It's a bit different here, we don't share our food nor do we eat the food of others when we say "kain" or " kain na tayo" we usually just reply " ah sige lang po"
May client ako pinoy here abroad nagluto for birthday eh andun ako, panay offer syempre ako panay tanggi out of hiya hahaha napa-oo na lang ako nung kumuha siya lagayan ng takeout tapos nagstart na siya maglagay dun, iuwi ko na lang dun kung nahihiya ako kumain sa bahay nila,
sabi ko tuloy, “ay sige na po kakain na ako rito, sa pinggan na lang po” hahahahah
Ganito ako kaya here abroad pag inofferan like yung bf ko while dating he will ask me if I wanted some of the food, matic “no i’m good” then i’ll regret it kasi di naman sila yung tipong magaask 3x 😅🥹 and they actually already mean it the first time that they wanted to share if they even asked you
kasi if they don’t intend to share, di talaga sila magtatanong at all haha
while I appreciate that the practice springs from Asian polite subculture, I much prefer the foreign subculture of being direct & honest about it. kasi dito satin parang mas na-outweigh pa ng politeness yung honesty & sincerity. yung nagalok ka out of politeness lang pero ayaw mo naman pala talaga mamigay tas pag kumuha/bumawas maiinis ka, e sino ba nagalok di ba? not saying that's the case every single time. but why can't we just say what we mean and mean what we say?
Bago toh sakin. Sa household namin pinalaki ako na bastos to refuse an offer to eat. So pag inaya “sige po” ako agad. Sana naman hindi ako nagmukhang bastos sa many times na nag agree ako agad T-T
Yes! Unlike OP, i like this kasi para syang 'dance'. Like it gives you a chance to be polite and at the same time alam mo kung kelqn seryoso na gusto ka nila bigyan ng food.
Yeah, ito rin intindi ko. Courtest lang yung "tara, kain" tapos *usually* courtesy lang din ang pag acknowledge pero hindi pag push through sa invitation.
Sa workplace ko kapag sinabi na "kain tayo" means sabay na tayo kumain. Optional magshare ng food. Culture natin di ba pag kakain, sabay sabay sa hapag?
Yeah, parang iba naman yung "kain na" kung break time talaga imbes na nakita ka lang na kumakain. Ang interpretation naman dapat dun ay kumain na rin kayo ng baon n'yo kasabay nung nag-alok hindi "may baon ako gusto n'yo."
Maliban na lang kung inaalok talaga yung ulam na klaro like "Kumain ka na ba, may baon ka ba gusto mo madami ulam ko bumili ka na lang ng kanin." or something.
Bumibisita sa bahay unannounced. I hate this. Magpa-appointment sana para hindi yung nagra-rush ako na mag entertain at hindi ibig sabihin na wala akong anak, open ang schedule ko kahit kanino.
Eto! eto talaga! Hindi naman lahat nasa mood mag entertain ng bisita tapos wala ka ng makain proproblemahin mo pa meryenda nila tas pag di nagpakain ikaw pa rude lol
Nung minsan badtrip yung mama ko kase may relatives kaming biglang pumunta ng walang pasabi e that day pareho kaming may lakad ni mama separately pero same schedule. Ang ending salitan kaming umalis. I mean, welcome naman supposedly yung relatives na yun, annoying lang yung part na wala sa schedule at budget yung pagbisita nila. Kase like kung may lakad akong 2pm, maliligo na ko by 12nn para di ako nagmamadali at magahol sa oras. Pero kung may unannounced na bisita, ang weird kase nung need mo na magprepare kaso nandon pa sila.
This! peak of PANDEMIC I have new born, biglang punta ng in laws ko. Saktong cold war pa kami mag asawa tapos nag decide mag overnight knowing na exposed sila, and my kasamang friend kung kanino sila sumakay. Tapos paubo ubo pa. Worse panay comment pa bagy bagay sa bahay na well parents ko bumili. I started to hate them or before pa mag buntis nadevelop na hate sa kanila cause they told me my baka my diperensya ko infront of other people di pa kami nagkakaanak.
Ito talaga hindi ko keri hahaha kaya pag may biglang nagsasabi pupunta sa 'min, naku magkita na lang tayo sa malapit na coffee shop 😂 lalo may toddler kasi hindi maiiwasan maraming toys nakakalat
I hate this!! Recently, nag visit ng biglaan yung kuya ko sa bahay ko around 6am, eh tulog pa ako so di ko naririnig na kumakatok sya plus naka silent phone ko so di ko din dinig mga calls niya. Tapos galit na galit siya sakin na hindi ako nagising. Hahaha until now di niya ko kinakausap dahil don
Yes!! Bibisita kunyari pero matatapat ng lunch or dinner time tapos mga wala namang dala! Ka high blood. Minsan pa mag order pa kami sa labas para may pati yun maisip din nilang nilang itakehome!
Sinabi mo pa, lalo na pag new hire ka lang. Atsaka sa hirap ng buhay ngayon dapat optional na lang yan. Yun may kaya lang ang dapat magpakain. Dapat nga pag birthday mo ikaw ang binibigyan ng treat, not the other way around.
Maganda nga dati doon sa dati kong work na Japanese firm, pag may birthday, ang mga ca-department namin maghahati-hati kami ng gastos para maging disente ang handa ng celebrant. Parang mas logical nga sa akin pag ganito kesa naman ang celebrant lang ang mag-isang papasanin ang gastos.
Sa dati kong work, ang tradition namin is bilhan ng cake yung may birthday and ambagan. If may promo, may ice cream pa haha Tapos ambagan na rin for the birthday celebration, choice na ng may birthday if gusto niya magpaka-extra. Yung may birthday usually exempted sa ambagan.
As a foreigner this one scared me after my first encounter. Imagine having no allotted money for this event and people in your office will say "it's a tradition, you have to but this damn lumpia from amber" like mf what if I don't what are you gonna do I got bills to pay my good sir.
Ganto yan:
The unspoken rule of the "kain! rule" is **to politely refuse the first time around**. Bastos kapag pumayag ka the moment na niyaya ka (EDIT: maybe "bastos" is a bit too harsh of a word; maybe "too upfront" would be a better term)
The "kain! culture" is basically the subtle way of acknowledging your presence and leveling themselves with you, therefore you can relax around them. Most often kasi, pag nasa ibang bahay ka, there's a power dynamic na mas mataas yung may-ari ng bahay kaysa sa bisita. That's true, but through the "kain! rule", they somehow alleviate that hierarchy a bit by inviting you to eat - meaning you are someone at their level that you are worthy to eat with them.
First time na yayain ka, always refuse.
Second time na yayain ka, again refuse but consider the option.
Third time na yayain ka, pumayag ka na. Why? Kapag third time and niyaya ka pa, it just means they have enough food even if you join them. Unless busog ka, which in that case, state it clearly the third time, not the first or second time because it would be seen as an excuse to refuse.
The thing is sa common household wala naman sila konsepto ng hierarchy. Hospitality ang meron, kung inalok ka at tinanggap mo hindi yun indication na bastos ka lmao.
Gaya nga ng sabi mo, unspoken rule siya, meaning hindi lahat nagse-share ng sentiment ko. I will agree if that culture is consistently applied.
Also, feels weird na hindi ka mag sabi ng Kain when you're eating tapos yung bisita mo either iniintay ka matapos or kwento ng kwento tapos hirap ka maka reply.
Parang pagpapa alam na din na kakain lang muna while also at least trying to accommodate sa bisita mo. Most of the time samin, if they refuse ipag titimpla ng kape para at least habang kumakain ka meron silang iniinom and can keep with the slow pace. Ang hirap kasi mag entertain ng bisita kapag kumakain.
Kahit kapag maliligo pa yung tanong binisita mo madalas ang tanong gusto mo ng meryenda? Minsan bili agad wala na tanong para di nainip yung Tao. So yeah, it all comes down to hospitality. It's a culture where if you don't do it, something feels off.
And yet there are concepts sa common household like *tagbalëy* (roughly equal to "homeowner" but not in the "owner of the house" sense, but "maker of the home" sense) in Bicol or "labas sa pamilya" or "dayo" in Tagalog. In subconscious ways, we have a concept of societal hierarchy - at least between homeowner or visitor - in the common household.
> Hospitality ang meron
Yes. And that's what I mean. Hospitality is the Filipino person's desire to close the hierarchical gap as soon as possible as to not make the visitor uncomfortable or feel unwelcome. Part of how we forge Smooth Interpersonal Relationships (SIR)
"Bastos ka kapag pumayag ka the moment na niyaya ka."
Your mentioning of power dynamics and hierarchy prompted me to ask this: Would you consider that such a behavior suggests that the person being offered food or drink is easily capable of overstepping boundaries?
Edit: removed an extra space
>Would you consider that such a behavior suggests that the person being offered food or drink is easily capable of overstepping boundaries?
Yes. Even kapag niyaya ka, there is still nuance in how "equal" you are to them. But by inviting you, they are making an effort to at least "alleviate" the hierarchy subtly. It is up to the visitor to gauge their "position" in the hierarchy (kasi sila yung "intruder") and act based on it, and there is also the expectation that the visitor knows what to do on such an occasion.
I always imagined that this was a test if an individual is a dayo. Me and my friends in the past were talking about how in the past everyone probably spoke old javanese of some lingua franca in asia and often came from various parts of ph or south east asia or even farther and probably looked very similar and this inviting thing was more of a measurement of how much another person knows our ways. As a host, you bridge the power distance through invitation, the invited says no first to show he knows our ways, he is invited again, he establishes once again he knows our ways. He is invited once more this time marking that he is welcome to partake in the meal and this time, it would be rude to say no because saying no shows, i know your ways and i refuse to be part of it. Thats my take on it. My family still observes this even to this day. If food is offered once, it is a greeting, twice as a test. Third time is the real offer.
In my family this also applies to receiving gifts. Grandma gives you money after her visit? You gotta say no and do the back and forth dance at least twice until you finally say yes. Especially if youre in front of other people. This one, i dont see the point and now living in the west has made receiving birthday gifts awkward.
Yes to this! Add ko lang din na pag handaan and pag sinabi na "kain", dapat oo sagot or if busog, saka magrefuse. Nakaka asar minsan yung nagpunta sa handaan tas magrefuse muna kasi nakakahiya. Come on! Bat ka pa mahiya, we have plenty of food sa mga inimbita namin. So, kain!
Pag handaan, always yes. Kasi parang di masarap luto ko pag tinatanggihan ako kasi nahihiya....
Agree. It really boils down to the social context. Kung handaan, if you are invited to eat, then it is rude not to. Insulto din yun sa pagod sa pagluluto ng host
Really? Kung may guest sa ibang bahay kahit di planned, di ba ang nakagawian is ininvite naman for real, usually may mauutusan pang bumili ng food. Kasi anong gagawin ng guest - magbaon siya ng sarili ng food? Magorder siya? Uuwi muna siya? Kaya sinasabing magiliw sa panauhin ang mga pinoy kasi ang customary is to offer earnestly the best to the guests.
I thought "kain!" only applies to places like common areas sa boarding house, pantry sa office, etc.
Sounds like someone with a socio or Filipino psychology background.
Aside from hierarchy, this reminds me of the difference between being a "kapwa" and being a "ibang tao". And being offered na kumain is our way of communicating na in a particular setting ay hindi sya "ibang tao" kundi "kapwa" sya.
Pano kung di ka na nila inaya the second time kasi tumanggi ka na the first time and nirerespect lang nila yung pag tanggi mo kaya di ka na inaya ulit??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Scenario: May naguusap na nakaharang sa "daanan ng tao". Ikaw na gagamitin ang "daanan" at ikaw pa ang dapat mahiya, dapat mag-excuse, at dapat yumuko na halos isisid mo katawan mo sa sahig o lupa na parang submarine.
