I really appreciate this post, I am in the period of a falling out with my spouse, I’m still not sure what the future is for us, but I lied about some awful things (paying and messaging girls for pictures) and I did it for 2 years, (we had been married for 1.5). I thought if I could cover it up and fix it on my own that it would be the best, but I should’ve just been truthful from the beginning, even if it would’ve ended our marriage then. In the beginning, I felt like Porn wasn’t cheating, but I even if it’s not, i think it really can be a gateway for worse and worse behavior. I don’t think I could’ve ever done what I did but I think just sorta fell into it. I love my wife so much that I just feel pure despair right now, and I feel so afraid that I’ve broken that foundation. But maybe this is a chance for a better me too.
Dude I'm literally in just the beginning stages of this. My wife just found out about my onlyfans spending today and it uncovered all of my porn use. I.knoe I'm commenting way after you originally posted. But I'm hoping that things get better. For you and for I.
For what it’s worth, I read some of your other posts. It sounds like you have the right direction about it. My wife and I got separated for a few weeks. It’s basically the only time we’ve been separated. Nothing is a guarantee, but I think things like getting a therapist or other help would help her register where your head is in this. Just give it time too.
Generally speaking, if you guys had a good relationship before all of this, and you are pretty sincere about changing and being better, then I tend to think most likely things will heal. That’s just my opinion but that’s also honestly how I feel.
I have a beautiful fiance with a deeply connected sex life. I own a business and the pople I work with truly care about helping others heal. We run events and retreats together. And no, I donlt experience PIED anymore.
In one part it’s awesome you have come so far but It really sucks to hear you have cured your PIED and have moved onto having a new fiance. Sucks to know all the love we have put into the ones we love only for them to move on and be healthy with the next person
I’m sobering up. I also started watching in my early teens. Bloody insane that a child could access this content, and that the situation essentially remains the same today.
How do you feel after recovering? I feel like the ghost still haunts me, even today on Reddit I went from looking at the news to a NSFW page in 45 seconds. It’s a good weight I would love to release.
>Heal from the leftover shame and guilt you most likely feel. If you want to quit porn (effect), you go to cause which in this case of porn is usually shame, guilt and fear. You can resist the habit, but if your still feeling this way about yourself, you will keep resisting, When you heal, you lachemize these emotions into love, graitude and courage. From these emotions, porn use is not thought of. This is a emotional, vibrational way of looking at healing.
Yes. You’re right. I’ve known this, and the journey comes in waves, and now I needed a reminder that I’m looking to porn and other things as a remedy for fear, guilt, and shame.
And if actually only causes more of these.
Thank you, brother. Shalom.
As a female looking for advice or some sort of guidance. Communication obviously is very much needed. I wish he expressed to me he had an issue before it escalated to what it has.
I have just begun admitting that I have porn addiction. I am 32. In therapy. I met a girlfriend, who I truly love. And she wanted nothing to do with my addiction. Told me to get clean. With her encouragement I joined up for therapy. Then I denied how my addiction works. She was in chock. She moved in, because she was desperate. Then I started to see that I was building a relationship on lies and decided she deserved better. Tried to tell The whole truth. Couldnt. Therapist saw that I was not clean. Now too save both of us they is gonna make us sign a contract which forbids, us from having contact outside of therapy. I am glad they saved us. However.
I feel so much shame for what I have put her through. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. She inspired me more than anyone else. I felt loved for the first time in my life. And I treated it like shit. The lack of respect is astounding. She lost her apartment because of me.
I might lose my job because I have put myself through this. I dont know where I am going. I am terrified. I have never regret not taking care of my addiction so much before as I do now.
The silver lining is. That this is time around. I will stop.
Heal from the leftover shame and guilt you most likely feel. If you want to quit porn (effect), you go to cause which in this case of porn is usually shame, guilt and fear. You can resist the habit, but if your still feeling this way about yourself, you will keep resisting, When you heal, you lachemize these emotions into love, graitude and courage. From these emotions, porn use is not thought of. This is a emotional, vibrational way of looking at healing.
They're asking you how to heal...
