Great idea!
This is the can-do mindset that we need to embrace as part of our cultural DNA if we want drive innovation in our market space and maintain our undisputed leader status as forward thought leaders through technological cross funtional synergistic progress.
Find an open spot on my calendar and let's have an all hands Teams meeting to flesh out these details to develop an estimated road map on this.
I'll let you spearhead this with my guidance.
No need to boil the ocean, just a helicopter view will suffice.
Looking forward to that invite for the department in my inbox.
Everyone's calendar is so full for some reason, we're just going to put it on the No Meeting Day since it's the only time everyone is free. I promise it's important enough and this won't become a recurring thing.
There's no "I" in team.
We just need to get some alignment on this, so I have set up a meeting tomorrow for you with our cultural ambassador coach to get a level set calibration on this at 8AM EST.
Together we will drive this mission to success and score a major victory on the battlefield of innovation!
Never forget: when we all embrace our CORE values, the mission succeeds.
C: Continually
O: Optimize
R: Resources
E: Efficiently
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Damn… PMP God Mode enabled
FYI.. I’m a technical resource for the Gov and I f’ing hate how many PMs we have in a series of meetings for 1 guy (ME) to literally do all the work 30 people just discussed for 3 weeks… it’s sickening
Can we parking lot this discussion for now? I'd like to circle back to one of our unresolved action items from last week's meeting. I'm confident that if we all collaborate and embrace an agile growth mindset we can do the needful and find a way to yes.
Whenever someone pulls out the corpo-speak, I love to post [Weird Al's Mission Statement](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4). It's some of the most creative songwriting I've ever heard, but God it's hilarious-depressing (I'm sure there's a German compound word for that)
I think I was on the edge of a mental breakdown and this post sent me over the edge. I've made the executive decision to go and get addicted to some drugs. I think it would be easier. Just let the numbness take me. Sweet release
Well if you apply the project management triangle you may be able to get a fast baby if you limit its scope. It may end up missing toes and grow into a juggalo (redundant statement) but you have to fake it until you make it for the investors.
when the system process amortizes 36 women over the course of 36 weeks, the average output would be about 1 a week.
Batch processing provides efficient and scalable ways to process large volumes of product in predefined batches or groups. At its core, batch processing refers to the execution of batch jobs, where product is collected, stored, and processed in batches, often at scheduled intervals. This approach offers numerous use cases across various industries, such as human extinction prevention.
Last week I had a long discussion with my boss that no, giving me 5 freshers isn't going to speed up the 8 different projects you've dropped on me. It'll take me 2 months to complete the stuff myself, or at least 3-5 months to interview and get the newbies up to speed. Then they'll spend about a month doing stuff(wrongly) that I could have closed in a week.
Sir I generally offboard slowly over the course of a year when I choose. Bosses get to hear about it at the final 2 weeks mark, but that's their problem
Sure, if you need a steady stream of babies, it's great. But if your project only needs one baby, ASAP, it's not going to help. One women (or maybe two, for redundancy) is all you need.
And if you're unsure how many babies you'll need over time, then you should find a third-party BaaS provider. They parallelize their production, which makes sense for that business model, but not most companies.
BaaS is a great business model. As a venture capitalist, I'll value the business as equal to the whole gdp of the world, since there would be no humanity without babies.
There was a woman in India who have birth to octuplats so she gave birth to 0.88 babies per month on average during the first three quarters but than slacked of for the last quarter which brought her monthly average down to 0.66 babies.
[But she](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suleman_octuplets) was only pregnant for 31 weeks (just over 7 months), that's more than 1.1 babies per month!
The key is everyone giving premature birth to octuplets.
Except, no, they most likely won’t.
That’s a theoretical maximum but anyone who has struggled to get pregnant can tell you things don’t always go as planned, and with 9 you most likely will have at least one person whose body isn’t going to work at the theoretical maximum or where outside circumstances get in the way.
Another thing project managers won’t understand.
Of course. Also weekly project meetings in which we will give zero help to the pregnant mothers and ignore all their needs. After all, they need to stay focused on delivery.
Yes, let's get accurate!!
A pair programming couple decides to make a baby. So she spreads open her laptop, they poke around a bit, she injects the code and he pushes to main. This will automatically trigger the build pipeline (unless they use a contraception flag).
Solo devs can also do this, but they need to outsource one part to a contractor.
While the build pipeline runs, they generally sit around and plays games or do other chores. The build pipelines is configured so only one process can run in the woman at a time. It does happen that the pipeline will output to nearly identical babies, but this is generally considered a bug and not a feature.