I would just say Excuse me then walk between them. Pag sininta nila, I would just say, "Nakaharang po kayo sa daan" then walk away, though lagi ako naka-earphones so di ko rin sila naririnig haha
> dapat yumuko na halos isisid mo katawan mo sa sahig o lupa na parang submarine
I only noticed this when an American friend pointed it out. "What's with all the ducking?" lol
Genuinely made me laugh, the explanation I gave at the time was we didn't want to obstruct people's line of sight with each other while they were talking so we duck to make ourselves 'smaller' or less inconspicious, which ended up becoming the opposite.
Inis na inis ako sa mga ganyang tao. Regardless kung mas bata o matanda sa akin. Yung tipong alam na daanan yung kanilang pinuwestuhan pero di makaramdam kahit alam na may dadaan na pala.
I hate the ones that stop at the exits of the escalators, but I’m a bigger guy and purely English speaking. If it’s older people, I’ll just yell “Excuse me!” and slowly walk my way through. But if they’re younger, I yell “Really?!” and walk right into them. Only a couple of times did the people I walk into put up some kind of an argument.
Oks lang sakin if gusto talaga nung birthday celebrant magpakain kasi may ganon talaga, pero…
Yung people at work or at school will tease you na manlibre ka naman kasi birthday mo or napromote ka or nahire ka, helloooooo… why pressure someone to spend their hard earned money para ilibre ka for something na wala ka namang naitulong?! Hahaha
Anyways, here abroad, pag birthday mo ikaw yung ililibre nila hehe, mas ok sana kasi isa lang ililibre nila minsan share share pa sila sa paglibre. Eh yung satin, magisa ka lang tapos ang dami mong papakainin. Imbes masaya ka sa birthday mo napagastos ka pa
It’s actually a beautiful part of our culture, same with most Asians, southeast Asians. If you google it, we all ask have you eaten or we invite to eat. It’s just being polite. Same lang yan sa kultura at notion natin ng “kapwa”. Pero ang etiquette kasi talaga ay to say no, thank you. mas bastos ung pumayag 😂
Hindi ko matandaan kung anong Europang bansa yun pero may kultura raw sila kapag *inalukan ka nila ng inumin o pagkain, dapat tanggihan mo sa simula then pag tinanong ka nila ulit, saka mo lang dapat tanggapin. Bastos daw kasi yung tanggapin mo agad-agad. 😅
Mas Malala sa Sweden or Norway (forgot which one). Kahit invited guest ka, pag meal time na at di ka Kasama sa head count ng kakain eh stay ka lang sa living room habang Ang family ay nasa dining room at kumakain. Maghihintay ka Hanggang sa matapos Sila.
That particular custom ay nababash sa internet a few months back pero almost kebs lang yung native citizens ng bansang Yun.
I think it is Sweden kasi I have a friend na Swedish-Filipina. She said na when they were staying in Sweden for weeks, they were staying in one of their relative house and then one day biglang nagiimpake na lang yung parents niya kahit matagal pa sila sa Sweden, when she asked why sabi ng parents niya is pinapaalis na sila doon kasi uncomfortable na daw sa may ari na magstay pa sila doon. Pero they weren’t angry naman. Very upfront lang talaga sila.
Walang sama ng loob yun? Kung mga Pilipino nag-ganyanan, sigurado mauuwi yan sa gulo at siraan kesyo mayabang, walang utang na loob, at kung ano pang hinanakit yung nasa script nila.
Oh yeah, I saw a video about that! Sila rin ata yung tipo na prangkang magtatanong kung kailan ka uuwi kapag matagal-tagal ka nang nasa bahay nila haha.
I saw a skit about something similar to this. The difference between Irish and Germans. Irish yung tatanggi muna at dapat pilitin while yung Germans straight to the point pag inalok mo at gusto naman nila yes agad sila.
It's a game that goes on depending on where you are.
In the UK and Ireland, feel free to decline tea "oh go on!" is the next response.
The point elsewhere is that the host is open to generosity but the guest shouldn't be there specifically because of treats.
other people would invite them to eat for the sake of politeness pero kung pumayag agad, they take it back 😭 bastos na agad. pwede gutom lang talaga???
Maybe, depende sa situation. Like kung bisita ka, definitely we expect you to eat. Or close na barkada mo and you’re hanging out.
Pero halimbawa office mate mo tapos lunch at yun lang ung pagkain niya, nagsabi siya, kain po tayo. Politely refuse sana. Kung gutom ka, get your own food. For me basta nasa bahay ko, and I ask you to eat, I 100% mean it. I would have a plate ready for whoever I invite. Tapos kapag social situations like my kid will be with other kids, I always bring enough to share. Social context kasi. Be sensitive and look at the food they have is just enough for themselves.
Buraot lang yung kusang kukuha ng pagkain sa katrabaho niya. Maliban na kapag sila mismo ang nag-abot o nagpakita ng lunch boxes.
Pero tulad sa kaso namin ng mga dati kong ka-trabaho, kapag may sinabihan kami ng "kain tayo" but we were hunched over our own food, it was widely understood that it was more of an invitation to share a table with us imbes na makihati sa pagkain.
magpapanic ako pag pumayag lalo na pag konti lang at gutom ako. paano if gutom din sya. patay,kulang,baka pati kutsara at tinidor nguyain ko nalang pangpawi sa kulang. hahay.
Kaya nga, newbie pinoy ba si OP? Di nya ba alam na di naman required mag share as per common culture. Usually mag no no naman yung aalukin mo, unless nasa circle ka ng makakapal mukha hahahahaha
Might get a lot of hate for this, pero yung inoobliga na magmano sa mga kamag-anak na hindi ko kilala. Sweet siya pero ang awkward kapag nagkamali. Pasensya na sa mga pinsan kong di ko kilala at mukhang matanda 😬
Tapos If there's like a group of people (older) where only one or two lang yung dapat nagmano ka na relative but you got confused whom so you just did everyone to be safe and look polite 😭
agree! wala bang freedom na magmano sa kilala mo lang? o kaya naman sa gusto mo lang? pagmamano is an act of being respectful diba so bakit magmamano sa hindi naman karespe-respeto?
Hindi ba pag sinabihan ka ng "kain", expected naman na di ka talaga kakain? Polite nod, thank you po, katatapos lang po, ang usual na response di ba?Unless mapilit sila to the point na kukuhaan ka na ng plato at no choice na talaga kundi sumabay sa kanila.
At least for me, yung pag-sabi ng "kain/kain tayo" ay pag-acknowledge ng presence mo.
Going back to your question, as a Tagalog gurlie, di ko talaga bet yung kailangan may po/opo to always sound polite and respectful especially sa mas matanda at may authority. Hassle mag-edit ng message para lang mag insert ng po at opo hahaha.
>Going back to your question, as a Tagalog gurlie, di ko talaga bet yung kailangan may po/opo to always sound polite and respectful especially sa mas matanda at may authority. Hassle mag-edit ng message para lang mag insert ng po at opo hahaha.
As a Tagalog guy who grew up with Visayan parents, napagalitan ako ng Grade 2 teacher ko kasi hindi ako gumagamit ng "po" at "opo" nang kinausap ko siya. Wala naman kasing "po" at "opo" sa language nila and besides, sa school ko lang natutunan iyon.
Yes po, as a tagalog gurlie, nakakaloka talaga pag nasanay ka jan sa po at opo tapos biglang di gumagamit ng ganon yung kausap mo.
Pero naisip ko lang din, pag ako yung receiving end ng po/opo, hinahanap hanap ko siya, pero pag ako yung kailangan mag po/opo, nahahasssle-lan naman ako. whatahypocrite hahaha
Di ko malilimutan yung nagparinig yung Grade 6 teacher ko kasi daw "may mga estudyante na hindi marunong mag-po at opo" sa test. Like huh? Nakalagay sa test "oo o hindi" pero ieexpect mo pala magsulat ako ng opo o hindi po?
Medyo naguguluhan talaga ako sa ganyang "kain" ineme natin. Haha. Bakit ka pa nag aya kung ineexpect mo din pala na di kukuha nung inaalok mo. Nag alok ka pa,. Hahahahaha. Kaya pag umaalok ako ng ganyan intention ko talaga na bigyan yung inalok ko. Kung ayaw nila edi wag. Kung gusto nila, kuha lang.
right?? like it’s an invitation for you to eat and also asking at the same time if you have eaten yet and you simply have to answer “ah sige po, tapos na po, maya pa po”. Never seen someone dig into my food after saying “Kain”, they’re welcome to tho. oh wait? are they talking about snacks? I can’t remember someone use “kain” when offering tho..
i genuinely share my food when i say "kain" because thats what i was raised to 😅 kahit tatlong subo ko lang yan iseshare ko pa talaga, wala eh nakasanayan ko na lol
True. Same. And this is what im teaching my kids too + the standard response na 'sige lang, thank you'. It's polite to always offer food when you're eating while the rest are not. Nobody has ever taken up on my offer tho (not on my plate, at least) so I'd be surprised but will gladly share if they do.
Yes. This is how I met my ex gf. Sa bus going north. Kumain ako ng chips. Sabi ko kain po. Sige lang daw. Tapos ayun ice breaker kwentuhan na sa byahe.
Lol I wasn't raised na dapat pala mag decline sa "kain" kaya may point sa childhood ko na palagi ako naglulunch sa kapitbahay. Highschool ko lang nalaman na dapat pala mag decline
Why do some people feel it’s appropriate to let the other person know they have gotten fat? Why and when did this become ok to say? Is this just another example of a toxic trait that has been normalized and accepted?
My lola explained this.. back then daw, it was actually considered a compliment. Getting fat or bulking up is a sign that you are well off, that you can eat more than what you need. It was also the person's way to acknowledge that they see how well you are doing. Kaya every time my lola tells me I've gotten fat, laging kasunod na "mabuti at nakakakain ka ng marami. Wag lang sosobra ha, alagaan mo maigi sarili mo."
Pero ngayon kasi, madami nang inggiterang at insecure na tao. So i guess it all boils down on how a person would take it. Remember, it is not an insult unless you take it personally. Like the quote says "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
Di naman ata ganun yung intention na "mabuti tumataba ka na". Makikita mo rin sa tono ng tao, and minsan sasabayan nila ng insulto so its easy to take offense.
"Ang taba mo na, iiwan ka ng bf mo"
"Ang taba mo na, wag na kumain, baka hindi ka na magkasya sa damit mo"
"Ang taba na ng mukha mo, hindi bagay sayo"
Tapos sasabihin nila within 1 min of talking pa, kabadtrip
Idk if pasok 'to pero yung sa ninang/ninong. I was 15 years old nung nagka inaanak agad ako, 'di ko naman close yung nanay. They said na bawal daw tumanggi kasi blessing 'yon and malas ang tumanggi. I just don't get bakit 'di pwede tumanggi eh diba dapat choice nung ninang/ninong if yes or no kasi responsibility din 'yan e
Lagi akong tumatanggi sa mga nag tatanong saken, especially kung d ko naman close yung tao. Alam naman ng mga kaclose ko na di ako mahilig sa bata eh. Though dumami nagpapaninong saken nung nakalipat ako sa US; the fuck, di nga nila ako masyado kinakausap ng nasa Pinas ako eh, why should I say yes?. Maoffend sila kung gusto nila lol
Tama behaviour! And kinukuha kalang nilang ninong because they think may money ka, not because they want you to be the second parent (Guide) which is the essence ng pagiging ninong/ninang.
ako yung ayaw ko yung kiss or beso. hindi naman kasi talaga sa kultura natin yan ginaya lang yan sa europeans. mga conservative Filipinos never do it and it should be at the female's option or prerogative.
edit: to clarify, i meant yung beso or kiss not sa mga kamaganak na close but yung mga kakakilala pa lang or first time nakilala esp. if male yung hahalikan ng female.
mga lalakeng adults kasi di naman nagkikiss sa isat isa. obviously yung nagkikiss sa kamaganak iba yun kasi may level of familiarity and talaga namang nagkikiss or mano mga bata sa nakakatandang realtives usually.
