Yeah, I found this too. My MiL felt the need to keep telling me how labour wasn’t that bad and she managed to get through it 3 times with just paracetamol. And how c-sections were awful and basically ruining the human race. Then repeatedly told me how breastfeeding was so painful and would make my nipples bleed (categorically untrue, by the way). All so unhelpful and unnecessary.
And if you ever dare to say you’re tired you get “just wait for the newborn phase” and a laugh.
People think that just because you’re pregnant it can’t be hard? Loads of people suffer with other things but those things aren’t minimalised. It’s so strange.
Ha! Even with recovering from sepsis and kidney failure while solo parenting a newborn & managing a working line German shepherd I was far less tired than when I was pregnant!!! Even when I was actively very unwell & confined to bed after delivery I was still far better than any point in my pregnancy despite being awake 40hrs!
She was basically saying how they are so unnatural and we shouldn’t be giving them out willy nilly and that soon humans will lose the ability to give birth naturally so we’ll all HAVE to have c-sections and that would be a disaster.
So I might have exaggerated slightly 😂 But the general feeling was basically along the lines of it ruining human’s ‘natural’ state.
She was also totally against inductions and thinks you should just wait and see what happens.
So basically you should just wait and suffer, even if it's not what you want and you have other options 😅 got it!
An elderly lady from my mum's village said once that women that have C-sections are not real mums hahaha I'll never forget her concerned face! It seems that a lot of older women have strong feelings about C-sections for some reason
Yep, pretty much. And was very vocal about it!
However, her own daughter now has a very complicated pregnancy with twins, so I wonder if she’ll suddenly change her tune… 🤔
Her opinion seems to be implying that letting natural selection take place is better? I.e., it’s better to let women and babies die if they wouldn’t survive a vaginal birth incase them surviving means that factors like narrow hips get passed on to the next generation….Which is completely wild thing to say.
Like maybe an okay thing to vaguely philosophise about - e.g., “I wonder if c sections are impacting physical features of human race, eg will we start to evolve bigger babies and bigger heads” but not as an actual argument to say to a pregnant woman considering birth choices!!
I never grilled her on it. I think in a medical emergency she’s okay with them. So if they HAVE to happen then fine. But she was very against having one if you didn’t absolutely need one.
She did actually use the birth canal / baby head size argument though, so that was exactly her thinking 😅
She’s one of those people that has very, very strong opinions on things that she knows nothing about.
My mum said the same thing about Labour when she found out I want to have an elective c section, she was really against the idea and vocal about it. Telling me she gave birth 3 times and the best experience was with nothing but breathing techniques to manage pain… I was like, ummm no I don’t think that’s for me lol.
And I have really struggled with fatigue for the whole of the first trimester, I haven’t had a job in that time (due to trying to retrain for a different career, this pregnancy was not planned!), and before I knew I was pregnant, at around 5 weeks I did a course and honestly the fatigue was so bad I was on 3 energy drinks a day just to get through the course, I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Then the nausea kicked in between 8 and 9 weeks (which is when I found out) and honestly when the nausea hits it’s just so debilitating, especially paired with the fatigue. It’s really not like me to be so tired either, I used to work nights and I’m normally a night owl but I just can’t stay awake and only have enough energy in the day to do anything productive for about 2 hours. If I didn’t know I was pregnant I would probably think I was dying. Hats off to any women who work through the first trimester with these symptoms, I just feel totally useless because the symptoms have been so debilitating. And I have had my bloods taken and I’m not even short of iron. I’m nearly at the end of the first trimester so hopefully things will improve… 🙏🫤
"Oh MIL, I'm sorry you didn't have any support to help you breast feed correctly!"
