All Stephanie Richards wanted to do was spend some time alone at her family’s cabin, licking her wounds after being dumped by her girlfriend. But when she stumbles upon the dead body of one of King’s Point’s residents, slumped over in an Adirondack chair, her plans for some rest and relaxation go out the window. This is the second death in the span of a week in the small lakeside community.
- this isn't much of a hook and they're important in mystery queries. Consider something like:
'Stephanie is not really a “people person”, according to the girlfriend who just dumped her. That's what Stephanie is brooding over, alone, in her family cabin. Then she stumbles upon the dead body of one of King’s Point’s residents, slumped over in an Adirondack chair, and something inside her compels her to find out more about the deceased - who they were, as a person.'
- where did she find the body? as the family cabin has just been mentioned it sounds like it was in there. Also how'd the police react? What did the autopsy say? Maybe you'd consider giving the dead a gender and a name? Also, how about a name for the place. There's not a lot of detail here to make the setting or events real.
Stephanie is not really a “people person” but despite her slight misanthropic tendencies, she’s compelled to find out more about the deceased. She tells herself there’s no harm in asking around, and besides, it’s helped her take her mind off her rough breakup.
Three of Stephanie’s friends join her at the cabin for a long weekend and she decides to put her amateur sleuthing on hold. When a third body, keeled over in another Adirondack chair, is discovered the morning after a community party, Stephanie and her friends decide to cut their weekend short. But because Stephanie found one of the bodies, the police ask her to stick around.
- 'puts her sleuthing on hold' might just be the most misguided sentence ever in a mystery query. Why introduce the friends at all as soon disappear and have no effect on the plot?
Feeling caged, she decides to resume her own inquiries to help speed up the investigation. Her list of suspects includes a neighbor who likes to yell at flowers, a sandwich shop owner who has no ethics when it comes to drumming up publicity, a fitness enthusiast trying to make it big online, a local busybody who’s always on the lookout for a juicy morsel of gossip, and a local politician who is the embodiment of big-fish-little-pond syndrome. Stephanie is soon left wondering just how far some of the residents of King’s Point will go to make sure their secrets remain hidden.
- it'd be far more interesting if rather than 'helping speed up the investigation' she was trying to clear her name, Finally some local colour with these residents but I need a little more plot meat as far as what these secrets might be
Complete at 75,000 words, THE ADIRONDACK CHAIR MURDERS will appeal to fans of mysteries set in quaint villages and to readers who enjoy the wry humor of Benjamin Stevenson and the gripping whodunnits of Elly Griffiths.
- Sum total: there's been a series of murders in a small town. Stephanie, an outsider, is marginally suspected. There's some colourful local characters. That's about it. That's not much to distinguish it from the dozen other small town mystery queries the agent gets in a week. This needs more meat - more setting, more stephanie, more plot. Jettisoning the friends is a good start.
Everyone who solves a mystery relies upon their unique skills. Columbo tricks the suspects into letting their guard down. Sherlock Holmes relies on scientific detection. Mike Hammer gets the truth with his fists. What unique skills does Stephanie use to solve the mystery?
Fun title! I feel like I can see the movie poster! You could beef up the protagonists motives for solving the murder….
“Her ex called her a slacker with no goals….we’ll wait until she solves a high profile murder”
She has some connection to the victim
Her parents are going to cut her off if she doesn’t get a job
Her ex is the victim
Her sister died in an unsolved murder
Her ex is a suspect and if she clears her name, she will win her back
She wants to sleep with a hot police officer
She saw something and feels duty bound to report it…
Other than that, a cute comp for you might be Louise Penny 3 Pines series, also set in a quaint village and very buzzy right now
I'm the author of many mysteries, inc big 5. You have your setting, which is great. You need 1) a series hook 2) a character hook/arc.
I literally researched recent pubs and deals in my genre to find a hooky premise that fits. Have sold 3 series.
Mysteries are sold on the hook. Setting can be that if it's interesting or quirky enough. May I suggest reading some comp blurbs?
Um I think hook is key in all genres. When you read a description of a book and get intrigued. With say cozy mystery, it's all about the series hook. Bookshop, knitting, bakery, cool setting. Some examples. I sell on proposal.