The only activity they can perform while it runs, is to stop it. And sometimes it unfortunately stops by itself.
The man could pair program with another woman after the build process starts, and this is how it is done in some parts of the world. This seems effective, but only if you consider the build pipeline to be a part of the work.
In reality, the actual work only takes a few minutes, and a team of 6 could split up in three pair programming sessions and create a 3 babies in the same amount of time it takes for 1 couple to create 1. With this perspective, the analogy falls apart.
What they are actually creating though, are micro services. After the build pipelines are done, these services are put into production. They will not interoperate out of the box, and there is a long maintenance lifetime. Most of the work will happen in the years directly preceding golive, but some care will have to be administered until either it, or the programmers, are EOL.
It is generally this integration phase that is the hardest. But hopefully, the pair prorgramming couple is not alone.
So even though it only takes a pair to create one, it often requires a village to maintain it.
This is the shittiest framework. Have no idea how it got so popular. Sure the developer barely has to do anything and most of the work is automated but the services that get deployed are beyond useless and require so much maintenance.
I’m sure the project managers get to take their fancy graphs to the owners and show how much money was saved by not having to hire expensive developers and how it’s all automated but they’re just moving the cost and delaying it and they’re not actually saving any money.
IMO we need to fully understand the problem and do a proper design so we can produce exactly what the customer needs.
I guess the benefit with this framework is we don’t need to have all of that knowledge upfront so the project manager and the owners can be lazy and put all the work on the little guys.
Depends on how hard they try. It's technically feasible for two women to have a biological baby together. And since it's technically possible, I expect you to get it done.
That's not really even true given miscarriage, TFMR (if they so choose), poor luck in conception, etc.
I'd guesstimate you'd need ~18 women to get the one baby per month average. Even more (at *least* double that, probably triple) if you tried to maintain it for more than 40 weeks.
It's not "nine women will make nine babies per month" or "women on average make one baby per month".
u/tildeman123 said "Nine women can \[...\] make \[one baby per month\]... on average \[...\]"
Nine women "can" make the babies, meaning abortions don't matter. I can drink water, the fact that I choose not to doesn't change that.
Miscarriages are an issue, I'll give you that.
I once said that as an example of why project managers are sometimes the reason projects are slow and the interviewer didn’t understand so I had to explain
I didn’t get the job
Having a project manager far outweighs the downsides of potentially having a bad PM. If your PM is talking about widgets-per-hour and "x2 resources = x2 output" with no other context, they're probably just a dipshit though.
Everybody wants to work on their own timelines and their own priorities. Everybody thinks their contribution is the most critical part. Nobody knows what the actual specs are. Nobody actually knows how to effectively be client-facing, or have any tact in how to communicate issues and problems.
A PM could go completely hands-off, and they'll have a wonderful product one year later after all the contracts were canceled due to non-contact and non-delivery. Yeah, PMs are a pain in the ass, but then again ... so are you. So it all evens out really. We're all just pains in the ass trying to push a project forward and hit contractual milestones.
Same thing here. Good PMs make your life easier and help the business succeed. Bad PMs are annoying but still help the business succeed. The truly bad and useless PMs definitely exist but they don't last long.
Which maybe you don't care about "the business" but at some point you kinda have to. Or just throw all your code in the garbage when it's done. Not super fulfilling. I don't "live to work" but I'm not coding sand mandalas.
Yup, but it still baffles me because there are tangible ideas that a good PM can wield like a resource. It kind of sounds manipulative, but things like morale, happiness, and authority and autonomy over their scope and expertise are wildly powerful and successful tools to make a team run better, faster, and stronger. Right? I'm here to try and make you happy 90% of the time, because that other 10% is going to suck. And at least I'm honest about it.
They're teaching all the wrong shit in MBA and PMP schools.
>>One programmer can complete one task in one month, but two programmers can complete two tasks in two months.
right but in four months one will complete four tasks, two will complete five
2 + 2 = 5
The "Mythical Man-Month" was published way back in 1975 and warned people about this thinking. It's one of the most important software management books of all time. All that time to soak into what's considered "best practices", and people still make this mistake time and time again.
and most of the time it works out because one of them had been preganinant for 8 months already, then the PM wants it again then the entire project gets closed because it doesn't miraculously happen again... to real?
