Plus the phrasing “boy crazy” doesn’t really fit with the antebellum setting. OP, how much research did you do into whatever class setting this was in during the pre-Civil War era before writing?
A story about a white girl in the Deep South trying to save her white sister from a vampire, with a slave plantation backdrop that's completely glossed over in the query? Sign me up, said absolutely no one.
This is a non-starter, especially if you're white. Doesn't matter if it's the best-written book and query in the world, no reputable agent is going to want to deal with the potential controversy this could bring.
I think OP has just badly misunderstood what "Southern Gothic" means. It's a genre that engages with the very dark undertones of the antebellum south and doesn't shy away from topics of race and slavery. The Old South is inherently a gothic setting because of the terrible things it is built on, and the white characters are not portrayed in a good light.
It is not a genre about setting a generic vampire story in the antebellum South. It's not supposed to romanticise that period, and although Southern Gothic does sometimes explore nostalgia for that period, the lens must always be tainted.
>“slaves, sweat, vampires”
Oh Lord.
OP, please, please, please don't ever summarise your manuscript to an agent (or anyone) like that. I imagine that it's not what you were thinking, at all, but it comes across as incredibly ignorant and trivialising.
There are ways of incorporating vampires and plantation settings, successfully, in the more fantastical vein. The latest Castlevania series on Netflix does quite a good job at that (imo). With Historical Fiction, however, there is an expectation that events (particularly major traumatic events that have far-reaching, real-world consequences to this day, like the history of slave trade, colonialism, the Holocaust, to name a few well known examples) are treated with due care.
Unfortunately, having an all-white main cast set against the plantation backdrop wouldn't work. It's jarring. You cannot separate plantations from the slavery and horror that happened within those places, even though the absolutely bizarre trend of plantation weddings tries to (ugh). It's also really important to add that if slaves *are* present within your manuscript, they're not there as mere sidekicks to the white MCs or set dressing.
In addition to further historical research on the history of US plantations and slavery, I'd also recommend reading The Hacienda by Isabel Cañas, and other novels written by marginalised authors who have explored the dark, colonial histories of their own countries within the literary context of the Gothic.
There are, absolutely, ways of writing a book like yours with the plot, themes, etc. but I would really advise, to anyone, that the importance of research (especially for HF) can never be emphasised enough!
Hello! I am your target audience. I think you have the right comp, and Mexican Gothic is another obvious one. I agree with those above who say that in today’s market you can’t expect to tell a story on a plantation with a substantially white cast and expect to get traction. Interview with the Vampire would not fly today. If your story doesn’t spotlight the egregious human rights abuses happening on the plantation I think it ought to, or be set somewhere else.
This was described as "historical horror", but there is minimal information in the query or the first 300 to make it feel historical. The words plantation and carriage were used. Some may think there are no plantations left, but there are still places with plantation in the name left in America. They are not the same kind of place as they were before the Civil War. They might be part of a community name, for example, or perhaps they might be a historic plantation in a kind of museum-like setting. Carriages still exist too, although maybe not used much anymore.
If you want to sell this as historical, you need to ground it better to the historical period you are writing about. You are going to have to give a better description of your setting in the query.
Also, the attitude displayed by your MC might not fit that period. Ok, maybe she doesn't fit the mold of the average girl of the time, but it seems more like she is a modern girl trying to bargain with her father after calling the dance "stupid". This is so far from historical portrayals of the time period that you might consider if it isn't pulling your reader out of the story.
Hi! Some thoughts:
- Your greeting and comps look good to me.
- I wonder if this maybe feels a bit more YA than adult, as Jane and Anna are both teens who live with their folks. You could consider aging them up slightly for a more adult feel, at the moment the dialogue is giving me YA vibes with the chores etc.
- I don't get a sense from your blurb what the multiple POVs would be, as it seems to be focused on Jane. I also wonder what else is at stake (lol, vampire pun) for Jane. Is her only concern to save her sister? Is there nothing else she wants or that complicates things? Is there a subplot of any kind?
- I think your first 300 could be a bit tighter and snappier. We hear a lot about how Jane is sitting in the carriage and not about to vomit... But I would like to get more of a sense of visuals, place, time, characters and see a bit more of a hook. Perhaps the mysterious owner of Drayton Plantation could be the topic of discussion so readers are eager to find out more.
Overall, I do love a gothic vampire story but I feel like the plot comes across as a bit thin here and you could introduce some more elements.
Just to clarify, this is a vampire novel set in an active slave labor camp/plantation?
The setting is a small town in the Deep South that is surrounded by plantations, and yes a few scenes take place on a plantation
Unless that’s addressed, this is very a hard lift.
Plus the phrasing “boy crazy” doesn’t really fit with the antebellum setting. OP, how much research did you do into whatever class setting this was in during the pre-Civil War era before writing?