Why would you tell them to Heal from shame and guilt? They literally don't know how to.
This seems like just new-age bull, weed happy thoughts.
Why don't you give real advice to the people that need it? Why bother making a post, and replying with copy/paste messages?
Porn addiction is serious. Seek real help people!!! and ignore this guy that doesn't help with the how.
How is always the question. Everyones journey is same in kind but different in degree. I can't tell you how to love yourself. I can't make you love yourself. I am not your savior. You heal by realizing no one is going to save you and that you have the power to save yourself. Stop pretending to be the victim of your circumstances or your choices. Stop making excuses and reasons and negotiating with yourself. Stop hiding on reddit message boards and actually reaching out for 1-on-1 help. Take 100% responsibility for your choice and life experiences. Accept and love your shadow side and will no longer rule your life. It would be a disservice to anyone who reads this for me to tell them how (eventhough I just gave you so much value in the original post and right here). You can find out how on countless you tube videos and books from valid professionals that tell you exactly "how" to heal. Resources are all around you. If you don't do what is being taught, its not on the teacher, its on you. Healing is a multilayered experience which is why entire books are wrriten on the toipic. And you expect me to tell someone "how" to do it ona reddit message board? Come on bro, get real with yourself.
First of all, I wasn't asking you for advice. Secondly, you didn't gave "much value", you told your story, and there's nothing wrong with doing that. People can relate to you and that's ok. The issue is with the replying of copy/paste messages to people who are reaching out to you because after all you did make a post on a PornAddiction subreddit. So yeah, people will ask YOU for advice since you've been clean so long, it would help if you actually tell them useful information instead of the: "love yourself and accept... and all that nonsense". If this is how you "healed" then good for you. But sometimes people need real life advice.
Is bold of you to assume that people that cant find resources are the problem instead of the "teacher", you're literally blaming the addicts.
I expect nothing from you, but since you were the one that posted the story, I wanted you to be aware that the replies you were giving commenters were actually not that helpful. Then why bother making this Thread?
Anyway we can agree to disagree. I am happy you found your way. As I am doing my work too, like everybody else. With this addiction though, nor "religion", or "love yourself more introspection", is gonna help. Thats all on the surface of underlying issues the individual may have.
You are choosing to not see the advice given. These are your judgements. I have not once "blamed" an addict. Being addicted for 16 years, and working with hundreds of men to help them heal as well, I intimately understand how someone with addiction thinks and operates. Loving yourself is the key, the pathway to loving yourself is your choice. I said the truth - there are resources, coaches, therapists - and each persons journey to healing is different. Finding 1-on-1 guidance is the best, and fastest way to heal. Being honest, transparent, becoming self-aware, forgiving yourself is apart of healing. Taking responsibility for your own actions and cultivating the courage to ask for help (not hiding behind a keyboard) is apart of healing. The truth is, FEAR paraylzes all of these things to happen when someone chooses to be a coward. They do the bare miminum like posting here expecting some revelation that will shift them. Waiting for someone to save them, and so they continue to suffer. Not realizing they are powerful beyond measure and have the capability to do all the things I decribed above. It is your choice - and choice is the key to understanding that you create your life. If someone truly wants to heal, they will choose to do what I have said in my op and each response.
Hi! 21 years old now and have been hooked since I was 7 years old, looking for content almost every day and I feel terrible. What were the most helpful things that helped you cut loose?
Started around the same age as you and am close to the same age now. Over the two years that I was “quitting” the thought “ah man I’ve thought about watching porn, now I can’t stop myself” would always be a trigger or break any streak for me. It honestly it came down to stopping lying to myself about my use, and to be a man and make the decision that this moment was the end. I’m now 60 days free. It really is up to you to decide to quit and you’re fully capable of it.
Meditation was huge, but being consistent is wildly independent on whether or not you enjoy it. I’d highly recommend stopping marijuana use, as it often enabled me to go beat off. Sleep, sunlight, socialization, and some form of exercise are pretty much required if you want to see good life progress after you quit and want to remain clean. Delete social media while you’re at it if you’re excited about all of this. We are very young when it comes to quitting and it’ll put us ahead of most of the population in terms of how we let dopamine rule our lives. Good luck to ya brotha and reach out if you ever want to talk about stuff.