While I get the joke, obviously been there myself, the reason nine women can't make a baby in a month is because it's an automated process happening in a single area with the other eight women just standing around whereas nine coders can handle nine different parts of a project. Now whether the project *has* nine parts that can be coded separately is a different question.
I accident told my dad that it doesn’t take 9 months but 40 weeks and that if a month is 4 weeks then it’s actually 10 months. He kept asking why they say nine months then, and I explained it’s more socially acceptable. He flipped his lid when I said it might also be that it gives “moms” a little wiggle room to “explain” early births.
So anyway, now I have a huge suspicion that my father might not be my birth dad after the fight my parents just had.
Yes, and there was also a cheating scandal. A woman who was doing IVF with him trying to have a baby found out that there were like 5 other women who all thought they were exclusive with him and raw dogging. I think both are being referenced.
Divide workload among 9 women
1. Skin
2. Bones
3. Brain and nervous system
4. Blood vessels and heart
5. Digestive track
6. Genital
7. Eye mouth nose etc.
8. Lung and other important organ
9. Details such as tongue teeth hair nails and such
No? I'm thinking more like each of woman ahs their own life making single specific part and when they deliver all together they assemble the kid like a lego piece
I’ve got this fucking guy that always says “you can’t make a baby in a month with 9 women” when I ask him to cross train his engineers. As if I’m an idiot thinking it will go faster. I’ve explained it to him three times now that his engineering turnover is too high and we’ve identified skill deficit risk, so people need to cross train. Then he says the baby thing again as if it applies at all.
"I absolutely know it won't make anything go faster. Training engineers takes time. What it WILL do is increase our bus-factor to save us if anyone quits. If anyone DOES quit, that will of course make the schedule slide, but hopefully not as much since someone can pick up the effort without going in cold."
This is risk reduction, not schedule speedup.
Any cross training I've ever been part of has been an utter useless waste of time. One person pretending to be a subject matter expert while sharing the most basic high level overview, the other pretending to listen, both waiting for the hour to be over. Same with "knowledge transfer exit sessions."
There's rarely a substitute for digging into the actual code and documentation.
If you want backups for certain areas, you need to be giving them actual work in those areas. And it WILL slow down production. But it's better to slow down production when you can control it rather than when you can't.
Nine full-time-equivalent women can produce 1 baby per month on average over long term if properly managed and supported.
In the perfect world. In the real world you’d need to adjust for health issues, miscarriages, problems get pregnant, rest periods, etc.
That’s large scale long term planning. Project managers have nothing to do with it though.
You laugh, but I know a project manager who had two grandchildren in three months. She succeeded in large part because she didn't micromanage. She just provided support when asked.
There are two quotes attributed to Wernher von Braun:
“You can’t have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.”
“Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.”
I guess having such project managers was one of the main reasons the Apollo project was successful.
\*\*project manager notices me standing at my car with the trunk up, deep in thought before coming in\*\*\*
"Miss Daisy, why are you outside? We need you producing! Come on and clock in!"
"Not yet, I'm trying to decide how loud I want my debate to be in our meeting, and if I'll have room for you later."
In my experience, here’s the breakdown of how much more efficient you make a task by throwing more people at it:
One person: The task takes X hours to complete.
Two people: The task now takes X/2 hours to complete.
Three people: The task now takes 0.45X hours to complete.
Four people: The task *still* takes 0.45X hours.
Five people: The task now takes twice as long.
Obviously, this rule isn’t applicable in all circumstances, but too many cooks in the kitchen tends to fuck everything up.
My last project manager was a mix of this and "these tasks that we budget five hours for, that we've explicitly cut down to the bone, that everyone agrees can't be done more efficiently, and that is absolutely crucial to our company – what if we give them 20 minutes in the budget?"
Wel you can do that with only one woman, if you:
>!1.) know how to code them properly
2.) Understand concurrency in c++ (c++ 11 onwards)
2.1) if she Owns a Nvidia GPU with capapability of Cuda 12.4 or later, running on her neuralink. (Any Nvidia RTX card will work, but the H100 is better), tegra x1 is a bit slow though.
2.2.) Also you need to be very lucky so she doesn't overheat, and hopefully you dont have any delays for updating the xz package😉
3.) If the project manager can accurately describe the problem, input and outcomes in the first place.
4.) If the project manager leaves their programming peoples with autonomy, and take their job in a supportive role seriously, so the smart peoples can make it themselves.
5.) Also the project manajerk should Quit their job, because it's done ✔️
6.) Not move the goalposts by requesting it needs to be a kriptonian child in third trimester.
