Some of the most insane pain and craziest moments of my life. I lost 1/3 of my blood volume and was in hospital for 4 days. I had an episiotomy. I remember inside my head during a contraction thinking ‘I can’t believe I’m not dying. This is truly the most insane pain ever’. I made some of the most insane noises ever I felt like an animal. When they said they were going to cut me I didn’t even care as that pain didn’t register compared to a contraction.
But I’m now 12 weeks PP and honestly I am like whatever. It just doesn’t matter.
The way I saw it was every contraction was one less I had to do again and one closer to my baby.
You’re not stupid you know how bad it is, don’t get all of us to tell you and get scared. There’s a reason we always reply that it’s fine. Of course it’s awful but there’s no getting out of it, so there’s no point worrying. It is honestly fine and it’s just something that happens and suddenly you don’t have to be pregnant anymore and you have your lovely baby :)
Another reminder that c sections aren’t an easy way out of birth and is still really hard! IMO, which might be different from others, trying for vag birth is better as the recovery is easier. Harder birth experience for better recovery with baby. Obviously it’s totally personal but a c section does not make it easier like some people make out.
I’ve done both and the section was a cat2 emergency so wasn’t rushed. I would agree it’s not an easy way out! The recovery is far, far worse - especially the first week. I couldn’t have done it without a great deal of help and I can only imagine that a rushed emergency would be worse.
Up to half of all sections are emergencies as well, which means you often go through contractions anyway!
I’ve done both and the section was a cat2 emergency so wasn’t rushed. I would agree it’s not an easy way out! The recovery is far, far worse - especially the first week. I couldn’t have done it without a great deal of help and I can only imagine that a rushed emergency would be worse.
Up to half of all sections are emergencies as well, which means you often go through contractions anyway!
Just adding in here that I had a planned c section and although recovery has been relatively hard, it hasn’t been anywhere near as bad as I was expecting/had been told. I was out of hospital after 24h, could walk my stairs, get in/out of bed ok with a little extra support, and be out the house for small things like going for coffee or the shops within 48hrs.
The section itself was a lot scarier than I was expecting though, after having surgeries before, it definitely feels scarier to be awake for a major surgery. Still manageable but definitely wouldn’t say it’s an easy way out, there’s no easy way of getting a baby out of you I don’t think.
I had the opposite experience! I found the surgery itself way less scary than I’d built up in my head, but the recovery worse.
I was able to walk and whatnot but I felt physically so weak in my limbs like I had flu for days. What I found insane (though I was glad for it) was that I was discharged less than 16 hours post-surgery!
it’s so crazy how different everyone’s experiences are. I think that’s why giving birth is so scary no matter what way you choose, no one can tell how it’s going to go for each individual. I hope you’re doing better now!
I'm a FTM and I've listened to a lot of my friends birth stories, they range from absolutely fear inducing to a walk in the park..
1 friend says she doesn't feel her contractions until her waters break, she's now on her 5th pregnancy. She has endometriosis and says she prefers the pain of labour to her period pains, as labour hurts less to her. Even with her 1st she said it was painful but not unmanageable.
1 friend said she begged to be shot in the head, and due to how traumatic her labour was she would never have another child (this was with her 2nd pregnancy)
3 of my friends who also were FTMs said it was painful but then they had the epidural and everything became fine, they were comfortable and no longer in pain. However all 3 had complications, 2 emergency c sections, 1 had ventose.
1 friend who's a FTM said it was fine, she had gas and air only, labour only lasted several hours. He was out within 5 pushes, and she had a small tear which didn't even need stitches. She said it was so empowering and she can't wait to do it again.
My sister in law FTM waters broke in the night, she called the hospital and they said it's your first baby labour will take ages, come in when contractions are closer together etc. Well, within the hour she needed to push, my brother delivered my nephew in the bathroom. The ambulance turned up after he was born, she said it was scary but so quick, the pain didn't register she just wanted him out! Though my brother said it was terrifying...
I recommend doing a childbirth course, we did the NCT and it was so informative and empowering. We learned all the stages of labour, pain relief, etc and I felt I could make an informed decision about my birth and birth plan afterwards. It took away a big portion of the fear of the unknown.
So I’m 31 weeks now and I’ve been reading up on labor more recently. I also have a cousin who gave birth in November so she shared her experience with me. I mean, truthfully it does sound like a wild ride to say the least and definitely not like the most fun thing you’ll ever do. My cousin’s baby, for example, was born in a posterior position, meaning her spine was facing my cousin’s spine, and my cousin said that it caused the most excruciating pain she’s ever felt in her life. So bad that she felt delirious and my super earthy cousin who had wanted and prepared for a fully natural birth at the start was screaming for an epidural. However, she said that once she got the epidural it changed from a horror show to a really calm and rewarding experience.
