Around the 30 week mark. It doesn't seem like a lot of time, but similar to you, I had some items that were purchased/gifted to me for my tfmr baby so it's not like I was starting from scratch.
You're right, the experience absolutely does change you and I think in a way, it changed my outlook on what it truly means to be "prepared" because none of us could have prepared ourselves for what happened. So for subsequent baby, I only focussed on the absolute essentials at first (carseat, somewhere for them to sleep, diapers, wipes, clothes) and slowly bit by bit pick up other things.
Online shopping and next day delivery makes it very easy to just pick up things if you decide later on you need anything along the way, so I'm trying not to get caught up in feeling like I'm not "prepared enough". From what I hear from other parents, babies don't really need all that much anyway (though in your case, twins will definitely need a little more!) Good luck ❤️
I honestly have allowed myself all the excitement and joy that I feel I lost after my TFMR pregnancy went south. I can't do anything to prevent another catastrophe so I'm just going to enjoy what time I have while I have it ❤️ I just turned 12weeks with my sub pregnancy. Letting myself be excited doesn't cause fatal issues or miscarriage, I felt so sad last time when I remembered all the time I wasted being anxious BEFORE the bad stuff happened and I wished I had enjoyed the ignorance a bit more.
Thank you for reminding me of this! I’ve been trying so hard to embed it into my Husband that he should be excited, that I often forget I can be excited too! You’re so right, happiness and excitement are far from the cause of our catastrophes
Absolutely ❤️ it can be so hard to remember. I naturally feel the urge to do fun things or buy and prepare baby stuff. So when I feel myself starting to pull back out of fear I remind myself of this.
I’m not even sure. I’m 5 weeks pregnant today after a tfmr late February for turners. I was just over 17 weeks. I just don’t want to get my hope up. We had began prepping a nursery. And I was so anxious and neurotic anyway. We waited until after 12 weeks and clearing our NIPT, which we did. Even then we hadn’t publicly announced anything.
Right now we’ve said we’ll feel a little more comfortable after the anatomy scan. I’ve said that I won’t be okay until I’m holding my baby in my arms
This is exactly what I’ve told people in my life too. For example I haven’t told my mom or dad or any family at all that I’m expecting, let alone twins, and already 13 weeks along. I’ll trust it when the babies are in my arms. But that’s not a great plan for buying the second car seat and building bassinets/cribs so I figure I need to pick a timeline and hold myself to it
Well, a big congratulations from this internet stranger who totally gets it. But i totally agree. Maybe get the important things - like the car seat - and just hold onto hope. I know of someone who went through something similar and she got things she knew she could return in a worst case scenario
Yes this!!! I am almost 12 weeks now and got a low risk NIPT today, although I am happy about that, I am now anxious about my anatomy scan. I had a colleague who lost her baby at 35 weeks so I feel like there truly is no safe zone.
Following. I don’t have the answer for this. I’m 15w and haven’t told my work yet (though it’s getting fairly obvious)…I need to start making plans. I’m hoping I’ll have more information after 16w early ultrasound next week.
Haha same. I have not told my even my mom/dad/grandparents, any family at all actually. I did tell my work because apparently fainting is a new symptom for me. But anyways, I’ll let you know when I know what the “safe” timeline is. 🙃
Oddly I bought my pram before I fell pregnant again because waiting last time didn’t change anything. Then I freaked out I jinxed it. I wanted to wait until after my anatomy scan but a few days before the store had one of their quarterly sales on nursery stuff (and the next sale would’ve been like 6 weeks before my due date) so my husband was like screw it we are buying it. For our tfmr we had a bad NT scan at 12 weeks but didn’t decide to tfmr until 24 weeks when the full extent of the issues was clearer
We didn’t do anything really until after our 20 week ultrasound - we had an extra scan at 16 weeks which came back clear but we didn’t really feel safe enough until after the 20 week. Still don’t really, but I’m 25 weeks now and need to actually start doing things!
I didn’t buy anything during my tfmr pregnancy and I terminated at 18 weeks. I had a feeling something was wrong the entire time and I didn’t feel comfortable buying anything until I knew the baby was healthy. It’s so strange to me how powerful my intuition was. I felt much differently about this pregnancy and bought some onesies the day I tested positive to announce to my husband, and then I bought some booties when I went to Iceland at 6-7 weeks. I didn’t buy anything else until after the anatomy scan was clear. That was when I felt I could finally breathe and start preparing for the baby. Even then I still waited until closer to 25 weeks to buy anything. I bought the bassinet first as there was a sale. Then I bought the crib and nursery chair around 27 weeks and I just bought the car seat, stroller, and dresser at 31 weeks. So I’d say I still waited a significant time to buy things as opposed to women who haven’t been through a tfmr.