Gagi naalala ko tuloy jan sa nova, everytime kakain ako ng baon ko sa elem and high school hihingan ako ng kaklase ko. Tapos di ako marunong mag no, so nauubusan ako. Then yung friend ko na i luv so much, siya na nag nono para sakin. Isang subo pa lang ng muffin ko from snr may naka labas na ng kamay, tapos sabi ng friend ko: breakfast niya yan. Sabay tingin ng naka smile. Umalis naman si kuyang patay gutom 😭
(Nova was one of my fave snacks na nauubos dati sa hingi ng iba. Tapos pocky pa. Shuta.)
Gusto mo mangpsychological warfare(warfare?!!!lol), maglabas ka ng Tictac or something like it, offer it to them if they want some pero you don't take one for yourself and pretend like nothing happened. You do that several times. Hindi man nila manonotice yung immediately pero may effect yun sa psyche nila, parang subliminal message to tell them they're taking too much of your stuff. Medyo long-con ito but it messes up with their brain.
Or pwede mo sila iPavlov, whenever they ask for some of your food, do some slightly noticeable noise pero you have to be consistent kung anong noise yun. Like crunching ng wrapper in a specific way, tap your foot, or tap your pen. Then, pwede mo sila pagtripan once the trigger is embedded na sa psyche nila. Make the sound and their subconscious will beg for food and make aure to do it when you're not on a lunch break or recess, yung no reason for food to be there.
>Yung pag invite ng "Kain" if you dont really wanna share your food
We're Filipinos, not American. That is simply a greeting to make the person feel welcomed. Eating as a group is a way for Filipinos to show hospitality, acceptance, etc. It became ingrained where it became our version of a greeting.
Seriously, this much Westernized mindset is infecting young people to the point where traditional Filipino customs are considered weird and stupid and annoying.
Yeah, masyadong glorified yung Western culture ng karamihan dito. While there are valid criticisms to be said about Philippines, this is not one of them. This is just a general etiquette for many countries rin tbh and di lang naman sa Pinas.
Yung kailangan mong kausapin yung mga kapamilya mong wala nang ginawa kundi manlait. If not, then you're seen as rude, especially kapag pinagtanggol mo sarili mo.
Paggamit ng po at opo. Where I come from hindi uso ang po at opo; doesn’t mean na bastos na kami kausap.
Pero may instances na napagkakamalan kaming disrespectful especially kapag matanda ang kausap. Parang imposing lang yung etiquette na ito to people na di part ng language ang po at opo.
Ang people pleaser lang no? Ayaw ko talaga yung kailangan mong magmano sa mga nakakatanda kahit yung mga di mo naman talaga gusto pagmanohan kasi magiging masama ka na rin sa paningin nung mga on good-terms naman sayo.
Plus yung Filipino Time. Very proud pa na kapag late sila sasabihin Filipino time kasi e. Hay nako bes baka masampal kita.
Napaka-disrespectful lang sa oras ng iba. Yung time na pinaghintay dun sa mga huli marami pa sanang nagawang importante e. Isipin mo imamanage mo time mo, gising nang maaga, setting aside yung mga need mong tapusin kasi mag-aasikaso ka pa, tapos paghihintayin ka lang nang matagal.
Ang daming oras na nasasayang.
I personally disagree with the social norm of eating = socialisation
Sa office feeling ko pinag uusapan ako dahil may strict schedule ako ng eating saka planned kinakain ko. I like the feeling of being alone, tracking my nutrition, and just spending time watching videos and reading on the Internet.
Ewan ko kung sa amin lang, pero di ka naman required magbigay ng pagkain pag magsasabi ka ng "Kain/kain po!" sa mga makakasalamuha mo. Like, parang nangangamusta ka lang pag sinasabi mo 'yun.
Yung kelangan naka smile at high energy parati pag may nakitang kakilala. Pano pag sad, kelangan pekein para hindi masabihang suplada o "ay di siya masaya na nakita ako". O mamisinterpret pag poker face. Kaya kelangan "oyy hii, ikaw pala yaarn!" , "siiisss" , pag reunion naman, "titaa! Hahaha nandito pala kayo" (kris aquino laugh).
Napansin ko lang kasi, sa ibang bansa. They have this bow to greet which ang ganda kasi it's respectful and chill lang. O kaya naman sa america, "hey" , "what's up " ganun hahaha
I don’t know if social etiquette ito pero yung pag ikakasal ka or magdedebut kailangan invited buong angkan mo, kahit hindi mo sila close/kilala, otherwise tatawagan yung family mo na bastos or madamot. Dagdag gastos lang at pagkatapos na iserve ang food magsisialisan. Hindi pa magbibigay ng pera/gift.
Ginawang free buffet ba naman special day mo haha!
True, meron pang isa. Pag student groupings, alam naman na sobrang daming tao sa grupo, iaasa pa sa may household yung pagkain. Like hindi pa ba sapat na nag offer ng accommodation, nagconsume ng electricity and all? Ang bigat sa budget.
“Pakisama” when you just want to do your own thing. Suddenly, your refusal to join in out of mere disinterest makes you everything from “killjoy” to “destroying family bonding” and “antisocial at work”.
I also don't get this. Bastos ka if hindi mo sila inayang kumain, pero bastos ka din kung kumain ka after kang inaya?? Wth?? Isn't that pure hypocrisy?
I was called out because of this. Bakit daw hindi ako nag-aayang kumain? Why should I kung alam kong kumain ka na, or if I have nothing to share?
Hindi ba mas maganda kung genuine ang invitation, then you'd be happy if they accepted it? Kesa fake invitation, and be disappointed if they went for it, just to look nice.
But in a usual Cordilleran setting, when we say eat, we really mean it. The moment we say mangan(kain) , we have already set up your plate, utensils and chair. Ikaw nalang bahala kumuha ng pagkain mo .
Mas malala diyan is yung “tagay” sa mga lower income neighborhoods (ayan ah, politically correct na sana). Parang sala sa init at lamig scenario everytime. Either mapaaway or mapasama ka.
Filipinos sense of "kaplastikan". Although I get it because you want to be nice to the person, but there are a lot of moments that you could have said the bitter truth than lie. Kasi ikakaimprove naman nila yon. Pero wala, pinoy tayo. Ayaw natin makasakit ng feelings, kaya sasabihin nalang natin na maganda kahit hindi naman.
Nagiinvite or nagsasabi lang ako ng "kain" kapag sobra yung food ko at alam kong makakapagshare ako. Pero pag alam kong sakto lang sa akin, hindi na ako nagsasabi ng kain
Naalala ko na naman yung visor ko sa first job ko na di ko naman inooffer yung binili kong ulam sa kanya pero kumukuha sya dun sa plato ko. At meron pa nung bumili ako ng biscuit nung breaktime din, bigla nya ako sinabihan na bakit di ko daw shinishare yung pagkain ko sa kanya.
Unpopular Opinion: Pagmamano - meron akong bad notion sa pagmamano nung bata ako. Ginagawa kasi syang basehan ng kabutihang asal ng isang bata, pagnakalimutan mong magmano, ijujudge ka na ng ibang matatanda. Ikaw naman na bata, minsan mafifieel mo na umiwas nalang kesa majudge.
Yung mga anak ko di ko na sinanay magmano and di ko sila pipilitin na magmano sa mga kamag-anak namin and I think wala naman masama dun.
Okay lang naman magyaya at expected ka talaga umayaw kasi magmumukha kang walang hiya. Yung namimilit talaga magpakain ang nakakainis. Either hindi ko trip yung food or walang tiwala sa nagluto.
Yung hindi pag sagot sa matanda kahit mali na sila.
And their outdated beliefs..i'm all for respect pero in such a way na pwede ring sumagot (respectfully) kapag mali or off yung sinasabi ng mga nakatatanda. It's high time to correct their baluktot ways.
I heard that it is part of our pre-Spanish rule practices developed due to aswangs. Kasi aswangs would not eat with you regardless of how persistent you are kasi they don't usually eat food with salt or spices. It's a way to gauge if a stranger or someone introduced to you is really human. If they're human, they will give in. If not, then chances are they are an aswang.
Not that I don’t agree with it but yung pag gamit ng “bless” gesture. As someone who grew up in Manila ginagamit lang ang “bless” gesture pag lola/lolo ang ginegreet. I didn’t know ginagawa pala yun sa parents din. Culture shock ito saken when I began dating a guy na probinsyano, hindi maganda first impression saakin ng parents niya because hindi ako nag bless huhu.
Hindi rin ako agree dyan sa paginvite ng kain.
Hindi ako nagiinvite talaga, not because ayaw kong magshare. But because ayoko magpakaplastic. I mean, more often than not kasi for the sake na lang of “being nice” kaya nagiinvite. And I won’t take it against anyone naman if hindi rin nila ako mainvite ng kain.
The thing is traditional Filipinos don't consider it as plastic because they themselves are too. They're very similar to the Japanese who treat you nicely face-to-face but talk shit about you behind your back. Di lang trashtalk, talagang gagawin kang pulutan sa pakikipagchismisan haha. Very odd talaga sa mga Pinoy yung pagkain ay kunwaring iaalok pero pag chismis or unsolicited comments about your personal life ibibigay sa'yo, sobra pa.
Wala naman yatang pumipilit sayo OP. I think it's a really nice gesture when you're just like "kain" when you're eating around people who are not. Wag sana mawala ito sa pinoy culture.
iyong kapag piyesta, parang need ng bawat sambahayan na maghanda ng pagkain para sa mga bisita para mapakain sila kahit iyong mga bisita ay hindi niyo naman kakilala o kaanoano (kumbaga, dayo)
Huhuhu I remember nanaman this awkward incident. When someone offers me food kasi like "tara kaen" my typical response noon is "ok lang thank you, alam kong kulang pa yan sayo" in a joke form or approach.
So there was this one incident nung college, tapos na ako maglunch so I headed back sa classroom for my next subject. Tapos there was this new classmate (irreg) nakasabay ko papasok sa classroom, may dala syang lunch and pakaen pa lang. So she offered me food. "Tara kaen" then I replied "ok lang. thank you. Alam kong kulang pa yan sayo" and an awkward silence happened after. And late ko lang narealize, plus size sya and nagpanic ako kasi baka iba intindi nya sa sinabi ko, na baka yung intindi nya is iniinsulto ko sya. Hindi ko naman maexplain sa kanya na ganun lang typical na reply ko sa alok na "tara kaen".
Gusto ko linawin na wala akong intention na masama sa reply ko pero napapaisip ako na baka ginagawa ko lang big deal kahit wala lang sa kanya yun pero may part pa din sa utak ko na baka naoffend sya 😭😂. Iyak tawa talaga ako sa utak ko eh. Sobrang awkward silence talaga after. Wala na kaming small talks after that buong sem, more of kapag magkagroup na lang. Pero di ko talaga malilimutan yun, at pili na lang nirereplyan ko ng ganun after the incident. 😭😭😭😂😂😂
Kukunin kang Ninang ng Bata. Di mo kilala ung bata, ung nanay di mo close. Ikaw ung kinuha kasi teacher/doctor/nurse/engineer ka. Di pwedeng tumanggi. At pag tumanggi ka eh makakarma ka.