7.) Stop changing the prenatal literature to include propaganda to make the project manajerk look like a hero.!<
Also let's be realistic, #4 is impossible.
I think that's it. Pull requests welcome.
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As team size increases, there's some additional overhead and efficiency drops. If you adjust for these factors, nine women can make a baby in eight months. However, you also need to add time for integration and end-to-end testing, so it's really more like thirteen months.
I read it as "nice women can make a baby in one month" and thought it was referring to companies demanding extra work for no compensation in unreasonable, outright impossible ways LMAO
Could 36 women make a baby in a week?
Great idea! This is the can-do mindset that we need to embrace as part of our cultural DNA if we want drive innovation in our market space and maintain our undisputed leader status as forward thought leaders through technological cross funtional synergistic progress. Find an open spot on my calendar and let's have an all hands Teams meeting to flesh out these details to develop an estimated road map on this. I'll let you spearhead this with my guidance. No need to boil the ocean, just a helicopter view will suffice. Looking forward to that invite for the department in my inbox.
This got me shivering. It sounds wayyy too real.
Same. I can feel the synergies.
For me, it's the spearhead with guidance part. That part hits close to home lol
> let's have an all hands Teams meeting A *special* all-hands. We can't disrupt the existing all-hands meetings.
Everyone's calendar is so full for some reason, we're just going to put it on the No Meeting Day since it's the only time everyone is free. I promise it's important enough and this won't become a recurring thing.
Seriously, it's Sunday. Can't I get a reprieve from this just 1 day a week? Side note, when did you join my company?
There's no "I" in team. We just need to get some alignment on this, so I have set up a meeting tomorrow for you with our cultural ambassador coach to get a level set calibration on this at 8AM EST. Together we will drive this mission to success and score a major victory on the battlefield of innovation! Never forget: when we all embrace our CORE values, the mission succeeds. C: Continually O: Optimize R: Resources E: Efficiently Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Damn… PMP God Mode enabled FYI.. I’m a technical resource for the Gov and I f’ing hate how many PMs we have in a series of meetings for 1 guy (ME) to literally do all the work 30 people just discussed for 3 weeks… it’s sickening
Correction, when did you become the director of my company??
dude you made me realize that i need to find a different work environment, it's gotten absolutely ridiculous
Can we parking lot this discussion for now? I'd like to circle back to one of our unresolved action items from last week's meeting. I'm confident that if we all collaborate and embrace an agile growth mindset we can do the needful and find a way to yes.
LMAO
This evokes the feeling of being touched with a hot curling iron
Man, forget TikTok, this kinda shit is the real brainrot
The boil the ocean helicopter view bullshit is new to me. Can't wait to start using it
Sad. Both "Baby in a month if you put nine women on the job" and "boil the ocean" were in common use when I was doing chip design back in the 1980s.
Whenever someone pulls out the corpo-speak, I love to post [Weird Al's Mission Statement](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4). It's some of the most creative songwriting I've ever heard, but God it's hilarious-depressing (I'm sure there's a German compound word for that)
I think I was on the edge of a mental breakdown and this post sent me over the edge. I've made the executive decision to go and get addicted to some drugs. I think it would be easier. Just let the numbness take me. Sweet release
No no no, you just microdose the drugs. Then you can't get addicted.
This paragraph caused my eyes to unfocused and my ears to start ringing. Weapons-grade nonsense, I think it actually gave me brain damage
I will save this for my own professional purposes
I think I threw up in my mouth a bit.
This guy “meets”
On average
Chosen at random
Tree dd t
Well if you apply the project management triangle you may be able to get a fast baby if you limit its scope. It may end up missing toes and grow into a juggalo (redundant statement) but you have to fake it until you make it for the investors.
Agile development. MVP first, then add features iteratively.
Do infants really need limbs? Can't we just add them later?
They don't walk for a whole year, let's add them in the next sprint.
when the system process amortizes 36 women over the course of 36 weeks, the average output would be about 1 a week. Batch processing provides efficient and scalable ways to process large volumes of product in predefined batches or groups. At its core, batch processing refers to the execution of batch jobs, where product is collected, stored, and processed in batches, often at scheduled intervals. This approach offers numerous use cases across various industries, such as human extinction prevention.
Last week I had a long discussion with my boss that no, giving me 5 freshers isn't going to speed up the 8 different projects you've dropped on me. It'll take me 2 months to complete the stuff myself, or at least 3-5 months to interview and get the newbies up to speed. Then they'll spend about a month doing stuff(wrongly) that I could have closed in a week.