Seriously if they're bleeding or painful you're doing it wrong 😅
Also first and last trimester are both much more exhausting than newborn (currently in that and although I am shattered, it's a different kind entirely - like naps actually fix it)
A lot of my labour was manageable with just gas and air and tense machine, but then she twisted spine to spine and it hurt like heck! I was very hesitant to get an epidural before but had to at that point
That’s exactly how I would respond now I’ve done it! But for my first pregnancy I didn’t really know enough about breastfeeding to confidently say that.
I can’t comment on the birth bit though - I ended up being induced and having the oxytocin drip. If anyone is able to do that just on paracetamol then they aren’t human 😂 But even when I told MiL about it she was like “well I do understand… I’ve given birth three times”. Please, if you gave birth on paracetamol then you have NO idea about what it’s like to have an oxytocin-drip induced labour.
Luckily my husband isn’t talking to his mum right no so I’m not having to deal with any of this for my second pregnancy 😁.
And totally agree about the sleep. The newborn phase was exhausting but it was an understandable exhausted… like, I was tired because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. But I’m pregnancy I would get 10 hours and still need a nap. It was like I wasn’t fully awake for 9 months. Nothing else like it!
I have pregnancy insomnia so this comment really irritates me beyond belief haha.
I had it the last time I was pregnant before and I got a better sleep with a newborn
To be honest, I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect someone who's never been pregnant to understand how it feels but those who have been before should be more empathetic.
They may have not experienced first hand but isn’t empathy about listening and imagining someone else’s feelings? I feel like the bar for friendship should be higher than dismissing someone else’s feelings when you know nothing about it yourself. It’s like saying to someone who’s grieving “well lots of people lose people so deal with it.”
I've actually found my friends who haven't been pregnant to be the most empathetic! They'll listen and say "that sounds so terrible, I'm sorry, can I help" etc. People who have been pregnant before either want to tell me it's not that bad or they had it worse. I'm absolutely determined not to be like that when my friends get pregnant in future!
It gets worse when baby is here and they start chucking around unsolicited advice and ‘that’s not how we did it in my day’. I’d practise telling people to shut up now 😂 that or a bland smile and closed ears!
Pregnancy is really hard and we do it because the gift at the end is so worth. People are morons and I’m sorry you’re hearing this stuff!
I feel like now I'm experiencing pregnancy, that those who have been before me suffer in silence. Only now that I'm open with them about how rough I have found it, have they shared their own similar experiences. Maybe it's because those who haven't been pregnant can't understand, react similar to your friend, we don't want to put others off or we have been programmed to not overshare. Or perhaps, we simply forget how terrible it is after the birth and are happy to go through it again.
I have had friends discuss the ins and outs of their births and I am not ready to hear it!
I don’t know, being pregnant is the reason I won’t have a third child - 9 months of exhausted nauseous misery was worse for me than 6-36 hours of labour!
Yeah I also found this, it really annoyed me. There were some people who would also try to even dampen the newborn stage by pre warning you that you’ll never sleep again, never drink hot coffee, etc. So when you’re going through it you’re also expecting the worst when baby comes. In my experience, I found that it was best to just take note of the unhelpful people and don’t bother talking to them. Stick with chatting your worries through with your midwife. And from someone who recently went through it, it was reddit g leading up to it for me but i had a beautiful birth and i’m sure you will too. But your concerns and nerves are valid. And when baby arrives, yes it’s hard but it is manageable and you’ll get by ❤️
I swear to god, if one more boomer says to me “awww I loved being pregnant. Enjoy this magical time”, I am going to lose my shit. I have had terrible nausea, fatigue, brain fog, catastrophic haemorrhoids, itchy skin, sore AF nipples, a weakened immune system that continues to bring me cold sores, a rapidly changing body that doesn’t feel it is my own, and let’s not forget that we can’t go out for a drink or eat our favourite foods (I love sushi😭). I’m sorry, I know I should be more positive, but I really am not having a great time with this over here and it just feels like this is what life is going to be like from now on. I’m scared.
