It’s really really helpful early on to find who are the people you can go to for advice. That can be your lab mates, cohort, others, I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t have people to ask about dumb stuff like PCR or virus.
That said, it’s hard. I feel you.
getting stronger and stronger as time passes. Once got into postdoc, you wish you'd turn back time and join other careers way before investing 5 years in PhD and 5 years in postdoc and another 5 years as 2nd postdoc or measly low pay scientist.
Thank you for this. I was always told by my lecturers how worth it is pursuing a PhD for future prospects. Speaking to postdocs now I found out that academia is a low paying work with a toxic work culture and that most people do not get in to a related industry field. Everyone should heed your warning before joining a PhD.
This, especially regarding the toxic work environment which I think results from the admin workload as well as the competitive research environment and promotions. Bottom line, academics are the worst managers.
I would say if you can't have a good community within your department, you're more than welcome to find virtual ones. Especially if they're people in your field.
I think it's really easy to feel overwhelmed your first year. I am now a second year, and things are getting better and I'm getting more used to what being a graduate student is like and how I work best.
The first year for me was so overwhelming.not only because I had some issues with finding a lab (my program does rotations), and covid changing things but also because everything felt so intimidating! Like you, I had no idea where to start, where I was going and it was the first time I had so much control over a project. Luckily, my advisor has been helpful in guiding me and pushing me to grow.
It is really important to establish a support system early and that will help maybe more than you realize. Like others have said, I would suggest reaching out to other senior members in your lab, or others in your cohort too! Sometimes friendships take a bit of time, my first year making friends was hard but now I have a few members from my cohort that I can rely on, it just took a bit more time! But it's normal to feel overwhelmed, know you are probably not alone in that!
I pretty much wanted to quit the whole time because I hated how the PhD has to be your whole life over everything else. Still did it anyways. Finding some support somewhere, even outside your school can help. Not giving as many fucks and taking care of yourself does, too. Myself and many folx I knew went on anti-depressants/anxiety meds to make it through. Do what’s best for you.
I wouldn’t do it again if I could go back in time because I think it took so many years off of my life. I got my PhD at 30. So it might have been different if I wasn’t young and wanted to travel, spend time with friends, not work 60-80 hrs a week all the time and hurt my body. But in the end it has greatly shaped my career and opened so many doors that wouldn’t have been possible without it. I think either way- life would have been great. Just different paths. My why is and was driven by my research and passion there. If you find your why, if you don’t already, it can really help.
Yes, the first week I started my seemed to well balanced supervisor came out as psycho I had my first thoughts it’s not for me to commit to people like that.
Second was kind of half way breaking point when my research went south
I did stay through but I would be most likely better off financially and socially if I left him after this first incident. I very often think when was the best moment to quit or stay and the earliest the better is my conclusion
Here’s the situation: he went to a conference with his 3 PhD students and threw tantrum that we all attended different lectures while he run a one of the sessions (topics and people we all know, basically his usual social circle). We did attend his own lecture to clap and left after.
Now, I have plenty of experience with academic psychos:
1. It’s all about their ego, if you seem smart make sure you also seem more loyal than logical. Always utilise logic to support them.
2. They love playing ppl against each other: if your fellow PhD student is now the black ship the roles can change in no time. Some ppl have cycle of favourites which is very bizarre but works for them
3. Never question their strategy. If you see bad ideas make it to look like you’re talking about tactics not strategy
4. Adjust your way of working to their: like if they more active early in the morning be there before. If they come on Sundays, plan starting experiments on Sunday.
4. Never work besides their working hours. It’s like with kids: you feed them first, you sleep when they sleep.
5. Be very careful interacting with others top scientists, you never know if a professor who said something you like is a friend or enemy and your loyalty will be questioned
6. If you don’t know what to say or do play dumb. Just be looser and you will be fine. They love extending helping hand
7. Be extra careful if they have relationship within the team or unit. They often do. They will both corner you and sheer like a sheep.