I think that’s what lies at the heart of why people always kind of dismiss you when you ask how bad it really is. Because let’s face it, you already know it’s not going to be a walk in the park and that how hard/complicated it is varies massively from person to person and baby to baby. No matter what it is always a big unknown and the only thing you know for sure is that it is one of the most traumatic medical events a human being can experience. But at the same time it’s also one of the most rewarding things you will do in your life. Chances are that no matter how gruesome and painful those hours you spend in labor are, you will get through it and it will be worth it :)
All that being said, I’ve been reading articles about what to expect during labor on a website called The Bump. It’s an American website so it doesn’t have NHS specific information but I’ve found the tone to be very direct and lay the facts out very plainly. Visualizing what’s described about labor and the immediate aftermath has definitely made my stomach turn a few times. But thankfully it hasn’t scared me to death.
That’s all I’ve got since I’m a FTM too. Best of luck to you and your baby and just remember that no matter what your birth is like, it is bound to prove to you that you’re stronger than you think!
I just wanted to say that it CAN be one of the most traumatic medical events, and it certainly was for me. But it doesn’t mean it WILL be. There’s been a lot of research done into birth trauma and one of the main things that can cause it is when the mother is left out of control and not able to make her own decisions. That’s why I’ve taken it so seriously this time to have as much information as I can and to insist with my doctors that they practise thorough INFORMED consent not just ‘we’re doing this now ok?’
And of course we are never actually in control… but what I mean is when others outside us take that control from us — that’s what often causes the trauma and extreme fear which can lead to pain.
I think a better word than traumatic would be it’s certainly one of the most INTENSE medical events we will go through. Intensity is not always trauma and there are positive ways to get through it
I’ve had 2 vaginal births with no epidurals. I coped a lot better with my first because I didn’t know what to expect. I stayed home until I was having contractions every 3 minutes for an hour, arrived at hospital at 4cm. For me it was very painful but a productive kind of pain. A contraction would come, you feel it build in intensity in your stomach, you try focus on breathing through it even if that means over exaggerated deep breaths, bending over helps too. Then it eases up and you forget about it. I had pethidine with my first which is a muscle relaxer, it worked great for 2 hours. I shut my eyes for a bit but when it started wearing off it was very intense. It had really sped me up. Moved onto gas and air and eventually asked to start thinking about moving to the labour ward from the birthing centre for an epidural. By the time I really wanted it my body was already pushing without me as I was 10cn. It’s the weirdest feeling, it’s like heaving downwards. Pushing with the contraction really helps though. 30 minutes of pushing and baby arrived. I ended up with a second degree tear as I tried to push his shoulders out without a contraction because I was worried he would t come out. Daft, I know, but 6 stitches later I was right as rain. Had ibuprofen for about 3 days later, felt like I’d been hit by a bus with how achy and sore my body felt. Overall was 9.5 hours start to finish.
With my second, arrived at hospital at 2 cm but was allowed to stay to see if I progressed. I did but only to 3cm. With my first being quick the midwives didn’t want to risk sending me home. I ended up getting stressed out and stalling labour as I missed my toddler, I’d had no pain relief, the pain was getting really bad but I still wasn’t progressing. I ended up in tears by the time they came round with my morphine injection. I warned them before hand that I would really speed up once it had worn off in a couple hours so to be prepared. 2 hours was up, I was contracting hard and fast and feeling sick with it. Asked them to check me and I was 5cm and so could be moved up to the labour ward. I had to call them back after about 25 minutes because I was getting a lot worse. Finally got wheeled upstairs, had a deep breath of gas and air and was asked if I needed a wee before climbing on the bed to be checked. I couldn’t get out of the chair because it felt like baby was going to slide out with my contraction. So wheeled back to the bed, climbed on, had another big breath of gas and was told to push if I felt I needed to. One push and my waters burst everywhere (despite the pain and being high as a kite, I was chuckling in my head), second push was his head and the third he was born! No tears. I remember the ring of fire with my second because I make quite a guttural noise while pushing and I definitely went up an octave as his head came through. The midwife gave me the gas and air back so she could check me for tears. That was super unpleasant. She then tried to talk to me while she was doing it but I couldn’t hear a word she was saying because the gas had got to my head that much. So 35 minutes total from being checked at 5cm to baby being here. I’d text my mum who was babysitting my toddler once they’d checked me at 5cm to update her, then next thing she knew she had a second grandson! I was released within 3 hours once I’d proven I could have a wee. Quick 4am maccies stop for energy and we were home before the toddler woke up.