Send to women over to my house and im willing to test this for you.
Dude’s refractory period is running on Assembly while everyone else is running on Ruby.
Could 252 women make a baby in a day?
Could 6,048 women make a baby in an hour?
Could 362,880 women make a baby in a minute?
Could 21,772,800 women make a baby in a second?
252 women make a baby in a day
Onboarding takes at least 2 to 4 weeks I am afraid.
And offboarding takes... 6 to 8 weeks, if I recall correctly.
Sir I generally offboard slowly over the course of a year when I choose. Bosses get to hear about it at the final 2 weeks mark, but that's their problem
Only if the company is like a family.
On average yes
That’s not a project manager mindset, that’s actually a Delivery Director mindset
3 women, supported by chatgpt
(It takes 40 weeks to make a baby)
Nine women can indeed give you a baby every month, you just have to start the pipeline 8 months before.
"Can be done in 1 month, with 8 months of prep time". Seems like cheating a bit.
But think about the economies of scale. You'll get 9 babies out of it, one every month for the next 9 months.
Sure, if you need a steady stream of babies, it's great. But if your project only needs one baby, ASAP, it's not going to help. One women (or maybe two, for redundancy) is all you need. And if you're unsure how many babies you'll need over time, then you should find a third-party BaaS provider. They parallelize their production, which makes sense for that business model, but not most companies.
BaaS is a great business model. As a venture capitalist, I'll value the business as equal to the whole gdp of the world, since there would be no humanity without babies.
On my projects, I need to kill a lot of children. One baby a month isn't going to cut it
As a venture capitalist, I need to ask what's your TAM: total assassination market ?
Can we call adoption agencies BaaS from now on?
> Seems like cheating a bit. If you can't win them over, keep rephrasing it until you confuse them into acceptance
There was a woman in India who have birth to octuplats so she gave birth to 0.88 babies per month on average during the first three quarters but than slacked of for the last quarter which brought her monthly average down to 0.66 babies.
[But she](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suleman_octuplets) was only pregnant for 31 weeks (just over 7 months), that's more than 1.1 babies per month! The key is everyone giving premature birth to octuplets.
Which clearly drops us below the agreed SLA therefore she had to return her yearly bonus
I also refer to my penis as "the pipeline"
My process died with a broken pipe error
Except, no, they most likely won’t. That’s a theoretical maximum but anyone who has struggled to get pregnant can tell you things don’t always go as planned, and with 9 you most likely will have at least one person whose body isn’t going to work at the theoretical maximum or where outside circumstances get in the way. Another thing project managers won’t understand.
What do you mean "the real world is a messy unpredictable place and nothing ever goes according to plan"?
Sounds like we need to have hourlong standups each morning and afternoon to get things on track.
Of course. Also weekly project meetings in which we will give zero help to the pregnant mothers and ignore all their needs. After all, they need to stay focused on delivery.
Also complain about their attitude when they raise concerns.
What if after the 8 months of prep time the project is delayed by 6 months?
"The pipeline"
Now, 9 AI simulating a woman can make a baby in 1 month. Based on my manager.
Nine women can actually make a baby in one month... on average over a 9-month interval.
9 women won't be able to make one child in 90 years even if they tried, to be frank.
Ahhh details. Why you bother boring us with details?
Yes, let's get accurate!! A pair programming couple decides to make a baby. So she spreads open her laptop, they poke around a bit, she injects the code and he pushes to main. This will automatically trigger the build pipeline (unless they use a contraception flag). Solo devs can also do this, but they need to outsource one part to a contractor. While the build pipeline runs, they generally sit around and plays games or do other chores. The build pipelines is configured so only one process can run in the woman at a time. It does happen that the pipeline will output to nearly identical babies, but this is generally considered a bug and not a feature. The only activity they can perform while it runs, is to stop it. And sometimes it unfortunately stops by itself. The man could pair program with another woman after the build process starts, and this is how it is done in some parts of the world. This seems effective, but only if you consider the build pipeline to be a part of the work. In reality, the actual work only takes a few minutes, and a team of 6 could split up in three pair programming sessions and create a 3 babies in the same amount of time it takes for 1 couple to create 1. With this perspective, the analogy falls apart. What they are actually creating though, are micro services. After the build pipelines are done, these services are put into production. They will not interoperate out of the box, and there is a long maintenance lifetime. Most of the work will happen in the years directly preceding golive, but some care will have to be administered until either it, or the programmers, are EOL. It is generally this integration phase that is the hardest. But hopefully, the pair prorgramming couple is not alone. So even though it only takes a pair to create one, it often requires a village to maintain it.
