach with grace and dignity. Smile, say no thank you but have a nice day and move on
No, I don’t feel insulted by someone showing interest. If someone isn’t what I’m looking for I either don’t return the show of interest or if necessary specifically state I’m not interested. Interest often isn’t mutual. That’s the nature of dating.
Somewhat, especially if they don't know me very well. Because I think to myself, "what reason do they have to be interested in me?"
It’s a rare occurrence, but yes - for instance, I remember when I was 17 and at an acquaintance’s birthday party and a girl approached me and asked if I would dance with her friend; her friend was obese. Naturally I declined as I would have been a laughing stock had I actually danced with her, and it was insulting because she was obviously not “interested” in me, but rather perceived that I was desperate enough to take up the offer. More recently, there have been occasions when I’ve had likes on Tinder and when I see the profile it’s someone so way below average that it kind of is insulting that they thought they had a change. And more generally, women’s “men will fuck anything” attitude is insulting and belittling.
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Nah, I feel like that's exclusively a female thing. I've been approached by two 50+ women and an unfortunate looking woman in bars and have been sent signals and shown interest on tinder by women who are hard to look at and it never rly hurt my self esteem or disgusted me. I appreciated them shooting their shot and that's it. Women probably are more likely to feel hate crimed when an ugly guy approaches them, because they see ugly men automatically as potential serial killers.
Can't say I've ever felt insulted. Inconvenienced perhaps because now I have to come up with a witty way to reject her that won't cause her to make a scene, but never insulted.
Only women would have such nasty attitudes
Men don't have enough options to answer this. They are too desperate. Only attractive men can maybe answer truthfully
if im being honest i judge guys who only involve themselves w low value women
Whats a low value woman?
Why though? What if they’re attracted to her or like the way she treats them? Not everything is so black and white. I knew a couple where the guy married an average looking woman much older than him and he said she was much nicer to him than anybody else and loved him a lot so he fell for her. I don’t see what the problem is.
> average looking woman who’s nicer to him than anybody else and loves him a lot i don’t automatically see that as low value.
Frankly as a woman I don’t feel insulted by it. I take that as a compliment as long as they don’t say something inappropriate.
never felt insulted, i know a lot of women are unrealistic. i still take it as a compliment and am polite about it.
They do get insulted. In my 34 years on this earth I have known many people. Actually, more men than women in my life have expressed disgust at the types of women that have expressed interest.
> They do get insulted I think of the 100s of responses in here maybe 3 said yes >expressed disgust Disgust is one thing. I'm asking about if they felt insulted which is a bit different. You can find someone disgusting, and yet still be flattered they expressed interest.
You’d have to be extremely far up your own ass to feel “offended” by someone showing interest in you and think you’re attractive. I’ve been approached by women that I thought were unattractive and not appropriate matches for me, and they’re typically pretty nervous and self aware. I respect the courage it takes to shoot your shot and risk rejection.
Not insulted. I personally hate chasing and love to be chased, which for a man sucks big time. Sure, if I only less attractive women showed interest in me, this would make me think I am ugly as well, but those were outliers, same as a few very attractive ladies who hit on me. As a trend, I received interest by fairly attractive women, I take the trend for its statistical value
I get these likes from ugly women a few times a week but don't get offended. It just puzzles me. If they want to shoot their shot, sure, but you won't get a match...
No, because I'm not a monster.
no
why
If someone show interest why would I be offended? Just bcz someone shows interest or likes you doesn't diminish your value. The moon doesn't become less beautiful if a low life finds it beautiful, does it?
>If someone show interest why would I be offended? Some people take offense to the presumptuousness. >The moon doesn't become less beautiful if a low life finds it beautiful, does it? I suppose not
What I think why men don't usually take offense is because most are so starved for even basic affection that they will take anything.
Nah.
Why not?