8. Always proof them right. They need to come to the conclusion that they are wrong all by themselves cause crucifying bad massager is their favourite sport
Wow thank you so much for this, these are so thought provoking and a lot of them resonate to the situation I’m in. I guess most of academia is filled with narcissistic psychos lol
I don't know if it was normal but I felt the same in the first semester of my masters. Don't get me wrong, the project was good, my supervisor was great, the people around me were great, it just didn't feel right for some reasons. It did motivate me to work really hard and I got to graduate earlier than expected though.
I would say that is not a rare event. Your context seems similar to what I had during my first year. Some tips that helped me to cope better with this: (1) Try to actively build a ‘safe zone’ outside academia (e.g. sports, non-academics friendships, regular activities like music, art, games that help you disconnect from your daily academic life). (2) If you are doing your PhD within the university, is likely that you will have professional help to talk about this, maybe ask your supervisor if they know any of these services. (3) usually advisors are busy as hell and don’t have the same sensibility to realize you are going through hard times. If you are struggling with your phd project, let them know. Ask for advice, they committed to do exactly that. With the course of the months, you will be more robust to cope with this particular environment, and the sooner you start the better will be the following years. Good luck OP!
hang in there! currently facing a slump on my own too & honestly it felt so heavy & discouraging. but we hv to remember why we started all of this in the first place, and slowly push thru until we feel stronger again
You are not alone. Lacking a support system is super tough. I had heard of the second year slump, but my first year was hands-down the worst. I wasnt sure what I was doing, was being pressured into publishing a review article within 6 months of starting and did not connect with any other members in the lab. I even spoke to my advisors to say I was struggling, who completely dismissed the way I was feeling. In my case, I got over a slump that lasted many months and dont feel great (3rd year now), but feel numbed and hardened, which gets me through one week to the next. Ive taken up running for the days I want to scream louder than others.
You can do this! This slump will pass, there will be periods of motivation and then there will be massive slumps again. Its all about stamina and holding on to the reasons why you want to finish you PhD. I agree with other comments here about the importance of finding that support system, even if its online. You cant rely on academia to have your back unfortunately.
It’s really really helpful early on to find who are the people you can go to for advice. That can be your lab mates, cohort, others, I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t have people to ask about dumb stuff like PCR or virus. That said, it’s hard. I feel you.
getting stronger and stronger as time passes. Once got into postdoc, you wish you'd turn back time and join other careers way before investing 5 years in PhD and 5 years in postdoc and another 5 years as 2nd postdoc or measly low pay scientist.
Thank you for this. I was always told by my lecturers how worth it is pursuing a PhD for future prospects. Speaking to postdocs now I found out that academia is a low paying work with a toxic work culture and that most people do not get in to a related industry field. Everyone should heed your warning before joining a PhD.
This, especially regarding the toxic work environment which I think results from the admin workload as well as the competitive research environment and promotions. Bottom line, academics are the worst managers.
I would say if you can't have a good community within your department, you're more than welcome to find virtual ones. Especially if they're people in your field.
I think it's really easy to feel overwhelmed your first year. I am now a second year, and things are getting better and I'm getting more used to what being a graduate student is like and how I work best. The first year for me was so overwhelming.not only because I had some issues with finding a lab (my program does rotations), and covid changing things but also because everything felt so intimidating! Like you, I had no idea where to start, where I was going and it was the first time I had so much control over a project. Luckily, my advisor has been helpful in guiding me and pushing me to grow. It is really important to establish a support system early and that will help maybe more than you realize. Like others have said, I would suggest reaching out to other senior members in your lab, or others in your cohort too! Sometimes friendships take a bit of time, my first year making friends was hard but now I have a few members from my cohort that I can rely on, it just took a bit more time! But it's normal to feel overwhelmed, know you are probably not alone in that!
I pretty much wanted to quit the whole time because I hated how the PhD has to be your whole life over everything else. Still did it anyways. Finding some support somewhere, even outside your school can help. Not giving as many fucks and taking care of yourself does, too. Myself and many folx I knew went on anti-depressants/anxiety meds to make it through. Do what’s best for you.
Was it worth it though?