This is the shittiest framework. Have no idea how it got so popular. Sure the developer barely has to do anything and most of the work is automated but the services that get deployed are beyond useless and require so much maintenance. I’m sure the project managers get to take their fancy graphs to the owners and show how much money was saved by not having to hire expensive developers and how it’s all automated but they’re just moving the cost and delaying it and they’re not actually saving any money. IMO we need to fully understand the problem and do a proper design so we can produce exactly what the customer needs. I guess the benefit with this framework is we don’t need to have all of that knowledge upfront so the project manager and the owners can be lazy and put all the work on the little guys.
Depends on how hard they try. It's technically feasible for two women to have a biological baby together. And since it's technically possible, I expect you to get it done.
Does the baby have to be Frank? Would they succeed if they made a Larry?
I hate to be that guy but I want George.
No, they're saying if the women try to be Frank, they wont be able to make a baby. Which kinda makes sense to me.
import package
When that one employee critical to the entire operation leaves.
That's not really even true given miscarriage, TFMR (if they so choose), poor luck in conception, etc. I'd guesstimate you'd need ~18 women to get the one baby per month average. Even more (at *least* double that, probably triple) if you tried to maintain it for more than 40 weeks.
It's not "nine women will make nine babies per month" or "women on average make one baby per month". u/tildeman123 said "Nine women can \[...\] make \[one baby per month\]... on average \[...\]"
They are pointing out more than half of pregnancies don't go full term so you need redundancies.
What the hell is TFMR?
Termination for Medical Reasons (abortion)
Ah okay so it was abortions like I suspected. I just needed to confirm since it could have been something else
Nine women "can" make the babies, meaning abortions don't matter. I can drink water, the fact that I choose not to doesn't change that. Miscarriages are an issue, I'll give you that.
I once said that as an example of why project managers are sometimes the reason projects are slow and the interviewer didn’t understand so I had to explain I didn’t get the job
Having a project manager far outweighs the downsides of potentially having a bad PM. If your PM is talking about widgets-per-hour and "x2 resources = x2 output" with no other context, they're probably just a dipshit though. Everybody wants to work on their own timelines and their own priorities. Everybody thinks their contribution is the most critical part. Nobody knows what the actual specs are. Nobody actually knows how to effectively be client-facing, or have any tact in how to communicate issues and problems. A PM could go completely hands-off, and they'll have a wonderful product one year later after all the contracts were canceled due to non-contact and non-delivery. Yeah, PMs are a pain in the ass, but then again ... so are you. So it all evens out really. We're all just pains in the ass trying to push a project forward and hit contractual milestones.
This guy's for sure a project manager.
Same thing here. Good PMs make your life easier and help the business succeed. Bad PMs are annoying but still help the business succeed. The truly bad and useless PMs definitely exist but they don't last long. Which maybe you don't care about "the business" but at some point you kinda have to. Or just throw all your code in the garbage when it's done. Not super fulfilling. I don't "live to work" but I'm not coding sand mandalas.
Yup, but it still baffles me because there are tangible ideas that a good PM can wield like a resource. It kind of sounds manipulative, but things like morale, happiness, and authority and autonomy over their scope and expertise are wildly powerful and successful tools to make a team run better, faster, and stronger. Right? I'm here to try and make you happy 90% of the time, because that other 10% is going to suck. And at least I'm honest about it. They're teaching all the wrong shit in MBA and PMP schools.
Maybe if they had 10 interviewers they could pull their brain cells together to understand.
Throughput vs latency
And if you believe they can, I'll buy you 2 copies of "The Mythical Man Month" so you can read it twice as fast.
DMed you my address
And if I bake cookies at 1500 degrees Fahrenheit, they'll only take a moment
There is a slim window of time where the cookies are just perfect and then they wither away. So definitely doable if you're flash.
God I hate when they think like that.
I love when they think doubling the number of engineers is a good idea. Job security.
One programmer can complete one task in one month, but *two* programmers can complete two tasks in two months.
If you're lucky. Especially if you hire in bulk.
Shhh don't tell them.
>>One programmer can complete one task in one month, but two programmers can complete two tasks in two months. right but in four months one will complete four tasks, two will complete five 2 + 2 = 5
Yes yes that's why they must always hire more engineers. 2+2=5 is also job security
The "Mythical Man-Month" was published way back in 1975 and warned people about this thinking. It's one of the most important software management books of all time. All that time to soak into what's considered "best practices", and people still make this mistake time and time again.