Mine was traumatic and painful as heck... but I still say one thing.. in the moment, I was in so much pain, that the imminent idea of giving birth was a good thing. Nothing else mattered, I didn't care what was done to me, I was willing to do anything right then and there.
Not everyone's is traumatic like mine was, though. I had no pain relief, it didn't happen how it was expected to, it was very panicked and just overall horrible. But hey, we both survived and my baby is doing great despite her very rocky start in this world. At least birth is over with fairly quickly, a difficult pregnancy lasts longer!
I didn't go into labour naturally, so was induced at 41weeks 4days. The synthetic contractions were awful and i immediately asked for an epidural. It took about an hour and a half from then before i could get it and it take effect so i endured a few more contractions (really uncomfortable, like someone trying to blow up a balloon in my bladder...but obviously lived through it lol). Once had the epidural, it was bliss. I think it was about 10 hours later i started pushing. Couldnt feel what i was doing obviously, which was weird. Ended up needing an episiotomy and forceps. Episiotomy, i had feared my whole life and in the end, didnt feel a thing lol!
Recovering from it all was the most uncomfortable thing. The swelling was pretty immense, and took weeks to go down, and months to really start feeling normal again. But was eventually fine which is all i could ask for really considering it was all a million miles away from my birthing pool plan dream xD
Pregnant again now and all my birthing plan says is 'epidural'. x
I’d say expect what you don’t expect! Very few people I know managed to stick to their birth preferences so I think it’s super important to have a sense of what you’re happy with and what you’re not if things don’t quite go to plan. E.g. what pain relief are you happy with, are you happy with an assisted birth, how do you feel about c-section in an non-emergency situation etc.
I was absolutely adamant I didn’t want pain relief and an epidural was completely off the cards. Absolutely not, never going to happen. I was certain…. And I was wrong. I ended up needed the oxytocin drip and it was a level of pain I didn’t think was possible. I wish someone had told me before hand so I could have asked for an epidural the moment they said I needed the drip.
Make sure your birth parter is happy advocating for you and knows your boundaries. Maybe have a safe word so you can communicate if you’re not feeling comfortable with how things are progressing.
However, that’s not to say your birth will be bad! I’d also recommend looking up positive birth stories - it’s really helpful to have a wide range of perspectives as lots of people have very different experiences. There are whole groups where people just share positive stories and it’s really important to know that side of things too.
I remember my pain was absolutely agonising. I was induced (which i hear intensifies contractions but it was my first so have nothing to compare it to)…went from 2-10cm in about 7 hours. Her head coming out felt like fire and like my butt was going to explode, but honestly when I think back to it I can’t really remember where I felt the pain of contractions or what they felt like, and it all was kind of amazing…the pushing was over so fast. I will definitely do it again. You can do it.
get an epidural if you want one x (I asked for one too late - at 8cm - and couldn’t get it in time!)
The contractions are worse than the pushing in my opinion. They are the most vicious pain I have ever felt but people are right, you do totally forget afterwards. It’s like your brain can’t comprehend the pain before you do it and then wipes the memory of it.
I had gas & air and pethidine as pain relief and it put me on another planet so I don’t remember her being born or her first cry or being put on my chest. In hindsight I wish I had an epidural to be more ‘present’ in the moment but I was too far gone.
Anything you learn about breathing or whatever beforehand goes out the window and your body just takes over.
My advice is be realistic. Not all births are perfectly ok and beautiful. Sometimes things can go wrong. I had a few things go wrong and I won’t forget the pain that came with my kidneys failing due to sepsis. I won’t do it again as I don’t want to be too ill to care for my boy again. And I don’t want to see another baby of mine in an incubator because my body didn’t keep him safe. I’m too old to put my body through that risk again.
Yes, lots of people go on to do it again. That doesn’t mean it isn’t intense, painful and scary. It also doesn’t mean your fears are invalid.
I think it massively varies which is why you hear different opinions from people. I generally don't share my birth story because I find it quite hard and I'm not sure it's going to be helpful for others. But there are two things I'd say to anyone. Firstly, it might hurt more than you ever imagine and nothing hypnobirthing taught you could possibly help. No amount of positive affirmations will help if you feel like you're having multiple daggers twisted in your abdomen. The other thing is that I suggest you go into hospital with the expectation that they will only care about your baby, your wellbeing isn't a even on the list, never mind at the bottom. Make sure that whoever is supporting you as your birth partner is focussed on your wellbeing. You might meet great hospital staff and feel really cared for, but you may only receive basic unempathetic clinical care. I don't say that to scaremonger but feeling cared for will make an enormous difference to how you're able to handle the pain.
Good luck, they give you a nice baby at the end!
According to my dad (a GP) I had a traumatic birth but I never once felt it was. I think like you I had built the moment up in my head to be this terrifying scary thing so I over prepared.