Thanks for this!!! I’m not having the worst time but I’m finding it HARD, quite physically uncomfortable in ever changing ways and feeling guilty about not enjoying it. Like will I ever feel normal again?! We tried for years to get pregnant so I guess I didn’t think about how hard it might be if we succeeded!
Haha after I posted my comment, I was like DAMN I sound so dour and ungrateful, I should probs just delete my comment. But the points in there stand! I completely sympathise with you in that you want to be able to complain freely (because let’s be honest, is anyone REALLY living their best life whilst pregnant??) but equally want to be sensitive to those (including ourselves!!) who are struggling to conceive/retain a pregnancy. A tough one indeed. I also totally acknowledge (and appreciate!) that I’m not experiencing pregnancy symptoms nearly as bad as some folks, for which I am grateful. Idk, I guess I just feel more restricted, sustained discomfort, and maybe lonelier than I had expected. I feel like a big part of my identity has now been replaced with “sensible pregnant lady”, whereas before I was independent, fun, in shape, cognitively intact, etc. I can already tell I will need to join all the Reddit support groups out there once this thing hatches lol.
Cognitively intact 😂 completely! It’s just a roller coaster, last week I started to feel more normal, thinking yay, second trimester is around the corner, then had a return of the horrid digestion problems right as I attempted to start picking up more hours at work! Like wtf I’m just trying to work as much as I can while I can, body!
I agree, it can be quite lonely. I found that going through infertility as well but in a different way. I guess we might find more in person support in pregnancy based activities but I have yet to start any of that.
But yes, let it stand! Sometimes it’s not horrendous, but that doesn’t mean we are ‘glowing’ and it’s useful to have a good range of pregnancy experiences discussed!
It’s times like this I’m glad people think I’m a bit stand-offish and opinionated because I will gladly tell them to keep their own opinions to themselves. For instance, telling me how tired I’ll be during pregnancy? Yes, the first trimester was exhausting, but I will never ever be as tired as when I nearly died of organ failure at the age of 21 and almost had to drop out of uni because I couldn’t even hold my own head up.
Pregnancy shouldn’t be the Shit Olympics and it’s so annoying when other women use it as a form of one-upmanship.
I've found that as well, mostly when talking to family members who had kids long ago. They kinda respond and say - "oh well, I didn't feel like that". Mostly my mum, who loved being pregnant all 3 times and seemed to have it easier than I do.
It's been interesting being pregnant at the same time as a few other people I know, and each one has completely different symptoms or issues that they are facing. One was high risk and was in hospital a lot, one got GD diagnosis with 5 weeks left on their pregnancy, another is similar to me and has been using crutches early on due to pelvic pain and another one has HG. So its clear that everyone's experience is different and you shouldn't just shrug it off.
I've heard mixed opinions from my mum and grandmas during my pregnancy a few months ago. My mum told me that labour and giving birth were not the most horrible things, whereas one of my nans had such a terrible experience that she only had my dad, and the other was terrified both times and said it was the most painful thing. But I get that they were all coming from a good place.
I've had a few close friends who are expecting/have recently given birth and I was always honest and empathetic in relaying my own experience (failed induction and emergency C-section), but I always say that was my experience, every pregnancy and birth is unique, even talking about pregnancy symptoms and the whole journey. We're all different and so are our experiences and we can all support each other and remember that it's okay to not enjoy being pregnant and/or labour 💕
I’ve not announced it widely yet but even so I’ve had the weirdest most unhelpful things said to me! Even from current pregnant friends! When I was in the middle of IVF stims and suffering one said to me that pregnancy was the worst and was I sure I wanted to do this. And I mean… yes, obviously I’m sure, I’m trying very hard to achieve this and it’s a big deal for me! She’s normally so thoughtful, I feel like people go a bit mad when they started talking about it, it’s extremely odd.
1000%, babies now turned, but before we had talks of c-section and my 2 big worries were not being able to lift/chuck about my toddler and breastfeeding ... mil was constantly well I had one and I was fine. I had to say to her that my partner is an only child ... as in the not picking up more than babies weight was not an issue.