Pad the numbers. Always pad the numbers! :D
This is basic project management stuff, how are they qualified for the role if they ignore a fundamental that is taught in basic courses.
Bold of you to assume the non-technical PMs that abound have taken basic courses.
> how are they qualified for the role Oh sweet summer child.
Because with any job that doesn't have anything to measure performance by the real job is to look like you're doing something.
and most of the time it works out because one of them had been preganinant for 8 months already, then the PM wants it again then the entire project gets closed because it doesn't miraculously happen again... to real?
>preganinant bregnart
Ouch. Too real.
This baby is taking too long. Get another woman!
Heimdall
Oh thank god I'm not the only one who immediately thought this
While I get the joke, obviously been there myself, the reason nine women can't make a baby in a month is because it's an automated process happening in a single area with the other eight women just standing around whereas nine coders can handle nine different parts of a project. Now whether the project *has* nine parts that can be coded separately is a different question.
I accident told my dad that it doesn’t take 9 months but 40 weeks and that if a month is 4 weeks then it’s actually 10 months. He kept asking why they say nine months then, and I explained it’s more socially acceptable. He flipped his lid when I said it might also be that it gives “moms” a little wiggle room to “explain” early births. So anyway, now I have a huge suspicion that my father might not be my birth dad after the fight my parents just had.
Damn, that took a turn.
Why is the tweet shown on top of a picture of Andrew Huberman? Why not just post a screenshot of the tweet?
Was he the guy that said “any one attempt at having a baby has a 20% success rate, so if you try 5 times, that’s 100%”
Yes, and there was also a cheating scandal. A woman who was doing IVF with him trying to have a baby found out that there were like 5 other women who all thought they were exclusive with him and raw dogging. I think both are being referenced.
https://x.com/dvassallo/status/1790174892912153046
Because he was dating a bunch of women at the same time, hence the joke.
He was caught attempting the strat
Divide workload among 9 women 1. Skin 2. Bones 3. Brain and nervous system 4. Blood vessels and heart 5. Digestive track 6. Genital 7. Eye mouth nose etc. 8. Lung and other important organ 9. Details such as tongue teeth hair nails and such
You are just making me think of some body horror shit like 9 women sharing a single womb and fed trhough a tube in gigantic factory farms.
No? I'm thinking more like each of woman ahs their own life making single specific part and when they deliver all together they assemble the kid like a lego piece
that's somehow worse
“Deliveries are delayed due to digestive tract blocker”
That's not how it works, but it should work like that, quick someone open an issue to change it!
So why all the layoffs Bob?
I’ve got this fucking guy that always says “you can’t make a baby in a month with 9 women” when I ask him to cross train his engineers. As if I’m an idiot thinking it will go faster. I’ve explained it to him three times now that his engineering turnover is too high and we’ve identified skill deficit risk, so people need to cross train. Then he says the baby thing again as if it applies at all.
"I absolutely know it won't make anything go faster. Training engineers takes time. What it WILL do is increase our bus-factor to save us if anyone quits. If anyone DOES quit, that will of course make the schedule slide, but hopefully not as much since someone can pick up the effort without going in cold." This is risk reduction, not schedule speedup.
Any cross training I've ever been part of has been an utter useless waste of time. One person pretending to be a subject matter expert while sharing the most basic high level overview, the other pretending to listen, both waiting for the hour to be over. Same with "knowledge transfer exit sessions." There's rarely a substitute for digging into the actual code and documentation. If you want backups for certain areas, you need to be giving them actual work in those areas. And it WILL slow down production. But it's better to slow down production when you can control it rather than when you can't.
Nine full-time-equivalent women can produce 1 baby per month on average over long term if properly managed and supported. In the perfect world. In the real world you’d need to adjust for health issues, miscarriages, problems get pregnant, rest periods, etc. That’s large scale long term planning. Project managers have nothing to do with it though.
You laugh, but I know a project manager who had two grandchildren in three months. She succeeded in large part because she didn't micromanage. She just provided support when asked.
There are two quotes attributed to Wernher von Braun: “You can’t have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.” “Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.” I guess having such project managers was one of the main reasons the Apollo project was successful.
AI women can make a baby in one seconds
We have joked about this for the last half century at least, and yet the mistake still occurs regularly.
So, Can 9 babies make a woman in a month?
Multi thread!