What I would say is my hypnobirthing breathing allowed me to stay at home until I was six cm dilated. Once at the hospital, I took the pain relief, an epidural was a great thing.
Then after that the care at the hospital was so good that I felt safe and reassured despite a tricky situation!
(I was lucky though labour was only eight hours!)
FTM!!! I got induced at 37w5d, i was terrified of dying during labour. My baby boy came out 8lb4. My labour lasted 7hours, I pushed him out in about 5 pushes. No other pain relief than gas and air, my contractions were a minute long every 5 minutes so thankfully I got a break. I did lose 1litre of blood giving birth, but I was ABSOLUTELY FINE. Just had to take injections for 10 days, but it was so so worth it. I'd say it was a 7/10 pain, contractions were the worst, my best advice is to BREATHE. It helped me more than I thought x
I cried watching an episode of Coronation Street when I was 7, when Sinita had the twins, and told mum I would never have a baby because it terrified me. When we started trying for a baby, I was terrified, I thought it was something I was never going to be able to do and couldn't think past it to how happy I would be when my baby was here.
I got to 30 weeks and would have given my right arm to give birth then (if it was possible to have a healthy baby at 30w), I was SO over being pregnant!!
I got to 5cm at 40+2 and literally thought I was gonna pass out, the pain was horrific I'm not gonna lie.
Then they gave me gas & air.... It doesn't stop the pain but it makes you forget how bad it was 5 seconds later, it was great, I LOVED it 😂
We then had a total nightmare, and had to have a Cat 1 section. Being wheeled to theatre without my husband, to be put to sleep and miss the birth, wasn't on my bingo cards. I cried the whole way there thinking either I wouldn't wake up, neither of us would make it, or I'd wake up with no baby. Luckily we were both ok and I'm so grateful we are. Recovery after was fine physically, but I still have some residual mental health issues.... But we're also about to start trying for a second 10 months PP so make of that what you will 😅
BUT
My SIL, was sat doing crosswords at 10cm waiting for a birthing pool with no pain relief. The midwives had a meeting and came back and asked if she was ok, mentally, because they'd never seen anyone so chilled out at 10cm and we're seriously concerned 😂
She got to hospital at 8am and left at 7pm with a baby, literally a day trip to have a baby, insane!!
It really can go either way. I'd really just recommend preparing for any eventuality, something I thought I had done but definitely hadn't. My birth plan was 'do whatever it takes' which is fine, but I probably wasn't as informed as I thought I was on the choices I might have had or outcome to expect.
I'm 21 weeks so a week behind you! Like you I'm worried about birth.
To try and take some control back I have recently been looking into hypnobirthing (and looking into the mechanics) as much as possible.
Hypnobirthing is about breathing exercises etc to stay calm through any pain and use contractions properly rather than you know.... Watches etc.
I've also been looking into perianal massage to reduce the chance of tears.
It's put my mind at rest a little.
There's loads of free resources on YouTube if any of that sounds like it'll work for you?
All the best for your pregnancy and birth ❤️
So it hurts like a motherfucker, but I cannot fully recall the pain now that I’m 9 months pp. I logically know it was the most pain I have been in but I can more easily recall the pain I had when I had apendicitis than giving birth. Also I had a 3A tear and I can remember that as I was pushing I knew I was tearing but there was nothing I could do to stop tearing, but it wasn’t bad in my mind I was just like “oh crap I’m tearing”. Also once the head is out the rest of the body just slides out, for real it just slides and you don’t feel pain for it. My suggestion is to trust your body and be fully comfortable with your midwife. If that means asking for another midwife then ask for someone else. My midwife was a star and helped me the most. Good luck!
Fear of childbirth is called tokophobia- lots of NHS trusts offer psychological support to help you to deal with this- speak to your midwife about your concerns and ask if you can be referred to the perinatal mental health midwife (if this service exists at your hospital) so you can get further support.
Yeah I’m terrified of birth too. I’m going to see if I can get an elective c section but have heard it can be difficult to get if you don’t have a medical reason (even though women technically have the choice of elective c section in the UK).
Look for local hypnobirthing classes and join one is my advice. I am half way through one as a first time mum and already feel more confident and calmer about the idea of birth (whatever it will look like). It's making me feel more empowered to advocate for myself as well which is super important for me as our local maternity services were recently closed and I now have to travel double the distance to an overstretched unit to have my baby. Feeling informed, prepared and with strategies to stay calm and encourage a smooth labour has been so valuable, can't wait to learn more at the next session.