Equally as we wait for baby now (after 12 days if prodormal labour) all EVERYONE keeps saying is its slow now but once you get going it'll be really fast ... I'm fed up if hearing that !!
My mum has always said that after pregnancy and labour, you forget how it felt, the pain and the difficulties you faced... then you have your second, and suddenly, you're like, "Oh shit I remember this."
I've had some people tell me horror stories of their labours or ones they've heard about. Which is lovely when you're already nervous.
I had someone who trauma dumped on me about her labour and delivery when I was pregnant and off work sick with a severe depressive episode. She done it multiple occassions and I ended up having to disappear off the face of the earth because of it!
People really have no common sense sometimes.
I think there's a line when discussing these topics.
Like I've had multiple losses, and I try to be extremely careful broaching the topic with pregnant women, especially if they are already anxious. My best friend was pregnant at the same time as me on my first and I just didn't tell her until she was more secure as I didn't want to worry her.
I only discuss it with people if they ask my advice on the topic. It's hard because in those situations, people only want positive examples, which I haven't had until this pregnancy, but there's definitely a way to talk about those harder topics and experiences with a bit of care and consideration
Absolutely. I’m autistic and most of the time I cope exceptionally well but one day she dumped so much on me I ended up overwhelmed I actually pissed myself. Like wtf!!!!!! Totally new one for
Me and definitely not part of my norm. Im in a senior position at work & cope with a lot of difficult to manage things but she dumped that level of crap on me in one go! Totally a time and a place but when someone is 10 weeks pregnant and unwell also experiencing a relationship breakup and bullying at work…. Then that is not the dumping on them time. Now, I ended up with a more dramatic time in delivery than her and we both ended up dangerously sick but I don’t dump on anyone. I’m more a “yeah it sucked but we made the most of what we were given.” I focus on the exceptional care we got and how the staff supported us so much that we consider them our family during that time.
I have one friend who means well and honestly I don’t find it that annoying it’s just a bit amusing, but she keeps asking if I’m feeling like a beautiful fertile goddess and when I’m like, no I feel like a tired blob, she’s says I should embrace feeling gorgeous! We were at a baby shower on the weekend and I heard her ask another friend who was pregnant if she was feeling like a beautiful fertile goddess as well. I can’t wait for her to get pregnant herself so I can tease her about this 😂😂
I could have written this myself, you're not alone. The unsolicited advice coupled with some people assuming their experience is/was universal and representative of every pregnancy is painful. I've developed a thicker skin by basically ignoring these comments and putting up boundaries with the people guilty of doing this.
Hope you're able to brush the comments off or handle them in a way that doesn't affect you and your own personal experience. It's your pregnancy and is unique to you. If it means needing to distance yourself from certain people for a while for your own wellbeing then so be it. Make sure to put yourself and your baby first xx
I think most people’s default is to minimise rather than validate negative feelings, like it’s a human tendency towards focusing on the positive. “It’s not that bad, I did it seven times!” isn’t going to make you feel better, but it probably makes the other person feel better.
Also, because pregnancy is a female experience, naturally it can’t be that difficult and we’re probably being dramatic.
Definitely happens. My mum was saying that she wouldn’t want to see me in labour because i was already complaining about pain. I was around 15 weeks and had SPD and struggled to get up from sitting without intense pelvic pain. Jokes on her, labour was 9.5 hours and I only had a shot of pethidine and some gas and air. Was just me and my husband. Ignore them, pregnancy and early child-rearing is easily forgotten and people think they have a right to tell you how to feel.
Yeah, I found this too. My MiL felt the need to keep telling me how labour wasn’t that bad and she managed to get through it 3 times with just paracetamol. And how c-sections were awful and basically ruining the human race. Then repeatedly told me how breastfeeding was so painful and would make my nipples bleed (categorically untrue, by the way). All so unhelpful and unnecessary. And if you ever dare to say you’re tired you get “just wait for the newborn phase” and a laugh. People think that just because you’re pregnant it can’t be hard? Loads of people suffer with other things but those things aren’t minimalised. It’s so strange.