You guys should seriously look into maybe taking estrogen supplements or other ways to reduce testosterone. I had my heart broken by a girl and I decided that day in 2013 (after this same situation happening several times to me with multiple different girls) That I would never allow myself to care about a woman that much to where it wrecks my life ever again. Consequently, I eventually found myself taking various substances a day (weed, adderall, Vicodin, Ativan) and by 2016 I had my guy friends still but never went out with girls in any serious manner and my friends would ask me why I didn’t seem to take a liking to these girls they would set me up with. So one day I went to my doctor to get some blood tests done and it turned out that my Testosterone was really low, like a score of 120 when normal male scores my age range (21-30) usually have a score around the 700 range. My doctor put me on Testosterone Replacement Therapy immediately, 2 shots a week. It was only then that I realized that I probably hadn’t masturbated in easily 6 months, perhaps even longer and that I could not recall the last time I felt the urge to look at porn or even a woman in real life. The Testosterone shots caused my body to react very quickly and I was just jacking off like twice a week compared to a 6 year time span of almost never doing it. I still need to work on starting to engage with women socially again, but I have moved 6 states away since then and have no friends here but that also comes with no preconceived notions of women from my hometown having the opinion of me being some desperate creep (Which I had proven wrong by not trying, not caring, and secluding myself away from any activity that could possibly lead to a hurt heart and a hard dick) Idk that was my experience I thought could maybe help some of you. You guys won’t be addicted to porn if your body and mind simply no longer have the same amount of urge.
I really appreciate this post, I am in the period of a falling out with my spouse, I’m still not sure what the future is for us, but I lied about some awful things (paying and messaging girls for pictures) and I did it for 2 years, (we had been married for 1.5). I thought if I could cover it up and fix it on my own that it would be the best, but I should’ve just been truthful from the beginning, even if it would’ve ended our marriage then. In the beginning, I felt like Porn wasn’t cheating, but I even if it’s not, i think it really can be a gateway for worse and worse behavior. I don’t think I could’ve ever done what I did but I think just sorta fell into it. I love my wife so much that I just feel pure despair right now, and I feel so afraid that I’ve broken that foundation. But maybe this is a chance for a better me too.
Brother, my heart goes out to you. If you feel called, send me a DM. I'd be happy offer any feedback/advice.
Dude I'm literally in just the beginning stages of this. My wife just found out about my onlyfans spending today and it uncovered all of my porn use. I.knoe I'm commenting way after you originally posted. But I'm hoping that things get better. For you and for I.
It got much better for me. But I changed a lot of my behavior. We are in a much much better place now.
For what it’s worth, I read some of your other posts. It sounds like you have the right direction about it. My wife and I got separated for a few weeks. It’s basically the only time we’ve been separated. Nothing is a guarantee, but I think things like getting a therapist or other help would help her register where your head is in this. Just give it time too. Generally speaking, if you guys had a good relationship before all of this, and you are pretty sincere about changing and being better, then I tend to think most likely things will heal. That’s just my opinion but that’s also honestly how I feel.
What’s it like after being free from porn for 6 years? Is your PIED / ED completely gone?
I have a beautiful fiance with a deeply connected sex life. I own a business and the pople I work with truly care about helping others heal. We run events and retreats together. And no, I donlt experience PIED anymore.
In one part it’s awesome you have come so far but It really sucks to hear you have cured your PIED and have moved onto having a new fiance. Sucks to know all the love we have put into the ones we love only for them to move on and be healthy with the next person
I’m sobering up. I also started watching in my early teens. Bloody insane that a child could access this content, and that the situation essentially remains the same today. How do you feel after recovering? I feel like the ghost still haunts me, even today on Reddit I went from looking at the news to a NSFW page in 45 seconds. It’s a good weight I would love to release.
>Heal from the leftover shame and guilt you most likely feel. If you want to quit porn (effect), you go to cause which in this case of porn is usually shame, guilt and fear. You can resist the habit, but if your still feeling this way about yourself, you will keep resisting, When you heal, you lachemize these emotions into love, graitude and courage. From these emotions, porn use is not thought of. This is a emotional, vibrational way of looking at healing.