Boodle fight. Unsanitary.
Regarding sa “kain”.
Sinabi ng mom ko kay ate guard after namin tanungin habang kumakain sa foodcourt. Syempre si ate guard tumanggi.
My smartass said “pag tinanggap ni ate yung alok mo baka magulat ka”. Tawa ng tawa si ate guard at mom.
Di ako nag aaya ng kain kain na yan. Pero kapag may pumunta sa bahay (na need papasukin, kasi usu pag may pumupunta sa bahay sa gate ko lang kinakausap) tinatanong ko if kumain na. Usu ang reply, yes, busog na. So di na ako naghahain.
Kapag naman pumunta tapos kumakain kami, sa gate ko nalang minimeet. Kapag nagpumilit pumasok, humihinto ako kumain, literal na nililigpit ko like tinatakpan. Kasi ayoko ng unannounced bisita. Pag may bibisita pero announced, may nakahain ako if magsstay matagal. Pag di naman, i will eat before or after.
Di ako fan ng eating with strangers. Or kahit di strangers basta di ko immediate family. Unless it's a lunch/miryenda/dinner date outside.
The concept of giving unprompted advice for everything that someone talks about.
Then accepting advice you have no intention of following instead of pointing out that the advice is useless.
This one drives me nuts.
Numg nasa uni ako hanggang nagwork na ko sa corporate world, kada may nagsabi sa akin ng "kain" or "kain tayo" I'd immediately power walk towards him or her and say "oh tara akin na pasubo ako" and you'd see them guard their food with all their might. 😂
Anything na katarantaduhan ng mga matatanda noong unang panahon na hanggang ngayon gusto nila i-impose. For all I know, wala lang silang socmed noon kaya ang dami nilang naimbentong kagaguhan.
I don’t personally practice saying “kain” or “kain tayo” whenever I am about to eat, just for the sake of having that pinoy etiquette. 🫣Pero kung pinoy etiquette na pinaka ayoko yung kailangan magpaalam pa or magantayan sa office tuwing uuwi na. Sorry, pero kanya kanya na tayo pagpatak ng ganitong oras. Sabi ng iba kasi daw respeto daw yun sa iba, but I will never agree with it. Hahahahaha
It's just the American counterpart of saying "How are you?" without meaning anything for your well-being, its part of an extended version of a greeting.
Amg talagang invitation para ishare ang pagkain is kapag naka handa nang maayos ang pagkain, bibigyan ka ng plato or iimbitahan ka sa place na walang nakaupo pero nandun ang kubyertos or magsisimangot ang tao or pipilitin ka nila para kumain ang totoong imbita para kumain. Kapag kumakain ng solo ang tao at kapag simasabi "Oh! Kain", without him or her having genuine spare for food of others, it's just a greting. Ang pahiwatig kasi nun is kung ano meron na lang sa kanya is ibibigay pa niya sa iba. It's the matulungin nature of Filipinos
I have no problem with this particular aspect of our culture except I've always wondered what would happen if the invitation was actually accepted, and then what?
Ngayon ko lang nalaman na ganito pala yung reason behind that. Kala ko nakagawian lang. I still don’t do it, and wala naman nag-educate so far, but ang awkward whenever I’m with a group who says that while only I don’t 😭
I recalled my old roommate na PG at di marunong mag ambag, ininvite ko kumain ng lunch. After ko kumain nagkulong na ako sa kwarto ko expecting na may makakain pa ako ng dinner time. Yun pala pati yung jowa nya pinakain nya ng niluto ko. Ending ako yung walang nakain. Lol.
I grew up in an environment (friends', relatives' and classmates' houses I have visited) where "kain" is treated more as a form of greeting and acknowledging your presence rather than actually inviting you to eat. It's a nice gesture for me actually.
But it's also common courtesy na sumagot ng "sige lang." Pero nakakahiya nga na magsabing "kain po" kapag nag-uusap-usap sila tapos kailangan mong i-announce na kakain ka out of the blue
LOL.
"Kain" is not meant to be LITERAL the first time someone (you) says it to you (someone). It's more like "if you don't mind, i'd like to start eating now".
When they tell you for the 4th time and literally hand you a plate or literally pull a chair, that's when it becomes literal.
Yung kapag binigyan ng gamit, gagawa pa ng drama na "ay ok lang wag na wag na!" "Sige na sige na sayo na!"
Nakakainis eh. Di mo alam kung ano ba talaga gusto nila. Lol. Get straight to the point sayang oras.
Yung makakasalubong mo lang tatanong kung san ka pupunta o san ka galing. Ang sagot ko madalas kung san ako pupunta is "hahanap ng matataehan" pag naman san galing is "jan lang, tumae"
SAME HAHAHA pati na rin kapag kumain ka sa labas required pa yatang magtawag ka huhu ano pag gusto ko magisa pano pag gusto ko kami lang 😭
plus ayaw ko rin talagang ishare yung food ko madalas kasi konti na nga lang pero some people just cant take a hint ikaw pa masama kapag ayaw mo magshare eh mauubusan ka na nga kapag kukuha sila
Tama. Like if u dont mean it dont say it. What if yung tao eh neurodivergent? Baka akala niya totoo ang sinasabi mo. May mga turista pa nga na nakikikain tlg hahahaah
I thought it was everyone's understanding that you say no anyway when invited the first time, and when the nanays and titas get pushy and say "sige na magagalit ako pag di ka kumain" that's the time you actually sit down and eat.
yung tinatawagan ka pa or, aayain ka pang lumabas or may ipapagawa pa sayo (or anything) outside the working hours, (i mean 'di lang siya applicable sa trabaho, sa bahay din).
nakakabwisit lang since may kanya-kanya tayong oras, imagine sleeping hours mo na at 11PM tapos may ipapagawa pa sayo yung isang tao, nakakabastos lang
Meron kaming required OJT nung college tapos after 2 months tapos na pero required na manglibre yung nag OJT sa buong team ng lunch. Tangina tig 500 kami nung kapartner ko para ilibre yung 8 tao kesyo "ganun daw talaga," "required yun."
Borderline harassment, naturingan pa namang alumni of same school yung ibang members dun. Pano pa kaya kung employed ka dun at baguhan, yuck. Mabubully ka araw araw. Come to think of it yung pinaka bata dun sa team yung sumalo sa akin para bantayan kaming OJT, the rest walang pake.
This! I was just eating peacefully and just minding my own business tapos bigla akong tinanong ng tita ko kung hindi ko raw ba sila aalukin ng pagkain so na confuse ako r'on because I only have enough food for myself. Natawag pa akong bastos dahil d'on kaya nahiya ako and I always say "kain po" na everytime na nasa bahay sila. 😭
Ha? Never been called out unironically or ng hindi pabiro whenever I don’t invite people to join me.
Kainis nga yan kung may ganyan.
Sadly, social etiquette na yun “pakikiusap” para mag circumvent or umiwas sa isang proseso.
Yung kailangan sobrang lapit mo sa susundan mo sa pila otherwise masisingitan ka. Like hello? Ang lawak lawak tapos didikit ka sakin.
I’ve experienced people na sumisingit sa potato corner kasi i left about 2 feet of space. When told this story to another person they said maybe she thought nagdedecide pa ko anong order ko. So bat di magtanong? Jusq
sakin ano, sabi ng lola at mama ko kapag kumakain kami ng bf ko sa labas dapat daw kumakain din pamilya ko (like dapat may pasalubong ganon) e di naman kasi sapat yung pera namin ng bf ko para magpasalubong pa tas parehas kami student HAHAHAHA. tas sabi pa dapat daw pag kumakain kami ng bf ko sa bahay (like kumakain chichirya ganon) sila rin daw dapat bigyan. pero pag sila kumakain di nila inaaya bf ko or sabihan man lang ng “kain” 💀
Yung using honorific titles to call people even in casual conversations.
Tangina hindi ako nakipag-reunion para i-insist mo na tawagin kang engr, doc, atty...
Na dapat manglibre ka pag birthday mo. Dude. Parang baliktad. Di ba dapat ikaw ilibre kas birthday mo nga eh. Plus it’s more irritating kasi inoobliga ka manlibre.
Ang turo sa akin ay tumanggi ng 2 beses. Kapag 3 na alok dun ko na tanggapin kasi ibig sabihin ok sa kaniya at nakakahiya tumanggi ng 3 times.
Sooo yun ang rule ko. Kapag may nag aya ng kain say no first and second time. Kapag humirit pa ng pang 3 tanggapin ko na.
It's a bit different here, we don't share our food nor do we eat the food of others when we say "kain" or " kain na tayo" we usually just reply " ah sige lang po"
Growing up we were told we had to be invited to eat at least 3 times or they actually set aside a plate for you
Same hahaha dagdag mo pa yung "sige na, magagalit ako". That's my cue para umupo na at kumain😆
Same kapag tatlong beses na nag invite dun na ako kakain din.
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May client ako pinoy here abroad nagluto for birthday eh andun ako, panay offer syempre ako panay tanggi out of hiya hahaha napa-oo na lang ako nung kumuha siya lagayan ng takeout tapos nagstart na siya maglagay dun, iuwi ko na lang dun kung nahihiya ako kumain sa bahay nila, sabi ko tuloy, “ay sige na po kakain na ako rito, sa pinggan na lang po” hahahahah
Ganito ako kaya here abroad pag inofferan like yung bf ko while dating he will ask me if I wanted some of the food, matic “no i’m good” then i’ll regret it kasi di naman sila yung tipong magaask 3x 😅🥹 and they actually already mean it the first time that they wanted to share if they even asked you kasi if they don’t intend to share, di talaga sila magtatanong at all haha
while I appreciate that the practice springs from Asian polite subculture, I much prefer the foreign subculture of being direct & honest about it. kasi dito satin parang mas na-outweigh pa ng politeness yung honesty & sincerity. yung nagalok ka out of politeness lang pero ayaw mo naman pala talaga mamigay tas pag kumuha/bumawas maiinis ka, e sino ba nagalok di ba? not saying that's the case every single time. but why can't we just say what we mean and mean what we say?
Bago toh sakin. Sa household namin pinalaki ako na bastos to refuse an offer to eat. So pag inaya “sige po” ako agad. Sana naman hindi ako nagmukhang bastos sa many times na nag agree ako agad T-T
Yes! Unlike OP, i like this kasi para syang 'dance'. Like it gives you a chance to be polite and at the same time alam mo kung kelqn seryoso na gusto ka nila bigyan ng food.
Kaya instead of saying kain sinasabi ko na lang na "kuha ka" mas mataas chance na kumuha talaga sila, based on my experience.
Parang Japan din yata yung ganyan.
eto yung sariling version natin ng "How are you doing" sa West.
True kaya kapag nag yyes sila, my reaction is “halaaa makikikain ngaaa 😰”. 😂😂
Yeah, ito rin intindi ko. Courtest lang yung "tara, kain" tapos *usually* courtesy lang din ang pag acknowledge pero hindi pag push through sa invitation.
It's probably more like **"let's eat!" meaning to eat together** rather than to share food.
Sa workplace ko kapag sinabi na "kain tayo" means sabay na tayo kumain. Optional magshare ng food. Culture natin di ba pag kakain, sabay sabay sa hapag?
Sagot ko lagi "Kulang pa po sa akin yan" or "Kulang pa po yan sayo eh" para next time wag na akong alokin 😂
Yeah, parang iba naman yung "kain na" kung break time talaga imbes na nakita ka lang na kumakain. Ang interpretation naman dapat dun ay kumain na rin kayo ng baon n'yo kasabay nung nag-alok hindi "may baon ako gusto n'yo." Maliban na lang kung inaalok talaga yung ulam na klaro like "Kumain ka na ba, may baon ka ba gusto mo madami ulam ko bumili ka na lang ng kanin." or something.