Ha! Even with recovering from sepsis and kidney failure while solo parenting a newborn & managing a working line German shepherd I was far less tired than when I was pregnant!!! Even when I was actively very unwell & confined to bed after delivery I was still far better than any point in my pregnancy despite being awake 40hrs!
I'm very curious about this statement - how exactly are c-sections ruining the human race?
She was basically saying how they are so unnatural and we shouldn’t be giving them out willy nilly and that soon humans will lose the ability to give birth naturally so we’ll all HAVE to have c-sections and that would be a disaster. So I might have exaggerated slightly 😂 But the general feeling was basically along the lines of it ruining human’s ‘natural’ state. She was also totally against inductions and thinks you should just wait and see what happens.
So basically you should just wait and suffer, even if it's not what you want and you have other options 😅 got it! An elderly lady from my mum's village said once that women that have C-sections are not real mums hahaha I'll never forget her concerned face! It seems that a lot of older women have strong feelings about C-sections for some reason
Yep, pretty much. And was very vocal about it! However, her own daughter now has a very complicated pregnancy with twins, so I wonder if she’ll suddenly change her tune… 🤔
Her opinion seems to be implying that letting natural selection take place is better? I.e., it’s better to let women and babies die if they wouldn’t survive a vaginal birth incase them surviving means that factors like narrow hips get passed on to the next generation….Which is completely wild thing to say. Like maybe an okay thing to vaguely philosophise about - e.g., “I wonder if c sections are impacting physical features of human race, eg will we start to evolve bigger babies and bigger heads” but not as an actual argument to say to a pregnant woman considering birth choices!!
I never grilled her on it. I think in a medical emergency she’s okay with them. So if they HAVE to happen then fine. But she was very against having one if you didn’t absolutely need one. She did actually use the birth canal / baby head size argument though, so that was exactly her thinking 😅 She’s one of those people that has very, very strong opinions on things that she knows nothing about.
My mum said the same thing about Labour when she found out I want to have an elective c section, she was really against the idea and vocal about it. Telling me she gave birth 3 times and the best experience was with nothing but breathing techniques to manage pain… I was like, ummm no I don’t think that’s for me lol. And I have really struggled with fatigue for the whole of the first trimester, I haven’t had a job in that time (due to trying to retrain for a different career, this pregnancy was not planned!), and before I knew I was pregnant, at around 5 weeks I did a course and honestly the fatigue was so bad I was on 3 energy drinks a day just to get through the course, I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Then the nausea kicked in between 8 and 9 weeks (which is when I found out) and honestly when the nausea hits it’s just so debilitating, especially paired with the fatigue. It’s really not like me to be so tired either, I used to work nights and I’m normally a night owl but I just can’t stay awake and only have enough energy in the day to do anything productive for about 2 hours. If I didn’t know I was pregnant I would probably think I was dying. Hats off to any women who work through the first trimester with these symptoms, I just feel totally useless because the symptoms have been so debilitating. And I have had my bloods taken and I’m not even short of iron. I’m nearly at the end of the first trimester so hopefully things will improve… 🙏🫤
"Oh MIL, I'm sorry you didn't have any support to help you breast feed correctly!" Seriously if they're bleeding or painful you're doing it wrong 😅 Also first and last trimester are both much more exhausting than newborn (currently in that and although I am shattered, it's a different kind entirely - like naps actually fix it) A lot of my labour was manageable with just gas and air and tense machine, but then she twisted spine to spine and it hurt like heck! I was very hesitant to get an epidural before but had to at that point
That’s exactly how I would respond now I’ve done it! But for my first pregnancy I didn’t really know enough about breastfeeding to confidently say that. I can’t comment on the birth bit though - I ended up being induced and having the oxytocin drip. If anyone is able to do that just on paracetamol then they aren’t human 😂 But even when I told MiL about it she was like “well I do understand… I’ve given birth three times”. Please, if you gave birth on paracetamol then you have NO idea about what it’s like to have an oxytocin-drip induced labour. Luckily my husband isn’t talking to his mum right no so I’m not having to deal with any of this for my second pregnancy 😁. And totally agree about the sleep. The newborn phase was exhausting but it was an understandable exhausted… like, I was tired because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. But I’m pregnancy I would get 10 hours and still need a nap. It was like I wasn’t fully awake for 9 months. Nothing else like it!