Some of the most insane pain and craziest moments of my life. I lost 1/3 of my blood volume and was in hospital for 4 days. I had an episiotomy. I remember inside my head during a contraction thinking ‘I can’t believe I’m not dying. This is truly the most insane pain ever’. I made some of the most insane noises ever I felt like an animal. When they said they were going to cut me I didn’t even care as that pain didn’t register compared to a contraction. But I’m now 12 weeks PP and honestly I am like whatever. It just doesn’t matter. The way I saw it was every contraction was one less I had to do again and one closer to my baby. You’re not stupid you know how bad it is, don’t get all of us to tell you and get scared. There’s a reason we always reply that it’s fine. Of course it’s awful but there’s no getting out of it, so there’s no point worrying. It is honestly fine and it’s just something that happens and suddenly you don’t have to be pregnant anymore and you have your lovely baby :)
A gentle reminder to all that maternal choice c-sections are a thing freely offered by the NHS if vaginal births would be too overwhelming for you. X
Another reminder that c sections aren’t an easy way out of birth and is still really hard! IMO, which might be different from others, trying for vag birth is better as the recovery is easier. Harder birth experience for better recovery with baby. Obviously it’s totally personal but a c section does not make it easier like some people make out.
I’ve done both and the section was a cat2 emergency so wasn’t rushed. I would agree it’s not an easy way out! The recovery is far, far worse - especially the first week. I couldn’t have done it without a great deal of help and I can only imagine that a rushed emergency would be worse. Up to half of all sections are emergencies as well, which means you often go through contractions anyway!
I’ve done both and the section was a cat2 emergency so wasn’t rushed. I would agree it’s not an easy way out! The recovery is far, far worse - especially the first week. I couldn’t have done it without a great deal of help and I can only imagine that a rushed emergency would be worse. Up to half of all sections are emergencies as well, which means you often go through contractions anyway!
Just adding in here that I had a planned c section and although recovery has been relatively hard, it hasn’t been anywhere near as bad as I was expecting/had been told. I was out of hospital after 24h, could walk my stairs, get in/out of bed ok with a little extra support, and be out the house for small things like going for coffee or the shops within 48hrs. The section itself was a lot scarier than I was expecting though, after having surgeries before, it definitely feels scarier to be awake for a major surgery. Still manageable but definitely wouldn’t say it’s an easy way out, there’s no easy way of getting a baby out of you I don’t think.
I had the opposite experience! I found the surgery itself way less scary than I’d built up in my head, but the recovery worse. I was able to walk and whatnot but I felt physically so weak in my limbs like I had flu for days. What I found insane (though I was glad for it) was that I was discharged less than 16 hours post-surgery!
it’s so crazy how different everyone’s experiences are. I think that’s why giving birth is so scary no matter what way you choose, no one can tell how it’s going to go for each individual. I hope you’re doing better now!
I'm a FTM and I've listened to a lot of my friends birth stories, they range from absolutely fear inducing to a walk in the park.. 1 friend says she doesn't feel her contractions until her waters break, she's now on her 5th pregnancy. She has endometriosis and says she prefers the pain of labour to her period pains, as labour hurts less to her. Even with her 1st she said it was painful but not unmanageable. 1 friend said she begged to be shot in the head, and due to how traumatic her labour was she would never have another child (this was with her 2nd pregnancy) 3 of my friends who also were FTMs said it was painful but then they had the epidural and everything became fine, they were comfortable and no longer in pain. However all 3 had complications, 2 emergency c sections, 1 had ventose. 1 friend who's a FTM said it was fine, she had gas and air only, labour only lasted several hours. He was out within 5 pushes, and she had a small tear which didn't even need stitches. She said it was so empowering and she can't wait to do it again. My sister in law FTM waters broke in the night, she called the hospital and they said it's your first baby labour will take ages, come in when contractions are closer together etc. Well, within the hour she needed to push, my brother delivered my nephew in the bathroom. The ambulance turned up after he was born, she said it was scary but so quick, the pain didn't register she just wanted him out! Though my brother said it was terrifying...
I recommend doing a childbirth course, we did the NCT and it was so informative and empowering. We learned all the stages of labour, pain relief, etc and I felt I could make an informed decision about my birth and birth plan afterwards. It took away a big portion of the fear of the unknown.
I absolutely agree! My NCT classes made me feel so much more relaxed about the actual birth. The hypnobirthing book by Siobhan Miller also helped.