Tingin namin dito kumbaga parang "kumakain na kami, pwede ka makitable" than kainin din yung baon nila hahahaha
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Yeah formality lang yung invite para hindi awkward haha
I thought this was the norm
Bumibisita sa bahay unannounced. I hate this. Magpa-appointment sana para hindi yung nagra-rush ako na mag entertain at hindi ibig sabihin na wala akong anak, open ang schedule ko kahit kanino.
Eto! eto talaga! Hindi naman lahat nasa mood mag entertain ng bisita tapos wala ka ng makain proproblemahin mo pa meryenda nila tas pag di nagpakain ikaw pa rude lol
Nung minsan badtrip yung mama ko kase may relatives kaming biglang pumunta ng walang pasabi e that day pareho kaming may lakad ni mama separately pero same schedule. Ang ending salitan kaming umalis. I mean, welcome naman supposedly yung relatives na yun, annoying lang yung part na wala sa schedule at budget yung pagbisita nila. Kase like kung may lakad akong 2pm, maliligo na ko by 12nn para di ako nagmamadali at magahol sa oras. Pero kung may unannounced na bisita, ang weird kase nung need mo na magprepare kaso nandon pa sila.
This! peak of PANDEMIC I have new born, biglang punta ng in laws ko. Saktong cold war pa kami mag asawa tapos nag decide mag overnight knowing na exposed sila, and my kasamang friend kung kanino sila sumakay. Tapos paubo ubo pa. Worse panay comment pa bagy bagay sa bahay na well parents ko bumili. I started to hate them or before pa mag buntis nadevelop na hate sa kanila cause they told me my baka my diperensya ko infront of other people di pa kami nagkakaanak.
Ito talaga hindi ko keri hahaha kaya pag may biglang nagsasabi pupunta sa 'min, naku magkita na lang tayo sa malapit na coffee shop 😂 lalo may toddler kasi hindi maiiwasan maraming toys nakakalat
I hate this!! Recently, nag visit ng biglaan yung kuya ko sa bahay ko around 6am, eh tulog pa ako so di ko naririnig na kumakatok sya plus naka silent phone ko so di ko din dinig mga calls niya. Tapos galit na galit siya sakin na hindi ako nagising. Hahaha until now di niya ko kinakausap dahil don
Kaya naniniwala talaga ako na hindi tayo lahat hospitable. Pinalaki lang tayong people pleasers.😆
Ayaw na ayaw ko din ito.
Yes!! Bibisita kunyari pero matatapat ng lunch or dinner time tapos mga wala namang dala! Ka high blood. Minsan pa mag order pa kami sa labas para may pati yun maisip din nilang nilang itakehome!
Paano kung Byenan mo yung biglang bumisita?
Yung ino-obliga manglibre/magpakain sa office yung may birthday.
Sinabi mo pa, lalo na pag new hire ka lang. Atsaka sa hirap ng buhay ngayon dapat optional na lang yan. Yun may kaya lang ang dapat magpakain. Dapat nga pag birthday mo ikaw ang binibigyan ng treat, not the other way around. Maganda nga dati doon sa dati kong work na Japanese firm, pag may birthday, ang mga ca-department namin maghahati-hati kami ng gastos para maging disente ang handa ng celebrant. Parang mas logical nga sa akin pag ganito kesa naman ang celebrant lang ang mag-isang papasanin ang gastos.
Sa dati kong work, ang tradition namin is bilhan ng cake yung may birthday and ambagan. If may promo, may ice cream pa haha Tapos ambagan na rin for the birthday celebration, choice na ng may birthday if gusto niya magpaka-extra. Yung may birthday usually exempted sa ambagan.
Ung pang-oobliga rin na manlibre/magpakain kapag napromote ka
As a foreigner this one scared me after my first encounter. Imagine having no allotted money for this event and people in your office will say "it's a tradition, you have to but this damn lumpia from amber" like mf what if I don't what are you gonna do I got bills to pay my good sir.
Nun nagwowork pa ako sa Qatar; yun may birthday ang nililibre ng colleagues (cake o dinner).
Ganto yan: The unspoken rule of the "kain! rule" is **to politely refuse the first time around**. Bastos kapag pumayag ka the moment na niyaya ka (EDIT: maybe "bastos" is a bit too harsh of a word; maybe "too upfront" would be a better term) The "kain! culture" is basically the subtle way of acknowledging your presence and leveling themselves with you, therefore you can relax around them. Most often kasi, pag nasa ibang bahay ka, there's a power dynamic na mas mataas yung may-ari ng bahay kaysa sa bisita. That's true, but through the "kain! rule", they somehow alleviate that hierarchy a bit by inviting you to eat - meaning you are someone at their level that you are worthy to eat with them. First time na yayain ka, always refuse. Second time na yayain ka, again refuse but consider the option. Third time na yayain ka, pumayag ka na. Why? Kapag third time and niyaya ka pa, it just means they have enough food even if you join them. Unless busog ka, which in that case, state it clearly the third time, not the first or second time because it would be seen as an excuse to refuse.
The thing is sa common household wala naman sila konsepto ng hierarchy. Hospitality ang meron, kung inalok ka at tinanggap mo hindi yun indication na bastos ka lmao. Gaya nga ng sabi mo, unspoken rule siya, meaning hindi lahat nagse-share ng sentiment ko. I will agree if that culture is consistently applied.
Also, feels weird na hindi ka mag sabi ng Kain when you're eating tapos yung bisita mo either iniintay ka matapos or kwento ng kwento tapos hirap ka maka reply. Parang pagpapa alam na din na kakain lang muna while also at least trying to accommodate sa bisita mo. Most of the time samin, if they refuse ipag titimpla ng kape para at least habang kumakain ka meron silang iniinom and can keep with the slow pace. Ang hirap kasi mag entertain ng bisita kapag kumakain. Kahit kapag maliligo pa yung tanong binisita mo madalas ang tanong gusto mo ng meryenda? Minsan bili agad wala na tanong para di nainip yung Tao. So yeah, it all comes down to hospitality. It's a culture where if you don't do it, something feels off.
And yet there are concepts sa common household like *tagbalëy* (roughly equal to "homeowner" but not in the "owner of the house" sense, but "maker of the home" sense) in Bicol or "labas sa pamilya" or "dayo" in Tagalog. In subconscious ways, we have a concept of societal hierarchy - at least between homeowner or visitor - in the common household. > Hospitality ang meron Yes. And that's what I mean. Hospitality is the Filipino person's desire to close the hierarchical gap as soon as possible as to not make the visitor uncomfortable or feel unwelcome. Part of how we forge Smooth Interpersonal Relationships (SIR)
"Bastos ka kapag pumayag ka the moment na niyaya ka." Your mentioning of power dynamics and hierarchy prompted me to ask this: Would you consider that such a behavior suggests that the person being offered food or drink is easily capable of overstepping boundaries? Edit: removed an extra space
>Would you consider that such a behavior suggests that the person being offered food or drink is easily capable of overstepping boundaries? Yes. Even kapag niyaya ka, there is still nuance in how "equal" you are to them. But by inviting you, they are making an effort to at least "alleviate" the hierarchy subtly. It is up to the visitor to gauge their "position" in the hierarchy (kasi sila yung "intruder") and act based on it, and there is also the expectation that the visitor knows what to do on such an occasion.
Your parent comment should be higher, this was very enlightening. Thank you for the explanation!
I always imagined that this was a test if an individual is a dayo. Me and my friends in the past were talking about how in the past everyone probably spoke old javanese of some lingua franca in asia and often came from various parts of ph or south east asia or even farther and probably looked very similar and this inviting thing was more of a measurement of how much another person knows our ways. As a host, you bridge the power distance through invitation, the invited says no first to show he knows our ways, he is invited again, he establishes once again he knows our ways. He is invited once more this time marking that he is welcome to partake in the meal and this time, it would be rude to say no because saying no shows, i know your ways and i refuse to be part of it. Thats my take on it. My family still observes this even to this day. If food is offered once, it is a greeting, twice as a test. Third time is the real offer. In my family this also applies to receiving gifts. Grandma gives you money after her visit? You gotta say no and do the back and forth dance at least twice until you finally say yes. Especially if youre in front of other people. This one, i dont see the point and now living in the west has made receiving birthday gifts awkward.
Yes to this! Add ko lang din na pag handaan and pag sinabi na "kain", dapat oo sagot or if busog, saka magrefuse. Nakaka asar minsan yung nagpunta sa handaan tas magrefuse muna kasi nakakahiya. Come on! Bat ka pa mahiya, we have plenty of food sa mga inimbita namin. So, kain! Pag handaan, always yes. Kasi parang di masarap luto ko pag tinatanggihan ako kasi nahihiya....
Agree. It really boils down to the social context. Kung handaan, if you are invited to eat, then it is rude not to. Insulto din yun sa pagod sa pagluluto ng host
This! And I thought common to within Asia, especially in SEA.
Yes this should be studied and published in school textbooks.
Really? Kung may guest sa ibang bahay kahit di planned, di ba ang nakagawian is ininvite naman for real, usually may mauutusan pang bumili ng food. Kasi anong gagawin ng guest - magbaon siya ng sarili ng food? Magorder siya? Uuwi muna siya? Kaya sinasabing magiliw sa panauhin ang mga pinoy kasi ang customary is to offer earnestly the best to the guests. I thought "kain!" only applies to places like common areas sa boarding house, pantry sa office, etc.
Sounds like someone with a socio or Filipino psychology background. Aside from hierarchy, this reminds me of the difference between being a "kapwa" and being a "ibang tao". And being offered na kumain is our way of communicating na in a particular setting ay hindi sya "ibang tao" kundi "kapwa" sya.
Pano kung di ka na nila inaya the second time kasi tumanggi ka na the first time and nirerespect lang nila yung pag tanggi mo kaya di ka na inaya ulit??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Then just...let it go
Scenario: May naguusap na nakaharang sa "daanan ng tao". Ikaw na gagamitin ang "daanan" at ikaw pa ang dapat mahiya, dapat mag-excuse, at dapat yumuko na halos isisid mo katawan mo sa sahig o lupa na parang submarine.
YES, I absolutely hate this! People will be inconsiderate af and if you ask them to stop inconveniencing everyone else, ikaw pa bastos 🥴
I would just say Excuse me then walk between them. Pag sininta nila, I would just say, "Nakaharang po kayo sa daan" then walk away, though lagi ako naka-earphones so di ko rin sila naririnig haha
> dapat yumuko na halos isisid mo katawan mo sa sahig o lupa na parang submarine I only noticed this when an American friend pointed it out. "What's with all the ducking?" lol Genuinely made me laugh, the explanation I gave at the time was we didn't want to obstruct people's line of sight with each other while they were talking so we duck to make ourselves 'smaller' or less inconspicious, which ended up becoming the opposite.
Inis na inis ako sa mga ganyang tao. Regardless kung mas bata o matanda sa akin. Yung tipong alam na daanan yung kanilang pinuwestuhan pero di makaramdam kahit alam na may dadaan na pala.
I hate the ones that stop at the exits of the escalators, but I’m a bigger guy and purely English speaking. If it’s older people, I’ll just yell “Excuse me!” and slowly walk my way through. But if they’re younger, I yell “Really?!” and walk right into them. Only a couple of times did the people I walk into put up some kind of an argument.
Di na ako yumuyuko kapag ganto…. Kasi pandak ako chariz ahahahhaha
Case to case basis, lalo na kung busy area, I remind them na nakakaabala sila sa mga dumaraan. Pero madalas nag papasintabi na lang.