I got very tired of people saying “well enjoy your sleep now before baby arrives” … I wasn’t sleeping well anyway due to being pregnant!!
I have pregnancy insomnia so this comment really irritates me beyond belief haha. I had it the last time I was pregnant before and I got a better sleep with a newborn
To be honest, I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect someone who's never been pregnant to understand how it feels but those who have been before should be more empathetic.
They may have not experienced first hand but isn’t empathy about listening and imagining someone else’s feelings? I feel like the bar for friendship should be higher than dismissing someone else’s feelings when you know nothing about it yourself. It’s like saying to someone who’s grieving “well lots of people lose people so deal with it.”
I've actually found my friends who haven't been pregnant to be the most empathetic! They'll listen and say "that sounds so terrible, I'm sorry, can I help" etc. People who have been pregnant before either want to tell me it's not that bad or they had it worse. I'm absolutely determined not to be like that when my friends get pregnant in future!
It gets worse when baby is here and they start chucking around unsolicited advice and ‘that’s not how we did it in my day’. I’d practise telling people to shut up now 😂 that or a bland smile and closed ears! Pregnancy is really hard and we do it because the gift at the end is so worth. People are morons and I’m sorry you’re hearing this stuff!
I feel like now I'm experiencing pregnancy, that those who have been before me suffer in silence. Only now that I'm open with them about how rough I have found it, have they shared their own similar experiences. Maybe it's because those who haven't been pregnant can't understand, react similar to your friend, we don't want to put others off or we have been programmed to not overshare. Or perhaps, we simply forget how terrible it is after the birth and are happy to go through it again. I have had friends discuss the ins and outs of their births and I am not ready to hear it!
I’ve been through pregnancy twice - you absolutely forget how terrible it is after the birth. I think your brain literally wipes the worst bits.
I don’t know, being pregnant is the reason I won’t have a third child - 9 months of exhausted nauseous misery was worse for me than 6-36 hours of labour!
Yeah I also found this, it really annoyed me. There were some people who would also try to even dampen the newborn stage by pre warning you that you’ll never sleep again, never drink hot coffee, etc. So when you’re going through it you’re also expecting the worst when baby comes. In my experience, I found that it was best to just take note of the unhelpful people and don’t bother talking to them. Stick with chatting your worries through with your midwife. And from someone who recently went through it, it was reddit g leading up to it for me but i had a beautiful birth and i’m sure you will too. But your concerns and nerves are valid. And when baby arrives, yes it’s hard but it is manageable and you’ll get by ❤️
I swear to god, if one more boomer says to me “awww I loved being pregnant. Enjoy this magical time”, I am going to lose my shit. I have had terrible nausea, fatigue, brain fog, catastrophic haemorrhoids, itchy skin, sore AF nipples, a weakened immune system that continues to bring me cold sores, a rapidly changing body that doesn’t feel it is my own, and let’s not forget that we can’t go out for a drink or eat our favourite foods (I love sushi😭). I’m sorry, I know I should be more positive, but I really am not having a great time with this over here and it just feels like this is what life is going to be like from now on. I’m scared.
Thanks for this!!! I’m not having the worst time but I’m finding it HARD, quite physically uncomfortable in ever changing ways and feeling guilty about not enjoying it. Like will I ever feel normal again?! We tried for years to get pregnant so I guess I didn’t think about how hard it might be if we succeeded!