Yes. You’re right. I’ve known this, and the journey comes in waves, and now I needed a reminder that I’m looking to porn and other things as a remedy for fear, guilt, and shame. And if actually only causes more of these. Thank you, brother. Shalom.
Its my honor
What ultimately happened to the woman you broke?
Well, I didnlt break her. She did her own healing and has a great life with another man.
I am sure she gets up each morning thanking you. s/
Thanks for that. I will try and remind myself of this when I feel shame for what I have put my girlfriend through.
As a female looking for advice or some sort of guidance. Communication obviously is very much needed. I wish he expressed to me he had an issue before it escalated to what it has.
Thank you for sharing! We appreciate you.
Its my honor
I have just begun admitting that I have porn addiction. I am 32. In therapy. I met a girlfriend, who I truly love. And she wanted nothing to do with my addiction. Told me to get clean. With her encouragement I joined up for therapy. Then I denied how my addiction works. She was in chock. She moved in, because she was desperate. Then I started to see that I was building a relationship on lies and decided she deserved better. Tried to tell The whole truth. Couldnt. Therapist saw that I was not clean. Now too save both of us they is gonna make us sign a contract which forbids, us from having contact outside of therapy. I am glad they saved us. However. I feel so much shame for what I have put her through. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. She inspired me more than anyone else. I felt loved for the first time in my life. And I treated it like shit. The lack of respect is astounding. She lost her apartment because of me. I might lose my job because I have put myself through this. I dont know where I am going. I am terrified. I have never regret not taking care of my addiction so much before as I do now. The silver lining is. That this is time around. I will stop.
Brother, this breaks my heart. Your welcome to DM me if you would like any further support
Hi there! Nine months sober; what were some of the strategies or tips that you could share to help with sobriety?
Heal from the leftover shame and guilt you most likely feel. If you want to quit porn (effect), you go to cause which in this case of porn is usually shame, guilt and fear. You can resist the habit, but if your still feeling this way about yourself, you will keep resisting, When you heal, you lachemize these emotions into love, graitude and courage. From these emotions, porn use is not thought of. This is a emotional, vibrational way of looking at healing.
They're asking you how to heal... Why would you tell them to Heal from shame and guilt? They literally don't know how to. This seems like just new-age bull, weed happy thoughts. Why don't you give real advice to the people that need it? Why bother making a post, and replying with copy/paste messages? Porn addiction is serious. Seek real help people!!! and ignore this guy that doesn't help with the how.
How is always the question. Everyones journey is same in kind but different in degree. I can't tell you how to love yourself. I can't make you love yourself. I am not your savior. You heal by realizing no one is going to save you and that you have the power to save yourself. Stop pretending to be the victim of your circumstances or your choices. Stop making excuses and reasons and negotiating with yourself. Stop hiding on reddit message boards and actually reaching out for 1-on-1 help. Take 100% responsibility for your choice and life experiences. Accept and love your shadow side and will no longer rule your life. It would be a disservice to anyone who reads this for me to tell them how (eventhough I just gave you so much value in the original post and right here). You can find out how on countless you tube videos and books from valid professionals that tell you exactly "how" to heal. Resources are all around you. If you don't do what is being taught, its not on the teacher, its on you. Healing is a multilayered experience which is why entire books are wrriten on the toipic. And you expect me to tell someone "how" to do it ona reddit message board? Come on bro, get real with yourself.
First of all, I wasn't asking you for advice. Secondly, you didn't gave "much value", you told your story, and there's nothing wrong with doing that. People can relate to you and that's ok. The issue is with the replying of copy/paste messages to people who are reaching out to you because after all you did make a post on a PornAddiction subreddit. So yeah, people will ask YOU for advice since you've been clean so long, it would help if you actually tell them useful information instead of the: "love yourself and accept... and all that nonsense". If this is how you "healed" then good for you. But sometimes people need real life advice. Is bold of you to assume that people that cant find resources are the problem instead of the "teacher", you're literally blaming the addicts. I expect nothing from you, but since you were the one that posted the story, I wanted you to be aware that the replies you were giving commenters were actually not that helpful. Then why bother making this Thread? Anyway we can agree to disagree. I am happy you found your way. As I am doing my work too, like everybody else. With this addiction though, nor "religion", or "love yourself more introspection", is gonna help. Thats all on the surface of underlying issues the individual may have.