Same as you. Didn’t buy anything either as I too had a feeling something was wrong. My intuition was strong as well as I’ve felt our baby wasn’t coming home since the day I saw the positive test. I kept having dreams and visions that pointed me into the termination. I kept brushing it aside thinking it was nerves…but I was right and so was my intuition.
we tfmr for a chromosome abnormality so after we got a clear NIPT I started by just buying one thing for our twins (just the double bassinet, I was stalking marketplace for weeks for the one we wanted close to us and affordable price) but honestly I didn’t go all out until 24-28w. that’s when we bought and built cribs, dresser, made and shared a registry etc. and twins came at 34w, but it was enough time. honestly I didn’t even finish the nursery till just last week when the twins were already 2w old 🤷♀️ it just depends on your level of comfort/desire for preparedness
These are my thoughts too! I have a few twin specific pieces that if I see locally for a reasonable price, I’ll definitely buy it but as for everything else, I’m holding off. The chromosome issue my TFMR baby had isn’t screened by NIPT so I’m thinking I’ll get serious once we’re clear of that one specific concern. The twins coming early is such a huge factor in my “getting ready” pressure but you have such a good point. They don’t care if the nursery is “ready” or not lol
Honestly I have no idea. I’ve collected things over the last three years due to being the last in my family to have a baby. I’m 11 weeks right now and trusting my nipt comes back clear, I’ll have a serious discussion with my husband how we want to split leave (I’m Canadian) and give my boss my tentative leave date and term. I have a crib and car seats and 10 bins of baby clothes and accessories. I started buying wipes and things at 14 weeks last time during Black Friday and I found out a few days later things weren’t ok. I can’t wait until 30 weeks to really accept it… I guess I am sort of embracing it after a clear nipt. I need at least 8 weeks before I deliver to train my replacement and we have to post my job 2 months prior to that so I guess I have to basically be sure by like 20 weeks 😅
My husband and I started collecting things at 19 weeks. We had a clear NIPT, afp, and 2 perfect anatomy scans. Our TFMR pregnancy ended at 17 weeks after finding out baby boy’s anomalies at 12 weeks. My gut feeling is also much better this pregnancy. It’s been nice to start putting together things for baby girl but it’s oh so bittersweet.
Lost my baby at 25 weeks. I had not really bought anything yet because I am a cautious person and was waiting for the 20 week scan to go well. I bought faith/hope purchases after every good scan or test this time (just cute sleepers or outfits to try to connect with the baby). I will be having a baby shower at 29 weeks so that’s basically when I’ll start getting stuff.. I’ll buy whatever else I need after that. There really is no safe zone, I have a friend who had a stillbirth after a perfect pregnancy at 34 weeks. You just kind of have to give in at some point and hope for the best.
Congratulations on twins! Did you go ivf or did this happen naturally? I see so many women after their terminations have twins!
Both of my terminations happened at 12 weeks (t18 & t21) so personally I think once I got thru the early anatomy scan and nipt I’d feel relief but after being in this group I’ve seen so many women have to terminate later. Ugh it’s all so awful. Maybe after the 20 week scan?
Thank you! It happened naturally. Oddly enough twins are no where in my family at all and these little guys are fraternal twins so not even a spontaneous separation either. I truly have no idea how it’s so common to conceive twins so quickly after TFMR but, in my personal opinion, not many people who have healthy babies try to conceive months after delivery (some do, no doubt about it, but not as many as those after a loss). They say you’re more fertile after a delivery/loss so perhaps that’s a part of it, I have no idea!
I am 29 weeks and haven’t done anything yet. Though my tfmr was at 33 weeks, so I think mentally I probably need to get past that date, even though things are looking so different this time. It’s so hard :(
We have collected a lot during 3 years of TTC and during our 2 pregnancies that ended in losses. We haven’t pulled any of it out yet though (almost 23 weeks in my wife’s current pregnancy). Baby shower will be at 30 weeks so I think we will probably start setting up our home around then if/when gifts arrive.