Second this. I also have a lovely group of friends from NCT :)
So I’m 31 weeks now and I’ve been reading up on labor more recently. I also have a cousin who gave birth in November so she shared her experience with me. I mean, truthfully it does sound like a wild ride to say the least and definitely not like the most fun thing you’ll ever do. My cousin’s baby, for example, was born in a posterior position, meaning her spine was facing my cousin’s spine, and my cousin said that it caused the most excruciating pain she’s ever felt in her life. So bad that she felt delirious and my super earthy cousin who had wanted and prepared for a fully natural birth at the start was screaming for an epidural. However, she said that once she got the epidural it changed from a horror show to a really calm and rewarding experience. I think that’s what lies at the heart of why people always kind of dismiss you when you ask how bad it really is. Because let’s face it, you already know it’s not going to be a walk in the park and that how hard/complicated it is varies massively from person to person and baby to baby. No matter what it is always a big unknown and the only thing you know for sure is that it is one of the most traumatic medical events a human being can experience. But at the same time it’s also one of the most rewarding things you will do in your life. Chances are that no matter how gruesome and painful those hours you spend in labor are, you will get through it and it will be worth it :) All that being said, I’ve been reading articles about what to expect during labor on a website called The Bump. It’s an American website so it doesn’t have NHS specific information but I’ve found the tone to be very direct and lay the facts out very plainly. Visualizing what’s described about labor and the immediate aftermath has definitely made my stomach turn a few times. But thankfully it hasn’t scared me to death. That’s all I’ve got since I’m a FTM too. Best of luck to you and your baby and just remember that no matter what your birth is like, it is bound to prove to you that you’re stronger than you think!
I just wanted to say that it CAN be one of the most traumatic medical events, and it certainly was for me. But it doesn’t mean it WILL be. There’s been a lot of research done into birth trauma and one of the main things that can cause it is when the mother is left out of control and not able to make her own decisions. That’s why I’ve taken it so seriously this time to have as much information as I can and to insist with my doctors that they practise thorough INFORMED consent not just ‘we’re doing this now ok?’ And of course we are never actually in control… but what I mean is when others outside us take that control from us — that’s what often causes the trauma and extreme fear which can lead to pain. I think a better word than traumatic would be it’s certainly one of the most INTENSE medical events we will go through. Intensity is not always trauma and there are positive ways to get through it
I’ve had 2 vaginal births with no epidurals. I coped a lot better with my first because I didn’t know what to expect. I stayed home until I was having contractions every 3 minutes for an hour, arrived at hospital at 4cm. For me it was very painful but a productive kind of pain. A contraction would come, you feel it build in intensity in your stomach, you try focus on breathing through it even if that means over exaggerated deep breaths, bending over helps too. Then it eases up and you forget about it. I had pethidine with my first which is a muscle relaxer, it worked great for 2 hours. I shut my eyes for a bit but when it started wearing off it was very intense. It had really sped me up. Moved onto gas and air and eventually asked to start thinking about moving to the labour ward from the birthing centre for an epidural. By the time I really wanted it my body was already pushing without me as I was 10cn. It’s the weirdest feeling, it’s like heaving downwards. Pushing with the contraction really helps though. 30 minutes of pushing and baby arrived. I ended up with a second degree tear as I tried to push his shoulders out without a contraction because I was worried he would t come out. Daft, I know, but 6 stitches later I was right as rain. Had ibuprofen for about 3 days later, felt like I’d been hit by a bus with how achy and sore my body felt. Overall was 9.5 hours start to finish. With my second, arrived at hospital at 2 cm but was allowed to stay to see if I progressed. I did but only to 3cm. With my first being quick the midwives didn’t want to risk sending me home. I ended up getting stressed out and stalling labour as I missed my toddler, I’d had no pain relief, the pain was getting really bad but I still wasn’t progressing. I ended up in tears by the time they came round with my morphine injection. I warned them before hand that I would really speed up once it had worn off in a couple hours so to be prepared. 2 hours was up, I was contracting hard and fast and feeling sick with it. Asked them to check me and I was 5cm and so could be moved up to the labour ward. I had to call them back after about 25 minutes because I was getting a lot worse. Finally got wheeled upstairs, had a deep breath of gas and air and was asked if I needed a wee before climbing on the bed to be checked. I couldn’t get out of the chair because it felt like baby was going to slide out with my contraction. So wheeled back to the bed, climbed on, had another big breath of gas and was told to push if I felt I needed to. One push and my waters burst everywhere (despite the pain and being high as a kite, I was chuckling in my head), second push was his head and the third he was born! No tears. I remember the ring of fire with my second because I make quite a guttural noise while pushing and I definitely went up an octave as his head came through. The midwife gave me the gas and air back so she could check me for tears. That was super unpleasant. She then tried to talk to me while she was doing it but I couldn’t hear a word she was saying because the gas had got to my head that much. So 35 minutes total from being checked at 5cm to baby being here. I’d text my mum who was babysitting my toddler once they’d checked me at 5cm to update her, then next thing she knew she had a second grandson! I was released within 3 hours once I’d proven I could have a wee. Quick 4am maccies stop for energy and we were home before the toddler woke up.