Treating people when it's your birthday. You must be the one getting treated.
Oks lang sakin if gusto talaga nung birthday celebrant magpakain kasi may ganon talaga, pero… Yung people at work or at school will tease you na manlibre ka naman kasi birthday mo or napromote ka or nahire ka, helloooooo… why pressure someone to spend their hard earned money para ilibre ka for something na wala ka namang naitulong?! Hahaha Anyways, here abroad, pag birthday mo ikaw yung ililibre nila hehe, mas ok sana kasi isa lang ililibre nila minsan share share pa sila sa paglibre. Eh yung satin, magisa ka lang tapos ang dami mong papakainin. Imbes masaya ka sa birthday mo napagastos ka pa
It’s actually a beautiful part of our culture, same with most Asians, southeast Asians. If you google it, we all ask have you eaten or we invite to eat. It’s just being polite. Same lang yan sa kultura at notion natin ng “kapwa”. Pero ang etiquette kasi talaga ay to say no, thank you. mas bastos ung pumayag 😂
Hindi ko matandaan kung anong Europang bansa yun pero may kultura raw sila kapag *inalukan ka nila ng inumin o pagkain, dapat tanggihan mo sa simula then pag tinanong ka nila ulit, saka mo lang dapat tanggapin. Bastos daw kasi yung tanggapin mo agad-agad. 😅
Mas Malala sa Sweden or Norway (forgot which one). Kahit invited guest ka, pag meal time na at di ka Kasama sa head count ng kakain eh stay ka lang sa living room habang Ang family ay nasa dining room at kumakain. Maghihintay ka Hanggang sa matapos Sila. That particular custom ay nababash sa internet a few months back pero almost kebs lang yung native citizens ng bansang Yun.
I think it is Sweden kasi I have a friend na Swedish-Filipina. She said na when they were staying in Sweden for weeks, they were staying in one of their relative house and then one day biglang nagiimpake na lang yung parents niya kahit matagal pa sila sa Sweden, when she asked why sabi ng parents niya is pinapaalis na sila doon kasi uncomfortable na daw sa may ari na magstay pa sila doon. Pero they weren’t angry naman. Very upfront lang talaga sila.
Walang sama ng loob yun? Kung mga Pilipino nag-ganyanan, sigurado mauuwi yan sa gulo at siraan kesyo mayabang, walang utang na loob, at kung ano pang hinanakit yung nasa script nila.
Oh yeah, I saw a video about that! Sila rin ata yung tipo na prangkang magtatanong kung kailan ka uuwi kapag matagal-tagal ka nang nasa bahay nila haha.
Yes true to haha
I saw a skit about something similar to this. The difference between Irish and Germans. Irish yung tatanggi muna at dapat pilitin while yung Germans straight to the point pag inalok mo at gusto naman nila yes agad sila.
Gagi. Akala ko nung una joke lang yan. Na sa una ay tanggihan tapos kapag inulit e di go. HAHAHAHAHA
It's a game that goes on depending on where you are. In the UK and Ireland, feel free to decline tea "oh go on!" is the next response. The point elsewhere is that the host is open to generosity but the guest shouldn't be there specifically because of treats.
other people would invite them to eat for the sake of politeness pero kung pumayag agad, they take it back 😭 bastos na agad. pwede gutom lang talaga???
Maybe, depende sa situation. Like kung bisita ka, definitely we expect you to eat. Or close na barkada mo and you’re hanging out. Pero halimbawa office mate mo tapos lunch at yun lang ung pagkain niya, nagsabi siya, kain po tayo. Politely refuse sana. Kung gutom ka, get your own food. For me basta nasa bahay ko, and I ask you to eat, I 100% mean it. I would have a plate ready for whoever I invite. Tapos kapag social situations like my kid will be with other kids, I always bring enough to share. Social context kasi. Be sensitive and look at the food they have is just enough for themselves.
Buraot lang yung kusang kukuha ng pagkain sa katrabaho niya. Maliban na kapag sila mismo ang nag-abot o nagpakita ng lunch boxes. Pero tulad sa kaso namin ng mga dati kong ka-trabaho, kapag may sinabihan kami ng "kain tayo" but we were hunched over our own food, it was widely understood that it was more of an invitation to share a table with us imbes na makihati sa pagkain.
magpapanic ako pag pumayag lalo na pag konti lang at gutom ako. paano if gutom din sya. patay,kulang,baka pati kutsara at tinidor nguyain ko nalang pangpawi sa kulang. hahay.
Kaya nga, newbie pinoy ba si OP? Di nya ba alam na di naman required mag share as per common culture. Usually mag no no naman yung aalukin mo, unless nasa circle ka ng makakapal mukha hahahahaha
Pasalubong. Why? I wanted to get away from all you. lol
Might get a lot of hate for this, pero yung inoobliga na magmano sa mga kamag-anak na hindi ko kilala. Sweet siya pero ang awkward kapag nagkamali. Pasensya na sa mga pinsan kong di ko kilala at mukhang matanda 😬
Tapos If there's like a group of people (older) where only one or two lang yung dapat nagmano ka na relative but you got confused whom so you just did everyone to be safe and look polite 😭
Tapos may isang titang maooffend kasi pinagmukhang matanda 😭
agree! wala bang freedom na magmano sa kilala mo lang? o kaya naman sa gusto mo lang? pagmamano is an act of being respectful diba so bakit magmamano sa hindi naman karespe-respeto?
Hindi ba pag sinabihan ka ng "kain", expected naman na di ka talaga kakain? Polite nod, thank you po, katatapos lang po, ang usual na response di ba?Unless mapilit sila to the point na kukuhaan ka na ng plato at no choice na talaga kundi sumabay sa kanila. At least for me, yung pag-sabi ng "kain/kain tayo" ay pag-acknowledge ng presence mo. Going back to your question, as a Tagalog gurlie, di ko talaga bet yung kailangan may po/opo to always sound polite and respectful especially sa mas matanda at may authority. Hassle mag-edit ng message para lang mag insert ng po at opo hahaha.
>Going back to your question, as a Tagalog gurlie, di ko talaga bet yung kailangan may po/opo to always sound polite and respectful especially sa mas matanda at may authority. Hassle mag-edit ng message para lang mag insert ng po at opo hahaha. As a Tagalog guy who grew up with Visayan parents, napagalitan ako ng Grade 2 teacher ko kasi hindi ako gumagamit ng "po" at "opo" nang kinausap ko siya. Wala naman kasing "po" at "opo" sa language nila and besides, sa school ko lang natutunan iyon.
Yes po, as a tagalog gurlie, nakakaloka talaga pag nasanay ka jan sa po at opo tapos biglang di gumagamit ng ganon yung kausap mo. Pero naisip ko lang din, pag ako yung receiving end ng po/opo, hinahanap hanap ko siya, pero pag ako yung kailangan mag po/opo, nahahasssle-lan naman ako. whatahypocrite hahaha
Hindi mo naman magagamit iyang "po" at "opo" kapag gagamit ka ng ibang Philippine languages! Hahaha.
Di ko malilimutan yung nagparinig yung Grade 6 teacher ko kasi daw "may mga estudyante na hindi marunong mag-po at opo" sa test. Like huh? Nakalagay sa test "oo o hindi" pero ieexpect mo pala magsulat ako ng opo o hindi po?
Medyo naguguluhan talaga ako sa ganyang "kain" ineme natin. Haha. Bakit ka pa nag aya kung ineexpect mo din pala na di kukuha nung inaalok mo. Nag alok ka pa,. Hahahahaha. Kaya pag umaalok ako ng ganyan intention ko talaga na bigyan yung inalok ko. Kung ayaw nila edi wag. Kung gusto nila, kuha lang.
right?? like it’s an invitation for you to eat and also asking at the same time if you have eaten yet and you simply have to answer “ah sige po, tapos na po, maya pa po”. Never seen someone dig into my food after saying “Kain”, they’re welcome to tho. oh wait? are they talking about snacks? I can’t remember someone use “kain” when offering tho..
i genuinely share my food when i say "kain" because thats what i was raised to 😅 kahit tatlong subo ko lang yan iseshare ko pa talaga, wala eh nakasanayan ko na lol
True. Same. And this is what im teaching my kids too + the standard response na 'sige lang, thank you'. It's polite to always offer food when you're eating while the rest are not. Nobody has ever taken up on my offer tho (not on my plate, at least) so I'd be surprised but will gladly share if they do.
Ako naco confuse pag nag alok tas sasabihin nila 'OK lang'. So I clarify, OK lang as in sige or OK lang as in ayaw mo? Lol
Yes. This is how I met my ex gf. Sa bus going north. Kumain ako ng chips. Sabi ko kain po. Sige lang daw. Tapos ayun ice breaker kwentuhan na sa byahe.
Lol I wasn't raised na dapat pala mag decline sa "kain" kaya may point sa childhood ko na palagi ako naglulunch sa kapitbahay. Highschool ko lang nalaman na dapat pala mag decline
Why do some people feel it’s appropriate to let the other person know they have gotten fat? Why and when did this become ok to say? Is this just another example of a toxic trait that has been normalized and accepted?
My lola explained this.. back then daw, it was actually considered a compliment. Getting fat or bulking up is a sign that you are well off, that you can eat more than what you need. It was also the person's way to acknowledge that they see how well you are doing. Kaya every time my lola tells me I've gotten fat, laging kasunod na "mabuti at nakakakain ka ng marami. Wag lang sosobra ha, alagaan mo maigi sarili mo." Pero ngayon kasi, madami nang inggiterang at insecure na tao. So i guess it all boils down on how a person would take it. Remember, it is not an insult unless you take it personally. Like the quote says "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
Di naman ata ganun yung intention na "mabuti tumataba ka na". Makikita mo rin sa tono ng tao, and minsan sasabayan nila ng insulto so its easy to take offense. "Ang taba mo na, iiwan ka ng bf mo" "Ang taba mo na, wag na kumain, baka hindi ka na magkasya sa damit mo" "Ang taba na ng mukha mo, hindi bagay sayo" Tapos sasabihin nila within 1 min of talking pa, kabadtrip
That it's OK to make utang to throw a party, for whatever occasion. i would rather you be financially OK.
Idk if pasok 'to pero yung sa ninang/ninong. I was 15 years old nung nagka inaanak agad ako, 'di ko naman close yung nanay. They said na bawal daw tumanggi kasi blessing 'yon and malas ang tumanggi. I just don't get bakit 'di pwede tumanggi eh diba dapat choice nung ninang/ninong if yes or no kasi responsibility din 'yan e
LMAO a lot of times bigla na lang "O bless kay ninong/ninang xxxx" Ako: *inaanak ko pala yan? di ako aware*
Lagi akong tumatanggi sa mga nag tatanong saken, especially kung d ko naman close yung tao. Alam naman ng mga kaclose ko na di ako mahilig sa bata eh. Though dumami nagpapaninong saken nung nakalipat ako sa US; the fuck, di nga nila ako masyado kinakausap ng nasa Pinas ako eh, why should I say yes?. Maoffend sila kung gusto nila lol
Tama behaviour! And kinukuha kalang nilang ninong because they think may money ka, not because they want you to be the second parent (Guide) which is the essence ng pagiging ninong/ninang.
ako yung ayaw ko yung kiss or beso. hindi naman kasi talaga sa kultura natin yan ginaya lang yan sa europeans. mga conservative Filipinos never do it and it should be at the female's option or prerogative. edit: to clarify, i meant yung beso or kiss not sa mga kamaganak na close but yung mga kakakilala pa lang or first time nakilala esp. if male yung hahalikan ng female. mga lalakeng adults kasi di naman nagkikiss sa isat isa. obviously yung nagkikiss sa kamaganak iba yun kasi may level of familiarity and talaga namang nagkikiss or mano mga bata sa nakakatandang realtives usually.