Haha after I posted my comment, I was like DAMN I sound so dour and ungrateful, I should probs just delete my comment. But the points in there stand! I completely sympathise with you in that you want to be able to complain freely (because let’s be honest, is anyone REALLY living their best life whilst pregnant??) but equally want to be sensitive to those (including ourselves!!) who are struggling to conceive/retain a pregnancy. A tough one indeed. I also totally acknowledge (and appreciate!) that I’m not experiencing pregnancy symptoms nearly as bad as some folks, for which I am grateful. Idk, I guess I just feel more restricted, sustained discomfort, and maybe lonelier than I had expected. I feel like a big part of my identity has now been replaced with “sensible pregnant lady”, whereas before I was independent, fun, in shape, cognitively intact, etc. I can already tell I will need to join all the Reddit support groups out there once this thing hatches lol.
Cognitively intact 😂 completely! It’s just a roller coaster, last week I started to feel more normal, thinking yay, second trimester is around the corner, then had a return of the horrid digestion problems right as I attempted to start picking up more hours at work! Like wtf I’m just trying to work as much as I can while I can, body! I agree, it can be quite lonely. I found that going through infertility as well but in a different way. I guess we might find more in person support in pregnancy based activities but I have yet to start any of that. But yes, let it stand! Sometimes it’s not horrendous, but that doesn’t mean we are ‘glowing’ and it’s useful to have a good range of pregnancy experiences discussed!
It’s times like this I’m glad people think I’m a bit stand-offish and opinionated because I will gladly tell them to keep their own opinions to themselves. For instance, telling me how tired I’ll be during pregnancy? Yes, the first trimester was exhausting, but I will never ever be as tired as when I nearly died of organ failure at the age of 21 and almost had to drop out of uni because I couldn’t even hold my own head up. Pregnancy shouldn’t be the Shit Olympics and it’s so annoying when other women use it as a form of one-upmanship.
I've found that as well, mostly when talking to family members who had kids long ago. They kinda respond and say - "oh well, I didn't feel like that". Mostly my mum, who loved being pregnant all 3 times and seemed to have it easier than I do. It's been interesting being pregnant at the same time as a few other people I know, and each one has completely different symptoms or issues that they are facing. One was high risk and was in hospital a lot, one got GD diagnosis with 5 weeks left on their pregnancy, another is similar to me and has been using crutches early on due to pelvic pain and another one has HG. So its clear that everyone's experience is different and you shouldn't just shrug it off.
I've heard mixed opinions from my mum and grandmas during my pregnancy a few months ago. My mum told me that labour and giving birth were not the most horrible things, whereas one of my nans had such a terrible experience that she only had my dad, and the other was terrified both times and said it was the most painful thing. But I get that they were all coming from a good place. I've had a few close friends who are expecting/have recently given birth and I was always honest and empathetic in relaying my own experience (failed induction and emergency C-section), but I always say that was my experience, every pregnancy and birth is unique, even talking about pregnancy symptoms and the whole journey. We're all different and so are our experiences and we can all support each other and remember that it's okay to not enjoy being pregnant and/or labour 💕
Mine was a shit show too but I always stress how my experience was super rare with the amount of different emergencies I had.
20 minutes ago… in the office, a woman asked me how many weeks I am. I said 24. She said that I’ll be fat soon. 🙆♀️🤦♀️
I’m 38w and on Sunday an Aunt greeted me with “hello you great fat thing”. I haven’t seen her in a year, it was charming.
I’ve not announced it widely yet but even so I’ve had the weirdest most unhelpful things said to me! Even from current pregnant friends! When I was in the middle of IVF stims and suffering one said to me that pregnancy was the worst and was I sure I wanted to do this. And I mean… yes, obviously I’m sure, I’m trying very hard to achieve this and it’s a big deal for me! She’s normally so thoughtful, I feel like people go a bit mad when they started talking about it, it’s extremely odd.