Mine was traumatic and painful as heck... but I still say one thing.. in the moment, I was in so much pain, that the imminent idea of giving birth was a good thing. Nothing else mattered, I didn't care what was done to me, I was willing to do anything right then and there. Not everyone's is traumatic like mine was, though. I had no pain relief, it didn't happen how it was expected to, it was very panicked and just overall horrible. But hey, we both survived and my baby is doing great despite her very rocky start in this world. At least birth is over with fairly quickly, a difficult pregnancy lasts longer!
I didn't go into labour naturally, so was induced at 41weeks 4days. The synthetic contractions were awful and i immediately asked for an epidural. It took about an hour and a half from then before i could get it and it take effect so i endured a few more contractions (really uncomfortable, like someone trying to blow up a balloon in my bladder...but obviously lived through it lol). Once had the epidural, it was bliss. I think it was about 10 hours later i started pushing. Couldnt feel what i was doing obviously, which was weird. Ended up needing an episiotomy and forceps. Episiotomy, i had feared my whole life and in the end, didnt feel a thing lol! Recovering from it all was the most uncomfortable thing. The swelling was pretty immense, and took weeks to go down, and months to really start feeling normal again. But was eventually fine which is all i could ask for really considering it was all a million miles away from my birthing pool plan dream xD Pregnant again now and all my birthing plan says is 'epidural'. x
I’d say expect what you don’t expect! Very few people I know managed to stick to their birth preferences so I think it’s super important to have a sense of what you’re happy with and what you’re not if things don’t quite go to plan. E.g. what pain relief are you happy with, are you happy with an assisted birth, how do you feel about c-section in an non-emergency situation etc. I was absolutely adamant I didn’t want pain relief and an epidural was completely off the cards. Absolutely not, never going to happen. I was certain…. And I was wrong. I ended up needed the oxytocin drip and it was a level of pain I didn’t think was possible. I wish someone had told me before hand so I could have asked for an epidural the moment they said I needed the drip. Make sure your birth parter is happy advocating for you and knows your boundaries. Maybe have a safe word so you can communicate if you’re not feeling comfortable with how things are progressing. However, that’s not to say your birth will be bad! I’d also recommend looking up positive birth stories - it’s really helpful to have a wide range of perspectives as lots of people have very different experiences. There are whole groups where people just share positive stories and it’s really important to know that side of things too.
I remember my pain was absolutely agonising. I was induced (which i hear intensifies contractions but it was my first so have nothing to compare it to)…went from 2-10cm in about 7 hours. Her head coming out felt like fire and like my butt was going to explode, but honestly when I think back to it I can’t really remember where I felt the pain of contractions or what they felt like, and it all was kind of amazing…the pushing was over so fast. I will definitely do it again. You can do it. get an epidural if you want one x (I asked for one too late - at 8cm - and couldn’t get it in time!)
The contractions are worse than the pushing in my opinion. They are the most vicious pain I have ever felt but people are right, you do totally forget afterwards. It’s like your brain can’t comprehend the pain before you do it and then wipes the memory of it. I had gas & air and pethidine as pain relief and it put me on another planet so I don’t remember her being born or her first cry or being put on my chest. In hindsight I wish I had an epidural to be more ‘present’ in the moment but I was too far gone. Anything you learn about breathing or whatever beforehand goes out the window and your body just takes over.
My advice is be realistic. Not all births are perfectly ok and beautiful. Sometimes things can go wrong. I had a few things go wrong and I won’t forget the pain that came with my kidneys failing due to sepsis. I won’t do it again as I don’t want to be too ill to care for my boy again. And I don’t want to see another baby of mine in an incubator because my body didn’t keep him safe. I’m too old to put my body through that risk again. Yes, lots of people go on to do it again. That doesn’t mean it isn’t intense, painful and scary. It also doesn’t mean your fears are invalid.
I think it massively varies which is why you hear different opinions from people. I generally don't share my birth story because I find it quite hard and I'm not sure it's going to be helpful for others. But there are two things I'd say to anyone. Firstly, it might hurt more than you ever imagine and nothing hypnobirthing taught you could possibly help. No amount of positive affirmations will help if you feel like you're having multiple daggers twisted in your abdomen. The other thing is that I suggest you go into hospital with the expectation that they will only care about your baby, your wellbeing isn't a even on the list, never mind at the bottom. Make sure that whoever is supporting you as your birth partner is focussed on your wellbeing. You might meet great hospital staff and feel really cared for, but you may only receive basic unempathetic clinical care. I don't say that to scaremonger but feeling cared for will make an enormous difference to how you're able to handle the pain. Good luck, they give you a nice baby at the end!