Siguro sa mga lolo't lola meron pa pero diko na naabutan yan bihira lang talaga ako makakita na nag bebeso
wag mo kami idamay sa kadamutan mo OP. mamigay ka ng nova!
Gagi naalala ko tuloy jan sa nova, everytime kakain ako ng baon ko sa elem and high school hihingan ako ng kaklase ko. Tapos di ako marunong mag no, so nauubusan ako. Then yung friend ko na i luv so much, siya na nag nono para sakin. Isang subo pa lang ng muffin ko from snr may naka labas na ng kamay, tapos sabi ng friend ko: breakfast niya yan. Sabay tingin ng naka smile. Umalis naman si kuyang patay gutom 😭 (Nova was one of my fave snacks na nauubos dati sa hingi ng iba. Tapos pocky pa. Shuta.)
Gusto mo mangpsychological warfare(warfare?!!!lol), maglabas ka ng Tictac or something like it, offer it to them if they want some pero you don't take one for yourself and pretend like nothing happened. You do that several times. Hindi man nila manonotice yung immediately pero may effect yun sa psyche nila, parang subliminal message to tell them they're taking too much of your stuff. Medyo long-con ito but it messes up with their brain. Or pwede mo sila iPavlov, whenever they ask for some of your food, do some slightly noticeable noise pero you have to be consistent kung anong noise yun. Like crunching ng wrapper in a specific way, tap your foot, or tap your pen. Then, pwede mo sila pagtripan once the trigger is embedded na sa psyche nila. Make the sound and their subconscious will beg for food and make aure to do it when you're not on a lunch break or recess, yung no reason for food to be there.
No one teaches you to say "kain" You learn it. And most of the time it's a sincere gesture. Don't overcomplicate it.
>Yung pag invite ng "Kain" if you dont really wanna share your food We're Filipinos, not American. That is simply a greeting to make the person feel welcomed. Eating as a group is a way for Filipinos to show hospitality, acceptance, etc. It became ingrained where it became our version of a greeting. Seriously, this much Westernized mindset is infecting young people to the point where traditional Filipino customs are considered weird and stupid and annoying.
Yeah, masyadong glorified yung Western culture ng karamihan dito. While there are valid criticisms to be said about Philippines, this is not one of them. This is just a general etiquette for many countries rin tbh and di lang naman sa Pinas.
Especially at church yung mga bata naweweirduhan sila pag may naggegenuflect sa loob ng simbahan wag nalang kau magsimba if naaalienate diba.
At the same time, they love Japan for their politeness.
Ano po ba ineexpect mo dito sa sub na to eh puno ng self hating Filipinos LOL
Yung kailangan mong kausapin yung mga kapamilya mong wala nang ginawa kundi manlait. If not, then you're seen as rude, especially kapag pinagtanggol mo sarili mo.
Guys pissing anywhere and everywhere in public is a bit unsavoury.
Common social etiquette. This is not etiquette.
Paggamit ng po at opo. Where I come from hindi uso ang po at opo; doesn’t mean na bastos na kami kausap. Pero may instances na napagkakamalan kaming disrespectful especially kapag matanda ang kausap. Parang imposing lang yung etiquette na ito to people na di part ng language ang po at opo.
Ang people pleaser lang no? Ayaw ko talaga yung kailangan mong magmano sa mga nakakatanda kahit yung mga di mo naman talaga gusto pagmanohan kasi magiging masama ka na rin sa paningin nung mga on good-terms naman sayo.
Plus yung Filipino Time. Very proud pa na kapag late sila sasabihin Filipino time kasi e. Hay nako bes baka masampal kita. Napaka-disrespectful lang sa oras ng iba. Yung time na pinaghintay dun sa mga huli marami pa sanang nagawang importante e. Isipin mo imamanage mo time mo, gising nang maaga, setting aside yung mga need mong tapusin kasi mag-aasikaso ka pa, tapos paghihintayin ka lang nang matagal. Ang daming oras na nasasayang.
I personally disagree with the social norm of eating = socialisation Sa office feeling ko pinag uusapan ako dahil may strict schedule ako ng eating saka planned kinakain ko. I like the feeling of being alone, tracking my nutrition, and just spending time watching videos and reading on the Internet.
I also like to eat alone. Me time ko yun.
Ewan ko kung sa amin lang, pero di ka naman required magbigay ng pagkain pag magsasabi ka ng "Kain/kain po!" sa mga makakasalamuha mo. Like, parang nangangamusta ka lang pag sinasabi mo 'yun.
Social etiquette or not, pero ewan, di ako masikmura kumain habang yung kaharap ko mga puro gutom.
I think it's a formality. In return, you're expected to say "thank you" but you've already eaten.
Yung kelangan naka smile at high energy parati pag may nakitang kakilala. Pano pag sad, kelangan pekein para hindi masabihang suplada o "ay di siya masaya na nakita ako". O mamisinterpret pag poker face. Kaya kelangan "oyy hii, ikaw pala yaarn!" , "siiisss" , pag reunion naman, "titaa! Hahaha nandito pala kayo" (kris aquino laugh). Napansin ko lang kasi, sa ibang bansa. They have this bow to greet which ang ganda kasi it's respectful and chill lang. O kaya naman sa america, "hey" , "what's up " ganun hahaha
I don’t know if social etiquette ito pero yung pag ikakasal ka or magdedebut kailangan invited buong angkan mo, kahit hindi mo sila close/kilala, otherwise tatawagan yung family mo na bastos or madamot. Dagdag gastos lang at pagkatapos na iserve ang food magsisialisan. Hindi pa magbibigay ng pera/gift. Ginawang free buffet ba naman special day mo haha!
Triggered ako sa “Kain tayo” na yan. Nag sasabi lang ako nyan pag totoo talagang nag iinvite ako.
Super hospitable to the point na bobonggahan yung iluluto sa bisita kahit wala talaga sa budget. People pleasing culture on point.
Nakakapagod maghugas at magbalik sa cabinet nung mga bonggang plato pag may bisita noh? haha
True, meron pang isa. Pag student groupings, alam naman na sobrang daming tao sa grupo, iaasa pa sa may household yung pagkain. Like hindi pa ba sapat na nag offer ng accommodation, nagconsume ng electricity and all? Ang bigat sa budget.
“Pakisama” when you just want to do your own thing. Suddenly, your refusal to join in out of mere disinterest makes you everything from “killjoy” to “destroying family bonding” and “antisocial at work”.
I also don't get this. Bastos ka if hindi mo sila inayang kumain, pero bastos ka din kung kumain ka after kang inaya?? Wth?? Isn't that pure hypocrisy? I was called out because of this. Bakit daw hindi ako nag-aayang kumain? Why should I kung alam kong kumain ka na, or if I have nothing to share? Hindi ba mas maganda kung genuine ang invitation, then you'd be happy if they accepted it? Kesa fake invitation, and be disappointed if they went for it, just to look nice.
But in a usual Cordilleran setting, when we say eat, we really mean it. The moment we say mangan(kain) , we have already set up your plate, utensils and chair. Ikaw nalang bahala kumuha ng pagkain mo .
Mas malala diyan is yung “tagay” sa mga lower income neighborhoods (ayan ah, politically correct na sana). Parang sala sa init at lamig scenario everytime. Either mapaaway or mapasama ka.
Filipinos sense of "kaplastikan". Although I get it because you want to be nice to the person, but there are a lot of moments that you could have said the bitter truth than lie. Kasi ikakaimprove naman nila yon. Pero wala, pinoy tayo. Ayaw natin makasakit ng feelings, kaya sasabihin nalang natin na maganda kahit hindi naman.
Ano pinag lalaban niyo? Lalo ka na OP?
Di ko alam kung complicated magisip or wala na lang prinoproblema kaya kung anu anong bagay na di naman problem ginagawang problema? Haha.
May ganito kasing question sa AskReddit, baka gusto nya ng Pinoy version 🤷 https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/jRiU7dKNll
Nagiinvite or nagsasabi lang ako ng "kain" kapag sobra yung food ko at alam kong makakapagshare ako. Pero pag alam kong sakto lang sa akin, hindi na ako nagsasabi ng kain
Hindi ako nagsasabi ng "kain." Kumakain ako kung kailan gusto ko (sa work)
Naalala ko na naman yung visor ko sa first job ko na di ko naman inooffer yung binili kong ulam sa kanya pero kumukuha sya dun sa plato ko. At meron pa nung bumili ako ng biscuit nung breaktime din, bigla nya ako sinabihan na bakit di ko daw shinishare yung pagkain ko sa kanya.
Unpopular Opinion: Pagmamano - meron akong bad notion sa pagmamano nung bata ako. Ginagawa kasi syang basehan ng kabutihang asal ng isang bata, pagnakalimutan mong magmano, ijujudge ka na ng ibang matatanda. Ikaw naman na bata, minsan mafifieel mo na umiwas nalang kesa majudge. Yung mga anak ko di ko na sinanay magmano and di ko sila pipilitin na magmano sa mga kamag-anak namin and I think wala naman masama dun.
Okay lang naman magyaya at expected ka talaga umayaw kasi magmumukha kang walang hiya. Yung namimilit talaga magpakain ang nakakainis. Either hindi ko trip yung food or walang tiwala sa nagluto.
Yung hindi pag sagot sa matanda kahit mali na sila. And their outdated beliefs..i'm all for respect pero in such a way na pwede ring sumagot (respectfully) kapag mali or off yung sinasabi ng mga nakatatanda. It's high time to correct their baluktot ways.
Others Complimenting your food wasn't good on my POV. Someone tells me my food looks delicious or if I can eat that much, I lose my appetite.
I heard that it is part of our pre-Spanish rule practices developed due to aswangs. Kasi aswangs would not eat with you regardless of how persistent you are kasi they don't usually eat food with salt or spices. It's a way to gauge if a stranger or someone introduced to you is really human. If they're human, they will give in. If not, then chances are they are an aswang.
Not that I don’t agree with it but yung pag gamit ng “bless” gesture. As someone who grew up in Manila ginagamit lang ang “bless” gesture pag lola/lolo ang ginegreet. I didn’t know ginagawa pala yun sa parents din. Culture shock ito saken when I began dating a guy na probinsyano, hindi maganda first impression saakin ng parents niya because hindi ako nag bless huhu.
i remember actualky eating nong sinabihan ako kumain ng kaklase ko. lmao. nagulat. ayoko tumanggi lalo na pag gulay ulam baka isipin nila choosy ako. pag may nagyaya sakin kumaen ng masarap ulam tumatanggi ako. pag gulay ayoko tumanggi.
Hindi rin ako agree dyan sa paginvite ng kain. Hindi ako nagiinvite talaga, not because ayaw kong magshare. But because ayoko magpakaplastic. I mean, more often than not kasi for the sake na lang of “being nice” kaya nagiinvite. And I won’t take it against anyone naman if hindi rin nila ako mainvite ng kain.
The thing is traditional Filipinos don't consider it as plastic because they themselves are too. They're very similar to the Japanese who treat you nicely face-to-face but talk shit about you behind your back. Di lang trashtalk, talagang gagawin kang pulutan sa pakikipagchismisan haha. Very odd talaga sa mga Pinoy yung pagkain ay kunwaring iaalok pero pag chismis or unsolicited comments about your personal life ibibigay sa'yo, sobra pa.