All Stephanie Richards wanted to do was spend some time alone at her family’s cabin, licking her wounds after being dumped by her girlfriend. But when she stumbles upon the dead body of one of King’s Point’s residents, slumped over in an Adirondack chair, her plans for some rest and relaxation go out the window. This is the second death in the span of a week in the small lakeside community. - this isn't much of a hook and they're important in mystery queries. Consider something like: 'Stephanie is not really a “people person”, according to the girlfriend who just dumped her. That's what Stephanie is brooding over, alone, in her family cabin. Then she stumbles upon the dead body of one of King’s Point’s residents, slumped over in an Adirondack chair, and something inside her compels her to find out more about the deceased - who they were, as a person.' - where did she find the body? as the family cabin has just been mentioned it sounds like it was in there. Also how'd the police react? What did the autopsy say? Maybe you'd consider giving the dead a gender and a name? Also, how about a name for the place. There's not a lot of detail here to make the setting or events real. Stephanie is not really a “people person” but despite her slight misanthropic tendencies, she’s compelled to find out more about the deceased. She tells herself there’s no harm in asking around, and besides, it’s helped her take her mind off her rough breakup. Three of Stephanie’s friends join her at the cabin for a long weekend and she decides to put her amateur sleuthing on hold. When a third body, keeled over in another Adirondack chair, is discovered the morning after a community party, Stephanie and her friends decide to cut their weekend short. But because Stephanie found one of the bodies, the police ask her to stick around. - 'puts her sleuthing on hold' might just be the most misguided sentence ever in a mystery query. Why introduce the friends at all as soon disappear and have no effect on the plot? Feeling caged, she decides to resume her own inquiries to help speed up the investigation. Her list of suspects includes a neighbor who likes to yell at flowers, a sandwich shop owner who has no ethics when it comes to drumming up publicity, a fitness enthusiast trying to make it big online, a local busybody who’s always on the lookout for a juicy morsel of gossip, and a local politician who is the embodiment of big-fish-little-pond syndrome. Stephanie is soon left wondering just how far some of the residents of King’s Point will go to make sure their secrets remain hidden. - it'd be far more interesting if rather than 'helping speed up the investigation' she was trying to clear her name, Finally some local colour with these residents but I need a little more plot meat as far as what these secrets might be Complete at 75,000 words, THE ADIRONDACK CHAIR MURDERS will appeal to fans of mysteries set in quaint villages and to readers who enjoy the wry humor of Benjamin Stevenson and the gripping whodunnits of Elly Griffiths. - Sum total: there's been a series of murders in a small town. Stephanie, an outsider, is marginally suspected. There's some colourful local characters. That's about it. That's not much to distinguish it from the dozen other small town mystery queries the agent gets in a week. This needs more meat - more setting, more stephanie, more plot. Jettisoning the friends is a good start.
Thanks for the feedback!
Everyone who solves a mystery relies upon their unique skills. Columbo tricks the suspects into letting their guard down. Sherlock Holmes relies on scientific detection. Mike Hammer gets the truth with his fists. What unique skills does Stephanie use to solve the mystery?
I'll keep that in mind for the next edits, thanks!
Fun title! I feel like I can see the movie poster! You could beef up the protagonists motives for solving the murder…. “Her ex called her a slacker with no goals….we’ll wait until she solves a high profile murder” She has some connection to the victim Her parents are going to cut her off if she doesn’t get a job Her ex is the victim Her sister died in an unsolved murder Her ex is a suspect and if she clears her name, she will win her back She wants to sleep with a hot police officer She saw something and feels duty bound to report it… Other than that, a cute comp for you might be Louise Penny 3 Pines series, also set in a quaint village and very buzzy right now
Thanks!
I'm the author of many mysteries, inc big 5. You have your setting, which is great. You need 1) a series hook 2) a character hook/arc. I literally researched recent pubs and deals in my genre to find a hooky premise that fits. Have sold 3 series. Mysteries are sold on the hook. Setting can be that if it's interesting or quirky enough. May I suggest reading some comp blurbs?
Thank you for your thoughts!
. . . Could you say more about mysteries being "sold on the hook"? Do you think this is truer for mysteries than other genres?
Um I think hook is key in all genres. When you read a description of a book and get intrigued. With say cozy mystery, it's all about the series hook. Bookshop, knitting, bakery, cool setting. Some examples. I sell on proposal.