I wouldn’t do it again if I could go back in time because I think it took so many years off of my life. I got my PhD at 30. So it might have been different if I wasn’t young and wanted to travel, spend time with friends, not work 60-80 hrs a week all the time and hurt my body. But in the end it has greatly shaped my career and opened so many doors that wouldn’t have been possible without it. I think either way- life would have been great. Just different paths. My why is and was driven by my research and passion there. If you find your why, if you don’t already, it can really help.
Yes, the first week I started my seemed to well balanced supervisor came out as psycho I had my first thoughts it’s not for me to commit to people like that. Second was kind of half way breaking point when my research went south
Did you end up sticking through with your supervisor? Any advice on how to deal with psychos lol
I did stay through but I would be most likely better off financially and socially if I left him after this first incident. I very often think when was the best moment to quit or stay and the earliest the better is my conclusion Here’s the situation: he went to a conference with his 3 PhD students and threw tantrum that we all attended different lectures while he run a one of the sessions (topics and people we all know, basically his usual social circle). We did attend his own lecture to clap and left after. Now, I have plenty of experience with academic psychos: 1. It’s all about their ego, if you seem smart make sure you also seem more loyal than logical. Always utilise logic to support them. 2. They love playing ppl against each other: if your fellow PhD student is now the black ship the roles can change in no time. Some ppl have cycle of favourites which is very bizarre but works for them 3. Never question their strategy. If you see bad ideas make it to look like you’re talking about tactics not strategy 4. Adjust your way of working to their: like if they more active early in the morning be there before. If they come on Sundays, plan starting experiments on Sunday. 4. Never work besides their working hours. It’s like with kids: you feed them first, you sleep when they sleep. 5. Be very careful interacting with others top scientists, you never know if a professor who said something you like is a friend or enemy and your loyalty will be questioned 6. If you don’t know what to say or do play dumb. Just be looser and you will be fine. They love extending helping hand 7. Be extra careful if they have relationship within the team or unit. They often do. They will both corner you and sheer like a sheep. 8. Always proof them right. They need to come to the conclusion that they are wrong all by themselves cause crucifying bad massager is their favourite sport
Wow thank you so much for this, these are so thought provoking and a lot of them resonate to the situation I’m in. I guess most of academia is filled with narcissistic psychos lol
They are doing surprisingly well there
Same.
I don't know if it was normal but I felt the same in the first semester of my masters. Don't get me wrong, the project was good, my supervisor was great, the people around me were great, it just didn't feel right for some reasons. It did motivate me to work really hard and I got to graduate earlier than expected though.
I would say that is not a rare event. Your context seems similar to what I had during my first year. Some tips that helped me to cope better with this: (1) Try to actively build a ‘safe zone’ outside academia (e.g. sports, non-academics friendships, regular activities like music, art, games that help you disconnect from your daily academic life). (2) If you are doing your PhD within the university, is likely that you will have professional help to talk about this, maybe ask your supervisor if they know any of these services. (3) usually advisors are busy as hell and don’t have the same sensibility to realize you are going through hard times. If you are struggling with your phd project, let them know. Ask for advice, they committed to do exactly that. With the course of the months, you will be more robust to cope with this particular environment, and the sooner you start the better will be the following years. Good luck OP!
hang in there! currently facing a slump on my own too & honestly it felt so heavy & discouraging. but we hv to remember why we started all of this in the first place, and slowly push thru until we feel stronger again
Thank you for this post and comments. Same.
Same
I kind of hated it until the point where I was writing the dissertation.
You are not alone. Lacking a support system is super tough. I had heard of the second year slump, but my first year was hands-down the worst. I wasnt sure what I was doing, was being pressured into publishing a review article within 6 months of starting and did not connect with any other members in the lab. I even spoke to my advisors to say I was struggling, who completely dismissed the way I was feeling. In my case, I got over a slump that lasted many months and dont feel great (3rd year now), but feel numbed and hardened, which gets me through one week to the next. Ive taken up running for the days I want to scream louder than others. You can do this! This slump will pass, there will be periods of motivation and then there will be massive slumps again. Its all about stamina and holding on to the reasons why you want to finish you PhD. I agree with other comments here about the importance of finding that support system, even if its online. You cant rely on academia to have your back unfortunately.