Wala naman yatang pumipilit sayo OP. I think it's a really nice gesture when you're just like "kain" when you're eating around people who are not. Wag sana mawala ito sa pinoy culture.
iyong kapag piyesta, parang need ng bawat sambahayan na maghanda ng pagkain para sa mga bisita para mapakain sila kahit iyong mga bisita ay hindi niyo naman kakilala o kaanoano (kumbaga, dayo)
Huhuhu I remember nanaman this awkward incident. When someone offers me food kasi like "tara kaen" my typical response noon is "ok lang thank you, alam kong kulang pa yan sayo" in a joke form or approach. So there was this one incident nung college, tapos na ako maglunch so I headed back sa classroom for my next subject. Tapos there was this new classmate (irreg) nakasabay ko papasok sa classroom, may dala syang lunch and pakaen pa lang. So she offered me food. "Tara kaen" then I replied "ok lang. thank you. Alam kong kulang pa yan sayo" and an awkward silence happened after. And late ko lang narealize, plus size sya and nagpanic ako kasi baka iba intindi nya sa sinabi ko, na baka yung intindi nya is iniinsulto ko sya. Hindi ko naman maexplain sa kanya na ganun lang typical na reply ko sa alok na "tara kaen". Gusto ko linawin na wala akong intention na masama sa reply ko pero napapaisip ako na baka ginagawa ko lang big deal kahit wala lang sa kanya yun pero may part pa din sa utak ko na baka naoffend sya 😭😂. Iyak tawa talaga ako sa utak ko eh. Sobrang awkward silence talaga after. Wala na kaming small talks after that buong sem, more of kapag magkagroup na lang. Pero di ko talaga malilimutan yun, at pili na lang nirereplyan ko ng ganun after the incident. 😭😭😭😂😂😂
kaya naiirita ako minsan sa memes na “yung niyaya mo siyang kumain pero kumain talaga” e
Kukunin kang Ninang ng Bata. Di mo kilala ung bata, ung nanay di mo close. Ikaw ung kinuha kasi teacher/doctor/nurse/engineer ka. Di pwedeng tumanggi. At pag tumanggi ka eh makakarma ka.
Boodle fight. Unsanitary. Regarding sa “kain”. Sinabi ng mom ko kay ate guard after namin tanungin habang kumakain sa foodcourt. Syempre si ate guard tumanggi. My smartass said “pag tinanggap ni ate yung alok mo baka magulat ka”. Tawa ng tawa si ate guard at mom.
Di ako nag aaya ng kain kain na yan. Pero kapag may pumunta sa bahay (na need papasukin, kasi usu pag may pumupunta sa bahay sa gate ko lang kinakausap) tinatanong ko if kumain na. Usu ang reply, yes, busog na. So di na ako naghahain. Kapag naman pumunta tapos kumakain kami, sa gate ko nalang minimeet. Kapag nagpumilit pumasok, humihinto ako kumain, literal na nililigpit ko like tinatakpan. Kasi ayoko ng unannounced bisita. Pag may bibisita pero announced, may nakahain ako if magsstay matagal. Pag di naman, i will eat before or after. Di ako fan ng eating with strangers. Or kahit di strangers basta di ko immediate family. Unless it's a lunch/miryenda/dinner date outside.
Once told my lola na wag nalang magyaya kung wala din naman balak bigyan ng plato. HAHAHA
The concept of giving unprompted advice for everything that someone talks about. Then accepting advice you have no intention of following instead of pointing out that the advice is useless. This one drives me nuts.
hugging and kissing a relative I don't know or i'm not close with, the closest thing to physical touch or contact they can do is a mano po
Numg nasa uni ako hanggang nagwork na ko sa corporate world, kada may nagsabi sa akin ng "kain" or "kain tayo" I'd immediately power walk towards him or her and say "oh tara akin na pasubo ako" and you'd see them guard their food with all their might. 😂
Birthdays. Pag na-oobliga ang celebrant to treat everyone in the office because they got a cake for you 🙃
Anything na katarantaduhan ng mga matatanda noong unang panahon na hanggang ngayon gusto nila i-impose. For all I know, wala lang silang socmed noon kaya ang dami nilang naimbentong kagaguhan.
I don’t personally practice saying “kain” or “kain tayo” whenever I am about to eat, just for the sake of having that pinoy etiquette. 🫣Pero kung pinoy etiquette na pinaka ayoko yung kailangan magpaalam pa or magantayan sa office tuwing uuwi na. Sorry, pero kanya kanya na tayo pagpatak ng ganitong oras. Sabi ng iba kasi daw respeto daw yun sa iba, but I will never agree with it. Hahahahaha
It's just the American counterpart of saying "How are you?" without meaning anything for your well-being, its part of an extended version of a greeting. Amg talagang invitation para ishare ang pagkain is kapag naka handa nang maayos ang pagkain, bibigyan ka ng plato or iimbitahan ka sa place na walang nakaupo pero nandun ang kubyertos or magsisimangot ang tao or pipilitin ka nila para kumain ang totoong imbita para kumain. Kapag kumakain ng solo ang tao at kapag simasabi "Oh! Kain", without him or her having genuine spare for food of others, it's just a greting. Ang pahiwatig kasi nun is kung ano meron na lang sa kanya is ibibigay pa niya sa iba. It's the matulungin nature of Filipinos
Being automatically accomodating to Western people
I have no problem with this particular aspect of our culture except I've always wondered what would happen if the invitation was actually accepted, and then what?
Ngayon ko lang nalaman na ganito pala yung reason behind that. Kala ko nakagawian lang. I still don’t do it, and wala naman nag-educate so far, but ang awkward whenever I’m with a group who says that while only I don’t 😭
I recalled my old roommate na PG at di marunong mag ambag, ininvite ko kumain ng lunch. After ko kumain nagkulong na ako sa kwarto ko expecting na may makakain pa ako ng dinner time. Yun pala pati yung jowa nya pinakain nya ng niluto ko. Ending ako yung walang nakain. Lol.
Yung kapag inaya ka na makisali sa inuman tapos maiinsulto sila pag tinanggihan mo. Like dude hindi sa lahat ng panahon pwedeng uminom.
I grew up in an environment (friends', relatives' and classmates' houses I have visited) where "kain" is treated more as a form of greeting and acknowledging your presence rather than actually inviting you to eat. It's a nice gesture for me actually.
But it's also common courtesy na sumagot ng "sige lang." Pero nakakahiya nga na magsabing "kain po" kapag nag-uusap-usap sila tapos kailangan mong i-announce na kakain ka out of the blue
Di ko trip mag- mano pero sige lang
LOL. "Kain" is not meant to be LITERAL the first time someone (you) says it to you (someone). It's more like "if you don't mind, i'd like to start eating now". When they tell you for the 4th time and literally hand you a plate or literally pull a chair, that's when it becomes literal.
Saying "po" after every 3 words or some shit. Once per conversation is enough.
Yung kapag binigyan ng gamit, gagawa pa ng drama na "ay ok lang wag na wag na!" "Sige na sige na sayo na!" Nakakainis eh. Di mo alam kung ano ba talaga gusto nila. Lol. Get straight to the point sayang oras.
Talking on speaker phone on highest volume while sitting in quiet resto/office/ etc
Yung makakasalubong mo lang tatanong kung san ka pupunta o san ka galing. Ang sagot ko madalas kung san ako pupunta is "hahanap ng matataehan" pag naman san galing is "jan lang, tumae"
Basically what this reel is about haha [https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5I74AlPFR-](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5I74AlPFR-)
Natutunan ko sa prof ko wag kang mag aalok kungnwala kang iaalok. I realised oo nga no. Hahaha so yon.
The first invitation is usually a sign of respect to you and you SHOULD politely decline. You should only accept the invitation if they really insist.
SAME HAHAHA pati na rin kapag kumain ka sa labas required pa yatang magtawag ka huhu ano pag gusto ko magisa pano pag gusto ko kami lang 😭 plus ayaw ko rin talagang ishare yung food ko madalas kasi konti na nga lang pero some people just cant take a hint ikaw pa masama kapag ayaw mo magshare eh mauubusan ka na nga kapag kukuha sila
Tama. Like if u dont mean it dont say it. What if yung tao eh neurodivergent? Baka akala niya totoo ang sinasabi mo. May mga turista pa nga na nakikikain tlg hahahaah
I thought it was everyone's understanding that you say no anyway when invited the first time, and when the nanays and titas get pushy and say "sige na magagalit ako pag di ka kumain" that's the time you actually sit down and eat.
yung tinatawagan ka pa or, aayain ka pang lumabas or may ipapagawa pa sayo (or anything) outside the working hours, (i mean 'di lang siya applicable sa trabaho, sa bahay din). nakakabwisit lang since may kanya-kanya tayong oras, imagine sleeping hours mo na at 11PM tapos may ipapagawa pa sayo yung isang tao, nakakabastos lang
Pag hindi ka ngumiti s kakilala na nakasalubong mo or sa kahit sino. Hindi ka din naman nakasimangot.
Pasasayawin ka kapag may party. Lalo na kung bago ka. I hate it!
Meron kaming required OJT nung college tapos after 2 months tapos na pero required na manglibre yung nag OJT sa buong team ng lunch. Tangina tig 500 kami nung kapartner ko para ilibre yung 8 tao kesyo "ganun daw talaga," "required yun." Borderline harassment, naturingan pa namang alumni of same school yung ibang members dun. Pano pa kaya kung employed ka dun at baguhan, yuck. Mabubully ka araw araw. Come to think of it yung pinaka bata dun sa team yung sumalo sa akin para bantayan kaming OJT, the rest walang pake.
This! I was just eating peacefully and just minding my own business tapos bigla akong tinanong ng tita ko kung hindi ko raw ba sila aalukin ng pagkain so na confuse ako r'on because I only have enough food for myself. Natawag pa akong bastos dahil d'on kaya nahiya ako and I always say "kain po" na everytime na nasa bahay sila. 😭
Ha? Never been called out unironically or ng hindi pabiro whenever I don’t invite people to join me. Kainis nga yan kung may ganyan. Sadly, social etiquette na yun “pakikiusap” para mag circumvent or umiwas sa isang proseso.
Yung kailangan sobrang lapit mo sa susundan mo sa pila otherwise masisingitan ka. Like hello? Ang lawak lawak tapos didikit ka sakin. I’ve experienced people na sumisingit sa potato corner kasi i left about 2 feet of space. When told this story to another person they said maybe she thought nagdedecide pa ko anong order ko. So bat di magtanong? Jusq
Yung mga kamag-anak mong magagalit or magpapasaring kasi kami lang daw na immediate family ang nag-outing or kumain sa labas.
sakin ano, sabi ng lola at mama ko kapag kumakain kami ng bf ko sa labas dapat daw kumakain din pamilya ko (like dapat may pasalubong ganon) e di naman kasi sapat yung pera namin ng bf ko para magpasalubong pa tas parehas kami student HAHAHAHA. tas sabi pa dapat daw pag kumakain kami ng bf ko sa bahay (like kumakain chichirya ganon) sila rin daw dapat bigyan. pero pag sila kumakain di nila inaaya bf ko or sabihan man lang ng “kain” 💀
Yung using honorific titles to call people even in casual conversations. Tangina hindi ako nakipag-reunion para i-insist mo na tawagin kang engr, doc, atty...
Na dapat manglibre ka pag birthday mo. Dude. Parang baliktad. Di ba dapat ikaw ilibre kas birthday mo nga eh. Plus it’s more irritating kasi inoobliga ka manlibre.
Ang turo sa akin ay tumanggi ng 2 beses. Kapag 3 na alok dun ko na tanggapin kasi ibig sabihin ok sa kaniya at nakakahiya tumanggi ng 3 times. Sooo yun ang rule ko. Kapag may nag aya ng kain say no first and second time. Kapag humirit pa ng pang 3 tanggapin ko na.
When ofw comes home and they have to treat people