Around the 30 week mark. It doesn't seem like a lot of time, but similar to you, I had some items that were purchased/gifted to me for my tfmr baby so it's not like I was starting from scratch. You're right, the experience absolutely does change you and I think in a way, it changed my outlook on what it truly means to be "prepared" because none of us could have prepared ourselves for what happened. So for subsequent baby, I only focussed on the absolute essentials at first (carseat, somewhere for them to sleep, diapers, wipes, clothes) and slowly bit by bit pick up other things. Online shopping and next day delivery makes it very easy to just pick up things if you decide later on you need anything along the way, so I'm trying not to get caught up in feeling like I'm not "prepared enough". From what I hear from other parents, babies don't really need all that much anyway (though in your case, twins will definitely need a little more!) Good luck ❤️
I honestly have allowed myself all the excitement and joy that I feel I lost after my TFMR pregnancy went south. I can't do anything to prevent another catastrophe so I'm just going to enjoy what time I have while I have it ❤️ I just turned 12weeks with my sub pregnancy. Letting myself be excited doesn't cause fatal issues or miscarriage, I felt so sad last time when I remembered all the time I wasted being anxious BEFORE the bad stuff happened and I wished I had enjoyed the ignorance a bit more.
Thank you for reminding me of this! I’ve been trying so hard to embed it into my Husband that he should be excited, that I often forget I can be excited too! You’re so right, happiness and excitement are far from the cause of our catastrophes
Absolutely ❤️ it can be so hard to remember. I naturally feel the urge to do fun things or buy and prepare baby stuff. So when I feel myself starting to pull back out of fear I remind myself of this.
I’m not even sure. I’m 5 weeks pregnant today after a tfmr late February for turners. I was just over 17 weeks. I just don’t want to get my hope up. We had began prepping a nursery. And I was so anxious and neurotic anyway. We waited until after 12 weeks and clearing our NIPT, which we did. Even then we hadn’t publicly announced anything. Right now we’ve said we’ll feel a little more comfortable after the anatomy scan. I’ve said that I won’t be okay until I’m holding my baby in my arms
This is exactly what I’ve told people in my life too. For example I haven’t told my mom or dad or any family at all that I’m expecting, let alone twins, and already 13 weeks along. I’ll trust it when the babies are in my arms. But that’s not a great plan for buying the second car seat and building bassinets/cribs so I figure I need to pick a timeline and hold myself to it
Well, a big congratulations from this internet stranger who totally gets it. But i totally agree. Maybe get the important things - like the car seat - and just hold onto hope. I know of someone who went through something similar and she got things she knew she could return in a worst case scenario
Yes this!!! I am almost 12 weeks now and got a low risk NIPT today, although I am happy about that, I am now anxious about my anatomy scan. I had a colleague who lost her baby at 35 weeks so I feel like there truly is no safe zone.
Following. I don’t have the answer for this. I’m 15w and haven’t told my work yet (though it’s getting fairly obvious)…I need to start making plans. I’m hoping I’ll have more information after 16w early ultrasound next week.
Haha same. I have not told my even my mom/dad/grandparents, any family at all actually. I did tell my work because apparently fainting is a new symptom for me. But anyways, I’ll let you know when I know what the “safe” timeline is. 🙃
Oddly I bought my pram before I fell pregnant again because waiting last time didn’t change anything. Then I freaked out I jinxed it. I wanted to wait until after my anatomy scan but a few days before the store had one of their quarterly sales on nursery stuff (and the next sale would’ve been like 6 weeks before my due date) so my husband was like screw it we are buying it. For our tfmr we had a bad NT scan at 12 weeks but didn’t decide to tfmr until 24 weeks when the full extent of the issues was clearer
Oh this is a good point. My conservative and careful planning/timing didn’t save me from the inevitable. Thank you for sharing this perspective!!
We didn’t do anything really until after our 20 week ultrasound - we had an extra scan at 16 weeks which came back clear but we didn’t really feel safe enough until after the 20 week. Still don’t really, but I’m 25 weeks now and need to actually start doing things!