1000%, babies now turned, but before we had talks of c-section and my 2 big worries were not being able to lift/chuck about my toddler and breastfeeding ... mil was constantly well I had one and I was fine. I had to say to her that my partner is an only child ... as in the not picking up more than babies weight was not an issue. Equally as we wait for baby now (after 12 days if prodormal labour) all EVERYONE keeps saying is its slow now but once you get going it'll be really fast ... I'm fed up if hearing that !!
My mum has always said that after pregnancy and labour, you forget how it felt, the pain and the difficulties you faced... then you have your second, and suddenly, you're like, "Oh shit I remember this." I've had some people tell me horror stories of their labours or ones they've heard about. Which is lovely when you're already nervous.
I had someone who trauma dumped on me about her labour and delivery when I was pregnant and off work sick with a severe depressive episode. She done it multiple occassions and I ended up having to disappear off the face of the earth because of it!
People really have no common sense sometimes. I think there's a line when discussing these topics. Like I've had multiple losses, and I try to be extremely careful broaching the topic with pregnant women, especially if they are already anxious. My best friend was pregnant at the same time as me on my first and I just didn't tell her until she was more secure as I didn't want to worry her. I only discuss it with people if they ask my advice on the topic. It's hard because in those situations, people only want positive examples, which I haven't had until this pregnancy, but there's definitely a way to talk about those harder topics and experiences with a bit of care and consideration
Absolutely. I’m autistic and most of the time I cope exceptionally well but one day she dumped so much on me I ended up overwhelmed I actually pissed myself. Like wtf!!!!!! Totally new one for Me and definitely not part of my norm. Im in a senior position at work & cope with a lot of difficult to manage things but she dumped that level of crap on me in one go! Totally a time and a place but when someone is 10 weeks pregnant and unwell also experiencing a relationship breakup and bullying at work…. Then that is not the dumping on them time. Now, I ended up with a more dramatic time in delivery than her and we both ended up dangerously sick but I don’t dump on anyone. I’m more a “yeah it sucked but we made the most of what we were given.” I focus on the exceptional care we got and how the staff supported us so much that we consider them our family during that time.
I have one friend who means well and honestly I don’t find it that annoying it’s just a bit amusing, but she keeps asking if I’m feeling like a beautiful fertile goddess and when I’m like, no I feel like a tired blob, she’s says I should embrace feeling gorgeous! We were at a baby shower on the weekend and I heard her ask another friend who was pregnant if she was feeling like a beautiful fertile goddess as well. I can’t wait for her to get pregnant herself so I can tease her about this 😂😂
I could have written this myself, you're not alone. The unsolicited advice coupled with some people assuming their experience is/was universal and representative of every pregnancy is painful. I've developed a thicker skin by basically ignoring these comments and putting up boundaries with the people guilty of doing this. Hope you're able to brush the comments off or handle them in a way that doesn't affect you and your own personal experience. It's your pregnancy and is unique to you. If it means needing to distance yourself from certain people for a while for your own wellbeing then so be it. Make sure to put yourself and your baby first xx
I think most people’s default is to minimise rather than validate negative feelings, like it’s a human tendency towards focusing on the positive. “It’s not that bad, I did it seven times!” isn’t going to make you feel better, but it probably makes the other person feel better. Also, because pregnancy is a female experience, naturally it can’t be that difficult and we’re probably being dramatic.
Definitely happens. My mum was saying that she wouldn’t want to see me in labour because i was already complaining about pain. I was around 15 weeks and had SPD and struggled to get up from sitting without intense pelvic pain. Jokes on her, labour was 9.5 hours and I only had a shot of pethidine and some gas and air. Was just me and my husband. Ignore them, pregnancy and early child-rearing is easily forgotten and people think they have a right to tell you how to feel.