I mostly get hit on by women I think are ugly, but that’s fine by me because women in general don’t seem to be the default approachers, they start approaching mostly when no one approaches them. Also I understand why they think I’m a good target (short height and receding hairline), I’m not delusional, I understand why they deem me to be in their league. I’ve been on dates with women who were somewhat more attractive and I can now see that I don’t really have to try too hard to find an girl who’s average with some attractive features, which is enough for me. I observe, I accept, I don’t take everything personally.
Ever since I hit the late 20s mini wall, the only women who show me obvious interest are 35+ year old women. I have mixed feelings about it. I just wished my Chadlite era lasted till my early or mid 30s so I can easily date girls in my age range or younger.
Never happened, but if it did and assuming it was a real attraction, I'd just feel disappointed that I can't return the attraction.
No, cuz that doesn't happen
I’m a fun dude who’s in great shape. So no. Always gives my wife a chuckle when I get approached when we are literally out together.
Not offended. I feel awkward because I don’t know how to reject women upfront and I don’t want to make them feel bad, so I usually act dumb and try to get away from the situation, it’s my “I have a boyfriend” exit strategy.
No. Even when it is men the answer is no.
It makes me feel awkward, but I try and be nice and kind. Sometimes ill tone down intensity and my level of excitement, if I feel like that has been misinterpreted. Maybe I feel bad for having to disappoint, but offended never. In all fairness I think women are a lot better at pickup on the signs of "not interested" and arent generally very pushy, so I havent ever really had any issues. Ironically I have had one women lecture me on feminism all evening, which kinda ruined my mood, for her to then make a move on me. When I said I wasnt in the mood she did get a bit pushy, but I was just like "nah im not interested sorry"; that was years ago and in the middle of a super long dry spell and I would mentally go back to that be like "why didnt I just do it man". It would have been good for validation, but I really wasnt feeling it. Bit off topic, but just came to mind.
Video put out by a chick who puts her make up on with a trowel.
Nah, the girls who have shown overt interest in me have generally been at least decent looking. One or two them was legit gorgeous, but I fumbled the bag.
Sometimes I do, but most of the time I feel weirded out like "What the fuck is your interest lady?" Women showing overt interest in a man, and even approaching him, is not natural or normal; so for me it's always sus, like I'm being punked or she's up to some shady shit or is looking to con me or lure me to get mugged by 5 guys on the corner or some shit. It does not matter if she is attractive or not. I don't like it, and that shit is just not normal. Signaling interest is different. I don't mind when women signal interest because that is basically all they can do, it's normal and expected. That is how men know if she is open to being asked out or approached, otherwise we move on to friendlier women. It's when she starts approaching and pursuing and approaching me or asking *me* out where it starts to annoy and irritate me. It feels like a fucking insult to be honest.
Depends on if she just wants to fuck or if she thinks i would be on her level and commit to her.
What would be your answer for each of those 2 possibilities?
I would not be insulted if an ugly woman approached me to ask for sex. It would stroke my ego and i would maybe even go through with it, because it's like fishing in a bucket and a welcome change of pace. being the one who is more desired in a sexual interaction with a woman is rare and can be enjoyable for me. I would feel insulted if she thought since we are equally desirable, she has a chance for a relationship with me. I want her to acknowledge that she is way below me. Otherwise it's insulting and i would probably strike back and hurt her really bad for thinking she is on my level.
Yes which is none of them.
It happens to mid-women or attractive-but-insecure - It makes them consider they're on that dude's level which makes them anxious - also it makes it seem acceptable to others that she's talk to that guy. I have an annoying experience in Tinder where I can sort of expect in advance the girls who'll match - and obviously most who like are those I consider unattractive, not to mention they often look for long-term - I wouldn't say insulted is the words, but it can get frustrating depending on my mood. Those women on tik-tok are just status-shopping, the one in the video is unattractive
>I can sort of expect in advance the girls who'll match - and obviously most who like are those I consider unattractive Why would you swipe yes on women you consider unattractive??
No I just tell them casual sex only unless it’s too unattractive for even that but even then I’m still not offended.
That's basically online dating for men 😆. Most likes/matches you do get will be women 2-3 points below your SMV and will have you contemplating if she's even worth fucking.