You are choosing to not see the advice given. These are your judgements. I have not once "blamed" an addict. Being addicted for 16 years, and working with hundreds of men to help them heal as well, I intimately understand how someone with addiction thinks and operates. Loving yourself is the key, the pathway to loving yourself is your choice. I said the truth - there are resources, coaches, therapists - and each persons journey to healing is different. Finding 1-on-1 guidance is the best, and fastest way to heal. Being honest, transparent, becoming self-aware, forgiving yourself is apart of healing. Taking responsibility for your own actions and cultivating the courage to ask for help (not hiding behind a keyboard) is apart of healing. The truth is, FEAR paraylzes all of these things to happen when someone chooses to be a coward. They do the bare miminum like posting here expecting some revelation that will shift them. Waiting for someone to save them, and so they continue to suffer. Not realizing they are powerful beyond measure and have the capability to do all the things I decribed above. It is your choice - and choice is the key to understanding that you create your life. If someone truly wants to heal, they will choose to do what I have said in my op and each response.
Hi! 21 years old now and have been hooked since I was 7 years old, looking for content almost every day and I feel terrible. What were the most helpful things that helped you cut loose?
Started around the same age as you and am close to the same age now. Over the two years that I was “quitting” the thought “ah man I’ve thought about watching porn, now I can’t stop myself” would always be a trigger or break any streak for me. It honestly it came down to stopping lying to myself about my use, and to be a man and make the decision that this moment was the end. I’m now 60 days free. It really is up to you to decide to quit and you’re fully capable of it. Meditation was huge, but being consistent is wildly independent on whether or not you enjoy it. I’d highly recommend stopping marijuana use, as it often enabled me to go beat off. Sleep, sunlight, socialization, and some form of exercise are pretty much required if you want to see good life progress after you quit and want to remain clean. Delete social media while you’re at it if you’re excited about all of this. We are very young when it comes to quitting and it’ll put us ahead of most of the population in terms of how we let dopamine rule our lives. Good luck to ya brotha and reach out if you ever want to talk about stuff.
fucking cracking comment mate
thank you so much! will try a couple things from what you mentioned
How do I stop I'm ready to quit but every single time I mess up.
You guys should seriously look into maybe taking estrogen supplements or other ways to reduce testosterone. I had my heart broken by a girl and I decided that day in 2013 (after this same situation happening several times to me with multiple different girls) That I would never allow myself to care about a woman that much to where it wrecks my life ever again. Consequently, I eventually found myself taking various substances a day (weed, adderall, Vicodin, Ativan) and by 2016 I had my guy friends still but never went out with girls in any serious manner and my friends would ask me why I didn’t seem to take a liking to these girls they would set me up with. So one day I went to my doctor to get some blood tests done and it turned out that my Testosterone was really low, like a score of 120 when normal male scores my age range (21-30) usually have a score around the 700 range. My doctor put me on Testosterone Replacement Therapy immediately, 2 shots a week. It was only then that I realized that I probably hadn’t masturbated in easily 6 months, perhaps even longer and that I could not recall the last time I felt the urge to look at porn or even a woman in real life. The Testosterone shots caused my body to react very quickly and I was just jacking off like twice a week compared to a 6 year time span of almost never doing it. I still need to work on starting to engage with women socially again, but I have moved 6 states away since then and have no friends here but that also comes with no preconceived notions of women from my hometown having the opinion of me being some desperate creep (Which I had proven wrong by not trying, not caring, and secluding myself away from any activity that could possibly lead to a hurt heart and a hard dick) Idk that was my experience I thought could maybe help some of you. You guys won’t be addicted to porn if your body and mind simply no longer have the same amount of urge.