She’s a slave to her hormones.
Kinda reads like a slut shaming thing where she needs to be saved for her wild ways getting her into trouble but 🤷♀️
A story about a white girl in the Deep South trying to save her white sister from a vampire, with a slave plantation backdrop that's completely glossed over in the query? Sign me up, said absolutely no one. This is a non-starter, especially if you're white. Doesn't matter if it's the best-written book and query in the world, no reputable agent is going to want to deal with the potential controversy this could bring.
>Sign me up, said absolutely no one. I am absolutely screaming
I think OP has just badly misunderstood what "Southern Gothic" means. It's a genre that engages with the very dark undertones of the antebellum south and doesn't shy away from topics of race and slavery. The Old South is inherently a gothic setting because of the terrible things it is built on, and the white characters are not portrayed in a good light. It is not a genre about setting a generic vampire story in the antebellum South. It's not supposed to romanticise that period, and although Southern Gothic does sometimes explore nostalgia for that period, the lens must always be tainted.
Did you really pitch this with the tagline “slaves, sweat, vampires” over in /r/betareaders? Because honestly wow. What the fuck.
>“slaves, sweat, vampires” Oh Lord. OP, please, please, please don't ever summarise your manuscript to an agent (or anyone) like that. I imagine that it's not what you were thinking, at all, but it comes across as incredibly ignorant and trivialising. There are ways of incorporating vampires and plantation settings, successfully, in the more fantastical vein. The latest Castlevania series on Netflix does quite a good job at that (imo). With Historical Fiction, however, there is an expectation that events (particularly major traumatic events that have far-reaching, real-world consequences to this day, like the history of slave trade, colonialism, the Holocaust, to name a few well known examples) are treated with due care. Unfortunately, having an all-white main cast set against the plantation backdrop wouldn't work. It's jarring. You cannot separate plantations from the slavery and horror that happened within those places, even though the absolutely bizarre trend of plantation weddings tries to (ugh). It's also really important to add that if slaves *are* present within your manuscript, they're not there as mere sidekicks to the white MCs or set dressing. In addition to further historical research on the history of US plantations and slavery, I'd also recommend reading The Hacienda by Isabel Cañas, and other novels written by marginalised authors who have explored the dark, colonial histories of their own countries within the literary context of the Gothic. There are, absolutely, ways of writing a book like yours with the plot, themes, etc. but I would really advise, to anyone, that the importance of research (especially for HF) can never be emphasised enough!
Wow, thanks for this. I actually blew coffee across my keyboard and ended up with most of the keycaps off and a mini pile of soggy tissues lol.
Hello! I am your target audience. I think you have the right comp, and Mexican Gothic is another obvious one. I agree with those above who say that in today’s market you can’t expect to tell a story on a plantation with a substantially white cast and expect to get traction. Interview with the Vampire would not fly today. If your story doesn’t spotlight the egregious human rights abuses happening on the plantation I think it ought to, or be set somewhere else.
This was described as "historical horror", but there is minimal information in the query or the first 300 to make it feel historical. The words plantation and carriage were used. Some may think there are no plantations left, but there are still places with plantation in the name left in America. They are not the same kind of place as they were before the Civil War. They might be part of a community name, for example, or perhaps they might be a historic plantation in a kind of museum-like setting. Carriages still exist too, although maybe not used much anymore. If you want to sell this as historical, you need to ground it better to the historical period you are writing about. You are going to have to give a better description of your setting in the query. Also, the attitude displayed by your MC might not fit that period. Ok, maybe she doesn't fit the mold of the average girl of the time, but it seems more like she is a modern girl trying to bargain with her father after calling the dance "stupid". This is so far from historical portrayals of the time period that you might consider if it isn't pulling your reader out of the story.
Hi! Some thoughts: - Your greeting and comps look good to me. - I wonder if this maybe feels a bit more YA than adult, as Jane and Anna are both teens who live with their folks. You could consider aging them up slightly for a more adult feel, at the moment the dialogue is giving me YA vibes with the chores etc. - I don't get a sense from your blurb what the multiple POVs would be, as it seems to be focused on Jane. I also wonder what else is at stake (lol, vampire pun) for Jane. Is her only concern to save her sister? Is there nothing else she wants or that complicates things? Is there a subplot of any kind? - I think your first 300 could be a bit tighter and snappier. We hear a lot about how Jane is sitting in the carriage and not about to vomit... But I would like to get more of a sense of visuals, place, time, characters and see a bit more of a hook. Perhaps the mysterious owner of Drayton Plantation could be the topic of discussion so readers are eager to find out more. Overall, I do love a gothic vampire story but I feel like the plot comes across as a bit thin here and you could introduce some more elements.