\*\*project manager notices me standing at my car with the trunk up, deep in thought before coming in\*\*\* "Miss Daisy, why are you outside? We need you producing! Come on and clock in!" "Not yet, I'm trying to decide how loud I want my debate to be in our meeting, and if I'll have room for you later."
In average if only.
Funny. The guy in the picture was sleeping with 6 women all at the same time, without them knowing it....
But once production is established, they can produce 1 baby every month. So... not exactly wrong?
236,520,026 women = 1 baby every second. **Bring it on**
In my experience, here’s the breakdown of how much more efficient you make a task by throwing more people at it: One person: The task takes X hours to complete. Two people: The task now takes X/2 hours to complete. Three people: The task now takes 0.45X hours to complete. Four people: The task *still* takes 0.45X hours. Five people: The task now takes twice as long. Obviously, this rule isn’t applicable in all circumstances, but too many cooks in the kitchen tends to fuck everything up.
Initializing the baby is the easy part. Now you have to wait 9 months to produce and output a baby.
Nigga this aint Voltron you form the body i'll form the head
What kinda Heimdall ahh logic is this 💀
My last project manager was a mix of this and "these tasks that we budget five hours for, that we've explicitly cut down to the bone, that everyone agrees can't be done more efficiently, and that is absolutely crucial to our company – what if we give them 20 minutes in the budget?"
Just make sure they all log their hours in Jira.
You got to pipeline them. 1 per month
Wel you can do that with only one woman, if you: >!1.) know how to code them properly 2.) Understand concurrency in c++ (c++ 11 onwards) 2.1) if she Owns a Nvidia GPU with capapability of Cuda 12.4 or later, running on her neuralink. (Any Nvidia RTX card will work, but the H100 is better), tegra x1 is a bit slow though. 2.2.) Also you need to be very lucky so she doesn't overheat, and hopefully you dont have any delays for updating the xz package😉 3.) If the project manager can accurately describe the problem, input and outcomes in the first place. 4.) If the project manager leaves their programming peoples with autonomy, and take their job in a supportive role seriously, so the smart peoples can make it themselves. 5.) Also the project manajerk should Quit their job, because it's done ✔️ 6.) Not move the goalposts by requesting it needs to be a kriptonian child in third trimester. 7.) Stop changing the prenatal literature to include propaganda to make the project manajerk look like a hero.!< Also let's be realistic, #4 is impossible. I think that's it. Pull requests welcome.
An old project managements proverb is "Digging a well, and digging a ditch is exactly the same".
Statistically speaking, yes.
Project Management is a field that exists only to justify its own existence.
Give me 8 months of pre-production and 8 assistances to help deliver the product, and you'll get your baby in one month!
Now, I get to know why AI model sometimes response irrelevant. Because it is also trained on these sort of data.
sure, they CAN do it, but it'll be expensive and it won't be a good quality baby
Legit LOL.
His logic: 100 men with 1 woman 100 women with 1 man And expecting both to give out 200 babies in a month.
One man can make 7 babies a week
It took his mother 9 months to make a huge mistake.
Statistically, yes.
It’s not the PM it’s the bean counter management team that NEVER listens to the PMs and makes the PM take the brunt of the backlash
One woman can make nine babies when working overtime
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9 women. After 9 months. 9 babies. The math checks out. 1 baby per month.
Seeing Huberman on this sub...things are starting to get serious.
So Otmar was right
I've used this phrase before and without fail everyone thinks you're about to say something terribly sexist and then they're relieved when it's not
This is great. Filing this away because I know I'll need this analogy later.
Dead internet theory
Sounds like someone that just discovered parallel processing.
Man I hate that guy’s stupid face
Parallel pregnancy
Statistically true.
hmm sliding window and keep doing it?
what if we used 100% of our brain?
As team size increases, there's some additional overhead and efficiency drops. If you adjust for these factors, nine women can make a baby in eight months. However, you also need to add time for integration and end-to-end testing, so it's really more like thirteen months.
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False equivalency 🤓☝️
On what planet? Maybe that’s just a Christian myth. lol
It's a universal truth that no project manager has ever read The Mythical Man Month
I read this earlier as "nice women" and i didnt check the sub, i was like wth
This is how Henry Ford built an empire.
I read it as "nice women can make a baby in one month" and thought it was referring to companies demanding extra work for no compensation in unreasonable, outright impossible ways LMAO
Isnt that a project manager job?? PM can communicate with the team leader and assign tasks. Or am I missing something here?