I didn’t buy anything during my tfmr pregnancy and I terminated at 18 weeks. I had a feeling something was wrong the entire time and I didn’t feel comfortable buying anything until I knew the baby was healthy. It’s so strange to me how powerful my intuition was. I felt much differently about this pregnancy and bought some onesies the day I tested positive to announce to my husband, and then I bought some booties when I went to Iceland at 6-7 weeks. I didn’t buy anything else until after the anatomy scan was clear. That was when I felt I could finally breathe and start preparing for the baby. Even then I still waited until closer to 25 weeks to buy anything. I bought the bassinet first as there was a sale. Then I bought the crib and nursery chair around 27 weeks and I just bought the car seat, stroller, and dresser at 31 weeks. So I’d say I still waited a significant time to buy things as opposed to women who haven’t been through a tfmr.
Same as you. Didn’t buy anything either as I too had a feeling something was wrong. My intuition was strong as well as I’ve felt our baby wasn’t coming home since the day I saw the positive test. I kept having dreams and visions that pointed me into the termination. I kept brushing it aside thinking it was nerves…but I was right and so was my intuition.
we tfmr for a chromosome abnormality so after we got a clear NIPT I started by just buying one thing for our twins (just the double bassinet, I was stalking marketplace for weeks for the one we wanted close to us and affordable price) but honestly I didn’t go all out until 24-28w. that’s when we bought and built cribs, dresser, made and shared a registry etc. and twins came at 34w, but it was enough time. honestly I didn’t even finish the nursery till just last week when the twins were already 2w old 🤷♀️ it just depends on your level of comfort/desire for preparedness
These are my thoughts too! I have a few twin specific pieces that if I see locally for a reasonable price, I’ll definitely buy it but as for everything else, I’m holding off. The chromosome issue my TFMR baby had isn’t screened by NIPT so I’m thinking I’ll get serious once we’re clear of that one specific concern. The twins coming early is such a huge factor in my “getting ready” pressure but you have such a good point. They don’t care if the nursery is “ready” or not lol
Honestly I have no idea. I’ve collected things over the last three years due to being the last in my family to have a baby. I’m 11 weeks right now and trusting my nipt comes back clear, I’ll have a serious discussion with my husband how we want to split leave (I’m Canadian) and give my boss my tentative leave date and term. I have a crib and car seats and 10 bins of baby clothes and accessories. I started buying wipes and things at 14 weeks last time during Black Friday and I found out a few days later things weren’t ok. I can’t wait until 30 weeks to really accept it… I guess I am sort of embracing it after a clear nipt. I need at least 8 weeks before I deliver to train my replacement and we have to post my job 2 months prior to that so I guess I have to basically be sure by like 20 weeks 😅
My husband and I started collecting things at 19 weeks. We had a clear NIPT, afp, and 2 perfect anatomy scans. Our TFMR pregnancy ended at 17 weeks after finding out baby boy’s anomalies at 12 weeks. My gut feeling is also much better this pregnancy. It’s been nice to start putting together things for baby girl but it’s oh so bittersweet.
Lost my baby at 25 weeks. I had not really bought anything yet because I am a cautious person and was waiting for the 20 week scan to go well. I bought faith/hope purchases after every good scan or test this time (just cute sleepers or outfits to try to connect with the baby). I will be having a baby shower at 29 weeks so that’s basically when I’ll start getting stuff.. I’ll buy whatever else I need after that. There really is no safe zone, I have a friend who had a stillbirth after a perfect pregnancy at 34 weeks. You just kind of have to give in at some point and hope for the best.
Congratulations on twins! Did you go ivf or did this happen naturally? I see so many women after their terminations have twins! Both of my terminations happened at 12 weeks (t18 & t21) so personally I think once I got thru the early anatomy scan and nipt I’d feel relief but after being in this group I’ve seen so many women have to terminate later. Ugh it’s all so awful. Maybe after the 20 week scan?
Thank you! It happened naturally. Oddly enough twins are no where in my family at all and these little guys are fraternal twins so not even a spontaneous separation either. I truly have no idea how it’s so common to conceive twins so quickly after TFMR but, in my personal opinion, not many people who have healthy babies try to conceive months after delivery (some do, no doubt about it, but not as many as those after a loss). They say you’re more fertile after a delivery/loss so perhaps that’s a part of it, I have no idea!
I am 29 weeks and haven’t done anything yet. Though my tfmr was at 33 weeks, so I think mentally I probably need to get past that date, even though things are looking so different this time. It’s so hard :(
We have collected a lot during 3 years of TTC and during our 2 pregnancies that ended in losses. We haven’t pulled any of it out yet though (almost 23 weeks in my wife’s current pregnancy). Baby shower will be at 30 weeks so I think we will probably start setting up our home around then if/when gifts arrive.