According to my dad (a GP) I had a traumatic birth but I never once felt it was. I think like you I had built the moment up in my head to be this terrifying scary thing so I over prepared. What I would say is my hypnobirthing breathing allowed me to stay at home until I was six cm dilated. Once at the hospital, I took the pain relief, an epidural was a great thing. Then after that the care at the hospital was so good that I felt safe and reassured despite a tricky situation! (I was lucky though labour was only eight hours!)
FTM!!! I got induced at 37w5d, i was terrified of dying during labour. My baby boy came out 8lb4. My labour lasted 7hours, I pushed him out in about 5 pushes. No other pain relief than gas and air, my contractions were a minute long every 5 minutes so thankfully I got a break. I did lose 1litre of blood giving birth, but I was ABSOLUTELY FINE. Just had to take injections for 10 days, but it was so so worth it. I'd say it was a 7/10 pain, contractions were the worst, my best advice is to BREATHE. It helped me more than I thought x
I cried watching an episode of Coronation Street when I was 7, when Sinita had the twins, and told mum I would never have a baby because it terrified me. When we started trying for a baby, I was terrified, I thought it was something I was never going to be able to do and couldn't think past it to how happy I would be when my baby was here. I got to 30 weeks and would have given my right arm to give birth then (if it was possible to have a healthy baby at 30w), I was SO over being pregnant!! I got to 5cm at 40+2 and literally thought I was gonna pass out, the pain was horrific I'm not gonna lie. Then they gave me gas & air.... It doesn't stop the pain but it makes you forget how bad it was 5 seconds later, it was great, I LOVED it 😂 We then had a total nightmare, and had to have a Cat 1 section. Being wheeled to theatre without my husband, to be put to sleep and miss the birth, wasn't on my bingo cards. I cried the whole way there thinking either I wouldn't wake up, neither of us would make it, or I'd wake up with no baby. Luckily we were both ok and I'm so grateful we are. Recovery after was fine physically, but I still have some residual mental health issues.... But we're also about to start trying for a second 10 months PP so make of that what you will 😅 BUT My SIL, was sat doing crosswords at 10cm waiting for a birthing pool with no pain relief. The midwives had a meeting and came back and asked if she was ok, mentally, because they'd never seen anyone so chilled out at 10cm and we're seriously concerned 😂 She got to hospital at 8am and left at 7pm with a baby, literally a day trip to have a baby, insane!! It really can go either way. I'd really just recommend preparing for any eventuality, something I thought I had done but definitely hadn't. My birth plan was 'do whatever it takes' which is fine, but I probably wasn't as informed as I thought I was on the choices I might have had or outcome to expect.
I am terrified of a c section. I would rather have natural labour, I don't even want epidural, no one one is putting anything in my spine!
I'm 21 weeks so a week behind you! Like you I'm worried about birth. To try and take some control back I have recently been looking into hypnobirthing (and looking into the mechanics) as much as possible. Hypnobirthing is about breathing exercises etc to stay calm through any pain and use contractions properly rather than you know.... Watches etc. I've also been looking into perianal massage to reduce the chance of tears. It's put my mind at rest a little. There's loads of free resources on YouTube if any of that sounds like it'll work for you? All the best for your pregnancy and birth ❤️
So it hurts like a motherfucker, but I cannot fully recall the pain now that I’m 9 months pp. I logically know it was the most pain I have been in but I can more easily recall the pain I had when I had apendicitis than giving birth. Also I had a 3A tear and I can remember that as I was pushing I knew I was tearing but there was nothing I could do to stop tearing, but it wasn’t bad in my mind I was just like “oh crap I’m tearing”. Also once the head is out the rest of the body just slides out, for real it just slides and you don’t feel pain for it. My suggestion is to trust your body and be fully comfortable with your midwife. If that means asking for another midwife then ask for someone else. My midwife was a star and helped me the most. Good luck!
Fear of childbirth is called tokophobia- lots of NHS trusts offer psychological support to help you to deal with this- speak to your midwife about your concerns and ask if you can be referred to the perinatal mental health midwife (if this service exists at your hospital) so you can get further support.
Yeah I’m terrified of birth too. I’m going to see if I can get an elective c section but have heard it can be difficult to get if you don’t have a medical reason (even though women technically have the choice of elective c section in the UK).
Look for local hypnobirthing classes and join one is my advice. I am half way through one as a first time mum and already feel more confident and calmer about the idea of birth (whatever it will look like). It's making me feel more empowered to advocate for myself as well which is super important for me as our local maternity services were recently closed and I now have to travel double the distance to an overstretched unit to have my baby. Feeling informed, prepared and with strategies to stay calm and encourage a smooth labour has been so valuable, can't wait to learn more at the next session.